Original subtitles

YN: Listen, guys, we need to talk about the company funds.

The spending sheet has a lot of unnecessary stuff.

$24 for a USB‐powered mini cooler?

ALICIA: Think of the time I'm saving

not walking to the fridge and getting a drink.

Think of it!

KAYLYN: Max, $29 for a headset mic?

MAX: Once our company's big,

we'll be giving tons of inspirational speeches.

I gotta get used to wearing this thing.

KAYLYN: $30 for miscellaneous supplies.

Noodles? NOODLES: Oh, you'll love this.

The hardware store on Main Street closed last week,

with once‐in‐a‐lifetime savings.

I found, for only $30,

this entire box of assorted screws, bolts, and nails.

KAYLYN: But we don't need that.

We do need $60 a month for our website, though.

Plus product development supplies.

NOODLES: Supplies like screws, bolts, and nails.

KAYLYN: Not at all.

So, unless we have more birthday money coming in,

we need to return this stuff.

MAX: Fine. I'll return the headset.

ALICIA: I can return the cooler,

but we're all going to suffer for losing it.

NOODLES: Well, we can't really return something

to a store that closed forever.

And why would we?

The uses are endless!

ZEKE: Hello.

ALICIA: Okay...

Um, Zeke, why are you drenched?

ZEKE: Some children down the street

enjoyed pelting me with water balloons.

ALICIA: What?!

KAYLYN: That sounds like bullying.

NOODLES: Clear‐cut case of bullying.

ZEKE: I wouldn't say bullying...

This is different. MAX: Zeke, stop.

It's okay.

We're gonna fix this, man.

ZEKE: You're all being very dramatic.

KAYLYN: The key to dealing with bullying is communication.

You need to be open with us and yourself.

ZEKE: I'm trying to be, but you keep...

KAYLYN: Shh.

You're just in shock.

It's okay.

NOODLES: It's okay, Zeke. I had a bully once.

Kept intimidating me, chasing me,

jumping all over me...

MAX: Oh, that must have been awful.

NOODLES: Yeah, it was.

Especially when he started licking my face.

ALICIA: You're describing a dog, right?

NOODLES: Yeah, but it was big for a Pomeranian.

ALICIA: That's not really bullying.

ZEKE: Neither is mine. KAYLYN: Shh.

It's okay.

MAX: Wow...

Did you guys know one in four kids are bullied by the age 12?

NOODLES: Whoa.

ALICIA: This is a problem we can solve!

ZEKE: Is there anything I can say to convince you guys

not to do this?

KAYLYN: No. ALICIA: Not a chance.

NOODLES: Clear‐cut case of bullying.

♪

♪

MAX: ...and it should have high‐powered lights.

Ooh, and adaptive AI!

KAYLYN: Now, Zeke, I know it's exciting

that Max and Alicia are building you...

armour, basically, but remember, nothing is cooler than...

ALICIA: Carbon fibre.

MAX: Oh, yeah, that is cool!

KAYLYN: I was gonna say "communication."

Nothing is cooler than communication.

Which is the best way to deal with this.

Talk it out. Right, Alicia?

ALICIA: How about vital monitors?

KAYLYN: Max, wouldn't you agree

that communication is the best first option?

MAX: Oh, yeah! Definitely!

Vital monitors is a must.

Great idea, Ali.

NOODLES: Guys, take a look. Boom.

Custom‐made coat hook!

ALICIA: It's summer.

NOODLES: You'll thank me in winter.

This wobbly chair?

One bolt in the leg levelled it out.

And I even added some inspirational artwork.

MAX: Okay, that does brighten the place up.

NOODLES: See? That's already, what?

18 cents I've saved us!

KAYLYN: Noodles, at 6 cents each you still need to use

497 screws to break even.

NOODLES: Maybe I can sell them to get some money back.

MAX: What about your Uncle Eddie?

He's always buying stuff like this.

NOODLES: Yeah, weird stuff is his speciality.

He's one strange man.

UNCLE EDDIE: A modified 3/4‐inch Jackson‐head?

[whistles] Hm‐hm!

Don't see too many of these bad boys around!

NOODLES: So how much is it worth, Uncle Eddie?

Three, four hundred dollars?

UNCLE EDDIE: Possibly. How many boxes you got?

NOODLES: Like, just that one screw.

UNCLE EDDIE: Then I'd say about five cents.

Yeah, but for my nephew, five bucks.

NOODLES: I'll take it!

UNCLE EDDIE: Yeah, sadly

I'm heavily invested in crypto‐currency.

I'm, uh, a little cash‐poor right now.

But, but you're welcome to, uh, look around,

find something to trade.

NOODLES: Awesome. Kaylyn!

Where are you?

KAYLYN: Glow‐in‐the‐dark sombreros?

Singing fish.

This is just a box of fake teeth.

[laughs]

Where does your uncle get all this stuff?

NOODLES: All over the place.

Bankrupt factories,

abandoned shipping containers, commercial landfills...

KAYLYN: So it's junk nobody wants?

NOODLES: [scoffs] Yeah, if you call this junk!

KAYLYN: What do you think?

Is it the new me?

NOODLES: Actually, that's a doggy sweeper.

It attaches to the dog's butt,

gets dragged around sweeping the floor.

KAYLYN: That's so awesome! [both laugh]

KAYLYN: What about this?

What... is this?

UNCLE EDDIE: Beep, beep!

Oh, that? That's, uh, expired toothpaste.

KAYLYN: Toothpaste expires?

UNCLE EDDIE: It still works, though.

It's just, uh...

black.

NOODLES: What does it taste like?

UNCLE EDDIE: Like... old.

[swallows] Hey...

You guys hungry? NOODLES: Yeah.

UNCLE EDDIE: Follow me.

Look... popcorn from the White House!

KAYLYN: Whoa! How did you get that?

UNCLE EDDIE: Government auction.

Turns out the president loved popcorn.

When he left office, there were crates of it!

[machine crackles and dings]

UNCLE EDDIE: Oh! It's ready.

NOODLES: No, way! That was insanely fast.

KAYLYN: Yeah, popcorn usually takes three minutes, minimum.

How is this even possible?

UNCLE EDDIE: I have no clue.

It doesn't even plug in.

It uses these batteries that glow.

KAYLYN: So it's portable?

Think of the applications!

Camping, boats... NOODLES: Food trucks.

UNCLE EDDIE: People who refuse to pay their outrageous

electricity bills?

KAYLYN: We'll take it.

UNCLE EDDIE: Ah... KAYLYN: Ow!

♪

♪

NOODLES: That was extremely awesome!

ZEKE: So, how do I look?

ALICIA: Cool in a way that I'm legit jealous of.

MAX: I give you

The Strategic Threat and Aggression Neutralizer.

Also known as "STAN."

KAYLYN: And you two think this is gonna solve

Zeke's bullying problem?

ZEKE: Again, I wouldn't call it a...

MAX: This invention could keep every child in the world

safe from bullying, forever.

ALICIA: Definitely one of our best inventions.

NOODLES: Hold on. Before we get carried away,

Kaylyn and I also have something

incredible to unveil.

ALL: Wow! What?

MAX: Magical cupcakes?

ALICIA: Where'd this come from? KAYLYN: Uncle Eddie's.

NOODLES: What's one thing we all have in common?

MAX: Friends? ALICIA: Survival instincts.

ZEKE: Fear of the unknown. NOODLES: That's right.

A love of fresh cupcakes!

KAYLYN: Imagine having cupcakes baked fresh

for you on your doorstep.

Sounds like science fiction... right?

MAX: Uh, yeah!

[machine dings]

NOODLES: Behold, the world's first mobile cupcake bakery!

ALICIA: They're ready in three seconds?

That's impossible. KAYLYN: Not anymore.

NOODLES: And now for the icing...

Who's gonna be the lucky person to get this?

MAX: It's like having a super‐power!

NOODLES: And with great power comes great responsibility.

[laughter]

ALICIA: Okay, Zeke. This is just a test.

We're going to pretend to bully you

to see how the suit responds, alright?

ZEKE: I have an iron spirit. Do your worst.

MAX: Hey, Zeke, you're short!

Ever heard of being taller?

Look it up.

ZEKE: I'm actually average height for my age, so...

ALICIA: You're the captain of the dork ship, nerd!

ZEKE: Nothing.

Pretty lame, Alicia.

Maybe make it more personal. MAX: Hey, Zeke!

I hear your blood type is B positive.

What's up with that?

ZEKE: I'm O‐negative.

Universal donor.

ALICIA: Listen up, pipsqueak,

you're a total noob at video games.

You're so bad, when other players lose they call it

"getting Zeked"!

STAN: [beeps] Insult detected.

Tone down the criticism, please.

ALICIA: Well, that was underwhelming.

MAX: Yeah.

ALICIA: Sorry about that, Zeke.

It's for science.

ZEKE: Bad at video games?

There are some lines you just don't cross.

ALICIA: Can you forgive me?

ZEKE: Maybe. In time.

MAX: This is amazing.

How did you overhaul the AI so quickly?

ALICIA: I based it on code from the hardest video games I know.

MAX: Did it happen again, Zeke?

ZEKE: Yeah, but it's okay.

I came prepared this time.

ALICIA: No. That is not okay!

MAX: Maybe we should talk to this bully.

ZEKE: Again, I wouldn't call it a bully...

ALICIA: I've got a better idea.

ZEKE: It's fine.

I'll just wear a raincoat forever.

ALICIA: Max, will you help me re‐tool

the deep learning algorithm?

MAX: Oh, yeah.

[STAN beeping]♪

CHELSEA: So I can't have my cell phone at the dinner table,

but Mom's on her laptop?

BRYAN: Mom is studying for her exam.

HELEN: And I'm only gonna read while chewing.

That's the rule.

So we can have a nice dinner like a normal family.

BRYAN: Isn't it nice to have a family dinner with everyone

and... Zeke?

Uh, seriously, buddy, can you take off that costume?

No toys at the table. MAX: It's not a toy, Dad.

It's STAN.

We need to test this in real‐world situation, like this.

BRYAN: I see. Well, makes sense.

CHELSEA: So I'm the only one without technology?

STAN: [beeps] Warning. Imminent threat detected.

BRYAN: What the...

MAX: I think STAN views your brussels sprouts

as a safety hazard.

HELEN: He's not the only one. Zing!

BRYAN: Alright, listen, Max, can you just turn it down

so it's not so loud?

MAX: The volume adjusts to match your threat level,

so if it's too loud, that's technically on you, Dad.

CHELSEA: Yeah, Dad, stop triggering STAN.

BRYAN: Uh, everyone has to eat their veggies, including Zeke.

HELEN: Hm, STAN is so cool, Max. So how did you, um...

STAN: [beeps] Cease your acts of aggression.

BRYAN: Alright, no one tells me what to do in my own house.

[alarm]

HELEN: Bryan!

The neighbours are gonna complain.

BRYAN: Oh, come on! Why are you blaming me?

Why don't you criticize STAN?

HELEN: Because STAN is clothing.

BRYAN: Alright.

Zeke, we have a rule in this house

that everyone has to eat their veggies,

so if you're not gonna eat your veggies...

STAN: Verbal threat detected!

BRYAN: Okay, alright!

If you don't eat your veggies, you can't have your dessert.

STAN: Contacting law enforcement.

ALL: No, no, no, no, no!

BRYAN: Max, Max! Get Zeke some ice cream!

MAX: Yes!

Ice cream!

CHELSEA: Can I have ice cream?

HELEN: Ask STAN, honey.

He's in charge. BRYAN: Okay.

I hardly think STAN is in charge.

HELEN: Mm‐mm‐mm. Mm‐hm, mm‐hm, mm‐hm.

KAYLYN: Okay, let's run through our pitch again.

You learned your line? NOODLES: Of course.

You only gave me one line.

KAYLYN: Good. I'll start.

Hi there, I'm Kaylyn, VP Marketing at Smashable.

NOODLES: And I'm Noodles.

KAYLYN: That's not just a bite out of a cupcake.

That's a bite out of our profit margins.

NOODLES: Sorry.

ALICIA: Okay, Zeke, we're ready for the diagnostic test.

MAX: Give me the game.

STAN: Aggressive tone detected.

ZEKE: Sorry, Max, you heard STAN.

MAX: Zeke, you said you'd help.

Give me the... [STAN beeps]

MAX: Aah! Please give me the game.

ZEKE: Sure. After this level.

MAX: Come on! You already played!

STAN: You are upsetting the child.

Cease your aggressive tone.

ALICIA: Max?

ZEKE: You are coming off pretty aggro.

MAX: You're pushing your luck, Zeke.

ZEKE: What can I do?

STAN: Terminate hostile behaviour.

MAX: Okay.

Please, uh, if I could make a request?

As I put out one very non‐threatening hand,

I was hoping that you may be so kind as to...

give me the video game, please?

[STAN beeps] [police siren]

COP: Let's see if I've got this right.

You kids built an electric talking jacket,

and the jacket called 911?

ALICIA: Yes, officer.

MAX: I know it might sound crazy or whatever, but it's true.

COP: You know what?

I'm just gonna write "dialled the wrong number."

Tell the jacket not to do it again.

Have a nice day.

MAX: Thanks. ALICIA: Sorry.

MAX: [sighs] Well, that was a disaster.

ALICIA: Yeah.

NEIGHBOUR: Ah...

Oh! You scared me.

KAYLYN: Hi there, I'm Kaylyn.

VP Marketing at Smashable.

NOODLES: [with mouth full] And I'm Noodles!

Sorry.

NEIGHBOUR: Sorry, kids, but I don't have time

for a sales pitch. I'm in a rush.

NOODLES: Lady, one word, cupcakes.

You want some?

NEIGHBOUR: Cupcakes? Oh...

I love cupcakes.

But, uh, no, I don't have time to...

NOODLES: Cupcakes, cupcakes... cupcakes?

NEIGHBOUR: Alright, you got me!

I'll take one. NOODLES: Great!

I'll start baking them.

NEIGHBOUR: You haven't baked them?

Okay, forget it. My presentation starts in...

Aah! [machine dings]

KAYLYN: It's ready!

NEIGHBOUR: No way.

KAYLYN: Way! NEIGHBOUR: Oh!

KAYLYN: Make it look good. NOODLES: There you go.

NEIGHBOUR: Thanks.

Oh, wow! That's good!

KAYLYN: Glad you like it!

You know, bringing cupcakes always puts people

in a good mood before a presentation.

NEIGHBOUR: That's a great idea.

I'll take a dozen. I have five minutes, tops.

NOODLES: In five minutes,

I can bake them and still have enough time

to make and eat three more without Kaylyn even seeing.

NEIGHBOUR: Wow, wow, wow. [chuckles]

Mmm, oh, uh, I just remembered the marketing team

will be there too. Better make it two dozen.

NOODLES: Great. NEIGHBOUR: Mmm!

Let's do an even 30!

I, uh... I just remembered more, uh, people or something.

Do you have chocolate?

NOODLES: Do we have chocolate?

Yeah, we have chocolate!

ALICIA: Did STAN seem off to you?

MAX: You mean when it called the cops?

ALICIA: No, I mean it was using new phrases.

Words I never programmed.

MAX: New words?

So, you think STAN is...

learning? ZEKE: Where are you going?

ALICIA: Just for a walk.

Maybe over to the cafe or something.

ZEKE: I'll come too.

MAX: Actually, Zeke, we kind of need to

talk about something alone.

Could you give us some space?

[STAN beeping]

MAX: Sure. You can come.

MAX: So, what do you mean STAN is learning?

How is that even possible?

ALICIA: Maybe learning isn't the exact word.

More like... calibrating.

STAN: You are invading this child's personal space.

Stand back.

ALICIA: STAN reads Zeke's vitals to see if Zeke feels threatened.

But if we set it way too sensitive...

MAX: Then even gross brussels sprouts

could set the jacket off.

ALICIA: Exactly.

It's treating every tiny thing Zeke dislikes as a bully.

MAX: Okay, so what do we do about it? g syste

STAN: Give the child a cookie.

You have three seconds to comply.

MAX: What is going on in there?

ALICIA: I don't want to know. MAX: Okay.

Let's just hope Zeke goes along with it.

CHELSEA: Go, Zeke!

Take your free cookies, and go... quietly!

MAX: Uh, hey, Zeke.

We were wondering if you could take STAN off for a bit?

We need to make some changes.

ZEKE: Nah, I'm good.

♪

MAX: Is our AI turning against us?

ALICIA: Like every robot in every movie, ever?

Uh, yeah, it's possible.

KAYLYN: One more block, cupcake buddy?

NOODLES: I'm up for it. Do we have enough batter left?

KAYLYN: Looks like we might.

Oh, Noodles, you look like a lobster!

I told you to put sunscreen on.

NOODLES: [laughs] Speak for yourself.

KAYLYN: Oh, no! How is this even possible?

I covered myself in SPF 50!

NOODLES: Who knows.

It's a crazy mixed‐up universe

full of mysteries and conundrums and...

KAYLYN: Yeah, yeah.

I bet it was the super‐oven!

NOODLES: Yeah.

KAYLYN: So, stop eating them!

[Zeke snoring]

♪

♪

[wrapper crunches]

STAN: Danger! Unauthorized access attempt!

ZEKE: What are you doing?

ALICIA: We have to shut STAN down, Zeke.

It's out of control.

ZEKE: I prefer keeping it on.

MAX: We can't even talk to you with this thing shouting

and blaring alarms.

If you won't let us clear its memory,

then maybe you should go.

ZEKE: Okay.

But the cookies go too.

♪

KAYLYN: Found it.

"The AtomiPrise Super‐Cooker, which used

"electromagnetic fields to cook its food

"was invented in the 1950s to compete with microwave ovens."

NOODLES: That's pretty cool.

KAYLYN: It was banned due to

contamination of the food it cooked.

NOODLES: So these cupcakes are poison?

KAYLYN: No, it's like really low levels.

Like getting an X‐Ray at the dentist.

NOODLES: Oh, good.

KAYLYN: So, don't keep eating them!

ZEKE: Hey, guys.

NOODLES: Hey, how's it going?

STAN: Warning! Human interaction

deemed unpredictable! Disengage!

KAYLYN: Oh, good, you still have that armour.

ZEKE: Enough, STAN. These two aren't danger.

[alarm]

KAYLYN: It was nice to see you, Zeke, but I think I'm gonna go.

NOODLES: Yeah.

See ya.

ZEKE: My friends STaren't a threat, STAN..

I'm taking you off.

[zap] ZEKE: Ouch!

STAN: Warning, armour removal not advised!

ZEKE: I'd like to go home now.

STAN: Not advised.

Home defence systems sub‐optimal.

[zap] ZEKE: Ouch!

STAN: State the nature of your message.

ZEKE: Just weird human stuff to my friends.

[phone beeps]

MAX: I just got the weirdest message from Zeke.

Like, just...

gibberish.

ALICIA: "Hi, Everyone!

"Lumpy People Sip Tea And Nectar!"

MAX: Maybe his phone is broken?

ALICIA: Wait a sec.

Every first letter is capitalized.

Read the message back.

MAX: "Hi, Everyone!

"Lumpy People Sip Tea And Nectar!

"Can Rabbits And Zebras Yell

"At Pretty Angry Red Koalas?"

♪

ALICIA & MAX: "Help! Stan crazy!

"At park!"

NEIGHBOUR: Gah! KAYLYN: Hi, there!

NEIGHBOUR: I really don't need any more cupcakes, kids.

KAYLYN: Actually, we've discontinued that product

due to safety concerns.

We're here to offer a full...

NEIGHBOUR: Did you say safety concerns?

NOODLES: Uh, the cupcakes were contaminated

with electromagnetic...

stuff.

KAYLYN: Trace amounts.

Eating one or two is unlikely to cause any harm.

NEIGHBOUR: And, uh, just out of curiosity, what about customers

who ate more than one or two?

NOODLES: I'm sure everyone is most likely fine

from your meeting, ma'am.

KAYLYN: Unless someone ate them all.

[laughter]

NEIGHBOUR: Right?

I mean, who would eat 30 cupcakes by themselves?

Barf!

But for argument's sake, let's say someone did eat all 30

'cause she was having a pretty bad day?

KAYLYN: Well, I would tell that hypothetical person

to watch for any dizziness, vomiting, or itchy rash.

NEIGHBOUR: I have to go.

Excuse me.

KAYLYN: It's harmless.

I guess she doesn't want a refund.

STAN: [beeps] Hostiles approaching.

ZEKE: Finally!

MAX: We got your message, Zeke.

ALICIA: Let's shut STAN down before it tries to kill

all humans like every robot in every movie ever!

STAN: [beeps] Proximity alert. Move immediately.

[zaps] ZEKE: Ouch!

Okay, okay, I'm going!

MAX: Zeke, what are you doing?

ZEKE: Quick update, STAN shocks me now!

STAN: Warning, do not engage!

MAX: Okay, that's a problem.

Any ideas?

ALICIA: Uh...

Ask STAN politely to stop shocking Zeke.

I got nothing.

MAX: No, that's it.

Kaylyn was right.

The answer isn't force.

We need better communication.

Follow my lead.

MAX: Zeke, I need to talk to STAN.

STAN: Cease threatening tone.

MAX: Funny you mention that, STAN.

Have you ever noticed that you talk to everyone

in a threatening tone?

STAN: Step away. ALICIA: Or what?

You'll shock Zeke? ZEKE: Please don't.

MAX: And keep him from his friends?

That sounds like bullying to me.

STAN: Processing. Bullies hurt people = true.

STAN hurts Zeke = error.

New threat identified.

Threat is STAN.

Must neutralize STAN.

MAX: I think it's working!

ALICIA: The memory's overloading!

STAN: Initiating core memory wipe.

Shutdown imminent.

STAN is sorry, Zeke.

STAN loves you, Zeke.

[voice slows down] STAN loves you...

MAX: Whoa. Cool.

ALICIA: I may have gone overboard with the AI.

MAX: Let's get you out of this thing.

ZEKE: In case I forget to say it later,

thanks for helping me not get bullied, guys.

NOODLES: See, I knew it was a great trade.

Uncle Eddie's the best.

MAX: En garde! ALICIA: Oh!

NOODLES: Wait, wait, guys! We have to take a selfie!

ALICIA: Oh? NOODLES: Hee‐hee!

ALL: Cheese! [laughter]

KAYLYN: Hey, guys.

MAX: How'd it go with the bully?

KAYLYN: We communicated.

She was just a little girl who wanted

to have a water fight with Zeke.

ZEKE: More like a water war.

MAX: So I guess it wasn't bullying.

ZEKE: I told you that from the start.

MAX: Really?

I think I'd remember that.

ALL: Oh, Zeke!

[all yelling and laughing]

♪