Original subtitles

♪♪

QUILL: No. That is not right. It's not right!

GAMORA: There are things in life we do because we must, Quill.

Not because we want to.

Right, Rocket?

Ho-ho! I don't know what daddy Thanos taught you, Gamora,

but there's a line decent beings don't cross.

You can't make us! It's...

DRAX: (IN SING-SONG) Ready!

W'kerian slug-roach casserole.

Ugh... The entrails have, of course, been included.

Now, who would like to break the crust?

I am Groot.

Groot's right. I mean, it...

It's just too pretty to serve, Drax.

We should probably just enjoy it visually for a while.

(INHALES)

Perhaps.

This dish was my wife's greatest culinary work.

She was truly a wonderful cook. Shh.

And I will eviscerate anyone who says otherwise. (GRUNTS)

Eh, naturally.

(EXPLOSION) (ALARM BLARING)

Huh?

Yes! I mean, oh, no time to eat. Under attack. Gotta run.

(GRUMBLES)

(GRUNTS) I thought you said

the CryptoCube's path took us through empty space.

Ha! Empty space is what's attacking us.

Wait. How is empty space attacking us?

Engines hit.

We're losing power.

On it.

Quill, I think you're right.

Empty space is attacking us.

Thank you.

What? Why do you think I'm right?

Because those aren't meteors.

They're ships... Crushed ships.

(LAUGHS)

Uh, what could crush a ship like that?

The same thing that's crushing us.

(GLASS CRACKING)

(WHIMPERING)

(BUCKLING)

Hang on!

ROCKET: Where'd your stupid map lead us this time, Quill?

QUILL: Hey, I'm under a lot of pressure here.

So is our krutakin' ship!

(GRUNTING)

We're in a gravity storm.

These areas of super-dense space are Nebula's favorite traps.

Her ships can move through safely.

Her victims' ships weren't so lucky.

(GRUNTS) We gotta get out of here.

What do you think I... Whoa! (GLASS SHATTERS)

(CHUCKLES) Aah!

Rocket, squeeze yourself into the cockpit

and fly us out of here.

Drax, jettison the food.

Why would that help?

There's no time!

(GLASS SHATTERING) Hang onto your hides!

(ENGINE REVS)

(GROWLS) Yeah.

That the best you've got, gravity storm?

Eh, the phrase you're looking for is,

"You're an awesome pilot, Rocket."

You're a small pilot. It's not the same thing.

Now, let's see how big this gravity storm actually is.

The cosmic seed energy reading is on the other side of that storm.

It'll take months to get around it.

Years.

It'd be like circling around 1,000 solar systems.

You said Nebula could get through the storms.

We'll just use whatever she did.

Is your entire species this stupid?

You need a repulsar field generator to do that.

The only place you could even maybe get one is...

Knowhere. Finest hideout/severed head in the galaxy.

QUILL: Hey, Cosmo, what's shaking?

Besides your tail.

(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Uh, is good joke, as Cosmo is dog.

But in serious,

Cosmo knows Peter Quill, who is also called Star-Lord,

needs to get around gravity storm.

But continuum cortex teleportation system is still down.

(GROWLS) Stop reading minds, you mutt.

Nobody likes a psychic snoop.

And yet Cosmo thinks Vermin will like this snooping.

Is one person in Knowhere with repulsar generator.

Only problem...

That one person would be me.

The Collector! Hey!

You're not still mad at us, right?

Old buddy? Old pal?

Huh?

(EXCLAIMS) Because you broke our agreement,

stole my property, or destroyed one of my most priceless archives?

Now, come... Hey, we've all said, done, and blown up things

we wish we hadn't,

but that doesn't mean we can't do business.

How much for the generator?

It is not for sale.

However...

QUILL: (GROANING) What reeks?

(ANIMAL GURGLING)

COLLECTOR: There is one task I have been loathe to undertake.

If you did it for me,

I could loan you my generator.

You want us to transport statues?

Not statues. Moombas.

(GROWLS)

Huh? (GROWLS)

(GRUNTING)

I am Groot. I am Groot!

Don't eat my friends.

Disgusting. Get back in the cargo bay where you belong.

Oh, gross, it got in my mouth. Ew.

Little help, Drax.

(MOOMBAS PASSING GAS) Drax?

Why did it have to be moombas?

Thanks for nothing, Drax.

What, big, bad destroyer scared of livestock?

I am not scared.

I am appropriately cautious around dangerous beasts.

As a young warrior,

I was attacked by a moomba herd.

They came out of nowhere.

And it is my intention

to remove them from Knowhere.

They are a present for my brother.

I need them brought to Conjunction in two days.

Conjunction? (CHUCKLES)

We ain't exactly welcome back on that neon-lit gaming planetoid.

But if it means getting a repulsar generator, we will gladly do it.

It is such a garish little world. Is it not?

But with a name like the Grandmaster,

my brother is a little garish himself.

Your brother is the Grandmaster?

Ridiculous title, I know,

but family is family.

Just drop the moombas in front of that statue of his,

and I will take care of the rest.

Oh, and do not feed the moombas anything but grass.

Things can get a bit...

Messy.

BOTH: Messy?

ROCKET: (OVER VIDEO) Great job, Quill.

You just signed us up for the smelliest, grossest,

most boring job in the galaxy,

and all so one guy who tried to kill us

can get a present from his brother, who also tried to kill us.

Yeah, but the Collector threw in this cowboy hat,

so yee-ha!

DRAX: That hat resembles neither a cow nor a boy.

And repeating that phrase does not change the fact that

moombas cannot be trusted.

I am Groot. I am Groot!

Whoa, guys, get down here.

Now!

GAMORA: Actually, we have a bigger problem.

MAN: Okay, Quill, pull it over.

Relax. It's just Nova Corps.

We're not doing anything illegal.

Everybody just stay cool.

What purpose will it serve to lower the temperature?

Rhomann Dey?

Oh, man, you know, I haven't seen you

since I saved your family and your entire planet.

Which is why I was confused

when the Corps got a tip that you'd stolen a dozen moombas

from a local sanctuary.

Care to explain, Quill?

Moombas?

(MOOMBAS GRUMBLING) What are moombas?

That would be the animals currently flying alongside your ship.

Hey, how did they get off the ship?

Not that they were ever on.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

Sorry, Quill, but I'm gonna have to put you all under arrest

for trafficking in endangered animals.

DRAX: It is we who are in danger. Observe the moombas.

GAMORA: What's so dangerous about a light show?

ROCKET: Oh, I don't know. Maybe when it turns into this?

Quill, what's happening?

QUILL: Offhand, I'd say we're being sucked into a weird portal thingy.

(BEEPING)

(ENGINE POWERS DOWN)

I told you moombas cannot be trusted.

They will destroy us all.

QUILL: You know what, Drax? I'm starting to believe you.

Huh?

Milano, correct your course.

Do not enter that portal.

QUILL: You think I want to go in there?

ROCKET: I don't think we've got much of a choice.

(ALL SCREAM)

Okay, what just happened?

I warned you moombas can appear out of nowhere.

Moombas have always been said to travel vast distances.

I think we just found out how they do it.

(BEEPING)

You got that right.

We're 1,000 light years closer to Conjunction.

Looks like the moombas are headed down to that moon.

Two words,

cook-out.

(MOOMBAS GRUMBLING)

QUILL: Yeah, sitting in dirt near a lame-o heat source

is everyone's dream.

Uh, just think.

All my life I dreamed of being a cowboy,

and all I had to do was get abducted by aliens.

(GROANS)

And now we shall feast

as the warriors of old did.

That's not moomba, is it?

(LAUGHS) I would never ingest such treacherous animals.

They'd likely poison their own flesh just to spite their predators.

I am on to your tactics.

(BELCHING, PASSING GAS)

QUILL: How about an old Earth tradition?

Singing round the campfire.

Uh, where did you... Came with the hat.

(OUT OF TUNE) Now, this song is a ritual among my people,

passed down during mass gatherings of youth during the warmer climates.

♪ Well...

♪ A-great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts

♪ Mutilated monkey meat

♪ Little birdy's bloody feet ♪

(MOOMBAS GRUMBLE)

Are you comparing my food to this inedible dish?

(MOOMBA FARTS) What? No.

Everyone loves your food.

(GRUMBLES)

(SLURPS)

(PASSES GAS) (SWALLOWS)

I just remembered another Earth tradition.

(VOMITING)

(COUGHS)

(VOMITING CONTINUES)

Oh, it tastes worse on the way out.

Hmm, unusual custom.

Look over there!

Well, I'm stuffed.

Rocket, they're not supposed to eat anything but grass.

No, no! Ugh! No!

(SNORTS)

Moombas have been plotting against us this entire time,

and you mock me.

(STOMACH GURGLES, GAGS)

(SIGHS)

(BELCHES)

Huh?

Check this out.

The moombas have been injected with an explosive compound,

but it only reacts to a certain kind of protein.

Don't eat meat, no problem.

But if they do...

Then the moombas are boombas!

Ha! I can't believe I didn't think of it myself.

These things could take out a small moon.

Or an artificial planetoid, like Conjunction.

Got this off the alpha moomba.

Greetings, dear brother...

Or what is left of you.

And, oh, yes...

(SING-SONG) I win.

The Collector was playing us.

He was going to blow up his brother even if it meant taking us with him.

And you're surprised?

Let's get out of here while we still only have one boomba to deal with.

(INHALES DEEPLY) Yeah. About that.

GAMORA: We need to drive the herd into space,

where they won't do so much damage.

I will continue to monitor the perimeter from the ship.

YONDU: Ha-ha! Ravagers, come on!

QUILL: (YELLS) Hey!

YONDU: (CHUCKLES) Well, nice hat you got there.

Yondu? What are you doing here?

What's it look like, boy-o?

We're taking your moombas.

(WHISTLES)

QUILL: Yeah, lots of luck getting these things to go where they don't want to.

YONDU: Already got that one figured out, boy-o.

Yondu, wait. The moombas, they're gonna explode.

YONDU: (CHUCKLES) Why else would we want them?

The Collector and the Grandmaster

have been trying to off each other for years.

That's why Grandmaster's got us taking these moombas

back to his brother on Knowhere,

to blow him up instead.

If you want to blow up Knowhere, Yondu,

then you'll have to blow me up with it.

(GRUNTS)

(YONDU LAUGHING)

Gonna miss you, boy-o.

QUILL: Yondu...

I'm serious. Yondu!

I am Groot.

GAMORA AND ROCKET: Quill!

Curse you, foul moombas!

I swear to you, Peter Quill will be avenged.

Save the speech. Quill's alive.

But not for much longer, with those moombas set to blow up Knowhere.

(GRUNTING)

Fall back. He means to attack.

Ech, of course, the friendly ones stay.

No, this is good.

We can use this one to generate a portal

and catch up with the rest of the herd.

(MOOMBA BELLOWS)

Aah!

(BELCHES)

I am not in favor of this plan.

I am Groot.

What do you mean, make an antidote?

Antidotes don't grow on trees.

Or do they?

Drax, keep Bessie corralled while we cook up a cure for the booms.

(MOOMBA GRUNTING)

I'm less in favor of this plan...

(GURGLING)

(GRUMBLES)

Ha!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GROOT RUSTLING)

(DRAX SCREAMS) Huh?

I lived. I lived!

Nice job, Drax.

Now, let's see if we can't do the same for the folks on Knowhere.

Take cover! (GROWLS)

(SCREAMS)

Ew. Disgusting.

But, and I never thought I'd be happy to say this,

it didn't blow up.

Now, let's ride!

Hyah.

Hey, I said let's ride. Go.

Come on, you krutakin' flarg!

I am Drax the destroyer,

and I will not let innocents perish

because of my fear.

Okay, fine. You drive.

DRAX: Hi-yo, moomba.

Element blaster.

(STRING TWANGS) Okay, that's embarrassing.

(GROWLS)

DRAX: Ah!

Oh, I was totally going to say that.

Ravagers, get that moomba.

First you must catch that moomba.

Who's going to catch me?

Thanks, bud.

Uh, much as I hate to say it, let's diffuse some bombs.

(GROWLS)

QUILL: It's all right. Totally got this one under control.

(QUILL SCREAMING)

Forget something?

I also had a hat.

And you'll have to fight Drax for it.

(GROWLS)

(CLICKS)

Howdy, part-en-er.

How you say, "Cavalry has arrived"?

Since when does one telepathic fleabag count as cavalry?

Eh, show off.

Freeze!

The first person to move or whistle

gets blasted back to their home planet. Got it?

Well, who says you can't find a corpsman when you need one?

Me and my Ravagers were just returning these here stolen animals

back to their rightful owner

when these scruffy ne'er-do-wells attacked.

Hey, you attacked first.

And I am not scruffy.

Is true, Colonel. Quill was...

Transporting moombas,

which are illegal to own in the first place.

Why do none of you remember that?

Who did you say these animals belonged to again?

ALL: The Collector.

Mr. Collector, it would appear that I have some of your very illegal property,

as in one dozen moombas.

Moombas?

I am sorry, corpsman,

but while moombas are rare,

they are hardly rare enough for me.

QUILL: He hired us to take them to Conjunction

so he could blow up his brother with their explosive cud.

Uh, Quill, explosive spitballs heading your way.

Say what?

Is true. Cosmo read Collector's mind.

These two terrans are obviously lying

to protect one another.

Well...

Well, I ain't one to look a gift getaway in the mouth.

Ravagers, let's ride.

I am, uh...

I am sorry, corpsman. I seem to be experiencing... (GARBLED)

Corpsmen, get the Ravagers!

Go!

Dey, we have an antidote.

Come on, Dey. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.

I am Groot.

QUILL: We can find some space cow statue thingies a good home.

That isn't exactly procedure.

COMPUTER: Shields at 40%.

Look, give me your word they'll be safe,

and you can go.

You got it, partner.

What exactly do you have in mind?

You'll see...

As soon as I get my hat back.

You got it, partner.

GAMORA: Approaching the gravity storm.

Drax, it's up to you.

It is up to us. (GROWLS)

Now, my new friends,

Drax the destroyer bids you to lead the way.

Huh, using the moombas to get us through the gravity storm.

You actually had a good idea, partner.

Now, assuming this treasure map X

is finally marking the spot,

let's go find us a cosmic seed.

Oh, Drax.

Dude, you got a really big head.

Of course, it's not here.

At least we know where we head next.

Plus the moombas found themselves an isolated planet,

with plenty of cosmic seed-grown grazing land.

They will be safe here.

You saved a noble species.

Noble ain't the word that's springing to mind.

Go on. Get off. Go!

Or I'll... I'll blow you up myself.

(SNIFFLING)

I am Groot?

(SNIFFLES) I was not crying.

DRAX: (SNIFFLES) Nor was I.

Now, who is ready to eat?

ALL: Not me!

(GRUMBLES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)