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[ Telephone ]
4
00:01:45,917 --> 00:01:47,083
Don't answer it.
5
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,900
Hello .. oh, hello.
6
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:55,234
No, I haven't asked him yet.
I will now. Wait a minute.
7
00:01:56,210 --> 00:02:00,028
Darling, you've got to help me.
Sister wants a tutor for Alphonse.
8
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,612
What, that brat?
9
00:02:02,324 --> 00:02:04,075
Well .. it's a waste of education.
10
00:02:04,629 --> 00:02:07,163
Tell your dear sister she's throwing
money out of the window.
11
00:02:08,183 --> 00:02:08,992
Oh, now ..
12
00:02:13,769 --> 00:02:14,805
Give me that.
13
00:02:22,822 --> 00:02:25,976
Hello .. oh Philippe has
a marvelous tutor.
14
00:02:27,045 --> 00:02:28,752
Professor "Topaze".
15
00:02:29,693 --> 00:02:32,402
P'Arcy 3564.
16
00:02:34,337 --> 00:02:36,720
Oh .. oh, I'll get him myself tomorrow.
17
00:02:37,047 --> 00:02:39,361
Yes. Well that's alright. How are you?
18
00:02:40,478 --> 00:02:41,911
Kiss Alphonse for me.
19
00:02:43,214 --> 00:02:44,163
Goodnight.
20
00:02:47,419 --> 00:02:50,754
[ Alarm sound ]
21
00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:52,440
Sounds.
22
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,880
What's wrong?
- I have to go.
23
00:02:58,548 --> 00:02:59,991
You don't love me anymore.
24
00:03:00,677 --> 00:03:02,429
Darling, I adore you.
25
00:03:03,264 --> 00:03:06,326
But you know as well as I do,
that I must get home to my wife.
26
00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:40,972
Shush.
27
00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,265
Good evening, my sweet.
28
00:03:48,877 --> 00:03:50,504
Where have you been?
29
00:03:51,543 --> 00:03:53,478
Exhausted, darling. I'm exhausted.
30
00:03:53,963 --> 00:03:55,885
I've had the most tiring day.
31
00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:59,481
As it was, I had to leave before
the conference was over.
32
00:04:00,455 --> 00:04:02,004
Did you miss me?
- Oh ..
33
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:05,631
I've been almost out of
my mind waiting for you.
34
00:04:08,464 --> 00:04:12,767
Hortense, I draw the line at sleeping
with Max. Now, he has his own bed.
35
00:04:12,978 --> 00:04:14,948
Oh, you leave him alone. He's nervous.
36
00:04:15,634 --> 00:04:16,761
Oh, Philippe.
37
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,373
I don't know how to begin to tell you.
- What?
38
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:23,608
Promise me you'll control yourself.
- Darling, I'll be as stoic as a turtle.
39
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,397
Something dreadful has
happened to our son.
40
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:28,984
He'll outgrow it.
41
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,435
Philippe de La Tour La Tour,
I'm talking to you.
42
00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:32,957
Come here at once.
43
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:39,404
This is what the
State Academy thinks of ..
44
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,410
Your son.
45
00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:45,771
"Charlemagne de La Tour."
46
00:04:46,363 --> 00:04:47,531
"Geography. Zero."
47
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,608
"Mathematics. Zero."
48
00:04:50,234 --> 00:04:51,719
"Chemistry. Zero."
49
00:04:52,390 --> 00:04:53,980
"History. Zero."
50
00:04:54,905 --> 00:04:56,577
"General knowledge. 30."
51
00:04:57,791 --> 00:05:00,210
"Signed: Auguste A. Topaze."
52
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,635
Ha .. a fascinating record.
53
00:05:02,908 --> 00:05:04,318
Must have had on off month.
54
00:05:09,419 --> 00:05:11,258
It's a plot against our child.
55
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:15,067
A plot fostered by that
creature, whatshisname ..?
56
00:05:15,419 --> 00:05:16,378
"Topaze".
57
00:05:16,994 --> 00:05:18,574
Topaze or not Topaze.
58
00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,530
That is the question.
59
00:05:20,926 --> 00:05:21,516
Ha!
60
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,019
This is no time for joking.
61
00:05:24,938 --> 00:05:26,240
Has he been eating well?
62
00:05:28,598 --> 00:05:31,875
I demand that you see the
Minister of Education.
63
00:05:32,258 --> 00:05:35,157
Darling, I doubt if he could
spare the time for tutoring.
64
00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:39,318
You will drive me mad with your levity.
65
00:05:40,837 --> 00:05:43,637
Did I hear you call me, Mama?
- Yes, darling.
66
00:05:46,157 --> 00:05:47,635
How do you, my fine scholar?
67
00:05:47,863 --> 00:05:50,147
I've just been looking over
your astonishing record.
68
00:05:50,582 --> 00:05:52,667
Philippe, don't make the child cry.
69
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,822
I won't cry, Mama.
- Oh, darling.
70
00:05:55,852 --> 00:05:57,904
Now tell your father what you told me.
71
00:05:58,351 --> 00:06:01,670
Well, I'm not the idiot that
old Professor Topaze is.
72
00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:04,185
He ..
73
00:06:04,746 --> 00:06:07,097
Go on, dearest. Don't falter.
74
00:06:07,728 --> 00:06:08,540
Well ..
75
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:12,280
He's a communist and I can prove it.
- What?
76
00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:16,626
Yes, Papa. He's against the rich. He
doesn't like me because I'm a La Tour.
77
00:06:16,949 --> 00:06:18,452
You should try to win him over.
78
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,585
But he'll try to win me
over if he's so smart.
79
00:06:21,101 --> 00:06:22,145
Come here, darling.
80
00:06:22,676 --> 00:06:24,277
Now you must stop fretting.
81
00:06:25,008 --> 00:06:28,148
Philippe .. I want this
Topaze removed at once.
82
00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:30,183
Thanks, Mama.
- Ah, darling.
83
00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,409
Does this monster ever beat you?
84
00:06:32,732 --> 00:06:34,315
Yes .. all the time.
85
00:06:34,499 --> 00:06:36,092
Is that so? Where?
86
00:06:37,535 --> 00:06:39,999
Oh .. oh, my poor boy!
87
00:06:40,755 --> 00:06:43,421
Oh you .. you heartless father.
88
00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:45,195
Oh, my baby.
89
00:06:45,295 --> 00:06:49,063
Perhaps we'd all be more comfortable
if I used the bed in the other wing?
90
00:06:49,623 --> 00:06:51,497
Philippe, your place is here.
91
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:55,826
Darling, I must get some sleep.
I have to be up very early.
92
00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,437
Good morning.
- Good morning, Professor Topaze.
93
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,455
That's a very fine odor you're
giving the countryside, sir.
94
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,265
You will have to excuse me.
Tomorrow, perhaps.
95
00:07:33,696 --> 00:07:35,862
Good morning Dr Stegg.
- Just a moment, Dr Topaze.
96
00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:38,132
I have some good news for you.
97
00:07:38,331 --> 00:07:41,307
Is it .. is it about my raise in salary?
98
00:07:41,407 --> 00:07:42,404
Oh, much better.
99
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,091
I am pleased to report that
owing to my tireless efforts.
100
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,995
The highest honors that can be bestowed
on a teacher are now within your grasp.
101
00:07:51,361 --> 00:07:54,629
You don't mean the Academic Palms?
- Yes.
102
00:07:55,188 --> 00:07:56,604
Oh, Dr Stegg.
103
00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:59,243
Not so fast, Dr Topaze.
104
00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:04,149
Twelve members of the Academy have now
read your "First Steps In Chemistry."
105
00:08:04,672 --> 00:08:06,163
And are favorably disposed.
106
00:08:06,590 --> 00:08:10,579
There remain but eight members, which
is three members less than last year.
107
00:08:10,892 --> 00:08:14,028
Then .. I shan't be mentioned
in this year's list?
108
00:08:14,455 --> 00:08:16,425
Ah .. yes, and no.
109
00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:21,142
Colonel Lepping informs me that you have
been awarded the Academic Palms.
110
00:08:21,242 --> 00:08:24,108
In a spiritual, but not
in a political sense.
111
00:08:24,662 --> 00:08:27,038
That is to say .. morally.
112
00:08:27,821 --> 00:08:28,702
Morally.
113
00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:31,207
Well, that's something, isn't it.
114
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,379
It's very nice .. it give me great hope.
115
00:08:35,632 --> 00:08:38,537
Have you done the potassium lesson?
- I should say not.
116
00:08:38,729 --> 00:08:40,886
You'd better look at it.
It's pretty hard.
117
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:43,048
Here it is on page 86.
118
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,245
This is what I think of the lesson.
119
00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:52,594
Professor Topaze.
120
00:08:53,716 --> 00:08:57,129
Will you pardon me? I'm a very
happy man and thank you very much.
121
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:58,933
Just a moment, Dr Topaze.
122
00:09:00,112 --> 00:09:03,569
You left the electric light burning
in your classroom all last night.
123
00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:05,267
Oh, I'm sorry.
124
00:09:05,681 --> 00:09:07,528
How could I have done that?
- Carelessness.
125
00:09:08,127 --> 00:09:10,941
We'll have to deduct 7 francs
from your monthly stipend.
126
00:09:11,848 --> 00:09:12,754
7 francs?
127
00:09:14,312 --> 00:09:15,446
What a pity.
128
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,533
Monsieur Duval.
129
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,483
You have again neglected your
duties towards the calendar.
130
00:09:49,295 --> 00:09:50,242
I am annoyed.
131
00:09:52,673 --> 00:09:54,430
This is your third offence.
132
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:58,665
I regret I am forced to
remove it from your charge.
133
00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:05,128
Monsieur Durand.
134
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:10,074
In recognition of your good marks.
135
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,915
The calendar is entrusted to your care.
136
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:38,268
Monsieur Le Grand,
kindly leave the room.
137
00:10:38,749 --> 00:10:40,819
Morals and deportment.
138
00:10:49,113 --> 00:10:49,887
Monsieur.
139
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:55,290
Let this be a lesson to you
that Professor Topaze ..
140
00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:57,516
Has eyes in the back of his head.
141
00:10:58,386 --> 00:11:00,928
You may return to your seat.
- Thank you, sir.
142
00:11:03,732 --> 00:11:05,682
Before we go any further, gentlemen.
143
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:08,641
I wish to appeal to a boy.
144
00:11:09,351 --> 00:11:12,116
Who has been annoying
our class for several days.
145
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:16,019
I willingly forgive him
for his past offences.
146
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:18,720
But I must appeal to his moral sense.
147
00:11:19,494 --> 00:11:23,651
To discontinue his inopportune
and undesirable melodies.
148
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,322
I know I shall not appeal
to his moral sense .. in vain.
149
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:30,319
[ Squeaking noise ]
150
00:11:33,105 --> 00:11:34,049
Very well.
151
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,175
Dishonorable miscreant,
you have bearded the lion.
152
00:11:40,723 --> 00:11:41,748
Beware.
153
00:11:42,421 --> 00:11:46,798
Gentlemen, I ask you to ignore
these and other future noises.
154
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,586
Act as if they did not exist.
155
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:54,510
Today we are not going to concern
ourselves with chemical equations.
156
00:11:55,064 --> 00:11:58,681
Geographical questions or
matters of historical import.
157
00:11:59,331 --> 00:12:02,913
We are going to consider things
of a deep and fundamental nature.
158
00:12:03,852 --> 00:12:06,731
I refer to the question
of good and evil.
159
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,397
We are going to dwell on the habits ..
160
00:12:09,807 --> 00:12:11,684
Of civilized peoples.
161
00:12:12,605 --> 00:12:14,288
[ Squeaking noise ]
162
00:12:18,474 --> 00:12:19,596
Let us ..
163
00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:23,229
Let us take examples from daily life.
164
00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:25,174
Question number one.
165
00:12:26,436 --> 00:12:28,926
What must one be to succeed in life?
166
00:12:31,398 --> 00:12:32,911
Monsieur Tranche Mauville.
167
00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:36,474
To succeed in life one must be ..
168
00:12:40,013 --> 00:12:42,107
Hon .. hon ..
- Honest.
169
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:43,996
Honest. Correct.
170
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,127
Eminently correct.
171
00:12:46,944 --> 00:12:49,065
One must be honest. But what else?
172
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:51,519
Honest. But what more?
173
00:12:54,298 --> 00:12:55,389
Monsieur Durand.
174
00:12:57,421 --> 00:12:59,565
He must be honest, and ..?
175
00:13:00,993 --> 00:13:02,336
Ki .. ki ..
176
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,340
Kind!
- Honest and kind.
177
00:13:07,681 --> 00:13:10,517
Now gentlemen, let us presume.
178
00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:12,866
That by some freak of nature.
179
00:13:13,339 --> 00:13:15,709
A dishonest man becomes wealthy.
180
00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:20,547
Well .. he is well-dressed.
181
00:13:22,075 --> 00:13:24,365
He lives in a very fine room.
182
00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:28,368
He has servants .. and an automobile.
183
00:13:30,089 --> 00:13:30,942
Yet ..
184
00:13:32,851 --> 00:13:35,213
Has this man any friends?
185
00:13:41,765 --> 00:13:43,383
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
186
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,462
Yes, lots.
187
00:13:48,557 --> 00:13:50,544
Ah .. so ..
188
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,972
You think this man has friends?
189
00:13:53,238 --> 00:13:54,241
I know he has.
190
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,905
And pray, why has he friends?
191
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:58,904
To ride in his automobile.
192
00:14:01,032 --> 00:14:03,292
No, my dear Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
193
00:14:03,997 --> 00:14:05,297
Those are not friends.
194
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:08,377
Such people, if they existed ..
195
00:14:08,853 --> 00:14:10,955
Would be merely vile parasites.
196
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:14,562
The man we are
describing has no friends.
197
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,246
The people who knew him before.
198
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,668
Learning that his fortune
was not legitimate.
199
00:14:21,306 --> 00:14:23,817
Would flee from him, as from a plague.
200
00:14:25,028 --> 00:14:26,137
What does he do?
201
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:28,046
He moves into another mansion.
202
00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:32,898
Possibly.
203
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:36,978
But .. may I ask?
204
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:39,625
Would he ..
205
00:14:40,544 --> 00:14:43,117
Would he be any happier in his ..
206
00:14:44,195 --> 00:14:45,493
Shall we say, mansion?
207
00:14:46,042 --> 00:14:48,097
Yes. If it's a nice neighborhood.
208
00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:51,136
No, my dear sir.
209
00:14:52,606 --> 00:14:55,399
He would be happier in no neighborhood.
210
00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:57,730
This dishonest man.
211
00:14:58,155 --> 00:14:59,472
Wherever he goes.
212
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,355
Whatever he does.
213
00:15:02,183 --> 00:15:04,170
Will be inevitably tortured.
214
00:15:04,955 --> 00:15:06,325
By the disapproval.
215
00:15:06,785 --> 00:15:07,742
Of his ..
216
00:15:08,219 --> 00:15:09,732
I know, I know. I know.
217
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,333
A moment please, gentlemen.
218
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,677
I will give you an opportunity ..
219
00:15:15,108 --> 00:15:18,134
To redeem yourself
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
220
00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:24,677
The disapproval of his con ..
221
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,330
Con ..
222
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,370
Constipation?
223
00:15:46,257 --> 00:15:47,843
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
224
00:15:48,183 --> 00:15:52,252
I choose to think that idiotic reply
was not a weak attempt at humor.
225
00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:54,486
But a definite lack of intelligence.
226
00:15:55,784 --> 00:15:56,624
Zero.
227
00:16:03,189 --> 00:16:04,612
This dishonest man.
228
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:08,958
Would be troubled by the
disapproval of his own conscience.
229
00:16:09,699 --> 00:16:12,035
And so worries, night and day.
230
00:16:12,954 --> 00:16:13,689
Pale.
231
00:16:14,423 --> 00:16:15,158
Ill.
232
00:16:15,787 --> 00:16:16,574
Fatigued.
233
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:19,592
In order to find peace at last.
234
00:16:20,626 --> 00:16:24,858
He distributes .. among
the poor, his entire fortune.
235
00:16:25,615 --> 00:16:28,293
As a sign that he has
at last understood.
236
00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:30,031
That.
237
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:35,928
Ill-gotten gains are not worthwhile.
238
00:16:36,234 --> 00:16:37,160
And.
239
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:40,993
Money does not bring happiness.
240
00:16:41,829 --> 00:16:42,596
Exactly.
241
00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:44,153
[ Squeaking noises ]
242
00:16:47,543 --> 00:16:49,770
Now let us turn to a brighter picture.
243
00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:53,042
What is the fate of the honest man?
244
00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:55,753
Monsieur Tellinont.
245
00:17:00,944 --> 00:17:03,825
What is the state of the
honest man's mind ..
246
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:06,530
At the end of his day's work?
247
00:17:09,369 --> 00:17:10,662
He's exhausted.
248
00:17:13,398 --> 00:17:16,565
Have you forgotten what I have
so often taught you in this class?
249
00:17:19,636 --> 00:17:21,077
Is work tiring?
250
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:23,498
Monsieur Cordiere.
251
00:17:24,763 --> 00:17:27,904
No, sir. Work tires nobody.
Only laziness is tiring.
252
00:17:28,361 --> 00:17:30,193
Laziness is the mother of all vice.
253
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,583
Excellent!
254
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:35,190
Monsieur Cordiere.
You will have a hundred.
255
00:17:35,646 --> 00:17:36,783
[ Squeaking noises ]
256
00:17:41,532 --> 00:17:43,706
Permit me gentlemen, to elucidate.
257
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,621
Let us presume our honest
man is a businessman.
258
00:17:48,298 --> 00:17:50,882
He will refuse to
misrepresent his product.
259
00:17:51,456 --> 00:17:53,688
He will scorn unmerited profit.
260
00:17:54,262 --> 00:17:57,612
And be rewarded by the
esteem of all who know him.
261
00:17:58,776 --> 00:18:02,365
If a war breaks out, and he has
the good fortune to be wounded.
262
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:06,439
He will be instantly
awarded a decoration.
263
00:18:06,809 --> 00:18:08,050
By his government.
264
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:10,195
Aha!
265
00:18:13,312 --> 00:18:14,148
So.
266
00:18:15,733 --> 00:18:19,418
You were foolish enough to mistake
my kindness for weakness.
267
00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:22,014
My patience for blindness.
268
00:18:22,823 --> 00:18:27,230
My young friend, the velvet
glove conceals a hand of steel.
269
00:18:27,723 --> 00:18:29,016
You see that hand?
270
00:18:29,324 --> 00:18:31,321
If you resist it, it will break you.
271
00:18:31,638 --> 00:18:33,063
[ Squeaking noises ]
272
00:18:33,495 --> 00:18:34,937
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
273
00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:37,350
Stand with your back in the corner.
274
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:39,374
Your back to the class.
275
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:41,106
[ Squeaking noises ]
276
00:18:41,361 --> 00:18:44,959
You are now an object of derision
and shame to your comrades.
277
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:47,318
[ Squeaking noises ]
278
00:18:57,984 --> 00:18:58,837
Gentlemen.
279
00:19:00,065 --> 00:19:03,218
Do not be unduly depressed
by this painful incident.
280
00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:04,614
I ..
281
00:19:05,259 --> 00:19:07,728
Shall go on with the class
as if nothing has happened.
282
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,159
As for you, Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
283
00:19:11,864 --> 00:19:13,808
I will not yet pronounce sentence.
284
00:19:14,951 --> 00:19:17,925
I condemn you to a state of uncertainty.
285
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,491
Doctor Topaze.
- What is it?
286
00:19:27,987 --> 00:19:30,561
Bring your report card to
Doctor Stegg's office at once.
287
00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:32,893
Does Doctor Stegg know I'm
in the middle of my class?
288
00:19:33,254 --> 00:19:34,283
At once.
289
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:47,531
Gentlemen, I wish you to take
advantage of my absence.
290
00:19:47,765 --> 00:19:49,613
By discussing among yourselves.
291
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:52,023
This question of good and evil.
292
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:54,548
And the problems of civilization.
293
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,037
[ Door knocks ]
294
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,268
Come in.
295
00:20:14,928 --> 00:20:15,949
Close the door.
296
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:22,070
You have the records?
297
00:20:22,915 --> 00:20:24,502
Yes, sir. I brought them as you asked.
298
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:26,768
I was in the middle of my class ..
- Silence!
299
00:20:28,317 --> 00:20:30,470
Ha .. hmm .. ha ..
300
00:20:31,828 --> 00:20:33,420
Seven zeros.
301
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,100
Madame, I'm dumbfounded.
302
00:20:36,482 --> 00:20:38,044
Proceed, Dr Stegg.
303
00:20:39,025 --> 00:20:41,581
You've been with us
a long time, Dr Topaze.
304
00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:44,493
So I am willing to give you
the benefit of the doubt.
305
00:20:45,690 --> 00:20:48,747
I am not blaming you for
this error, but your secretary.
306
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,195
I hope you understand me.
307
00:20:53,523 --> 00:20:55,142
I have no secretary, sir.
308
00:20:56,137 --> 00:20:58,952
I myself gave Monsieur
La Tour La Tour those marks.
309
00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:01,292
You can see that is my handwriting.
310
00:21:01,556 --> 00:21:04,023
Ha! Do you want me and
the Baroness to believe ..
311
00:21:04,123 --> 00:21:08,678
That this descendent of an illustrious
line of statesmen and heroes is an idiot?
312
00:21:09,118 --> 00:21:10,163
The Baroness?
313
00:21:11,184 --> 00:21:12,371
How do you do, Madame.
314
00:21:13,075 --> 00:21:14,386
You see, I ..
315
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,779
I don't consider your son an idiot.
316
00:21:17,324 --> 00:21:18,996
For I marked him ..
317
00:21:19,347 --> 00:21:21,318
30 for general knowledge.
318
00:21:21,925 --> 00:21:23,508
That is because I have decided ..
319
00:21:23,773 --> 00:21:27,503
That he knows things that perhaps
he is unable to communicate to me.
320
00:21:28,092 --> 00:21:30,564
Also, I have taken into
consideration the fact ..
321
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:34,119
That he is able to find his way
to school and home again.
322
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,649
However ..
- Proceed, Dr Stegg.
323
00:21:37,189 --> 00:21:41,267
Permit me to explain Dr Stegg
the meaning of those zeros.
324
00:21:41,623 --> 00:21:45,591
You see, the child is totally
unconcerned with education.
325
00:21:46,276 --> 00:21:50,025
He confuses himself by playing music ..
326
00:21:50,288 --> 00:21:52,769
On a .. miserable little instrument.
327
00:21:53,324 --> 00:21:56,438
He throws .. if you will pardon me ..
328
00:21:57,177 --> 00:21:58,611
Stink bombs.
329
00:21:59,479 --> 00:22:01,393
And .. whatnot.
330
00:22:02,136 --> 00:22:04,221
That is what I call the active state.
331
00:22:04,687 --> 00:22:05,294
Ha!
332
00:22:05,945 --> 00:22:11,702
On the other hand he will look at me
with a kind of thick, myopic expression.
333
00:22:12,112 --> 00:22:15,222
And although he is apparently
listening intently ..
334
00:22:15,569 --> 00:22:17,548
And his eyes are wide open.
335
00:22:18,594 --> 00:22:20,028
He is asleep, Madame.
336
00:22:20,521 --> 00:22:22,296
And if I speak to him suddenly.
337
00:22:22,616 --> 00:22:24,258
He falls off his seat.
338
00:22:24,728 --> 00:22:27,047
That is what I call, the passive state.
339
00:22:27,297 --> 00:22:28,511
Sir, you've said enough.
340
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:32,170
You've convinced me that Madame is
right in every one of her accusations.
341
00:22:32,813 --> 00:22:35,522
Doctor Topaze, you've
been guilty of favoritism.
342
00:22:36,613 --> 00:22:38,008
Sir, I have been honest.
343
00:22:38,627 --> 00:22:39,534
Ha!
344
00:22:40,704 --> 00:22:42,885
Either this creature is dismissed ..
345
00:22:43,774 --> 00:22:45,494
Or I withdraw my son.
346
00:22:45,999 --> 00:22:48,550
And bring the forces of
the government to bear.
347
00:22:49,579 --> 00:22:51,057
Madame, I beg you listen.
348
00:22:52,096 --> 00:22:54,404
Sir, you are a vile radical.
349
00:22:55,368 --> 00:22:56,198
Madame.
350
00:22:56,732 --> 00:22:59,418
My sympathies are entirely
with the capitalists.
351
00:23:00,497 --> 00:23:01,969
Topaze, you're a fool.
352
00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:03,717
Go back to your class.
353
00:23:03,817 --> 00:23:06,418
Pack your belongings and leave
the faculty you've dishonored.
354
00:23:07,007 --> 00:23:09,360
You are no longer a
member of my academy.
355
00:23:43,295 --> 00:23:45,679
Where do you think he's going?
- I don't know.
356
00:23:47,536 --> 00:23:48,485
Gentlemen.
357
00:23:49,815 --> 00:23:51,151
I wish to ..
358
00:23:53,782 --> 00:23:56,199
Assign you your lessons for tomorrow.
359
00:23:58,189 --> 00:23:59,183
You ..
360
00:24:00,556 --> 00:24:03,097
You will come prepared to go further ..
361
00:24:04,231 --> 00:24:05,747
And more exhaustively.
362
00:24:06,844 --> 00:24:07,990
Into the subject ..
363
00:24:08,938 --> 00:24:10,337
Of good and evil.
364
00:24:11,857 --> 00:24:12,786
This will be ..
365
00:24:13,774 --> 00:24:15,393
Your course of inquiry.
366
00:24:17,144 --> 00:24:18,296
On these ..
367
00:24:19,862 --> 00:24:21,419
Noble philosophies.
368
00:24:25,326 --> 00:24:26,398
The class.
369
00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:28,597
Is adjourned.
370
00:24:31,531 --> 00:24:32,908
For a brief recess.
371
00:25:11,763 --> 00:25:15,448
Coco, after leaving you yesterday,
I investigated this man, Topaze.
372
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,982
I strongly recommend
against his employment.
373
00:25:18,545 --> 00:25:20,094
Oh, but he's coming this afternoon.
374
00:25:20,462 --> 00:25:23,050
Well, give him his bus-fare and tell
him that Alphonse has the measles.
375
00:25:23,929 --> 00:25:25,355
Better make it scarlet-fever.
376
00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:26,942
Is the Baron in?
377
00:25:27,544 --> 00:25:29,203
Doctor Bomb to see the Baron.
378
00:25:30,752 --> 00:25:32,710
Please, no business this evening.
379
00:25:32,912 --> 00:25:35,018
My dear, that is the chemist
from our bottling works.
380
00:25:35,428 --> 00:25:37,015
I'm naming a new water after him.
381
00:25:37,478 --> 00:25:39,449
"Sparkling Bomb".
Send him in.
382
00:25:39,827 --> 00:25:41,230
I must be nice to him, Coco.
383
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,221
Doctor Bomb lends his name
to this concoction of ours.
384
00:25:44,402 --> 00:25:46,869
And makes it possible for
the public to believe in it.
385
00:25:47,173 --> 00:25:50,067
If he baptises the water, so to speak.
386
00:25:51,263 --> 00:25:52,411
Madame, good evening.
387
00:25:53,164 --> 00:25:55,346
Baron, good evening.
- Doctor, good evening.
388
00:25:57,185 --> 00:25:58,250
Sit down, doctor.
389
00:26:01,645 --> 00:26:05,192
Baron, I have come here to make one
last appeal to your better nature.
390
00:26:05,411 --> 00:26:07,927
You mean, you have something
unpleasant to say? - Very.
391
00:26:08,745 --> 00:26:11,851
I am not going to allow my name
to be placed on the water ..
392
00:26:12,053 --> 00:26:14,816
We are inflicting on our public schools.
393
00:26:16,419 --> 00:26:17,609
Point number one:
394
00:26:17,970 --> 00:26:22,084
You obtained the concession
by bribery and corruption. Eh?
395
00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:27,137
Point number two: this liquid
has no value of any sort.
396
00:26:27,665 --> 00:26:29,846
It teems with microbes.
397
00:26:30,841 --> 00:26:34,677
Baron, I cannot lend my
scientific integrity to a swindle.
398
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,972
My conscience refuses.
399
00:26:37,413 --> 00:26:40,403
You are being paid handsomely
for that spiritual discomfort.
400
00:26:40,739 --> 00:26:44,644
As long as you confine your
deception to reasonable limits.
401
00:26:45,054 --> 00:26:48,345
I was willing to condone
matters .. but now ..
402
00:26:48,529 --> 00:26:51,260
In other words, you're not an
honest man but a nervous one.
403
00:26:53,468 --> 00:26:56,195
Sir .. I am a normal citizen.
404
00:26:56,793 --> 00:26:59,168
Exactly.
- I ask you to reconsider ..
405
00:26:59,538 --> 00:27:02,471
This swindle against the
schools of the nation.
406
00:27:02,784 --> 00:27:06,668
You are also asking me to throw away
some millions of francs, my dear doctor.
407
00:27:07,253 --> 00:27:08,907
As a sop to your cowardice.
408
00:27:09,778 --> 00:27:12,334
I grant you, we are
misrepresenting our product.
409
00:27:12,593 --> 00:27:16,187
And that it is a liquid totally
unbeneficial to its consumers.
410
00:27:16,614 --> 00:27:20,521
On the other hand, our advertizing will
convince people that it is good for them.
411
00:27:20,845 --> 00:27:24,224
And once being convinced, they will
be improved by its consumption.
412
00:27:24,689 --> 00:27:26,019
Sophistry.
413
00:27:26,633 --> 00:27:28,208
Baron. I resign!
414
00:27:29,616 --> 00:27:33,540
I will not allow my name to
become a symbol of corruption.
415
00:27:37,669 --> 00:27:40,016
My dear doctor, I hope you
won't regret your sacrifice.
416
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,912
Never .. Madame, good evening.
417
00:27:43,298 --> 00:27:46,703
Baron, good evening. I leave
this house an honest man.
418
00:27:48,260 --> 00:27:50,610
Ah, well let me be the
first to congratulate you.
419
00:27:52,229 --> 00:27:54,182
I don't think you handled that so well.
420
00:27:54,569 --> 00:27:57,771
I could have induced him stay in
a minute by offering to double his ..
421
00:27:58,237 --> 00:27:59,583
Thirty pieces of silver.
422
00:27:59,873 --> 00:28:00,802
Why didn't you?
423
00:28:00,947 --> 00:28:04,140
You can't sell the water without some
sort of scientific endorsement, can you?
424
00:28:04,818 --> 00:28:08,558
I dislike and distrust men who are
always offering to resell their honor.
425
00:28:09,111 --> 00:28:10,080
Bomb is a fool.
426
00:28:10,711 --> 00:28:12,803
But you said that was the
sort of man you wanted.
427
00:28:12,903 --> 00:28:14,899
I was wrong.
What I want, is an idiot.
428
00:28:15,295 --> 00:28:17,953
Either a thorough scoundrel
or a complete idiot.
429
00:28:18,805 --> 00:28:21,497
And I don't like scoundrels.
They are too competitive.
430
00:28:22,209 --> 00:28:24,048
But idiots are hard
to find, I should think.
431
00:28:24,224 --> 00:28:26,074
Oh no. Not in the scientific world.
432
00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:29,769
Do let us pray darling, that
providence sends us an idiot.
433
00:28:32,639 --> 00:28:34,117
Mademoiselle d'Estaing?
434
00:28:34,416 --> 00:28:36,818
Whom shall I announce?
- Professor Topaze.
435
00:28:46,793 --> 00:28:48,719
Professor Topaze wishes to be announced.
436
00:28:50,516 --> 00:28:52,985
I am seventeen minutes late.
And I apologise.
437
00:28:57,685 --> 00:29:00,134
Professor Topaze,
the Baron La Tour La Tour.
438
00:29:00,521 --> 00:29:02,282
Professor, I'm sorry
to tell you that my ..
439
00:29:02,382 --> 00:29:03,535
How do you do, sir?
440
00:29:03,768 --> 00:29:06,165
I have the honor of having
your son in my class.
441
00:29:06,609 --> 00:29:08,497
Until this morning.
- Did you expel him?
442
00:29:09,143 --> 00:29:11,220
On the contrary it was
I who was expelled.
443
00:29:11,422 --> 00:29:14,435
I take it you were dismissed for
refusing to improve his marks?
444
00:29:15,558 --> 00:29:17,708
That does seem to have
been the chief trouble.
445
00:29:18,230 --> 00:29:20,570
It .. it's been a day of misund ..
446
00:29:20,913 --> 00:29:22,189
Of misunderstandings.
447
00:29:23,315 --> 00:29:24,948
I must confess I'm ..
448
00:29:25,901 --> 00:29:27,438
I'm a little confused.
449
00:29:29,457 --> 00:29:30,940
Sit down doctor Topaze.
450
00:29:31,902 --> 00:29:33,245
Will you have a cocktail?
451
00:29:33,890 --> 00:29:35,242
You say?
- A cocktail.
452
00:29:36,721 --> 00:29:38,321
Well, I'm not a drinking man.
453
00:29:38,913 --> 00:29:41,814
But .. this being somewhat
of an occasion.
454
00:29:42,458 --> 00:29:45,051
I should be glad to.
Thanks very much.
455
00:29:46,143 --> 00:29:49,625
Now tell me. Are you particularly
anxious to go on teaching?
456
00:29:50,674 --> 00:29:51,686
Teaching?
457
00:29:52,679 --> 00:29:54,658
Why yes, of course.
That's my profession.
458
00:29:57,051 --> 00:30:01,371
May I ask, what do you hope to earn
by giving lessons as a freelance?
459
00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:05,047
I know of one freelance tutor.
460
00:30:05,479 --> 00:30:08,240
Who earns as much as 1,200 francs.
461
00:30:08,751 --> 00:30:10,537
A week?
- A week?
462
00:30:13,378 --> 00:30:15,992
No, Mademoiselle. A month unfortunately.
463
00:30:16,378 --> 00:30:17,496
Professor Topaze.
464
00:30:17,971 --> 00:30:22,741
Our talk has convinced me that you have
been a victim of excessive mother-love.
465
00:30:23,733 --> 00:30:24,446
I ..?
466
00:30:25,088 --> 00:30:26,481
My wife was unjust to you.
467
00:30:26,892 --> 00:30:28,601
I wish to repair her offence.
468
00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:30,419
I have an offer to make you.
469
00:30:30,789 --> 00:30:32,920
I manufacture a curative water.
470
00:30:33,833 --> 00:30:37,098
My firm desires to improve
upon its medical formula.
471
00:30:37,563 --> 00:30:40,337
And at this very moment we happen
to be looking for a scientist.
472
00:30:40,607 --> 00:30:42,704
Whose name and whose brain we can use.
473
00:30:43,237 --> 00:30:46,196
Do you think you could rise
to such an opportunity?
474
00:30:47,469 --> 00:30:49,114
I am sir, the author ..
475
00:30:49,431 --> 00:30:51,542
Of "First Steps In Chemistry".
476
00:30:52,538 --> 00:30:54,492
Will you be good enough
to read the introduction?
477
00:30:56,154 --> 00:30:58,327
Permit me, Madame .. Mademoiselle.
478
00:31:00,755 --> 00:31:03,466
Begin there .. on page 3.
479
00:31:25,505 --> 00:31:26,552
A biscuit, sir?
480
00:31:27,643 --> 00:31:28,429
A biscuit?
481
00:31:40,062 --> 00:31:41,264
This is splendid.
482
00:31:42,346 --> 00:31:43,564
Ah, Professor Topaze.
483
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:46,714
Before we talk business, I'd
like to ask you a few questions.
484
00:31:47,704 --> 00:31:48,606
Indeed, sir.
485
00:31:48,979 --> 00:31:50,867
Now, to begin with.
Have you a family?
486
00:31:51,434 --> 00:31:52,371
Alas, no.
487
00:31:53,493 --> 00:31:54,958
I'm quite alone in the world.
488
00:31:55,534 --> 00:31:57,632
And women. What about women?
489
00:31:59,159 --> 00:32:00,051
Women?
490
00:32:00,804 --> 00:32:03,056
I mean, have you some .. wife?
491
00:32:03,804 --> 00:32:05,146
Or whatnot?
492
00:32:08,256 --> 00:32:09,752
No. No sir. No wife.
493
00:32:10,754 --> 00:32:13,159
And no whatnot, I assure you.
494
00:32:16,459 --> 00:32:17,475
Very good, yes.
495
00:32:19,844 --> 00:32:22,600
Well, then with whom do
you usually associate?
496
00:32:23,091 --> 00:32:25,204
I sometimes see an old army friend.
497
00:32:25,915 --> 00:32:26,689
He ..
498
00:32:27,138 --> 00:32:29,567
He's become a waiter in
the café now, poor chap.
499
00:32:33,914 --> 00:32:34,777
Professor.
500
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,269
Providence sent you here.
I'll not take "no" for an answer.
501
00:32:38,657 --> 00:32:39,625
I engage you.
502
00:32:39,906 --> 00:32:41,690
Your salary will be ..
503
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,821
4,000 francs to start with.
504
00:32:45,132 --> 00:32:47,741
4,000 francs .. a month?
505
00:32:59,957 --> 00:33:01,913
Monsieur Le Baron de La Tour La Tour.
506
00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:03,916
I see through your little plan.
507
00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:05,034
Sir?
508
00:33:05,229 --> 00:33:06,881
You can't take me in, in this fashion.
509
00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:10,563
I may be a simple man.
But I am not blind.
510
00:33:11,434 --> 00:33:13,953
I refuse your offer.
- May I ask why?
511
00:33:14,531 --> 00:33:16,399
Because it is not in my nature, sir.
512
00:33:17,047 --> 00:33:18,349
To accept charity.
513
00:33:18,665 --> 00:33:22,302
My dear Professor. Charity is
the furthest thing from my mind.
514
00:33:22,624 --> 00:33:26,032
You see, not only will I
derive a handsome profit ..
515
00:33:26,274 --> 00:33:28,979
From the medical formula
you invent and endorse.
516
00:33:29,442 --> 00:33:32,806
But I shall also, be using
your name as a slogan.
517
00:33:33,401 --> 00:33:36,850
The beverage shall be known
as "Sparkling Topaze."
518
00:33:41,566 --> 00:33:44,364
Ah, splendid. Now, no
more nonsense, Professor.
519
00:33:44,654 --> 00:33:48,403
You are my consulting chemist and
head of the La Tour Chemical Works.
520
00:33:57,565 --> 00:34:00,446
This unaccustomed drink has
made me a little bit dizzy.
521
00:34:00,961 --> 00:34:02,919
We will draw up a contract immediately.
522
00:34:03,786 --> 00:34:04,604
The war.
523
00:34:04,982 --> 00:34:07,235
The war interrupted my researches.
524
00:34:07,675 --> 00:34:09,277
You will be able to resume them now.
525
00:34:09,377 --> 00:34:11,972
Yes, we expect a fine,
medicinal formula from you.
526
00:34:12,338 --> 00:34:13,288
Have you ..?
527
00:34:14,555 --> 00:34:16,992
Have you any particular disease in mind?
528
00:34:17,793 --> 00:34:18,522
No.
529
00:34:18,972 --> 00:34:23,467
Just a general laxative and health tonic
for the school children of the republic.
530
00:34:24,091 --> 00:34:25,974
Ah, that is something worthwhile.
531
00:34:27,627 --> 00:34:28,982
A few hours ago.
532
00:34:29,607 --> 00:34:31,181
I was a complete failure.
533
00:34:31,973 --> 00:34:36,230
And now .. I'm a consulting
chemist at 4,000 francs a month.
534
00:34:36,330 --> 00:34:38,537
And creator of "Sparkling Topaze".
535
00:34:40,904 --> 00:34:42,292
"Sparkling Topaze".
536
00:34:59,289 --> 00:35:02,991
Doesn't he know you have been
selling tap water to the whole nation?
537
00:35:03,211 --> 00:35:05,747
Under his name, and
with his endorsement.
538
00:35:06,272 --> 00:35:09,167
He fancies we're distributing a
sparkling water invented by him.
539
00:35:09,616 --> 00:35:13,709
He's in there now. Pottering around
with improvements on his formula.
540
00:35:14,121 --> 00:35:16,074
Here's his latest creation.
541
00:35:17,939 --> 00:35:18,871
Is it any good?
542
00:35:19,056 --> 00:35:23,270
Topaze assures me it does amazing things
to the kidneys and other vital organs.
543
00:35:25,884 --> 00:35:26,570
Good!
544
00:35:26,802 --> 00:35:28,755
It should be.
It costs 40 francs a bottle.
545
00:35:29,186 --> 00:35:30,040
Hmm.
546
00:35:32,344 --> 00:35:36,832
Yes, I'm glad you like it. Of course, I
prefer our Sparkling Topaze at 2 francs.
547
00:35:38,750 --> 00:35:42,102
Come and see his playground.
It's a veritable inferno.
548
00:35:59,053 --> 00:36:01,950
Professor Topaze. This is my
friend, Henri de Fairville.
549
00:36:02,522 --> 00:36:04,339
He's a very prominent politician.
550
00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,864
How do you do, sir?
- Ah, Professor.
551
00:36:07,124 --> 00:36:09,037
I .. I've never met any politicians.
552
00:36:09,411 --> 00:36:11,242
But I've always admired them from afar.
553
00:36:11,342 --> 00:36:12,912
You've seen them at their best.
554
00:36:13,158 --> 00:36:15,003
Why don't you two go
outside where you belong?
555
00:36:15,147 --> 00:36:16,625
We were quite happy without you.
556
00:36:18,459 --> 00:36:19,423
Permit me, sir.
557
00:36:19,523 --> 00:36:23,179
To show you a drop of the water
formerly manufactured for the Baron.
558
00:36:34,418 --> 00:36:35,208
Thank you.
559
00:36:47,910 --> 00:36:49,564
Will you .. look through there, sir?
560
00:36:50,901 --> 00:36:53,654
Notice the abundance of animal life.
561
00:36:56,497 --> 00:36:58,203
There are masses of the little devils.
562
00:36:58,537 --> 00:37:00,350
Seven million in every drop.
563
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,359
Now here, is a drop of the "new" water.
564
00:37:03,772 --> 00:37:05,294
Distilled three times ..
565
00:37:05,672 --> 00:37:09,974
Containing phosphates,
iron and innumerable vitamins.
566
00:37:17,979 --> 00:37:19,378
Like a diamond.
567
00:37:20,047 --> 00:37:20,976
Thank you, sir.
568
00:37:21,102 --> 00:37:23,671
I will now give you an
even more fascinating proof.
569
00:37:24,199 --> 00:37:27,536
I have here .. some
pieces of prepared paper.
570
00:37:28,254 --> 00:37:30,246
Now .. watch me, gentlemen.
571
00:37:30,736 --> 00:37:33,279
I will dip one in ordinary water.
572
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,490
You notice it turns purple.
573
00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:39,763
And exudes .. a most unfortunate odor.
574
00:37:40,343 --> 00:37:42,348
That is due to its acid imperfection.
575
00:37:42,765 --> 00:37:43,768
Now, observe.
576
00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:48,475
I dip the other in our
new grade .. of sparkling ..
577
00:37:50,024 --> 00:37:51,643
Sparkling Topaze.
578
00:37:54,938 --> 00:37:56,743
It remains totally unaffected.
579
00:37:57,199 --> 00:37:58,775
Marvelous.
- Thank you, sir.
580
00:37:58,967 --> 00:38:00,658
I will now show you. Pardon me.
581
00:38:02,090 --> 00:38:05,126
I will now show you the
improvements I have made.
582
00:38:05,997 --> 00:38:07,792
On the new germicide.
583
00:38:10,141 --> 00:38:11,716
[ Explosion! ]
584
00:38:20,848 --> 00:38:22,740
What a pity. That was unexpected.
585
00:38:25,291 --> 00:38:26,488
Are you hurt?
586
00:38:28,186 --> 00:38:29,400
That was my fault.
587
00:38:29,673 --> 00:38:31,256
I left some acid in the jar.
588
00:38:32,189 --> 00:38:33,333
Pardon me.
589
00:38:53,842 --> 00:38:55,022
Your coat, sir.
590
00:39:00,185 --> 00:39:00,906
Oh.
591
00:39:02,042 --> 00:39:04,039
Excuse me, please. Your hat?
592
00:39:11,112 --> 00:39:12,766
Baron, we have a table for you.
593
00:39:21,830 --> 00:39:23,369
Sit down. Here is the table.
594
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:33,593
Oh .. may I?
595
00:39:36,795 --> 00:39:37,549
Look.
596
00:40:02,946 --> 00:40:05,085
Philippe .. tell him about The Palms.
597
00:40:06,931 --> 00:40:07,804
The Palms?
598
00:40:08,049 --> 00:40:10,505
But Coco, I was hoping
to keep it a surprise.
599
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,176
Well, Topaze.
600
00:40:13,554 --> 00:40:16,944
Next week you will be
awarded the Academic Palms.
601
00:40:18,041 --> 00:40:20,384
Oh, it's impossible.
- Nothing's impossible. You're a genius.
602
00:40:22,783 --> 00:40:25,440
The Palms will be in
your lapel by Friday.
603
00:40:26,196 --> 00:40:27,384
Next Friday.
604
00:40:28,299 --> 00:40:29,346
Next Friday.
605
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,944
Well, there is Philippe.
- Where, my dear?
606
00:40:37,659 --> 00:40:38,817
Do you know that woman?
607
00:40:39,718 --> 00:40:41,090
Who? I .. no.
608
00:40:43,851 --> 00:40:45,241
Madame, Monsieur.
609
00:40:49,173 --> 00:40:51,012
Would you like to see the music?
610
00:40:51,663 --> 00:40:54,347
No. Philippe shall face the music.
611
00:40:56,045 --> 00:40:57,267
To the Academic Palms.
612
00:40:57,804 --> 00:40:58,666
Baron.
613
00:41:12,493 --> 00:41:15,045
Well, Philippe.
You seem so much surprised.
614
00:41:15,484 --> 00:41:17,710
At what? I'm delighted.
615
00:41:18,299 --> 00:41:19,686
This is an unexpected pleasure.
616
00:41:21,273 --> 00:41:22,961
Permit me. My wife.
617
00:41:23,445 --> 00:41:26,130
Doctor Topaze and Madame Topaze.
618
00:41:28,339 --> 00:41:30,347
Madame Topaze. Delightful.
619
00:41:31,183 --> 00:41:33,127
What did you say?
- My wife, Professor.
620
00:41:34,728 --> 00:41:35,872
How do you do?
621
00:41:36,277 --> 00:41:37,348
Topaze?
622
00:41:39,136 --> 00:41:40,386
The name sounds familiar.
623
00:41:41,174 --> 00:41:42,709
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
624
00:41:42,809 --> 00:41:44,918
Doctor Topaze is head of my laboratory.
625
00:41:45,171 --> 00:41:47,900
You saw his picture in the
paper this morning, my dear.
626
00:41:48,268 --> 00:41:49,985
Oh, of course. Of course.
627
00:41:50,283 --> 00:41:51,594
Pardon the intrusion.
628
00:41:52,008 --> 00:41:53,909
Delighted to have
met you, Professor, sir.
629
00:41:54,269 --> 00:41:55,782
And you too, Madame Topaze.
630
00:41:56,301 --> 00:41:58,166
You have a very talented husband.
631
00:41:59,653 --> 00:42:01,685
Dinner at 8, Philippe.
- At 8, my love.
632
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:08,221
She didn't recognize me.
633
00:42:11,502 --> 00:42:13,077
Excuse me.
- Please, my dear.
634
00:42:13,253 --> 00:42:14,406
What's the matter?
635
00:42:15,725 --> 00:42:17,784
Baron, I'm afraid you hurt her feelings.
636
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:21,250
You shouldn't have called her
Madame Topaze. Even in jest.
637
00:42:21,584 --> 00:42:24,241
Goodbye my dear Professor.
Let's go now.
638
00:42:25,165 --> 00:42:27,382
We must lunch together again soon.
639
00:42:30,012 --> 00:42:31,644
Hello Maxie, darling.
640
00:42:33,078 --> 00:42:35,984
Mademoiselle, I am so sorry.
You must overlook it.
641
00:42:36,084 --> 00:42:36,890
I can't.
642
00:42:36,990 --> 00:42:40,063
Nobody looking at you would think for
a moment you were Madame Topaze.
643
00:42:40,468 --> 00:42:41,765
It's ridiculous.
644
00:42:53,054 --> 00:42:54,139
Where are we going?
645
00:42:55,458 --> 00:42:58,007
You know .. it was a dubious jest.
646
00:42:58,502 --> 00:43:01,738
Calling you "Madame Topaze".
And I sympathize with you.
647
00:43:02,408 --> 00:43:05,073
There are times when I
myself have almost wept.
648
00:43:05,742 --> 00:43:07,597
To be called "Monsieur Topaze".
649
00:43:07,950 --> 00:43:09,225
Please. Please stop it.
650
00:43:10,783 --> 00:43:13,175
But you're crying. I must do something.
651
00:43:15,208 --> 00:43:16,689
You are really out of your head.
652
00:43:17,557 --> 00:43:18,200
Que?
653
00:43:18,603 --> 00:43:21,493
Yes, you're insane. Completely insane.
654
00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:24,806
I think you misjudge me a little.
655
00:43:26,165 --> 00:43:29,226
Do you want to know why I left the
table? You had nothing to do with it.
656
00:43:29,570 --> 00:43:31,505
Good heavens, I wasn't
even thinking of you.
657
00:43:32,218 --> 00:43:33,740
Now, you're just being kind.
658
00:43:34,163 --> 00:43:36,547
Oh, stop babbling like a child.
659
00:43:38,051 --> 00:43:39,467
I'm as sensible as ever.
660
00:43:40,471 --> 00:43:42,969
Professor. You're deaf, dumb and blind.
661
00:43:43,682 --> 00:43:46,454
The Baron introduced me to
his wife as "Madame Topaze" ..
662
00:43:46,788 --> 00:43:48,539
Because he was
frightened out of his wits.
663
00:43:49,146 --> 00:43:49,892
Of what?
664
00:43:51,152 --> 00:43:54,072
Of her finding out. Of her
even suspecting something.
665
00:43:55,031 --> 00:43:57,890
The way he turned pale
and shivered in his boots.
666
00:43:58,841 --> 00:44:00,859
Palming me off as Madame Topaze.
667
00:44:01,551 --> 00:44:03,023
Shivers in his boots?
668
00:44:03,970 --> 00:44:05,786
May I ask why he should do that?
669
00:44:06,653 --> 00:44:08,122
Because he's my lover.
670
00:44:12,878 --> 00:44:13,619
Oh yes.
671
00:44:14,780 --> 00:44:15,782
You are jesting.
672
00:44:16,628 --> 00:44:18,166
About what, for heaven's sake?
673
00:44:19,258 --> 00:44:20,391
About your ..
674
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:22,531
Your relations.
675
00:44:23,762 --> 00:44:24,851
With the Baron.
676
00:44:25,926 --> 00:44:27,694
Do you mean to tell me you hadn't known?
677
00:44:28,821 --> 00:44:29,982
What's the matter?
678
00:44:31,416 --> 00:44:32,568
Nothing. Nothing.
679
00:44:34,195 --> 00:44:36,052
You must forgive me .. I ..
680
00:44:36,483 --> 00:44:37,767
It's not your fault ..
681
00:44:38,277 --> 00:44:39,659
That I had some ..
682
00:44:40,750 --> 00:44:43,847
Curious .. misconception of you.
683
00:44:45,853 --> 00:44:46,598
Oh.
684
00:44:47,472 --> 00:44:49,355
I wish I could do something about it.
685
00:44:52,271 --> 00:44:53,353
Oh, look!
686
00:45:00,005 --> 00:45:02,056
You're no longer a little schoolmaster.
687
00:45:02,672 --> 00:45:04,088
You're a great man now.
688
00:45:07,510 --> 00:45:09,076
I don't feel like a great man.
689
00:45:19,149 --> 00:45:20,618
Joseph.
- Yes, sir?
690
00:45:23,337 --> 00:45:25,897
Did you telephone the hairdressers?
- Yes, sir. - Well?
691
00:45:26,188 --> 00:45:27,432
Madame has not been there.
692
00:45:28,435 --> 00:45:29,827
I'll have a whiskey and soda.
693
00:45:29,927 --> 00:45:33,093
And are you staying for dinner, sir?
- I'm staying until she comes home.
694
00:45:33,375 --> 00:45:34,457
Very good, sir.
695
00:45:37,264 --> 00:45:39,287
Good evening, Joseph.
- Good evening, Madame.
696
00:45:42,875 --> 00:45:44,046
Well?
- You here?
697
00:45:44,221 --> 00:45:46,465
Where have you been?
- With Professor Topaze.
698
00:46:03,529 --> 00:46:04,705
Just a moment, Topaze.
699
00:46:08,012 --> 00:46:10,493
You seem a trifle nervous, Monsieur.
700
00:46:12,051 --> 00:46:13,395
I am.
- Sit down.
701
00:46:18,858 --> 00:46:21,925
Well, sit up .. why are you
looking at me like that?
702
00:46:22,717 --> 00:46:23,966
What have you been doing?
703
00:46:24,547 --> 00:46:25,326
Nothing.
704
00:46:25,426 --> 00:46:28,435
Topaze, until this moment,
you seemed an honorable man.
705
00:46:29,011 --> 00:46:30,186
What's changed you?
706
00:46:32,694 --> 00:46:34,612
I will be frank.
- I thought so.
707
00:46:35,183 --> 00:46:38,930
And you could do a thing to me like
this after what I've done for you?
708
00:46:39,652 --> 00:46:41,042
I've done nothing.
709
00:46:41,535 --> 00:46:43,021
Now, you wish to deny it.
710
00:46:43,575 --> 00:46:46,426
Out with it, Topaze. Where
have you been with Coco?
711
00:46:49,830 --> 00:46:50,942
To the cinema.
712
00:46:51,523 --> 00:46:53,464
What?
- Yes. - What!
713
00:46:55,015 --> 00:46:56,525
Very pretty.
714
00:46:57,523 --> 00:47:00,378
May I ask what picture you saw?
715
00:47:01,886 --> 00:47:02,731
Why, yes.
716
00:47:03,179 --> 00:47:06,302
It was entitled: "Women Of Passion".
717
00:47:07,745 --> 00:47:11,610
You know, I never imagined that people
comported themselves in that manner.
718
00:47:12,812 --> 00:47:15,697
Although innocent of any wrongdoing ..
719
00:47:15,935 --> 00:47:19,458
She was driven into the street,
where the Argentine was waiting.
720
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,062
Now, quite unaware
that he'd made this bet.
721
00:47:22,331 --> 00:47:24,126
She foolishly accompanied him.
722
00:47:25,471 --> 00:47:28,704
Forgive me, Professor.
You belong in a fable.
723
00:47:29,351 --> 00:47:30,111
Huh?
724
00:47:31,392 --> 00:47:34,298
Monsieur de Fairville, and Dr Bomb, sir.
725
00:47:34,868 --> 00:47:37,885
Philippe, you must do
something or we are ruined.
726
00:47:38,184 --> 00:47:39,533
Ruined? I doubt it.
727
00:47:40,155 --> 00:47:41,536
Take your hat off, Henri.
728
00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:44,236
It will quiet you. And sit down.
729
00:47:45,740 --> 00:47:47,529
Doctor Bomb .. be seated.
730
00:47:53,290 --> 00:47:56,054
Will you excuse us for a
few moments, Dr Topaze?
731
00:47:56,872 --> 00:47:57,856
Ah!
732
00:47:58,403 --> 00:48:00,240
So you are doctor Topaze, eh?
733
00:48:00,638 --> 00:48:04,121
Let me have a look at you,
you scientific Judas!
734
00:48:04,774 --> 00:48:06,047
Dr Bomb, you're drunk.
735
00:48:06,366 --> 00:48:08,889
Whiskers and all, eh? Perfect.
736
00:48:09,269 --> 00:48:10,921
Who? Who is he?
737
00:48:11,327 --> 00:48:14,275
I'll tell you who I am.
I am an honest man.
738
00:48:14,627 --> 00:48:16,598
Come to see the back of you ..
- Ha?
739
00:48:17,126 --> 00:48:17,979
Sit down.
740
00:48:22,017 --> 00:48:23,161
Baron, is he ..?
741
00:48:23,794 --> 00:48:25,307
Shall we send for the Police?
742
00:48:26,714 --> 00:48:29,882
Listen who's talking about
the Police .. you swindler.
743
00:48:31,210 --> 00:48:33,520
You must deal with him, Philippe.
He's going to expose us.
744
00:48:33,620 --> 00:48:35,037
Be quiet, Henri and sit down.
745
00:48:35,661 --> 00:48:37,589
Doctor Topaze .. this is my affair.
746
00:48:38,019 --> 00:48:39,286
I demand you leave.
747
00:48:39,690 --> 00:48:42,463
Oh no, sir. I wouldn't leave
you at such a moment.
748
00:48:44,089 --> 00:48:46,025
Doctor Bomb. State your case.
749
00:48:48,462 --> 00:48:49,720
Baron, I'll be brief.
750
00:48:50,467 --> 00:48:53,864
One hundred thousand francs in cash.
751
00:48:54,576 --> 00:48:56,354
Or I expose your dishwater.
752
00:48:58,192 --> 00:48:59,582
What .. what dishwater?
753
00:49:00,233 --> 00:49:01,078
This!
754
00:49:01,579 --> 00:49:04,574
This plague-ridden
concoction, you swindler!
755
00:49:04,773 --> 00:49:07,122
Is he mad?
- Gentlemen, please be seated.
756
00:49:17,877 --> 00:49:19,193
May I trouble you, Henri?
757
00:49:21,203 --> 00:49:22,698
Dial 3, draw 12.
758
00:49:25,936 --> 00:49:28,921
Your visit Dr Bomb is not
entirely unexpected.
759
00:49:29,564 --> 00:49:31,992
So you would like a
hundred thousand francs?
760
00:49:32,449 --> 00:49:34,109
For your goodwill?
- Yes.
761
00:49:36,872 --> 00:49:40,497
Here, my foolish fellow are what
in melodrama are known as ..
762
00:49:40,972 --> 00:49:41,831
The papers.
763
00:49:41,931 --> 00:49:43,303
I am in no mood for jokes.
764
00:49:43,699 --> 00:49:46,285
Allow me. It is my turn
to be objectionable.
765
00:49:47,780 --> 00:49:53,402
In 1924 one Emile Winkleman was employed
at the charity hospital at Marseilles.
766
00:49:53,728 --> 00:49:58,311
A short, squat, peculiar-looking fellow
with what is known as an Assyrian beard.
767
00:49:59,033 --> 00:50:00,493
Are you listening, Dr Bomb?
768
00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:01,927
Don't go.
769
00:50:02,596 --> 00:50:03,696
I'll be brief.
770
00:50:08,453 --> 00:50:09,921
We skip to page 8.
771
00:50:10,660 --> 00:50:14,074
And we find, December the 4th 1925.
772
00:50:14,249 --> 00:50:18,755
The same Emile Winkleman, beard and all,
vanishes from the charity hospital.
773
00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,535
And with him, a magnificent sum
of money belonging to the state.
774
00:50:23,977 --> 00:50:27,804
There is a great hue and cry, but
Emile is never seen or heard of again.
775
00:50:28,253 --> 00:50:31,018
However, on September 22nd 1927.
776
00:50:31,605 --> 00:50:36,050
There arrives in Paris a short,
squat smooth-shaven fellow.
777
00:50:36,312 --> 00:50:39,094
With a pigmentary mole
on his right cheek.
778
00:50:40,042 --> 00:50:42,657
Who soon finds employment as a chemist.
779
00:50:42,998 --> 00:50:44,426
And under the name of ..
780
00:50:44,526 --> 00:50:46,632
So you intend to blackmail me, huh?
781
00:50:47,292 --> 00:50:50,569
With the greatest of reluctance
and only in self-defence.
782
00:50:50,820 --> 00:50:53,948
Baron, you are the most impudent
scoundrel I've ever known.
783
00:50:55,412 --> 00:50:58,403
Doctor Bomb, I'm impervious to flattery.
784
00:51:01,105 --> 00:51:03,655
As for you, you sanctimonious swindler!
785
00:51:04,148 --> 00:51:06,326
Enjoy your ill-gotten gains.
786
00:51:06,822 --> 00:51:08,397
While you can.
787
00:51:08,687 --> 00:51:10,618
But the world knows what you are.
788
00:51:10,913 --> 00:51:14,322
A fake .. a thief!
Topaze is a thief!
789
00:51:14,656 --> 00:51:16,196
Put up a new sign.
790
00:51:16,388 --> 00:51:17,841
Topaze is a thief!
791
00:51:18,271 --> 00:51:19,996
Topaze is a thief!
792
00:51:59,716 --> 00:52:00,412
Oh.
793
00:52:22,101 --> 00:52:23,342
Impossible.
794
00:53:04,129 --> 00:53:05,347
One moment, sir.
795
00:53:09,152 --> 00:53:12,098
[ French language ]
796
00:54:21,616 --> 00:54:22,552
[ Doorbell ]
797
00:54:31,946 --> 00:54:33,819
Good morning.
- Oh, it's you.
798
00:54:34,214 --> 00:54:35,729
Yes, it's always me.
799
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:38,455
A gorgeous day.
800
00:54:39,229 --> 00:54:41,694
The sun is shining.
The birds are twittering.
801
00:54:42,141 --> 00:54:43,593
Almost like a day in May.
802
00:54:44,499 --> 00:54:45,511
Where is he?
803
00:54:46,092 --> 00:54:48,934
Did you find out anything?
- Nothing. But he'll come back.
804
00:54:49,885 --> 00:54:51,099
Did you sleep well?
805
00:54:52,639 --> 00:54:54,812
Philippe .. something
has happened to him.
806
00:54:54,979 --> 00:54:56,950
My dear, you are carrying
on like an ingénue.
807
00:54:57,170 --> 00:54:58,929
I assure you nothing
has happened to him.
808
00:54:59,158 --> 00:55:01,577
There is a special providence
that looks after simpletons.
809
00:55:03,635 --> 00:55:06,270
Oh, you make me sick.
- My darling, I'm sorry.
810
00:55:08,236 --> 00:55:09,547
Philippe.
- Uhuh?
811
00:55:11,482 --> 00:55:13,171
Philippe. We must find Topaze.
812
00:55:14,324 --> 00:55:16,788
I kept thinking all night of that
look in his eyes when he left.
813
00:55:17,148 --> 00:55:18,935
What sort of nonsense is this?
814
00:55:20,844 --> 00:55:22,600
Why, I swear you're crying.
815
00:55:22,964 --> 00:55:24,667
I've never heard of such a thing.
816
00:55:24,873 --> 00:55:26,941
My darling.
- No. Don't touch me. I can't.
817
00:55:27,310 --> 00:55:29,852
Not with him lying dead
somewhere, surrounded by cats.
818
00:55:30,169 --> 00:55:30,979
Cats?
819
00:55:32,342 --> 00:55:33,618
Good morning, sir.
820
00:55:44,207 --> 00:55:46,442
Auguste .. you're hurt.
821
00:55:47,058 --> 00:55:49,008
Why, you poor man.
Where have you been?
822
00:55:49,785 --> 00:55:52,108
Look at the mud.
And look at your clothes.
823
00:55:54,061 --> 00:55:55,689
Topaze, you're behaving like a child.
824
00:55:56,032 --> 00:55:58,853
Take that absurd expression
off your face and sit down.
825
00:55:59,665 --> 00:56:02,188
I came back .. to pay for my crime.
826
00:56:04,226 --> 00:56:08,211
Oh, Auguste. Don't be silly.
You've done nothing.
827
00:56:09,579 --> 00:56:10,331
Nothing?
828
00:56:11,150 --> 00:56:11,910
Ha!
829
00:56:12,459 --> 00:56:15,007
It would be a little difficult
to believe in my innocence.
830
00:56:15,828 --> 00:56:17,629
I don't believe in it myself.
831
00:56:18,467 --> 00:56:19,494
They will say.
832
00:56:20,323 --> 00:56:23,022
Nobody can be as great a fool as ..
833
00:56:23,922 --> 00:56:25,203
As Topaze.
834
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:26,471
It ..
835
00:56:27,265 --> 00:56:29,869
Would be straining the
credulity of the court.
836
00:56:30,318 --> 00:56:31,277
What court?
837
00:56:31,514 --> 00:56:35,359
The court before which we must stand
and be convicted for what we are.
838
00:56:36,423 --> 00:56:37,258
Thieves.
839
00:56:43,435 --> 00:56:45,889
Some people to see Dr Topaze.
- Who?
840
00:56:46,198 --> 00:56:48,494
Quite a delegation, sir.
Some are in uniform.
841
00:56:49,647 --> 00:56:50,648
The Police.
842
00:56:51,855 --> 00:56:52,787
Tell them.
843
00:56:53,825 --> 00:56:54,943
Tell them I'm ready.
844
00:56:55,110 --> 00:56:56,992
Just a moment. I'll see them.
845
00:57:01,162 --> 00:57:01,944
Oh.
846
00:57:03,150 --> 00:57:04,091
Here we are.
847
00:57:04,654 --> 00:57:05,798
Bonjour mon Colonel.
848
00:57:06,458 --> 00:57:07,187
Colonel.
849
00:57:07,601 --> 00:57:09,749
So you came back to share our fate.
850
00:57:11,791 --> 00:57:12,522
Yes.
851
00:57:14,106 --> 00:57:15,468
You silly creature.
852
00:57:16,507 --> 00:57:18,584
You're so foolish, you make me ashamed.
853
00:57:22,638 --> 00:57:25,744
Well, my fine criminal.
Are you ready for the Police?
854
00:57:26,564 --> 00:57:27,532
I am.
855
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:32,759
Gentlemen.
856
00:57:39,727 --> 00:57:41,510
Professor Auguste Topaze.
857
00:57:42,041 --> 00:57:43,789
The representatives of The Republic.
858
00:57:45,797 --> 00:57:46,950
Professor Topaze.
859
00:57:47,390 --> 00:57:49,851
I've been delegated to confer on you ..
860
00:57:50,213 --> 00:57:51,680
All too tardily ..
861
00:57:52,044 --> 00:57:55,613
The honor which you have merited
by your work in the field of science.
862
00:57:56,144 --> 00:57:57,340
The Academic Palms.
863
00:57:57,939 --> 00:57:59,484
The .. Palms?
864
00:57:59,900 --> 00:58:00,736
The Palms.
865
00:58:03,191 --> 00:58:04,933
But just a moment, gentlemen.
866
00:58:05,197 --> 00:58:09,724
Gentlemen .. Dr Topaze is
a man of deeds, not words.
867
00:58:10,036 --> 00:58:10,987
He is overcome.
868
00:58:11,215 --> 00:58:15,040
Out of respect for his feelings, can you
make the ceremony as brief as possible.
869
00:58:15,306 --> 00:58:17,294
What's the matter with him?
- He's drunk. Hurry up.
870
00:58:20,215 --> 00:58:22,262
Professor Auguste E Topaze.
871
00:58:22,872 --> 00:58:25,546
Teacher, scholar, scientist and author.
872
00:58:26,013 --> 00:58:27,979
For your diligence, for your learning.
873
00:58:28,476 --> 00:58:30,187
For your humanitarian labor.
874
00:58:30,579 --> 00:58:32,348
As head of La Tour Chemical Works.
875
00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:35,994
I, Henri de Fairville, in
the name of The Republic.
876
00:58:36,544 --> 00:58:40,049
Confer on you the insignia
of the Academic Palms.
877
00:58:48,954 --> 00:58:52,126
Count de l'Espinàz, First Assistant of
the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
878
00:58:52,773 --> 00:58:56,108
Professor Henri Buoyan, Second Assistant
of the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
879
00:58:56,595 --> 00:59:00,146
Monsieur Etienne Cannet, Third Assistant
of the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
880
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:02,262
Colonel Robert de Chapette.
881
00:59:02,579 --> 00:59:04,866
Colonel DeMorian. Colonel Rochefort.
882
00:59:05,051 --> 00:59:07,558
Assistant Commissioners of
Scholastic Awards and Merits.
883
00:59:08,351 --> 00:59:10,703
Congratulations, my dear Professor.
884
00:59:12,785 --> 00:59:13,622
You?
885
00:59:15,071 --> 00:59:17,254
You are the Republic of France?
886
00:59:17,877 --> 00:59:20,112
I am a member of the
government, Professor.
887
00:59:22,364 --> 00:59:23,578
And you gentlemen ..
888
00:59:24,968 --> 00:59:26,491
Are friends of the Baron?
889
00:59:26,966 --> 00:59:29,219
We're not only friends, my dear Topaze.
890
00:59:29,482 --> 00:59:32,148
But .. business associates.
891
00:59:34,965 --> 00:59:36,055
Oh, I see.
892
00:59:37,716 --> 00:59:38,930
I understand.
893
00:59:41,569 --> 00:59:43,021
I think you'd better thank them.
894
00:59:46,408 --> 00:59:47,526
Thank you, gentlemen.
895
00:59:49,029 --> 00:59:50,458
Thank you very much.
896
00:59:52,399 --> 00:59:55,419
Speech .. speech .. speech .. speech!
897
01:00:02,568 --> 01:00:04,969
I .. can merely say.
898
01:00:06,984 --> 01:00:09,572
I have dreamed for many years.
899
01:00:10,301 --> 01:00:11,409
Of this honor.
900
01:00:12,658 --> 01:00:14,015
I always thought.
901
01:00:15,043 --> 01:00:18,044
It .. would be the happiest
moment of my life.
902
01:00:18,826 --> 01:00:19,935
When it came.
903
01:00:20,964 --> 01:00:22,461
If it ever did come.
904
01:00:23,322 --> 01:00:24,238
In fact.
905
01:00:25,591 --> 01:00:28,309
I wrote out a speech .. long ago.
906
01:00:29,989 --> 01:00:32,023
It's in my laboratory now.
907
01:00:33,165 --> 01:00:35,109
Expressing my true feelings.
908
01:00:36,473 --> 01:00:37,335
But ..
909
01:00:38,743 --> 01:00:39,989
It wouldn't fit.
910
01:00:41,528 --> 01:00:43,098
It would sound too humorous.
911
01:00:44,303 --> 01:00:45,122
I ..
912
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,424
I am afraid I have
outgrown that oration.
913
01:00:50,330 --> 01:00:52,864
In the last .. few moments.
914
01:00:54,580 --> 01:00:56,062
So you will forgive me.
915
01:00:57,606 --> 01:00:58,560
If I'm not ..
916
01:00:59,577 --> 01:01:00,623
Speaking it.
917
01:01:01,714 --> 01:01:03,588
I would rather say merely ..
918
01:01:05,454 --> 01:01:06,923
Thank you, gentlemen.
919
01:01:08,629 --> 01:01:10,204
It is more than I deserve.
920
01:01:10,582 --> 01:01:12,120
Bravo, bravo!
921
01:01:13,485 --> 01:01:15,301
Come gentlemen.
We'll adjourn to the library.
922
01:01:32,639 --> 01:01:33,511
Auguste.
923
01:01:37,940 --> 01:01:39,207
You are a great man.
924
01:01:39,682 --> 01:01:40,854
Without them.
925
01:01:41,690 --> 01:01:42,306
No.
926
01:01:43,230 --> 01:01:45,488
Now I am what they call a great man.
927
01:01:46,843 --> 01:01:48,412
I am not "Topaze".
928
01:01:49,254 --> 01:01:51,236
"Topaze" lies dead.
929
01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:52,922
In an alley.
930
01:01:55,544 --> 01:01:56,389
Look.
931
01:01:59,297 --> 01:02:01,155
Can't you see how different I am?
932
01:02:02,149 --> 01:02:03,704
I am a distinguished scientist.
933
01:02:04,428 --> 01:02:05,904
I am a man of honor.
934
01:02:06,714 --> 01:02:09,169
I have been decorated by The Republic.
935
01:02:10,357 --> 01:02:11,983
I wear the Palms.
936
01:02:21,010 --> 01:02:21,921
Coco.
937
01:02:23,839 --> 01:02:25,585
Do you know of a good barber?
938
01:02:45,069 --> 01:02:46,807
Very becoming, Auguste.
939
01:02:47,414 --> 01:02:48,756
Do you .. do you like it?
940
01:02:50,132 --> 01:02:51,193
Ravishing!
941
01:02:51,742 --> 01:02:52,856
Perfect.
942
01:02:59,889 --> 01:03:00,813
Exquisite.
943
01:03:02,185 --> 01:03:04,658
Is the back snug?
- Like a glove.
944
01:03:05,670 --> 01:03:07,887
It's .. for the races. Look.
945
01:03:08,177 --> 01:03:10,394
It has a double-breasted waistcoat.
946
01:03:26,287 --> 01:03:28,704
I trust you are comfortable, sir?
- You do, eh.
947
01:03:28,953 --> 01:03:32,621
Dr Topaze sends word. He will
contact you in 5 minutes.
948
01:03:32,850 --> 01:03:33,877
Well, I'm honored.
949
01:03:34,170 --> 01:03:36,503
Now listen, you incarnate prickly heat.
950
01:03:36,845 --> 01:03:40,077
Ask Topaze what he means
by making me wait 25 minutes.
951
01:03:40,567 --> 01:03:42,300
The man has delusions of grandeur.
952
01:03:49,661 --> 01:03:51,406
Ah, Dr Stegg?
- Yes.
953
01:03:51,688 --> 01:03:54,394
It is now a matter of
20 minutes, to half an hour.
954
01:03:54,749 --> 01:03:56,656
Tell him we are quite comfortable.
955
01:03:57,934 --> 01:03:58,848
Thank you.
956
01:04:01,626 --> 01:04:02,751
Gentlemen.
957
01:04:03,966 --> 01:04:04,916
Patience.
958
01:04:06,007 --> 01:04:08,893
Oh dear, I've been
waiting here 35 minutes.
959
01:04:09,790 --> 01:04:11,285
I've been here over an hour.
960
01:04:11,893 --> 01:04:13,222
What a busy man.
961
01:04:13,530 --> 01:04:15,342
Oh no. I just pretend I'm busy.
962
01:04:15,588 --> 01:04:18,862
I'm flopping in and out
constantly, and keep barking.
963
01:04:19,350 --> 01:04:22,213
Do you know, if one has
time to listen to people ..
964
01:04:22,421 --> 01:04:23,881
They have no respect for one.
965
01:04:24,339 --> 01:04:25,491
One must be ..
966
01:04:26,670 --> 01:04:27,667
Elusive.
967
01:04:27,884 --> 01:04:30,509
I've kept Dr Stegg waiting
20 minutes already.
968
01:04:30,744 --> 01:04:34,256
In another half hour, he'll
be in complete awe of me.
969
01:04:34,589 --> 01:04:37,996
Dr Stegg? Isn't that the wretch who ..
- Who threw me out of this school?
970
01:04:38,337 --> 01:04:41,313
It is .. now he want me to honor him.
971
01:04:41,636 --> 01:04:44,990
By attending his graduation
exercises this afternoon.
972
01:04:45,392 --> 01:04:48,588
And distributing the
prizes among his pupils.
973
01:04:49,392 --> 01:04:50,119
Fancy!
974
01:04:55,347 --> 01:04:56,730
Would you like to come along?
975
01:04:57,231 --> 01:04:58,628
Oh, that would be fun.
976
01:05:00,310 --> 01:05:01,927
But you might have called for me.
977
01:05:02,245 --> 01:05:04,276
Instead of summoning
me here like a tyrant.
978
01:05:04,709 --> 01:05:05,804
It's better manners.
979
01:05:05,904 --> 01:05:07,700
My dear Coco, in a crisis ..
980
01:05:08,052 --> 01:05:09,601
One omits a bow or two.
981
01:05:10,014 --> 01:05:12,379
You are in a crisis?
- Well, not yet.
982
01:05:13,533 --> 01:05:14,789
But in a few minutes.
983
01:05:16,455 --> 01:05:19,279
I'd .. I'd love to share
a crisis with you.
984
01:05:22,812 --> 01:05:24,308
Do you mind if I sit here?
985
01:05:24,510 --> 01:05:27,220
It .. it makes me feel more effective.
986
01:05:27,968 --> 01:05:29,129
Do be effective.
987
01:05:34,980 --> 01:05:37,523
Send the Baron de La Tour
La Tour in, please.
988
01:05:38,179 --> 01:05:39,150
Auguste.
989
01:05:40,105 --> 01:05:41,279
What are you up to?
990
01:05:42,005 --> 01:05:43,690
The most frightful villainy.
991
01:05:44,324 --> 01:05:45,010
Shush.
992
01:05:48,431 --> 01:05:49,933
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
993
01:05:50,033 --> 01:05:52,417
I don't mind humoring you
Topaze, but don't overdo it.
994
01:05:53,060 --> 01:05:55,325
Oh, what are you doing here?
- Visiting.
995
01:05:55,425 --> 01:05:56,421
I sent for her.
996
01:05:57,221 --> 01:05:59,718
I have a matter of grave
importance to take up, sir.
997
01:05:59,818 --> 01:06:00,836
Ha, what a man.
998
01:06:01,057 --> 01:06:03,661
Always bringing matters of
grave importance to my head.
999
01:06:06,344 --> 01:06:08,860
Coco, do you mind sitting
over there so I can't see you?
1000
01:06:09,696 --> 01:06:10,757
Certainly not.
1001
01:06:13,444 --> 01:06:15,203
Is this the crisis?
1002
01:06:16,110 --> 01:06:17,303
It begins now.
1003
01:06:17,632 --> 01:06:19,687
So, what sort of charades are these?
1004
01:06:20,456 --> 01:06:23,109
I am just .. trying to think.
1005
01:06:23,596 --> 01:06:24,904
How to begin the matter.
1006
01:06:25,461 --> 01:06:29,259
A disciple of mine should always
come to the point. Immediately.
1007
01:06:29,676 --> 01:06:30,605
Thank you, sir.
1008
01:06:31,515 --> 01:06:33,904
I am receiving 8,000 francs a month.
1009
01:06:34,268 --> 01:06:36,579
As Chief of the La Tour Chemical Works.
1010
01:06:37,682 --> 01:06:39,807
We both know they are non-existent.
1011
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:40,990
Proceed.
1012
01:06:42,072 --> 01:06:46,132
Really, if I took my job seriously,
I should have nothing to do at all.
1013
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,814
So I have decided I should
be more honestly employed ..
1014
01:06:50,413 --> 01:06:51,235
As ..
1015
01:06:52,067 --> 01:06:53,408
Cigarette?
- No, thanks.
1016
01:06:54,433 --> 01:06:56,619
As a partner.
- What?
1017
01:06:58,155 --> 01:06:59,399
What are you raving about?
1018
01:06:59,801 --> 01:07:01,238
I am asking you, sir.
1019
01:07:01,753 --> 01:07:04,551
For a third interest in
this thriving concern.
1020
01:07:04,841 --> 01:07:06,161
Topaze, you delight me.
1021
01:07:06,521 --> 01:07:08,166
Such effrontery is refreshing.
1022
01:07:09,213 --> 01:07:10,897
I am very much afraid, sir.
1023
01:07:11,597 --> 01:07:13,172
That you underestimate me.
1024
01:07:14,034 --> 01:07:15,565
I repeat my request.
1025
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:18,432
Ominously.
- Ominously?
1026
01:07:19,153 --> 01:07:23,088
Topaze. Do you realize how much a
third interest in the business would be?
1027
01:07:23,623 --> 01:07:24,970
To a fraction, sir.
1028
01:07:25,215 --> 01:07:27,424
Coco, I'm disappointed
in our little Professor.
1029
01:07:28,031 --> 01:07:30,688
He's had a relapse.
He's as absurd as ever.
1030
01:07:32,184 --> 01:07:34,814
I see there is nothing
to be gained by ..
1031
01:07:35,579 --> 01:07:36,582
By words.
1032
01:07:39,583 --> 01:07:41,614
Dr Bomb.
- "Yes, sir?"
1033
01:07:42,187 --> 01:07:44,649
Drawer 12, file 12.
1034
01:07:45,319 --> 01:07:46,365
Coming up.
1035
01:07:48,469 --> 01:07:49,402
Baron.
1036
01:07:49,956 --> 01:07:51,988
I am about to be very objectionable.
1037
01:08:02,689 --> 01:08:06,155
Here, as they say in
melodrama, are the papers.
1038
01:08:06,999 --> 01:08:09,128
You will find, written out here.
1039
01:08:09,762 --> 01:08:11,302
A complete report.
1040
01:08:12,111 --> 01:08:14,290
Of your relations with Coco.
1041
01:08:15,032 --> 01:08:19,120
Dates .. sayings .. and doings.
1042
01:08:19,888 --> 01:08:20,627
Oh.
1043
01:08:22,648 --> 01:08:25,393
Your stock in this firm
is in your wife's name.
1044
01:08:26,026 --> 01:08:28,419
And your wife, if I may say so.
1045
01:08:29,149 --> 01:08:31,252
Is a very formidable woman.
1046
01:08:32,132 --> 01:08:34,535
When she reads this fascinating data.
1047
01:08:35,097 --> 01:08:37,931
Her subsequent antics
are easy to imagine.
1048
01:08:38,283 --> 01:08:41,028
You are the most impudent
scoundrel I've ever known.
1049
01:08:41,389 --> 01:08:42,242
Sir.
1050
01:08:43,386 --> 01:08:45,480
I am impervious to flattery.
1051
01:08:52,851 --> 01:08:55,932
To think that I nursed and reared
that Frankenstein under my own roof.
1052
01:08:56,388 --> 01:08:58,361
Philippe, is that all you have to say?
1053
01:08:59,214 --> 01:09:00,523
Are you going to give in?
1054
01:09:03,192 --> 01:09:04,446
A difficult situation.
1055
01:09:04,859 --> 01:09:06,482
Allow him to adjust himself.
1056
01:09:06,918 --> 01:09:09,232
Coco .. this would ruin me.
1057
01:09:09,654 --> 01:09:10,780
What can I do?
1058
01:09:12,161 --> 01:09:15,126
Softly and silently, vanish away.
1059
01:09:20,610 --> 01:09:22,872
I .. have taken the liberty.
1060
01:09:23,277 --> 01:09:25,317
Of drawing up a partnership contract.
1061
01:09:25,670 --> 01:09:26,926
Blackmailer!
1062
01:09:30,612 --> 01:09:31,668
A pen, sir.
1063
01:10:13,907 --> 01:10:15,565
Gentlemen of the Stegg Academy.
1064
01:10:16,133 --> 01:10:18,161
And you my dear parents.
1065
01:10:18,860 --> 01:10:21,882
We are singularly honored today
in having with us an old friend.
1066
01:10:22,766 --> 01:10:24,605
I'm sure we can all call you a friend.
1067
01:10:25,493 --> 01:10:29,210
An old friend whom I've asked to return
to the scene of his first success.
1068
01:10:33,484 --> 01:10:34,953
Silence, if you please.
1069
01:10:37,249 --> 01:10:38,200
Gentlemen.
1070
01:10:38,454 --> 01:10:42,238
Nobody realizes more than I that
this is a great day of your lives.
1071
01:10:43,064 --> 01:10:47,367
I announce that in addition to prizes
awarded to the individual students ..
1072
01:10:47,543 --> 01:10:50,762
For their diligence and
brilliance in individual subjects.
1073
01:10:51,334 --> 01:10:55,170
The Academy this year, has
selected for its Banner Pupil ..
1074
01:10:55,602 --> 01:10:57,176
It's model of intellectual youth.
1075
01:10:57,511 --> 01:11:00,308
None other than Monsieur
Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour.
1076
01:11:10,028 --> 01:11:13,149
And now the moment arrives
which you've all been waiting for.
1077
01:11:14,382 --> 01:11:18,437
I have the privilege and honor to bring
to you the distributor of the prizes.
1078
01:11:19,096 --> 01:11:21,542
The beloved scientific
genius of The Republic.
1079
01:11:22,597 --> 01:11:24,112
My very good friend.
1080
01:11:28,933 --> 01:11:32,584
We welcome you back, Doctor Topaze.
1081
01:11:43,870 --> 01:11:46,273
Gentlemen .. dear ladies.
1082
01:11:47,565 --> 01:11:48,684
Doctor Stegg.
1083
01:11:49,818 --> 01:11:51,111
Members of the faculty.
1084
01:11:52,844 --> 01:11:54,524
Where is my pointer?
1085
01:11:57,295 --> 01:11:59,375
Thank you .. thank you very much.
1086
01:12:00,673 --> 01:12:02,507
Ah, now I feel more at home.
1087
01:12:04,895 --> 01:12:05,771
And ..
1088
01:12:06,602 --> 01:12:07,575
My glasses.
1089
01:12:08,178 --> 01:12:12,150
These .. glasses have seen a
great deal of service in this room.
1090
01:12:12,796 --> 01:12:13,867
So, gentlemen.
1091
01:12:14,309 --> 01:12:18,292
I suppose you are saying to
yourselves, that can't be Dr Topaze.
1092
01:12:18,795 --> 01:12:21,161
My, how different he
looks in his new suit.
1093
01:12:21,602 --> 01:12:23,089
And without his ..
1094
01:12:23,872 --> 01:12:24,862
His whiskers.
1095
01:12:27,018 --> 01:12:28,205
Well, gentlemen.
1096
01:12:28,953 --> 01:12:32,815
Since that day you saw me last,
I have been out in the great world.
1097
01:12:33,889 --> 01:12:35,789
And I have learned a great deal.
1098
01:12:43,939 --> 01:12:46,488
You have noticed gentlemen,
that I have changed.
1099
01:12:47,951 --> 01:12:50,766
But it pleases me to see that
here, nothing has altered.
1100
01:12:51,082 --> 01:12:52,843
The mottoes, they are all the same.
1101
01:12:53,809 --> 01:12:56,485
Like yourselves,
I studied them a long time.
1102
01:12:57,161 --> 01:12:58,878
And I learned to know them well.
1103
01:13:00,091 --> 01:13:01,596
But my dear children.
1104
01:13:02,167 --> 01:13:04,993
I have something rather sad to tell you.
1105
01:13:06,196 --> 01:13:10,580
It will surprise you to know that unlike
the lessons you have learned here.
1106
01:13:11,545 --> 01:13:13,273
In the outside world.
1107
01:13:13,842 --> 01:13:16,463
Honesty is not always rewarded.
1108
01:13:18,681 --> 01:13:20,698
It's very true, sir. Very true.
1109
01:13:21,516 --> 01:13:23,364
I can even say, Dr Stegg.
1110
01:13:24,241 --> 01:13:28,605
That villainy often receives
more applause .. than virtue.
1111
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:32,555
Gentlemen.
1112
01:13:33,267 --> 01:13:36,006
The world that lies outside that door.
1113
01:13:36,593 --> 01:13:39,135
Is a most upside-down place.
1114
01:13:40,745 --> 01:13:45,076
You will be shocked someday when,
full of maxims, mottoes and education.
1115
01:13:45,620 --> 01:13:47,786
You behold injustice triumphant.
1116
01:13:48,268 --> 01:13:50,689
And wrongdoing receiving the rewards.
1117
01:13:51,092 --> 01:13:52,975
Which should be given
only to the virtuous.
1118
01:13:53,186 --> 01:13:54,831
Doctor, please. You forget yourself.
1119
01:13:56,353 --> 01:13:59,527
Doctor Stegg thinks I
am forgetting myself.
1120
01:14:00,811 --> 01:14:03,453
Alas, I remember myself too well.
1121
01:14:05,272 --> 01:14:06,304
Gentlemen.
1122
01:14:06,952 --> 01:14:09,541
Regardless of what the
world outside is like.
1123
01:14:10,110 --> 01:14:12,866
Within these walls which
are still dear to me.
1124
01:14:13,567 --> 01:14:15,479
Injustice shall not triumph.
1125
01:14:15,916 --> 01:14:17,658
Nor wrongdoers be rewarded.
1126
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:19,875
I have been instructed.
1127
01:14:20,341 --> 01:14:22,664
To deliver the highest school honors.
1128
01:14:23,271 --> 01:14:26,220
For diligence, deportment and talent.
1129
01:14:27,134 --> 01:14:30,065
To one Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour.
1130
01:14:31,304 --> 01:14:33,179
Monsieur de La Tour La Tour.
1131
01:14:34,180 --> 01:14:35,633
Kindly step forward.
1132
01:14:45,611 --> 01:14:47,247
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
1133
01:14:47,775 --> 01:14:51,474
I see by this report that you
are marked 95 in history.
1134
01:14:52,164 --> 01:14:53,607
May I ask you a question?
1135
01:14:55,648 --> 01:14:59,014
What can you tell me about
the three Punic wars?
1136
01:14:59,412 --> 01:15:02,641
There were three Punic wars.
During the first Punic war ..
1137
01:15:03,336 --> 01:15:06,477
The first Punic war .. war ..
1138
01:15:06,891 --> 01:15:10,540
Hmm .. you don't seem to know
much about the first Punic war.
1139
01:15:11,422 --> 01:15:13,619
What can you tell me about
the second Punic war?
1140
01:15:14,159 --> 01:15:16,596
After the first Punic war
came the second Punic war.
1141
01:15:17,344 --> 01:15:19,329
The second Punic war ..
1142
01:15:20,230 --> 01:15:22,570
Let us proceed to the third Punic war.
1143
01:15:22,887 --> 01:15:25,478
After the first Punic war came
the second Punic war ..
1144
01:15:25,693 --> 01:15:28,144
And after the second Punic war
came the third Punic war.
1145
01:15:29,063 --> 01:15:30,845
A very scintillate deduction.
1146
01:15:31,729 --> 01:15:32,679
Proceed.
1147
01:15:33,775 --> 01:15:35,497
During the third Punic war ..
1148
01:15:35,814 --> 01:15:37,109
They burnt Carthage.
1149
01:15:39,236 --> 01:15:40,747
They burnt Carthage!
1150
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:42,533
They had a war.
1151
01:15:43,809 --> 01:15:46,600
Zero .. zero .. zero.
1152
01:15:47,612 --> 01:15:49,433
You will return to your seat.
1153
01:15:54,479 --> 01:15:58,781
Can anyone answer the extremely
complex question I have just asked.
1154
01:15:59,599 --> 01:16:02,487
Concerning the three Punic wars.
1155
01:16:05,319 --> 01:16:06,981
Are you sure you all know?
1156
01:16:07,218 --> 01:16:09,225
First Punic war: 264 BC.
1157
01:16:09,567 --> 01:16:11,442
Second Punic war: 218 BC.
1158
01:16:11,661 --> 01:16:13,501
Third Punic war: 14 ..
1159
01:16:23,169 --> 01:16:24,313
Excellent.
1160
01:16:25,105 --> 01:16:26,008
Excellent.
1161
01:16:26,997 --> 01:16:27,855
Excellent.
1162
01:16:28,713 --> 01:16:30,001
Thank you very much.
1163
01:16:30,719 --> 01:16:33,045
Have you the prize, Dr Stegg?
1164
01:16:38,704 --> 01:16:41,055
I award the symbol of learning.
1165
01:16:41,792 --> 01:16:42,813
To all of you.
1166
01:16:44,027 --> 01:16:45,886
I give it to you with the request.
1167
01:16:46,465 --> 01:16:48,331
That when you have entered the world.
1168
01:16:49,262 --> 01:16:50,848
And witnessed there ..
1169
01:16:51,259 --> 01:16:52,915
The strange evidences ..
1170
01:16:53,502 --> 01:16:55,088
Of amazing injustice.
1171
01:16:56,187 --> 01:16:58,681
You will remember that once, at least ..
1172
01:16:59,525 --> 01:17:02,968
Through the unworthy
hand of Professor Topaze ..
1173
01:17:04,065 --> 01:17:05,484
Virtue trîumphed.
1174
01:17:06,133 --> 01:17:07,991
And honesty was rewarded.
1175
01:17:08,790 --> 01:17:09,530
As ..
1176
01:17:10,690 --> 01:17:14,261
Read the mottoes .. on these old walls.
1177
01:17:53,774 --> 01:17:54,806
Fancy that.
1178
01:18:03,665 --> 01:18:05,016
Come back at eleven.
1179
01:18:27,201 --> 01:18:28,186
T-G oö
80624
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