Original subtitles

♪

MAX: Okay, we are rolling.

BRYAN: Okay. Pretty good, alright.

MAX: Ready? BRYAN: Yup.

MAX: Dad, you're a man on the go, right?

BRYAN: Absolutely.

MAX: You have no time to waste. BRYAN: Nope.

MAX: The "Spray and Go" will reduce your morning prep time

by up to 90%.

BRYAN: Really? That's amazing!

MAX: Hair gel!

BRYAN: Whoa, really?

♪

BRYAN: Pretty good.

MAX: Oh, it's time for your mouthwash.

BRYAN: [gasps]

[spraying sound]

[gargles]

[spits] Mmm, cinnamon!

MAX: Here, hold out your toothbrush.

BRYAN: Oh, okay.

♪

[brushing sounds] BRYAN: Mmm!

MAX: And now for the grande finale...

Breakfast is served! BRYAN: Seriously?

Okay.

[spraying sound]

BRYAN: Ugh...

MAX: How is it? BRYAN: Oh...

It's not good! Ugh!

Aah! MAX: We're still tweaking.

BRYAN: All those other sprays and gels,

they were awesome, but this blueberry smoothie,

oh, it's terr‐‐

MAX: I get it.

BRYAN: Why? Why would anyone...

[sputters and gags]

♪

♪

KAYLYN: Based on Max's market research...

MAX: My dad. KAYLYN: Yes, his dad.

We should consider eliminating breakfast from the Spray and Go.

NOODLES: Wait. Why do we have to lose my thing?

I already let you replace scrambled eggs with a smoothie.

And now this?

I demand smoothie!

ALICIA: The canisters must be blending somehow.

KAYLYN: Maybe if we spring‐load the manifold valve?

MAX: I don't think so.

You guys weren't there.

BRYAN: Ugh... MAX: This was when I knew.

Right here.

Look at the way his mouth goes from smile

to a frown so quickly!

[laughter]

MAX: And how his chin retreats into the neck.

This is his "pre‐puke" face.

I haven't seen him with that look

since we created the Hook Cook.

MAX: The electrical current runs through the fish

and actually cooks it on the hook,

so it's ready to eat.

Eat it, Dad!

Eat it!

BRYAN: [coughing]

ALICIA: Okay, we'll lose the smoothie.

NOODLES: I should have never caved on scrambled eggs.

Nothing is ever gross about eggs!

ALICIA: Uh, where are you going?

NOODLES: I need some me time.

You know where to find me.

ALICIA: Anyone know where he means?

MAX: Nope. KAYLYN: Not a clue.

♪

NOODLES: CobraPants12, flank left!

Left!

No, I'm lagging!

Team leader, team leader! I need some help, ASAP!

Come on, come on, get in here!

Come on, quickly! CHELSEA: Noodles!

What are you doing?

NOODLES: Uh, trying to break top three in Battle Crunch,

but the Wifi out here is brutal.

CHELSEA: Customers have been complaining about your yelling.

NOODLES: What?!

CHELSEA: I'm all alone today, and it's super busy.

You can't take a table and not order anything.

NOODLES: Oh, okay.

I'll order a turkey wrap.

CHELSEA: What are you doing?

NOODLES: Uh, going to the bathroom...

where the Wifi is awesome.

CHELSEA: No, no, no!

Plus you need a key.

NOODLES: I've got my own.

Just knock when my wrap is ready.

CHELSEA: Oh, 'cause that's not weird at all.

♪

KAYLYN: Huge news, guys!

MAX: Okay... KAYLYN: Okay.

We're gonna be on the Gracie Show!

MAX: Really?

TV's Gracie?

KAYLYN: Uh, yeah, man! The talk show!

We've been invited to be on their Junior Inventors segment.

ALICIA: Oh!

That's the show with the cute little kids.

MAX: Yeah, with the lame inventions.

KAYLYN: They're not all lame.

Here, I'll show you.

CHILD: I call this "The Pizza Mask."

You wear it when you eat pizza

so you don't get pizza sauce on your face.

GRACIE: Okay!

[crowd applause]

CHILD: Ta‐da! [crowd cheering]

GRACIE: Isn't that precious!

I'd like to take home a slice of you!

Alright, give it up for Yolidee!

KAYLYN: Okay, bad example.

But, come on, it's massive exposure for the Spray and Go,

and good buzz for Mega‐Wiz Industries.

It's a win‐win‐win!

MAX: It's awesome that you got us on.

But you know I can't do public speaking.

Remember our 4th grade spelling bee?

KAYLYN: Oh, yeah.

You were spelling "gastrointestinal," and fainted.

ALICIA: I heard you puked.

MAX: No! I fainted.

Then I puked.

KAYLYN: He only got as far as "G‐A‐S".

MAX: Let's just say I didn't win, and move on.

ALICIA: On the bright side, if Gracie likes you,

you get to dance with her.

MAX: Now I definitely don't wanna do it.

KAYLYN: We won't do it without you, Max.

But some of the top young inventors have become huge

by dancing on Gracie.

Sheryl Berkowitz...

MAX: The "Flap Jack Hat Rack" girl?

KAYLYN: Vikram Chadavaska.

MAX: Shlandal shoe sandals?

ALICIA: Even Will Hedges.

MAX: Wait...

The Will Hedges?

"Clear Straw water filtration system" Will Hedges?

KAYLYN: World's youngest billionaire inventor.

He appeared on Gracie at 14.

MAX: Really?

NOODLES: Pull out, Shrporkins!

Cover our six, ScarletBoss!

CHELSEA: [knocks on door] I'm sorry.

[knocks on door] NOODLES: Shrporkins!

Yes? CHELSEA: Noodles,

you can't make this your man cave, or whatever.

NOODLES: Oh...

"Man cave." I like that!

CHELSEA: There's customers waiting for the bathroom.

It's a madhouse out here!

NOODLES: Just say the word and I'm there to help, Chelsea.

CHELSEA: That's not... NOODLES: Say no more.

CHELSEA: What are you doing? That's not what I meant!

NOODLES: Let's get to work!

We're a team.

CHELSEA: Um... if that's what you want to call it.

NOODLES: I do want to call it that.

PirateChicken out!

♪

BRYAN: Hey, we heard the great news!

HELEN: [gasps] The Gracie Show?

Aw, she's so funny, and if she likes you,

you get to dance with her!

Oh, I'm so jelly!

MAX: Yeah... I don't know.

BRYAN: Hey, it's a fantastic opportunity.

MAX: It's really not my thing.

HELEN: Ah, right.

Being on TV, tons of people watching...

That is not helping, is it?

MAX: I just want to invent awesome stuff with my friends.

Not embarrass myself.

BRYAN: Yeah, I get it.

I've been there. MAX & HELEN: Really?

BRYAN: Years ago, I was DJing my first wedding and I...

kind of blew it. HELEN: Here we go again.

BRYAN: It was...

it was kind of a big deal back then.

HELEN: It was a wedding.

BRYAN: It was a big wedding, Helen.

Now, I was on fire that night.

I was in the groove.

I had them eating out of the palm of my hand.

HELEN: Okay, fast forward, yadda yadda yadda,

he played the wrong song and everybody freaked out.

MAX: Dad's story is about him failing?

How does that help?

BRYAN: [laughs] I wouldn't say "fail," per se.

HELEN: Point is, we all make mistakes, Max,

and we all get scared.

But sometimes you need to take chances.

What do your friends think?

MAX: They want to do it. HELEN: Well, then...

sometimes it's good to be open‐minded.

BRYAN: That's exactly what I was saying.

HELEN: Sure, I know. I was just speeding it up.

MAX: Thanks, Mom.

Great story, Dad.

BRYAN: I've got another one. It was 19‐‐

HELEN: I think we should save it.

♪

ALICIA: There.

I replaced the smoothie with shaving cream.

We're back in business.

KAYLYN: Max, I wanted to let you know,

I'll cancel the invite to The Gracie Show.

But before I do, I'd like to say what a tragedy it is

that the world won't be introduced to the Spray and Go.

I really believe in this idea, Max.

It's cool, it's fun,

and it encourages good morning hygiene.

MAX: Kaylyn...

if you guys think this is the best thing for us to do...

then I trust you.

KAYLYN: It totally is!

Absolutely.

MAX: Let's do it! ALICIA: Yes!

KAYLYN: Awesome!

[phone beeps]

NOODLES: Chelsea, I'm sorry.

I have bad news. CHELSEA: What?

NOODLES: This is so hard for me.

CHELSEA: What's wrong?

NOODLES: I hate to do this, but my friends really need me.

I have to go. CHELSEA: Sure, go!

NOODLES: I can see it in your eyes

that it's really bothering you.

CHELSEA: Nope. Go.

NOODLES: Don't fight it.

CHELSEA: I won't. Just go already.

NOODLES: I'm so, so sorry

I let you down.

I'll make it up to you!

CHELSEA: Please don't.

NOODLES: Whoa! KAYLYN: Wow!

ALICIA: This is amazing! MAX: This is so cool!

ALICIA: I can't believe we're actually here!

BRYAN: Climbing wall. I mean...

KAYLYN: I can't wait to meet Gracie.

MAX: Are you sure this isn't too tight, Dad?

ALICIA: How'd you even get that on?

MAX: It's all I got.

I haven't needed a suit since our family photo when I was 9.

BRYAN: It's just a little snug.

KAYLYN: Tiny suits are in fashion.

Just don't raise up your arms.

MAX: Don't worry. I can't.

FRANCIS: Welcome! I'm Francis, the producer.

Put your hands up if you're one of the little cuties

that's gonna be on stage with one of our

cool inventions this morning?

BRYAN: Oh... Just a little joke.

FRANCIS: Right, fantastic.

Well, you guys must be with the Spray and Go.

That sounds like a super‐cool invention.

MAX: It is! KAYLYN: That's right.

It's the sensational all‐in‐one‐‐

FRANCIS: Just great, yeah.

Let me introduce you to the other inventors.

That's Darryl. DARRYL: Hey!

ALL: Hey.

FRANCIS: And that lil' Miss Thing is Shirley.

SHIRLEY: Oh, hey!

So great to meet you!

FRANCIS: You'll be going on shortly.

NOODLES: Oh, uh, hey, Francis,

could you direct us to the green room

and craft services area?

TV talk for a hang‐out space and free food!

FRANCIS: It's, uh, through that door.

NOODLES: Got it.

SHIRLEY: Nice suit!

Do they make it in big boy sizes?

♪

MAX: Did you hear that? KAYLYN: No, what?

MAX: She's super mean.

KAYLYN: Oh, come on.

She seems nice.

NOODLES: Behold!

Check out this feast!

Look, we got jerky. Take some of that.

Carrots, right in there.

Salted nuts... Chips...

All free! Whoa!

Is that gumbo?!

♪

ALICIA: So, what does your invention do?

DARRYL: Oh, you mean the Swimmer Pal 3000?

NOODLES: Was there a 1000 or 2000?

DARRYL: No, it just sounds cool.

It might keep you dry for a few seconds if you jump in a pool.

ALICIA: Oh, that's it?

DARRYL: Well, I came up with the idea on the drive over.

The inventions don't even matter.

You just gotta be confident and cute.

Show me your cute face.

ALICIA: This is it.

DARRYL: Well, keep practising.

SHIRLEY: I love this bow!

You're a miracle worker!

Ugh, gross!

So what lame thing did you invent?

MAX: Actually, it's not lame at all.

It's an all‐in‐one morning prep canister that reduces...

SHIRLEY: Oh, how cute.

MAX: I wasn't finished.

It will reduce morning prep time by...

SHIRLEY: Listen here, you little twerp.

I'm here for one thing and one thing only:

to dance with Gracie.

And I'm not gonna be upstaged by you,

and I'm definitely not gonna be upstaged by him either.

DARRYL: Swimmer Pal 3000 rules!

SHIRLEY: Don't mess with my mojo, Growth Spurt.

MAX: I actually don't want to dance,

so you can dance as much‐‐

SHIRLEY: Oh, hi! I love your dress!

KAYLYN: Thank you!

SHIRLYEY: I'll get out of your way.

KAYLYN: She's so nice!

SHIRLEY: That's the ugliest dress that I've ever seen.

MAX: What?!

[audience applause]

GRACIE: You know, it's funny the ghost was in your house.

They're usually at the...

ghost office! [joke cymbals]

NOODLES: When are you gonna change?

ALICIA: What do you mean?

NOODLES: What do you mean, what do I mean?

You can't wear that shirt.

ALICIA: Why not? NOODLES: It's going to "moire."

ALICIA: What?

NOODLES: It's when lines and stripes kind of like

blend together and then it doesn't look good on camera.

A big no‐no in the biz.

ALICIA: On, no! What should I do?

NOODLES: It's a TV station.

We'll just run to wardrobe, grab something, and head back.

ALICIA: Alright, let's go!

Oh, uh, do you know where the wardrobe department is?

SHIRLEY: Yeah, sure. I'll show you the way.

♪

SHIRLEY: All the way down and to your left.

ALICIA: Thanks! SHIRLEY: No problem.

NOODLES: She's so nice.

ALICIA: I know, right? [door slams]

NOODLES: Whoa, uh...

[knocking on door]

NOODLES: Hey!

FRANCIS: Hey, guys, you're on in five.

Game faces!

MAX: Oh, no.

I've got the fainty‐pukey feeling.

KAYLYN: It's okay! We got this, Max.

MAX: Where's Alicia and Noodles?

KAYLYN: No idea. But they'll be here.

Come on.

[pounding on door]

ALICIA: Hello?! NOODLES: You know what?

She's not very nice.

ALICIA: I know, right?! NOODLES: Come on.

There's gotta be another way back in.

[audience cheering]

GRACIE: Alright.

Woo!

Alright, everybody!

You're about to meet some junior inventors!

DARRYL: I'm Darryl... NOODLES: Finally!

DARRYL: ...and this is the insanely awesome

Swimmer Pal 3000!

ALICIA: Oh, no! They've started!

NOODLES: We gotta get in there!

[distant audience applause]

GRACIE: Hi, Darryl!

You're wearing a...

garbage bag.

DARRYL: Ah, it may look that way!

But its advanced engineering

keeps you dry when you go in the pool!

GRACIE: Alright! [audience applause]

DARRYL: Ah, yes!

GRACIE: And fashionable, I gotta say!

But why would you want to be dry when you're in a pool?

DARRYL: Well, I'll show you.

Hit me!

Cannonball!

[audience cheering]

[applause]

GRACIE: Woo‐hoo!

And you're kind of dry...

Sorta! [DJ starts playing]

GRACIE: Alright, everybody, give it up for Darryl

and the Swimmer Pal 3000!

[audience applause]

KAYLYN: Where are Noodles and Alicia?

MAX: I don't know!

ALICIA: What?

[door slams] NOODLES: This is not good!

No!

ALICIA: Let's try this one!

NOODLES: It's locked! ALICIA: Let's just go!

NOODLES: No!

[audience applause] GRACIE: And what's your name?

SHIRLEY: Shirley, ma'am!

GRACIE: Shirley, I like your shoes.

SHIRLEY: Thank you.

I got them special for your amazing show.

GRACIE: Oh! SHIRLEY: You're my favourite!

I love you. [audience applause]

GRACIE: [laughs] Not yet, honey!

What have you brought for us today?

SHIRLEY: This...

is my...

..potato phone!

[audience applause]

GRACIE: How cool!

What does it do?

SHIRLEY: Well...

you put your phone into the potato like this...

and you talk on the phone like you're holding a potato!

[audience applause]

GRACIE: How a‐peel‐ing!

[laughs]

Well, it's like you're holding a potato,

but you're actually holding your phone.

[audience laughter] MAX: She is holding a potato.

GRACIE: Clever and fun. What a neat invention, Shirley.

Wait, wait.

What's that?

Everybody in the audience gets a potato phone?

[audience cheering] GRACIE: Okay!

You get a phone!

And you get a potato phone!

KAYLYN: What's... going... on?

MAX: Is this really happening?

GRACIE: You get a potato phone!

And you get a potato phone!

Everybody gets a phone!

SHIRLEY: Choke on that.

KAYLYN: Oh! She's not nice at all!

MAX: I think she might be evil.

KAYLYN: I wonder where Alicia and Noodles are.

GRACIE: Let's give it up for Shirley with her potato phone!

ALICIA: Look!

GRACIE: Great job!

Up next, we have... ALICIA: This is us!

GRACIE: ...Max and Kaylyn, with the Spray and Go.

NOODLES: We're missing it! Let's go!

[audience applause]

GRACIE: Mega‐Wiz, huh?

Are you sure you'll be able to hold it in?

[audience laughter]

GRACIE: You wouldn't want to pee your pants

in front of your girlfriend!

MAX: No, no, no, no! KAYLYN: No!

MAX: We‐‐ no, no, no.

GRACIE: Okay, well, she won't mind

if we have this dance, then.

[audience cheering]

[DJ starts playing music]

[hip‐hop beat]

♪

GRACIE: We can call it... the Wiz‐Kid dance!

It's the Wiz‐Kid dance! It's the Wiz Kid dance!

We can call it... the Wiz‐kid dance!

[audience clapping along] GRACIE: Cross your legs.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!

[laughs]

I'm surprised you can dance so well

in this tight suit, Max!

[audience laughter]

GRACIE: Why don't you show us your invention?

[audience gasps]

GRACIE: Ooh. Looks good!

[audience applause]

MAX: Well, uh...

This... KAYLYN: Max...

GRACIE: Okay, take your time.

It's not like millions of people are watching.

[audience laughter] KAYLYN: Come on...

SHIRLEY: [choking sounds]

Choke...

KAYLYN: Who likes mornings?

[audience booing]

KAYLYN: Me neither. Especially Mondays!

Right, guys? [audience booing]

KAYLYN: Well, they just got a whole lot easier,

thanks to the Spray and Go!

This miracle device speeds up your get‐ready time

by 72%. [audience applause]

MAX: Would you like to see it work?

GRACIE: Well, you're not here for your dancing skills, Max.

[audience laughter]

KAYLYN: The Spray and Go is a six‐in‐one device.

First, let's try the hair gel.

GRACIE: I actually have my own hairdresser, but you know what?

Anything for a kid‐wizzer, am I right?

[joke cymbals] [audience laughter]

KAYLYN: Come on...

GRACIE: Struggling?

Houston, do we have a... problem?

[audience laughter] MAX: It's just stuck.

GRACIE: Oh.

KAYLYN: Maybe we could try the toothpaste!

GRACIE: Now, if this thing served breakfast,

we'd really be on to something.

NOODLES: I knew it! ALICIA: Let's go.

GRACIE: Wow‐ee, this is a real time saver!

[audience laughter]

GRACIE: Now, does this miracle morning worker also have a...

[spraying sound] GRACIE: [screams]

KAYLYN: Oh, my god! What did we do?

GRACIE: [screaming] My eye!

FRANCIS: Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut!

KAYLYN: I'm so, so sorry! MAX: Are you okay?

FRANCIS: Follow me, follow me. Come on.

KAYLYN: What do we do? What do we do?

FRANCIS: We're cut! GRACIE: That's a wrap!

KAYLYN: Um... MAX: What?

SHIRLEY: No, no, no! Where are you going?

No! Why‐‐ why are we stopping?

My dance! Why are we stopping it?

You did this!

This was my opportunity to dance with Gracie, and you blew it!

MAX: We didn't mean to!

SHIRLEY: I will ruin you.

KAYLYN: Wow, I feel so bad for Shirley, don't you?

MAX: Yeah, poor Shirley.

A real tragedy.

DARRYL: Swimmer Pal 3000. Yeah!

[off‐air tone]

BRYAN: Hey, Max?

Grab a seat.

Um... listen.

It may not have looked very good out there today.

Actually... it looked pretty bad,

especially near the end.

Ooh... really, really bad.

But you did great.

MAX: I nearly blinded Gracie.

BRYAN: Ah, she'll be fine.

The point is, you got out there on the stage,

you showed off your can thingy,

and you embarrassed yourself.

MAX: Yeah...

What are you trying to say?

BRYAN: I guess...

I'm proud of you.

MAX: Thanks, Dad.

BRYAN: Oh, and we've gotta get you a new suit, stat!

♪

NOODLES: So, is it supposed to be a phone or something?

ALICIA: No. It's a potato.

NOODLES: Right. Like a phone case!

KAYLYN: Nope. It's just a potato.

NOODLES: Okay, just a potato.

So what does it do? MAX: Noodles!

Listen to me.

It's just... a... potato.

That's all!

NOODLES: But... ALL: It's a potato!

NOODLES: Oh... okay!

Well, I guess we'll never know what this thing is.

ALL: [exasperated sighs]

NOODLES: But I do know one thing.

You get a potato phone!

And you get a potato phone! KAYLYN: Okay!

NOODLES: And you get a potato phone!

KAYLYN: Noodles, you get a potato phone!

NOODLES: Potato phone! KAYLYN: Aah!

NOODLES: You get a potato... KAYLYN: Alicia!

ALICIA: [screams] [laughter]

[bike bell dings] [cheering and laughter]

[cheering and laughter] [talking over each other]