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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:20,611 *THIRTEEN REASONS WHY?* Season 04 Episode 10 2 00:00:35,813 --> 00:00:37,368 Somebody help! 3 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,501 Somebody help, please! 4 00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:41,617 Back up! 5 00:00:47,222 --> 00:00:48,797 That was a week ago. 6 00:00:54,094 --> 00:00:56,484 He's been in the hospital ever since. 7 00:01:00,541 --> 00:01:02,001 Intensive care. 8 00:01:02,223 --> 00:01:05,101 Your mother called to cancel your Tuesday appointment. 9 00:01:05,204 --> 00:01:07,669 She told me some of what Justin's facing. 10 00:01:08,728 --> 00:01:10,509 Yeah, it's not great. 11 00:01:10,769 --> 00:01:12,394 How does it make you feel? 12 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,227 What the fuck does it matter what I feel? 13 00:01:15,446 --> 00:01:17,501 I think it matters a great deal. 14 00:01:17,646 --> 00:01:19,602 - You know that. - I don't know that! 15 00:01:19,687 --> 00:01:20,727 I don't know anything. 16 00:01:20,812 --> 00:01:22,924 We talk and talk, and nothing happens, 17 00:01:23,009 --> 00:01:24,696 and.. I still feel like I'm gonna spin off 18 00:01:24,781 --> 00:01:26,049 the face of the fucking Earth, 19 00:01:26,134 --> 00:01:28,299 then we keep talking, and we don't get anywhere! 20 00:01:28,428 --> 00:01:31,187 You don't think we made any progress these past few months? 21 00:01:31,305 --> 00:01:34,127 No! I just... all of this just seems so... 22 00:01:34,212 --> 00:01:36,009 I don't know! Like selfish! 23 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,564 Talking about feelings... 24 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:39,969 to you... 25 00:01:40,406 --> 00:01:42,446 when Justin is... is... 26 00:01:45,265 --> 00:01:46,610 is sick. 27 00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:49,537 Because what he's going through is so serious. 28 00:01:50,231 --> 00:01:52,891 And what you're going through seems less important now 29 00:01:53,063 --> 00:01:55,465 because his life hangs in the balance. 30 00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,137 Yes. 31 00:01:57,253 --> 00:01:59,178 But in the work we do together, 32 00:01:59,263 --> 00:02:01,591 in trying to help you get well, 33 00:02:02,227 --> 00:02:04,864 doesn't your own life hang in the balance? 34 00:02:09,499 --> 00:02:10,785 Yes. 35 00:02:11,307 --> 00:02:12,892 So let's keep working. 36 00:02:15,574 --> 00:02:18,051 Do you wanna tell me how it's been at the hospital? 37 00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,582 Justin has given me permission 38 00:02:22,855 --> 00:02:26,070 to discuss his treatment and diagnosis with you. 39 00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:30,352 I'm afraid I have some difficult news to share. 40 00:02:32,289 --> 00:02:35,168 Justin has tested positive for HIV-1. 41 00:02:35,775 --> 00:02:38,780 And based on his symptoms, we believe... 42 00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:41,442 it has progressed to AIDS. 43 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:45,645 That's... 44 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,028 How is that possible? 45 00:02:48,221 --> 00:02:49,606 He... he had the flu. 46 00:02:49,699 --> 00:02:51,142 He's been tired. 47 00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:54,559 Well, HIV has a long period of latency after infection, 48 00:02:54,778 --> 00:02:57,723 which means that Justin may not have shown any symptoms 49 00:02:57,809 --> 00:02:58,919 for some time. 50 00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,386 With his IV drug use 51 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:03,165 and extended periods of homelessness, 52 00:03:03,281 --> 00:03:05,598 this would have made him more susceptible 53 00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:07,223 to rapid progression. 54 00:03:07,368 --> 00:03:10,244 And according to his records, he was never tested. 55 00:03:10,329 --> 00:03:12,481 How... how has he never been tested? 56 00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:14,195 We got him the best GP. 57 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,865 He had a complete physical. 58 00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,739 Testing requires patient consent. 59 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,512 It's not uncommon for a young man 60 00:03:19,597 --> 00:03:21,964 with a history of IV drug use and sex work 61 00:03:22,049 --> 00:03:23,496 to avoid testing. 62 00:03:23,597 --> 00:03:24,950 Sex work? 63 00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:28,864 Justin never spoke to you 64 00:03:28,949 --> 00:03:30,700 about the time he spent homeless? 65 00:03:33,876 --> 00:03:35,801 Not about that part, no. 66 00:03:38,695 --> 00:03:42,098 The pneumocystis pneumonia has an indolent presentation, 67 00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:44,071 which means that the symptoms 68 00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,419 develop slowly over some weeks, 69 00:03:46,504 --> 00:03:48,778 and there was a late diagnosis... 70 00:03:50,368 --> 00:03:53,043 There is also a neurological infection. 71 00:03:54,753 --> 00:03:58,598 A fungal meningitis that has not advanced quite so far, 72 00:03:59,535 --> 00:04:01,262 but is pervasive. 73 00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:07,207 Hey. 74 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,996 - Hey. - Um... 75 00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:11,482 How is it today? 76 00:04:11,586 --> 00:04:13,450 Uh, it's like yesterday. 77 00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:15,020 Just a little worse. 78 00:04:17,635 --> 00:04:19,378 Uh, so, there's, like, 79 00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:21,315 a lineup of people who'd like to see you, 80 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,543 but I understand if you don't wanna see them. 81 00:04:23,751 --> 00:04:26,567 And I've organized a list and given time limits, and... 82 00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:29,465 Of course you have. 83 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:33,981 Yeah, sure. 84 00:04:35,727 --> 00:04:37,012 Bring it on. 85 00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,132 I'll send in the first appointment. 86 00:04:58,718 --> 00:05:00,263 Listen, the, uh... 87 00:05:01,322 --> 00:05:05,001 The doctor was talking us through stuff, and, uh... 88 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,539 Hey. 89 00:05:07,587 --> 00:05:10,012 I'm sorry, Charlie made me. 90 00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,385 Charlie can come in too. 91 00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:19,703 See, I told you he wouldn't mind both of us at once. 92 00:05:20,745 --> 00:05:22,712 - I'll put it here. - Uh... 93 00:05:22,797 --> 00:05:24,922 They wouldn't let us bring in any flowers, so... 94 00:05:25,273 --> 00:05:27,609 So, giant bears. Basically, the same thing. 95 00:05:29,058 --> 00:05:31,812 - His name's Tiger. - This is a panda. 96 00:05:31,897 --> 00:05:34,342 - Tiger panda. - Yeah. 97 00:05:34,427 --> 00:05:35,441 I like it. 98 00:05:35,562 --> 00:05:38,678 It's like the whole world just shifted out from under our feet. 99 00:05:39,987 --> 00:05:42,631 Like the darkness just closed in. 100 00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:45,647 Prom pictures. 101 00:05:46,219 --> 00:05:48,144 Some good ones of you and Estela. 102 00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:50,927 You should frame one for her. 103 00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:52,413 Oh, wow. 104 00:05:53,007 --> 00:05:54,732 Wow, these are really great. 105 00:05:55,017 --> 00:05:56,413 Hey, thank you. 106 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,733 I know it was Jessica... 107 00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:02,147 who killed Bryce. 108 00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:04,457 And I know Clay and Ani 109 00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:06,937 and some group of you framed Monty. 110 00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:10,100 I almost have what I need to go to the police. 111 00:06:10,881 --> 00:06:12,433 But I don't have to include you. 112 00:06:14,096 --> 00:06:15,436 You got it all wrong. 113 00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:16,983 You don't really know anything, 114 00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:20,092 and Jessica and Clay and Ani, 115 00:06:20,227 --> 00:06:21,530 they're my friends. 116 00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:24,194 So anything you do to them, 117 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:25,756 you do to me too. 118 00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:54,233 I think he was ashamed. 119 00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:56,982 That's why he didn't tell you? 120 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:01,030 I... I wouldn't have, like, judged. 121 00:07:01,227 --> 00:07:02,652 It's not that. 122 00:07:02,861 --> 00:07:04,131 It just... 123 00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:06,226 It takes time. 124 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,995 To deal with what is. 125 00:07:12,990 --> 00:07:14,444 Zach's downstairs. 126 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,233 He says he can't come in. 127 00:07:17,216 --> 00:07:18,780 Fucking Zach. 128 00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,030 Hey. 129 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,545 Hey, what the fuck? 130 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,663 - All right, get upstairs. - I can't, man. I just... 131 00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:33,647 Hospitals. 132 00:07:34,023 --> 00:07:35,488 You need to see him. 133 00:07:37,737 --> 00:07:40,332 Man, I watched my dad die in this hospital. 134 00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:42,389 Yeah? 135 00:07:43,823 --> 00:07:45,022 Yeah, me and my dad 136 00:07:45,389 --> 00:07:46,919 brought my mom home from this hospital 137 00:07:47,105 --> 00:07:48,990 so she could die in her own bed. 138 00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:53,778 And you know what? Right now, your best friend is really sick upstairs, 139 00:07:53,863 --> 00:07:54,946 and if you don't go see him, 140 00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:57,928 you are gonna regret this for the rest of your fucking life! 141 00:08:01,179 --> 00:08:02,702 I can't, man. 142 00:08:02,928 --> 00:08:04,201 I can't. 143 00:08:05,887 --> 00:08:09,192 Like, prom was actually our last chance at being kids. 144 00:08:10,678 --> 00:08:12,069 Then all of a sudden, 145 00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:13,913 playtime over. 146 00:08:21,017 --> 00:08:22,822 There's no more hiding from it, 147 00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,545 what's out there. 148 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:31,084 Hi. I was really surprised you texted me. 149 00:08:31,892 --> 00:08:33,170 It was me. 150 00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,590 I killed Bryce Walker. 151 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,919 - You're lying. - No. 152 00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:48,998 I found him on the pier. I was alone. 153 00:08:49,217 --> 00:08:51,273 I tried to help him up. He threatened to hurt Zach. 154 00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:53,045 I shoved him in the river. He drowned. 155 00:08:55,361 --> 00:08:57,467 - Alex. - Yeah, so... 156 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,498 that information is yours now. 157 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,295 Do what you want with it. 158 00:09:18,418 --> 00:09:20,633 The ventilator breathes for him. 159 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,764 It keeps his blood oxygenated 160 00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:25,780 and helps protect against organ failure. 161 00:09:28,564 --> 00:09:30,489 How long does he have to be on it? 162 00:09:34,048 --> 00:09:35,263 Uh, honey... 163 00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:42,819 He may never be able to breathe without it again. 164 00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:47,264 So, like, 165 00:09:47,483 --> 00:09:49,304 when he gets out of the hospital? 166 00:09:53,605 --> 00:09:55,795 The disease in his lungs is quite advanced. 167 00:09:56,072 --> 00:09:57,803 And we're also starting to see 168 00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,791 advanced neurological symptoms. 169 00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:03,949 The goal is to keep him as comfortable as possible 170 00:10:04,034 --> 00:10:07,147 and manage the symptoms as best as we can. 171 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,665 Honey! Clay? 172 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:14,045 I feel like I just... I need some air. 173 00:10:14,493 --> 00:10:18,048 - Clay! - Does he just need some space? 174 00:10:18,614 --> 00:10:20,079 Should we give him space? 175 00:10:20,254 --> 00:10:22,139 Now? Is that really a good idea? 176 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,360 Whoa! Clay! Clay, what happened? Is everything OK? 177 00:10:32,764 --> 00:10:34,655 What do you fucking think, Zach? 178 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,675 He's never getting any better! He's fucking dying! 179 00:10:41,212 --> 00:10:42,887 Should we go after him? 180 00:10:43,215 --> 00:10:45,069 Jesus, I don't know. 181 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:48,008 Where'd he go? 182 00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:49,756 Uh, up the street, that way. 183 00:10:49,841 --> 00:10:51,428 Where's he going? What's down there? 184 00:10:51,513 --> 00:10:53,045 No clue, Mr. Jensen. 185 00:11:00,729 --> 00:11:03,282 And we can't stop it. We can't stop it. 186 00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:04,498 We can't. 187 00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:07,678 We're spinning and spinning, and we're about to disappear. 188 00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:00,756 I, um... 189 00:12:02,408 --> 00:12:03,713 I have a gun. 190 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,998 I said I have a gun! 191 00:12:11,578 --> 00:12:13,495 And I'll fucking use it if I have to, 192 00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:15,122 so everybody back the fuck up! 193 00:12:15,207 --> 00:12:17,139 I have a gun. I have a gun! 194 00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:18,991 - Clay. - Clay, hey. 195 00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:20,794 Hey, what's going on here? 196 00:12:20,879 --> 00:12:22,304 I... I have a gun. 197 00:12:22,389 --> 00:12:24,358 All right, well, let's just take a breath here. 198 00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,561 Slowly take your hands outta your pockets 199 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,697 so no one gets hurt. 200 00:12:27,782 --> 00:12:29,011 People are already hurt! 201 00:12:29,110 --> 00:12:30,936 Nobody pays for the things that happen! 202 00:12:31,021 --> 00:12:33,561 No one ever pays! And someone should! 203 00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:35,334 You must hurt so much. 204 00:12:35,513 --> 00:12:38,318 Put the gun down, and we'll talk about it. OK? 205 00:12:42,317 --> 00:12:43,317 Clay? 206 00:12:44,793 --> 00:12:45,793 Clay? 207 00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:49,396 - Clay! - Get down! 208 00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,061 Hey, get down! 209 00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,562 - Clay! What the fuck? - Put your guns down! 210 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,023 Guys, put your guns down! 211 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,549 - Guns down, everybody! - Tony? 212 00:12:56,749 --> 00:12:58,834 Put your guns down. 213 00:13:00,544 --> 00:13:01,866 Hey, Clay. 214 00:13:02,004 --> 00:13:03,559 Clay, listen to me, buddy. 215 00:13:06,339 --> 00:13:08,506 I know you're going through a lot right now. 216 00:13:09,069 --> 00:13:10,719 I know you've been through a lot. 217 00:13:10,804 --> 00:13:13,288 More than any kid should ever have to deal with. 218 00:13:15,138 --> 00:13:16,428 But listen to me. 219 00:13:18,038 --> 00:13:20,771 Everyone in this room? Every one of those deputies? 220 00:13:20,856 --> 00:13:22,661 Everyone wants the same thing, 221 00:13:22,998 --> 00:13:24,717 and that's for you to be safe. 222 00:13:24,964 --> 00:13:26,991 To stay alive. OK? 223 00:13:29,646 --> 00:13:32,405 Tony... He's your best friend, right? 224 00:13:34,429 --> 00:13:36,350 Tony wants you to be safe. 225 00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:39,170 And that's all that matters right now. 226 00:13:40,662 --> 00:13:42,881 I can't promise that it gets better right away. 227 00:13:44,707 --> 00:13:46,311 But the only chance we have, 228 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:49,413 the only way things can start to feel better... 229 00:13:50,771 --> 00:13:52,356 is if you give me that gun. 230 00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:55,123 OK? 231 00:13:55,844 --> 00:13:57,811 I promise you, no one will hurt you. 232 00:13:58,997 --> 00:14:00,422 Just give me the gun. 233 00:14:03,536 --> 00:14:04,921 You can talk to me. 234 00:14:24,086 --> 00:14:25,301 It's OK. 235 00:14:25,986 --> 00:14:27,209 All right. 236 00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:33,128 All right. 237 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:40,319 Did you feel that you wanted to die? 238 00:14:40,549 --> 00:14:42,327 No, that wasn't it. 239 00:14:44,296 --> 00:14:45,655 I just... 240 00:14:48,064 --> 00:14:49,693 I wanted someone to... 241 00:14:50,949 --> 00:14:52,413 To notice you. 242 00:14:55,192 --> 00:14:56,795 To see you were hurting. 243 00:14:58,526 --> 00:14:59,624 Yeah. 244 00:14:59,783 --> 00:15:01,217 All right. All right, buddy. 245 00:15:03,443 --> 00:15:04,810 All right, I'm here. 246 00:15:05,591 --> 00:15:06,952 You're safe. 247 00:15:08,247 --> 00:15:10,636 - We talked for a while... - It's all right. 248 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:12,272 ...me and the Sheriff. 249 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,967 He didn't bust me for pulling that stunt. 250 00:15:16,697 --> 00:15:17,952 And it was, like, 251 00:15:18,921 --> 00:15:20,766 almost like he understood. 252 00:15:21,817 --> 00:15:23,194 Understood what? 253 00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:25,420 That I was freaking out. And why. 254 00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:26,889 And I realized 255 00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:29,373 that all that attention he'd been giving me this spring? 256 00:15:29,556 --> 00:15:31,569 Like, showing up at school 257 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,663 and meeting with my parents, 258 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,920 he was worried about me. 259 00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,631 And that surprises you. 260 00:15:38,751 --> 00:15:40,886 I mean, he arrested me once. 261 00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:43,590 But in both cases, then and now, 262 00:15:43,702 --> 00:15:45,541 wasn't he just doing his job? 263 00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,014 Yeah. And... 264 00:15:47,274 --> 00:15:49,788 I think maybe he's pretty good at his job. 265 00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:52,709 In a... 266 00:15:52,977 --> 00:15:55,319 sneaky, manipulative way. 267 00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,326 Like you. 268 00:15:58,472 --> 00:16:00,092 I'll take the compliment. 269 00:16:01,805 --> 00:16:03,947 After that, he, um, put me and Tony 270 00:16:04,032 --> 00:16:06,163 in a room while he talked to my dad. 271 00:16:06,563 --> 00:16:08,488 Tony had been in a street fight. 272 00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:10,963 I'm not sure if they put me in here 273 00:16:11,048 --> 00:16:13,163 to look after you or the other way around. 274 00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:17,170 We haven't been doing that so great for each other lately. 275 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,038 How's Justin doing now? 276 00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:29,514 Not better. 277 00:16:34,649 --> 00:16:35,998 There's this thing. 278 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,082 I mean, I've been calling it hospital time. 279 00:16:38,845 --> 00:16:40,467 You lose track of days. 280 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,362 It's all one long day. 281 00:16:43,529 --> 00:16:46,491 Time moves so slowly, and then a week has gone by. 282 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,585 And I think it's got everyone messed up. 283 00:16:55,726 --> 00:16:56,902 The waiting. 284 00:16:57,374 --> 00:16:58,819 The not knowing. 285 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,436 Or the knowing. 286 00:17:12,279 --> 00:17:14,707 Something tells me you boys aren't here to party. 287 00:17:14,808 --> 00:17:16,341 - Oh... - OK. 288 00:17:16,517 --> 00:17:20,218 Whoa! Hey, that's a single barrel small batch Corlett. 289 00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:21,358 What the fuck? Fuckin' bourbon, guys. 290 00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:22,864 You can't even tell the difference! 291 00:17:23,371 --> 00:17:25,257 There are two more in the car, black. 292 00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,880 You're gonna get those in you, and go see Justin. 293 00:17:28,526 --> 00:17:29,911 All right, look, 294 00:17:30,199 --> 00:17:31,624 Mothers Teresa. 295 00:17:32,488 --> 00:17:35,755 Learn to know a lost cause when you see one, like me. 296 00:17:36,376 --> 00:17:37,693 Like Justin. 297 00:17:39,489 --> 00:17:41,404 OK, Zach. 298 00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:45,326 Do you remember on the rooftop? The night I kissed you? 299 00:17:45,427 --> 00:17:46,624 Wait, you kissed him? 300 00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,491 It was a shit show. I'll explain later. 301 00:17:48,576 --> 00:17:50,713 - But you remember that night? - Yeah. 302 00:17:50,899 --> 00:17:53,163 OK. That kiss was embarrassing. 303 00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:55,717 It was a disaster. But right before that, 304 00:17:56,091 --> 00:17:57,474 when I almost fell, 305 00:17:58,029 --> 00:17:59,768 you pulled me back from the ledge. 306 00:18:00,084 --> 00:18:01,748 And I'll never forget the feeling 307 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:03,105 of your hands grabbing me 308 00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:04,732 and keeping me safe. 309 00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:07,404 I needed it. I didn't know it. 310 00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:10,107 And now you need it. 311 00:18:12,731 --> 00:18:15,513 The kiss wasn't a disaster, it was a nice kiss, per se. 312 00:18:15,609 --> 00:18:17,701 - Wait, it was? - Yeah. Yeah. 313 00:18:17,786 --> 00:18:21,083 I don't love Justin, but I love you, and you love him. 314 00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:23,038 So what the fuck, Zach? 315 00:18:24,914 --> 00:18:27,482 ♪ If I showed up ♪ 316 00:18:28,905 --> 00:18:32,365 ♪ In the shape of a storm ♪ 317 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:40,912 ♪ Would you recognize me? ♪ 318 00:18:43,243 --> 00:18:48,880 ♪ If I knew how I would make myself known... ♪ 319 00:18:55,906 --> 00:18:58,396 I guess it's like high school, in its way. 320 00:18:59,657 --> 00:19:02,045 It seems like I was a freshman a decade ago. 321 00:19:02,145 --> 00:19:04,400 But then it seems like yesterday. 322 00:19:10,118 --> 00:19:11,982 I don't know where all that time went. 323 00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,224 I don't know what we do now. 324 00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:20,696 Here he is now. 325 00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:22,033 Who are you talking to? 326 00:19:22,313 --> 00:19:23,705 It's, uh... 327 00:19:23,984 --> 00:19:25,377 It's your dad. 328 00:19:29,476 --> 00:19:31,031 Antonio! 329 00:19:33,181 --> 00:19:34,596 How's your friend? 330 00:19:35,772 --> 00:19:37,407 He's not good, papá. 331 00:19:38,099 --> 00:19:40,252 You good to be there for him. 332 00:19:41,486 --> 00:19:43,072 You're a good friend. 333 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,721 That's always important, m'hijo. 334 00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:49,658 I guess... I guess so, yeah. 335 00:19:49,743 --> 00:19:52,580 But you have to think about yourself sometimes. 336 00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:55,503 Caleb told me about the college offer. 337 00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:57,670 He did? 338 00:19:58,358 --> 00:19:59,653 Damn proud of you. 339 00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:03,065 It's time, m'hijo. 340 00:20:03,831 --> 00:20:05,650 It's time you sell the shop 341 00:20:05,735 --> 00:20:07,588 and get on with your life. 342 00:20:08,788 --> 00:20:10,713 We can't afford that, papá. 343 00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:12,979 We have work here. 344 00:20:13,321 --> 00:20:14,666 We're gonna be fine. 345 00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:17,994 The shop is your dream. 346 00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,464 Listen to me. 347 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:21,111 That shop... 348 00:20:21,818 --> 00:20:23,502 was never my dream. 349 00:20:25,882 --> 00:20:27,002 You... 350 00:20:28,609 --> 00:20:30,869 You are my dream. 351 00:20:31,949 --> 00:20:33,584 Why do we do everything? 352 00:20:33,903 --> 00:20:36,588 So that you can have a better life than we did. 353 00:20:36,898 --> 00:20:38,903 This is your better life, m'hijo. 354 00:20:39,495 --> 00:20:41,393 Don't fuck up my dream. 355 00:20:45,082 --> 00:20:47,719 Ancient history is somehow present tense. 356 00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:50,643 Everything is ending, but nothing is over. 357 00:20:51,365 --> 00:20:52,744 And none of us knows how to make 358 00:20:52,829 --> 00:20:54,986 sense of the jumble of things that happened. 359 00:20:59,785 --> 00:21:01,088 I win. 360 00:21:03,632 --> 00:21:05,697 Come on, why the silent treatment? 361 00:21:05,802 --> 00:21:08,283 I'm just here to pay my respects to Justy. 362 00:21:08,406 --> 00:21:09,871 You killed him. 363 00:21:12,884 --> 00:21:14,330 Yeah, I did. 364 00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:19,690 I don't rape Hannah, none of us are here, right? 365 00:21:20,298 --> 00:21:22,041 He doesn't run away. 366 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,580 Doesn't start shooting up. 367 00:21:25,803 --> 00:21:27,257 Letting men fuck him. 368 00:21:27,357 --> 00:21:29,822 How can one person cause so much pain? 369 00:21:29,907 --> 00:21:31,221 Look in the mirror. 370 00:21:31,311 --> 00:21:33,896 - You let me die. - You deserved to die. 371 00:21:34,257 --> 00:21:35,588 Yeah, maybe. 372 00:21:37,261 --> 00:21:38,924 But here we are. 373 00:21:41,129 --> 00:21:43,221 You probably have it too. 374 00:21:44,599 --> 00:21:46,080 Fuck you. 375 00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:48,471 Yeah. 376 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,666 - I win. - Jess. 377 00:21:53,448 --> 00:21:55,588 Um... he's up. 378 00:21:56,311 --> 00:21:57,658 If you wanna say hey. 379 00:21:57,940 --> 00:22:01,119 He can't say anything back, but he writes, so... 380 00:22:01,459 --> 00:22:03,432 - If... if you want to. - Yeah. 381 00:22:22,454 --> 00:22:25,190 You start to wonder if anything meant anything. 382 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,307 If all we're doing is reacting, 383 00:22:32,808 --> 00:22:35,572 and the reactions don't even make any difference. 384 00:22:39,698 --> 00:22:41,190 I got into Brown. 385 00:22:41,442 --> 00:22:43,041 That crazy interview? 386 00:22:43,382 --> 00:22:44,677 Didn't even matter. 387 00:22:45,052 --> 00:22:48,775 So if nothing fucking matters, like, why bother? 388 00:22:52,966 --> 00:22:54,635 How's Justin doing? 389 00:22:57,553 --> 00:22:59,174 He's not any better. 390 00:22:59,807 --> 00:23:01,119 I'm so sorry. 391 00:23:03,195 --> 00:23:06,979 I've lost, in my life, a number of friends... 392 00:23:07,203 --> 00:23:10,002 and one very good friend to that disease. 393 00:23:11,094 --> 00:23:12,494 I'm very sorry. 394 00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:15,627 Thank you. 395 00:23:16,588 --> 00:23:19,760 I'm sure you're not thinking about graduation right now, but... 396 00:23:20,019 --> 00:23:23,721 It's my duty to tell you that you have been voted class speaker. 397 00:23:28,933 --> 00:23:30,072 What? 398 00:23:33,608 --> 00:23:34,713 Me? Uh... 399 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:36,588 How? 400 00:23:37,013 --> 00:23:38,682 Apparently, your classmates think 401 00:23:38,767 --> 00:23:40,518 you have something relevant to say to them. 402 00:23:41,538 --> 00:23:45,020 I imagine it might have something to do with your sermon on the car 403 00:23:45,105 --> 00:23:46,855 at the disturbance a few weeks ago. 404 00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:48,405 That's, uh... 405 00:23:49,619 --> 00:23:50,936 That wasn't really me. 406 00:23:51,066 --> 00:23:52,511 Then reach out to whoever it was 407 00:23:52,596 --> 00:23:54,549 'cause he's needed on stage June 22nd. 408 00:23:54,674 --> 00:23:56,348 I need to review his speech in advance, 409 00:23:56,433 --> 00:23:58,619 just to ensure it doesn't start any riots, 410 00:23:58,817 --> 00:24:00,134 that sorta thing. 411 00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:02,603 Congratulations, Clay. 412 00:24:10,204 --> 00:24:12,399 It doesn't make any sense. I have nothing to say. 413 00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:16,245 Well, your classmates disagree. 414 00:24:17,353 --> 00:24:18,986 And as someone who's been talking to you 415 00:24:19,071 --> 00:24:20,073 for many weeks now, 416 00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,877 I think you have a great deal to say. 417 00:24:23,950 --> 00:24:25,338 Who's the signature? 418 00:24:25,471 --> 00:24:27,536 Ah, you probably haven't heard of him. 419 00:24:27,982 --> 00:24:29,377 Lindsey Buckingham. 420 00:24:30,608 --> 00:24:31,783 Fleetwood Mac. 421 00:24:31,919 --> 00:24:33,752 Although I prefer his solo stuff. 422 00:24:34,711 --> 00:24:35,908 I do too. 423 00:24:36,913 --> 00:24:38,314 You think I'm stalling? 424 00:24:38,408 --> 00:24:39,838 Are you stalling? 425 00:24:40,493 --> 00:24:42,463 What kind of bullshit speech can I give? 426 00:24:42,579 --> 00:24:45,994 I can't... I can't get up there and say, like, 427 00:24:46,291 --> 00:24:48,541 "Hope for the future! And the best days are ahead!" 428 00:24:48,626 --> 00:24:49,841 I mean, Jesus! 429 00:24:50,253 --> 00:24:53,080 Justin is lying there in that hospital. 430 00:24:53,165 --> 00:24:55,173 He's never coming out, he's dying, 431 00:24:55,265 --> 00:24:58,560 and I'm supposed to give some speech about the future? 432 00:24:58,985 --> 00:25:00,720 There is no future! 433 00:25:01,206 --> 00:25:03,314 It's hard to think about your own future 434 00:25:03,399 --> 00:25:05,589 when Justin's future is so uncertain. 435 00:25:06,409 --> 00:25:09,635 Oh, my God, if you continue on with that fucking calm tone, 436 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:10,979 I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna... 437 00:25:11,064 --> 00:25:12,891 I'm gonna fucking lose it! 438 00:25:13,268 --> 00:25:14,509 OK. 439 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:16,947 Now you're just messing with me. 440 00:25:17,545 --> 00:25:19,181 No, Clay. I'm not. 441 00:25:19,358 --> 00:25:21,955 Honest, I'm just saying that... 442 00:25:23,346 --> 00:25:24,791 it's OK... 443 00:25:25,206 --> 00:25:27,345 in here... with me... 444 00:25:28,249 --> 00:25:30,174 if you lose it a little bit. 445 00:25:49,724 --> 00:25:51,269 Look, to give a speech, 446 00:25:52,541 --> 00:25:53,635 about anything, 447 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,677 you have to make some kind of sense. 448 00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:59,338 And nothing makes sense. 449 00:26:01,748 --> 00:26:03,861 And all the pieces are just... 450 00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:06,713 ...scattered all over the floor. 451 00:26:07,267 --> 00:26:09,272 I ran to Monet's. I just... 452 00:26:09,549 --> 00:26:10,846 Hospital coffee. 453 00:26:10,931 --> 00:26:12,218 I couldn't anymore. 454 00:26:12,303 --> 00:26:13,556 Good call. 455 00:26:21,635 --> 00:26:23,470 I keep thinking this'll get easier, 456 00:26:23,555 --> 00:26:25,259 and it just gets harder. 457 00:26:26,216 --> 00:26:27,551 Every day of this. 458 00:26:28,106 --> 00:26:31,650 Well, you don't want it to start to feel normal, do you? 459 00:26:32,483 --> 00:26:33,861 No. 460 00:26:35,779 --> 00:26:38,681 I remember my grandfather dying when I was 14. 461 00:26:40,386 --> 00:26:42,101 My first experience of it. 462 00:26:43,897 --> 00:26:45,213 And you... 463 00:26:46,207 --> 00:26:48,892 You've looked at death too many times for a young person. 464 00:26:49,045 --> 00:26:50,384 Your generation, it's... 465 00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,580 it's not right. 466 00:26:55,357 --> 00:26:57,549 I'm sorry if I scared you the other night. 467 00:26:59,747 --> 00:27:01,908 I won't scare you ever again. 468 00:27:02,486 --> 00:27:03,911 Clay... 469 00:27:04,512 --> 00:27:07,393 ...since the day your mom gave birth, and the doctor put you in my arms, 470 00:27:07,478 --> 00:27:08,723 I've been terrified. 471 00:27:12,869 --> 00:27:14,334 But we'll get through it. 472 00:27:15,023 --> 00:27:16,908 I keep telling myself that. 473 00:27:17,449 --> 00:27:19,674 You know, high school, 474 00:27:19,873 --> 00:27:21,369 it's different today. 475 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,605 But in many ways, not. 476 00:27:24,378 --> 00:27:27,166 High school has always been something to be survived. 477 00:27:28,053 --> 00:27:29,348 But it can be. 478 00:27:30,277 --> 00:27:31,822 I'm living proof. 479 00:27:35,121 --> 00:27:36,377 Yeah. 480 00:27:36,966 --> 00:27:38,924 And there's joy too, right? 481 00:27:39,144 --> 00:27:40,970 I hope you've known joy. 482 00:27:45,303 --> 00:27:46,845 Yeah, I have, Dad. 483 00:27:56,345 --> 00:27:57,850 It's not just me. 484 00:27:59,356 --> 00:28:00,781 It's everyone I know. 485 00:28:03,881 --> 00:28:04,961 Hey! 486 00:28:05,198 --> 00:28:06,197 Welcome back. 487 00:28:06,282 --> 00:28:08,751 I'm here to do my service hours. They said you asked for me? 488 00:28:08,836 --> 00:28:10,666 I did. I did. Uh... 489 00:28:10,995 --> 00:28:12,845 You can help me clean out the equipment room 490 00:28:12,930 --> 00:28:14,994 and, uh, update the playbooks. 491 00:28:16,239 --> 00:28:17,963 And I wanna offer you a job. 492 00:28:18,419 --> 00:28:21,127 I heard you're sticking around town next year, 493 00:28:21,971 --> 00:28:24,236 and I want you to coach tight ends. 494 00:28:25,324 --> 00:28:26,463 Me? 495 00:28:27,702 --> 00:28:29,681 - A coach? - Yeah, for sure. 496 00:28:30,129 --> 00:28:31,595 You know the game. 497 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,715 You know how to set an example. 498 00:28:33,954 --> 00:28:35,619 I... I don't know about that. 499 00:28:35,812 --> 00:28:38,613 Eh. I do. Summer coaches' meetings start 500 00:28:38,698 --> 00:28:40,064 day after graduation. 501 00:28:40,149 --> 00:28:41,916 I'ma need you sober, OK? 502 00:28:42,909 --> 00:28:44,544 Yeah, I mean... 503 00:28:45,811 --> 00:28:46,939 for sure. 504 00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,746 And I'll need you to graduate. 505 00:28:49,450 --> 00:28:50,845 Can you do that? 506 00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:54,939 Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. 507 00:28:55,529 --> 00:28:57,744 Figured out that it takes effort not to graduate. 508 00:28:57,846 --> 00:28:59,041 Yeah. 509 00:28:59,669 --> 00:29:02,564 All right, uh, let's get to work. 510 00:29:03,774 --> 00:29:06,283 Thank you... for the letter. 511 00:29:09,512 --> 00:29:12,106 I found it in my file in Foundry's office. 512 00:29:12,306 --> 00:29:13,541 I just, um... 513 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,266 "Let me tell you about the Zach Dempsey I know. 514 00:29:18,380 --> 00:29:21,345 One of the finest young men I've had the opportunity to coach. 515 00:29:22,434 --> 00:29:24,239 Zach led our team... 516 00:29:24,990 --> 00:29:27,681 with fortitude and empathy on and off the field." 517 00:29:28,068 --> 00:29:29,275 Yeah. 518 00:29:29,610 --> 00:29:32,205 You know, Foundry asked me why you'd steal that. 519 00:29:32,457 --> 00:29:33,744 Told him I didn't know why. 520 00:29:33,845 --> 00:29:36,320 Because I can't live up to this. 521 00:29:37,173 --> 00:29:39,470 - Everything that you've said. - Of course you can. 522 00:29:39,766 --> 00:29:41,345 You already have. 523 00:29:58,644 --> 00:30:00,780 I don't know anyone who can turn what's happened 524 00:30:00,865 --> 00:30:02,580 into a neat little story. 525 00:30:06,095 --> 00:30:08,752 The brain infection is advancing quickly. 526 00:30:09,679 --> 00:30:13,908 And I'm afraid it might be a good time to take Justin off the ventilator, 527 00:30:13,996 --> 00:30:17,251 at least for a few hours, so he can speak to you, 528 00:30:17,869 --> 00:30:19,134 and you to him. 529 00:30:22,579 --> 00:30:23,853 You... You mean... 530 00:30:26,034 --> 00:30:27,267 Yeah. 531 00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:32,572 As I understand it, Mr. Jensen, 532 00:30:32,657 --> 00:30:35,658 uh, Justin has made you the medical POA, 533 00:30:35,765 --> 00:30:39,819 and he signed a living will with a DNR order. 534 00:30:40,019 --> 00:30:41,205 Yes. 535 00:30:42,105 --> 00:30:44,731 The palliative care doctor visited Justin, 536 00:30:44,816 --> 00:30:48,299 and Justin participated in a discussion about his priorities 537 00:30:48,397 --> 00:30:50,838 by writing down his wishes. 538 00:30:52,724 --> 00:30:54,572 He would like to be 539 00:30:54,778 --> 00:30:56,591 as comfortable as possible... 540 00:30:56,676 --> 00:31:01,918 ♪ I have nothing left to hear ♪ 541 00:31:04,478 --> 00:31:08,823 ♪ I'm chasing all the words ♪ 542 00:31:10,330 --> 00:31:16,832 ♪ But everything you say I only see ♪ 543 00:31:18,956 --> 00:31:22,653 ♪ But honestly it's fine ♪ 544 00:31:24,689 --> 00:31:32,106 ♪ When I mention how I love you... ♪ 545 00:31:35,649 --> 00:31:36,981 Hi! 546 00:31:39,493 --> 00:31:41,118 Hey. 547 00:31:50,321 --> 00:31:51,614 Jess. 548 00:31:53,676 --> 00:31:54,918 Don't cry. 549 00:31:58,068 --> 00:32:00,129 I'm so sorry. I'm so... 550 00:32:01,848 --> 00:32:03,943 I thought I could be strong. I... 551 00:32:08,347 --> 00:32:09,856 Come here. 552 00:32:11,928 --> 00:32:13,231 Come here. 553 00:32:25,981 --> 00:32:27,465 You're... 554 00:32:27,843 --> 00:32:29,411 so strong. 555 00:32:34,476 --> 00:32:37,332 You're the best thing that ever happened to me. 556 00:32:40,752 --> 00:32:42,153 You're... 557 00:32:42,676 --> 00:32:44,848 out of your mind. 558 00:32:48,145 --> 00:32:50,240 I ruined your fucking life. 559 00:32:52,292 --> 00:32:53,582 No. 560 00:32:53,942 --> 00:32:55,184 No. 561 00:32:57,318 --> 00:32:59,786 You taught me what love is. 562 00:33:07,908 --> 00:33:09,700 - Yeah? - Yeah. 563 00:33:11,128 --> 00:33:13,231 - Yeah? - Yes. 564 00:33:20,674 --> 00:33:21,825 OK. 565 00:33:25,494 --> 00:33:27,543 You always have that. 566 00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:30,802 - OK? - OK. 567 00:33:31,057 --> 00:33:33,137 - OK, Jess? - OK. 568 00:33:45,237 --> 00:33:49,122 ♪ At the end of the line ♪ 569 00:33:50,855 --> 00:33:56,973 ♪ It's as if there's no time at all ♪ 570 00:33:59,241 --> 00:34:03,645 ♪ Nothing left to win ♪ 571 00:34:04,937 --> 00:34:11,059 ♪ Every pleasure burned to the wick ♪ 572 00:34:13,489 --> 00:34:17,442 ♪ Content to be alone ♪ 573 00:34:18,972 --> 00:34:22,442 ♪ A quiet picture drawn ♪ 574 00:34:22,822 --> 00:34:27,442 ♪ Each day before it ends... ♪ 575 00:34:40,290 --> 00:34:41,379 Um... 576 00:34:44,974 --> 00:34:47,939 Zach's going to coach at Liberty next year. 577 00:34:48,269 --> 00:34:49,778 Kerba asked him. 578 00:34:52,305 --> 00:34:53,700 That's awesome. 579 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,418 I'm... I'm so sorry, Justin. I don't know how to do this. 580 00:35:05,910 --> 00:35:07,129 Hey. 581 00:35:12,958 --> 00:35:14,364 You're doing... 582 00:35:14,692 --> 00:35:16,629 You're doing it great. 583 00:35:32,808 --> 00:35:35,472 Thank you for saving my life. 584 00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:40,239 Like, more times than you know. 585 00:35:47,271 --> 00:35:48,793 I love you. 586 00:35:56,173 --> 00:35:57,411 I love... 587 00:35:58,149 --> 00:36:00,090 I love... 588 00:36:00,435 --> 00:36:01,895 love you... 589 00:36:02,424 --> 00:36:04,200 you too, man. 590 00:36:12,343 --> 00:36:14,228 I'm sorry. 591 00:36:14,585 --> 00:36:16,010 Um... 592 00:36:23,325 --> 00:36:24,864 Are you afraid? 593 00:36:28,585 --> 00:36:29,840 Yeah. 594 00:36:34,039 --> 00:36:35,293 I am. 595 00:36:52,269 --> 00:36:53,536 Will you hold... 596 00:36:53,913 --> 00:36:55,468 Will you hold my hand... 597 00:36:55,926 --> 00:36:57,137 bro? 598 00:36:58,954 --> 00:37:00,231 Yeah. 599 00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:07,377 ♪ River, river, carry me on ♪ 600 00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:11,270 ♪ Living river, carry me on ♪ 601 00:37:11,533 --> 00:37:15,028 ♪ River, river, carry me on ♪ 602 00:37:15,414 --> 00:37:18,926 ♪ To the place where I come from ♪ 603 00:37:19,210 --> 00:37:22,215 ♪ So deep ♪ 604 00:37:22,356 --> 00:37:24,903 ♪ So wide ♪ 605 00:37:26,125 --> 00:37:29,880 ♪ Will you take me on your back ♪ 606 00:37:30,207 --> 00:37:32,801 ♪ For a ride? ♪ 607 00:37:34,896 --> 00:37:39,934 ♪ If I should fall ♪ 608 00:37:41,857 --> 00:37:47,825 ♪ Would you swallow me deep inside? ♪ 609 00:37:50,616 --> 00:37:55,861 ♪ River, show me how to float ♪ 610 00:37:58,249 --> 00:38:03,768 ♪ I feel like I'm sinking down ♪ 611 00:38:06,087 --> 00:38:13,252 ♪ Thought that I could get along ♪ 612 00:38:13,901 --> 00:38:17,549 ♪ But here in this water ♪ 613 00:38:17,768 --> 00:38:21,233 ♪ My feet won't touch the ground ♪ 614 00:38:21,951 --> 00:38:25,166 ♪ I need something ♪ 615 00:38:25,734 --> 00:38:29,057 ♪ To turn myself around... ♪ 616 00:38:38,903 --> 00:38:45,767 ♪ ...away toward the sea ♪ 617 00:38:47,270 --> 00:38:52,365 ♪ River deep ♪ 618 00:38:54,041 --> 00:38:58,651 ♪ Can you lift up and carry me? ♪ 619 00:39:03,907 --> 00:39:08,082 ♪ Oh roll on through the heartland ♪ 620 00:39:09,695 --> 00:39:16,880 ♪ Till the sun has left the sky ♪ 621 00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:21,510 ♪ River, oh, river ♪ 622 00:39:22,257 --> 00:39:24,908 ♪ River running deep ♪ 623 00:39:26,099 --> 00:39:28,869 ♪ Bring me something ♪ 624 00:39:29,790 --> 00:39:32,432 ♪ That will let me get to sleep ♪ 625 00:39:33,852 --> 00:39:37,033 ♪ In the washing of the water ♪ 626 00:39:37,681 --> 00:39:40,979 ♪ Will you take it all away? ♪ 627 00:39:42,224 --> 00:39:45,609 ♪ Bring me something ♪ 628 00:39:46,398 --> 00:39:51,033 ♪ To take this pain away ♪ 629 00:39:56,707 --> 00:39:58,132 After all that, 630 00:39:58,647 --> 00:40:00,862 after... everything, 631 00:40:01,671 --> 00:40:03,096 this is how it ends. 632 00:40:22,628 --> 00:40:24,050 My mom asked me if I wanted 633 00:40:24,135 --> 00:40:26,187 to say something at Justin's funeral. 634 00:40:26,923 --> 00:40:30,718 I wanted to, for him, but I couldn't. 635 00:40:31,222 --> 00:40:32,634 What could I say? 636 00:40:32,890 --> 00:40:34,235 Running theme, huh? 637 00:41:00,198 --> 00:41:02,753 I wish there was something I could say or do. 638 00:41:06,170 --> 00:41:07,448 Yeah. 639 00:41:07,771 --> 00:41:09,237 What is there? 640 00:41:10,737 --> 00:41:12,752 Thank you for wanting to, though. 641 00:41:14,934 --> 00:41:16,778 You always make things better. 642 00:41:18,281 --> 00:41:20,682 I just show up, man. That's all I do. 643 00:41:21,365 --> 00:41:22,659 Always. 644 00:41:24,785 --> 00:41:26,420 More than I have for you. 645 00:41:28,242 --> 00:41:29,440 No. 646 00:41:30,673 --> 00:41:32,792 No, we show up for each other. 647 00:41:41,511 --> 00:41:43,816 No one gets through this life alone, man. 648 00:41:46,685 --> 00:41:47,815 No. 649 00:42:10,250 --> 00:42:11,635 What's he doing here? 650 00:42:11,753 --> 00:42:13,050 I don't know. 651 00:42:14,403 --> 00:42:16,612 I hope he's showing his respects. 652 00:42:19,917 --> 00:42:21,214 I don't know if I can do this. 653 00:42:21,299 --> 00:42:23,784 OK, we'll just take it slow. We don't have to sit up front. 654 00:42:23,869 --> 00:42:24,869 No. 655 00:42:25,956 --> 00:42:27,211 No, I don't... 656 00:42:28,656 --> 00:42:32,159 I don't know if I can do any of this anymore. 657 00:42:32,878 --> 00:42:34,542 We're all supposed to just... 658 00:42:35,408 --> 00:42:38,551 keep waking up and putting on our clothes 659 00:42:38,636 --> 00:42:42,289 and carrying on conversations and listening to people 660 00:42:42,374 --> 00:42:44,815 while they talk about how God works in mysterious ways, 661 00:42:44,910 --> 00:42:48,120 and I just don't fucking know if I can do it anymore! 662 00:42:48,205 --> 00:42:51,260 OK, I think this is the hardest thing... 663 00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:54,245 ...that anyone c ould ever go through. 664 00:42:55,044 --> 00:42:57,284 But I also think you are a lot stronger 665 00:42:57,369 --> 00:42:58,604 than you realize. 666 00:42:58,773 --> 00:43:00,432 - He made me strong. - No! 667 00:43:00,652 --> 00:43:01,902 You are. 668 00:43:02,761 --> 00:43:04,331 All on your own. 669 00:43:04,691 --> 00:43:06,222 Maybe you made each other stronger, 670 00:43:06,307 --> 00:43:07,761 but it's in you. 671 00:43:07,943 --> 00:43:09,238 I've seen it. 672 00:43:13,146 --> 00:43:14,409 OK. 673 00:43:18,962 --> 00:43:20,596 How did we get here? 674 00:43:20,737 --> 00:43:21,940 Again? 675 00:43:22,838 --> 00:43:24,593 We made a cruel world. 676 00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,378 My generation, my parents' generation. 677 00:43:29,903 --> 00:43:31,458 Too little caring. 678 00:43:32,012 --> 00:43:33,647 Too much hate, 679 00:43:33,815 --> 00:43:35,440 anger, and hurt. 680 00:43:36,821 --> 00:43:39,796 We talk a good game about protecting our children, 681 00:43:39,881 --> 00:43:41,542 but we leave too much on the table 682 00:43:41,627 --> 00:43:44,089 that might surely save their lives. 683 00:43:45,081 --> 00:43:47,792 Justin Foley died of a disease 684 00:43:48,089 --> 00:43:50,440 that, from its inception, 685 00:43:50,571 --> 00:43:52,948 thrives in silence. 686 00:43:53,699 --> 00:43:56,355 And there are a number of such diseases, 687 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:57,792 a number of ills 688 00:43:57,877 --> 00:44:02,065 that thrive when we are silent about them. 689 00:44:02,589 --> 00:44:05,684 Because we let our fears, our shame, 690 00:44:06,001 --> 00:44:10,315 our twisted moral codes keep us in silence, 691 00:44:10,487 --> 00:44:13,455 as death stalks more children. 692 00:44:13,540 --> 00:44:15,737 I say, enough. 693 00:44:18,189 --> 00:44:20,034 Enough shifting blame. 694 00:44:20,409 --> 00:44:22,204 Enough pointing fingers. 695 00:44:22,606 --> 00:44:26,237 Enough confusing those who report the damage 696 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,589 with those who cause it. 697 00:44:29,684 --> 00:44:32,904 Let us remember Justin for his accomplishments 698 00:44:33,026 --> 00:44:35,909 on the football field and the basketball court. 699 00:44:36,717 --> 00:44:39,136 Let us remember his smile 700 00:44:39,574 --> 00:44:43,112 that I am told melted a hundred hearts. 701 00:44:43,919 --> 00:44:46,674 But let's also remember his death 702 00:44:47,219 --> 00:44:49,774 with sorrow and determination 703 00:44:50,207 --> 00:44:51,862 that spur us... 704 00:44:52,321 --> 00:44:53,729 to action. 705 00:44:56,012 --> 00:44:57,245 Amen. 706 00:45:04,758 --> 00:45:05,888 Um... 707 00:45:07,229 --> 00:45:08,349 I... 708 00:45:10,013 --> 00:45:12,398 I'm not sure I can do this. Uh... 709 00:45:15,394 --> 00:45:16,518 Um... 710 00:45:17,718 --> 00:45:18,718 Uh... 711 00:45:19,243 --> 00:45:20,503 I believe... 712 00:45:20,753 --> 00:45:22,058 I believe... 713 00:45:23,897 --> 00:45:27,782 I believe Justin Foley helped save my life. 714 00:45:29,353 --> 00:45:30,768 I didn't like him. 715 00:45:32,072 --> 00:45:33,697 And he didn't like me. 716 00:45:34,066 --> 00:45:35,276 But... 717 00:45:36,037 --> 00:45:37,882 when I needed him, 718 00:45:39,532 --> 00:45:40,862 he helped me. 719 00:45:43,648 --> 00:45:44,648 Um... 720 00:45:45,019 --> 00:45:46,722 Sorry, I'm... 721 00:45:48,478 --> 00:45:49,693 Go. Go get him. 722 00:45:53,982 --> 00:45:55,659 Alex tried to say something... 723 00:45:55,851 --> 00:45:57,432 - You all right? - Yeah. 724 00:45:57,532 --> 00:45:58,784 OK, let's go sit down. 725 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:00,509 ...as much as he could. 726 00:46:03,493 --> 00:46:06,168 But there's so much none of us could ever say. 727 00:46:09,304 --> 00:46:10,939 Last time I was up here, 728 00:46:12,451 --> 00:46:14,276 I said I was my brother's keeper. 729 00:46:15,221 --> 00:46:16,597 That we all are. 730 00:46:18,204 --> 00:46:20,151 Even though I didn't live up to that. 731 00:46:25,366 --> 00:46:26,881 Justin hated running. 732 00:46:29,571 --> 00:46:32,457 Coach Kerba would make him do a mile, and he would bitch 733 00:46:32,542 --> 00:46:33,885 and complain... 734 00:46:34,014 --> 00:46:35,347 ...the whole time. 735 00:46:36,331 --> 00:46:38,518 Coach Kerba would tell him that 736 00:46:38,744 --> 00:46:42,550 pain... is the feeling of weakness leaving the body. 737 00:46:45,944 --> 00:46:48,449 But we're all weak, I think. 738 00:46:50,313 --> 00:46:52,158 But we're trying to be stronger. 739 00:46:52,975 --> 00:46:55,862 And the pain that we are feeling today... 740 00:46:57,313 --> 00:46:59,448 is to remind us every day... 741 00:47:02,307 --> 00:47:03,636 to do better. 742 00:47:05,114 --> 00:47:06,432 To be better. 743 00:47:11,927 --> 00:47:15,897 - A few of us are going to Monet's. - I'm gonna head home, I think. 744 00:47:16,097 --> 00:47:17,522 I'm with my folks. 745 00:47:49,779 --> 00:47:52,544 After the funeral, I couldn't move. 746 00:47:53,494 --> 00:47:54,879 Couldn't even stand. 747 00:47:55,224 --> 00:47:56,513 Stuck. 748 00:47:58,090 --> 00:47:59,685 This is my life now. 749 00:49:04,649 --> 00:49:06,368 Um... Can I... 750 00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,725 I just wanted to say... 751 00:49:10,086 --> 00:49:12,221 I think you saved my life too. 752 00:49:13,024 --> 00:49:14,439 More than anyone. 753 00:49:15,211 --> 00:49:16,546 So, thank you. 754 00:49:17,306 --> 00:49:19,641 And I was mean to you when you got back. 755 00:49:19,782 --> 00:49:22,352 I didn't even think about everything you were going through. 756 00:49:23,052 --> 00:49:24,836 But anyway, I'm... 757 00:49:25,310 --> 00:49:26,618 I'm sorry. 758 00:49:26,853 --> 00:49:28,110 And thank you. 759 00:49:31,670 --> 00:49:32,852 Alex. 760 00:49:35,108 --> 00:49:36,323 I'm just... 761 00:49:37,066 --> 00:49:39,571 I'm just really happy to be alive right now. 762 00:49:44,112 --> 00:49:45,327 Yeah. 763 00:49:46,121 --> 00:49:47,336 Me too. 764 00:50:03,197 --> 00:50:04,446 Can we... 765 00:50:06,374 --> 00:50:07,790 Can we talk? 766 00:50:09,051 --> 00:50:10,250 Yeah. 767 00:50:12,669 --> 00:50:15,063 And what if the past follows us everywhere? 768 00:50:18,066 --> 00:50:20,031 What if we can never get away from it? 769 00:50:38,508 --> 00:50:39,843 Can I ask you, 770 00:50:41,109 --> 00:50:42,469 why'd you do it? 771 00:50:47,094 --> 00:50:48,774 Yeah. OK. 772 00:50:51,187 --> 00:50:54,991 Zach had hurt him pretty bad, he'd broken his leg, his arm. 773 00:50:55,290 --> 00:50:58,165 He begged me to help him up, so I did. 774 00:50:58,984 --> 00:51:00,247 And then he started on 775 00:51:00,332 --> 00:51:02,743 about how he was gonna ruin Zach's life, 776 00:51:03,003 --> 00:51:04,696 which he already had done. 777 00:51:05,827 --> 00:51:08,262 And he was just spewing all this shit. 778 00:51:08,475 --> 00:51:10,290 And I saw this... 779 00:51:10,932 --> 00:51:12,454 anger. 780 00:51:14,643 --> 00:51:17,212 I didn't see any soul or anything. 781 00:51:17,297 --> 00:51:18,522 I just didn't. 782 00:51:18,975 --> 00:51:20,625 And then I realized 783 00:51:20,710 --> 00:51:24,852 that he had ruined everyone I ever loved. 784 00:51:26,300 --> 00:51:27,774 And I got this... 785 00:51:30,043 --> 00:51:32,860 this flash of rage. 786 00:51:33,844 --> 00:51:35,282 Ever since my TBI, 787 00:51:35,367 --> 00:51:38,538 I get these flares, like, I go red. 788 00:51:39,548 --> 00:51:41,803 And then I pushed him off the dock. 789 00:51:53,054 --> 00:51:54,702 Are you sorry you did it? 790 00:51:56,977 --> 00:51:59,156 More than I can ever say. 791 00:52:01,739 --> 00:52:03,577 Was Jessica with you? 792 00:52:20,484 --> 00:52:22,163 Did you ever really like me? 793 00:52:25,054 --> 00:52:27,179 Yeah. Yes. 794 00:52:29,178 --> 00:52:31,890 You opened up a new world for me. 795 00:52:32,781 --> 00:52:35,625 You helped me figure out stuff about myself. 796 00:52:35,710 --> 00:52:37,340 I loved being with you. 797 00:52:42,116 --> 00:52:43,632 Yeah, me too. 798 00:53:00,030 --> 00:53:01,655 I'm not gonna do anything. 799 00:53:05,191 --> 00:53:06,696 I thought I was... 800 00:53:08,498 --> 00:53:09,796 because... 801 00:53:11,642 --> 00:53:13,452 ...because I loved Monty. 802 00:53:14,734 --> 00:53:16,239 I knew him somehow. 803 00:53:16,413 --> 00:53:17,718 I swear I did. 804 00:53:22,511 --> 00:53:24,202 But I loved you too. 805 00:53:26,594 --> 00:53:28,399 And I am trying not to... 806 00:53:29,471 --> 00:53:31,186 but I still fucking do. 807 00:53:35,599 --> 00:53:36,734 OK. 808 00:53:38,127 --> 00:53:39,460 Thank you. 809 00:53:41,662 --> 00:53:43,047 Can I hug you? 810 00:54:23,667 --> 00:54:24,941 All right. 811 00:54:25,026 --> 00:54:27,167 It's done. The sales papers are drawn up. 812 00:54:27,292 --> 00:54:29,039 All it needs is a buyer's signature. 813 00:54:29,178 --> 00:54:31,193 Tony, that's great. 814 00:54:31,736 --> 00:54:33,074 - Right? - I don't know! 815 00:54:33,159 --> 00:54:35,336 I... I... I don't know if it's great! 816 00:54:35,536 --> 00:54:36,963 I don't know what to think! 817 00:54:37,048 --> 00:54:38,106 Fuck! 818 00:54:38,191 --> 00:54:41,040 Second thoughts are natural, but this is a solid plan, Tony. 819 00:54:41,125 --> 00:54:42,183 This is safe. 820 00:54:42,293 --> 00:54:45,651 No plan in this fucking world is safe, Caleb. 821 00:54:45,753 --> 00:54:47,755 Safe is not a word I believe in anymore. 822 00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,185 OK. OK. But the garage is protected. 823 00:54:50,276 --> 00:54:52,991 This gives you a chance to... to have a life. 824 00:54:53,525 --> 00:54:54,785 What if I like this life? 825 00:54:55,017 --> 00:54:56,928 What if I like this right now? 826 00:54:57,013 --> 00:54:58,521 The garage is protected. 827 00:54:58,685 --> 00:55:01,053 I mean, the buyer doesn't know shit about fixing cars, 828 00:55:01,145 --> 00:55:03,093 but Javi's ready to manage the place. 829 00:55:03,186 --> 00:55:05,405 - He does already. - What if one of the businesses 830 00:55:05,490 --> 00:55:06,764 takes a dive? 831 00:55:07,002 --> 00:55:09,060 What if it's too much for one person to handle? 832 00:55:09,145 --> 00:55:11,952 Tony, I've lived with you for more than a year. 833 00:55:12,037 --> 00:55:13,993 Nothing's too much for me to handle. 834 00:55:14,596 --> 00:55:15,842 Here. 835 00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:20,725 Javi and I... 836 00:55:22,411 --> 00:55:24,123 ...will take good care. 837 00:55:24,544 --> 00:55:26,805 What if I'm not good enough to stay on the team? 838 00:55:26,973 --> 00:55:29,624 What if I flunk out? I'm no good at school! 839 00:55:29,709 --> 00:55:31,425 I think, you're good at anything you wanna be good at. 840 00:55:31,509 --> 00:55:33,311 Oh, my God. This is so easy for you. 841 00:55:33,396 --> 00:55:36,129 - Why is this so fucking easy for you? - It's not easy! 842 00:55:36,214 --> 00:55:37,809 This is fucking killing me. 843 00:55:38,179 --> 00:55:41,248 But this gives you a chance to live a whole life. 844 00:55:43,299 --> 00:55:45,054 What if I can't do it? 845 00:55:48,148 --> 00:55:50,482 I don't know. What if I'm lonely? 846 00:55:50,671 --> 00:55:52,936 Well, I'm eight hours away by car. 847 00:55:53,568 --> 00:55:55,857 Seven the way that you drive. 848 00:55:58,077 --> 00:55:59,467 Here. 849 00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,959 Oh, fuck. 850 00:56:09,088 --> 00:56:10,553 I'm scared. 851 00:56:11,246 --> 00:56:12,443 I know. 852 00:56:13,971 --> 00:56:15,306 And that's OK. 853 00:56:18,001 --> 00:56:19,344 - OK. - Yeah. 854 00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:20,618 Come here. 855 00:56:20,703 --> 00:56:22,021 It's OK. 856 00:56:26,014 --> 00:56:27,607 - It's OK, Tony. - No. 857 00:56:27,692 --> 00:56:29,867 It's OK to be scared. I'm scared too. 858 00:56:30,432 --> 00:56:32,985 What if what's ahead of us is even more terrifying 859 00:56:33,169 --> 00:56:34,596 than what we've been through? 860 00:56:34,767 --> 00:56:35,975 OK. 861 00:56:44,901 --> 00:56:45,901 You good? 862 00:56:46,163 --> 00:56:50,048 Yeah. I'm good. I'm just finishing up these patrol reports. 863 00:56:50,376 --> 00:56:51,725 I was thinkin'. 864 00:56:52,530 --> 00:56:56,178 I always say that this job is everything to me. 865 00:56:57,084 --> 00:56:58,589 I don't come from much. 866 00:56:59,106 --> 00:57:00,443 I know you don't either. 867 00:57:00,665 --> 00:57:03,116 No, sir. My two boys are the first 868 00:57:03,201 --> 00:57:04,920 in my family to go to college. 869 00:57:05,177 --> 00:57:06,642 Same with my kids. 870 00:57:07,388 --> 00:57:09,982 And I say this job is everything, but it's not true. 871 00:57:10,899 --> 00:57:14,568 I live my life for family, for God, for country. 872 00:57:14,830 --> 00:57:16,092 In that order. 873 00:57:16,459 --> 00:57:18,678 And a father's love is a, uh... 874 00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:21,675 fierce and complicated thing. 875 00:57:21,994 --> 00:57:24,589 As I'm sure my daughter Valerie would tell you. 876 00:57:25,484 --> 00:57:26,699 But family... 877 00:57:28,704 --> 00:57:30,318 Family comes first. 878 00:57:30,958 --> 00:57:32,248 Wouldn't you agree? 879 00:57:33,167 --> 00:57:34,357 I do. 880 00:57:35,466 --> 00:57:36,466 Hmm. 881 00:57:38,860 --> 00:57:40,990 The Bryce Walker files, um... 882 00:57:41,485 --> 00:57:43,615 they're going down to permanent storage. 883 00:57:46,644 --> 00:57:48,739 That case is closed for good. 884 00:57:54,785 --> 00:57:56,162 Understood. 885 00:58:00,762 --> 00:58:02,277 Don't work too late, Bill. 886 00:58:05,217 --> 00:58:06,568 Hey, Sheriff. 887 00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:10,592 Thank you. 888 00:58:24,072 --> 00:58:26,100 How do we get on with our lives? 889 00:58:31,689 --> 00:58:32,826 Hey. 890 00:58:33,763 --> 00:58:35,443 You waited for me. 891 00:58:35,818 --> 00:58:37,365 Of course I waited for you. 892 00:58:39,350 --> 00:58:41,592 Um... Negative. 893 00:58:42,488 --> 00:58:43,662 Good. 894 00:58:43,901 --> 00:58:45,246 Yeah, me too. 895 00:58:46,287 --> 00:58:50,193 Um, thanks for telling me, and coming with me. 896 00:58:50,583 --> 00:58:51,857 Of course. 897 00:58:52,214 --> 00:58:53,557 I wasn't worried. 898 00:58:53,742 --> 00:58:56,291 He'd never do it without protection. 899 00:58:56,376 --> 00:58:58,363 He was pretty hardcore on that. 900 00:59:00,030 --> 00:59:02,482 They, uh... they tell you about PrEP? 901 00:59:03,517 --> 00:59:05,201 That seems like a good thing. 902 00:59:05,305 --> 00:59:06,467 Yeah. 903 00:59:06,679 --> 00:59:09,904 Though I don't plan on having sex again, ever, so... 904 00:59:12,247 --> 00:59:13,810 Look, I'm sorry... 905 00:59:14,950 --> 00:59:16,465 about Justin. I... 906 00:59:17,766 --> 00:59:19,691 I know how much you loved him. 907 00:59:21,554 --> 00:59:23,109 How would you know that? 908 00:59:24,495 --> 00:59:25,495 I... 909 00:59:25,618 --> 00:59:27,498 I saw you dance together. 910 00:59:32,959 --> 00:59:34,068 And... 911 00:59:34,582 --> 00:59:35,917 a guy can tell... 912 00:59:36,623 --> 00:59:38,791 when a girl's heart is spoken for. 913 00:59:52,979 --> 00:59:54,314 I'm sorry... 914 00:59:54,452 --> 00:59:55,452 for... 915 00:59:56,036 --> 00:59:58,908 everything I put you through. 916 00:59:59,448 --> 01:00:01,333 I'm done with it. I just... 917 01:00:03,452 --> 01:00:04,932 I couldn't let it go. 918 01:00:06,891 --> 01:00:07,817 I... 919 01:00:07,955 --> 01:00:10,619 I miss Monty so much. 920 01:00:12,023 --> 01:00:13,182 But it... 921 01:00:13,686 --> 01:00:16,971 It can't be anything like what you miss Justin. 922 01:00:19,554 --> 01:00:20,979 I don't know. 923 01:00:22,317 --> 01:00:23,792 Missing is missing. 924 01:00:30,908 --> 01:00:31,955 I... 925 01:00:32,492 --> 01:00:34,769 I know it's very much too soon 926 01:00:34,854 --> 01:00:37,381 to be saying anything like this, but... 927 01:00:38,041 --> 01:00:41,932 if you ever need someone to miss people with, 928 01:00:42,525 --> 01:00:45,287 I would like to maybe ask you out sometime. 929 01:00:45,773 --> 01:00:47,198 To go out with me. 930 01:00:48,151 --> 01:00:49,424 Again. 931 01:00:49,619 --> 01:00:52,111 But in a new way, sometime. 932 01:00:55,956 --> 01:00:58,979 Maybe I can... Can I start asking in about a month? 933 01:01:00,430 --> 01:01:01,765 Maybe in a month. 934 01:01:04,338 --> 01:01:06,854 How do we even imagine starting something new? 935 01:01:09,378 --> 01:01:11,173 You'd think I'd know these answers. 936 01:01:12,362 --> 01:01:14,603 You'd think I'd be good at goodbyes by now. 937 01:02:04,340 --> 01:02:06,055 Mrs. Baker sent them. 938 01:02:07,447 --> 01:02:10,099 The court had returned them to her after, like, months, 939 01:02:10,184 --> 01:02:12,861 and she thought Tony and I should have them. 940 01:02:13,150 --> 01:02:14,760 That they were never hers. 941 01:02:15,101 --> 01:02:18,696 That they were something of Hannah that we got, and she never would. 942 01:02:20,394 --> 01:02:23,609 - What do you think that was? - I don't know. 943 01:02:24,395 --> 01:02:25,610 Think harder. 944 01:02:26,288 --> 01:02:27,642 I don't know. 945 01:02:28,397 --> 01:02:31,580 I think you do. And I think you're being lazy. 946 01:02:32,737 --> 01:02:34,338 What the hell? Screw you! 947 01:02:34,515 --> 01:02:35,820 There we go. 948 01:02:36,101 --> 01:02:38,597 I was worried we'd have Mumbles McGee 949 01:02:38,682 --> 01:02:39,760 for the whole session. 950 01:02:39,978 --> 01:02:42,657 Wh-What the fuck is this? Tough love? 951 01:02:42,742 --> 01:02:44,236 Some shit like that? 952 01:02:45,443 --> 01:02:48,158 Why did Hannah's mother send you the tapes? 953 01:02:49,123 --> 01:02:52,156 Why do you and Tony feel so responsible for Tyler? 954 01:02:52,241 --> 01:02:55,169 Why did your graffiti say, "Monty was framed"? 955 01:02:55,260 --> 01:02:56,541 Why do you care? 956 01:02:56,689 --> 01:02:58,892 - Because I care about you. - You care about a paycheck. 957 01:02:58,977 --> 01:03:00,665 You think I only care 'cause I'm paid? 958 01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:02,542 Would you wanna see me if the bill wasn't paid? 959 01:03:02,626 --> 01:03:03,626 If you needed me. 960 01:03:03,711 --> 01:03:04,926 Yeah, bullshit! 961 01:03:07,099 --> 01:03:08,894 What are you really asking, Clay? 962 01:03:09,365 --> 01:03:13,294 I'm not asking anything, I'm just... I'm fucking fed up! 963 01:03:13,463 --> 01:03:15,283 Well, good. Why? 964 01:03:15,473 --> 01:03:18,724 Because! Because none of this fucking matters! OK? 965 01:03:18,809 --> 01:03:20,814 If Justin is dead, 966 01:03:21,251 --> 01:03:23,506 then none of the rest of it matters! 967 01:03:27,130 --> 01:03:28,130 It's... 968 01:03:29,945 --> 01:03:31,494 How could he let it happen? 969 01:03:31,579 --> 01:03:33,853 How could he let himself get sick like that? 970 01:03:33,938 --> 01:03:36,783 We... It would've been so easy to save him! 971 01:03:37,987 --> 01:03:39,992 Maybe deep down, he didn't think 972 01:03:40,077 --> 01:03:42,260 he was worth saving or worth loving. 973 01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,501 But Jessica loved him. 974 01:03:45,586 --> 01:03:47,275 And my... my... my parents did. 975 01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:48,439 And I did! 976 01:03:48,524 --> 01:03:50,041 But what if there was some part of him 977 01:03:50,126 --> 01:03:51,158 from a long time ago 978 01:03:51,243 --> 01:03:53,416 that couldn't let himself be loved? 979 01:03:53,755 --> 01:03:55,625 Couldn't let himself be cared for? 980 01:03:55,710 --> 01:03:57,767 That makes no sense! 981 01:03:57,852 --> 01:03:59,081 Really, Clay? 982 01:03:59,166 --> 01:04:01,370 You can't imagine a kid who keeps secrets 983 01:04:01,455 --> 01:04:02,862 from the people who love him most? 984 01:04:02,978 --> 01:04:05,220 A kid who won't let himself be cared for? 985 01:04:06,646 --> 01:04:08,158 Fuck you. 986 01:04:33,100 --> 01:04:36,166 My Guild Starfire. I love that guitar. 987 01:04:39,530 --> 01:04:41,165 I grew up here, you know. 988 01:04:42,732 --> 01:04:44,135 In Evergreen. 989 01:04:46,324 --> 01:04:48,908 It was the late '60s and early '70s. 990 01:04:48,993 --> 01:04:51,228 It was a turbulent, difficult time. 991 01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:53,913 Country was desperately divided. 992 01:04:54,011 --> 01:04:55,856 Drugs were everywhere. 993 01:04:56,513 --> 01:04:58,416 I was a troubled kid. 994 01:04:59,879 --> 01:05:01,884 Yeah, I'm sure you were a hellion. 995 01:05:02,361 --> 01:05:03,885 I stole a car. 996 01:05:06,932 --> 01:05:09,119 So I could steal a guitar amp. 997 01:05:10,219 --> 01:05:11,697 I sniffed glue. 998 01:05:11,932 --> 01:05:13,317 Dropped acid. 999 01:05:13,423 --> 01:05:14,611 Smoked dope. 1000 01:05:14,724 --> 01:05:16,279 Occasionally I sold it. 1001 01:05:17,401 --> 01:05:18,541 Shit. 1002 01:05:18,762 --> 01:05:20,648 I was going down a dark road, 1003 01:05:20,785 --> 01:05:23,315 and then a teacher in my high school 1004 01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:24,834 saw something in me. 1005 01:05:25,417 --> 01:05:26,642 Saw... 1006 01:05:27,700 --> 01:05:28,963 me. 1007 01:05:29,694 --> 01:05:31,538 She believed I had something to offer. 1008 01:05:31,762 --> 01:05:34,220 She was an English teacher. 1009 01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:36,181 She thought I could write. 1010 01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:37,936 And I said something to her 1011 01:05:38,021 --> 01:05:40,289 very much like what you said to me. 1012 01:05:41,040 --> 01:05:42,508 Nothing makes sense. 1013 01:05:42,731 --> 01:05:44,580 None of the pieces fit together. 1014 01:05:44,723 --> 01:05:46,228 And she said to me... 1015 01:05:46,885 --> 01:05:48,033 "Try." 1016 01:05:49,462 --> 01:05:50,744 She said... 1017 01:05:52,942 --> 01:05:54,166 "Begin." 1018 01:05:57,285 --> 01:05:58,670 So I began. 1019 01:05:59,802 --> 01:06:02,985 And years later I found myself back here, 1020 01:06:03,079 --> 01:06:04,366 in my home town, 1021 01:06:04,475 --> 01:06:06,360 to help kids like me. 1022 01:06:08,363 --> 01:06:09,627 Like you. 1023 01:06:10,675 --> 01:06:12,071 I can't promise 1024 01:06:12,258 --> 01:06:14,908 the story has a happy ending, Clay. 1025 01:06:15,272 --> 01:06:17,127 What happens to us, 1026 01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:20,478 it may only have the sense that we make of it. 1027 01:06:22,338 --> 01:06:26,303 But I do know that it's in telling... the story, 1028 01:06:27,559 --> 01:06:29,404 that we learn who we are. 1029 01:06:30,114 --> 01:06:32,986 And maybe see who we might become. 1030 01:07:18,934 --> 01:07:21,279 It starts with Hannah Baker. 1031 01:07:25,889 --> 01:07:27,928 Graduation is that special time, 1032 01:07:28,017 --> 01:07:31,537 not only to celebrate but to acknowledge the hard work 1033 01:07:31,662 --> 01:07:36,631 and the countless sacrifices it took to transform dreams into reality. 1034 01:07:36,916 --> 01:07:39,123 And let's not forget the fortitude 1035 01:07:39,709 --> 01:07:42,099 to carry on in the face of adversity. 1036 01:07:42,554 --> 01:07:44,314 This graduating class 1037 01:07:44,529 --> 01:07:47,029 has shown a special kind of fortitude. 1038 01:07:47,517 --> 01:07:48,889 I admire you all. 1039 01:07:49,139 --> 01:07:50,664 You've been tested 1040 01:07:50,920 --> 01:07:52,545 well beyond the classroom, 1041 01:07:53,031 --> 01:07:54,706 and you have endured. 1042 01:07:55,635 --> 01:07:57,962 Now, you may not believe me. 1043 01:07:58,047 --> 01:07:59,642 Your... 1044 01:07:59,727 --> 01:08:04,742 ...class president and class speaker, in particular, may not believe me. 1045 01:08:05,692 --> 01:08:08,117 But all we have ever wished for, 1046 01:08:08,432 --> 01:08:11,777 myself, the educators here today, 1047 01:08:12,102 --> 01:08:13,227 all of your parents, 1048 01:08:13,312 --> 01:08:15,896 all we have truly wished for 1049 01:08:15,981 --> 01:08:20,411 is to see that you are all happy and healthy and safe. 1050 01:08:20,611 --> 01:08:22,584 This class, in particular, 1051 01:08:23,095 --> 01:08:25,201 has made that hellishly hard. 1052 01:08:29,382 --> 01:08:30,935 But I have faith in you. 1053 01:08:32,069 --> 01:08:33,256 All of you. 1054 01:08:33,415 --> 01:08:35,880 And I hope that we have taught you well. 1055 01:08:36,939 --> 01:08:38,984 I know you have taught me. 1056 01:08:41,339 --> 01:08:42,818 I'm grateful. 1057 01:08:43,972 --> 01:08:45,498 And I'm proud of you all. 1058 01:08:50,122 --> 01:08:51,639 Look, here's the thing. 1059 01:08:52,767 --> 01:08:54,772 There should be more of us here. 1060 01:08:56,873 --> 01:09:00,048 And lately, I have been thinking about why they're not here. 1061 01:09:01,184 --> 01:09:04,859 I have a history of causing trouble with my speeches. 1062 01:09:05,627 --> 01:09:08,216 Principal Bolan actually had to approve my speech 1063 01:09:08,301 --> 01:09:10,316 just so I wouldn't make trouble. 1064 01:09:11,774 --> 01:09:13,449 But that was a month ago. 1065 01:09:14,276 --> 01:09:16,678 And my life has changed since then. 1066 01:09:18,618 --> 01:09:19,943 But don't worry, 1067 01:09:20,028 --> 01:09:23,146 I'm not causing any trouble today. 1068 01:09:25,224 --> 01:09:27,649 Because I just want you to hear me. 1069 01:09:28,684 --> 01:09:30,945 Some of you circulated a petition this year, 1070 01:09:31,153 --> 01:09:33,498 demanding I be removed from office. 1071 01:09:33,783 --> 01:09:35,428 Saying that I was a one-issue president, 1072 01:09:35,513 --> 01:09:38,443 and I had made my point, and I should just shut up. 1073 01:09:38,564 --> 01:09:40,282 Well, no girls signed that petition. 1074 01:09:40,482 --> 01:09:41,987 So, news, boys, 1075 01:09:42,254 --> 01:09:44,099 our point is far from made. 1076 01:09:44,473 --> 01:09:45,858 And we're not shutting up. 1077 01:09:46,019 --> 01:09:47,662 Yeah! 1078 01:09:52,335 --> 01:09:54,543 But you are right about one thing: 1079 01:09:54,999 --> 01:09:56,924 I am a one-issue president. 1080 01:09:58,471 --> 01:10:00,396 I'm a one-issue person. 1081 01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:04,626 I spent the last couple of years angry. 1082 01:10:05,407 --> 01:10:06,613 Hurt. 1083 01:10:06,884 --> 01:10:08,269 Scared. 1084 01:10:09,127 --> 01:10:11,160 But I'm not gonna do that anymore. 1085 01:10:12,488 --> 01:10:15,418 I'm gonna focus on my one issue. 1086 01:10:17,086 --> 01:10:18,332 Which is love. 1087 01:10:20,092 --> 01:10:23,597 Oh, what? Does talking about love make you embarrassed? 1088 01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:25,847 Is it girly? What? 1089 01:10:26,343 --> 01:10:28,425 Because it's the thing. 1090 01:10:29,761 --> 01:10:32,073 It's the only thing. 1091 01:10:33,342 --> 01:10:34,887 It's easy to hate. 1092 01:10:35,501 --> 01:10:37,207 It's easy to fear. 1093 01:10:37,514 --> 01:10:39,689 It's goddamn hard to love. 1094 01:10:40,758 --> 01:10:42,261 But it's not optional. 1095 01:10:43,251 --> 01:10:44,676 It's essential. 1096 01:10:47,614 --> 01:10:49,289 It's life or death. 1097 01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:52,144 I challenge you. 1098 01:10:52,429 --> 01:10:53,918 Love each other. 1099 01:10:54,056 --> 01:10:55,056 Do it. 1100 01:10:55,202 --> 01:10:56,629 Do it better. 1101 01:10:56,767 --> 01:10:59,089 Now and every day. 1102 01:11:00,040 --> 01:11:01,465 I love you all. 1103 01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:07,441 Oh, and fuck the patriarchy. 1104 01:11:19,279 --> 01:11:21,414 It comes down to one question. 1105 01:11:23,241 --> 01:11:24,863 Will you survive high school? 1106 01:11:25,562 --> 01:11:26,808 Will I survive? 1107 01:11:28,428 --> 01:11:30,813 Because I know too many people who didn't. 1108 01:11:44,012 --> 01:11:45,977 In the past two years, 1109 01:11:48,427 --> 01:11:51,602 three people who I loved have died. 1110 01:12:00,017 --> 01:12:02,331 And two... two other people... 1111 01:12:02,416 --> 01:12:04,652 ...who I thought I hated, 1112 01:12:05,019 --> 01:12:06,339 also died. 1113 01:12:08,310 --> 01:12:10,855 But I learned that hate is too simple. 1114 01:12:11,424 --> 01:12:12,507 Jessica's right. 1115 01:12:12,592 --> 01:12:13,887 Hate is easy. 1116 01:12:14,941 --> 01:12:17,906 Love and understanding are harder. 1117 01:12:18,103 --> 01:12:20,858 But they are how we take care of each other, 1118 01:12:21,689 --> 01:12:23,105 how we survive. 1119 01:12:31,434 --> 01:12:33,062 My dad loves to tell me stories 1120 01:12:33,147 --> 01:12:34,983 about when he was in high school. 1121 01:12:36,925 --> 01:12:39,520 The stories usually involve chess club 1122 01:12:39,697 --> 01:12:42,621 and obscure bands with funny haircuts, 1123 01:12:42,706 --> 01:12:45,668 because the '80s were a strange, strange time. 1124 01:12:49,476 --> 01:12:51,611 But he always gets one thing right. 1125 01:12:55,320 --> 01:12:57,825 He knows high school can hurt. 1126 01:13:01,381 --> 01:13:02,957 That it can be painful. 1127 01:13:03,179 --> 01:13:05,910 That there are days when that's all it is. 1128 01:13:08,273 --> 01:13:11,082 And he once told me that he's living proof... 1129 01:13:12,256 --> 01:13:13,841 you can survive. 1130 01:13:16,263 --> 01:13:17,858 You can get through it. 1131 01:13:19,703 --> 01:13:22,746 He's living proof, and so am I. 1132 01:13:23,626 --> 01:13:25,671 And so are all of you. 1133 01:13:26,637 --> 01:13:27,874 And the thing is, 1134 01:13:27,959 --> 01:13:29,079 for me, 1135 01:13:30,026 --> 01:13:31,646 for us, 1136 01:13:32,740 --> 01:13:35,455 this class, this... this generation, 1137 01:13:37,453 --> 01:13:40,048 high school actually is life or death. 1138 01:13:42,389 --> 01:13:43,561 We show up every day 1139 01:13:43,646 --> 01:13:45,988 not knowing if this is the day we die. 1140 01:13:46,645 --> 01:13:51,082 If this is the day someone shows up with a gun and tries to kill us all. 1141 01:13:51,670 --> 01:13:53,660 We practice what we'll do if that happens. 1142 01:13:55,980 --> 01:13:57,269 Life or death. 1143 01:14:02,076 --> 01:14:04,160 I suffer from anxiety... 1144 01:14:07,016 --> 01:14:09,111 and, uh, depression. 1145 01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,225 But mostly anxiety. 1146 01:14:16,299 --> 01:14:19,724 I sometimes think all of us kids do, in some way. 1147 01:14:20,967 --> 01:14:23,472 And how could we not, with the world the way it is? 1148 01:14:24,550 --> 01:14:27,885 We hear a lot of promises that things will get better. 1149 01:14:28,504 --> 01:14:30,639 And... and, look, maybe they will, 1150 01:14:31,421 --> 01:14:32,808 maybe they won't. 1151 01:14:34,700 --> 01:14:36,745 And what I think I've learned, 1152 01:14:37,868 --> 01:14:39,713 what I wanna say to you... 1153 01:14:42,104 --> 01:14:45,319 is whatever happens, keep moving. 1154 01:14:47,317 --> 01:14:48,668 Get through it. 1155 01:14:50,854 --> 01:14:52,409 Choose to live. 1156 01:14:54,829 --> 01:14:57,004 'Cause even on the worst day, there... 1157 01:14:57,680 --> 01:14:59,645 are people who love you. 1158 01:15:01,021 --> 01:15:03,215 There's new music waiting for you to hear, 1159 01:15:03,300 --> 01:15:05,310 some... something you haven't seen before 1160 01:15:05,395 --> 01:15:07,860 that will blow your mind in the best way. 1161 01:15:11,291 --> 01:15:13,056 Even on the worst day, 1162 01:15:18,153 --> 01:15:20,328 life is a pretty spectacular thing. 1163 01:15:35,063 --> 01:15:36,063 Thank you. 1164 01:15:37,897 --> 01:15:38,897 Good luck. 1165 01:15:39,334 --> 01:15:40,665 Yeah! 1166 01:15:53,339 --> 01:15:54,955 ♪ Got a little soul ♪ 1167 01:15:55,040 --> 01:15:58,376 ♪ The world is a cold, cold place to be ♪ 1168 01:15:59,435 --> 01:16:00,907 ♪ Want a little warmth ♪ 1169 01:16:00,992 --> 01:16:04,516 ♪ But who's gonna save A little warmth for me? ♪ 1170 01:16:04,951 --> 01:16:10,516 ♪ We know the fire awaits unbelievers All of the sinners the same... ♪ 1171 01:16:12,928 --> 01:16:13,962 - Hey! - Hey! 1172 01:16:14,167 --> 01:16:17,301 - Where's your mom? - Oh, she had to work. Couldn't leave. 1173 01:16:17,386 --> 01:16:19,540 Then you have to help me endure my relatives. 1174 01:16:19,633 --> 01:16:21,743 My uncle flew in from Milwaukee. 1175 01:16:21,953 --> 01:16:25,552 Dude. No way. You do not like The Descendants. 1176 01:16:25,637 --> 01:16:27,356 Saw their Sacramento show last year! 1177 01:16:27,441 --> 01:16:30,577 You know, I love that the new quarterback is a homo. 1178 01:16:30,782 --> 01:16:33,172 Uh, he identifies as bisexual, actually, 1179 01:16:33,270 --> 01:16:35,073 and I don't think we're supposed to use that word. 1180 01:16:35,157 --> 01:16:37,314 Yeah, we designed the whole thing! 1181 01:16:37,399 --> 01:16:39,697 We like to keep a hand in, even though you're off at Wellesley. 1182 01:16:39,781 --> 01:16:42,368 Oh, my God! This is where I get it from! 1183 01:16:42,571 --> 01:16:46,204 You know, she wrote her new essay about causing riots, stripping naked, 1184 01:16:46,289 --> 01:16:48,899 - um, getting suspended... - Then I got into Berkeley. 1185 01:16:49,157 --> 01:16:50,185 Graciella! 1186 01:16:50,837 --> 01:16:52,008 Mi vida! 1187 01:16:52,163 --> 01:16:54,188 - Tonio! - Yes! 1188 01:16:54,384 --> 01:16:56,061 Oh, it's so good to see you! 1189 01:16:56,152 --> 01:16:58,555 - I missed you. - I missed you! 1190 01:16:58,878 --> 01:17:00,639 Oh, my God, you're so big. 1191 01:17:00,724 --> 01:17:02,150 - Look at your hair! - Yeah, I know. 1192 01:17:02,235 --> 01:17:04,829 Mrs. Walker had some money she wanted to give away, 1193 01:17:04,914 --> 01:17:06,507 so she's endowing HO. 1194 01:17:06,618 --> 01:17:09,398 So, although we will soon be forgotten around here... 1195 01:17:09,605 --> 01:17:10,739 The cause lives on. 1196 01:17:10,845 --> 01:17:12,272 The torch is passed. 1197 01:17:12,372 --> 01:17:13,517 Use it well. 1198 01:17:13,609 --> 01:17:17,871 You guys want me to take over HO? Tyler will be so proud! Can I tell him? 1199 01:17:18,064 --> 01:17:19,197 - 'Course! - Sure. 1200 01:17:19,282 --> 01:17:20,016 I was thinking 1201 01:17:20,101 --> 01:17:22,563 maybe we could carpool up in the Bay Area to visit our boos. 1202 01:17:22,652 --> 01:17:24,538 You're coming up for every football game, right? 1203 01:17:24,738 --> 01:17:26,469 Uh... Am I supposed to? 1204 01:17:26,577 --> 01:17:28,632 Yeah. You are. You're the boyfriend. 1205 01:17:28,813 --> 01:17:30,025 Every game? 1206 01:17:30,118 --> 01:17:33,046 Those little short routes are a waste of time! Let him air it out! 1207 01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:36,373 Luke, I love you. You got a great arm, but you haven't been known for your brain. 1208 01:17:36,458 --> 01:17:38,385 - OK? - Offense is boring. 1209 01:17:38,498 --> 01:17:39,803 Check it out. 1210 01:17:40,377 --> 01:17:41,964 Winston, man! 1211 01:17:42,130 --> 01:17:43,667 Congrats, dude! 1212 01:17:44,424 --> 01:17:45,508 - Thanks. - You finally did it. 1213 01:17:45,592 --> 01:17:47,394 We're gonna hang out this week, right? 1214 01:17:47,494 --> 01:17:50,089 - For sure. - Cool. Looking forward to it. 1215 01:17:51,461 --> 01:17:53,565 Look, they hate you until they love you. 1216 01:17:53,683 --> 01:17:55,068 That's all I gotta say. 1217 01:17:55,250 --> 01:17:56,518 I'm Ryan. 1218 01:17:56,686 --> 01:17:58,661 - Winston. - Oh, I know. 1219 01:17:59,092 --> 01:18:01,187 - So... - Always workin' the room. 1220 01:18:01,464 --> 01:18:03,809 - She's an old friend. - Ryan Shaver. 1221 01:18:04,026 --> 01:18:05,347 I, uh... 1222 01:18:05,528 --> 01:18:07,080 - It was a late application... - Right. 1223 01:18:07,201 --> 01:18:09,086 ...but I got in off an audition. 1224 01:18:09,272 --> 01:18:11,018 Wait, so you're gonna study music? 1225 01:18:11,579 --> 01:18:13,176 Yeah! 1226 01:18:13,261 --> 01:18:14,778 - That's awesome, Zachy! - It's great! 1227 01:18:14,863 --> 01:18:16,957 And your mom is totally cool with it? 1228 01:18:17,157 --> 01:18:18,667 Well, she thinks it's for violin, 1229 01:18:18,752 --> 01:18:21,847 and it's actually for guitar and voice, but one step at a time. 1230 01:18:21,932 --> 01:18:25,361 - I'm gonna forget I know that last bit. - Probably for the best, yeah. 1231 01:18:25,603 --> 01:18:26,854 Hey, Clay. 1232 01:18:27,384 --> 01:18:29,051 - Congratulations. - Oh, thanks, Dean Foundry. 1233 01:18:29,135 --> 01:18:31,270 Really, no, your speech was wonderful. 1234 01:18:31,789 --> 01:18:34,834 Honestly, it was inspiring, even for an old guy like me. 1235 01:18:35,100 --> 01:18:36,565 - Thank you. - Yeah. 1236 01:18:36,927 --> 01:18:41,058 - No, it was really moving. - It's a good reminder... 1237 01:18:50,820 --> 01:18:53,175 I gotta do something with my friends for a bit, 1238 01:18:53,260 --> 01:18:55,680 but I'll definitely be back in time for dinner. 1239 01:18:55,813 --> 01:18:58,622 And very soon, I'm gonna be so close to Arizona. 1240 01:18:58,707 --> 01:19:00,328 - Like, four hours. - Maybe three. 1241 01:19:00,413 --> 01:19:02,542 We're so proud of you, kid. You know that, right? 1242 01:19:02,627 --> 01:19:05,173 - Said it about a million times. - And we'll say it a million more. 1243 01:19:05,257 --> 01:19:06,211 Hey, one more. 1244 01:19:06,296 --> 01:19:08,951 - Really embarrass him this time, Mom. - Come on, bring it in. 1245 01:19:09,036 --> 01:19:10,296 Yeah! 1246 01:19:10,381 --> 01:19:12,805 I gotta see my friends. I'll be home later. 1247 01:19:13,012 --> 01:19:16,766 - Can we make pozole and sopapillas? - Por supuesto. Of course we can. 1248 01:19:17,934 --> 01:19:20,529 Teaching you has been an absolute pleasure, Amorowat. 1249 01:19:20,713 --> 01:19:22,665 Oh, thank you, Mr. Wood. That's very kind. 1250 01:19:22,750 --> 01:19:25,213 - It's not often in a teacher's career... - Sorry, we need Ani. 1251 01:19:25,297 --> 01:19:27,067 We've got a robotics emergency. 1252 01:19:27,152 --> 01:19:28,735 Excuse me, Mr. Wood. Thank you. 1253 01:19:28,820 --> 01:19:33,291 I have to go do, um, a totally legal thing with my friends, so... 1254 01:19:33,491 --> 01:19:35,246 - Of course. - Um... 1255 01:19:35,584 --> 01:19:36,809 Thanks, guys. 1256 01:19:37,192 --> 01:19:38,617 Great day, kiddo. 1257 01:19:41,627 --> 01:19:43,094 I, uh... 1258 01:19:44,828 --> 01:19:46,555 Uh, thank you, guys... 1259 01:19:46,979 --> 01:19:48,375 for everything... 1260 01:19:48,811 --> 01:19:50,039 ever. 1261 01:19:51,336 --> 01:19:52,734 I-I love you. 1262 01:20:02,479 --> 01:20:05,194 I just wanna take pictures that matter to somebody. 1263 01:20:05,849 --> 01:20:07,207 I'd like to make enough money 1264 01:20:07,292 --> 01:20:08,846 so that my mum doesn't have to work. 1265 01:20:08,931 --> 01:20:09,963 Yeah. 1266 01:20:10,048 --> 01:20:11,822 I fully plan on being famous. 1267 01:20:11,988 --> 01:20:16,018 Like, not social famous, I mean, so even The New York Times knows who I am. 1268 01:20:16,887 --> 01:20:18,692 I just wanna remember this day. 1269 01:20:19,291 --> 01:20:21,006 Just like this. Right now. 1270 01:20:21,633 --> 01:20:22,916 Yeah. 1271 01:20:40,078 --> 01:20:41,479 I just wanna be clear. 1272 01:20:41,670 --> 01:20:44,143 I don't actually see ghosts. 1273 01:20:44,427 --> 01:20:46,174 I just, like... 1274 01:20:47,273 --> 01:20:49,752 imagine people and... 1275 01:20:50,535 --> 01:20:52,040 what I would say to them. 1276 01:20:54,024 --> 01:20:55,385 Yeah, I get it. 1277 01:20:56,451 --> 01:20:58,628 You wrote my paper on magical realism. 1278 01:20:58,820 --> 01:21:00,182 I didn't write your... 1279 01:21:00,286 --> 01:21:02,005 I just helped you write it. 1280 01:21:02,142 --> 01:21:05,317 Yeah, I know. I just like to get you goin'. 1281 01:21:07,794 --> 01:21:11,681 But what I don't get is why ghost you is hanging out with Bryce? 1282 01:21:11,834 --> 01:21:13,049 Even in my head. 1283 01:21:13,456 --> 01:21:15,596 We loved each other, me and him. 1284 01:21:17,175 --> 01:21:18,520 We were brothers. 1285 01:21:22,613 --> 01:21:24,868 You know, you can love people who did... 1286 01:21:25,449 --> 01:21:26,643 bad shit. 1287 01:21:27,981 --> 01:21:30,486 You can forgive people. 1288 01:21:33,002 --> 01:21:35,158 Even the people who hurt you worst. 1289 01:21:39,284 --> 01:21:40,932 You're talking about Hannah. 1290 01:21:43,034 --> 01:21:46,629 When you forgive someone, it's more for you than them. 1291 01:21:52,158 --> 01:21:53,623 How much I hurt... 1292 01:21:54,710 --> 01:21:55,935 with Hannah. 1293 01:21:56,399 --> 01:21:57,768 Always. 1294 01:21:58,910 --> 01:22:00,252 It's my fault. 1295 01:22:00,635 --> 01:22:03,232 I fall in love with girls too fast, 1296 01:22:03,742 --> 01:22:04,963 too hard. 1297 01:22:23,161 --> 01:22:24,321 Clay? 1298 01:22:24,579 --> 01:22:26,134 Are you Clay Jensen? 1299 01:22:26,748 --> 01:22:29,134 Oh, my gosh. Sorry, I'm a little nervous. 1300 01:22:29,219 --> 01:22:31,984 You're just like a rock star after that speech. 1301 01:22:32,357 --> 01:22:35,755 Uh, but I go to East County, and I'm going to Brown next year, 1302 01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:37,434 and I heard you are too, 1303 01:22:37,539 --> 01:22:41,102 so I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get, like, a coffee? 1304 01:22:41,220 --> 01:22:42,220 Or some other beverage 1305 01:22:42,305 --> 01:22:45,440 to, like, go over the course catalog and first-year handbook? 1306 01:22:46,045 --> 01:22:47,930 Or is that too dorky? 1307 01:22:49,040 --> 01:22:50,595 Oh... 1308 01:22:51,026 --> 01:22:52,266 I'm Heidi. 1309 01:22:52,862 --> 01:22:54,040 That's... 1310 01:22:54,746 --> 01:22:56,301 That would be very cool. 1311 01:22:56,651 --> 01:22:57,651 Oh! 1312 01:22:58,325 --> 01:22:59,555 Phew! 1313 01:22:59,727 --> 01:23:01,954 I was worried that would sound completely nerdy. 1314 01:23:02,045 --> 01:23:03,260 Jensen! 1315 01:23:04,162 --> 01:23:05,547 Are we gonna do this? 1316 01:23:05,700 --> 01:23:07,110 Yeah. Uh, yes. 1317 01:23:07,254 --> 01:23:08,431 Um... 1318 01:23:08,615 --> 01:23:10,542 I have to go do a... a thing. 1319 01:23:10,627 --> 01:23:11,882 - Mm-hmm. - Um... 1320 01:23:12,298 --> 01:23:14,381 - You... you can email me. - OK. 1321 01:23:14,466 --> 01:23:15,712 Yeah, it's, uh... 1322 01:23:15,797 --> 01:23:21,311 It's percyakr2161@gmail.com 1323 01:23:21,448 --> 01:23:22,528 Nice. 1324 01:23:22,613 --> 01:23:24,038 Alien Killer Robots. 1325 01:23:25,188 --> 01:23:26,303 Yes! 1326 01:23:26,432 --> 01:23:27,937 Yeah. 1327 01:23:28,061 --> 01:23:29,486 Jensen! 1328 01:23:38,496 --> 01:23:41,985 ♪ Well, a person can work up ♪ 1329 01:23:42,323 --> 01:23:45,288 ♪ A mean, mean thirst ♪ 1330 01:23:45,702 --> 01:23:50,877 ♪ After a hard day Of nothin' much at all... ♪ 1331 01:23:57,672 --> 01:23:59,751 This is where I first listened to my tape. 1332 01:24:04,012 --> 01:24:06,063 And this is where we lay them to rest. 1333 01:24:11,146 --> 01:24:12,509 Rest in peace. 1334 01:24:17,182 --> 01:24:18,524 Come on, people. 1335 01:24:20,528 --> 01:24:22,403 Let's pile on the closure dirt. 1336 01:24:59,178 --> 01:25:01,893 I'm on those tapes. It's my day too. 1337 01:25:02,281 --> 01:25:03,412 No. 1338 01:25:04,269 --> 01:25:05,694 Your day's gone. 1339 01:25:06,222 --> 01:25:07,678 Long gone. 1340 01:25:07,919 --> 01:25:09,662 You need me in this world. 1341 01:25:09,793 --> 01:25:12,554 Otherwise, what would girls like you start riots about? 1342 01:25:12,645 --> 01:25:13,871 Oh, there's plenty. 1343 01:25:13,956 --> 01:25:16,011 Still, I kinda feel like I won. 1344 01:25:17,351 --> 01:25:18,654 You didn't. 1345 01:25:19,216 --> 01:25:21,681 I was looking around today at graduation, 1346 01:25:21,901 --> 01:25:24,866 and I was thinking about how Justin was missing, 1347 01:25:26,005 --> 01:25:27,342 and Hannah. 1348 01:25:29,484 --> 01:25:30,959 But then I thought, 1349 01:25:31,529 --> 01:25:33,744 I love these people. 1350 01:25:34,387 --> 01:25:37,190 Clay Jensen, Zach, and Courtney, 1351 01:25:37,275 --> 01:25:41,037 Ryan freakin' Shaver, for fuck's sake. 1352 01:25:41,251 --> 01:25:44,426 In what kind of world do I love all these kinds of people? 1353 01:25:46,449 --> 01:25:47,914 The world you made. 1354 01:25:48,973 --> 01:25:51,740 We had to love each other at the end of it all. 1355 01:25:53,250 --> 01:25:54,600 You did that. 1356 01:25:55,414 --> 01:25:57,429 So that's something, right? 1357 01:25:58,605 --> 01:25:59,818 Sure. 1358 01:26:22,358 --> 01:26:25,328 ♪ Stand beside it ♪ 1359 01:26:25,528 --> 01:26:31,283 ♪ We can't hide the way it makes us glow ♪ 1360 01:26:33,161 --> 01:26:36,923 ♪ It's no good unless it grows ♪ 1361 01:26:37,123 --> 01:26:41,302 ♪ Feeling this burning love of mine... ♪ 1362 01:26:41,502 --> 01:26:45,154 For the first time I can remember, the town seemed small. 1363 01:26:45,647 --> 01:26:46,826 Tiny. 1364 01:26:48,728 --> 01:26:50,826 Like I had seen every corner of it 1365 01:26:50,911 --> 01:26:53,115 I needed to see, as of today. 1366 01:26:57,323 --> 01:26:59,658 All the shit that never would've happened. 1367 01:27:00,325 --> 01:27:02,500 But we would've never been friends. 1368 01:27:03,460 --> 01:27:04,965 We'll always have that. 1369 01:27:06,104 --> 01:27:09,487 If anyone ever needs any help, anytime, anyplace, 1370 01:27:09,572 --> 01:27:12,083 just send a group text, say, "Gordon Lightfoot." 1371 01:27:12,283 --> 01:27:13,783 - Right on. - Wait. What? 1372 01:27:13,868 --> 01:27:15,123 Gordon Lightfoot? 1373 01:27:15,925 --> 01:27:18,060 It's the strangest fucking code word. 1374 01:27:21,807 --> 01:27:26,392 ♪ I'd take care of you ♪ 1375 01:27:28,341 --> 01:27:32,806 ♪ If you'd ask me to ♪ 1376 01:27:41,833 --> 01:27:43,638 It was a nice speech. 1377 01:27:49,348 --> 01:27:50,466 Thanks. 1378 01:27:50,869 --> 01:27:55,567 I mean, it was super dark and... a little meandering, but very... 1379 01:27:56,324 --> 01:27:57,450 you. 1380 01:28:02,513 --> 01:28:03,728 What's all that? 1381 01:28:06,121 --> 01:28:08,046 Uh, it's just stuff from school. 1382 01:28:08,578 --> 01:28:10,913 They had me clean out your locker today. 1383 01:28:13,008 --> 01:28:14,893 - Both of them. - Oof! 1384 01:28:15,563 --> 01:28:16,714 Sorry about that. 1385 01:28:16,935 --> 01:28:18,150 And... 1386 01:28:18,753 --> 01:28:20,099 I found this. 1387 01:28:21,560 --> 01:28:22,985 Your college essay. 1388 01:28:23,182 --> 01:28:24,647 The one that got you in. 1389 01:28:25,273 --> 01:28:26,575 I didn't read it. 1390 01:28:26,774 --> 01:28:27,950 It's personal. 1391 01:28:28,087 --> 01:28:32,222 Dude, I mean, we have literally breathed each other's farts. 1392 01:28:33,437 --> 01:28:35,593 You've walked in on me jerking off 1393 01:28:35,678 --> 01:28:39,023 more times than you even know, and now you draw the line? 1394 01:28:39,213 --> 01:28:40,364 Yeah. 1395 01:28:48,475 --> 01:28:52,044 "I didn't really grow up with much positivity in my life. 1396 01:28:52,294 --> 01:28:56,009 And if I had influences around me, they were definitely bad. 1397 01:28:56,304 --> 01:28:57,814 My mother was a drug addict. 1398 01:28:58,014 --> 01:29:01,729 Her revolving door of boyfriends, mostly drug addicts too. 1399 01:29:01,937 --> 01:29:04,106 I had a best friend I used to look up to, 1400 01:29:04,270 --> 01:29:07,565 but then he hurt people close to me, and now he's dead." 1401 01:29:08,331 --> 01:29:10,296 Jesus, Justin, talk about dark. 1402 01:29:10,538 --> 01:29:12,872 Just... keep going. 1403 01:29:16,141 --> 01:29:17,567 "There was a time in my life 1404 01:29:17,652 --> 01:29:20,161 I truly had nothing but the clothes on my back 1405 01:29:20,302 --> 01:29:22,714 and the regret for the people I'd hurt. 1406 01:29:23,080 --> 01:29:24,958 And then a person came into my life. 1407 01:29:25,178 --> 01:29:27,223 A person named Clay Jensen." 1408 01:29:29,628 --> 01:29:30,972 You wrote about me? 1409 01:29:31,070 --> 01:29:32,450 They, uh... 1410 01:29:33,080 --> 01:29:36,200 They said to write about a positive influence in your life. 1411 01:29:45,683 --> 01:29:49,685 "Even when I was puking all over his room, he was there. 1412 01:29:49,856 --> 01:29:51,364 He's always been there, 1413 01:29:51,525 --> 01:29:55,160 which is why even though I've never had a proper family, 1414 01:29:55,409 --> 01:29:57,704 I know what it feels like to have one 1415 01:29:58,135 --> 01:30:00,310 because Clay gave that to me. 1416 01:30:01,201 --> 01:30:02,708 Because he's my... 1417 01:30:10,211 --> 01:30:11,575 He's my..." 1418 01:30:13,957 --> 01:30:15,422 "He's my brother. 1419 01:30:17,093 --> 01:30:19,356 He's my positive influence. 1420 01:30:20,506 --> 01:30:22,479 He's the reason I'm alive 1421 01:30:22,724 --> 01:30:25,781 and able to write this college essay 1422 01:30:25,866 --> 01:30:27,331 in the first place." 1423 01:30:31,465 --> 01:30:32,940 I miss you. 1424 01:30:41,832 --> 01:30:44,544 How am I supposed to do this without you? 1425 01:30:47,260 --> 01:30:48,895 Clay, it's like you said. 1426 01:30:52,515 --> 01:30:54,070 You'll survive. 1427 01:31:08,811 --> 01:31:10,106 You will, you know. 1428 01:31:13,149 --> 01:31:14,420 Survive. 1429 01:31:15,677 --> 01:31:16,920 Yeah. 1430 01:31:18,618 --> 01:31:19,963 I know it now. 1431 01:31:20,929 --> 01:31:22,365 You're out of town next week? 1432 01:31:22,489 --> 01:31:24,708 Yeah, I'm driving with Tony to see his school. 1433 01:31:24,978 --> 01:31:26,243 He's starting summer quarter 1434 01:31:26,328 --> 01:31:29,725 because he's still got some stuff to... make up. 1435 01:31:29,832 --> 01:31:31,092 Um... 1436 01:31:31,292 --> 01:31:34,662 But you said we could maybe still FaceTime? 1437 01:31:34,859 --> 01:31:36,744 Sure. Let me know what works. 1438 01:31:36,937 --> 01:31:41,100 I'm back in two weeks for the summer, but then, um... 1439 01:31:41,302 --> 01:31:43,729 We can meet online as you settle into school. 1440 01:31:43,814 --> 01:31:47,795 And then... I'm sure there are resources on campus. 1441 01:31:48,444 --> 01:31:49,444 Yeah. 1442 01:31:49,660 --> 01:31:51,107 Yeah, no, I'm sure. 1443 01:31:52,890 --> 01:31:54,100 All right. 1444 01:31:54,638 --> 01:31:55,638 See ya. 1445 01:31:56,775 --> 01:31:57,975 See ya. 1446 01:32:22,968 --> 01:32:26,763 ♪ Now that San Francisco's gone ♪ 1447 01:32:26,972 --> 01:32:30,937 ♪ I guess I'll just pack it in ♪ 1448 01:32:31,435 --> 01:32:35,156 ♪ Wanna wash away my sins ♪ 1449 01:32:35,356 --> 01:32:39,831 ♪ In the presence of my friends ♪ 1450 01:32:53,457 --> 01:32:57,342 ♪ Though we knew this day would come ♪ 1451 01:32:57,586 --> 01:33:02,021 ♪ Still it took us by surprise ♪ 1452 01:33:02,299 --> 01:33:05,686 ♪ In this town where I was born ♪ 1453 01:33:05,886 --> 01:33:10,361 ♪ I now see through a dead man's eyes ♪ 1454 01:33:11,016 --> 01:33:17,161 ♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪ 1455 01:33:19,525 --> 01:33:25,540 ♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪ 1456 01:33:27,992 --> 01:33:34,047 ♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪ 1457 01:33:36,417 --> 01:33:42,522 ♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪ 1458 01:34:50,324 --> 01:34:52,999 ♪ I should be saying goodnight ♪ 1459 01:34:53,786 --> 01:34:57,801 ♪ I really shouldn't stay anymore... ♪ 1460 01:35:08,634 --> 01:35:13,809 ♪ I should run on the double ♪ 1461 01:35:19,228 --> 01:35:22,493 - ♪ I think I'm in... ♪ - ♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪ 1462 01:35:27,509 --> 01:35:30,454 ♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪ 1463 01:35:34,368 --> 01:35:37,243 - ♪ I think I'm in... ♪ - ♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪ 1464 01:35:44,002 --> 01:35:47,264 ♪ So, come to me, darling And hold me ♪ 1465 01:35:47,464 --> 01:35:51,019 ♪ Let your honey keep you warm ♪ 1466 01:35:51,635 --> 01:35:55,105 ♪ Been so long since I held you ♪ 1467 01:35:55,305 --> 01:35:59,230 ♪ I've forgotten what love is for ♪ 1468 01:36:02,497 --> 01:36:08,417 ♪ I should run on the double ♪ 1469 01:36:12,523 --> 01:36:16,972 - ♪ I think I'm in... ♪ - ♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪ 1470 01:36:21,964 --> 01:36:24,941 ♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪ 1471 01:36:25,025 --> 01:36:27,156 Sync corrections by srjanapala 1472 01:36:57,719 --> 01:36:59,724 Well done, Ed. Well done. 102653