Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,048
Announcer:
But Mirvyn Blanchyrd was one
2
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:09,531
of the kookiest goofballs
on planet Earth.
3
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:13,317
He disseminated frivolous cheer
with his zany wacknanigans.
4
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:18,148
[ Coughing ]The man was a true nut.
5
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,846
After nearly overdosing on fun,
6
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:24,633
his doctor became concerned
he might be medically wacky
7
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:30,073
and soon Mirv was diagnosed
with stage IV goof-em-ups.
8
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:34,556
The clinician explained hisvital organs were a silly Billy.
9
00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,646
Tests revealed Mirvyn's turds
were riding up
10
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,910
and down inside his butt
in what oncologists described
11
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:43,086
as a wack-a-doodie poorade,
12
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,481
and then his dookie came flying
out his mouth across town,
13
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:49,788
smacking into
an old lady's face.
14
00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:53,618
Mirv and his doctor,
shared a guffaw over that one.
15
00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,490
When they discovered
his funny bone
16
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,883
was riddled
with a cancerous humor,
17
00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:01,104
it caused Mirv to cross his eyeswith such whimsy
18
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:04,412
he was forced
to confront every hijink
19
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,850
jinking the depths
of his psyche.
20
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,852
[ Eye squishing ]
21
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,506
[ Pop! ]
22
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:16,685
♪♪
23
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,208
[ Woman screams ]
24
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:21,472
The most advanced madcap
treatments flopped.
25
00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:25,650
He was informed he had only
2 months left to goof.
26
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,913
His final hope
was a siliectomy
27
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,916
to surgically remove
all his malignant kook.
28
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,485
[ Monitor flatlines ]
29
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,618
The procedure was a success,
30
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,143
so his wife celebrated
with jolly glee.
31
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:45,844
[ Blowing noisemaker ]
32
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,890
[ Ting! ]
33
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,413
[ Farts ]
34
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:58,335
♪♪
35
00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,729
Every object in
the physical realm
36
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:04,124
has been infinitely born
in ever moment.
37
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:08,693
God is inside this flower.
38
00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:11,131
Announcer: Fred Lombadi tried
to remain calm,
39
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,743
but he knew this chance
might never come again,
40
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:20,575
the chance to make his father
proud, the score of a lifetime.
41
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:21,619
Did you get it?
42
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,055
He's in here.
43
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,970
Let me see that.
44
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:27,495
Hmm.
45
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,758
I -- I can't see him.That's the idea.
46
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:33,936
The monk guy, he says the trickto nabbing him is patience.
47
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,938
I got a better trick.
48
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,549
You come out of there
or I stab you with a knife.
49
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,290
Get!
50
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:44,468
[ Twinkle! ]Easy, now. Easy!
51
00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,601
You proud of me now, Pop?[ Chuckles ]
52
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:50,561
Did you remember to pick up
a pack of matches for me, too?
53
00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:51,910
Oh.
54
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,956
Aw, Freddy Forgetti!
55
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,305
I -- I remember stuff.
56
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:56,959
I remember the monkeysaid about
57
00:02:57,002 --> 00:03:01,093
how God
is inside us all.
58
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,357
What, even up in me?
59
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,228
Get out of me, you mook!
60
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,187
Out, out!
61
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:12,192
If this is God,
what's that?
62
00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:14,106
Somebody's a phony!
63
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:17,022
We better have them
duke it out.
64
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:19,024
[ Cheering ]Man: Yeah!
65
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,809
Whoo!
66
00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:22,376
Announcer: When underground
God fighting
67
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,726
took off, oceans burned,
68
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,815
skies sharted,
69
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,208
heaven peed its pants...
70
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,600
[ Pins clatter ]
71
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,821
...and over $100 in wagers
changed hands.
72
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,650
Every denomination
got in on the action,
73
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,218
and Fred's one
true God eviscerated
74
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,220
all the other one true Gods,
75
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:43,745
plus they cleaned up selling
His Holy Seed to breeders.
76
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:47,836
[ Wheezing ]
77
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:51,056
This last year has beenvery good to us, right now.
78
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,319
I never told you
this before,
79
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:57,715
but I am proud to saythat you are...
80
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,457
Freddy Forgetti!
81
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,981
I can't believe you forgotthe matches that time,
82
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,026
you ding-dong!
83
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,637
[ Laughter ]
84
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:12,208
Freddy Forgetti!
85
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,778
He couldn't stand to see the
little fellow suffer anymore.
86
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,127
You're free.
87
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,433
Go on, get out of here.
88
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,957
Go.
Beat it, you loser.
89
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,437
Just go on back home.
90
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:27,049
As a token of goditude,
the Lord made Fred's
91
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,877
dumdum go bye-bye.
92
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,880
He spent his brainglow
developing new technology
93
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:36,363
to ensure no one ever had to
wonder what someone is feeling.
94
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,539
[ Electricity crackling
95
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,324
When Roman Mungol submitted
to a love detector,
96
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:45,633
he was surprised to see
his results come back positive.
97
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,417
He knew he harbored affection
98
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,724
for the woman
who delivered his mail,
99
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,814
but it was a shock to have it
electronically confirmed
100
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,642
as eternal love.
101
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:57,035
He told her he was willing
to pay millions
102
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,473
if she'd reciprocate
his feelings,
103
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,432
not have sex or kiss,
but actualize digitally
104
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:05,305
adjudicated eternal passion.
105
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,569
Desperately in debt
and hobbled by health problems,
106
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:11,876
Sheila Sherma decided
to give it a sincere shot.
107
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,487
[ Grunts ]
108
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,752
[ Grunting ]
109
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,757
[ Grunting ]
110
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761
For months,
they struggled valiantly
111
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,329
to pry open the petals
of her heart.
112
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,940
Come on, Sheila!
[ Grunts ]
113
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,463
You can do this.
114
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,770
You can love this guy.
115
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,989
She grabbed her soul
by the scruff of the ass,
116
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,644
but she couldn't force it
to mate with his.
117
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,951
One day
after a rigorous session,
118
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:45,867
they were on their lunch
break when it happened.
119
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,304
[ Machine whirs ]
120
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:53,918
It was that moment he knew
he could never respect or love
121
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:57,748
a whore whose emotions
could be bought.
122
00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,011
He kept his revelation inside,
123
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,970
couldn't bear
to break her heart.
124
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:05,408
They made it work together,
and luckily she never found out
125
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,757
what he really
thought of her.
126
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,372
He worried.
127
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,417
He could develop
a fatal bowel disorder
128
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,767
turning her
to a lonely bowel widow,
129
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,727
but he didn't know
what else to do.
130
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,946
The moment he was discovered,
the butterflies
131
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,732
in his stomach turned back
into caterpillars.
132
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:29,084
♪♪
133
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,739
[ Machine whirring ]
134
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:35,220
♪♪
135
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:37,397
[ Machine buzzes ]
136
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,834
[ Machine thuds ]
137
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,316
[ Machine whirs ]
138
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:51,236
♪♪
139
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,588
[ Machine whirs ]
140
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,764
[ Footsteps approaching ]
141
00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:59,288
♪♪
142
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,770
When the detector's digital
kin charged in to defend it,
143
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,685
the couple weren't
intimidated.
144
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,427
In fact, they sicced theirs
upon the invader
145
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,167
and savored the battle
that ensued.
146
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:14,346
♪♪
147
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,131
[ Machine screams ]
148
00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:20,918
[ Cheering ]
149
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,573
They didn't understand
why the machine they treated
150
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,489
so brutally would fight
to keep them flush
151
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,273
which was just
what excited them.
152
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,406
[ Crowd cheers ]
153
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,322
They got off on nursing
the warrior back to help
154
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,891
so it could ravageon their behalf again and again.
155
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,546
They sold its seed to breeders,
156
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,418
but when Fred found
his brainchild mired
157
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,028
in the same cycle of abuse,
158
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,770
he spiraled,
swallowed in wallow.
159
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,122
When woe is your only companion,
160
00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:54,299
you hanker to clutch
its titillations.
161
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:57,651
The instant he snorted
his first line of pure gloom,
162
00:07:57,694 --> 00:08:00,262
his life was darked.
163
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:01,611
He carpe'd his demons
164
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:04,484
and suckled the black marrow
of misery's milk
165
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,398
from the bone of grief's teat,
166
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:09,010
horfing in the pleasures
of misery.
167
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,882
It was the best
three minutes of his life.
168
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:16,452
Luckily, his brother
intervened to stop him.
169
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,628
Fred quit leaning on quick fixes
170
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:22,502
and turned to
a life of substance.
171
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,939
He did lines of prose all night.
172
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,810
Then he smoked
every self-help book
173
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,638
he could get his hands on,
174
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:30,292
the sublime power
of the written word
175
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:32,860
coursing through his system.
176
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,906
Soon he moved on
to the hard stuff.
177
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:38,126
He filled his lungs
with brilliance and became
178
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,346
chemically dependent
on profundity.
179
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,957
Nothing was dense enough.
180
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,916
Mornings, he would Wake & Blake,roll up a Freud
181
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,701
and cook
some Baldwin brownies.
182
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:51,095
Soon he started
mainlining the Beats.
183
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,621
At his rock bottom, he sucked
the Oxford English Dictionary
184
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:58,363
until he nearly OD'd
on the subtext.
185
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:01,323
After he licked out
the last few gigs of sci-fi
186
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,064
from inside a Kindle,
187
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:06,328
he had imbibed
everything ever written.
188
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,373
That's when he began
breaking into houses
189
00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:11,289
and smoking dreams right out of
people's heads as they slept.
190
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,770
[ Inhales deeply ]
191
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,515
What's happening?
Where am I?
192
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,691
I'm supposed
to be in my mind.
193
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,127
Let me out of here!
194
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,390
I'm out of my mind!
195
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,609
Jump.
[ Exhales sharply ]
196
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,524
I'll catch you,
dream girl.
197
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,265
Ah.
Oh.
198
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:33,094
♪♪
199
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,097
You've released me,
you fool!
200
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:39,622
[ Evil laughs ]
201
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,972
You can't scare me
off that easy.
202
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,107
Why do I always get myself
203
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,631
into these suffocating
relationships?
204
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:54,158
Am I punishing myself
for some perceived guilt?
205
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:58,249
Mm, I'm tearing
her up inside.
206
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:02,819
Sometimes I feel like he's just in love with the idea of me.
207
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,213
But at that moment,
his suffering detector
208
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:08,608
detected what needed to be done
to end its own nightmare.
209
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,610
[ Machine whirs ]
210
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,221
[ Gunshots ]
211
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:16,006
[ People screaming ]
212
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:20,184
When Fred arrived,
he finally understood
213
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:23,753
what his father had been trying
to tell him his whole life.
214
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,193
Freddy -- Freddy --
215
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:33,241
Freddy Forgetti.
216
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,679
[ Grunting ]
217
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,333
I'm ashamed of mine,too, Dad.
218
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,335
I'm ashamed of mine, too.
219
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:41,815
He was teaching his son
220
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:45,993
that it's always better
to grow your own.
221
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:48,865
♪ There's blood in the kitchen
222
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,955
♪ There's blood in the hall
223
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:55,002
♪ There's blood in the parlor
224
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:58,048
♪ Where my lady did fall
225
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:01,051
♪ Long Lankin was hanged
226
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:04,011
♪ On a gibbet so high
227
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,666
♪ And the false nurse
was burned ♪
228
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:10,844
♪ On a fire close by
229
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,672
PFR.
16336
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.