Original subtitles

KAYLYN: Okay, we really need to get our creative vibes going

and come up with something.

InventiveCon is in a week.

NOODLES: Okay, how about this?

Nobody likes raking leaves, right?

KAYLYN: Yeah.

NOODLES: My latest idea makes raking leaves a joy.

It's part glue, part tuxedo. I call it...

"The Gluxedo!" aka "The Glux"!

♪

♪

♪

KAYLYN: Does it have to be a tuxedo?

NOODLES: It's spelled, uh, G...

L... U...

KAYLYN: Guys! We've hit a creative wall.

NOODLES: [ventriloquist voice] I think that Glux idea

is amazing! [another voice] Me too.

Glux! Glux!

Glux! ALICIA: So...

What are you trying to say, Kaylyn?

KAYLYN: We need to regroup as a team,

like all the big companies do.

NOODLES: Glux! Glux!

KAYLYN: No. A corporate retreat.

MAX: A what? KAYLYN: It's like a getaway.

Yulo did it, and a week later, they launched SnapDragon.

NOODLES: What's a Yulo?

KAYLYN: Taltros did a retreat to India, and a month later,

they launched a rocket.

MAX: My mom's not gonna let me go to India.

KAYLYN: No, but we could go camping for the weekend

to have fun and bond.

NOODLES: That is the perfect place to test the Glux!

NOODLES: [ventriloquist voice] I love that Glux idea!

Glux! Glux!

Glux!

♪

♪

MAX: Where's your bag, Zeke?

ZEKE: I'm not coming. Camping holds no appeal for me.

MAX: Why not?

ZEKE: No electricity, no Wi‐Fi, and no toilets,

which is gross. MAX: Everyone's coming.

It'll be fun!

ZEKE: No, it'll be cold and wet and dumb.

The woods are full of deadly wild animals.

MAX: Deadly?

ZEKE: There have been dozens of reported wolf, coyote,

and bear attacks in this area, including eight fatalities.

MAX: The chances of a bear attack...

ZEKE: Technically, five fatalities

and three missing persons, but let's be honest, Max...

they're probably dead.

MAX: Yeah, maybe you should stay home.

ZEKE: [laughs] Oh... Oh, I'm staying home.

♪

HELEN: So is our little step bet still on,

or did you want to pump the brakes?

BRYAN: Are you kidding me?

I'm gonna be racking up the steps out there in the woods.

HELEN: Oh, really? BRYAN: Oh, yeah.

Collecting firewood, 500 steps.

Uh, walking down to the river to take a swim, 700 steps.

Running from mosquitoes, 3,000 steps.

Jealous?

HELEN: Hey, I have got a very active weekend planned.

Tons of stepping. BRYAN: Oh, yeah?

Well, then the competition still stands!

HELEN: Oh, it is on. BRYAN: It is absolutely on.

HELEN: Gets ta steppin'!

BRYAN: I think you better start stepping now!

HELEN: Oh, yeah? BRYAN: Okay!

HELEN: Also, honey... have a safe trip.

BRYAN: Oh, right. Love you.

HELEN: Love you too.

[whispered] Hey, Zeke.

Zeke!

Zeke, would you say you have a very active weekend planned?

ZEKE: Oh, yeah. HELEN: Great.

Do me a favour... and wear this.

ZEKE: Sure.

HELEN: Mama's gonna chill.

BRYAN: Bye, now! HELEN: Bye!

Love you. BRYAN: Love you too.

HELEN: I'm still gonna crush you.

BRYAN: I seriously doubt it.

Everybody!

♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream ♪

Anybody else?

Alright, it's a one‐man show.

♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily... ♪

Alright.

NOODLES: Mr. G.? BRYAN: Yeah?

NOODLES: Could you pull over? I have to go.

BRYAN: What? You went like 20 minutes ago

at the gas station.

NOODLES: I didn't actually go. Wasn't feeling it.

You know, bladder shyness.

BRYAN: Alright.

Good a spot as any.

BRYAN: So...

Any requests?

KAYLYN: Do you have any good wilderness advice,

Mr. Graham? BRYAN: Oh‐ho, do I!

NOODLES: Start the car! Start the car!

Wasps! Wasps!

BRYAN: You know, it's a funny thing;

the sting of a wasp is actually much more painful

than that of the yellow jacket...

KIDS: Go! BRYAN: Okay, okay!

BRYAN: Say it with me‐‐ if you're lost,

stay where you are. Don't wander.

That is an amateur move that just leads to more trouble.

NOODLES: Okay. Makes sense.

BRYAN: Excellent question, Noodles.

How do you know which direction is north

when you don't have a compass?

NOODLES: [whispered] I didn't ask a question.

BRYAN: Moss grows on the north side of the tree,

and you will find spiderwebs on the south side.

KAYLYN: Why? BRYAN: Uh...

That's nature stuff. KAYLYN: Okay...

BRYAN: And remember, if you encounter a bear,

they can run faster than you; they can swim for miles;

they can climb the highest tree. They are relentless.

They are basically nature's Terminator.

So if you see one, just play dead.

ALICIA: At least I know what to do now.

BRYAN: Oh, unless it's a grizzly!

In that case, run like crazy.

ALICIA: What?!

KAYLYN: What are you doing? [laughs]

NOODLES: Getting ready to hunt for dinner.

KAYLYN: We brought hot dogs and pasta salad.

NOODLES: Oh.

ALICIA: I've got no bars and no Wi‐Fi.

What's up with that?

NOODLES: Ah... me either.

Oh, well, guess we have to leave.

MAX: I'll get our stuff. Dad, get the keys.

We're leaving. BRYAN: Alright!

Here we go. KAYLYN: Where are you going?

ALICIA: If we move closer to the road,

we might get a signal.

KAYLYN: No, we are not moving!

We're gonna have fun and be creative with each other,

not our phones and tablets.

Now hand 'em over.

ALL: [disappointed] Aw!

NOODLES: Goodbye, phone.

♪

KAYLYN: Thank you.

KAYLYN: Max, let it go.

Thank you.

ALICIA: Be careful with my baby.

♪

KAYLYN: All of them.

ALICIA: This is just not cool.

♪

♪

KAYLYN: Mr. G., will you do the honours

and take those to the car while we get started

on some team‐building exercises?

BRYAN: I'll be right back.

KAYLYN: Now, was that so hard? ALL: Yeah.

MAX: Zip. ALICIA: Zap.

KAYLYN: Zop. NOODLES: Zip.

MAX: Zap. NOODLES: Zop.

KAYLYN: Come on! ALICIA: Zip.

MAX: Zap. KAYLYN: This is fun!

NOODLES: Zop. KAYLYN: Zip!

NOODLES: Zap. ALICIA: Zop.

KAYLYN: Zip! NOODLES: Uh...

Uh... caveman?

MAX: What? NOODLES: Uh...

Are props allowed in charades?

KAYLYN: Yes, they are!

NOODLES: But you can't talk, though.

MAX: Fireworks?

KAYLYN: No, guys. No, it's...

MAX: Uh... Dance, talk, I dunno...

ALICIA: Firefly? Frog?

Frog duck?

Can I just get my phone now?

KAYLYN: Come on, guys! Work together.

Three, two, one.

Left, left... oof.

Oof... left.

Can you feel us bonding?

Three, two, one, right.

Come on! Oh...

MAX: Looks cold.

KAYLYN: So, the goal of the exercise is to

cross the river...

[splashing sounds]

KAYLYN: ...without getting wet.

MAX: How's the water?

NOODLES: Wet! And...

freezing cold!

[laughter] ALICIA: Whoa, okay, okay!

KAYLYN: Noodles!

Max, did your dad bring towels?

MAX: I think so.

Wait...

Where is he?

KAYLYN: Mr. G.?

NOODLES: Looks like he didn't even make it this far.

There's no sign of the pillowcase

with our phones in it.

ALICIA: No! My babies!

MAX: Also... my dad?

ALICIA: Yeah. Right.

Sorry.

KAYLYN: He must be close.

MAX: Guys, we need to find him.

NOODLES: Um, but you're forgetting his advice.

He said to stay put. BRYAN: Don't wander.

That's an amateur move that just causes more trouble.

MAX: That's only if you're lost, which we're not.

He is. And he hasn't stayed put.

We need to go.

KAYLYN: Okay, what should we do?

NOODLES: I'll track him old school.

The key is to let nature do the talking.

This'll make things easier.

ALICIA: A placemat from where we had lunch?

Really? NOODLES: Yeah.

KAYLYN: [laughs] Let's split up.

I'll go with Noodles. Max, go with Alicia.

We can cover more distance that way.

ALICIA: But what if we get lost?

KAYLYN: We could use my mood scrunchies.

ALICIA: Mood scrunchies?

KAYLYN: Yeah, I wear different colours for different moods.

Yellow is happy.

Pink is‐‐ NOODLES: Great!

We'll put these on trees every 100 feet or so.

ALICIA: Okay. You guys head north,

and we'll take the other path.

KAYLYN: Alright, nature boy. Lead the way.

NOODLES: On an adventure we go.

MAX: What are you doing?

HELEN: Mmm...

[text message tone]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[text message tone]

♪

♪

♪

KAYLYN: I can't believe this is happening.

All I wanted was for us to have fun

and get back on track creatively.

NOODLES: Uh‐huh.

KAYLYN: Shouldn't we stay on the trail?

NOODLES: I know what I'm doing. Don't worry.

[sniffs] KAYLYN: What are you doing?

NOODLES: This way!

KAYLYN: Ew, Noodles! Is that...

On second thought, I really don't want to know.

♪

MAX: Is this really necessary?

ALICIA: We've got a better chance

of finding your dad this way. MAX: What way?

ALICIA: He's wearing that step‐counting thing, right?

MAX: Yeah.

ALICIA: Those things emit a Bluetooth signal.

This has a receiver.

It can pick up the signal and lead us to him.

MAX: This is so brilliant!

ALICIA: I know, right? [laughs]

MAX: But how do we power it?

ALICIA: Pop the hood.

NOODLES: Is Mr. G. right or left‐handed?

KAYLYN: Right. I think.

NOODLES: This is definitely his footprint.

KAYLYN: How could you possibly know that?

NOODLES: 6'3", 200 pounds,

favouring his right side.

KAYLYN: What are you talking about?

NOODLES: He's holding a bag of phones in his right hand,

so his footprint is slightly deeper on the right side

to compensate.

KAYLYN: Huh.

That actually makes perfect sense.

NOODLES: This way!

MAX: Any hits? ALICIA: Nothing yet.

But if he's within range, we'll find him.

MAX: Yeah, I'm starting to get worried.

ALICIA: Your dad's going to be fine.

MAX: We should invent something

that finds lost people in the woods.

ALICIA: Yeah, like bread crumbs.

But not bread crumbs.

MAX: Maybe a glowing disk that floats?

It could lead you anywhere, even in the dark.

Or what about a... really powerful light

that projects a position...

ALICIA: Blasts your coordinates into the sky.

Like the bat signal, but for camping.

MAX: This is good stuff.

We should get lost in the woods more often.

ALICIA: Ooh! MAX: [spits]

ALICIA: No... No...

Mm‐mn! Guh...

NOODLES: Ah, the juniperus communis,

native to the eastern regions.

KAYLYN: Who are you?

NOODLES: An edible berry, I believe.

Nope... [spits]

That's gross!

KAYLYN: [laughs] NOODLES: [spits]

KAYLYN: My tablet!

Max's dad has been here!

Wait. You led us here.

So you actually know what you're doing?

NOODLES: I guess so.

KAYLYN: How?

NOODLES: I watch a lot of "The Survivor Bro" online.

Mostly to watch him eat bugs and rodents,

but I guess I picked up a few things.

[both laugh] KAYLYN: Awesome.

What is this?

BRYAN: Alright, whoever‐‐ whoever finds this,

there are four kids back at the campsite.

Just tell them I'm a little‐‐ I'm a little lost,

a little off course, but, uh...

Kids, if you find this,

don't come looking for me.

Wait, if you found this, you probably already

are looking for me. So, go back.

No. Wait, wait.

Just stay put. Stay put.

Or... Or, uh... uh...

NOODLES: Now what?

ALICIA: As bad as it is that your dad's lost, and that's bad,

at least we don't have to do any more lame

team‐building exercises.

MAX: Yeah, so lame.

ALICIA: So lame.

MAX: Actually... ALICIA: I know, right?

Not that bad! MAX: Yeah, who knew?

ALICIA: Hey, I'm getting a signal!

It could be your dad.

MAX: Really? ALICIA: Yeah.

This thing really works!

MAX: Dad?

HELEN: Oh! [exhales]

Okay!

Mom's dry cleaning delivery to the rescue.

CHELSEA: Thanks, Mom! [laughs]

Oh... you brought that shirt?

HELEN: What? It's a uniform.

They're all the same. CHELSEA: Mm, no.

This one hangs short and has a weird twist in the collar.

HELEN: Oh, I'm so sorry that I walked all the way

across town with the wrong uniform.

Would you like me to go back and return with some options?

CHELSEA: Yeah, that would be amazing...

I mean, that's perfect.

HELEN: Okay. Well, uh, if you think so.

CHELSEA: Thanks, Mom.

HELEN: Off I go.

KAYLYN: What are you doing now?

NOODLES: Yeah, Mr. G. went this way.

KAYLYN: You can tell that just by chewing a stick?

NOODLES: Look! KAYLYN: A phone!

NOODLES: There's another video! Play it!

BRYAN: [whispers] I sense something is stalking me.

I can feel it watching me through the bushes.

Clearly it's a beast that sees me as easy prey,

so I've gotta keep moving.

NOODLES: You hear that? [crow calls]

KAYLYN: I think so, yeah!

NOODLES: Play dead. Play dead, play dead...

ALICIA: Whoa, whoa, whoa... MAX: What?

ALICIA: I've got another hit.

MAX: Really? ALICIA: Yeah.

It's getting stronger. Look.

MAX: I've never seen Dad move that quick.

ALICIA: Come on, this way.

♪

♪

HELEN: No!

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

[sighs]

♪

ALICIA: What are you guys doing here?

KAYLYN: Turns out Noodles knows how to track people

in the woods. MAX: Really?

NOODLES: It's not rocket science, guys.

Anyway, the trail goes cold here.

I lost the scent. How'd you find us?

MAX: Alicia destroyed the car but built an amazing

Bluetooth GPS tracker.

ALICIA: It is pretty amazing.

KAYLYN: Seriously? Can I see?

NOODLES: Whoa! How'd you modify the GPS

mapping app? ALICIA: Easy.

I reconfigged the system's OS, which was a joke.

KAYLYN: And you had to figure out how to adapt...

MAX: Guys! Can we geek out later?!

We need to find my dad!

ALICIA: Well, we're right above the signal now.

He should be here.

KAYLYN: You must've gotten a hit from the phones

we've collected along the way. MAX: What phones?

NOODLES: Ours.

Your dad's been leaving video messages on them.

MAX: Like that? KAYLYN: Yeah!

NOODLES: Play the video.

BRYAN: Good news, bad news, kids.

What do you want to hear first? ALL: Good news!

BRYAN: Bad news is I'm out of sesame snacks.

Also, there's a bear hunting me.

The good news is I finally cracked 10,000 steps. [laughs]

So in your face, Helen! [laughs]

Yeah, I got it right here on my step... counter.

Oh...

I must have lost it when I was climbing that rock face.

NOODLES: What rock face?

BRYAN: If I don't make it out of here,

just tell your mom...

the Wi‐Fi passcode is "madhouse55."

MAX: Come on, Dad. [fast‐forward sounds]

BRYAN: You're gonna want to put one...

one part oil into seven parts gas in the lawnmower.

ALL: [exasperated sighs]

[fast‐forward sounds]

BRYAN: Right, I'm gonna try to head north and hopefully,

when I do, I'm gonna be able to meet up...

[twigs snapping] BRYAN: Whoa, what was that?

MAX: Dad?

NOODLES: Oh, man. That's not good.

KAYLYN: He could be anywhere.

ALICIA: We're never gonna find him.

MAX: Guys! You are not helping!

NOODLES: Uh, sorry. I'm sure we'll find him.

KAYLYN: Yeah, he'll be fine.

MAX: Guys, it's gonna get dark soon.

We need to find my dad.

KAYLYN: Max, it's okay. We can do this.

NOODLES: Yeah. We've come this far.

[beeping sound]

ALICIA: Weird. I'm getting another hit.

Could be your dad's pedometer.

NOODLES: Maybe he left it around here somewhere?

ALICIA: I can't place exactly where,

but I can sync with it and download the info

to count his steps. MAX: Huh...

That's really smart. NOODLES: Okay.

We can't tell which way is north, but look here...

MAX: Moss!

BRYAN: Moss grows on the north side of the tree.

ALICIA: Okay. Look at this.

He's taken 3,000 steps since he last stopped.

NOODLES: I've been putting rough markers where we think he was.

Xs here, here, here, here, here, and now here.

Based on his number of steps, that puts him about... here.

MAX: Dad's been doing everything wrong!

Not staying put, running away from bears, and...

KAYLYN: He's going in a big circle.

ALICIA: Let's assume he'll keep making wrong decisions

and continue this circle and head right back here.

NOODLES: That's our campsite.

KAYLYN: I vote we all go back to camp.

All in favour, say aye!

Aye! ALICIA: Aye.

NOODLES: Aye.

KAYLYN: Max?

MAX: Sorry, Dad. Gotta follow my instincts.

Aye!

♪

♪

HELEN: [tired sigh]

Oh, didn't feel as far the first time.

HELEN: [exhales]

CHELSEA: You're the best, Mom! HELEN: Hoo!

♪

MAX: So much for my instincts.

ALICIA: Maybe your dad's not as clueless as we thought.

BRYAN: Help! Somebody help me!

NOODLES: I can hear him! MAX: Dad?

KAYLYN: Mr. Graham! Mr. Graham!

BRYAN: You guys! Oh, you're safe!

Oh, thank goodness you guys stayed put.

It's treacherous out there.

MAX: Dad, we found our phones and saw your videos.

Are you okay? BRYAN: A‐ha!

So my little plan worked.

Brought you guys together as a team;

you found a way back here. That's...

I'm impressed! [laughs]

KAYLYN: You're saying that you faked being lost?

ALICIA: So we'd go looking for you?

BRYAN: That's... that's right.

I faked it!

ALICIA: [laughs] Can I please get my phone back?

BRYAN: Uh, yes...

So... um, my apologies...

I tried to crack open a walnut with it,

so... I'm gonna have to replace it.

ALICIA: No, no. I'm pretty sure we're even.

BRYAN: Oh? ALICIA: I borrowed some...

car.

BRYAN: Okay, I'm too tired and hungry to even know

what that's all about. So what do you say

we cook up some dinner, roast a few marshmallows,

and we head back tomorrow morning?

KIDS: Yeah! BRYAN: Sing a few songs...

KIDS: No!

HELEN: Hey, Zeke!

Can I get that, uh, step‐counter thingy?

ZEKE: Sure.

HELEN: [exhales] Thank you so much for this.

So, did you have a busy weekend?

ZEKE: I went on an adventure, checked out some caves,

and I, uh, found a new canyon.

HELEN: Really?

A canyon? Double great!

ZEKE: Then I mapped the forest of Zeldogem,

and then I killed a dragon with a magic hammer.

Stuff like that.

HELEN: Wait. Let me see this.

Oh... 87 steps.

All weekend.

So, those caves and canyons were...

ZEKE: Online gaming.

HELEN: Of course.

Thanks, Zeke. Thank you so much.

ZEKE: No prob.

HELEN: Hey! [horn honks]

♪

HELEN: Hey, guys! KAYLYN: Hey!

MAX: Mom! Dad pretended to get lost!

NOODLES: It was so fun! We tracked him!

KAYLYN: Noodles tracked him.

It was like a next‐level corporate retreat.

ALICIA: So cool!

HELEN: Wow! That's great.

NOODLES: Come on. Let's go.

KAYLYN: I still can't believe you know how

to track people, Noodles!

HELEN: Uh... "pretended" to be lost?

BRYAN: I was so, so lost.

HELEN: Oh! Well...

I'm very happy you're okay.

Also, um, how many steps did you get?

BRYAN: Uh, I don't know.

12,000, last I checked,

but I lost the device when I climbed a cliff

to get away from a bear that turned out to be a rabbit.

HELEN: So you lost it? BRYAN: Yeah?

HELEN: So, zero? BRYAN: Yeah, I guess.

HELEN: 87.

I win! Woo!

I win! I win!

I win!

I win! BRYAN: Congratulations.

I'm just... happy to be alive.

HELEN: Me too!

Yeah, that is also why I'm so happy.

Mm‐hm.

BRYAN: I will get you next time.

HELEN: Woo!

ZEKE: So, how'd it go?

MAX: You missed all the fun, Zeke.

ALICIA: Yeah, it was awesome!

ZEKE: And none of your sleeping bags

were infested with dermaptera?

KAYLYN: What's that now?

ZEKE: More commonly known as the earwig.

NOODLES: I don't think so. I don't see any.

ZEKE: Of course not.

Their eggs are invisible to the human eye.

ALICIA: Eggs?

KAYLYN: And what do they do, exactly?

ZEKE: Let's just say they don't call them earwigs for nothing.

KAYLYN: What? MAX: What does...

[laughs nervously] What does that mean?

ZEKE: See ya, guys.

ALICIA: Ah... NOODLES: What?

ALICIA: There are eggs in my hair!

MAX: It's disgusting! It's all over the place!

KAYLYN: Gross! ALICIA: I feel it crawling!

NOODLES: I think I feel it in my brain!

KAYLYN: Someone get it out! Get it out!

♪