Original subtitles

♪

NOODLES: Thingamajigs?

MAX: Global Tech.

KAYLYN: Super Logistics.

ALICIA: Corp... corp?

NOODLES: Let's name it after something we love.

MAX: Okay, what do we love?

KAYLYN: Mondays. ALICIA: Soccer.

NOODLES: Pizza. MAX: Ice dancing.

KAYLYN: What? ALICIA: Really?

NOODLES: Ice dancing?!

MAX: It's a beautiful sport.

ALICIA: This isn't working.

NOODLES: Yeah, none of these new company names have any pizazz.

MAX: We need a new plan of attack.

KAYLYN: Agreed.

Uh‐oh, I got up too fast.

♪

♪

KAYLYN: Our new company name needs to grab

people's attention.

NOODLES: And it needs to say everything about us.

KAYLYN: But also being serious, and not really say

anything at all. NOODLES: Yeah.

And it needs to have, you know...

schpizzazle. KAYLYN: Oh, yeah.

Tons of schpizzazle.

NOODLES: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Chelsea,

where are you going with that bucket of ice cream?

CHELSEA: The dumpster's out back.

I'm throwing it out.

NOODLES: Did you just say you're throwing out ice cream?

Has the world gone totally crazy?!

CHELSEA: Calm down.

It's just the month‐old gunky stuff stuck at the bottom.

See?

NOODLES: And the gunky stuff is the best part!

Can I please have the gunky stuff?

Please, please, please, please, please!

CHELSEA: Well, it's old...

but it hasn't gone bad or anything.

So fine, it's yours.

NOODLES: Yes!

CHELSEA: Um...

How about a spoon?

NOODLES: Great idea.

CHELSEA: You're one of a kind, Noodles.

NOODLES: Gunky stuff?

KAYLYN: No, thanks. That's all you, man.

NOODLES: You saw that, right? KAYLYN: Saw what?

NOODLES: I think a certain waitress has a crush

on a certain someone.

KAYLYN: You mean Chelsea... has a crush on you ?

NOODLES: Isn't it obvious?

She just gave me a bucket ice cream.

KAYLYN: Because it's old, gross,

and she was throwing it in the dumpster.

NOODLES: And she gave me a spoon.

KAYLYN: Like every other customer?

NOODLES: And then she smiled at me.

How do you explain that?

KAYLYN: She's cool and she likes us, duh!

NOODLES: No, she doesn't just like me.

She likes ‐likes me.

I think I know the difference between "like" and like,

"like‐like."

KAYLYN: I dunno, Noodles.

If she like‐liked you, I don't think she'd say it

with a bucket of expired ice cream.

NOODLES: She's just too shy to admit that she likes‐likes me.

I just need to help her find a way to express

her true feelings.

KAYLYN: Okay, and how are you gonna do that?

NOODLES: Now put this one on. CHELSEA: Why?

NOODLES: It monitors sweat outputs.

CHELSEA: Ew.

NOODLES: And these detect any spikes in your heart rate.

CHELSEA: Okay. What are we testing?

NOODLES: My invention, the Heart‐Attach.

CHELSEA: The Heart‐Attach. What does it do?

NOODLES: Stuff. CHELSEA: Such as?

NOODLES: I've built a love detector, Chelsea.

CHELSEA: Oh, another love detector?

NOODLES: Yes, and this one will even detect when someone

has a secret crush on someone else and won't admit it.

CHELSEA: My feelings haven't changed

since your last love detector.

Remember the "flipping coin of feelings"?

NOODLES: Does anyone really know what their true feelings are?

CHELSEA: Yes, I do.

NOODLES: FYI, as soon as I finish my new burp language,

we won't have these problems anymore.

CHELSEA: Noodles... NOODLES: Shh!

Just let the Heart‐Attach do the talking.

[machine plays saxophone music]

CHELSEA: Awkward. NOODLES: Shh!

It needs to monitor your heart and sweat levels.

CHELSEA: [whispers] Still gross. [machine beeps]

NOODLES: What? "Just friends"?

That's not right!

CHELSEA: Looks like your machine is working perfectly.

NOODLES: It's a failure!

CHELSEA: "Just friends" is okay.

But, um, quick question...

why is this already wet?

NOODLES: Um...

CHELSEA: Did you wear this before you put it on me?

Because if you did, that is for real super gross.

♪

ALICIA: Okay, maybe our name could be an acronym.

Like, how each letter stands for a word.

MAX: Can we make a word out of the first letter

of each of our names?

KAYLYN: Well, let's see.

We've got an "M," an "A,"

an "N," and a "K."

ALICIA: Mank.

MAX: Mank? ALICIA: Yeah.

It's like Hank, but it's Mank.

KAYLYN: Mank could be a thing.

MAX: Okay, Mank, yeah.

So I'd walk into meetings with potential investors and say,

"Hello, my name is Max, and I'm the CEO of Mank.

" Mank you for meeting with me."

ALICIA: Ugh! No.

I feel like we've all soured on "Mank."

KAYLYN: Me too.

MAX: "Mega Wiz" isn't that bad, is it?

KAYLYN: Max, remember the talk show?

The whole audience laughed at it.

MAX: Yeah, I remember.

ALICIA: It was so embarrassing for you.

MAX: Yes, I remember.

KAYLYN: Gracie made you do the pee pants dance,

and you nearly blinded her!

[audience laughter]

GRACIE: [screams]

ALICIA: So humiliating!

MAX: I remember! Okay, fine.

We need to change the name.

NOODLES: Are we talking about that time Max had to do

the pee pants dance on TV and everyone laughed at him?

That was so embarrassing!

MAX: Thank you, Noodles.

NOODLES: "Mega Wiz." What were we thinking?

KAYLYN: Sounds weird when you say it out loud.

"Mega Wiz."

ALL: Mega Wiz, Mega Wiz, Mega Wiz...

Mega Wiz, Mega Wiz Mega Wiz...

MAX: Okay, we're changing the name!

NOODLES: [sighs dramatically]

ALICIA: What's your problem?

NOODLES: I made this thing that's supposed to monitor

heartbeat and sweat levels... KAYLYN & ALICIA: Ew!

NOODLES: ...in order to detect romantic interest.

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Aw!

NOODLES: It said me and Chelsea are just friends.

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Aw.

MAX: Although that does seem like an accurate reading.

I mean...

aw.

CHELSEA: Okay, all hooked up.

Ready? BRYAN: Uh, I'm a little nervous.

HELEN: You should be. Machines don't lie.

[machine plays saxophone music]

[machine plays saxophone music]

[machine plays saxophone music]

CHELSEA: Mom, Dad.

I am proud to announce that you two are both "madly in love."

BRYAN: Yes! HELEN: Woo‐hoo, yes!

BRYAN: Wait, wait, wait, was there ever any doubt?

HELEN: Oh, no... of course not.

MAX: Huh. That's weird.

BRYAN: Why are you saying that?

HELEN: What, you don't think your dad actually likes me?

MAX: No, no, I do. I'm...

just a little surprised.

HELEN: I mean, it for sure accurately measured

how sweaty your hands are.

BRYAN: Well, I always get sweaty and nervous

before I take a test.

HELEN: Well, you had nothing to be worried about,

because you passed with flying colours.

CHELSEA: And swampy palms, apparently.

BRYAN: [chuckles] It doesn't say that.

Wait, does it?

MAX: I wonder, does this actually work?

MAX: And when we tested it on my parents,

it said they were madly in love.

NOODLES: Are they? After all these years?

That's adorable.

MAX: The point is, that's two correct readings in a row!

Isn't that weird? NOODLES: I'll say.

Especially since, full disclosure,

there's no science behind Heart‐Attach.

It's just a heartbeat monitor with a randomizer app.

MAX: But what if you've accidentally

stumbled onto something?

NOODLES: What are the odds of that?

MAX: You know, some of history's greatest inventions

were accidents.

Velcro... Popsicles...

NOODLES: Peanut butter and chocolate.

MAX: Exactly!

What if the Heart‐Attach is our peanut butter and chocolate?

We need to test it out some more.

NOODLES: Well, if you wanna test it out so bad,

maybe we should hook up you and Kaylyn.

MAX: What? What are you talking about?

NOODLES: Because you like‐like her.

MAX: I do not.

NOODLES: You like‐like her a bunch.

MAX: I do not like‐like her! I like her, but not like ‐like.

No like‐like! I just... like her.

But not, like, like that.

NOODLES: So you, like... like her?

MAX: Are you saying like‐like or like, like?

NOODLES: Eh, this is just more proof we need to develop

my new burp language.

MAX: Burpish? Burpian?

NOODLES: I was thinking, like, Burpaise.

[belches]

♪

ALICIA: Okay...

Name ideas, name ideas.

Let's see.

Tree...

Bird...

KAYLYN: Treebird? BOTH: Nah.

OLD MAN: Hey!

ALICIA: Old man?

OLD MAN: That's my cheese! Give it back!

ALICIA: Old man yelling at bird.

Any of those anything?

KAYLYN: I mean, they are things,

but I don't think they're great names for our company.

ALICIA: This is hard.

OLD MAN: You're not a bird, you're a jerk!

ALICIA: Also, wow...

that man is very mad at that bird.

OLD MAN: Stupid bird!

ALICIA: Stop yelling at the bird!

KAYLYN: Alicia!

We need something catchy.

Or at least, you know... not lame.

[sighs]

♪

KAYLYN: You think of anything? ALICIA: Nope.

You? KAYLYN: Negative.

ALICIA: Is this always so awkward?

KAYLYN: Me? ALICIA: No...

I mean, I move around a lot, so I've never been friends with

anyone for this long, and I'm not sure I'm doing it right.

KAYLYN: Where is this coming from?

ALICIA: I don't know.

We've just been sitting here in silence, and I'm worried

maybe I'm friending wrong?

KAYLYN: You're a great friend.

ALICIA: Really? KAYLYN: Totally.

ALICIA: Thanks. So are you.

KAYLYN: Also, it's not awkward silence

when you're just chilling with your buds.

It just means you're comfortable.

ALICIA: That's a relief.

So, what do we do now?

KAYLYN: As friends? ALICIA: About the new name?

KAYLYN: Hmm. How about...

Garbage Can Industries.

Pizza Box Inc.

Half A Sandwich Incorporated?

ALICIA: Yeah! How about we leave the park?

KAYLYN: Yeah.

♪

CHELSEA: Here. It's on the house.

NOODLES: Huh? CHELSEA: It's free.

NOODLES: Whoa! You got me a gift?

CHELSEA: Our manager always makes us give shakes

to lonely sad‐sacks.

We call it the Break‐Up Special.

NOODLES: I'm a bit insulted by "sad sack,"

but it's free, so I'll take it.

MAX: Alright, we're all set up and ready to go.

Um... can you maybe ask some people to help us?

NOODLES: Why me?

MAX: I feel like my strength is innovation

and business strategy, and it's less...

you know, talking to people.

NOODLES: Well, I'm awesome at talking...

in two languages.

[belches] Okay!

NOODLES: Ladies and gentlemen,

when NASA wanted to put a man on the moon,

they asked for a few good people

to step up in the name of science.

Today I'm asking for a few volunteers to help us

test a potential break‐through in science and love.

Like this happy couple, right here.

SAMUEL: Uh, sure, we'll help.

MAX: Really? SAMUEL: Yeah!

MAX: Thank you. What are your names?

SAMUEL: I'm Samuel, and this is my friend

and business associate, Lisa. NOODLES: That's great,

but we don't need your life story;

we just need to hook you up to these wires.

SAMUEL & LISA: [laugh] Okay. SAMUEL: Uh...

Oh, pretty cool, guys.

MAX: Yeah. There you go.

And this device will show us exactly how you two

feel about each other. LISA: [laughs]

SAMUEL: Oh, we're just friends.

We run a screen‐printing collective together.

NOODLES: Sam! SAMUEL: Yes.

MAX: Um, for science,

would you two mind leaning in close together?

Here we go.

[machine plays saxophone music]

[machine plays saxophone music]

MAX: It says you guys are "interested."

Does that sound right?

LISA: Well... I am.

SAMUEL: Wait, really?

Uh, uh, Lisa, I feel the same!

I've been interested in you ever since I walked into

your screen‐printing workshop! MAX: Whoa!

Three correct readings!

NOODLES: Even a broken clock is right three times a day.

CALLUM: Hey, oh, try us next.

JESSIE: Oh, Callum, let's not.

CALLUM: Oh, it'll be fun, Jess!

CALLUM: Okay. JESSIE: Hi, there.

NOODLES: Hi. MAX: Okay, ready?

JESSIE: Not really.

CALLUM: Oh, sweety, it's for science.

NOODLES: Oh, uh, for more accurate readings,

we need you two to, uh, lean in

and look each other in the eyes.

CALLUM & JESSIE: [clear throat]

MAX: Here we go.

[machine plays saxophone music]

[machine plays saxophone music]

MAX: It says you're having doubts about this relationship.

CALLUM: [laughs nervously] Okay...

I think your machine isn't working.

NOODLES: See, Max, like I said.

MAX: Jess, would you say you're not as into the relationship

as Callum? CALLUM: Pfft, that's crazy.

Right, Jess? JESSIE: Uh, actually, lately

I've kinda been... unsure

of the long‐term potential of this relationship.

CALLUM: What? MAX: A‐ha!

That's four accurate readings in a row.

Very sorry, sir.

Thank you for helping us.

CALLUM: But we've already sent out wedding invitations.

NOODLES: Max, trust me, it doesn't work.

MAX: I think it might.

This could be a machine

that accurately detects real feelings!

It knew Jess and Callum's relationship was doomed.

Very sorry.

CHELSEA: One break‐up special on the house.

NOODLES: Hey, man. You gonna drink that?

Sweet.

♪

KAYLYN: So, do you have any ideas

for the new company name, Zeke? ZEKE: I'm not good with names.

Remember my last dog?

KAYLYN: Oh, yeah.

"Brown Dog."

ZEKE: It took me three weeks to come up with my gamer handle.

ALICIA: "BikeRainRider12"? That's not bad.

How'd you come up with that?

ZEKE: I, um, rode my bike in the rain for 12 minutes.

KAYLYN: Oh, I get it!

You're saying we need to do something to get out there

and get inspired!

ZEKE: Sure.

ALICIA: Of course!

Creativity stems from experience.

Right, Zeke? ZEKE: Uh‐huh.

KAYLYN: So, what should we do, Zeke?

ZEKE: This is your creative journey.

I can't walk it for you.

ALICIA: Why are you digging holes in your lawn?

KAYLYN: Oh, I get it!

He's metaphorically digging holes

for us to plant the seeds of a new idea!

ALICIA: Which we need to grow ourselves.

Right, Zeke?

ZEKE: Nope. I'm just digging up worms.

KAYLYN: Wait... I get it!

They aren't real worms, they represent‐‐

ZEKE: Stop!

They're just worms!

ALICIA: Oh.

ZEKE: Now, get out there and get inspired.

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Ew! Ew, ew, ew!

[drumming]

[drumming]

ALICIA: Conga Cucamonga...

Corp. [both laugh]

♪

ALICIA: Submerge Inc.! KAYLYN: H2O Co? [laughs]

ALICIA & KAYLYN: Om...

[drumming]

KAYLYN: Bongo... Brainiacs?

ALICIA: Drumrollers!

KAYLYN: Tom‐tom‐dot‐com‐com.

[laughter]

♪

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Om...

KAYLYN: [evil voice] Who has awoken me

from my 10,000‐year slumber?

♪

ALICIA: Wet Tech! KAYLYN: Aqua Biz!

ALICIA: Hi, evil ghost.

We need a new name for our company.

KAYLYN: [evil voice] New name!

New name!

KAYLYN: [drumming] We need a name!

We need a name! BOTH: We need a name!

We need a name!

ALICIA: Splashify! Kaylyn?

KAYLYN & ALICA: We need a name! We need a name!

[shouting] We need a name!

[both laugh]

KAYLYN: Shark! [both laugh]

ALICIA: Aah!

KAYLYN: How about... Mank?

ALICIA: We're not naming our company "Mank."

KAYLYN: Mank!

[cackles]

ALICIA: Still a no.

[both laugh]

MAX: Noods, you did it! This is our big invention!

NOODLES: Max, I designed Heart‐Attach to always

land on "like‐like" to trick Chelsea.

The fact it says anything else proves it doesn't work.

MAX: You've made lots of stuff that hasn't worked.

Isn't it logical that by trying to make a machine

that doesn't work, you've made one that does ?

NOODLES: Whoa...

Is it possible I can invent stuff by accident?

Is that my super‐power?

I've always suspected I might secretly be a genius.

MAX: This thing will change the world!

Happy couples, friendly neighbours.

NOODLES: World peace.

MAX: Noodles, the possibilities are endless!

NOODLES: Wait...

if Heart‐Attach works, then that means Chelsea

doesn't like‐like me.

Being a secret genius is hard.

♪

♪

KAYLYN: How's your ice cream?

ALICIA: Good. How's your burger?

KAYLYN: Good, I can feel my creative juices flowing.

ALICIA: Yeah?

KAYLYN: Oh, wait, I think I just spilled burger juice on myself.

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

KAYLYN: Hey, guys. What's up?

MAX: Noodles' love detector invention really works!

NOODLES: Maybe works. MAX: I gotta show you guys!

Where are you? KAYLYN: At the park.

MAX: How's the new name coming along?

KAYLYN: We've got so many ideas.

MAX: Okay, good.

Meet us back at the garage.

ALICIA: Why'd you say we have ideas?

KAYLYN: I didn't say they were good ideas.

ALICIA: Max is gonna be disappointed.

KAYLYN: Why are you so worried whether Max is disa‐‐

Oh!

Oh !

ALICIA: You have to promise you'll never say anything!

KAYLYN: I won't!

I'm not even sure I know anything.

ALICIA: Okay, good.

KAYLYN: I mean, it kind of sounds like you like‐like Max.

ALICIA: What did I just say?! KAYLYN: Okay, sorry, alright!

I promise I will never say that you ever like‐like anything.

ALICIA: Good!

Because I don't like‐like anything.

Or anybody. I like‐like nothing.

And we will never speak of this again, okay?

KAYLYN: Okay.

ALICIA: What?

KAYLYN: We have a secret.

It's just, like... I don't know...

the next step in our friendship.

ALICIA: That's true.

That's actually kind of nice.

ALICIA: But seriously, if you ever tell anyone,

I will come after you.

KAYLYN: Right. Okay, got it.

♪

♪

MAX: So then after a series of successful tests,

Noodles and I think we can confidently say

that the Heart‐Attach does work

and can detect romantic interest in subjects.

ALICIA: Whoa, really?

NOODLES: I should caution that part of me

still thinks it could be a fluke.

Otherwise it would say Chelsea likes me, right?

KAYLYN: That's amazing!

NOODLES: It very well could be amazing,

but we should do some more conclusive testing.

MAX: Here, let me show you. ALICIA: How does it work?

MAX: It monitors your heart‐rate.

NOODLES: And sweat. ALICIA & KAYLYN: Ew!

MAX: Ready?

ALICIA: Let's do this.

MAX: It works better if you lean in.

NOODLES: Uh, that's just something I told Chelsea

so I could smell the papaya shampoo she uses.

KAYLYN & ALICIA: Okay...

[machine plays saxophone music]

MAX: See? Just friends.

ALICIA: Wow, we are just friends.

Noodles, you've built something incredible.

NOODLES: Again, we shouldn't automatically assume

that a few positive tests results

prove conclusively that this is real.

That isn't how science works.

Aw, look at what you guys have done to me.

I've become the voice of reason. Doesn't that tell you something?

KAYLYN: Noodles is right. NOODLES: Thank you!

KAYLYN: We need to collect more data.

MAX: No problem. I'll try it!

ALICIA: Wait, do we need to do more tests right now?

MAX: Sure, why not? ALICIA: Uh...

KAYLYN: Hey, you know what? I haven't had a turn yet.

MAX: Wait, I can't do the test with you.

KAYLYN: Why not?

MAX: Because....

we need an impartial witness.

And you're the only one who hasn't used it yet.

ALICIA: But we could still try with Kaylyn...

MAX: Why? ALICIA: Because...

I'm tall, right, so you know, my heart‐rate,

it's weird. Because...

science... KAYLYN: Science.

MAX: How about you just... [talking over each other]

[talking over each other]

NOODLES: Aah!

I will send ye back from whence ye came!

MAX: Aah, whoa, whoa!

KAYLYN: Noodles, no!

[smashing]

MAX: Maybe that was for the best.

NOODLES: Yes.

Who are we to meddle in the affairs of love?

MAX: At least nobody got hurt.

Oh, no.

Callum and Jess...

Did I just break two strangers up?

ALICIA: Might've been easier just to turn it off

instead of smashing it. NOODLES: I had to do it.

My creation was tearing us apart.

Sorry.

KAYLYN: No, don't be.

Guys, I have an idea!

♪

KAYLYN: Ready guys? Drum roll, please.

Ta‐da! ALICIA: Smash‐able!

So sick! MAX: I love it.

KAYLYN: And it means nothing! Just like all the best names.

NOODLES: I should smash stuff more often.

Looks like the secret genius struck again.

MAX: It's not really a secret when you keep saying it.

NOODLES: I'll say it in my new language, then.

[belches] Smashable! ALICIA: Interesting.

But I think we'll stick with English.

It's just more...

KAYLYN: Doesn't have a smell.

ALICIA: Yeah, that. NOODLES: Sorry.

I should be a gentleman and say "excuse me."

ALL: No, please don't!

NOODLES: [laughs] Sorry!