All language subtitles for Fuller.House.S05E11.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[theme song plays]

[vocalizing]

♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪

♪ The milkman, the paper boy
The evening TV ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a heart
There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold onto ♪

♪ Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a face
There's a face ♪

-♪ Somebody who needs you ♪
-♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ Everywhere you look, yeah ♪

♪ When you're lost out there
And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

[vocalizing]

Good morning, fellow brides-to-be.

I would like to propose a toast

to our official first day
of wedding planning.

Ooh! Champagne in the morning?

I love engaged DJ.

Oh.

It's coffee.

It's a little more on-brand.

We have got to stay sharp, ladies.

We have a big day at the wedding expo.

Well, here's to a day that's stress-free,

conflict-free,
and chock-full of food that's free.

This may be the coffee talking,
but I love you guys.

And to making all of our
triple wedding decisions together.

That way, we can sit back, relax and enjoy
the rest of the engagement.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

Still coffee.

Well, hello, fiancée.

Well, hello, fiancé.

You know, I'll never get tired
of hearing that.

-Hmm.
-Yeah, that's one person's opinion.

Wedding or not, here I come.

-Hello, fiancé.
-Hello, fiancée.

How do I unsubscribe from this?

As the leader of the he-wolf pack...

[growls]

...I will be representing the grooms
at today's wedding expo.

But wait, who made you the leader?

I did.

It is my job as the leader.

You know,
I've got to start going to those meetings.

The next time you see me,
I will be awash in cummerbunds,

bow ties, and male Spanx.

You should come, Esteban.
You're looking a little fluffy.

Esteban is not looking fluffy.

And besides, he's babysitting
Tommy and Danielle today.

Thank you, fiancé.

You're welcome, fiancée.

I'd make fun of you two some more,

but it's really hard
to find free childcare.

♪ Hey ♪

[vocalizing]

Alright, let's go, she-wolves.

Kimmy, we're not spending the night
at the wedding expo.

No, this is my freebie bag.

You know how much stuff they give away
at these things?

Oh, that explains why we have

an attic full of tiki torches
and crazy straws.

When the power goes out,
we can throw a root beer party.

Oh, no.
Mom's got her freebie bag out.

Lemme guess, wedding expo?

You know where I got this bag?

At the luggage expo?

No, off the luggage carousel
at the airport.

You know the rule.

As soon as it goes around twice,
it's up for grabs.

Yeah, I don't think that's the rule.

You weren't complaining
when I gave you those pants.

Well, wish me luck.
I have my audition for Pippin today.

Kimberlina, our little girl is now
a big high school musical star!

Aw.

Before you know it,
she'll start giving us attitude,

the same way Zac Efron did
when we cornered him in that alley.

Oh. Mom, I'm going to audition too.

Aww, wow. I always knew you had
the soul of an artist.

If I do the play, I can get out of PE.

Come on, Jackson. You've got to give me
something to work with.

I've been running my lines. Watch this.

It's a non-speaking role. [chuckles]

I've been trying to cast you
in that role for years.

Okay, guys, don't forget you are all
meeting us later at the wedding expo

to look at outfits.

Pass, I've got to practice
for my chess club tournament.

And besides,
if I start talking napkin patterns,

there goes my entire day.

But I will leave you with this.

No animal prints.

I'm talking to you, Gibbler.

[Stephanie] Wow!

Look at this place.

This is amazing.

And there's a cake bar.

And a candy bar.

And the best kind of bar: an open bar.

Where to begin?

That's a rhetorical question, of course,
because I brought a checklist

on my clipboard of fun.

Look at all these free samples!

And free signs.

Thank you.

Hello, ladies.

I'm Maureen McDermott
of McDermott Wedding Planning.

I'm Kimmy Gibbler.

Of Gibbler Style Party Planning?

You've heard of me?

Yes.

We were warned about you
in the morning meeting.

Did you hear that? People are talking.

So, who's the lucky bride?

[all] I am.

We are.

It's a triple wedding.

But we're not marrying each other.

Hey, you could do worse.

A triple wedding?

Pleasing one bride is tough enough,
but pleasing three brides, it's insanity.

Oh, no, that's not us.

Even though we are very different,
we've known each other our entire lives,

and we know exactly what we want.

Fabulous, then.

What's the theme?

Traditional romantic.

Eccentric yet unpredictable.

Purple.

Super sexy and, you know, funky,
like Prince.

[nervous chuckling]

Excuse us, Maureen.
We still have some details to hash out.

Okay, so we aren't exactly
on the same page,

but that's why we're here.

And I'm sure out of all this stuff,
there is something we can agree on.

Maybe next time you can have
this discussion

after you release me from this bag.

Yeah, well, maybe next time,
you can pay the $5 entrance fee.

Entrance fee?

Do I look like a fool?

Actually, yes.

[Steve] Hey, Max.

How's chess life treating you?

I'm working on a theoretical variation
on the Budapest Gambit.

Oh, I forgot I was talking to a civilian.

It's fine.

-Hey. How did the audition go?
-Hey.

I think it went okay.
I mean, you never know with these things.

But-- Oh, who am I kidding?

I killed it, brought it back to life,
and then killed it again for fun.

If it isn't Non-Speaking Tree number five.

It was so weird.

The director asked me to speak,
and then he asked me to sing,

which is a form of speaking
with melody and rhythm.

Look at you, one day in the theater
and already you're learning things.

Yeah, it was pretty fun.
Usually when all eyes are on me at school,

it's 'cause I'm accidentally wearing
Ramona's pants.

-[phone buzzes]
-Oh!

The director just e-mailed the cast list.

Wait, this can't be right.

I didn't get the leading player.

I'm the understudy?

Whoa!

It says I got the leading player.

Oh, boy. This play just got interesting.

Okay, there has to be a mistake.

You got the lead?

I rehearsed for months
and now you're the star of the show.

Now, Ramona, to be fair,

I'm sure Jackson must have done something
to impress the director.

Um, Jackson, did you do something
to impress the director?

I don't know, I guess he said
I sung like an angel.

But I assume he said that to everyone.

Oh, please.

A jock tries slumming it in theater
and everybody wants him?

It's so early Glee.

I guess I shouldn't tell her
I liked early Glee.

I guess I shouldn't tell her I thought
I was auditioning for Cats.

So, Max, what do you say?
You up for a little chess game?

You're on. You've been way too confident
since my mom said yes.

Checkmate.

Wait, what just happened?

Dude, you fell for my trademarked
Steve Hale Four-Move Checkmate.

[sighs] Yep, that's right. Steve Hale's
got some tricks up his sleeve.

This is unbelievable.

Max, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm storming off in a huff.

Kimberlina, I love this wedding expo.

Did you get your teeth whitened?

Yes.

This place is like Disneyland for my face.

Fernando, aren't you supposed to be here
looking at cummerbunds and bow ties

for the he-wolf pack?

Who can focus on the he-wolves
in this fabulous wonderland?

I got a free facial and now I'm off
to cake tasting.

I heard a rumor they have cake
that tastes like pie.

Who wants to see what I just found?

I do.

Red roses.

They're timeless and they're classic
and they're--

Boring.

I mean, they're too formal
for a wedding at the beach.

No one is going to take their shoes off
at a wedding with red roses.

Uh, who said anything about the beach?

And no one is taking off their shoes
at my wedding.

Yeah, you can't put a podiatrist
in a room full of bare feet.

Steve will be distracted by every bunion.

Exactly.

It's like for me if there were
a bunch of dogs at the wedding.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We've got to have dogs at our wedding.

Without dogs,
who will dance with the cats?

No, no, we are not having dogs or cats
at the wedding, okay?

But I will tell you what we are having
is a karaoke machine.

Because it's not a wedding

until I'm singing "When Doves Cry"
with someone's drunk cousin.

So, no cats, but you can have doves
and drunk cousins?

Okay, obviously we are disagreeing
on a lot of details,

like where the wedding will be
and how tacky you two want it to be.

We're tacky?

You're wearing a tiara
around a convention center.

Well, I am the queen of Christmas.

Oh!

Lady with tacky tiara.

Must be DJ.

Berta, from Berta's Bridal?

Wait, this is the Berta?

Ah, you've been imitating her
for the last two years.

I've been imitating you
for the last two years, DJ.

"Oh, my Mylanta, wrong dress."

Wow, she sounds just like you.

[as Berta]
Berta sound nothing like DJ.

Uh, so, Berta, are you selling
your dresses here?

Because we need dresses.

You want dress?

Berta give you good deal.

But first, you must do Berta a favor.

Berta lost her models for runway show.

Now, you three will be my models.

Oh, well, that's very flattering, Berta,
but we have very limited time here today.

How about I give you
five percent discount?

Not interested.

How about I tell security
you smuggled in a man in a duffel bag?

Yay, we get to play dress-up.

Here's your sandwich, Tommy.

No crust, please.

Crust? What, do you think I'm new?
I'm the sandwich guy.

Well, if it isn't Bobby Fischer.

I've been searching for you.

Okay, the only reason you beat me
is because I didn't know you could play.

I let my guard down.

If you say so.

Your condescension enrages me.

Stay here, I'm going to get
my chess board.

Hey, Steve, you got a minute?

Yeah, well, I was just commanded
by an 11-year-old not to move

and Tommy's eating a sandwich,
so I'm not going anywhere.

Listen, I need some advice.

I feel like since I got the part
Ramona wanted,

I should drop out of the play.

So do it.

But I actually really like being on stage.

It felt kind of cool
to be someone I'm not.

So... don't do it?

But Ramona really wants the part.

She's been looking forward
to this for a long time

and I just sort of stumbled into it.

[sighs] No wonder parents are
always so tired.

You're right.

I should give it up.

Thanks, Steve,
you're a great problem solver.

Hey, well, that's what I'm here for.
I'm not just a pretty face.

Hey, Jackson,
I've been thinking about the play.

Yeah, Ramona. I've been thinking too.

You should drop out.

That's crazy, Jackson was just saying--

Hold on, pretty boy.
I want to hear this.

We both know you really don't care
about this play.

I've been working my butt off for this
for six months

and you come out of the woodwork
and take my part.

Literally, you were supposed to be a tree.

Have you ever thought that I may be
a better singer than you?

No, I never thought that.

You have no idea how much effort it takes
to be the lead of a play.

Chances are
you're going to end up quitting.

Uh, I considered it, but now
I'm definitely not doing that.

Guys, I would hate to break up the fun,

but your folks are waiting for you
at the wedding expo.

Fine, I'm out of here.

Yeah, I'm out of here too.

Hey, at least we're cool, right?

There's crust.

[vocalizing]

Well, let's hope Berta's bridal dresses
are better than her bridesmaids' dresses.

We look like flavors of frozen yogurt.

By the way, I ordered
a frozen yogurt machine for the wedding.

Where's the reception gonna be?
Chuck E. Cheese?

No, dogs aren't allowed
at Chuck E. Cheese.

There are no dogs allowed at my wedding.

And, before you say anything,

we are not having my wedding
at Chuck E. Cheese.

Hey, I'm the one who said no
to Chuck E. Cheese.

But now I'm tempted to bring

a banjo-playing mechanical rat
to the church.

Just stop coming up with crazy ideas
and do what I say.

And there we have it.

Just like DJ, always in charge.

Well, you know what?

I want my wedding to have
a little personality.

You want the pumpkin spice latte
of weddings.

How dare you.

PSLs are seasonal and delicious
with just the right amount of nutmeg.

All your ideas are like...

Bud Light with...

Well, I don't drink beer,
so I can't finish the insult,

but you get my point.

DJ, that was the pumpkin spice latte
of comebacks.

-See?
-No.

-[overlapping arguing]
-Ladies! Ladies!

It's go time!

Big smiles.

Or not.

Berta don't care.

Get on stage!

[vocalizing]

Check.

Checkmate.

What?

Ah! How on Earth did you do that?

It's called skill.

Buy my book.
It's called It's Called Skill.

Great game, Max.

Ironically, that's the name
of my second book.

And, you know...

you weren't so bad yourself.

I mean, just now you were.

But in the last game, you beat me,

fair and square.

Man, I wonder how good I'd be
if I'd stuck with it when I was your age.

Well, why didn't you?

I mean, you seem to have
a modicum of natural talent.

Why do you sound so surprised?

Well, I mean the only things
I ever knew about you

were that you were
a high school wrestling champion

with an affinity for sandwiches.

Not usually the biography
of a grand master.

Well, you know, I guess I let people
think for years that I was just some jock

when I was, like, secretly a nerd,
who loved to play chess and...

cook and speak French.

How do you say
"Sorry for being a sore loser" in French?

You really want to know
or are you just trying to say sorry?

I guess I'm just trying to say I'm sorry.

I'm not used to losing.

I mean, you've met the people
who live in this house.

Apology accepted.

I've got to say, it's going to be nice
having another brainiac in the house.

I'm really tired of being paired up
for Trivial Pursuit with Jackson.

Or Cosmo.

-I'm glad we got to hang out today.
-Me too.

Question: Are you actually obsessed
with sandwiches

or is that part of your cool guy persona
as well?

Oh, no. I love sandwiches.

[upbeat electronic music playing]

Oh, hello, DJ.

I didn't know Berta asked you to model.

She didn't.

But I'm giving the people what they want.

Fernando, are you wearing makeup?

Of course. If it's free...

it's for me.

Typical.

Younger sister has to steal the attention.

And the older sister has to judge
and tell the younger sister what to do.

Tell you what you're not doing.

A wedding on the beach
with a bunch of dogs in totes.

Well, guess what?

I used to jump on your bed
with my dirty feet.

You did not.

Oh, but I did.

You slept in my dirty feet sheets.

Monster!

[blows raspberry]

Let's find our parents
and get this over with.

Oh, look, karaoke machine.

Here's your chance to blow me away
with your golden voice.

A purple, Prince-themed wedding?
That makes no sense.

Well, it does to me because
you wouldn't let me listen to Prince

in our room when we were kids.

The CD had explicit lyrics.

[scoffs]

Seriously?

-[overlapping arguing]
-Ladies!

You are making a mockery
of the Lower Nob Hill Bridal Expo.

Now, get out of the way
so I can show everyone

what an elegant bridesmaid looks like.

Elegant?

You look like you belong
in Willy Wonka's wedding party.

Well, I like it.

And Berta said she could make it
into a wedding dress for me.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, you are not wearing that
at our wedding.

-Mm-mmm.
-Oh!

Look who's being controlling now.

What, you want her to wear this
to the wedding?

What? Of course not. It's a disaster.

Stop fighting!

I've been waiting for this moment
all day.

You know what?

-I knew it was gonna be like this.
-No.

[overlapping arguing continues]

Get off my train!
I'm trying to leave the station.

[DJ, Stephanie yelping]

[Stephanie] Kimmy!

Kimmy!

-[Stephanie] Kimmy!
-[DJ] Kimmy!

Kimmy, stop!

Kimmy!

-Kimmy!
-Kimmy!

We were insane to think we could pull off
a triple wedding.

It was an impossible dream.

♪ To dream the impossible dream ♪

♪ To fight the unbeatable foe ♪

That's who I want singing at my wedding.

Me too.

Me three.

Finally we agree on something.

♪ To run where the brave dare not go ♪

Jackson?

♪ To right the unrightable wrong ♪

That's my son!

That's my nephew.

That's my... I don't know what to call it,

but I live in the same house as him.

♪ To try when your arms are too weary ♪

♪ To reach the unreachable star ♪

Something like that.
The director seemed to enjoy it.

That sound came out of you?

I know, I scared myself the first time.

I was wrong.

You have to be the leading player.

I would be honored to be your understudy.

For real?

Oh, thank you, Ramona.

One more thing...

you're wearing my pants again.

I can't believe this day.

I mean, I don't know
if Jackson singing like Susan Boyle

was the most ridiculous thing
that happened.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

-We all got out of control.
-Yeah.

It was scary.

I don't even like it
when we almost fight.

Steph, what is it?

I...

never thought I would be someone

that... cared this much
about a wedding, but...

I do.

And...

the fact that we're
doing it all together, I just...

I want it to be perfect.

Steph, you're getting married.

It is a big deal.

We all want it to be perfect.

But at the end of the day...

perfect isn't about table settings
and roses, it's...

it's about the three of us

making it to the end of the aisle,
without killing each other.

From now on, we just have to compromise.

And listen.

Right.

-[DJ] Aw.
-[Kimmy chuckles]

Hmm.

Kimmy, listen to me.

You are not wearing that bird hat.

Fine. DJ, you can wear it.

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

[vocalizing]