Original subtitles

Guys, I don't think we should have gotten on a bus

with blacked-out windows.

But you had zero reservations about that outfit?

Yeah, honey, what -- what are those things?

Listen, you said it was a business meeting.

If I had known we were going to some hip-hop producer's listening party,

I would have worn something else.

Darling, this is business.

Beast is the biggest producer in the game now,

and thanks to Marcelle's hook up,

he wants to talk to me about doing a song on my album.

I'm sorry, I thought you were

an event planner/reality show producer.

Oh, I am.

But in addition to my wig line, marijuana dispensary,

and tax preparation business, I also dabble in music.

Fantastic. Why am I here?

You still haven't explained why you're forcing me

to come to this.

Girl, they might not even let you in

dressed like a '80 Speed Stick commercial.

Whoo! Yeah!

Who's ready to party tonight?

Mama ain't got no curfew.

Now, that's how you dress for a party.

Yeah! Ow!

Ohh.

I'm fine.

Girl, I'm excited.

You already know a Beast track guarantees sales

and a top-10 entry on the charts.

And the cherry on top of it all

is that him and Derek got beef.

Ooh, give me that tea.

Well, when Beast was first starting out,

Derek hired him as a producer

but stole a shit-load of money from him.

The shade.

Ollie, don't hit Imani!

I don't care if she hit you. That don't mean you hit her.

Hey, Bree -- Bree, you can't do this to me.

You can't just spring the kids on me like this.

I got plans this weekend.

Gary, you always want to see the kids on the weekends.

What kind of plans do you supposedly have?

I got my plans, okay? I've got plans.

And, hey, what plans do you have

where it's appropriate for a mother to have her titties out?

Look at you.

Well, technically, mothers are the only ones

that can have their titties out, okay?

And now that I'm a single mother,

I need to put these girls back to work.

Wow. You know what? Have fun, Bree.

Yeah, you have fun, too.

Oh, I'm gonna have so much -- I'm gonna have --

I'm gonna have stupid fun.

I might even get arrested. I might get --

If I don't get arrested, I'm gonna get detained.

I'm gonna have that kind of fun.

Bye, Gary.

We're here.

Time to get this.

Is that an alpaca?

And what the hell is it doing in Upstate New York?

We'll need everyone to hand over their cellphones

and any other photographic devices.

Mnh-mnh. No.

Mnh-mnh. No, sir.

I have kids, I'm a mom, okay?

What if they need to call me for an emergency?

Yeah. Hazel, this is ridiculous.

I'm not giving him my cellphone.

Girls, please.

Think about how much fun we used to have

back in college, at parties.

We didn't have cellphones.

Let's just live in the moment.

Fine.

Fine.

I just got a new case, so...

We have a Size 4 who needs wardrobe.

Head-to-toe.

She's dressed like a mariachi band leader.

Told ya, bitch.

I can't believe Sinbad just did you like that.

You know -- We gonna go.

You look good, girl.

You're a Size 4. That's so great.

Where can I get a cocktail?

Actually, forget the cocktail.

I need some drugs to deal with all this.

Tupac and Biggie walked

so mediocre white children could fly.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Sorry, sorry. Excuse me.

Ari?Yas, whore.

Now, if I could just gel down these edges, I think --

What are you doing?!

Look, I did not pass four different state bar exams

to be out here dressed like some cheap video ho.

When I agreed to help you with your divorce,

this is not where I had in --

Oh, shit, is that Wesley?

Your ole law school fling?

Oh. It is!

Hey, Wesley!

Get over -- What?

Get over here!

Get over, both of you!

What is your problem?I don't want him to see.

What's up?

I do not --There goes my boy, Paris.

Beast's right-hand man. Stay over here.

I'm gonna go talk to him real quick.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm going with you.

Good to see you, love.

Yes.

Mwah.

This is my girl Hazel.

Hazel? Of course I know Hazel.

If you told me you was coming with a legend,

I would have came out here sooner.

Wait, you didn't know I was coming?

Girl, it's all good. Trust me.

I came here because you said Beast wanted to meet with me

and talk about my album --

Well, nah, 'cause that's impossible.

Beast has been in silent mediation all week,

and the only artist he's working with right now is Lil Yodel.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please join the shaman in an Ancient Prayer.

Man #2: Yeah!

Oh Great Spirit, we belong to you.

All things belong to you.

Oh, my God.

Tonight, have your way with us.

And let your plan be known.

It's Peyote.

And it has been blessed.

Okay. Hazel, this is some pagan illuminati shit

that I'm not going to hell for, okay?

We're leaving, and I suggest you come, too.

You don't have to convince me.

Where are you going?

Home! Home! Home!

Ooh. You can't.

The buses are gone.

Y'all know Beast parties don't stop till the sun comes up.

Are you kidding me?

-No. -We're stuck here?!

I can't die here tonight.

I just paid off Sallie Mae!

I knew I shouldn't have drank that tea.

My stomach is doing back flips.

What? This tea got me feeling nice.

I'm like, "Gary who?"

Well, that whack-ass tea gave me nothing.

And I'd like to feel something

other than blind rage at Marcelle.

I'm gonna throw up.

Bam! Taking it back to the motherland.

What you know about that?

Whoo!

My child.

Oh. Hey, Daddy.

No. Come with me.

I know what it is you seek.

You know what it is I seek?

That's some big dick energy right there, man.

Excuse me!

Pardon me.

Pardon me. Coming through.

Ari?

Wesley! What a surprise.

Seriously. I mean, how long has it been?

14 years? 15?

15, I think.Wow, that's right.

I haven't seen you since your wedding.

-Hold that thought. -Ari, wait.

How's life? How's David?

-Whoa. -Oh.

All right. Um...

Didn't I tell you I'd come through?

Paris talked to Beast, and...

He's excited you're here, and if you're interested

he wants to talk about the album right now.

Of course I do.

Uh, where is he?

He'll meet you in the Great Hall.

Now, see girl?

Let's go close this deal.

No, you stay here.

I got this.

Mm.

Thank you, Wesley.

This drink is a miracle.

I feel better already.

A little turn up cure I learned in South East Asia.

Why are you here?

Ah, Beast is a partner in one of my restaurants.

Wow. You really blew up.

You know, I was skeptical when you dropped out of law school...

but you followed your dreams.

Greetings, beloveds.

Hey, Bree! Long time.

Ari, Wesley, I would love to introduce you

to my shaman spirit guide, Ted.

Oh, what kind of Shamanism? Asian?

South American?I studied in Park Slope.

Shaman Ted told me that I'm part of a rare group of humans

capable of advanced awakening.

Here, baby, drink this.

I think that tea broke your brain.

Oh, this tea is kicking in.

Oh, shit!

Stop, my child.

I think I've found what you're seeking.

There you are, my child.

Oh, man, I thought I was tripping.

Have you seen Beast?

Before you can see Beast, you must first see yourself.

What the hell does that mean?

Hello?

Uh!

Oh! Got it.

Ari, remember when we used to have that

two-person study group?

I almost failed Torts because of your two-person study group.

Y'all are so cute.

You have just, like, such a deep soul connection.

They were lovers in six previous lives.

What? But not in this one.

She never took a ride on his dragon.

Although winter is coming.

Bree!

You know I have a three-month rule.

And he took his ass abroad at like --

2 months, 21 days.

Y'all should just get married.

I am married, Bree.

Happily.Are you, Ari?

Are you really happily married?

Have you lost your mind?

I think I know where some wine that Beast forgot to toss out.

I'll -- I'll be right back.

Ari, you don't have to pretend with me, okay?

Shaman Ted told me that there was cobwebs in your pussy.

I have an incredible sex life.

She's lying.

Her gardens are not being properly sown.

You know, I've grown so much in the last few hours.

Oh, my God.

The old Bree would be so angry at Gary for cheating on me,

but new, awakened Bree just understanding

that Gary slept with that young lady

to better understand himself.

It's his test.

Forgiving his sins is mine.

For God sake's, Bree.

You're a Methodist.

Let it out, my sister.

Let it out, honey.

Girl, you just need some dick.

I love my marriage.

I love my husband,

and I super love his dick.

Excuse me.

Don't hop on that D too fast, girl.

You got to stretch.

Hello?

Beast?

Whattup, Hazel?

Grab a controller.

From now on, I will live in harmony with "what is"

and make peace with what I cannot change.

Oh, hell no!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back --

Oh, no, no, it's okay.

Just, um, close the door.

I guess I'm the only one lame enough to be sleeping tonight.

Oh, I got it.

Oh. Um, thank you.

Yeah.

If you're feeling weird about earlier, don't.

I know you and David are happy.

Yeah.

What?

It's just...

do you remember how we used to laugh?

I mean, you used to make up those stupid songs

about classes?

They were all the same.

I hate this class.

I'm about to bounce on this law school...

It's just...

David and I don't have fun.

And what's worse is, I don't think he's even noticed it.

I'm sorry.

You deserve to have some fun.

Man.

Sometimes I think it's too bad I left school.

Why?

You hated law school.

And you were failing.

Yeah, but sometimes I still wonder what we could've had.

I think we did what was best for both of us.

You were a free spirit, and I'm --

What?

I think there's a free spirit inside of you, too.

Anyway, um, I should let you get some rest.

Wait.

Gary?

Bree?

What are you doing here?What am I doing here?

You're supposed to be at home taking care of our kids.

They're with my parents.

I told you I had plans this weekend.

What kind of plans you got?

I got pl--Everything okay, baby?

Yes.Who's she?

This is -- Ooh, spirit,

I'mma need all the energy from you right now

to keep from jumping over there

and whoopin' this ho's ass.

All right, you know -- Can you just --

Can you just give us a minute?

Yeah, be gone, Chanel Iman. Be gone!

A couple minutes.Bye.

We've been separated, like, what, six months,

and you already out here in the streets

getting your little dick wet in a ZARA men's blazer.

Bree, I deserve to move on.

And this was your choice, you remember?

My choice? Your choice.

Nigga, did I choose for you to sleep with the carpool lady?

Did I do that?

Here we go again. Here we go?

Did you just "Here we go again" me?

I did.

Oh, I know you did not just "Here we go again" me.

You're not wearing earrings.All right, low-budget Urkel.

Yeah, you about to catch a fade!

I also collect toothpaste and shit from all around the world.

It just reminds me that no matter how different we are,

we all have one thing in common...

we chew food. Wow.

That was so deep. Mm-hmm.

How dope is it that, um, we finally get to work together?

I have always been such a fan of yours.

Right. Fan.

Fan.

W-Why are you laughing?

I mean, i-i-it's just --

It's funny, okay? I-it's funny.

A decade ago, I'm living with my mom, right?

I'm making beats for Derek, while he robs me blind.

And you never said a word.

Huh?

But now I'm filthy rich, you're broke

and begging me to work with you.

That's funny.

Listen,

I know that I, um,

I could be a real jerk back then.

But Derek screwed me over, too.

That's why the two of us teaming up,

dominating the charts --

It could be the sweetest revenge ever.

Yeah, well, I'm into it.

Nice. I'm into it.

All right. All right.

Nice. You know what?

Okay.

All right, you want to work together, right?

Yes.

Let's start right now.

What are you --

Uh. Come on!

Freestyle.

I want Hazel Rachelle to sing me a song.

Let's get it.

Show me what you got.

Let's go!

Look, Hazel, times have changed, baby.

You the past. I'm the future.

If you want any kind of career again, you need me.

Now show me what you've got.

You know what?

I don't need to show you anything.

I grew up starving.

I've been at the bottom plenty of times,

because people will always disappoint you.

But you know who picks me up every time --

everytime? Me.

Because I'm goddamn Hazel Rachelle.

So screw you for thinking anything else.

You know what, Bree? No.

I wasn't the best spouse, but neither were you.

Okay? In fact, towards the end, you weren't even a good friend.

Well, I'm so glad you went down to Sluts R' Us

to get yourself a new friend, Gary.Oh, my God.

And you better have fun with her while you can, okay,

because I am gonna murder you in court.

Bree, no -- Bree --

Bree, listen --Get off me, Gary.

Bree, just listen to me, okay? You always do this.

When things get hard, you check out.

You leave.Oh, my God, get off me, Gary!

Aah!

Aah!! Oh, my God!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, my God! No, no!

I-I-I meant like murder you in court.

Not like -- Not like in real life.

Like -- like play-play murder.

I love you, sugar cup.

No, I-I love you, honey dumpling.

I-I-I love you so much.

Don't you die on me, Gary.

Gary, don't you die on me.

No. No.

No! No!!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!!

I killed him!

Oh, my God! I killed him! I killed him!

What?Oh, my God, oh, my God!

I am a murderer, and you are a child predator.

And we're going to jail for the rest of our lives.

No! What are you talking about, Bree?

Gary was here with his girlfriend,

a-and I killed him by accident,

a-and there's so much blood on me.

There was so much blood on me!

Bree! Bree, Bree, Bree!

Gary is definitely not here, and there is no blood on you.

No blood on me? No.

Okay. Can I see?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh.

Okay.

I didn't kill Gary -- which is great.

Yes.

You and Lil Yodel, though -- I mean --

Really, Bree?

You look so peaceful while you sleep.

Boy, get out of here.

Little weirdo.

A hat and a robe is a very bold choice.

Where you been?

What the hell happened to you?

All I know is I smoked some weed with a bunch of talking unicorns

and I woke up in a barn.

That tea hit me mad late, yo.

That tea had me thinking me and Wesley were...

Never mind. I'm just glad all the crazy shit

we did last night didn't actually happen.

I'm sorry, but no more psychedelic teas

for your girl, okay?

I'm too cute and too old to be this stressed.

Ow! Oh! Oh, my God, ow!

You okay?Yeah, no --Are you all right?

It's like a sharp pain in my left side.

What's wrong?I think it's my femur.

Stop laughing.

Why am I in so much pain?

That's your body paying you back for all those

Cirque du Soleil kicks and splits

you were you were doing.

I've never seen her turn up like that.

Hey, ladies!

Was that party dope or what?

Bitch, you are so fired.

Fired?

Fired.

Girl, I was lit.

Y'all didn't have fun?

Peace. Deuces.

Walk on.

You playin', right?

I'll see y'all out there. You stupid.

That bitch is crazy.

That tea was crazy.

I miss having fun.Yeah.

Well, you sure were having fun with Wesley last night.

I actually dreamt that we had sex.

That sounds hell-a better than hallucinating

that you killed your husband.

I'm just glad I didn't actually take your advice

and hop on Wesley's D.

I said that?You said that.

Who said it?You said to do that.

I said that?No, you didn't, you nasty ho.

Oh, my God.

You think we should go to Popeyes?

It's nice to know that even as we grow older,

our spirits never change.

Hope it's another 15 years til we do this again.

Wait a minute!

You're just as high as I am!

I can -- I can be serious and sexy at the same time.