Original subtitles

AN IDEAL PLACE TO KILL

- Do you want to listen to these? - No, they're all the same

As you wish

- Shall I get a dozen of these, Dick? - No, get at least two dozen

Don't forget where we're going they're Catholics

And don't you forget that Catholics love a little sin

Do you need any help?

No it's nothing. We're just paying for our vacation

- Maybe we should declare this? - Yes maybe

- Then we'll have to pay tax - It's only fair

- Mustn't break the law, right? - Crime doesn't pay

Yes, we simply must declare it

Anything to declare?

Wait! I forgot about this. We'll collect it when we return

My God!

These are great

That's a real masterpiece by Michelangelo

What about these?

Damn it

- Did you see the doctor? - He was just here

- Hello, Veronica - Hello

Daddy...?

Here...

So?

Alright

Ingrid, I did a great deal. They took the lot

We're rich. Give me a hand here...

What does being rich mean to you?

We want peace! Peace!

So, we're broke again. What do we do?

Start all over again, what else?

Don't laugh, you're supposed t0 be sexy

Stop tickling me

Photos?

Dick Butler, 20 years old. Nationality, British

Ingrid Sjoman, 18, Danish

Arrested for selling pornography October 17th, 1970

- Pig! - Behave yourself, miss

Ignore her, Captain

She's expressing the intrinsic rebellion of all young people

against authority in general...

- ... and - Shut up

And pigs in particular

This is an expulsion order

You have 24 hours to leave Italy. Enjoy the trip

That stays. Confiscated

Now you can go

- You whoreson! - Stuff your sister!

- Think this is a racetrack? - Hang on a minute...

You ruined our show... You owe us

- Are you crazy? - No, but he is

You didn't recognise him?

This is Crazy Agostino. He's the best of all

There's no one crazier than him

He's the craziest of the crazy

He's never afraid

- Never? - Never!

When I ride my motorbike I feel like a god

Like I can fly

If I wanted to I could be a millionaire

- How? - From the bets

So why aren't you?

I don't care about the money. I have a different goal

Good people are always deceived, you get me?

You don't understand anything. I'm the people's hero

A what?

A genuine 20th century hero. Like Robin Hood

Impressive

Miss, you've not seen anything yet

Come to Naples, we'll do a show just for you

We'd love to. But I'm afraid...

You mean that order t0 leave the country?

- Yes - Come to Naples

We're more progressive there

He's right about that

There are many, but this one stands out from the rest

Before you leave Italy you must visit Naples

Don't worry about money, I'll pay

Sounds good. Why not?

- What do you say? - Yeah...!

That's the spirit

We'll sleep outside tonight, you two take the tent

No thanks, I'll sleep in the car

They took the lot

So now what?

Now we got t0 Naples, find those bastards

Really? And how do we pay for the gas?

A bit stronger or no-one will buy them

It's not so easy in here

You must suffer for the sake of art

Damn it!

Young man, will you make a donation?

It's for moral re-armament

Daring Robbery in Rome

Police suspect a young German couple

Robbers fled in sports car with foreign plates

- Can I speak to you for a moment? - Sure

I have something that might interest you

- 2000 Lira, just for some petrol - No

- 1500? - No...

Well... If you're not interested

- Don't you like women? - No, it's not that

Best wait for that car to leave

Look, stay here, I'll get a can

Hello, is that the police?

There's two foreigners here

I don't know... they're selling dirty pictures

Perhaps they're the ones in the newspapers

The ones in Rome

Godammit, get locked up for a few photos

- Are we out of gas? - Yes...

Look, an oasis... come on

Hang on

Now what is it?

We can't leave the car here

That idiot described it to the cops

Come on, give me a hand

- Come on, push - What do you think I'm doing?

The doorbell...! Someone's outside

Dear God, what should I do?

Don't answer it

Probably just a delivery

Don't move, and stay calm

Hey there!

Anyone there?

This is a waste of time. Let's go

- See anything? - No

Hey! Anyone at home?

If this is an oasis, where's all the bloody Arabs?

Picking dates

They've gone quiet. I think they're leaving

Yes... yes

I'm going crazy

Yes, Franco. OK

13 kilometers, yes

- So, are we going to push it? - No, wait...

We'll leave the oar here and go look for gasoline

Hey look, it's open

Come on, give me a hand

I hope the tank's full

Get me that hose

Here

Come on, quickly now

Who are you? What are you doing?

- Get out of here! - Calm down!

- Let me go - Come on, take it easy

I'm sorry we startled you

- I'm calling the police - Hold on

All we need is some gas

You forced the garage door

No, the door was already open

That makes no difference

You broke into my house looking to steal something

Really?

And that's why we rang your doorbell for 10 minutes

I don't believe you

Why were you looking for gasoline?

Because we ran out here

And besides, we don't have a cent

Can't even buy a sandwich

We're starving

We don't need anything else. I'm sorry

OK

You can go, I won't call the police

Thanks

We have enough gas now

Then go

We won't bother you anymore

Thanks

Wait!

I'm sorry. I've been rather unfriendly

Just a little

I was a bit startled

If you're still hungry I'll make you a sandwich

A woman all alone in a big house... with no servants

I let them go

My husband and I are leaving tomorrow

So where is your husband?

He'll be here soon

And you're nervous about this?

I'm not nervous

Stop it

Where is your husband?

In Livorno. At the NATO base

- A military man - A colonel

When you first saw us, you thought we were burglars

Yes

- You changed your mind - What's wrong with that?

Nothing

You don't agree?

Is this an interrogation?

I think it's me who should be asking questions

Yes, you're right

So, what do you want to know?

Everything? OK...

I will now reveal to you my darkest and most intimate secrets

Dick Butler at your service

House breaker, bank robber, safe cracker

avoider of conventions, mugger, thief,

blackmailer and sex maniac

Acting in collusion with a certain Ingrid Sjoman,

a well-known and cruel Danish serial killer,

who turns her victims' bodies into soap

If any of that was true you wouldn't have told me

But I assume you're in trouble with the police

Am I wrong?

Well, it's not really trouble

More just a difference of opinion and itinerary

They wanted us to go north but we preferred the south

What do you think?

Well?

I'd go south

I can see that

Where's Ingrid?

She's taken your car. It's part of our criminal plan

Hey, what...?

Don't believe everything I say

What are you afraid of?

Dick's dream was to become a sort of guru,

an Indian holy man

Pretending to teach me t0 stand still and t0 fast

But underneath it all, despite appearances,

he was still a hung up middle class schoolboy

Right?

I taught him how to eat...

...how to make love

...how to lose his inhibitions

and not to be ashamed if my father opened the bedroom door suddenly

while we were in bed

My father's very polite, he said sorry and closed the door behind him

Show Barbara the Cobra pose

It purifies the soul even if it doesn't help the digestion

- Does he always obey you? - Of course

But I obey him too

We're all willing slaves in a way, and you know why?

Because slaves can rebel, but their owners can't

Did you know the head of the Italian women's liberation movement

is a man?

Ingrid is a feminist! Watch out, she's wild

She's a savage

Once she took part in a feminist protest

and tried to undress a policeman

I pitched in and helped her

And she thanked me just like a little puppy

I always supported her, saved her from all sorts of troubles

What are you talking about?

It was those naked pics of me that paid for our trip

Oh, so that's why you ran away

Who's running away? We're on vacation

This is not just a vacation

We're on a mission to bring sexual liberation t0 this country

Maybe we'd be more successful if Barbara joined us

How about it?

Why not. What must I do?

This could be the beginning of our revolt against sexual repression

Is this your husband?

Put that back!

Dear me, looks like you don't keep your promises

- I'm sorry, but... - Oh, I know...

He could come back any time

and maybe we're not exactly the sort of guests he'd welcome

That's not it...

He should be back by now

I just don't know what...

That'll be him

- Hello? - What's going on?

I was waiting for you

I thought something had happened

You OK?

Any problems?

No, I'm fine

I knew about it

I had to change plans

Now I can't call you tomorrow

Yes, don't worry. Bye

- Was it him? - No

Another man?

- So what if it was? - Nothing

It's late...

- Come on, time to split - Why?

We've caused enough trouble

I think we should let Barbara go to bed to wait for her husband,

like a good wife

OK, I'll get changed

Who are you calling?

I want to see if Steve is still in the office

Silly... it's much too late

And there's no-one there of course

Come here!

Listen

Barbara says we can stay here tonight

She doesn't want to be alone. You fine with that?

Oh, it's empty...

We'll have to open another one

We're out of cigarettes

Dick, could you go to the garage? There's cigarettes in the car

It's too far

Please... In the glove compartment

Can't you do without?

Come on Dick, be nice

I thought you'd have trouble finding the light switch

Is that a lighter?

- Well - Stop it!

- Whose is it? - Steve's. Put it back

- Make me - Put it back

It's dangerous to play with guns when you're drunk

- There's no cigarettes here - I found these in a drawer upstairs

- Give me one - Later

Now put the gun back in its place

Let's go

Pigs...

It's only ketchup

My horoscope said:

"Write down what you think about your best friend"

- So I did - In very poor taste

Aren't you used to her yet? She's very superstitious

She believes in magic, witches, horoscopes...

- By the way, what's your sign? - Leo

I knew it. You have all the features of a Leo

Here, listen... This is you

"You think you can control difficult situations"

"Do not be afraid t0 ask for wise advice"

Whose advice could be more wise than mine?

- Come on, ask me - But I have no problems

Come on, you must have some little problem I can solve

Alright...

I have a mad desire to kiss your boyfriend

Really? You mean you've not done it yet?

I thought that's why you went to the garage

Ah, where would you be without me...?

Well, come on Dick

Kiss her, it's in the stars

- Must I? - I told you to

Do it. That's an order

Stop now!

Put her down!

I hope this is alright for you

Please feel at home

There's cigarettes here

- You going to say goodnight? - Sure

I'll even kiss you goodnight

Sleep well

Good night

What's going on?

One minute she's acting crazy and the next she's like a grand lady,

talking to us like a pair of kids

What's it all about?

Dick, she wants to sleep with you

Or maybe with you?

- Maybe she wants us both - Together or separately?

You know, I feel sorry for her

I was looking for an aspirin

Dick! Where are you?

Ingrid, I'm locked out, open the door

Come on, Ingrid!

Go to hell

The police, please

Yes, it's urgent

Hello...? Hello?

You fucking dirty bitch!

Here, this is yours!

You think you had to pay me for it?

Wrong, darling

What were you going to tell the police?

That we stole your money?

I wanted to know about my husband

Really? So why did you lock me in?

And something else...

You cleaned up all traces of our little party

Ingrid...

This is incredible...

Look at her dress

Look what she's done

Was that to explain what happened last night?

I'm right, yes?

Like I said, I wasn't calling the police about you

Really?

Call them again now and ask them about your husband

- You forced me t0 sleep with you - You were gagging for it

- Try something more convincing - Get out

OK, we're off

But we have to stop you playing games with the phone

So right now...

that's what we're going to do

If you touch me, I'll scream

And you'd like that

Don't worry. I've no desire to touch you

Scream all you want. No one will hear you anyway

- When my husband arrives... - When your husband arrives...

he'll keep his mouth shut

if he doesn't want everyone to know his wife is crazy

So come on. Get moving

Dick

All quiet outside, it's a good time to go

I see no other solution after the game she was playing

I'll go, you stay here with her and be very careful

If I can do everything in a couple of hours we'll be fine

After that she won't want t0 call the police

In fact she'll have to keep her mouth shut

unless something else is going on

I'd like to know what she's thinking

Anyway, we need a little money

or it's not going to be easy

Get it off her. 10,000 lire should be enough

After all, she expected thieves, right?

Where's Dick?

Where did he go?

- Sit quietly - Let me explain, trust me

I'm not interested

If you only knew

- my life's a disaster - I bet it is

My husband...

We had a terrible quarrel the other night

It was horrible, disgusting

He hit me

He hurt me

He acted crazy

That's your problem

I'm afraid of him

I'm just terrified

He's unpredictable

That's why I wanted you t0 stay here yesterday

I felt safe with you

This morning I decided t0 call the police

I locked you in...

because because I

I just can't...

I wanted to get away from him

What about the money... in Dick's pocket?

That was just an accident. Money means nothing to me

- For me it's just - A way to pay debts?

Take it if you want. You told me you had no money

I can't face my husband again. It's too humiliating

Please try to help me

Why should I?

Oh my God

Make it go away

Two cans of black paint and two brushes

Quickly please

Agostino's in town!

Holy Mary! Are you as crazy as me?

What's up?

I just want my 30 thousand lire

Very funny

No jokes. I just need my money

Alright, 15,000 for me, 15,000 for you

I don't see why

You want me to be like everyone else?

I thought you were a folk hero

Heroes have t0 eat too

OK, Robin Hood, half and half

Take it and stay well

Hey, asshole!

Just don't tell anyone. Don't want to harm our reputation

Hey! Come see us in Naples...

Finished the report?

- Did you see anything? - No, nothing at all

It was all over by the time I arrived

Anyway, if you need me here's my card

I'm a lawyer and I've got a meeting with a client

Thank you

It was a gray car with foreign plates

- Could you identify it? - I think so

Hey, you! Come here

See'? This makes your eyes look bigger

What a beautiful face you have. So fresh

Wait...

Try this on

Go on, try it

It's yours. My gift

It suits you more than me, take it

But I guess Dick won't like it

Why don't we leave together?

Just you and me

Get your hands off me! I don't want your damned fur

Here

"Why don't we leave together"

Think I'm stupid?

Now sit down there... and behave

And keep your mouth shut, OK?

One for the lady of the house the other for the beautiful Ingrid

With thanks

And now, if you don't mind... about turn

What about the license plates? The police have the numbers

Take her plates

It'll get us out of the danger zone

Right

- Blast it - What's up?

The plates are screwed on

They're fixed on the inside

Locked

We need something thin

Hold on

Try this

Her husband...

And... I don't believe it

Look, it's my belt

Now I get it...

She called the police t0 blame the killing on us

She thought it all through, down to the smallest detail

We'll have to call the police

Tell them everything

- No... - What is it?

The gun

What gun?

Last night when she asked me t0 come here for cigarettes

It's not there

Yesterday there was a gun and I held it in my hand

Could you come down?

What's going on?

We want t0 say goodbye

After you

That was my belt

It was you

You killed him!

He left and then you arrived, pretending to look for gas

You won't get away with it

The police are already after you for selling pornography

Murderers!

Enough! Just shut up and stay there

How were you going to get rid of him?

Throw the body off a cliff? No, that was too risky, right?

That's why you were so nervous

Then we arrived. Two lambs to the slaughter

And you decide to take advantage and put us in your place

Where's the gun?

Yes, sweetie, the gun

With my fingerprints, that should be yours!

Perfect, eh'?

So where have you hidden it? Where's the gun??

Anyone there?

Colonel?

Mrs. Slesar?

Are you deaf?

I'm sorry, I was asleep

Where's Colonel Slesar?

He's not here. He's in Pisa with his wife

They went with friends

Where in Pisa?

I don't know

When are they back?

They didn't say

Who are you?

I'm just a guest, An au pair for a few months

Right

Excuse me

We would like to see everything here

Carry on

There was an accident on the coastal road near our base

A big American style car hit a child

Then drove off

We're checking all such cars, OK?

Standard procedure

There's no scratches on the car, sir

Have a close look, there's no hurry

I'll take that

Oh my God...!

Help me

- Are you alright, miss? - I can't breathe... take me outside

Thanks

Take deep breaths

I'm better now. It was the heat. I'm pregnant

- Feeling better? - Yes, thanks

When the Colonel gets back can you ask him to call me?

I hope we will meet again in happier circumstances

ls the sports car yours?

Yes

You've got a broken tail light that needs fixing

See you later, I hope

Over there

- What if they come back? - It won't be for a while

Let's just go

This whole thing makes me feel sick

Sure, but first we have to repaint the car

And find that damn gun with my prints

Or we'll have real problems, you get me?

Well...? We're waiting

You going to tell us?

Where's that gun? What have you done with it?

I don't know where it is. I don't have it

Really? So it vanished by itself?

- So, tell me, one last time - Anyone could have taken it

Who, for example? Me?

Not you, but Ingrid could have taken it

Maybe while we were in bed

Filthy bitch!

Go on, don't stop now

Keep on making things worse

She's right

If you leave marks, they'll believe her lies

Right, how about this...

You tell us where the gun is and we'll just go

We'll disappear and it'll be like we were never here

OK, so you don't trust us

Or maybe for you it's too late

But not for us

Give me a cigarette

Light it

Ingrid, get out

Damn it! I know I'm an idiot but I can't do it

What a night

I'll go crazy if we don't get out of here

I'll finish this

Go and check how she is

Give her some sleeping pills

You decide how many, but just so she's out for a while

We'll need some time

Dick! Dick!

Stop her! She's getting away!

Faster, Dick!

- We must catch her! - Quick, go check the gates

You'll get new clothes in prison

Which do you prefer, mini, midi or maxi?

Mrs Slesar?

Colonel?

- Shall I turn off the light? - Wait

Turn them all on, quickly

Troll!

And no tricks...

Come on

Answer him and say goodbye

And watch what you say

- Ah, you're there - What is it, Pietro?

I walked past and saw the lights

- I thought you were going away - I changed my mind

Ah, OK

I heard some noises in the aviary, like someone was in there

- No-one was there - I could go check if you want

No, you can go home

Do you need anything?

No thanks, I don't need anything

I'm fine, don't worry

- Good night - Good night

"What's happened. Stop"

"Unable to reach you. Stop"

"Call me." No signature

Must be the same guy who called yesterday

He must be involved too

- There - Why are you burning it?

- Answer me - So it can't be used against us

Dick, I want to scream

I can't take much more, we're trapped

At any time someone could come and find... what's in the oar

There's only one thing to do

You agree?

Troll, good boy

What is it?

Still taking on the owls, huh? Let's go

Come along

- Listen, maybe she buried it - Buried what?

The gun

Are you kidding?

That's the last thing she'd do

Why'd she bury it with my prints on it?

I guess so

But she's hidden it somewhere, where it's easy to find

But where?

That's just what we don't know: where

Come, let's hurry

Dick, I think I've got it!

Look, I was right!

Don't worry, it'll grow back

Let's go

Troll!

Colonel!

Colonel Slesar, are you back?

- Carry on - I felt something was wrong

Like there was someone in the villa

They threatened me with a gun

Troll was very nervous. Obviously he smelled the body

It was the dog led us where the corpse was buried

I couldn't sleep last night, and came back t0 the villa at dawn

Seeing them leave in the sports car, I realized something was going on

When I found the poor lady I thought she was dead...

All those sleeping pills

Inspector...

- Where were they? - The keys were in the pool

but these were on the garage floor

That's her. I recognise her

She had me fooled

They thought of everything,

even the lady's fingerprints on the gun

Nice kids, eh?

On Friday morning Mrs Slesar came to my office

She needed advice...

about an adoption

To adopt a child

I explained all the legal issues so she could talk to her husband

While this was just her idea, she wanted to find out more

But I was sure the colonel would have been fine with it

As you know, they did not have children

I drove her home, but unfortunately did not go inside the house

I can only imagine if I had...

How did you get on with your husband?

Steve loved me. We were very happy together

- Does he have close relatives? - No

So you are his only heir?

I've no idea

I never dreamed that Steve would...

I'm sorry but I have to ask how your husband was killed

It was horrible

Horrible

Mr. Baratti dropped me off at the gate

I was home, I was in a hurry

I wanted to talk to Steve about the adoption

The garage door was open which was unusual

I had a premonition

I just had time to enter, when...

Steve was lying on the ground covered in blood

The boy was still holding the gun in his hand

I started to scream, but...

I must have passed out

When I came t0 it seemed like many years had passed

They tied me up and gagged me

They started drinking, here in this room

They unplugged the phone

That's right

I tried to call here but no one answered me

- Mrs Slesar... - Yes?

Why do you think these people killed your husband?

Perhaps they thought the house was empty

and planned a robbery

Then found Steve

ls something missing? Money for example?

About 300 thousand lire. It was here in a drawer

It was horrible

It was a nightmare that lasted for hours

Unbearable

I'm sorry, but it's important that you tell us everything

He forced me...

He raped me...

Look at that sea

- Let's got for a swim - Are you crazy?

Why not? It's hot and we're tired. It'll do us good

It's too risky. We've still a long way to go

Come on, nobody's looking for us

No-one's interested in us

I bet she's still sleeping. We have loads of time

- You're really crazy - Please...

You cleaned that damned villa up like we'd never been there

Do it for me

I've a mad desire to swim and then make love

Catch up! Try to catch me!

Your papers, please

Thanks

Look at this

Patrol number three...

Those two with the sports car, wanted for murder...

Poor thing

What'll she do when she wakes up?

You still feel sorry for her?

She deserves a good lesson

Get dressed

All I want now is to cross that border as soon as possible

...the murder committed for the purpose of robbery

400,000 lire were taken from the villa of Mrs Slesar

The police are looking for the two young people...

Put some music on, my love

No, let's not. We can talk, or enjoy the silence

You know, there's something I never told you

Which is?

I'd be an idiot to ever leave you

I love you

Police!

Faster!

Look out!