Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,402
[DC theme music playing]
2
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:26,359
How can he call himself Batman
if he's not part bat?
3
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,829
He's just a dude who
dresses up like a bat.
4
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:32,765
That's animal appropriation.
5
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,603
Hey, everybody!
How was Kite Man's
bachelor party?
6
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:40,073
I got married and saved
the Oceanic Trade Federation.
7
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,475
Other than that,
pretty chill.
8
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,844
How was Ivy's
bachelorette bash?
9
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,179
It was great. It was so great.
Emotionally low stakes,
you know.
10
00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:50,450
I had a great time.
Ivy had a great time.
We slept in separate beds...
11
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,453
Normal bachelorette stuff.
So, yeah...
12
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,289
Well, hey! I'm just,
I'm ready to
keep the party going!
13
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,918
[blows air horn]
14
00:00:57,918 --> 00:01:01,728
Who wants to get a drink
with me? One or two? Or a few
drinks? Or a lot of drinks?
15
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:05,231
Drink so much we forget
the last 48 hours
or maybe more?
16
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,802
Oh. I'd love to but
I gotta be with my wife,
Tabitha.
17
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,837
Sunday's are big at her family.
18
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:14,474
They are very religious,
seeing as how Jesus
was really a shark.
19
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,000
What about you, Clayface?
20
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,477
I, too, am spending
this evening with a paramour.
21
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:19,879
His name is Tony.
22
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,516
And he's the only award show
that matters.
23
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:26,016
Okay, have fun, guys...
24
00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:31,358
[Harley sighs]
25
00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:33,793
A landlord always knows
two things:
26
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:37,798
when an oven's busted, 'cause
ya can't charge rent without
a working oven...
27
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:38,865
[chuckles]
28
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,634
and when a tenant's blue.
29
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,135
So, spill it, hon,
30
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,870
or I could get my torture kit?
31
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:47,307
It's just, everybody's got
somebody special
in their lives,
32
00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:48,909
-except me...
-So what?
33
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,911
You don't need a lover
to be happy.
34
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,447
Do the thing
that makes you happy.
35
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,316
Life is about feeding
your soul!
36
00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:58,685
Yeah, no. I'm just gonna
go out and boink the fuck
out of somebody.
37
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,454
Let's get this
party started, bitches!
38
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,625
Harley Quinn's here
and she's down to clown!
39
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,661
[clears throat]
Do you have a reservation?
40
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,830
-Um, no.
-You'll have to clown
at the bar, then.
41
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,598
[sigh]
42
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,634
[theme music playing]
43
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,506
Room for Squares is,
of course, a classic,
44
00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:24,510
but it's really John Mayer's
third album when he solidified
the John Mayer sound.
45
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:26,513
-[yawns]
-So, my place or yours?
46
00:02:26,612 --> 00:02:29,582
Actually, I'm just gonna
stop talking to you right now.
47
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,186
God. The guys
in this place suck.
48
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,754
Yeah, well, they beat the food.
49
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,657
But what do you expect
from a Wayne?
50
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,000
[both laugh]
51
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,893
That's the first funny thing
a guy's said to me all night.
52
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,695
If you like that,
I got plenty more jokes.
53
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,498
[Joker laughing]
54
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,670
You gotta be fuckin'
kiddin' me.
55
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,875
[Gordon] I want a squad of men
and a single woman
56
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:57,644
over to the oil refinery
district, ASAP.
57
00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:01,615
Those Parademon bastards
are chugging down oil like
a desperate teen to Benadryl.
58
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,852
Then send another unit,
same gender ratio, to Gotham Park.
59
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,954
And a third crew to... Jesus!
60
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:10,623
Those hell-rats are
spreading faster than
chlamyd' on my knob!
61
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,393
-Where, sir?
-My privates! Where else
would an STD spread?
62
00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:15,562
I meant where do you want
the third squad, sir?
63
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:16,689
Oh. The harbor.
64
00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:18,664
-Commissioner, sir!
This came for you.
-Oh!
65
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,768
Gotta be the new
Dave Barry book I ordered.
66
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,736
Every time I read
this guy's stuff I'm like...
"That's pretty funny."
67
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,372
The Dark Knight needs me.
68
00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:31,243
Oh! He remembered.
69
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:34,882
[Batman] Jim, get in.
70
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:39,519
[Snoring] No, don't go
in, Magnum.
71
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,389
[loud bang]
72
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,657
Oh. It's you.
73
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,245
I thought ya left the crew.
74
00:03:46,245 --> 00:03:49,429
I'm so sorry, I would've called
but I never got
your phone number.
75
00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:51,764
-Oh, well, mine's 203--
-Don't care.
76
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,332
I'm gonna get my stuff
and head out.
77
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,902
So you're really gonna
just leave Harley
78
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,646
after everything
she did for you?
79
00:03:57,646 --> 00:04:01,040
Okay look, I'm in
a very zen place, and we
have very different goals.
80
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:03,543
I wanna trounce the skulls
of my fallen foes, and
81
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,646
she wants to... I don't know,
do whatever someone with
a moral compass does.
82
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,514
You ungrateful little shit!
83
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:11,651
You leave the dance
with the one you brought!
84
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,987
-Riddle me this--
-Oh, shut the fuck up!
85
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,524
Can't you see I'm trying to
elegantly end this conversation
86
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,526
with this mechanical fossil?
87
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,694
Good luck getting out again,
fuck head!
88
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,064
Alright, so I fortified
the shackles on
that hamster wheel.
89
00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:26,500
It's basically impenetrable.
90
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,968
Feed him at 5:00, shock him
at 7:00. Maybe a snack at 9:00
if he's good.
91
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,939
Have fun dying alone,
you fuckin' freak!
92
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,607
Smell ya later, old man.
93
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,346
[screaming]
94
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,350
Jiminy, you look familiar.
Do I know you?
95
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,651
No! No, no, I have
a very common look.
96
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,088
Oh, I remember you
from Noonan's!
97
00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:50,824
You probably don't remember me
because I was
a low-rent barback,
98
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,593
and now I'm an upscale
bartender.
99
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:57,596
It's a meteoric rise virtually
unheard of in this industry.
100
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:01,567
Hey! Wait, hold on.
Can I offer you
a Wayne fashioned?
101
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,038
It's like an old fashioned,
but more expensive.
102
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,439
Ya think all ya gotta do
is buy me one
spirit-forward drink
103
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,742
and I'll go gushy for ya?
104
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,377
Uh, not gonna happen.
105
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,079
Whoa, to be clear,
I'm not trying to hit on you.
106
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:16,449
I'm unbelievably happy
with my wonderful girlfriend.
107
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,350
Mmm, sweet as pie.
108
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,086
Why couldn't you
have just died?
109
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,588
Gosh, I love her.
And our kids.
110
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:27,459
Well, you know, her kids,
but gosh darn it if they don't
feel like mine, y'know?
111
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,562
I don't know,
and I don't need to know.
112
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,598
All I know is, right now,
you're the last person
I wanna be around!
113
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,867
-I'm hittin' a different bar.
-Hoo, boy. Good luck.
114
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,571
Every watering hole around here
has been infested
with Parademons,
115
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,439
except this one
on account of the...
116
00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:41,875
-[thuds]
-...bulletproof glass.
117
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,644
Yep, the top of Wayne tower
is the safest bar in town.
118
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,713
-[door slams open]
-Hey, everybody!
119
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:52,485
Sorry to alarm you,
but you're in a hostile
hostage situation.
120
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,553
-Hi, how are you doing?
-[machine gun firing]
121
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:57,389
Geez, Nicholas.
Not that hostile.
122
00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,026
I'm sorry, everyone,
it's his first day.
123
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,026
[all gasping]
124
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,961
Hey, where are you going?
125
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,732
I've read your best chance
of survival is
giving up easily.
126
00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:08,101
Yeah, normally, I'd go
beat the shit out of 'em,
127
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,069
but I'm havin' a night
and wanna be able
to return this dress.
128
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,004
So, you're just gonna escape?
129
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,473
Uh, yeah. I'm not spending
my big night out here,
130
00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:16,910
-and certainly not with
the likes of you.
-[thief] Oh, sugar.
131
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,845
-We got a wild one.
-[thud]
132
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,682
[groans]
133
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:27,120
You gotta be kidding me.
134
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,189
[man on radio] Look, bud, allwe're asking is that yourelease the swanky hostages.
135
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:34,261
Not gonna happen until I get
$50 million!
136
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,797
I'll wire it to you right now!
Please!
137
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,932
Hold your horses,
I wasn't done.
138
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,035
But let's defiantly
sidebar after.
139
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:44,704
Also, gonna need a
W76-2 nuclear warhead
140
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,639
on a Trident II D5 missile...
141
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,776
I'm a military contractor.
You can have it.
Just don't shoot!
142
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:54,048
Wow. Okay.
Well, you know,
while we're here...
143
00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:59,148
I'm also gonna need a pair of
game-worn Air Jordan 2 OG's.
144
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:02,055
Would ya stop starin' at me?
145
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:03,857
Sorry, it's just...
146
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:06,093
this is gonna sound crazy,
but...
147
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,495
since we're not going anywhere
anytime soon...
148
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:12,531
after the first time we met,
I had a dream about you!
149
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,101
-Boy was it wacky.
-Wacky how?
150
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,838
We were on a yacht
with these bankers.
151
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,007
And get this:
we were a couple! Right?
152
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,177
Us? No way!
153
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,545
That bleached skin gives me
the heebie-jeebies.
154
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,947
It's gross. I mean, no offense!
155
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,584
But in the dream,
I was so filled with rage,
156
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,120
I robbed the bankers.
157
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:38,091
-You didn't set them on fire,
did you?
-Wait. You had the same dream?
158
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,959
-Freaaaky.
-Yes!
159
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,595
A dream. Never happened.
Pure fiction. Not canon.
Ignore it.
160
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:45,266
It's like meeting you
triggered some...
161
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,800
Well, darn it,
it felt like a past life!
162
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,137
Funny, huh? [yells]
163
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,172
-What are you doing?
-Jesus Christ, I'm getting us
the fuck out of here.
164
00:07:52,273 --> 00:07:54,208
Please don't use
the Lord's name in vain.
165
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,456
How much do you weigh?
166
00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:59,079
I did a Paleo November,
and now I'm fitting into
my skinny cords.
167
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,283
-So, I'm guessing around 170--
-Uh! Never mind.
168
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,884
-[yells]
-[grunting]
169
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,288
This! Night! Sucks!
170
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,692
[grunts]
171
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:16,163
Um, I think you just
straight up killed that guy
back there.
172
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,831
-Do you wanna
talk about it, or--
-No.
173
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,767
Are you sure? My girlfriend
says I'm a good listener.
Sometimes too good.
174
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:25,704
On what occasion would that be?
Because you have not
shut the fuck up all night!
175
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,940
It just seems to me
like you have
something going on.
176
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,110
Trust me, you're not
someone I can
talk to about this.
177
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:33,647
Why not? A bartender
is basically like a therapist.
178
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,881
-So, come on!
-[gasps]
179
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,585
-I told my best friend
I love her!
-There it is.
180
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,586
But she doesn't trust me enough
to love me back.
181
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,822
You can't love
without trust.
182
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,092
[exhale] I thought I was fine
bein' alone after
my relationship with Jok...
183
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,894
esph... fina... stein.
184
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,831
Joksephfinastein?
Sounds Flemish.
185
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:55,269
No one knew his backstory.
Anyway, he was a total
abusive dick,
186
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,238
hell-bent on utter destruction
and the world's better off
without him!
187
00:08:58,339 --> 00:09:01,640
You go, girl!
Having a good vent
in a literal vent. Come on!
188
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:03,015
Keep on going!
189
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:12,785
[yawns]
190
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:14,955
[loud thud]
191
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,956
This sucks.
I'm not even doing anything.
192
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,293
That's not true.
You get to hit the button.
193
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,760
But I wanna fly the plane.
194
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,964
Be a part of the action!At least let me shoota sweet missile.
195
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:27,801
Okay. It takes years
of training to expertly control
the Batplane.
196
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,971
-But, Batman, I wanna!
-Alfred, this is ridiculous.
197
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,806
Why don't you let me
go out there already?
198
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,975
Your city needs you healed,
Master Bruce.
199
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,312
I won't allow you to
return to action prematurely,
again.
200
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,679
Besides, it's only Parademons.
201
00:09:40,779 --> 00:09:42,149
[spits] It's too hot.
202
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,985
-You could wait, Master Wayne.
-Yes, Alfred...
203
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,086
I could.
204
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,105
[blows]
205
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,299
Huh?
206
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,034
Batman! Are you seeing this?
Gunfire at Wayne Tower.
207
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,104
Come on, big guy!
Give papa some action.
208
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,974
[Exhale] Fine.Don't scratch the paint.
209
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,375
Booya!
210
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,846
I just feel so alone
without Ivy!
211
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,182
I mean, sure, there are
some things I could've
done differently. Okay!
212
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,251
At the end of the day,
she broke up with me
'cause I'm too impulsive
213
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,320
and I go around
'causing messes and
never clean 'em up.
214
00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:23,722
-Aw! Doesn't it feel good
just to say it out loud?
-No!
215
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,859
-Harley? Well, well, well...
-Riddler?
216
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,328
...if it isn't
the simple clown herself.
217
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,197
-How did you--
-Get here?
218
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,432
[chuckles]
Well, I escaped the mall.
219
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:36,669
Then, I orchestrated
a hostage situation upstairs
as a distraction,
220
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,441
so I could sneak in here
to grab this baby.
221
00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:43,143
-Classic misdirect.
-Yeah, yeah, great.
But, I was gonna say,
222
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,379
-how did ya get so buff?
-Hmm?
223
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,381
Oh. Spending every waking
moment running on that hamster
wheel gets you shredded.
224
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,217
I mean,
check out these quads...
wait, wait, wait.
225
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,719
Is that Joker?
226
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,288
Oh, my, you think
I look like the Joker?
227
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:58,958
[Joker laugh]
228
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:02,328
Nope, no! He's just a bartender
who gives great,
non-judgmental advice.
229
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:05,466
Well, either way,
you're both gonna die.
230
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,802
Sure, I moved back
to Gotham to see 'em,
231
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,806
-but what if my kids
don't want to see me?
-Don't say that, Carl.
232
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:16,210
Yeah, but it's been seven
long years. I left 'em when
they needed me most.
233
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,412
You can't keep
blaming yourself
for the past.
234
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,946
You need to forget.
235
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,780
Maybe they're better off
without me.
236
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:22,881
[Harley gasps]
237
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,785
[gunshots]
238
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,687
[exclaiming]
239
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,499
[gasps]
240
00:11:38,599 --> 00:11:40,767
Tuck in any fingers
you wanna keep!
241
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,940
-Oh. What'd that do?
-I don't know.
242
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,909
Oh, no. Carl, I'm so sorry...
243
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:51,912
It's a cancer ray.
244
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,081
Harley Quinn,
you gave me cancer?
245
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,182
Why would they even make this?
246
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,119
Well, that's it, Kev.
I'm gonna go spend the holidays
with my kids.
247
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,520
I'm so sorry!
248
00:12:02,423 --> 00:12:03,956
-[zapping]
-[shouts]
249
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,494
No, no, please.
Please, please... Ow!
250
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,062
[struggles]
251
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,198
[yells]
252
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,168
-[Joker laughter]
-No.
253
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,303
No, no, no. No, no, no, no!
254
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,039
Ow! [zaps out]
255
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,774
My blood sugar
must be crashing.
256
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,410
Is there a vending machine
around here? [gasps]
257
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,245
Did you kill another person?
258
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,148
Let's just chopper out of here.
259
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,417
All that gratuitous violence.
Yuck.
260
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,385
This is why
I don't like TV today.
261
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,354
Violence ups
the dramatic effect.
262
00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:36,523
I got enough drama in my life.
263
00:12:36,624 --> 00:12:39,393
Just once, I'd like to watch
something where two people
fall in love,
264
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:41,827
and experience
no complications whatsoever.
265
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,827
Oh, and they don't have sex
till they're married.
266
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,102
Oh, my gosh, Batman?
267
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,240
Harley Quinn! And...
268
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,576
It's the Joker.
269
00:12:55,676 --> 00:12:58,979
-[impact and struggling sounds]
-I did it!
270
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,947
I took down Batman's archenemy!
On my own.
271
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:04,551
Papa for the win! [laughs]
272
00:13:04,652 --> 00:13:07,153
Gordo? [manic laughter]
273
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,989
[in low voice]
Good to see ya, buddy!
274
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,960
What's happening?
Don't leave me in here!
275
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,462
-Please, I don't like
small spaces!
-[Batplane locks]
276
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,399
I knew it was only a matter
of time until you two psychos
started knocking boots again.
277
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,902
What? No. Uh! See, he's...
278
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,336
Never mind, I'll explain later.
279
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:26,038
Harley! We came as soon as
we got your text.
280
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,942
Indeed! I paused the Tonys
and I'm DVRing it,
281
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,412
so no one tell me who won
Best Lighting in a Musical.
282
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,846
It was Howell Binkley,
wasn't it?
283
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:38,150
When's Japhy Weideman
going to get his day in
the fucking sun!
284
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,620
-I didn't text anyone.
-Then who did?
285
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,457
-Swole!
-[all exclaiming]
286
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,259
Did ya just run up
18 flights?
287
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,995
Uh, try 19 and a half.
[chuckles]
288
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,498
How did you escape
Psycho's fortified jail?
289
00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:53,500
And get so hot
without us knowing?
290
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,172
Here ya go, pal.
291
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,542
You know what, I lied.
I did have your phone number.
292
00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:04,244
I actually had
everyone's phone number!
293
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,013
And I was the one
who texted you all!
294
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,548
-[all gasp]
-How dare you?
295
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,517
Yep! And get this...
296
00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:13,019
we actually like each other.
A lot.
297
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,955
You were working for Riddler
all along.
298
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,457
-Um, actually...
-He's with me.
299
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,493
You're dating Riddler?
300
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,395
Quel scandale!
301
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,965
-[in shock]
-Okay, we're not fucking!
302
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,332
-We're together!
-I see.
303
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,168
Not using labels yet, are we?
304
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,071
Too new, is it?
Lot of changes, Psycho.
305
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,340
Dating, hooking up,
"baring ass."
306
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,177
Call it what you will,
I'm proud of you for
finally being who you are.
307
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:43,149
We're in a business partnership
based on mutual respect, idiot.
308
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,519
And you know what,
he doesn't belittle me
like you did, Quinn.
309
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,986
How did I belittle you?
310
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,989
You never recognized my talent!
311
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,091
You never let me shine!
312
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,058
And also,
you hated working for a woman.
313
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,495
Okay, also I hated
working for a woman!
But who cares?
314
00:14:55,596 --> 00:14:58,264
So, you and Ninja Turtle Calves
are gonna fight us? Oh, please.
315
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,134
You're a tiny man
in a silly tinfoil hat.
316
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,235
All right, here we go!
317
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,006
[Psycho screaming]
318
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,375
[Parademons screech]
319
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:12,044
Maybe your gal-pal Ivy
can help!
320
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,715
You wanna call her, maybe?
321
00:15:14,815 --> 00:15:17,984
No, I don't wanna get her
wrapped up in this
'cause this...
322
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,486
This is a very strong example
323
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,089
of one of those messes I make
I was tellin' you about.
324
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,027
This "tinfoil hat"
325
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,995
amplifies brainwaves,
326
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,597
supercharging my mind powers.
327
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,601
And with this bad boy,
plus my new hobby of
guided meditation,
328
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:39,373
I can control every
Parademon in the city.
329
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:43,176
Oh, I see. He's doin'
my old plan of
takin' over Gotham
330
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,543
to team up with Darkseid
and rule the Earth.
331
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,246
Then I'm gonna
take over Gotham
332
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,482
-and team up with Dark--
-[Gordon] She just said that.
333
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,183
Shit! Fuck.
334
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,519
The point is, I'm gonna do
what you never could,
335
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,322
because you are a pussy.
336
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,158
Pussies are powerful.
They birthed all of humanity!
337
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,259
I was a C-Section.
338
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,364
Bring it on!
I'm hungry for Parademons!
339
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,166
Stage combat!
340
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,669
Get me outta here! Not...
341
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,538
-[beeping]
-This one! This one...
342
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:16,437
-[electrical buzzing]
-[screams]
343
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,518
Wow. It's like straight steel.
344
00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,153
What's black, blue,
and red all over?
345
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,054
Your ass when I beat it!
346
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,424
I guess
when the abs get harder,
the riddles get dumber.
347
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,875
Bring it, bitch.
348
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,370
-[Parademon screeches]
-I've got this, boys.
349
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,239
[gunshots fired]
350
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,375
-[screeches]
-And it's all you.
351
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,147
Give up, Psycho,
and maybe I'll let you live
352
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:57,149
as one of those orphans
that builds Wayneboxes.
353
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,219
Uh... I'm gonna pass!
354
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,269
[maniacal laughter]
355
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,499
You thought this would be
a fair fight?
356
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,298
You're going down!
357
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,208
Why didn't it work
on the old timer?
358
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,410
Same reason I can't go
to the airport:
359
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:25,178
metal plates, baby!
360
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,847
God, you're old. Whatever.
I'll kill you too.
361
00:17:27,948 --> 00:17:30,217
[both growl]
362
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,855
Why don't you just brainwash me
and end this?
363
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,192
Oh, but where's the pizazz
in that?
364
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:43,430
It's way more fun
to torture you with
everything you love.
365
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:47,267
This right here is exactly why
you're a terrible supervillain.
366
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,737
-[growls]
-[Harley grunts]
367
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,271
[gunshots]
368
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,344
[growling]
369
00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,913
You know what,
for too long I've been
looked at as a joke,
370
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:06,015
but when I'm through,
people are gonna respect
the name Dr. Psycho!
371
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,423
With Batman and
the Justice League gone,
372
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,491
Gotham was yours
for the taking, Harley.
373
00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:14,595
But you couldn't do it.
374
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:19,132
[growling]
375
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,637
You know,
I should thank you, Harley.
376
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:29,308
If you never made me feel
so small, I never would've
known how big I could be.
377
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,593
[both growling]
378
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:39,152
[yells]
379
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,521
Quinn, God I hate you,
380
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,590
but I need your help.
381
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,727
If we can break through
the dome we can escape
in the Batplane.
382
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,761
Can't you just use
a bat-missile?
383
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:51,865
Yeah. We could,
but sometimes I just don't
feel like it.
384
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,500
Or I don't wanna.
385
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,469
All right, I'm not allowed
to use them.
386
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,671
-I'll do it.
I'll break through the dome.
-What?
387
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,439
Sy, that's suicide!
388
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:00,539
[gasps]
389
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,410
Harley, dear, I'll admit,
390
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:07,748
when you left the mall
earlier tonight, I did not
expect to be in this position.
391
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,182
-But it's a gift!
-Sy, you're...
392
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,419
You're standing.
393
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,755
This is me
feeding my soul, baby.
394
00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:17,758
Nothing would make me fuller
than saving your tuchis
395
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:21,961
and helping you take down
that angry little shvants
in a tux.
396
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,230
I never liked that one.
397
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,865
[on PA system]
He's gonna kill all of us
if you don't stop talking.
398
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,701
[crying] Oh.
399
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,236
You were the best landlord
I've ever had.
400
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,471
You always fixed our oven
so fast,
401
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,574
and you never judged me
no matter how many times
402
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,777
I flushed my tampons
down the toilet.
403
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,846
[grunts]
404
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,683
As long as you've got this,
you've always got a friend.
405
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:47,936
[gasps]
406
00:19:51,959 --> 00:19:53,660
Hey, Psycho!
407
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:57,730
Thousands of years ago,
my people, the Maccabees,
408
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:01,233
prayed for oil to last
when they needed it most.
409
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:06,440
Unlucky for you,
that very same oil
runs through my veins
410
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,375
today!
411
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,911
[loud grunt]
412
00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:14,247
Yes! I mean darn.
413
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,983
Ah, those Parademons took out
the communications system.
414
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:19,318
No more autopilot!
Buckle up, Quinn.
415
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,738
Papa's about to earn himself
some wings.
416
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:33,901
I regret lots of things!
417
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,701
[explodes]
418
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,438
[shield powers down]
419
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:45,278
Fuck!
420
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,717
[Gordon] Okay, that was
the plane's fault.
421
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,819
We need to take
Psycho down, now.
422
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:55,000
Who knows how much damage
he can do with that helmet?
423
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,857
Yeah, but how? It'd take, like,
the entire Justice League
to stop him.
424
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,859
I had a dream about them, too.
425
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:03,430
This is gonna sound crazy
but they were stuck in a book.
426
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,732
-What did ya just say?
-Yeah. It was
this Book of Fables?
427
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,669
Yeah! Queen of Fables.
How did you know that?
428
00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:11,371
Was in one of my dreams.
I held a book
429
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,840
with the entire
Justice League in it.
430
00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:16,809
But, you know,
then I woke up and
I don't remember the rest.
431
00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:18,545
[chuckles] Weird!
432
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,579
Gordon, I need you
to drop us off somewhere.
433
00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,085
There's a lot of
powerful memories here.
434
00:21:25,185 --> 00:21:26,953
Is this your hideout?
435
00:21:27,054 --> 00:21:29,690
It's not very cozy.
Let me call Beth.
436
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,592
She has family in Central City.
We could stay there
437
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,560
till this whole mess
blows over.
438
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:37,763
Just me, Beth, the kids,
and my new pal Harley Quinn.
439
00:21:37,865 --> 00:21:40,567
Nah, no, no, Ivy was right.
I keep makin' messes.
440
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:44,070
I brought in the Parademons.
I took in Psycho.
I caused all of this.
441
00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:46,373
I can't keep runnin'
from my messes.
442
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:48,107
And the way I see it,
cleanup starts with
443
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,509
gettin' the Justice League
out of that storybook.
444
00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,444
The storybook is real?
Where is it?
445
00:21:52,546 --> 00:21:54,413
I don't know,
but I think you do.
446
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,516
Are you sure
you can't just remember?
447
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,451
It's like I see the book,
but... [grunts]
448
00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:01,788
everything else is cloudy.
449
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:06,625
That's disappointing because
I really, really, really,
don't wanna have to do this.
450
00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:08,694
-Do what?
-[sighs]
451
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:11,832
I'll be seein' ya soon,
Mistah J.
452
00:22:11,932 --> 00:22:15,981
-[shoving grunt]
-[screams]
453
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:25,144
[closing theme music playing]
35825
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
