Original subtitles

KAYLYN: Noodles, your new profile pic is brutal.

NOODLES: Why? What's wrong with it?

It makes me look gigantic.

KAYLYN: It makes you look huge like a scary monster.

NOODLES: Oof, that bad?

KAYLYN: Not hopeless!

You just gotta learn to find your light.

And you gotta work your angles. NOODLES: How do I do that?

KAYLYN: First rule of selfies‐‐

you gotta take the pic from a high angle.

That's always flattering.

NOODLES: How high? KAYLYN: As high as possible.

NOODLES: Mm‐hm, I think I know exactly what you mean.

♪

NOODLES: Oh, yeah!

Strike a pose! Vogue!

Sassy...

Other side.

KAYLYN: I think that angle might be a bit too high.

NOODLES: Is it?

KAYLYN: Wow. These are amazing!

The lighting! NOODLES: Oh, yeah.

The lighting makes my eyes pop.

Pose like a boss.

Hands on hips.

Hair toss.

KAYLYN: I don't even think I have a pic of me

that's this good.

♪

♪

♪

♪

CHELSEA: Okay, Mom. Last question.

HELEN: Okay. CHELSEA: Max?

MAX: In a civil trial, is the burden of proof higher or lower?

HELEN: Oh, I know this! Lower.

Wait, no, higher.

No, lower!

Higher?

Higher. Final answer.

MAX: It was lower. HELEN: Lower!

I knew it was lower.

Ugh, so close!

CHELSEA: Bad news, Mom.

You didn't pass the practice test...

Again. HELEN: Ugh!

I've been studying for weeks!

I feel like my brain is too full to learn more things.

This is just like when I tried to watch Throne of Kings

with you kids. CHELSEA: That show's not even

that complicated, Mom.

Daetonya is trying to cross the Endless Sea

to reclaim the Golden Throne of Magic from Serpentia.

MAX: Who is trying to kill Thorson, the Island King,

who is secretly allied with The Wizard, Jorn.

CHELSEA: Who came back from the dead and is secretly

the Yarl of the North.

MAX: But who's also secretly the son of Daetonya's half‐uncle

and double secretly a half‐elf!

CHELSEA: Ugh! Spoilers!

MAX: Sorry.

Forgot you didn't read the books.

HELEN: I'm never gonna pass this exam.

It's only a week away.

And that show seems needlessly complicated.

CHELSEA: It's okay. Studying is hard for me too.

Remember, last semester I failed French.

HELEN: I'm sorry, what now?

CHELSEA: Just kidding.

I can totally speak French...

Arrivederci!

HELEN: You know, I would ground her,

but thinking of a good mom punishment takes time,

and I need to get back to studying.

MAX: Good to know. HELEN: What was that now?

MAX: Arrivederci!

♪

MR MCGILLICUDDY: [inhales sharply]

NOODLES: What? What is it?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Nothing, nothing.

♪

[inhales sharply]

A‐ha!

Checkmate. NOODLES: No, no.

Why? No!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: [giggles] I win again!

I'm in your head! NOODLES: Nuh‐unh!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Yeah‐huh!

NOODLES: Pretty sure I'd know you were in my head!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: You sure? There's plenty of room in there.

[giggles] NOODLES: Oh, alright...

If you're so in my head, what am I thinking right now?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: You're thinkin' it's just about time

for you to have your second lunch.

NOODLES: What? How?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: And now you're thinkin',

"Does he know that my second lunch is a peanut butter,

"banana, and bacon sandwich on rye?"

NOODLES: No way!

Where is my sandwich?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Check...

Mate. [laughs]

NOODLES: You've won this round.

Ugh.

[slurping sound]

MR MCGILLICUDDY: I got your juice too.

NOODLES: [sighs] MR MCGULLICUDDY: [giggles]

MAX: It doesn't have to be complicated.

Just something that could help my mom study faster.

ALICIA: I saw this super old horror movie the other day

where they flashed lights and sounds at this guy,

and then they all got embedded in his brain.

MAX: Right, but that was movie.

Also a horror movie?

I mean, is there any science to this idea?

ALICIA: I don't know. Maybe?

NOODLES: Alright, team.

We're always saying we want to change the world.

Well, today is the day, and I know what we're making.

We need to invent a new way to learn.

A way to study anything!

MAX: Noodles...

NOODLES: I know we have other ideas in the queue,

but this is important.

Knowledge is power.

If we can help people obtain knowledge,

we can empower them to be their best selves.

ALICIA: Whoa, that was beautiful, but Noodles...

NOODLES: Fine! I'll get to it!

A study widget!

That way I can study up chess and no longer be humiliated

when I play!

Now, will you stand with me and help me, team?

ALICIA: Yes! MAX: Of course we will.

What's your idea?

NOODLES: I was hoping you'd have one.

ALICIA: I've got something...

MAX: Mom, we've invented something to help you study.

HELEN: Okay, but I really only have a couple of minutes.

What is this thing?

ALICIA: Take these, Mrs. G.

HELEN: What am I listening to today?

KAYLYN: We recorded Noodles

reading from your law school textbook.

NOODLES: I used a British accent so that I would sound

more intelligent.

KAYLYN: We tried to talk him out of it.

NOODLES: Bot they could‐neh!

ZEKE: When people say "British accent,"

they usually mean English, Noodles, not Scottish.

NOODLES: Ach! Nay!

HELEN: Don't have a ton of time here, kids.

MAX: Uh, moving on...

ALICIA: Please have a seat, Mrs. G.

HELEN: Okay.

Oh...

Kind of getting a creepy vibe.

MAX: I'm going to apply some tape

to keep your eyes wide open.

HELEN: Vibe getting creepier...

MAX: I'm just kidding, Mom. Lighten up!

Uh, but seriously, though, you do have to keep your eyes

wide open, okay?

HELEN: I'll do my best.

NOODLES: And now, we begin!

NOODLES: [on recording] Habeas Corpus!

Objection, your honour! HELEN: This is very loud!

NOODLES: I know, right!

ALICIA: You're hearing legal terms from your text books.

KAYLYN: The flashing lights will force your brain

to remember them.

MAX: It's like flashcards, but amped up.

HELEN: I could use some amping

if I ever wanna catch up on my studying.

Let's do this!

NOODLES: [on recording] Silence in the court!

[eerie warbling sound]

NOODLES: [on recording] We find the defendant guilty

on all charges! Habeas Corpus!

HELEN: Too loud!

Okay, I'm done!

[exhales in relief]

KAYLYN: How was that? What did you learn?

HELEN: I learned not to let you kids strap me

into anything ever again.

Also, my eyes are very dry.

ALICIA: Not the result we were hoping for.

HELEN: Alright. Well, good try, kids.

I've gotta get back to studying.

I really do appreciate the trying, though.

Lots of good effort here.

Where's the door?

Okay, found it.

NOODLES: I think we made real progress.

MAX: Let's break for the day.

We'll figure out how to help Mom study in the morning.

ALICIA: Anyone wanna go grab a slice?

KAYLYN: Pfft! Always.

NOODLES: You guys go ahead. I'll catch up.

MAX: Whoa, Noodles doesn't want a slice?

That's a first.

♪

♪

♪

NOODLES: [on recording] Knight to King three...

Bishop to King four...

Checkmate!

Rook takes Queen...

Catalan opening!

Grandmaster!

Bishop to King four!

Checkmate!

Queen to King's rook five!

Stalemate!

Grandmaster!

HELEN: Noodles!

NOODLES: [on recording] Catalan opening!

HELEN: Have you been in here all night?

MAX: Are you okay?

NOODLES: Eye drops! The eye drops!

KAYLYN: Here.

You really shouldn't have used this all night.

We don't know what the effects of long‐term exposure

to this tech could be.

HELEN: Just using it a little yesterday made my eyes so dry.

NOODLES: Mine are as dry as a desert.

But it was worth it!

I know everything about chess now.

Time to go win!

KAYLYN: Uh... [crash]

NOODLES: I'm okay!

I'm gonna go win!

KAYLYN: Noodles, wait!

Are you sure this is a good idea?

ALICIA: Might hold off for a while...

NOODLES: No can do. I've got winning to do!

I've got the heart of a champion and the eyes of a cactus.

MAX: Cactuses don't have... KAYLYN: Cacti.

MAX: Cacti don't have eyes.

NOODLES: Yeah, well, if they did,

they'd be all dry like mine are.

You know what, I'm gonna take these with me.

HELEN: Oh, be careful!

♪

NOODLES: Must focus...

[in mind] Knight to king three.

Bishop to king four.

Checkmate!

Queen to King's rook five.

Stalemate...

Grandmaster!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Ooh, a Gorbachev opening?

Really? Not a strong start.

NOODLES: What are you doing?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Trying to help you make the right move.

NOODLES: Or you want me to think you're helping me

to trick me into making a worse move.

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Could be...

NOODLES: Unless you're actually making me think you're tricking

me into thinking you're not actually helping me

by actually helping me.

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Am I?

NOODLES: Or wait...

Did... did I get that backwards?

Oh, my head hurts!

And you look weird!

Gah! I can‐na take any‐morre!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Checkmate! [laughs]

I win again!

In two moves! [laughs]

♪

NOODLES: Oh, come on! MR MCGILLICUDDY: [evil laugh]

HELEN: Okay, what's your idea this time?

MAX: Don't worry, Mom, we ditched the tech

and went back to the basics with a fun new way

to help you study!

ALICIA: The reason you're having trouble retaining information

might be that you're just reading it

instead of experiencing it.

MAX: We've set up a mock trial for you to experience

what you're learning.

Come over here behind the prosecution's desk.

Alicia is going to be the judge.

ALICIA: I've watched a lot of daytime TV,

so I was pretty much born for this part.

Plus I get to use a hammer.

HELEN: Actually, that's called a "gavel."

MAX: Kaylyn is going to be the criminal.

KAYLYN: I'm not a criminal!

I'm innocent until proven guilty.

Right, Mrs. G.? HELEN: That's true.

You're so clever, and don't seem anything like a criminal.

KAYLYN: I'm actually very excited

to have been cast against type.

These days women can be anything.

Presidents! CEOs!

On trial for crimes!

HELEN: What crime are you on trial for?

KAYLYN: Murder...

of a plant.

So I guess that's just property damage.

MAX: And Noodles is going to be the defence.

NOODLES: [Deep South accent] Now, I may be be

just a poor simple attorney from Swamp Water, Georgia,

but it appears to me...

MAX: Noodles, we talked about this.

No accent. NOODLES: What, why?

My accent is so subtle this time!

HELEN: It's a little over the top, Noodles.

NOODLES: Objection! Shpeculation.

HELEN: How is that speculation?

NOODLES: Your comments about the validity of my accent

are prejudicial to the jury.

MAX: I'm the jury. NOODLES: Objection!

HELEN: To what? NOODLES: Your honour.

How can my client get a fair trial

when the prosecution is related to every member of the jury?!

KAYLYN: That's a good point, your honour.

ALICIA: Order, order!

I will have order in this courtroom!

KAYLYN: We are all killing this.

ALICIA: I know.

I will now hear opening arguments.

Mrs. Graham, if you will.

HELEN: Um, may I request a continuance, your honour?

ALICIA: On what grounds?

HELEN: On the grounds that I have nothing prepared.

NOODLES: Your honour.

The prosecution doesn't even have a case!

This whole trial should be thrown out.

HELEN: All this brief says is "Accused of intentionally

"killing a basil plant."

KAYLYN: I didn't do it!

MAX: She told me she forgot to water it, your honour.

HELEN: Sweety, you're on the jury.

You're not supposed to weigh in.

MAX: But it was my basil plant.

I bought it to really up my pasta game,

and then Kaylyn moved it into the shade and it died.

KAYLYN: I forgot to water it one time.

It died because you left it in the shade.

NOODLES: Your honour, I'm madder than a mule

in a bumble‐bee chewin' contest,

and I object to these prejudicial comments!

ALICIA: The jury will disregard his own comments.

HELEN: Max, are you the jury or the victim?

MAX: Uh, both.

NOODLES: Approach, your honour?

ALICIA: You may.

NOODLES: Can I be the judge?

Other than this accent, I have prepared nothing.

ALICIA: Sorry, but I have to be the judge.

It combines all of my favourite things:

being in charge, and getting to hit stuff.

NOODLES: Well, that is as fair as the snake

that married a garden hose!

Can I also get a hammer?

ALICIA: There's one in the toolbox.

MAX: Objection? KAYLYN: Max, you can't object.

You're on the jury. MAX: How do I know who wins?

ALICIA: You listen to the case each lawyer puts forward.

Let's start with the prosecution.

Mrs. G?

NOODLES: Objection!

ALICIA: Sustained! MAX: Seriously?

You're not gonna let me object to Noodles having a hammer?

NOODLES: Attica, Attica, Attica, Attica,

Attica, Attica!

HELEN: Um...

I'm gonna go with C.

No, A! No, C!

Wait! It's A.

Is it A? I'll go with A.

Final answer.

CHELSEA: It was C. HELEN: Gaw, come on, Helen!

Get your head in the game! CHELSEA: Mom, it's okay.

You're getting most of the questions right,

but you keep changing your answers.

You just gotta trust that it's in your head, okay?

HELEN: Okay.

KAYLYN: You're out of order! And you're out of order!

And this whole system is out of order!

And if there's one thing I hate, it's disorganization!

MAX: Guys...

NOODLES: Did you miss my cross‐examination?

[Deep South accent] Motion to declare a mistrial!

MAX: Guys, my mom knows all the answers to pass the test.

She just keeps second‐guessing herself.

We don't need to invent something to help her study...

KAYLYN: We need to invent something to make her know

she knows the answers! ALICIA: A placebo!

NOODLES: I obviously know what a placebo is,

but I bet Max needs you to explain.

MAX: I know what a placebo is.

ALICIA: In medicine a placebo is just a sugar pill.

NOODLES: But pills are supposed to be medicine, not sugar.

ALICIA: Exactly!

Placebos don't actually do anything,

they just trick patients into thinking that they do.

KAYLYN: So we give her something science‐y and say

it will help her, which will boost her confidence,

and she'll pass!

MAX: Exactly!

It's all in her head.

NOODLES: Well, don't that just pickle my britches!

ALL: Enough!!

♪

HELEN: What's this? NOODLES: Your ticket to an A+.

KAYLYN: We've designed this helmet specifically

to help you remember everything you've studied,

using various techniques that help recollection.

ALICIA: First I installed these fibre‐optic lights.

NOODLES: They're programmed to trigger synapses

in your left brain and your right brain.

So no matter where you've stored what you studied,

we've got ya covered.

MAX: And then we added noise‐cancelling headphones

that allow you to focus by removing ambient sound.

KAYLYN: And there's a close connection between memory

and scent, so we've programmed it to periodically release

bursts of familiar smells.

MAX: Like the smells of this kitchen,

where you did all your studying.

NOODLES: You're lucky you did your studying in the kitchen.

It's mostly bacon and bacon‐related scents.

HELEN: Wow, that is a lot of science.

NOODLES: Go ahead. Try it on.

HELEN: Oh, it's so heavy.

Ooh, those certainly are a lot of bacon smells.

Oof! MAX: Take it for a test drive!

HELEN: Kids, honestly, I only have time

for one more practice test

before I have to go take this exam.

ALICIA: Mrs. G., you've been studying for weeks.

At this point, isn't it worth a shot?

HELEN: Alright.

What've I got to lose?

Let's do this!

HELEN: Done!

ALICIA: Okay, let's see how she did.

MAX: So... How do you feel?

HELEN: Good... I think?

Good‐ish.

NOODLES: Did you feel more focused?

HELEN: I felt like I was really in the zone.

KAYLYN: How did you like the scents I programmed in?

HELEN: They were nice! But I'm very hungry now.

I could definitely go for some bacon.

NOODLES: It works! HELEN: [laughs]

ALICIA: We're all graded.

HELEN: So? How did I do?

Did I pass?

ALICIA: No...

You didn't just pass, you scored 96%!

KAYLYN: Yes!

HELEN: No way! I can't believe it!

You guys, thank you for this...

this... this... thinking cap!

KAYLYN: Oh my gosh!

That is perfect branding, Mrs. G.!

HELEN: Thank you!

MAX: But, Mom, we should tell you that‐‐

HELEN: Ah, I am so relieved!

I was so stressed about this exam this afternoon,

and now I feel like a huge weight has been

lifted off of my shoulders, even though this helmet weighs a ton!

ALICIA: Mrs. G., about the helmet, it's not really‐‐

HELEN: Oh, I am so ready to take this test!

MAX: Um, Mom?

You've still got the helmet on.

HELEN: Oh, right.

I should probably should wait till I'm at the exam

before I wear it.

MAX: Wear it... to the exam?!

HELEN: Okay, wish me luck!

ALICIA: Did she just go out in public

intending on wearing that thing?

MAX: Well, she thinks it works.

KAYLYN: But it doesn't.

It's just a bunch of made‐up science fiction gobbledygoop.

MAX: Is it a big deal if she wears it out?

KAYLYN: I guess not, but it provides no actual benefit.

ALICIA: And it's embarrassing.

NOODLES: Super embarrassing.

KAYLYN: Call her and tell her the truth.

[phone ringing]

MAX: She's not picking up.

♪

MAX: Mom! Mom!

Mom, wait! Mom!

Mom! Mom...

Mom...

HELEN: Max! What are you doing here?

MAX: You... The helmet, it's...

Oh man, I'm tired.

HELEN: I love this thing, Max.

MAX: But I have to tell you that...

[bell rings]

HELEN: Oh, it's time!

Wish me luck.

MAX: Good luck!

She can't hear me.

And I'm talking to myself.

♪

♪

MAX: Hey, Mom. How'd it go?

HELEN: I feel really good about it.

I think this baby made all the difference.

MAX: Mom, the helmet doesn't actually do anything.

We just said a bunch of science‐y stuff

to make you feel more confident.

HELEN: I know it doesn't work, Max.

MAX: Huh?

HELEN: It's really more of a good luck thing for me.

This helmet reminded me of how much you guys support me.

It helped me to relax and think about what's important.

MAX: Oh, so you're saying in a way it does work?

HELEN: Like a charm.

MAX: But you did look pretty crazy.

HELEN: I also know this.

Don't care.

And honestly, those noise‐cancelling headphones

weren't the worst idea.

They really helped me tune out distractions.

MAX: I bet Noodles could use it.

HELEN: Is he also studying law?

MAX: No, he's trying to win a chess game

against some guy who keeps stealing his sandwiches.

HELEN: Say no more.

I get it. It's a Noodles thing.

[laughs] Come on.

ALICIA: Come on, Noodles! KAYLYN: You got this!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Why is he wearing that insane helmet?

I'm so confused. Not as confused as you!

You have no idea what you're doing, do ya?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Hello? I'm smack‐talking you, son!

Don't ignore my smack talk! [stammering]

W‐w‐why does he smell like bacon?

Hello? Why does he smell like bacon?

♪

NOODLES: Checkmate. MR MCGILLICUDDY: [gasps]

MAX, ALICIA, & KAYLYN: Yeah!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: What? How?!

How is this is possible?

NOODLES: Because I'm in your head now.

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Wait a minute.

NOODLES: Looking for this?

MR MCGILLICUDDY: Oh! NOODLES: Checkmate, Grandpa.

MAX: Wait, this is your grandfather?

KAYLYN: Noodles, I can't believe this is your grandpa!

NOODLES: Yeah, don't you see the family resemblance?

KAYLYN: Hang on, where'd your grandpa get a sandwich

if you stole his?

MAX: Aw, come on!

MR MCGILLICUDDY: I stole your sandwich! [laughs]

Checkmate!

♪

♪