Original subtitles

-(RAY GASPS) Oh, sorry, sorry. -(GEMMA CHUCKLES) One second.

RAY: Morning. Hey... KIERAN: Morning, Ray hi, hi.

-Can I just... -So sorry.

Ah, thank God.

-Sorry you... sorry please. -No, you go ahead.

-Really, yeah. -Okay.

-(MOBILE VIBRATING) -Thanks, Ray.

Oh, Ray, uh, we meant to say about the room.

Oh, yeah. Just because...

-I'm saying it... -Even though we're

getting married.

Umm, we managed to get a cancellation at the Town Hall

and we're gonna get married March 8th.

Oh, wow.

That's really soon.

But it doesn't mean you should move out.

In case that's what you were thinking.

-Really? -GEMMA: Yeah.

-It's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything.

-KIERAN: I heard that.

I just mean that it doesn't change anything with us.

Yeah, you can stay...

forever.

Do you have a kids' menu?

Umm...

(SPUTTERING) Sure, come in.

Get yourselves comfortable.

-Hi! -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What do you need? Coffee? Tea?

Is it too early for...

I'm driving, but you go ahead.

-Yeah? -Yeah!

All right, Victor, can you get a bottle of red, please,

and some glasses and some water for the table.

So guys...

-what do you like to eat? Pizza! -Pizza.

-Oh, we didn't order these. -Oh, no, it's a bribe.

So you'll come back.

-Please, come back. -Aww! (LAUGHTER)

-Did you eat all of this? -He's usually so fussy.

Do you have kids?

-No. -LIZA: Yummy!

Oh, hello. How are you?

-Hi, welcome! (GEMMA SNICKERS) -I WhatsApped the moms group.

-Welcome, everyone. -Hey, how are you?

-Come and sit down. -Good to see you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

No, this isn't cold-calling.

You've donated before and I want to... to see if

you'd be happy to...

(MAN ON PHONE ANGRILY) I am fed up of this. It is the

fourth time this week!

I run a business from my house and

- don't want people like you clogging up my line.

-Yes.

(MAN ON PHONE) Do you get it? Take me off the list!

Do you understand?

-(PHONE BEEPS) -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

INSTRUCTOR: And all the way down.

And again.

All the way down.

KIERAN: Can't even feel it. INSTRUCTOR: Relax a second.

-HYDROTHERAPIST: One more second.

-It's my left.

INSTRUCTOR: Reach to the walls, then to the ceiling.

Crossing in front.

And again.

Perfect.

We bring our hands up...

and pushing out with a bend.

Hydrotherapy was humiliating.

I'm going to have a walking stick in my

wedding photos.

Sorry...

No, I get it.

There's an Adele CD in the car if you want to have a big cry.

-(KEY JINGLING) -(RAY GIGGLES)

GEMMA: Right. So we've got some olives and bread

-there and some bruschetta -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

for you, hope that's all right.

-Is everything all right for you two?

-(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Is everything okay?

Yeah, you've got some more wine. Perfect. Perfect.

Hi.

-Hey, how did it go? -Hey.

Umm, yeah, I start back as soon as I can walk.

Just got to keep going, right?

Right.

How's your job?

Soul destroying.

GEMMA: Do you want another one?

Yeah.

-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) -Babe.

KIERAN: Oh.

New menu?

Yeah. And I was thinking of doing a homework club.

That after-school time is dead anyway

and if I did a big vat of pasta, charged two quid maybe?

(KIDS PLAYFULLY SCREAMING)

Three...

fifty?

Five.

Okay.

$3.50.

RAY: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God...

-Oh, my God! -(KID CRYING)

-Sorry, guys. Sorry. -They love her.

(KIERAN CHUCKLES)

What?

Just...

I'm sorry...

I... that's my...

Eat.

(CHUCKLING)

Kieran?

Thank you so much for doing the washing-up.

You made dinner.

-I knew there was a reason we got a lodger.

-Yeah, the money.

-Do you want me to clear that chair? No.

-No, I'm fine.

I have to stretch.

(GROANS) I get so creaky now that I'm not training.

-What are you watching? -There's a bit too much

to fill you in on.

They just arrested the owner of the hotel

where the body was found.

Hmm.

It can't be her.

Red herring.

KIERAN: Clearly you're going to be fun to watch TV with.

Sorry, is that distracting?

Only if you fart.

-Kieran! -Gemma will like you more

if you fart.

-She's pro-fart. -GEMMA: You!

She once did this fart that sounded exactly like

the word "fart."

I laughed so hard about it that she swallowed a Malteser.

(KIERAN CACKLING)

She texted me about it in all caps.

-I thought you'd be pleased for me!

-KIERAN: I was.

-Him? -CHARACTER ON TV: Be direct.

He has to be the killer, right?

(CHATTER ON TV)

I am so into this show.

(GEMMA FARTS)

She did it.

KIERAN: You see what I mean?

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

(EXHALES IN EXASPERATION)

(INDISTINCT)

I don't think this is going to work in the way you were hoping.

Oh, no. We have to find a way to do this without you dying.

(STUTTERING) I'm dying.

-Okay, well how about if I turn around?

-(KIERAN SIGHS)

-KIERAN: Wait, hold on. Hold on. -No, don't push me,

-What, just... -wait, oh, I get

your thinking...

KIERAN: Yeah.

GEMMA: Yes! Okay, wait. Hang on.

KIERAN: Yeah!

-This is what Emily Davison went under the King's horse for.

-(KIERAN GRUNTS)

There, Kieran.

Oh!

Oh, my God, I'm gonna fall. Oh, my God...

-KIERAN: Gem... -(CACKLING)

-(KIERAN AND GEMMA LAUGHING) -GEMMA: I am so sorry.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

KIERAN: Are you okay?

-(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Yeah.

-Can I? -Hmm.

-Oh, this is great. Mm-hmm. -Right?

-KIERAN: Do you guys want coffee?

-BOTH: Yes, please.

Thank you.

How's... How is he?

GEMMA: He is ready to go back to work I think.

He's fearless.

RAY: Kieran?

(DOOR OPENS)

Are you going to the pool this morning?

-Yeah. -If you wait, I'll drive you.

Okay, cool.

Come on, Wilson.

-Nice hat. -(ECHOES)

(KIERAN CHUCKLES)

Sorry.

KIERAN: Whoo!

You did it.

-(KIERAN LAUGHS) -Ha! Yeah...

Yes, Ray.

-Where's your rhubarb from? It is English?

-STALL HOLDER: Kent, love.

Yeah.

GEMMA: Thank you. Ugandan shallots.

STALL HOLDER: I have got the freshest mint in town.

-I have raw mangos as well. -Have you, where are they?

-STALL HOLDER: They're this side.

-Haven't seen these in ages.

What do you think I should get? I want to do a dish

using green mangos.

-With mango? -GEMMA: Mm-hmm.

-Seabass? -GEMMA: Have you got

some sea bream?

FISH MONGER: Sea Bream. GEMMA: Give me some sea bream?

FISH MONGER: Do you want them cleaned up?

GEMMA: Yes, please. Actually, no. I'll do it.

-Yeah. I'll do it. -STALL HOLDER: Good girl.

(GEMMA LAUGHS)

All right then, see you later. Bye.

FISH MONGER: Cheers, darling. Thank you. Bye.

That's it. Again!

KIERAN: I'm good at this.

-Yeah. -No, I'm not good at this.

I'm not. Show me the flip again.

-That was awesome. -RAY: Thank you.

You're a good teacher.

Maybe that's what you should do.

Teach these oldies a routine instead of just stretches.

Or kids, maybe.

I've always wanted to work with young people.

You'd be wonderful.

(KIERAN MUMBLES) It's just the training though, I mean...

Gem and I are living off my salary.

Yeah, but you could get another job.

Like?

RAY: I don't know.

Doesn't have to be medical.

-Could be... -Don't say driving. Please.

Everyone just thinks that paramedics are just

delivery guys who do CPR.

I don't think that.

I think...

I think you are amazing.

(KIERAN EXHALES)

I'm just saying that...

at least you have options.

Oh...

(SIGHS) I know what you should do.

Totally uses your skillset.

-Don't. -Working in a team.

-RAY: Don't. -Big gestures.

-(RAY SIGHS) -(KIERAN CHUCKLES) Uniform.

-Lots of make-up. -Whatever you're about to say

-just... -Air hostess.

That's what my... my careers advisor told me to do!

You had advice?

KIERAN: Oh... (CHOKING)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

RAY: Sorry.

KIERAN: Apologies.

Looking good.

-Oh, yeah. Thanks. -RAY: You are healing.

(KIERAN CHUCKLES)

Hey.

You swam.

Is it weird if I'm proud of you?

Why would that be weird?

I'm proud of you too.

I wanted to ask you something.

And it's kind of...

Uh-oh...

(STUTTERING) But you don't have to do it, if you

don't want to, it's...

What?

VICTOR: Chef?

Hello?

You're well loved-up.

No, it's nice.

No, seriously, Chef, I...

-Top shelf. -(GEMMA CHUCKLES)

This is a letter I wrote to Gemma when we were first,

actually before we were together-together. And, uh,

she kept it.

She keeps everything.

She's coming.

Uh, cream cheese frosting,

French, Italian and Swiss meringue, uh...

salted caramel,

chocolate ganache and peanut butter buttercream.

RAY: Can't believe you're making your

own wedding cake.

What are you two monkeys up to?

-Nothing. -Monkey business, woman.

(MOBILE VIBRATING AND RINGING)

Oh.

(MOBILE RINGING)

(INDISTINCT)

Oh, my God.

Kieran...

this is really beautiful.

You should... you should have someone

reading it at the wedding.

Yeah, that's...

kind of the idea.

Me?

(STUTTERING) Only if you want to. I know it's...

(SIGHS SHARPLY)

I didn't know I was invited.

Of course you're invited, you dickwart.

-I don't know I... -Of course you're invited,

come on.

-KIERAN: Don't be stupid! -Eat the cake samples.

Yeah.

Really good.

Delicious, Gem.

(SIRENS IN THE DISTANCE)

It's nice you have a swimming buddy.

I wish I could come.

-You don't like swimming pools. -That's not true.

-KIERAN: Uh... chlorine. Verrucas. Plasters.

-(GEMMA CHOKING) Okay, I know...

I just don't like missing out.

Thinking about asking my dad to write a speech.

Can we not talk about your dad while you're lying

on my penis, please?

Who do you want to talk about?

(WATER SPLASHING)

(GEMMA GIGGLING)

It should be back any second.

(WATER SPLASHING)

Okay, yeah, I'm ready.

GEMMA: Oh, you are.

(GIGGLES)

(GEMMA MOANS)

(GEMMA GASPS)

(BOTH MOAN)

(BOTH MOAN)

(GEMMA LAUGHS)

GEMMA: I've got a cramp!

-(BOTH LAUGH) -KIERAN: Okay.

(BRUSHING)

-KIERAN: See you tonight. -BOTH: Bye!

(DOOR OPENS)

You okay?

(DOOR CLOSES)

I'll be fine.

-Right? -Yeah.

I'm not one for small talk.

I prefer to put on audiobooks and podcasts,

if that's cool for you.

I learned Spanish with my last partner.

-Great. -MELANIE: Mm.

(BEEPING)

-Oh, we have got one. -(CHATTER ON RADIO)

MELANIE: Mmm-hmm.

(MOBILE VIBRATES AND BEEPS)

Yes, that's...

really generous.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MOBILE VIBRATES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Could you repeat that for me, please?

(CHATTER ON TV)

Is there any more cutlery?

Oh, yes, this...

one.

WOMAN ON TV: William? MAN ON TV: Yeah, Jones' guys.

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

Terrible.

-Bagsy the bathroom! -GEMMA: You bastard.

No, don't you dare! Don't you dare.

RAY: I don't even need the bathroom.

GEMMA: Please, I really need the loo...

KIERAN: That's cool.

Show off.

Whoo!

She's made of...

I don't know what.

(KIERAN CHEERS)

RAY: It is so cold.

KIERAN: Do you want this?

(GIGGLES AND SIGHING)

NAIMA: I won't waste my time justifying credentials,

won't jump through your hoops just to prove my potential.

Won't stop banging-on 'til there's justice for Grenfell.

I'm tired of liars for stoking the fires and dividing us all

just to climb one rung higher.

I'm tired each day of these walls in our way

and I'm tired of complaining 'bout roles we can't play.

I'm not angry...

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

All right, I'm angry too, but...

That's all I've got.

(CHEERS AND WHISTLES)

Tip your wait staff!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND CHEERS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND CHEERS)

Bit of politics, thanks, Naima.

We're gonna take a break so grab a drink and go to the loo.

-GEMMA: Yes, Jason. -(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND CHEERS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GEMMA LAUGHING)

-What's the funny? -Absolutely no. No!

KIERAN: Wait. What is it? GEMMA: Ray's dating profile.

-Don't do this to me. -(GEMMA LAUGHS)

(KIERAN SIGHS ANG GASPS)

What happened to, uh,

"Future Husband"?

Oh, God! That was

this guy from the photography studio thing.

Noah. He was a no.

-No? -No.

-Can I just... -RAY: No!

Let me just list some things about you.

Umm...

-KIERAN: Oh... -RAY: You're a dick.

-(RAY CHUCKLES) -Gooner!

-Tate a bit. -(ALL LAUGH)

-KIERAN AND GEMMA: Tate a bit. -Okay.

GEMMA: Yes. Exactly. KIERAN: Yes.

-(GEMMA GIGGLING) -You make me sound amazing.

BOTH: You are amazing.

So, you are alive.

Oh, my God.

We had a thing, didn't we?

Answer your phone.

Hi. I'm Gemma.

Kieran, hey!

What are you dressed as?

This is Moi.

I like my jumper.

Hey, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry I forgot about Zumba.

-My phone was... -What's happening?

What's happening to you, exactly?

-I... -Because from the outside

it seriously looks like you're losing your mind.

-What's so special about them? -They're my friends.

They're your landlords.

It's weird.

If you're trying to punish me for not telling you to

quit the team then...

What are you talking about?

(GRUNTS) I just miss you.

I moved here to be with you and I'm living on a houseboat

with someone who plays Michael Buble's Christmas album

in January.

VICTOR: Yo, Ray.

can you take some drink orders when you got a sec?

Got you working here too?

(DOOR CLOSES)

What's going on, Wilson?

I'll call you tomorrow.

Moi?

-Am I around too much? -GEMMA: What did you say?

If you two need more space or...

you can just tell me to...

-GEMMA: I need you -(GEMMA GASPING)

What?

-GEMMA: I need... come here. -(GEMMA PANTS)

Can you please come and help me?

GEMMA: Ugh!

Why do men get to wear suits and women have to dress like...

Jane Austen's loo roll cover.

-(VOICE SHAKING) -(LAUGHTER)

RAY: That's...

probably the patriarchy.

It's definitely the patriarchy.

It's okay.

I'm sorry.

(SCOFFS)

I don't remember my body without it.

Mum was driving me to Judo.

And a...

dog ran into the road and she swerved into a lorry.

She died.

I nearly did.

My life was saved by a surgeon called Stephanie, who

cried and held my hands when she said I'd probably

never have children.

And as she was telling me I felt myself for the first time

falling fully in love.

Why do dresses make me look more like my brother?

So that's your type?

Medical staff?

There is no explanation for Kieran.

He's a total anomaly,

in all senses.

He always wanted to be a dad.

The fact that he's given that up to be with me.

I don't know how I got so lucky.

He is the... I mean...

you both are the lucky one. Ones.

You both are.

(STUTTERING) I'm going to get...

Will you do something for me?

Yes.

Mon dieu,

this is complicated.

I think that's the one.

I think so too.

Holy crap. I'm going to look fucking devastating.

Not be able to pee though, in all of this.

I'll help.

We'll have a code word.

I pee a lot when I'm nervous.

I need to pee now. What's the code word?

Come on.

-Are you okay? -Yeah, I just need to...

(SIRENS WAILING IN THE DISTANCE)

(KIERAN SHUSHES)

I'm not doing anything.

KIERAN: You're thinking too loudly.

I'm glad we're getting married.

(FAINT PANTING)

(FAINT MOANING)

(GEMMA BREATHING HEAVILY)

(KIERAN AND GEMMA PANTING)

(KIERAN MOANING)

(MOANS)

-(KIERAN BREATHING HEAVILY) -GEMMA: Oh, charmer,

charmer, charmer.

I want more.

(GEMMA GIGGLES)

(RAY GASPING)

(GEMMA GIGGLING)

(GEMMA MOANS)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(MOANING)

(GEMMA AND KIERAN KISSING)

(GEMMA PANTING)

(GEMMA AND KIERAN LAUGHING)

Mm.

Where is she?

Mm-hmm.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

GEMMA: Bye, Ray.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

MAN: Hiya.

Oh, hey, hi.

Am I late?

No.

I'm... I'm just always early.

You look nice.

-Thank you. -(RAY CLEARS THROAT)

KIERAN: It's starting.

Yeah, but we should wait for Ray.

It'll be on catch-up.

GEMMA: Yeah, but

it's not the same.

Yeah, I know.

(GEMMA GIGGLES)

(SIGHS)

This looks amazing.

Everyone else is married with, uh,

with careers and... and houses and it's... it's like...

It's like someone called my number and I didn't,

like I missed the number.

What am I saying?

You're comparing your life to a cheese counter.

Yeah.

That's exactly what it is.

(RAY GIGGLES)

(EXCLAIMS) No!

She watched five minutes and she called it,

the fucking genius.

I'm busting for a piss.

-KIERAN: Ray, you are a detective!

-Bathroom is that-a-way.

-(DOOR CLOSES) -I...

-(RAY GRUNTING) -Hey!

These are my enemies.

-There is some dinner, if you want some.

-RAY: I've eaten.

I had a date.

And I ate with the date at 8:00, from a plate.

(TV IN THE BACKGROUND)

-How have you been? -Great!

-RAY: Hi. -Hey.

Landlords live here.

Uh, we sort of share all the...

thing.

-Noah. -Kieran. Hi.

Yo, yo, yo!

Uh... can I borrow this?

I'll pay you back.

Or you can take it out of my deposit.

Sure.

Thank you, darling. (GIGGLES)

This way.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Look.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(RAY LAUGHS)

(RAY LAUGHING)

We should say something.

No. What?

No.

(THUD)

-She's so drunk. -She's 30.

-You can't stop her if she wants to...

-I'm not saying stop her,

I'm just saying let's just...

-check if she's okay. -None of our business, Gem.

-She's our friend. -And we'll be there for

her tomorrow if...

Getting drunkenly fucked by unworthy men can live

with you for much longer

and in much worse ways than women like to admit.

He's just not good enough.

He's obviously not.

-(THUDDING) -(CRACKING)

-Okay, fuck this. -I'll go.

RAY: Oh, no, no, this is

really broken. Oh...

look!

Ugh, this is really bad.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Woke the landlords.

-What's up? -(DOOR OPENS)

Sorry to disturb.

Ray...

just wanted to check...

you're bleeding?

Ah, yeah.

I did a hand-stand and

I knocked that down. Look.

Eh, it's all good, brother.

Ray...

-are you okay? -Yes.

-What do you mean? -We just wanted to check.

I know...

we just care about you, okay, and we just wanted to

make sure you're...

I'm allowed to bring people back, aren't I?

-I'm allowed to have a life! -Of course, yeah.

There's nothing in the tenancy agreement about...

-about being a fucking nun! -Let me go get those

bandages for your...

-All right, so... -GEMMA: Umm...

Ray, sorry, can I speak to you for one second?

Fucking, no. No, you can't.

This... this is weird.

-You're being weird. -We're not trying to be...

-NOAH: Ray do you want me to... -Go back to your room!

You don't get to do this.

You don't!

(CLEARS THROAT) Look, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.

I feel like the vibe of the evening

has pretty much gone.

RAY: The vibe?

(SCOFFS) Yeah, you know.

Doesn't feel like you're going to wanna...

-you know. -All right.

We can still talk.

Yeah, I'm kind of tired.

Yeah... (SNIFFLES)

you too tired to talk, but not too tired to...

(VOICE SHAKING) You should definitely go.

(DEEP SIGH)

(CLEARS THROAT) All right, good luck.

(DEEP SIGH)

(GROANING)

(DEEP BREATH AND GROANS)

(WRETCHES)

(COUGHING)

Aw, chou-chou.

(RAY CHOKING)

RAY: Mm...

(RAY SIGHS)

(RAY SIGHS)

Mm.

(GROGGILY) Whoa. The room is spinny.

GEMMA: You're all right.

RAY: It was a disaster.

(KID SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE)

(GEMMA SINGING) Yes...

♪ Tickets... Honeymoon baby ♪

♪ Here we come Yes, Northern Lights ♪

KIERAN: I'm looking forward to this more than the wedding!

GEMMA: Oh, my God. Me too!

Mm.

♪ Oh, yeah, Northern Lights

♪ Here we go

-♪ Oh, yeah -♪ Need my keys ♪

-(KIERAN CHUCKLING) -GEMMA: Bye, babe!

(IMITATES KISSING)

See you later!

Hmm...

(RAY LAUGHS)

-RAY: So, I have enough miles? -MAN ON MOBILE: You do,

but upgrading them to first class will clean you out.

-Do you want me to put this through?

-Yes!

(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)

MAN ON MOBILE: Okay. That's all done for you.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Hello?

-Hello. -Yes, there is something.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CHEERING)

Yes...

Yes! Yes, brother!

-My brother! -(CHEERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Eight, three...

MAN: We've got five players, you've got six.

KIERAN: Oh, come on!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CHEERING)

WOMAN: Come on!

KIERAN: Yes...

(CLAPS AND INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WHISTLES)

Yes! Yes!

Did you see that?

-I knocked all of the sticks down!

-I saw!

You are so good at bowling!

What are you doing?

I'm going to head home.

-No! -No, what? Why?

GEMMA: Stay... RAY: Just tired.

Have a really nice night, guys.

Ray?

-What are you doing this for? -Just stay for one more.

We can go back together.

-Please, I just... -GEMMA: What's going on?

-Nothing. -What?

-Nothing, honestly. -Are you okay?

I'm going to move out.

-What? No, you're not. Shut up. -I got a job.

Six weeks of training and then I start on the planes.

-Air hostess? -What? When?

Flight attendant, yeah. Cabin crew.

-That's... congratulations. -Awesome!

NATALIA: Kieran, it's your turn!

Kier! You're next!

Wait, you don't have to move out though.

-You'll still gonna need somewhere to live, right?

-I don't understand.

Hurry up! The stags are losing to the hens.

(STUTTERING) Just take my turn, please.

Moi's aunt is going on a cruise next week so...

-Next week? -So I'll be gone when you

get back from honeymoon.

(PINS CLATTERING)

-Thank you for inviting me tonight.

-CHRIS: Oye!

My first strike in the game and it's under your name!

This is so typical!

KIERAN: Wait...

You don't have to pay what you're paying, all right?

-We can... -No. Just, just tell us what

works out and we'll...

Please, we don't have to talk about this now.

It's good, you'll have the... the place for yourself.

No, no Ray... We like you being there.

Yeah, we'll... we'll be more tidy. I know

we're gross, we'll be better.

-KIERAN: Yeah! -Please, guys.

Don't make this harder.

(VOICE SHAKING) I just don't understand why...

RAY: You're getting married tomorrow.

It's going to be the most beautiful day and...

and the start of a big adventure

and you don't want to be sharing

your marital home with a pathetic lodger who's

in love with you.

Didn't mean to say that.

I'm drunk.

I'm emotional.

Sorry.