All language subtitles for The.Wood.1999.WEB-DL.x264-RARBG

Jerome! Jerome!
Put on that Bobby Womack!

No, girl. I wanna go way back.

Yeah, check this out.

Oh, great.

Please put that in the kitchen
until the reception.

Thank you very much.

Watch the wall. The wall! The wall!

Now who we got over here?
Who's this pretty lady?

I told Oliver we shouldn't do this
in our home.

What's wrong?

I don't know why we couldn't have done
this at the church like everybody else.

But oh, no. Mike, would you get
that out of my face, please?

Come on. You know
Mr. Blackman is gonna like this one.

Yeah.

- You know I have some videos myself.
- Yeah?

You know I keep everything, boy.

You trying to blackmail me?

Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm trying to do.

Oh, you tell my son Roland
I wanna see him.

Okay-

Oliver?
Time to set up the chairs outside.

Oh, man.

It just wouldn't seem right
without any drama.

Boy, I never thought
I'd see the day Roland get married.

Apparently, neither did he.

I mean, we got three hours
till this wedding kicks off,

and can't nobody find him nowhere.

By the way, my name is Mike.
Big Mike in the Wood.

But we'll get to that later.

Oh, boy.

Oh, what's the Wood?

Well, it's not what you think it is.

No, it's Inglewood, California.

It's where I grew up. Me and my boys.

Me, Roland and Slim and...

There goes Slim right there.

He's been a little pissed off
ever since Ro turned up missing.

Every five minutes he's walking up
to me saying something crazy like...

Where the fuck is that nigger?
Ro tripping.

See?

Who the fuck you talking to?

Excuse me.

Look, I'm gonna tell you like
I'm gonna tell Ro when I see him.

If he didn't want to get married,
he shouldn't have asked.

Ain't nobody put a goddamn gun
to his head.

Shit, he trying to be Hugh Hefner
and get married.

You know Hugh Hefner is married?

Look, well, he divorced now.
Fuck him, too! That ain't the point, Mike.

The point is we were supposed
to meet that photographer an hour ago!

Shit! That's the fucking point.

Don't ever front me in front of people we
don't know, nigger. You lost your mind?

What's wrong?

Man, look, y'all don't mind Slim, man.
He's always like that.

I mean especially him and Ro,

they always in disagreement
about something.

It's always been that way.

Me? I get to play the peacemaker.
The mediator.

Oh, God damn!

It's hard to believe we dressed like this
and thought it was cool.

Oh, man.

Well, clap your hands
to what he's doing.

It was 1986 when me,
my little brother and my mom,

we moved
from North Carolina to Inglewood.

That's a small suburb of Los Angeles.

My mom, she relocated to
a new nursing job at Centinela Hospital.

I was hoping for the last time.
This was my third school in five years.

Man, it was just
like the movies out here.

Man, it was just
like the movies out here.

I mean, it was the middle of January,
yet it was 80 degrees.

Not a cloud in the sky.

Oh, man, palm trees, sunny skies...

And, of course, beautiful women.

You see her titties in Purple Rain?
You could eat off those.

- What?
- Oh, man.

- We're all dead.
- Yo, you crazy.

You can't tell me Vanity wasn't
looking fine in Last Dragon.

She show no tit. That's what I'm saying.

- What?
- That's what I'm saying.

Something's wrong with your ass.
Yo, let's ask him. Hey, man.

Yo, man. Who's finer?

- Vanity or Apollonia? This nigger know.
- Come on, man.

- Apollonia, man!
- Vanity?

Yo, nigger, what I tell you, man!

This nigger don't know
what he talking about, man.

- Whatever. You're the new kid, right?
- Yeah.

So what's up, nigger?

- You cuz or blood?
- What?

Yo, here we go.
Nigger, are you cuz or blood?

- Cuz what?
- Oh, damn.

What set you from, man? You know?

I don't know anything about any sets-
I'm from North Carolina-.

Oh, word? North Carolina-.

That's why nigger sound
like Willie Nelson.

Hey, yo, man.

- You better off just hanging with us.
- Yeah, man.

You see, there's some shit
you got to learn

if you gonna make it in the Wood.

Yeah, man- You might fuck around
and say some shit that'll get you shot-.

Shot?

- You know, shot. Bang, bang.
- Guns.

- Damn!
- Nigger don't know nothing!

No, but, man, I'm Roland, man.
This skinny fool here, this Slim.

- Yo, what up?
- I'm Mike.

- All right, Mike.
- You play ball, Mike?

I play baseball.

- Baseball?
- Baseball?

Nah, nigger! We ain't in Boston.

That's that ol' white boy
Ricky Schroder shit, man!

I'm talking basketball, baby!

Like Curtis Rowe!

No. But I watch it a lot.

What? Give me that shit back, man.

Rule number one in the Wood,
either you gang-bang or you play ball.

Yeah, you know,
or you could be a pimp like me,

'cause I gotta stay clean, you know?

- This nigger!
- Okay, fool. Shit.

Oh, whose homeroom you in, man?

Mrs. Hughes?

Oh, word. Miss Hughes. Yeah,
come on, man. You can roll with us.

- That's where we going.
- So...

- So what's with the threads?
- Yeah, man.

Hey, look out for Miss Hughes, man.

Somebody need to give
that woman a tic tac or something.

For sure, man.

Look out, man.

Oh, man!

Man!

Who is that?

Man, that's Alicia.

- Yeah, she fine as hell, ain't she?
- You ain't never lie.

Shit. What, you like her or something?

Oh, no, man.
I just think she look good, you know?

- That nigger don't lie neither.
- Shit. Hell, yeah. It's cool though.

'Cause so does every nigger
in this school.

Watch this though.

Hey, Alicia!

What you doing, man?

Alicia! Hey, you know,
you looking nice today, right?

You ain't got play, man.
You need to give it up!

Fuck you, man. She loves me, man.

Alicia!

Man, it was early in the morning,
but my hormones were wide awake.

Okay, okay, settle down.

Before we begin,
I would like to introduce Michael.

Today is his first day.

Why don't you stand up

and tell the whole class
a little bit about yourself?

Yeah, Michael!

Mikey.

I kept thinking,
"Please go down. Please go down!"

Well, I'm Mike.

No, no, not from there. Come up here
so the whole class can see you.

Okay, okay. I just gotta be cool.
Think of something.

Baseball, yeah.
Think of baseball. Yeah.

First base, second...

Hell, I'd like to hit
a home run with Alicia!

Shit! Bad move!

Look at his ass.

Ah, well... I'm Mike.

I'm from
Winston-Salem, Noflh Carolina.

And I like sports-.

And that's it.

"I like sports, and that's it-"

- Levinio, is something amusing you?
- No, Miss Hughes.

Well, then you can turn to page 15
like everybody else in this classroom.

Levinio?

Miss Hughes, what page is 15 on?

Never mind. I'll find it.

Ro.

Hey, man,
whose number is that anyway?

I don't know. But we'll find out.

Hello?

Yeah, who this?

Well, hello,
nice to speak to you too, Slim.

- Tanya?
- Tanya?

Oh, this is bad, real bad.

Is Ro over there?

- That Slim?
- Yeah, he's over here.

- He's pretty jacked-up too.
- Hey, girl...

Will you be quiet?

- Say what?
- He's been drinking.

- That nigger don't drink.
- Man.

This is a snag
of tremendous proportion-.

I mean, Roland and Tanya, you know,
that was his first love. First...

Look, Tanya, just keep that fool there.

- We're on our way.
- Big Mike!

Y'all need to come hurry up
and get him,

'cause I'm gonna put my foot
where it don't belong.

----'Cause we can get a party going on-
-Hurry up-.

No, we're coming right now.
All right, bye.

What's up?

I hope this fool didn't do
what I think he did.

Look, man, we just gotta go get him.
Come on.

Yeah, right.

Whoa, that's sweet, right there.
When you get that?

A couple weeks ago.
You know what I'm saying?

Nothing big, nothing big.
A little something, something.

All right.

Yeah, buddy, you work hard,
you might afford one of these one day.

You know me.

- God damn, Tanya!
- What's up?

Slim, come here, my childhood nigger.

Yeah.

- What's wrong with you?
- My niggers! What's up?

- Why the long faces, man?
- My God!

You been drinking Ripple?

- What's wrong with you?
- What?

You forgot about today? The wedding?
The flowers? The family? Lisa?

Hey, man, Lisa.
Lisa, I bet she looking pretty, ain't she?

Slim, she looking pretty in that dress?

He came like this an hour ago.

That's when I figured
I better call you guys.

Make it last forever

Tanya, Tanya, come here a minute.

Girl, you know

Come here.

That was our song.
Do you remember that?

Hey, what's wrong with you, man?

How can I ask this?
You guys didn't fuck, did you?

No, Slim! What do I look like?

You know, I could've got you.

No, I'm just saying, you know,
y'all had a thing back in the day...

Nothing happened, okay?
So you can just leave it at that.

Right. Yo, Ro! Let's break the fuck out
before she whoop my ass!

I ain't going there, man.
I ain't going to that place!

What do you mean you ain't going?
Nigger, I paid $100 for this tux!

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Are you crazy? What...

Check it out. I got some coffee brewing
in the kitchen. I will go get some.

- Thank you so much.
- Get some Listerine, too, please.

Listen.

Y'all gotta get the fuck up out of here

'cause I'm trying to get into that,
you know what I'm saying?

Did you see her booty? It was rotund.

I'm gonna make her booty jiggle, dude-
So take a walk, man-.

Nigger, what the fuck's wrong with you?

- What's your problem?
- I know you wanted to squeeze it.

You're getting married
in two and a half hours, nigger.

You better stop being a punk, hear?

You a punk.

I'll whoop your mud-bone ass.
You hear?

What's wrong with you?

You know something, Ro, man?

You're fucking up, man.
You're fucking up big time.

Damn, Mike!
I know I'm fucking up, man.

I mean, I love Lisa, dude. I love Lisa.

But, man, I don't know.
I just don't know, dude.

What you don't know?
This is not Jerry Springer!

Okay, I know what it is.

You thought about all that pussy
you'd be giving up,

and you punked out, right?

That's what it is, Mike.
He thought of all that ass he's gonna...

Somebody's always got to be

-punking out!
- Hey, what's wrong?

Ro, I'm gonna beat your fucking head in!

Hey, what are you doing?
Wait a minute!

Bring it on, brother!

Look here!

I'm sorry I had to break up your little
all-boys meeting, but this is my house!

- Thank you, baby.
- No! You need to drink this.

- I'm sorry.
- Cool?

No. Hold it! God...

- I'm so sorry, baby. Come on.
- My God!

This shit is cold.

Hey, nigger, look.
We gotta go, all right?

- The coffee's cold.
- This ain't the place, Ro!

Man, listen to me. My head is spinning.
I just gotta chill here.

Ro, this ain't the place.
Grab your shit, let's go.

Man, you...

- Let's go, baby.
- Let's go!

Listen, girl, we gonna get together.

Where you going with my pot?

- I'll bring this back. All right?
- Wow!

I always found myself
in the damnedest situations

messing with Roland and Slim.

I guess the first day of school
was no different.

Peep this. Look at that booty, man!

I bet it's soft.

Shit, like a Twinkie!
Man, I'd love to grab that ass.

And before sex,
there was grabbing booty.

Let me tell you, for a 14-year-old boy,
that was the best.

See, it was like a game.

Run up to a girl with a nice booty,
grab it, and then you run.

Hey. Mike?

Hey, yo, man.

- I dare you to grab her booty.
- What?

I'd do it.

Yeah, I know you will, nigger.
I'm asking Mike.

I know you wanna do it, man.
Come on, what's up?

Look, I'm gonna give you $1.

Damn, nigger! Let me hold that money.

Back up, bro, I got enough of your ass.

If you touch that booty, man, you get $1.

You better go on and do that.
You gotta do it right now though.

Man, okay. It's a bet.

- A bet?
-It's a bet.

Hey, but look, you gotta do it
before lunch is over or the bet's off-.

Yeah, man. We ain't got all day.

Okay. Okay, man.

- Check this nigger out.
- Oh, shit.

This nigger about
to get his ass whooped.

I was ready, determined.

Hell, for $ 1, it was worth the risk.

The booty was looking good.

Oh, shit!

Did you see him get hit in the face?

- Damn! She clocked your ass!
- Man, give me my $1.

- Here.
- Oh, shit.

Nigger, you crazy? You do not know me!

Don't you ever put your
stanking hands on me like that again!

Oh! And I will tell my brother.

Now, all this time
I was trying so hard to fit in,

I never stopped and asked myself

why the hell
they didn't wanna grab her butt.

- Her brother?
- Yeah, man. Stacey.

Remember that talk we had
about bloods and crips, man?

Yeah.

Well, that nigger's a blood.

He coming to get me after school
and then he gonna kick your ass!

Bet on that, punk!

Man! Why didn't you tell me?

Man, I'm sorry. I didn't think she'd get
that mad personally, you know?

- I guess since you new, she just tripped.
- Yeah, man.

No man, y'all in this with me.

- What?
-What?

You tripping. All I know is you better
run up out of here when school is over.

Word. Shit.

Now, any other day,
time drags during the last period.

But not today. Time was on crack today.

My only hope
was maybe she'd calm down.

You know, maybe she'd forget about it.

So much for that.

Mike.

Man, that girl got you bugging, man.

Man, you sweating
like you stole something.

You look like you a fast nigger.
I mean, I told you, you better run.

Man, what about tomorrow?

You'll have to run again, fool!
Yo, let's get out of here.

- We better go this way too.
- Yeah.

Shit, man.

- Am I glad I'm out of there.
- Hell, yeah!

Yo, you wanna go shoot some hoops
or something?

That's cool. We can do that.

- Yo, what's wrong with you, man?
- Come on, man!

- Yo, what's wrong with you, man?
- Come on, man!

Funny how any hint of a fight
always gets around the school.

So far so good. Look.
Ain't even nobody out here.

Yeah, man. Hey, let's go play.

Hey, man, my little sister tell me

you can't keep
your motherfucking hands to yourself!

- No, man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
- You think my sister a ho or something?

- Think she's a fucking toy?
- No, no, I think she pretty.

Fuck you, nigger! Hey, get off me!

- Leave him alone!
- Fuck you too, nigger.

What, y'all want some of me?

- Man, yeah! I guess so.
- What?

- No, man, this is my fight.
- Okay.

What, nigger?

Oh, shit!

Damn!

Fuck!

That's enough! You gonna hull him!

I could've sworn I saw the light.

A hand reaching out to me
from the heavens.

My mistake. It was his fist.

I told you to scare him.
Now, Stacey, stop!

What you think I am?

- Hey, come on, man!
- Stop! You gonna hull him!

I said stop it, Stacey!

Let's go, Alicia.

Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm okay.
- Alicia, let's go!

You know, I'm sorry about...

- Man, you all right?
- Not there.

- Oh, damn!
- Man, come on!

- I thought he was gonna kill you!
- Hell, yeah, man.

Hey, yo, you got a hit on Stacey though.
Nobody ever done that.

Nobody did that. You the mack.

Thanks for having my back, y'all.

For sure, man.
Hey, we always got your back.

Yeah, man,
we got you into this shit anyways.

We can't have you getting killed
your first day in the Wood.

Hey, yo, let's go, man.

- Hey, but was it worth it, man?
- What?

Nigger, was it worth it, man,
getting beat down?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah!

Can I buy you something?

In, baby, in.
Keep it moving, keep it moving.

Let's go. Come on, let's go. Hurry up.

Whoa, man.

- What's happening?
- What's up?

Yo. Where the aspirin at, man?

- Aspirin in the third aisle, man.
- Where the aspirin at?

In the third aisle! And please, Ro...

I'm getting you some tic tacs.

You got dragon breath.
I don't believe this.

- I got you.
- Don't believe this nigger.

What are you smiling about?

I don't see nothing humorous
about the situation.

I was thinking about all them times
we used to come up in here,

grabbing a whole bunch of mints
for them school dances.

You getting grits?

Them school dances, man.

I used to have all the girlies up
on my tail, right?

No. No.

And then...

There you go. Put another one.
Thank God.

That's hot, man.

Your no dancing...
Your no dancing ass, Mike.

No dancing!

How'd it go, Ro? How'd it go?

Do it, Slim, do it. Do it...

You're all just jealous, that's all.
You're all just jealous.

Oh, man, dances!

- Yeah, they was the bomb.
- The joints!

- Put this on that nigger's tab, please.
- All right.

If the aisles could talk,
the things they would say, kid.

You know what I'm saying?

Why do you still got grits?
Ain't nobody cooking you breakfast!

- I'm trying to make some...
- If the aisles could talk.

I'd been here
for a couple of months now,

so I was just starting to
get adjusted to Inglewood life.

Hi, baby.

Hey, yo, I ain't your baby.

- Y'all going to the dance?
- You know it.

Girl, you gonna save me that dance,
right?

I'll think about it.

What about you, Mike?

Yeah, yeah. I'm going.

I can't wait.
You know, it's gonna be fresh, right?

First dance of the year too.

Hey, yo, leave Tracey at home.

- I can't stand that girl, man!
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

What's up, Mike? What's up, Slim?

- What's up, bro?
- What's going on?

- You just missed it, man.
- What'd I miss?

Yo, Alicia just came over and asked me
if I was going to the dance.

- Okay. So?
- So that means she like me, man!

Hey, yo, you saw how she was looking.

Why the hell else would she come
over here and come up to me like that?

'Cause she wants to know
if you was going to the dance, fool.

My point exactly.

- Man, she asked me this morning.
- So?

Nigger, so she made it a point
to ask me early in the morning,

so it was probably on her mind all night.

Yo, whatever. You bugging.

Yo, but the dance
is gonna be slamming.

- Oh, yeah. For sure.
- For real.

You finally get to show
what you got, bro.

- What?
- Yeah, you can dance, right?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm like Dance Fever.
- Yeah, whatever.

You like Dance Fever?
We gonna see on Friday.

Yeah, why don't y'all stay
at my crib that night?

Oh, yeah, that's cool.
I'm gonna ask moms, all right?

All right.

- Yeah, me too.
- Oh, cool.

I gotta get to class, man.
I'll see y'all later.

I'd never danced a day in my life!

At least not for real,
you know, with a girl.

All I could think of
was Alicia being there.

I mean, I couldn't look like a fool.

So I figured, got a few days,
I'll just learn how to dance.

Now check this out.
It's 1580 AM on KDAY.

Oh, girl, you think I look good?
You think I look good?

I think I look good.

Wait, let me show you something.

Let me show you something, all right?

Like that, girl? You like that?

Smooth, smooth! Watch this!
Watch this!

Girl, that wasn't it.

You saw that too? it wasn't nothing, girl.

I'm gonna show you something else.

Something cool.
Let me show you something cool.

Watch this.

You like that? You like that?
You like me?

You sexy? You a sexy girl?

Come here.
Let me show you something.

Oh, yeah, you smell good, girl.
You smell good.

Oh, yeah.

What is going on? Michael!

Mom!

I was just dancing,
'cause there's this dance on Friday.

So you decided
to do the freak with a rabbit?

Ma, I never really danced before.

What about Deborah's wedding?

You were so cute.

Ma, I was four years old.
It's different now.

Ma, I was four years old.
It's different now.

Look at my little boy growing up.

Oh, Ma, that's the latest step.

It's called "the hip."

- So how's the job going?
-It's going well!

- The people seem nice.
- Good. Good.

So who is she?

What?

Only a woman can make a man
do the crazy stuff you were doing.

Come on, Ma. It ain't nobody.

Whatever, boy.

I'm glad to see you like it out here.

Looks like we're gonna stay here
for a while.

Anyway, I think
you need a little more practice.

- Just keep it down.
- Okay, Ma.

- Hell, yeah, boy, this is it!
- Yeah, word.

Yo, Mike, that hat kind of sweet, man.
Where you get it at?

Carolina Blue-
A store in North Carolina- I got it there-.

Why you wearing it like that, man?

- Like what?
- Like a poindexter. Let me help you out.

Yo, that's how the ballers wear it, man.

- Everybody got their pen and paper?
- Yeah, you know it.

A Pen?

Yeah, you know.
So you can get girls' numbers, man.

Whoever got the most numbers
at the end of the night get $1.

Yeah.

- I don't have one.
- You ain't got $1?

A pen, man!

Here you go.
I always carry a spare on me.

I mean, not that it really matters,

'cause Roland's gonna be getting
the most numbers tonight anyway.

Fool, you crazy! I know you...

It was all new to me.

I mean, I'd never even asked a girl
to dance before,

let alone try to get her number.

Hold up, man.
We didn't even do the breath tests.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit!

Damn!

I'm cool.

Yeah, but for how long, man?

Y'all ain't got no gum,
some candy, no Binaca or something?

Man, I need something too,

'cause my breath
is kicking like Bruce Lee!

- You ain't never lie.
- Shut up.

Hey, yo, let's go to that mini market
around the corner.

Hell, no, man.
It's like blood central up in there.

Yo, man, what else we gonna do?

I am not walking in there
with my breath smelling all tall and shit.

- Man, let's just go.
- Yeah, man.

All right, man.

Man, you gotta take that hat off.

- Why?
-'Cause it's got blue in it.

- It's light blue.
-It don't matter the shade. Take it off.

- That shit ain't cool around here.
- What up, blood?

I told y'all, man.

My fault, y'all.

Damn, man. That was too close, man.

- Yeah.
- I keep forgetting, you're the rookie.

Yeah, man.

Here go the refreshments right here.

- Tic tacs!
- No, no, hold up, man.

- Good idea, bad choice of flavor though.
- Yeah.

What's wrong with orange?

- School him.
- Man, I got this.

Look, with tic tacs,
they're always a good choice

'cause they're small
and they pack a lot of power.

Yeah. You wanna remember,
always go small

'cause you might be talking
to a fine-ass freak,

and the candy fall out your mouth
and, man, you look stupid.

And that shit counts, man.

With tic tacs, they small.

So even if they fall out,
they hard to notice.

- Especially in the dance, right?
- Yeah.

Oh, and just so you know,
fruit flavors always bad.

You would've thought they were
professors at Harvard or something.

I mean, they had breath mints
down to a science.

And that's important for slow dancing-.

What about- - -gum?

- I got this one.
- I'm gonna leave that one to Ro, man.

All right, the thing to always remember
when dealing with females,

suck, never chew.

Yo, you got that!

- Yeah.
- Okay. I'll get the green.

I'll get the white.

I'm gonna get some of them too.

Y'all, hold up. Let me get a soda
or something. I'm thirsty as hell.

Man, we gotta go-
The party started an hour ago-.

Come on, Ro, man. We got time.

Hey, motherfucker, give me the money.
Shut the fuck up and move!

- Please, please, please.
- Hurry up!

What the hell y'all doing?

Get down!

- What's going on?
- Check it out, Mike.

Hell, no, not this time, man.
You check it out.

- Hurry up!
- Let's all check it out.

Shit, man! They robbing the place.

No shit, man.
I didn't know what they was doing!

Man, quit crying.
We gotta get out of here, man.

No, we should stay here
and let them rob the place,

and then, maybe they'll leave.

Nigger, you know where the fuck we at?

Wait a minute,
where'd the other one go?

- What?
- I think they coming, man.

Oh, shit. I got something for his ass.

Hold on, man.

Oh, shit!

- Yo, check this out.
- What?

Some little niggers been up here
the whole damn time.

What? Bring they asses up here!

- I just wanted some tic tacs, man.
- Tic tacs, my ass. Get in the front.

- You go first.
- Hurry up.

Hurry up. Get up front.

Oh, man, them little motherfuckers,
they ain't nothing, man!

They go to school with my sister.

Stacey?

Don't say my name, homie! Damn!

Yo, the little nigger's got head though.

Beat his ass the other day,
he took it like a G.

Y'all must be going to that dance, huh?

Nigger, remember them
motherfucking dances, boy?

Don't you fuck with me!
Get on the ground! Now!

Shit! Y'all little niggers want something?

- Well, I was kind of thirsty.
- Go on and get it, homie. What else?

No, no, no, man, we cool.

You sure? At least let me give y'all
a little ride to the dance or something.

Least I could do, man. Come on!

You niggers is wasting time! Come on!

- Man, I'm gonna take you to the dance.
- Let's go.

Come on, man!

Nigger, you did get more Zig-Zags,
didn't you?

Shit, nigger, I forgot.

What the fuck you mean, you forgot?

That's the reason
we went up in that motherfucker.

Man, damn, I just wanted some rubbers.

You know, I'm trying to go
to Monique's house tonight.

Whatever, man.
Hey, y'all wanna hit this shit?

No, man, we cool.

- I'm all right.
- Yeah, me too.

- Fuck, y'all Muslims or something?
- No, we just don't do that.

Fucking more for me.

Try to be generous to you little niggers
and look how you do.

Man, I don't understand
y'all youngsters nowadays.

Hey, man, pass that shit back this way.

Fuck you, boy.

You ain't get no Zig-Zags,
you ain't get no drig-drag, punk.

That shit rhymed, nigger.

I should be a motherfucking rapper
or something.

- Right.
- I'm harder than DMC.

You crazy, nigger.

I'm serious than the motherfucker.

Make a whole album
about smoking weed.

Ain't nobody about to buy
no album about smoking weed.

Get some fresh-ass beats
like this right here, boy.

We'd sell millions.

Weed is universal.

You name me one race
that don't smoke bud.

See?

I'd sell millions, I'm telling you.
Call that motherfucker the weed album.

Everybody getting high.

Getting contact back there, boy?

Shit! The motherfucking police!

Here, take this, nigger.
Put the gun under the fucking seat!

- Open the windows.
- Put the motherfucker up.

Open the windows.

- Open the windows.
- Put the heater under the fucking seat.

Don't panic, don't panic, just chill.

Shit, nigger, if they ask y'all anything,

I'm just taking y'all to the dance,
all right?

How you doing today, Officer?
ls there a problem?

Yeah, you got a taillight out.

I need to see
your license and registration.

Slowly.

Here you go, sir.

Whose car is this, son?

It's my car, Officer,
but it's just in my mother's name.

- Your last names don't match.
- No, she was just remarried.

What are you crying for, nigger?

You better stop that bitch-ass crying.

Man, it's amazing how tables can turn.

I mean, at the store,
Boo was so tough and everything.

I don't wanna go to jail, man.

At that moment, though,
they were just kids like us.

Everybody out of the car. Now!

Put your hands behind your head
and lock your fingers.

Come on.

Everybody against the wall. Now.

Get your hands behind your head
and lock those fingers. Together.

Get those legs apart-.

And I don't wanna hear a sound.

Don't move.

You got any weapons or contraband,
tell me now.

Spread them. Spread them! Come on.

Come on, get them apart-.

Oh, man, we're going to jail.
I'm gonna be on Scared Straight!

Open those legs up. Spread them.

Shit!

They're clean, Mack.

- All this for a taillight?
- Shut up!

- You speak only when you're spoken to.
- I'm just saying...

Hey, young man, you heard the officer!

- Shut it up!
- Stacey, man, just shut up, man.

What the hell's going on over there?

Just my allergies, sir. I'm sorry.

Clear to handle an armed 211
at AA Mini-Mart?

1601 North Centinela.

This is unit C-6. We're in
the general vicinity. We'll take care of it.

Please, God,
if you get us out of this one,

I'll never grab a booty again, I swear.

- Hey, Davis.
- Yeah.

- Let's move.
- Okay.

Turn around, fellows.

You can go now.

And, you, greasy one,

get that taillight fixed.

Man, prayer really works.

The same robbery they just committed
is what got us off the hook.

You know, life's funny sometimes.
You just don't want it laughing at you.

You don't even try.
Get your crybaby ass in the backseat.

These kids have more head
than your motherfucking ass.

Man, fuck that, I'm riding in the front.

I don't give a fuck what you say,
you better get your ass in that backseat,

or walk home, or get your ass beat.

In the front, homeboy.

You, get up in front. Let's roll.

By the way, alcoholic,
what were you thinking?

I mean, popping tic tacs
when we was getting pulled over.

What was going through your head?

Man, I was thinking, "Yo, this could
be my last meal as a free man."

- Ro, you smell.
- I'll tell you what he was thinking.

He was thinking we might get
pulled over by a female officer,

so he might have
to sweet-talk us out of the situation.

Can't have no bad breath.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, yeah.

You know.

Check this out. We might get pulled
over now. You got more tic tacs?

Don't doubt the mack skills, okay?

- It's gotten me out of a lot of shit.
- Yeah, all right.

- Keep the change, homie.
- Yeah.

Get the fuck out of my car.
Go have some fun.

Hey, yo, little man,
let me talk to you for a minute.

I ain't gonna do nothing.

I apologize
about beating your ass that day.

But I was protecting my sister.
You know?

She cute, and there's always
some nigger trying to fuck with her.

Yeah, I know. It's cool.

You like her, though, don't you?

It's cool, man. I ain't gonna
do nothing to you. I told you that, man.

- I... I guess.
- You guess?

Well, yeah, I do.

What's your name, man?

- Mike.
- Big Mike. You've got good taste.

She cool- She smart too-.

She happens to love that
song by Luther Vandross,

If This World Were Mine.

And if they happen to play that,
I want you to get you a dance.

I'm serious, man.

Go have you some fun, man.

Big Mike.

Stay your motherfucking
crybaby ass in the back!

What's up, man? You all right?

Yo, man, what'd he say?
What'd he say, man?

Nothing.
He just wanted to know my name.

Oh, man. I thought
he was gonna get you again.

Oh, no, man-
Let's just get up in this party finally-.

- Yeah, all right.
- Come on, man.

This was it!
Finally, the party of all parties.

Oh, my goodness!

I never seen anything like this
in North Carolina.

Man, hormones jumping,
music pumping, booties shaking.

Paradise!

Oh. yeah!

I'm gonna be freaking
all the fine skeezers up here tonight!

Oh, check it out, Ro!

Go, Ro! Go, Ro!

Go, Ro! That's my boy! Yeah!

Hey, yo, let's lay back for a minute.

- Gotta see who's in here first.
- Okay.

Hey, look at that freak right there.
Damn!

Yo, that booty is nice!

Hey, I'm gonna dance with her.
You get her buddy.

Man, the power of horniness
is simply amazing.

It makes you forget everything.

I mean, we were just in a robbery,
and almost arrested,

but it was like nothing had happened.

Hey, ladies! You wanna dance
with me and my partner?

Yeah!

Horniness also made me forget
that I didn't know how to dance.

What you doing, man?

Man, I was looking like a fool.

Forget this.
I'll just get into my own thing.

I wanna show you something.
Watch this.

Oh, snap!

- Or you like this?
- Oh, Mike!

- Watch this. Watch this.
- Oh, no!

Girl, I'm dizzy.

Oh, Mike. Get it, Mike, get it.
Dance Fever, huh?

I'm getting tired. I think I'm gonna stop.

Okay. Okay.

Where are the party people?

I don't wanna see
nobody holding up the walls!

Get up and dance, y'all!

Freak, freak, y'all. Get up!

Yo, word. What'd I tell you?
This party is fly, man!

Yo, look. One from each corner
of the room, baby.

Ro ain't messing with me.
Check it out. Hey, yo, Ro!

Ro, how many?

Six?

Damn! I only got four.

Yo, man, I would've had way more
if we didn't get here so late.

- What's up, Mike? How many you got?
- I ain't get any.

- Damn! None?
- What?

You're gonna have to get up
off this bench

if you wanna get some numbers, man,
you know what I'm saying?

He's probably just waiting
on Alicia anyway.

You gotta leave that alone, man.

Everybody here is trying to get into that.

Including me,
'cause she sure is looking fine!

Hey, look, I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna go tell her
you wanna talk to her, all right?

- Man, don't do that. Come on.
- Man...

- Come on, man, for real.
- Man!

Come on, for real.

Look, man,
I'm just trying to help you out.

- Yo, why don't you hook me up?
- Shut up, fool.

Why don't both of you
go try to talk to her?

Look, all these honeys around here...
By the way,

I got one right over here, you know,
just about to be number seven.

- So, where?
- Right there, fool.

- Damn!
- Yeah.

Well, y'all gonna owe me
some money after tonight.

- I'll get it from y'all later.
- Man, I ain't paying for that one.

She got a big head anyway.

I gotta get more numbers.
You're on your own.

Okay, we're gonna slow it down
for the last one.

Guys, grab you one
of these fine ladies and get close.

That's the song. That's the song.

I've got to find Alicia, man.

I didn't get to dance all night long.
If I could get this one...

Somewhere inside I expected her
to be dancing with someone else.

I can't lie.

I was actually hoping she was
so I would have an excuse

not to ask her but say I tried.

Oh, man,
maybe I should think about this.

I mean,
I did grab her butt that day, but...

Wow! That was two months ago.
She's been cool ever since.

Hey, Alicia.

What's up, Mike?

Nothing. I just wanted to say hi.

This was the first time
you was alone all night.

I never really did get to apologize,

you know, for the bet.

Oh, right.

See, that's what you get for hanging
around Roland and his nasty behind.

Boy, I was nervous
as a hooker in church.

I really like this song.

Yeah, this is a beautiful song.

You wanna dance?

Yeah, sure.

My heart was beating
100 times a minute.

She was so soft, she smelled so good.

All I could think of was, "Don't get hard."

Hey, yo, look at that, man. Look.

I love this pad.

- Why don't you go dance with her then?
- You too!

Hey, that mean I can't call y'all?

That's it, I can't hold it any longer.

Captain, she's gonna blow!

I was in full salute at this point.

- You okay, Mike?
- Yeah, yeah.

This is how we do it in North Carolina-.

Well, this is how we do it in LA.

Party's over, y'all.

Bag it up, take it in. It's time to go home.

Walk me outside?

- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.

You know, I had so much fun.

Yeah. Me too.

So I guess I'll talk to you
at school on Monday.

Why not this weekend?

You asking me for my number?

Well, yeah, I guess so.

You guess so?

Okay, I am.

Here.

Yo, man. How the hell you do that?

Man, I told y'all not to worry about me.

Yo, whatever, man.

All I know
is I got seven numbers tonight, baby.

Well, the last one wasn't all that cute,
but she had a body, boy, I'm telling you.

- I won, man.
- What?

Hell, no, I got seven too. It's a tie.

Tie? There ain't no ties, man.

How many numbers you get tonight?

- Just one.
- One?

Alicia? Damn!

I knew you danced with her, but damn!

Yo, that number there is worth 10
of them skeezers up in there.

You won, Big Mike.

You taking all my money.

I'm still trying to figure out
how you swung that.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's why I'm Big Mike
and y'all ain't.

Nigger, don't act stupid.

I'm getting like Ro.
I'm forgetting about the wedding.

Look, man,
what do you want us to tell them?

- Word.
- I don't know, man.

He don't know?

Look, do you want me
to tell them it's off?

No, no, man, don't tell them it's off!

What the fuck, man?
What the fuck, then?

All right, look, you're keeping
the whole wedding waiting!

I need time to think.

Look, you should've thought
before you asked her to marry you.

Man, I did think
before I asked her to marry me.

Yeah, you know what, man?

You need to grow your ass up
and handle your responsibilities.

Man, I just don't want
to be wondering "what if," all right?

- You won't wonder, 'cause we're going.
-It is for life.

You won't wonder shit.

You know what I'm saying, man?

You need to step up to that, man,
face that, man.

Yo, man, pull the car over quick.

Fuck, hell, no! Ro, look.
I'm getting your ass there, all right?

Look, whatever you decide to do,
we gonna be behind you.

- But you ain't running, kid.
- Mike, tell Slim to pull the car over.

- You need to stop... You all right?
- Hell, no.

- No! N-O! Hell, Mike, don't even stall.
- Slim, he ain't looking too good.

I ain't starting,
he just don't look too good-.

Nigger, get the window.

No, no, no, no! Shit!

- Roll down the window!
- Get out. This is my new shit!

This is my new shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Look at this shit! Look at this!
Look at this!

These are Ferragamos!
They cost $300!

- Shit!
- How much you pay for them?

It don't matter, Ro! They're worth $300!

You got that? Do you got that?
No! You stupid ass!

Chill, man, chill.

- It's over, man. It's over.
- No, it's not over.

Look, get back in that car
'cause you marrying Lisa. Let's go!

If he don't wanna get married,
what you gonna do? Force him?

Fuck!

- I never said I didn't want to marry her.
- See? See? He's crazy!

Mike, he's crazy!
You're crazy, a drunk and a punk.

- Oh, shit!
- Why I gotta be a punk?

- What?
- Ro, step the fuck back.

-'Cause I will beat your ass up in here.
- Calm down.

You fucking midget. Don't...

Hey, Ro, have you lost your mind?

Have you lost your mind?

I will body-slam your ass. You calm?

- Are you calm?
- Calm.

You calm?

- Hey, Ro, Ro!
- You know what? You know what?

Stop playing!

Both y'all acting like punks, man.

Look, there's a wedding that is
or isn't gonna happen today, man.

Only you know the answer.

Come on,
don't let cold feet fuck this up, Ro.

What the fuck you gonna do?
You wanna do this or not?

- I guess so.
- You guess so?

Ain't nobody ask you
to get no donuts! Let's go!

That's good enough for now, man.

If he says no
when the Reverend asks, then, hey.

- Look, we gotta get cleaned up.
- Where we gonna get cleaned up, Mike?

Oh, hell, no. No, no, no.

Go. Just go.

Get this shit away from...

What the fuck is that smell?

Ro had a little accident in the car.
He got carsick,

and we need a place to clean up.

You need to go to a gas station.

76 has got
fresh paper towels and squeegees.

This ain't no damn commercial.

Look, Ro gets married in two hours.
Okay?

We really, really need your help.

Please?

I'm doing this for her.
Not y'all, and especially not him.

I can only imagine
what that girl is going through.

Whatever, look,
if we get him cleaned up quick enough,

she won't have to know a damn thing,
all right?

- You think you can clean the tuxedos?
- Word.

Nigger, what do I look like?
Alice from The Brady Bunch?

You need to take them to the cleaners
or something.

Now, you can clean up here.

I got some of my man's clothes
in the closet.

- Cool.
- I'm first in the shower.

Shower?

Y'all ain't messing up my bathtub.
There's a water hose in the backyard.

Hose? We ain't washing no dogs!

Says who?

Okay. What choice we got, man?

Through the back way.

The back... What, we servants now?

No, you stink now.
You ain't fucking my house up.

- Go through the back.
- Like Benson?

- That's bad.
- Yeah. So are you.

Thank you.

- Damn, this shit is cold!
- Fuck.

Maybe it'll snap Ra's drunk ass
back to normal.

Give me that shit.

- No! Stop playing!
- Yes, nigger, dance!

Fuck!

Damn, you all!

- Yo, Slim, stop playing!
- Okay.

- Well, well, well!
- Oh, shit!

I see not a lot has changed
since high school.

This is shrinkage, right?

Yo, back me up, y'all.

Really, though, the joke's over.

- Pass the clothes.
- What clothes? What you talking about?

Oh, my God.

We look like three
Steve Urkels with this shit you gave us.

We look like three
Steve Urkels with this shit you gave us.

I don't understand why
this is so painful for y'all.

- What you talking about?
- Marriage. That's what I'm talking about.

Y'all act like you're going
to the electric chair or something.

And this is supposed to be
a special moment.

Tanya, it ain't that simple.

You love her?

- Yeah, I love her.
- Then it's simple.

Getting drunk,
messing up your clothes, fighting.

Just so you can act
like you did in high school.

Thank you, Oprah.
It's time to get the fuck out of here.

- Can't take the heat, can you?
- I can take the heat just fine.

I ain't in the kitchen.
That fool's getting married.

But you do look good in them jeans.

- Thanks for everything.
- No, no, no, you're welcome.

Thanks for putting up with me, Tanya.

That's for the bride.

- That's cool. I deserve that.
- Yes, you do.

Ladies.

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

We need some clothes
done in an hour, please.

Certainly, gentlemen-
What would you like to have cleaned?

There's a church right down the street,

because it's gonna take a prayer
and a miracle

to have this cleaned in an hour.

Please, let me explain
something to you.

There's a wedding going on
and we're in it.

You're absolutely right.
We need you to work us a miracle.

All right, fine. I'll see what I can do.

But I'm not gonna
promise you anything, okay?

- Here. One hour.
- Thanks. One hour.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, all right.

- Think we'll get there on time?
- Let's see.

Yeah, we've got about
a little under two hours. We're all right.

- You want this last piece?
- I want that last piece.

Look, you don't need to be eating shit,
all right. I'll take it.

Now why do you always do that?

If you want the last piece, why did you
ask me if I want the last piece?

First of all, I didn't ask you.

But the reason I asked Mike

is the same reason
you asked Lisa to marry you.

It sounds nice.

See, that's cold.

I thought y'all was gonna be happy
about me having second thoughts.

And the way y'all was treating me
when I first asked her...

What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?

Man, when I said that maybe
I might move, what happened?

"Man, why you busting up
the groove, man?

"The brothers. The Wood. The Wood."

Look, I just don't think you need
to be following the woman, all right.

She should get a job and move
where you are. Nigger, be a man!

I am a man. That's bull, okay?

It's like, she has a good job,
so I'm gonna go and follow her.

Nigger, you need some panties.

Mike, will you tell
this ignorant negro, please.

Well, I'll put it to you this way.

I see what you're saying,
but Slim's got a point.

- No. I mean, fuck you, Mike.
- She could've taught out here too.

What about Alicia?

What about Alicia?

Nigger, that was high school, man.

She went to Columbia,
I got into S.C. Case closed.

All right. I think you also got into NYU.

New York University.

Damn, he's right.

- So now what?
- I'm gonna get me some fruit salad.

- Oh, no, stay. Let's talk about this.
- You just had a salad.

Let's talk about Alicia. Lying bitch.

For real, though, this is your home.

We've been together in the Wood
for years. You talking about leaving?

- Shit! We barely kick it as is.
- I'm getting married, man.

Nigger, what time, so I can be there?

Man, nobody got on you
when you went away to Italy.

Nobody said a damn thing.

- That was to play ball, Ro. I love ball.
- So, I love Lisa.

Then why are we sitting here
and not at the wedding, Ro?

'Cause you a punk.

"'Cause I'm a punk."
That's the answer, Ro.

"'Cause I'm a punk."
'Cause he's a punk.

All right, I got something
that's gonna solve all your problems.

All right, we're gonna do this
old-school style.

- Real quick.
- You gonna call his mama?

I got Jennifer Lopez.

- Oh, hell, no! I got JL over here.
- No. You got Janet Jackson.

I got Janet Jackson.
I always had Janet Jackson.

- You got Lisa Davis, all right. You...
- Your player card's revoked.

- One time. One time. That's it. Ready?
- JL's over here, though.

Let's do this. Let's do this. Do it good.

All right. One nice one.

That's me. I'm the closest one.

You always do that!

Oh, snap. You remember the bet?

I remember that.
You remember the bet, Mike?

You know I remember the bet.
Do you remember the bet?

- Don't tell me.
- Damn.

- Yeah.
- Damn!

Saint Bernard High School.
Lots of memories here.

High school was
a whole different world,

basically with the same objective
at hand. Girls.

Yeah, high school was nice.
Still beautiful girls.

Only now, instead of just booty,
they had legs, hips and breasts.

And I'm a breast man.

Yo, how you doing?

What's up, my brothers?

Checking out some fine-assed women.

Oh, shit!

The first day of school
is always the best.

- First day of school, homie.
- Yeah.

- Go grab Alicia's booty.
- Yeah, go on.

It's full of possibilities.

And for us, that meant sex.
The wild thing.

The nasty. The "mo better."

- I'll catch y'all later.
- What?

Man, leave them old
water-head girls alone.

Jealous man.

Look at your big head,
that's what's bothering me.

You need to stop calling girls
water-head, man.

Man, you need to shut up.
Look at that, man. Look.

Yeah? So?

So? You gonna let Eric
mack your woman?

- You know, he's a sucker, man.
- That's funny.

Hey, what's up, boys?

After that dance, me and Alicia talked.

We were a couple
for about three weeks.

That's standard
for junior high relationships.

We stayed friends, though.

You know, we juniors now.
We got to buckle down.

Yeah, man. Ain't it a trip, though?

Okay, so meet me at the library
at 5:00, okay?

- Why?
- Yeah!

This is the first day of school, girl.

Now, you know Miss Quiano
gonna give a test the first week.

Oh, for real?

Okay, I'll meet you there.

- All right. I'll see you later, okay?
- Yeah, me too.

Damn! Man, that girl's still fine as shit!

You know, man,
you should've stayed with that.

Come on, man, that was junior high.

I'm on to bigger
and better things now, man.

Nigger, like what?

- Like your mama, nigger.
- My what?

Yeah, baby! What's up? It's on me.

Hell, no, nigger. You're crazy.
Look, man, it's on me, man.

Yo, Mike, spin again, man. Come on.

Hell, no. Man, this stuff ain't for real.

Yeah, man, I know what you mean.
I'm tired of not getting no coochie, man.

Shit, we're juniors, man.

I need something real, you know?

I mean, man, females get
way too much power with this shit.

You ain't never lie.

- It's like they ain't giving it up, man.
- Yeah.

You know, I've been trying
to get at Monica for two months.

- Damn!
- Double damn! It's time to move on.

Hell, no, all right. I'm not
gonna warm up the slot machine,

leave, and let the next nigger
hit the jackpot!

I'm close. I know it.

This has to be our year,
you know what I'm saying.

We the "head" niggers now.

- You know, juniors, man.
- Yeah.

I mean, y'all niggers on varsity now,
and I'm looking better every day.

What?

As pretty as you are,
you still ain't getting no pussy!

No ass!

Yeah? Oh, okay...

But I bet I'll be the first one to get some.

Did you not hear me?
I said I'm gonna get Monica soon.

All right, well, put your money
where your dick is. Both y'all.

Yeah, in your nostrils, nigger!

- You always clowning, fool.
- Yeah.

Yeah, 'cause y'all know
I'm gonna win this bet.

That's why y'all clowning.

For real, man.
The first one to get some pussy

gets five bucks.

- Shit. Cool.
- But so this don't go on forever,

if after, I don't know,
a month, no one gets none,

we put in an additional five bucks.

Shit, cool. I'm with it.

Okay, I'm in.

- Let the games begin, baby.
- You bet.

What's up, girl? You know,
when we gonna make this real?

Stop. Stop. Slim, stop!

Now, why you acting
like you don't wanna do it?

Now, I was just thinking, you know,
we could make this a physical thing.

What you...

Hello?

- I'm not ready.
- Not ready?

- How long we been going together?
- A week and a half.

There. What you doing?

I'm tired of that.
Let's do something else.

Like what?

Well, we can make love.

First of all, I know you don't love me,
so don't say "make love."

Well, it's sounds better than "bone,"
right?

You want me to let you
put that inside of me?

That's so nasty.

Yo, I'm dead serious.
I could catch blue balls or something.

Yo, man, my shit could just swell up
and explode, I'm telling you.

Really?

- Yo, you remember that fool Andrew?
- Yeah.

You ain't heard?
That nigger still ain't walking.

Nasty? Girl, this is natural. Suck it.

No. You need to back up. That's nasty.

Why wait
for what you could get now, baby?

'Cause it's in the Bible.

Come on, baby-
You already started on the wrong path-.

- Why not finish?
- What?

You don't think
I'm gonna give it up after one week?

- You must think I'm a ho!
- What? Why you fronting?

You let that nigger Terry bone.
I know I look better than that nigger.

- Oh, come on, girl.
- No.

Man, I'll buy you something.
What you want?

I won't.

I had a girlfriend.

But Alicia, Alicia was my friend,
you know?

We could talk to each other
about anything. Boyfriends, girlfriends.

- It was real cool.
- Why would you say that?

It was the first thing
that came to my mind.

Just explain to me
her reasoning, though.

We doing everything, everything but "it."

I mean, what's up?

You know, doing it ain't easy.

It's not like you just walk up to a girl
and say, "What's up, Slim?

"What's your name? Can we get busy?"

It's gotta be the right time,
right place, right person. Right?

- That's right. It's gotta be special.
- I heard that before.

- Well, hear it again.
- Whatever.

You need to stop trying
to trick her into doing it.

Hey, I ain't tricking her.

I don't need tricks.
My game is strong, girl.

You know what,
if your game was so strong,

then how come you ain't getting none?

Oh. you got jokes!

You see, 'cause y'all girls are fronting
like y'all don't want it as bad as we do.

That is not true.

- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.

You ain't got nothing to say.
Just go do your thing.

You know what?
Maybe you need to find somebody

who wants it as bad as you do.

Maybe I do.

You know what? Let's just go,

'cause we ain't gonna get
no studying done.

- Come on.
- Oh, yeah. All right.

You need to work on
your game, anyway.

What are you wearing to homecoming?

I got this suit
from last year's basketball banquet.

Last year?

- Yeah.
- You too cheap to buy a new suit?

- Hey, time's are rough, okay?
- Yeah, I guess so, huh?

I mean, I ain't trying to spend
no more money.

So, you going with your boy?
What's his name? Eric?

Oh, you know his name.
Don't even act like that.

Yeah, I'm going with Eric.

- You're going with Kim, right?
- Monica.

Oh, yeah, Monica. My bad.

Is Eric someone special?

I don't know, you tell me.
You play ball with him.

He's cool, I guess.
If that's what you want.

Yeah, he's all right.

So what about Bonita?
Is she somebody special?

Monica.

Mo-ni-ca!

- Whatever.
- My bad.

She's special enough.

I knew if I asked her to the dance,
she'd say yes.

That's the only reason
why you asked her,

'cause you knew she'd say yes?

Yeah.

So, what, are you afraid of rejection?

Yep.

See, you wouldn't know anything
about that

since all the brothers ask you.

Not all the brothers.

So what are you wearing to the dance?

I got me a little fly red dress.

You wanna see it? It's in the house.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Here's my room.

- So this is her bedroom.
- Come in and have a seat.

I always wanted to get up here.

- Ready?
- Oh, yeah.

Here it is.

You like it?

Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful.

Thank you.

So, where's your mom and Stacey?

My mom's working late.

And Stacey, I don't know.

He's out running the streets again
like he always do.

Down, boy.

We're slow jamming tonight.

If you've got any dedications,
call 555-0165.

This next one goes out to Lisa
from Terence.

Glenita, I love you, from Rick.

Oh, how sweet.

- Here's Luther Vandross.
- Not Luther.

Oh, I love this.
Do you remember this song?

Yeah. La Tijera, 1986.

La Tijera, 1986.

See.

I remember when I first met you.

Oh, yeah. You met me with your fist.

Yeah, that's right, I met you with my fist.

- You and that stupid bet.
- Hey, that bet wasn't stupid.

It was stupid.
That's why you got the fist.

You, Slim and Roland
always betting on something.

Y'all probably bet on who would get
the booty first, didn't you?

Get the booty first?

Yeah, booty first.

Come on.

That's stupid.

Whatever.

You and your little nasty friends.

Do you remember that dance?

Yeah, I remember.

I remember you standing there,

just singing.

I just had to ask you.

I don't know why I did.
I was scared to death.

Well, I'm glad you asked me, Mike.

I mean, you know,

you dance pretty good
for a guy with two left feet.

Oh, really?

Hey, I think I improved, though. For real.

Hey, you wanna find out?

Come on.

- You mean you wanna dance?
- Yeah.

- Right now?
- Right now.

The music's going, the mood is right.

Okay-

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

This is how they do it in North Carolina-.

You know, I still love this pad.

Oh, my god!
Is this really about to happen?

Oh, shit! If is.

- You got protection, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's here.

Yeah, I had protection.

Some condom I got from Slim

that's been in my wallet for six months,
but work with me!

I'll be right back.

Okay-

You okay, Mike?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's cool.

Is it supposed to look like that?

Yeah! Yeah.

- I guess.
- All right.

You're listening to KJLH, Inglewood.

Go slow, all right? I mean it.
If you hull me, I'm...

The fist.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- What're you doing?
- What you think?

Not there!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ouch.

Wait a minute.
Maybe you should back up a little bit.

Come on, girl.

Okay-

Ouch.

Oh, shit.

It broke.

So go get another one.

- Come on. We don't need one, do we?
- Yes, we do.

Damn! That was my last one.

Well, you can go down the hall
to Stacey's room.

I know he keeps them in his top drawer.

I ain't going into his room.

Look, it's only down the hall.
Are you trying to do this or what?

Damn! I can't believe this.

Damn. I can't believe I gotta do this shit.

Oh, baby.

Here we go. Fuck!

Oh, baby.

Oh, my God. Mike.

Oh, come on, come on.
She said the top drawer.

Where is it?

- Baby.
- Chill out.

Hurry HP!

Hurry.

The things men do for sex.

I was stuck in Stacey's room
with no way out.

And he was getting lucky while I was
stuck with dirty drawers in my face.

What happened to your rubbers?

What you talking about?

You had four rubbers. I counted.

Now one's gone.

- I don't what you talking about, baby.
- Who is she?

- Who is who?
- The ho you fucking, that's who.

- I ain't fucking no ho but you.
- Don't call me no ho!

- Take me home!
- No, look, baby...

- Shut up and take me home.
- No, I was just playing.

- Fuck.
- Take me home now.

Baby, I was just playing!

Hold up, mama.

What happened?

Nothing.

Nothing. I got it. It all worked out.

I guess that means
this was meant to be, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

I can't believe this.

I'm actually having sex, and with Alicia.

This cannot be real.

Oh, yeah, it's real.

Real good.

Oh, shit.

So, that's it?

Yup. Yeah.

That's it.

So, what's gonna happen now?

I don't know. What?

Well...

What about me and you?

Me and you sounds good.

But what about homecoming?

I guess you just gonna
have to buy you a new suit.

So, I won the bet.

But I didn't feel right, you know?
I mean, betting.

This was Alicia, you know?

She was worth more to me
than some money and bragging rights.

So, I didn't tell Slim and Roland
anything until after one of them won.

Man, I never in a million years
thought that...

That I would meet Miss Right,
you know what I'm saying?

When I asked her, Lisa,

I kept on thinking
of all the things I'd be gaining.

But...

I never took the time
to think of all the things I'd be losing.

Look, we ain't going nowhere.

Don't give up the best thing
that ever happened to you, Ro,

because you're scared.

You're right, man.

You're right.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying I'm ready to marry Lisa.

Yes! Yes! About fucking time.

So let me ask you something, man.

Are you absolutely...
You're sure on this, right?

Yeah, man. I just said yeah.

Yes.

Shit, that's good enough for me.
Let's go.

- By the way, when we see Lisa...
- Where the hell have y'all been?

- Hey, hey. Calm down.
- What's wrong with you?

- I tell you Slim had...
- A car trouble?

Boy, don't make me get crazy.

Did you really think
that story was gonna hold up?

Oh, no, Mike. And you a writer?

Would you believe this story
if you saw it?

And did you know how much money
Lisa's parents and we spent

-on this wedding?
- Yeah!

Wait a minute, time out now.

Why y'all getting on me
and I ain't the one getting married?

Good point.

'Cause if I had to look at him, Mike,
I don't know what I'd do.

Come on!

And you better stay.
Get your worthless...

- Get in there.
- Why do I gotta go...

Damn.

Hell, if he doesn't wanna do this,
I'm not gonna force him.

Call it off, then.

Y'all must think I'm stupid like one
of those Thelma and Louise bitches!

- No.
- Car broke down?

Tell that fool, he could at least face me

-like a man.
- But...

I'm not gonna cry. I'm not!

I spent too much time
on this damn makeup.

- Lisa, just stay calm, okay?
- I am calm.

- Then why are you yelling?
- I'm not yelling!

You know what?
I'm gonna go get Ro, okay?

'Cause, obviously, y'all got some things
you need to talk about alone.

No.

It's bad luck to see him.

Bad luck?
I thought you wanted to call it off.

Mike, look at me.

Would I be standing here in this dress
if I didn't want to marry him?

But I'm not going to, if he has doubts.

Lisa, it's Daddy.

I got Roland out here,
and he has something to say.

Lisa!

Lisa, baby, I'm sorry.

Lisa, I love you!

Lisa. Lisa!
I love you and want to marry you.

- Go away, Roland.
- Come on, girl. Lili.

Lisa, I...

What's wrong with you, man?
Get out of here.

Mike, I need to see her. Please.

She does not want to see you, okay?
It's bad luck.

- So she still wants to get married?
- I don't know, all right?

Let me handle this.

All right, you handle it.
Mike, just a second.

Give her this. Give her this.

Yeah.

Yo, Mike, hold up.
Let me come in there.

- Mr. Davis, excuse me.
- What you want, man?

- I could just...
- Hey, hey, man, don't... Hey...

I'll be cool, Mike.

- Now's not the time, man.
- I'll be cool, Mike.

- I'll be cool.
- Come on.

- Hook me up. Please, hook me up.
- I got you, I got you.

So what's up? You spill something
on your dress or something?

Come on, girl. We got people waiting.

- What?
- Shut up, Slim.

Why I gotta shut up?

'Cause you probably said some shit
to him to get him not to do this!

Girl, please, y'all perfect
for each other 'cause you're both nuts.

- Will you shut up?
- What do you mean, shut up?

Look, I'm telling you... Nigger, shut up!

Lisa, would you please listen
to the man?

He wants to marry you.
He loves you. I swear.

Then Why'd he do this?

He's scared.

No, listen to me, listen to me.
I've known this man 13 years of my life.

And I've never seen him look at nobody
the way he looks at you.

I've never heard him talk about anybody
the way he talks about you.

Look.

He wanted me to give that to you.

Remember that?

I didn't know he still had this.

It was hot as hell
that day at the concert-.

Hell, yeah.

Ro and Slim
both looking at you, drooling.

Nobody drooling... I was drooling.

Slim was the only one man enough
to come over and say something.

But what did he say?

- He introduced me to Roland.
- Think about that.

That could be Slim out there
crying at the door.

Y'all got jokes.

I'm glad he's got you guys for friends.

Give me some sugar too.

Come on now, Lisa!

Please take this man
out of his misery before I have to.

Tell him to stop whining.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- Oh, honey.
- Fix my makeup.

Punk.

Oh, it's on.

You clean it up?

It's all right.

Yo, nigger, hurry up before
the Reverend changes his mind!

All right, man.

What a wonderful and joyous occasion

as these two individuals
come together as one.

Who amongst us
would give this woman to this man?

I do.

She's my girl. You mess up,
I'm gonna have to...

May we have the rings, please?

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

I never thought I'd see the day
Roland would get married.

But I'm glad to see things change.

Yo, Ro!

What's up, man?
What the hell you doing out here?

You scared the hell out of me, man.

I'm trying to hide
from Tanya's ass, man.

She talk too damn much.

Whatever, man.
We need to go back up in there

before Alicia come out here
and beat that ass again.

- What?
- Hell, yeah, baby.

- You better run back up in there.
- Whatever, man.

I don't know why you laughing, Ro.

Tanya had you running
around like the Lakers, baby.

Running good, like,

"Ro, can I have something to drink,
please?" "Okay, Tanya."

Yeah, very funny.

What y'all needs to be doing
is taking some notes from Roland!

Y'all ain't gonna be saying that

when I'm putting them moves
on her tonight and I'll win the bet.

Oh, nigger, what?

- I'm gonna win the bet.
- Let me explain something to you.

Tanya ain't giving up shit.

And you still on lockdown, man.

Oh, I'm on lockdown?

Well, if I'm on lockdown,
what y'all doing out here with me?

We just came out here
looking for you, man.

- Yeah, I'm with him.
- Oh, you with him?

- Yeah, you got me, man. Whatever.
- I always get you, man!

No, man, I just don't see it like natural,
man, you know?

To be with one girl? That just ain't me.

Man, you damn right, man!

This is what I've been trying
to tell Mr. Faithful over here. He don't...

Wait a minute. What if she the shit,
like Janet Jackson fine?

But, yo, man,
it don't matter to me how fine a girl is.

Ain't no woman gonna put no leash
around my neck.

Shit! I can't even button my shirt
to the top without getting nervous.

See, I'm just trying to kick it, you know?

Hey, this is how I see it.

We should play this game for life.

What game?

Masking-.

- Hanging.
- Yeah, yeah, I like that.

- Macking. Hanging.
- Macking. Hanging.

- Macking. Hanging.
- Macking. Hanging.

- Macking. Hanging.
- Macking. Hanging.

Hey, hold up, hold up.
Ain't that Nicole right there?

Oh, yeah.

Man, I'd recognize them legs anywhere!

Yo, Ro, come on, man.
Run me a little interference real quick.

- All right, come on.
- That's my boy!

Hey, yo, man, why don't you go inside?

Hey, what did we know?

All that mattered in life were your boys,
the team.

- There you are!
- You never think anything

could be more important.

I thought
I was gonna have to dance with Eric.

That was funny, girl.

So, where your boys at?

I don't know. Come on, let's go inside.

Oh, wait a minute.
Let me fix you up here.

And you hold on to that feeling
for a long time

until you meet that one.

It happened to Ro.

I suppose one day, it'll happen to Slim.

But me?

Well, I was a goner that first day
she walked into my classroom.

Excuse me.
May I have this dance, madam?

Yes, you may.

So tell me how life is in the Big Apple.

Life in the Big Apple is cold.

I still haven't gotten used to it.

You finally made it back
to Inglewood, huh?

Yeah.

The wedding gave me a good reason
to come back and see an old friend.

- An old friend.
- I haven't seen Roland in years.

You came all the way out here
to see Roland?

And Slim too.

Slim's shaggy ass?

But you're dancing with me.

So how cold is it back East?

Back off, man!

All right, let's start this off.
Let's bring this on.

You got the good sound!

All right, look.
This is the best man's toast.

Get on up here, boy.

All right, before we get started,
I have some bad news-.

Reverend Parker
was arrested out front for fraud

for impersonating a minister.

So, we're gonna have to do this
all again next weekend, people, so.

Word.

I... I love you guys, and I'm gonna
turn this over to Mike. How's that?

Big Mike's in the house!

Oh, man.
I guess since we are the best men,

-we gotta say something, right?
- You got to say something.

Well,

we all did a lot of things
to get prepared for today.

And me, myself, I did a lot of thinking,

and I came to a funny conclusion.

I realized how selfish I was.

'Cause I felt
like I was losing a very dear friend.

I know that may not sound
like the right thing to say,

but I moved around a lot
when I was little.

I never knew what it was like
to have any real true friends

until I met Roland and Levinio.

You need to stop.

So today, I'm... I'm a bit upset,

but I'm also very, very happy

and very extremely proud of you, man.

I would like to ask God
to bless Roland and Lisa

as they enter
a beautiful new life together.

Yes.

Lisa, if the boy get out of control,
Slim got a headlock for him.

- Nah!
- We ain't laughing.

But to our parents,
you know we love you all.

And thanks for all the love,

and to the two boys,

the two grown men
who mean the most to me, you know.

I'm never gonna forget the times
that we had.

I look forward to the future.

And I love you all, man.

- Y'all are my brothers.
- You too.

So.

Let's do this one for the Wood,
to where it all started.

To the Wood!

- Here! Here!
- Here! Here!

Right.