Original subtitles

You don't have to know what something is

before you know you need it.

You'd have got that long before the rest us.

Suddenly, I saw myself through her eyes.

Dutiful, compliant.

And then I looked around me,

and I started to get the joke.

The reason everything happened was because of the lunch rota.

It came down from on high, last Monday morning,

that the typing pool had a new lunch rota.

Laura and me always used to go together.

We've been friends since secretarial college, and we go to our bench,

and have sandwiches in the field behind the office.

Now, suddenly, we were put with girls we didn't know.

No reason given. And you don't ask why at our firm.

Anyway, I got stuck with Pam.

Pam is one of the new juniors.

She wore a funny-looking brown jumper, every day.

And I thought she smelled of onions.

Dirty fingernail tapped on my desk as I put the phone down.

Was that onions, or Bovril?

It's Bovril. She's holding a bright yellow glove.

You know, the type you get out Lewis's?

Except it had pink crystal beads on the wrist.

"It was on the floor, by your desk, "she said.

"It's not mine." "Well, it's not mine either,"

she said, unnecessarily.

"Leave it there, and I'll check round after lunch."

So, me and Pam descended the stairs that first Monday lunchtime

and I crossed my fingers we'd go our separate ways.

I had some new Mills and Boon in my bag,

and I was gearing up for a lunchtime of

chivalrous, passionate, imaginary men.

As soon as we got to the door, she pulled it open, and said,

"Where are we going, then?"

Christ. I wasn't taking her to the bench, that was our turf.

We walked along the road until we came to the top shops,

and then she led me around the back towards a different bench.

It's probably where she had lunch on her own.

As soon as I sat down,

she asked me if I'd ever had an orgasm.

"Have you ever had an orgasm, Linda?"

I wanted to hit her, suddenly, I...

I wanted to crush her into a tiny ball.

I was her superior, I could...

I could threaten to tell the bosses about her.

I could get her the sack.

I could give her a slut's reputation, if I wanted.

No, actually, I wasn't going to be like that.

I should warn her to be careful.

That's not the type of thing a lady talks about, Pam.

Pam was reaching into her bag, and pulled out ciggies.

"Where's your lunch?" "I'm not hungry," she said.

Pam was wild!

"Oh, I'd never had an orgasm either.

"Until a week ago," she said.

The thing is, it's funny this should come up now.

No, my hands have been wandering

below my waistline for as long as I can remember.

But I always packed it in after a few seconds,

in case I turned myself into tampered goods, as my mum put it.

The minister at our church said that

you can tell a fallen woman because of the way she walks.

One day, a couple of weeks ago,

Laura had started on about climaxes.

As she called them.

She got hold of a book called Sex And The Single Girl.

According to the book, if you were a sexy woman,

you could probably achieve a climax,

and that was something for us to all aim for.

£Well, fat chance of being a sexy woman

"if it's reliant on the pricks down our way," I said.

"Do you know Vera? That girl who arrived last week

"with the amazing clothes?"

Pammy snapped me back into the present.

I had noticed Vera.

Everyone had.

Vera was cool. Not the type of cool you read about in

magazines at the doctor's, she was completely her own cool.

Utterly herself.

Won't be true.

Even if it was, she wouldn't say it.

"It was her who give it to me."

A hole opens up in my skull, and hot lava bubbles from deep inside.

"When?" "A week ago."

Pammy's eyes glitter as she takes in my face.

"You're kidding," I manage.

"I'm not. She offered, and I thought 'why not?'"

"She offered?" "I told her I'd never had one."

"How did you get talking about that?"

Me voice high and warbly.

"We went for lunch."

"She... Is she one of those?"

"Who cares?" she said.

I swallowed deeply.

"Are you?" "Oh, I might be."

"I don't know yet." "So, you'll do it again?"

My voice, squeaking like a mouse.

"If she's up for it." "What, you think she might not be?"

"Have you ever spoke to Vera?"

I shook my head.

"You should introduce yourself."

When we got back, my eyes fell on the yellow glove, and I'm

striding across the office to Vera's desk, and I'm breathing shallow.

I laid it before her, like an offering.

She looked up at me.

Hazel eyes.

She smelled incredible.

"I thought this might be yours."

"It is."

She didn't seem surprised.

She glanced down, but I didn't move, and she looked back up again.

"I had lunch with Pam," I said.

The side of her mouth twitched.

"Fine," she said.

Ending the conversation.

Nothing happened until the end of the day,

when a bit of paper fell on my desk.

7pm, on the bridge.

7pm, and there she was.

Inhaling on her ciggie.

She turned to me, and I knew she could tell I was terrified,

because her mouth was twitching again.

"You've been talking to Pammy?"

Straight in.

"She told me what you did to her."

That raised her eyebrow.

"Pammy wanted it."

"Oh, no, I know, I... I...

"..was just interested."

Vera smiled.

"Well, that's what you're doing here, isn't it?"

I nodded.

Oh, my God, I was nodding.

We started walking, and we stopped at a blue door.

She let us in.

She poured me a stiff glass of whisky,

and I gulped it down, and she...

She nodded at me to follow her up the stairs.

"Is your mum upstairs?"

"No, no-one is."

"Do you live on your own?"

She'd moved in recently, that much was obvious.

I wanted to ask her where she'd come from.

What she saw in this town.

I stepped into her bedroom, and I took a breath.

It's the lair of a goddess.

She came for me, and she kissed me.

She wrapped her arms around me, and enveloped my lips with hers.

As my mouth opened with such enthusiasm

that our teeth clatter together,

and that got us laughing.

Not the twitching smiles of earlier, but...

Like, full-bodied cackling mirth that just...

..like, bubbled out in waves.

Suddenly, our fingers were fumbling for the clasps, or the buttons,

or the zips, or the clips, and I wanted...

..I wanted to see her body.

I wanted her to see mine.

And she pulled off my slip, I looked her square in the eye,

and she looked back.

She lifted her hand to mine, and I took it,

and she led me down to the multicoloured bed.

And then she took our underwear off.

And then she lay down next to me, and then she started to touch me.

At first, it was...

..light, like feathers...

..like fluttering over my skin.

Pausing at me...

..neck, and nipple, belly,

it's like her hands wanted to make contact with every part of my skin.

Like, trace the shape of the bones underneath.

She took all the time she needed.

Like, gliding when she wanted to.

Tickling the creases.

Reaching up to my face,

my ears, my eyes, my nose, my lips, and...

..down again.

My eyes flew open and shut.

And... Open, shut.

I lay on my back, and I

opened my legs, letting her trace her fingers there.

I know you're thinking she went

straight for the inside, but she didn't.

The first thing she did was...

..grab me, and say...

"Oh, my God, these are incredibly long."

"What?"

My legs shut, and I sat up.

"Why? Why would you say that? Why?"

"It's just an observation."

"Compared to who?"

Vera opened her legs, of course,

hers were elegant, little dainty things.

Well, I'll see a doctor.

"Don't be silly."

"You look pretty, like a flower, if I do this."

"It's not origami!"

"All right."

"Lie down."

I lay back on the bed, and her hand descended.

Took me a while to realise that she was searching for something.

Under the skin, at the top.

Like the bones she was tracing, only this wasn't bone.

And when she found it, she moved her

fingers across, and round and down

and back up. And I felt a click, deep inside me, and I flinched,

and I twitched, and she pressed a bit harder.

Then the click happened again, and I clenched deep within.

Then her fingers slipped, but I moved them back.

"Don't stop," I was thinking, "Please, don't stop."

And then she went around again.

And again. And then a string pulled tight somewhere in me.

My insides were clenching, and her fingers were moving,

but I wanted her to press harder, so I raised my hips,

and my mind got really, really loose,

and then my nipples were harder.

I held my breath. And my arms rose up, and

I... grabbed the headboard, and my hips were thrusting,

and the clenches were coming.

And I held my breath, and my legs went up,

and round, and round she was going. I knew where we were going.

She can't go there, but she was going there.

And I wanted her to go there. We were both going there,

to the place that called to me, deep inside,

and then we burst through the gates, and the sound in me throat.

And it was black and white, and purple, and gold,

and stunning, and glittering.

Rude, and funny, and

thrilling and...

..mine.

All mine.

All mine.

I lay there for a bit as the lava just bubbled through me, thinking...

"Oh."

PHONE RINGS

Because a lot of things suddenly made sense.

The church sermons.

Laura's book incident.

My mum's warnings.

The gossip from the neighbours.

The lunch rota.

It was all in some way stopping this from happening.

And right under their fucking noses, we did it anyway.

We did it to each other.

She let me touch her afterwards.

I put my fingers inside her, and...

..drew a fast breath.

"Isn't it amazing?" she said.

"There's something holy about it."

I nodded, solemnly.

Wanting to say something perfect.

"Thank you for the honour," I said.

She burst out laughing.

I blushed red, but I laughed at myself, and it was OK.

We got up, dressed, and I hugged her goodbye.

She'll be on to someone else next week, and...

..I felt unselfish about it.

As I walked home,

fizzing, I inhaled the air.

Bovril.

Does Pam live around here?

"Thanks, Pam," I whispered.

I passed Laura's house,

and I thought about knocking, but I didn't.

I'll tell her that some point.

But...

..just for now...

..it was mine.

All mine.