Original subtitles

NOODLES: Wow.

Shirley has her own pop‐up shop for Potato Phone.

MAX: It's the worst invention ever.

How does she do it?

NOODLES: She just acts super cute,

and gets people to do whatever she wants.

It used to work for me before I had my growth spurt.

MAX: Plus she doesn't let things like "morals"

get in her way.

NOODLES: Wow.

Her Potato Phone store is the number‐one trending

pop‐up shop right now.

MAX: It's just a potato‐shaped plastic phone.

Mass‐produced and totally lame.

SHIRLEY: Well, look who came to see what the younger,

brighter minds of today are doing.

Come on in. Tony, was it?

MAX: No, it's Max.

You're, like, not even close.

And no, thanks.

We're a little busy with our own invention.

SHIRLEY: What is it? Another exploding can?

NOODLES: Um, no. It's called TrollJammer.

The app that'll one day change the world‐‐

MAX: Noodles!

Icks‐nay on the e‐tails‐day!

NOODLES: Uh... Icks nay...

E... what?

MAX: Just stop talking about TrollJammer.

We should be going.

SHIRLEY: Well, "TrollJammer" sounds boring whatever it is.

NOODLES: See ya.

SHIRLEY: I see you're a man who appreciates a nice salty snack.

"Plain"? Really living on the edge!

NOODLES: Usually my preference is "Spicy BBQ Explosion,"

or "Nuclear Nacho Cheese."

SHIRLEY: Well, I've got those flavours,

and 56 others inside at my free potato chip bar!

MAX: 58 flavours of free chips?

No way. SHIRLEY: Yes way.

Try me. Name a flavour.

NOODLES: Salt and vinegar!

SHIRLEY: Uh, yeah. Of course.

Gimme a hard one.

NOODLES: Okay, uh...

Black licorice?

SHIRLEY: Old fashioned or sweet?

NOODLES: I thought I was just making that up!

SHIRLEY: Come on in. Have some chips

and tell me about this TrollJammer idea.

NOODLES: A potato chip business card?

SHIRLEY: Yes, it's edible too.

Maybe save the number first?

MAX: Noodles? Are you coming?

NOODLES: Uh... I gotta go.

SHIRLEY: Yeah, sounds like you're super busy

with "TrollJammer."

What does it do again?

NOODLES: Uh...

MAX: The word you're looking for is "goodbye"!

NOODLES: Uh, see ya "tater," Shirley!

♪

♪

♪

♪

NOODLES: Ugh... Why do we have nothing to eat?

ALICIA: There's plenty of snacks.

NOODLES: Carrot sticks and protein bars are not snacks.

They're food.

With nutrition and stuff.

Look at this.

These are snacks.

Maple butter pancake flavoured chips.

ZEKE: Why... would anyone want maple‐flavoured chips?

KAYLYN: And why is Shirley texting you?

NOODLES: She invited me to her 58‐flavour potato chip bar.

MAX: Noodles, she's trying to tempt you with chips

and trick you into telling her about our TrollJammer app.

NOODLES: Do you guys really think I'm the type of guy

who'd give up our company secrets for a bowl of chips?

NOODLES: Really?!

ALICIA: Speaking of TrollJammer,

I just ran our beta and it still isn't flagging

some offensive language bullies use online.

MAX: Like what?

ALICIA: Well, I can't think of a nice way to use "fungus butt."

Can you? KAYLYN: Hmm...

How about, "I don't love fungus, BUT,

"I like mushrooms on my pizza"?

ALICIA: That's a stretch.

ZEKE: Yeah, no one likes mushrooms on their pizza.

MAX: How long will it take us to program it to identify

every mean comment?

ALICIA: Not long.

If we all keep coding for eight hours a day,

we should be ready to test it in a few weeks.

MAX: This is crazy.

Why do we have to make everything so hard on ourselves?

KAYLYN: It's true.

We're toiling away trying to change the world

and Shirley gets all the glory.

MAX: This is so not fair.

ZEKE: Maybe you should just invent something pointless

like Shirley did. MAX: Yeah!

Maybe we're just over‐thinking everything.

ALICIA: We could invent something useless

like the "Potato Phone" in our sleep.

But why would we want to?

KAYLYN: Because it would be nice to have an easy win for once!

NOODLES: It would also be nice to have a box of Butterscorchies

that's not empty!

ALICIA: So, what useless device could we build?

KAYLYN: How about... a taco tablet?

MAX: A watermelon watch?

NOODLES: Guys, the food gadget ship has already sailed.

We need something un‐creative.

MAX: Okay, so we need to be a lot less smart with our ideas.

ALICIA: I actually don't know how to do that.

KAYLYN: Just think, what would Shirley do?

ALICIA: Invent junk.

MAX: Exactly! People love junk.

ALICIA: How about a device that translates Emojis for adults?

NOODLES: Nah. Too smart.

That could actually be useful.

KAYLYN: We just gotta think of something simpler.

What about that back‐scratching sombrero idea?

NOODLES: Pass!

Let's stay away from ideas that actually have a purpose.

MAX: How about a backpack that doubles as a‐‐

NOODLES: Too smart !

MAX: If only we had someone who came up with quirky

and simple ideas.

NOODLES: Pfft. I know, right?

KAYLYN: Yeah, somebody who's good at coming up with fun,

borderline useless inventions.

NOODLES: Hmm.

Simple, quirky, fun, and borderline useless.

Wait! We do have that guy!

I'm that guy!

KAYLYN: I knew you'd get it eventually.

♪

UNCLE EDDIE: [grunts] So heavy!

It's, ah...

too bad they didn't think to put wheels on these wheels.

[laughs]

[phone vibrates] UNCLE EDDIE: Oh, whoops...

Ah, Ginettis?

Oh, yes.

Amazing.

Look, I've been trying to buy these defective hot air balloons

for months. I'll catch you guys later.

So, how many people fit inside?

Yeah, and how defective are they?

KAYLYN: What is this thing, Noodles?

NOODLES: I call it "The Invention Inventor."

I made it a while ago. It's where I get my best ideas.

Just watch.

The wheels spin, land on two random words, and bam!

That's your invention!

Like our new...

NOODLES: Potato... MAX: Phone?

KAYLYN: You've got to be kidding me!

NOODLES: See, it works!

MAX: It's so mindless... which is the point!

NOODLES: Pole pillows?

This is great!

KAYLYN: Pillows shaped like poles?

That would not be comfy.

NOODLES: No. Much better.

Sometime you're too far away from home

but you just really need a nap.

The pole pillow allows you to sleep on‐the‐go,

anywhere, anytime!

[snoring]

KAYLYN: Let's try another!

MAX: Meat Hat?

Those don't go together at all.

I'm gonna try again. KAYLYN: Wait.

Meat hats could be a thing.

Imagine... You're lost in the woods

and you're really, really hungry but have nothing to eat;

a very common problem.

Well, not anymore, thanks to Meat Hats!

[wolves howling]

ALICIA: Hey, what's this?

An idea generator?

NOODLES: You know that expression,

"The wheels are spinning"?

ALICIA: It's so random and simple.

MAX: Exactly. KAYLYN: My turn.

ALICIA: Squeaky... shoes?

KAYLYN: Squeaky, like a toy... duck, maybe?

MAX: Duck feet shoes that squeak when you walk!

NOODLES: That would be ridiculous

and completely useless.

They're...

MAX, NOODLES, & KAYLYN: They're perfect!

KAYLYN: We shall call them "Squawker Walkers"!

MAX & NOODLES: Yes!

ALICIA: Squawker Walkers?

Really? KAYLYN: Mm‐hm.

♪

[squeaking sound]

MAX: Ahh. That was super easy.

NOODLES: It's the upside of making something

really pointless.

ALICIA: I think I've seen something like this before.

NOODLES: No, no!

These have mallard duck feet and a cool name.

Totally original!

KAYLYN: Well, it's not like Shirley invented potatoes.

Or phones.

MAX: Think of all the effort we put into inventing things

to make the world a better place.

KAYLYN: When all we had to do was invent something dumb.

But they're totally cute! Right?

MAX: Tons of people will buy these with the right marketing.

Kaylyn?

KAYLYN: Uh, "Squawker Walkers! They'll love to hear you come

"and they'll hate to hear you go."

ALICIA: I think it might be the other way around.

[phone rings]

KAYLYN: You gonna answer that?

NOODLES: It's just a wrong number.

SHIRLEY: Noodles? Are you there?

MAX: Is that Shirley?

NOODLES: Shirley? No, of course not.

SHIRLEY: Yeah, it's me, Shirley.

NOODLES: It's a different Shirley.

SHIRLEY: It's Shirley from Potato Phone.

We talked yesterday at my store.

NOODLES: Okay.

It might be the same Shirley.

KAYLYN: Shirley, can't you see we're of in the middle

of something?

KAYLYN: Don't you have bigger chips to fry?

SHIRLEY: Well, I just wanted to show Noodles

my lavish cheese fondue.

NOODLES: You have cheese?!

And what's a fondue?

MAX: Melted cheese. NOODLES: Oh, okay, sorry.

NOODLES: You have melted cheese?!

And what's a fondue?

SHIRLEY: It's like a fountain of flowing warm cheese.

MAX: Give it up, Shirley.

Noodles doesn't care about your melted cheese.

NOODLES: Can I just see it?

SHIRLEY: Have you guys tried these dill pickle

and onion flavoured chips?

They're homemade. Crispy and chewy.

KAYLYN: Stop, Shirley.

Noodles isn't going anywhere.

Right, Noodles?

MAX: Noodles?

SHIRLEY: Oh, Noodles is gone?

Guess I'll talk to him later, then.

TTFN, bye!

♪

♪

SHIRLEY: Glad you made it.

You're not too busy with your friends working on that

world‐changing invention?

NOODLES: Never too busy for chips.

SHIRLEY: What does it do again?

NOODLES: I think I'll start with dill pickle,

and finish with strawberries and cream.

Everything in between is all gravy!

SHIRLEY: I also have gravy.

And ranch, and cheese sauce.

NOODLES: What did I do to deserve this?

SHIRLEY: "TrollJammer," was it?

NOODLES: This is nuts!

Well, actually chips, uh...

You know what I mean.

SHIRLEY: Go ahead.

Gorge yourself on my salty potato treats, you fool.

NOODLES: Wait... What was that?

SHIRLEY: Oh, I said, "Try the BBQ pork flavour

"with the onion dip.

"You'll drool!" NOODLES: Ha!

Could have sworn you said, "Something, something,

"you fool."

SHIRLEY: Oh, no!

NOODLES: Oh...

♪

[laughter]

UNCLE EDDIE: I love these crazy shoes!

And that squeaking is so annoying!

They'll never get old! MAX: Thanks!

UNCLE EDDIE: How many of these you want to make?

MAX: I don't know. Ten thousand?

UNCLE EDDIE: Go big or go home, huh?

What you kids need is an overseas factory

that specializes in cheap, useless junk.

MAX: Do you know any?

UNCLE EDDIE: Well, I know a guy.

You ever heard of "plastic pizzas"?

KAYLYN: [laughs] No. What are they?

UNCLE EDDIE: Wait, here. Uh...

Ah, here! Here's one! [laughs]

See? It's a pizza.

But it's plastic.

MAX: So it looks like a pizza. UNCLE EDDIE: Yup.

MAX: But you can't eat it. UNCLE EDDIE: Nope.

KAYLYN: And how many did he sell?

UNCLE EDDIE: A few million.

MAX: He's perfect!

UNCLE EDDIE: Great! I'll call him right now!

Oh, you guys seen these things?

They are so cool.

It looks like a potato, but really it's a phone.

MAX & KAYLYN: [sigh] UNCLE EDDIE: [giggles]

[buttons beeping]

KAYLYN: Uh... where does this guy live?

UNCLE EDDIE: Shh.

[Aussie accent] Yeah, g'day mate!

Yeah, how you going?

Yeah, look, I've got a new ordah for ya.

MAX: Whoa... You can speak Australian?

UNCLE EDDIE: It took me 10 years to learn the dialect.

Very complex.

KAYLYN: I'm guessing it'll take months for us to strike the deal

and get the shipment of Squawker Walkers over to...

UNCLE EDDIE: He'll make ten thousand units,

ship 'em in a week, and split the profits with ya.

Easy peasy. MAX: Really?

KAYLYN: This is awesome!

Feels good to have a win for once, doesn't it?

MAX: So, so good.

I could get used to this.

[incoming email sound] MAX: Oh!

Um, have you seen this?

KAYLYN: If you mean Noodles stuffing chips in his face,

then yeah. Thousands of times.

MAX: He's hanging out with Shirley now.

KAYLYN: What?

Okay, now I'm really getting worried.

Aren't you?

MAX: No... no!

He's Noodles. KAYLYN: Yeah.

MAX: Right? Our Noodles.

It's not like he's gonna tell her everything...

Right?

KAYLYN: No!

♪

♪

♪

SHIRLEY: So, tell me about this "TrollJammer."

And describe it in detail, please.

NOODLES: [mumbles]

SHIRLEY: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.

NOODLES: [mumbles]

SHIRLEY: Um, I get that you're talking slower,

but your mouth is still full.

NOODLES: Mmm, dip!

Mmm...

SHIRLEY: Um, can you please stop double‐dipping?

You're grossing out the other customers.

NOODLES: [mouth full] Ah, okay.

SHIRLEY: Uh, can you please at least try

to not get your hands in the...

..dip?

[exhales]

Okay, you've had your chips,

now tell me about TrollJammer.

♪

KAYLYN: What's going on?

ALICIA: Is he jumping ship to join Shirley?

MAX: Jumping ship? No way.

I've known him my whole life.

He's too loyal.

ALICIA: Yeah, but he really hates healthy snacks.

[shoes squeaking]

CHELSEA: What's with all the squeaking?

ALICIA: It's our newest invention.

MAX: We've finally invented something that's gonna be

hugely popular.

Squawker Walkers!

[shoes squeaking]

CHELSEA: Um... okay.

And how do these help... people?

KAYLYN: They don't! ALICIA: Nope.

They do not.

But they are cute and stuff, right?

MAX: Look! They squeak when you walk.

Like this. [loud squeaking]

CHELSEA: Stop!

So these don't help people?

At all?

I thought that was your entire, you know,

business thing. MAX: It was!

But sometimes people just want fun and useless inventions.

KAYLYN: Shirley's "Potato‐Phone" showed us that we can make

random junk and cash in.

MAX & KAYLYN: Cha‐ching!

CHELSEA: What?

MAX & KAYLYN: Cha‐ching!

CHELSEA: Stop saying cha‐ching!

MAX: What's wrong?

CHELSEA: You guys, this is...

the worst idea you have ever had!

♪

[sad‐sounding squeak]

CHELSEA: I think we need to haven

MAX: But we've hit gold! Right, guys?

KAYLYN: Yeah, it's simple and trendy,

just like Shirley's Potato Phone!

CHELSEA: But why are you opting to sell out like Shirley?

I thought you guys were against that!

I thought your entire motto

was to basically not be like Shirley.

MAX: But it's time we had a win.

CHELSEA: And annoying duck shoes are gonna get you a win?

MAX: They're not that annoying.

Are they? [shoes squeaking]

CHELSEA: Mm... [incoming email sound]

KAYLYN: I just got the order agreement.

CHELSEA: How many of these things are you making?

ALICIA: Ten thousand.

CHELSEA: Ten thousand?!

Let me see.

Ordah from Down Undah?

ALICIA: Australia.

Noodles' Uncle Eddie knows a guy.

CHELSEA: "From the proud makers of the Plastic Pizza..."

and those awful Bottle Pockets.

ALICIA: What's that?

CHELSEA: It's a disposable plastic case

for plastic water bottles.

KAYLYN: It's another plastic water bottle

to protect your water bottle?

CHELSEA: You know what?

I have something I want to show you guys.

♪

HENRY: Son, no.

I'll get you a bag of your own chips that someone hasn't

put their face into.

This place is disgusting!

I don't know why you're serving food in an electronics store.

Let's go to a different phone store.

SHIRLEY: Grr! Great!

There goes two more customers! Now, get out of there!

NOODLES: This is the best day ever!

SHIRLEY: Now, get out now!

Security!

♪

CHELSEA: Look around at all the pointless junk.

Fad items, toys, useless trendy garbage.

ALICIA: Ew!

This place smells like dirty feet

dipped in wet rotten vegetables.

KAYLYN: Was this really necessary, Chelsea?

CHELSEA: Yes.

I needed to show you guys where garbage people buy

ends up once they realize they have no use for it.

MAX: What's this?

KAYLYN: That's a controller from Mandolin Hero.

It was a popular console game for like a month.

ALICIA: It wasn't the funnest game.

KAYLYN: Ugh, remember these?

Wobble‐Balls. MAX: Oh, yeah.

"The ball you can't control." Those were just pointless.

KAYLYN: And so easy to lose!

MAX: Noodles had four of them.

CHELSEA: Oh, look.

Bottle Pockets.

Right in the heap of trash.

Which is exactly where your ridiculous

duck shoes will be soon.

MAX: We're total sellouts.

KAYLYN: What were we thinking?

MAX: We just wanted a taste of success, like Shirley.

But I don't want this !

ALICIA: Me neither.

MAX: And we got caught up with the cuteness of it all.

Like Shirley!

KAYLYN: She's not that cute.

MAX: No, I mean her Potato Phone.

On the outside they're kinda cute.

But they have no special use.

And we started our company to make useful inventions

to improve the world.

Not make it worse by selling squeaky

disposable duck shoes, right?

KAYLYN: Yeah. ALICIA: We're better than this.

MAX: And I'm sure Noodles would agree too if he was here,

instead of hanging out with Shirley.

ALICIA: What is he doing with Shirley anyway?

MAX: I don't know but it's time we got our friend back.

ALL: Yeah!

KAYLYN: I just stepped in something squishy and wet.

CHELSEA: Gross.

KAYLYN: I'm not gonna look down, okay?

So, if you can see what I'm stepping in,

I don't wanna know what it is.

MAX: I think it's... KAYLYN: I don't wanna know!

NOODLES: I'm going, I'm going!

MAX: Noodles! NOODLES: Oh, hey, Max!

SHIRLEY: Take this doofus away!

He ruined my chip bar, and then grossed out all my customers!

MAX: He did? I mean, he did!

Wait, why?

NOODLES: Shirley was trying to get info about TrollJammer

out of me, so I turned the tables on her.

And got some added chips as a bonus.

MAX: Nice work!

SHIRLEY: Didn't anyone ever tell you that making a mess

in someone's store then eating all their snacks is bad manners?

NOODLES: Didn't anyone ever tell you it was bad manners

to steal other peoples' ideas?

SHIRLEY: Ugh, whatever!

It's not worth the trouble.

I don't care about your stupid invention anyway.

People love my Potato Phone!

MAX: Yep. All the way to the dump!

SHIRLEY: What? MAX: Long story.

But you'll see. SHIRLEY: Ugh, whatever!

I don't even care!

Ugh!

MAX: So, what did you do exactly?

NOODLES: Any time Shirley asked me about TrollJammer,

I'd shove a bunch of chips in my mouth

so she couldn't understand me.

MAX: Genius!

How did you know she'd fall for it?

NOODLES: Well, I figured if my friends thought I'd fall

for such a simple food bribe, then Shirley definitely would.

MAX: Yeah. Sorry about that.

NOODLES: No, don't be.

I know I get pretty crazy around snacks.

MAX: How can I repay you?

NOODLES: I don't know. Just not chips.

Anything but more chips.

MAX: Come on, bud.

[squeaking sounds]

[laughter and chatter]

NOODLES: Alright, mate!

So just cancel the ordah.

Cheers! It's done.

No Squawker Walkers will be made,

other than these ones! MAX: Nice work.

You guys wanna get out of here? ALICIA: Sure.

KAYLYN: Maybe we could pop on by

our favourite potato pop‐up store?

NOODLES: Let's get our squawk on!

[shoes squeaking]

♪

♪