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1
00:00:00,550 --> 00:00:03,826
(projector streaming)
2
00:00:03,826 --> 00:00:06,646
(instrumental chord)
3
00:00:06,646 --> 00:00:09,313
(bells ringing)
4
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,068
(crowd murmuring)
5
00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:15,361
- Are we on?
6
00:00:15,361 --> 00:00:16,193
Check.
7
00:00:16,193 --> 00:00:17,886
Test one, test two.
8
00:00:17,886 --> 00:00:18,970
Check.
9
00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:20,176
Test one.
10
00:00:20,176 --> 00:00:21,740
(crowd murmuring)
11
00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:22,700
Well, good afternoon, folks.
12
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,373
Welcome aboard the Movieland
Studios USA Express,
13
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,176
here on another glorious day here
14
00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:29,535
in sunny Southern California.
15
00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:32,248
Show of hands, how many of you
have taken this tour before?
16
00:00:32,248 --> 00:00:33,856
Nobody?
17
00:00:33,856 --> 00:00:34,806
Alright.
18
00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:35,726
How many of you are taking this tour
19
00:00:35,726 --> 00:00:37,378
for the very first time today?
20
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:39,351
I know I am. (laughs)
21
00:00:39,351 --> 00:00:40,565
No, folks, I'm kidding with you.
22
00:00:40,565 --> 00:00:42,818
I'm the tour guide, of course--
23
00:00:42,818 --> 00:00:44,451
Alright, how many of you
have absolutely no idea
24
00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:46,273
what I'm saying?
25
00:00:46,273 --> 00:00:48,121
Hello?
26
00:00:48,121 --> 00:00:50,660
How many of you just don't care?
27
00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:52,160
Aha, thank you, sir.
28
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,618
Alright, well, once again, welcome aboard.
29
00:00:54,618 --> 00:00:56,455
For the next hour or so,
we are gonna take you
30
00:00:56,455 --> 00:00:58,868
way down deep into the heart
of one of the world's largest
31
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:01,091
working movie and TV studios,
32
00:01:01,091 --> 00:01:03,591
and, well, hopefully make you smile
33
00:01:03,591 --> 00:01:05,103
just a little bit along the way.
34
00:01:05,103 --> 00:01:07,105
We should be getting our
signal that we're okay
35
00:01:07,105 --> 00:01:08,818
for departure in just a moment,
36
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,941
but before we can leave
the docking station,
37
00:01:10,941 --> 00:01:12,793
we do need to have everybody seated.
38
00:01:12,793 --> 00:01:14,626
A few safety rules.
39
00:01:14,626 --> 00:01:15,846
Ma'am in the third car,
if we can have you seated,
40
00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:17,741
we can be on our way, thank you very much.
41
00:01:17,741 --> 00:01:18,573
A few safe--
42
00:01:18,573 --> 00:01:19,406
Ma'am?
43
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:24,615
(speaking foreign language)
44
00:01:28,528 --> 00:01:30,608
A few safety rules to get us started.
45
00:01:30,608 --> 00:01:32,763
If you do drop something,
or (laughs) someone,
46
00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:35,700
over the side of the tram,
or in case of an emergency,
47
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:36,963
just reach overheard,
48
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,028
pull the orange emergency chord
49
00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:40,318
running down the side of the tram.
50
00:01:40,318 --> 00:01:41,426
If you happen to have a camera with you,
51
00:01:41,426 --> 00:01:42,435
(bell rings)
52
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,930
Ah, you got it.
53
00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:44,896
If you happen to have a camera,
54
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:45,728
(bell rings)
55
00:01:45,728 --> 00:01:47,566
Ugh, you got it again. (laughs)
56
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,640
That's very nice sir, thank you.
57
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,473
(bell ringing repeatedly)
58
00:01:49,473 --> 00:01:51,535
And thank you, sir, for pointing it out
59
00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:52,876
to all of car number two.
60
00:01:52,876 --> 00:01:56,863
(bell ringing repeatedly)
61
00:01:56,863 --> 00:01:57,863
We can wait.
62
00:02:00,451 --> 00:02:01,898
Alright.
63
00:02:01,898 --> 00:02:03,161
If you happen to have a camera with you,
64
00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:04,653
you might wanna keep it
handy 'cause you never know
65
00:02:04,653 --> 00:02:06,963
what, or who, you might see.
66
00:02:06,963 --> 00:02:07,796
Hold on tight, folks.
67
00:02:07,796 --> 00:02:09,336
It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
68
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:12,186
I have one more question
for you before we get going.
69
00:02:12,186 --> 00:02:14,418
Are you ready for your close-up?
70
00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:15,418
(camera shutter)
71
00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:19,168
(uptempo instrumental music)
72
00:02:22,528 --> 00:02:24,196
Hi, I'm James.
73
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,438
Welcome to my world.
74
00:02:28,638 --> 00:02:31,243
I am 29 years old, today,
75
00:02:31,243 --> 00:02:33,340
Which, by the way, is two years more
76
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:37,058
than the amount of dollars
currently in my bank account.
77
00:02:37,058 --> 00:02:38,718
(laughing) Nice.
78
00:02:38,718 --> 00:02:41,851
And 227.000 less
79
00:02:41,851 --> 00:02:44,696
than the amount of miles
currently on my car.
80
00:02:44,696 --> 00:02:47,843
Ugh, I've had more drama with
that car than in my career.
81
00:02:47,843 --> 00:02:50,691
Four years of drama school,
my biggest claim to fame
82
00:02:50,691 --> 00:02:53,411
is the non-speaking,
albeit recurring, role
83
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:57,431
of a local delivery boy on
a now defunct soap opera.
84
00:02:57,431 --> 00:02:59,785
Sleeping on an exercise mat
in the living room of a one
85
00:02:59,785 --> 00:03:02,916
bedroom apartment for the
majority of my adult life
86
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,666
has done wonders for my sex life.
87
00:03:06,703 --> 00:03:07,621
So not hot.
88
00:03:09,035 --> 00:03:10,861
In fact, it's been four
years, seven months,
89
00:03:10,861 --> 00:03:13,871
three days and 22 hours
since my last boyfriend.
90
00:03:13,871 --> 00:03:15,376
Oh, God, he's cute.
91
00:03:15,376 --> 00:03:16,960
Is that his tongue?
92
00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:21,968
Is it stating the obvious
to say that I'm lonely?
93
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,918
- [Group] Surprise!
94
00:03:23,918 --> 00:03:24,751
(clapping)
95
00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:25,808
Happy birthday, James!
96
00:03:25,808 --> 00:03:27,883
(cheering)
97
00:03:27,883 --> 00:03:29,633
- Make a wish, James.
98
00:03:30,613 --> 00:03:31,446
- Make a wish?
99
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,186
My gosh, where do I begin?
100
00:03:33,186 --> 00:03:36,436
(high-speed rewinding)
101
00:03:37,445 --> 00:03:38,868
(breaks slamming)
102
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:39,883
(motor running)
103
00:03:39,883 --> 00:03:43,223
My folks are the sort of
modern day Ricky and Lucy.
104
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,166
My dad is Hispanic.
105
00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,088
He's an ex-hippie who once
avoided being arrested
106
00:03:47,088 --> 00:03:48,841
at an Indian peace rally march
107
00:03:48,841 --> 00:03:51,786
because I was in a papoose on his back.
108
00:03:51,786 --> 00:03:53,850
He pulled many an all-nighter
locked in the bathroom
109
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,488
writing Chicano-influenced poetry,
110
00:03:55,488 --> 00:03:57,126
but he now teaches high school Spanish
111
00:03:57,126 --> 00:03:58,738
and he coaches the baseball team.
112
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,571
- Save your money, boy.
113
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:00,633
(strumming guitar)
114
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:03,720
When I turned 17, I got a job at a store.
115
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,855
Not long after, I had enough
money to buy new shoes.
116
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:09,176
And eventually, I bought my Chevy.
117
00:04:09,176 --> 00:04:10,008
(guitar chord)
118
00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:11,096
Shit.
119
00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:15,518
- My mom is that classic every
woman superhero sitcom mom
120
00:04:15,518 --> 00:04:16,891
for today's mom.
121
00:04:16,891 --> 00:04:17,786
Designing woman?
122
00:04:17,786 --> 00:04:18,618
Yep.
123
00:04:18,618 --> 00:04:20,133
President of the PTA?
124
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:22,206
Yes, she is.
125
00:04:22,206 --> 00:04:23,963
Former small town girl that left the farm
126
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:28,090
and is now fighting neighborhood
crime one block at a time?
127
00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:30,568
That's my mom.
128
00:04:30,568 --> 00:04:31,786
- I came out of the closet to my family
129
00:04:31,786 --> 00:04:33,703
the Summer I turned 19.
130
00:04:35,833 --> 00:04:38,026
My mom, she cried a lot,
131
00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:42,998
and my dad didn't talk to
me for about six months.
132
00:04:42,998 --> 00:04:46,968
To be perfectly honest, I dreaded
coming home for Christmas.
133
00:04:46,968 --> 00:04:47,801
- Merry Christmas!
134
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:51,221
(uptempo Christmas music)
135
00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:54,443
What did Santa get you?
136
00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:56,671
Open it up, show everybody.
137
00:04:56,671 --> 00:05:00,838
And smile for the camera,
would you please, honey?
138
00:05:02,838 --> 00:05:05,940
- 20th Anniversary Edition of Cabaret?
139
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:08,111
- [Dad] With special, never
before seen interviews
140
00:05:08,111 --> 00:05:10,158
with Liza Minnelli.
141
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:11,596
- Great.
142
00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:13,846
- [Mom] It's the other one.
143
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,360
- The Judy Garland CD Box Set.
144
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,131
- [Dad] They're mother
and daughter, you know.
145
00:05:24,131 --> 00:05:26,826
- Honey, he knows.
146
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:27,658
- I do.
147
00:05:28,826 --> 00:05:29,910
Well, my mom had stopped crying
148
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:33,028
and my dad began including me
in conversations once again.
149
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,986
It was a very merry Christmas.
150
00:05:35,986 --> 00:05:37,748
Fast forward, if we
could, to the next year.
151
00:05:37,748 --> 00:05:38,705
(high-pitched rewinding)
152
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,538
(Christmas music)
153
00:05:45,601 --> 00:05:47,505
- Isn't it fabulous?
154
00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:48,836
- [Dad] Just so you know,
155
00:05:48,836 --> 00:05:51,348
Santa had to go to about seven
different shopping stores
156
00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:52,453
to find it.
157
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,523
- Oh, yes.
158
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:56,886
Apparently, they are all the
rage with you boys this year.
159
00:05:56,886 --> 00:06:00,386
- Bear with me for one more
Christmas, if you would.
160
00:06:00,386 --> 00:06:03,893
Crowd the Queen Beauty
Pageant Trivia Game?
161
00:06:03,893 --> 00:06:07,808
- First one to get a dozen
roses gets the tiara!
162
00:06:07,808 --> 00:06:11,368
- (laughing) It's magical.
163
00:06:11,368 --> 00:06:13,060
- Well, win or lose, honey,
164
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:16,008
you will always be our little Queen.
165
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:20,008
(Dad speaking foreign language)
166
00:06:21,593 --> 00:06:22,708
- Okay, James.
167
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:25,500
With the next to the last
rose in your bouquet,
168
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:26,633
- You can do it, you can do it.
169
00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:29,543
- What is the least important
category in a pageant?
170
00:06:29,543 --> 00:06:31,411
- Oh, God, you get all the easy ones.
171
00:06:31,411 --> 00:06:32,935
- Talent.
172
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,016
- How do you know that?
173
00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:35,190
- Girl, come on.
174
00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:37,345
- Roxy, in the wonderful world of beauty,
175
00:06:37,345 --> 00:06:38,803
nobody cares if you can play the violin,
176
00:06:38,803 --> 00:06:40,673
the most important thing is?
177
00:06:40,673 --> 00:06:42,406
- Oh, I don't know.
178
00:06:42,406 --> 00:06:44,298
Your platform?
179
00:06:44,298 --> 00:06:45,131
- Your platform?
180
00:06:45,131 --> 00:06:45,965
(laughing)
181
00:06:45,965 --> 00:06:46,798
People care even less about that.
182
00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:47,631
No.
183
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,366
- Me.
184
00:06:49,366 --> 00:06:50,200
- Brandon?
185
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,515
- The most important skill
for a pageant girl to possess
186
00:06:53,515 --> 00:06:55,603
is the ability to walk in heels.
187
00:06:55,603 --> 00:06:57,421
- It's common sense.
188
00:06:57,421 --> 00:06:59,395
- It's so gay.
189
00:06:59,395 --> 00:07:00,696
- Since we introducing the family,
190
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:02,153
you might as well meet them all.
191
00:07:02,153 --> 00:07:03,823
I was always taught
that a family can extend
192
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:04,696
far beyond blood,
193
00:07:04,696 --> 00:07:06,113
and for the last several years,
194
00:07:06,113 --> 00:07:08,966
these two have been my family. (laughing)
195
00:07:08,966 --> 00:07:09,978
Roxy.
196
00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:12,023
Straight girl and former roommate.
197
00:07:12,023 --> 00:07:15,776
I needed a place to live, she
needed help with the rent.
198
00:07:15,776 --> 00:07:17,906
After six months of barely speaking
199
00:07:17,906 --> 00:07:19,313
and walking on eggshells,
200
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,913
all it took was some cranberry juice,
201
00:07:21,913 --> 00:07:24,123
- A little more vodka?
202
00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:27,931
- To tell each other things
we'd never told anyone before.
203
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:30,265
We've been through jobs,
loss of jobs, together,
204
00:07:30,265 --> 00:07:31,848
borrowed each other's clothes,
205
00:07:31,848 --> 00:07:33,125
and been through boyfriends together.
206
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:37,291
In fact, attempted to share
one at one point. (chuckles)
207
00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:39,205
- Can we have everybody's attention
208
00:07:39,205 --> 00:07:40,121
just for a second, please?
209
00:07:40,121 --> 00:07:41,816
Thank you so much for coming
210
00:07:41,816 --> 00:07:43,720
to Find Out Chuck's Sexuality Party.
211
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,841
(laughing)
212
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,833
Now, Chuck thinks the
party starts at seven.
213
00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:48,666
- Right.
214
00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:51,081
The point of the evening is for one of us,
215
00:07:51,081 --> 00:07:53,201
Roxy or myself, that is, (laughing)
216
00:07:53,201 --> 00:07:54,690
is to make out with Chuck in the bathroom.
217
00:07:54,690 --> 00:07:55,523
- Right.
218
00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:57,441
Wow, this has been such a
confusing couple of days.
219
00:07:57,441 --> 00:07:58,616
- Oh my God, right?
220
00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:00,058
Trying to make sense of all those signals
221
00:08:00,058 --> 00:08:01,993
he was throwing in my direction has been,
222
00:08:01,993 --> 00:08:03,920
- He was trying to make a sale, James.
223
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,668
- Yeah, try commenting on my ass in jeans.
224
00:08:06,668 --> 00:08:08,253
- It was my ass, not yours.
225
00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:09,086
- You know what, anyway.
226
00:08:09,086 --> 00:08:10,313
- Anyway.
227
00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:11,361
Whatever.
(James laughing)
228
00:08:11,361 --> 00:08:12,593
When he gets here,
(phone ringing)
229
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,426
- Oh, got it.
230
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,551
- When he gets here, pry, mingle,
231
00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,585
ask him as many questions as possible.
232
00:08:17,585 --> 00:08:19,411
Observe which one of us
he looks better with,
233
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,260
me,
234
00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:21,633
which one he's more drawn to,
235
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:22,466
me,
236
00:08:22,466 --> 00:08:23,371
bla bla bla bla,
237
00:08:23,371 --> 00:08:24,203
me.
238
00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:25,793
- (shreiking) That was Chuck!
239
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:26,868
- Oh my God, is he running late?
240
00:08:26,868 --> 00:08:27,701
- No, he's not.
241
00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:28,535
- Oh, thank God.
242
00:08:28,535 --> 00:08:29,368
- He's running early.
243
00:08:29,368 --> 00:08:30,201
- Oh, good God!
244
00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:31,646
- And, if my calculations are correct,
245
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:32,763
(buzzing)
246
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:33,596
(yelling)
247
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,846
- Places, everyone, places!
248
00:08:37,296 --> 00:08:41,463
(laughing)
249
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:47,641
(shushing)
250
00:08:47,641 --> 00:08:49,270
Hi, Chuck, you came.
251
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,688
- (laughs) Hi.
252
00:08:50,688 --> 00:08:51,688
- Hi, Chuck.
253
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,696
You were right, 31's, perfect fit.
254
00:08:55,696 --> 00:08:57,578
- Hi, have we met?
255
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:58,411
I'm Chuck.
256
00:08:59,491 --> 00:09:00,845
- James.
257
00:09:00,845 --> 00:09:01,890
- Hey.
258
00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:02,856
Oh, this is for you.
259
00:09:02,856 --> 00:09:04,141
- Oh, thank you.
- You bet, thank you.
260
00:09:04,141 --> 00:09:05,953
- That's so sweet.
(lips smacking)
261
00:09:05,953 --> 00:09:09,121
(uptempo dance music)
262
00:09:15,270 --> 00:09:16,216
(sighs)
263
00:09:16,216 --> 00:09:18,906
- Whatever, fuck Chuck.
264
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:22,291
- In a true beauty pageant,
265
00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:25,371
the evening is broken up
into how many sections?
266
00:09:25,371 --> 00:09:27,316
- How in the hell am I
supposed to know that?
267
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,230
- This from a former Miss Teen Queen?
268
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,531
- Those were very dark days,
269
00:09:31,531 --> 00:09:34,356
and thanks to therapy,
and lots of cigarettes,
270
00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:36,953
I've put them behind me.
271
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:38,001
I don't know, three?
272
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:38,833
- (coughs) Four.
273
00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:39,828
- Wait a second, two?
274
00:09:39,828 --> 00:09:41,411
- Four.
275
00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:43,206
Four sections.
276
00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:46,421
(clears throat) Evening gown, talent,
277
00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:48,935
swimsuit, interview, four.
278
00:09:48,935 --> 00:09:50,795
- Is he right?
279
00:09:50,795 --> 00:09:53,655
What am I talking about,
of course he's right.
280
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:54,688
- Brandon.
281
00:09:54,688 --> 00:09:57,083
Gay boy and faithful sidekick.
282
00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:59,251
We met at the wedding of
a mutual acquaintance.
283
00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:01,571
He knew the bride, I knew the groom,
284
00:10:01,571 --> 00:10:03,780
and he caught the bouquet. (laughs)
285
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:05,036
(Brandon laughing)
286
00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:07,256
After an hour of toasts
by drunk groomsmen,
287
00:10:07,256 --> 00:10:09,711
all it took was some cranberry juice,
288
00:10:09,711 --> 00:10:10,723
- Where's that vodka?
289
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:11,556
Oh.
290
00:10:11,556 --> 00:10:14,351
- To tell each other more things
291
00:10:14,351 --> 00:10:16,871
we've never told anybody before.
292
00:10:16,871 --> 00:10:19,863
And we've been through new jobs,
and loss of jobs, together,
293
00:10:19,863 --> 00:10:21,160
borrowed each other's clothes,
294
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,196
been through boyfriends together.
295
00:10:23,196 --> 00:10:26,778
In fact, attempted to
be them at one point.
296
00:10:29,091 --> 00:10:30,971
- I give it six months, tops.
297
00:10:30,971 --> 00:10:31,805
- What?
298
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,491
No, I think they make
a really cute couple.
299
00:10:33,491 --> 00:10:36,628
- Well, for the moment,
yes, I totally agree.
300
00:10:36,628 --> 00:10:38,276
But, she's gonna wake up one day soon
301
00:10:38,276 --> 00:10:40,808
and realize that she's capable
of being with a straight man,
302
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,983
even though I've never seen it happen.
303
00:10:42,983 --> 00:10:44,183
- Oh, you're kidding, right?
304
00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:46,440
- I'm just saying, she pursued me
305
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,823
for a year and a half in college,
306
00:10:47,823 --> 00:10:50,883
and tried to get on
every guy I ever dated.
307
00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:53,380
- No, Alex is so not gay.
308
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:54,468
Although I often wished,
309
00:10:54,468 --> 00:10:56,888
- I don't care how much football and beer
310
00:10:56,888 --> 00:10:58,396
plays a part in your life,
311
00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,561
I know gay when I see it.
312
00:11:00,561 --> 00:11:03,631
(bells ringing)
313
00:11:03,631 --> 00:11:06,278
I picked you out the second
you walked in the church.
314
00:11:06,278 --> 00:11:07,111
- No.
315
00:11:07,111 --> 00:11:07,943
- Girl.
316
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:08,776
- Really?
- Yep.
317
00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:09,610
- Huh.
318
00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:12,336
Our turn.
319
00:11:15,153 --> 00:11:17,108
What blew my cover?
320
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,288
- Pink socks.
321
00:11:18,288 --> 00:11:20,621
The same shade as the
bridesmaids' dresses.
322
00:11:20,621 --> 00:11:21,453
(James laughs)
323
00:11:21,453 --> 00:11:24,723
If you recall, my tie was a perfect match.
324
00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:28,285
- Yes, but sadly, mine
was a laundry mishap.
325
00:11:28,285 --> 00:11:29,408
- There are no gay accidents.
326
00:11:29,408 --> 00:11:30,993
(James laughing)
327
00:11:30,993 --> 00:11:33,016
Wear it out, where it proud.
328
00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:36,416
I said to myself, "Gay boy, cute.
329
00:11:36,416 --> 00:11:39,848
"Must rearrange seating
and get his number."
330
00:11:39,848 --> 00:11:40,931
- You didn't!
331
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:44,806
Well, I'm glad you called.
332
00:11:44,806 --> 00:11:46,415
- Me too.
333
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:49,091
- Tell your future for five bucks, boys?
334
00:11:49,091 --> 00:11:51,291
- Come on, what do you say?
335
00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:52,808
- I think I changed my mind.
336
00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:56,426
- Oh, come on, I do this all the time.
337
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:59,771
- Madame Paula's psychic eye never lies.
338
00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:01,038
I'll do you both for eight.
339
00:12:01,038 --> 00:12:04,591
- Now, that's an offer we can't refuse.
340
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,923
- I guess it couldn't be
worse than the answers I get
341
00:12:05,923 --> 00:12:07,891
from the Magic 8 Ball, huh?
342
00:12:07,891 --> 00:12:09,641
- Good, you go first.
343
00:12:12,956 --> 00:12:13,996
For luck.
344
00:12:13,996 --> 00:12:18,163
(choir singing)
345
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:25,390
(laughing)
346
00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:26,851
(motor running)
347
00:12:26,851 --> 00:12:27,876
(breaks screeching)
348
00:12:27,876 --> 00:12:28,816
- [Group] Surprise!
349
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:29,648
(clapping)
350
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:30,481
Happy birthday, James!
351
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:33,193
(cheering)
352
00:12:33,193 --> 00:12:35,448
- Make a wish, James.
353
00:12:35,448 --> 00:12:36,788
- I wish to be the most
famous Broadway and movie
354
00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:38,276
television actor of my generation,
355
00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:39,545
meet and marry the
hottest man on the planet,
356
00:12:39,545 --> 00:12:40,678
second to me, of course,
357
00:12:40,678 --> 00:12:43,756
and live out our lives dripping
in wealth and happiness.
358
00:12:43,756 --> 00:12:45,461
(exhaling)
359
00:12:45,461 --> 00:12:49,710
(group cheering and clapping)
360
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:51,493
- Here we are!
361
00:12:51,493 --> 00:12:53,046
Are we late?
362
00:12:53,046 --> 00:12:55,001
Oh, darn, honey, we missed the cake.
363
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:56,348
- I should have taken the shortcut.
364
00:12:56,348 --> 00:12:58,668
- Oh.
365
00:12:58,668 --> 00:13:01,108
Happy birthday, honey.
366
00:13:01,108 --> 00:13:02,925
(lips smacking)
367
00:13:02,925 --> 00:13:05,191
Now,
(metal clanking)
368
00:13:05,191 --> 00:13:09,283
the man at the leather store
said some assembly is required.
369
00:13:09,283 --> 00:13:12,165
Honestly, I have no idea how
something like this works,
370
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:14,793
but, I bet the boys will know
371
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,400
how to put one of these things together.
372
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,481
(laughing)
(group laughing)
373
00:13:18,481 --> 00:13:19,503
- Let's get to it!
374
00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:20,336
- Alright!
375
00:13:20,336 --> 00:13:21,660
I love these.
376
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:22,540
I think there's a hook to it.
377
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:23,461
Here we go.
378
00:13:23,461 --> 00:13:24,563
(metal clanking)
379
00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,381
(group talking)
380
00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:28,631
- Can I borrow it sometime?
381
00:13:29,551 --> 00:13:32,431
What, it's not like
you're going to use it.
382
00:13:32,431 --> 00:13:36,181
(uptempo instrumental music)
383
00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:42,198
- Honey, what are you doing?
384
00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:44,136
- Pulling my orange emergency chord.
385
00:13:44,136 --> 00:13:44,968
- Well, knock it off.
386
00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:47,360
It looks like you're a crazed child.
387
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,163
Now, come on, let's cut the cake.
388
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,463
(bell ringing)
389
00:13:52,463 --> 00:13:54,270
- No, no, no, birthday boy.
390
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:55,980
Sit down and relax.
391
00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:58,406
It's hard turning 29.
392
00:13:58,406 --> 00:14:00,558
- I think turning 29
would be a good thing.
393
00:14:00,558 --> 00:14:02,765
- It's worked on you
for the last two years.
394
00:14:02,765 --> 00:14:03,598
- Haha.
395
00:14:03,598 --> 00:14:04,746
- I mean it, James, sit down.
396
00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:06,496
- Uh, don't sit down.
397
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:10,338
Your birthday's not over yet!
398
00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:14,338
Drink specials don't end
for another 45 minutes.
399
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:19,861
After 11 o'clock, you need to
find someone to buy us drinks.
400
00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:20,695
I did it last time.
401
00:14:20,695 --> 00:14:21,528
- What?
402
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,033
I can barely afford to
pay my rent this month,
403
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:25,866
I'm not gonna spend my last
six dollars on cocktails.
404
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,086
- I'll buy.
405
00:14:27,086 --> 00:14:30,408
- You're not really going
out tonight, are you?
406
00:14:30,408 --> 00:14:31,833
You've got an audition tomorrow morning.
407
00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:35,956
- No, I don't think I'm
gonna go to that audition.
408
00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:37,606
She's right, I can't go out.
409
00:14:37,606 --> 00:14:39,118
- Oh, okay.
410
00:14:39,118 --> 00:14:41,763
Come on, put a fire under
it, time's awastin'.
411
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,075
- Brandon.
412
00:14:43,075 --> 00:14:45,973
- Please, Mom, I'll have
her home by one o'clock.
413
00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:47,890
- It is my special day.
414
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:50,540
- You're not wearing that.
415
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:51,398
- Okay.
416
00:14:51,398 --> 00:14:52,231
- Oh, hey, come with us!
417
00:14:52,231 --> 00:14:53,065
- Yeah!
418
00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:54,078
- No, no, leave the mess.
419
00:14:54,078 --> 00:14:55,506
Come on, I'll clean it up tomorrow.
420
00:14:55,506 --> 00:14:56,881
- No, no thank you,
421
00:14:56,881 --> 00:14:58,245
No fag hag for me tonight.
422
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,613
Go out, have fun, I'll stay and finish up.
423
00:15:00,613 --> 00:15:01,495
- Suit yourself.
424
00:15:01,495 --> 00:15:03,131
Don't steal anything.
425
00:15:03,131 --> 00:15:03,965
(lips smacking)
426
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:04,798
Two light beers.
427
00:15:04,798 --> 00:15:07,911
Um, give him a couple of bucks for a tip.
428
00:15:07,911 --> 00:15:10,085
And smile, honey.
429
00:15:10,085 --> 00:15:11,375
If you wanna be one of
the boys in the band,
430
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:14,243
you gotta learn to blow on that trumpet.
431
00:15:14,243 --> 00:15:16,245
Or at least pretend to know how.
432
00:15:16,245 --> 00:15:20,800
Rule number 16 from Brandon's
Book of Bagging Boys.
433
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,351
Thanks, honey.
434
00:15:22,351 --> 00:15:24,896
(uptempo dance music)
435
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,538
Don't look now,
436
00:15:26,538 --> 00:15:27,998
10 o'clock,
437
00:15:27,998 --> 00:15:29,081
totally cute,
438
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,221
and totally checking me out.
439
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:34,803
Don't move, I'll be right back.
440
00:15:37,826 --> 00:15:40,993
(uptempo dance music)
441
00:15:44,186 --> 00:15:47,353
(uptempo dance music)
442
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,376
(slow dance music)
443
00:15:54,376 --> 00:15:58,293
- [Bartender] Last call,
last call for alcohol!
444
00:16:00,288 --> 00:16:01,121
- James?
445
00:16:01,121 --> 00:16:01,955
(chuckles)
446
00:16:01,955 --> 00:16:03,346
I thought that was you!
447
00:16:03,346 --> 00:16:04,496
How are you?
448
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,330
- I'm fine, how are,
449
00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:07,063
what are you doing here?
450
00:16:07,063 --> 00:16:08,348
- I'm gay, remember?
451
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:09,448
- I have to get going.
452
00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:12,698
- Oh, have a good night.
- And you, too.
453
00:16:13,563 --> 00:16:14,508
- It is so good to see you.
454
00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:16,131
I haven't seen you since school, right?
455
00:16:16,131 --> 00:16:16,963
- No, I don't think so.
456
00:16:16,963 --> 00:16:17,971
Hey, what happened at the reunion?
457
00:16:17,971 --> 00:16:19,681
Everybody thought you were gonna be there.
458
00:16:19,681 --> 00:16:20,568
- Work.
459
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:21,651
You know how it is.
460
00:16:21,651 --> 00:16:22,958
- Yeah.
461
00:16:22,958 --> 00:16:24,466
- So, you went, how was it?
462
00:16:24,466 --> 00:16:27,468
- I wanted more of the guys
to be fat and balder than me,
463
00:16:27,468 --> 00:16:29,273
but I did get cornered in
the bathroom at one point
464
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:30,206
by half the football team.
465
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,040
- And?
466
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,333
- They wanted to know
if I'd been on TV yet.
467
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:34,310
- Oh, you're still acting!
468
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:36,266
- Yeah, yeah, I'm still acting.
469
00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:37,796
I mean, I'm trying.
470
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:40,750
This is my turf, hombre,
you got a problem?
471
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,583
Don't make me call my amigos, man.
472
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,856
I'm up for this bad guy in this
Movie of the Week right now.
473
00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:51,170
- That is fantastic!
474
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:53,043
So, the drama school
really paid off, then.
475
00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:54,666
- Oh, God, yeah, drama school.
476
00:16:54,666 --> 00:16:56,596
- But who remembers college? (laughing)
477
00:16:56,596 --> 00:16:57,430
- Hey.
478
00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:58,621
Let's get out of here.
479
00:16:58,621 --> 00:17:02,716
I'd rather die than close this
place with this lonely bunch.
480
00:17:02,716 --> 00:17:03,623
- I know.
481
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,911
- James, this is my boyfriend, Troy.
482
00:17:06,911 --> 00:17:07,745
- What's up?
483
00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:08,683
- Troy, this is James.
484
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:10,661
James and I went to high school together.
485
00:17:10,661 --> 00:17:12,880
He's the actor I told you so much about?
486
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:13,743
- Oh, yeah.
487
00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:15,090
Which restaurant?
488
00:17:15,090 --> 00:17:16,943
(boys laughing)
489
00:17:16,943 --> 00:17:18,875
- Yeah, Troy, I'm not a waiter.
490
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:22,011
I'm a tour guide at a movie
studio slash theme park.
491
00:17:22,011 --> 00:17:23,888
(boys laughing)
492
00:17:23,888 --> 00:17:25,243
- He was always so funny.
493
00:17:25,243 --> 00:17:26,600
You remember I said how funny he was?
494
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,433
- Yeah.
495
00:17:28,403 --> 00:17:29,553
I'm gonna smoke.
496
00:17:29,553 --> 00:17:31,466
Hustle up, I'll see you outside.
497
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:32,298
See ya.
498
00:17:34,731 --> 00:17:35,895
- So, you and Troy.
499
00:17:35,895 --> 00:17:36,728
- Five years.
500
00:17:36,728 --> 00:17:38,273
He just passed the Bar,
501
00:17:38,273 --> 00:17:42,518
and we just had a commitment
ceremony two months ago.
502
00:17:42,518 --> 00:17:46,686
Listen, he's waiting, so why
don't I give you my card?
503
00:17:48,093 --> 00:17:49,301
- Stock broker.
504
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,371
- Yeah, it's a small firm
but it pays the mortgage.
505
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,291
- Mortgage, yeah.
506
00:17:53,291 --> 00:17:55,685
- So, I gotta run but you'll be in touch?
507
00:17:55,685 --> 00:17:57,960
Oh, so great running into you like this.
508
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,861
What a surprise.
509
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:03,193
So, I'll keep my eyes out for
your TV Movie of the Week.
510
00:18:03,193 --> 00:18:06,111
(soft dance music)
511
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:10,623
(motor running)
512
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:19,226
- Happy birthday, James.
513
00:18:19,226 --> 00:18:20,060
- Thanks.
514
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:21,363
- Oh, happy birthday, man.
515
00:18:21,363 --> 00:18:22,771
- Oh, yeah, thanks, hey, it was nice to.
516
00:18:22,771 --> 00:18:24,811
(door slamming)
517
00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:27,478
(motor running)
518
00:18:30,373 --> 00:18:31,763
(clicking)
519
00:18:31,763 --> 00:18:35,930
(soft piano music)
520
00:19:08,655 --> 00:19:10,298
(loud engine roaring)
521
00:19:10,298 --> 00:19:12,881
(wind blowing)
522
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:21,430
(yelling)
523
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:22,263
(loud engine roaring)
524
00:19:22,263 --> 00:19:26,430
(uptempo Latin music)
525
00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:31,235
- How do they look?
526
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:32,383
- Mary Kate and Ashley?
527
00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:35,093
(laughing)
528
00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:37,753
Who is this guy, anyway?
529
00:19:37,753 --> 00:19:40,723
Well, I haven't actually met him yet.
530
00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:41,983
Or them, I should say.
531
00:19:41,983 --> 00:19:46,111
Tonight is the first meeting
of the C.L.I.T. Organization.
532
00:19:46,111 --> 00:19:48,841
- (laughing) The who organization?
533
00:19:48,841 --> 00:19:51,091
(laughing)
534
00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:54,608
- Courageous Ladies Into Truth.
535
00:19:54,608 --> 00:19:56,071
- What, you're going to meet a guy?
536
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,871
- Well, the initial plan
was to fight the good fight
537
00:19:57,871 --> 00:19:59,288
for women across the country,
538
00:19:59,288 --> 00:20:01,368
but every phone call I got was from a man,
539
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,438
every email I got was from a man, so.
540
00:20:03,438 --> 00:20:04,608
- They're probably all gay.
541
00:20:04,608 --> 00:20:05,940
You realize this, don't you?
542
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:06,878
Oh, can I go with you?
543
00:20:06,878 --> 00:20:08,860
- No, you cannot.
544
00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:10,831
We decided on this, yeah?
545
00:20:10,831 --> 00:20:13,311
I figure I can support
the pussy power movement,
546
00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:16,518
and find a man that supports
the power of my pussy,
547
00:20:16,518 --> 00:20:18,268
all at the same time!
548
00:20:19,916 --> 00:20:20,750
Good?
549
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:25,380
- Good.
550
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:26,288
- What would I do without you?
551
00:20:26,288 --> 00:20:27,460
- You'd be me.
552
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,638
- Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
553
00:20:30,638 --> 00:20:32,660
- [Barista] And two tall, nonfat mochas.
554
00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:33,660
- Thank you.
555
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,193
(footsteps)
556
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,341
- Hey, look.
557
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,151
I'm a superhero.
558
00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:45,728
- Alright, Wonder Woman.
559
00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,158
How about grabbing that invisible jet
560
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:49,031
and bringing it around, I'm running late.
561
00:20:49,031 --> 00:20:49,863
(slamming)
562
00:20:49,863 --> 00:20:50,696
(crashing)
563
00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:53,408
- Ugh. (sighs)
564
00:20:53,408 --> 00:20:56,163
- Oh my God, are you okay?
565
00:20:56,163 --> 00:20:57,533
- Yeah, of course.
566
00:20:57,533 --> 00:21:00,313
My superhero powers are just
a little out of practice.
567
00:21:00,313 --> 00:21:01,885
(moans)
568
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,685
Besides, I was hoping
you'd come running over,
569
00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:05,855
I'd attract your attention,
570
00:21:05,855 --> 00:21:08,506
and you would sweep me off my feet.
571
00:21:08,506 --> 00:21:11,625
I think I love you, you
are the man of my dreams.
572
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,445
Is what I wanted to say.
573
00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:14,676
(high-pitched rewinding)
574
00:21:14,676 --> 00:21:17,006
Ugh. (sighs)
575
00:21:17,006 --> 00:21:19,173
- Oh my God, are you okay?
576
00:21:20,236 --> 00:21:21,153
- Oh, crap.
577
00:21:23,578 --> 00:21:25,556
Is what I said.
578
00:21:25,556 --> 00:21:27,105
(footsteps running)
579
00:21:27,105 --> 00:21:29,378
- Is, is he gonna be alright? (chuckles)
580
00:21:29,378 --> 00:21:31,446
- Uh, not totally, no.
581
00:21:31,446 --> 00:21:33,356
But he'll survive. (chuckles)
582
00:21:33,356 --> 00:21:35,106
Sorry about the mess.
583
00:21:38,053 --> 00:21:38,886
- Andy,
584
00:21:38,886 --> 00:21:39,720
(bell dings)
585
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,246
or my boyfriend, as I prefer to call him,
586
00:21:41,246 --> 00:21:44,566
started at the coffee shop
just over three weeks ago.
587
00:21:44,566 --> 00:21:47,966
(sigh) He is the dreamiest
of dreamy coffee boys, ever.
588
00:21:47,966 --> 00:21:49,678
He's become very popular
in the neighborhood
589
00:21:49,678 --> 00:21:52,423
with all the 15 year old girls.
590
00:21:52,423 --> 00:21:54,363
And James.
591
00:21:54,363 --> 00:21:56,110
I've successfully and secretly stalked him
592
00:21:56,110 --> 00:21:57,251
over these last three weeks,
593
00:21:57,251 --> 00:21:59,221
but now, thanks to my
desire to save the world,
594
00:21:59,221 --> 00:22:01,701
my cover's been blown.
595
00:22:01,701 --> 00:22:04,248
(popping)
596
00:22:04,248 --> 00:22:08,415
(playful instrumental music)
597
00:22:26,291 --> 00:22:27,123
(liquid dripping)
598
00:22:27,123 --> 00:22:27,956
Oh, shit.
599
00:22:30,196 --> 00:22:33,278
(instrumental music)
600
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:41,608
(spitting)
601
00:22:45,826 --> 00:22:47,213
I don't smoke or do drugs,
602
00:22:47,213 --> 00:22:48,046
and I don't have any money,
603
00:22:48,046 --> 00:22:50,106
so spending it frivolously
isn't a problem,
604
00:22:50,106 --> 00:22:52,856
so please allow me this one vice.
605
00:22:54,026 --> 00:22:55,608
Three days.
606
00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:56,848
No, it's a lie.
607
00:22:56,848 --> 00:23:00,448
Yesterday, I gave a kid a buck
to go in and buy me a cup.
608
00:23:00,448 --> 00:23:02,078
Yeah, I realize I've hit rock bottom,
609
00:23:02,078 --> 00:23:03,198
thank you very much.
610
00:23:03,198 --> 00:23:05,106
You can continue to lecture
me while I stand here
611
00:23:05,106 --> 00:23:07,636
sweating and shaking from withdrawal,
612
00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,970
or you can come bail me out.
613
00:23:11,548 --> 00:23:12,381
Thank you.
614
00:23:13,736 --> 00:23:14,888
- You're pathetic, you realize?
615
00:23:14,888 --> 00:23:16,066
- Yes, I do, thank you very much.
616
00:23:16,066 --> 00:23:17,688
You are my savior.
617
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:18,876
I will take a tall nonfat,
618
00:23:18,876 --> 00:23:20,398
- Oh, no, you don't.
619
00:23:20,398 --> 00:23:21,678
I'm not doing your dirty work.
620
00:23:21,678 --> 00:23:22,776
I will go in with you,
621
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,976
but you have to handle the
transaction by yourself.
622
00:23:24,976 --> 00:23:27,856
And don't forget mine,
that was part of the deal.
623
00:23:27,856 --> 00:23:29,015
- Is he in there?
624
00:23:29,015 --> 00:23:31,088
I don't wanna go in if he's in there.
625
00:23:31,088 --> 00:23:33,421
- I don't see him, let's go.
626
00:23:35,328 --> 00:23:37,976
Believe it or not, my life has purpose
627
00:23:37,976 --> 00:23:42,060
further than the coffee and the boy, Jeff.
628
00:23:48,743 --> 00:23:50,990
- Hi, two tall nonfat mochas, please.
629
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:52,178
- With whip, please.
630
00:23:52,178 --> 00:23:53,636
- With whip, please.
631
00:23:53,636 --> 00:23:55,068
- Two nonfat mochas with whip?
632
00:23:55,068 --> 00:23:56,068
- Thank you.
633
00:23:57,628 --> 00:24:00,378
(girls giggling)
634
00:24:02,688 --> 00:24:03,521
- Hey, girls.
635
00:24:03,521 --> 00:24:04,648
- [Girls] Oh, hey. (giggling)
636
00:24:04,648 --> 00:24:05,481
- Two cappuccinos?
637
00:24:05,481 --> 00:24:06,858
- Yeah, thanks. (giggling)
638
00:24:06,858 --> 00:24:07,691
- Alright.
639
00:24:07,691 --> 00:24:08,525
- Bye!
640
00:24:09,968 --> 00:24:11,998
(gasps) (mumbles)
641
00:24:11,998 --> 00:24:13,318
- I know!
642
00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,151
- Be cool.
643
00:24:16,055 --> 00:24:20,221
(slow instrumental music)
644
00:24:30,785 --> 00:24:33,368
- Oh!
645
00:24:37,660 --> 00:24:40,086
(girls laughing)
646
00:24:40,086 --> 00:24:41,336
- The poor guy.
647
00:24:42,351 --> 00:24:44,176
Oh, God.
648
00:24:44,176 --> 00:24:46,613
(laughing)
649
00:24:46,613 --> 00:24:49,781
(clicking)
650
00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:54,523
(slow instrumental music)
651
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:08,491
(phone ringing)
652
00:25:08,491 --> 00:25:09,631
♫ James can't get to the phone
653
00:25:09,631 --> 00:25:10,736
♫ So leave your message at the tone
654
00:25:10,736 --> 00:25:12,171
♫ And he'll call you back
655
00:25:12,171 --> 00:25:13,003
(beeping)
656
00:25:13,003 --> 00:25:15,276
- Hi, honey, it's Mom.
657
00:25:15,276 --> 00:25:16,370
Are you there?
658
00:25:16,370 --> 00:25:18,218
Are you screening your calls again?
659
00:25:18,218 --> 00:25:19,598
Hello?
660
00:25:19,598 --> 00:25:21,280
Well, just checking in.
661
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,626
I was going through some old
photo albums this morning,
662
00:25:23,626 --> 00:25:26,775
and I came across some pictures
of you in the fourth grade.
663
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:30,075
(laughing) Oh boy, oh
boy, were you sure cute.
664
00:25:30,075 --> 00:25:33,478
Do you remember you did
that little one man show
665
00:25:33,478 --> 00:25:35,838
for that book report
assignment where you dressed up
666
00:25:35,838 --> 00:25:39,428
like Christopher Columbus in
that big cardboard Santa Maria
667
00:25:39,428 --> 00:25:42,761
that you made out of a refrigerator box?
668
00:25:43,613 --> 00:25:46,440
(laughing)
669
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,440
You are so clever!
670
00:25:50,743 --> 00:25:53,136
And then, you toured around
to all the other classrooms,
671
00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,596
so the other kids could see.
672
00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:57,885
Oh, boy.
673
00:25:57,885 --> 00:26:02,026
That was such fun!
674
00:26:02,026 --> 00:26:05,775
Anyway, your dad and I were thinking,
675
00:26:05,775 --> 00:26:08,386
maybe you can revive that
show and take it around
676
00:26:08,386 --> 00:26:10,516
to some of the local
schools, or something?
677
00:26:10,516 --> 00:26:11,348
- Yes!
678
00:26:11,348 --> 00:26:14,366
- In 1492, I sailed the ocean blue.
679
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:15,551
No.
680
00:26:15,551 --> 00:26:17,611
- Maybe you could get
a little extra money,
681
00:26:17,611 --> 00:26:20,038
and, you know, get yourself out there,
682
00:26:20,038 --> 00:26:23,671
and maybe one of the little
kid's mother would be an agent.
683
00:26:23,671 --> 00:26:25,970
Well, it's worth a try.
684
00:26:25,970 --> 00:26:27,891
Anyway, listen to your mother.
685
00:26:27,891 --> 00:26:29,663
Call your mother.
686
00:26:29,663 --> 00:26:31,413
Remember, we love ya.
687
00:26:32,871 --> 00:26:33,705
Bye.
688
00:26:33,705 --> 00:26:34,538
(beeping)
689
00:26:34,538 --> 00:26:35,371
- I have to go back to work.
690
00:26:35,371 --> 00:26:36,518
What did you wanna show me?
691
00:26:36,518 --> 00:26:38,435
- Oh, stay right there.
692
00:26:41,991 --> 00:26:44,371
Hey, how was work, anyway?
693
00:26:44,371 --> 00:26:46,521
- I'm thinking about quitting.
694
00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:48,223
Three years of answering telephones,
695
00:26:48,223 --> 00:26:49,708
running personal errands,
696
00:26:49,708 --> 00:26:54,430
and babysitting Lawrence Madison
Esquire's beast of a dog.
697
00:26:54,430 --> 00:26:56,478
It's starting to take it's toll.
698
00:26:56,478 --> 00:26:58,445
Where is that thing, anyway?
699
00:26:58,445 --> 00:26:59,950
Fluffy!
700
00:26:59,950 --> 00:27:01,116
Fluffy.
- Odus!
701
00:27:04,218 --> 00:27:06,873
Okay, not quite sure
how to turn it on yet,
702
00:27:06,873 --> 00:27:08,471
but I've decided to join
the rest of the world
703
00:27:08,471 --> 00:27:09,588
in its technology.
704
00:27:09,588 --> 00:27:10,428
- Shut up.
705
00:27:10,428 --> 00:27:11,261
- I know.
706
00:27:11,261 --> 00:27:13,250
I bought a computer.
707
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:14,891
- At what garage sale, honey?
708
00:27:14,891 --> 00:27:16,061
- Hey, baby steps.
709
00:27:16,061 --> 00:27:19,066
- Alright, well, congratulations.
710
00:27:19,066 --> 00:27:20,341
I have to go back to work.
711
00:27:20,341 --> 00:27:22,925
Um, come on, Opie.
712
00:27:24,166 --> 00:27:26,201
I'll be back at seven
to pick you up, okay?
713
00:27:26,201 --> 00:27:27,035
- Alright.
714
00:27:27,035 --> 00:27:28,423
- [Brandon] Be ready.
- [James] Will do.
715
00:27:28,423 --> 00:27:29,618
Hey, and learn your boss' dog's name.
716
00:27:29,618 --> 00:27:30,698
- [Brandon] Yeah.
717
00:27:30,698 --> 00:27:33,378
- [Male Voice] Yee-haw!
718
00:27:33,378 --> 00:27:36,045
(country music)
719
00:27:51,173 --> 00:27:54,798
- Cowboystud@wildwest.org?
720
00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,946
What the hell is that,
some kind of email address?
721
00:27:56,946 --> 00:27:57,780
- Yeah, I know.
722
00:27:57,780 --> 00:28:00,180
What, are telephone numbers
a thing of the past?
723
00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:01,756
I mean, I was never any good
at giving out my phone number,
724
00:28:01,756 --> 00:28:04,010
now I have to get used to
giving out my email address?
725
00:28:04,010 --> 00:28:07,183
I don't even have an email address yet.
726
00:28:07,183 --> 00:28:08,286
And does this mean I should get an address
727
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:10,323
just for dating purposes?
728
00:28:10,323 --> 00:28:11,943
What do I use as a screen name?
729
00:28:11,943 --> 00:28:14,075
I mean, it's gotta be hot, you know?
730
00:28:14,075 --> 00:28:17,353
Like boywonder@fuckme.com!
731
00:28:17,353 --> 00:28:19,881
And, now, instead of
coming home hoping to find
732
00:28:19,881 --> 00:28:22,571
the little red light on the
answering machine flashing,
733
00:28:22,571 --> 00:28:24,653
I get to obsess over whether or not
734
00:28:24,653 --> 00:28:26,458
that obnoxious little man in the computer
735
00:28:26,458 --> 00:28:28,273
is gonna tell me that I've got mail.
736
00:28:28,273 --> 00:28:31,656
- Well, sweetheart, times,
they are a-changing.
737
00:28:31,656 --> 00:28:35,313
First of all, the world
is already a few years
738
00:28:35,313 --> 00:28:36,831
into the new millennium.
739
00:28:36,831 --> 00:28:38,131
Join us.
740
00:28:38,131 --> 00:28:42,053
And second, would you just pee already?
741
00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:45,191
- Neat, after all these years
of trying to perfect (mumbles)
742
00:28:45,191 --> 00:28:47,230
I find out tonight, from my
best friend, of all people,
743
00:28:47,230 --> 00:28:49,228
I'm still living in 1989?
744
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,061
- In most cases, 1979.
745
00:28:52,061 --> 00:28:54,041
- Yeah, if I said I was
going for that whole retro?
746
00:28:54,041 --> 00:28:55,551
- No.
747
00:28:55,551 --> 00:28:57,323
But you did meet a cute boy.
748
00:28:57,323 --> 00:28:58,315
- He met a boy.
749
00:28:58,315 --> 00:28:59,148
- Are you sure?
750
00:28:59,148 --> 00:29:00,313
- That's the word on the street.
751
00:29:00,313 --> 00:29:01,763
- Does he have protection?
752
00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:04,111
- What do I say if I do email him?
753
00:29:04,111 --> 00:29:05,846
Granted, I mean, I
guess it's less pressure
754
00:29:05,846 --> 00:29:08,651
than having to actually call, right?
755
00:29:08,651 --> 00:29:11,043
Ugh, but now, instead of
worrying about my voice cracking,
756
00:29:11,043 --> 00:29:12,528
or saying something stupid,
757
00:29:12,528 --> 00:29:16,310
there's the whole issue of
spelling and sentence structure.
758
00:29:16,310 --> 00:29:18,325
Whatever happened to the days
of pre-arranged marriages?
759
00:29:18,325 --> 00:29:20,370
Maybe I can just get my mom
to find me a rich doctor
760
00:29:20,370 --> 00:29:22,348
and be done with it.
761
00:29:22,348 --> 00:29:25,001
(soft instrumental music)
762
00:29:25,001 --> 00:29:27,983
♫ Alone I cry
763
00:29:27,983 --> 00:29:28,993
- What are you doing?
764
00:29:28,993 --> 00:29:30,258
You're not going to email him?
765
00:29:30,258 --> 00:29:32,446
- I'm sure he's only
interested in one thing.
766
00:29:32,446 --> 00:29:34,283
- So, what's the problem?
767
00:29:34,283 --> 00:29:35,285
- Hello?
768
00:29:35,285 --> 00:29:36,318
Disease?
769
00:29:36,318 --> 00:29:37,343
The morning after?
770
00:29:37,343 --> 00:29:38,585
My Catholic guilt?
771
00:29:38,585 --> 00:29:39,565
- Unplanned pregnancy?
772
00:29:39,565 --> 00:29:41,195
- Yes, exactly.
773
00:29:41,195 --> 00:29:44,058
Oh, my God, my lip is totally tingling.
774
00:29:44,058 --> 00:29:45,451
I think I have a fever.
775
00:29:45,451 --> 00:29:46,283
Does my lip look swollen?
776
00:29:46,283 --> 00:29:47,616
(metal crashing)
777
00:29:47,616 --> 00:29:50,856
(police sirens)
778
00:29:50,856 --> 00:29:53,688
(classical music)
779
00:29:57,081 --> 00:29:59,405
- Hi, can I help you with something?
780
00:29:59,405 --> 00:30:01,231
- No, thanks.
781
00:30:01,231 --> 00:30:02,371
We're just looking.
782
00:30:02,371 --> 00:30:04,363
- What, it's not Cirque du Soleil.
783
00:30:04,363 --> 00:30:05,686
- Are you here to get tested?
784
00:30:05,686 --> 00:30:06,836
- He is, I'm just looking.
785
00:30:06,836 --> 00:30:07,676
- We both are.
786
00:30:07,676 --> 00:30:09,216
- Great, well, come on in, have a seat,
787
00:30:09,216 --> 00:30:12,283
and let me get set up, I'll be right back.
788
00:30:12,283 --> 00:30:15,116
(classical music)
789
00:30:18,496 --> 00:30:19,328
- Brandon?
790
00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:22,225
Brandon, I think I have syphilis.
791
00:30:22,225 --> 00:30:24,341
- You don't have syphilis.
792
00:30:24,341 --> 00:30:26,205
- I think I have syphilis,
it hurts when I pee.
793
00:30:26,205 --> 00:30:27,038
- Since when?
794
00:30:27,038 --> 00:30:28,286
- Remember?
795
00:30:28,286 --> 00:30:29,391
Last night at the bar.
796
00:30:29,391 --> 00:30:32,173
- Yes, and if you get over
your fear of public bathrooms,
797
00:30:32,173 --> 00:30:35,623
and pee when you had to, and
not hold it in for three hours,
798
00:30:35,623 --> 00:30:36,656
it might not hurt.
799
00:30:36,656 --> 00:30:37,488
You're fine.
800
00:30:37,488 --> 00:30:38,321
- I think I have syphilis.
801
00:30:38,321 --> 00:30:39,488
- Who's first?
802
00:30:40,876 --> 00:30:41,708
- He's up.
803
00:30:42,556 --> 00:30:45,556
- I'm reading up on my sickness, Brandon.
804
00:30:45,556 --> 00:30:47,341
- I guess that'd be me, then.
805
00:30:47,341 --> 00:30:48,173
I'm first.
806
00:30:51,823 --> 00:30:53,823
You don't have syphilis.
807
00:31:00,288 --> 00:31:02,311
- It's not that I'm afraid to get tested,
808
00:31:02,311 --> 00:31:03,441
I'm more afraid of the results.
809
00:31:03,441 --> 00:31:04,933
I mean, I know I haven't been infected,
810
00:31:04,933 --> 00:31:08,433
but it's that God awful fear of 'what if?'
811
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:11,353
And the needle.
812
00:31:11,353 --> 00:31:14,950
It's mostly the fear of the needle.
813
00:31:14,950 --> 00:31:17,388
(inhaling)
814
00:31:17,388 --> 00:31:18,758
- That wasn't bad at all.
815
00:31:18,758 --> 00:31:20,093
She's really nice.
816
00:31:20,093 --> 00:31:22,750
- (high-pitched voice) I
think I have gonorrhea.
817
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:23,750
- You ready?
818
00:31:27,558 --> 00:31:29,133
You seem a little
nervous, are you nervous?
819
00:31:29,133 --> 00:31:29,966
- No, me?
820
00:31:29,966 --> 00:31:31,101
I'm fine.
821
00:31:31,101 --> 00:31:32,993
- Oh, good, there's no need to be nervous.
822
00:31:32,993 --> 00:31:34,480
I'm just gonna ask you a few questions,
823
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,253
and then we'll draw the blood,
824
00:31:36,253 --> 00:31:37,086
and then you'll be on your way.
825
00:31:37,086 --> 00:31:37,918
- Okay.
826
00:31:37,918 --> 00:31:39,041
- Great.
827
00:31:39,041 --> 00:31:40,668
What is your age and background?
828
00:31:40,668 --> 00:31:41,688
- 29.
829
00:31:41,688 --> 00:31:42,521
- Hmm.
830
00:31:42,521 --> 00:31:43,495
- Last week.
831
00:31:43,495 --> 00:31:45,083
And Hispanic.
832
00:31:45,083 --> 00:31:46,131
- Oh, really, which side?
833
00:31:46,131 --> 00:31:47,223
- My father.
834
00:31:47,223 --> 00:31:49,523
My first name is really Alejandro
but I go by James because,
835
00:31:49,523 --> 00:31:52,493
- Sweetie, honey, anonymous.
836
00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:53,641
- Right.
837
00:31:53,641 --> 00:31:57,196
- Okay, when was your last HIV test?
838
00:31:57,196 --> 00:31:59,478
- Hmm, it was a year ago, maybe.
839
00:31:59,478 --> 00:32:01,163
- A year ago, maybe?
840
00:32:01,163 --> 00:32:02,976
- Yeah, give or take, a year ago.
841
00:32:02,976 --> 00:32:04,148
- Okay, honey. (laughs)
842
00:32:04,148 --> 00:32:05,036
I'm not gonna lecture you
843
00:32:05,036 --> 00:32:07,025
'cause I know that's not
why you came here today,
844
00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:09,453
but it really is recommended
that you get tested
845
00:32:09,453 --> 00:32:11,096
on a somewhat regular basis.
846
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:13,338
You see, the virus can sometimes
not be detected at first,
847
00:32:13,338 --> 00:32:15,918
and show up at a later time.
848
00:32:15,918 --> 00:32:18,135
Honey, you're 29, that's almost 30.
849
00:32:18,135 --> 00:32:20,106
It's time to grow up and take
some responsibility, okay?
850
00:32:20,106 --> 00:32:22,356
(slapping)
851
00:32:24,936 --> 00:32:27,420
In the last six months,
when having oral sex,
852
00:32:27,420 --> 00:32:30,790
do you use a condom
sometimes, always or never?
853
00:32:30,790 --> 00:32:33,456
(clock ticking)
854
00:32:37,138 --> 00:32:39,721
- It's been a very slow season.
855
00:32:40,703 --> 00:32:41,925
- Okay.
856
00:32:41,925 --> 00:32:44,050
In the last six months,
when having anal sex,
857
00:32:44,050 --> 00:32:44,883
- That's.
858
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,468
- Okay.
859
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:51,718
And, in the last year,
860
00:32:52,976 --> 00:32:54,066
(laughing) okay,
861
00:32:54,066 --> 00:32:55,105
to the best of your knowledge,
862
00:32:55,105 --> 00:32:56,808
had any of your partners
been HIV positive?
863
00:32:56,808 --> 00:32:57,641
- No.
864
00:32:57,641 --> 00:32:58,941
- Okay, in the past year,
865
00:32:58,941 --> 00:33:01,123
how many partners have you had?
866
00:33:01,123 --> 00:33:02,655
- Two?
867
00:33:02,655 --> 00:33:04,416
- And did you actually get their names?
868
00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:05,676
- What, is that really
on the questionaire?
869
00:33:05,676 --> 00:33:06,933
- (laughing) No.
870
00:33:06,933 --> 00:33:09,073
(lauging) I'm sorry.
871
00:33:09,073 --> 00:33:11,240
I was just asking for fun.
872
00:33:12,155 --> 00:33:13,476
That'd be neither of them.
873
00:33:13,476 --> 00:33:16,808
(laughing) That's good.
874
00:33:18,088 --> 00:33:19,088
Okay, honey.
875
00:33:20,143 --> 00:33:22,548
Oh, honey, honey, honey.
876
00:33:22,548 --> 00:33:24,111
Why are you here?
877
00:33:24,111 --> 00:33:26,701
- Well, Brandon, my friend,
and I wanted to get tested.
878
00:33:26,701 --> 00:33:28,831
- No, no, no, why are you here?
879
00:33:28,831 --> 00:33:29,705
Your last test,
880
00:33:29,705 --> 00:33:30,693
- Yeah, it was a year ago.
881
00:33:30,693 --> 00:33:32,671
I know, I'm totally gonna
start coming more often.
882
00:33:32,671 --> 00:33:33,900
- Oh, you better,
otherwise there's no reason
883
00:33:33,900 --> 00:33:36,406
to get tested at all. (laughing)
884
00:33:36,406 --> 00:33:38,846
No, the test, it was
negative, I'm assuming?
885
00:33:38,846 --> 00:33:39,788
- Uh huh.
- Yeah.
886
00:33:39,788 --> 00:33:41,145
Okay, from everything you've told me,
887
00:33:41,145 --> 00:33:42,443
and everything I see here today,
888
00:33:42,443 --> 00:33:43,628
it's still negative.
889
00:33:43,628 --> 00:33:46,376
Yeah, but you said sometimes
it can take a while to appear.
890
00:33:46,376 --> 00:33:49,988
- Honey, you are in a very
low risk category, okay?
891
00:33:49,988 --> 00:33:52,553
Not to say that it's not a
possibility of being infected,
892
00:33:52,553 --> 00:33:53,395
there's always that possibility,
893
00:33:53,395 --> 00:33:54,775
so we will do the test.
894
00:33:54,775 --> 00:33:56,106
But it's very improbable.
895
00:33:56,106 --> 00:33:58,303
You see, (laughing)
896
00:33:58,303 --> 00:34:00,363
you actually have to be having sex.
897
00:34:00,363 --> 00:34:01,836
- Yeah, twice!
898
00:34:01,836 --> 00:34:03,203
Actually, a couple more than that,
899
00:34:03,203 --> 00:34:04,353
a couple times with one of the guys.
900
00:34:04,353 --> 00:34:06,608
That makes, like, three
times, or something, that's.
901
00:34:06,608 --> 00:34:07,441
- Pathetic.
902
00:34:07,441 --> 00:34:09,311
Okay, that's really pathetic.
903
00:34:09,311 --> 00:34:10,323
I mean, do you date?
904
00:34:10,323 --> 00:34:12,301
- Yes, I date.
905
00:34:12,301 --> 00:34:13,135
Sometimes.
906
00:34:14,406 --> 00:34:16,651
Wait a minute, low risk
is a good thing, right?
907
00:34:16,651 --> 00:34:18,143
Why am I defending my sex life?
908
00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:19,271
- Or lack thereof.
909
00:34:19,271 --> 00:34:21,730
- I should be getting a
gold star for good behavior.
910
00:34:21,730 --> 00:34:22,698
Maybe a balloon.
911
00:34:22,698 --> 00:34:24,273
- You're almost 30, 30 years old.
912
00:34:24,273 --> 00:34:26,056
No gold star, no balloons.
913
00:34:26,056 --> 00:34:28,368
Okay, which arm do you prefer
to take the blood from?
914
00:34:28,368 --> 00:34:30,313
- You know, I don't think
I prefer you take the blood
915
00:34:30,313 --> 00:34:31,146
from either arm.
916
00:34:31,146 --> 00:34:33,078
Can you stick a Q-tip in
my cheek and check my spit?
917
00:34:33,078 --> 00:34:33,911
Isn't that how they do it?
918
00:34:33,911 --> 00:34:34,963
(rubber slapping)
919
00:34:34,963 --> 00:34:36,721
This is the arm they usually use.
920
00:34:36,721 --> 00:34:37,780
You know, I'm not fond of needles,
921
00:34:37,780 --> 00:34:40,158
so if we could do it
quickly, that'd be best.
922
00:34:40,158 --> 00:34:42,128
- We are gonna conquer that fear.
923
00:34:42,128 --> 00:34:42,961
Yes we are.
924
00:34:42,961 --> 00:34:43,795
You and me together.
925
00:34:43,795 --> 00:34:46,151
We are gonna conquer that fear.
926
00:34:46,151 --> 00:34:47,750
Conquer that fear.
927
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:48,583
Yep.
928
00:34:48,583 --> 00:34:51,061
Just gonna stick it in and pull it out.
929
00:34:51,061 --> 00:34:51,895
Just a little needle.
930
00:34:51,895 --> 00:34:54,466
Stick it in, drain the
blood into the tube,
931
00:34:54,466 --> 00:34:55,581
and pull it out.
932
00:34:55,581 --> 00:34:56,413
(slapping) Yes.
933
00:34:56,413 --> 00:34:57,938
(slapping) Yes, found it.
934
00:34:57,938 --> 00:35:00,791
We are gonna conquer
that fear, you and me.
935
00:35:00,791 --> 00:35:02,321
You'll see, oh, shoot!
936
00:35:02,321 --> 00:35:03,918
- You know, I think
it's best if I just look
937
00:35:03,918 --> 00:35:04,863
the other direction.
938
00:35:04,863 --> 00:35:06,030
- Oh, come on.
939
00:35:07,185 --> 00:35:11,568
We're just gonna stick it in
(slow motion) and pull it out.
940
00:35:11,568 --> 00:35:12,925
(suspenseful music)
941
00:35:12,925 --> 00:35:15,258
(screaming)
942
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:19,656
(wind blowing)
943
00:35:27,081 --> 00:35:29,248
(buzzing)
944
00:35:30,493 --> 00:35:31,690
(uptempo instrumental music)
945
00:35:31,690 --> 00:35:34,463
(knocking)
946
00:35:34,463 --> 00:35:36,713
(knocking)
947
00:35:38,281 --> 00:35:40,531
(knocking)
948
00:35:42,261 --> 00:35:43,458
- You're not ready yet?
949
00:35:43,458 --> 00:35:45,181
The movie starts in half an hour.
950
00:35:45,181 --> 00:35:47,196
- I'm totally ready.
951
00:35:47,196 --> 00:35:48,366
- You're obsessed.
952
00:35:48,366 --> 00:35:49,865
Do you know I've been
calling all afternoon
953
00:35:49,865 --> 00:35:51,208
and your phone has just been busy?
954
00:35:51,208 --> 00:35:52,256
- What?
955
00:35:52,256 --> 00:35:53,340
- Hey, hello?
956
00:35:54,668 --> 00:35:56,653
Hey, I'm over here.
957
00:35:56,653 --> 00:35:57,731
Look at me.
958
00:35:57,731 --> 00:36:00,105
You eyes are totally bugging out,
959
00:36:00,105 --> 00:36:01,951
how long have you been
staring at that computer?
960
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:04,041
- The internet is the
most amazing thing ever.
961
00:36:04,041 --> 00:36:05,165
- Yeah, I know.
962
00:36:05,165 --> 00:36:06,960
I've known for many, many years.
963
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,703
How have you survived thus far?
964
00:36:08,703 --> 00:36:10,183
- I keep ending up on
these 12-year-old girl
965
00:36:10,183 --> 00:36:11,263
websites, though.
966
00:36:11,263 --> 00:36:13,786
Oh, but I am learning
so much about myself.
967
00:36:13,786 --> 00:36:16,085
I'm more likely to plan
the homecoming dance
968
00:36:16,085 --> 00:36:17,648
than be the Queen,
969
00:36:17,648 --> 00:36:19,400
I'm a really good kisser,
but a little shy at first,
970
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,741
and my new virtual
boyfriend's name is Vince,
971
00:36:21,741 --> 00:36:23,598
and I love him.
972
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:25,791
- You're sick, you
realize that, don't you?
973
00:36:25,791 --> 00:36:27,555
- It's our three hour anniversary.
974
00:36:27,555 --> 00:36:28,880
- Can we go, please?
975
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:29,713
- Wait a minute.
976
00:36:29,713 --> 00:36:32,208
Did you know they have
personal ads online?
977
00:36:32,208 --> 00:36:34,406
- Of course, that's how I met Xavier.
978
00:36:34,406 --> 00:36:36,388
I love Xavier!
979
00:36:36,388 --> 00:36:37,806
(sobbing)
980
00:36:37,806 --> 00:36:40,356
And if you don't respect that,
981
00:36:40,356 --> 00:36:43,696
then I don't respect
you being in this house!
982
00:36:43,696 --> 00:36:44,530
(sobbing)
983
00:36:44,530 --> 00:36:46,446
(slam)
984
00:36:49,158 --> 00:36:49,991
- Xavier.
985
00:36:51,273 --> 00:36:52,648
- Anyway.
986
00:36:52,648 --> 00:36:54,758
- Anyway, my therapist recommended,
987
00:36:54,758 --> 00:36:55,715
- Your therapist?
988
00:36:55,715 --> 00:36:57,051
- My mother, same thing.
989
00:36:57,051 --> 00:36:58,856
She recommended that
I put myself out there
990
00:36:58,856 --> 00:37:00,156
and look online.
991
00:37:00,156 --> 00:37:01,603
- Good idea, Mom.
992
00:37:01,603 --> 00:37:03,880
- They're hilarious and pathetic.
993
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,098
Look at this picture.
994
00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:06,841
Under 'What celebrity
do you most resemble?'
995
00:37:06,841 --> 00:37:08,595
he put a young Jimmy Carter.
996
00:37:08,595 --> 00:37:10,473
First of all, that's not hot.
997
00:37:10,473 --> 00:37:12,070
And B, no, you don't.
998
00:37:12,070 --> 00:37:16,398
This other guy, L.A. Supermodel,
999
00:37:16,398 --> 00:37:17,506
I don't think so.
1000
00:37:17,506 --> 00:37:19,673
- Easy, Bitchy Bitcherson.
1001
00:37:21,770 --> 00:37:22,603
Ew.
1002
00:37:22,603 --> 00:37:23,436
- That's what I'm saying.
1003
00:37:23,436 --> 00:37:24,518
- Scoot over.
1004
00:37:25,468 --> 00:37:26,301
Holy.
1005
00:37:27,211 --> 00:37:28,231
- Hey, what about the movie?
1006
00:37:28,231 --> 00:37:30,813
- We can miss the previews,
show me another one.
1007
00:37:30,813 --> 00:37:32,515
(gasps) No, wait a minute.
1008
00:37:32,515 --> 00:37:34,436
Let's do one for you!
1009
00:37:34,436 --> 00:37:37,113
We can call your therapist, she can help!
1010
00:37:37,113 --> 00:37:38,913
- Uh uh, I'm not placing an ad online.
1011
00:37:38,913 --> 00:37:41,488
I can find my dates in
person, thank you very much,
1012
00:37:41,488 --> 00:37:44,343
and I do not need you,
or my mother, to help.
1013
00:37:44,343 --> 00:37:45,593
- Yeah, that's rich.
1014
00:37:45,593 --> 00:37:47,398
Let's do you, let's do you!
1015
00:37:47,398 --> 00:37:48,231
It will be fun!
1016
00:37:48,231 --> 00:37:50,278
- I'm not placing an ad on the computer.
1017
00:37:50,278 --> 00:37:51,243
- Fine.
1018
00:37:51,243 --> 00:37:52,431
You know, you're lucky you've got me,
1019
00:37:52,431 --> 00:37:54,886
but I can't do everything for you.
1020
00:37:54,886 --> 00:37:58,521
You're gonna end up in
an early grave, alone,
1021
00:37:58,521 --> 00:38:01,698
having a dateless life, never
taking a chance on love.
1022
00:38:01,698 --> 00:38:03,401
You could be 85, staring
at this computer screen,
1023
00:38:03,401 --> 00:38:06,058
wondering what would have
happened if you had let me
1024
00:38:06,058 --> 00:38:08,241
help you fill out the damn dating form.
1025
00:38:08,241 --> 00:38:10,300
- Already did it.
1026
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:11,415
- I'm sorry, what did you say?
1027
00:38:11,415 --> 00:38:13,671
- I already filled out
the damn dating form.
1028
00:38:13,671 --> 00:38:15,520
Can we please go to the movie?
1029
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:16,610
I like the previews.
1030
00:38:16,610 --> 00:38:19,498
- Oh, my god, I don't believe it.
1031
00:38:19,498 --> 00:38:22,713
Brandon is going to flip out.
1032
00:38:22,713 --> 00:38:23,603
What did you say?
1033
00:38:23,603 --> 00:38:25,568
- You can read it tomorrow.
1034
00:38:25,568 --> 00:38:28,173
- What celebrity did
you say you look like?
1035
00:38:28,173 --> 00:38:32,145
- And thus, my online love life begins.
1036
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:32,978
(bell ringing)
1037
00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:33,910
(trance music)
1038
00:38:33,910 --> 00:38:36,028
(yells)
1039
00:38:36,028 --> 00:38:38,316
- Hey there, Boy Wonder LA.
1040
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,306
I'm a hot guy, I'm 5"11
1041
00:38:40,306 --> 00:38:44,625
and 215 pounds of pure
mean, mass and muscle.
1042
00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:47,061
And I just recently got into wrestling
1043
00:38:47,061 --> 00:38:48,676
No, not the mental kind, kid,
1044
00:38:48,676 --> 00:38:50,796
but the physical kind.
1045
00:38:50,796 --> 00:38:53,621
The kind that makes you wanna
sweat and grunt together.
1046
00:38:53,621 --> 00:38:55,176
(grunts)
1047
00:38:55,176 --> 00:38:57,023
I want you to picture this.
1048
00:38:57,023 --> 00:38:59,165
This hot body, right here,
1049
00:38:59,165 --> 00:39:00,448
wearing nothing but a singlet,
1050
00:39:00,448 --> 00:39:01,853
and you wearing just a jockstrap,
1051
00:39:01,853 --> 00:39:04,271
while we roll around the mat.
1052
00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:10,138
(James laughing)
1053
00:39:11,848 --> 00:39:12,681
(soft piano music)
1054
00:39:12,681 --> 00:39:15,195
- Boy Wonder, I like your screen name.
1055
00:39:15,195 --> 00:39:18,573
Sometimes I feel like
a boy wonder, myself.
1056
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:20,798
I know I'm not really the
age you're looking for,
1057
00:39:20,798 --> 00:39:23,015
but I figured I'd respond anyway.
1058
00:39:23,015 --> 00:39:26,490
I'm 19, completely out of
the closet for six years now.
1059
00:39:26,490 --> 00:39:28,160
I'm a sophomore at UCLA,
1060
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,118
studying to become a medical doctor,
1061
00:39:30,118 --> 00:39:31,791
and in my spare time,
1062
00:39:31,791 --> 00:39:35,371
I run an outreach program
I founded for gay teens.
1063
00:39:35,371 --> 00:39:37,091
(James sighing)
1064
00:39:37,091 --> 00:39:38,671
- Hi there, Boy Wonder LA.
1065
00:39:38,671 --> 00:39:40,045
I liked your ad.
1066
00:39:40,045 --> 00:39:41,975
Especially the part about loving kids
1067
00:39:41,975 --> 00:39:43,703
and wanting some of your own one day.
1068
00:39:43,703 --> 00:39:44,536
(toddler giggling)
1069
00:39:44,536 --> 00:39:47,245
I'm a good looking father of three,
1070
00:39:47,245 --> 00:39:50,831
looking for discreet, hot
times with a younger guy.
1071
00:39:50,831 --> 00:39:51,665
(laughing)
1072
00:39:51,665 --> 00:39:52,498
(kids yelling)
(barking)
1073
00:39:52,498 --> 00:39:53,868
I said knock it off!
1074
00:39:53,868 --> 00:39:55,246
(toddler crying)
1075
00:39:55,246 --> 00:39:57,120
Weekday mornings, when my
wife thinks I'm at the office,
1076
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:58,643
work best for me.
1077
00:39:58,643 --> 00:40:00,045
(toddler crying)
1078
00:40:00,045 --> 00:40:02,630
Okay, Daddy's coming. (laughing)
1079
00:40:02,630 --> 00:40:04,536
(clicking)
1080
00:40:04,536 --> 00:40:05,631
- Hey, James.
1081
00:40:05,631 --> 00:40:07,430
Thanks for responding to my ad.
1082
00:40:07,430 --> 00:40:09,278
It's funny, I was just
about to answer your ad
1083
00:40:09,278 --> 00:40:10,703
when I saw you beat me to it.
1084
00:40:10,703 --> 00:40:12,566
(laughing) Weird, huh?
1085
00:40:12,566 --> 00:40:13,823
I have to tell yoU,
1086
00:40:13,823 --> 00:40:15,343
just about every response
I've gotten so far
1087
00:40:15,343 --> 00:40:16,838
has been from a lunatic.
1088
00:40:16,838 --> 00:40:18,398
(laughing)
1089
00:40:18,398 --> 00:40:20,450
Anyway, I'd love to know
a little more about you.
1090
00:40:20,450 --> 00:40:22,813
It seems like we might
have a lot in common.
1091
00:40:22,813 --> 00:40:25,693
Oh, by the way, I'd love
to see your picture.
1092
00:40:25,693 --> 00:40:27,943
Andy Garcia is totally hot.
1093
00:40:30,071 --> 00:40:32,756
So, be in touch.
1094
00:40:32,756 --> 00:40:35,548
Maybe we can meet in
person one of these days.
1095
00:40:35,548 --> 00:40:37,176
Mike.
1096
00:40:37,176 --> 00:40:41,106
- Ladies and gentlemen, James and Michael.
1097
00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:44,856
(uptempo instrumental music)
1098
00:41:09,785 --> 00:41:13,285
(soft instrumental music)
1099
00:41:27,030 --> 00:41:30,780
(uptempo instrumental music)
1100
00:41:41,673 --> 00:41:45,173
(soft instrumental music)
1101
00:41:49,026 --> 00:41:52,776
(uptempo instrumental music)
1102
00:41:59,346 --> 00:42:00,450
(honking)
1103
00:42:00,450 --> 00:42:03,513
- Would you just tell how your
date with internet boy was?
1104
00:42:03,513 --> 00:42:05,795
- Same old, same old, a
date's a date, you know.
1105
00:42:05,795 --> 00:42:08,133
- Right, because you have so many of them.
1106
00:42:08,133 --> 00:42:08,966
- So, did you sleep with him?
1107
00:42:08,966 --> 00:42:09,800
- What?
1108
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:10,633
No, I didn't sleep with him.
1109
00:42:10,633 --> 00:42:11,953
- Did you at least see
him partially naked?
1110
00:42:11,953 --> 00:42:13,228
- No, what do you think I am?
1111
00:42:13,228 --> 00:42:14,061
- Horny.
1112
00:42:14,061 --> 00:42:14,893
- Constantly.
1113
00:42:14,893 --> 00:42:16,921
- I did not sleep with him,
or see him partially naked.
1114
00:42:16,921 --> 00:42:18,148
We were both perfect gentlemen.
1115
00:42:18,148 --> 00:42:19,540
- Boring.
1116
00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:20,860
- So?
1117
00:42:20,860 --> 00:42:21,693
- So, what?
1118
00:42:21,693 --> 00:42:24,041
- Oh, are you in love?
1119
00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:26,283
(group laughing)
1120
00:42:26,283 --> 00:42:28,773
- Oh my god, I am totally in love.
1121
00:42:28,773 --> 00:42:29,606
(shrieks)
1122
00:42:29,606 --> 00:42:30,645
(laughing)
1123
00:42:30,645 --> 00:42:31,498
Could he be more perfect?
1124
00:42:31,498 --> 00:42:32,401
I don't think so.
1125
00:42:32,401 --> 00:42:34,423
He's cute, he's funny, he has a job.
1126
00:42:34,423 --> 00:42:35,256
- [Brandon] Ooh.
1127
00:42:35,256 --> 00:42:37,105
- He loves kids, and dogs, oh,
1128
00:42:37,105 --> 00:42:40,188
and, he's the only other
person I know that owns,
1129
00:42:40,188 --> 00:42:42,111
or will actually admit to owning,
1130
00:42:42,111 --> 00:42:44,993
the Greatest Hits album,
Corey Hart the Singles.
1131
00:42:44,993 --> 00:42:47,501
- Yay, Jimmy's got a boyfriend.
1132
00:42:47,501 --> 00:42:48,633
- It's about time, honey.
1133
00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:49,573
- No, you know what?
1134
00:42:49,573 --> 00:42:51,045
Don't do this.
1135
00:42:51,045 --> 00:42:52,478
I mean, we only had one date.
1136
00:42:52,478 --> 00:42:54,541
Yes, this is the man I plan on spending
1137
00:42:54,541 --> 00:42:55,615
the rest of my life with,
1138
00:42:55,615 --> 00:42:56,696
(group laughing)
1139
00:42:56,696 --> 00:42:59,215
but I'm gonna take this one
day at a time, you know?
1140
00:42:59,215 --> 00:43:01,683
For the first time, I
actually feel calm and secure
1141
00:43:01,683 --> 00:43:03,253
about the whole boy situation.
1142
00:43:03,253 --> 00:43:04,811
- So, has he called you yet?
1143
00:43:04,811 --> 00:43:05,643
- Uh uh.
1144
00:43:06,558 --> 00:43:07,508
Why, should he have called today?
1145
00:43:07,508 --> 00:43:08,448
Should I have called him today?
1146
00:43:08,448 --> 00:43:10,548
- No, definitely not.
1147
00:43:10,548 --> 00:43:12,421
You don't wanna appear desperate.
1148
00:43:12,421 --> 00:43:13,835
- I am, I am desperate.
1149
00:43:13,835 --> 00:43:16,775
So, it's okay for him to
call, but I can't call.
1150
00:43:16,775 --> 00:43:18,271
- Totally.
1151
00:43:18,271 --> 00:43:19,751
- I think it's okay to call.
1152
00:43:19,751 --> 00:43:20,941
You're not gonna look desperate.
1153
00:43:20,941 --> 00:43:21,773
- Are you sure?
1154
00:43:21,773 --> 00:43:22,965
I don't wanna scare him off.
1155
00:43:22,965 --> 00:43:26,313
Why can't you call the next day?
1156
00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:29,256
- Oh, you already called, didn't you?
1157
00:43:29,256 --> 00:43:30,090
- Uh uh.
1158
00:43:30,090 --> 00:43:31,628
- You totally called him.
1159
00:43:31,628 --> 00:43:35,733
- Yes, I called him, just
to say hello and thank you.
1160
00:43:35,733 --> 00:43:36,566
You know what?
1161
00:43:36,566 --> 00:43:37,400
Don't do this.
1162
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,506
Really.
1163
00:43:38,506 --> 00:43:39,983
I feel good about all this.
1164
00:43:39,983 --> 00:43:41,941
Besides, he wasn't home,
I just left a message.
1165
00:43:41,941 --> 00:43:44,103
- Oh, my God, no.
- Oh, my God.
1166
00:43:44,103 --> 00:43:48,376
- Honey, you are not a
good message leaver, okay?
1167
00:43:48,376 --> 00:43:49,368
You ramble.
1168
00:43:49,368 --> 00:43:51,510
- I do not ramble!
1169
00:43:51,510 --> 00:43:52,798
I leave the pertinent information.
1170
00:43:52,798 --> 00:43:54,605
I am clear, concise and to the point.
1171
00:43:54,605 --> 00:43:55,805
I said I had a great time meeting him,
1172
00:43:55,805 --> 00:43:57,905
the restaurant he picked
out was fantastic,
1173
00:43:57,905 --> 00:43:59,676
(high-speed fast forwarding)
1174
00:43:59,676 --> 00:44:01,256
This recipe that my
grandmother used to make,
1175
00:44:01,256 --> 00:44:02,506
which was deep.
1176
00:44:02,506 --> 00:44:04,050
(high-speed fast forwarding)
1177
00:44:04,050 --> 00:44:05,520
And then, I told him how great it was.
1178
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:06,768
(high-speed fast forwarding)
1179
00:44:06,768 --> 00:44:07,691
Never been to before.
1180
00:44:07,691 --> 00:44:10,068
(high-speed fast forwarding)
1181
00:44:10,068 --> 00:44:11,191
Under the disco ball.
1182
00:44:11,191 --> 00:44:12,263
- Honey.
1183
00:44:12,263 --> 00:44:13,408
- Oh, my God, I rambled.
1184
00:44:13,408 --> 00:44:14,241
I'm a rambler.
1185
00:44:14,241 --> 00:44:15,403
I'm totally my mother.
1186
00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:16,905
- It was charming, I'm sure.
1187
00:44:16,905 --> 00:44:18,738
- Oh, I'm sure it was.
1188
00:44:19,635 --> 00:44:21,410
Yay, you totally have a boyfriend.
1189
00:44:21,410 --> 00:44:23,961
- Our little Jimmy is growing up!
1190
00:44:23,961 --> 00:44:24,795
Oh!
1191
00:44:24,795 --> 00:44:26,898
- It was bound to happen
one of these days.
1192
00:44:26,898 --> 00:44:28,546
(group laughing)
1193
00:44:28,546 --> 00:44:31,511
I was just beginning to wonder
if it ever really would.
1194
00:44:31,511 --> 00:44:32,856
To my future husband.
1195
00:44:32,856 --> 00:44:35,673
- Yay.
(glass clinking)
1196
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,861
- That's not all.
1197
00:44:36,861 --> 00:44:39,758
It was definitely a five
star horoscope day today.
1198
00:44:39,758 --> 00:44:42,403
After two and a half years
of driving in circles,
1199
00:44:42,403 --> 00:44:44,533
leading tours to people who fall asleep
1200
00:44:44,533 --> 00:44:45,366
and don't speak English,
1201
00:44:45,366 --> 00:44:46,198
(Brandon laughing)
1202
00:44:46,198 --> 00:44:48,100
and pretending to be scared
by an animatronic shark,
1203
00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:49,436
(group laughing)
1204
00:44:49,436 --> 00:44:51,103
I got a job.
1205
00:44:52,175 --> 00:44:53,658
- An acting job?
1206
00:44:53,658 --> 00:44:54,706
You go!
1207
00:44:54,706 --> 00:44:55,631
(snapping)
1208
00:44:55,631 --> 00:44:56,465
- Well, no, I mean, sort of.
1209
00:44:56,465 --> 00:44:57,876
I'm still gonna be working at the park,
1210
00:44:57,876 --> 00:44:59,725
but I'm gonna be performing.
1211
00:44:59,725 --> 00:45:01,813
I get to go in tomorrow
to be fitted for costume.
1212
00:45:01,813 --> 00:45:03,140
- Foxy.
1213
00:45:03,140 --> 00:45:05,488
- Oh, can we come see you?
1214
00:45:05,488 --> 00:45:08,738
- Yes, you can totally come and see me.
1215
00:45:09,753 --> 00:45:11,906
You totally cannot come and see me.
1216
00:45:11,906 --> 00:45:13,270
No.
1217
00:45:13,270 --> 00:45:14,270
When?
1218
00:45:14,270 --> 00:45:15,103
Never.
1219
00:45:16,653 --> 00:45:19,496
No, not letting anybody come.
1220
00:45:19,496 --> 00:45:21,063
Yes, I know who you,
1221
00:45:21,063 --> 00:45:23,276
I know who you are and I don't care.
1222
00:45:23,276 --> 00:45:24,843
Yeah, you can try and sneak in,
1223
00:45:24,843 --> 00:45:27,015
but I'll have your picture and
all of your vital statistics
1224
00:45:27,015 --> 00:45:29,515
posted at every security
desk and entrance,
1225
00:45:29,515 --> 00:45:31,551
and make it very clear
that under no circumstances
1226
00:45:31,551 --> 00:45:33,968
are you allowed in this park.
1227
00:45:35,026 --> 00:45:35,858
Okay.
1228
00:45:37,178 --> 00:45:39,038
Okay, goodbye.
1229
00:45:39,038 --> 00:45:40,971
I love you, too, Mom.
1230
00:45:40,971 --> 00:45:43,221
(slamming)
1231
00:45:44,838 --> 00:45:46,961
(sighing)
1232
00:45:46,961 --> 00:45:50,461
(soft instrumental music)
1233
00:45:57,473 --> 00:46:00,140
- Wanna join me for a cigarette?
1234
00:46:01,588 --> 00:46:03,588
- Thanks, I don't smoke.
1235
00:46:07,443 --> 00:46:08,443
- First day?
1236
00:46:09,645 --> 00:46:10,478
- Yep.
1237
00:46:12,658 --> 00:46:14,611
- Who'd a thunk when I was
studying Shakespeare in college,
1238
00:46:14,611 --> 00:46:17,205
I'd end up in a bunny suit
getting my tail pulled
1239
00:46:17,205 --> 00:46:20,588
by snot-noised seven year olds.
1240
00:46:20,588 --> 00:46:22,496
- Hey, listen, man.
1241
00:46:22,496 --> 00:46:25,830
I did Shakespeare in the Park for years.
1242
00:46:28,850 --> 00:46:31,483
Have you noticed that guy
in the green dinosaur?
1243
00:46:31,483 --> 00:46:34,993
Kid was all over the
television when he was four,
1244
00:46:34,993 --> 00:46:37,746
singing about the first and
second name of his bologna.
1245
00:46:37,746 --> 00:46:41,830
A job is a job, you know?
1246
00:46:46,980 --> 00:46:48,563
Break's about over.
1247
00:46:54,708 --> 00:46:57,291
You sure you don't wanna smoke?
1248
00:47:14,353 --> 00:47:19,278
- Truth is, I've always had
visions of Broadway grandeur.
1249
00:47:19,278 --> 00:47:20,926
Even at the ripe old age of eight,
1250
00:47:20,926 --> 00:47:25,178
when I produced, wrote,
directed, costumed and starred
1251
00:47:25,178 --> 00:47:28,013
in Saint Mary's third grade
production of Peter Pan.
1252
00:47:28,013 --> 00:47:30,436
People, we open in two days.
1253
00:47:30,436 --> 00:47:32,193
If you wanna go on looking foolish,
1254
00:47:32,193 --> 00:47:34,786
then that's your decision.
1255
00:47:34,786 --> 00:47:37,780
I know I run a tight oiled ship,
1256
00:47:37,780 --> 00:47:42,316
but I'm a professional and
I plan on looking like one.
1257
00:47:42,316 --> 00:47:43,901
The choice is yours.
1258
00:47:43,901 --> 00:47:47,418
We can all fly together
or I can fly alone.
1259
00:47:47,418 --> 00:47:50,085
Now, pull together or I'll walk.
1260
00:47:51,891 --> 00:47:54,706
(slamming)
1261
00:47:54,706 --> 00:47:56,123
- Oh, man.
1262
00:47:56,123 --> 00:47:58,233
Is there any way you can
cover my shift on Friday,
1263
00:47:58,233 --> 00:47:59,830
'cause I just ran into the boss
1264
00:47:59,830 --> 00:48:01,983
and he thinks I need to wear the caveman.
1265
00:48:01,983 --> 00:48:04,133
Now, I know you've only
really trained on the rabbit,
1266
00:48:04,133 --> 00:48:06,873
but I was thinking that, uh,
1267
00:48:06,873 --> 00:48:07,791
hey, buddy?
1268
00:48:09,141 --> 00:48:11,141
Are you listening to me?
1269
00:48:19,213 --> 00:48:20,546
- I quit!
1270
00:48:24,378 --> 00:48:26,628
(slamming)
1271
00:48:30,065 --> 00:48:30,905
(beeping)
1272
00:48:30,905 --> 00:48:33,131
- [Electronic Male Voice]
You have no new messages.
1273
00:48:33,131 --> 00:48:34,631
- Grr.
1274
00:48:36,465 --> 00:48:37,545
- Did he treat you well?
1275
00:48:37,545 --> 00:48:38,576
- Yes.
1276
00:48:38,576 --> 00:48:39,408
- Did you have fun?
1277
00:48:39,408 --> 00:48:40,263
- Mm.
1278
00:48:40,263 --> 00:48:41,096
- Do you like him?
1279
00:48:41,096 --> 00:48:42,258
- Yes!
1280
00:48:42,258 --> 00:48:44,341
To all of the above, yes.
1281
00:48:45,220 --> 00:48:46,323
- I don't know what the problem is.
1282
00:48:46,323 --> 00:48:48,490
Hand me the purple marker.
1283
00:48:52,108 --> 00:48:53,735
Call him, call him!
1284
00:48:53,735 --> 00:48:54,568
- Alright!
1285
00:48:55,735 --> 00:48:57,025
For the record, I'm calling for you.
1286
00:48:57,025 --> 00:48:58,858
I am totally over him.
1287
00:49:00,228 --> 00:49:02,396
(beeping)
1288
00:49:04,281 --> 00:49:06,725
Oh my God, it's ringing.
1289
00:49:06,725 --> 00:49:07,558
- [Woman] We're sorry.
1290
00:49:07,558 --> 00:49:09,741
The number you have reached
has been disconnected.
1291
00:49:09,741 --> 00:49:11,661
(beep)
1292
00:49:11,661 --> 00:49:12,561
- What happened?
1293
00:49:12,561 --> 00:49:13,581
Did you get his machine?
1294
00:49:13,581 --> 00:49:16,325
- No, I think I dialed the wrong number.
1295
00:49:16,325 --> 00:49:18,491
(beeping)
1296
00:49:20,323 --> 00:49:21,173
- [Woman] We're sorry.
1297
00:49:21,173 --> 00:49:23,018
The number you have reached has been.
1298
00:49:23,018 --> 00:49:25,268
- I think he moved or died.
1299
00:49:26,678 --> 00:49:29,713
Hey, does this mean
there's no second date?
1300
00:49:29,713 --> 00:49:30,586
- Are you okay?
1301
00:49:30,586 --> 00:49:32,336
- Yeah, I'm fabulous.
1302
00:49:33,591 --> 00:49:35,301
Hey, you wanna go stalk
coffee boy for a little while?
1303
00:49:35,301 --> 00:49:37,106
- Oh, honey, I am booked up.
1304
00:49:37,106 --> 00:49:38,356
- No, I'll buy.
1305
00:49:41,403 --> 00:49:42,956
- How does it look?
1306
00:49:42,956 --> 00:49:43,951
- I don't get it.
1307
00:49:43,951 --> 00:49:46,443
- More female CEO's, what's not to get?
1308
00:49:46,443 --> 00:49:47,276
Equal rights?
1309
00:49:47,276 --> 00:49:48,961
- Yeah, that I got, equal rights, woo hoo!
1310
00:49:48,961 --> 00:49:50,913
Your sudden political interest,
1311
00:49:50,913 --> 00:49:52,531
your need to, out of nowhere,
1312
00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:55,316
- My need to feel like I'm
doing something with my life?
1313
00:49:55,316 --> 00:49:57,938
My need to feel important?
1314
00:49:57,938 --> 00:49:59,650
My need to not sit idly by
1315
00:49:59,650 --> 00:50:01,280
while the boneheads who run this country
1316
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:03,325
take us further and further
back to the Stone Age?
1317
00:50:03,325 --> 00:50:04,586
- Alright, I'm sorry.
1318
00:50:04,586 --> 00:50:05,593
Whatever.
1319
00:50:05,593 --> 00:50:06,746
I'm sorry I don't get it.
1320
00:50:06,746 --> 00:50:08,163
- Apparently not.
1321
00:50:09,165 --> 00:50:09,998
- What, are we leaving?
1322
00:50:09,998 --> 00:50:11,126
- I am.
1323
00:50:11,126 --> 00:50:13,143
Stay if you want to.
1324
00:50:13,143 --> 00:50:14,538
I'm off to fight for equal rights
1325
00:50:14,538 --> 00:50:16,030
for women in the workplace.
1326
00:50:16,030 --> 00:50:18,181
- (laughing) But you don't
even have a workplace.
1327
00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:20,883
You don't have a job, sweetie.
1328
00:50:20,883 --> 00:50:24,063
Firstly, you don't either anymore.
1329
00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,508
And secondly, some day I might.
1330
00:50:26,508 --> 00:50:29,451
And when I do, I'd like
to have equal rights.
1331
00:50:29,451 --> 00:50:31,161
And when I have a
daughter, and she grows up,
1332
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:32,013
- Whoa, wait.
1333
00:50:32,013 --> 00:50:34,028
Now you're having children
on top of all of this?
1334
00:50:34,028 --> 00:50:35,865
- You know what?
1335
00:50:35,865 --> 00:50:36,913
The whole growing up thing?
1336
00:50:36,913 --> 00:50:38,271
You don't get it.
1337
00:50:38,271 --> 00:50:39,813
That, I got.
1338
00:50:39,813 --> 00:50:41,421
Bye.
1339
00:50:41,421 --> 00:50:42,440
- Will you call me later?
1340
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:43,273
- Busy.
1341
00:50:45,115 --> 00:50:47,115
I can call you tomorrow.
1342
00:50:52,603 --> 00:50:55,603
- Promise not to change your number.
1343
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:02,406
(soft piano music)
(traffic)
1344
00:51:06,451 --> 00:51:09,033
(wind blowing)
1345
00:51:18,435 --> 00:51:21,351
(soft piano music)
1346
00:51:37,566 --> 00:51:38,400
(uptempo instrumental music)
1347
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:39,233
- Thanks, Tom.
1348
00:51:39,233 --> 00:51:42,771
I'm here in the alley, behind
the prestigious ad agency,
1349
00:51:42,771 --> 00:51:44,408
Emerson and Preston Designs,
1350
00:51:44,408 --> 00:51:47,181
where Roxy Hymen has
handcuffed herself in protest
1351
00:51:47,181 --> 00:51:49,388
to the verdict in the Mary O'Reilly case.
1352
00:51:49,388 --> 00:51:52,206
Miss O'Reilly claims,
after nine and a half years
1353
00:51:52,206 --> 00:51:53,525
of employment with the company,
1354
00:51:53,525 --> 00:51:56,888
she was being prepped for,
and in line, so she thought,
1355
00:51:56,888 --> 00:51:59,033
for a major promotion.
1356
00:51:59,033 --> 00:52:02,381
Now, Miss Hymen, what do
you expect to accomplish
1357
00:52:02,381 --> 00:52:03,881
with this gesture?
1358
00:52:04,873 --> 00:52:07,351
- Well, I'm so glad you asked me that.
1359
00:52:07,351 --> 00:52:10,601
I am here to give Ms. O'Reilly a voice.
1360
00:52:11,951 --> 00:52:15,146
She has five children that
she now has to turn out
1361
00:52:15,146 --> 00:52:16,503
onto the street,
1362
00:52:16,503 --> 00:52:19,455
maybe living in a car, or a minivan.
1363
00:52:19,455 --> 00:52:22,351
- Right, do you have
some sort of connection
1364
00:52:22,351 --> 00:52:23,761
to Miss O' Reilly?
1365
00:52:23,761 --> 00:52:27,235
- My connection is the
fact that I have a vagina.
1366
00:52:27,235 --> 00:52:29,083
More female CEO's!
1367
00:52:29,083 --> 00:52:30,535
I'm here to protest.
1368
00:52:30,535 --> 00:52:33,035
(white noise)
1369
00:52:42,523 --> 00:52:43,691
- Hello.
1370
00:52:43,691 --> 00:52:45,446
- Hey, there you are.
1371
00:52:45,446 --> 00:52:48,706
We're going out tonight to celebrate.
1372
00:52:48,706 --> 00:52:50,223
- Celebrate what?
1373
00:52:50,223 --> 00:52:51,890
- Your independence.
1374
00:52:53,446 --> 00:52:54,798
- My unemployment?
1375
00:52:54,798 --> 00:52:55,881
- Same thing.
1376
00:52:56,883 --> 00:52:58,111
- Roxy called.
1377
00:52:58,111 --> 00:52:59,131
- Maybe.
1378
00:52:59,131 --> 00:53:02,261
Come on, it's a new day and a new James.
1379
00:53:02,261 --> 00:53:03,620
One drink.
1380
00:53:03,620 --> 00:53:06,036
It's our night, I can feel it in my bones.
1381
00:53:06,036 --> 00:53:07,881
Look, a shooting star.
1382
00:53:07,881 --> 00:53:08,860
Make a wish.
1383
00:53:08,860 --> 00:53:10,646
(helicopter flying)
1384
00:53:10,646 --> 00:53:12,533
Make a wish, anyway.
1385
00:53:12,533 --> 00:53:13,708
- Can I have my spare keys back?
1386
00:53:13,708 --> 00:53:16,596
- He wishes to be the most
famous Broadway, movie,
1387
00:53:16,596 --> 00:53:18,296
and television actor of his generation,
1388
00:53:18,296 --> 00:53:19,936
meet and marry the
hottest guy on the planet,
1389
00:53:19,936 --> 00:53:21,478
second and third to me, of course,
1390
00:53:21,478 --> 00:53:23,381
and live out their lives dripping
with wealth and happiness.
1391
00:53:23,381 --> 00:53:24,318
- Don't forget world peace.
1392
00:53:24,318 --> 00:53:27,978
- Oh, and a bigger TV,
preferably widescreen.
1393
00:53:27,978 --> 00:53:28,961
Amen.
1394
00:53:28,961 --> 00:53:30,598
(speaking foreign language)
1395
00:53:30,598 --> 00:53:31,688
(phone ringing)
1396
00:53:31,688 --> 00:53:33,006
Let the machine get it.
1397
00:53:33,006 --> 00:53:34,526
I'm here, no one else calls you.
1398
00:53:34,526 --> 00:53:35,751
- What if it's Mike?
1399
00:53:35,751 --> 00:53:36,583
(phone ringing)
1400
00:53:36,583 --> 00:53:38,416
My internet boyfriend?
1401
00:53:40,493 --> 00:53:41,708
(phone ringing)
1402
00:53:41,708 --> 00:53:44,678
One drink.
1403
00:53:44,678 --> 00:53:45,776
♫ James can't get to the phone
1404
00:53:45,776 --> 00:53:47,105
♫ So leave your message at the tone
1405
00:53:47,105 --> 00:53:48,338
♫ And he'll call you back
1406
00:53:48,338 --> 00:53:49,333
(beeping)
1407
00:53:49,333 --> 00:53:50,521
- [Roxy] Hey, it's me.
1408
00:53:50,521 --> 00:53:51,796
Pick up, pick up.
1409
00:53:51,796 --> 00:53:53,126
You have to come get me.
1410
00:53:53,126 --> 00:53:54,408
I was arrested!
1411
00:53:54,408 --> 00:53:56,948
It was fucking fantastic.
1412
00:53:56,948 --> 00:53:58,258
Hello?
1413
00:53:58,258 --> 00:53:59,580
(beeping)
1414
00:53:59,580 --> 00:54:02,663
(uptempo club music)
1415
00:54:33,486 --> 00:54:36,071
- So, what's up?
1416
00:54:36,071 --> 00:54:37,316
- How you doin'?
1417
00:54:37,316 --> 00:54:40,650
- Delicious. (laughing)
1418
00:54:42,076 --> 00:54:42,908
- Thanks.
1419
00:54:43,931 --> 00:54:45,453
- What are you looking for tonight?
1420
00:54:45,453 --> 00:54:46,286
- Sorry?
1421
00:54:46,286 --> 00:54:47,206
- What's your seed?
1422
00:54:47,206 --> 00:54:48,170
What's the action?
1423
00:54:48,170 --> 00:54:50,140
What gets a little guy like you motivated?
1424
00:54:50,140 --> 00:54:51,131
- Are you serious?
1425
00:54:51,131 --> 00:54:52,355
Is he serious?
1426
00:54:52,355 --> 00:54:54,828
(man laughing)
1427
00:54:54,828 --> 00:54:55,661
- Uh.
1428
00:54:55,661 --> 00:54:56,598
Oh.
1429
00:54:56,598 --> 00:54:58,766
Uh, what do you do?
1430
00:55:00,773 --> 00:55:01,606
- James.
1431
00:55:01,606 --> 00:55:02,440
- James!
1432
00:55:03,366 --> 00:55:04,198
What do you do?
1433
00:55:04,198 --> 00:55:05,568
- Nothing.
1434
00:55:05,568 --> 00:55:09,691
Wow, my career flatlined
at 11:17 this morning.
1435
00:55:09,691 --> 00:55:11,076
- That's cool, man.
1436
00:55:11,076 --> 00:55:13,116
Go with the flow.
1437
00:55:13,116 --> 00:55:14,766
So, what do you think I do?
1438
00:55:14,766 --> 00:55:15,600
- I don't know.
1439
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,088
- Come on, give it a shot, guess.
1440
00:55:17,088 --> 00:55:18,408
- (laughing) I don't know.
1441
00:55:18,408 --> 00:55:20,346
- I'm an inventor!
1442
00:55:20,346 --> 00:55:21,263
True story.
1443
00:55:22,153 --> 00:55:25,821
And, I think I just
invented me a new scent,
1444
00:55:27,023 --> 00:55:30,426
on the market as of this morning.
1445
00:55:30,426 --> 00:55:34,393
It's called Eau de James.
1446
00:55:34,393 --> 00:55:36,301
Smell of James.
1447
00:55:36,301 --> 00:55:38,058
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
1448
00:55:38,058 --> 00:55:39,810
- Excuse us!
1449
00:55:39,810 --> 00:55:41,691
- Thanks for the drink.
1450
00:55:41,691 --> 00:55:42,611
Where have you been?
1451
00:55:42,611 --> 00:55:44,310
You said one drink.
1452
00:55:44,310 --> 00:55:46,630
- I've gotten my wish.
1453
00:55:46,630 --> 00:55:49,313
Not bad for shooting star, huh?
1454
00:55:49,313 --> 00:55:50,906
- Hi, again.
1455
00:55:50,906 --> 00:55:52,418
- Oh, sorry.
1456
00:55:52,418 --> 00:55:53,571
This is,
1457
00:55:53,571 --> 00:55:54,403
- Howie.
1458
00:55:54,403 --> 00:55:55,236
- Howie.
1459
00:55:55,236 --> 00:55:56,070
- Howie?
1460
00:55:56,070 --> 00:55:57,818
Hey, hi me.
1461
00:55:57,818 --> 00:55:58,651
Classic.
1462
00:55:58,651 --> 00:55:59,655
You know what, I'm gonna go.
1463
00:55:59,655 --> 00:56:01,030
- Wait, but I drove.
1464
00:56:01,030 --> 00:56:02,766
- Yeah, I know, I'm gonna walk.
1465
00:56:02,766 --> 00:56:04,521
You stay, I'm gonna go.
1466
00:56:04,521 --> 00:56:06,458
- Let me walk you out.
1467
00:56:06,458 --> 00:56:09,021
Let me just walk him
out, I'll be right back.
1468
00:56:09,021 --> 00:56:12,105
(uptempo club music)
1469
00:56:22,090 --> 00:56:24,756
(street murmur)
1470
00:56:29,848 --> 00:56:33,521
Hey, are you okay?
1471
00:56:33,521 --> 00:56:34,421
What's going on?
1472
00:56:34,421 --> 00:56:36,686
- Yeah, I don't know.
1473
00:56:36,686 --> 00:56:38,678
I'm tired, I'm just tired.
1474
00:56:38,678 --> 00:56:40,325
- From what?
1475
00:56:40,325 --> 00:56:41,881
- I'm tired of all of this.
1476
00:56:41,881 --> 00:56:43,116
I'm fine, I need to go home.
1477
00:56:43,116 --> 00:56:44,843
- Come on, we'll go back to the bar,
1478
00:56:44,843 --> 00:56:46,903
we'll find you some guy
for the rest of the night.
1479
00:56:46,903 --> 00:56:48,840
- I don't want some guy
for the rest of the night.
1480
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:50,256
I'm not like you!
1481
00:56:51,961 --> 00:56:53,041
- Excuse me?
1482
00:56:53,041 --> 00:56:55,228
- I can't jump from guy
to guy, night after night.
1483
00:56:55,228 --> 00:56:56,561
I don't want to!
1484
00:56:58,190 --> 00:57:01,826
- And you honestly think that I want to?
1485
00:57:01,826 --> 00:57:03,318
- What do you expect me
to think when you drag me
1486
00:57:03,318 --> 00:57:04,151
out here every night
1487
00:57:04,151 --> 00:57:05,318
and then you ditch me in the corner
1488
00:57:05,318 --> 00:57:06,343
10 minutes after we get here?
1489
00:57:06,343 --> 00:57:07,991
It's a bad habit.
1490
00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:09,158
- You're telling me.
1491
00:57:09,158 --> 00:57:11,016
- Yeah, and you know, and
you're out for one thing,
1492
00:57:11,016 --> 00:57:11,986
and one thing only,
1493
00:57:11,986 --> 00:57:14,226
and I'm sick of chasing you
around trying to figure out
1494
00:57:14,226 --> 00:57:15,650
what the fuck it is they like about you
1495
00:57:15,650 --> 00:57:17,388
that they don't like about me.
1496
00:57:17,388 --> 00:57:18,798
I don't know, maybe if I walked around
1497
00:57:18,798 --> 00:57:22,238
with my dick in my hand,
that might do something.
1498
00:57:22,238 --> 00:57:23,406
Something has gotta change.
1499
00:57:23,406 --> 00:57:24,558
- You're right.
1500
00:57:24,558 --> 00:57:26,958
Good night, James, I'm done.
1501
00:57:26,958 --> 00:57:27,791
- What?
1502
00:57:27,791 --> 00:57:29,786
- I'm not gonna babysit,
and hold your hand,
1503
00:57:29,786 --> 00:57:31,541
and walk you through the bar anymore.
1504
00:57:31,541 --> 00:57:32,373
- What are you talking about?
1505
00:57:32,373 --> 00:57:33,341
You don't have to babysit me and walk me.
1506
00:57:33,341 --> 00:57:34,673
- Yeah? Come on.
1507
00:57:37,950 --> 00:57:39,783
That's what I thought.
1508
00:57:40,721 --> 00:57:42,565
At least I'm putting myself out there.
1509
00:57:42,565 --> 00:57:44,911
At least I'm taking the jump.
1510
00:57:44,911 --> 00:57:48,661
(uptempo instrumental music)
1511
00:58:16,351 --> 00:58:18,741
- I'm in my late 20's and I
have a pathetic savings account,
1512
00:58:18,741 --> 00:58:20,375
and now, no job,
1513
00:58:20,375 --> 00:58:22,930
and I'm sick of going out
trying to meet nice guys,
1514
00:58:22,930 --> 00:58:25,461
only to find that they're
spouting off lines
1515
00:58:25,461 --> 00:58:26,598
trying to get me to go home with them.
1516
00:58:26,598 --> 00:58:30,998
- Okay, a mother doesn't
need to know all the details.
1517
00:58:30,998 --> 00:58:33,911
The right person is out there.
1518
00:58:33,911 --> 00:58:35,156
- Yes, I know, I know, I know,
1519
00:58:35,156 --> 00:58:37,851
and it will all magically
happen when I least expect it.
1520
00:58:37,851 --> 00:58:38,683
- Mhm.
1521
00:58:38,683 --> 00:58:40,855
- I went to a fortune teller
on a first date with someone,
1522
00:58:40,855 --> 00:58:42,328
that I really liked, by the way,
1523
00:58:42,328 --> 00:58:44,790
only to have her tell me that
he was not the love of my life
1524
00:58:44,790 --> 00:58:47,473
and, in fact, I would not
meet the love of my life
1525
00:58:47,473 --> 00:58:50,368
until I was in my early 40's.
1526
00:58:50,368 --> 00:58:51,908
How depressing is that?
1527
00:58:51,908 --> 00:58:53,411
- Now, stop it.
1528
00:58:53,411 --> 00:58:54,876
Stop listening to all these people
1529
00:58:54,876 --> 00:58:58,815
telling you what your
life should, or will, be.
1530
00:58:58,815 --> 00:59:01,675
Do I wish your life
was a little different?
1531
00:59:01,675 --> 00:59:03,175
Yes, a little bit.
1532
00:59:04,555 --> 00:59:08,038
I think it isn't easy, this
career path you've chosen,
1533
00:59:08,038 --> 00:59:11,955
I think it's not easy
owning up to who you are,
1534
00:59:14,001 --> 00:59:18,156
and I hate to hear the things people say.
1535
00:59:18,156 --> 00:59:18,990
It hurts.
1536
00:59:21,175 --> 00:59:23,675
They're talking about my baby.
1537
00:59:25,543 --> 00:59:28,280
Please don't make me cry, Mom.
1538
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,711
- And, I'd be lying if I said
I didn't have hopes of you
1539
00:59:30,711 --> 00:59:35,583
getting married and having a
family of your own some day.
1540
00:59:35,583 --> 00:59:37,366
But, you will.
1541
00:59:37,366 --> 00:59:41,778
Maybe not the family that
I had originally imagined,
1542
00:59:41,778 --> 00:59:44,153
but you will love them,
1543
00:59:44,153 --> 00:59:47,266
and believe me, they are gonna love you.
1544
00:59:47,266 --> 00:59:48,553
- I just worry.
1545
00:59:48,553 --> 00:59:50,060
- Oh, you worry too much.
1546
00:59:50,060 --> 00:59:51,490
That's half your problem right there.
1547
00:59:51,490 --> 00:59:54,956
Every since you've been five,
you've been going on 40.
1548
00:59:54,956 --> 00:59:56,268
I don't worry.
1549
00:59:56,268 --> 00:59:59,295
You dad and I don't worry about you.
1550
00:59:59,295 --> 01:00:03,573
It's just taking a little
but longer than we imagined.
1551
01:00:03,573 --> 01:00:07,368
- (scoffs) God, that's
an understatement, Mom.
1552
01:00:07,368 --> 01:00:08,955
My current goal
1553
01:00:08,955 --> 01:00:13,186
is to defeat the Expert level
of Minesweeper on my computer.
1554
01:00:13,186 --> 01:00:14,915
Even that is not going as planned.
1555
01:00:14,915 --> 01:00:16,331
- It's time to get serious.
1556
01:00:16,331 --> 01:00:17,831
This is your test.
1557
01:00:19,011 --> 01:00:22,326
This is where we get to
see what you're made of.
1558
01:00:22,326 --> 01:00:23,853
And remember, honey,
1559
01:00:23,853 --> 01:00:26,251
Rome was not built in a day.
1560
01:00:26,251 --> 01:00:27,253
- Yes, but.
1561
01:00:27,253 --> 01:00:28,736
- No buts.
1562
01:00:28,736 --> 01:00:31,126
You'll get built, I know it.
1563
01:00:31,126 --> 01:00:33,016
- Why are you so wise?
1564
01:00:33,016 --> 01:00:35,266
- Because I am your mother.
1565
01:00:36,318 --> 01:00:39,793
(lips smacking)
1566
01:00:39,793 --> 01:00:42,188
Here, before I forget.
1567
01:00:42,188 --> 01:00:44,146
(clears throat)
1568
01:00:44,146 --> 01:00:47,141
It's a rainbow flag sticker for your car.
1569
01:00:47,141 --> 01:00:48,975
I got one for me, too.
1570
01:00:49,813 --> 01:00:51,481
- Of course you did.
1571
01:00:55,238 --> 01:00:57,821
(wind blowing)
1572
01:01:27,161 --> 01:01:28,490
- What did you expect?
1573
01:01:28,490 --> 01:01:29,323
- I don't know.
1574
01:01:29,323 --> 01:01:30,361
Um, ultimate fulfillment?
1575
01:01:30,361 --> 01:01:31,846
A big house, a nice car, a sexy man,
1576
01:01:31,846 --> 01:01:33,278
possibly a standing ovation.
1577
01:01:33,278 --> 01:01:35,598
- Hi, thanks for coming.
1578
01:01:35,598 --> 01:01:36,431
That's our syllabus.
1579
01:01:36,431 --> 01:01:37,263
- [Girl] Okay.
1580
01:01:37,263 --> 01:01:38,096
- What, lights, camera, action?
1581
01:01:38,096 --> 01:01:39,106
- Yes, exactly.
1582
01:01:39,106 --> 01:01:41,828
The Broadway musical of my life.
1583
01:01:41,828 --> 01:01:43,520
Is that so much to ask for?
1584
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,513
- Honestly, yes.
1585
01:01:45,513 --> 01:01:46,865
Look, I've known you for,
1586
01:01:46,865 --> 01:01:48,768
oh, hey, did you get
that email I sent you?
1587
01:01:48,768 --> 01:01:49,781
- Sure did.
1588
01:01:49,781 --> 01:01:50,861
Very informative.
1589
01:01:50,861 --> 01:01:52,716
I can't believe the school
reneged on its promise
1590
01:01:52,716 --> 01:01:54,513
for married student
housing when they found out
1591
01:01:54,513 --> 01:01:56,073
that woman's spouse was another woman!
1592
01:01:56,073 --> 01:01:56,906
- I know.
1593
01:01:56,906 --> 01:01:59,353
Well, they seem to think that
higher education standards
1594
01:01:59,353 --> 01:02:01,421
should be more focused
on education, instead of,
1595
01:02:01,421 --> 01:02:02,573
- Hey, can you help me for a minute?
1596
01:02:02,573 --> 01:02:04,488
- Social engineering.
1597
01:02:04,488 --> 01:02:05,381
That's our syllabus.
1598
01:02:05,381 --> 01:02:07,328
- Hey, I have a question,
if you could just.
1599
01:02:07,328 --> 01:02:08,441
- We're gonna fight this one, okay?
1600
01:02:08,441 --> 01:02:09,341
I'm glad you could come.
1601
01:02:09,341 --> 01:02:10,173
- Thanks.
1602
01:02:10,173 --> 01:02:11,351
- Would you just hold on,
just a minute, please?
1603
01:02:11,351 --> 01:02:12,351
- Pardon me.
1604
01:02:13,685 --> 01:02:16,273
- We've known each other for
longer than just a few minutes.
1605
01:02:16,273 --> 01:02:18,393
I hate to be the one to break this to you,
1606
01:02:18,393 --> 01:02:19,510
but you are high maintenance.
1607
01:02:19,510 --> 01:02:20,343
(phone ringing)
1608
01:02:20,343 --> 01:02:21,176
- What?
1609
01:02:22,073 --> 01:02:24,196
- Madison and Associates.
1610
01:02:24,196 --> 01:02:27,730
Mr. Madison is in a meeting,
let me give you his voicemail.
1611
01:02:27,730 --> 01:02:29,038
- Hi.
1612
01:02:29,038 --> 01:02:30,918
- What are you doing here?
1613
01:02:30,918 --> 01:02:33,196
- I have a 4 o'clock with Mr.
Madison to try to figure out
1614
01:02:33,196 --> 01:02:35,373
how to get back on the good
side of my best friend.
1615
01:02:35,373 --> 01:02:38,288
- Mr. Madison is at lunch,
would you like his voicemail?
1616
01:02:38,288 --> 01:02:39,543
- I just wanted to say that,
1617
01:02:39,543 --> 01:02:40,566
I'm not high maintenance.
1618
01:02:40,566 --> 01:02:41,876
- No, I love you.
1619
01:02:41,876 --> 01:02:43,493
Really, I do.
1620
01:02:43,493 --> 01:02:45,178
- You honestly think that somewhere in my
1621
01:02:45,178 --> 01:02:46,938
apparently shallow heart and mind,
1622
01:02:46,938 --> 01:02:49,806
that I don't hope that
I might find the one?
1623
01:02:49,806 --> 01:02:50,930
- I'm sorry.
1624
01:02:50,930 --> 01:02:52,633
- I wouldn't change you for the world,
1625
01:02:52,633 --> 01:02:56,230
but, oh, would you just hold on a minute?
1626
01:02:56,230 --> 01:02:57,946
- God, you're work.
1627
01:02:57,946 --> 01:02:59,926
Alright, I didn't mean it like that.
1628
01:02:59,926 --> 01:03:00,918
- Yes, you did.
1629
01:03:00,918 --> 01:03:02,018
- Well, yeah, I did.
1630
01:03:02,018 --> 01:03:04,261
- Yeah, but would you say
that I'm high maintenance?
1631
01:03:04,261 --> 01:03:06,770
(phone ringing)
- Madison and Associates?
1632
01:03:06,770 --> 01:03:08,638
- Okay, I'm a little dramatic, yes, maybe.
1633
01:03:08,638 --> 01:03:09,541
But, high maintenance?
1634
01:03:09,541 --> 01:03:10,390
Really?
1635
01:03:10,390 --> 01:03:11,973
- And hypochondriacal.
1636
01:03:11,973 --> 01:03:13,313
- Oh, you worry too much.
1637
01:03:13,313 --> 01:03:14,701
That's half your trouble right there!
1638
01:03:14,701 --> 01:03:16,361
- It's just that I like
structure, you know?
1639
01:03:16,361 --> 01:03:18,121
I like things to go as planned.
1640
01:03:18,121 --> 01:03:21,126
- Every since you've been
five, you've been going on 40!
1641
01:03:21,126 --> 01:03:23,718
- You realize you're not the
only one struggling here?
1642
01:03:23,718 --> 01:03:25,788
But at least we're trying
to do something about it.
1643
01:03:25,788 --> 01:03:28,230
- Yeah, and you're getting
yourself arrested in the process.
1644
01:03:28,230 --> 01:03:30,241
- Yeah, and I was thrilled
to discover that beer
1645
01:03:30,241 --> 01:03:33,003
took precedence over bailing me out.
1646
01:03:33,003 --> 01:03:34,818
We should get started in
just a couple minutes.
1647
01:03:34,818 --> 01:03:37,088
Can you just let the others know?
1648
01:03:37,088 --> 01:03:38,651
Thanks.
1649
01:03:38,651 --> 01:03:40,225
If you wanna get something done,
1650
01:03:40,225 --> 01:03:42,336
you're gonna have to do it yourself.
1651
01:03:42,336 --> 01:03:44,285
- Honey, you're 29, that's almost 30.
1652
01:03:44,285 --> 01:03:47,106
It's time to grow up and
take some responsibility.
1653
01:03:47,106 --> 01:03:47,938
(slapping)
1654
01:03:47,938 --> 01:03:48,771
- Thank you.
1655
01:03:48,771 --> 01:03:50,011
- What, you're leaving?
1656
01:03:50,011 --> 01:03:51,143
- I'm going home.
1657
01:03:51,143 --> 01:03:52,298
- You're running away.
1658
01:03:52,298 --> 01:03:54,191
- I've gotten to the top of the wall.
1659
01:03:54,191 --> 01:03:56,623
- You are almost 30, 30
years old, no balloons.
1660
01:03:56,623 --> 01:03:58,128
- And there was nothing there.
1661
01:03:58,128 --> 01:03:59,371
There was nothing.
1662
01:03:59,371 --> 01:04:00,803
- So, what did you do?
1663
01:04:00,803 --> 01:04:01,716
- What do you mean what did I do?
1664
01:04:01,716 --> 01:04:03,388
I woke up.
(phone ringing)
1665
01:04:03,388 --> 01:04:05,488
- Madison and Associates?
1666
01:04:05,488 --> 01:04:06,973
No, he's in a hearing all day.
1667
01:04:06,973 --> 01:04:09,580
Let me give you his voicemail.
1668
01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:12,118
You didn't sit and look around?
1669
01:04:12,118 --> 01:04:13,156
No, I didn't sit and look around.
1670
01:04:13,156 --> 01:04:15,201
I woke up, I was pissed off.
1671
01:04:15,201 --> 01:04:17,445
- This is your test.
1672
01:04:17,445 --> 01:04:19,205
- Stop running away.
1673
01:04:19,205 --> 01:04:20,393
- Well, why are you here?
1674
01:04:20,393 --> 01:04:22,131
- I've printed something out for you.
1675
01:04:22,131 --> 01:04:23,416
- What is it?
1676
01:04:23,416 --> 01:04:24,540
- It's a last-ditch effort.
1677
01:04:24,540 --> 01:04:26,243
It's an audition, you should go.
1678
01:04:26,243 --> 01:04:28,963
- Experimental Shakespearean
Tragedy in the Valley?
1679
01:04:28,963 --> 01:04:29,796
- Flirt a little.
1680
01:04:29,796 --> 01:04:31,755
- We are gonna conquer that fear.
1681
01:04:31,755 --> 01:04:35,628
- So what of the guy across
the bar hasn't noticed you yet?
1682
01:04:35,628 --> 01:04:37,456
The one standing next to you
1683
01:04:37,456 --> 01:04:39,063
might be trying to get your attention.
1684
01:04:39,063 --> 01:04:41,663
- You have to get yourself back out there.
1685
01:04:41,663 --> 01:04:44,488
- This is where we get to
see what you're made of.
1686
01:04:44,488 --> 01:04:47,481
- Hey, while you're out
there, enjoy the view.
1687
01:04:47,481 --> 01:04:48,863
- That is totally what my horoscope said.
1688
01:04:48,863 --> 01:04:49,753
(phone ringing)
1689
01:04:49,753 --> 01:04:50,811
- You have to go.
1690
01:04:50,811 --> 01:04:51,645
- What?
1691
01:04:51,645 --> 01:04:52,861
- Enjoy the view.
1692
01:04:52,861 --> 01:04:55,118
- Next time you get to
the top of the wall,
1693
01:04:55,118 --> 01:04:56,518
sit a while.
1694
01:04:56,518 --> 01:04:58,101
(phone ringing)
1695
01:04:58,101 --> 01:05:00,018
Madison and Associates?
1696
01:05:00,981 --> 01:05:04,481
(soft instrumental music)
1697
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:07,468
(beeping)
1698
01:05:07,468 --> 01:05:08,741
- Hi, this is Mike,
1699
01:05:08,741 --> 01:05:10,418
from the gas and electric company?
1700
01:05:10,418 --> 01:05:11,598
I'm sorry to be calling to inform you
1701
01:05:11,598 --> 01:05:13,480
that your payment is severely overdue.
1702
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,301
Unfortunately, all
services will be terminated
1703
01:05:15,301 --> 01:05:17,010
if payment is not received by today.
1704
01:05:17,010 --> 01:05:17,843
This--
1705
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:23,378
- (sighs) This isn't how
it was supposed to be.
1706
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,545
(banging)
1707
01:05:30,278 --> 01:05:33,258
- [Dad] Dear Son, remember who you are.
1708
01:05:33,258 --> 01:05:35,583
Love, Dad.
1709
01:05:35,583 --> 01:05:36,416
- Ow!
1710
01:05:37,463 --> 01:05:39,321
Hi, James Sanchez.
1711
01:05:39,321 --> 01:05:41,905
- [Male Voice] Go ahead, James.
1712
01:05:43,695 --> 01:05:45,513
- I know you all,
1713
01:05:45,513 --> 01:05:49,923
and will awhile uphold the
unyoked humor of your idleness.
1714
01:05:49,923 --> 01:05:52,123
Yet herein will I imitate the sun.
1715
01:05:52,123 --> 01:05:53,951
- [Male Voice] Good, that's enough.
1716
01:05:53,951 --> 01:05:56,691
- Yet herein will I imitate the sun,
1717
01:05:56,691 --> 01:05:59,203
who doth permit the base contagious clouds
1718
01:05:59,203 --> 01:06:02,383
to smother up his beauty from the world?
1719
01:06:02,383 --> 01:06:04,593
That, when he please again to be himself,
1720
01:06:04,593 --> 01:06:07,531
Being wanted, he may be more wondered at
1721
01:06:07,531 --> 01:06:10,033
- [Male Voice] Thank you, thank you.
1722
01:06:10,033 --> 01:06:11,751
- He may be more wondered at
1723
01:06:11,751 --> 01:06:15,363
by breaking through the
foul and ugly mist of vapors
1724
01:06:15,363 --> 01:06:16,338
that did seem to strangle,
1725
01:06:16,338 --> 01:06:18,768
- That's all we need to day, thank you.
1726
01:06:18,768 --> 01:06:20,841
- So when this loose behavior I throw off
1727
01:06:20,841 --> 01:06:23,601
and pay the debt I never promised,
1728
01:06:23,601 --> 01:06:26,681
by how much better than my word I am?
1729
01:06:26,681 --> 01:06:29,340
By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes,
1730
01:06:29,340 --> 01:06:31,591
that, like bright metal
on a sullen ground,
1731
01:06:31,591 --> 01:06:34,370
My reformation, glitt'ring o'er my fault,
1732
01:06:34,370 --> 01:06:38,058
shall show more goodly
and attract more eyes
1733
01:06:38,058 --> 01:06:41,641
Than that which hath
no foil to set it off.
1734
01:06:43,418 --> 01:06:46,590
I’ll so offend to make offense a skill,
1735
01:06:46,590 --> 01:06:50,173
Redeeming time when
men think least I will.
1736
01:06:53,641 --> 01:06:54,473
Thank you.
1737
01:06:55,938 --> 01:06:57,161
I'll send in the next,
1738
01:06:57,161 --> 01:06:58,051
- [Woman's Voice] Um, wait a second.
1739
01:06:58,051 --> 01:07:01,131
That was really nice, James.
1740
01:07:01,131 --> 01:07:02,171
- Thank you.
1741
01:07:02,171 --> 01:07:03,858
- [Woman's Voice] Yeah, really nice.
1742
01:07:03,858 --> 01:07:07,441
Are you free to come
back tomorrow at five?
1743
01:07:14,738 --> 01:07:15,571
- When I was younger,
1744
01:07:15,571 --> 01:07:18,556
and night after night, I
had this recurring dream,
1745
01:07:18,556 --> 01:07:20,021
where this clown came out of the closet
1746
01:07:20,021 --> 01:07:24,045
and poked at me while I
helplessly laid there.
1747
01:07:24,045 --> 01:07:26,620
But what got me to sleep
was fantasizing about
1748
01:07:26,620 --> 01:07:29,378
making out with Robby McNally,
1749
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:30,601
hmm,
1750
01:07:30,601 --> 01:07:35,068
who's the captain of my high
school cross country team.
1751
01:07:35,068 --> 01:07:39,068
The clown died the day I
came out of the closet.
1752
01:07:40,656 --> 01:07:42,240
I am 29 and a half,
1753
01:07:44,288 --> 01:07:46,481
however, now, at the pivotal moment
1754
01:07:46,481 --> 01:07:50,020
where Russell Crowe leans in to kiss me,
1755
01:07:50,020 --> 01:07:54,168
he magically morphs into Barbara Walters.
1756
01:07:54,168 --> 01:07:58,041
She presses her lips close
to my ear and she reminds me
1757
01:07:58,041 --> 01:08:01,873
to enjoy the view. (chuckles)
1758
01:08:06,818 --> 01:08:08,068
So, here I sit,
1759
01:08:09,001 --> 01:08:10,718
as patient as James-ly possible,
1760
01:08:10,718 --> 01:08:13,135
and wait for a view to enjoy.
1761
01:08:15,033 --> 01:08:15,950
Breathe in,
1762
01:08:18,021 --> 01:08:19,021
breathe out,
1763
01:08:21,468 --> 01:08:22,301
embrace.
1764
01:08:27,488 --> 01:08:29,488
Breathe in, breathe out.
1765
01:08:30,396 --> 01:08:31,708
Breathe in, breathe out.
1766
01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:33,243
- Hey, tall nonfat mocha with whip!
1767
01:08:33,243 --> 01:08:34,335
Oh, shit.
1768
01:08:34,335 --> 01:08:35,803
Shit, I'm sorry.
1769
01:08:35,803 --> 01:08:37,111
(laughing) Are you okay?
1770
01:08:37,111 --> 01:08:39,283
- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
1771
01:08:39,283 --> 01:08:40,336
It's, hi.
1772
01:08:40,336 --> 01:08:43,196
- Hi, I didn't mean to scare you.
1773
01:08:43,196 --> 01:08:44,170
I'm just on my way to work.
1774
01:08:44,170 --> 01:08:45,976
- Oh, no, no, you didn't
scare me, I'm fine.
1775
01:08:45,976 --> 01:08:48,868
- I just wanted to say hey. (laughs)
1776
01:08:48,868 --> 01:08:49,701
Hey.
1777
01:08:51,818 --> 01:08:54,045
So, I'll let you get back to.
1778
01:08:54,045 --> 01:08:56,291
- Procrastinating.
1779
01:08:56,291 --> 01:08:58,478
Hi, James.
1780
01:08:58,478 --> 01:09:00,923
- I know, your friend Roxy told me.
1781
01:09:00,923 --> 01:09:01,756
Andy.
1782
01:09:01,756 --> 01:09:02,588
- I know.
1783
01:09:02,588 --> 01:09:03,668
You wear a name tag.
1784
01:09:03,668 --> 01:09:05,446
- Right. (laughs)
1785
01:09:05,446 --> 01:09:07,163
So, where have you been?
1786
01:09:07,163 --> 01:09:10,661
We got a tall nonfat mocha
with your name on it.
1787
01:09:10,661 --> 01:09:12,598
- Yeah, I gave up coffee for Lent.
1788
01:09:12,598 --> 01:09:13,705
- Yeah?
1789
01:09:13,705 --> 01:09:15,371
Lent's a month away.
1790
01:09:16,388 --> 01:09:17,221
- Damn.
1791
01:09:18,103 --> 01:09:19,418
I've been in hiding.
1792
01:09:19,418 --> 01:09:20,628
- That's no good.
1793
01:09:20,628 --> 01:09:22,018
- Oh, but I'm getting better, I'm out now.
1794
01:09:22,018 --> 01:09:23,601
I'm definitely out.
1795
01:09:24,641 --> 01:09:26,556
Of hiding, I mean.
1796
01:09:26,556 --> 01:09:29,973
- Welcome back. (laughs)
1797
01:09:31,691 --> 01:09:34,551
So, Henry V, it's a classic.
1798
01:09:34,551 --> 01:09:38,631
- Oh, yeah, well, it's
an adaption, actually.
1799
01:09:38,631 --> 01:09:40,388
You know, using all of
Shakespeare's texts,
1800
01:09:40,388 --> 01:09:42,001
but sung to modern day original music,
1801
01:09:42,001 --> 01:09:43,561
and set during the Gulf War.
1802
01:09:43,561 --> 01:09:45,076
- Desert Storm or Iraqi freedom?
1803
01:09:45,076 --> 01:09:45,908
- The first.
1804
01:09:45,908 --> 01:09:49,473
I'm part of the chorus,
I'm just learning my lines.
1805
01:09:49,473 --> 01:09:50,391
- Oh, shit.
1806
01:09:52,896 --> 01:09:54,693
You were serious.
1807
01:09:54,693 --> 01:09:55,526
I'm an idiot.
1808
01:09:55,526 --> 01:09:57,108
I'm so embarrassed.
1809
01:09:58,056 --> 01:09:59,618
- Oh no, god, don't be.
1810
01:09:59,618 --> 01:10:00,451
It's terrible!
1811
01:10:00,451 --> 01:10:03,496
The writer/director has big
plans of taking it to New York,
1812
01:10:03,496 --> 01:10:04,886
but if she can get anybody to come see it
1813
01:10:04,886 --> 01:10:06,641
in a church basement way down time,
1814
01:10:06,641 --> 01:10:09,685
I'll consider it a success.
(Andy laughing)
1815
01:10:09,685 --> 01:10:10,621
God bless her, though, you know?
1816
01:10:10,621 --> 01:10:11,973
I mean, I've been in her position,
1817
01:10:11,973 --> 01:10:14,156
but when you're seven,
everybody has big plans
1818
01:10:14,156 --> 01:10:16,015
for their bedroom puppet shows.
1819
01:10:16,015 --> 01:10:18,368
- Well, it's good to have plans.
1820
01:10:18,368 --> 01:10:20,701
I'm still figuring mine out.
1821
01:10:22,165 --> 01:10:23,278
Now, you see, you're lucky.
1822
01:10:23,278 --> 01:10:26,065
You're doing what you wanna be doing.
1823
01:10:26,065 --> 01:10:27,246
- Yeah, I guess I am.
1824
01:10:27,246 --> 01:10:28,440
- Guess? (laughing)
1825
01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:30,211
You got it all figured out.
1826
01:10:30,211 --> 01:10:32,105
- (laughing) I'm a better
actor than I thought.
1827
01:10:32,105 --> 01:10:33,016
- No, seriously.
1828
01:10:33,016 --> 01:10:35,088
Have you ever thought to yourself, like,
1829
01:10:35,088 --> 01:10:38,128
what the hell is my life all about?
1830
01:10:38,128 --> 01:10:39,711
- You have no idea.
1831
01:10:43,016 --> 01:10:45,683
- Um, glad I'm not the only one.
1832
01:10:48,046 --> 01:10:51,878
But, for now, I got
coffee beans to grind, so.
1833
01:10:54,143 --> 01:10:58,143
So, your show, do you
have a flier or something?
1834
01:10:59,098 --> 01:11:00,983
- No, not on me.
1835
01:11:00,983 --> 01:11:02,386
But I can bring one by the shop.
1836
01:11:02,386 --> 01:11:04,038
I promise not to knock anything over.
1837
01:11:04,038 --> 01:11:05,050
- (laughs) That's alright.
1838
01:11:05,050 --> 01:11:07,068
Don't worry, we nailed
everything to the floor
1839
01:11:07,068 --> 01:11:09,470
since your last visit.
1840
01:11:09,470 --> 01:11:10,760
I'll trade you.
1841
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:14,646
A flier for your show,
for a tall nonfat mocha.
1842
01:11:14,646 --> 01:11:17,058
- I'm thinking of trying something new.
1843
01:11:17,058 --> 01:11:19,908
- Alright, whatever you decide.
1844
01:11:19,908 --> 01:11:20,991
On the house.
1845
01:11:21,846 --> 01:11:26,013
(acoustic guitar music and humming)
1846
01:11:54,818 --> 01:11:56,730
- [Actors] La la la la la, ma ma ma ma.
1847
01:11:56,730 --> 01:11:57,645
(warming up vocally)
1848
01:11:57,645 --> 01:11:58,983
- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
1849
01:11:58,983 --> 01:12:00,595
this is your half hour call.
1850
01:12:00,595 --> 01:12:03,011
Half hour, please, half hour.
1851
01:12:05,756 --> 01:12:08,756
(suspenseful music)
1852
01:12:10,645 --> 01:12:12,895
(shushing)
1853
01:12:26,098 --> 01:12:29,348
♫ O for a Muse of fire
1854
01:12:30,300 --> 01:12:33,633
♫ A kingdom for a stage
1855
01:12:34,901 --> 01:12:39,293
♫ Then should the warlike Harry,
1856
01:12:39,293 --> 01:12:40,568
♫ Like himself
1857
01:12:40,568 --> 01:12:44,068
♫ Assume the port of Mars
1858
01:12:45,031 --> 01:12:48,863
(tapping)
1859
01:12:50,545 --> 01:12:52,403
- Follow!
- Follow, follow.
1860
01:12:52,403 --> 01:12:54,533
- Follow!
- Follow, follow.
1861
01:12:54,533 --> 01:12:58,161
(mumbles) on fire.
1862
01:12:58,161 --> 01:12:59,476
- Follow, follow.
1863
01:12:59,476 --> 01:13:00,508
- Follow!
1864
01:13:00,508 --> 01:13:01,341
- Follow, follow.
1865
01:13:01,341 --> 01:13:02,173
- Follow!
1866
01:13:05,723 --> 01:13:08,640
(percussion music)
1867
01:13:19,748 --> 01:13:22,665
(ensemble singing)
1868
01:13:36,331 --> 01:13:39,331
(audience clapping)
1869
01:13:42,161 --> 01:13:43,876
- [Brandon] Oh my god, oh my god.
1870
01:13:43,876 --> 01:13:45,558
- Oh, my God!
1871
01:13:45,558 --> 01:13:47,878
That was really bad.
1872
01:13:47,878 --> 01:13:50,573
- I dint know Henry V
was a musical comedy.
1873
01:13:50,573 --> 01:13:53,108
- Yeah, thank you for coming anyway.
1874
01:13:53,108 --> 01:13:54,258
- Oh, wouldn't have missed it.
1875
01:13:54,258 --> 01:13:56,198
Never, ever, wanna see it again,
1876
01:13:56,198 --> 01:13:57,301
but wouldn't have missed it.
1877
01:13:57,301 --> 01:13:58,693
(group laughing)
1878
01:13:58,693 --> 01:14:00,561
- Uh, look who we found.
1879
01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:01,393
- Hey.
1880
01:14:03,711 --> 01:14:05,566
(laughs) You were great.
1881
01:14:05,566 --> 01:14:07,900
It was really, really great.
1882
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:12,133
- Yeah, you don't see
much theater, do you?
1883
01:14:12,133 --> 01:14:14,193
- Um, I got these for ya.
1884
01:14:14,193 --> 01:14:15,151
- You brought me flowers?
1885
01:14:15,151 --> 01:14:17,106
- Yeah, I wanted to get you
something for opening night.
1886
01:14:17,106 --> 01:14:19,791
I was torn between flowers and candy,
1887
01:14:19,791 --> 01:14:23,208
or balloons, which would have been weird.
1888
01:14:25,851 --> 01:14:27,880
- No, they're perfect.
1889
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:28,880
I love them.
1890
01:14:30,706 --> 01:14:31,623
- I'm glad.
1891
01:14:34,463 --> 01:14:37,493
So, Roxy said you guys are
going out to celebrate?
1892
01:14:37,493 --> 01:14:41,233
Yeah, we're going to some
opening night cast thingie
1893
01:14:41,233 --> 01:14:42,571
that I'm dragging them along to.
1894
01:14:42,571 --> 01:14:45,091
It's gonna be dreadful, I'm sure.
1895
01:14:45,091 --> 01:14:47,153
- Well, cool, cool.
1896
01:14:47,153 --> 01:14:48,386
I'll let you get back, then.
1897
01:14:48,386 --> 01:14:50,458
(laughs) That was fun,
1898
01:14:50,458 --> 01:14:53,041
I'm really, really glad I came.
1899
01:14:58,953 --> 01:15:01,203
So, um, I'll see you later?
1900
01:15:03,408 --> 01:15:06,888
- Yeah, yeah, I'll see you later.
1901
01:15:06,888 --> 01:15:08,805
Thanks for the flowers.
1902
01:15:15,166 --> 01:15:16,470
He brought me flowers.
1903
01:15:16,470 --> 01:15:18,196
- Yeah, and are you totally unaware
1904
01:15:18,196 --> 01:15:20,356
of what was going on there?
1905
01:15:20,356 --> 01:15:22,458
- Why do you think I told
him we were going out?
1906
01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:24,810
He all but just invited himself along.
1907
01:15:24,810 --> 01:15:25,691
- You think?
1908
01:15:25,691 --> 01:15:27,561
- No wonder you're eternally single.
1909
01:15:27,561 --> 01:15:30,390
We can do our celebrating tomorrow.
1910
01:15:30,390 --> 01:15:32,071
Take him to the party.
1911
01:15:32,071 --> 01:15:33,568
- No, I don't wanna put him through that.
1912
01:15:33,568 --> 01:15:35,373
I don't wanna put myself through that.
1913
01:15:35,373 --> 01:15:36,206
- Then, take him somewhere else!
1914
01:15:36,206 --> 01:15:37,623
Just be yourself.
1915
01:15:39,266 --> 01:15:41,600
- It's not that hard, is it?
1916
01:15:42,931 --> 01:15:44,166
Go home.
1917
01:15:44,166 --> 01:15:45,093
- Don't blow this one.
1918
01:15:45,093 --> 01:15:47,176
- Yeah, let him blow you.
1919
01:15:53,751 --> 01:15:54,583
- Andy!
1920
01:15:56,361 --> 01:15:57,193
- Hey.
1921
01:15:58,120 --> 01:15:58,953
- Hey.
1922
01:16:04,078 --> 01:16:04,911
Hey.
1923
01:16:06,023 --> 01:16:07,456
I was wondering if,
- Would you like to?
1924
01:16:07,456 --> 01:16:08,288
- I'm sorry, you first.
1925
01:16:08,288 --> 01:16:10,226
- No, I was just gonna
ask if you wanted to,
1926
01:16:10,226 --> 01:16:11,418
- You know what?
1927
01:16:11,418 --> 01:16:12,835
I'm sorry, I have to go first.
1928
01:16:12,835 --> 01:16:15,686
Um, listen, I was thinking that,
1929
01:16:15,686 --> 01:16:17,063
actually, I'm not
thinking at all right now.
1930
01:16:17,063 --> 01:16:19,398
I find myself sort of right
here watching in horror
1931
01:16:19,398 --> 01:16:21,513
as I babble on, but that is
totally besides the point.
1932
01:16:21,513 --> 01:16:22,586
Um, listen.
1933
01:16:22,586 --> 01:16:23,470
I was wondering, you know,
1934
01:16:23,470 --> 01:16:26,385
since we see each other on
a somewhat regular basis,
1935
01:16:26,385 --> 01:16:27,518
and if you're not busy,
1936
01:16:27,518 --> 01:16:29,126
and since I don't really know you,
1937
01:16:29,126 --> 01:16:30,720
and you really don't
know anything about me
1938
01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:31,721
except that I'm a total klutz,
1939
01:16:31,721 --> 01:16:33,593
and possibly any other information
1940
01:16:33,593 --> 01:16:36,751
that Roxy may have given
you without my knowing it.
1941
01:16:36,751 --> 01:16:38,160
Wow, I'm having a severe flashback
1942
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:39,583
to Freshman year of college right now,
1943
01:16:39,583 --> 01:16:41,736
when I felt the need to
ask this girl Jennifer out,
1944
01:16:41,736 --> 01:16:45,336
simply because it felt
like the right thing to do.
1945
01:16:45,336 --> 01:16:46,308
- Are you asking me out?
1946
01:16:46,308 --> 01:16:47,141
- Yeah, I guess.
1947
01:16:47,141 --> 01:16:48,351
I mean, is that okay?
1948
01:16:48,351 --> 01:16:51,123
I mean, do you wanna go get coffee?
1949
01:16:51,123 --> 01:16:52,846
- No.
1950
01:16:52,846 --> 01:16:53,763
Not coffee.
1951
01:16:55,068 --> 01:16:58,528
(laughs) Anything but coffee.
1952
01:16:58,528 --> 01:17:01,361
- (laughs) Great.
1953
01:17:03,766 --> 01:17:06,416
- What about your friends?
1954
01:17:06,416 --> 01:17:08,550
- They had to go home.
1955
01:17:08,550 --> 01:17:10,466
I told them to go home.
1956
01:17:11,423 --> 01:17:14,033
- You didn't ask me out
because it felt like
1957
01:17:14,033 --> 01:17:16,308
the right thing to do again, did ya?
1958
01:17:16,308 --> 01:17:17,366
- No.
1959
01:17:17,366 --> 01:17:18,283
Well, yeah.
1960
01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:22,850
- (laughs) Well, good.
1961
01:17:26,196 --> 01:17:27,196
Mr. Sanchez.
1962
01:17:28,126 --> 01:17:28,960
- Well, that's very kind of you.
1963
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:30,675
Thank you very much.
1964
01:17:30,675 --> 01:17:31,675
I'm getting in your car
1965
01:17:31,675 --> 01:17:33,560
and I don't even know your last name.
1966
01:17:33,560 --> 01:17:37,938
- Thankfully, they don't
put it on the name tag,
1967
01:17:37,938 --> 01:17:39,758
- It's Griffith.
1968
01:17:39,758 --> 01:17:41,166
- Griffith?
1969
01:17:41,166 --> 01:17:42,716
(laughs) Your name is Andy Griffith?
1970
01:17:42,716 --> 01:17:44,705
- Hey, be nice.
1971
01:17:44,705 --> 01:17:46,038
- No, it's cute.
1972
01:17:47,330 --> 01:17:48,163
Ow.
1973
01:17:49,226 --> 01:17:52,606
(Andy laughing)
1974
01:17:52,606 --> 01:17:53,523
- So are you.
1975
01:17:53,523 --> 01:17:54,658
(beeping)
1976
01:17:54,658 --> 01:17:57,065
- [Mom] I've got a bone
to pick with you, Honey.
1977
01:17:57,065 --> 01:18:00,066
This whole getting older thing?
1978
01:18:00,066 --> 01:18:01,296
30 years old?
1979
01:18:01,296 --> 01:18:02,951
I don't like it.
1980
01:18:02,951 --> 01:18:05,781
The older you get, the older I get.
1981
01:18:05,781 --> 01:18:08,216
I don't like it at all.
1982
01:18:08,216 --> 01:18:10,018
Dad and I want to get
you something special
1983
01:18:10,018 --> 01:18:11,380
for your birthday this year.
1984
01:18:11,380 --> 01:18:14,380
So, think about it, and let us know.
1985
01:18:16,805 --> 01:18:17,703
(knocking)
1986
01:18:17,703 --> 01:18:18,536
- We're here!
1987
01:18:18,536 --> 01:18:19,368
(knocking)
1988
01:18:19,368 --> 01:18:20,201
Hello?
1989
01:18:20,201 --> 01:18:21,035
(knocking)
1990
01:18:21,035 --> 01:18:21,868
Hello?
1991
01:18:25,246 --> 01:18:26,715
- I have this recurring
dream where I'm sitting
1992
01:18:26,715 --> 01:18:28,076
on a brick wall at the top of a mountain,
1993
01:18:28,076 --> 01:18:29,908
and my vision's fuzzy.
1994
01:18:31,428 --> 01:18:35,778
I sit there staring at what
looks like an abstract painting.
1995
01:18:35,778 --> 01:18:37,618
And I sit and stare, night after night.
1996
01:18:37,618 --> 01:18:40,368
But then one night, I see motion.
1997
01:18:42,243 --> 01:18:45,360
And the colors swirl, and for a long time,
1998
01:18:45,360 --> 01:18:46,593
they almost seem to fight each other
1999
01:18:46,593 --> 01:18:49,593
and make absolutely no sense at all.
2000
01:18:49,593 --> 01:18:53,438
And then, little by
little, the colors blend,
2001
01:18:53,438 --> 01:18:56,271
and something begins to take form.
2002
01:18:58,283 --> 01:19:00,775
(soft instrumental music)
2003
01:19:00,775 --> 01:19:03,371
There's a certain kind
of peace you come to
2004
01:19:03,371 --> 01:19:08,328
when you allow yourself
to sit and enjoy the view.
2005
01:19:08,328 --> 01:19:09,851
The blurred vision gets clearer,
2006
01:19:09,851 --> 01:19:11,563
and I find myself staring at a person
2007
01:19:11,563 --> 01:19:13,646
that looks a lot like me.
2008
01:19:14,491 --> 01:19:15,898
He blinks.
2009
01:19:15,898 --> 01:19:16,731
Same eyes.
2010
01:19:17,856 --> 01:19:21,023
When he smiles, a very familiar smile.
2011
01:19:21,871 --> 01:19:26,785
And then, he speaks in a voice
that is unmistakably mine.
2012
01:19:26,785 --> 01:19:29,701
"What's past is prologue," he says.
2013
01:19:32,561 --> 01:19:35,561
All I see now is blank white canvas.
2014
01:19:37,270 --> 01:19:39,103
All I see now is hope.
2015
01:19:42,911 --> 01:19:44,301
(gasping)
2016
01:19:44,301 --> 01:19:46,301
- Happy birthday, honey!
2017
01:19:48,653 --> 01:19:50,681
- Happy birthday, amigo.
2018
01:19:50,681 --> 01:19:51,916
- Girl.
2019
01:19:51,916 --> 01:19:54,121
- Happy birthday, James.
2020
01:19:54,121 --> 01:19:56,703
(mom giggling)
2021
01:19:58,398 --> 01:20:00,585
(soft instrumental music)
2022
01:20:00,585 --> 01:20:01,418
- Hey.
2023
01:20:01,418 --> 01:20:02,251
- Hey.
2024
01:20:05,278 --> 01:20:07,028
- Make a wish, James.
2025
01:20:08,671 --> 01:20:11,088
- Hi, I'm James.
2026
01:20:12,295 --> 01:20:15,296
Up to this point, things
have not gone as planned,
2027
01:20:15,296 --> 01:20:17,046
but I forgive myself.
2028
01:20:18,328 --> 01:20:20,495
I think I'm ready to jump.
2029
01:20:22,983 --> 01:20:23,816
I wish.
2030
01:20:23,816 --> 01:20:27,398
- Hey, don't tell us
or it won't come true.
2031
01:20:32,116 --> 01:20:34,366
(inhaling)
2032
01:20:35,666 --> 01:20:39,166
(soft instrumental music)
2033
01:20:52,473 --> 01:20:54,708
♫ Don't know where I'm going
2034
01:20:54,708 --> 01:20:56,871
♫ All at sea out here
2035
01:20:56,871 --> 01:20:58,925
♫ What's this thing called gravity
2036
01:20:58,925 --> 01:21:01,263
♫ I'm so burnt out on fear
2037
01:21:01,263 --> 01:21:03,541
♫ Someone come and save me
2038
01:21:03,541 --> 01:21:05,745
♫ At least just take me home
2039
01:21:05,745 --> 01:21:07,338
♫ I'm too old to be here
2040
01:21:07,338 --> 01:21:09,901
♫ Got that tired old urge to roam
2041
01:21:09,901 --> 01:21:13,733
♫ So what else is new
2042
01:21:13,733 --> 01:21:16,358
♫ Had a teacher back in high school
2043
01:21:16,358 --> 01:21:18,546
♫ Name was Mrs. Jones
2044
01:21:18,546 --> 01:21:22,896
♫ Born in Hiroshima but she
looked like tea and scones
2045
01:21:22,896 --> 01:21:27,131
♫ Wrote out in my yearbook
in some purple ink
2046
01:21:27,131 --> 01:21:29,420
♫ Do take time to smell the flowers
2047
01:21:29,420 --> 01:21:31,403
♫ It makes me kinda think
2048
01:21:31,403 --> 01:21:34,846
♫ So what else is new
2049
01:21:34,846 --> 01:21:38,013
♫ So what else is new
2050
01:21:39,701 --> 01:21:41,631
♫ Did I win my Oscar yet
2051
01:21:41,631 --> 01:21:43,776
♫ Did I make my bed
2052
01:21:43,776 --> 01:21:45,865
♫ Trying to live inside my skin
2053
01:21:45,865 --> 01:21:47,938
♫ Not camp out in my head
2054
01:21:47,938 --> 01:21:50,065
♫ Win the rat race, pay the bills
2055
01:21:50,065 --> 01:21:52,056
♫ Round and round it goes
2056
01:21:52,056 --> 01:21:53,826
♫ Like a broken record
2057
01:21:53,826 --> 01:21:55,725
♫ what it means this life
2058
01:21:55,725 --> 01:21:58,273
♫ No one knows
2059
01:21:58,273 --> 01:22:02,303
♫ If I got married at
19 like my mom and dad
2060
01:22:02,303 --> 01:22:04,615
♫ I might have had three kids by now
2061
01:22:04,615 --> 01:22:06,540
♫ That might not be so bad
2062
01:22:06,540 --> 01:22:08,658
♫ But here I am, not 19,
2063
01:22:08,658 --> 01:22:10,716
♫ Thinking too damn much
2064
01:22:10,716 --> 01:22:12,746
♫ Trying not to bolt from life
2065
01:22:12,746 --> 01:22:14,891
♫ But God I need a crush
2066
01:22:14,891 --> 01:22:18,401
♫ So what else is new
2067
01:22:18,401 --> 01:22:21,568
♫ So what else is new
2068
01:22:22,695 --> 01:22:24,915
♫ Oh and did I change the world today
2069
01:22:24,915 --> 01:22:27,176
♫ Did I see my shrink
2070
01:22:27,176 --> 01:22:31,381
♫ I'd be rich if I got paid
to sit around and think
2071
01:22:31,381 --> 01:22:33,336
♫ I guess I finally get it
2072
01:22:33,336 --> 01:22:35,280
♫ It's all just messy here
2073
01:22:35,280 --> 01:22:37,278
♫ If there's one thing that I'm clear on
2074
01:22:37,278 --> 01:22:41,446
♫ It's that nothing is really clear
2075
01:22:43,791 --> 01:22:45,980
♫ So what if it's that simple
2076
01:22:45,980 --> 01:22:48,231
♫ What if I just sit
2077
01:22:48,231 --> 01:22:50,316
♫ Maybe Mrs. Jones was right
2078
01:22:50,316 --> 01:22:52,243
♫ Maybe this is it
2079
01:22:52,243 --> 01:22:54,290
♫ Maybe it's that easy
2080
01:22:54,290 --> 01:22:56,293
♫ Maybe it's okay
2081
01:22:56,293 --> 01:23:00,421
♫ Maybe I'll just smell the
flowers before they pass away
2082
01:23:00,421 --> 01:23:03,833
♫ So what else is new
2083
01:23:03,833 --> 01:23:07,000
♫ So what else is new
2084
01:23:08,368 --> 01:23:12,008
♫ So what else is new
2085
01:23:12,008 --> 01:23:12,841
- [Woman's Voice] Take three.
2086
01:23:12,841 --> 01:23:15,955
♫ Maybe I am
2087
01:23:15,955 --> 01:23:18,205
(snapping)
2088
01:23:20,593 --> 01:23:23,011
♫ Maybe I am
2089
01:23:28,771 --> 01:23:31,191
♫ Maybe I am
2090
01:23:31,191 --> 01:23:32,023
- One.
2091
01:23:32,023 --> 01:23:35,080
(snapping)
2092
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:36,836
- Roxy, take two, A camera.
2093
01:23:36,836 --> 01:23:39,086
(snapping)
143618
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