All language subtitles for 095-Hocus-Pocus and Frisby-eng

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You're traveling
through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,

a journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

"Well," i says
to jack pershing,

"general, we ain't
going to get

"no artillery
support.

"They're dug in too deep.

"Well, we're going to
have to enfilade 'em.

"That's what
we're going
to have to do.

"We'll have to
enfilade 'em

to beat the band."

Frisby, when are
you going to burn

that mouth organ

or at least learn
how to play it?

Well, it
relaxes me.

Well,
"old black jack"

knew who he was
dealing with.

He didn't call me

"old enfiladin'
frisby" for nothing.

Horseradish.

Where do you keep
the horseradish,
frisby?

Top shelf.

And ketchup?

Right in back of
the cash register.

Well, the
next morning,

we attacked up
and down the line,

and the rest is history.

Smashed them to bits.

Four and a half
hours later,

we were in paris,
and an hour later,

we're
in berlin.

Oh...

be my guest.

Frisby, you're
the biggest liar

that ever set by a stove.

You doubting
my word?

You can start with that.

I'm not just
doubting your word.

I'm calling
you a liar.

How can you get

from paris to berlin
in one hour?

Find the celery, pete?

Yep.

How about turnips?

Oh, all out.

Get some
in the morning.

We're waiting, frisby.

How do you go
from paris to berlin

in one hour?

Well, now, that's what made
the operation so fantastic.

See, i was doing
a little reconortin'

and found a back route.

Well, that's very
interesting, frisby,

except last week,

you sat right in
that dang chair

and told us you was
in the balloon corps.

Over the battle
of the marne,

you shot down three

german fokkers
with a pistol

and directed
the artillery

so the marines
could win.

Well, i did, indeed.

But that was
a year later.

Let's see, that was...

april 1917.

Well, looks like rain.

Tell by the clouds.

Always tell by the clouds.

Now, that big
job up there

that is astrata
cumulus opacus.

You fellows know
anything about
meterology?

Here we go again.

I can't say
we do, frisby.

Well, i can say
that i do.

Majored in it at the
university of wichita.

Got my doctorate.

Wrote a thesee
at the age of 13

that's still used
as standard text.

Meterology and you
it's called.

Folks that know say

it's the most
scholarly treatment

of the subject in the
history of the field.

"Old cumulus frisby"
they called me.

"Cumulus frisby."

This guy's
a meteorologist,

i'm vice-president
johnson.

What did you say, lyndon?

All finished,
frisby.

Want to add it up?

No, you go ahead and
do it for me, pete.

Pencil and paper right
there on the counter.

Do it by hand, only i had
a kind of a busy day,

and i'm all pooped.

Say, did i ever tell
you fellas about the time

i gave a demonstration
with the computer machines?

18 of them lined up
in an auditorium.

Columns of figures,
eight digits apiece.

Now, no pencils or
no paper, mind you-

all in the head.

Why, folks just came
from miles around.

What happened?

I didn't think
anybody'd ever ask.

Well,

four of 'em broke down
from overwork, two of 'em

came up
with the incorrect answer,

and i beat them all
by 21 seconds.

"Old archimedes frisby"
they called me.

Well, now that does it!

I mean, i just
can't take anymore, frisby.

I mean, i wouldn't mind
if you was a bright liar-

i mean, you know,
if there was some logic to it-

but, well, daggone,
the way you tell it,

you'd have to be
100 different people

living in 200 places

during 12 periods
of american history.

Hallelujah
and amen.

Well, now,
who can that be?

Customers most likely.

You just said a nasty word.

You know the only
industrious thing

about frisby's whole body
is his mouth.

Easy, easy,
i'm coming.

The reluctant gentleman with the
sizeable mouth is mr. Frisby.

He has all the drive
of a broken camshaft

and the aggressive vinegar
of a corpse.

As you've no doubt gathered,

his big stock-in-trade
is the tall tale.

Now, what he doesn't know
is that the visitors out front

are a very special breed,
destined to change his life

beyond anything even his fertile
imagination could manufacture.

The place is pitchville flats,
the time is the present.

But mr. Frisby's on the first
leg of a rather fanciful journey

into the place we call
the twilight zone.

Do you want gas, or something?

That's the idea.

Why didn't you
pour it yourself?

Well, as a
matter of fact,

we're not
too accustomed

to these rear
engine jobs.

Oh, you're
not, huh?

Well...

i am.

Matter of fact...

i'm responsible
for her.

You developed
them, did you?

Oh, indeed i did.

Got a phone call one
time from henry ford

asking me to fly
out to detroit.

And i did, and
48 hours later,

i had developed

the first rear
engine automobile.

Mister, you're looking
at the granddaddy

of the american
automobile.

Right after i finished
that designing job,

henry ford said to me,
"rear engine"-

what he always called me,
"old rear engine frisby"-

"rear engine,"
he says,

"you are an
automotive genius."

And i couldn't very well
argue with him

on account of
he was telling the truth.

Do you want it filled up?

If you don't mind.

Not at all.

Not at all.

Right under there.

I know, i know.

I put it
under there.

This is the man.

Frisby.

Is that his name?

Frisby, an incredible
specimen-

done everything,
knows everything,

studied in most of their
major universities.

Holds a doctorate in
at least eight fields.

Obviously a key man.

Water and oil okay?

I believe they are,
but you might check them.

Might just as well
while i'm here.

Well, that will be $1.80.

Ten bucks.

Is that what it is?

Oh, yes, ten dollars.

You folks from around here?

No, we're from
quite a ways off.

Oh.

Well, if you're going
to drive a spell,

why, you better
check in some place

fore you get started,

'cause those are
mean-looking old clouds.

Looks like it'll
rain shortly.

Can you tell when
it's going to rain?

Tell? Rain?

Mister, i can tell

when the
humidity drops

one half of
one percent.

Why, i can
predict fog, smog,

rain, hail,
sleet and snow

24 hours before
it happens.

Mr. Frisby,
we were wondering...

uh, we'll very likely

be seeing you soon,
mr. Frisby.

Well,
i hope you do.

And remember what
i told you

about the weather.

You better check into
a motel or something

until it blows over.

We'll probably
do that.

Thank you again,
mr. Frisby.

Well, odd fella.

Why, they believe
what you was saying?

No, just kind of odd.

Handed me a ten dollar bill

like they didn't even know
what it was.

Well, how come
you didn't tell 'em

you was alexander hamilton,
and that's your picture on it?

That's one of
the few things

i ain't heard
him claim.

I'll see you
tomorrow, frisby.

Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow, frisby.

Okay, pete.

Well... 5:00.

That seems like a...

reasonable hour to close up.

Mr. Frisby?

Frisby here.

Mr. Frisby?

If you walk out of your store
and head east down the highway

for 200 yards,
you'll have quite an adventure.

H-how was that?

You're not frightened, are you?

Frightened?

Me?

"Stonewall frisby"?

Why, dwight david eisenhower
said to me

when i was the very first man
to climb into a landing craft

headed for the french coast...

that was june the 6th...

1944.

"Stoney," ike said, "stoney...

"you lead the invasion.

"There'll be mines...

"german e-boats...

"stuka divebombers...

"coast artillery...

but you can do it."

Exceptional.

Well?

L-i don't think
i better take the walk.

It looks like rain.

Then youarefrightened.

We had thought that
you'd be the one man

willing to take almost any risk.

That may be very well, but...

who may i ask
is saying all this?

If you walk down the road
as i suggested,

you'll find out.

Well, rain
or no rain,

i never was one

to duck a little
excitement.

W-w-who are you?

You'll find out.

Well, all right, but wait till
i get my things put away.

That won't be necessary.

You won't be coming back.

Come right ahead, mr. Frisby.

We're waiting for you.

That's right, we're
waiting for you inside.

Impressed, mr. Frisby?

Impressed?

Why, with this rinky-dink?

This looks like a flea on a dog

compared to the one
that i designed

for the united states
space agency.

And that was back in 1951.

"Old rocket thrust frisby"
they called me.

Please, mr. Frisby,
be so good as to enter.

How do you do,
mr. Frisby?

Welcome, mr. Frisby.

How do you do?

Yeah.

Movie prop,
ain't it?

Yeah, that's what
it is, ain't it?

One of them
hollywood things

advertisin' a flying
saucer picture or something.

Yeah, that's it...

ain't it?

In a word,
mr. Frisby, no.

This is actually
a flying saucer,

and we-
my colleagues and l-

are from another planet.

L-l-i got
to be going.

Correction,
mr. Frisby.

You are
staying.

So why don't
you relax

and be
comfortable?

What else did you gentlemen want
to know about?

Your research
in liquid propellants.

Oh, yeah.

Liquid propellants.

Mixed up the first batch
of that myself in my cellar.

Folks in the hometown wanted me
to run for congress

on account of
i'd got the country back

in the space race.

But if there's one thing
i ain't, it's egotistical.

I figure, it's a man's
patriotic duty

to invent a liquid

propellant if he has a mind to.

And i was a mind to.

Well, even as a boy
at princeton university,

they used to call me
"old liquid propellant frisby."

Next question.

Mr. Frisby,
forgive me,

but you mentioned princeton.

It's my understanding
that you went to the university

of wichita.

Well, that, too.

Happens to be a fact

that i hold a degree

in 38 major universities

of advanced schools
of higher learning.

Got a rogue scholarship, too,

but i had to turn that down,

because i wouldn't bow
to the queen.

Well, i think
that ought to take care

of all of your questions.

Now, if you don't mind,

i'll be getting
home for supper.

I...

say, it's getting late,

and i got to get
home for supper.

I got to get out of here.

I gather that
you don't quite
understand

the situation,
mr. Frisby.

How's that?

You're not going home
for supper.

You shall have supper here.

Here?

Precisely.

In exactly... well, 14 minutes
by your measure of time,

we'll be departing.

Departing from
where to where?

From here
to our planet.

You see, mr. Frisby,
our assignment here

was to secure a
representative
earth specie,

hopefully the
most brilliant
we could find.

There seems
to be no question

that your
accomplishments

are far and away
more extensive

than those of
any other human
being on earth.

Mine?

Frisby's?

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I'm just an old country boy
with a big mouth.

Oh,

come now,
mr. Frisby.

You do yourself a
terrible injustice.

We know

all about you

andyour
accomplishments.

Accomplishments?

Well, uh, i guess you might
just as well know now as later.

Only accomplishment i got
you fellas evidently overlooked,

and, well, that is
i'm the god darndest liar

that ever hit the pike.

I spin the biggest yarns
west of the rockies!

And i don't mean
exaggeration, i mean lies-

l-l-e-s, lies.

Don't you get it?

Uh, mr. Frisby...

there are some terms

that we cannot relate
to our own language.

This word "lie"
that you mention...

you mean that...

anything that anybody tells you

just goes without saying that,
well, it's the truth?

Hence, everything
that i've told you,

you believe?

Hence, you're going
to take me up to your planet

and put me in a cage?

Oh, hardly that,
mr. Frisby.

It won't be a cage.

We'll naturally have
to keep you confined

much as we do the
other specimens

we've collected.

Mr. Frisby,

we have a marvelously
entertaining venutian.

He sings on eight different
pitches simultaneously

and accompanies himself
with his tail.

Now, you wait a minute.

I am a bona fide american
citizen, and i got my rights.

And furthermore...

please contain
yourself,
mr. Frisby.

Now, since we shall be
departing very shortly,

you have your choice
of supper now,

or perhaps you'd
prefer waiting.

What will be
your pleasure?

Pleasure?

My pleasure is to punch
you right in the jaw.

Feeling better,
mr. Frisby?

We'll be departing
in five minutes.

Man, the last time
i saw anything

that looked like you,

i'd been four days
on the corn jug,

and even what i thought
i saw looked better

than you do now.

Say, tell me,

are the girls
where you come from-

do they look like you, too?

Oh, you'll become accustomed
to our appearance, mr. Frisby,

much as we've been able
to accustom ourselves

to yours.

Well...

one thing i'll say about you,

you... sure
are built hard.

Oh, we are indeed...

by your standards,

which is quite
fortunate for us.

Say, do you mind
if i relax a little?

That horrible sound!

You know, i was figuring

on giving a concert
on this some day.

Do you have harmonicas
on your planet?

You better scat.

They didn't call you
"old mile-a-minute"...

stay in your room,
mr. Frisby.

Frisby...

let him out!
Lower the stair!

No, don't
follow him.

He has some sort

of fantastic instrument

that lets out a death sound.

We best get out of here
before he warns the others.

Surprise!

What's going
on here?

What do
you mean

what's going
on here?

Why, it's your birthday.

This is a surprise party.

Here, sit down.

The presents, give
him the presents.

I've been waiting
all day for this.

Open it up, frisby,
come on, open it up.

Read it out loud.

Yeah, yeah, uh, read...

mr. Frisby, for the first time
in his life,

is at a loss for words.

I'll read
it for him:

"World's
greatest liar

"mr. Somerset
frisby

"presented by his friends and...

"occasion of his

63rd birthday."

Go ahead, frisby.

Make a speech.

I've been waiting all day
for this.

Yeah, come
on, frisby!

Tell us one of them
real whoppers.

Where you been
the last couple of hours?

Did-did you invent something?

Or maybe you took a quick trip
up to the moon, huh?

Now, you know,
you ain't very far wrong.

Do you know who them fellas
was out there in that car?

Well, i'll tell
you who they was.

They was from
outer space.

Now, wait a minute.

I don't know
how they did it,

but they just
whooshed me

right through the air,

right into their
flyin' saucer,

and they was
going to kidnap me!

But this is the truth,
honest, honest.

You know how i got away?

I just took out my harmonica...

blew a couple of chords, and
they just fainted dead away.

Aw! What
did i tell you?

Ain't he the perfect limit?

He sure is!

But this is the truth.

They had a big eye
right in the middle,

and they whooshed...

mr. Somerset frisby,
who might have profited

by reading an aesop fable
about a boy who cried wolf-

tonight's tall tale
from the timberlands

of the twilight zone.

Rod serling,
creator ofthe twilight zone,

will tell you
about next week's story

after this message.

And now, mr. Serling.

We have a return visit next week

from a most imminent performer,
joseph schildkraut.

And his vehicle is called,
"the trade-ins."

It's a story of a future society

in which new bodies
may be traded for old.

It's my own personal feeling

that of all the various
story areas we've tackled

inthe twilight zone,
this has the most import,

and carries with it
the most poignance.

I hope you'll be able
to be with us next week.

Here in one cigarette,
a chesterfield,

is all the flavor and taste

of 21 of the world's
finest tobaccos,

aged mild and then blended mild.

The end result-
tobacco too mild to filter,

a pleasure too good to miss.

Smoke for pleasure,
smoke chesterfield.

This is james arness.

You know, it's only a short hop

fromthe twilight zone
to dodge city ingunsmoke.

Saturday nights
over most of these stations.

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