Original subtitles

Jade, captain black pulled strings

to get you a seat in the dugout.

Why aren't you watching the game?

T'ch, and miss the real excitement?

You mean danger. The dark hand is here somewhere

looking for a demon portal.

So, if they open, you just toot the flute

and high-fly the demon out of the park,

back where he belongs.

Do you have everything you need for the sky demon chi spell, uncle?

Bat wing dust, lotus oil,

hummingbird saliva, root beer.

Root beer?

Sorry. Mine.

Oh, that's your fifth soda.

One for every Fenway frank.

Had to wash 'em down with something.

I do not know where she puts it all.

Ooh, pit stop.

You have to do this now?

Hello... 5 sodas.

Whoa, boss. We can't go where no man has gone before.

We are not going in, fool.

Hsi wu, the sky demon, is coming out.

Jade.

Jade.

Tohru, we must prepare the chi spell.

Jade!

¶ Ta-da-da-da-da-da ¶

charge!

I'm sorry. I'll pay for these later. Thank you.

Get your programs?

Foul!

Uncle.

Hold your horses!

Welcome back, hsi wu.

(Bat hits ball, crowd cheers)

The crowd roars for me?

Uncle...

Hehhhhh...

Hyahhhh! Hyah!

Ahh...

Get...Back...In.

Come on, come on, come on.

About time.

(Chi chanting)

The old man.

(Uncle continues chanting)

Add these to our bill.

(Humming)

I am never going back, mortal.

(Uncle still chanting)

It appears I am here to stay.

Jade's been in the dugout, but she's back in the game.

Aah!

Ow.

(Hissing)

Jade, don't open the door.

Duh!

Now?

Please.

(Plays)

(Grunts)

Ewww...

Retrieve my tail.

It didn't work.

Of course it did not work. The demon is out of range.

The tail.

I don't care if you are wearing a dress, valmont.

You are not going in the little girls' room.

Ach...Ahh...

Captain black, aren't you out of your jurisdiction?

Let's just say we love the Red Sox.

Jackie...

Check it out.

(Gremlin sounds)

Aiyaaaa!

Jackie, restrain the tail.

Ooh, I'm trying, uncle.

Aiy, aiy, aiy!

I don't think it likes you, Jackie.

Oh.

Ooh-hoo, get it off. Get it off of me.

The tail seeks its owner: Hsi wu, the sky demon.

Hotcha.

(Gremlin sounds cease)

This box is now protected by a chi spell.

Bad magic cannot touch it.

Until we devise a way to use the tail to our advantage...

We must be very cautious.

This chi powder will also keep any demon from entering...

Unless they are invited.

Ow. (Hisses)

So, I need an invitation, do I?

Hey, Jade, you going to the spring dance Friday night?

Was thinking about it.

Well, who you gonna go with, a ninja?

Or do you only fight 'em? Hyah, hyah, hyah!

T'ch, you're a riot, drew.

(Laughter)

Hey, drew, who you gonna with, your mother?

(Stammers) N-no. I--I--I...

Mama's boy.

Thanks, uh...

I'm hsi w...S-s-Seymour wu...Jahoositz.

Jade chan. You must be new.

Yeah, I just flew into town. So, Jade, is it true?

Of course. What?

Do you really fight ninjas?

You bet.

And Jackie was knocking them off the roller-coaster tracks.

That is so awesome.

T'ch, that was nothing.

Lately, Jackie's been taking on way worse than ninjas.

Like what?

Well, you probably won't believe this,

but yesterday, we captured part of a demon.

No way.

Way. Wanna see it?

You bet.

(Dings)

Uh, maybe we shouldn't.

I wouldn't wanna get you into trouble.

T'ch, trouble follows me. Come on in.

Ok.

I guarantee you've never seen anything like this.

You'd be surprised, Jade.

Freaky, huh?

Jade, what are you doing?

(Gasps)

And who are you?

Uncle, what's going on?

Jade opened the box with the "you know what" inside.

Jade, you know you're not supposed to open the box

with the "you know what" inside.

Jade, didn't open it. I did.

Hmm, bad magic cannot touch good.

Show me your burn marks, demon boy.

I didn't mean to cause any trouble, sir.

I just wanted to see the "you know what" inside.

(Grumbles)

This is Seymour.

Hi. Hello.

Well, it was nice meeting everybody.

This friend of Jade's is too polite.

Uncle, Jade finally has a friend her own age.

This could keep her away from portals and demons.

Seymour, thanks for taking the hit.

Nobody's ever done that for me.

Hey, what are friends for?

Well, see you tomorrow?

Probably.

(Sighs)

Ow. Until tomorrow, then.

Seymour's loads more fun than any of the other kids at school.

We like the same things, and he actually listens to me.

We're like yin and Yang, Yang and yin.

Good and evil?

Left and right. 2 parts of the same whole. Duh.

I'm just not sure if Seymour knows it.

Why don't you ask him to the school dance?

Eww...Like on a date? We're friends.

Besides, what if he says no?

Since the tail wants to find its owner,

I will coat it with the proper chi spell ingredients...

Then release it and let it lead us to hsi wu...

Where it will reattach, infusing the demon with the chi spell...

Which I will activate by blowing the flute.

Aiyaah!

Blow only once the tail attaches.

What's all that, uncle?

Mung bean sandwiches for the trip.

Trip?

The sky demon could be halfway around the globe by now.

So, we going inside to study?

Maybe later.

I--I have something I wanna give you first.

See? It's a friendship medallion.

You know, 2 halves of the same coin.

Gee, I'd love to see how I-- how we look in them.

Do you have a mirror inside?

You really like it?

You can wear it to the spring dance.

I'd wear mine, but I don't know if I'm going. Are you?

Me? Why would I-- well, actually,

I was thinking about going,

but I need to call my mother first and get her permission.

I guess I'll have to go inside to use your phone.

No prob.

We got a dog?

Interesting camouflage, uncle.

I smell a spell.

Strike.

Ahh, hsi wu. I told you I did not like him.

You're...You're...

A demon? Still wanna go to the dance with me?

Not. Unh.

No! After the tail attaches.

Ohh!

Yeee!

You will remove the spell from my tail, dear uncle,

or perish.

Jackie: Uncle!

Jade, go back to section 13.

But this is personal.

All the more reason.

Promise me.

Grrr...Promise.

What have you done to my tail, sly uncle?

Ancient proverb-- none of your beeswax.

I am in no mood for games.

Now remove your spell from my tail,

or you will wish you had wings.

What is hexed cannot be unhexed.

Then cast another spell. Ow!

How can I cast a spell without my spell books?

Ohh...

Hsi wu went this way.

We need wings to find uncle.

The sky demon.

My mistake.

Shoo.

Mung bean.

From uncle's sandwich?

A trail of mung beans.

Fight fire with fire.

Find yin with Yang.

Greetings, brother wu.

Did you bring them?

The geezer's books. Right here.

Nosebleed city.

Well, you have your texts. Seek a spell.

These are not my reading glasses.

Grrr...

Gaah!

Uncle, run.

Where to?

Get chan!

(Grunts)

Huh? What the--

hey, friend. Wanna dance?

Let's.

Hyah!

Ohh!

You! But how?

Talisman math:

Levitation plus speed equals flight.

Ahh...Jade! What are you--

how did you-- where did you--

talk later.

Gaah! Unh!

Owwwww...

Unh. Jackie... Zipper is stuck!

My tail.

Aiyeeeaaahhh!

Ahh, uncle!

Ah, thank you.

Jade, you must release hsi wu's tail.

You got it.

Uncle's cool.

I'll find my own spell.

Mine.

Grrr...

Ha ha. Nougat.

Unh. It won't open.

Aah!

The choice is yours, Jackie chan.

Crash or burn.

(Strains)

Yes.

Jackie, time to toot.

I want my tail.

All yours.

No, wait.

Aah!

(Uncle chanting)

Tails...You lose.

(Chanting chi)

Once more with feeling.

(Really blows)

So long, Seymour.

I told you that boy was too polite.

Uncle, shh, shh. I'm sorry, Jade.

I know you wanted to go to the dance tonight.

T'ch, so I could do the funky chicken with a demon?

Dream on.

(Sighs) You were right about the good and evil thing, t.

There will be other dances, Jade.

Dance schmance. I am so over Seymour.

I just miss having someone around who listens.

Hmm...

Someone like you.

Yin and Yang. Big and small.

You and me.

-Hey, Jackie, -yes

what do you like to put on your pizza?

One--only one kind-- pepperoni.

Double pepperoni. Very thin one.

And well, well done. And very hot.

That's all. Yeah.