Original subtitles

NOODLES: Burger...

Burger!

Buurr‐gerr!

KAYLYN: [laughs] MAX: Shh!

It might work.

NOODLES: Burger...

ALL: [shouting]

BRYAN: Hey! What?

NOODLES: Veggies and hummus?

I clearly telepathed a request for burgers.

BRYAN: Oh, well... must be a problem with your signal.

So what are you guys doing today?

Or not doing, by the looks of it...

ALICIA: Killing time waiting for the turtle to remember

what it does for a living and compress the data

we need for TrollJammer.

BRYAN: You lost me at "turtle."

MAX: We need a faster computer, Dad.

NOODLES: And meatier snacks.

KAYLYN: I might know how we can get funds for a new computer.

Like all tech start‐up, we need to find an angel investor.

NOODLES: Uh, I totally know what an angel investor is,

but in case these guys don't...

KAYLYN: An angel investor is a person or company

who provides help to start ups in exchange for

some kind of stake in the biz. MAX: Yes!

We can find an angel investor who'll buy us a faster computer.

NOODLES: Computer...

Computer...

Com‐puuuu‐ter!

BRYAN: Get out of my head, Noodles!

Get out! Get out!

♪

♪

MAX: Everyone ready to find our new angel investor?

ALICIA: Yes! KAYLYN: Oh, yeah!

MAX: Let's do this.

KAYLYN: Wait, why pitch together

when we could divide and conquer?

MAX: Because I'm terrible at pitching alone?

KAYLYN: Trust me. If we split up,

we can cover all the businesses,

get a new computer... ALICIA: That part I like.

KAYLYN: ...and get back in the garage

working on TrollJammer before dinner!

MAX: Okay, fine. We'll split up.

KAYLYN: Okay, now, remember everyone,

be strong, confident, and don't take no for an answer.

NOODLES: What if the angel investor says,

"Do you not want money?"

KAYLYN: Then do take "no" for an answer!

NOODLES: But what if the angel investor says,

"Do you not not want money?"

KAYLYN: Then don't take "no" for an answer.

NOODLES: Thanks for patiently answering

my pointless questions!

KAYLYN: Alright, let's do this. NOODLES: But what if...

ALL: Ugh!

♪

KAYLYN: We are bringing civility back to the internet

and the world through the elimination

of negative comments.

That's why you should be an angel investor in Smashable.

FRANK: Woo! [laughing and clapping]

Good job, pumpkin, good job!

KAYLYN: Thanks, Dad.

FRANK: Just one follow‐up question.

If one‐third of investments are successful

and can guarantee five times the profit,

but the other two thirds make no money

and take years to reclaim the loss,

how does Smashable plan to guarantee a projectable ROI?

KAYLYN: Dad!

♪

ALICIA: And with our more powerful computer,

TrollJammer will be able to interpret

thousands of languages.

You'll never have to read another mean thing

said about you on the internet again!

SALESPERSON: Dude...

No one says mean things about me on the internet.

ALICIA: No?

SALESPERSON: "The wannabe hipsters

"who work at Best Get are so mainstream

"they actually wear lenses in their glasses."

Wow. Severe burn.

But I'm not in any way authorized

to give that kind of discount on merch,

which is too bad 'cause the Power Extreme 950

is the beast you need for Jamming Trolls.

Wait...

Do you think these people making fun of

"the goof with the bowl cut" are talking about me?

Harsh!

NOODLES: This app will delete

all those nasty, mean comments off the internet

protecting your children from online bullying.

Need I say more? Need I?

'Cause I totally can say more! I can say a lot more!

CUSTOMER: I wish you weren't saying anything.

♪

NOODLES: Wouldn't you say that unwanted comments

are the absolute worst?

CUSTOMER: The worst.

What's that, honey?

The dog is on fire?

Okay. Be right home.

NOODLES: Wow, did you hear that, Chelsea?

Do you know what that means?

CHELSEA: I think I got a pretty good idea.

NOODLES: It means there's a huge fire in town!

That's like the third guy who had to leave because of it.

MAX: Yes, individually we may be just kids,

but together we're a powerhouse of determined entrepreneurs

working together like a finely tuned machine

to change the world.

[clapping slowly]

[clapping faster] [knock on door]

NOODLES: Yeah, come on! What are you doing‐‐

CHELSEA: Max. Can you make Noodles stop?

He's freaking out the customers!

NOODLES: ...go pow, an explosion...

CHELSEA: Great speech, by the way.

You should try it on another human.

MAX: Thanks.

NOODLES: This is an emergency, people!

CHELSEA: Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to kick Noodles out of my cafe

for about the fiftieth time.

NOODLES: Drop your coffees immediately!

We need to evacuate the city!

Come on.

♪

NOODLES: I pitched absolutely every place I could think of.

Got nothing.

ALICIA: Looks like we all took "no" for an answer.

MAX: Hey, at least you asked the question.

I didn't even make it out of the bathroom.

NOODLES: Dah! I forgot bathrooms!

KAYLYN: You were right, Max. We should have stuck together.

We're better as a team.

ALICIA: Too bad we're not that kind of team.

They have it easy.

All they have to do to get a sponsorship

is wear a company logo.

MAX: Hey... Maybe it is that easy!

STANLEY: Here you go.

One plate of fries for four people.

MAX: Sir, I see by the photos on your wall

that you're an avid sponsor of sports teams,

which is admirable.

But have you ever considered supporting a non‐sports team?

Say, a group of young inventors running their own business?

STANLEY: Well, you must be real successful

if you're sharing a $3.00 plate of fries.

KAYLYN: We're more about changing the world

for the better than making money.

NOODLES: Yeah!

STANLEY: Look, I like to sponsor sports teams that do...

you know... sports things.

ALICIA: But everyone sponsors sports teams.

So cliche. STANLEY: I love it, but...

MAUREEN: It sounds like fun, Dad.

STANLEY: Really? You think that would be fun?

MAUREEN: Why not? We always sponsor sports teams.

Let's shake it up for once.

STANLEY: I suppose it'd a good idea to reach new customers.

You wanna do this, Maureen?

MAUREEN: So long as it's not volleyball again, I don't care.

STANLEY: Alrighty, then, you got yourself a deal.

ALL: Yes! KAYLYN: That's so exciting!

NOODLES: That was awesome!

KAYLYN: Oh, my gosh, Max! You did it!

MAX: We did it!

KAYLYN Should you read it first?

MAX: I don't want him to change his mind.

He's gonna buy us the exact computer we need

to launch TrollJammer. This is awesome!

STANLEY: Okay...

Your computer will be delivered in the morning.

MAX: Awesome.

STANLEY: Great doing business with you.

Hope you like the shirts.

ALL: Shirts?

STANLEY: Oh, yeah. It's in the contract.

You gotta wear the shirts. It's advertising.

MAUREEN: This is for you.

ALICIA: Ew! NOODLES: Sweet.

KAYLYN: Oh, they smell.

STANLEY: Listen, you don't have to wear them all the time.

Just when you're in public.

ALICIA: Here we go.

MAX: Holy moly, it compressed the entire Korean language

in three seconds!

ALICIA: You're such a smart girl, aren't you?

KAYLYN: This angel investor was such a great idea!

Wasn't it? MAX: Yes, Kaylyn.

You're also very smart and had a very good idea.

STANLEY: Ah! I see the new computer arrived.

Good, good. Well, um...

Have fun with your invention club or whatever.

MAUREEN: Don't worry. I will.

MAX: Uh... Hi, Maureen?

MAUREEN: Hey.

MAX: Hey, before you go...

Um... What?

STANLEY: What, what? MAX: What?!

STANLEY: Oh... It's in the contract.

You get the new computer and Maureen becomes

team leader of your club. MAX: Huh?

STANLEY: Have fun, honey! I'll pick you up at 5?

MAUREEN: Sharp. STANLEY: Yup.

MAUREEN: Well, I see I've got a lot of work to do here.

♪

HELEN: The contract clearly states

in exchange for a new computer,

Maureen gets to be your new team leader.

Did you read this before signing, Max?

MAX: Who reads these things? It's all just legal mumbo jumbo.

HELEN: It's literally the word "contract"

followed by three sentences.

MAX: You're a lawyer, can't you fix it?

HELEN: I am a law student, and no.

MAX: [sighs]

What am I gonna do?

HELEN: Buck up and give her a chance.

She could be super nice and have great ideas.

MAX: You're right, Mom.

I should look at this as a glass‐half‐full situation.

HELEN: Plus, you don't really have a choice.

♪

MAUREEN: Nice of you to finally join us, Max.

MAX: Sorry, just reviewing some legal paperwork.

Boring stuff.

Nothing to concern yourself with it.

On behalf of all of us,

I'd like to officially welcome you, Maureen,

to the best invention club in the world, Smashable!

[clapping]

Now, let's get you up to speed on our current project,

TrollJammer.

MAUREEN: Actually, as team leader,

I'm gonna need to put TrollJammer on the back burner,

because I have an invention that's gonna be insanely popular

and blow people's minds.

MAUREEN: Behold...

Fry‐Secure!

MAX: What?

MAUREEN: You know how annoying it is when you get a nice

hot side of fries and everyone just casually eats them

without even asking?

KAYLYN: What is she talking about?

MAUREEN: Well, Fry‐Secure is designed to keep your fries safe

from sneaky fingers.

When you want to eat one of your fries,

you lift the protective cover

and put on your personal radio frequency ring

and enjoy.

But if somebody else tries to take a fry,

the metal cover snaps shut,

trapping their fingers inside.

No more pesky people stealing your fries!

NOODLES: But... sharing someone else's fries

is the best part about eating fries!

MAUREEN: Not in my world.

Pay for your own fries, ya mooch.

NOODLES: [gasps]

ALICIA: Maureen, now that we have this new computer,

we're that much closer to finishing TrollJammer.

MAUREEN: Neat.

But jeez, it would be a shame if that computer got returned

because Daddy found out

that no one was listening to the team leader.

ALICIA: She didn't mean that.

MAX: Okay, everyone, how about this?

Let's put TrollJammer on hold for a bit.

I mean, I don't think it's gonna take long

for us to build Fry‐Secure. Agreed?

MAUREEN: So, yeah.

Basically the plan that I suggested.

Now, why aren't you wearing your shirts?

KAYLYN: 'Cause there's no one to advertise to in the garage?

MAUREEN: Put them on. ALL: [sighing]

♪

MAX: Mom, I need you to find a loophole in this contract.

HELEN: You still haven't read it, have you?

MAX: I'm a little busy!

HELEN: Well, if you took a minute to read it,

and I mean literally just one minute,

you would know that sentence two says,

"If for some reason, Maureen voluntarily leaves the company,

"Smashable can still keep the computer."

MAX: It does?

Awesome!

Thanks.

HELEN: Have you seen sentence three?

MAX: Uh, kinda.

HELEN: You should seriously read this.

MAX: Oh.

Oh, no.

NOODLES: Stanley's Restaurant.

Come for our burgers and stay for... uh...

...more burgers!

MAX: How can you possibly be enjoying this?

NOODLES: Are you kidding?

This is the role I was born to play!

Now, if only I could eat a burger while being a burger.

Burger...

Buurr‐gerrr...

MAX: I really gotta start reading contracts.

NOODLES: Buurrr‐gerrr!

♪

MAX: I know how we can get rid of Maureen!

KAYLYN: I'm listening.

MAX: We need to get Maureen to leave the company voluntarily.

ALICIA: That shouldn't be too hard.

MAX: So we have to make the job boring.

Or get her interested in something else.

Or just be really unlikable.

NOODLES: Ooh, that's a tough one.

I'm a delight.

MAX: That way we don't break the contract

and we can keep the computer.

ZEKE: Solid plan, but I don't really have

any skin in this game.

♪

ZEKE: Shouldn't you be putting your plan into action?

MAX: I'm procrastinating.

I don't like the idea of kicking someone out of the group.

Aah! Aw...

Oh... Good point, Zeke.

Just rip the bandage off and get it over with.

♪

KAYLYN: ...and when you consider that one third

of early stage angel investments are successful

and can return five times the investment

but the other two‐thirds make little to no money

and must work for years to reclaim loss...

So, obviously your talents would be better used

at a bigger company!

What do you think?

MAUREEN: Nah, I do the accounting

at my dad's restaurant. We're in good hands.

ALICIA: I sure used to love being on the soccer team.

All that "rah rah" spirit, road trips,

dumping sports drink on your coach every game.

Don't you miss sports?

MAUREEN: Sports are way too easy.

I just show up and boom, I'm captain.

Yawn.

ALICIA: Ouch! Ooh!

MAUREEN: Gotta tighten that spring mechanism.

Not snappy enough.

ALICIA: Better if it just chopped my fingers right off!

Right? MAUREEN: That's a great idea!

♪

MAX: I don't know what your dad is like,

but my parents are the worst.

Ugh, I mean, who makes their kid run a tech company

in their crummy garage?

I don't blame you if you wanna quit and work with

kids who have cooler parents.

BRYAN: Yeah. I'm such a monster

I'm doing your chores.

Hi, I'm Max's uncool dad.

MAUREEN: I'm Maureen and you seem pretty cool to me.

BRYAN: Ooh! I like this one.

She's a keeper.

NOODLES: I mean, can you imagine how horrible

being part of this gang is?

Working with your friends every day.

Coming up with cool inventions.

Laughing so hard you forget what you're laughing about.

Uh, I mean, it's the worst,

and everything is awful!

MAUREEN: What are you even talking about?

NOODLES: I don't know.

Good question.

ALICIA: I was curious to know

the captain of so many different teams.

MAX: Yeah, that is weird.

ALICIA: So I used the new computer to cross reference

all the team photos in town. NOODLES: And?

ALICIA: Turns out Maureen is in all the photos as captain,

but only on the teams her father sponsors.

Maureen, captain.

Maureen, captain...

Maureen, captain again!

MAX: You mean Stanley gives teams sponsorship money

in exchange for putting Maureen in charge?

ALICIA: Exactly.

Maureen's dad is buying her friends!

KAYLYN: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

MAX: No wonder she acts so mean.

She's probably never made friends the real way,

by having fun.

NOODLES: Or by rooting through their trash

to see what kind of stuff they're into...

like a normal person.

CHELSEA: I don't know what you're talking about,

and I don't want to know.

MAX: What? NOODLES: I mean...

Yeah, by having fun!

[slurping sound]

KAYLYN: I feel guilty for trying to get her to leave.

MAX: Yeah. ALICIA: Me too.

NOODLES: I feel guilty for eating her fries.

MAUREEN: Let's get cracking, everyone.

Those fries aren't gonna protect themselves.

This better be a new prototype for Fry‐Secure

and not another lunch break.

MAX: No, the 15‐minute lunch break you gave us

was plenty.

It's totally a new prototype.

What if instead of a case that protects your fries,

there was a group game that involves

the three F's of happiness.

Fun, friends, and fries.

MAUREEN: How do we make money off of it?

KAYLYN: You don't. It's just... fun.

MAX: Look.

I put this blindfold on and when I say go

you have five seconds to steal a fry.

MAUREEN: And?

MAX: And if I can swat your hands,

I get a fry.

Ready? Go.

ALICIA: Five, four, three, two, one!

MAUREEN: Ha! Got it.

♪

♪

MAUREEN: Let me be blindfolded this time.

ALL: Sure.

[all yelling and laughing]

[yelling and laughing]

[yelling and laughing]

♪

[screaming]

♪

♪

ALL: 3, 2, 1! [yelling]

♪

♪

[laughter]

NOODLES: I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I am so full.

KAYLYN: Whoa. Guys, Noodles is full!

MAX: Better mark a calendar.

This day will never come again.

ALICIA: I know what you mean.

I never want to see another French fry again.

NOODLES: Okay, let's not overreact.

[laughter]

MAUREEN: This is the most fun I've had in like forever.

Or more like... ever.

KAYLYN: That's just the nine plates of fries talking.

[laughter] ALL: Ah...

KAYLYN: We better get going.

My mom's expecting us for movie night.

MAUREEN: Oh.

NOODLES, MAX, KAYLYN: See ya!

NOODLES: See ya. MAUREEN: Bye.

Hey! Uh...

If you let me come,

I can get my dad to buy you a new computer monitor.

KAYLYN: What?

MAUREEN: I mean, I'd have to ask my dad, but...

MAX: What? No way.

MAUREEN: Okay.

Two monitors?

ALICIA: Maureen! No.

MAUREEN: Okay, fine.

Just go watch your dumb movie then.

MAX: No, no, you don't understand.

Your dad doesn't have to buy us things to make us your friends.

We are your friends. MAUREEN: You are?

NOODLES: Didn't you just say you had the best time ever?

MAUREEN: Yeah? So we're...

friends?

ALICIA: Totally. MAX: Yes!

KAYLYN: For sure. NOODLES: Yeah.

MAUREEN: So you weren't trying to get me to quit

and keep the computer?

MAX: You read the contract?

MAUREEN: Obviously I read the contract!

You'd have to be crazy not to.

MAX: Pfft. Obviously.

KAYLYN: We're sorry. That wasn't fair.

We just hadn't gotten to know you yet.

MAUREEN: That's okay.

I know I was a bit bossy.

It was the only way I could compete with you guys.

You're all so smart.

ALICIA: Fry‐Secure was pretty original.

MAUREEN: Max's version was better.

KAYLYN: You coming to watch the movie or what, Maureen?

We're watching Escape From Clown Mountain .

MAUREEN: No.

As team leader, I say we're watching

the original Attack of the Mountain Clowns .

MAUREEN: Gotcha. [laughter]

♪

KAYLYN: I mean, maybe a rental would be great...

ALICIA: Uh‐huh.

MAUREEN: Hey, guys! Guess what?

MAX: Those inventions aren't going to start

inventing themselves?

MAUREEN: For the first time ever

I actually tried out for a sports team...

and I made it!

MAX: Whoa! KAYLYN: Oh my gosh!

MAX: That's awesome!

ALICIA: Wow, Maureen! KAYLYN: High five!

ALICIA: But I thought you found sports boring.

MAUREEN: I did, but this time I actually earned it,

so it's kinda fun.

Besides, it's still a million times better than volleyball.

KAYLYN: So cool, Maureen!

MAX: Congratulations!

MAUREEN: Only problem is, with so many after school practices

and away games, I won't be able to be

a part of Smashable anymore.

MAX: Well...

You were a valuable addition to the team while you were here.

KAYLYN: We'll miss you.

MAUREEN: Say goodbye to Noodles for me.

MAX: Yeah. Where is he, anyway?

MAUREEN: He's got some kind of new deal going on with my dad.

NOODLES: ♪ Come get your burgers at Stanley's! ♪

♪ Burgers, burgers! Burgers! ♪

♪

MAX: Wow, you did it.

You telepathed yourself into a burger,

eating a burger. NOODLES: Yeah, I did.

MAX: Isn't it weird for a burger to eat another burger?

NOODLES: I dunno.

Let's just not think about it.

Stanley's Restaurant!

Come get your burgers!

Come get your burgers!

Come on, you know you want one!

♪