Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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www.titlovi.com
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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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So, do you think he's
gonna try that thing again
4
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,408
at the restaurant?
5
00:01:31,410 --> 00:01:32,488
I hope not.
6
00:01:32,490 --> 00:01:34,598
I don't understand
why it's such a big deal.
7
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,778
Because we're his friends
and it makes us look weird too.
8
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:40,028
You're making a big deal out of nothing.
9
00:01:40,030 --> 00:01:41,388
I'm trying to get a job there.
10
00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:44,078
I don't want the manager
to think I'm crazy.
11
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,288
You worry too much.
12
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,568
And if you don't get the job,
13
00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:48,168
at least you have someone to blame.
14
00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:49,848
Do you really think he would care?
15
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,198
He wouldn't say it to your face
16
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,728
unless you got him
piss-drunk, but he does care.
17
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:54,748
So you say.
18
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:56,191
If you really feel that way,
19
00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:58,718
then why do you keep hanging out with him?
20
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,118
Affirmative action.
21
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,578
I am the group's legally
appointed black friend.
22
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,058
Yeah, that's what I thought.
23
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:06,088
You choose not to leave,
and that's because,
24
00:02:06,090 --> 00:02:08,438
deep down inside, you know you love us.
25
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,303
Whatever.
26
00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:37,948
How did you two get in here?
27
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,498
Nice to see you too.
28
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:40,331
I broke in.
29
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:41,268
No, you didn't.
30
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,958
You think this is the
first time I've broken
31
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,438
into somebody's house before?
32
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,028
You went to culinary school, so yes.
33
00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:48,788
Just because I like to make cheesecake
34
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:51,668
while listening to pop
does not mean I'm not hood.
35
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,098
Yes, Allen, it does.
36
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,428
How is the job hunt going?
37
00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:57,258
The only paying gig I found
on this online board today
38
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,418
was to write press releases
for a porn website.
39
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:00,898
Oh, that's painful.
40
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,988
Actually, it might be kind of helpful.
41
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:03,858
Why?
42
00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:05,888
Because I got asked to film
a wedding in a few weeks,
43
00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:07,118
but I don't have a camera.
44
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,458
At least I know theirs
will film in hi-def.
45
00:03:09,460 --> 00:03:10,291
Touche.
46
00:03:10,293 --> 00:03:12,078
You still haven't answered
my question, though.
47
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,328
How did you guys get in here?
48
00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:14,998
The front door was open, actually.
49
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,628
Really?
50
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,758
Shit.
51
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,668
You guys didn't let the cats out, did you?
52
00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:21,368
No, we didn't.
53
00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:22,888
When did you get cats?
54
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:24,428
We've known you for years and all
55
00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,878
of a sudden you've turned
into a cat person on us?
56
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,608
They're not mine, they're my brother's.
57
00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:29,558
What?
58
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,348
Your brother moved back home?
59
00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:32,181
Yeah.
60
00:03:32,183 --> 00:03:34,258
I keep telling that mook not
to leave the front door open,
61
00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:35,848
but he always forgets.
62
00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:37,058
When did he come back?
63
00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,088
Last week.
64
00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:40,148
How are you parents taking it?
65
00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:41,208
They're dealing with it.
66
00:03:41,210 --> 00:03:43,008
It is what it is.
67
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,068
What are the cats' names?
68
00:03:44,070 --> 00:03:45,098
I don't know.
69
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,388
I just call them Glenn
Close and Shia LaBeouf.
70
00:03:47,390 --> 00:03:48,718
Why?
71
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,258
Because the girl one tries to follow me
72
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:51,648
into the bathroom every morning.
73
00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:54,108
And the other one has a meow
that's way worse than his bite.
74
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,653
Hm, fair enough.
75
00:03:57,490 --> 00:04:00,738
Goddammit, I just
died of dysentery again.
76
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,428
Are you really playing
The Oregon Trail right now?
77
00:04:03,430 --> 00:04:05,608
I was feeling nostalgic, sue me.
78
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,238
You're the one that
majored in legal studies,
79
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,828
that's all you right there.
80
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:11,098
I swear, the only
people who hate dysentery
81
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,328
as much as Civil War
veterans did are 90's kids.
82
00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:15,828
Those were good times.
83
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,148
Yeah, they were.
84
00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:18,788
And if we had graduated during then,
85
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:20,208
we'd be able to find work right now
86
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,588
instead of being unemployed college kids.
87
00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:25,068
Look, I'm all for
bitching about our problems
88
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:28,718
over some food, but the
key thing here is food.
89
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,988
Can we go eat now?
90
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:30,921
Yeah, let me just put some shoes on
91
00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:32,603
and we can get out of here.
92
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,798
Man, I hope this place
gets back to me soon.
93
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,068
I'd love to work here.
94
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:52,068
It's near my house and I'd get free food.
95
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:53,878
Why don't you see if the manager's here?
96
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,908
I will when Miranda comes over.
97
00:04:55,910 --> 00:04:58,068
I can't believe she went
from being the hot girl
98
00:04:58,070 --> 00:05:01,228
in high school to a waitress
with a two year old kid.
99
00:05:01,230 --> 00:05:03,728
Yeah, but now we get served
our food by a MILF, though.
100
00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:05,158
How many people can say that?
101
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,898
It's like getting to go to
the zoo with a stripper.
102
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:08,668
Stop, she's coming over.
103
00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:10,498
And how are you guys doing today?
104
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,428
We were just talking about you.
105
00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:13,788
Good things, I hope.
106
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:14,621
Of course.
107
00:05:14,623 --> 00:05:15,454
Ah.
108
00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:16,438
- Miranda.
- Yeah?
109
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,768
Is Mr. Bay in?
110
00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:19,348
No, he's actually out
of the office today.
111
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:20,408
How come?
112
00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,798
Something to do about a fireworks show.
113
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,003
A new Ferrari.
114
00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:28,048
I don't know, the guy never
really gives clear directions.
115
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:31,368
Normally he's just yelling
a lot and staring at my ass.
116
00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:32,848
All right, thanks anyway.
117
00:05:32,850 --> 00:05:33,681
No problem.
118
00:05:33,683 --> 00:05:35,258
Kevin, what will you have today?
119
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,328
I'll have my usual.
120
00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:37,568
So a chicken tenders kids meal
121
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:38,618
with a White Russian to drink?
122
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:39,451
That's it.
123
00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:40,284
Mm.
124
00:05:40,286 --> 00:05:41,117
You know we're actually putting that
125
00:05:41,119 --> 00:05:42,348
on the menu because of you?
126
00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:43,328
Seriously?
127
00:05:43,330 --> 00:05:44,161
Yeah.
128
00:05:44,163 --> 00:05:45,280
Calling it the Man-Child.
129
00:05:46,257 --> 00:05:47,128
That suits him.
130
00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,208
That's awesome.
131
00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:49,188
I've always wanted to have something
132
00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:51,008
in a restaurant named after me.
133
00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:53,108
You guys should put
his picture next to it
134
00:05:53,110 --> 00:05:55,804
so that girls know exactly
who it's based off of.
135
00:05:55,806 --> 00:05:57,128
You know, that's not a bad idea.
136
00:05:57,130 --> 00:05:59,361
John, you are the reason
we can't have nice things.
137
00:05:59,363 --> 00:06:01,578
I know, you tell me all the time.
138
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,128
And how about you, Allen?
139
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,038
I'll just have a cheeseburger for now.
140
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:05,968
With what to drink?
141
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:07,405
Just a Coke, thanks.
142
00:06:07,407 --> 00:06:08,238
And for you, John?
143
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,801
I'll have the chicken
sandwich and Sprite to drink.
144
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,958
All right, I'll be right
back with your orders.
145
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:13,908
Hey, Miranda.
146
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:14,741
Yeah?
147
00:06:14,743 --> 00:06:17,018
How do you feel about zoos?
148
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:20,288
I don't know, they're okay, I guess.
149
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,258
Why do you ask?
150
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:22,110
Just wondering.
151
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,498
I'll be out in a minute with your food.
152
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:26,453
Thanks, Miranda.
153
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,508
You know what's sad?
154
00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:30,468
The three of us are so broke right now
155
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,748
that we can't really afford
to take a girl out on a date.
156
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:34,028
Speak for yourself.
157
00:06:34,030 --> 00:06:35,218
I still have a card for a free game
158
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,388
of mini-golf in my wallet.
159
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:37,878
That's only good for one person.
160
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,498
Survival of the fittest, John.
161
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,328
If she wants to play, she has to pay.
162
00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:42,161
Come on.
163
00:06:42,163 --> 00:06:44,438
You can't tell me you're okay
with our situations right now.
164
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,098
Of course I'm not, but you already know
165
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,158
how I feel we should solve this problem.
166
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,488
Oh no, not the Aladdin defense again.
167
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,178
Hey, we spent a whole day
on that in legal strategies.
168
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,488
It's a real thing.
169
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:56,198
And it's fucking terrifying.
170
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,138
Look, Disney taught
us that if you're poor
171
00:06:58,140 --> 00:07:00,288
and you steal, then it's not your fault.
172
00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:02,198
In fact, not only will you get rich
173
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,648
and get to fuck some hot chick,
174
00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,848
but a fat guy from the Blue Man
Group will follow you around
175
00:07:05,850 --> 00:07:07,275
and solve all of your problems for you.
176
00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:09,308
But we can't just
turn to a life of crime
177
00:07:09,310 --> 00:07:10,808
just because we can't find jobs.
178
00:07:10,810 --> 00:07:11,641
Why not?
179
00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:14,038
You think the assholes
in DC and on Wall Street
180
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,568
who steal from people
like us aren't criminals?
181
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,028
They're the reason the economy is failing
182
00:07:18,030 --> 00:07:19,618
and we can't find work.
183
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,578
I say that when you take
away all of the reasonable
184
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:24,378
and legal options, crime is
the only place left to turn.
185
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,668
We don't know anything
about being criminals.
186
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:30,488
You make crime sound like
it's something you can learn,
187
00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:31,918
like tennis.
188
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,248
Look, all I'm saying is
that one of these days,
189
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,758
we're going to get sick and
tired of not being able to work.
190
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,258
And eventually, that rage
is going to boil over into...
191
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,618
Starbucks coffee?
192
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,478
That shit's delicious.
193
00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:44,658
You know what?
194
00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:45,688
Never mind.
195
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:48,178
Let's just eat and get out of here.
196
00:07:48,180 --> 00:07:50,108
So, John, how are those karate lessons
197
00:07:50,110 --> 00:07:51,198
working out for you?
198
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,058
Pretty well.
199
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:53,418
I actually enjoy it.
200
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:55,158
Who the hell would want to fight you?
201
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,108
You look like you eat babies
202
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:58,243
the way other people eat pistachios.
203
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,898
We may not have jobs,
but at least we can take
204
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,618
out our aggression in a video game.
205
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,518
It's better than us
taking our frustrations
206
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,178
out on an actual person.
207
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:08,013
True story.
208
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,118
Is that a little Spanish
kid getting his ass whooped?
209
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,298
Yeah, it is.
210
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:16,398
He's yelling out
211
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,038
in between those belt cracks.
212
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,098
I took enough Spanish
in high school to know
213
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,708
that is Spanish
214
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,778
for please don't whoop my ass.
215
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:25,458
I love when Call of
Duty makes me witness
216
00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:27,458
to other people's parenting mistakes.
217
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:29,388
I once heard a guy ask his five year old
218
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:31,648
to make him some Easy Mac
just so that he wouldn't
219
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:32,708
have to leave the game.
220
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:33,948
Seriously?
221
00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:34,781
Yeah.
222
00:08:34,783 --> 00:08:36,768
I don't think I ever
wanted to slap someone
223
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:38,753
so hard before in my life.
224
00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:41,445
So what are you doing tomorrow?
225
00:08:41,447 --> 00:08:42,868
I have an interview at a school,
226
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,828
then I have the rest of the day off.
227
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:46,098
You think you'll get it?
228
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,948
I don't know, man, teaching
is a competitive field.
229
00:08:48,950 --> 00:08:51,528
No offense, you're trying to teach PE.
230
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,338
How competitive could that really be?
231
00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:54,608
You'd be surprised, man.
232
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:56,408
There are a lot of other large Greek guys
233
00:08:56,410 --> 00:09:00,118
who look suspiciously like me
that want that job as well.
234
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,533
So the cast of 300 can't
find work right now either?
235
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:08,281
Hello?
236
00:09:08,283 --> 00:09:09,618
Hey, man, you busy right now?
237
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:10,738
Kinda, what's up?
238
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:11,828
This is more important.
239
00:09:11,830 --> 00:09:13,258
I need you to come over.
240
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,198
What's going on?
241
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,398
I need you to pick up John
and come over to my house.
242
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,231
When?
243
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:18,064
Now.
244
00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:18,897
Like right now?
245
00:09:18,899 --> 00:09:20,408
Yes, like right the fuck now.
246
00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:21,938
This is important, I need your help.
247
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,738
If this is still about
you wanting to know
248
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:25,248
whether just ordering a glass of water
249
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:27,778
at a restaurant is loitering, it's not.
250
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,418
That is a serious philosophical question
251
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:30,808
that deserves more debate,
252
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:32,928
but this is more important right now.
253
00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:34,488
Listen, I want to know
what the big deal is
254
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,088
before I rush out of my house.
255
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,840
Come over here and I'll tell you.
256
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:40,308
What's going on?
257
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:41,995
Kevin wants us to go over to his place.
258
00:09:41,997 --> 00:09:43,388
Did he say why?
259
00:09:43,390 --> 00:09:45,348
No, he just said he needed our help.
260
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,638
If this is like that
time that he got drunk,
261
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,658
fell asleep in his bathtub,
and then he couldn't hear
262
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:50,663
for a week, I don't wanna hear it.
263
00:09:50,665 --> 00:09:52,668
No, I think this is more serious.
264
00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:54,308
He actually sounded worried.
265
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:56,623
Him, worried?
266
00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:57,998
You sure we're talking about the same guy?
267
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,018
Yeah, that's why I'm kind
of freaked out right now.
268
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:01,708
If this actually ends up being nothing...
269
00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:03,368
You do realize that we can play
270
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,578
Call of Duty at his place too, right?
271
00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:07,558
Yeah, but he has a PS3.
272
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:08,568
I don't feel like playing with a bunch
273
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:11,058
of people that wear Naruto headbands.
274
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,108
Kevin wouldn't know the meaning
275
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:14,268
of the word humble if
his life depended on it.
276
00:10:14,270 --> 00:10:16,348
It'll be worth going over to his house
277
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:18,538
just to see what's got
him freaking out so much.
278
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:19,658
You think we're gonna go over there
279
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:23,358
and discover the cure for
narcissism and win a Nobel Prize?
280
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,193
Maybe.
281
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:29,478
Hey, guys.
282
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,598
Thanks for coming over.
283
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,238
What was so important
that it had to come
284
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,078
before Call of Duty?
285
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,898
My dad lost his job today.
286
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,128
Please tell me this is a practical joke,
287
00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:40,218
like that time you gave your
little sister a Build-A-Bear
288
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:41,618
that only cursed in Russian.
289
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,788
I wish.
290
00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:44,188
And it gets better.
291
00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:45,948
They're behind on the mortgage.
292
00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:47,978
If we don't pay that bill in two weeks,
293
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,528
we're gonna be evicted.
294
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:50,958
You have two weeks to come up
295
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,000
with the money or you're
gonna be homeless?
296
00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,248
Pretty much.
297
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,418
Dude.
298
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,558
That kind of stuff doesn't
just happen overnight.
299
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,608
How long have you been
behind on the bills?
300
00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:01,488
For a few months, apparently.
301
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:02,438
They just didn't wanna tell me
302
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,698
about it 'cause they
didn't wanna freak me out.
303
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:05,838
Holy shit.
304
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:06,868
We thought you were just screwing
305
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:08,628
around with us on the phone.
306
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,538
Is there anything we can do to help?
307
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,008
Actually, there is.
308
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:13,898
That's why I asked you guys to come over.
309
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,168
What is it?
310
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:18,203
I'm going to start a
business and I need your help.
311
00:11:19,390 --> 00:11:21,068
Which is?
312
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:22,593
I'm going to become a pimp.
313
00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,948
Fuck you both, don't give me that look.
314
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:27,308
I need to come up with money,
315
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:30,108
fast, and this is the best way I know how.
316
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:32,438
Did you at least
consider any other ideas?
317
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,618
Yeah, I did.
318
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:35,058
If you're gonna be a drug dealer,
319
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,188
you have to be available
at all hours of the day,
320
00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:38,438
and I like my sleep.
321
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,408
This is true, you have to be really good
322
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:43,728
at customer service in
order to be a drug dealer.
323
00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,668
What about a real job?
324
00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:46,858
What about one?
325
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:48,668
Subway won't call me back, man.
326
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:50,333
You think I wanna be doing this?
327
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:53,038
He does have a point, Allen.
328
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,608
Our backs are kind of up
against the wall here.
329
00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:56,441
Our?
330
00:11:56,443 --> 00:11:58,008
Why is there an our in this?
331
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,798
- I'm sympathetic, man, but...
- You're gonna bail?
332
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,678
I'm not gonna bail, I
just think we should look
333
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,218
into all of our options first.
334
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,618
I already did.
335
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,248
I even thought about robbing a bank.
336
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:08,788
But then I realized that
John is the only one
337
00:12:08,790 --> 00:12:11,858
of us in good enough
shape to get away with it.
338
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:12,693
Meh.
339
00:12:13,590 --> 00:12:15,358
I hate when you're right sometimes.
340
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,208
See?
341
00:12:16,210 --> 00:12:18,168
Not so simple, is it?
342
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:21,888
We can't just sit here
and let you go homeless.
343
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:25,218
You may be a bastard sometimes,
but you're our bastard.
344
00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:26,648
I appreciate the sentiment, John.
345
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:30,378
Okay, so let's say we are
able to become successful pimps,
346
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,528
we don't know anything about the industry.
347
00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:34,319
And that's why we're gonna go downtown.
348
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,152
Huh?
349
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:36,768
Yeah, I'm not following you either.
350
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,098
Okay, listen.
351
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,808
Tomorrow night, we'll go downtown
352
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,778
and watch how the pimps in the city work.
353
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:43,568
We're smart guys, we should
be able to figure it out
354
00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:45,138
after a few hours.
355
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,448
Do you know I took a
class on how to bake cakes?
356
00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:49,948
I'm not remotely qualified
to get into this.
357
00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:50,978
So then you can make the girls
358
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,888
those French things you always make.
359
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:53,721
Crepes?
360
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:54,838
Yeah, those.
361
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,578
If I was a hooker and
I found out that a pimp
362
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:59,568
was feeding his girls crepes,
I would go work for that guy.
363
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,338
Plus, everybody knows that
girls like French things.
364
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:04,208
Yeah, it's because
they think it's romantic.
365
00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:05,208
There's nothing romantic
366
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,248
about selling your body for a pastry.
367
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,438
Again, do you have a better idea?
368
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,238
No, but this one isn't a good one.
369
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,838
So, what am I going to do, then?
370
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,688
You're gonna be the enforcer, of course.
371
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:18,608
He killed a spider in the fourth grade
372
00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:20,088
and cried about it for a week.
373
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,448
Do you really think he can hurt someone?
374
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,351
How do you even remember that?
375
00:13:25,353 --> 00:13:27,358
Oh, I should never have gotten drunk
376
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,648
and told you that story.
377
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:30,538
He won't have to hurt anyone.
378
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,308
No one's actually gonna try and start shit
379
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,738
when they see how big he is.
380
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:36,268
So, basically, I'm going to psych people
381
00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:38,698
out into not starting anything?
382
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:39,678
Pretty much.
383
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,668
Whenever it comes to
issues collecting money,
384
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:43,068
that's all you.
385
00:13:43,070 --> 00:13:44,470
I think I can handle that.
386
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,298
So, how long do we have to do this?
387
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,238
Until we can get real jobs.
388
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:51,758
Come on, you can't tell me you're not sick
389
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,208
and tired of having no
money in your pockets.
390
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:57,628
It would be nice to have
a little bit of extra cash.
391
00:13:57,630 --> 00:13:59,758
We're going to be the
only pimp racket in town
392
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,758
that has a pastry chef working for us.
393
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,968
That's kind of awesome.
394
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:03,801
See?
395
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,208
That's the spirit.
396
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,898
All right, we're gonna get out of here.
397
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,668
We'll see you tomorrow.
398
00:14:08,670 --> 00:14:09,738
See you then.
399
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,683
Be ready, we have a lot to learn.
400
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,558
So, you guys ready to go to the city?
401
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,391
Yeah, man.
402
00:15:00,393 --> 00:15:02,418
I spent like three hours
practicing my karate
403
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:03,698
in case something goes down.
404
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:04,798
Good man.
405
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,238
Allen, how'd the research go?
406
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,028
Actually, it was pretty productive.
407
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,158
I didn't realize so many pimps
408
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,108
became writers after they retired.
409
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,978
Well, they had to keep their hands busy.
410
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,328
Force of habit, I guess.
411
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,988
We should be able to spot one
of these guys pretty easily.
412
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:18,388
It shouldn't take us too long.
413
00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:19,225
We watch what they're doing,
414
00:15:19,227 --> 00:15:22,077
figure out how to do it better,
and then make some money.
415
00:15:43,092 --> 00:15:44,788
I don't wanna hear it.
416
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:47,048
The question still remains though,
417
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:49,658
bitch, why didn't you call me?
418
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,798
All right, look,
you know, Francis, I just...
419
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,228
Are you insane?
420
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:54,508
Are you crazy?
421
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:56,358
You can't be calling me that out here.
422
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,191
These other motherfuckers will stab me
423
00:15:57,193 --> 00:15:59,298
if they find out my name is Francis.
424
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,568
All right,
look, but you know, Frank,
425
00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:01,798
the reason that I didn't call you,
426
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,900
it was a mad-good reason, all right?
427
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:04,070
You know, I don't care.
428
00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:06,468
You know, I don't care
anymore, I don't care anymore
429
00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:07,908
why you ain't call me, baby.
430
00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:10,698
I just want you to answer
a question for me, okay?
431
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,748
Yeah, sure, what?
432
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:17,738
Between dental
insurance and cell phones,
433
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,778
how much money you think
I spend on you bitches?
434
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,468
Oh god, you know,
actually, I don't even know.
435
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:22,358
Like, 'cause it depends
436
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,250
on what kinda data plan each bitch has,
437
00:16:24,252 --> 00:16:25,083
and if you're looking...
438
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,878
Hey, yes, you're right, a lot.
439
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,638
That's the right answer.
440
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,473
A lot.
441
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,688
But what you don't understand
is it leaves me in a problem
442
00:16:33,690 --> 00:16:35,278
where I can't afford things for my kids.
443
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,638
You know what my kids eat?
444
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,828
They eat fucking Lunchables.
445
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,898
Do you know how bad that is for you?
446
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,103
It's all I can afford.
447
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,038
They're gonna grow up to be
all deformed or some shit.
448
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,548
It's because I need to make sure that you
449
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:51,858
and your little sisters
don't have cavities.
450
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,998
And why is that important?
451
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,438
Because nobody wants to fuck
a hooker that got cavities.
452
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,318
And that's right.
453
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,658
That's why any girl who doesn't
care enough about herself
454
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:03,438
to use fluoride shouldn't be hooking.
455
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,458
You know and,
baby, we appreciate everything
456
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,648
that you do for us.
457
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:07,838
What?
458
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,888
What the hell, no, you don't.
459
00:17:09,890 --> 00:17:12,363
All you do is stress me the fuck out.
460
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:17,418
You know, I'm gonna need like
a yoga class or something
461
00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,208
to get my stress level down.
462
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:20,041
Actually, oh my god,
463
00:17:20,043 --> 00:17:22,349
if you need a yoga
instructor, I know somebody.
464
00:17:22,351 --> 00:17:24,198
He's really good, he lives on 7th.
465
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,658
He's got like a weird eye, but whatever.
466
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:27,478
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure,
yeah, I'm sure you do.
467
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,928
I'm sure you know a good yoga instructor.
468
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:34,313
Look, I'm gonna be crystal
clear with you right now.
469
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,381
The next time you're late with my money,
470
00:17:38,383 --> 00:17:41,338
I am going to go all
Mel Gibson on your ass.
471
00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,248
All right, but like, like...
472
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,081
What?
473
00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:45,068
Forever Young Mel Gibson
474
00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,618
or Lethal Weapon Mel Gibson?
475
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:49,408
Edge of Darkness Mel Gibson.
476
00:17:49,410 --> 00:17:51,668
But, Frank, he dies
at the end of the movie.
477
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,858
You should really come
up with a better example.
478
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,463
I didn't finish watching it.
479
00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:00,918
Baby, the way you
were talking about the movie,
480
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,713
it made it seem like you knew it.
481
00:18:04,321 --> 00:18:07,618
Bitch, you know, I have narcolepsy
482
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,108
and I fell asleep in the theater.
483
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,038
That's not even fair,
484
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,919
though, you tricked me and...
485
00:18:12,921 --> 00:18:15,203
You know, just go make me some money.
486
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,041
And I hope your blowjobs are better
487
00:18:21,043 --> 00:18:22,857
than your movie etiquette.
488
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,948
Holy shit, that is the
angriest guy I've ever seen.
489
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:42,058
The book didn't say that
pimping would be this hard.
490
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:44,128
He just kept yelling and yelling.
491
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:45,958
If that guy eats a high sodium diet,
492
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,048
he has like a year or two left
493
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:49,018
before he has a heart attack at this rate.
494
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:50,618
That guy is so hardcore,
495
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,128
he probably puts salt on
his bacon just for fun.
496
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:54,408
We can't compete with him.
497
00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:55,988
He'd kill us all with a toothpick.
498
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:57,543
So what are we gonna do now?
499
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,748
I don't know.
500
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,328
I'll have to come up with something new.
501
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,528
You really think you still
have a trick up your sleeve?
502
00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:06,178
I really don't have
another choice do I, Allen?
503
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:07,608
Oh, this is worse than that time
504
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:10,233
that those neo-Nazis
crashed your birthday party.
505
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,288
I can't believe tonight
ended up being such a bust.
506
00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:28,568
I kind of can.
507
00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:30,098
What makes you say that?
508
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,638
We're not cut out for this, Kevin.
509
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,908
We're not criminals.
510
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,848
You act like there's a choice here.
511
00:19:34,850 --> 00:19:36,523
There's totally a choice.
512
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,748
Look, I know you want
to help your family out,
513
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:42,288
but there has to be a better way.
514
00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:43,368
There's not.
515
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,268
Subway won't call me back, man.
516
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,908
I have a college fucking degree,
517
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,668
but I'm not qualified to make sandwiches?
518
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:50,448
So, we're going to take advantage
519
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:52,008
of someone else's misery?
520
00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:52,841
No.
521
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:55,008
That was the whole point of
getting into the pimping game.
522
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,948
You think hookers aren't miserable?
523
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:58,258
I'm sure they are.
524
00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:00,078
But they chose to make
their living that way.
525
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,068
No, they didn't.
526
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,898
They're in the same position you are.
527
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:07,018
They're broke and they have
their backs up against the wall.
528
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:08,858
Be kind of uncomfortable,
don't you think?
529
00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:10,308
They should at least
use a bed or something.
530
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,673
Dammit, man, you know what I mean.
531
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,078
Look, you know how you hate
all those guys on Wall Street
532
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,898
and all those dirty politicians right now?
533
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,358
Yeah, what's your point?
534
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:21,128
How do you think they got so rich?
535
00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:22,313
They stole.
536
00:20:23,910 --> 00:20:26,660
Do you really wanna become
the thing you hate the most?
537
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:28,688
No.
538
00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:30,148
I don't.
539
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:31,798
But they stole that money
you're talking about
540
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,038
from people like me and my family,
541
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,088
honest, hard-working people
who never broke the law.
542
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:40,058
As far as I'm concerned, I'm
not committing a crime here,
543
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:41,858
just taking back what's mine.
544
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,588
I keep forgetting you're a law student.
545
00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:45,728
You can justify anything to yourself.
546
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:48,188
Okay, Mr. Master Of The Universe,
547
00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:50,278
what would you do if you
were in my shoes, huh?
548
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,218
What would your grand plan be then?
549
00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:53,823
I don't fucking know, okay?
550
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,828
But I do know is that I
wouldn't wanna become one
551
00:20:57,830 --> 00:21:00,168
of those guys, one of
those scumbags that put you
552
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:01,638
in this spot in the first place.
553
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,618
Well, if you come up with a plan
554
00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:06,028
that leaves us morally in
the clear and pays the bills,
555
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:06,938
let me know.
556
00:21:09,380 --> 00:21:10,878
I don't think I can do this anymore.
557
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,038
What?
558
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,038
I'm sorry.
559
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,638
I really am.
560
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:15,958
But I can't become a criminal,
561
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,498
even if it is to help my best friend out.
562
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,888
Once we go down this
road, where does it end?
563
00:21:20,890 --> 00:21:21,721
But then how...
564
00:21:21,723 --> 00:21:25,148
Look, if I come up with
something, I'll let you know.
565
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:26,878
I really do want to help you.
566
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,938
But it has to be something legal.
567
00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:31,698
Something that won't
potentially get us killed.
568
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:33,618
I don't want any of us in harm's way,
569
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:36,253
but I don't know what else to do.
570
00:21:37,340 --> 00:21:39,168
Just keep this in mind.
571
00:21:39,170 --> 00:21:41,018
You won't be able to help your family out
572
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:43,258
if some guy like Frank
ends up cutting you up.
573
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,928
Well, me sitting on my
ass isn't gonna help either.
574
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,873
Listen, I'll help you any way I can,
575
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,728
but I won't help you profit
off the misery of other people,
576
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:57,418
whether it's selling girls
or drugs or whatever.
577
00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,858
It has to be something that
won't fuck with my karma.
578
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,318
Since when did you get all spiritual?
579
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,683
'98, I think.
580
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:07,198
All right.
581
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,008
I'll come up with something new
and call you tomorrow, okay?
582
00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:11,358
Sure.
583
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:12,968
Just be sure there's no more crazy Franks
584
00:22:12,970 --> 00:22:14,948
involved this time.
585
00:22:14,950 --> 00:22:15,900
Will do, brother.
586
00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:30,318
I'll talk to
you later, all right?
587
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,153
Adios, amigo.
588
00:22:49,318 --> 00:22:52,235
How the hell is that even possible?
589
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:55,998
Hey, Allen?
590
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,128
Hey, man, what's up?
591
00:22:57,130 --> 00:22:59,168
You know how I read the
paper every morning now
592
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:00,878
because it makes me
feel like I'm not poor?
593
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,948
Yeah, why?
594
00:23:02,950 --> 00:23:04,678
Well, I saw something
in it this morning.
595
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:05,980
You need to get over here.
596
00:23:07,410 --> 00:23:09,508
If this is another
get-rich-quick scheme...
597
00:23:09,510 --> 00:23:12,308
I swear, this is so
much better than that.
598
00:23:12,310 --> 00:23:14,288
Just pick up John and
come over to my house.
599
00:23:14,290 --> 00:23:15,121
Yeah, sure.
600
00:23:15,123 --> 00:23:16,580
I'll see you in a few minutes.
601
00:23:33,302 --> 00:23:35,228
I have the answer to
all of our problems.
602
00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:36,518
Which is?
603
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,270
Do you guys remember Tommy Booth?
604
00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:40,818
That asshole?
605
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:41,970
Yeah, what about him?
606
00:23:43,510 --> 00:23:44,343
That's what.
607
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:50,438
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
608
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,208
Is anybody going to tell
me what's going on here?
609
00:23:53,210 --> 00:23:54,710
Tommy Booth won the lottery.
610
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,308
No.
611
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:58,568
No, that's not possible.
612
00:23:58,570 --> 00:23:59,798
Yeah, it is.
613
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,948
Of all the miserable assholes
that could have possibly
614
00:24:01,950 --> 00:24:04,488
gotten rich, Tommy Booth
had to be the one that did.
615
00:24:04,490 --> 00:24:05,488
Wait a minute.
616
00:24:05,490 --> 00:24:09,618
I mean, he's not a nice
guy, but he's not that bad.
617
00:24:09,620 --> 00:24:11,808
He called that girl in the
wheelchair Sleeping Beauty
618
00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:13,228
because she couldn't
keep her head up straight
619
00:24:13,230 --> 00:24:15,208
during yearbook photos.
620
00:24:15,210 --> 00:24:17,338
He's easily the biggest
tool I've ever met.
621
00:24:17,340 --> 00:24:18,738
And then there was the thing with John.
622
00:24:18,740 --> 00:24:19,778
Don't bring it up.
623
00:24:19,780 --> 00:24:21,448
What are you two talking about?
624
00:24:21,450 --> 00:24:23,598
It happened before we met you, Allen.
625
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,268
I don't wanna talk about it.
626
00:24:25,270 --> 00:24:28,158
But I'm your best friend.
627
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,868
What he did was, was unspeakable.
628
00:24:31,870 --> 00:24:32,938
That's all I have to say.
629
00:24:32,940 --> 00:24:34,658
He set off stink bombs in class,
630
00:24:34,660 --> 00:24:36,988
broke a few toilets, and
managed to stay skinny
631
00:24:36,990 --> 00:24:38,958
while eating only French fries.
632
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,498
Okay, I can understand
you guys don't like him,
633
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,298
I get that, I just don't see
how him winning the lottery
634
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:45,758
is gonna solve any of our problems.
635
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:46,591
Simple.
636
00:24:46,593 --> 00:24:48,028
We're gonna take some of his money.
637
00:24:48,030 --> 00:24:49,138
What?
638
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:50,278
I'm in.
639
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,598
What happened to last night?
640
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,858
To Mr. I Don't Want To Fuck With My Karma?
641
00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:57,348
That kid having any sort of good luck
642
00:24:57,350 --> 00:24:59,698
is a slight against God.
643
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,798
We're not committing a crime here.
644
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,458
We're just correcting a terrible
mistake that nature made.
645
00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:07,168
Glad to see you finally
grew a pair, buddy.
646
00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:09,778
Okay, so assuming I'm in
because I don't want you two
647
00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:12,955
to do something this stupid
alone, what's the plan here?
648
00:25:12,957 --> 00:25:14,438
We kidnap the son of a bitch
649
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,798
and get him to give us his money.
650
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,438
And what if he doesn't wanna give up
651
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,088
his hard-earned lottery winnings?
652
00:25:19,090 --> 00:25:21,283
Then we hurt him, badly.
653
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,358
Like torture?
654
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:25,638
Like whatever we have to do
655
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,358
to get him to give us the money.
656
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,378
I'm all for that.
657
00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:29,558
Dude.
658
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,453
What the fuck did he do to you?
659
00:25:32,670 --> 00:25:35,628
I don't wanna talk about it.
660
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:38,218
Well, I'm glad to see
we're all agreed on that.
661
00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:39,988
Okay, so where are
you gonna get the money
662
00:25:39,990 --> 00:25:40,821
for this anyways?
663
00:25:40,823 --> 00:25:42,378
We need supplies.
664
00:25:42,380 --> 00:25:43,308
Supplies?
665
00:25:43,310 --> 00:25:46,508
Yeah, like ropes, ski
masks, stuff like that.
666
00:25:46,510 --> 00:25:47,878
All taken care of.
667
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,108
I still have some money
left over from graduation.
668
00:25:50,110 --> 00:25:52,038
My family told me to put it to good use,
669
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,488
so that's what I'm doing.
670
00:25:53,490 --> 00:25:56,058
So, where are we gonna
take him once we kidnap him?
671
00:25:56,060 --> 00:25:58,578
We can take him to my dad's
office, it's in a warehouse.
672
00:25:58,580 --> 00:26:01,188
Won't your dad get mad
if you're using his office
673
00:26:01,190 --> 00:26:02,508
to torture someone?
674
00:26:02,510 --> 00:26:04,055
He's not gonna know about it.
675
00:26:04,057 --> 00:26:07,618
But your dad has his name on
a sign outside the warehouse.
676
00:26:07,620 --> 00:26:09,358
Tommy will know who we are right away.
677
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,188
That's why we're gonna
put a bag over his head
678
00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:13,928
so that he doesn't know
where we're taking him, John.
679
00:26:13,930 --> 00:26:17,214
Sometimes the simplest
things escape you, John.
680
00:26:17,216 --> 00:26:18,218
Oh yeah?
681
00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:20,078
Well, I'm stronger than you, so shut up.
682
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,188
Tomorrow, we'll head over
to Allen's and then we'll...
683
00:26:22,190 --> 00:26:25,068
Wait, why are we planning
the felony at my place?
684
00:26:25,070 --> 00:26:26,638
Because your mom bakes really well,
685
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,288
dude, and we haven't had
her cookies in awhile.
686
00:26:29,290 --> 00:26:31,440
Can you tell her to
make us some, please?
687
00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:34,448
I hate you two sometimes.
688
00:26:34,450 --> 00:26:35,668
Thanks, Allen.
689
00:26:35,670 --> 00:26:37,668
Do you really think
we can pull this off?
690
00:26:37,670 --> 00:26:38,668
Absolutely.
691
00:26:38,670 --> 00:26:41,193
I've already seen Fargo,
so I know what not to do.
692
00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:44,678
I hope we take this bastard
for every penny he's worth.
693
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,028
No, we can't take it all.
694
00:26:46,030 --> 00:26:47,918
That'd be way too suspicious.
695
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,398
Plus, the lottery is only
paying it out in small amounts
696
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,688
because he took it in installments.
697
00:26:52,690 --> 00:26:54,848
You just looked that up, didn't you?
698
00:26:54,850 --> 00:26:56,998
Well yeah, it's not every
day that I need to know how
699
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,798
a lottery winner is going to
get paid so that I can rob 'em.
700
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,398
So, when's his first installment?
701
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:03,398
Next week.
702
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,438
So we only have a week to plan this out?
703
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,688
Pretty much.
704
00:27:06,690 --> 00:27:08,718
Don't worry, guys, we've got this.
705
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,968
We'll head over to Allen's tomorrow
706
00:27:09,970 --> 00:27:11,778
and start mapping the whole thing out.
707
00:27:11,780 --> 00:27:13,598
I hope you're right about this.
708
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,458
Allen, how long have you known me for?
709
00:27:15,460 --> 00:27:16,428
Awhile.
710
00:27:16,430 --> 00:27:19,108
And how often am I wrong
when it actually counts?
711
00:27:19,110 --> 00:27:20,308
Rarely.
712
00:27:20,310 --> 00:27:21,698
Exactly.
713
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:23,768
Go home and get ready for tomorrow.
714
00:27:23,770 --> 00:27:26,770
By the time we're done, Tommy
Booth won't know what hit him.
715
00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:46,430
Hey, man, come in.
716
00:27:50,555 --> 00:27:51,928
Where the hell are the cookies?
717
00:27:51,930 --> 00:27:54,578
I refuse to discuss kidnapping
and possible torture
718
00:27:54,580 --> 00:27:56,338
until there are cookies on this table.
719
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:58,348
They're in the oven, man,
they'll be out in a few.
720
00:27:58,350 --> 00:28:00,478
So, what's the first step of this plan?
721
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,878
The first step of the
plan is that we need
722
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,028
to follow him around
and learn his routine.
723
00:28:04,030 --> 00:28:05,178
We need to snatch him someplace
724
00:28:05,180 --> 00:28:06,718
that we know he's gonna be alone.
725
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,538
Well, why don't we just
take him at his house?
726
00:28:08,540 --> 00:28:10,038
Because he still lives with his parents
727
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,338
and we don't need witnesses.
728
00:28:11,340 --> 00:28:14,338
He won the lotto and he
still lives with his parents?
729
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:16,808
The article said that he
wants to show solidarity
730
00:28:16,810 --> 00:28:18,788
with his less fortunate
brothers and sisters,
731
00:28:18,790 --> 00:28:20,088
so he still lives at home.
732
00:28:20,090 --> 00:28:22,358
Okay, this guy really is an asshole.
733
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:23,278
Told you.
734
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,558
Can we not act like we
need Ritalin for two minutes?
735
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,038
So we follow him around the whole day
736
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,078
until we find a place that he's alone?
737
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,578
Not just a place that he's alone,
738
00:28:31,580 --> 00:28:33,598
but a place that he goes to regularly.
739
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,888
That way, when he doesn't
come home right away,
740
00:28:35,890 --> 00:28:37,218
it'll arouse less suspicion
741
00:28:37,220 --> 00:28:39,538
because he's always out at the same time.
742
00:28:39,540 --> 00:28:41,918
Okay, so when do we get started on this?
743
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,693
Right after we eat those cookies.
744
00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:51,238
Hey, y'all, Antonio.
745
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,490
Got a few bucks to spare?
746
00:28:53,460 --> 00:28:54,291
What do you say, doll?
747
00:28:54,293 --> 00:28:55,518
Do I fucking know you?
748
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:56,351
Sure, bro.
749
00:28:56,353 --> 00:28:57,488
Get the fuck out of here.
750
00:28:57,490 --> 00:28:59,328
Chill, you don't have to
get all hostile in here.
751
00:28:59,330 --> 00:29:01,708
How would you like a
ride on the Boot Express?
752
00:29:01,710 --> 00:29:02,541
Bada-bing.
753
00:29:02,543 --> 00:29:04,418
Get the fuck, oh, he's got palsy.
754
00:29:04,420 --> 00:29:05,818
Poor baby.
755
00:29:05,820 --> 00:29:08,408
Jesus Christ, this used
to be a respectable alley.
756
00:29:08,410 --> 00:29:09,373
What the hell?
757
00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:16,168
So, okay, I drop off the coke
758
00:29:16,170 --> 00:29:18,683
at the Chuck E. Cheese, right?
759
00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:22,428
And I figure, at this point,
760
00:29:22,430 --> 00:29:25,128
my day could not get any stranger,
761
00:29:25,130 --> 00:29:26,893
in this bullshit line of work.
762
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,928
Am I supposed to be
waiting for something?
763
00:29:30,930 --> 00:29:33,468
You haven't told me yet why you're late.
764
00:29:33,470 --> 00:29:36,943
Wait the hell on a
sec, I'm getting there.
765
00:29:37,853 --> 00:29:39,948
Ay ay ay ay ay ay.
766
00:29:39,950 --> 00:29:43,238
I've never met anyone in
my whole life that talks
767
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,648
as slow as they walk, Lo-ass.
768
00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,718
Kiss my ass, Jimmy.
769
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,658
If your social security
check were a little bigger,
770
00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:52,878
we would be watching The Golden Girls
771
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,678
instead of selling drugs
into our golden years.
772
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,128
Man, we've been following
him around for hours now.
773
00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:01,158
All we found out is that
he really likes carrots
774
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,688
and Asian porn.
775
00:30:02,690 --> 00:30:05,408
Everybody has a weakness,
and that includes Tommy.
776
00:30:05,410 --> 00:30:07,888
We just have to stay on him
until we find out what his is.
777
00:30:07,890 --> 00:30:10,478
I'm just surprised he
hasn't seen us at all today.
778
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,058
Congratulations, Allen, you've finally
779
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,218
found your calling in
life, stalking people.
780
00:30:14,220 --> 00:30:16,288
Listen, man, I just know
how to keep my distance.
781
00:30:16,290 --> 00:30:18,278
I watched a lot of cop shows as a kid.
782
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,111
Really?
783
00:30:19,113 --> 00:30:19,944
Yeah.
784
00:30:19,946 --> 00:30:21,218
When I was little, I wanted to be a cop.
785
00:30:21,220 --> 00:30:23,768
And now we kidnap people
because the economy sucks.
786
00:30:23,770 --> 00:30:28,770
So, that is why I was so
late getting back tonight.
787
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:32,528
Hey, where is that kid?
788
00:30:32,530 --> 00:30:34,380
Wasn't he supposed to be here by now?
789
00:30:35,618 --> 00:30:37,062
He'll be here in a minute.
790
00:30:37,064 --> 00:30:38,803
Just relax.
791
00:30:40,330 --> 00:30:42,258
Why don't you run across
the street to 7-Eleven
792
00:30:42,260 --> 00:30:44,763
and pick up a couple of cartons, okay?
793
00:30:45,820 --> 00:30:47,470
Do you want something to drink?
794
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,098
Yeah, get me a Snapple
Apple, they got it.
795
00:30:52,100 --> 00:30:55,108
Okay, Snapple Apple it
is, and I'll be right back.
796
00:30:55,110 --> 00:30:56,410
All right, I can't wait.
797
00:30:58,184 --> 00:30:59,418
Ay ay ay.
798
00:30:59,420 --> 00:31:01,468
Hey, he's about to head into that alley.
799
00:31:01,470 --> 00:31:03,958
Follow him very, very carefully here.
800
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,688
He hasn't seen me for hours.
801
00:31:05,690 --> 00:31:07,848
You really think he's gonna notice me now?
802
00:31:07,850 --> 00:31:10,238
Let's park here so
that no one can hear us.
803
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,768
This time of night, there
can't be too many cars around
804
00:31:12,770 --> 00:31:14,848
and we don't wanna be spotted.
805
00:31:14,850 --> 00:31:19,113
Oh, look, look, it's Tommy.
806
00:31:20,170 --> 00:31:22,188
Hiya, Tommy.
807
00:31:22,190 --> 00:31:23,748
Boy, it's good to see you.
808
00:31:23,750 --> 00:31:24,833
How you been?
809
00:31:25,890 --> 00:31:28,278
Why the hell you get me up so late?
810
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,418
You know I burn through
my shit quick, Jimmy.
811
00:31:30,420 --> 00:31:31,998
Oh yeah.
812
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,408
Let me tell you something.
813
00:31:33,410 --> 00:31:37,748
The next time you interrupt
my episode of Buffy,
814
00:31:37,750 --> 00:31:40,688
you and me are gonna have a
problem, you understand me?
815
00:31:40,690 --> 00:31:41,998
Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
816
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:42,833
Yeah.
817
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:45,908
Okay.
818
00:31:45,910 --> 00:31:47,688
So what do you want?
819
00:31:47,690 --> 00:31:52,690
I got Coma Patient, which
would be really good for you.
820
00:31:53,860 --> 00:31:57,948
And I got Pumpkin Spice
for a price that's nice.
821
00:31:57,950 --> 00:31:59,571
No shit, they have
pumpkin spice weed now?
822
00:31:59,573 --> 00:32:02,448
They do, it's just
like the Starbucks drink,
823
00:32:02,450 --> 00:32:05,408
only this shit gets you high as fuck.
824
00:32:05,410 --> 00:32:06,243
Huh.
825
00:32:08,087 --> 00:32:11,278
You know what, I'm gonna
take a dime-bag of each.
826
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,378
Oh.
827
00:32:12,380 --> 00:32:13,211
Is this on?
828
00:32:13,213 --> 00:32:14,193
Lois.
829
00:32:15,540 --> 00:32:17,538
Let me get this straight,
you got me out of bed
830
00:32:17,540 --> 00:32:21,858
after midnight, you
dragged me away from Buffy
831
00:32:21,860 --> 00:32:24,948
to buy two dime-bags, seriously?
832
00:32:24,950 --> 00:32:26,121
Man, do you want the
fucking money or not?
833
00:32:26,123 --> 00:32:27,618
Give me the fucking money.
834
00:32:27,620 --> 00:32:30,493
God, ay ay ay ay ay.
835
00:32:31,877 --> 00:32:34,628
And don't interrupt my
program again, you got that?
836
00:32:34,630 --> 00:32:36,562
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
837
00:32:36,564 --> 00:32:37,576
You don't have to be a dick about it.
838
00:32:37,578 --> 00:32:40,458
Oh okay, I was just
trying to make sure, Tommy.
839
00:32:40,460 --> 00:32:41,893
Get the fuck outta here.
840
00:32:43,870 --> 00:32:44,703
Oh man.
841
00:32:45,668 --> 00:32:47,788
Fucking show will be over
by the time I get back.
842
00:32:47,790 --> 00:32:48,623
Ay ay ay.
843
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,231
We got him.
844
00:32:52,233 --> 00:32:54,048
We got the son of a bitch.
845
00:32:54,050 --> 00:32:56,458
This would be a pretty
good place to snatch him.
846
00:32:56,460 --> 00:32:59,438
And this alley doesn't even
have any security cameras.
847
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,928
Look, we even got John
thinking like a criminal now.
848
00:33:01,930 --> 00:33:04,018
We'll follow him around
for the next few days,
849
00:33:04,020 --> 00:33:07,098
and if he comes back, this'll
be the spot where we grab him.
850
00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:08,228
How long do you think it'll take him
851
00:33:08,230 --> 00:33:09,438
to finish all that weed?
852
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:10,398
I don't know.
853
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:11,818
Allen, how long do you
think it'll take him
854
00:33:11,820 --> 00:33:12,708
to finish all that weed?
855
00:33:12,710 --> 00:33:14,698
Are you asking me
that because I'm black?
856
00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:16,331
No, I'm asking you
because you have friends
857
00:33:16,333 --> 00:33:18,038
that did theater in college.
858
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,748
I heard about those toga orgies, man.
859
00:33:19,750 --> 00:33:20,588
What?
860
00:33:20,590 --> 00:33:23,108
Don't worry about it, we'll
tell you when you're older.
861
00:33:23,110 --> 00:33:25,778
I didn't attend any of
those, for the record.
862
00:33:25,780 --> 00:33:27,868
You didn't answer my question, how long?
863
00:33:27,870 --> 00:33:29,258
Two days, max.
864
00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:32,098
Okay, so then we'll follow
him around for a few more days.
865
00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:34,348
In the meantime, we still
need to go shopping.
866
00:33:34,350 --> 00:33:35,758
Are you guys doing anything tomorrow?
867
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:36,591
Nope.
868
00:33:36,593 --> 00:33:37,424
I'm free.
869
00:33:37,426 --> 00:33:39,043
Meet me at my house at noon, then.
870
00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:52,008
All right, so we need some rope,
871
00:33:52,010 --> 00:33:53,608
three ski masks, and a shotgun.
872
00:33:53,610 --> 00:33:54,441
That should be it.
873
00:33:54,443 --> 00:33:56,428
And you're sure they won't
say anything about the shotgun?
874
00:33:56,430 --> 00:33:57,408
This is Walmart.
875
00:33:57,410 --> 00:33:59,358
If they could figure out a
way to sell heroin to babies
876
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,488
and make money off of
it, they would do it.
877
00:34:01,490 --> 00:34:02,398
All right.
878
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,900
I'll be back in a few minutes.
879
00:34:08,392 --> 00:34:10,778
Hey, do you think your
aunt and uncle would be mad
880
00:34:10,780 --> 00:34:12,198
if they knew that you
were spending the money
881
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,208
they gave you on a kidnapping kit?
882
00:34:14,210 --> 00:34:15,858
Nah, they grew up in the 60's,
883
00:34:15,860 --> 00:34:17,398
they don't really judge people.
884
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,628
I seriously can't wait
to nail the bastard.
885
00:34:19,630 --> 00:34:21,698
Hey, don't make this personal.
886
00:34:21,700 --> 00:34:22,708
I know you two have history...
887
00:34:22,710 --> 00:34:24,008
You know what he did, Kevin.
888
00:34:24,010 --> 00:34:26,228
I know, I know.
889
00:34:26,230 --> 00:34:27,518
But if you put him into a coma,
890
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:28,968
then we can't take his money.
891
00:34:28,970 --> 00:34:31,278
I'll be sure to save
the beating for later.
892
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,818
Thank you.
893
00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:35,278
Hey, don't you think
it's going to look weird
894
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,508
that he's buying all of
this suspicious stuff all
895
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:38,438
at the same place?
896
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,458
Again, these people don't care.
897
00:34:40,460 --> 00:34:42,158
I'd be surprised if anyone said anything
898
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:43,298
to him at all about it.
899
00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:44,348
You wanna bet on it?
900
00:34:44,350 --> 00:34:45,181
Sure.
901
00:34:45,183 --> 00:34:47,178
I bet you $10 that nobody
says anything to the guy
902
00:34:47,180 --> 00:34:49,688
buying a shotgun, some
ski masks, and a rope.
903
00:34:49,690 --> 00:34:50,740
I'll take that bet.
904
00:34:57,290 --> 00:34:59,148
How the fuck are we
supposed to kidnap someone
905
00:34:59,150 --> 00:35:01,818
if you two are afraid of
someone knocking on a window?
906
00:35:01,820 --> 00:35:02,848
Point taken.
907
00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:04,078
Hey, that was really fast.
908
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:04,948
Yeah, I know.
909
00:35:04,950 --> 00:35:06,550
Open the trunk, I got the stuff.
910
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,558
Hey, did they ask you about why
911
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,058
you were buying all of that stuff?
912
00:35:22,060 --> 00:35:23,398
Yeah, they did.
913
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:24,498
What did you tell them?
914
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:26,418
That we're making a movie, suckers.
915
00:35:26,420 --> 00:35:28,038
Did they ask you
anything about the shotgun?
916
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:28,888
Nope.
917
00:35:28,890 --> 00:35:31,168
They didn't even ask for
your mom's maiden name?
918
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:32,928
No, they didn't ask me anything at all.
919
00:35:32,930 --> 00:35:34,888
They just handed me a deadly
weapon and took my money.
920
00:35:34,890 --> 00:35:35,958
I love America.
921
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:37,908
All right, so we meet
at my place one final time
922
00:35:37,910 --> 00:35:39,748
and go over everything
before we head out, right?
923
00:35:39,750 --> 00:35:40,628
That's the plan.
924
00:35:40,630 --> 00:35:43,368
As long as everybody lays
low, we should be fine.
925
00:35:43,370 --> 00:35:44,795
All right, let's get out of here.
926
00:35:44,797 --> 00:35:47,663
You guys know how I'm
allergic to country music.
927
00:35:54,350 --> 00:35:57,058
All right, gentlemen, the
big night is finally here.
928
00:35:57,060 --> 00:35:58,238
By the way, are you sure your mom
929
00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:00,148
isn't gonna walk in on
us talking about this?
930
00:36:00,150 --> 00:36:01,248
Yeah, man, it's cool.
931
00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:03,028
She's watching Dancing with the Stars.
932
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:05,198
Nothing can move that
woman when that show is on.
933
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,168
All right, let's go over
the plan one more time.
934
00:36:08,170 --> 00:36:09,688
Based on what we already know,
935
00:36:09,690 --> 00:36:12,928
Tommy will show up to his dealers
at approximately midnight.
936
00:36:12,930 --> 00:36:14,888
We wait for him to complete the buy,
937
00:36:14,890 --> 00:36:17,438
ambush him from behind, and
then we throw him in the car.
938
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,638
At that point, we'll put
the bags over his head
939
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,528
and then we put our masks on.
940
00:36:21,530 --> 00:36:23,658
Now, when do our masks come off?
941
00:36:23,660 --> 00:36:25,808
Never, because we
don't wanna go to jail.
942
00:36:25,810 --> 00:36:26,718
Exactly.
943
00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:28,298
They don't come off even if...
944
00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:30,498
Even if Jessica Alba
comes into the warehouse
945
00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:32,688
and said she'd blow us
if we took off our masks.
946
00:36:32,690 --> 00:36:34,048
Exactly.
947
00:36:34,050 --> 00:36:36,418
John, did you test fire the
shotgun to make sure it worked?
948
00:36:36,420 --> 00:36:39,328
Yeah, it definitely works.
949
00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:40,718
Definitely?
950
00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:41,958
What do you mean?
951
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,028
It worked a little too well.
952
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:44,883
Too well?
953
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,658
The recoil from the gun knocked me over
954
00:36:47,660 --> 00:36:50,668
and now I have a dick-shaped
bruise on my knee.
955
00:36:50,670 --> 00:36:52,258
Come again?
956
00:36:52,260 --> 00:36:54,728
Say that slowly, one more time,
957
00:36:54,730 --> 00:36:56,288
to make sure that I heard you right.
958
00:36:56,290 --> 00:37:00,468
I have a dick-shaped bruise on my knee.
959
00:37:00,470 --> 00:37:01,423
Let me see.
960
00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:10,268
Did you fall on a cookie cutter
961
00:37:10,270 --> 00:37:11,718
shaped like a cock or something?
962
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:12,708
No, dude.
963
00:37:12,710 --> 00:37:14,468
Why would anybody leave a cookie cutter
964
00:37:14,470 --> 00:37:16,298
shaped like a cock in the woods?
965
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:17,628
You'd keep that in your kitchen.
966
00:37:17,630 --> 00:37:20,098
Remind me never to rob
a bank with you, John.
967
00:37:20,100 --> 00:37:21,718
Allen, do you have
the straws for tonight?
968
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:22,698
Yeah, they're in my pocket.
969
00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:23,531
Good man.
970
00:37:23,533 --> 00:37:24,758
Straws, what for?
971
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,708
To figure out who gets guard duty first.
972
00:37:26,710 --> 00:37:28,918
All three of us can't be
watching him at the same time.
973
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,068
Someone has to be on the lookout.
974
00:37:31,070 --> 00:37:32,818
When we get him in the warehouse,
975
00:37:32,820 --> 00:37:35,098
we don't have to treat him
with kid gloves, right?
976
00:37:35,100 --> 00:37:36,608
Short of putting him into a coma,
977
00:37:36,610 --> 00:37:38,498
we do whatever we have
to do to get that money.
978
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:39,331
Sweet.
979
00:37:39,333 --> 00:37:41,238
Payback's a bitch, Booth.
980
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,958
Did you hear what I just said?
981
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:43,928
No coma.
982
00:37:43,930 --> 00:37:45,868
Yeah, I heard you.
983
00:37:45,870 --> 00:37:46,938
So are we ready, then?
984
00:37:46,940 --> 00:37:48,390
Yeah, let's get outta here.
985
00:37:51,710 --> 00:37:52,678
Shotgun.
986
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,511
Really?
987
00:37:53,513 --> 00:37:56,640
Did you really just yell
shotgun before a kidnapping?
988
00:38:02,432 --> 00:38:03,263
Hey.
989
00:38:03,265 --> 00:38:04,161
I didn't interrupt your
show this time, right?
990
00:38:04,163 --> 00:38:06,081
No, we're good.
991
00:38:06,083 --> 00:38:06,916
Good.
992
00:38:07,770 --> 00:38:11,018
Hey, you ever seen Deadliest Catch?
993
00:38:11,020 --> 00:38:12,408
No, why?
994
00:38:12,410 --> 00:38:13,828
That shit is awesome.
995
00:38:13,830 --> 00:38:15,668
You oughta check it out.
996
00:38:15,670 --> 00:38:17,978
Yeah, I'll write that down.
997
00:38:17,980 --> 00:38:19,858
Same as last time?
998
00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:22,132
Yes, that shit is awesome.
999
00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:25,388
- There you are.
- There you go, my man.
1000
00:38:25,390 --> 00:38:27,488
- Cool, adios, amigo.
- Stay loose.
1001
00:38:27,490 --> 00:38:28,713
You make bail, call me.
1002
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,108
What the hell?
1003
00:38:47,110 --> 00:38:47,978
Where am I?
1004
00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:48,818
Hey, Tommy.
1005
00:38:48,820 --> 00:38:50,828
Shut up and stop asking questions.
1006
00:38:50,830 --> 00:38:52,818
Why do I have a bag that says
1007
00:38:52,820 --> 00:38:55,908
Academic Financial
Services tied to my head?
1008
00:38:55,910 --> 00:38:58,138
You can read that from in there?
1009
00:38:58,140 --> 00:38:59,018
Yeah.
1010
00:38:59,020 --> 00:39:00,268
Oh, I got this other cool party trick,
1011
00:39:00,270 --> 00:39:01,653
it involves your mom and my...
1012
00:39:01,655 --> 00:39:03,011
Ow.
1013
00:39:03,013 --> 00:39:04,068
What the fuck was that for?
1014
00:39:04,070 --> 00:39:05,678
We told you to shut up, didn't we?
1015
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,488
Next time, it'll hurt more.
1016
00:39:07,490 --> 00:39:09,268
Just be quiet and stay calm.
1017
00:39:09,270 --> 00:39:11,778
You'll find out everything
you need to know soon enough.
1018
00:39:11,780 --> 00:39:13,158
Which is?
1019
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,361
You'll find out in a few minutes.
1020
00:39:44,140 --> 00:39:44,988
Will somebody please tell me
1021
00:39:44,990 --> 00:39:46,798
what the fuck is going on here?
1022
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,063
Come on, Tommy, you really
haven't figured it out yet?
1023
00:39:51,010 --> 00:39:52,178
No, I haven't.
1024
00:39:52,180 --> 00:39:53,838
I mean, you guys saw me buying weed
1025
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,378
but you're obviously not cops,
1026
00:39:55,380 --> 00:39:56,868
so I have no idea what you want.
1027
00:39:56,870 --> 00:39:58,478
We want your money.
1028
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,678
Not all of it, just some of it.
1029
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,578
And you're going to give it to us.
1030
00:40:02,580 --> 00:40:04,748
You guys kidnapped me
for my lottery winnings?
1031
00:40:04,750 --> 00:40:06,408
Exactly.
1032
00:40:06,410 --> 00:40:07,728
Couldn't you have just stuck
1033
00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:08,938
up a gas station or something?
1034
00:40:08,940 --> 00:40:11,778
Don't insult us, Tommy,
we're way bigger than that.
1035
00:40:11,780 --> 00:40:14,563
Plus, this is a lot more fun.
1036
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:18,228
Okay, before this goes any further,
1037
00:40:18,230 --> 00:40:19,463
what do I call you guys?
1038
00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:21,820
I'm Danny DeVito.
1039
00:40:22,910 --> 00:40:23,988
Ice Cube.
1040
00:40:23,990 --> 00:40:25,851
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
1041
00:40:25,853 --> 00:40:27,643
Are you serious, man?
1042
00:40:27,645 --> 00:40:28,698
You don't even look like him.
1043
00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:31,608
Will both of you shut the
fuck up and focus right now?
1044
00:40:31,610 --> 00:40:33,428
You guys just made up those codenames
1045
00:40:33,430 --> 00:40:35,218
like right now, didn't you?
1046
00:40:35,220 --> 00:40:36,578
That is irrelevant.
1047
00:40:36,580 --> 00:40:38,173
Here is what you need to know.
1048
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,578
It is 2:30 in the morning right now.
1049
00:40:42,580 --> 00:40:44,608
You have until 7:00 a.m. to agree to march
1050
00:40:44,610 --> 00:40:48,288
into a bank and withdraw $150,000 for us.
1051
00:40:48,290 --> 00:40:49,228
See?
1052
00:40:49,230 --> 00:40:51,048
We're not even asking for all of it.
1053
00:40:51,050 --> 00:40:52,568
We're nice kidnappers.
1054
00:40:52,570 --> 00:40:54,798
Even though you don't
deserve to keep any of it.
1055
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,788
Shut up, Arnold.
1056
00:40:56,790 --> 00:40:59,138
If for some very
stupid reason you choose
1057
00:40:59,140 --> 00:41:00,838
not to comply with our demands,
1058
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:02,238
the big guy with the shotgun over here
1059
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:03,998
is gonna shoot you and leave your body
1060
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,663
in a ditch for the gators to get.
1061
00:41:06,620 --> 00:41:08,768
I'm no expert, but won't a shotgun
1062
00:41:08,770 --> 00:41:10,598
be a little loud for this time of night?
1063
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:11,938
Let us worry about that.
1064
00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:13,558
How do you guys even know who I am?
1065
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,648
You had an article printed
about you in the paper, genius.
1066
00:41:16,650 --> 00:41:19,408
Yeah, but my picture wasn't in it.
1067
00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,618
That means you guys must
know me from somewhere else.
1068
00:41:21,620 --> 00:41:22,508
Wrong.
1069
00:41:22,510 --> 00:41:26,198
You'd be amazed what you
can find out on the internet.
1070
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,838
And how exactly am I
supposed to get you this money?
1071
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,308
Cash will work just fine.
1072
00:41:31,310 --> 00:41:33,218
Okay, but what if I have a teller
1073
00:41:33,220 --> 00:41:34,670
put the tracker in the money?
1074
00:41:36,310 --> 00:41:38,233
Then we kill your family.
1075
00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:42,338
Okay, you leave my family out of this,
1076
00:41:42,340 --> 00:41:43,338
otherwise I swear to God,
1077
00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:46,038
I will spend every last
cent I have hunting you down
1078
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:47,995
and making you pay for this.
1079
00:41:47,997 --> 00:41:49,718
Stay calm, Tommy.
1080
00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:52,178
We wouldn't you to lose your head now.
1081
00:41:52,180 --> 00:41:55,638
Right now, we have a man
stationed outside your house.
1082
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,448
You try and call the cops,
you try and tell your family
1083
00:41:58,450 --> 00:42:00,545
or anyone else about what's going on here,
1084
00:42:00,547 --> 00:42:02,628
and we take them out too.
1085
00:42:02,630 --> 00:42:05,898
But if you give us the
money and it comes back clean,
1086
00:42:05,900 --> 00:42:07,451
we'll call him off.
1087
00:42:07,453 --> 00:42:08,468
He's kind of a fat fuck,
1088
00:42:08,470 --> 00:42:10,018
so it gets expensive for
us to keep him there.
1089
00:42:10,020 --> 00:42:12,098
We would actually
prefer calling him off.
1090
00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:14,168
It's way cheaper for us.
1091
00:42:14,170 --> 00:42:16,970
You guys have no idea who
you're fucking with, do you?
1092
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,898
We know exactly who we're fucking with.
1093
00:42:21,900 --> 00:42:22,731
You're soft, Tommy.
1094
00:42:22,733 --> 00:42:24,468
If you had any brains at all,
1095
00:42:24,470 --> 00:42:26,020
you wouldn't be here right now.
1096
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,408
So what's it gonna be?
1097
00:42:28,410 --> 00:42:30,048
We're gonna ask you calmly.
1098
00:42:30,050 --> 00:42:32,588
Are you gonna give us the money or not?
1099
00:42:32,590 --> 00:42:34,118
Burn in hell.
1100
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,553
Wrong answer.
1101
00:42:38,610 --> 00:42:40,808
Will you stop stepping on the same foot?
1102
00:42:40,810 --> 00:42:42,408
Do you have any idea how fucking expensive
1103
00:42:42,410 --> 00:42:43,798
an orthopedic surgeon is?
1104
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,398
No, I don't.
1105
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,908
I don't have health insurance anymore.
1106
00:42:47,910 --> 00:42:50,148
Don't think of it as being kidnapped.
1107
00:42:50,150 --> 00:42:52,388
Think of it as giving to charity.
1108
00:42:52,390 --> 00:42:55,628
Oh yeah, you guys seem like
the real Salvation Army types.
1109
00:42:55,630 --> 00:42:56,928
I'll bet you collect money for poor people
1110
00:42:56,930 --> 00:42:58,408
around Christmas too, don't you?
1111
00:42:58,410 --> 00:42:59,408
You know what?
1112
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,241
We're gonna give you a minute
1113
00:43:00,243 --> 00:43:02,168
to get used to your new surroundings.
1114
00:43:02,170 --> 00:43:03,993
Come on, guys, let's go take a walk.
1115
00:43:16,470 --> 00:43:17,968
Holy shit.
1116
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,678
We just told Tommy Booth that we're
1117
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:21,168
going to kill his family.
1118
00:43:21,170 --> 00:43:24,078
Fuck, man, don't sound so excited.
1119
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,898
On the other hand, that
was a damn good lie, Kevin.
1120
00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:27,858
Thanks.
1121
00:43:27,860 --> 00:43:29,168
I don't know what came over me.
1122
00:43:29,170 --> 00:43:31,468
It just felt so natural.
1123
00:43:31,470 --> 00:43:33,948
To be honest, I'm kind
of creeped out about it.
1124
00:43:33,950 --> 00:43:34,781
All right.
1125
00:43:34,783 --> 00:43:36,698
We can't leave him alone for too long.
1126
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:39,600
It's time to draw straws to
see who does guard duty first.
1127
00:43:41,410 --> 00:43:42,258
Pink?
1128
00:43:42,260 --> 00:43:44,618
Are we ordering fucking cosmos now?
1129
00:43:44,620 --> 00:43:47,958
Look, my mom is both a
woman and an alcoholic.
1130
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:49,558
So the next time you need straws
1131
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,828
to figure out who's doing
guard duty during a kidnapping,
1132
00:43:51,830 --> 00:43:53,438
you can buy them, all right?
1133
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:54,271
Come on.
1134
00:43:54,273 --> 00:43:56,410
We can't leave him out
there for very long.
1135
00:43:58,740 --> 00:44:00,028
Shit.
1136
00:44:00,030 --> 00:44:01,118
Have fun.
1137
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:01,953
Screw you.
1138
00:44:08,329 --> 00:44:10,108
How you doing, Ice?
1139
00:44:10,110 --> 00:44:12,488
Look, I'm not here for the small talk.
1140
00:44:12,490 --> 00:44:14,518
Are you gonna give us the money or not?
1141
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,028
You have a better chance of
getting a blowjob from a nun
1142
00:44:17,030 --> 00:44:18,968
than you do of getting any of my money.
1143
00:44:18,970 --> 00:44:20,998
You can keep playing hard to get,
1144
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,768
but eventually, we'll break you.
1145
00:44:23,770 --> 00:44:25,968
You know, I was having a good day
1146
00:44:25,970 --> 00:44:28,178
until I got my Xbox back
in the mail this morning.
1147
00:44:28,180 --> 00:44:29,718
It had a letter saying my warranty
1148
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:31,418
had expired or something like that.
1149
00:44:31,420 --> 00:44:34,027
So I sent it back to them
with a letter of my own
1150
00:44:34,029 --> 00:44:37,238
and it said, dear Bill Gates,
if you have enough time
1151
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:39,618
to buy condoms for everyone in Africa,
1152
00:44:39,620 --> 00:44:41,333
you have time to fix my Xbox.
1153
00:44:42,230 --> 00:44:45,768
There is some truth to that, I guess.
1154
00:44:45,770 --> 00:44:47,358
I mean, do you know how annoying it is
1155
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,108
watching Netflix on my laptop?
1156
00:44:49,110 --> 00:44:51,568
The screen is so much smaller.
1157
00:44:51,570 --> 00:44:53,098
I just want to watch
my nature documentaries
1158
00:44:53,100 --> 00:44:54,608
on a big screen again.
1159
00:44:54,610 --> 00:44:57,138
Nature documentaries?
1160
00:44:57,140 --> 00:44:59,798
Yeah, I've been watching
this one on dolphins lately.
1161
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,498
Did you know they are
vicious little bastards?
1162
00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:04,268
No, I didn't.
1163
00:45:04,270 --> 00:45:05,348
Yeah, they are.
1164
00:45:05,350 --> 00:45:07,938
Actually, it's common for
multiple male dolphins
1165
00:45:07,940 --> 00:45:11,578
to take turns having sex
with a single female dolphin.
1166
00:45:11,580 --> 00:45:12,411
What?
1167
00:45:12,413 --> 00:45:13,244
You heard me.
1168
00:45:13,246 --> 00:45:14,813
Flipper's into gang-bangs.
1169
00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:18,018
I just fucked up your
whole childhood, didn't I?
1170
00:45:18,020 --> 00:45:20,603
You are a deeply
disturbed person, Tommy.
1171
00:45:21,620 --> 00:45:23,748
Look, I'll make you a deal.
1172
00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:24,978
You let me go right now
1173
00:45:24,980 --> 00:45:27,058
and I'll give you half of
what you're asking for.
1174
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:28,968
You wouldn't even have to
split it with your partners.
1175
00:45:28,970 --> 00:45:29,978
What makes you think I would
1176
00:45:29,980 --> 00:45:31,758
go along with something like that?
1177
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,088
Honestly, 'cause I think you're weak.
1178
00:45:34,090 --> 00:45:34,921
Weak?
1179
00:45:34,923 --> 00:45:35,756
Why are you here?
1180
00:45:36,606 --> 00:45:37,888
Huh?
1181
00:45:37,890 --> 00:45:39,548
You heard me, why are you here?
1182
00:45:39,550 --> 00:45:42,439
I've seen the way you
act with the other two.
1183
00:45:42,441 --> 00:45:44,418
I mean, you're obviously
smarter than the big guy.
1184
00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:45,628
And you're loyal to both of them,
1185
00:45:45,630 --> 00:45:47,908
but this wasn't your plan at all.
1186
00:45:47,910 --> 00:45:49,048
You're too meek,
1187
00:45:49,050 --> 00:45:51,388
too reserved to carry
out something like this.
1188
00:45:51,390 --> 00:45:52,958
The big guy, well, he had the gun,
1189
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,018
so he wants to hurt me, clearly.
1190
00:45:55,020 --> 00:45:56,678
And the little guy, he
did all the talking,
1191
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,658
so that tells me he's the leader.
1192
00:45:58,660 --> 00:46:01,348
So that leaves you stuck in the middle,
1193
00:46:01,350 --> 00:46:02,950
playing second banana, as usual.
1194
00:46:04,830 --> 00:46:05,661
Do it.
1195
00:46:05,663 --> 00:46:07,358
We both know you're not going to.
1196
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:08,198
You may be a lot of things,
1197
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,788
Ice, but violent isn't one of them.
1198
00:46:10,790 --> 00:46:12,088
You keep talking shit like this
1199
00:46:12,090 --> 00:46:14,238
and you're never getting out of here.
1200
00:46:14,240 --> 00:46:15,198
Really?
1201
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,008
Do I look scared to you?
1202
00:46:17,010 --> 00:46:19,163
If you're not, you should be.
1203
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:21,548
No.
1204
00:46:21,550 --> 00:46:22,558
I mean, you guys have balls,
1205
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,688
but you've clearly
underestimated your target.
1206
00:46:24,690 --> 00:46:25,628
You're gonna have to try way harder
1207
00:46:25,630 --> 00:46:27,408
than this if you want to break me.
1208
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,258
Try harder?
1209
00:46:28,260 --> 00:46:29,798
Okay, I can do that.
1210
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,118
Wait wait, whoa, hold
on, hold on a second.
1211
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,478
Are you actually an Ice Cube fan?
1212
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:35,863
Yeah, why?
1213
00:46:36,940 --> 00:46:39,748
Well, what's his
favorite kind of ice cream?
1214
00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:40,588
What?
1215
00:46:40,590 --> 00:46:42,218
How is this important?
1216
00:46:42,220 --> 00:46:44,998
Well, it's a commonly
known fact amongst his fans.
1217
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,018
What's Ice Cube's favorite
kind of ice cream?
1218
00:46:47,020 --> 00:46:48,538
Um.
1219
00:46:48,540 --> 00:46:49,478
You can say if you don't know.
1220
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,448
Wait, wait, no, no, I know this.
1221
00:46:51,450 --> 00:46:52,398
Stop lying.
1222
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:53,870
It's Rocky Road.
1223
00:46:53,872 --> 00:46:54,968
Wrong.
1224
00:46:54,970 --> 00:46:57,158
It's vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.
1225
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,751
I bet you've never seen Boyz
n the Hood either, you poser.
1226
00:47:01,870 --> 00:47:03,283
Goodbye, Wayne Brady.
1227
00:47:09,790 --> 00:47:12,068
Fuck that guy, seriously.
1228
00:47:12,070 --> 00:47:14,428
I'm gonna put him in a coma if
he doesn't shut the fuck up.
1229
00:47:14,430 --> 00:47:15,598
He was talking to you?
1230
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,868
Yeah, he wouldn't stop talking to me.
1231
00:47:17,870 --> 00:47:19,448
Did he get good grades in school?
1232
00:47:19,450 --> 00:47:20,281
Why?
1233
00:47:20,283 --> 00:47:21,608
Just answer me, did he?
1234
00:47:21,610 --> 00:47:23,768
We don't have his fucking
report card in front of us.
1235
00:47:23,770 --> 00:47:24,778
What does it matter?
1236
00:47:24,780 --> 00:47:26,308
He did go to college, right?
1237
00:47:26,310 --> 00:47:27,360
Yeah, why?
1238
00:47:28,410 --> 00:47:30,868
He is unusually perceptive.
1239
00:47:30,870 --> 00:47:32,868
He must have been a
psych major or something.
1240
00:47:32,870 --> 00:47:35,118
He is good at getting into people's heads.
1241
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:36,638
Who's up next on guard duty?
1242
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:37,658
I am.
1243
00:47:37,660 --> 00:47:40,288
Watch out for him, man, he's
gonna try and screw with you.
1244
00:47:40,290 --> 00:47:41,123
Let him.
1245
00:47:55,700 --> 00:47:56,603
Comfortable yet?
1246
00:47:57,844 --> 00:47:58,675
No.
1247
00:47:58,677 --> 00:48:01,048
I'd need my bathrobe
and slippers for that.
1248
00:48:01,050 --> 00:48:02,058
Hey, would you mind running to my house
1249
00:48:02,060 --> 00:48:03,048
and getting it for me?
1250
00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:05,508
Sorry, I'll have to pass on that one.
1251
00:48:05,510 --> 00:48:07,308
Ah, well that's a shame.
1252
00:48:07,310 --> 00:48:09,798
Here I was thinking I could
talk some sense into you.
1253
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,528
Funny, I was thinking
exactly the same thing.
1254
00:48:12,530 --> 00:48:15,378
You gonna get smart and give us our money?
1255
00:48:15,380 --> 00:48:17,938
What would you do with the
money if I gave it to you?
1256
00:48:17,940 --> 00:48:19,048
Why?
1257
00:48:19,050 --> 00:48:20,640
Well, I wanna know
where my money ends up
1258
00:48:20,642 --> 00:48:23,168
in this little charity case scenario.
1259
00:48:23,170 --> 00:48:25,528
I don't know, I haven't
thought that far ahead yet.
1260
00:48:25,530 --> 00:48:26,948
Ah, bullshit.
1261
00:48:26,950 --> 00:48:29,568
You're obviously the one who
planned this little kidnapping.
1262
00:48:29,570 --> 00:48:30,528
And you don't seem like the type
1263
00:48:30,530 --> 00:48:32,238
of person who would
leave things to chance.
1264
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:34,868
So, what would you do with the money?
1265
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:36,548
Go to Japan.
1266
00:48:36,550 --> 00:48:39,168
See, now we're getting somewhere.
1267
00:48:39,170 --> 00:48:41,398
Yeah, I'd like it over there.
1268
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,658
Sushi and samurai and gorgeous women.
1269
00:48:44,660 --> 00:48:47,518
Plus, it'd be nice to make eye
contact with somebody again.
1270
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,377
I haven't done that since the fifth grade.
1271
00:48:50,379 --> 00:48:52,698
Hm, you worry about
how people perceive you
1272
00:48:52,700 --> 00:48:54,608
because of your height.
1273
00:48:54,610 --> 00:48:56,748
You know, you're tougher than
most people because of it,
1274
00:48:56,750 --> 00:48:58,478
but that toughness is
gonna one day lead you
1275
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:00,198
to pick a fight that you can't win.
1276
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:02,888
I'll worry about that
bridge when I come to it.
1277
00:49:02,890 --> 00:49:06,528
And while all those things
you said about Japan are nice,
1278
00:49:06,530 --> 00:49:08,568
I still wouldn't recommend
making that trip.
1279
00:49:08,570 --> 00:49:09,970
And why is that?
1280
00:49:10,890 --> 00:49:12,448
Well, things have a way of getting
1281
00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:15,318
a little bit weird over there.
1282
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:16,453
What do you mean?
1283
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,300
Have you ever heard of
a man named Issei Sagawa?
1284
00:49:20,302 --> 00:49:22,473
No, should I have?
1285
00:49:23,540 --> 00:49:26,908
Mr. Sagawa was a literature
student who ate one
1286
00:49:26,910 --> 00:49:30,628
of his classmates because he
wanted to consume her powers.
1287
00:49:30,630 --> 00:49:31,488
Your point?
1288
00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,998
We have people who kill
people over here too.
1289
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,208
Yeah, but after the trial,
1290
00:49:35,210 --> 00:49:37,248
he was let go on a technicality.
1291
00:49:37,250 --> 00:49:39,478
He then became a mini-celebrity in Japan,
1292
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,478
did all kinds of interviews,
even did televised appearances.
1293
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,638
I still don't see where
you're going with this.
1294
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,258
Here's the kicker though.
1295
00:49:46,260 --> 00:49:49,108
Right after that, he
became a restaurant critic
1296
00:49:49,110 --> 00:49:50,308
for a magazine.
1297
00:49:50,310 --> 00:49:52,218
He went from cannibal to food critic
1298
00:49:52,220 --> 00:49:53,948
in just a couple of years.
1299
00:49:53,950 --> 00:49:56,268
Hey, at least he had
a good business plan,
1300
00:49:56,270 --> 00:49:58,358
eat bitches, get money.
1301
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,288
You don't find it the
least bit disconcerting
1302
00:50:00,290 --> 00:50:02,518
that someone who was
arrested for cannibalism
1303
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:03,918
became a celebrity?
1304
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,048
It's no different than when people
1305
00:50:05,050 --> 00:50:07,528
in the US become famous
for stupid reasons.
1306
00:50:07,530 --> 00:50:09,878
All cultures have their weak points.
1307
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,258
Huh.
1308
00:50:11,260 --> 00:50:13,058
That's pretty impressive.
1309
00:50:13,060 --> 00:50:15,918
You didn't flinch once
during that little story.
1310
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:17,918
You know, I wanted to know
for sure who the leader was,
1311
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:19,988
and now I definitely know it's you.
1312
00:50:19,990 --> 00:50:21,928
Stop trying to figure us out.
1313
00:50:21,930 --> 00:50:24,438
Your only role here is
to give us the money.
1314
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,778
Would you rather we go after your family?
1315
00:50:26,780 --> 00:50:30,308
Maybe that will provide a
little extra motivation, huh?
1316
00:50:30,310 --> 00:50:33,058
You see, I believe it when you say that.
1317
00:50:33,060 --> 00:50:35,108
The first guy, he's too soft.
1318
00:50:35,110 --> 00:50:36,635
He's only here 'cause you told him to be.
1319
00:50:36,637 --> 00:50:38,678
And the big guy, well, he hasn't had
1320
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:40,768
an original thought since he was a fetus.
1321
00:50:40,770 --> 00:50:43,978
He's cold, but he's dumb, so
he doesn't scare me either.
1322
00:50:43,980 --> 00:50:45,038
And what about me?
1323
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,738
Why do you take me more
seriously than the others?
1324
00:50:47,740 --> 00:50:49,908
Because you got something to lose.
1325
00:50:49,910 --> 00:50:51,288
That's why you planned this kidnapping,
1326
00:50:51,290 --> 00:50:52,858
and that's why you've been so calm.
1327
00:50:52,860 --> 00:50:54,088
You need the money.
1328
00:50:54,090 --> 00:50:54,948
You're wrong.
1329
00:50:54,950 --> 00:50:56,988
If I'm so wrong, then
let me go right now.
1330
00:50:56,990 --> 00:50:58,998
Fuck you.
1331
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,748
Yeah, that's what I thought.
1332
00:51:00,750 --> 00:51:02,948
You do know that if you
kill me you can't get any
1333
00:51:02,950 --> 00:51:05,358
of my money, and that brings us to sort
1334
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:06,428
of an impasse, doesn't it?
1335
00:51:06,430 --> 00:51:09,718
We will get that money
one way or another, Tommy.
1336
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,348
Say my name like that again, will you?
1337
00:51:11,350 --> 00:51:12,978
I love the way it makes my toes curl up.
1338
00:51:12,980 --> 00:51:14,563
I'm tired of these games.
1339
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,958
You have 10 minutes to agree
to comply with our demands.
1340
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,538
If we have to come back in
here again, it won't be pretty.
1341
00:51:22,540 --> 00:51:24,278
I'm looking forward to it, DeVito.
1342
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:25,113
It'll be fun.
1343
00:51:34,610 --> 00:51:36,238
Did he say he was going
to give us the money?
1344
00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:37,078
No.
1345
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:38,378
Did he try and mess with you?
1346
00:51:38,380 --> 00:51:39,728
Yeah, he did.
1347
00:51:39,730 --> 00:51:42,188
That kid has deep, deep-seated problems.
1348
00:51:42,190 --> 00:51:43,668
So what do we do now?
1349
00:51:43,670 --> 00:51:45,558
I don't think we have another choice.
1350
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,568
We have to show him we mean business.
1351
00:51:47,570 --> 00:51:48,488
Does that mean we have to...
1352
00:51:48,490 --> 00:51:49,321
Yes.
1353
00:51:49,323 --> 00:51:51,067
It means we have to torture him.
1354
00:51:51,069 --> 00:51:52,438
Finally.
1355
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,748
Don't sound so excited, weirdo.
1356
00:51:54,750 --> 00:51:56,057
Sorry.
1357
00:51:56,892 --> 00:51:57,773
I can't do it.
1358
00:51:58,700 --> 00:51:59,788
What?
1359
00:51:59,790 --> 00:52:01,698
Look, I'll help you kidnap someone,
1360
00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:03,308
but I can't torture a guy.
1361
00:52:03,310 --> 00:52:05,048
I just don't have the stomach for it.
1362
00:52:05,050 --> 00:52:05,918
Well, I do.
1363
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,088
So let's get to it.
1364
00:52:07,090 --> 00:52:08,818
Allen, you've helped enough.
1365
00:52:08,820 --> 00:52:10,648
You can wait in here if you want.
1366
00:52:10,650 --> 00:52:12,453
Come on, John, let's go do this.
1367
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:15,008
Wait a second.
1368
00:52:15,010 --> 00:52:16,058
What?
1369
00:52:16,060 --> 00:52:17,438
I have an idea.
1370
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,498
Which is?
1371
00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:20,108
I know a way we can hurt him
1372
00:52:20,110 --> 00:52:22,928
without actually causing
any permanent damage.
1373
00:52:22,930 --> 00:52:24,808
Hell, it's not even illegal.
1374
00:52:24,810 --> 00:52:26,518
Okay, what is it?
1375
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,317
Does your dad still keep
snacks in his mini-fridge?
1376
00:52:29,319 --> 00:52:31,058
I think so, why?
1377
00:52:31,060 --> 00:52:32,418
I need some vegetable
1378
00:52:32,420 --> 00:52:34,378
and something with a lot of sugar in it.
1379
00:52:34,380 --> 00:52:36,268
What the hell are you talking about?
1380
00:52:36,270 --> 00:52:37,888
If you give someone a vegetable
1381
00:52:37,890 --> 00:52:39,138
with something with a lot of sugar
1382
00:52:39,140 --> 00:52:41,908
at the same time, it messes
with their amino acids.
1383
00:52:41,910 --> 00:52:44,058
It causes massive intestinal pain.
1384
00:52:44,060 --> 00:52:45,438
What does that even mean?
1385
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,158
It means that Allen wants to torture him
1386
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:48,538
with a stomachache.
1387
00:52:48,540 --> 00:52:50,408
Not just any stomachache.
1388
00:52:50,410 --> 00:52:53,198
He's gonna have to shit so
bad he's gonna be crying.
1389
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,058
So that's your big idea?
1390
00:52:55,060 --> 00:52:56,848
Don't let him go to the bathroom?
1391
00:52:56,850 --> 00:52:58,798
Hold him in that room till he pops?
1392
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,138
You won't be happy until
he's screaming, will you?
1393
00:53:01,140 --> 00:53:02,048
No.
1394
00:53:02,050 --> 00:53:04,298
Wait, I actually kind of like this idea.
1395
00:53:04,300 --> 00:53:06,278
Tommy always was a vain bastard.
1396
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:09,338
He wouldn't want someone to
see him shitting himself.
1397
00:53:09,340 --> 00:53:10,998
I don't think that's a vanity thing.
1398
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,068
I think that's just a
day-to-day thing, man.
1399
00:53:13,070 --> 00:53:14,488
Plus, I do like the idea
1400
00:53:14,490 --> 00:53:16,928
of nature doing most of the work for us.
1401
00:53:16,930 --> 00:53:20,258
Let's at least try it
before you do anything else.
1402
00:53:20,260 --> 00:53:21,848
Fine.
1403
00:53:21,850 --> 00:53:23,118
But if this doesn't work...
1404
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,488
Yeah, we know, you wanna hurt the kid.
1405
00:53:26,490 --> 00:53:29,208
At least someone around here
hasn't completely lost it.
1406
00:53:29,210 --> 00:53:32,028
Hey, you have no idea what he did to me.
1407
00:53:32,030 --> 00:53:34,568
You're right, I don't,
because you won't tell me.
1408
00:53:34,570 --> 00:53:35,948
I've been your best friend for how long
1409
00:53:35,950 --> 00:53:37,821
and you won't tell me
what happened to you?
1410
00:53:37,823 --> 00:53:42,028
Listen, both of you need to
chill out right the fuck now.
1411
00:53:42,030 --> 00:53:43,898
Don't you see this is what he wants?
1412
00:53:43,900 --> 00:53:46,983
Divide and conquer, and we're
not gonna let him do that.
1413
00:53:51,100 --> 00:53:53,898
John, can you please do something for me?
1414
00:53:53,900 --> 00:53:54,948
Sure.
1415
00:53:54,950 --> 00:53:57,578
Go in there and check on him.
1416
00:53:57,580 --> 00:54:01,508
And do not, and I mean
this, do not hurt him.
1417
00:54:01,510 --> 00:54:03,273
Okay, I got it.
1418
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,360
All right, let's see if your
dad has any food around here.
1419
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,778
What, did your partners
get tired of waiting
1420
00:54:13,780 --> 00:54:15,738
so they sent you in here to mess me up?
1421
00:54:15,740 --> 00:54:17,688
I can't touch you.
1422
00:54:17,690 --> 00:54:19,328
Yet.
1423
00:54:19,330 --> 00:54:21,878
Are you ever gonna tell
me why you hate me so much?
1424
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:23,088
Nope.
1425
00:54:23,090 --> 00:54:24,502
I didn't think so.
1426
00:54:24,504 --> 00:54:26,283
I don't even know why I bothered asking.
1427
00:54:28,300 --> 00:54:30,728
Hey, can you do me a favor?
1428
00:54:30,730 --> 00:54:31,643
What is it?
1429
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,498
I got bit by a mosquito
like 10 minutes ago
1430
00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:38,748
and that shit is really starting to itch.
1431
00:54:38,750 --> 00:54:40,338
Can you scratch it for me?
1432
00:54:40,340 --> 00:54:41,502
Shut up.
1433
00:54:41,504 --> 00:54:42,504
All right.
1434
00:54:43,650 --> 00:54:44,483
God.
1435
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:49,608
So you find anything yet?
1436
00:54:49,610 --> 00:54:51,248
Nope.
1437
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:52,450
Hey, I've got something.
1438
00:54:53,910 --> 00:54:54,968
Pop-Tarts?
1439
00:54:54,970 --> 00:54:55,801
Yes.
1440
00:54:55,803 --> 00:54:57,368
And they're three months expired.
1441
00:54:57,370 --> 00:54:59,068
That's exactly what we need.
1442
00:54:59,070 --> 00:55:01,570
Those must be from before
my dad went on his diet.
1443
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,200
Hey, let's see what's
in this fridge over here.
1444
00:55:11,109 --> 00:55:12,928
I never thought my dad going vegetarian
1445
00:55:12,930 --> 00:55:14,798
would help me during a kidnapping.
1446
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:16,608
I'm sure he started eating healthier
1447
00:55:16,610 --> 00:55:18,628
so you can commit felonies more easily.
1448
00:55:18,630 --> 00:55:20,778
Come on, we have a snack to go make.
1449
00:55:20,780 --> 00:55:21,758
Hey, Allen.
1450
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:22,591
Yeah?
1451
00:55:22,593 --> 00:55:25,648
If Tommy shits in my dad's
office, I'm gonna kill you.
1452
00:55:25,650 --> 00:55:26,483
Just saying.
1453
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:39,638
What's that?
1454
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,938
We figured you might be hungry,
so we brought you a snack.
1455
00:55:42,940 --> 00:55:44,888
We can't have you fainting on us.
1456
00:55:44,890 --> 00:55:46,683
Not yet anyway.
1457
00:55:47,630 --> 00:55:48,461
What is it?
1458
00:55:48,463 --> 00:55:52,038
Mm, some carrots and half a Pop-Tart.
1459
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:55,318
Of course, if you're not
hungry, you don't have to eat it.
1460
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,388
But this is a one time offer.
1461
00:55:57,390 --> 00:56:00,168
It's the only time
we're going to feed you.
1462
00:56:00,170 --> 00:56:02,208
So take it or leave it.
1463
00:56:04,590 --> 00:56:06,898
All right, yeah, I'll have some.
1464
00:56:06,900 --> 00:56:08,758
Are you at least gonna
untie me so I can eat it?
1465
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:10,308
Fat chance.
1466
00:56:10,310 --> 00:56:11,460
We're gonna feed you.
1467
00:56:12,450 --> 00:56:13,648
Well, that's fucking awkward.
1468
00:56:13,650 --> 00:56:15,128
You know that, right?
1469
00:56:15,130 --> 00:56:15,961
Yeah.
1470
00:56:15,963 --> 00:56:18,528
It's perfectly normal that
I'm feeding a grown-ass man
1471
00:56:18,530 --> 00:56:20,418
some carrots and half a Pop-Tart.
1472
00:56:20,420 --> 00:56:22,238
I do this all the time.
1473
00:56:22,240 --> 00:56:23,968
Just shut up and eat the food.
1474
00:56:23,970 --> 00:56:24,803
Okay.
1475
00:56:33,910 --> 00:56:36,892
Are you good or you wanna
finish the whole thing?
1476
00:56:37,727 --> 00:56:38,838
Poor choice of words, Ice.
1477
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:41,588
Can you just answer his
fucking question, please?
1478
00:56:41,590 --> 00:56:43,258
Yeah, I'm good.
1479
00:56:43,260 --> 00:56:44,311
Thank you.
1480
00:56:44,313 --> 00:56:46,378
Arnold, you
stay here and watch him.
1481
00:56:46,380 --> 00:56:48,528
Ice and I are gonna go
back to lookout duty.
1482
00:56:48,530 --> 00:56:49,363
Got it.
1483
00:57:02,545 --> 00:57:04,238
So how long is this supposed to take?
1484
00:57:04,240 --> 00:57:05,478
Only a few minutes.
1485
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:07,108
Since these Pop-Tarts are stale,
1486
00:57:07,110 --> 00:57:08,748
the effect should be even more intense.
1487
00:57:08,750 --> 00:57:10,938
How did you know not to
mix those foods anyway?
1488
00:57:10,940 --> 00:57:12,528
In one of my culinary classes.
1489
00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:15,598
We had an entire lecture about
foods that don't mix and why.
1490
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:16,431
Interesting.
1491
00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:17,713
Guys, get in here now.
1492
00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:26,858
What did you guys put in that food?
1493
00:57:26,860 --> 00:57:27,738
Nothing.
1494
00:57:27,740 --> 00:57:28,968
We just put two foods together
1495
00:57:28,970 --> 00:57:31,858
that we knew would mess with your stomach.
1496
00:57:31,860 --> 00:57:34,538
You guys are intentionally
trying to make me shit myself?
1497
00:57:34,540 --> 00:57:36,378
I think he's
prairie dogging it, guys.
1498
00:57:36,380 --> 00:57:37,238
I am.
1499
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:38,598
Jesus, man.
1500
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:40,668
All right, so here are your options.
1501
00:57:40,670 --> 00:57:43,518
You can either agree to
withdraw that money for us,
1502
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,838
or we let you shit yourself.
1503
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,048
And then let you sit in it.
1504
00:57:48,050 --> 00:57:49,838
For hours.
1505
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:51,878
So what's it gonna be?
1506
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:52,888
Fuck you.
1507
00:57:52,890 --> 00:57:55,090
Now is not the time
to be getting hostile.
1508
00:57:56,063 --> 00:57:57,678
Oh, did I mention we'll take pictures
1509
00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:59,288
and send them to the newspaper?
1510
00:57:59,290 --> 00:58:01,038
People aren't buying the paper anymore,
1511
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,718
so they'll run anything for a story.
1512
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:05,868
You're gonna make the
front page again, Tommy.
1513
00:58:05,870 --> 00:58:08,029
Congratulations.
1514
00:58:08,031 --> 00:58:10,108
You motherfuckers.
1515
00:58:10,110 --> 00:58:12,258
Come on, what's it gonna be?
1516
00:58:12,260 --> 00:58:14,908
How this ends is totally up to you.
1517
00:58:14,910 --> 00:58:16,628
All right, all right,
all right, you guys win.
1518
00:58:16,630 --> 00:58:18,628
Just please untie me, I gotta shit now.
1519
00:58:18,630 --> 00:58:20,088
Please, please.
1520
00:58:20,090 --> 00:58:21,090
Untie him.
1521
00:58:27,030 --> 00:58:28,158
Where's the bathroom?
1522
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,910
Go outside and it'll be
the first room on your right.
1523
00:58:38,540 --> 00:58:40,398
Don't worry, there aren't
any windows in there.
1524
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:42,098
He won't be going anywhere.
1525
00:58:42,100 --> 00:58:44,248
I still don't trust him.
1526
00:58:44,250 --> 00:58:46,400
I'm gonna go wait
outside the door for him.
1527
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:56,998
Did you know he had that knife with him?
1528
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:57,831
Nope.
1529
00:58:57,833 --> 00:59:00,078
Remind me never to
fuck with him ever again.
1530
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:00,913
Yup.
1531
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:12,188
So we did it.
1532
00:59:12,190 --> 00:59:14,728
Inside, I feel like
a fat kid on Halloween.
1533
00:59:14,730 --> 00:59:19,678
But it's 3:30 in the morning,
so I'm fucking tired.
1534
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:20,998
We get it.
1535
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,398
So, I'm gonna help my
parents pay off their mortgage,
1536
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:25,888
but what are you guys gonna do
with your share of the money?
1537
00:59:25,890 --> 00:59:27,240
I forgot to ask you before.
1538
00:59:28,570 --> 00:59:30,408
I'm gonna open up a restaurant.
1539
00:59:30,410 --> 00:59:31,998
Don't you think people will start asking
1540
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,329
where you got the money from?
1541
00:59:33,331 --> 00:59:35,618
Eh, I'll just tell 'em I
took out a loan or something.
1542
00:59:35,620 --> 00:59:37,648
And what about you, John?
1543
00:59:37,650 --> 00:59:40,458
I think I'm going to go back to school.
1544
00:59:40,460 --> 00:59:42,188
Seriously?
1545
00:59:42,190 --> 00:59:43,328
Yeah.
1546
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:44,258
Over the past few days,
1547
00:59:44,260 --> 00:59:47,628
I realized that I don't want
to be a PE teacher anymore.
1548
00:59:47,630 --> 00:59:49,628
Then what are you gonna do now?
1549
00:59:49,630 --> 00:59:52,558
You know, I don't really know really.
1550
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,278
But this time, I'll have
time to think about it
1551
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,418
instead of just flipping a coin.
1552
00:59:57,420 --> 01:00:00,178
You chose your college
major by flipping a coin?
1553
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:02,688
Hey, at least he's not
getting into business.
1554
01:00:02,690 --> 01:00:03,778
That's worse.
1555
01:00:03,780 --> 01:00:05,638
What was the other
choice for the coin flip,
1556
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,438
if you don't mind me asking.
1557
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:08,603
Microbiology.
1558
01:00:10,060 --> 01:00:10,893
What?
1559
01:00:15,010 --> 01:00:17,228
I didn't know something
could hurt that badly.
1560
01:00:17,230 --> 01:00:18,618
Thanks for not making it worse.
1561
01:00:18,620 --> 01:00:20,998
Thank you for finally
coming to your senses.
1562
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:24,713
Now that you're being
reasonable, we can all go home now.
1563
01:00:25,810 --> 01:00:27,498
Speaking of home, would you mind
1564
01:00:27,500 --> 01:00:29,558
calling that fat fuck
outside my house off now?
1565
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,918
After we get the money,
we'll call him off.
1566
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:34,020
You can even watch me make the phone call.
1567
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:36,028
Fair enough.
1568
01:00:36,030 --> 01:00:38,300
What time does the bank open?
1569
01:00:38,302 --> 01:00:40,148
In about four and a half hours.
1570
01:00:40,150 --> 01:00:43,368
So, what, you guys are just
gonna keep me here until then?
1571
01:00:43,370 --> 01:00:44,201
Pretty much.
1572
01:00:44,203 --> 01:00:45,558
We have to make sure that you don't
1573
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:47,378
back out of your part of the deal.
1574
01:00:47,380 --> 01:00:49,513
You do understand, right?
1575
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:51,763
Yeah, yeah, I do.
1576
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:56,688
Oh shit.
1577
01:00:56,690 --> 01:00:57,758
Seriously?
1578
01:00:57,760 --> 01:00:59,918
Oh my god, it was you guys?
1579
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:02,573
Allen Young, John Savalas,
and Kevin Colangelo?
1580
01:01:04,100 --> 01:01:05,398
We can explain.
1581
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:06,861
It's not what it looks like.
1582
01:01:06,863 --> 01:01:09,038
I mean, I knew you guys
were the kings of pranking
1583
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:11,838
back in the day, but this was intense.
1584
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:13,758
Yeah, you know, the older you get,
1585
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,858
the more you have to step
up your game, I guess.
1586
01:01:16,860 --> 01:01:17,828
I guess so.
1587
01:01:17,830 --> 01:01:20,148
I mean, there's no way in hell
you guys could be criminals.
1588
01:01:20,150 --> 01:01:22,628
I mean, look, you even brought
a fake shotgun with you.
1589
01:01:22,630 --> 01:01:24,548
Yeah, yeah, we did.
1590
01:01:24,550 --> 01:01:26,318
We had to bring along something
1591
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,088
a little extra to convince you.
1592
01:01:28,090 --> 01:01:29,088
Convince me?
1593
01:01:29,090 --> 01:01:31,758
You guys were convincing,
especially you, John.
1594
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:32,591
Thanks?
1595
01:01:32,593 --> 01:01:33,428
You're not still mad about that thing
1596
01:01:33,430 --> 01:01:34,628
from a few years ago, are you?
1597
01:01:34,630 --> 01:01:35,461
Um.
1598
01:01:35,463 --> 01:01:37,158
No, he's not.
1599
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:38,928
His memory is bad sometimes.
1600
01:01:38,930 --> 01:01:41,228
Can you explain to us
what you're talking about?
1601
01:01:41,230 --> 01:01:42,378
Oh, he walked in on his sister
1602
01:01:42,380 --> 01:01:44,614
giving me a reverse Miss Daisy.
1603
01:01:44,616 --> 01:01:46,168
What is a reverse Miss Daisy?
1604
01:01:46,170 --> 01:01:47,248
Oh, you've never heard of it?
1605
01:01:47,250 --> 01:01:48,398
No.
1606
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:49,958
It's when you take a
girl grocery shopping
1607
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:53,029
and then afterwards,
she gives you a handjob.
1608
01:01:53,031 --> 01:01:55,988
You've been angry all
this time over a handjob?
1609
01:01:55,990 --> 01:01:58,318
I thought he fucked her after
they went grocery shopping.
1610
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:00,838
All I said was, was that they hooked up.
1611
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:02,818
And it was still fucking weird, okay?
1612
01:02:02,820 --> 01:02:04,578
I thought you said he
wasn't mad about it anymore.
1613
01:02:04,580 --> 01:02:05,513
He lied.
1614
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:07,918
Look, dude, I'm sorry about messing
1615
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,488
around with your sister, all right?
1616
01:02:09,490 --> 01:02:11,148
I didn't know you were still mad about it.
1617
01:02:11,150 --> 01:02:12,938
We were friends, man.
1618
01:02:12,940 --> 01:02:15,178
You two say you're going
to run an errand together.
1619
01:02:15,180 --> 01:02:16,998
You two go the grocery store,
1620
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,608
come back with a few candy bars,
1621
01:02:18,610 --> 01:02:21,098
and then two minutes later, what do I see?
1622
01:02:21,100 --> 01:02:22,408
It only took her two minutes to go
1623
01:02:22,410 --> 01:02:24,158
from a Butterfinger to a handjob?
1624
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:25,338
She works quick, man.
1625
01:02:25,340 --> 01:02:27,908
Oh hell no.
1626
01:02:27,910 --> 01:02:30,095
Dude, I said I was sorry, all right?
1627
01:02:30,097 --> 01:02:31,163
Are we cool?
1628
01:02:35,710 --> 01:02:37,203
Thank God that's over.
1629
01:02:39,060 --> 01:02:42,268
Yeah, so what have you guys
been up to since we graduated?
1630
01:02:42,270 --> 01:02:44,088
Last I heard, you went
to some college upstate.
1631
01:02:44,090 --> 01:02:46,038
What are you doing back
in this part of town?
1632
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,618
It wasn't by choice, man.
1633
01:02:47,620 --> 01:02:49,028
We couldn't find work up there,
1634
01:02:49,030 --> 01:02:51,178
so we all had to move
back in with our parents.
1635
01:02:51,180 --> 01:02:52,868
It's pretty terrible.
1636
01:02:52,870 --> 01:02:54,398
Wait, you guys are looking for jobs?
1637
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:55,231
Yeah.
1638
01:02:55,233 --> 01:02:57,658
Oh, I totally need help
getting this new website
1639
01:02:57,660 --> 01:02:58,491
up and running.
1640
01:02:58,493 --> 01:02:59,558
What kind of website?
1641
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:02,688
We're gonna be writing press
releases for new porn sites.
1642
01:03:02,690 --> 01:03:04,795
Wait, you're the one
that put that ad up?
1643
01:03:04,797 --> 01:03:06,018
You saw the ad?
1644
01:03:06,020 --> 01:03:07,668
Yeah, a few days ago.
1645
01:03:07,670 --> 01:03:09,088
Yep, that was me.
1646
01:03:09,090 --> 01:03:10,726
What's the starting pay?
1647
01:03:10,728 --> 01:03:14,688
Well, I mean, we go back
awhile, so say, $20 an hour?
1648
01:03:14,690 --> 01:03:15,521
I'm in.
1649
01:03:15,523 --> 01:03:16,898
Yeah, me too.
1650
01:03:16,900 --> 01:03:17,808
What about you, Kev?
1651
01:03:17,810 --> 01:03:19,258
That sounds great.
1652
01:03:19,260 --> 01:03:20,328
Awesome, awesome.
1653
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:23,458
Well, now that this prank
is over, can I go home?
1654
01:03:23,460 --> 01:03:25,588
Sure, man, we'll get you out of here.
1655
01:03:25,590 --> 01:03:27,308
Thank you.
1656
01:03:27,310 --> 01:03:32,310
Let's go.
1657
01:03:50,290 --> 01:03:51,228
So what time are we supposed
1658
01:03:51,230 --> 01:03:52,488
to show up for work tomorrow?
1659
01:03:52,490 --> 01:03:54,258
Just drop by
my house at like noon.
1660
01:03:54,260 --> 01:03:55,093
Okay.
1661
01:04:02,030 --> 01:04:03,428
So I'll see you guys tomorrow?
1662
01:04:03,430 --> 01:04:04,261
We'll be here.
1663
01:04:04,263 --> 01:04:05,918
All right, see you then.
1664
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:07,278
Hey, Tommy.
1665
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:08,348
Yeah?
1666
01:04:08,350 --> 01:04:10,138
Thanks for helping us out.
1667
01:04:10,140 --> 01:04:12,108
Oh, not a problem.
1668
01:04:12,110 --> 01:04:13,708
It's better for society
if you guys are working
1669
01:04:13,710 --> 01:04:15,643
than out pranking people anyway, right?
1670
01:04:16,484 --> 01:04:17,334
See you tomorrow.
1671
01:04:38,350 --> 01:04:39,621
Is anyone gonna try and explain to me
1672
01:04:39,623 --> 01:04:41,208
what just happened back there?
1673
01:04:41,210 --> 01:04:43,848
Well, we kidnapped Tommy Booth
1674
01:04:43,850 --> 01:04:46,328
and he ended up offering us jobs.
1675
01:04:46,330 --> 01:04:47,430
That's pretty much it.
1676
01:04:48,455 --> 01:04:50,948
You know we can't tell
anyone about this, right?
1677
01:04:50,950 --> 01:04:52,318
That's a given.
1678
01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:54,838
You know, the only reason
we're not in jail right now
1679
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,458
is because we're so bad at
crime that people we went
1680
01:04:57,460 --> 01:05:00,218
to high school with can't
actually picture us trying it.
1681
01:05:00,220 --> 01:05:01,478
I'm aware of that.
1682
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,258
At least we don't have to
be criminals forever now.
1683
01:05:04,260 --> 01:05:06,998
You know, this didn't work
out quite the way I planned,
1684
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:09,258
but I think we're gonna be okay.
1685
01:05:09,260 --> 01:05:11,108
Some money is better than no money.
1686
01:05:11,110 --> 01:05:12,428
You can say that again.
1687
01:05:12,430 --> 01:05:14,548
Hey, is anyone else hungry?
1688
01:05:14,550 --> 01:05:16,768
Yeah, what are you in the mood for?
1689
01:05:16,770 --> 01:05:18,398
Pancakes.
1690
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:21,208
You wanna get pancakes after
you just kidnapped someone?
1691
01:05:21,210 --> 01:05:22,578
Yeah, I do.
1692
01:05:22,580 --> 01:05:25,378
Kidnapping is a lot of work
and pancakes have carbs.
1693
01:05:25,380 --> 01:05:27,048
It's hard to argue with that.
1694
01:05:27,050 --> 01:05:28,298
It's his job to make things
1695
01:05:28,300 --> 01:05:30,238
hard to argue with, he's a lawyer.
1696
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:32,618
Actually, I just made
a slight career change.
1697
01:05:32,620 --> 01:05:34,423
Now I work in public relations.
1698
01:05:36,150 --> 01:05:37,853
Touche, dude, touche.
1699
01:05:40,090 --> 01:05:42,963
Hey, guys, I just wanna
say something real quick.
1700
01:05:44,010 --> 01:05:45,718
You didn't have to be here
tonight and put yourselves
1701
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:49,168
on the line like that
for me, so thank you.
1702
01:05:49,170 --> 01:05:51,338
Seriously, I know I don't say that enough,
1703
01:05:51,340 --> 01:05:53,193
but thank you both.
1704
01:05:54,060 --> 01:05:55,568
Don't worry about it, man.
1705
01:05:55,570 --> 01:05:58,378
Just remember, if any of us
gets arrested, you owe us one.
1706
01:05:58,380 --> 01:05:59,533
True story.
1707
01:05:59,535 --> 01:06:01,058
Duly noted.
1708
01:06:01,060 --> 01:06:02,013
What time is it?
1709
01:06:07,700 --> 01:06:09,928
It's almost five in the morning.
1710
01:06:09,930 --> 01:06:12,328
Those goddamn pancakes better be amazing
1711
01:06:12,330 --> 01:06:13,678
or we're gonna make history.
1712
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:14,588
How?
1713
01:06:14,590 --> 01:06:17,428
By being the first people
to riot in a Denny's.
1714
01:06:17,430 --> 01:06:19,358
So, do you think we'll meet any
1715
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:21,110
of those porn stars we write about?
1716
01:06:23,350 --> 01:06:27,000
Allen, don't scowl at me,
you're supposed to be driving.
1717
01:09:14,580 --> 01:09:19,580
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1718
01:09:22,580 --> 01:09:26,580
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