Original subtitles

♪

♪

[sound of door closing]

HELEN: Yeah, I'm just gonna...

SHARINE: This is a disgrace.

HELEN: I'm so... I'm so... You know what?

SHARINE: You know what? Just...

HELEN: Okay, yep, great!

Yeah, I just...

Normally, I'm...

Yeah, okay. Alright.

[exhales] Okay, ugh...

[sighs]

Oh, God.

So embarrassing!

[sighs] Okay, I just...

♪

HELEN: Pasta sauce?

KAYLYN: Hi!

It's like it's really here!

How long do we have the AR headset?

MAX: A few weeks.

Long enough for us to test out the software development kit.

ALICIA: It's got a huge library of graphics,

point and levelling systems...

NOODLES: [whispers] Here, let me try.

[typing] [electronic beeps]

KAYLYN: [screams]

[laughter]

HELEN: Family meeting. Now!

MAX: Coming!

♪

♪

BRYAN: Listen up. This house is disgusting.

Ow!

Okay, see? That's a perfect example.

HELEN: I'm at law school.

Dad's working extra shifts.

You've got to pitch in.

BRYAN: Put your dishes in the sink...

BRYAN: You know‐‐ ah!

In the sink, not on a chair.

MAX: Okay, we get it.

We'll clean up after ourselves.

CHELSEA: Yeah. Sorry, guys.

HELEN: No, no, no. Not so fast!

No one is going anywhere.

We are having a family clean‐up weekend.

MAX: Mom! I've got a development kit!

And we're making a game!

CHELSEA: A kit ?

I have a social life, so...

BRYAN: We're cancelling all those plans until this house

is spotless, inside and out.

I'm putting my foot down.

[sloshing noise] HELEN: Ooh!

BRYAN: What kind of monster leaves yogurt on the floor?

HELEN: Mine was cherry. That one's yours.

BRYAN: Oh.

Right.

ALICIA: There's a violin!

NOODLES: Take that, violin!

Cha! Hoo‐hoo!

KAYLYN: And here's a pie.

NOODLES: I will slice you, pie!

Pew, pew!

ALICIA: And snowman!

NOODLES: Aah... MAX: Whoa!

NOODLES: Whoa! Uh, sorry, Max!

If you saw that menacing snowman, though,

you would've done the same.

MAX: Thanks for having my back with the snowman,

but I gotta go.

My parents are making me clean.

KAYLYN: Should... we go?

MAX: Oh, no, no, you guys can stay.

I just can't hang out with you.

See you. ALICIA: Sorry.

KAYLYN: Bye, Max.

NOODLES: Guess we're without Max.

This leaves an obvious leadership vacuum.

Dibs on interim president! ALICIA: Huh?

NOODLES: President 'til Max gets back?

ALICIA: It's just like a day, Noodles.

KAYLYN: Yeah, and we're all equal partners here.

Besides, it's just a title.

NOODLES: Is "president" just a title for Elon Musk?

Or Zuckerberg?

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Whatever.

NOODLES: Yes!

President Noodles! [making karate sounds]

[laughter]

MAX: [sighs]

BRYAN: Hey, pal. Cleaning got you down?

MAX: [sighs]

This is so boring! BRYAN: Yeah.

That's why I like to turn chores into a game.

For example...

Loading up the washer? Check it out.

Oh! See?

That way I can work on my range game,

while I'm doin' my laundry.

Oh!

MAX: Gamifying chores?

That's actually not a bad idea.

BRYAN: I'm not just a pretty face.

And I've got a lethal fadeaway.

HELEN: Oh!

Helen Graham with a humiliating rejection!

Once again showing why she is one of the best in the game.

BRYAN: Look, I'm just trying to teach our son something, okay?

HELEN: Oh, really? BRYAN: Yes.

HELEN: Oh, are you, what are you trying to teach him?

BRYAN: I'm trying to teach him‐‐ okay, you got this?

Okay, that's a foul. That's a foul.

HELEN: Oh, is that a foul? Is that a foul?

What's this? BRYAN: That's probably a foul!

HELEN: Oh, oh! Oh !

NOODLES: There. Now it's official.

KAYLYN: Okay...

ALICIA: You're really taking this seriously.

NOODLES: Uh... yeah!

KAYLYN: Are you done already?

MAX: Not even close.

But I have an idea you guys will love!

We could use the headset to turn house chores

into an interactive game!

KAYLYN: That's an amazing idea.

ALICIA: It could have zombies.

The dev kit has them.

NOODLES: You can get experience from each zombie you defeat.

ALICIA: Yeah, to level up your character!

We can build a demo right now.

KAYLYN: Wait... Won't your parents be mad

you're making a demo instead of cleaning?

MAX: Trust me, they'll thank me when the game is done

and they see how great the house looks.

HELEN: Oh, hello.

Busy cleaning, are we? MAX: Yup.

Just about to mow the lawn.

HELEN: Okay.

Sounds like you're on top of it.

[lawnmower revs up]

ZOMBIE: [snarls]

MAX: Whoa...

ZOMBIE: [yelling]

MAX: Oh, yeah! Whoo!

Take that, zombie scum!

Gotcha!

SHARINE: Did I mention that this doorknob is real bronze?

It's like having an Olympic medal.

WOMAN: I love it. I think we'll take it!

SHARINE: Really? That's great!

MAX: Wah!

Wow!

WOMAN: What's going on over there?

SHARINE: Uh... Oh, that's the neighbours' kid.

[laughs nervously] Isn't he fun?

MAX: Whoa! I will mow

every single zombie on this lawn!

SHARINE: Did I mention that this doorknob is real bronze?

WOMAN: I think we were looking for something

with a little less... crazy.

MAX: [yelling]

SHARINE: Oh, no... Really?

MAX: This is the best! 10 out of 10!

10 out of 10!

Whoo! [yelling]

[yelling]

This is awesome!

NOODLES: Welcome to the new and improved garage.

Or "Creativity Lab," as I like to call it.

ALICIA: What is all this?

NOODLES: As president, I decided a makeover was in order.

KAYLYN: It's amazing!

Aside from the fishy smell.

NOODLES: That's the koi pond.

ALICIA: What is it for?

NOODLES: Uh, it raises morale by, uh...

I don't know.

We can feed them and stuff.

ALICIA: Thank you.

KAYLYN: Okay, Noodles, this is a solid

employee wellness strategy.

ALICIA: Nice job, Mr. President!

NOODLES: Thanks!

Oh, let's have a brain‐jam!

KAYLYN: Brain‐jam?

NOODLES: Yeah, it's just like a normal meeting, but more fun.

Pull up a bag!

KAYLYN: Whoa! These are so comfortable!

ALICIA: Yeah!

NOODLES: Now, let's just let the brain waves flow.

ALICIA: Brain‐jam!

KAYLYN: Brain‐jam...

MAX: Aah!

HELEN: How long has he been doing that?

BRYAN: [chuckles] Hours.

I had to tell him to stop last night to go to bed,

and then he woke up and started doing it again.

MAX: Three thousand! HELEN: Nice.

That's probably enough, though, right?

Should we get him to... stop?

BRYAN: Hold on. You want me to...

tell our son to stop mowing the lawn?

HELEN: I guess?

Try to get him to do some dusting.

Or vacuuming!

BRYAN: Okay, I'll give it a shot.

HELEN: Oh, wait, the windows! Bryan!

See if he'll wash the windows!

BRYAN: Max... Max...

Max! Hey!

BRYAN: Oh, hey, buddy. How's the game thing?

MAX: Awesome! Wanna try?

BRYAN: Uh, no, thanks.

D'oh, okay. It looks like a lot of fun.

BRYAN: Okay, so... Pretty cool!

So what happens now? I just, uh...

start mowing the lawn and it just...

BRYAN: [screaming]

[screaming]

BRYAN: Max, Max, a zombie!

MAX: Get him, Dad! Use the mower!

BRYAN: [yelling] Get him off me, get him off me!

[screaming]

MAX: Are you okay?

You freaked out!

BRYAN: Freak‐‐ what? No, no, I'm fine.

I was just pretending I was scared.

That game is awesome.

MAX: Thanks.

Anyway, I should get back to working on the lawn.

BRYAN: Oh, you know what, Max?

Why don't you take a break?

I think you're ruining the grass

by just driving all over it.

MAX: Can I just level up one more time?

BRYAN: Well, there's a lot of other stuff that has to be done

around the house. You got vacuuming, dusting...

MAX: Vacuuming. Of course.

I wouldn't even need to rework object recognition!

BRYAN: Totally, you wouldn't have to rework object...

Whatever. MAX: Zombie spawn points

could be generated on the same base grid!

BRYAN: Sure. MAX: Thanks, Dad.

BRYAN: Alright, and the windows could use some washing.

Don't forget the windows!

♪

♪

MAX: Yeah!

[gasps]

Zombie, Zombie...

Die!

Die, die!

Aah! Aah!

♪

♪

♪

MAX: Yes!

MAX: Hi‐ya!

Look out! CHELSEA: [screams]

SHARINE: It's a great area.

So peaceful.

A perfect place to raise a family.

MAX: [screaming]

SHARINE: On second thought, let's go back inside.

You've got to see these wall sconces!

MAX: Aah, aah! Come get some, aah!

KAYLYN: Salami chewing gum?

That's never been done.

Probably because it's gross.

Somebody else take the "inspiration ball."

ALICIA: Oh, okay.

Uh, what about animated GIF rub‐on tattoos?

NOODLES: Cool. Is that possible?

ALICIA: Probably not.

KAYLYN: Darn.

[phone ringing]

NOODLES: Whoa, we all just checked our phones

at the exact same time. ALICIA: So?

NOODLES: So that is a problem that we can solve.

KAYLYN: I'm pretty sure ring tones

have already been invented.

NOODLES: Well, what if we made an app that can create

unlimited unique ring tones from a library of sounds?

ALICIA: That's actually a really fun idea.

KAYLYN: We could call it RingerPrints!

NOODLES: Genius!

You know what this means.

ALICIA: Oh, not another...

NOODLES: President‐mandated dance break.

[music playing]

♪

MAX: Yes! ZOMBIE: [growling]

MAX: Yes!

BRYAN: Hey, there, Max. How's the game?

MAX: Good. Almost level 25.

BRYAN: Oh, great!

Yeah, you're doin' a real good job on those windows.

So clean! Yeah.

Must've got all the zombies off there by now, huh?

MAX: Pretty much. New ones pop up once in a while.

BRYAN: Oh, hey, random thought.

How about a "washing the car" level?

MAX: Hey, yeah!

BRYAN: There's gotta be zombies all over that thing.

MAX: Thanks, Dad! BRYAN: Oh, and the front grill?

Make sure you get in there with your little fingers, huh?

[tuba noises]

[tuba noises]

SHARINE: I'm so jealous.

Well, I wish I lived in a neighbourhood full of joyful,

talented, musical children...

No, don't go! [grumbles]

[tuba noises]

NOODLES: Perfect. That's 20 ringtones.

We deserve a dance break.

[music playing]

SHARINE: Okay, stop!

Quiet!

That's it! I have had it!

I am trying to sell a house

and I can't do it with you maniacs

scaring away my clients!

KAYLYN: We're not "maniacs".

MAX: Aah! Ah, I've got you now!

I've got you now!

You can't hide from me!

SHARINE: Tell your parents to expect a formal noise complaint.

KAYLYN: Does she really think we all live here

and all have the same parents?

MAX: Yes!

ALICIA: Max is really enjoying the game.

MAX: [yelling]

HELEN: Really?

You manipulated our son into washing your car?

BRYAN: "Manipulated" is such a strong word.

I'm supporting his interests in, you know, game development.

HELEN: Okay, well, it's gone on too far.

We need to stop this. BRYAN: No, no, no!

No, don't.

It's a miracle.

Our son is obsessed with cleaning!

I had a nap today, Helen.

A nap!

HELEN: It's getting weird.

We are making a weird person.

BRYAN: Please don't ruin this. Please!

Remember before we had kids,

you used to enjoy nice long baths?

HELEN: Don't you say that word to me.

BRYAN: You deserve a bath, Helen!

Sure our tub's disgusting, but he'll clean it, Helen.

He'll clean it.

HELEN: You really think I'd exploit my son for a bath?

HELEN: [sighs peacefully]

Nothing could ruin this moment.

Nothing.

CHELSEA: Max? Where are you?

You're dead!

HELEN: And...

Moment ruined!

HELEN: What now?!

CHELSEA: Max keeps washing all my clothes,

and they're not even dirty.

HELEN: He's just trying to help out.

BRYAN: Yeah, and what's the big deal?

Look at how clean your white dress shirt is.

CHELSEA: That's my red dress shirt!

BRYAN: Oh.

CHELSEA: And look at these jeans!

I had to save up $150 for these,

and now they're ruined.

This is crazy!

BRYAN: Fine. I guess we better go find Max.

HELEN: Mm‐hm. MAX: Aah!

Take that, zombie scum!

HELEN: Max?

Are you down here? Oh!

BRYAN: Max! What are you doing?

MAX: Just helping out with some chores.

And squishing zombies for mad XP.

BRYAN: Is this even a chore?

You're just splattering paint all over the wall.

MAX: Well you guys are always talking about

repainting the walls...

HELEN: This has gone too far, okay?

No more house work.

Enough is enough.

MAX: Can I just level up one more time?

BRYAN: No! Your mom is right.

Next weekend you can do some chores,

but until then you're gonna watch TV,

you're gonna play video games, you're gonna...

Wait, what am I saying? What am I saying?

What is happening? HELEN: I don't know.

I'm confused too.

Please just cool it with the chores, okay?

MAX: Okay, fine.

HELEN: You promise?

MAX: I promise.

There. Is that what you want to hear?

BRYAN: Yeah! I mean...

I think so. I don't know.

NOODLES: Hi, angry lady. Sorry, didn't catch your name.

SHARINE: [sighs] What do you want?

KAYLYN: We came here to apologize.

We didn't realize we were being so disruptive.

NOODLES: Yeah, we didn't mean to annoy...

[tuba noises]

NOODLES: Sorry. New ringtone.

SHARINE: It's fine.

I was being a bit hard on you kids anyway.

I'm just stressed.

I really need to sell this house.

[air horn noises]

NOODLES: Sorry. Text.

SHARINE: Look, you seem like good kids...

...ish.

Let's make a deal:

no noise complaint, for now.

But if I hear another peep before this house is sold,

deal's off? KAYLYN: You got it.

[tuba noises]

KAYLYN: Sorry, that one was me.

MAX: Yes! Gotcha!

Ha! Yes, okay.

Ooh! [gasps] Die!

Die! HELEN: Max?

MAX: [gasps]

HELEN: Everything okay in there?

MAX: Yep! Everything's fine, Mom.

HELEN: Okay, you've been in there for 20 minutes.

MAX: Nope, I'm just taking my time.

No need to worry.

HELEN: You don't have to be embarrassed.

Everyone has problems sometimes.

Remember when Grandpa visited?

MAX: I'm fine! HELEN: Okay, I'm...

I'm coming in. MAX: No, no, no!

HELEN: I knew it!

MAX: It's not what it looks like.

HELEN: Put the scrubber down!

MAX: But, Mom... HELEN: No "But Mom"s.

Drop it.

You promised us you weren't gonna do any more chores.

I'm so disappointed.

MAX: But I'm only 40 XP from a level up!

Can I at least do some dishes?

HELEN: You already did.

Twice.

MAX: Fine, whatever.

HELEN: Max?

The duster.

♪

♪

MAX: Okay, I'm ready!

Where's the stain?

HELEN: Take a seat, hon.

MAX: What's happening?

BRYAN: Max, we didn't actually call you down here

to shampoo the carpet. MAX: Huh?

HELEN: This is an intervention, honey.

MAX: What? BRYAN: It's our fault.

We drove you to this. But your chore obsession?

It's a real problem.

MAX: It's not a problem. I can stop cleaning

any time I want.

BRYAN: Oh, that's what they all say.

Your fingers are pruning, son.

Pruning!

CHELSEA: I have such a weird family.

HELEN: This ends now.

No more vacuuming

or taking out the garbage or cleaning your room.

CHELSEA: Wait, what? BRYAN: Uh, maybe not no more.

We still want you to help out around the house.

HELEN: Yeah, we just want you to not do chores

in an obsessive way.

BRYAN: Right, so you can still help clean,

just not in a way that you enjoy.

You know what, this is complicated.

HELEN: For now, cold turkey,

until you can do chores in a healthy way.

MAX: Okay, I'll try.

CHELSEA: Uh, hold on, can I go cold turkey?

I think I may be addicted to chores.

CHELSEA: Guys! You need to stop me too!

Seriously! I will do the dishes right now.

HELEN: Oh, thank you! BRYAN & HELEN: Yeah!

CHELSEA: Well, that backfired. Ugh!

HELEN: Alright. That's the last of it.

BRYAN: It's a shame it had to come to this.

But from now on, we're rationing out

our cleaning supplies...

Like sane people.

♪

♪

[revs vaccuum]

KAYLYN: Oh, my gosh! ALICIA: This is so weird.

KAYLYN: Why are we doing this again?

NOODLES: We're exfoliating.

The fish eat the dead skin cells off our feet.

ALICIA: Ew!

NOODLES: People pay a lot of money for this.

KAYLYN: Oh, that tickles!

HELEN: Hey!

Okay.

Um... Where's Max?

KAYLYN: Isn't he helping you guys clean up?

HELEN: No, that's over.

He said he was with you guys.

Ugh...

Bryan!

BRYAN: Yeah. Oh!

This is cool. HELEN: Yeah.

BRYAN: What's up?

HELEN: Our son snuck off to do chores.

BRYAN: Oh, Max. How could you?

NOODLES: Uh, what is going on?

HELEN: Max is obsessed with his zombie game.

BRYAN: We can't get him to stop doing chores.

And yes, I know how crazy that sounds.

ALICIA: I have an idea.

I could program an update to his game that might make him quit.

BRYAN: No.

I'm gonna do what I should have done from the start.

I'm gonna get that headset and smash it with a hammer.

KAYLYN: Um, the headset was a loaner

and it costs $1,100.

BRYAN: Right! Let's program that update thing.

HELEN: Yeah.

KAYLYN: Max!

NOODLES: Max!

ALICIA: Max!

KAYLYN: Where are you?

NOODLES: I don't get it.

Why would Max be doing chores for neighbours?

Or at all? NEIGHBOUR: What'd I say, kid?

You can't just come back here and start cuttin' peoples lawns!

Get out of here!

Cut your own lawn! NOODLES: It's okay, sir.

We got him, we got him, we got him.

KAYLYN: Max! What's going on?

MAX: Hey, guys!

This game we made is so, so good!

NOODLES: Your parents are worried about you.

MAX: They don't get it! I'm almost level 50.

I just gotta mow more lawns.

Uh, trim some shrubs.

Maybe do the dish... KAYLYN: Max...

What's gotten into you?

Let us take you home.

MAX: No, I... I just gotta prune some shrubs.

NOODLES: It's okay, buddy.

MAX: Just let me prune some shrubs!

ALICIA: Calm down.

We're trying to help. NOODLES: Yeah.

We've actually got an update for your game.

You'll love it! MAX: An update?

KAYLYN: More zombies and more fun chores!

ALICIA: I just need to plug this into your headset and upload it.

MAX: Okay.

Go for it. KAYLYN: Okay.

I'm just gonna plug it in.

[electronic beeping]

♪

♪

MAX: What is this?

KAYLYN: We're showing you the future

if this game is ever released.

ALICIA: Look at these kids, Max.

They're obsessed with mindless chores.

NOODLES: Kids who choose to do work around the house?

It's just unnatural.

KAYLYN: A world where video games control kids

to make them tidy and responsible?

No thanks.

MAX: What have I done?

This game... is horrible.

NOODLES: The worst. ALICIA: Totally.

KAYLYN: Agreed. HELEN: Max?

Max! Where have you been?

MAX: Mom, Dad. I'm sorry.

I don't know how this happened.

HELEN: You had us really worried.

MAX: I know. And I promise

I'll never, ever do chores again.

BRYAN: Hang on. Never, ever again?

I'm not so sure that's the lesson here.

HELEN: Come on. Let's go home.

BRYAN: I mean...

You can still make your bed once in a while, right?

I just feel like the car's not gonna wash itself.

Hey, Jerry.

BRYAN: Is that a big enough rake for you or what?

[laughs]

KAYLYN: Are we sure this is the right call?

ALICIA: It's too evil.

NOODLES: Then why not just destroy it?

ALICIA: Because maybe someday we can safely study it.

Understand it.

KAYLYN: But until then, no one can know it exists.

SHARINE: Of course you can move in next month!

You'll love it here.

The neighbours are wonderful.

SHARINE: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!

MAX: Hi!