Original subtitles

KAYLYN: This place is awesome!

MAX: Look at this.

There's a whole box of dragon meal here!

KAYLYN: Let me see that.

It's just corned beef and shredded newspaper.

Fake. MAX: Ew.

I think I'd rather eat dragon.

KAYLYN: There's all kinds of cool stuff here.

Rubber brains...

Light‐up pants?! [laughs]

MAX: Muscle‐arm pillows...

Gloves... with four fingers?

KAYLYN: Noodles, why does your uncle have so many...

Noodles?

KAYLYN: Max, hold out your hand.

[squirting sound]

MAX: Ew!

Gross!

KAYLYN: Is it a soap dispenser?

MAX: Toothpaste. KAYLYN: [laughs]

MAX: Why would anyone want toothpaste from a nose?

NOODLES: [making donkey sounds]

KAYLYN: Do you have to do that

every time we visit the warehouse? [laughs]

NOODLES: [snorting sounds]

KAYLYN: [laughs] Okay, quit horsing around.

NOODLES: [donkey sound]

[dog barking]

MAX: Shh... You hear that?

[dog barking]

UNCLE EDDIE: What on earth do you want from me, Barney?

NOODLES: Hey, Uncle Eddie. UNCLE EDDIE: Oh, hi, guys.

MAX: What's up with Barney? UNCLE EDDIE: I dunno...

He just keeps barking at me, and I can't figure out why.

BARNEY: [barks]

KAYLYN: Maybe he wants a treat?

UNCLE EDDIE: Well, I've given him everything.

Treats, walks, baths...

Even a deep muscle back massage!

MAX: Most people would just call that "petting the dog."

BARNEY: [barks] UNCLE EDDIE: [sighs]

If only I could understand what on earth he's trying to say.

NOODLES: [laughs] What if you could?

MAX: Noodles, you're a genius!

KAYLYN: Did he just say that you're a genius?

NOODLES: I think he did. [making donkey sounds]

KAYLYN: [laughs]

♪

♪

♪

MR. CUNNINGHAM: You know, now that I'm retired...

I just don't quite know

what to do with my life.

[laughs] [dog barking]

RECORDED VOICE: The world is your oyster, Frank!

Go where the wind takes you.

MR. CUNNINGHAM: [laughs]

You, my friend, are wise beyond your years.

♪

MAX NARRATION: Mutt Chat!

Changing the world, bark after bark.

MAX: Pretty incredible, right?

NOODLES: I must have Mutt Chat now.

ZEKE: You don't even have a dog.

NOODLES: I'll get one!

KAYLYN: Max, you know I support your big ideas,

but this... it's just a bit too big.

And by "a bit too big," I mean absolutely nuts.

ALICIA: Researchers have made a lot of progress

in animal communication. MAX: Yeah!

They're talking to dolphins now, Kaylyn.

NOODLES: I can speak dolphin.

[making high‐pitched sounds]

MAX: See? I believe that means "hi."

ALICIA: Well, in theory, it might be possible.

There's tons of translation software we can adapt.

KAYLYN: Making a dog translator would be so expensive!

Wouldn't it? ALICIA: Off the top of my head,

I'd say we need at least 300 bucks for Bluetooths...

or Blueteeth? Bluetooths?

ZEKE: It's Bluetooths.

MAX: We could try crowdfunding.

We've never done that before.

NOODLES: Come on, Kaylyn!

KAYLYN: Pet owners are a huge market...

I could market the heck out of this.

KIDS: Yes!

NOODLES: [making dolphin sounds]

That means "yay." KAYLYN: [laughs]

♪

NOODLES: Refresh...

Refresh...

Refresh...

HELEN: Do you need to say "refresh" every time?

MAX: Our crowdfunding page has been live for an hour

and still nothing.

NOODLES: I just shared it with all my followers...

The Noodles Army should be kicking in any minute now.

Refresh! HELEN: Noodles!

NOODLES: Sorry. I'll be quieter.

Refresh...

Refresh.

Seriously?

Refresh...

Refresh.

MAX: Still nothing.

How many people are in the "Noodles Army"?

NOODLES: 41 strong, including nine non‐relatives.

And only six of those are bots.

Refresh.

[dinging sound]

NOODLES: Whoa.

We just got a pledge... We just got a pledge!

MAX: 25 bucks!

HELEN: Congratulations, boys. That's great!

MAX: I wonder who it was! NOODLES: Yeah...

HELEN: Yeah, too bad these things are anonymous,

aren't they?

MAX: Not if you know how to backsearch

their embedded user ID, and you should be able...

Oh.

Thanks, Mom.

HELEN: You guys are gonna get more pledges.

I think it's a great idea.

NOODLES: "Great" like you'll bump that up to

the $50 contribution tier?

HELEN: Okay, don't push it.

NOODLES: Refresh...

Refresh...

Refresh...

HELEN: Refresh.

♪

NOODLES: So the only money we raised was from Max's mom.

MAX: It stinks, but...

most crowdfunding projects never reach...

their goals.

KAYLYN: Mutt Chat was a great idea.

But I guess we'll have more, right?

ALICIA: Guys, we are fully funded.

NOODLES: Wait, what? MAX: Did you say "fully funded"?

ALICIA: Well, not exactly.

We've actually surpassed our goal.

NOODLES: We got more than we asked for!

MAX: This is great! Mutt Chat's a go!

KAYLYN: How did this happen?

ZEKE: I linked the Mutt Chat video to our crowdfunding site.

ALICIA: No wonder we got so much traffic.

KAYLYN: Zeke, that's so misleading!

People will think we already have a working Mutt Chat!

ZEKE: Probably.

Zeke out!

MAX: Now we really need to get this thing to work.

And fast!

NOODLES: And now I can get a dog!

KAYLYN: Yes, Max. And no, Noodles...

NOODLES: How about a dolphin? [making dolphin sounds]

KAYLYN: [imitating the sound]

That means "no"!

♪

[ukulele playing]

UNCLE EDDIE: So you wanna borrow my dog

to make a pet... translator?

NOODLES: Please, Uncle Eddie? It's for science.

UNCLE EDDIE: Well, I don't know. I mean, I love you kids...

and science, but we're kind of in the middle of writing a song.

NOODLES: You're writing a song with... Barney?

UNCLE EDDIE: Yeah, sure. You ready, Barney?

♪ I love Barney... ♪

BARNEY: [barks]

UNCLE EDDIE: ♪ He's my best friend... ♪

BARNEY: [barks]

UNCLE EDDIE: ♪ It's Barney and me together... ♪

♪ Something, something... ♪

That's as far as we got.

NOODLES: How about "together till the end?"

UNCLE EDDIE: Uh, it's a little "been there, done that."

What do you think, Barney?

BARNEY: [barks] NOODLES: He loves it!

UNCLE EDDIE: Or hates it. Who knows what he's saying?

NOODLES: Well, with Mutt Chat, you will!

UNCLE EDDIE: But if you take my dog,

I'll just be a guy playing a ukulele alone in a warehouse...

Right?

NOODLES: No way! You're so much more than that.

UNCLE EDDIE: Let's let Barney decide.

Barney, give me one bark for "yes,"

and two barks for "no."

BARNEY: [barks three times]

UNCLE EDDIE: Just take him.

MAX: How's the bark sensor coming?

ALICIA: I just finished the wireless mic.

MAX: Nice!

KAYLYN: How's the animal communication research coming?

MAX: Experts agree that each bark's pitch, duration,

and frequency are different.

Dogs do have a language.

KAYLYN: Well, hopefully we can figure out what it is fast,

because our funders are freaking out.

Listen...

"My dog hid my keys and can't tell me where.

"When am I getting my Mutt Chat?"

MAX: "My dog barked at my cat and I don't know why!

"I need my Mutt Chat now!"

ALICIA: It's been what, a day?

Just tell them to chill already.

KAYLYN: Well, our video did make it seem like Mutt Chat

was already, you know, a thing.

ALICIA: Well, that's too bad,

because it's, you know, not a thing yet.

MAX: It will be.

I'll start recording barks as soon as Noodles

comes back with Barney.

BARNEY: [barks] NOODLES: Say hi, Barney!

KAYLYN: Hey, Barney! ALICIA: Hi!

MAX: Let's go!

NOODLES: Say bye, Barney! BARNEY: [barks]

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Good luck!

♪

BARNEY: [barks] MAX: That's a "car bark"!

BARNEY: [barks]

NOODLES: That is a "bike bark"!

BARNEY: [barks] MAX: Mailman bark?

NOODLES: Sounded like a mailman bark.

BARNEY: [barks] [panting]

MAX: Barney, no! BARNEY: [barking]

NOODLES: Definitely a mailman bark!

BARNEY: [barking]

MAX: Barney, no! Sorry.

KAYLYN: This is good.

Me and you, hanging out, soldering stuff.

ALICIA: [laughs] Technically,

I'm soldering stuff.

You're replying to crowdfunders while playing Tetris.

But, yeah, we make a great team. [laughs]

KAYLYN: Yup, we're soldering.

Gettin' 'er done. [laughs]

No way the guys are having this much fun.

BARNEY: [barking]

MAX & NOODLES: Cat bark!

KAYLYN: Ruff, ruff! [both laugh]

ALICIA: Okay! Okay, stop laughing.

KAYLYN: [laughs] I can't help it.

You stop laughing!

ALICIA: You need to bark so we can test the mic.

KAYLYN: Ruff! [laughs]

BOTH: It works!

BARNEY: [barks]

MAX: "Tree bark."

NOODLES: Or was it a "tree‐bark bark"?

BARNEY: [barks]

MAX: Another bird bark!

NOODLES: Definitely another bird bark.

BARNEY: [barks]

MAX: And that's a "pee bark"!

They all sound different, Noodles!

This is really working!

BARNEY: [barking] [panting]

NOODLES: What was that one for again?

Oh...

Right.

MAX: I guess I'll do the honours.

NOODLES: Yeah.

♪

ALICIA: Wow, you look like you've been through the woods.

MAX: Bushes, bird chase...

Long story.

ALICIA: Barney led you through the bushes?

MAX: Noodles did.

ALICIA: Oh... Yeah, makes sense.

Wow, four hours!

You guys recorded a lot of barks.

MAX: Actually, 28 minutes of that is just the mailman

yelling at us. [computer beeps]

MAX: Now what?

ALICIA: Now we run these through my audio software,

isolate Barney's barks,

label them, and look for patterns.

MAX: Oh, that sounds complicated.

ALICIA: It's not that hard.

All we really need to do is match a couple of waves.

MAX: And once we have a bark "keyword,"

we should be able to unlock the mystery of dog language.

ALICIA: It's actually not that basic, but sure.

That's the general idea.

♪

KAYLYN: Food.

Walk.

Bird. NOODLES: Cut!

KAYLYN: What's wrong? NOODLES: You're too flat.

Dogs are super happy and excited.

I need you to bring this character to life, Kaylyn.

Be the dog.

KAYLYN: Okay, good point. Let's go again.

NOODLES: And, action!

KAYLYN: Food!

Walk!

Bird! NOODLES: [sighs]

KAYLYN: What now?

NOODLES: You don't sound like a dog.

KAYLYN: Normally that would be a compliment.

What do you mean?

NOODLES: People want their dogs to sound, you know...

"doggy."

KAYLYN: I actually don't know.

NOODLES: Here, like this.

[dog‐like voice] Food!

Walk!

Bird!

KAYLYN: [mimicking voice] Mailman!

NOODLES: No, he definitely hates mailmen.

KAYLYN: Got it. [deeper voice] Mailman!

NOODLES: Bird! KAYLYN: Treat!

NOODLES: Water! KAYLYN & NOODLES: Cat!

[laughter]

[Barney barking on computer]

[Barney barking on computer]

[computer beeps] [computer chimes]

ALICIA: Guys... Guys!

MAX: What? What?

ALICIA: Look. The barks match!

NOODLES: That's so cool!

Hel‐lo.

My... name... is... Noo‐dles.

MAX: That's not how it works.

Are you sure we have a match, Alicia?

ALICIA: Let me double check.

This one is Barney barking at a bird, and...

ALICIA: Yeah, this one is also Barney barking at a bird!

KAYLYN: Okay, and...

ALICIA: And, using this waveform...

MAX: She'll compare them to the other barks, and‐‐

ALICIA: The translation algorithm will pair them

with the recordings you guys made.

NOODLES: So now we can make Barney talk?

Uncle Eddie is going to be so happy!

ALICIA: There's still a lot of work to do,

and no guarantee it'll even wor‐‐

NOODLES: So happy!

UNCLE EDDIE: [playing ukulele] ♪ Sad sad sad... ♪

♪ Sad sad sad... ♪

♪ I miss Barney... ♪

I really gotta get my dog back before this gets weird.

♪

MAX: Alright.

It's time to unleash Mutt Chat.

Get it? "Unleash," like...

when you walk a dog?

NOODLES: That was a bad pun. Bad pun.

Come on, Max!

KAYLYN: There's no way this can actually work.

Can it? ALICIA: I'm honestly not sure.

Don't get your hopes up.

NOODLES: If it does work, we will be legends.

MAX: There's only one way to know for sure.

KAYLYN: Okay, Barney.

Speak.

MAX: Barney?

Can you say hi?

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Hi!

KAYLYN & MAX: Yes! ALICIA: Relax, guys.

60 percent of all dog language is some form of "hello."

MAX: Hi, Barney.

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Food!

MAX: OMG, Noodles. Give the dog a treat!

NOODLES: Uh, Bacon Shakin's or Snauzy‐Sausages?

KAYLYN & MAX: It doesn't matter!

NOODLES: Okay! Snauzy‐Sausages it is, Barney.

Here you go. Uh...

Would... would you like some more?

This is so weird!

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Food!

MAX: Holy...

KAYLYN: Calm down, Max.

It's probably just a coincidence.

ALICIA: I wanna believe it works,

but he is a dog, remember?

Dogs love treats.

MAX: Do you want anything else, Barney?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Water!

MAX: Are you thirsty, boy?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Hi!

MAX: You mean "water," right, Barney?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Hi!

KAYLYN: Ugh, see? It was just a fluke.

ALICIA: Oh, well.

The odds were like a million to one.

MAX: Come on, Barney.

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Water!

KAYLYN: What is going on?

ALICIA: No... way.

MAX: Way? NOODLES: Did we...

MAX: I think we did?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Bird!

NOODLES: Barney, come back here!

KAYLYN: I can't believe it!

MAX: This is amazing! KAYLYN: Did you see that?!

ALICIA: It works! MAX: We did it!

ALICIA: Yes!

KAYLYN: No way!

MAX: Okay, you ready? KAYLYN: Ready when you are.

ALICIA: Are you guys sure about this?

I mean, we've barely tested this thing at all.

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Hi!

Hi!

MAX: Alicia, this is the biggest

scientific breakthrough like, ever.

KAYLYN: We need to tell the world about it.

ALICIA: I'm just saying we could test it more.

No?

I'm hearing no.

MAX: Okay. Let's roll.

ALICIA: Rolling.

MAX: Hello, Mutt Chat supporters!

I'm Max, from Smashable.

KAYLYN: And I'm Kaylyn.

Thank you for all your generous donations.

KAYLYN: Without you, we would not have been able

to complete Mutt Chat.

MAX: Yes, you heard her.

It's finished, and it works!

KAYLYN: Now let's meet the rest of our team.

Dog bark expert,

Noodles...

KAYLYN: Engineering genius, Alicia.

Say hi, Alicia. ALICIA: Hi.

KAYLYN: And of course, Barney.

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Hi!

MAX: Amazing, isn't it, Kaylyn?

KAYLYN: [exploding sound] MAX: A talking dog!

MAX: Using a vocabulary of over 300 words,

Mutt Chat can identify barks

and translate what your dog is saying.

KAYLYN: That is amazing.

Watch: can you please tell me what this is, Barney?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Mailman!

KAYLYN: Uh‐oh.

Sounds like Barney sees a mailman.

NOODLES: What's he talking about?

I don't see a mailman anywhere.

MAX: Maybe we just missed him.

Do you see anything else, Barney?

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Bird! Car!

ALICIA: Guys, should I cut?

MAX: It's fine. Barney's just a bit camera shy.

Right, Barney? Barney?

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Baseball.

♪

CYCLIST: Is this your doggy?

NOODLES: His name's Barney.

CYCLIST: Hey, Barney. Can I pet him?

KAYLYN: You can.

But wouldn't you rather have a conversation with him?

CYCLIST: Yeah. I'd love to.

Wouldn't that be nice, boy?

MAX: Say hi, Barney.

BARNEY: [barking]

MUTT CHAT: Cat! Baseball!

Cat!

CYCLIST: I don't get it.

Is that supposed to be the dog through your phone?

ALICIA: Okay, let's just stop.

The translator definitely isn't working.

KAYLYN: Or is it?

You wouldn't happen to have two cats

and a baseball in that bag, would you?

CYCLIST: No, no cats or baseballs.

I'm actually on a protein cleanse,

so I got a lot of chicken, roast beef, some sausages,

couple of steaks‐‐

My protein! That's grass‐fed!

NOODLES: Barney, get back here!

MAX: Barney, stop! What are you doing?

BARNEY: [barking]

MUTT CHAT: Tractor! Garbage!

Fence!

MAX: Just a minor setback, everyone...

We can fix this.

ALICIA: Okay, I'm cutting. KAYLYN: Yeah.

We'll edit that part out later.

ALICIA: How can we edit if I'm live streaming?

KAYLYN: What?! You're‐‐

Stop! Stop it now!

ALICIA: Oops. CYCLIST: Bad dog!

Give me back my free‐range emu sausages!

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Run! Zombie!

Bird! ALICIA: Noodles,

when on your walk did Barney bark at a zombie?

NOODLES: Uh, we took a short video game break.

♪

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Tornado!

Race car! Vampire!

KAYLYN: Guys, we have a problem.

MAX: We know. We were there.

Mutt Chat's a total flop.

KAYLYN: A bigger problem.

We owe a lot of people Mutt Chats,

which we don't have.

MAX: There's no money?

We could return it. ALICIA: It's gone.

Collars, mics, Bluetooths...

Or Blueteeth. ZEKE: It's Bluetooths.

ALICIA: Sure.

NOODLES: Can't we just say we're really sorry?

They might be cool with that. ZEKE: It's simple.

Just run another crowdfunder, pump the costs,

and use the money to pay back these investors.

KAYLYN: Zeke, I think that's... fraud.

ZEKE: It's actually called a Ponzi scheme.

Everyone does it.

MAX: Not us.

We're going to pay back our investors somehow.

Any ideas?

That aren't illegal?

NOODLES: We could give them an old invention

that didn't take off? Like our Boomerisbees?

"The flying discs that come back to you."

ALICIA: Except, they didn't.

Which is why nobody wanted them.

UNCLE EDDIE: Hey, kids?

I'm sorry, but, uh... can I have my dog back?

I really miss Barney.

BARNEY: [barks] MUTT CHAT: Hi!

UNCLE EDDIE: Wow! It works!

ALICIA: No, it doesn't. That's just a fluke.

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Car! Bird!

UNCLE EDDIE: Wait, what‐‐

You wanna go in the car and look at birds, buddy?

[laughs]

This device is a miracle!

MAX: It's just random words.

UNCLE EDDIE: Who cares? [laughs] I love it!

Can I buy one?

KAYLYN: Really? You'd want it?

MAX: Even though it doesn't work?

UNCLE EDDIE: Well, so what? It's hysterical.

Right, Barney? BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Shoes!

UNCLE EDDIE: [laughs] Solid burn.

My shoes are basic.

NOODLES: What if Mutt Chat's not a bust, but...

a fun novelty item?

MAX: What do you mean?

NOODLES: They'd make great joke gifts for people with pets.

KAYLYN: Yeah!

Dog owners would go crazy for this.

They'll buy anything!

UNCLE EDDIE: What? No, no, no, it's true.

We spend a lot of money on useless dog stuff.

I spent 58 bucks on this shirt.

ALICIA: It's true.

Not all comments on our video are bad.

A lot of people still want one.

MAX: That's great!

Now we've got something to give back our investors!

UNCLE EDDIE: And they'll love them, right, Barney?

BARNEY: [barking]

MUTT CHAT: Chaos! Zombie!

Rampage!

UNCLE EDDIE: Wow.

You made it to Rampage level on Zombie Chaos?

NOODLES: Yup. BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Yup!

UNCLE EDDIE: Hey, just say whatever comes into your head.

NOODLES: Sure. UNCLE EDDIE: Okay, okay.

Okay, go!

BOTH: ♪ I love Barney! He's my best friend! ♪

♪ It's Barney and me, together... ♪

BARNEY: [barking]

MUTT CHAT: Hair, grass, burglar!

BOTH: ♪ Hair, grass, burglar! ♪

♪ Burglar! ♪

BARNEY: [barks]

MUTT CHAT: Stop!

[laughter]