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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:10,268 [rap song] 2 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,488 [driver] She said she'd just be a couple of more minutes. 3 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,498 It's the thing about these drive-share pools, 4 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,370 you're always on someone else's schedule. 5 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:22,201 Yeah. Just in a little bit of a hurry. 6 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,499 Oh! I'm sorry. I think she is-- 7 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,982 This might be her coming. 8 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:28,989 [driver] Here we go. 9 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,417 -Hi. Sorry that took so long. -Hey. 10 00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,564 Alright, and we are a go. 11 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,429 -Do I know you? -I don't know. 12 00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:43,777 -You look familiar. -You too. 13 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,516 -It's so funny. -I know. 14 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,567 -I thought that when we got in. -I know. 15 00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:49,402 People say I have a familiar face. 16 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,700 -Really? Me too. That's funny. -Yeah. 17 00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:52,967 That's probably it. 18 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,186 Your name is not Tracy, is it? 19 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,489 No, it's Ashleigh. 20 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,284 Okay, sorry. 21 00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,839 -What's yours? -Paisley. 22 00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,055 Paisley, that's cute. 23 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,368 Do you know Johnson? 24 00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:07,593 Johnson, is that a last name or a first name? 25 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,242 It's Johnson Johnson. Not Johnson & Johnson. 26 00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:12,027 -What? -I know. I know. 27 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,252 -That's so funny. -It's a guy. 28 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,940 You'd know him if you knew him. 29 00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:17,467 -Okay. No... -He's... Incredibly obese. 30 00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,692 Okay, I guess we'll never know. 31 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,781 Maybe we just don't know each other. 32 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,300 -Great Q-tips. -What? 33 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,094 Johnson & Johnson, great Q-tips. 34 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,168 -Oh, is that the same person? -No, that's a company. 35 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:29,257 He gets that a lot. It's just... 36 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,533 -Wait! -What? 37 00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:32,699 Are you my dentist? 38 00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:35,616 -You look so much like... -I think that's it. 39 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,310 -That's it. Yes. -Really? Oh my gosh! 40 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:40,798 Because I practice and-- But I know all my patients. 41 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,449 Hold on. You know, sometimes because you're lying back... 42 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,235 -Yeah. -Do you mind if I...? 43 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,240 -No, do you want me to lean back? -Yeah. 44 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,892 Sometimes I know people by their teeth. 45 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,715 Okay, alright. Go ahead. 46 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:57,902 Hmm, it's a crown. That crown's coming loose. 47 00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:00,117 You've got upper... 48 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,819 -No. -Did you notice that I have... 49 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,125 -Yes. -...four baby teeth? 50 00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,001 I did, and you need to look at those. 51 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:13,222 -That's crazy. -Can I ask? Are you my dentist? 52 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:16,609 -Oh my gosh! -What? 53 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,967 -I'm not a dentist. No. -Oh! 54 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:25,189 [upbeat music] 55 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,063 [driver] You guys look gorgeous. 56 00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:30,194 -Thank you. -Thank you. We're going to a wedding. 57 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,977 Oh, I love weddings. 58 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,592 -Can we give you the address? -Yeah. 59 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:38,163 -I didn't put it in, but it's on that invitation. -Okay. 60 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,591 I don't get dressed up for nothing. 61 00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:41,547 -I promise you that much. -She really does not. 62 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:44,246 Evander Turkington and Isadora Vanderwheel. 63 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,774 -Yeah. -That's right. 64 00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,647 I know-- I know these people. 65 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,129 -Really? -That's crazy. 66 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,819 -The world is so tiny. So weird. -I know. 67 00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,646 No, I didn't-- 68 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:57,179 I didn't get invited. It must be a different couple-- 69 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,530 I'm good friends with Evander. So, I would... 70 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,530 You think there's a different couple 71 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,312 named Evander Turkington and Isadora Defanso Marks Vanderwheel? 72 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:07,228 -I-- Yeah, that's her name. -Yeah, that's the... 73 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,154 I really don't think there's more than one. 74 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,579 So, what, they're like getting married today? 75 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,536 Yeah. They're tying the knot, finally. 76 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,764 This is going to be the wedding of the century. 77 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,634 It must be really, really small. 78 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,235 It must be intimate. They've always liked to do things small-- 79 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,287 No. I think it's about five, six hundred people. 80 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,202 There's like five, six hundred people. 81 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,767 I don't know if I am dressed nicely enough. 82 00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:26,864 You're not. 83 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,171 Um, so how did he send you that? 84 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,780 They might not have my mailing address 85 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:34,390 because I was gone. 86 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,911 I don't know. They sent an e-mail copy and an e-vite. 87 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:39,305 They did? All e-vites go to my spam. All of them. 88 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,259 -All e-vites go to you spam? -All e-vites. 89 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,608 You could check your spam when we get there. 90 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,048 Maybe you have one and... 91 00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,364 Yeah, maybe. I'll just come in. 92 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,270 Even if I don't, I'll just come in. 93 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:52,705 You know, at weddings, people love surprises. 94 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,544 That's the one day of the year 95 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,412 where you don't want everything too planned. 96 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,803 I don't want to discourage you from doing what you want... 97 00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,717 I'm not discouraged. I'm definitely coming. 98 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,552 I just think it's not necessarily the day 99 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,420 to kind of reconnect with somebody. 100 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:07,291 -Where are they getting married? -At one of Oprah's houses. 101 00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:08,814 -Oh my God! -The good one. 102 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:09,857 Thank God! 103 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:15,910 [announcer] Welcome to the fifth annual "Run for Lupus" charity 5K. 104 00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:21,001 [epic music] 105 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,049 [athlete] Thanks so much for the ride. 106 00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,749 Anytime. 107 00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,583 [sighing] You excited about the big race? 108 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,844 Oh, yeah! I mean, it's going great. 109 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:40,755 -Oh, good. -Oh, we are making great time though. 110 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,242 Oh, sure. Oh, what time does the race start? 111 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,423 Oh, it started about five, ten minutes ago actually. 112 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,460 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be late. 113 00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:50,725 -Oh, it's okay. We're doing great. -Okay. 114 00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,248 -Okay. -Yeah, yeah. 115 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,032 I mean, you got the address, right? 116 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,766 -It's just... It's the finish line. -Yep. 117 00:04:55,817 --> 00:05:00,337 I'm sure if you Google "Charity 5K finish line," 118 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:04,347 you'll probably get the destination there, but... 119 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:07,441 You're going straight to the finish line? 120 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,351 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 121 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,656 I don't know where else you would go in a 5K. 122 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:16,785 Are you supposed to be running the race right now? 123 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,838 -Oh, I mean, we are. We... -Ooh! 124 00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:23,024 We're running the race in a way because we're using our heads. 125 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,541 -One way to look at it. -Hold on. 126 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,067 One second. I know this guy! 127 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:32,243 Monobo! Your ass is grass, man! 128 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:33,808 You're not winning it this year! 129 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:37,375 Ooh, we are going to catch that son of a bitch. 130 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,819 [Ashleigh] Oh God! This is driving me crazy. 131 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:47,036 Did you have an affair with a man named Robert? 132 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,515 -No. No. -My husband? No. 133 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,696 God! That would have been crazy. 134 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,442 That would have been so scary if I had. 135 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,493 'Cause I only have photos of her from behind, 136 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,139 but I thought for sure. 137 00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:59,052 -Is she blonde? -No. 138 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,057 -Did you use to be a brunette? -No. 139 00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,189 Did you play the role of Urkel on "Family Matters?" 140 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:05,232 No, but I love him. 141 00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,367 -He's so talented. -Okay, that's not it. Argh! 142 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,020 Jaleel White. 143 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,284 -Jaleel White! That's right. -Yes. 144 00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:12,757 -I drove him once. -Really? 145 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,547 -Good guy. -What a coincidence. 146 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,331 -That's crazy. -He can dunk a basketball. 147 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,986 -He showed me. -Speaking of, 148 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:20,639 were you in a drug facility a few years back? 149 00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,694 -Yes. -For anorexia. 150 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,600 -Yes. -Me too. And bulimia? 151 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:25,725 -Yes. -Body dysmorphia? 152 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,426 -Absolutely. -Okay, wait. 153 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,614 Was the leader like a kind of former Tweeker, 154 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,650 -who was like, you know, always... -Big hair... 155 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,176 Yes. Wait! Were you at one point... 156 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,739 They gave you like electric shock therapy? 157 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,436 I don't remember. 158 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:43,137 -I think it-- oh. -Was it 2002? 159 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:44,965 -Yes. -In.. 160 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,623 -Ohio. -Ojai. Oh! 161 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:48,974 -Ojai. -Man. 162 00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:52,237 -Close. -Yeah, we got so close. 163 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,292 Are you me? 164 00:06:57,591 --> 00:07:00,331 Am I looking in a mirror? 165 00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:17,609 -No! -No! 166 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:19,224 Huh! 167 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,141 Do you know what you're going to say for the toast? 168 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:31,357 -Yes. For sure. Oh. -Yes. Oh, sorry. 169 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,497 -Um, no. -What are you going to say? 170 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,280 -I'm going to say... -Ladies, gentlemen, 171 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:38,334 children, young, old. 172 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,240 It's so nice to see so many 173 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:43,545 unfamiliar, frankly, faces out there. 174 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:47,033 I'm so glad that the people who are really there 175 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:49,205 for you, Evander and Isadora, 176 00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,121 which are fucked up names, were able to attend this. 177 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,996 I almost gave away my entire life to you. 178 00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,350 Um, and uh, it clearly went unappreciated. 179 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,312 So, a drink to the couple. 180 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,310 What have I done? Amen. 181 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:06,750 Amen. 182 00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,007 Oh, God! 183 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,006 I just thought of something. 184 00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:17,105 Maybe it's a surprise wedding, like for me. 185 00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:21,461 We have not talked in like six years. 186 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,941 This is cra-- Is that cute? 187 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:28,072 -You think that we... -They orchestrated this whole thing? 188 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,766 -That we are a ruse... -I'm really touched. 189 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,694 I don't want to disappoint you. 190 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,429 -I just don't think... -No, then don't. 191 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,820 -Okay. I... -Then don't do it. 192 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,564 -Are they going to... -I have to. 193 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,125 This is a surprise wedding for me. 194 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,871 I don't even know six hundred people. 195 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,572 I really don't think so. 196 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,870 -Don't think so. -You don't think I know 600 people? 197 00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:47,436 There's no way you know 600 people. 198 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:50,013 -Sorry. -Yes, I know six hundred people. 199 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:53,661 Jamie, Alvin, Meghan, 200 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:56,267 Kimmy, Hun-- Hundreds. 201 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,538 -You're making up words. -That's my friend who does rap. 202 00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:04,672 [announcer] Hang in there, brothers. Just two miles to go. 203 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:09,415 -What's the race for? -Um, lupus or something. 204 00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,421 Oh! This is for lupus? 205 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,643 Sounds like a "Peanuts" character to me. 206 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,603 My cousin has lupus. 207 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,769 Congratulations? 208 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,858 [laughing] I'm sorry. 209 00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:22,297 Maybe I'll give them a bit of that 5K if I win it. 210 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:25,704 -What 5K? -The five thousand, the prize money. 211 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:27,955 You know, there's no prize money. 212 00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,572 5K is the distance of the race. 213 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,093 -Okay. How many miles is that? -Like three. 214 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,397 Okay, well, I plan to run none of it. 215 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,143 Oops, sorry. Slow down. Slow down. 216 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,926 Slow, slow, slow. Yes! Alright. 217 00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,322 Oh! 218 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:49,367 Ooph! You got that AC cranked, Ma'am. 219 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:56,117 -Oh! No. -Oh, this ain't the half of it. 220 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,770 I plan to cut off the circulation to my legs with the seatbelt. 221 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,635 It will give me that wobbly, really sympathetic finish 222 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,818 as I stumble across the finish line. 223 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,214 Please, don't do that. 224 00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:07,906 -Oh! Oh my God! -What? What is it? 225 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,645 Can you push that seat forward? I got a Charley horse. 226 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,917 -Do you? -Just please push it forward. 227 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,570 -Do you have a Charley horse? -God... 228 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,972 A lot of runners lose control of their bowels. 229 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,749 -You don't mind if I do that, do you? -Do not. 230 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,925 -I can't make any promises. -You can. 231 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:25,841 Oh, God! 232 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,074 [driver] Hello? 233 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,679 [driver] No. I'm coming for you right now. 234 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,291 [driver] No idea. I'm not familiar with this neighborhood. 235 00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:40,382 Honestly, I just don't like to use GPS 236 00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,252 because I don't know-- 237 00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,473 I feel like it takes them away from sort of like-- 238 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,083 You know, primal instincts 239 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,133 of just sort of finding directions. 240 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,349 Because obviously, cave people didn't use GPS. 241 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:52,698 Like smart technology is making us dumber, you know. 242 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,699 [driver] Do you have an app open where you can see 243 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,351 the little animation of my car? 244 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:59,184 Can you do me a favor? I'm not sure where I am. 245 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,573 Could you tell me where I am on that map? 246 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:04,707 If I'm getting closer, say hotter, and if I'm getting away, colder. 247 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,451 This gives you a game to play until you get picked up. 248 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:10,502 So hotter or colder? Hotter or colder? 249 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,887 How about now? Hotter or colder? Hotter or colder? 250 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:19,545 Warm. Warm. Cold, cold. 251 00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,201 Okay, if I turn around 252 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,065 am I going to get hotter or colder? 253 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,640 See, the thing is I don't like left turns. 254 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,777 They just like-- A, they take forever. Two, they're kind of scary. 255 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,740 And three, I read something about them one time 256 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:36,349 that they're the most popular cause for crashes. 257 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:39,571 So, I could go a right, a right, and a right 258 00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,921 and that would take me to where you are, I think. 259 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,622 I'm going to do that. Let me know-- 260 00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:45,309 I know I'm going to get cold for a minute, 261 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,576 but after I make multiple rights, it should get hot again. 262 00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,801 [driver] Help yourself, you know. 263 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,885 If you want, we have some mints 264 00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:01,204 and some more mints and, you know, floss. 265 00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,942 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of stuff. 266 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:07,344 Oh, yeah. I mean, it's our policy to not-- 267 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,208 you know, get tips. 268 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,820 -Right. -But help yourself to the amenities. 269 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,952 -Right. -Need floss? You got something in your teeth? 270 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:18,035 -No. -You might have a little hidden kale in the back molar. 271 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,865 -No, I'm good. It is a policy. -It is-- 272 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,614 They do say, no tipping. 273 00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:26,745 Yeah, technically, technically, there's no tipping 274 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:31,839 but you know, I got like six, almost seven kids. 275 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:33,621 What do you mean almost seven kids? 276 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:37,315 -Mint? -No. I said, I'm good on your amenities. 277 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,755 How's your hair? How's your hair right now? 278 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,109 I don't know. I'm wearing a hat. 279 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,072 Let me tell you something, look at this. 280 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,501 Look at this. We got some combs for your hair 281 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,678 and that's not the kind of stuff you get 282 00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,684 -when you're just in anyone's car. -No. 283 00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,076 -You know what I'm saying? -No. 284 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,949 I don't know why you have it. 285 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,950 I also have Venmo. So, it's really... 286 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:58,432 -Everyone has Venmo. -You have Venmo? On your phone? 287 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,303 Yeah. Yeah, I've got Venmo. 288 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:02,394 Oh, I have Venmo. This is going to be so easy. 289 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,353 I'm paying DriveShare, I'm not paying... 290 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,742 Oh, no. You pay DriveShare on the app, right? 291 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,826 -Yes, good. -But when you're at the bar 292 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,615 and you're about to sit down, you Venmo me a quick 25 bucks. 293 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,580 For what? For what am I venmoing you for? What? 294 00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,271 Oh, you Venmo me and you say, 295 00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,407 "Hey bud, thanks for the combs. Thanks for the mints." 296 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,189 I didn't want a comb. I didn't want a mint. 297 00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:23,414 Look, I'm sorry you have almost seven kids. 298 00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:26,284 That's not on me. I'm not going to Venmo you a tip. 299 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,677 You're right, I'm just sorry I brought up Venmo. 300 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,640 -I know that's a weird thing. -Cool. That's fine. 301 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,250 I know what you're trying to do. Don't worry about it. 302 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:37,691 -I'm trying to make a living. -Cool. I appreciate that. 303 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,510 You got PayPal? 304 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,920 -Hello, hello. -Right time, baby! 305 00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,571 -I cannot wait. -You're going to this wedding too? 306 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:57,176 Oh yeah. Evandra's and... 307 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,837 -No. -Evander. Evander. 308 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,802 And Isadora Vanderwheel. 309 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,231 -You're right. -How do you know them? 310 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,888 Uh, let's see. 311 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,943 A couple of months ago I delivered them a pizza. 312 00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:10,888 It was kind of a nice interaction. 313 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,677 We had a little conversation, hit it off, 314 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:15,461 next thing you know, I get a wedding invitation. 315 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:17,286 So you just gave them your address 316 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:18,734 in this pizza transaction? 317 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,030 No, they tracked me down. 318 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,296 And I mean, I moved a couple of times. 319 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,079 Next thing I know, invitation, 320 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,694 and close up the restaurant tonight, 321 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,004 -we're going to a wedding! -Yeah. 322 00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,651 This wedding is a surprise for me. 323 00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:32,224 You're not going to tell me, but that's what this is. 324 00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,922 They're throwing this to surprise me. 325 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,090 Why would you be the center of attention? 326 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,786 Oh, you guys just don't get our humor. 327 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:42,014 Me and Evander have a whole thing of prank, prank, 328 00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,965 like I'm leaving or whatever. 329 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,103 You know, slam the door, but then you come back in. 330 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,186 Oh, that sounds like an argument... 331 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,925 -Huh? No, no. -Sounds like an argument. 332 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,757 -You had a falling out. -No, you're like 333 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,284 "Quit going through my stuff." 334 00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,678 Then you leave and slam the door and... 335 00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:58,941 Did you ever confirm that it was a prank? 336 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:04,025 I can't explain the theory of, you know, K is funny. 337 00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,727 -One, two, three... -Did you say sorry or psych? 338 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,945 Could you guys give me one second? Keep it a little quiet. 339 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,606 Like, I just-- I'm trying to get this speech down, 340 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:15,220 -and I don't want to mess it up. -Speech for what? 341 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,735 You're speaking at the wedding? 342 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,566 -Yeah, after the... -I'm doing a little... 343 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,704 What are you going to say? I'm happy to have given you 344 00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:23,356 a pepperoni pizza, one time? 345 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,060 That's part of it. I wouldn't say that's all of it. 346 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,189 It's a good place to start. 347 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,150 It's from the first time we spoke, 348 00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,929 I knew that you were a really great couple and you know, 349 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,764 you ordered one of my favorite pizzas on the menu 350 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,593 and don't forget that Friday's pizza night. 351 00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:40,072 If you order one large pizza, you get a free medium, 352 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:41,983 and uh, two liters of coke. 353 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,638 I got a bunch of free coupons 354 00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:45,991 I'm going to give out to people for... 355 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,642 [party music] 356 00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,725 I have honestly had it! 357 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:54,004 What you three are not getting is how fucked up it is 358 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:59,870 for Evander not to invite his best fucking friend to his wedding. 359 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,305 He didn't invite Ryan to his fucking wedding! 360 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,364 Oh my God! You're-- You're Ryan? 361 00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:08,791 Evander's best friend, Ryan? 362 00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:13,021 -Yes. Why? -[laughing] 363 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:16,579 I'm really sorry. I was supposed to invite you three months ago. 364 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:20,237 I'm so sorry. You're the Ryan. You're the Ryan. 365 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:23,593 He lost your contact info. He couldn't find your address, he sent me... 366 00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,724 -I did go on that trip... -He was looking for you. 367 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,857 He paid a private detective to find you. 368 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:30,949 -He did? -He mentioned you when I dropped off that pizza. 369 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,730 You know, he was so broken up 370 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,344 about how you guys had lost touch. 371 00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,474 -And he really cares about you. -Sounds like him. 372 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,907 You are his best friend. He said, "Best friend Ryan." 373 00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,264 -He really... -So bright... 374 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,523 Ryan. 375 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,125 Ryan! Wake up, you're driving. 376 00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,436 -Come on, man. -We're going 30 miles an hour. 377 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,752 I'm so excited to go to this wedding with you. 378 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:51,179 Again, those of us with invites are going to this wedding. 379 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,227 You are not going to this wedding. 380 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,668 [announcer] We're at the home stretch 381 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:59,110 for the run for lupus charity 5K. 382 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:03,410 There is a 5000 dollar purse on the line, yes. 383 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,460 No. 384 00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:09,031 Would you consider transferring the charity money 385 00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:10,991 for the lupus victims to the winner 386 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,550 if he were to break a Guinness World Record? 387 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,908 Well, please consider it. 388 00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:18,168 I am the mayor. 389 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:21,948 Oh my God! 390 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,477 -What? -Oh my God! 391 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,960 Look at that crowd. 392 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,090 This is going to be great. 393 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,793 I am getting so laid tonight. 394 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,750 Actually, do you think this looks better? 395 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:32,920 Or this? 396 00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,271 It feels like the second one is more triumphant, 397 00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:38,136 but the other one is a more sympathetic. 398 00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:40,617 There's a lot of options. I could do a point. 399 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,018 Or I could call somebody out in the crowd. 400 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,371 Or if one of those lupus kids was there, 401 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,593 I could go over and take time from my race 402 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:53,123 to like embrace them and then finish. 403 00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:56,339 -Might get me laid. -As soon as you cross the finish line, 404 00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,159 you should just let go of your bowels. 405 00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:00,207 You don't mind if I just do that right now? 406 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,993 -[driver] Here's your stop! -If you pull up to the finish... 407 00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:04,818 I don't want to walk anymore than I need to. 408 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:13,404 I pulled over in front of Home Depot 409 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,140 to check my map, and then all these dudes just jumped in the car 410 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,403 and I thought-- I figured one of them was you. 411 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,356 And I was like, "Are you Greg? Are you Greg?" 412 00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:24,364 And none of them were Greg. Oh, also, is it Greg? 413 00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,147 Is it the hard "g" or a soft "g"? 414 00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:28,187 Okay, that's what I thought. 415 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,627 I'm still looking for you. I was taking a minute. 416 00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:33,374 No, I'm on my way man. I got my hands full right now. 417 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:36,156 So, let's just-- I'll get there when I get there. 418 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,428 -Did you go to USC? -Yes. 419 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:50,134 -Uh, me too. -Wait a minute. Class of... 420 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,002 -2007. -Yes. 421 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,833 -Ah! -Were you a Poli-sci major? 422 00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,221 -Yes. Mohawk dorms? -Me too. 423 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:56,744 -Yes. -Room 223. 424 00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,347 Room 224. 425 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,268 -Oh, that can't be it then. -I know. 426 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:03,843 That's it! That is most definitely it. 427 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,931 Capital "I", capital "T", it. 428 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,191 There is nothing else that it could be. 429 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,625 That is it. 430 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,201 No, we're not in the same dorm room. 431 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:16,069 Oh, fucking shit! 432 00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:20,118 -We're here. -Are you dropping me off first? 433 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,251 No, it's the same destination. 434 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:40,742 -Wait, but this is my... -My house. 435 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:45,053 -Oh my God! -Oh! 436 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,659 -We live together. -We live together. 437 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:53,892 [Paisley] Oh my God! I knew we would figure it out. 438 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,334 [driver] You want some swish-swash? 439 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,813 What? I don't know what you mean by that. 440 00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,381 I got the best swish-swash in the biz. 441 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:04,989 -Look at this. -You mean mouthwash? 442 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,599 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 443 00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,596 This is some good stuff. You want some? 444 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:15,818 -You don't want some? -No. 445 00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:17,256 Alright. 446 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,133 Can we just get to the destination? 447 00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,825 I've already made it clear that I don't want these things. 448 00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,403 Pass me a cigarette. 449 00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:30,581 -Thank you. Maybe... -You're going to smoke in the car? 450 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,060 Can you pull--? Just roll the windows down. 451 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:35,841 You're going to smoke two cigarettes at once in this car? 452 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:36,926 The windows don't go down. 453 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:39,064 Please don't. God! 454 00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:43,724 -I feel so much better. -Please, please. 455 00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:47,424 My grandfather died from emphysema from smoking cigarettes. 456 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:48,993 Fine, fine. You know what? 457 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,600 If you're going to be annoying about it, 458 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,990 -I'll put it out. Thank you. -Thank you. 459 00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,514 Fine, it's out, okay? 460 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,337 -But that helps clean the combs. -Alright. 461 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,905 You know what? I don't know why I'm doing this. 462 00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:03,223 I'm going to give you a tip because it's obviously so important to you. 463 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,792 Before I give you this dollar, I'll let you know something. 464 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:08,829 I keep this dollar in my wallet at all times 465 00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:11,786 because it was given to me by my grandfather. 466 00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:15,445 The same guy who died from emphysema from smoking cigarettes. 467 00:21:15,491 --> 00:21:18,281 -So, I'm giving you my lucky dollar. -Alright. 468 00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:22,541 Thank you. 469 00:21:24,195 --> 00:21:25,975 Please, let me out. I'm going to walk the rest of the way. 470 00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:28,293 No problem. Thanks for driving with me. 471 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,990 This has been the chillest night I've had in a very long time. 472 00:21:31,028 --> 00:21:32,678 It's the middle of the day. 473 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:42,385 Oh, bummer! Should've given me a bigger tip, bro! 474 00:21:43,954 --> 00:21:49,924 [ending music] 475 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,490 -You're not Dianne Wiest's daughter? -No. 476 00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:56,229 -[Paisley] You don't work at a Toyota dealership? -No. 477 00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:58,801 -[Paisley] Are you a crazy Malcolm-Jamal Warner fan? -No. 478 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,969 -Did you write all those Jane Austin books? -No. 479 00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:03,495 -[Paisley] Was your nickname "Big Boobs Betty?" -No. 480 00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:05,669 -Do you have a succulent farm in Ponoma? -No. 481 00:22:05,715 --> 00:22:07,535 -[Paisley] Did you run for President? -No. 482 00:22:07,587 --> 00:22:09,147 -[Paisley] Are you a dog walker? -No. 483 00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,587 Are you an exercise addict? 484 00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:12,373 [Paisley] Do you go to four or five classes a day? 485 00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:13,458 [Ashleigh] Yes. 486 00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:15,026 -[Paisley] Equinox? -Yes. 487 00:22:15,725 --> 00:22:17,205 -The one on the... -No, no. 488 00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:18,858 [Ashleigh] I only go to the one on... 489 00:22:18,902 --> 00:22:21,342 Oh, please figure this out. 38051

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