Original subtitles

Angie? Angie D'Amato?!

Is it you? It's Will Cooper.From friendship?

What's this?I'm doing a thingwhere I don't recognize you

'cause I never see you anymore.

I saw you yesterday.

But I sent you a text lastnight, and you didn't respond.

Normally, when I send youa crying Olsen twin,

I hear right back.Colin came over.

In honor of Earth Day,

we cut the power, we lit some candles,

and then, uh, we talked.

Like, with all our clothes on.

And it was hot.

Are you in a healthyrelationship?

Up until now, I haven't had the greatest taste in men.

I guess I just thought I couldn't do any better,

but now I'm thinking maybe I deserve a good guy.

You do.

We both do. What?

I've been in the marketfor a style icon,

someone to help me juugemy look,

and, voilà, enter Colin.

He Chunneled his wayright into my closet.

Don't tell him,but I've been quietly collecting

inspirationfrom his spring look.

Hey, Angie. Will.

Ohh, nice jacket.

Oh, my God.Is it the same one?!

What are the odds?

Well, pretty good,

considering you asked me where I got it

and then for the link

and then you made me write

the URL longhand on your arm. I did.

Oh, uh, uh, Angie, Will.

You've met my ex-wife, Priscilla. Hi.

Hey. Ah, how lovely.

You two are blazer buddies.

Stop it!

Thank you very much.

Okay. On that weird note,

uh, let's head out.

Ahh.

Burberry, 100% wool.Burberry, 100% wool.

Burberry, 100% wool. Burberry, 100% wool.

Ugh! It's tough to be with him in public.

Things have been messy since the divorce.

Oh, well, you can't betoo hard on yourself.

I'm divorced myself.

I know how complicatedit can get.

So, you're still screwing your ex-wife, too?

Well, this is my day now.

--Captions by VITAC--

Burberry, 100% wool.

Poppy, is there something you want to tell me?

Miggy!Did you open my mail?

Not the point. These are all baby books.

Are you pregnant?!

Is it Douglas'?

Oh, God, it's not Douglas'.

Will's?!

Ooh, Douglas gonna be mad.

Okay, calm down. I'm not pregnant.

But something happenedwhen I saw Sharon giving birth.

I think I want to have another baby.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Are you sure? Have you thought about this?

'Cause these things can be a real pain in the ass.

Ass.And they're always listening.

Look, I thoughtI was done after Rory.

But then it hit me.

You know, I have a chance to dothis over again with Douglas,

someone who I actually trust.

And I thinkwe'd make a great team.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Have you told Douglas yet?

No, and I can't evenfocus on moving in with him

until I get this off my chest.

So, I'm gonna tell himtonight at dinner.

Well, how do you think that's gonna go?

'Cause I know two things about Douglas.

Yeah? He tall and he rich.

Yeah.

What's that have to do with anything?

Oh, I forgot. There's a third thing.

Uh, he don't like kids.

Okay, look, Douglashas changed since westarted dating, alright?

You know, last week,

I saw him laughing at something... Yeah.

...and I was like, "What you laughing at?"

And he was like "Uh, something from 'Zootopia.'"

That's not his laugh,but he did love "Zootopia."

That is his laugh.

Man, another baby.

I don't know if I could do it again, Poppy.

Ass!

Damn it! Damn it.

I gotta stop saying words.

So, that's how I racked up seven years of late fees

from one copy of "Shakespeare in Love."

That'sthousands of dollars.

Yeah, well, hey, if Blockbuster wants it back so bad,

they can come and get it.

Oh, wait. No. They can't. They gone.

Angie, you are exquisite.

Uh, right.Should we, uh, head back then?

Hey.

Colin, are you afraid of those geese?

What?! No! Don't be silly.

It -- There's just so many of them

with their feathersand their black-tar eyes

and their giant,pulsing gymnast breasts.

They're harmless, believe me.

Will and I come here all the time to feed them.

Ah, yes. Will.

He won't seem to leave us alone.

Every time I turn around, boop!He's there.

That's just Will being Will.

Yeah, he's like a salesperson

who can't wait to get you a fitting room started.

Right. Quick question --Is he obsessed with me?

Because the vibe I'm gettingis less salesperson

and more guy who's gonnamurder me on a row boat

and then pretend to be me.

He's just inspired by your style.

Trust me. He is not obsessed with you.

Fine.

Deny it if you want,

but we need some alone time.

I've read aboutthis quaint B&B in Camarillo.

We could go tonight.

Oh.

Son of a bitch.

What?

Angie, is Colin with you? I need to talk to him.

It's very important. You know, it's not a good time.

We're going out of town.

He's taking me to a bed and breakfast in Camarillo.

Bye! Angie!

Away, beast!

Before we order,

I just -- I want to say something.

We're about to tell the kidsthat we're moving in together,

and once we do that,there's no going back.

Oh, agreed.

On the highway of our relationship,

this dinner is the "Last Gas for 250 miles" sign.

Yeah, exactly.

So, you know,before we take that next step,

I just think we should talkabout how we see our future.

Well, Douglas,would you be open to --

I-I-I-I'm sorry, my love. Just a second.

Uh, Hidalgo, good man?

How are you? Nice to see you.

Why is it so crowded?

Dr. Fogerty, the minimums.

Oh, good God.

Members have to spend a certain minimum

on food and drink each month.

If I don't spend it tonight, I lose it.

Uh, Hidalgo, how short am I?

Shut your beautiful mouth!

Okay, Hidalgo, uh, uh, uh, 12 lobsters. Now!

Okay, Douglas, can we justforget the minimums?

We need to talk.

No, we need reinforcement mouths.

I got you, fam.

Yo, Tony. That was D-Glass.

He said he needsour stomachs at the club.

And he said to wear your loose pants,

the ones you wear for parkour?

Wait, you're going?

But there are no grown-ups.

We've never been left without grown-ups before.

Chill, Soph.

Douglas said the clubis right next door,

and if there are any problems,

the sauna doubles as a panic room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My question --

Who are you leaving in charge?

Just as a reminder, I am the oldest,

and everyone else here is garbage.

They are, but you're a bully,

and this is my wayof getting back at you.

Graham, you're my guy.

Me?

Mm-hmm.You're putting me in charge?

But I'm a born beta.

No, you're not. Do what I say.

You got it, chief.

Alright!Jack, let's get outta here.

Tony, I think those are Poppy's pants, but they work.

Let's eat.

Graham: Okay.

I say we get in our jam-jams, brush our teeth,

and greet our old friend sleep with open arms.

We're not doing that.

But Miggy put me in charge.

"But Miggy put me in charge."

You sound like that.

That's whatyou sound like to us.

Alright, people, listen up.

This is the night that we've been waiting for.

No parents, no babysitters.

We finally get to break... the Big Rule.

Behold, my babies.

Xanadu.

Douglas' room. The roomwe're never allowed in.

With the bed we're never allowed on.

See those sheets?

They have never seen crumbs in their lives.

That ends tonight.

As leader, I would like you all to behave --

Our lives start now!

Stop! No!

No!

I can't let Angie get deeper in this relationship

if Colin's cheating.

But what if Priscilla's lying?

I -- I just wish I could talk to Colin

and get to the bottom of it.

Salesperson: Sir, please. I work on commission.

For the cowl neck, do you want the medium or the large?

I'm not gonna get it.

But you're right. I am obsessing.

I'll just talk to Colin when they get back.

Hi, Angie.I really need to talk to Colin.

What's he wearing?

No, don't tell me.Let it be a surprise.

Okay, give me a hint.

You know what?

I have been trying to paint youas my non-crazy friend

who isn't gonna wear Colin's skin,

but you're making itreally hard.

I wouldn't have driven to three different B&Bs

looking for you if it wasn't important.

Do you know how many catsI've met with the name "Mister"?

Or how many cups of Earl Grey tea I've had to drink?

I'm shaking!

Damn it. I was a minute ago.

Okay, are you lonely?Is this my fault?

Should I besetting you up with people?

Well, if you've been sitting on people, yeah,

but in the meantime, I need to talk to Colin.

Is everything alr-- Ohh.

It's for you.

Good luck.

That's a great robe.

You can have it.

Just don't hurt me. I have a son.

Look, I don't want to put anything in Angie's head if it isn't true,

so just give me an honest answer, and I will go.

Your ex-wife told me you're still sleeping together.

Are you?

She's lying!

I would never hurt Angie.

Priscillais obsessed with me.Mm.

If anyone should get that,it's you.

Yeah. Being on TV every third Thursday,

I have my own fair share of stalkers.

Well, just one. Makes parole in July.

That seemed a lot farther away last year.

I'm talking about you,Will!

You'reobsessed with me!

No, I'm not!

That is not why I'm here.

Oh.

Is it Angie?

Of course.

You're obsessed with Angie.

What? Angie?

Angie D'Amato?

Brown hair, yea high, has a face?

You did drive two hours

to break upher romantic evening.

I am just looking out for her, okay?

She deserves to be happy.

She's basically the best person I know.

Are you two fart clowns done?

Yes.

We're done with our business.

I'll go check out.

You got a room?

The innkeep wouldn't let me up here

unless I got one.

"Innkeep"?

He is a very strange man.

You keep saying that like I'm arguing with you.

Alright, game faces on.

Big-ticket items only.

The Lover's Steak, Clams Delpatrico.

Uh, h-here you go --

Open-faced Komodo Dragon Party Hoagie.

Serves six.

This is the zone we need to be in, people, alright?

Anyone in for the Stingray Caviar?

Ah, there we go!

Tony came to play!

And what will we be drinking?

None for me. I have dance in the morning.

Alright. Thanks for coming, Miggy. Huge help.

Alright, the rest of us are just gonna have to dig in.

Uh, Hidalgo,

we're gonna start with the, uh,

sampler of the wagyu long bones,please, for the table.

Apologies, Dr. Fogerty.

One of the customers just ordered

the last of the dry-aged steaks.Who?

It's Mr. Dan Marino's party, sir.

Marino. That snake!

Hey, I thoughtyou loved Dan Marino.

He ruined "Shape of Water" for me. Unforgivable.

"Shape of Water" ruined "Shape of Water."

Don't, Miggy.

Don't. My bad.

Well, there goes the big-ticket items,

which means we're gonna have to patch this together

with burgers and thick soups.

Hey. Hey, girl.Douglas: Tony, what do you think about the...

Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.

Yeah. Hey, girl.

What?! Oh, hey.

Did you tell Douglas that you wanted a baby?

Okay, I tried,

but he's not gonna focuson this

until he meets that damn minimum.

Maybe tonight's not the night.

No, no, no, it has to be, okay?

Tomorrow, the move-in train leaves,

and you have to know if you got a baby on board.

Okay, so, it seems likeI have no choice

but to stuff Douglaswith club food so I canget him back to talking.

Here goes. Okay.

Hey, babe, I have an idea.

All these suckers are orderingthe expensive apps and entrées.

Why don't we flip the script?

Eat upside-down.

No. Okay.

Why don't we orderthe expensive desserts

now while they're available

and then move on to whatever's left?

You genius.

I'm dating the smartest woman in the world.

It's me.

Uh, Hidalgo,

uh, let's get a large tray

of the Top Shelf Tiramisu with the Porcelana Cocoa.

Happy Earth Day, Dan Marino.

You people are animals.

Ritz crackers?!

A man sleeps here!

Have some respect.

Sophie, this mattresshas memory foam.

It's going to remember you!

Someone pass me a dark soda.

I'm gonna make it rain in this piece!

If we get caught,I'm the one who's going down.

I'm the leader!

What are you gonna do? Hug us to death?

Okay, and just when I write you off,

you find another way to dazzle me?

Move, people!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

-Ohh! -Whoo! -Aah!

Ah! Innkeep.

Please, just call me Josh.

Innkeep Josh. No.

I am not going to need my room tonight.

I'm sorry, we don'toffer refunds.Let me get your bill.

I'm obligated to ask youto sign this guestbook

and enjoy this Earl Grey tea.

Fine.

But I'm gonna clink the spoon around the cup

all loud-like.

Oh, my God.

Will you read this to me?

I've drank too much tea.

I think I'm starting to see things.

"Colin and PriscillaManning."

Stayed here last week.

He lied to me.

Worse than that, he lied to Angie!

Sir, I'm going to have toask you to keep it down.

People are tryingto cheat on people here.

Okay, we are on a roll.

I got us a bottle of Port, and I sent two over

to Dan Marino's table --

one for him and one for the Super Bowl ring he never got.

Tony, give us the honors.

-There it is! -Wow!

Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

Uh, Little Jack made a boom-boom.

I'm gonna go change him.Terrific.

Uh, Tony, assist?

Remember those days? Diapers? Boom-booms?

Oh, I do.

In fact,I was just thinking that --

Oh, that poor bastard.

The sleepless nights,

the 15 bags you need to go anywhere,

the crumbs in the car.

My God, all the crumbs.

Ah, thankfully, it's all behind us.

Well, yeah,but Little Jack's so cute.

Don't you ever miss it?

Nope. Done it twice now.

Worked out the kinks with Xander,

and then I knocked it out of the park

with Amy and the bonus one.

So I'm good.

But what's better than raising kids?

Lots of things.

Besides, I don't want to be putting kids through school

when I'm 70.

Imagine the toll that'll take on Tony.

You and I can live the dream,

doing what we want when we want.

Total freedom.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait. What the hell is this?

Hidalgo: Mr. Marino sends his compliments.

Uh, Hidalgo, you put those ribs down,

and I'm gonna write you out of the will.

Poppy, could you believe it?

Poppy?

What, I...

D--

Marino.

Wait, so, Will came all the waydown here just to ask

if you've ever eatenat a Sonic?

Maybe he is crazy.

Should I call his mom?

Can we please just stop talking about Will?

I don't want to see that man for the rest of my life.

Where is he?!

God!

You know, you are making it

impossible to defend you, dude. You.

You looked me in the eyeand promised not to hurt her!

What is going on?

Colin is still sleepingwith his ex-wife.

What?

"Colin and Priscilla,"

"Colin and Priscilla,"

"Colin and Prissy."

Wassat?A bad nickname from uni?

Let me see this.

Were you here last weekend with her?

Listen, Angie --And also,how dare you try to

get in my headabout defending my friend.

I would have driven to San Diego to...

Not that far just 'cause trafficwould have been murder,

but still, I refuse to feel badfor standing up for her.

Will. I got this.

Colin.

I thought things were good between us.

Like, freakishly good.

We took walks.

I kicked a goose in the face for you.

I'm sorry, but come on,

you must have known that this was a rebound thing.

Oh.

Well, it was more than that for me.

I think you should go.

Yeah, fine.

Let me grab my trousers.

They're called pants here.

And you don't deserve them.

Now...

Please be a 34 waist.

Yes!

Hey, guys. How was your night?

Shh! He doesn't like it when we're loud.

Who?

Graham?

Five minutes.

I asked for five damn minutes!

Oh, Poppy. It's just you.

Is everything okay? Did I miss --

You know what? I don't want to know.

It has already been a day.

Tell me about it.

Want a hit?

I'll pass.

My stomach's still coming to terms with tonight.

In fact, all of me is still coming to terms with tonight.

I get you, baby girl.

Life's funny. Yeah.

Just when you think you got it all figured out,

it up and changes on you.

And then what are you supposed to do?

Just accept it? Let go of the things you want?

What if you can't?

We have a sayingin the bottom of the boot --

"Be true to yourself.

Everythingwill work out fine."

Yeah, but what if being true to yourself means

losing something that you love?

I can give you the tools,Poppy,

but I can't build the house for you.

Uh, just to confirm, that is apple juice, right?

Mm-hmm.

You know, I'm just madat myself, honestly.

For a second there, I actually thought

it might work out with me and Colin,

but I forgot.

I only attract dirtbags.

Or there's just a lot of terrible guys out there,

and you've had more than your fair share.

I haven't evenbeen honest with you

about how manyhave stolen my identity.

Like, a bunch.

It's not you.

You're...amazing.

And someday,

you're gonna find a nice guy

who will treat you right.

Or you just become a horse lady.

Like, just get into horses.

What was the thingthat Colin was gettingin your head about?

He was just doing anything to put me off the scent,

like launching wild conspiracy theories.

Like what?

He thought that this was, like,

about me being into you, or...

O-Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

He's crazy. I know.

This wine is so bad.

It's really bad.

Hey, thank youfor sticking up for me.

You're a really good friend,

even if you wouldn't driveto San Diego for me.

I would not.

Between the zoo and convention traffic --

Even in the carpool lane?No chance!

I would for you.

You know,maybe I'm tipsy right now,

but I really want to hurt Colin,

like, make his bloodbe outside him.

Drinking terrible winecharged to his credit card

really isn't doing itfor me.

Well, in that case, I have an idea. Dude...

if it's us stealing all his clothes,

we are not doing that.

Fine, smart guy. You come up with something.

Oh! Thank God you're here.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I was freaking out. I shook Hidalgo.

Douglas --Look, I get why you left.

And I'm sorry.

I-I know we were just starting to get things

off of our chest before the big move,

but I just got all distracted and caught up in all the food.

Hey, do you know when the check came,

we were within 10 cents of the minimum?

Anyway, I wasn't trying to avoid the conversation.

I botched the dinner.

But think,

we have an unlimited amount of dinners ahead of us,

and I promise you that I will be giving you

my undivided attention during all of them.

Douglas, there aren'tgonna be any more dinners.

What? Why?

BecauseI think we should break up.

Poppy.

Uh, about everything,

I hope that our schoolyard interactions

going forward won't be uncomfortable.

Yeah, you know what? I thoughtabout it, and we were casual.

You know, it's cool.Water under the bridge.

Yeah, and, uh, thanks for the fashion tips, Colin,

but I think I'm gonna forge my own path.

Well, good for you.

Angie, I'll, um, see you around.

Ta-ta.

Oh, Colin, drive safely.

No.

You winged bastard.

Nooooooooo!

How does your neck twist like that?!

Oh, come on!

Come on!

Aaah! Aaaaah!