Original subtitles

Whoa.

Not even a scratch, big v--

I mean, uh, shendu, sir.

Try harder.

The pan ku box must be opened.

(Kung fu yell)

Charging rhino cracks walnut!

Uh, open sesame?

What a absurd waste of time.

Cheerio.

Unh!

Need I remind you, valmont...

That it is I who holds controlling interest in this partnership,

and the sooner we find the portals

and release my demon brethren,

the sooner you will have your pathetic body to yourself.

Aah! Go! Open already!

Aah!

Remember, I cannot touch good magic.

Uh, shen-dude.

Hey, it ain't no box.

It's a puzzle.

Ah. A map - to the first portal.

Uh, it says

we gotta find "that which runs, but never walks

to the mouth which never talks."

A puzzle with a riddle.

Shendu: At last.

The demon sorcerers will return and walk the earth,

casting their shadow upon all human--

ah. Tell me - someone wrote that down.

Anyone?

Uncle, please slow down.

You so need to chill.

If I chill, demons will be dancing upon all our graves.

I must research the proper chi spells to seal the 7 portals.

All required ingredients must be on hand and ready.

Uh, uh, uncle.

Hmm? At least let me help.

What do you know about magic?

I was apprentice to chi master fong for 15 years!

(Sighs) Perhaps it is time

for me to train an apprentice of my own.

Someone of sound judgment

whom I can trust with my chi knowledge.

Me--me--me!

I'll put some focus in your hocus.

Tohru.

It won't budge.

Clearly the box's way of telling us

we must find the first portal

before proceeding to the next.

Well, if our recollection

of the directions are accurate,

the portal which imprisons po Kong, the mountain demon,

will be found in what is now Tokyo, Japan.

(Snores)

Hey, t. Whatcha workin' on?

(Snores)

"Duplication spell for beginners." Huh.

Uncle always says

this is his most valuable vase.

Time to double his money.

Whoa. Uncle is gonna beg me to be his apprentice.

Jackie: Uncle.

Uncle.

Pack your things.

Captain black just informed me

that shendu is headed for Tokyo.

Do not move.

What? What is it? Ow!

Do you expect me to seal the demon door with salt and pepper, no?

Then you go to Tokyo and find out which demon we are dealing with

so I can research a proper chi spell. Good night.

(Sighs) Yes, uncle.

Sounds like you could use my help, Jackie-o,

and I've never been to Tokyo--

Jade, - it's a school night.

Oh.

Now promise me

that you will stay here and do your homework.

Promise.

I can do my homework and go with Jackie.

Both: Whoa. Freaky.

Jinx! (Laughs)

Shendu: The map indicated

that we proceed 300 paces southeast

from the cherry blossom grove,

where we will follow that which runs but never walks

to the mouth which never talks.

Chow: I don't see any cherry blossoms.

That wretched box is thousands of years old.

There have clearly been some developments

in the landscape since then.

Ooh. Ooh, looky- looky-looky-looky.

No, ratso. You can't have one.

Don't you see? It runs on batteries but doesn't walk,

and it's got a mouth. No way it talks.

I suppose it's worth a look.

That which runs but never walks.

I've got your back, Jack.

Tokyo is mondo coolio, don't ya think?

(Gasps) - What are you doing here?

Tch. Like I was gonna miss this.

But my homework-- we promised Jackie.

No. You promised Jackie.

Uncle: Aiyeeya!

(Grunts) Uncle? Ow!

You cast a lousy spell.

I did?

My one-of-a-kind vase

is no longer one-of-a-kind.

(Uncle gasps)

One more thing.

You can tag along,

but no more surprises, capisce?

Both: Uh, surprise?

Jade: Uh...

What just happened here?

Talk later. Let's roll.

Wait!

No portals to demon worlds here.

Unh!

Hey!

Jade: Jackie!

I'm open!

Jade, what are you doing--

why do I bother to ask?

Got it!

Get her!

I got her! (Pants)

No, I got her!

What do you mean? I got her...

But she don't got the box.

Ooh! Unh!

Jade, where's the box?

Uh... (Growls)

Gazelle pounce!

Good.

Go hide.

Jade, please, I told you to hide.

Did not.

Oh, bad day, bad day, bad day.

All: Unh!

(Growls) - Angry crow takes flight!

No, no, no!

All: Aah!

All: Aah!

All: Jackie!

I'll teach you to take things

that don't belong to you, chan!

I have a better idea.

Hello.

Three's a crowd.

Jackie, are you ok?

Oh...

I landed on the box.

Whoa.

Belly flop.

Uncle: Full line atop 2 broken lines.

Jackie, that is a trigram of the mountain demon.

I will gather chi ingredients and come at once.

Allow me to assist you, master.

Why? You are a lousy apprentice.

But I did not cast the duplicator spell.

Blah. If you did not, then who did?

Can't you guys just pull yourselves together?

Hey, don't look at us, Copperfield.

You're the one who cast the spell.

Jackie: Jade...

Have you been contemplating the riddle?

Sure. What riddle was that, uncle Jackie?

(Sighs) - The riddle we must solve before shendu does.

Runs but never walks.

Mouth but never talks.

Where were you two?

Hello. Ice.

So maybe you can, like, chill.

Quick! Hide!

Mouth but doesn't talk.

Runs but never--

waa! Quick, Jackie. Look out the window.

Window? What are you talking-- (Gasps)

Jackie: Jade, you are a genius.

I am?

A river runs but never walks.

Has a mouth which never talks.

The sumiya river must lead to the portal.

Waa!

Jackie, don't worry. I can explain everything.

(All chuckle) Hi, Jackie.

All: Mmm. Boy, this is good.

Uh, uh, when uncle arrives,

tell him where to find me.

Can't I come, Jackie?

They're getting on my nerves.

(Chuckles) But you have so much in common.

You will have to stay here. All of you.

All: Oh, Jackie. Do we have to?

Valmont: When in doubt...

Allow Jackie chan to do the grunt work.

Heave, ho!

How do we know chan's even warm?

I don't see any portals.

Yeah, just - a souvenir stand, and...

Many thanks for leading us here, chan.

So, how are we gonna open the portal?

Whoa.

Behold! The triumphant return of my sister,

po Kong, the mountain demon.

Must be his big sister.

Enough fanfare. What's for supper?

Bon appetit.

(Slurps) Mmm, an hors d'oeuvre.

Oh, no! Unh!

Aah! Come back here, you!

(Gasps) Hurry, uncle.

Aah!

Aah! Ooh!

Unh!

Hut!

Unh! Aah!

(Roars)

(Inhales)

Aah!

Ow!

Aah!

Mmm. (Slurps)

Jade: Hey, big Bertha.

Mmm. It's not polite to play with your food.

Hmm, another tiny portion.

All: Tch.

All: Whoa.

(Laughs)

Whoa!

Finger food.

All: You mean knuckle sandwich.

Yaa! Po: Unh!

Waa!

Aah! Aah!

(All grunt)

The chi spell, tohru.

(Jades roar)

Jades: Get her! Keep her pinned down

till uncle casts the chi spell!

Jades! Be careful!

(Thugs grunt)

Unh! Nice try, girls.

Unh! Unh!

Now the drum.

Uh, drum?

The symbol of the immortal

who originally imprisoned po Kong.

(Gulps) I--I thought you had it.

Aiyeeeya! What kind of apprentice are you?

A lousy one.

Uncle!

(Speaking Chinese)

Jackie! Drum must be struck 3 times!

No!

Enough.

(Grunts)

All: Look out! Whoa!

Aaaah!

All: Whoa!

All: Aah!

No!

All: Unh! Oh.

Oh!

Uncle...

Jackie: The pan ku box.

I think there is a bigger problem to solve.

(Sighs) I must do research.

Uh, no need, master.

I believe no finishing charm

was applied to the original duplication spell.

That is why it continues to repeat.

Huh?

Uh, I did some reading during the long flight.

Tohru will be a good apprentice.

Did you bring the finishing charm?

Mmm, but it will only work on the original Jade.

Jade!

All: Pick me! Over here!

(Grunts) I--ok.

Whoever cast the spell in the first place is grounded

with no TV for a year.

(All gasp) She did it!

Tch. Tattletales.

-Hey, Jackie. -Yes?

Have you ever refused to do a stunt?

Yes. When I design a stunt,

I'm thinking, "yes, I can do it."

Suppose I go out the window

on the roof--boom!

Land on the car with all the luggage,

then I slide down, then open the door,

go to the car in one shot.

Then you can see tod--tod--chu-chu-- chu--chu!

I like to do these kind of things.

It was something I cannot do

is fly over the--the Grand Canyon.

No, I'm not gonna do that.