Original subtitles

[alarm beeping]

[gentle snoring]

[bang]

[upbeat pop music]

- Have you ever had a tiny moment

when you first wake up

where if you were given the option

to never have to get up again

but you had to die, you'd take it?

- That's a solid no.

- Me neither.

- Shower. Come, shower.

[screams]

[relaxed music]

[blender swirling]

- So

you had a date last night?

Did you bang?

Man or woman?

- Man, I don't wanna date women.

- Molly you shaved?

Are you okay?

[sighs]

- Look, I tried to call you back, but you--

- I lost my phone.

- No.

- Also, you literally disappeared.

- Clearly not.

- Oh, like virtually disappeared.

All your medias.

Is this some new teacher's rules crap?

- No, just take me back to a time before the internet.

- Pass.

- Fine, then stay home and watch old movies with me?

[laughs] You said you do

what you want, self-care.

- And I do, but on the weekends, that's what they're for.

Weekend.

Isn't this already your second day off this week?

It's Tuesday.

- How many hours of overtime have you been putting in?

That's not healthy.

Self-care.

- You do know that you actually have to do something, right?

Like you have to take care of yourself.

You can't just say self-care?

Meditate.

Go for a run.

Do you want a smoothie?

Okay, you get cozy then.

[laughs]

- Have a good day.

- Bye [mumbles]

- [Man] There's something to your eyes, right Phil?

And we talk to him more about that in a second.

[television playing]

- [Man On TV] Now you know, and I know

and Teddy knows

that loving will never go to the other side [mumbles]

[knocking]

[television playing]

[knocking]

[moans]

[knocking]

[click]

- Oh. Hi honey, I brought soup

and some stuff you left at the house.

[sighs]

Can I come in?

- Yeah. Sorry.

- So how are you feeling?

- I've got a fever and I'm definitely

coming down with something.

- Well transitions take energy.

Ah, honey.

Come here.

[smacks kiss]

I'm so proud of you.

How's it all going anyway?

- It's

fine.

- Your head doesn't feel very hot.

- Okay, thanks for coming by.

- Get dressed, get in the car. Come on.

- Mom, I really don't want to. - Come on.

- Come on. I birthed you, you owe me.

Start by putting on a bra

you'll feel a lot better, right away.

- Ma...

[upbeat music]

[electrical sparks sizzling]

- You do look badass.

- We do look badass.

Okay, your turn, come on.

See the little puddle there?

Just keep your eye on that.

I'll help guide your hand.

- Mom [moans]

- It's okay, just squeeze the trigger.

[mumbles] - That's good.

There you go. - I don't know what I'm doing.

- Oh, we'll just try it again.

[mumbles] - Just give it another try.

- [mumbles] just watch you do it?

- Molly.

You can't decide you're [mumbles] at something

before you've given it a shot.

- Mom [scoffs]

- Look, you did so much to get a full time job here

I thought you'd be excited and ready to dig in and

go forward and self sabotage--

- No, no psycho babble please, Meredith.

- You don't answer my calls.

You left in a huff.

You needed space, I gave you that.

But listen...

There is clearly something else going on here.

What is it?

Come on honey, just--

- They made me teach gym.

[laughs]

- You?

Gym? - And sex ed.

And

there was this kid who had a note from his ignorant parents

and I just saw red.

- Okay, all right, so

god what do you even teach with sex anymore?

- Just the curriculum, Mom.

But instead, I said that whether or not

their parents want to blind them of the facts

some families are very [mumbles] happy

with two moms or two dads.

- Completely.

- And sometimes even grade eight French teachers

who have [mumbles] men their entire lives

and loved it.

Suddenly you just fall for someone

who happens to have a vagina.

Those people are called bisexuals.

And they are all around us.

They were 12.

So...

I would be working hard, but the school told me

to take two days off.

- Oh Moll.

- There was this woman, in London.

I was in love with her.

I think.

I know we haven't really talked about that.

It's over now, anyway.

- Molly.

Your dad and I are very open minded about this sweetie.

In fact, we've had an open marriage for 40 years.

[boom] [laughing]

[zipper zips]

[smack] - Oh baby.

[moaning]

[laughs]

[pops mouth]

- No.

[mumbles] how-- - Honey.

No, no, no, no we have to talk.

Honey.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

[upbeat music]

- Healthy [mumbles]

[packet rustling]

Jackpot.

♪ Beating on my lonely drum

[curtains rap]

[calm music]

[packet rustling]

[loud chewing]

[cracks sweet]

- Oh, [mumbles]

- Order up.

Come and have a seat honey, I made you a grilled cheese

and a nice glass of homo milk.

- Typecast.

- Well now, I think you look positively chrome plated.

You ordered a time before the internet?

Order up.

- Mom?

- I would just like Jell-O.

And an apology because you're being judgemental

and

unfair and

you should just call me.

- Can I get you anything in the meantime

while you hold your breath? No?

- Mom, I-- - No time

I got someone important I want you to meet.

- Is that-- - The Kate Hepburn.

Married to a friend and living in the closet.

You can always pull a Hepburn-Tracy special.

But wouldn't it be easier to just go to her?

- Nothing for me, but Tracy.

I know your reputation Scotty.

And when you get the chance

can you find a nice dark-haired girl for me?

Someone that isn't too heavily made up?

- Why is she calling me Scotty?

- Look in your pocket.

That little black book?

You're the dating app.

Whoop.

- I'm gonna slap a morals clause on every contract

for every actor.

Now that should shut them up and leave them in the closet.

I'm obviously way more woke than that sweetie.

But you are so totally polyphobic

and it really doesn't look nice on you [mumbles].

So call your mother.

Please.

[mumbles]

- [mumbles] Greta, what are you having?

- Coffee, with a swirl.

And keep that on the down low.

What fun is an exciting secret

when it isn't a secret anymore?

Stay a bachelor, honey.

Wife is such an ugly word.

- Kept it to herself and stayed single.

So that's always an option.

- I like her.

- Not so fast.

The reason for Garbo's reclusiveness

was because she wanted to be with

her drama school sweetheart, Mimi Pollak.

- [Molly] Convenient.

- This is what you wanted.

So, what do you expect?

I wasn't trying to make things hard for you.

I didn't want to like you.

But I couldn't help it.

You just came into my life, and

then, we just--

- Made sense.

- Now here's the tall order.

Go to her, Molly.

- I can't.

You've seen her social media.

She's moved on.

- [Crowd] Are you sure about that?

[vomiting]

[groans]

[calm music]

[groans]

♪ Suddenly I've been caught up in a wind ♪

♪ Maybe

[light switch clicks]

[blankets flip]

- Molly.

What?

Babe this is my room, remember?

- I needed it, where were you?

- I was with Jake.

He walked me home and...

[packet rustles]

Oh my god, where are the rest?

Buddy, no. - That's not all.

I

came out to my mom.

- What? Yes.

How did she take it?

- Absolutely fine.

- I knew she would, Meredith is the best.

- It

wasn't about her.

I wasn't ready to be a different person.

Officially, in her eyes.

- You're not a different person.

- Doesn't matter, she hijacked the conversation

by telling me that my parents are [mumbles] other people.

- What?

- I think they do it together.

Are they swingers?

Or is it

group sex?

Or sex parties?

- Meredith really is the best.

Sorry.

I mean yikes, sorry.

They probably do it very respectfully.

- Yeah, I guess they are.

- Respectful swingers.

- Just burn my brain.

- Welcome.

It's hell.

My mom has had three UTIs this month.

Oh, why do I know that?

- Can I sleep here tonight?

- Yeah you can.

Oh man, get ready for the snuggle of your life.

[sighs]

Hey so I was thinking

Jake's probably just down the street

and I was hoping that you might be down for a threesome?

Just like your orgy-loving mom?

- Way too soon. [laughs]

- Come on.

- No. - Orgies basically

run in your family now. [wails]

It'll be so fun.

[laughing]

[mumbles]

[quirky upbeat music]