Original subtitles

♪♪

[Quill] Boring.

We've been following the map to the Cosmic Seed

for three days now.

Let's play a car game.

We used to play them all the time

on long road trips when I was a kid.

[gasps]

Slug star!

I am Groot!

Sit on your hands, Quill,

before I remove them from your wrists.

[chuckles]

Oh, relax, Gamora. It's a game.

Only you punch someone

when you see a star instead of a car.

It's not my fault Groot's a klutz.

Hey, lay off the hurt speech, Quill.

Don't you know Groot was an awkward sapling?

I mean, he grew out of it, but it's still a sore point.

Where is this sore point, Rocket?

In my days as an arena fighter,

I would soothe my aching muscles

with an extract of slug-roach pancreas.

[gags]

You gonna act like a child, or you gonna navigate?

Why can't I do both?

[machine beeps]

Oh, wait. We're here.

Uh, you sure about that, genius?

Yeah, that's weird.

There's this dead moon called "Mandala" on the map.

It's not here in person. [Drax] Is this another car game?

No. See, look. The Cosmic Seed was here.

There's an energy trail leading away.

Give me a slow right turn.

Now back a smidge.

And-- [thud]

Hey!

Nebula! Where did she come from?

[Quill] I'm gonna guess from that big ship

that just de-cloaked behind her.

♪♪ [theme]

[all gasp]

I thought I had destroyed Nebula's ship

with Ronan's Universal Weapon.

Looks like my sister is trying to return the favor.

[grunts]

Hey, here's an idea.

What say we steer the ship away

from the crazy lady with the Universal whatever?

Now, where's the fun in that?

Hang on.

Quill, you're playing with fire.

No, Quill is playing with your sister,

and she is not on fire...

that we know of.

[grunts]

Check it out. Slingshot!

[screaming]

[groans] I swear, I won't ever get these car games.

We have to find her and finish her.

This is about getting to the Cosmic Seed first.

That's why I hurled her away from the energy trail.

♪ Found a peanut Found a peanut ♪

♪ Found a pean-- ♪ Hey!

There's our missing dead moon.

Atmosphere, water, and vegetation.

Huh, you got a real funny definition of "dead," Quill.

We've seen what the Cosmic Seed can do.

If it accelerates life,

maybe it can tear a moon from its orbit.

And maybe, just maybe,

the Cosmic Seed is really down there.

♪♪ [humming "Found A Peanut"]

What will it take for him

to cease this infernal racket?

When I served Thanos,

I would've eviscerated a man for less.

Looks good. The energy's really strong on-- Hey.

[chuckles] First day with your new roots?

Take care, Groot. You must not re-injure

the sore spot from your awkward childhood.

Were those trees here before?

I am Groo-- Whoa!

Hey-- [snarls]

[yells]

Okay, I know that was not there a second ago.

[squeals]

[snarling]

Annoying rodent.

I will roast you over a flame

and feast upon your carcass

to celebrate my victory in the arena this day.

No. Whoa, whoa. First rule of the Guardians.

Friends don't eat friends.

[hisses] Whoa.

[grunting]

I have no friends.

What? That's not true. We're a team, here.

I serve only Ronan.

And my father, Thanos.

Wait-- [grunts]

That's the old you.

[grunts] At last, a worthy opponent.

We will give this crowd a show.

[crowd cheering] And that's the old you, too.

Groo-oo-oot!

Okay, why is everybody going retro?

You are unskilled. You will not last long in the arena.

[laughing]

[crowd cheering] Yes.

Don't trifle with me.

I'm an agent of Ronan the Accuser.

[laughs] What sort of feeble title is "Accuser?"

Surely, this Ronan is no threat

to Drax the Destroyer.

I am Groot!

[crowd cheers] Yeah!

Um, Drax, he's a serious threat to your family.

At least he was before we turned him

into a little grease stain on Xandar.

You dare claim

to have destroyed Ronan the Accuser?

You dare threaten my family? [grunts]

[both] You will perish for your insolence!

[Quill screams]

[hissing] [screaming]

[growling] Oh, hey, Rocket.

Thanks for grabbing that for me.

[growling]

I am Groo-oo-oot!

[snarling]

Guys. Guys. Look, if I have to be the voice of reason,

this is not gonna end well.

I'll bring your head to Ronan, Ravager.

I'm not a Ravager. Not anymore.

Then why do you dress as a Ravager?

It's a long story, okay? I was raised by Ravagers,

but now I'm a hero trying to save the Galaxy,

just like you guys.

I only save the galaxy for Ronan.

By cleansing it of filth like you.

I am Groot.

Guys, focus.

You're not yourselves.

Lies. I am Drax the Destroyer.

Who else would I be?

Something's making you all

act like your old selves.

[snarling]

[screams]

What is wrong with you people?

And how come I'm falling?

[coughing] What kind of cockameme rock

you land us on, Qui-- [snarls]

I get it. Contact with the surface

is making you regress.

Tell it Ronan, Ravager.

Fine, if I can't keep you off the surface,

I'll just make my own.

Whoa.

I am Groot. [groans]

[snarls]

[coughs]

What is your krutakin' issue, Quill?

And why do I feel like rooting through garbage?

I just met earlier versions of you.

An arena fighter, Ronan's enforcer,

a klutz and a rabies risk.

Looks like this moon just sucks the maturity out of you.

So how come you weren't affected?

Because Quill has no maturity to begin with.

Or the Cosmic Seed energy of my boom box protected me.

Probably one of those two. [ground rumbles]

[deep laugh]

Groot, is there any way you can dig down

and seal up that geyser before it melts all the ice?

[grunting]

I am Groot.

What do you mean, "the moon is alive?"

[celestial voice, giggling] Again. Again.

I'm guessing he means that.

[celestial voice] No freeze. Mandala want to play!

Doesn't sound like this moon's been alive too long.

More like a lonely, bored, very big kid.

Hmm. Now, who's that remind me of?

I wonder.

Quill. This moon reminds you of Quill.

Because it is extremely immature, and so is Quill.

Well, nice meeting you, kid.

Planet? Whatever. But we gotta grab

a little Cosmic Seed and run.

[Mandala grunts]

Okay, guys. You know what's coming next.

Don't go back to your old selves.

Resist the regression.

Keep away from me.

I don't wanna hurt any of you.

I want to annihilate you all!

[Mandala, giggling] Yeah! Fight!

Mandala, why are you doing this?

[Mandala, giggling] Because it's fun.

Mandala make you young so we can play.

Ronan the Accuser's flagship.

It's Nebula's ship, now.

And she's after the Cosmic Seed.

I don't know what that is,

but I will not allow my sister

to claim it for Ronan before I do.

Clearly, it is the prize for which we will fight.

[Mandala] Yes! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Guys, focus.

We need to get the Cosmic Seed before Nebula.

[sighs] And they call me immature.

Wait. That's it.

Hey, losers. Wanna fight?

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

Come and get me. [blows raspberry]

That's right. Follow the leader...

[whispering] right to the Cosmic Seed.

[Mandala giggles]

Friend! You came back like you promised!

Now you can play with my new friends.

Guardians are no friends.

I return because this primordial armpit

is soaked with life giving energy

that nourishes the seed I planted here earlier.

[Mandala shrieks]

Why you hit Mandala?

Mandala make your friend better,

like Mandala promise.

[screams]

Ronan the Accuser lives once more.

What is this place?

Who dares disturb Ronan? Explain yourself.

Lord Ronan, I recovered your helmet

after your untimely... departure.

Once I discovered this moon's

unusual life-generating properties,

I used it to resurrect you.

It's Nebula, Lord.

Perhaps your Universal Weapon will jog your memory.

We will overthrow Thanos and rule the galaxy together.

[grunts]

Ronan shares power with no one.

♪ Run, run, run, as fast as you can ♪

♪ You can't catch me, I'm-- ♪

Whoa! [grunts]

♪ Neener, neener, boo boo ♪

♪ Stick your head in-- ♪

I'm rubber, you're glue.

Everything bounces off of me and sticks to you!

You are mistaken. It does not stick.

[Quill] Are you kidding me?

Ronan? Told you it was his ship.

But didn't we watch him, like, blow up in a billion pieces?

Gamora. What is all this?

Oh, so he remembers you.

Do you remember her betrayal?

You only betray your own petty jealousy, sister.

I bring you this insolent Ravager

who claims to have destroyed you, Lord Ronan.

Technically, we all destroyed you.

But looks like you got better.

[Mandala] Yay!

All Mandala's friends here.

Now we can all play.

A Kree Accuser does not play.

[Mandala, shrieking] Hey, quit it.

Oh, come on. You made a moon cry.

Do I have to challenge you to another dance-off?

[imitates Michael Jackson]

Silence, Ravager.

Guardian of the Galaxy, dude.

You gave us our name.

I mean, it was sarcastic when you said it. But still.

Hey! Now you're making me mad.

Get him, Drax.

I have no quarrel with this man.

But you will. You did.

You-- Just trust me on this one, okay?

And since when do you need an excuse

to beat the snot out of somebody?

Forgive me for not having rid you

of these lice sooner, Lord Ronan.

This mission has been odd,

but I will destroy them for you now.

She's weak. Let me prove myself.

[chuckles] I shall fight you both.

What glorious sport for my fans.

Hey, remember back when we were all fighting the regression?

Those were good times, huh?

Now let's get it together and stop the bad guy!

You fools are not worthy of my time.

I live again to exact revenge on my enemies.

Take my advice, stranger.

Revenge is a waste of time.

[thud] [grunts]

[Mandala, struggling] What you do to Mandala?

Silence.

Any creature that lives

can be bent to the will of Ronan.

[squeals]

I am Groot!

Gamora, wait. Remember who you are.

You're a Guardian. You're one of us.

[screams] I would never join the likes of you.

Think again, sister.

[both screaming]

[both screaming]

[snarling]

Are you deranged, Ravager?

Why would anyone save my life?

Because that's what friends do.

I told you. I have no friends.

There are no friends in the combat arena. Only opponents.

[gasps]

I am Groot!

[snarling] [ground rumbling]

Guys, the walls.

[all arguing] Guys...Hey, listen up!

Just 'cause you're immature,

doesn't mean you have to be stupid.

We've got a choice.

We can work together or get buried alive together.

Now, what's it gonna be?

This moon will provide me

the power I need to obliterate

the ancient enemies of the Kree.

Mandala, show me the way to Xandar,

and I will allow you to serve me.

I am Groot.

Maybe you were clumsy once, Groot,

but you grew out of it. Trust me.

[Gamora] I'll trust you for now, Guardian-Not-A-Ravager.

But if we survive, I'll still finish you all.

And, believe it or not, you grew out of that, too.

Is Mandala...moving?

[Mandala, grunting] Mandala not want to move.

He make me.

Take me to place called Xandar.

But this game not fun.

You know what else isn't fun?

The whole "Mandala make you young so we can play" game.

We can help, but you have to let my team grow up.

Well, Mandala try.

Planet Xandar.

You've seen your last sunrise.

Odd. The moon isn't putting up any resistance.

[Rocket] That you know about.

Ronan. You live?

Now he remembers.

Groot, you connected with this rock before.

See if you can break Ronan's connection to Mandala.

I am Groot!

Mandala not play

with bad Ronan man.

Mandala sorry, friends.

Stay with it. I got your back.

Why are the Guardians alive?

You said you'd destroy them.

I grew up.

[Mandala] Help Mandala friend Groot

make bad Ronan man go away.

Yes. Mandala feel stronger.

No!

[Mandala grunts]

No!

Please not make Mandala hurt friends.

Come on, Groot. Give it one more try.

Dig those roots deep.

I...

...am...

...Groot!

[Mandala] And I am Mandala!

[sighs] You did it, buddy.

You helped Mandala steer us away!

[grunts] I am Groot.

A futile effort.

No mere planet

can overpower my Universal Weapon.

[Mandala shrieks] Let this moon serve

as an instrument of justice.

To deliver the punishment

decreed by Ronan the Accuser!

Mandala, come on. You don't need Groot to fight Ronan for you.

You have to fight, or it's "Bye bye, Xandar."

[Mandala] Mandala not like this game.

Yeah, well we all gotta grow up sometime,

or playtime's over, forever.

Nice pep talk, Quill.

Way to scare the big boy pants right off him.

Xandar.

You have been found guilty by Ronan the Accuser.

Prepare to be cleansed.

[Mandala shrieks]

Leave...

Mandala...

alone!

[screaming]

[Mandala] Mandala feel much better now.

Thanks to friends.

I wish I could say the same.

Ronan lives, which means

he has escaped justice for destroying my family.

On the bright side, it means you get

to destroy him all over again.

And it looks like the Cosmic Seed

is someplace else... again.

[Gamora] But it was here,

and its energy must have brought Mandala to life.

Either way, we're back on the road.

Oh, joy. More car games?

[Mandala] Wait. Friends not staying?

Yeah, sorry we can't stick around and play, Mandala.

We sort of got a galaxy to protect.

[Mandala] Mandala not want to play anymore.

Mandala want to protect.

Like Guardian friends.

You know, we could always use

a big, strong planetoid in our ranks.

How'd you like to be an honorary Guardian?

As long as you're protecting, you'll never be alone.

[Mandala] Mandala like.

[from speaker] ♪ Now, Joy to the world... ♪

If an infant planetoid can grow up,

there may be hope for Quill.

You sure about that, Gammy?

♪ Joy to the fishes ♪

♪ In the deep blue sea ♪ [cheering]

♪ Joy to you and me ♪

♪♪

Ridiculous.

[Quill] Sling shot!

But...it does look kinda fun.

I call next. Me! Me!

Slug star!

I'll never get these car games.