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1
00:00:04,624 --> 00:00:05,416
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,541
TED FLETCHER: Our little guy
seems to be finding his footing.
3
00:00:07,624 --> 00:00:10,416
We had the idea that maybe
I would do parents weekend.
4
00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:12,749
Um...
5
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,666
You got it! Yes oh yes,
work it, divas!
6
00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:18,374
EVE FLETCHER:
George, your father
7
00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:19,666
had another incident today.
8
00:00:19,749 --> 00:00:21,374
WOMAN ON COMPUTER: (MOANING)
Oh my god. Oh my god.
9
00:00:21,457 --> 00:00:23,374
We are gonna need you
to come pick him up.
10
00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:26,290
MARGO FAIRCHILD: I think
I have a crush on Curtis.
11
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:28,290
Okay.
12
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,791
-Do you like this class?
-Yeah, I do.
13
00:00:31,082 --> 00:00:33,457
-How old are you?
-How old are you?
14
00:00:33,791 --> 00:00:35,666
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
15
00:00:42,374 --> 00:00:44,332
MAN: Tell us a little bit
about yourself.
16
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:47,541
WOMAN: I'm a housewife.
Uh...
17
00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:49,249
I...
18
00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:50,582
met my husband in college.
19
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:51,624
Uh... We have two kids.
20
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:55,124
I'm, um...
an administrative assistant
21
00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:56,374
for a real estate firm.
22
00:00:56,457 --> 00:01:00,624
I like yoga, and, uh,
jewelry making.
23
00:01:00,708 --> 00:01:02,666
Well, no one knows
until they know,
24
00:01:02,749 --> 00:01:04,457
um, I'm a squirter.
25
00:01:04,541 --> 00:01:08,624
(CHUCKLING) Yeah,
I like it rough. Really rough.
26
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,082
MAN: Do you have fetishes?
27
00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:11,499
I like my feet licked.
28
00:01:11,582 --> 00:01:14,582
-MAN: Your toes, or your-- Yeah.
-My whole-- My whole foot.
29
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,082
From the top all the way down.
30
00:01:16,165 --> 00:01:18,082
MAN: Have you ever
had a threesome?
31
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:21,082
No, but I...
No. (CHUCKLES)
32
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,082
MAN: If you did,
what would it be?
33
00:01:23,165 --> 00:01:25,082
Two women? Two men?
34
00:01:25,165 --> 00:01:26,874
-I--
-MAN: A guy and a girl?
35
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,124
All of it sounds really good.
(LAUGHS)
36
00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,958
MAN: What's on your
sexual bucket list?
37
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,958
Gang bangs.
That's-- That seems...
38
00:01:36,791 --> 00:01:39,207
(EXHALES) That seems like
it's pushing the limit,
39
00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:42,249
but I think... eventually,
40
00:01:42,332 --> 00:01:44,290
it's something that I
would love to do.
41
00:01:44,374 --> 00:01:46,624
MAN: Have you ever done
an adult video?
42
00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:48,958
-Anything like this before?
-No.
43
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,666
MAN: What made you
decide to do this?
44
00:01:51,499 --> 00:01:52,416
(SIGHS)
45
00:01:52,499 --> 00:01:55,332
I guess just curiosity, mostly,
uh...
46
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:59,582
excitement, and just wonder,
like, what this could be like,
47
00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:01,290
and I thought it might be fun.
48
00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:03,457
-(PHONE VIBRATES)
-MAN: All right,
ready to do this?
49
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,499
-WOMAN: I'm ready.
-MAN: Okay then...
50
00:02:05,582 --> 00:02:07,457
-(PHONE VIBRATES)
-...let's get things rolling.
51
00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:08,916
-WOMAN: Okay.
-MAN: Cool.
52
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:13,207
Hey, Leilani.
53
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,374
What happened?
54
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,749
Oh, no, that's awful.
55
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,874
Okay, well,
I'll let everyone know.
56
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,249
Who is it this time?
57
00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:50,290
Um... Roy Rafferty.
58
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:52,874
What a shame.
59
00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:58,874
BRENDAN FLETCHER:
Dude, my dad...
60
00:03:00,249 --> 00:03:03,457
he actually ran
three half-marathons.
61
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,249
That's more
than a full marathon.
62
00:03:05,332 --> 00:03:08,666
It's a...
It's one-and-a-half marathons.
63
00:03:08,749 --> 00:03:10,499
Do you, uh--
Do you mind if I disappear
64
00:03:10,582 --> 00:03:12,124
your little Japanese
fuck-me doll?
65
00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:15,874
Her name is Hiroko.
Call her by her name.
66
00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:18,541
Yeah, Hiroko feels
a little bit racist.
67
00:03:18,624 --> 00:03:22,040
No, she-- It can't be racist
because I love her.
68
00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:25,040
Yeah, it's still racist.
69
00:03:25,124 --> 00:03:29,374
Um... Okay, on this episode
of Snot or Cum?...
70
00:03:29,457 --> 00:03:30,874
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
71
00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:34,040
-And this is crusty, I feel it.
-(LAUGHS) Shit.
72
00:03:34,124 --> 00:03:36,124
-I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go.
-I know. I haven't washed it.
73
00:03:36,207 --> 00:03:38,040
I can't handle all this shit,
so...
74
00:03:38,124 --> 00:03:39,791
(LAUGHS) Oh, shit. All right.
75
00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:41,958
Yo, will you tell your parents
I say hi though?
76
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,290
-Yeah, sure.
-Especially your mom, okay?
77
00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,416
-'Cause I'm gonna fuck your mom.
-Oh.
78
00:03:46,499 --> 00:03:47,541
(CANDY RATTLES)
79
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:48,999
I'm surprised you'd have
the energy
80
00:03:49,082 --> 00:03:50,833
after jerking off to your dad
all day long.
81
00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:52,207
(BRENDAN LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
82
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:56,207
Well, you'd be surprised.
I have a lot of stamina.
83
00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,374
Fucking...
Will you get the door?
84
00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:14,165
-Hi.
-So, this is the, um...
85
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:16,249
the famous senior center.
86
00:04:16,332 --> 00:04:18,666
Uh... Yep, it is.
87
00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:24,332
Um... I-- Sorry,
I wanted to apologize...
88
00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:26,165
for the other night. I...
89
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:31,916
that was not cool, so... I hope
I didn't... say anything weird.
90
00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:37,040
(LAUGHS)
91
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:41,916
(WHISPERS) It's okay.
92
00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:46,040
Thank you, but it's okay.
We were all...
93
00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:50,749
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
94
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,708
So...
95
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,040
It was fun.
96
00:04:57,124 --> 00:04:58,374
Yeah, it was.
97
00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,999
Um... Eve...
98
00:05:06,624 --> 00:05:08,874
Are you-- Are you doing anything
this weekend?
99
00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:20,207
I've had a really...
really long day, Julian.
100
00:05:20,874 --> 00:05:21,958
I'm gonna...
101
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:23,916
just gonna go home.
102
00:05:25,749 --> 00:05:26,958
I'll see you in class?
103
00:05:28,749 --> 00:05:29,749
Yeah.
104
00:05:33,874 --> 00:05:35,040
EVE: (WHISPERS) Okay.
105
00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,416
(KNOCKING)
106
00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,249
-Hey!
-(LAUGHS)
107
00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:50,165
-These are from your mom.
-Oh, my gosh.
108
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,749
-She sends her love.
-Okay.
109
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,624
There's all kinds of things
tucked in places.
110
00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:56,290
-Just put it right here?
-Uh-huh. Yeah.
111
00:05:56,374 --> 00:06:00,290
Let me look at you. Yeah.
I think college agrees with you.
112
00:06:00,374 --> 00:06:03,124
-Hey! (GRUNTS)
-(LAUGHS)
113
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:04,666
What's up, man?
114
00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:07,332
Hey, these are pretty nice digs.
115
00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:09,040
Yeah, no, it's not bad.
It's, um--
116
00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:10,207
Hello!
117
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:11,624
TED FLETCHER: Hey, come on in.
118
00:06:11,708 --> 00:06:14,958
BETHANY: Oh, my God. I haven't
been in a dorm room in so long.
119
00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:16,624
What's going on?
120
00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:18,124
TED: (WHISPERS)
What do you think?
121
00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:23,457
You didn't tell him
we were coming, did you?
122
00:06:25,374 --> 00:06:26,416
I'm sorry.
123
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,207
No, no, no. It...
124
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,708
BETHANY: He always thinks
he did, but he always didn't.
125
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,833
BRENDAN: Yeah.
126
00:06:32,916 --> 00:06:34,165
-But we love him anyway.
-Yeah. Yeah.
127
00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:36,749
-I could have sworn I told you.
-BETHANY: (CHUCKLES) Hi.
128
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,749
No, no, it's fine.
It's totally cool.
129
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,958
-I know he didn't.
-Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
130
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,666
Jonathan really wanted
to see you.
131
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:44,916
Yeah! Hey, little man.
What's up?
132
00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:47,874
You still playing with, uh...
Scruffy?
133
00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:49,040
BETHANY: Stripey.
134
00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:51,666
Oh, yeah. Stripey.
135
00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:53,290
(BRENDAN SIGHS)
136
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,499
Okay, so, uh...
137
00:06:59,999 --> 00:07:02,207
Dinner? You guys wanna go
get some dinner?
138
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,332
Well, Jonathan's not crazy
about restaurants...
139
00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:08,708
-Right.
-...so we got some burritos.
140
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:11,290
-Oh. Yeah.
-Yeah.
141
00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:12,749
Where can we, uh--
you wanna sit--
142
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,916
Oh, yeah.
143
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:15,916
Anywhere. Sorry, it's kind of
a free for all. Um...
144
00:07:15,999 --> 00:07:18,290
-BETHANY: What've we got here?
-Wanna take off your bag?
145
00:07:18,374 --> 00:07:19,582
BETHANY: There you go.
146
00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:21,624
Hey, got your-- Wanna beer?
147
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,999
-Sure. I'll have a beer.
-TED: All right.
148
00:07:23,082 --> 00:07:25,165
-Let's make it a party.
-Yeah, you got it.
149
00:07:25,249 --> 00:07:27,708
-TED: It's a dorm party.
-Dorm party.
150
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,582
-(BRENDAN SIGHS)
-Hey, can I get one of those?
151
00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:32,207
Thank you.
152
00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:37,416
MAN: (ON LAPTOP) Ready to make
your dreams come true?
153
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,207
WOMAN: (ON LAPTOP)
Not getting any younger.
154
00:07:40,374 --> 00:07:41,874
MAN: Why are you doing this?
155
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:45,207
WOMAN: It's on my bucket list.
156
00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,374
MAN: Are you nervous?
157
00:07:49,708 --> 00:07:51,040
No.
158
00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:52,708
MAN: Why'd you wait so long?
159
00:07:54,666 --> 00:07:56,207
I didn't think I was allowed.
160
00:07:57,499 --> 00:07:59,749
MAN: You were always
a good little girl, huh?
161
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,624
I don't wanna be
a good girl anymore.
162
00:08:04,708 --> 00:08:06,708
MAN: Well, it's your lucky day.
163
00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:10,082
I've got two hot studs
waiting right outside the door.
164
00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:14,249
-You ready?
-(SIGHS) I'm so ready.
165
00:08:14,332 --> 00:08:17,416
♪ (PORN MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
166
00:08:23,207 --> 00:08:24,249
Oh, my-- No.
167
00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:27,416
(SIGHS)
168
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:38,874
(SCOFFS) Girls did not dress
like that when I went to school.
169
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,249
You must be cleaning up.
170
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,791
Wanna try some waffle?
171
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:52,416
Beep, beep. It's backing up.
Beep, beep, beep. It's crunchy.
172
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,999
-Yeah, you like that?
-So, what's the plan for today?
173
00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,124
I was thinking we could go
to the football game.
174
00:08:58,207 --> 00:08:59,290
If, um...
175
00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:03,249
Guess not.
176
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:12,749
-TED: You try the applesauce?
-(BETHANY CLEARS THROAT)
177
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,833
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
178
00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:50,499
You might not know this,
but, uh...
179
00:09:50,582 --> 00:09:53,749
I went to college
for a couple of years.
180
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:56,708
I majored in partying
and being stupid.
181
00:09:56,791 --> 00:09:58,833
-(CHUCKLING)
-Yeah.
182
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,165
I was so ashamed...
183
00:10:03,499 --> 00:10:04,666
when I flunked out.
184
00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,040
All that wasted money...
185
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:11,290
I tried to apologize to my dad,
186
00:10:11,374 --> 00:10:13,374
and he tells me,
"Don't worry about it."
187
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:17,833
He says, "Come work for me.
188
00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:20,207
It's all I ever wanted."
189
00:10:21,874 --> 00:10:23,416
He made it into a good thing.
190
00:10:27,082 --> 00:10:28,499
That's who this man was.
191
00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:32,833
You know. (CHOKES UP)
192
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,708
He loved
and accepted everybody...
193
00:10:36,999 --> 00:10:38,499
for who they were.
194
00:10:38,582 --> 00:10:39,999
Never wanted you to be...
195
00:10:41,582 --> 00:10:42,708
somebody you weren't.
196
00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:46,374
This man's my hero.
197
00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:49,082
I love you, Pop.
198
00:10:51,416 --> 00:10:54,416
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
199
00:10:56,708 --> 00:10:59,416
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
200
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,249
Hey, get away from him.
201
00:11:30,499 --> 00:11:31,999
You got no right.
202
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,040
You kick him out
for being some kind of pervert,
203
00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:36,541
then you come here
and you wanna give him a kiss?
204
00:11:36,624 --> 00:11:38,624
Maybe you're the pervert.
You ever think of that?
205
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:40,040
Please don't call me that,
George.
206
00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:41,916
Well, you sure got the nerve
of a pervert.
207
00:11:42,958 --> 00:11:45,082
I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sor--
208
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,207
My father was a good man.
209
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,457
I'm sorry if I offended you,
George.
210
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:50,874
Your father meant a lot to me.
211
00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:53,457
I'm so sorry for your loss.
It was a lovely service.
212
00:11:54,874 --> 00:11:55,958
Okay.
213
00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:01,541
-You wanna get a drink?
-Ah, yes. Please.
214
00:12:01,624 --> 00:12:03,124
-Yeah. Okay.
-Yeah. Please.
215
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,541
I'm glad you're here.
216
00:12:21,624 --> 00:12:22,833
I'm glad I'm here, too.
217
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:26,207
Um... So, um...
218
00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:29,040
you know, I was thinking about
our conversation
the other night...
219
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,374
and I was wondering...
220
00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,624
if I could pick
your writer brain a bit.
221
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:41,749
I didn't realize
this was gonna be a brain pick.
222
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,916
I thought
we were just hanging out.
223
00:12:43,999 --> 00:12:47,374
Oh... Yeah. That-- Me too.
That's what we're doing.
224
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:53,708
Oh, God-- (CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry then. Oh. I...
225
00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:55,791
It's just that phrase.
"Pick your brain."
226
00:12:55,874 --> 00:12:57,999
-(CHUCKLES) Oh. I'm sorry.
-God, it's so aggressive.
227
00:12:58,082 --> 00:12:59,541
Yeah, I didn't mean
to put it that way.
228
00:12:59,624 --> 00:13:01,624
No, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have reacted that...
229
00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:02,749
It's fine.
230
00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:12,124
WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy.
Patriarchy. Patriarchy.
231
00:13:12,207 --> 00:13:13,249
Patriarchy.
232
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:15,290
Patriarchy.
233
00:13:15,374 --> 00:13:17,499
-I get it. Men suck.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
234
00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:20,332
-You made your point.
-Yeah.
235
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:23,541
WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy.
Patriarchy. Patriarchy.
236
00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:26,457
-Sorry. Excuse me.
-No, excuse me.
237
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:27,708
-Sorry.
-Back away.
238
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:41,916
-(BRENDAN LAUGHS)
-WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy.
Patriarchy. Patriarchy.
239
00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:43,582
(WHISPERS) Go long.
240
00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:46,290
Go long!
241
00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:50,916
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
242
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,791
-Oh!
-(BOTH LAUGH)
243
00:14:02,916 --> 00:14:04,416
BRENDAN: Hey, you guys wanna hit
those food trucks?
244
00:14:04,499 --> 00:14:06,290
-BETHANY: Aw, I love them...
-TED: You hungry, man?
245
00:14:06,374 --> 00:14:07,833
They make me miss Austin
so much.
246
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,999
TED: Okay, I get it.
You miss Austin. We'll visit.
247
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:13,124
You like trucks, right, buddy?
(IMITATES TRUCK)
248
00:14:13,207 --> 00:14:14,374
Right? (CHUCKLES)
249
00:14:14,457 --> 00:14:16,207
We're the Little Monsters,
and we'd like to welcome
250
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,708
all you parents to BSU.
251
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,082
-(KAZOO BUZZES)
-One, two, three, four.
252
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:23,207
♪ Rah, rah, ah-ah-ah! ♪
253
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,708
♪ Ro-mah, ro-mah-mah ♪
254
00:14:24,791 --> 00:14:26,624
-♪ Gaga, ooh-la-la! ♪
-(JOHNATHAN FLETCHER WAILS)
255
00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:27,958
♪ Want your bad romance ♪
256
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,207
BETHANY:
All right, hold on, John.
257
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,958
♪ (SINGING "BAD ROMANCE"
BY LADY GAGA ACAPELLA) ♪
258
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,833
TED: Did he touch you?
Can I touch you?
259
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,165
Do you want your headphones?
260
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,499
(WAILS)
261
00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:38,541
♪ I want your everything
As long as it's free ♪
262
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,624
♪ I want your love ♪
263
00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:43,290
♪ Love, love, love
I want your love ♪
264
00:14:43,374 --> 00:14:45,958
(WAILING CONTINUES)
265
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,541
Daddy's here.
You're safe. You're safe.
266
00:14:48,624 --> 00:14:49,791
Okay, breathe deep.
267
00:14:49,874 --> 00:14:52,874
♪ I want your leather-studded
Kiss in the sand ♪
268
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,958
There you go.
Can you take a deep breath?
269
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,624
-♪ Love, love, love
I want your love ♪
-(TED BREATHES DEEPLY)
270
00:14:57,708 --> 00:15:00,124
TED: There you go,
there you go.
271
00:15:00,207 --> 00:15:01,624
(VIBRATING)
272
00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:04,958
I worked at McDonald's
in a food court in high school.
273
00:15:06,624 --> 00:15:07,749
I used to steal
the Beanie Babies
274
00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,040
from the Happy Meals
and sell them on the side.
275
00:15:11,499 --> 00:15:13,249
Well, when I worked
at Anthropologie,
276
00:15:13,332 --> 00:15:16,582
I used steal defective dresses,
and then, my friends
277
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,374
would return them for cash
and I would keep a cut.
278
00:15:19,457 --> 00:15:22,165
Okay, so you're a mob boss.
279
00:15:22,249 --> 00:15:24,791
Oh, yeah. That's right.
You scared now?
280
00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:27,624
(CHUCKLES) Nah.
281
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,416
You can't hold people
responsible
282
00:15:29,499 --> 00:15:31,666
for stuff they did
when they were teenagers.
283
00:15:31,749 --> 00:15:33,749
Their brains
haven't fully developed yet.
284
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,833
I was 31.
285
00:15:34,916 --> 00:15:36,582
-And the assistant manager.
-What?
286
00:15:36,666 --> 00:15:38,499
Okay, that's definitely a crime.
287
00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:41,624
Do you know how much
adjunct professors get paid?
288
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,582
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
289
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:45,541
I do.
290
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,374
CURTIS: I guess you gotta make
your money somewhere, huh?
291
00:15:48,457 --> 00:15:50,541
MARGO FAIRCHILD: At least
I didn't steal from children.
292
00:15:51,332 --> 00:15:54,332
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
293
00:15:56,124 --> 00:15:58,040
God, I haven't done that
in so long.
294
00:16:01,374 --> 00:16:02,374
Yeah?
295
00:16:05,207 --> 00:16:06,249
Yep.
296
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,791
Okay, I've never used
one of these though, so...
297
00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:11,999
Well, it's a vape.
You just kinda suck in.
298
00:16:12,082 --> 00:16:14,833
-Okay. I don't press anything
on the side.
-No.
299
00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,207
(WHISPERS) Okay. I get it.
300
00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,374
(EXHALES)
301
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:31,749
-Thank you.
-Mm-hm.
302
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:41,582
Do you think Roy knew
he was losing it at the end?
303
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,374
I know he did.
304
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,416
You know, he was scared.
305
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,416
What do you think
that feels like?
306
00:16:53,874 --> 00:16:54,916
Hopeless.
307
00:16:59,582 --> 00:17:00,999
Just floating away from...
308
00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:05,749
everyone you love.
309
00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:12,290
Do you wanna get in a hot tub?
310
00:17:16,624 --> 00:17:17,749
Do you have one?
311
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,791
No. But my neighbors do
and they're not here.
312
00:17:22,999 --> 00:17:25,332
Did they say you can get in
that hot tub?
313
00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,082
I-- They didn't say I couldn't.
314
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:32,833
(BOTH LAUGH)
315
00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:35,165
You-- You need a tie
for your door. The handle.
316
00:17:35,249 --> 00:17:37,499
-You know about that?
-(CHUCKLES) You're so old.
317
00:17:37,582 --> 00:17:38,791
I'm so old.
318
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,332
Well, I'll lend you a tie
if you need it.
319
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:43,833
-I do. I don't have a tie.
-That'll be your care package.
320
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:45,958
(CLEARS THROAT)
321
00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,582
Maybe you should play
some intramurals.
322
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,499
Might be kinda fun
to be on a team again.
323
00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:54,374
Yeah. Maybe.
324
00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:56,457
(CLEARS THROAT)
325
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:59,040
So, look, I think we're
gonna have to head back tonight.
326
00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:02,791
Yeah, I know it's a bummer,
but, uh...
327
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,165
Johnathan needs to be
in familiar surroundings.
328
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:08,040
And, uh... you know.
329
00:18:08,999 --> 00:18:11,999
Yeah. I get it.
330
00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:13,541
Look, we shouldn't have
brought him.
331
00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,749
Bethany really pushed for it,
and, uh--
332
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:18,165
Why is he your favorite?
333
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,040
What?
334
00:18:22,999 --> 00:18:23,999
(TED CHUCKLES)
335
00:18:25,874 --> 00:18:26,999
That's not true.
336
00:18:29,249 --> 00:18:30,332
It is, though.
337
00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:31,916
Come on.
338
00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:35,416
It's supposed to be,
like, our weekend.
339
00:18:35,499 --> 00:18:37,290
I-- I just didn't...
340
00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:39,374
-I know. I know.
-So, I dunno. I dunno.
341
00:18:39,457 --> 00:18:41,124
-I'm sorry it's disappointing.
-It's dumb.
342
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,332
It's...
343
00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:43,708
(SIGHS)
344
00:18:46,374 --> 00:18:47,582
Look, here's the thing.
345
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:53,833
Jonathan has so many... needs.
346
00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:57,207
And you don't.
347
00:18:57,916 --> 00:19:01,457
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
348
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,708
I know it's not fair.
349
00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:07,541
But the thing is,
is you're good.
350
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,124
You're good. I don't have
to worry about you.
351
00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:17,999
You're-- You're so smart.
You are good at sports.
352
00:19:18,082 --> 00:19:20,624
You're-- People like you.
People love you.
353
00:19:20,708 --> 00:19:21,874
Everything-- Things...
354
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,541
I don't need to worry about you.
355
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,708
You're good. Yeah?
356
00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:36,207
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Good.
357
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,833
BETHANY: It's not here.
358
00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:46,332
You sure it's not in your room?
359
00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:48,833
No, we checked everywhere.
Did you look in the backpack?
360
00:19:48,916 --> 00:19:49,999
Yeah, like six times.
361
00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:53,499
Let's just go.
We'll deal with it at home.
362
00:19:53,582 --> 00:19:55,666
Brendan, you'll let us know
if you find Stripey.
363
00:19:57,624 --> 00:20:00,499
Thank you for letting us
crash this weekend.
364
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:03,457
Sorry.
365
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:05,624
(BRENDAN SIGHS)
366
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,124
All right.
367
00:20:11,833 --> 00:20:13,082
Take care of yourself.
368
00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:16,833
Come on, you got this.
369
00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:20,290
Thanks.
370
00:20:23,165 --> 00:20:25,374
♪ ("ALWAYS TRYING
TO WORK IT OUT" BY LOW PLAYS) ♪
371
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:30,916
♪ Always trying to
Work it out ♪
372
00:20:30,999 --> 00:20:35,207
♪ Work it out ♪
373
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:42,749
♪ Always trying to
Work it out ♪
374
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:46,457
♪ Work it out ♪
375
00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:54,249
-God, she sucks.
-(GROANS)
376
00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:58,999
She was... She's a bitch,
but I loved her.
377
00:20:59,999 --> 00:21:02,082
It was for the best, you know.
378
00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:04,624
-Seeing anybody now?
-No...
379
00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:08,499
Just like random Tinder people.
But...
380
00:21:10,249 --> 00:21:12,999
it's bad, I know, but it's...
381
00:21:13,082 --> 00:21:15,833
Sometimes, you just need
to get fucked, right?
382
00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:18,624
I mean, I can't--
I just cannot imagine having sex
383
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,416
-with somebody
that you've just...
-It's weird!
384
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,290
-...met.
-It's weird.
385
00:21:22,374 --> 00:21:23,666
But it's better than nothing.
386
00:21:26,874 --> 00:21:29,249
My mom had this thing...
387
00:21:29,332 --> 00:21:35,833
where our next-door neighbor
who was, um... a retired cop.
388
00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:37,582
He used to come over
to the house sometimes
389
00:21:37,666 --> 00:21:40,582
when his wife was working
the graveyard shifts,
390
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:45,040
and they would just like
cuddle on the couch together...
391
00:21:45,582 --> 00:21:46,916
and watch TV.
392
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,708
I think that's all they did.
393
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:55,374
They just sat there.
She called him her TV buddy.
394
00:21:57,207 --> 00:21:58,791
(CHUCKLES) I know.
395
00:21:58,874 --> 00:22:01,582
But then, his wife retired
and then it stopped.
396
00:22:03,457 --> 00:22:04,999
That sounds really nice.
397
00:22:05,082 --> 00:22:06,416
I want a TV buddy.
398
00:22:06,499 --> 00:22:09,874
-(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Totally.
-Yeah.
399
00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:12,541
Actually, I wrecked both
my first two cars.
400
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:14,999
-Oh, really?
-Yeah, and like the first one
within two weeks.
401
00:22:15,082 --> 00:22:16,499
(CHUCKLES) How'd you do that?
402
00:22:16,582 --> 00:22:18,332
I'm just a terrible driver
honestly.
403
00:22:18,416 --> 00:22:20,124
God. (CHUCKLES)
That's terrible.
404
00:22:20,207 --> 00:22:22,290
-Um... Here I am.
-Oh.
405
00:22:23,541 --> 00:22:25,249
Here you are. (CHUCKLES)
406
00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:32,582
Uh... So, I have an essay
in this new lit magazine,
407
00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:34,040
and they're having
a launch party
408
00:22:34,124 --> 00:22:35,499
in Brooklyn on Wednesday.
409
00:22:36,416 --> 00:22:38,040
You should come with me.
410
00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:40,249
You mean like as your date?
411
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,416
-Hm?
-Yeah.
412
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,457
Um... You know,
Wednesdays are tough,
413
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:50,374
-but let me see--
-Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
414
00:22:50,457 --> 00:22:52,165
Don't worry about it.
I-- I didn't.
415
00:22:52,249 --> 00:22:53,165
Hey, wait!
416
00:22:53,249 --> 00:22:54,833
No. Have a good night, Curtis.
417
00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:59,666
(ENGINE STARTS)
418
00:23:00,833 --> 00:23:02,958
AMANDA OLNEY:
The answer is yes, I have.
419
00:23:03,499 --> 00:23:04,582
But just one time.
420
00:23:05,791 --> 00:23:09,416
Was it with two-- two women...
421
00:23:10,541 --> 00:23:11,916
and two-- or and...
422
00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,165
-or was it with two women...
-(LAUGHS)
423
00:23:14,249 --> 00:23:16,082
...or was it with two men?
424
00:23:16,165 --> 00:23:18,499
Or one woman and one man?
425
00:23:18,582 --> 00:23:19,666
It was three women.
426
00:23:20,249 --> 00:23:21,666
Ah.
427
00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:24,999
It was my ex,
and then her ex, so...
428
00:23:26,332 --> 00:23:28,165
very complicated.
429
00:23:28,249 --> 00:23:30,958
-Oh... Okay.
-(CHUCKLES)
430
00:23:32,124 --> 00:23:34,332
What about you? What's
your deal? What's your thing?
431
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,624
I mean, I th--
It's weird. I've...
432
00:23:41,207 --> 00:23:42,708
I mean, I...
433
00:23:42,791 --> 00:23:46,708
-My son went away to college...
-Mm-hm.
434
00:23:46,791 --> 00:23:50,165
I don't know. Ever since then,
I've been having these...
435
00:23:53,541 --> 00:23:55,207
-What?
-Like...
436
00:23:56,332 --> 00:23:57,582
crazy fantasies.
437
00:23:57,666 --> 00:23:59,416
-Like crazy fantasies.
-(LAUGHS)
438
00:24:00,082 --> 00:24:01,124
Uh...
439
00:24:01,207 --> 00:24:02,791
-(CHUCKLES) It's insane.
-(LAUGHS)
440
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,290
Well, what are you gonna do
about 'em?
441
00:24:04,374 --> 00:24:06,374
-Nothing!
-(CHUCKLES)
442
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,708
-Do it!
-(LAUGHS)
443
00:24:14,874 --> 00:24:15,874
Pervert.
444
00:24:19,165 --> 00:24:20,791
(CHUCKLES)
445
00:24:20,874 --> 00:24:24,040
♪ ("YOU ARE HERE"
BY YO LA TENGO PLAYS) ♪
446
00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,374
(FAUCET RUNS)
447
00:26:07,374 --> 00:26:09,040
(SIGHS) I needed that.
Thank you.
448
00:26:09,749 --> 00:26:11,499
-Oh-- Oh-- Okay.
-(LAUGHS)
449
00:26:11,582 --> 00:26:14,416
Thank you so much
for taking care of me.
450
00:26:14,499 --> 00:26:15,416
Yeah, it was fun.
451
00:26:15,499 --> 00:26:18,666
-Oh, it was so much fun.
-Yeah.
452
00:26:19,624 --> 00:26:20,833
Yeah.
453
00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:23,666
We should do this again.
454
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:25,624
Yeah, I-- I would love that,
455
00:26:25,708 --> 00:26:28,582
and next time,
maybe we'll just...
456
00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:30,290
watch a movie or...
457
00:26:31,874 --> 00:26:35,249
(AMANDA COUGHS)
458
00:26:35,332 --> 00:26:36,833
Oh, my God.
459
00:26:37,666 --> 00:26:39,374
-Oh, shit.
-Do--
460
00:26:39,457 --> 00:26:41,749
-Amanda, I am so sorry.
-Don't be.
461
00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:43,958
-Why?
-No, this is horrible.
462
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,290
-Don't be sorry!
-I'm really--
463
00:26:45,374 --> 00:26:47,457
-Don't be sorry! It's okay.
-I really fucked this.
464
00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,416
-I'm so sorry.
-It is fine.
465
00:26:49,499 --> 00:26:50,874
Oh, my God.
466
00:26:50,958 --> 00:26:52,207
-Okay.
-Okay.
467
00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:56,290
(STUTTERS) I'm just gonna go
'cause I-- I'm sorry.
468
00:26:56,374 --> 00:26:58,624
-Don't be sorry.
-Oh, my God.
469
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,249
-I'm fine.
-Okay.
470
00:27:00,332 --> 00:27:02,624
-You are? 'Cause I--
-I'm okay. Are you okay?
471
00:27:02,708 --> 00:27:04,332
-I'm so fine. I'm just--
-Okay.
472
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:05,457
I feel-- I'm nervous.
473
00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,624
Well, I was just worried
that you're...
474
00:27:07,708 --> 00:27:09,999
-Okay.
-No, I am great.
475
00:27:10,457 --> 00:27:11,457
Okay.
476
00:27:11,541 --> 00:27:13,249
-Okay. Do you need help?
-Is there a trick to this?
477
00:27:13,332 --> 00:27:14,958
No, no, no.
It's just a normal lock.
478
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,374
-It's a normal lock.
-Oh, it's locked.
479
00:27:16,457 --> 00:27:18,999
-Okay, I thought it was a--
-Yeah. No, I keep it--
480
00:27:19,082 --> 00:27:20,999
Okay, thank you so much.
481
00:27:21,082 --> 00:27:23,374
-Sorry. Oh, my God. Okay.
-You're welcome.
482
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,082
♪ ("IS THIS REAL?"
BY WIPERS PLAYS) ♪
483
00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:33,290
♪ Sometimes I get
These feelings ♪
484
00:27:33,374 --> 00:27:36,666
♪ And I don't know
What to say ♪
485
00:27:36,749 --> 00:27:39,165
♪ Is it that
I don't belong here? ♪
486
00:27:39,249 --> 00:27:42,457
♪ 'Cause I
I really want to stay ♪
487
00:27:42,541 --> 00:27:47,749
♪ Sometimes I wish that
you could break up to me ♪
488
00:27:48,958 --> 00:27:50,541
♪ Is this real? ♪
489
00:27:52,082 --> 00:27:53,457
♪ Is this real? ♪
490
00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,749
♪ Is this real? ♪
491
00:28:04,582 --> 00:28:10,165
♪ In time, I found myself
wishing you were here ♪
492
00:28:10,249 --> 00:28:15,874
♪ But then I realized
that all time has stood still ♪
493
00:28:15,958 --> 00:28:21,249
♪ Sometimes I wish that
you could break down to me ♪
494
00:28:22,416 --> 00:28:24,332
♪ Is this real? ♪
495
00:28:25,582 --> 00:28:27,124
♪ Is this real? ♪
496
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:30,582
♪ Is this real? ♪
497
00:28:44,666 --> 00:28:46,749
High school, everyone liked me.
Now I'm just like, the bad guy.
498
00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:48,624
CHLOE: Welcome
to feeling uncomfortable.
499
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:50,416
(SCOFFS)
I've been uncomfortable!
500
00:28:50,499 --> 00:28:51,749
♪ (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
501
00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:54,290
I really thought that Curtis
and I had a special connection.
502
00:28:54,624 --> 00:28:56,040
Have you ever dated
a trans person?
503
00:28:56,124 --> 00:28:57,582
Have you ever dated
a black person?
504
00:28:57,666 --> 00:28:59,249
-Yeah.
-Oh.
505
00:28:59,749 --> 00:29:02,916
We are in such a dry period.
It's been quite a while.
506
00:29:02,999 --> 00:29:04,165
EVE FLETCHER: Same with me.
507
00:29:04,249 --> 00:29:05,999
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
508
00:29:06,332 --> 00:29:07,749
-Oh.
-Sorry.
509
00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:08,791
You should be.
510
00:29:09,290 --> 00:29:10,708
How can I make it up to you?
511
00:29:13,499 --> 00:29:15,499
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
36514
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