Original subtitles

♪

MAX: No more chairs?

KAYLYN: We're scouting the area to see who's gonna leave first.

ZEKE: I say Bagel Lady.

She's got two bites left.

NOODLES: Or just one bite if she really goes for it.

ZEKE: Right, two regular human bites left,

or one Noodles bite.

NOODLES: That is correct. See?

[crunching sound] ALL: Ugh!

NOODLES: Darn it! Why does everyone but me

have to take such small human‐sized bites?

KAYLYN: Nah, it's gonna be Baseball Hat guy.

He's still waiting for whoever

he's supposed to meet with to show up.

MAX: Why can't we just grab our snacks,

head back to the garage, where we can all sit?

KAYLYN: Look, look, look!

Baseball Hat's putting his phone away.

Reality has set in.

ZEKE: No. He's pulled out

a pack of toothpicks.

Still clinging to a shred of hope.

NOODLES: Yes! MAX: Hold on...

No more bagel left on Bagel Lady's plate!

NOODLES: And she dropped the napkin in her mug.

Game over. Woo‐hoo!

MAX: Finally! NOODLES: Ha‐ha!

Yes!

KAYLYN: Hey, there's Alicia!

ZEKE: Alicia? ALL: Alicia!

Alicia! Alicia!

Alicia! Alicia!

Alicia! [knocking on window]

KAYLYN: That was weird.

MAX: Hmm.

♪

♪

[music in video] ♪ Pants down on the ground ♪

♪ Shake that booty all around ♪

♪ Pants down, turn around ♪

KAYLYN: Cheer up, Max.

Your pants falling down on national television

gave us the idea for TrollJammer.

MAX: But if TrollJammer already existed,

it would have scrubbed all the mean comments

and left the positive ones. Like, uh...

Like...

Ah‐ha!

Well, this one isn't really negative.

NOODLES: "Hey, Max, it's Grandma.

"How do I get off the internet?"

ZEKE: That poor woman. NOODLES: Yeah.

MAX: What if I'm known as the "Pants Down Kid"

for the rest of my life?

NOODLES: I wouldn't worry about it, Max.

There's no "what if."

You're for sure gonna be famous as the Pants Down Guy

for the rest of your life.

KAYLYN: You should embrace it!

Go on speaking tours, campaign for better belt security.

NOODLES: The way I see it, we're the Pants Down brothers.

Although I'd like to steer us more towards...

tag‐team wrestling!

MAX: Okay... KAYLYN: [laughs]

MAX: Please let this TrollJammer app work out.

ALICIA: Hey, sorry I'm late.

Stuff came up. KAYLYN: Stuff?

Is that why you walked right past us earlier at Munchies?

ALICIA: Did I?

Aw, that's not cool.

ZEKE: It was ice cold.

MAX: Let's move on to more pressing matters.

We need to launch the TrollJammer beta now

and work on the bugs later.

ALICIA: We can't.

Language filters are clumsy. MAX: Clumsy how?

ALICIA: Well, when we blacklisted the word "butt,"

it also started blocking the word "butterfly."

MAX: Well, no one's calling me "Butterfly Face."

ALICIA: Here, look at this.

I've been creating a new framework so that it could

eventually detect context.

NOODLES: And context is everything.

That being said, I haven't been paying attention,

and I have no idea what you're talking about.

KAYLYN: This is the holy grail of language filters, Alicia.

It must be taking up all your free time.

ALICIA: Nope.

But now we need new comments on our own channel to test it.

NOODLES: I did listen this time,

and I still have no idea what you're saying.

MAX: She's saying we need to help TrollJammer learn

by feeding it comments. Right?

ALICIA: Exactly, in a controlled environment.

You wouldn't raise a baby on the street, right?

[laughs]

KAYLYN: That's an odd example.

MAX: What she's saying is we need to create more videos

that people will hate.

Troll bait.

MAX, ALICIA & KAYLYN: Noodles!

MAX: Sorry, Noodles, but this seems

more like your strong suit.

KAYLYN: Yeah, you do have a talent for...

drawing negative attention.

ZEKE: You're human flypaper.

No offence. NOODLES: None taken!

I know what I am.

You had me at "troll bait," which, by the way,

is my character's name in Fantasy Dungeons 5.

ZEKE: How are you doing in that game anyway?

NOODLES: I died in the first level.

Troll got me.

ALICIA: Looks like you can take it from here.

Gotta run.

NOODLES: I don't know about you guys,

but I get the feeling she's not telling us something.

MAX: Pretty weird that she moved here eight months ago

and we still don't know much about her.

KAYLYN: She's secretive, smart,

and deceptively athletic on the monkey bars.

MAX: I wonder what her secret is.

KAYLYN: Maybe she fights crime.

And has a high‐tech lab in the sewer systems

where she changes into her costumes.

NOODLES: Nah.

If she was hanging out in the sewers,

I would have spotted her by now.

MAX: Right.

And what about the fact that she once told us

she's an army brat and moved a lot growing up.

But what if that's just a cover for the fact that she's a clone

that escaped the secret military lab

where she was created.

Now she lives on the run

from the evil military government agents.

NOODLES: Okay. That's a little far‐fetched.

Let's try to keep things in the realm of possibility here.

She's obviously invented a time machine.

She's been raiding the future for tech

to bring back here to make us billionaires.

ZEKE: But the time machine itself would be worth trillions,

and she's kept it to herself?

KAYLYN: It's insane that we don't know much about her.

Are we bad friends?

MAX: Well, I know she's into computers...

and...

accessories for computers.

NOODLES: She and I are pretty close.

I'll go see what's up.

Anyone know where she lives?

KAYLYN: Come on, guys, we need to respect her privacy.

She's our friend.

It would be really embarrassing

if we ask her stuff we should know by now.

I vote we secretly follow her.

MAX: Good point. What if she's in trouble?

KAYLYN: Oh, yeah, that's a better reason.

ZEKE: Spying, the cornerstone of

every great friendship.

KAYLYN: We're not... spying.

We're just talking about a little concerned creeping.

Without her knowing.

ZEKE: My mistake. That's not spying at all.

MAX: Eh, yeah.

♪

ZEKE: You're smart to come to me for trolling advice.

NOODLES: Advice? I just need someone

to hold the camera. ZEKE: I consider myself

more of a director, but whatever.

NOODLES: I'm just gonna make an annoying video

and people will hate it. Right?

CHELSEA: What can I get you guys?

ZEKE: Just a sec.

Trolling is a skill not easily mastered.

CHELSEA: Guys, there's people waiting in line.

ZEKE: Hang on.

I'm teaching our friend a valuable lesson.

NOODLES: What are you trying to teach me?

ZEKE: Watch and learn.

NOODLES: Okay.

CHELSEA: What can I get you?

ZEKE: Oh, we don't want anything.

CHELSEA: You guys are literally the worst at standing in line!

Line fail! Line fail!

ZEKE: And that is how it's done.

NOODLES: [laughs]

CHELSEA: Why are you still standing in line?!

NOODLES: Yeah. This is so good.

♪ Here's something to get haters talkin' ♪

♪ Noodles in the forest, nature walkin'! ♪

♪ Na‐ture wa‐aa‐lk! Nature walk! ♪

♪ I love all the trees from the roots to the leaves ♪

♪ Na‐ture wa‐aa‐lk! Nature walk! ♪

♪ You keep trolling! I'll keep strolling! ♪

MAX: That was the worst thing ever.

ALICIA: Everyone is going to hate it.

I mean, I love you, but I really hate this.

KAYLYN: It's awful.

Congratulations. NOODLES: Thank you!

Thank you! [electronic chime]

NOODLES: Hold on... What's this?

MAX: "The best"? KAYLYN: "Love it"?

ALICIA: "It's hilarious"?

MAX: All the comments are... positive?

MAX: People actually like Noodles' horrible music video?

NOODLES: This doesn't make any sense.

The comments must be sarcastic.

KAYLYN: Yeah, let's read them in a sarcastic voice.

NOODLES: "So great!"

MAX: "Ha, ha!

"I've been laughing nonstop!"

KAYLYN: "Oh, yeah, this is my new favourite video."

ALICIA: No, these positive comments are legit.

NOODLES: Nobody hates me.

Nobody at all.

This is so upsetting.

MAX: There, there, buddy.

They'll hate you next time.

They just didn't get it.

NOODLES: Hey, yeah. They didn't get it, did they?

My next video won't be so subtle.

ALICIA: I've got to head off as well.

MAX: Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead. We'll be here just...

KAYLYN: Bye, Alicia. See you!

MAX: Commence Operation Shadow!

♪

KAYLYN: Are you sure the car is fast enough

to keep up with Alicia?

MAX: This car is the fastest one in my fleet.

The only other one is a dump truck

that makes bubbles and plays music.

Probably not the best one for a top‐secret mission.

KAYLYN: Why are you still talking?

She's getting away! MAX: Right.

[car sound]

MAX: All right. Where are you going, Alicia?

KAYLYN: Ooh, there she is!

MAX: Gotcha!

KAYLYN: Don't follow too close behind.

MAX: Okay.

From here on, it should be a smooth ride.

KAYLYN: She's stopping around the corner.

MAX: I'm on it.

KAYLYN: [exhales] Close one.

Oh, great...

RUSSELL: Hey, Mom, look what I found!

MAX: Put that down! Little thief!

KAYLYN: It's okay. We can switch to GPS tracking.

Where's she off to?

[beeping sound]

♪

♪

MAX: The dot disappeared.

Of course she would have an anti‐tracking software.

KAYLYN: All crime‐fighting superheroes do.

MAX: That's right. All military clones do.

KAYLYN: [laughs]

Now we need to do this old school.

Calculate the whereabouts.

MAX: Okay.

KAYLYN: Okay...

We lost contact...

15 seconds ago,

and Alicia's average walking pace is 3.2 miles per hour.

MAX: You know your friend's average pace,

but you don't know where she spends her spare time?

KAYLYN: Stop distracting me. MAX: Sorry!

KAYLYN: Okay, so according to my math,

she should be on Monroe Avenue.

MAX: I'll contact my guy on the street.

BRYAN: Yup, I have eyes on the target.

MAX: Maybe just say "Alicia" instead of "target."

We are already feeling icky about this.

BRYAN: Roger that!

You sure you want to override protocol

in the middle of an operation?

MAX: Just don't lose her, Dad!

BRYAN: Relax, I'm on her like glue.

[beeping sound] BRYAN: Oh!

Gotta pick up a passenger.

All right, good luck with your highly classified spy mission!

Gotta go! KAYLYN: [sighs] We lost her.

She slipped away.

MAX: Wanna help me plan a rescue op to get my car back?

We can't rely on my dad, but...

Bubbles the Musical Dump Truck

is ready to answer the call. [music playing]

KAYLYN: Have fun.

But I need to see if Noodles needs any help.

MAX: [sighs] No, no, no, no!

Don't play with it in the water!

RUSSELL: Time for a bath!

[splashing sounds]

NOODLES: Do you remember when we spent a whole summer

doing the water bottle flip challenge?

KAYLYN: [chuckles] NOODLES: Why did we stop?

KAYLYN: Because you hit Max in the nose

and he started to cry.

Then you tried to laugh it off, and he made his mom

get you to apologize, and it all got super tense and awkward.

NOODLES: No, that didn't stop me.

We stopped bottle flipping because we got sick of it.

It was lame.

KAYLYN: I see where you're going with this.

It's perfect.

Searching "trends people hate now."

NOODLES: And let's make a list of words

that make people feel queasy, like, uh, "mucus."

KAYLYN: [laughs]

NOODLES: And "pulp." KAYLYN: Ew.

"Moist"!

NOODLES: Yeah, uh...

"Wormy"! KAYLYN: Ew...

Uh, "vomit."

NOODLES: Now we're cookin'!

Corndog...

Slop...

Ointment...

Goat cheese...

Hoity toity...

Toe jam...

Moist...

Moist again.

CHELSEA: Uh... I don't get it.

What's the problem?

All these comments are positive.

NOODLES: Why are they so nice to me?

Maybe I'm out of touch.

What are you into these days?

CHELSEA: I'm really into unboxing videos.

NOODLES: Why?

CHELSEA: It's surprisingly satisfying watching people

slowly unwrap new tech.

Here, look.

UNBOXER: Now we are going to carefully

and gradually remove...

the tape from the bubble wrap.

Careful not to make any noise

and pop any of the bubbles.

CHELSEA: It's a modem. NOODLES: How can you tell?

CHELSEA: 600,000 views.

I'm responsible for at least 50 of those.

UNBOXER: It's a modem!

CHELSEA: Gets me every time.

NOODLES: Huh.

NOODLES: [in video] Hey, everyone, Noodles here.

Today we're going to unbox some hot new tech.

First things first, we gotta get into the box.

Hmm... It's not, uh, really working.

Uh... [thumping sounds]

CHELSEA: What did you put in the box anyway?

[laughs] Nothing valuable, I hope.

NOODLES: Relax, it was mostly nachos.

CHELSEA: Mostly?

NOODLES: Uh, an old TV remote or something.

NOODLES: [in video] I just gotta loosen it up a bit.

There we go. [thumping sounds]

Now...

[crunching and tearing sounds]

NOODLES: [in video] Oh, look! It's a...

Guess it's a puzzle.

BRYAN: Hey, have you kids seen the TV remote

lying around anywhere?

NOODLES: Oh, you mean that useless old remote

that no one uses anymore?

BRYAN: Oh, no, no, no, I still use it.

I can't figure out the new one.

BRYAN: [sighs] Oh, well.

I'm sure it'll turn up.

I mean, I hope it turns up.

It's the best remote I've ever owned.

How am I gonna turn the TV on without that guy?

NOODLES: You think maybe we should get him to

comment on my video?

CHELSEA: I think we should never ever tell him about this.

MAX: Okay. Clearly it was a bad idea

to follow Alicia.

Now my car is drying in a bin of rice,

and I don't think it's gonna make it.

KAYLYN: I guess we deserve it.

MAX: We ? It's my car.

KAYLYN: Enough is enough.

We need to confront Alicia and get her secret out in the open.

ALICIA: Oh, hey, is that the car you've been following me with?

MAX: What car?

KAYLYN: We're not following you! MAX: What bin?

ALICIA: BTW, writing "Plan to Follow Alicia"

right under "Operation Shadow"

kind of defeats the purpose of having a secret code name.

MAX: We meant follow you in a leadership sense...

ALICIA: "Plant microchip in Ali's neck."

MAX: Okay, I don't even know how that got there.

KAYLYN: Okay, we were following you.

That's our big secret.

Whew, that feels good.

You ever really want to get something off your chest?

I couldn't recommend it enough.

ALICIA: Nice try.

I do have a secret, but I won't tell you.

Not now, not ever.

NOODLES: Emergency meeting!

None of my videos are being trolled.

And all of them are getting tons of likes!

ZEKE: You're developing a cult following.

NOODLES: Really?

Maybe I could be an online influencer.

MAX: This is great. I'll update my profile.

"Max Graham, Entrepreneur slash Pants Down Guy."

KAYLYN: I'd drop "entrepreneur."

"Pants Down Guy" is more of an eye‐catcher.

NOODLES: And I even created a new dance called the Noogle

and... ALICIA: You know what?

I'll fix this.

Show up to 228 Monroe Avenue at 4:30.

Noodles, bring the camera...

♪

MAX: So this is where we'll finally learn Alicia's secret?

KAYLYN: I knew if we just respected her privacy,

she would eventually open up to us when she's ready.

MAX: I think she just took pity on us.

KAYLYN: [laughs]

NOODLES: Things are heating up, Noodles Army.

KAYLYN: I still can't believe you named your followers.

NOODLES: It's a movement, Kaylyn.

Embrace it or be left behind.

#NoodlesFever.

Now, Alicia may have led us to the missile silo

or a top‐secret government laboratory.

MAX: It's the local community centre.

The sign's right there.

NOODLES: Obviously a top‐secret government laboratory

wouldn't say "Top‐Secret Government Laboratory"

on the sign. This place could be anything.

The only thing we know for sure

is this is not a community centre.

MAX: It's the community centre.

We played badminton here last week.

NOODLES: Right.

Well, Noodles Army,

prepare to enter the community centre,

or House of Secrets.

Uh, but first I gotta check the lost and found

to see if my socks turned up.

KAYLYN: If anyone found them, they would've burned them.

Hopefully.

MAX: Let's go.

MAX: Oh, thank you. KAYLYN: Thank you.

KAYLYN: Thanks.

What...?

MAX: Not what I expected.

KAYLYN: [laughs] Nope.

But there's snacks! MAX: Oh.

NOODLES: It appears as though my first suspicion was correct

and Alicia has built a time portal in the doorway.

Huh... fascinating!

The time portal appears to be completely invisible

to the naked eye.

It looks like we've stepped 70 years into the future.

I wonder which one of these old‐timers is me?

MR. HOOPER: Hey! I recognize you.

NOODLES: Yeah, because I'm young you!

MR. HOOPER: What are you talking about?

You're the kid who keeps losing his socks here.

Get it together!

NOODLES: Or what? What will happen to me?

Wait! Don't tell me!

We'll disrupt the time continuum!

MR. HOOPER: You're a strange, strange boy.

NOODLES: What will happen to me?

Am I rich in the future?

Why does my breath smell like syrup?

Do I still love waffles?

Let's find future Max...

KAYLYN: Something's off.

So, Alicia helps old people?

Why be so secretive about that?

It's actually quite admirable.

MAX: Maybe she's just modest,

and doesn't wanna make a big deal about it.

MC: Everyone, please find a seat.

The show is about to begin.

MAX: Show?

KAYLYN: Hey, Noodles. NOODLES: Hey!

[applause]

KAYLYN: What?

♪ Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter ♪

KAYLYN: Uh...

♪ Pitter patter, rainy day ♪

MAX: What is this?

♪ It's a rainy day ♪

[tap‐dancing sound]

♪ Such a rainy day ♪

♪ (Such a rainy day) ♪

♪ It's a rainy day (A rainy day) ♪

♪ Such a rainy day (A rainy day) ♪

♪ Shoobee doo... ♪

♪ There are puddles at my feet ♪

♪ And those grey clouds... ♪

[audience gasps] ♪ ... up above ♪

♪ Shoobee doo ♪ ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ But they can't spoil this rainy day ♪

♪ 'Cause my heart's so full of love ♪

♪ It's a rainy day (A rainy day) ♪

♪ Such a rainy day (A rainy day) ♪

♪ But they can't spoil this rainy day ♪

♪ 'Cause my heart's so full of love ♪

♪ Pitter patter, rainy day! ♪

[applause] [cheering]

KAYLYN: Woo! Go, Alicia!

NOODLES: This is some serious troll bait.

[applause] KAYLYN: Yeah, Alicia!

Woo! MAX: Go, Alicia!

ALICIA: Well, there's my big embarrassing secret.

Ta‐da!

I've been taking tap dance lessons with little kids.

KAYLYN: Hey, we all have a version of that.

I have an ant farm.

MAX: I've been taking ukulele lessons.

It's relaxing, and it makes me look bigger.

NOODLES: And I have a puppet named Mr. Handsome

who likes to make prank phone calls.

MAX: If it's on the phone, how can they see the...?

Never mind. KAYLYN: See what I mean?

ALICIA: But you can see why I didn't want to tell you guys.

Edgy tech girls don't dance like ducks for seniors.

KAYLYN: Are you kidding me? That was awesome.

I can't even open an umbrella

without poking someone's eye out,

let alone dance with them in synch with five other people.

ALICIA: Thanks.

But I was a half beat early on the third outside turn

all week in rehearsal. [laughs]

KAYLYN: You have this whole other side to you,

and it's so cool.

And the audience really loved it.

I'm truly sorry about all the snooping.

MAX: We wanted to know what was up,

which is our way of saying we've always got your back.

ALICIA: By going behind it?

KAYLYN: Well, we haven't been completely open

about how weird we are. [laughs]

ALICIA: Oh, don't worry, I picked up on that early.

But if I ever was in trouble, I'd come to you guys first.

MAX: Really? ALICIA: Absolutely.

Do you think my back‐up dancers understand me?

Oh, let's get this over with.

MAX: Hold on.

Don't upload the video.

We can delay TrollJammer.

KAYLYN: I'm with Max.

I know this sounds cheesy, but I feel like we're closer.

And when you were on stage, I felt for the first time,

like we were‐‐ ALICIA: Click, too late.

Done.

KAYLYN: But you didn't let me finish!

ALICIA: I hate sappy speeches.

There, now you know something else about me.

[electronic chime]

VIDEO: ♪ Oh, it's such a pitter patter rainy day ♪

[applause] [cheering]

VIDEO: ♪ Such a rainy day... ♪

NOODLES: [laughs]

ALICIA: [sighs] NOODLES: Ouch.

These comments are harsh.

"Thanks for making me hate ducks."

Oof!

ZEKE: I've seen better dance moves

when my grandpa needs the bathroom.

KAYLYN: Oh my gosh.

MAX: I don't see that one, Zeke.

ZEKE: Yeah. I just said it now.

Love the costumes, though.

[electronic beeping] MAX: Check it out!

TrollJammer's actually working!

All the negative comments are disappearing!

KAYLYN: And it's leaving all the positive comments.

ALICIA: The very few positive comments.

NOODLES: Guys!

We're going to be bajillionaires, right?

ALL: Yes!

NOODLES: I'm only asking 'cause I owe Max's dad a new remote.

KAYLYN: Oh! [laughter]

♪ 'Cause my heart's so full of love ♪