Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[telephone dialing]

(Woo on answering machine) 'It's Woo. Leave it.'

(Celestrial) 'Girl, Celestrial calling.'

'Come as soon as you get this message.'

'Missy, you are not going to believe'

'what I am seein' in your chart.'

'Wooh!'

♪ Naughty but you like it ♪

♪ Nasty but you want it ♪

♪ I'm the chick that never front it ♪

♪ Picture that me wearin' a pager ♪

♪ So you can be down my back ♪

♪ It ain't happenin' Jack ♪

♪ Am I too fine? ♪

♪ If so I can leave ♪

♪ Have somewhere to go ♪

♪ You better believe ♪

♪ I keep a tight schedule ♪

♪ Not many are blessed ♪

♪ Still on a quest ♪

♪ Not knowin' I'm the best ♪

♪ Causin' a mess wherever I go ♪

♪ They still want me there I'm the star of the show ♪

♪ Your ride is sweet mine is much sweeter ♪

♪ Come take a ride with this senorita ♪

♪ There's more to me that the eye can't see ♪

♪ But I'm twice as much as you'd thought I'd be ♪

♪ When I hit the scene all better beware ♪

♪ 'Cause the party don't jump till I get there ♪

♪ We're havin' a party tonight ♪

♪ It's only you and I ♪

♪ If only you could move it right♪

♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could move it right ♪

♪ I put the juice down when you woo woo ♪

♪ So nasty it's sick ♪

♪ Wanna know my tricks ♪

♪ Studyin' me like a flick ♪

♪ I'm the girl your mama ♪

♪ Warned you about at night ♪

♪ Ask Ronnie Bobby Ricky and Mike ♪

♪ I'm that candy girl ♪

♪ I got the sugar for your sweet tooth ♪

♪ Comin' in your crib in my birthday suit ♪

♪ I'm that bad habit you just can't shake ♪

♪ What I want I take some of y'all can relate ♪

♪ Gotta rap yo to get you stuck like glue ♪

♪ It ain't over till we all come through ♪

♪ When I hit the scene all better beware ♪

♪ 'Cause the party don't jump till I get there ♪

♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could move it right ♪

Damn.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could move it right ♪

Hello, there. Hello.

I just.. I'm so clumsy.

- I-I'm sorry. - Thank you.

A-alright. Y-you are gorgeous.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, God. One day.

Celestrial, I came as soon as I could.

Oh, girl, you look over.

- These are for you, doll. - Oh, thank you, sugar.

- Come, sit down. - Okay.

(Celestrial) Found a motif.

Girl, have I got news for you.

So, what's the 411?

Girl, you will never believe what I've seen.

Put your hand on the ball.

[crystal ball buzzes]

Your house is in Scorpio. Gorgeous.

Your moon is rising perfectly.

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere

there is a meteor crossing your asteroid belt.

- Is that good? - 'It's all good.'

Tonight is your special night, child.

Special in what way?

Let's consult the tarot daddy, shall we?

And your card says love. Tasty.

- I knew it. - Ugh!

Celestrial, please reshuffle those cards.

I see an explosion of love.

Or maybe just an explosion.

This last year, my love life has been a disaster.

- What about Lamar? - Lamar?

I can't wear a pager for him.

Girl, you are a tad tough on men.

Excuze?

Girl, you've got to give it up to somebody.

Celestrial, I have given it up.

I have twirled it and swirled it in many directions.

I need someone who's...impulsive, exciting.

Who knows your thoughts before you say them.

Exactly.

That's who

I'm seeing right here, darling.

Where?

Oh, good glamour, girl. He's a Virgo.

And he's headed right towards you.

Oh! Oh, no.

I hope this is not another head-on collision.

(Celestrial) 'Girl, just be happy if you get you a man tonight.'

[instrumental music]

(Frankie) 'Now, look at that girl over there in white. Oh, my God!'

(Hop) 'Gosh. Man, that girl got an ass like a smoke tail.'

[indistinct chatter]

'Yo, yo, why is it that the fine ones are always'

hangin' out with the Frankenstein ones?

No competition. Psst. Excuse me, miss. How you doin'?

Oh, look at the body on this one.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at them damn feet though, man. Woman must wear about a 12.

Yo, but you know what they say about women with big feet.

Wrong gender, Hop.

Now, do y'all mind?

How come every time we come down here

y'all spend the whole time talkin' trash?

Oh, come on, man.

Half these girls are down here because they're doin'

the same thing that we are doin'. Ass watching.

- Even your tiny ass. - Hear what I said?

Tim, Tim, Tim. I got a question for you, Tim.

When was the last time you had a date?

I'll take that one for a hundred, Alex.

Five months ago. And that was by accident.

- Oh. - I'm telling you, man.

Yo, ever since Denise left his ass

co-sign has been spending so much time home alone

we need to start calling him Macaulay Culkin.

Oh, look, look, look.

[gibberish]

I told y'all about that co-sign shit, okay?

I don't care how good the lovin' is

you can't be co-signin' for no car.

- Word. - Word.

'And if she dumped me'

I'd sure as hell get that sweet ride back.

- Hey, fuck all of y'all. Okay? - Mm-hmm.

Whoo, 12 o'clock.

- 'Mmm-hmm!' - 'Whoo!'

What? She's thick too.

Just like a like, thick like a stallion.

I'm gonna ride her like a horse.

Yeah, Like a h.. Woo! Like a.. Like a..

[imitates neighing]

Man, can y'all just chill, man, for once?

Come on, man. I mean, get down on the vibe.

The music.

Tim..

...your words have been well spoken, my brother.

We will leave you to sojourn with the jazzical expressions

whilst we venture forth into the land of punani.

Peace to you, my sensitive one.

I'll drink to that.

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

No, it's not. If you.. Whoa!

- Whoa! - My bad, yo.

If you want to sit there, it's not taken.

Um, do you come here often?

(Woo) But Celestrial might be right.

If she's so psychic, how come she don't know

whether she's a boy or a girl?

- She's everything. - Okay, she..

She's gonna have you just as confused as she is.

She's the best. Are you goin' out with me tonight?

Baby cousin, I've told you once, twice.

Now, this is the third time today.

Lenny is coming over tonight. He's planned something special.

Oh, special for Lenny is a gallon of Nightyard

and a bucket of chicken.

Ha ha ha.

You are going to Shakim's block party this evening, right?

- No. - Woo..

- Ahem! - What is this?

What?

(Woo) 'Who gave you this?'

My Lenny.

- That's nasty. - You're just jealous.

- It's cute. - Listen..

We can either go to The Venus or to The Mercury.

And I wanna borrow a couple of your outfits.

- What are you gonna wear? - Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Wait a minute, do you need an Ebonic translation?

I ain't wearin' nothin' 'cause I ain't goin' nowhere.

Woo, don't stick that key in that door, okay?

Don't walk in, don't go in there. We gonna fight.

Ask Lenny if we can borrow his car.

- Gee.. - Are you kidding?

G-give me that. Let me see.

- 'Say that shit.' - 'That's right.'

'Whatever I say it's right'

I'll ride you like

one of them go-go dancers on "Soul Train."

(man on TV) 'Get the fuck up off me, man. Why you touchin' me like that?'

I like to keep my Evergreens very dark toward the base.

Home alone, my ass.

[telephone dialing]

- 'Hello.' - Hey, Michelle. How you doin'?

I was just wonderin', what are you doin' tonight?

- 'Who is this?' - Excuse me?

You're a trip, "who is this?"

You gonna ask me who this is?

Girl, you know.. Hello? Hello?

I forgot Nene is having a party at the Soul Kitchen.

We can go there first.

Woo...I told you me and Lenny..

And lower halfway and squeeze up.

And one..

...two, three, four, five..

'...six, seven, eight..'

[telephone rings]

- Hello. - 'Tim!'

Thank God, man. Hey, buddy, it's Lenny.

Uh, I need you..

Hey, how you doin', brother? Good.

Look, I need you to do me a little favor, man.

I-I need you to hang out with Claudette's cousin tonight.

What's wrong with her, man?

- She look like an anteater? - No, man.

Look, Claudette just got off her cycle. You know what I'm sayin'?

Ah, don't you think that's a little bit

more information than I need right now?

Alright. We're trying to get a, a quality time in together.

So, why don't you just go on home?

Hey, what difference does it make, man?

You ain't doin' nothing.

Yeah, but I know you though, man.

You big dusty dickhead.

'What, you think I needed to call your ass, huh?'

I'm tryin' to hook you up, nigga.

Look, Lenny, I am studying for the bar, okay?

Tim, just talk to her, man!

Just get dressed 'cause you're coming with me.

[groaning]

Yeah. Woo. Hmm.

- Got a phone call for you. - Who is it, weenie boy?

Well, it's a brother who would love to take you out.

Oh, I'm really not for your mess tonight, Lenny.

Woo, will you just talk to him, please?

Tim, her name is Woo.

Who?

Hmm.

- Hi, this is Woo. - Oh, hi. This is Tim.

Uh, Lenny was sayin' that you might wanna hang out tonight.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Yeah, yeah, I-I'm askin' you.

Why?

Well, it might be your lucky night.

- When's your birthday? - September 18th.

Virgo, Virgo. Ooh, Virgo.

Look, u.. I'll be there in an hour.

- Tim, you are the man. - Very, very interesting.

Thank you, thank you, brother. This is good lookin' out.

Alright, look, man, I'mma give her your address, alright?

- Um, peace. - Lenny..

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, is Darryl home?

It's Tim from across the hall.

Come in, Tim from across the hall.

♪ So go ahead and take a.. ♪

'Darryl, baby.'

Tim from across the hall is here.

(Darryl) 'I'll be there in a minute, Tim.'

Damn.

- 'Hey, what's happenin'?' - What's up, black man?

Thank you, sweetheart.

(Tim) 'I got a woman comin' over a little later on.'

I was just wondering if you had any, um--

Pointers? Tim.

Music, I could borrow.

Darryl, do you wanna shave before dinner?

I'll be there in a minute, sweetheart.

(Darryl) 'Mm, music.'

Well, what kind do you like?

You want a little romance?

Somethin' slow?

Somethin' smooth?

Um, I don't know, whatever you got.

You know, 'cause we just gonna kick it.

Tim's gonna kick it.

♪ So go ahead and take.. ♪

♪ Bet you mess above me ♪

♪ Sweep off me.. ♪

♪ Go ahead and take that ♪

"For the panties?"

It's got all the sexiest slow jams.

By the time you hit the B side, you should be naked.

- Good and naked. - Word?

See this? It's one of my field kits.

Four miniatures of Hennessy.

A joint.

Incense.

Edible body oils.

Latex, of course. Just the essentials, really.

It goes with the tape.

(female #1) 'Darryl, the water's getting cold.'

Keep it warm for me, sugar.

What you gonna do?

Hope everything works out for you, tiger.

Hey, Tim, from across the hall.

Pop that thing, baby.

[imitates cork popping]

(Darryl) 'Take off your clothes.'

No, I prefer a self-actualized woman.

I think the term, "Bitch"

is first of all, overused, and is some condescending bullshit.

You know, you about as fine as frog's hair.

You know, my mother said the same thing.

That's how fine you are.

My sister said the same thing.

Do I wanna fuck?

Stop it.

[doorbell buzzing]

[heart pounding]

[buzzing continues]

[doorknob rattling]

I'm Woo.

You Tim?

You know, Tim, my favorite asset

my biggest asset..

Bam! Ding! Ding! Ding!

[chuckles] What you know about that?

What you know?

'Nothin'!'

Woo is what? Gone!

[doorbell buzzing]

[buzzing continues]

Hi, I'm looking for Timmy Jackson.

- Is that you? - Uh, yeah, I'm titty.

I mean, uh, Tim. Tim Jackson. That's-that's me.

And you are?

Hopefully, the woman you've been waiting for.

Can I come in?

By all means, just.. Come in, yeah.

[instrumental music]

Um, look, I'm not finished getting dressed yet, so-so..

Why don't you, um, have a look around, okay?

And I'll, I'll be right back. This shouldn't take long.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Let's see, incense.

'Damn.'

Whoa! Get.. Get.. Ah!

[grunts]

Nice place.

- Shit. - Are you a lawyer?

Um, yeah, yeah.

But, um..

...don't hold that against me.

[laughing] A sense of humor. I like that.

You know, brothers take themselves so seriously.

Well, you'll never catch me doin' that.

Well, that's good, it's all about

havin' a little fun, right?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I enjoy having a nice laugh now and again.

Life's too short, don't you think?

I sure do.

I see you got a little somethin' going on here too.

I'm flattered.

This is funny. This is funny.

What's so funny?

It just seems to me like a sister like you

would have brothers lined up around the corner because--

"A sister like me?" W-what does that supposed to mean?

I'm just saying that you got the tools to..

- I mean-- - I have the tools?

You see, now, why can't a man and a woman

just go out and have a good time?

Does it always have to be about sex?

Never mind.

I should've known better than to expect anything more

from one of Lenny's friends.

Oh, yeah, what's this? Your little freak kit?

That came in the mail. Shopping Network. I-I--

Stop it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Look, I didn't mean it, really.

Really. Okay?

Come on, I mean, some brothers can look at a beautiful woman

and not lose their mind.

I mean, I was tellin' the fellas just this afternoon

"You do not always have to conduct yourself like dogs."

- I told them that. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, you can be my sister.

Really?

I could be your sister?

Yeah. Yeah, you can be my sister.

Okay.

Well, in that case

you should open that bottle of champagne.

That'll work.

[chuckling]

You are such a gentleman.

I'm just trying to make you feel comfy.

Whoo!

Whoa.

Here you go.

Little bubbly.

Thank you.

[chuckling]

Do you have a girlfriend?

Excuse me?

You know, I get so tired

of playing all those games, don't you?

I mean, it's like..

We never say what we really want.

Now, be serious.

What was your first thought when I walked in this house?

[chuckling]

I mean, you had some music playing softly.

You had your lights down low.

I mean, come on.

See, that way..

...we can stop wasting time.

I mean, if this is all you want..

...here it is.

[chuckling]

See, now, you don't really need to be drinking

'cause then you'll really start trippin'.

Oh, Timmy. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Put my fire out.

Say what?

Put..

...my..

...fire..

...out.

- Gotcha! - What?

[doorbell buzzing]

(Woo) 'Better get that.'

Oops! Don't forget the hat.

Sister, huh?

(Hop) 'You ain't watchin' that porno..'

'...starring Samuel Jackhammer?'

(Frankie) 'Come on out, baby.'

Come on, open the damn door, boy!

Hey, Tim, what's up, man?

- What's up, fellas, what's up? - Is that a joint in your mouth?

Oh, hell yeah, here you go, Hop.

Oh, shit, McColly got the party started up in here.

Hold up. Look, I-I'm kinda busy now, y'all.

What's going on with your clothes, Timothy?

Oh, shit, Tim tryin' to get some trim, y'all.

Who you got in there, boy, ugly Rita?

Did she get out the kennel?

[barking]

Rita!

Hey, look, fuck all y'all, okay?

Tim.. Oh..

Uh, I didn't know that we had more company.

Um, well, fellas, thanks for coming by.

Um, I'll catch up to y'all later.

You know how, you know how it is, man.

Aren't you gonna invite your friends in?

- Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is?

This is Woo.

Woo, this is the fellas.

'Romaine, Frankie, and Hop.'

Woo?

See, I-I knew you was part Japan.

Um, we were just leavin'.

Perhaps, we'll join you.

Um, we were just gonna go to a movie. Somethin' dull.

What movie?

Um, why don't you finish getting dressed?

You know how I hate to miss the beginning of the movie.

Home alone, huh?

Did you fuck her?

Can you watch your mouth, please?

Is that all y'all think about?

Tim, you know that's too much woman for you, man.

You gotta crawl before you walk, brah.

(Hop) 'No, Tim, really, for real though, yo..'

She a ho, ain't she?

(Frankie) 'No doubt.'

Oh, shit, Tim done paid for a ho

to come up in here and do some wild shit!

[laughing]

She do parties?

(Frankie) 'Eh, does she do bar mitzvahs?'

(Hop) 'Does she do ho bar-mitzvahs?'

- She's not a ho, okay? - Oh, shit.

Tim, she either got to be gettin' paid

or crazy to be up in here with your ass, fine as she is.

- 'That's right.' - You know what?

[Woo screaming]

Oh, shit, that's her pimp, Hop.

Wha-what?

I'mma whoop his ass and take his money.

(Frankie) 'Oh, no.'

You use Red Velvet?

Yeah.

My cousin wore Red Velvet.

It's a popular fragrance.

My cousin was a construction worker, okay?

And one day

he walked underneath one of those things

that drives the-the beams into the ground.

- Oh, that's a pile driver. - 'Right. A pile driver.'

They struck water trying to get him out of there.

Sorry.

[whimpering]

Take it.

(Hop) 'Hey, did you see that?'

(Romaine) 'No, see, I gave him the ball'

'because I think a nice 90 mile an hour curveball'

'would cut all that stuff short.'

Well, um..

I guess you..

..probably need a minute to--

Yes, it's very true. I do need a minute.

But I want you to get that outta here.

- Get it! - I got it.

Okay, so she's a little high strung.

Hell, no! That ho crazy as a rope.

Yeah, man, Woo in Japan must mean

nutty bitch with seven years bad luck.

Tim, salsa night, Washington Square Park.

Yo, yo, yo, that's where we'll be when you finish with Cybil.

Yeah, red hot Puerto Rican chicas.

[singing in Spanish]

Y'all just jealous, that's all.

I really don't like being referred to as a "Ho."

Look, I'm sorry.

Now, I see why there are so many single women in New York.

- They were just clownin'. - So was I.

I mean, I hope you didn't take me seriously.

Look, I'm nothin' like my boys.

Come on, I mean, they're my boys and everything

but, hey, I'm different.

Can we start over?

Why don't you just let me take you to dinner?

Great.

[instrumental music]

Well, what are you doing?

Changing.

In my car?

Well, stop the car and I'll change on the corner.

[cycle bell ringing]

Man, would you get outta here! Get outta here! Go!

You are so grouchy.

Sorry.

Sweetheart, I'm gonna open up another bottle

of the old Nightyard.

Beautiful, baby.

What you want, peach or watermelon?

'They taste the same.'

Watermelon it is.

Oh, shit. Babe, I got one more hot wing left.

- Want it? - 'Got for it, baby.'

Hey, babe, I'm thinkin'

maybe, me and you should go to Shakim's party early.

'What do you think?'

I think there'll be none of that shit tonight.

- Huh? - 'Sit tight, sweetheart.'

Big Willie cometh.

"Big Willie cometh?"

Come on, Willie, we got work to do.

(man #1) 'Would you like some wine with dinner?'

[violin music]

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Nicholas. Nicholas!

[chuckles]

It's a great table. Really wonderful.

This is the best I could do without a reservation.

But you'll love the food.

Do they serve spaghetti here?

- 'Spaghetti?' - Mm-hmm.

Woo, this is a three star Italian restaurant.

You can have any dish you want, authentically prepared.

And you want spaghetti?

Well, what would you suggest, Homeboyardi?

Trust me, okay?

Yes, sir. May I take your order?

Yes, you may.

I'd like the pollo al perd.. Al perdelle?

Funghas de grass scratchy. De gras scutchi.

- Yes, number 13, sir. - Yes.

And, uh, for the lady, the "Giletto Don Cornelio.."

Yes, the number 23. Very good, sir, I understand.

Uh, how about some wine, yes?

Um..

Una bottiglia di chianti, per favore.

[speaking in Italian]

[chuckles]

Oh, I learned a little Italian

while daddy was touring in Europe.

I speak a little Italian too, you know.

[imitates Sylvester Stallone] Yo, I'm at my house, Mick? My house stinks.

And that stings! That stings me.

Stallone, get it?

But you never answered my question.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Well, as a matter of fact, not at the moment.

A lawyer and you're not even spoken for? That's surprising.

Well, let's just say I'm a little old-fashioned.

- Who's this? - Where did you get that?

- Hey, hey. - You just gonna steal somethi..

Give.. You just gonna take something outta my crib?

Like 'em chunky, don't ya?

[speaking in Italian]

[laughing]

Very funny. Do you think Mr. Don Corleone

can give me some water next time, please?

I hate weddings.

- Excuse me? - 'Wait a minute..'

'Oh, my God.'

Tookie!

- Tookie! - 'Good Lord.'

Tookie! Tookie!

(female #2) 'I thought there was something wrong.'

That's my girlfriend. Come meet her.

- What up, Took! - We'll lose our table.

[screaming] Coincidence time or what, girl?

Oh, oh, do you think I shoulda worn the headdress

like the other bridesmaids?

Absolutely, it's tradition.

Woo, we're gonna lose our table.

- 'Oh..' - What the..

You got a lotta nerve showing your face around here, Eric.

What the hell is your problem?

(Woo) 'Tookie, you need your glasses.'

This is not Eric.

Damn, if you don't look a lot like Eric.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, damn, I ain't. Okay?

LensCrafters, they have your shit ready in less than an hour.

I'll be inside, Woo.

What is up with Bryant Gumbel?

He is a little stuffy, isn't he?

I'm trying to loosen him up a little bit.

What am I doin' here?

[instrumental music]

Mmm.

Hey, I brought you a piece.

No, thank you. I don't wanna ruin my appetite.

Alright, suit yourself. Mmm.

'Coconut mango.'

Look, I'm sorry about Tookie, but she just with the, um..

- What? - Would you like a better view?

She looked familiar, okay?

Well, that's not surprising.

Since they all do from the ass down, Timmy.

Ow. Ow!

Can't they just move this thing?

Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Hi.

Sir, over here.

You know what? Forget it.

What are you doing?

I am doing a little redecorating.

- Woo. - Oh.

Uh, miss, please don't tamper with the fire extinguisher.

How am I supposed to eat like this, huh?

Why are we sitting at the funky table?

As you can see, we're full.

Oh, you're full tonight, so you sit

the black people at the punt table.

'We didn't work hard enough in the fields'

to deserve a decent table?

(male #1) 'Senorina, please.'

Sir, look, really there's no--

Hey, I am talking to Ricky Ricardo here.

We might as well be in the storage room, okay?

Look at all of this, huh?

And what about this rope?

- 'Ow!' - 'Oh, man!'

[screaming]

[screaming]

Why you gotta lay your hand on me though, man?

And don't come back.

- Oh, it's like that, huh? - Yes, it's like that.

Signore, uh, your check, sir.

And I took the liberty

of wrapping your pollo alla gratiscucci.

You don't, you don't need those, do you?

No, not anymore, I don't.

Let's do something fun.

[scoffs] You know, you're something else.

Oh, come on, Tim.

[salsa music]

[singing in Spanish]

- Signorwe're gonna roll-- - No, no.

Coco.

'I see you came to your senses, boy.'

- Cole, what's up, baby? - Co-sign, what's happenin'?

Eh, I told you about that co-sign shit, didn't I?

Oh, man, he gettin' mad. Yo, man, forget about that.

Yo, man, you need to be checkin' out

some of these honeys up in here, baby.

Hey, yo, man, relax, man.

I see you finally got rid of that crazy girl.

Her name is Woo and she's not crazy, okay?

Hey, hey, hey, whatever you say, bruh.

I mean, you know, I seen the sister

run from a bottle of cologne.

[laughing]

[singing continues]

[cheering]

(Woo) 'Tim.'

Whoo.

Hey, Tim. Where have you been? You're missing all the fun.

Yo, yo, yo, check that out. Check that out. Hey, hey.

Hey, cutie!

Not you, your booty.

[chuckling]

Actually, I, uh..

- Mamasita? - Hey, Frankie.

I'm telling you, boy, somebody's definitely

gettin' licked tonight.

Do you mind, Rokaine?

- That's Romaine. - Whatever.

Yo, yo, you check out that girl with the-with the big ass..

Uh...teeth.

Come on, man. Let's step outta here.

- 'Come on.' - 'See you didn't need that..'

I don't particularly care for those young men.

'They don't respect women.'

Look, they ain't that bad, okay?

Frankie works down on Wall Street.

Hey, they some together brothers.

Whoo!

[screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

I was, like, "Smack me, come on. Smack me."

Thank you.

Mm. Mm.

Ah, nah, I don't like spicy. It's just too--

Oh, live.

Cheese!

So, what were you saying about propane?

Um, Romaine, he's got a CPA.

These are some smart, political, sensitive brothers.

[screaming]

(Hop) 'Damn, baby girl, I'mma suck the left one'

'and make the right one jealous.'

Me so horny. Whoo! Me so horny.

Hey, mira, why don't you come back here

and lemme show you my tootsie roll.

Frankie, why don't you show me your tootsie roll?

Hey, Woo, why don't you let me

show you a designer straightjacket?

You are so funny.

'But you know what I love best about you?'

Oh, no. Hell, no!

Tim, you need to take control of your woman.

- 'Yeah, what's up?' - Hey, man, y'all started this.

Rosa! Look here, let me talk to you, girl.

- I know you can relate to this. - Uh-huh.

Looky here.

Now, don't those fellas look interesting?

We have here, the flavor of Mocha Nuthead..

...with a little Jerry Curl Coffee Cream.

And over there, we have a little Nappy Road.

- Oh, I see the Nappy Road-- - Focus, man, focus.

[speaking in Spanish]

Did she just call me a chickfajita?

Hey, yo, later for this shit, man. What you gonna do, man?

You gonna roll with us or you gonna wait

for her medication to kick in?

You lucky Romaine didn't hurt you.

Oh, excuse me. I don't think so.

Gimme a quarter.

Gimme got hit by a truck.

May I have a quarter, please?

Please, please, please.

There, there, here.. Okay, take it.

(Celestrial on recorder) 'It's me, sugar. You should not be listening to this machine.'

'You should be out there searching'

'for the one I predicted.'

'I'm at the club if you need me.'

(Shakim on recorder) 'Yo, Woo, this Shakim.'

'Hit me on the celly, lover.'

Yo, who this?

It's Woo. What's up, Shakim?

Hey, I don't know. I mean, what's up with you?

You coming through?

- Oh, shit. - Yo, hold on.

Yo, man, I thought you niggas said you were professional--

Excuse me, could you talk to me, please?

...around like a basketball.

- 'Shakim.' - Hold on one second.

Shakim, hello?

Yo, M.T., you know you my girl in the bag of pearls, right?

But please, get your big ass up off my car, okay?

You fucking around putting dents in my hood.

Aye, fuck what you heard. It ain't your world, big girl.

- It ain't your world. - Excuse me.

Now, what's up? What you gonna do?

You comin' through or what?

No, I'm not coming.

(Woo) 'You just don't understand.'

'Look, this is very difficult for me.'

Denise!

Denise, I need to talk to you! Hey! Denise..

- 'You better stop right now.' - Need a lift? Sucker!

I need to talk to you. Denise...listen to me. Hey!

Look, I need to talk to you.

Damn!

Ain't this a bitch!

I told you, no.

You know what? Don't even come through, okay?

- Don't even come through. - Shak, h-hello?

[scoffs]

Excuse me.

Who's that?

Yeah, yeah, me and her go way, way, way back.

That's, um, the girl from the picture. Yeah.

- Mm-hmm. - She-she needed a car.

She didn't have any credit. So, like a damn fool, I--

Wait a minute. Did you co-sign for that car?

Well, yeah. I-I co-signed for the car.

I mean, she needed one.

I didn't know I'd gonna have to go through hell

to get the car back.

Tim, you're a lawyer. Sue her.

It's not that simple, I mean--

There are people who watch things happen

and there are people who make things happen.

- Which one are you? - Oh, I'm a maker.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, I-I make things happen.

Okay, well, let's get to makin' somethin' happen, fella.

Come on.

Then let's set it off then, hey.

Yeah, that's how I do it, you know.

You know what I'm talking about, see? Systematics.

Right.

- Here you go. - Voila!

Yeah, it's nothin' but the Benjamin, baby.

(Lenny) 'Where's my money?'

I said where's my money, bitch?

Unh-unh, wait. Damn it, Lenny!

What is a chicken ho?

Hey, baby, look. Look.

Sweetheart, I thought I explained this to you, I..

You-you know big daddy loves chicken. Right?

And-and, you know big daddy loves hos.

And you know big daddy loves you.

This is one time I thought we'd do something different.

Oh, look at you.

You look, you look so good.

Okay, fine. One minute.

That's all I'll need.

♪ Here chicky chicky ♪

♪ Chicky chicky ♪

Hey..

'Come on, baby.'

Let me see them hot wings.

Let me see them thighs, chicky.

'Oh, chicky. Oh, chicky.'

Oh, you dirty little chicken.

Let me see them breasts. Oh, yeah.

'Oh, yeah.'

Oh, yeah.

It's time for chicky to eat.

What?

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.

'Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.'

'Look, come on, walk right.'

Just like I showed you.

Come on, chicky.

'Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.'

'Now, cluck for me.'

[imitates chicken clucking]

Eat your dinner.

Oh, yeah.

'Go for the worm, baby.'

[sneezing] Oh!

[sneezing] Damn.

'I think you got a little cold.'

What is that, mucus?

No, it's these feathers. I'm allergic.

Chicken ho. What is a chicken ho?

I knew this wasn't fair.

Look, look, baby, it's not a sin.

- Maybe it's a little freaky. - Chicken ho.

- Baby, hold up. - No!

You want chicken?

You take your ass to the colonel.

Pimp daddy.

This is quite a neighborhood.

Is this where the party is?

It's just a little chill out spot.

[horn honks]

Safe than sorry, right there.

[whistling]

Why didn't you just leave it in the Batcave?

You know, I don't know if you're aware of this

but this baby happens to be an investment.

Come on.

Are you sure there's a club in here?

Positive. What is the matter?

Just didn't see anybody outside. That's all.

It's private.

I don't hear any music.

Listen, if you don't believe me, all you have to do is just--

I didn't say all that. I just.. This is different.

Alright, well, then, relax, breathe.

♪ I don't know if it's the pretty face ♪

Goddamn!

♪ That got everybody wantin' ♪

♪ To touch me like Case ♪

♪ Feels so good like Mase the pull over ♪

♪ Anywhere I want diplomats on the Rover ♪

♪ The way I put it on a nigga sober I have 'em comin' back ♪

♪ Knockin' on my door like Jehovas ♪

- Can I help you? - Uh, yeah,

Hey, I'm with the sister who, um, just went in.

Look, man, I don't know you

so you're gonna have to step, alright?

No, you see I was with the sister you just--

But look, you ain't got to read the book

to know the whole story, baby.

She not here. So flow.

'Get on with yours.'

Yo, Beast, man, what you sayin', player?

(Beast) 'What's up with you? How you doing, man?'

[indistinct chatter]

I'll be home in an hour, alright?

Hey! Whoo!

- Tim, what's up? - Please, talk to this man.

- You know this punk? - Beast, put him down.

[grunting]

Get on in the club, leisure suit.

What is happening?

What's up?

Call me.

[club music]

Whoo!

[music continues]

♪ We're havin' party tonight ♪

Woo-whoo!

That is my song. Ugh!

♪ We're havin' party tonight ♪

♪ It's only you and I ♪

♪ You took too long to ask now I don't know ♪

♪ If you can hang with my flow ♪

♪ Keep it on the below I start to fight ♪

So, you wanna dance?

No.

You don't wanna dance?

- It's too late now. - What?

[imitates cell phone beeping] Leave a message.

I'm sorry?

Woo..

Can you slow down, please?

'Woo!'

Excuse me.

The moment's gone, okay?

I wanted to dance, but instead of just taking me

out on the dance floor, you had to conduct a survey.

And now I don't feel like dancing with you, Tim.

What do you..

What do you mean you don't..

Woo.

- Tim? - Oh, uh.. Roger, hi.

Got it. Tim, uh, this is my, uh, niece, uh..

Uh, by the way thank you for the help on that brief today.

- Come on, baby. - 'Uh..'

Uh, no problem, Mr. Smith.

Yeah, that's Roger Smith, Esquire.

Listen, uh, Tim is the best damn paralegal

in the firm, and I'm not just sayin' that.

So, um, this is the, uh, the little woman.

Well, uh..

Don't you worry your pretty little head about Tim.

I'm gonna make sure he passes that bar exam

if I've gotta take it for him myself.

[laughing]

- I'm hungry, so.. - Okay, baby.

Uh, that's what we call her. Baby.

She's the youngest on my sister's side.

Y'all have a, have a nice evening, okay?

"Baby." He called her "Baby."

That's a trip 'cause she's fine, ain't she?

You're not a lawyer?

Not quite.

Woo, I'm a law clerk.

So, you thought you'd impress me by lying?

I didn't lie. I was just goin' with the flow.

You, go with the flow?

If you didn't think so much

we could be having a good time right now.

Nigger, we could be havin' a good time right now

if you can control your psychotic mood swings.

You've got a point.

I could say that different.

Damn.

[indistinct chatter]

[soul music]

Hi. What's your name?

Sucker. You know what I'm sayin'?

I mean, so what, I lied.

She's the one who pulled my pants down.

Oh.

Hey...I'm a man.

Oh, what I can see that you are, baby.

And I'd be happy to help you work out

whatever your problem is

just as soon as you buy me a drink.

Bartender!

I mean, I'm mindin' my own business, right?

Let me get, uh, two champagnes and whatever he's gonna have.

I don't have any more champagne.

I got spring water and melted ice.

You ain't got no liquor?

Are you deaf?

- Home alone, my narrow ass. - I need me a drink.

Come on out to the car with me, baby.

How much money you got?

Can't you see I'm experiencin' a crisis?

Oh, just forget about her, baby.

If you got you a bottle of Remy and a blanket..

[purrs]

...we could have us an evenin'.

Why am I talkin' to you?

Damn!

Man, they will sell a pack of air to anybody.

You having troubles, huh, dawg?

'You can talk to me, man.'

That's why I'm here.

Alright.

Suppose you met a woman, right?

I mean, there's somethin' special about her.

- Yeah? - Some.. There's a vibe there.

So, what she got, like some big titties?

A fat ass?

Never mind.

(Woo) 'Can you leave me alone?'

(Lamar) 'I told you I want you wearin' my pager!'

Get off of me, Lamar, okay?

I'm not wearing that customized pager.

[indistinct chatter]

Let me go right now!

I don't even like you, Lamar.

Wait a minute, I just wanna talk to you, alright?

- Just give me a second. - Woo, what's going on?

What you got to do with this, nigger?

Hey, we have no problem.

What are you, a fucking regulator?

This is my woman, fool.

- Go on, tell him. - Ex-woman, Lamar.

Okay? And you really need to get with that.

Oh, huh! Look here, girl.

I ain't gonna ask you again.

Hey, this sister is with me.

You know, you keep playin' the hero and you're gonna

find your ass fucked up.

Look..

Oh!

(man #3) 'Nigga got a gun!'

- Oh! - Oh!

You..

Lamar, you didn't have to hit him.

Yes, I did.

- No, you didn't. - 'Oh!'

(Woo) 'Oh, now. Now what?'

I know what you're tryin' to say.

What you tryin' to say now?

I know you ain't tryin' to say nothin'.

You ain't sayin' nothin' but a word.

You had to set her off, didn't ya, leisure suit?

- This brother here, man. - And you know what, Woo?

Every week there's something new with you.

You and Sammy Davis gotta get the fuck up out of here.

All I wanted do was just get out of the house.

- You know what I'm sayin'? - Come on.

(Beast) 'Looking like Tweedledee and Tweedledum.'

Bringin' up Jerry's kids.

You got me, huh? You got me again.

Lenny. Lenny put you up to this, didn't he? That's it.

Lenny found the finest woman he could

and he wants to see how long it'll take

before I say, "Fuck it!"

Well, you know what? Fuck it!

Alright? You win, okay?

I bet you, Woo isn't even your real name, is it?

It's cool. It's cool.

Why don't we just get in the car

and I'll take you home, okay?

[car alarm beeping]

What?

'My car!'

What am I supposed to do with this shit now?

Don't you say a word!

Is my name Crayola? Oh, I gets my man.

Well, then, you know it would've been on

'cause you know last week in a grocery store

me and her was about to get to boxin'.

Girl, her baby ain't got no infamy'

'or something crazy like that. I don't know.'

Mnm-mnm, 'cause Lenny told me that she wanted to get with him.

- 'Girl, I was fly.' - Excuse me.

I could've been little fly if I would've got

my orange patent leather suit up out the cleaners.

I'll be in the cell, my friend is here.

- Fine. - 'Oh, but girl--'

Excuse me.

Hold on for one second, Purina.

What?

My car was stolen about half an hour ago.

- Have you reported it? - That's why I came here.

What took you so long?

Yeah, but it took me some time to walk..

Is there someone I can talk to--

First of all you got the wrong form, so chill out.

Hello, Purina. Well, then call me back.

Girl, use 911, I'll get it. Okay.

Here you go.

Get you a pen here, and you're all set. Take this.

Now exactly.. Ex-excuse me. Excuse me.

Okay, I need to see your registration please.

It's in the car. I leave it in my glove compartment.

That's awfully dumb.

You leave your license in the glove compartment, too?

Look, it's been a long night, okay?

All I wanna do is report a stolen car

and get the hell outta here!

Now can I please talk to someone who's got a GED?

- Oh, no, you didn't. - Look, I'm sorry.

Look, I almost got my GED, motherfucker

so you can kiss my ass!

Oh, Lord.

I know you better quit trippin'.

Look, I don't care if you never

find your little raggedy-ass car.

- You hear me? - What's the problem, Crayola?

Itty-bitty Negro committee over here

don't know what to say about his mouth.

- I was-- - Shut up.

- What'd he do? - Stolen car.

- Oh, you stole a car. - No, I didn't..

Man, it's my car! Man, what are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's see some ID, brother.

(Crayola) '911, what's the emergency?'

- 'Hi, Purina girl.. - What's going on, Tony?

Can you see what's going on here?

You know this guy?

Oh, well, kind of, it's our first date

you know, but he's okay.

Well, if you say he's cool.

Listen, baby, I gotta jet

but, we'll keep an eye out for your car, ya hear?

Thank you.

(Crayola) 'I'm not catchin' a bus to the party in my gear, okay?'

You fuck her over and it's your ass.

I got two words for you, man. Johnnie Cochran.

Yeah, huh? Yeah.

Watch it.

- Are you okay? - Am I okay?

No, I am not okay!

I am definitely not okay, okay?

Well, I want you to know this hasn't been the most

fantabulous date for me either.

So, maybe you should, what? Stop crying.

- Stop cry.. I'm going home. - Mnm-mnm.

I'mma tell you what you need, Tim.

You need to relax. Okay?

Now, listen..

...if you weren't so uptight

maybe you wouldn't get into all the trouble

that you've been getting into.

Oh, I am the trouble?

Well, yeah, something like that. Mm-hmm.

I know what the deal is with you.

You're too fine for your own good. That's what it is.

Yeah, people been tellin' you, "You so fine," all your life

and you startin' to believe the hype.

That's your problem. You got fine-itis.

[laughing]

I give up. I give up!

You know what?

Here. Here.

Why don't you take a cab

to whatever else you decide to destroy tonight.

[scoffs] You know, what, Tim, don't do me any favors, okay?

I don't need your little bit of chump change.

Taxi!

Now, you know you wanna go after her.

Hey, aren't you..

Your conscience.

My conscience looks like Billy Dee?

Think of me as the Billy Dee in you.

Works for me.

So, why aren't you going after her?

For a subconscious, you got a mighty short memory.

This isn't mahogany.

I've got enough problems on my hands

than to be worried about some crazy babe.

Oh, why don't you spend a little time with the woman?

Check her out. Find out what motivates her.

It'll take some energy, but, it won't kill you.

[scoffs] How do you know that?

Well, my little brother

if you really like her, you won't let her get away.

She might be..

...the beginning of something

spectacularly beautiful in your life.

[laughing]

[gasps]

(Woo) 'Ah, what a baby.'

Okay, so the night didn't go that smoothly

but he's the one that lied about being a lawyer.

(man #4) 'Yeah, yeah, where to, lady, huh?'

(Frankie) 'You been trippin', man. You can't get us in, man.'

Yo, hold up, now. Yo, yo, I told you I was friend of Yerbie's.

And I told you, Yerbie ain't here.

This is a private party.

Hey, man, you've been bullshittin'. I knew you can't..

Yo, well, hold up. Now, I'mma handle this, alright?

Come here little, uh, blue moon.

You're playin' hardball, huh?

What's it gonna take, huh? 50, 75? A dollar?

[laughing]

Goddamn, girl.

- Hey, Barry. - Hey, Woo. How you doin'?

- Great. Carrie's back. - 'Oh, you know them?'

Um, you guys should come in with me.

Oh, great. Why would we wanna do that?

- Yeah, we ain't that desperate. - Yo! Wait! Don't..

(Hop) 'You just kicked my nipple, you nickel-kickin' heifer!'

We with her.

(Hop) 'Hey, yo, don't go in without me. Yo!'

Damn!

You better beam me down another quarter.

[club music]

Good googa-mooga.

Uh, yo, uh..

- What kind of party is this? - What do you mean?

(Romaine) 'Some hard-lookin' sisters up in here.'

- And big too! - Shoot. Y'all trippin'.

Well, look at them calves.

Some of these women got it goin' on.

Uh, I'm about to go to work.

Call me on my lunch break, huh?

♪ Shame ♪

- Hey, Woo, where you goin'? - Uh-oh.

♪ You got me thinkin' it's a shame ♪

♪ Sometimes I think I'm going insane ♪

♪ Go now serve it shame ♪

- Celestrial, there you are. - Hey, so you got my message.

Oh, you look fierce in this thing.

Did I predict twins?

I need to talk to you.

Oh, well, come and have a seat.

Yo, there is definitely a vibe up in here.

Um, excuse me.

Um, I don't mean to be rude

but is that a paper bag that you're wearing?

Well, as a matter of fact, it is.

I'm a designer slash astrologer.

Trust, I believe in all that cosmic carrying on in your la..

[clicks tongue]

- Makes sense to me. - Yeah.

Home alone wouldn't have been so bad tonight.

At least it would have been dry, at least

kickin' his ass.

[clanking]

Sure am glad I took those kung-fu lessons.

Yeah.

A man would be a fool to mess with a brother

who knows 13 forms of Chinese kung-fu!

Ka-chah!

[clanking]

Yeah.

Nothin but a G thing, baby.

- Huh! - Gimme your money?

[scoffs] You want my money?

What is this, smurf night in the ghetto?

[scoffs] 'I had no idea this was "Sesame Street."'

Who are you? Elmo?

The sister asked you for your money.

Damn, she got a fat ass.

[upbeat music]

[music continues]

(Tim) 'Ah-ha! Yes!'

Yes! I'd have bust your ass.

You and your girlfriend.

Whoo!

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles]

Right.

Oh, well, looky here. What we got? A 20.

(Celestrial) What do you mean it didn't work out?

He was just one of those people that

just had to analyze everything.

I mean, from the moment that we met till we got

to the police station, his little brain was--

Wait a minute, what were you doing at the police station?

His car got stolen, but anyway--

Hold up! His car got stolen?

He'll get it back, but thank the Goddess

that we got kicked out of the club

when we did, because then--

Wait, you got kicked out of the club too?

- Well, after the fight. - What fight?

Celestrial, you know how Lamar is.

He can't take drop dead for an answer.

He fought Lamar over you?

Well, kind of, it was more like he got punched out.

So, what exactly do you think is wrong with the brother?

He's just.. I mean, if you--

After some of the wretched low-life men I've seen you with

he sounds like a winner to me.

- If he could just-- - 'Girl..'

Are you sure you even took the time to notice?

'It's in the stars, Woo.'

Now, that was a dude in that dress.

That was somebody's father, girl.

Shoulders.

[click tongue]

Look, I gotta go.

Woo, wait.

Aye, yo, yo.

I'm the man up in this spot.

'Yo. And I didn't forget about my boys.'

I wanna introduce you to Adrian.

- Hi. - Christina and Madena.

[laughing]

Hi.

- You poutin'? You poutin'? - Yes, you are.

- Quit that poutin'. - No.

Quit that poutin'.

Alright. Yo, I got it all under control.

Hey-hey, who's in my pocket? Who's in my pocket?

'Yeah, daddy.'

- Call me daddy. - Daddy.

Daddy.

Alright, gimme a kiss. Gimme some, sugar.

Uh, I'll be right back. Y'all party up, alright?

Show my boys a good time, alright?

You know what, my girlfriend got that same dress.

You know, we are in love.

- 'I mean, really in love.' - Love.

(Medina) 'So am I, baby. Come here.'

♪ Girl your booty is so round ♪

♪ Let me look you up and down ♪

♪ Can I take you one more time? ♪

♪ I won't stop until you're mine ♪

♪ Girl if I cannot be with you ♪

♪ Maybe I could have a taste ♪

♪ Put your arms around me girl ♪

♪ And your kisses on my face ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now let me here you say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now everybody say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now let me hear you say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now everybody say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Girl your booty is so round ♪

♪ Let me look you up and down ♪

♪ Can I take you one more time? ♪

No, Hop, no!

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

♪ Could I be searching for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Could I be searching for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Baby I've been thinking about you ♪

♪ Wondered if you ever knew ♪

♪ All the things I want to do ♪

♪ Love and hold and squeeze and please you ♪

♪ Never get you off my mind ♪

♪ Thinkin' 'bout you all the time ♪

♪ Hoping that you want me to ♪

♪ Baby can't get you off my mind ♪

♪ And boy you're so exciting ♪

♪ You're so inviting ♪

♪ I'm gonna love you boy gonna bring you so much joy ♪

♪ Could I be searching for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Could I be searching for your love.. ♪

What the hell is your problem?

(Woo) 'Sorry.'

Need a lift?

Why? Why?

(male #2) 'Helps with the wetness.'

You better take that wet shirt off before you catch a cold.

Oh, what, do you think I'm too stupid to know

that I got on a wet-ass shirt that I gotta take off?

Well, I'm not.

Do I sense a little attitude problem?

Yeah, you sense a wet nigger

who's had it up to here! Attitude problem.

That's probably what you sensin', Woo.

So, how long have you two been married?

(both) We're not married.

What?

You've been looking all over Brooklyn

for this guy, you're not even married?

You've been lookin' for me

all over Brooklyn?

Let me check the meter. How long have you been in this cab?

Forty-two fifty?

You spent 42.50 looking for me?

Um, is that what the meter says, 42.50?

Oh, I get it now. I know what you thinkin'.

Yeah, you thinkin' I'mma pay for this, ain't you?

'Yeah, well, I'm broke.'

If you want my money, go find that little Nubian midget

that took my shit.

That's not what I need, Tim.

Well, what do you need?

(male #2) 'Oh, dear. I'm so sorry.'

I need you to stop tripping all over me.

I strongly suggest that you learn

how to appreciate a brother like me.

I hope you can forgive me.

[clears throat]

Yeah, well, I am..

I guess..

I guess I can forgive you

but you know you have been trippin'.

I know.

I've been trippin' all night.

You think you can make one more stop with me?

Please?

[upbeat music]

(Tim) 'Woo, what are you doing?'

(Woo) 'Just stay here. I'll be right back.'

♪ The gang niggers know their name ♪

♪ You represent the color you can hardly get hot here ♪

♪ Plus we supply you with the butter ♪

♪ Jump on my bike and take flight ♪

♪ Me and my team regulate ♪

♪ Tight fight yo ♪

♪ My world's straight bouncin' ♪

♪ Sticks and stones renouncin' ♪

♪ When they start announcin' ♪

♪ We'll surely rock this show ♪

♪ My world's been bouncin' ♪

♪ Six and forty ouncin' ouncin' ♪

♪ When they start announcin' ♪

♪ Go forth we rock and rollin' ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

Um, excuse me.

Shakim, can I talk to you for a minute?

Look who decided to drop by and fuck up our thing?

Uh, Chocolate Delight

I'd just like to talk to Shakim a minute--

No, no, no, look, I need to talk to you, okay?

Let's get a couple of things straight here, okay?

I need to live my life my way.

I'm a man now, Woo, okay?

I got hair on my chin, my chest, and my balls

'which makes it official.'

You're damn sure a man, baby.

- Uh, Shakim, I'm-- - Now, look, no, no, no.

I don't need you comin' around here trying to mess up my--

Shakim!

Shut it up for one minute.

I'mma have to kick this bitch's ass.

- Whoa, whoa, hold, hold.. - Whoa, whoa, bring it on.

We're having fun. What? Come on.

Now what?

- Go? - Just let me talk.

Look, what is it that you're tryin' to say, Woo?

What I wanna say..

...is that I'm happy..

...for the both of you, okay?

And I'm very sorry that I didn't understand you..

...or you.

I've realized that no matter where you find love

or who gives it to you, it's a good thing.

'So, I just wanna say congratulations.'

Oh, look at this.

Come here, girl.

[Woo chuckles]

[rap music]

Oh, hell no. Hell no, Woo.

I did not ride around New York City all night long

to get my ass chewed up and spit out

for you to end up with, with neon Negro.

(Shakim) 'You didn't tell me that you had some old'

scarecrow-lookin' motherfucker chasin' you around.

Hey, look, you better skip your ass down the yellow brick--

Okay, okay, alright, hey, hey, hey.

Hey..

Timothy, meet my brother, Shakim.

You mean, a brother, or-or your brother?

My brother, as in relative.

You mean, y'all got the same father, what?

- Yes. - Now, don't you feel hurt.

Okay? And meet his fiancee.

- That's Miss Foxy. - That's my baby.

- Nice to meet you. - Hey, how are you?

(man on speaker) 'Yo, everybody, this is for Shakim and Foxy.'

'Congratulations on your engagement.'

'Keepin' it real.'

Baby, this is our song.

[applauding]

Excuse us.

Thank you, Tim.

For what?

You opened my eyes.

- Did I? - Mm-hmm.

Well, there's something you gotta do for me.

What?

Let's just say I'm about to make some things happen.

- Hm? Come on. - Oh.

He has a '92 Pathfinder, right?

Clutch is slippin', so I figure it's the transmission.

- Want to check it out for me? - Sure, here.

Give me a call at the shop sometime.

Alright.

Runnin'. Wooh!

♪ I'm runnin' things heh ♪

♪ I'm runnin' things ♪

Yo, this is the spot!

I'm here every week. Every week!

I got it goin' on up in here, yo.

I had a ball.

Nah, man. I think you had two balls.

He has so many balls.

He could've played some pool up in his piece.

Oh, psych.

What?

What? Oh, y'all's playin' pool again?

You can't beat him, boy. Leave him alone.

Hey, y'all check out Phyllis?

That's Phillip.

You didn't see "The Crying Game?"

You didn't look at the neck?

Yeah, I checked out the neck, fool.

I'm the one that put them hickies on it.

'I've been suckin' on it all night.'

Hop..

...they were all men.

Yo, it's time to go, man.

Don't call me no more.

[snickering]

You need to rent "The Crying Game."

♪ And when it.. ♪

[gasping]

♪ And when it.. ♪

Oh. Oh, God. Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

♪ And when it.. ♪

Hop! Hop! These are my girls.

(all) 'Hi.'

[screaming] Get your ass outta here, nigga! Grr!

[whimpering]

♪ And when it.. ♪

- Come on, Hop. Let's go.. - Come on, Hop.

Don't touch me! Don't touch me.

Come on, man.

- You didn't see me kissing him. - Come on.

(male #2) 'Uh, I don't like this.'

(Tim) 'Turn your lights out. Turn your lights out.'

Okay.

(Tim) 'Yeah. Pull right over here.'

Yeah. Okay.

Gimme your slim jim.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Give me your slim jim, please!

Come on, all cabbies got slim jims.

You got any money, Woo? Come on, give him a ten.

- Twenty. - Ah! 20?

- I don't think so. - Let's try 15.

So...first you were a lawyer, and now you're a car thief?

To the nails, okay?

Just watch my back, alright?

Thank you, Genie.

Tim, I cannot believe you're doing this.

Hey, man! It's a Vette!

Jiggle it to the left and jerk it up.

[automated message] 'Step away from the car.'

'Step away from the car, motherfucker.'

'Step the fuck back.'

'I said, step.'

Tim!

[automated message] 'Step away from the car.'

What the hell is goin' on?

[automated message] 'Step away from the car, motherfucker.'

Hasta la vista, pretty lady!

[engine revving]

[automated message] 'I said, step.'

Um, what's going on?

You wanna know what's going on?

Okay, I'm gonna tell you what's going on.

Who the fuck are you?

Latifah Jefferson, State Repossession Agency.

(Woo) 'I am here to repossess your car.'

What?

Yeah, and we caught up with your little friend, Timmy Jackson

and he lead us right to you.

That little bitch.

(Denise) 'Sends a woman over here to come get his car.'

He didn't have enough balls of his own to come get it himself.

(Denise) 'But it doesn't matter, 'cause I could call him up tomorrow'

'throw a little somethin', somethin' on him.

[scoffs] 'And have another one by the end of the week.'

[glass shattering]

You better get your ass, a bag of subway tokens

'cause you're gonna be catchin' the train from now on, baby.

Come on, Woo.

Gotta go, sister.

Girl, you better give me back my keys.

- I don't think so. - Tim!

Timmy!

Nice meeting you, Denise!

Come back here, Tim!

You know you still love me.

You know you still want this.

[grunts]

Shit!

- 'Whoo-hoo-hoo-whoo! - 'Ha-ha-ha-ha!'

(Tim) 'Yeah, ha-ha.'

[screaming]

Whoo-hoo! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, girl.

That's how I'm livin'. You know, what I'm sayin'?

Oh, you were so sexy when you threw that brick

through that window, Tim.

I came strong with it, didn't I, girl?

Oh, you came strong.

I feel like a whole new me. You know, what I'm sayin', Woo?

I knew you had it in you, Timmy.

Oh, I got it in me.

I got Woo in me, girl. I got you in me, girl.

I ain't lettin' it go, neither.

Whatcha wanna do, huh? The night is young.

Come on, it's yours.

Wooh!

That is my song.

Ah!

Oh!

[chuckles]

Whoo!

[tires screeching]

♪ Mm hmm-hmm hmm-hmm ♪

♪ Who made tomorrow? ♪

What are you doing?

This time I'm not gonna miss the moment.

Come on, girl.

♪ In times of sorrow ♪

♪ Who made the tears go away? ♪

♪ Is there someone to show you the way? ♪

♪ To make all your dreams come true ♪

♪ I will ♪

♪ I'll always love you ♪

♪ Ooh I will ♪

♪ I'll always be faithful ♪ ♪ Baby I will ♪

♪ 'Cause I adore you ♪

♪ I said I will ♪

♪ I will be right here.. ♪

- Shit! - Dammit.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Forget the car. - No, No!

Come on.

No!

(Tim) 'Oh, my ride.'

[clattering]

[crashing]

(male #3) 'Sorry!'

You did have insurance, right?

[upbeat music]

(Woo) You would look much better in a Porsche anyway.

(Tim) You know, you're right. Come on, let's dance.

♪ Now it's summertime ♪

♪ We've been together now ♪

♪ For a little while ♪

♪ It's a perfect kind of season ♪

♪ To fall in love babe ♪

♪ Let's go all the way and make this last ♪

♪ You see my mind ♪

♪ Is already made up ♪ ♪ Made up ♪

♪ I know exactly what I want ♪ ♪ What I want ♪

♪ And I'm waitin' for you to give it ♪

♪ Just let your mind run free and give your love to me ♪

♪ Oh won't you let me? ♪

♪ Let it be ♪ ♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Oh fantasy ♪

♪ Yeah let it be ♪

♪ We can make love on the white sand ♪

♪ We can do it all night ♪

♪ Till the sun rises again ♪

♪ We'll build some memories ♪

♪ To last eternally ♪

♪ You know my mind is already.. ♪

♪ My mind is already made up ♪

♪ I know exactly what I want ♪

♪ And I'm waitin' for you to give it ♪

♪ And let your mind run free ♪

♪ It has to be what you want it to be ♪

♪ What you let it be ♪ ♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Baby ♪ ♪ Baby you and me our fantasy ♪

♪ Won't you let it be ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

♪ Baby come closer than close ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Original they never will be ♪

♪ We bumpin' from coast to coast ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We just tryin' to make you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it better ♪

♪ I'm sittin' here trippin' my mind is blocked ♪

♪ Nate Dogg just spit it so it's time to cock ♪

♪ No one can do it better like this two man crew ♪

♪ They say we're one hit quitters ♪

♪ Now whatcha'll gonna do? ♪

♪ Always into somethin' that's my name ♪

♪ Only out for money hey 'cause that's the game ♪

♪ People always ask me why I'm out for scratch ♪

♪ He who has the most is he who won the match ♪

♪ Strike one me and Nate Dogg is a match ♪

♪ Strike two two leave 'em standing still in their tracks ♪

♪ Strike three you can call us two one three ♪

♪ It's the L and the B that makes me act like a G ♪

♪ My exhibition started back in '93 ♪

♪ No one nobody listenin' but Warren and me ♪

♪ To all the nonbelievers now I bet you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it better than me ♪

♪ Make it come closer than close ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Original they never will be ♪

♪ We bumpin' from coast to coast ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ We just tryin' to make you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it better ♪

♪ They call me DJ the sparkplug keepin' it licked ♪

♪ There is no accident for these platinum hits ♪

♪ So when we make it to show love ♪

♪ Bangin' in your club ♪

♪ Hangin' with your thugs givin' up G love ♪

♪ Do you remember back on the eastside ♪

♪ When all of us niggas used to love to ride ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

[music continues]