Original subtitles

So sorry for your troubles, Ms. Rachelle,

but you are in luck.

The executive suite is available.

I'll take it. Perfect. And how would you like to pay?

Great.

Uh, actually, try this one.

Here are your keys.

Please enjoy your stay.Oh, I will.

Oh, damn it. Why in the hell is this locked?

Hmm. Hey.

Excuse me.

Can you open the Plan B case?

What was that? Plan. B.

I'm sorry.

This! Can you open this, please?

Sure.

Last night was lit, huh? I mean, mine, too.

Obviously, I --Time is ticking, Timmy, okay?

It's only effective within 72 hours, and I'm down to 32.

You feel me? Tick, tick, tock, Timmy.

Let's open it up.

Oh, my God, why do you have 47 keys for one case?

I'm sorry. It's just my, uh...

Come on. What is this?

A panic room? Come on. Let's go.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Make it stop!

I-I-I can't, ma'am.Make it stop! Take it out! Make it stop!

It's so loud!

Marquita to "Family Planning."

There's an older lady in a trench coat that needs Plan B.

I repeat, Marquita to "Family Planning."

Oh! Oh!

That sounds awful.

Girl.So, what did you do?

I got the hell out of there.

Okay, wait a minute. I'm sorry.

How is this funny? This is not funny.

Oh, uh, excuse me.This is not funny.

Whatever that lobster dish is, uh, uh,

I'd like... three of those.

And, um, another bottle of your finest champagne, please.

S'il vous plaît.Haze, honey, um,

don't you think you should slow down on the spending?

I mean, at least until this whole penthouse thing

is worked out.Yeah, Haze, I'm with Ari.

Staying at a luxury hotel is, like, amazing,

but it's gonna add up.Yeah.

Ladies, my name is on that penthouse.

And there's no way he's gonna get to keep it.

Besides, I have an ironclad prenup.

Okay. Where?

I want to see a copy of it.I don't know, Ari.

Wherever prenups live.

Listen, I just got added to the Autumn Fest lineup,

so life is good.

I love the Autumn Fest. That's gr-- Oh, no, I'm good.

Thank you, though.

Why aren't you drinking? We're celebrating.

Come on, Bree.I don't know, Hazel.

Maybe 'cause I just got swabbed for super gonorrhea

like, what, hours ago?

Oh, my God! You do not have super gonorrhea!

You don't know if I have super gonorrhea, Ari,

and I don't know either until I get re-tested in two weeks.

You're supposed to get re-tested.

Nobody tells you that.

You are really killing the vibe up in here.

This isn't who I am.

I have an important surgery coming up

that I have to focus on.

Instead, I'm out here in the streets

just running around in disguise trying to buy Plan B.

I'm sure you're fine.

You said you used protection, right?

Yes. Okay.

We did, of course. Both times.

Damn.

He hit it two times?

Back to back?I know.

I'm still very impressed by his stamina.

Ohh.Not the point. Not the point.

I'm sorry, but this whole "Sex and the City" life

right now has just got me missing Gary.

Aw. I know.

I know you hate the idea of couples therapy.

Yeah, I do 'cause it's not a real science.

Did you learn that in science class?

Just curious.But...

would it hurt you to give it a try?

I mean, you may benefit from speaking

with a trained professional.

Oh, I hate it when she puts that voice on.

Yo, it's so annoying.

Mom!

Mommy's working. - Stop it.

-Mom, come here. -Mommy!

Oh, my God, Mom! Come quick!

What the hell y'all doing?! What happened?!

-I was going to -- -No, you did!

Get out! Get out of the kitchen now!Well, I'm younger!

Okay, okay, go, go, go, go, go! I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

Oh, God. Oh, my God, thank you so much!

Yeah, no.I'm so glad you're here.

Yeah. Wait.

What?What are you doing here?

Oh, uh, so, I was in the area, and it -- and it occurred to me

that you got, you know, surgery coming up,

so I thought I'd drop by, take the kids out,

so you could concentrate. I'm sorry.

I should have -- I should have called.

I shouldn't have just dropped by like this.

That's my bad, Bree.

No.

No, Gary, it's -- it's actually fine.

Like, I could use a couple hours of quiet.

So, thank you.

It was very thoughtful.

Look, I know that, uh, technically, we're separated,

but, Bree, I'm always here if you need me, okay?

-Imma go! -No, I'm --

-Hey, kids. -Dad, she hit me!

All right, guys, Imani, Ollie,

let's put our shoes on, and we'll get some pizza.

-Yeah! -Yeah! Pizza!

So, I'll bring them back in a couple hours?

A couple hours is perfect.

So thank you.Yeah, you're welcome.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Gary, wait. Yeah?

I've been thinking about what you said about...

couples therapy, and I don't know

what kind of scientific methods they're using, but...

I am down to give it a shot if you still are.

Oh, definitely.

Definitely, Bree. I'll -- I'll set that up.

Yeah? Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Okay. Bye.

David and I have a breakfast in Soho, and there's no way

we can make it back to Long Island by then.

Okay, great. Um, circle back.

Thanks. Bye.

David?

This is -- I like this, too, man.

We gonna serve this. Whatever you need.

Does it meet -- Does it meet your preference?

Everything you need, we gonna have -- Whatever we need.

Oh, oh! Hey, sweetie!

Didn't even hear you come in.

What's up, Ari?

Derek.

David, can I speak to you for a minute, please?

Mm-hmm.

What in the hell is he doing here?

Oh. Remember the new donor I texted you about earlier?

It's Derek.

Are you kidding me?No.

We cannot accept money from that man.

Look, I-I know there's a lot of shit going on between him

and Hazel, but that -- that's their business, not ours.

Hazel is one of my best friends.

Do you have any idea what kind of a position this puts me in?

Baby, see, you're -- you're making this personal when it isn't.

Derek needs some assistance getting permits

for his new club.

And in exchange, he'll give us whatever we need.

Please, uh, just do me a favor and play ball, all right?

Move. Okay.

Ahh.

Welcome to the team.

I love it! Ring it up, Kiki. Ah!

Even the fans from the nosebleeds

are gonna see me in this one.Mm, mm!

I look like Dynasty or Rich Bi--

Ah. Nice outfit, Hazel.

Nobody asked you, bitch.

Shouldn't you be at a voice lesson or something?

Oh, cute.

No, actually, Derek suggested

I get some sexy things for our trip to St. Tropez.

Ah. I, uh, hate to ask you this,

but do you have some other form of payment?

Your store account's been deactivated.

What do you mean, uh, "deactivated?"

You know how much I shop here?

I'm sorry, Hazel. I tried it several times.

It's just not going through.Ladies, it's fine.

I'll just put Hazel's little get-up on my card.

It's nothing at all.

Absolutely not.

This is just a misunderstanding.

I'm gonna call my business manager.

Yeah.

Hello?

Rebecca. Is this a joke?

Derek cut off all my accounts.He can't do that.

It's not just his money. It's your money, too.

Between him locking me out of the penthouse

and now this, he's trying to break me, Ari.

Um, which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about.

He's also donating your money to David's campaign.

What?! You can't let him do that!

It was already in motion.

He and David struck a deal behind my back.

I don't believe this!Honey, I know.

I'm so sorry.

It's not right, and I'm gonna figure it out,

but first we got to get you back in the penthouse.

You really need to hire a lawyer.

With what money, Ari?

I swear, when I see that nigga,

Imma roll up on him and throw hot grits in his face!

Please don't.

It's, um, unproductive and also a very serious crime.

Okay, look, I can't officially represent you

because I'm in the middle of David's campaign,

butI can at least sit down with Derek

and try to make him come to his senses.

Wow. Great plan, Ari.

Great.No. Trust me.

I've seen many a corporate CEO fold under pressure.

You don't know Derek.I -- No, I do know him.

You don't know him like this.And I will sit down with him.

Trust me.

I'm sorry, Ms. Rachelle,

the card you've been using is no longer valid.

Don't...worry.

We will get this whole thing sorted out.

So let's get to it. Why are you here?

Well, I'm here because I-I just --

Like, lately, we haven't been connecting.

Mm. He put his dick in someone that wasn't me.

Well, usually, when, um, infidelity occurs,

it's, uh, not the root of the problem.

It's merely symptomatic of a larger issue

to which both parties contributed.

Okay, see, "both" just sounds a little victim-blaming

to me, doctor. -Okay.

Well, Gary, when did you start feeling dissatisfied

with your marriage to Bree?

Um, I think I first noticed, like,

a change a few years after Imani was born.

That's our oldest.

That's when I first started feeling, like,

you know, distance.

Well, when you say "distance," what do you mean?

I don't know, like, uh, you know,

just we stopped having sex.

Okay, that's lies. We have sex.

Not a lie. Not a lie.We have sex, Gary.

But we used to get it in. Come on, Bree.

Kitchen counter, kitchen floor, laundry room.Ah.

Cheesecake Factory bathroom. We got it.

Cheesecake Factory parking lot, okay?

Uh, the back seat of her mother's car.

Okay, that was a desperate situation.

And at some point, it just became,

you know, kind of here, there, and then only when I initiated,

and then it would always be the same position, you know?

It's a lazy side-booty.

You have a nickname for my sex position?

Thing would actually get into bed and --

and just like of be like this.

I mean, I ain't got to paint the picture, but --I'm sorry.

Is it lazy or efficient? Okay?

So, would you say it's the lack of sex

that drove you to another --

Oh, no, no. Honestly, no.

It's -- We stopped talking.

We stopped going out. We stopped --

We stopped doing things together without the kids.

I would say to her, "Hey, baby,

uh, you want to go on a nice dinner date?

Maybe get dressed" --A nice dinner date to Gary

is an evening at the Cheesecake Factory,

but you probably put that together.

So, a lack of intimacy and companionship?

Yes, exactly.

And is that what you feel this --

this other woman provided?

Companionship?

Okay, I'm sorry, is companionship

a synonym for vagina?

'Cause that's what she provided -- vagina.

We'll get to you, Bree.

I promise.

Go ahead, Gary.

You know what, she genuinely was interested

in what I had to say. -Mm-hmm.

And even, you know -- even dumb stuff,

like I had this obsession with Second Life.

I am so glad that I worked 16 hours

so you could have a second life.It's just a game.

I get more attention from that game than I get from you.

'Cause I'm exhausted working 16-hour days!

I know you are. You know what a surgeon does?!

And then I have to pay for the most ridiculous shit.

I had to buy this grown man a $5,000 polar bear shelf.

Doctor, have you ever even heard of a polar bear shelf?

$5,000 of my hard-earned money.

Ourmoney. Don't do that.

I hate when you do that.Do you?

It's our -- I do. It's our money.

Excuse me, was it our dick that cheated then?

Bree, I am a teacher, okay, and, yes,

you make more money than I do,

but who takes the kids to and from school? Me.

Trying to set me up like I'm a bad mother?Who helps them with their homework?

Who cooks most of their meals? I do all of that stuff, down to --

to PTA meetings twice a month.

Which you know I can't go to because those meetings

always fall on my surgery days!

What am I supposed to do about that?!

Well, your situation is challenging but not uncommon.

Gary, could you be more vocal about your needs?

And, Bree, perhaps you can find the time to be

a little more involved in the kids' activities.

Share the load with Gary.

And perhaps he could not put his dick in another woman.

Sharing his load.

All right.

Great sound check, Hazel!

Goddamn, Hazel!

You're gonna light up the stage tomorrow!

Thanks, boo!

Ah!

Hey.

Derek.

Thank you for agreeing to meet.

Ari.

Uh, this is, uh, Rosalyn, my attorney.

She gonna join us.

Ari. Long time.

So good to see you.

Likewise.

I'm gonna check in, let them know we all here.

Listen, I know most people think you leaving Davis Polk

right when you were about to make partner

so you can fight childhood obesity is insane, but not me.

I think it's admirable.Wow.

I'm so flattered that after all these years,

you're still following my career so closely.

What law firm did you say you worked at again?

Your table is ready. Please follow me.

Will it just be the three of you this evening?

No.

There'll be four.

Thank you, Trevor.

All along the walls, and then it will be like an animal promenade.

Hi! I'm, uh, Bree Washington.

Imani's mom. Bree. Gary's Bree?

Mm-hmm. I'm Vanessa.

Oh! Apple's mom!

Right! Yes!

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, I love Apple.

Apple's such a great kid.

She must be the apple of your eye.

You probably hear that all the time.Yeah.

Well, it's so good to finally meet you.Thanks.

For a while there, I thought that poor Gary was a widower,

but then one day he told me, no, his wife's not dead!

She just works a lot.Yeah. I'm not dead.

I'm still alive and breathing here in the flesh.

Just working a lot and paying for mostly everything.

That's really great.Thanks.

I'm really excited that you're here. Me, too.

These meetings are truly the highlight of my week.

Wow, that just really says so much.

Uh, Bree. What -- What are you doing here?

I thought you had surgery.I did, but I rescheduled it

because I-I'm trying to make every other meeting from now on.

Ah, no. It's fine.

Look, you don't -- you don't have to do that.

And listen, I didn't mean everything

that I said in therapy.No, it's fine.

But you said the stuff about the shelf.

Look, you were right about some things,

and I am gonna try and be more involved.

Okay, everyone. Let's take our seats.

Oh! We sit here.

The adults are sitting on these seats.

It's all right.

Come on. Okay. Gary, Gary. Yeah?

Is there a chair behind me?Yep. You got it, babe.

Let me begin by saying it is my sincere hope

we can all have a positive dialogue.

Well, I hope that you are kidnapped by Russian terrorists,

gagged with your own underwear,

and beaten within an inch of your funky life.

Clearly, tensions are high,

but we're all reasonable adults here,

and I think we can agree that removing Hazel

from the marital residence is not only completely un-cool,

it's illegal.

Except my client owns the penthouse.

He was simply allowing Ms. Rachelle

to share the space with him.

You lying son of a bitch!

You know we bought that penthouse together.

Here is a copy of the title,

where you'll see it bears only my client's name.

Be that as it may, it still doesn't change the fact

that the law prohibits one spouse

from removing the other from a shared marital residence

regardless of ownership.

Hazel's lived there for the past five years.

She's entitled to stay there until the divorce is finalized.

Legally, she is entitled...

except under one condition -- DV.

DV?

Due to her violent history,

my client feels unsafe in her presence.

Are you seriously accusing Hazel of domestic violence?!

Domestic violence?! Nigga, I will kill you!

No. Hazel. Come on. Enough.

I dare you to present that in court

without evidence of domestic abuses!

Shh. Please. Come on.I know you didn't shush me.

Okay, well, uh, what would you call this?

Yeah.

My God.

That is unbelievably low, Rosalyn.

Even for you.

That is all we need to get a judge to grant us

a court order barring her from the residence.

Haze. Come on.

Listen, I want this thing to be over

as much as you do, all right?

Just... sign the agreement.

We can move on.

You and your impudent, prevaricating,

philandering client

can take these papers, and, Ms. Thing,

you can shove them up your narrow, droopy,

flat, flabby, and, yes, stank and funky asses!

She ain't signing shit!

Is that loud enough?! -Yeah.

Come on, Hazel, baby! We going!

I'm keeping the pen.

Okay, now it's time to vote on PTA room parent.

Now, to save us all the hassle,

I'm more than happy to continue in my role.

You know what, I would love to put my name in the hat,

if that's cool.You know what?

I would like to, uh, second Bree for, uh -- for room PTA parent.

Okay, I just want to make it clear

for all the new people, room parent

is the most important position in the PTA,

and it requires a firm time commitment.

So it may be best to, mm, I don't know, stay in your lane

until you've attended at least a few meetings

and you know what the gist of it is.

You know what, and not to cut you off --

Uh, I can co-room-parent with Bree if that'll help.

Is that a thing? That's a thing.

Yeah, that's definitely not a thing, Gar.

Sorry I'm late, guys. So sorry.

It's not a thing.

Okay, there's a very specific list of things.

- Hey, Gary. -Mm-hmm.

Sorry I missed you at soccer practice.

...to have one grown parent,

otherwise it would be... -I ran out of Linden dollars,

and I had to sell all of my sheep.

I can't believe you got me hooked on Second Life.

She was genuinely interested in what I had to say.

Even dumb stuff, like Second Life.

No, Bree. No, no, no, no.

It was you! You slept with my husband!No, no.

-I-I-I-I don't know. I -- -Don't play me, bitch!

I could smell your -- your thotty, man-stealing ass

when you walked in the room!

You better watch your man!

You better watch your wives and your kids

'cause she gettin' it in where she fittin' it in.

-Come on. -Get off me!

Br-- Bree, wait, wait, wait.

Listen, no, no, no, no. Can -- Can we just talk, please?

I don't want to talk anymore.

I want a divorce.

Bree. No, no, no. Listen, listen.

Well, I think it goes without saying

that I should remain the room parent.

All in favor?

I can't wait for your set. How many songs are you singing tonight?

Four.I am so excited!

Come in.

Yo, Hazel, we just got word

you won't be performing tonight, so...What?

Who -- What the hell are you talking about?

Why not?You should talk to the people.

I'm -- I'm really just a messenger, so...

That asshole Derek!

I know he did this shit!

Are you serious?

You can't leave her looking like RuPaul

before the damn "Drag Race."

I mean, I'm employed by the festival.

So if she's not performing...

My life is falling apart. I am homeless.

I have no money.

The blogs are calling me the Black Winona Ryder.

And now I'm being blackballed from performing?

My life can't get any worse.

Hey, so, we're gonna need you guys to vacate the room.

So, like, now would be good.

Get out of here, low-budget Justin Timberlake!

This is what you call a party?

Cheap tequila in a shitty-ass bar?

Not just any shitty bar.

The same exact bar we went to the night

after your very first show.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Damn, times were rough.

So rough, and we didn't even know it.

We had so much fun that night. Remember?

I remember your ass drinking a whole bottle of Hpnotiq...

Okay....and then ugly-crying

when I got to the stage.

Okay, okay. Excuse me.

Excuse me. I was proud.

It was tears of... joy.

No, bitch, you were drunk.

You were so drunk.

Even your tears smelled like blue drank.

It was awful. Do you remember?

Listen, Haze,

Derek is trying to break you, but you can't let him.

That's right, Hazel.

Keep fighting the good fight, girl.

How?

He is cutting me off at the knees,

and I don't even have money to fight his ass.

You don't need money.

Because as of this moment,

you have one of the baddest attorneys in the game

representing you.

Who?! Who?!

Me!

I'm talking about me, y'all!Thank you!

I'm representing you, pro bono.

You know what, Hazel, you can come stay with me

and my badass kids for as long as you need.

Oh, you're gonna hate it.

Thank you, guys!

Ohh.

Ohh, you're the best.

-Another round? -Oh, you know it.

Yes. Please.

Oh, do you have Hpnotiq?

Listen, if it's a fight Derek wants,

that's exactly what his punk ass is gonna get.

Ooh, old Ari is back!

With a vengeance.

Number one, yeah,

Number one,

Heard he done took you

You won't admit it, you're

Number one, yeah,

Number one,

Don't forget it, yeah,