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[SPRAY PAINT CAN RATTLES]
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00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,796
[SPRAYING]
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00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:13,425
["CALIFORNIA LOVE" PLAYING]
4
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:21,186
♪ Now let me welcome everybody
to the Wild Wild West ♪
5
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,521
♪ A state that's untouchable
like Eliot Ness ♪
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00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:26,026
♪ The track hits your eardrum
like a slug to your chest ♪
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00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,779
♪ Pack a vest for your Jimmy
in the city of sex ♪
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00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,612
♪ We in that Sunshine State
where the bomb-ass hemp be ♪
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00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,118
♪ The state where you never find
a dance floor empty ♪
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00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,240
- ♪ California ♪
- ♪ California ♪
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00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,787
- ♪ Knows how to party ♪
- ♪ Knows how to party ♪
12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,622
- ♪ California ♪
- ♪ West Coast ♪
13
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,378
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
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00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,180
[PRINCIPAL BURR]
It's another beautiful day.
15
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,093
Eighty-two degrees of opportunity.
16
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:51,052
The Japanese Club's, uh,
"Say Sayonara to Gluten" bake sale
17
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,344
is going on to raise awareness
18
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,758
for the whitewashing of Asian roles...
19
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,016
uh, in Hollywood.
20
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,349
So let's all bite into some mochi
21
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:05,645
and give the Japanese Club
a special arigato for our friends with...
22
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,902
our friends with celiac disease.
23
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,281
[OVER SPEAKER] Homecoming ticketsgo on sale this weekend.
24
00:01:11,362 --> 00:01:15,662
THIS YEAR'S THEME: “Ring, Ring.
Who's Calling? Bling, Bling.”
25
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,409
Remember, every day is a chance
to be great. As Jay-Z says,
26
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,463
"Don't go with the flow. Be the flow."
27
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:23,710
[ANNOUNCEMENT ENDS]
28
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Thank you, Principal Burr,
29
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,625
for those inspiring words.
30
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,219
Uh, where were we? Jaden Thompson McGee.
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- Present.
- Jaden Unger.
32
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,054
- Yeah.
- Jaden Hoyles.
33
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,716
New phone, who dis?
34
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,425
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
35
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,522
Josh Wheeler?
36
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:43,977
Wheeler?
37
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,022
Wheeler?
38
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:51,569
Hey, that's me. Josh, not Jaden.
39
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,242
There are, like, 20 Jadens
in this school.
40
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,541
Parents think that they're being unique,
but it's an army of vanilla.
41
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,618
Not like I'm anything special.
I'm a C student.
42
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:05,214
C as in “crappy.”
C as in “cannot catch a break.”
43
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,424
C as in “let's just see
how bad things are.”
44
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,380
Climate change deniers are standing
waist-deep in hurricane water.
45
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:16,585
Corporations make billions off
of nerd culture, making outsiders like...
46
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,758
the new insiders,
leaving the truly odd with...
47
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,518
no way to self-identify.
48
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,729
And little dictators with big egos?
49
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:28,267
Well, they can launch a nuke with a tweet!
And then one day... Whoa!
50
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,023
They did.
51
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,190
So whatever your problems were...
52
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,487
Dad won't spring for a larger data plan?
53
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,988
Mom won't buy that adorbs top
at Urban Outfitters?
54
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,990
[LAUGHS]
55
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,786
It's all baby food now.
56
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,121
[EXPLOSION]
57
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,415
Now I'm an A. A as in “awesome,”
58
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,844
A as in “the apocalypse
was the best thing that ever happened.”
59
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,888
A as in “all you people
need to buckle up.”
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00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,926
'Cause I wanna show you
just how sweet the end of the world...
61
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,023
actually is.
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00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:11,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
63
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,910
So what's life like during the apocalypse?
In a word?
64
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,411
Extra. Be the flow.
65
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:26,001
My digs belonged
to some Armenian gangster, but he's gone,
66
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,920
so I invoked the ancient rites
where finders are keepers
67
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,420
and losers are weepers.
68
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,091
It's one of the only rules left
because there are no adults.
69
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,922
Everyone over the age of 18 is gone.
70
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,547
Well... mostly.
71
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,427
The bombs must've been biological.
72
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,853
Most adults melted into goo,
73
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,141
and the rest turned into
what we like to call "Ghoulies."
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00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,227
[GHOULIE 1]
She hasn't texted me back.
75
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,234
[GHOULIE 2]
I hear the new David Chang restaurant
76
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,186
is supposed to be awesome-sauce.
77
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,236
I should cancel my Facebook account.
It's too divisive.
78
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,235
I know it seems like they're having
a conversation, but they're not.
79
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,678
They only say the last stupid thing
that they were thinking.
80
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,622
But that doesn't mean
that they're harmless.
81
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,924
They will rip your head off
and chug your blood.
82
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,628
I mean, look at this guy.
83
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,248
It's like Prime Rib Night
at the Golden Corral down there.
84
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,416
[GHOULIE GRUNTS]
85
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,504
[SQUIRREL SQUEAKS]
86
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,005
But mostly, life is like living
in Grand Theft Auto...
87
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,303
[ENGINE REVVING]
88
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,507
Except better. [BLOWS]
89
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,984
[TIRES SQUEALING]
90
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,308
♪ Take off
Let me see you take off ♪
91
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,902
[YELLING] Woo-hoo!
92
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,436
♪ Light 'em up, time up ♪
93
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,697
♪ Take a shot, get a tab, run it up ♪
94
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,569
♪ One round ain't enough, double up ♪
95
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,696
♪ It's going down like three, two, one ♪
96
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,330
♪ Adrenaline, whole crew comin' in ♪
97
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,621
♪ Charged up, guess who plug 'em in ♪
98
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,415
♪ You can't win
Shocked 'em again ♪
99
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,828
♪ You can't win
Shocked 'em again ♪
100
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,038
♪ Tell me when to go ♪
101
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,958
♪ Charged up
And my crew out of control... ♪
102
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,376
Oh, crap.
103
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,759
A Yamashiro katana,
Honshū Province.
104
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,477
Television taught me
every good sword has a name.
105
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,770
I mean, Excalibur, Vorpal,
Longclaw, Sting... Needle!
106
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,766
[SIGHS]
107
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,398
I shall name mine...
108
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,486
Sam.
109
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,068
[ENGINE REVVING]
110
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,543
- [CRASHING]
- [GROWLING]
111
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,246
Ever since the bombs fell,
animals have been mutating.
112
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,214
That used to be a pug.
113
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,467
So messed up, right?
114
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,378
[FARTS]
115
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,256
[JOSH] No. No!
116
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,757
I really liked that place too.
117
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,774
So when shopping for a new home,
you have to ask yourself,
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00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,851
“Can I build a minefield, or a moat,
or a drawbridge to protect it?”
119
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,477
No? Move on.
120
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:08,122
Also, don't pick one with
an unexploded missile in the front yard.
121
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,240
That's a deal-breaker.
122
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,233
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
123
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,233
[JOSH] Psst.
124
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:41,983
Shh.
125
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,276
Baron Triumph.
126
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,870
[BOY YELLING] Help me! Anyone!
127
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,954
Please, help me!
128
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:51,454
Please, help!
129
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,923
That turd lord catches kids
and purees them into hummus.
130
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,843
The apocalypse
didn't eliminate the assholes.
131
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:02,839
It made them worse.
132
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,682
We have to rise above.
133
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,223
Every day is a chance to be great.
134
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:11,847
Be the flow.
135
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:14,599
[CYMBAL BEATS]
136
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,727
[JOSH] Ghoulies, depraved flesh eaterson motorcycles,
137
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,823
and mutated animals
aren't the only threats.
138
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,498
The bombs dropped six months ago,
and all of the kids who survived
139
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,858
have more or less
maintained their circle of friends.
140
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,155
Among the tribes
are the Disciples of Kardashia,
141
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,529
the 4-H Club, the Jocks, the STEM Punks,
142
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,786
and countless other small tribes
occupying their own territory.
143
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,410
The borders shift,
so it's best to stay in your own lane.
144
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,170
Now, that's promising.
145
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,179
East-facing windows, nice location.
146
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,642
And Jesus makes a great security system.
147
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:01,771
Damn.
148
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,898
Some kids already called dibs.
149
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:08,573
RULE THREE: keep to yourself.
I've avoided everyone since the boom.
150
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,664
Some kids... are worse than Ghoulies.
151
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:13,616
[GIRL SCREAMING]
152
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,412
Things just got different.
153
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,830
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [GRUNTING]
154
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,500
[HOWLING]
155
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,055
- [RATTLING]
- [WHIMPERING]
156
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,310
[GIRL] Josh!
157
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,107
- Sam.
- [GIRL] Josh!
158
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:46,858
[SCREAMING] Josh!
159
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,145
Josh!
160
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,196
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
161
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:51,738
Lookie here!
162
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,657
A party crasher.
163
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:57,538
Hey, bros, what does the Golf Team do
164
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,710
to those who crash our party?
165
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,706
[UP TEMPO SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
166
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,215
[JOSH] Whoa!
167
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,137
Easy.
168
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,389
I heard a scream
and thought there might be some trouble.
169
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,248
- What're you doing back there?
- We're doing none of your business.
170
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,652
Buzz off, fly, unless you want to die.
171
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,902
Rhyming? Really, Jerry? Really?
172
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,315
Just kinda roll with it, Terry.
173
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,243
You sound like a knob
with a dictionary, Jerry.
174
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,070
We're on the same team, Gary.
175
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,776
- Yo, Gary's just triggered, Barry.
- Enough! I make the threats.
176
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,037
I'm team captain.
It says so on my shirt.
177
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,332
And I say one of you doesn't belong here.
178
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,962
Gary, Barry, Jerry, Larry
and... what's your name?
179
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,246
- Josh.
- Tennis Josh?
180
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,690
- No.
- Little Josh with the big truck?
181
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,474
- No.
- Gay Josh or Other Gay Josh?
182
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,089
Just Josh, okay?
You guys don't know me.
183
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:58,006
Well, now you're Wasting-Our-Time-
And-Got-Himself-Dead Josh!
184
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,098
- [SWORD RINGING]
- [TERRY] Whoa, damn!
185
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,772
Soon-To-Be-Dead Josh
has got himself some brass.
186
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,059
Most scabs possum, but you...
187
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,148
Oh, you are interesting, bro.
188
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,073
I've got a killer origin story.
189
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:15,527
It's got revenge, and drama,
and fights, and love.
190
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,827
True love.
191
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,418
We've been sans Snap for months.
192
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:25,628
Entertain us...
193
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,707
and you just might live.
194
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,213
Okay, my story?
195
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,473
I moved here before the start of school.
196
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,092
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
197
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,113
- You wanted to see me, Principal Burr?
- Oh, Josh.
198
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,156
Josh, come on in.
199
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,619
Have a seat.
200
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,507
[PRINCIPAL BURR] Hmm.
201
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,853
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
202
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,644
How's the move from Toronto?
203
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,693
Uh, yeah, good.
204
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,773
Hmm. You fitting in okay?
205
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,776
Yeah. Good.
206
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,649
Like your classes?
207
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,699
Yeah. Good.
208
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,656
Are you a fan of the walnut, Josh?
209
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,957
California is one of the biggest growers
of nuts in the world.
210
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,712
We're not all celebrities and sunshine.
211
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,713
I know it's more on-trend
to like almonds right now.
212
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,796
Can't go into a Starbucks without somebody
asking for a splash of almond milk.
213
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,676
And cashews?
214
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,470
The cashew
is a cross-cultural masterpiece.
215
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:06,524
But for me, it's the walnut,
216
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,140
the healthiest food in the world.
217
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,768
Filled with Vitamin E, phytonutrients...
218
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,113
Brain food, they call it.
And that's all well and good, but...
219
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,815
you know why I like it?
220
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,897
Uh, why?
221
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,448
Because the toughest shell can be cracked.
222
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,288
- Are those for me?
- These? Oh, no.
223
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,620
No, no. [CLEARS THROAT]
224
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,955
No, these are plastic.
225
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,921
No, this is a nut-free campus.
I'm sorry I wasn't clear about that.
226
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:37,173
Justin Salts, Terrence Markazian,
227
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,296
Erika Kim...
228
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,756
they even smell a nut, it's death.
229
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,473
Hospital trip, the whole thing.
230
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,513
Is that an allegory?
231
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,967
It's a metaphor.
232
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,806
A metaphor more.
Moving isn't easy.
233
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,641
Not knowing anybody.
234
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:53,358
Well, now you know me.
235
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,531
[TERRY]
Are you trying to bore us to death?
236
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,525
Yo, your story is tired, bro.
237
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,527
- Five percent Rotten Tomato, if that.
- [JERRY] I don't get it.
238
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,160
How did a noob like you survive out here
for six months all on his lonesome?
239
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:10,373
I can fish, hunt, rig solar panels,
and purify water from my own urine,
240
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:13,286
which is even grosser than it sounds.
241
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,995
- [LAUGHS] What are you, MacGyver?
- [JOSH] No.
242
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:17,956
I'm Canadian.
243
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,797
You're a value added.
244
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,552
We could use someone like you.
245
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,342
I don't know how to do golf.
246
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,507
I was thinking more of like, hmm...
247
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,806
I don't know, a slave.
248
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,139
Ugh, I object to that terminology.
249
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,637
[TERRY] Indentured American?
250
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:31,726
Better.
251
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,148
Josh has some serious skills,
unlike you foot lickers.
252
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,031
You're coming with us, Just Josh.
253
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,900
Now, we can do this the hard way
254
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,527
or the harder way.
255
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,452
What's the hard way?
256
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,702
We put an electric dog collar on
and shock you into being our...
257
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,164
indentured American.
258
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:53,746
And the harder way?
259
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,543
- We put the collar on your junk.
- That's my favorite.
260
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:58,586
[JOSH] Thanks.
261
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,173
But no thanks.
262
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,006
You see, I have a sacred mission
to accomplish.
263
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:07,137
This is a nut-free campus.
Sorry that I wasn't clear about that.
264
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,766
Justin Salts, Terrence Markazian,
265
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,890
Erika Kim...
266
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,599
they even smell a nut, it's death.
267
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,687
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
268
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,935
- Come in.
- [GIRL] You wanted to see me, Mr. Burr?
269
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,913
[PRINCIPAL BURR]
Sam Dean, meet Josh Wheeler.
270
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,116
Josh, this is Sam.
271
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:37,879
She's gonna show you around
and answer any questions you have.
272
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,298
That's right. I named my sword after her.
273
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,681
You would too.
274
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,635
- [BOY] Hey, Sam!
- Hey.
275
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,974
- Hi, guys.
- Hola, Señorita Sam.
276
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,425
Hola, Ms. Rodriguez.
277
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,480
How do you have so many friendlies?
278
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,017
- Who are you?
- [LAUGHS] I'm Sam Dean.
279
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,855
Two syllables, two boys' names.
Sam, Dean.
280
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:03,685
Like, Sam as in Samantha?
281
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,237
Sam as in Samaira.
282
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,658
Is that... is that like an England thing?
283
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,701
Uh, no. My mum is an engineer,
and she worked in Jaipur,
284
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,995
so I am the definition
of cultural appropriation.
285
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,633
Samaira.
286
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:21,708
It means "enchanting,"
which is pretty cringe.
287
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,592
Samaira is a kind of girl
288
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:27,803
who Instagrams an inspirational quote
over a peace sign selfie.
289
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,175
Sam doesn't have any kind
of social media platform.
290
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,182
Sam still likes riding her old BMX bike.
291
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:35,434
Sam's thinking of getting a tattoo
but is too indecisive to choose.
292
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:36,517
Wait, hang on.
293
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,732
No one is friends with everyone
unless they're, like, a cheerleader.
294
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,650
- Are you a cheerleader?
- Uh, no. But only because irony is dead.
295
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,277
So what are you?
296
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:48,905
I'm...
297
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:50,907
interested.
298
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,867
Look.
299
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:57,001
Competitive fidget spinners,
creepypasta eaters,
300
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,791
the meow-sters, E-sportos.
301
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:03,085
Shannon Vinnecour
recreated Gondor in Minecraft.
302
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,590
And Todd Altman self-identifies his gender
as a seahorse.
303
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,719
The horse of the sea.
304
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:12,929
I don't think
that we have those in Canada.
305
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:14,597
Probably not.
306
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,682
I get it.
307
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,100
- You're nice.
- Nice?
308
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,905
Nice is what you say when you
have nothing else to say about someone.
309
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,858
It's lame. I'm not nice.
310
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,440
Everyone seems to like you.
311
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,935
I'm a human Sorting Hat.
312
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,146
Principal Burr just uses me to help
figure out where the new students click.
313
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,487
So where do I belong?
314
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,454
Who are your people?
315
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,791
I lived in a small town with small people.
316
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,753
It's still jocks, and nerds,
and cheerleaders, and...
317
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,836
me.
318
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,796
You're challenging, Josh Wheeler.
319
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,086
And I do like a challenge.
320
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,755
[LAUGHING]
321
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,517
- [GIRL SCREAMS] Hey!
- [TERRY] Shut up.
322
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,444
Sam Dean is way above your orbit.
323
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,480
- She's like stratosphere!
- She does have great tits, though.
324
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:07,685
Hey! This is love,
and love is more important than boobs.
325
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,276
Nothing is more important than boobs.
326
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,901
I am in love with Sam Dean,
327
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,908
and I promised to keep her safe
from thunder buckets of crap like you.
328
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,164
Now, let the girl go,
329
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,096
and we'll leave you to whatever
circle jerk you have planned for tonight.
330
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,370
That's tomorrow night.
Tomorrow is Tuesday, right?
331
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,896
- Shut the fuck up, Barry.
- Gender norms don't exist anymore.
332
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:23,958
Hey!
333
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,251
Give me the girl.
334
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,593
- We're leaving.
- [TERRY] Sorry.
335
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:28,761
Can't.
336
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,839
We're on a mission to round up stragglers.
And that means you too.
337
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,312
Gary... [SNAPS FINGERS]
collar this dog.
338
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,769
Take another fucking step,
and you're dead.
339
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,192
[LAUGHS]
340
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:46,070
Well, fuck you, loser!
341
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,728
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]
342
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,402
[TERRY] Oh, my God!
343
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,908
[SWORD SWOOSHES AND STRIKES]
344
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,082
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
345
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,750
[SCREAMS]
346
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,504
Is this what you were trying to do?
347
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:10,206
I was trying to cut it clean off.
It was gonna be rad!
348
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,377
Get it out, fuck-knuckle.
349
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,666
Can't. It's stuck in the bone!
350
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,087
[LAUGHS] Bone.
351
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,059
Shut your face, Gary. Kill this guy.
352
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,518
Kill him a lot!
353
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:21,726
[GRUNTING]
354
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,442
[JERRY] Hold on, Terry!
355
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:26,482
[GRUNTS]
356
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,693
[SCREAMS]
357
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,154
[STRAINING]
358
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,815
Get out of there, Sam!
359
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,701
Go! Sam!
360
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:45,078
Any of you shit-dips move,
361
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,665
and we have Burning Man Festival early.
362
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,041
Angelica?
363
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:50,628
Fuck!
364
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:52,758
Six months.
365
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,340
Six months looking for Sam,
and just when I think I finally find her,
366
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,014
it's Angelica?
367
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,354
Angelica might be ten,
but she's a total fuck...
368
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,983
I wanna say a word that I can't use
369
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,110
because I don't want to use bad words
to describe young women.
370
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:09,729
I'm part of the solution.
371
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,111
Look, hey, Terry.
Let's just forget about this, man.
372
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:15,945
You guys keep her.
373
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,663
You can't just leave me here,
you sphincter stain.
374
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,700
- What about all that hero shit?
- That was before I knew it was you.
375
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,865
- What's wrong with me?
- Angelica,
376
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:25,874
I babysat you, like, three times,
377
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,416
and every time, you either tried
to light me or my stuff on fire.
378
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,881
[TERRY] Sorry to interrupt,
379
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:34,011
but your sword
is still stuck in my fucking hand!
380
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,628
[SCREAMS]
381
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,972
Listen! I'm leaving.
382
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,017
And if you wanna live,
you're not gonna follow.
383
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,599
Yeah, and why is that?
384
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,599
Because I just used my blade
to make a PB&J.
385
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,484
Raspberry jam,
386
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,651
extra crunchy peanut butter.
387
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,855
And if you don't get an EpiPen,
388
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,527
you'll go into anaphylactic shock,
right, Terry?
389
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,284
How did you know I have an allergy?
390
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,736
You may not know me...
391
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,661
but I know you, Terrence Markazian.
392
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,712
This is a nut-free campus.
Sorry that I wasn't clear about that.
393
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,252
Justin Salts, Terrence Markazian...
394
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,564
[ECHOING] Terrence Markazian...
395
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,758
they even smell a nut, it's death.
396
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,893
[TERRY CRYING]
You just made the wrong enemy.
397
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,394
Your life is over, bro!
398
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,516
Toss yourself to the Ghoulies,
they'll be kinder!
399
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,226
You'll never survive on your own!
400
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,989
I won't be alone once I find Sam.
401
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,867
You'd really leave me back there,
all by myself, defenseless?
402
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,624
Oh, please.
Even the Ghoulies are scared of you.
403
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:53,376
Hmm. Fucking mutants should be.
They melt better than Barbie dolls.
404
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:54,880
Bye-bye, Angelica.
405
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,419
You didn't lace your sword with peanuts.
You hate PB&J.
406
00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,507
They don't know that.
407
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,427
Psychos get psychosomatic symptoms.
408
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:04,553
That's smart.
409
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,644
You're not smart.
410
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,016
The world is backwards, Angelica.
I just fit in way better now.
411
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:23,567
The child who boasts like a man
may count his pubes on one hand.
412
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,543
This is why I avoid people.
413
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,698
Because street samurai are a thing now.
414
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:38,671
Nice sword.
415
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:42,802
I see you listened to the wisdom
I dropped, Joshua Wheeler.
416
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:46,927
Wesley Fists? This guy was a dick.
417
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,466
[WESLEY]
I've been trying to tell you.
418
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,558
Please let me put you on game.
419
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,773
You need a blade, Jaden.
420
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:56,324
That was rule number one
in the 15th century.
421
00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,238
Why not the 21st?
422
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,069
- Nice.
- Nice?
423
00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:06,202
This is an exact replica of the blade
the legendary Toshirō Mifune
424
00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:07,703
wielded in Throne of Blood.
425
00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:08,954
So why do you have it?
426
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:12,461
We can't all be three-time
world gymnastics champion, Kurt Thomas,
427
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:16,249
who employed the precision of gymnastics
and the deadly force of karate
428
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,245
in the 1985 classic Gymkata.
429
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,127
No one gets your movie references, dude.
430
00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:23,550
Josh understands what I'm talking about.
Hey, yo, Vanilla Ice,
431
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,763
tell Hoyles here
swords are the perfect weapon.
432
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:29,474
Oh, I mean, I don't know.
I'd probably take a gun over a sword.
433
00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:32,351
A gun? Guns don't have names.
434
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:34,771
Swords have all the best names.
435
00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:36,983
Please, tell me what gun
is better than a sword?
436
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,524
Uh, I don't know.
437
00:22:39,274 --> 00:22:40,364
Sniper rifle?
438
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:43,322
[LAUGHS] A sniper rifle!
How many rounds you think you got?
439
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,071
[IMITATES STUTTERING]
Awesome. Let's say a 30-round mag?
440
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,294
How long do you think
that's gonna last you?
441
00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:50,655
Not long.
442
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:55,294
All I got to do is wait
for your bullets to be gone,
443
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,754
and then answer...
[IMITATES UNSHEATHING A SWORD]
444
00:22:57,834 --> 00:22:59,384
With honed steel.
445
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:04,471
Patience is knowing the mulberry leaf
will soon become a silk robe.
446
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:05,969
Principal Burr, back me up!
447
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,601
You would take a sword over a gun?
448
00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:11,808
Oh, I don't know, Wes.
I usually play Sombra in Overwatch.
449
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:13,516
You play as a girl?
450
00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:16,348
Sombra has thermoptic camo. I like that.
451
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,516
You can't hit what you can't see.
452
00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:20,725
And let's not talk about guns,
453
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:24,896
because if you do, technically,
I have to write a police report,
454
00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:27,906
and technically,
they have to file that with the FBI,
455
00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:30,489
and technically,
you'll be on a watch list.
456
00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:33,252
But I support all of our amendments,
especially
457
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,708
your right to not be late
for third period. Gentlemen.
458
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,462
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
459
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:42,955
[GRUNTS]
460
00:23:43,046 --> 00:23:44,706
[LAUGHING]
461
00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:45,918
What the fuck?
462
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:49,259
I'm sorry.
463
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:51,974
Oh, too slow! Stay goosey! [LAUGHS]
464
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,267
What do you want, Wesley?
465
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,981
If you're running with the Golf Club,
you're missing a polo shirt.
466
00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:00,272
I'm a pacifist now...
467
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:03,364
atoning for crimes I committed
in my previous life,
468
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:04,532
on a path to enlightenment.
469
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,363
Don't start samurai crap with me.
Your dad was my dentist.
470
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:11,156
Proper flossing has no impact
on my dedication to the Bushido Code.
471
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:14,951
I've sworn an oath to help guide
lost spirits through the wasteland.
472
00:24:15,036 --> 00:24:16,246
I'm not lost.
473
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,422
- I just wanna find...
- Sam Dean?
474
00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:20,541
I know.
475
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:22,589
I saw your tags.
476
00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:24,299
"I am here." I did a little...
477
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:28,177
Sherlock-and-popping,
figured you were fishing for her.
478
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,695
- Do you know where she is?
- Well, I heard from Claire Richter,
479
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:34,009
who runs with the Cheermazons, that
Scooter Kauffman heard the STEM Punk tribe
480
00:24:34,097 --> 00:24:35,677
saw Sam hanging in the mall.
481
00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:38,556
The mall is Baron Triumph territory.
482
00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:43,897
I came to tell you
that the soul stealer stole your lady.
483
00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:47,693
Um, douchers? It's go time.
484
00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:49,485
[GOLFERS] Hey!
485
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,865
I'm signaling Turbo for reinforcements.
486
00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:06,511
["TODAY" PLAYING]
487
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,147
- Trouble at the Golf Club, Mona.
- Shut the fuck up.
488
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:28,817
Golfers don't rate as athletes.
They've got tiny balls.
489
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:31,362
Besides, American Ninja Idol is on.
490
00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:34,446
[SINGING OFF-KEY]
♪ Today is the greatest ♪
491
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,543
♪ Day I've ever known ♪
492
00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:40,579
♪ Can't live for tomorrow ♪
493
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:42,748
[LOW GROWL]
494
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:43,832
Oh, shi...
495
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:47,172
[CHEERING]
496
00:25:49,714 --> 00:25:51,134
[SHOUTING]
497
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:54,012
[GRUNTS]
498
00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:56,887
[BOY] That's good.
499
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,519
I did it! I won!
500
00:26:05,188 --> 00:26:06,188
No.
501
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:21,327
[CHEERING]
502
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,836
Feel like hunting some new recruits?
503
00:26:35,552 --> 00:26:37,222
[GROWLING LOUDLY]
504
00:26:38,221 --> 00:26:40,351
[YELLING]
505
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,566
[ENGINE REVVING]
506
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,584
[TERRY]
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
507
00:27:04,664 --> 00:27:07,134
- [GARY] Where are you, Josh?
- [LARRY] Can't hide forever.
508
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:10,958
- [JERRY] Here, Joshie, Joshie!
- [TERRY] We're gonna find you.
509
00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:17,089
Really?
You think this is a good time to get high?
510
00:27:17,552 --> 00:27:20,432
Bubonic Chronic
helps me focus in times of stress.
511
00:27:20,513 --> 00:27:21,513
Can I have a hit?
512
00:27:21,598 --> 00:27:24,138
We are not lighting
the Golf Team on fire.
513
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:26,477
Come on.
514
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:39,782
Yo!
515
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:43,370
This place has everything!
516
00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:46,502
Food, water...
517
00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:49,130
a tub of Aquaphor.
518
00:27:49,209 --> 00:27:52,419
O negative blood for transfusions!
519
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:55,973
Quilted toilet paper.
520
00:27:56,049 --> 00:28:00,139
Party supplies, Tide Pods...
What are you washing?
521
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:03,559
Damn near all the Settlers of Catan.
522
00:28:04,057 --> 00:28:08,137
I thought you would've been taken out
in the first round, Josh Wheeler.
523
00:28:08,645 --> 00:28:10,725
But check you out!
524
00:28:10,814 --> 00:28:14,114
- I am impressed.
- [JOSH] This is just my old apartment.
525
00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:15,442
I just use it for storage.
526
00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,742
Yeah, storage.
527
00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,778
Flowers? Andes Mints?
528
00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:25,408
- You expecting some company?
- I thought that Sam might come here.
529
00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,083
I've been looking for her for months.
530
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:30,044
I think what we had was special.
531
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:32,354
You know, it was weird. It was like...
532
00:28:32,919 --> 00:28:35,919
a hit teen rom-com,
but spread out over a bunch of episodes
533
00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:38,125
that you could just binge in one sitting.
534
00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:39,256
[CHUCKLES]
535
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:40,968
Let's cut to the montage?
536
00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:44,761
♪ Staring in your eyes ♪
537
00:28:44,848 --> 00:28:49,438
♪ Everything simplifies ♪
538
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:54,358
♪ Leave it all behind ♪
539
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:58,821
♪ Everything simplifies ♪
540
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:03,413
♪ All we need is nothing more ♪
541
00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:07,791
♪ When everything simplifies ♪
542
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:12,418
♪ You and I need nothing more... ♪
543
00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:13,790
[JOSH] Give me a sec to tidy up.
544
00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:17,126
[SAM]
Whoa, I can handle a little mess.
545
00:29:18,339 --> 00:29:19,509
What's so embarrassing?
546
00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:23,681
[JOSH] Oh, just grabbing my Pokémon cards.
You know, Pikachu, Charmander.
547
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,102
I even have a Mewtwo, which is...
You know, got to catch 'em all.
548
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:31,140
Just don't want you to think
that I'm some kind of... weirdo.
549
00:29:31,227 --> 00:29:34,517
[SAM READING] "Call Grandma, no texts.
The future scares her."
550
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:36,774
What's this?
551
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:39,817
That's, uh...
552
00:29:42,322 --> 00:29:43,492
That's my mom.
553
00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:47,663
After the divorce,
554
00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,286
my mom got custody, and we moved here.
555
00:29:50,371 --> 00:29:52,331
But she leaves the house
at the crack of dawn
556
00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:54,455
and doesn't get home
until after dinner, so...
557
00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:57,299
I have a Post-it parent.
558
00:29:58,922 --> 00:30:00,802
Sam, meet my mom.
559
00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:04,505
Mom... this is Sam.
560
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,306
[SAM CHUCKLES]
561
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:12,887
And your Pokémon cards?
562
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:16,977
Uh, I actually have a huge collection,
but they're back in Toronto with my dad.
563
00:30:17,732 --> 00:30:18,732
Wow.
564
00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:20,744
I am a weirdo.
565
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:23,776
But not a total weirdo. [LAUGHS]
566
00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:32,077
Sorry, I just...
567
00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:36,165
I don't want a pity peck
for our first kiss. You know?
568
00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:39,127
[LAUGHS] Josh...
569
00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:43,683
You could be broody and bleak,
but you're not.
570
00:30:44,717 --> 00:30:46,927
Your superpower is your honesty.
571
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:49,309
Radical honesty.
572
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:52,266
You're not trying to be anyone else
but yourself.
573
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:56,522
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
574
00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:09,027
[BOTH LAUGH]
575
00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:16,120
Thanks for telling me where Sam is.
576
00:31:16,207 --> 00:31:18,917
You guys can just take
whatever you want and go.
577
00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:22,336
And what if Sam's not at the mall?
578
00:31:23,006 --> 00:31:25,006
- What if she's dead?
- She's not.
579
00:31:25,091 --> 00:31:28,051
Look, my mom used to leave me
Post-it notes, but this one...
580
00:31:28,803 --> 00:31:30,103
this one is Sam's writing.
581
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:31,847
She left it here for me.
582
00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:34,347
If Sam is out there, I'm not giving up.
583
00:31:35,018 --> 00:31:39,188
[VEHICLES APPROACHING]
584
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:42,822
Everyone can hear that... right?
585
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:52,195
[WESLEY] Shit.
586
00:31:52,785 --> 00:31:54,195
It's Turbo Bro Jock.
587
00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:55,537
Turbo Bro?
588
00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:57,577
You mean, Turbo Pokaski?
589
00:31:57,665 --> 00:32:00,125
I can't believe some parent
named their kid Turbo.
590
00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:02,799
They might as well
have named him Adolf or Bully.
591
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:05,419
[WESLEY] Turbo gathered all the jocks
into one tribe.
592
00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:07,836
Football, baseball, golf, et cetera.
593
00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:11,178
- He's the bad guy.
- [ANGELICA] How'd they find us?
594
00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:12,716
We found it here!
595
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:14,848
Bubonic Chronic.
596
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:16,433
Bubonic Chronic?
597
00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:17,773
Wesley?
598
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:19,102
[GLASS SHATTERS]
599
00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:21,362
[TERRY] Little pig, little pig.
600
00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:25,574
Let us in! Or we'll huff, and we'll puff,
601
00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:27,822
and we'll kick the shit out of you.
602
00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:29,874
[ANGELICA]
We have to get out of here, Josh.
603
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:31,486
You and I are not a thing, Angelica.
604
00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:34,044
If I kaboom those Jocks to ash,
can I stay on your team?
605
00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:35,158
I don't have a team.
606
00:32:35,244 --> 00:32:38,584
I'm a genius with very flexible morality.
You need me!
607
00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:41,018
I agree with the petulant dwarf.
You require our assistance.
608
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:44,842
Uh-uh. Both of you, unsubscribe.
You two made my life hell in high school.
609
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:48,221
I've done a great many things
that've besmirched my soul.
610
00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:50,339
A rōnin seeks forgiveness through action.
611
00:32:50,426 --> 00:32:52,846
Having other people around
is just trouble, okay?
612
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,849
- [GLASS BREAKS]
- I'm going to find Sam. That's it.
613
00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:58,985
It's not on me to forgive you
for being a jerk in high school, Wesley.
614
00:32:59,018 --> 00:33:01,148
And I'm not babysitting you
anymore, Angelica.
615
00:33:01,229 --> 00:33:04,189
- Look, I'm sorry I was such a shit.
- No, you're not.
616
00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:06,863
No, I'm not. But we have no idea
what's going on here.
617
00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:09,996
We don't know why the adults
turned into Ghoulies or why kids didn't.
618
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:12,275
But those are just kids out there.
619
00:33:12,365 --> 00:33:16,195
Fascist bullies who saw Mad Max
too many times and dressed like assholes,
620
00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:17,911
but still kids.
621
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:23,043
The only way we're gonna find answers
and survive is if we stay together.
622
00:33:28,339 --> 00:33:29,879
These douchebags wanna party?
623
00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:35,426
Let's throw 'em a real rager.
624
00:33:38,057 --> 00:33:38,927
Throw the rocks!
625
00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:40,017
Pussies!
626
00:33:44,063 --> 00:33:45,823
They're not coming out, Turbo.
627
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:47,984
We got to turn up, Turbo.
628
00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:50,237
We're savage AF, Turbo.
629
00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:52,239
No one ducks our tribe, Turbo.
630
00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:54,619
Let's bust through this goal line, Turbo.
631
00:34:01,664 --> 00:34:02,664
[YELLS]
632
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,827
[YELLING]
633
00:34:07,837 --> 00:34:09,587
Yeah, Turbo!
634
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:32,895
[SCREAMS]
635
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,317
I'm dirty! Josh!
636
00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:37,656
Make it rain!
637
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,752
["REMOVE YOUR MASK" PLAYING]
638
00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:54,838
♪ Yours is a history
that's written in stone ♪
639
00:34:55,802 --> 00:35:00,892
♪ There was a lady who had
built her own throne ♪
640
00:35:02,058 --> 00:35:06,438
♪ You could have anything
that you ever asked ♪
641
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:12,435
♪ To live in the moment
and remove your mask ♪
642
00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:35,420
[GROWLING]
643
00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:41,387
Is that all you got, losers?
You're gonna have to do better than that!
644
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,233
[SCREAMING]
645
00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:47,015
Ghoulies!
646
00:35:47,854 --> 00:35:48,774
[JOCK] Holy shit!
647
00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:49,855
We got to go.
648
00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:51,481
[JOCK] What did they do?
649
00:35:55,570 --> 00:35:56,990
[YELLS]
650
00:36:04,912 --> 00:36:06,865
Get the fu... [GRUNTING]
651
00:36:38,738 --> 00:36:40,278
- [WESLEY] Come on.
- [JOSH] Come on.
652
00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:41,454
[GRUNTS]
653
00:36:41,532 --> 00:36:43,972
There's an alley off Lexington Ave.
Goes straight to the mall.
654
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:46,035
You guys take that,
I'll take Glendale to Colorado.
655
00:36:46,078 --> 00:36:47,078
We need to stay together.
656
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:50,043
We stay together, they'll catch us.
Those Jocks have a hard-on for me.
657
00:36:50,124 --> 00:36:52,436
I'll lose them and meet you
by the rear entrance of Dick's.
658
00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:54,000
[CHUCKLES] Rear.
659
00:36:54,086 --> 00:36:56,416
Fine. Get your balls in gear, boys.
660
00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:08,348
Uh...
661
00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:14,517
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
662
00:37:16,984 --> 00:37:17,984
[JOCK] Tracks!
663
00:37:23,407 --> 00:37:26,617
You can run, but you can't hide, sucker!
664
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,528
God, I can't believe I'm gonna get caught.
665
00:38:03,739 --> 00:38:05,029
And the worst part...
666
00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:10,084
I'd probably still be with Sam
if I just went to that dumb football game.
667
00:38:12,206 --> 00:38:13,326
[QUARTERBACK] Hike!
668
00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:36,312
[EXPLOSION]
669
00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:49,035
Oh, shit.
670
00:38:51,787 --> 00:38:53,537
- [RUMBLING]
- [GLASS SHATTERING]
671
00:38:54,915 --> 00:38:58,415
[JOSH SCREAMING]
672
00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:01,627
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
673
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:11,021
[MUFFLED] Ah...
674
00:39:11,098 --> 00:39:13,098
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING CONTINUES]
675
00:39:14,268 --> 00:39:18,268
[PHONE VIBRATING]
676
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,316
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING STOPS]
677
00:39:20,399 --> 00:39:22,279
- Sam!
- [SAM] Josh!
678
00:39:22,401 --> 00:39:25,111
- Sam, where are you?
- I can't see. I'm bleeding!
679
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:29,656
Josh! Josh, follow emergency
lockdown procedures! Find your buddy!
680
00:39:29,742 --> 00:39:32,622
- I'm gonna find you!
- [SAM] Josh, I'm scared!
681
00:39:32,703 --> 00:39:35,123
- I... Josh...
- Sam?
682
00:39:35,706 --> 00:39:36,706
Sam!
683
00:39:40,294 --> 00:39:41,674
Sam!
684
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:43,338
Sam!
685
00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:45,131
Sam!
686
00:39:50,805 --> 00:39:51,805
You know what?
687
00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:55,683
I promised Sam,
and I'm not stopping until I find her.
688
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:09,489
[YELLS]
689
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:20,672
[JOCK] Get him!
690
00:40:32,346 --> 00:40:34,846
[GOLFER]
Nobody messes with the Golf Team!
691
00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:50,447
Damn, these some chain chains.
692
00:40:50,948 --> 00:40:51,948
Dead end.
693
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:53,993
[GHOULIE] There's a sale.
694
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:57,462
Ten percent off Groove Pants at Lululemon.
695
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:01,132
There's a sale.
696
00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:02,328
Spark me, Samurai.
697
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:05,088
[GHOULIE]
Ten percent off Groove Pants at Lululemon.
698
00:41:18,976 --> 00:41:20,806
[ANGELICA]
Stupid Russian-made flamethrower!
699
00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:24,606
- I can't open it!
- I'm almost empty.
700
00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:27,154
- You got to kill her!
- There's a sale!
701
00:41:27,234 --> 00:41:29,864
Ten percent off Groove Pants at Lululemon.
702
00:41:29,945 --> 00:41:31,275
I'm a pacifist!
703
00:41:31,363 --> 00:41:34,073
Plus, this poor white girl
just wants some yoga pants.
704
00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:37,288
As an empiricist,
I find the need to redeem your soul
705
00:41:37,369 --> 00:41:39,909
to be hopelessly naive and fucking stupid.
706
00:41:39,997 --> 00:41:40,997
[GROWLS]
707
00:41:41,081 --> 00:41:42,251
[LANCING]
708
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:45,835
[YELLING]
709
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,710
Oh, shit! My sword!
710
00:41:48,130 --> 00:41:51,760
- You suck at hero-ing.
- I saved your stupid lives, twice.
711
00:41:51,842 --> 00:41:53,972
Now, hurry. Turbo's on my ass.
712
00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:57,683
Um... No, he's not.
713
00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:00,770
Why aren't they chasing you?
714
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:04,015
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING IN DISTANCE]
715
00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:10,650
Baron Triumph.
716
00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:14,412
Oh, shit.
717
00:42:15,741 --> 00:42:18,541
Anyone know who the hell
this twat herder really is?
718
00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:21,539
I heard he's Marco Lions,
that gearhead that lived in Hollywood.
719
00:42:21,622 --> 00:42:24,792
Didn't your old bestie Jaden Hoyles
ride a motorcycle like that?
720
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:27,585
Well, Hoyles is a real prick.
721
00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:30,420
Whoever he is, here he comes.
722
00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:43,274
What the...
723
00:42:44,436 --> 00:42:46,556
So what's like life in the apocalypse?
724
00:42:49,483 --> 00:42:51,113
It's never what you'd expect.
724
00:42:52,305 --> 00:42:58,719
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