Original subtitles

TV ANNOUNCER: He nails Harrison, and he dragged him down

as if he were gonna hogtie him too.

J.B. Logan was there to help out.

Anderson's ninth tackle.

He has two of them behind the line of scrimmage.

Give Harrison four yards to the 26.

Stoney Walker's coming in and Rufus Middleton is going out.

That gives Middleton a breather.

Has he been burning up a few miles today

on the stadium turf!

Rufus Middleton. All right, it's second and six on the 26.

Stoney Walker deployed wide right, Larry Singer left.

WOMAN: How long do we have to keep watching this crap?

TV ANNOUNCER: He had some room to run…

except for that man from Jacksonville, Florida,

James Washington La Croix,

who made a good, sure low tackle

just as Harrison was about to spurt deep into the secondary.

We've had ourselves an exciting ball game this afternoon.

WOMAN: Only a moron could sit and watch two football games,

one after the other.

TV ANNOUNCER: Victorio covers him there. Singer left.

It's about time Robinson went to Singer.

Harrison and Mancusso are split behind Robinson.

Robinson gives instead to Harrison, up the middle again.

He may have the first down

as he plows close to the 20 yard line.

Let's see where they mark the ball.

Billy Jacoby and Sonny Anderson again making the tackle.

It's going to be… [TV SHUTS OFF]

WOMAN: Thank God.

Mmm.

I feel so good. I feel so relaxed.

You know, the help is off, Crewe.

The phones are off.

We're all alone.

Let's get it on, honey. Come on.

Hey! Come on, honey.

[SNORING]

Wake up, baby. Come on.

You know it'll be good. You know how good it'd be.

Come on, Crewe! Get off of me!

[GRUNTS]

That son of a bitch!

Where the hell do you think you're going?

Splitting.Splitting.

Mm-hmm. You split when I tell you,

you all-American son of a bitch.

Lovely, lovely.

And when you walk out, stay out!

You're too expensive to be useless.

Whore!

That's exactly what you are, a whore.

I never looked at it that way before.

Everybody's bought you.

The colleges, the pros, your gamblers.

Who do you think bought those caps on your teeth,

the clothes you're wearing and the bloody tan that you've got?

Me!

Have I ever neglected to thank you, Melissa? Hmm?

You has-been.

Where are your keys? If I took everything back

that I gave you… Stay away from my keys.

You'd be bare-ass naked. Shut up.

Where are your goddamn keys? Don't touch my keys.

Ow!

I think the love has gone out of our relationship.

Bastard!

Don't you take my Maserati. I earned it.

I told you not to touch my goddamn car!

[GROANING]

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

[LYNYRD SKYNYRD'S "SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL" PLAYING ON RADIO]

[ENGINE STARTS]

Gimme the police.

[SIREN WAILING]

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

[ENGINE REVS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[HORN HONKING]

[HORN HONKING]

[HORN HONKING]

[HORNS HONKING]

Hee-hee!

[SIRENS WAILING]

[BOAT WHISTLE BLOWING]

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

[LAUGHING]

♪ And if you like ♪ ♪ To drink of whiskey ♪

♪ You might even ♪ ♪ Shoot yourself ♪

♪ So why don't we ♪ ♪ Dump 'em people ♪

♪ To the bottom of the sea ♪

♪ Before some old fools ♪ ♪ Come around here ♪

♪ Wanna shoot ♪ ♪ Either you or me ♪

♪ It's a Saturday night special ♪

♪ Got a barrel that's ♪ ♪ Blue and cold ♪

♪ Ain't no good for nothin' ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES GARBLED]

You have a driver's license? What, are you takin' a poll?

[LAUGHING]

Look what we got here. A miniature cop.

[MEN LAUGHING]

Can we see your driver's license?

What?

Can we see your driver's license?

See if I can get it out.

It's him, all right.

OFFICER 2: Why'd you dump her car in the bay?

CREWE: What?

Why'd you dump her car in the bay?

I couldn't find a car wash.

[LAUGHING]

Step away from the bar, please.

Mister, step away from the bar!

Don't get pushy, cowboy.

Turn it around. Come on!

Hold him! Hold that son of a bitch! Hold him!

Now we got you. We got you for stealin' a car,

drunken driving, drunk in public and resistin' arrest.

You wanna try for something else?

I'm gonna make you taller![GROANING]

[MELLOW COUNTRY THEME PLAYING]

Okay, men, let's go.

Good afternoon. Where are you from, please?

Palm Beach County. Thank you, sir.

The second door down. GUARD: This way, men.

They gave you $10,000

for shaving off your mustache on television?

Mm-hmm.

How about giving me $5,000 worth?

It's comin' right off. There's about 2,500.

Three thousand.

Four thousand coming up.[MEN LAUGHING]

Five thousand!

[LAUGHS]

Anything else, sir?

That's it.

Hmph.

Warden Hazen thinks you're some pretty hot stuff.

But I'm Captain Knauer.

And I'm gonna spell things out for you, boy.

I run this prison.

He sits behind that desk growing old.

I'm out here bustin' heads.

And I run the football team.

What football team?

My football team.

Oh.

Hazen's gonna ask you to help coach.

And you just tell him, "no way."

[GROANS]

Yeah. You know something, Crewe?

Ow!

I don't like you.

You understand that?

Oh, yeah.

MAN [ON PA]: Attention, cell block 3-A.

Please report as scheduled to your period assignment,

except for carpentry and accounting classes.

All men assigned to farm detail will meet

at 1:00 in the rotunda.

Warden, Captain Knauer is here with inmate Crewe.

HAZEN: Send him in. Thank you, sir.

You can go in now. Thank you, Miss Toot.

Paul Crewe.

The "Wrecking" Crewe.

It's good to have you here.

Thank you.

Young people can learn a great deal

from a skillfully played football game.

Offense, defense, spirit of achievement, teamwork.

You might say…

the game embodies what has made our country great.

It's a great game. It's played by great men.

Uh… Heh.

We, uh… We have something

of a football team here ourselves, you know.

First rank, semipro, southeastern league,

runner up, national champions past five years.

Mr. Crewe, what do you think of semipro ball?

Semipro's a joke.

Well, heh-heh,

perhaps we could use a few pointers from the big leagues.

Captain, what do you say to Mr. Crewe looking in,

and giving us the benefit of his invaluable knowledge?

That's a real good idea, warden.

We can use all the help we can get.

Uh-huh.

Well?

I haven't picked a football up in eight years.

I'm not in very good shape.

Nobody's asking you to play, Mr. Crewe.

What we need is a coach, new blood.

A new game plan?

[CHUCKLES]

Anybody who's pro football's most valuable player

has got something special, and I want to have that.

I'm not interested in football anymore.

Mr. Crewe, uh,

I don't mind saying,

I pulled a lot of strings to get you down here.

Well, I appreciate that.

Look,

what I want is a national title.

If perchance you should help us achieve that goal,

I expect your stay here with us will be very agreeable.

Well?

I just wanna do my time and then get out of here.

Very well.

All right, I'll turn you over

to the good hands of Captain Knauer.

Swamp reclamation.

Get him out of here.

Captain? Yes, sir?

I'd like a word with you.

For the past five years

you've promised me the national title.

And for each of those years, you've come up short.

KNAUER: You know how hard I try, sir.

HAZEN: When I want an answer, I'll indicate it.

KNAUER: Yes, sir.

HAZEN: You've asked for bonus money.

Certainly take their football seriously, don't they?

HAZEN: This year you've asked for new game uniforms.

I've okayed them.

Everything you've asked for, I've given you!

I appreciate it, sir, but… Now,

I want that title.

You will give me that title or you will be out of a job.

You and all that overpriced beef you call a team!

For all I've given you,

we should be in the goddamn Super Bowl!

I've lost patience, goddamn it! The gravy train is over!

This year you're gonna win! My, you have lovely hair.

HAZEN: This is your last chance!

Prison is no different from any other community.

Ever find any spiders in it?

HAZEN: …authority in here, then I haven't done my job.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

No, sir.

Then you'll give me the title? KNAUER: Yes, sir.

Good!

And I want that man out there.

And I want you to make that son of a bitch enthusiastic!

Did you ever do it standing up?

All right, let's move it.

KNAUER: I run this prison!

I tell you to forget football, you don't think twice.

What're you so mad about?

You better start takin' life serious.

I did what you told me to do!

[GROANING]

[BLUES THEME PLAYING]

Hey, superstar, you get a good night's sleep?

Too bad you missed breakfast. It was real yummy.

GUARD: Gotta get it done. Let's go.

This is "make work" day. Make work day!

What the hell's "make work"?

Where you shovel it in, and you shovel it back out again.

GUARD: Hustle in there now. Cover that.

Get that wheelbarrow!

Let's go, single file.

Hang it up, hang it up.

Got that covered?

All right, let's go. Come on.

Get a shovel.

Hey, you, superstar.

I got an idea. Granville, come on.

You ever work with a nigger before?

Get another shovel, boy!

WALKING BOSS: All right, let's go!

WALKING BOSS: Heave it out!

INMATE: Sittin' down, boss? WALKING BOSS: Not today, boy.

Wipin' off, boss. WALKING BOSS: Not today, boy.

Rollin' one, boss? Not yet, boy.

Now you know how it feels to do black man's work.

How do you like it? It sorta grows on you.

No talkin', Granny! Yes, boss.

You and your friend there'll find themselves in bad time.

Yes, boss. Sorry about that.

What's he think this is? Good time?

MAN: Looky, looky, looky! Here comes Cooky!

[LAUGHING]

Big deal!

Look at him now!

[LAUGHING]

How do you like them apples?

♪ Shootin' star ♪

INMATE: Move the line.

Real friendly types you got around here.

Might be your own fault. Really?

Most of these ol' boys don't have nothing.

Never had nothing to start with.

But you, you had it all.

Then you let your teammates down,

got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

I did, did I?

I ain't sayin' you did or you didn't.

All I'm sayin' is, you could've robbed banks, sold dope,

or stole your grandmother's pension checks

and none of us would've minded.

But shavin' points off a football game,

man, that's un-American.

You take your football here real serious, don't you?

You mind if I ask you one question?

Yeah, I do.

Why'd you do it? It's a long story.

Well, I got eight years.

Oh, my God! What the hell is that?

That's a member of the warden's football team.

Some of these guards are not just everyday

run-of-the-mill guards.

Crewe!

Granville! Front and center!

What now?

That means we don't get to finish this delicious lunch.

CREWE: What's he lookin' for?

Snakes.

Snakes? Yeah.

Take five!

INMATE: Rollin' one, boss? WALKING BOSS: Not today, boy.

Oh, jeez.

Mmm.

Terrific.

Football faggot!

Salt pill up here, boss? WALKING BOSS: Go get it, boy.

How long you been in this asylum, Pop?

Thirty-four years. Thirty-four years?

Yep. Last six and a half right here in the swamp.

Too old for reclamation, so they made me barracks chief.

You ought to be comin' up for parole soon, shouldn't you?

Well, 30 years ago I made the mistake of sluggin' a fish bull.

Hazen.

Just my luck, he made warden.

Sent me out here when I was 64 to die.

But I've been hangin' on.

Way I figure, we'll all be in the same place

a thousand years from now.

So what the hell? Yeah, what the hell?

WALKING BOSS: All right, you assholes, back to work!

Hey!

This ain't no country club, superstar. Move your ass!

[MEN GROANING]

No, son! You gotta get off the bunk!

Man, for God's sake, get up!

Come on, on your feet. Listen to me.

Nobody's allowed on the bunks

till five minutes before lights out.

They'll put you in the oven.

Man, that can kill you.

Did you have any supper yet?

No.

Later I'll try to get you some chow.

You gotta eat, man, or you'll die of mono.

And they could care less!

Get off of me!

Watch it, man!

INMATE: Where the hell you goin'? Move outta here!

Twinkle, twinkle, little superstar.

Guard? Yeah, boy?

I wanna see the warden.

Pass the salt.

[MISCHIEVOUS JAZZ THEME PLAYING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

Boy.

[MEN LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

[YELLING]

[INMATES CHEERING AND SHOUTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

He's here.

[LAUGHING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

KNAUER: That's gonna get you 24 hours in the hot box, boy.

I quit.

[LAUGHING]

What makes you so tough?

I don't know. It just comes natural.

That'll cost you, boy.

[GUNSHOTS]

Rise and shine!

Rise and shine.

Oh, it's room service.

Pretty gamey.

Take a shower. Put on some clean whites.

The warden wants to see you. The warden?

Get on down there.

[MEN CHATTERING]

Set! HAZEN: well?

What do you think of my team? CREWE: Mean.

Crude but mean.

Ah, I was depending on you, you know?

Well, there's so little time left now.

It's quite a problem.

They need something before that first game.

You have to win the first game? Right.

Well, that's relatively simple. Mmm?

Yeah. Get yourself a tune-up game, you know?

A what?

A tune-up game like the pros have.

You find yourself some hungry semipro team

that's not in your league. You bring 'em in here

and you kick the shit out of 'em.

Well,

how do you think we'd do against the pros?

That team against the pros? Yeah.

Ha. You'd have a real problem.Ah.

Well… Well, uh,

how do you think we'd do against the cons?

I didn't know the cons had a team.

They don't. But you've given me an inspiration.

I've decided, Mr. Crewe,

that you're gonna put one together for me.

For that little tune-up game, you know?

And you're gonna play quarterback.

I can't do that.

Why not? They're semipro. We wouldn't have a chance…

You said so yourself. It's a big joke.

That's why people like to have me around.

Because I have a sense of humor.

Mr. Crewe,

as old Mr. Sam used to say,

"in this institution,

to get along, you go along."

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

I'm just gonna do what's left of my 18 months quietly,

and I'm out of here. Oh, yes.

Eighteen months.

But that was to make parole.

That was before you struck Captain Knauer.

Your basic sentence is from two to five years.

You could be here with us a long time, Mr. Crewe.

If I get this team together,

how long do I have to get them organized?

Four weeks.

We're talkin' about early parole, right?

I believe we are.

All right, I'll play.

What? I didn't hear you.

I'll play.Sir.

I'll play, sir.

History.

I read you like a book, Mr. Crewe.

One more thing. What is it?

You keep Knauer off my back.

Give us a game, Mr. Crewe.

I'll give you a game.

INMATE: "Hit and be hit.

"Anyone with any experience or desire.

Prison football team. Sign up."

What do you think?[ALL MURMURING]

Maybe I'll get annihilated. Forget it.

Wait a second. Hey!

Here's the way I look at it.

Suppose you break your leg or something like that.

That's six weeks easy time in the hospital.

To me, that's biscuits and gravy.

Tell me somethin'. Would they let me play tackle?

Sure.

That means I spend half the time

lookin' directly across into Walkin' Boss's eyes, right?

Now you got it.

I always had a thing for Walkin' Boss.

Yeah, and Walkin' Boss always had a thing for you.

Hold it, hold it.

Don't you guys know a good thing when you see it?

You get a free crack at the guards!

Not to mention, a chance to kill one of 'em!

Legal! Bullshit!

I ain't signing that damn thing.

[ALL CHATTERING]

This honky golden boy sold out his own teammates, didn't he?

He damn sure did.

He did it once, he'll do it again!

[MEN LAUGHING]

Hi.Hi.

You know you're doing it all wrong?

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

You're never gonna put a team together with that bunch.

Well, I appreciate the advice.

I can help you. I'm Nate Scarboro.

Nate Scarboro, Giants?

Yeah.

Step into my office. Thank you.

I'm, uh, Paul Crewe. Yeah, I know.

You made All Pro your last year, didn't you?

Right. Why'd you quit?

It was a simple decision.

Doc said quit football or quit walking.

My knee had all the operations it could take.

I figured walking was better than sitting.

Maybe I made the wrong choice.

Anyway, you got 15 guys that're worth a damn.

The rest…

How long did Hazen give you to get 'em ready?

A month.

You bought a bill of goods.

I didn't have any choice.

And you don't have one black player out there.

There are at least 15 in this prison

with enough experience to make this club.

None of 'em signed up.

I played eleven years in the league,

never even got a hangnail.

I'm not gonna get hurt in this game.

I'm gonna get the biggest guys I can find and surround myself.

I know the guards. I've watched them play for 11 years.

I've seen how they've won games and why they lost 'em.

I know those bums better than they know themselves.

You just got yourself a job. Head coach.

CREWE: Great bunch of guys you got here.

"Strangled both wives with pantyhose."

"Triple murder, including body dismemberment."

"Hacked mother with meat cleaver."

Charming, charming. NATE: Double-check the ones

with two stars because they're the most violent.

Got any with three stars?

KNAUER: Warden, I think this game's a big mistake.

HAZEN: Captain,

not only will you have the chance to hone our team

to a fine edge, you'll also have

the opportunity to learn a great deal about life.

Why is it, do you suppose,

that I can walk through this yard

surrounded by hate and in total command?

'Cause you got 15 gun turrets around you that say you can.

Partly, partly.

They could stop us right now, grab us,

slit our throats.

But they don't.

We get the right person in the right place

at the right time,

we can surprise the shit out of 'em

one game, one time.

We can do it!

You guys about through?

Time's almost up.

NATE: Okay, Pop. Hold your water.

You better hurry up. What have you got for me, sunshine?

I can get you steroids,

vitamins, greenies. Anything you want.

You name it. I'm the best hustler in the joint.

How much of what this guy says he can do can he do?

He can get you laid in here… with a woman.

What more can I tell you? Yeah?

But can you get me the medical files on the guardsmen?

What for?

I want to find out who had any broken bones.

CARETAKER: Sonny Tannen. Strong as an ox. You'll love him.

Is that him? That's him.

Hello, Sonny. How'd you like to play some football?

SONNY: F-Football?

Yeah. Would you like that?

You mean, w-we get to h-hit the guards?

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Sonny?

[LAUGHING]

Report to the practice field tomorrow morning at 9:00.

[MURMURING, LAUGHING]

What's his name? Indian.

That makes sense. Don't do any ethnic jokes.

Indian, this is Paul Crewe.

Hi.Hi.

I hear you play some football.

A little bit.

Good. Where? Oklahoma State.

Oklahoma State U.? Prison.

Yeah. Well, first thing we gotta do

is get you transferred out of here

and on the football field. How?

Well, we'll work on it. Ha-ha.

That pretty heavy?

About 400 pounds.

That's pretty heavy. George Samson Granada.

Mr. Florida, 1964.

Uh, Paul Crewe.

You know Florida? Yeah, yeah.

They got tough cops here. Small but tough.

Uh, we're getting up a football game against the guards.

Wondered if maybe you and some of your buddies

would like to join in on the fun.

With the guards?

Uh-huh.

Sure, I'd like that.

Sign him up. I'm way ahead of you.

See you around. Look forward to it.

[GRUNTS]

Samson, huh? Aah!

Samson. Don't cut your hair.

What do you think?

Defensively we can hold 'em to two or three touchdowns.

But we need better pass receiving,

and more speed in the backfield to win.

To win? Heh.

I'm just talking about surviving.

Who's talking about winning?

So am I.

This just isn't a football game to the warden.

He shows you and this team up

and he's showin' up the whole prison population.

Nate, it's just a game.

All I wanna do is come out of it alive.

It's just a game.

Not to him it isn't.

It's a fear and violence philosophy.

He's given us this chance to be free for a few hours,

to try and be men again, so he can destroy us.

Nate, if you're thinking about winning this game,

then you're as crazy as he is.

Well, maybe so.

But you spend 14 years in this tank,

and you begin to understand

that you've only got two things left

they can't sweat out of you or beat out of you.

Your balls. And you better hang on to 'em

because they're about the only thing you're gonna have

when you get out of here.

Good night, Nate. Good night.

MAN [ON PA]: The use of toilet facilities is suspended for two hours

until repairs are completed.

Sorry, men.

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

Mason.Yeah.

Follow my lead. We're gonna do this sucker.

Yeah. If he get out of line, we'll jam him.

Might as well see what this boy wants.

Pretty boy, we know what you want, man.

We don't play no ball.

Figured you did.

Well, we do, but we don't.There it is.

You two guys were drafted by the pros, weren't you?

Yeah. I understand.Pros.

But we no longer perform for the honky's amusement.

MAN: Say, man, I'll play.

But you gotta guarantee me one thing. I'll start.

You got it.

All right.

What's wrong with you, nigga? We don't fuck with them.

I'm gonna play football. But not with them honkies, man.

You better leave. I'll talk to you later.

MASON: Yeah, leave.

You look better going than you did coming, anyway.

What's wrong with you?

I'm gonna play football. Look, brother…

I ain't none of you goddamn brother.

MASON: You know what, Granville?

You ain't nothin' but a big ol' dumb, stupid fool.

Nigga, you is a fool. It makes more sense me

bangin' one of those big dudes upside the head

than to be bangin' you upside of yours.

Aw, nigga, please! Shit!

Where are they?

They're not due for another five minutes.

What's the matter?

We're in big trouble, you know that?

I got a bunch of clowns.

I don't even know if they played high school football,

much less college football. We're playing a semipro team.

Plus the fact that I haven't picked up one of those things

in about seven years.

What're you worried about?

Once you got it, you got it.

Throw one at that tire over there. Just like makin' love.

Once you've done it, you never forget how.

See what I mean?

All right, men,

we're not gonna have time to learn any complicated patterns.

So we're gonna concentrate on the basic plays.

But we might learn a few specialty plays,

if you know what I mean.

[LAUGHING]

Aah! Naturally we're gonna try to get away

with as much as possible.

And my executive assistant, Mr. Nate Scarboro,

will be happy, more than happy,

to show you just exactly

how much you can try to get away with.

[LAUGHING]

The one thing that you're gonna have to remember,

the one most important factor,

is to protect your quarterback, me!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Wait a minute. That's no bullshit.

If anything happens to me,

if I get hurt,

we're gonna have to live with the fact

that we had one chance,

one chance in a million to humiliate those bastards,

and we blew it.

Is that clear? MEN: Yeah!

All right. Now, we're gonna hurt 'em, right?

ALL: Right!

All right.

We're gonna kick the shit out of 'em, right?

[ALL SHOUTING]

Right, right! All right!

Now, backs and ends come with me, the rest of you stay here.

Okay, linemen. Come on, linemen!

What's the agility rating on this?

Maximum is ten.

All right, men, just hit the holes.

I don't wanna hear you hit any rubber. Knees high.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]Come on, let's go!

Let's go! Let's…

That's a two. Let's go!

Very good. Knees high. Seven.

Let's go. Hubba, hubba, hubba! Knees high, knees high.

Okay, let's move over to the blocking dummies.

Come on, Sonny. Sonny? Over here.

All right, Granny.

[MEN CHEERING]

What'll I give Granny? Six.

Seven.

Would, uh… Would that be a ten?

That's a ten.

All right, I wanna see you really hit. On three.

Hup one! Hup two! Hup three!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

[MEN SHOUTING]

All right! Let's protect the passer this time!

MAN 1: Let's go, babe! MAN 2: Get him.

Good idea.

[GROWLING]

SAMSON: I'm gonna pinch your head off, you mother!

Hup one! Hup two! Hup three!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Sorry, man. Nice tackle, Granville.

Hey, coach, where the hell are all those

goddamn specialists you promised me?

CREWE: Jesus Christ.

There he is, Connie Shokner.

The very baddest cat in the joint.

Even the guards are terrified of him.

He killed five people on the outside,

and two since he's been in here with his bare hands.

That karate's bad.

That's before he learned karate.

Oh.

What's he doin' now?

Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.

Paul? Paul?

I smell a rat. Hello, Unger.

Paul.

I got something very important I wanna ask you.

Paul, I wanna be manager. Caretaker's manager.

I'm better than he is.

Let me prove it to you. Beat it, Unger.

Fuck off!

What have you got against me, anyway? Why don't you like me?

I'm crazy about you. I think you're terrific.

Friendship

is something that should never be taken lightly, Paul.

I really want people to like me.

But they never do.

I'd like very much to be your friend, Paul.

Well, it'd be an honor and a privilege, Unger.

Now, if you'll just excuse me.

UNGER: Paul?

You sure about that?

I can't be manager?

Caretaker's manager.

If I'd only found you sooner. You know.

CARETAKER: It's a good thing he loves you.

He burnt down a house and roasted five people

he didn't like.

Ah, putty in my hands.

Come out, boy, come out.

Hello, Mr. Shokner.

You know how to play football?

Yeah.

Good.

Uh, would you like to play football with us inmates?

No.Oh.

We're gonna play the guards.

Yeah, I wanna play.

He wants to play.

Thank you, Mr. Shokner.

Now remember, nobody hits the quarterback.

Blue 28!

Set. Hup!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[YELLING]

Goddamn it!

He broke my fuckin' nose!

You bastard! You broke my fuckin' nose.

Calm down, Samson.

I'm gonna fix it for you, all right?

I don't wanna play this game.

He broke my nose. I'm gonna fix it, okay?

Here we go.

[BONES CRUNCHING][GROANING]

How does it look?

It looks 100 percent better, doesn't it?

Hundred percent. Oh, yeah.

It does? CREWE: Yeah.

He did that on purpose.

No, he didn't.Yes, he did!

All right. Tell him you're…

Tell him you're sorry.

Please?

Okay. I'm sorry.

Okay, everybody, huddle up. Let's go.

He said he was sorry.

Bullshit! You dumb…

Let's huddle up. Let's go.

Try it again. CREWE: Three, 45!

Hup! Hup!

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

All right. What about the rest of the team?

Outside of Crewe,

the only one who looks like anything is Granville.

Granville can give you real trouble.

All right, Unger, that's all.

Well? It's gonna be a turkey shoot.

He's right, sir. We're gonna destroy 'em.

It's a cinch, boss.

A cinch. Destroy 'em.

[CHUCKLES]

Too cute.

That's what y'all said last year

before we lost to Anacott Steel, remember?

There's no sense us taking any chances,

lettin' ourselves get hurt.

So see what we can do about Granville.

BOTH: Yes, sir.

Hey, Granville, get your ass over here.

Yes, sir, lieutenant.

What the hell you think you're doin', boy?

You pick that up.

Yes, sir.

Now, what is your problem, fat man?

Know why you spades is always calling each other brother?

No, sir.

'Cause half of you don't know who your daddy is,

so you just might be brothers.

Yes, sir, lieutenant.

You think that's funny, don't you?

Yes, sir.

And you wanna hit me, don't you?

Who, me? No, sir, lieutenant.

GUARD: You're too goddamn ignorant to know

when a man's calling you a stupid, uneducated nigger.

Yes, sir, lieutenant.

May I go now, sir?

Yeah! Get out of my sight!

Blue 48!

Blue 48!

Set! Hup one!

[GROWLING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Shit.

Hey, white white!

CARETAKER: What the hell is this?

MAN: Here come the rain clouds.

MAN 2: What the fuck do they want?

Granny tells us you need a little help.

Says you can guarantee us no work detail.

Yeah.

Guarantee us special food like Granny gets?

Yeah.

We get to hit those damn guards like Granny said?

You get to hit 'em.

What else can we offer 'em?

I guess they gonna have a Geneva conference.

What is this bullshit?

Well, Mr. Crewe,

looks like we've come to terms.

Compliments from the Greater Chicago Youth Authority.

There goes the neighborhood.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

You wanted to see me?

Yes, sir.

And especially Unger.

Unger? Yeah.

Unger has a direct pipeline to Captain Knauer.

It's impossible for me to have a secret practice

as long as Unger's around.

Hmm.

I'm supposed to reschedule the yard activities

for three uninterrupted hours

of secret practice. Yes, sir.

That's right? Right.

And you will talk to Captain Knauer?

I'll speak to the captain on both those matters, yes.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Crewe,

just what is it you have up your sleeve?

I'm just trying to give you a football team, warden.

And along the way, maybe give the men

some pride and dignity.

Of course, only for a little while.

I know you've got something more

bouncing around inside that head of yours.

You want a game, right? Mmm-hmm.

My men don't have a chance in hell of winnin' that game.

You know it, I know it.

I just don't want them to know it. Okay?

Man! I ain't eat steak like this in five years!

I ain't "et" inside in six.

[LAUGHING]

What've you done for me lately?

Today may be the high point of a long and colorful career.

Three gigantic rip-offs.

First, I've got a box of brand-new equipment

just waitin' to be stashed.

Compliments of Captain Knauer, no less.

No less. And the piece de resistance.

How would you like the Mean Machine to have game films

of the Guardsmen in action? Can you do that?

Warden's very own home movies.

Caretaker, you never cease to amaze me.

Never.

But you said three gigantic rip-offs.

That's only two.

You don't want to ruin the surprise.

Surprise?

There is one thing. What's that?

You're gonna have to perform a personal… service.

[MEN LAUGHING]

CREWE: What kind of personal service?

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

The warden's expecting you. Won't you come this way?

Thank you, captain. Thank you.

I'm glad you're not in the swamp anymore. That can ruin a man.

[DOOR LOCKS]Mmm, sure can.

We don't have a great deal of time.

We have 15 minutes.Oh.

The game films. Thank you. That's… terrific.

Like I said, we only have 15 minutes.

Oh! Ohh!

[CREWE GRUNTS]

Uh-uh-uh. Won't go over the cuffs.

Oh. Heh.

Uh, you do this very often?

I'm just as far from Tallahassee as you are, honey.

[ZIPPER UNZIPS]

Shokner!

CREWE: Shokner! Yeah?

CREWE: You hit him high like that, he's gonna break your back.

Breaks your back, gonna break the superstar's back.

Don't worry about him.

I'll get that son of a bitch with an "M.P."

Kee-yai! PLAYERS: Kee-yai!

Ready. Set. PLAYERS: Kee-yai!

Ready. Set. PLAYERS: Kee-yai!

You take this bandage. You dip into the plaster of Paris.

You wrap it around the cast,

and in 15 minutes it becomes as hard as a rock. You got it?

ALL: Got it!

This is a picture of the walkin' boss. Yeah!

He once broke his right femur. That's his thighbone.

Maybe you can give him a clip or somethin'.

We'll break it again. Got it?

ALL: Got it! MAN: Right! We can do it!

Gentlemen, what we have here in common parlance

is known as a set of brass knuckles.

Temporary disabilities:

balls, gut, ribs.

You got it? ALL: Got it!

The ball is snapped and you go into your point,

go into him blocking him with your left arm

and bring this hand up into his chin,

and I'll guarantee you, gentlemen,

that he will be incapacitated for the next several moments.

You got it? Okay. ALL: Got it!

Men, here's the play we're gonna use.

I don't think the guards know this formation.

It's called "incidental punishment"

after the ball is blown dead.

Remember, any man you tackle

gets an extra elbow, knee, or kick in the mouth.

Got it? ALL: Got it!

I am, without a doubt,

the finest maker of raisin jack in the entire joint.

I'm gonna call this batch Ole Caretaker.

[CHUCKLING]

You always keep it in there?

It seems like a logical place.

Mm-hmm.

Listen, you and me are buddies, ain't we?

I got you laid.

I got you the game films.

I got you all them monsters. I'm gettin' you drunk.

That you are. Heh-heh.

So one thing still bothers me.

What's that?

Why'd you shave them points?

I told you. For the money.

No, no, I mean…

Come on. Give me the real reason.

You really wanna know, huh?

I never gave a shit about football, or anything else.

The only thing I ever care about's my old man.

My old man was blind. He never saw me play.

Shit. I've been a professional ever since I was 12 years old.

Hustlin' nickels and dimes playin' pool.

Just trying to make enough money to take care of him.

I figured when I got in pro ball,

I'd make one big killin'.

One big one.

Make enough money,

set him up.

Take care of him the rest of his life.

And the son of a bitch up and died on me.

You buy that?

That's good, because that's bullshit too.

Why do you think I, uh, shaved the points?

For the money.[LAUGHING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

GUARD [ON PA]: One minute to lockup. One minute.

You know what my problem's been all my life?

No. What?

I've always had my shit together, always.

My problem's been that I couldn't lift it.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

I gotta go home.

You're gonna be a party pooper? It's okay.

Some pro quarterbacks drink all night long.

Mm, I know.

Good night.

Good night, Paul.

Here, aren't you gonna take one with you?

GUARD 1 [ON PA]: Lock it up.

GUARD 2: Lock it up! Lock up, men.

Lock it up.

GUARD 2: Lock it up![CELL DOORS CLOSING]

GUARD 3: Come on, boy, move.

You wanna be tucked in or something?

There's nothin' I can do for you.

Crewe got to the warden. But if you put me back

into general population, one of those guys will kill me!

That's what usually happens to finks.

But then you got Crewe to thank for that.

He's the guy that blew the whistle on you.

On you specifically.

You got problems. But listen, I can help you!

Split right. Fullback, dive right.

On one. Ready!

[CHATTERING]

Twenty-eight!

Hup!

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

Set!

Hup!

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

That's my team!

GUARD [ON PA]: All prisoners report to their cells.

Shop 35 will begin in ten minutes.

In ten minutes, we expect all men in Shop 35

to meet outside the cell blocks.

Cell block 3-A will take first call to dinner.

[MEN LAUGHING]

Dinner rotation will start with cell block 3-A.

Shit. We don't know enough about these guys.

Why don't we take another look at the x-rays?

The medical files are on my bed. Get them, will you?

Who do you see playin' flanker?

Miller.

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC THEME PLAYING]

Get the goddamn key!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Bring that key, goddamn it!

MAN: Come on, get the doors open!

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

and dust to dust,

we commend the soul of James Caretaker Farrell.

And now the peace of God which passeth all understanding,

shall guard your hearts and souls.

And unto our god and father…

be glory forever and ever.

Amen.

ANNOUNCER: Good afternoon, fellow inmates, correctional officers,

honored guests, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Matt "Killer" Farrell broadcasting on

the intrastate correctional facilities communication

broadcasting system of your state prison.

This is part of Warden Rudolph Hazen's

progressive rehabilitation program.

Ah, this is indeed an historic occasion,

ladies and gentlemen, as we sit here

in this marvelous Edward J. Hazen Memorial Stadium

provided for us by our warden, Rudolph Hazen.

All right, stand for the warden!

Just so you'll know,

we've posted armed guards all along the wall

and around the running track at the public end of the field.

So, if any of you

are thinking of mingling with the civilians

and wandering off with the crowd at the end of the game,

we will shoot you.

Have a nice game, boys.

See you on the field, superstar.

All right, now it's our turn.

Here's a surprise from the Caretaker.

Come on, come on!

[ALL SHOUTING]

♪ Born free ♪

♪ And life is worth living ♪

♪ But only worth living ♪

♪ 'Cause you're ♪

♪ Born free ♪

ANNOUNCER: We wanna thank the men of Cell Block C,

affectionately known as the Citrus State Cheerios.

The teams are coming on the field.

First, the guards' defensive unit,

led by Captains Rassmeusen and Igor Bogdanski.

[CHEERING AND BOOING]

Leading out the offensive unit,

the guards' coach and captain, Wilhelm Knauer!

Let's hear it for Warden Rudolph Hazen

who has sponsored today's contest.

Let's get the ball game goin'.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Mean Machine!

[CROWD CHEERING]

GUARD: They stole our new uniforms!

ANNOUNCER: One of the all-time greats,

quarterback for the Mean Machine,

Paul "Wrecking" Crewe!

The balance of the Mean Machine

with their coach, Nate Scarboro!

Will you please stand and join Mike Sykes

in the singing of our national anthem.

ALL: ♪ O say can you see ♪

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

♪ What so proudly we hailed ♪

What the hell are you dressed up for, Halloween?

If you get far enough ahead,

maybe you'd let this one-legged middle-aged kid have some fun.

Bullshit!

Call it in the air.Heads.

You said head. It is a head. You've won the toss.

How the hell did you steal our uniforms?

Cute, aren't they?

Have a real good clean football game.

No matter what happens, just keep stickin' it to 'em.

Now, who are we? PLAYERS: The Mean Machine!

[CHANTING]: The Mean Machine! The Mean Machine!

The Mean Machine! The Mean Machine!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Get that! Way to go! Way to go!

ANNOUNCER: They're gonna go all the way.

Touchdown!

[BOOING]

One, two. One, two. Ready, go.

[CHANTING]: Get that ball, throw that ball! And don't let it go!

Get that ball, throw that ball! And don't let it go!

Get that ball, throw that ball! And don't let it go!

Three, thirty-five.

Hup! Hup!

ANNOUNCER: That kick was blocked by Granville.

The point after is unsuccessful.

The score now is Guardsmen 6,

Mean Machine nothing.

ANNOUNCER: Kick off for the Guardsmen.

MAN: Way to go! Way to go!

ANNOUNCER: And he's pulled down!

The Mean Machine serpentines

their way up to the line of scrimmage.

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

All right, here comes the bad guys.

Pick 'em up! Pick 'em up!

Set. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Crewe down in the end zone for a two-point safety

in a classic tackle by number 61.

Rudanski? Who the hell's supposed

to pick up the middle linebacker on the blitz?

I am. Right!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ANNOUNCER: A free kick. Charlie Blue Eyes kicks the ball.

It's taken by Beazley.

[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: And he's dropped for a five-yard loss by number 66.

[ALL CHEERING AND SHOUTING]

Mean Machine ball on their own 32.

Crewe is fading to pass.

Crewe is hit by a vicious tackle by Bogdanski.

[CHEERING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Paul goes back to throw. He's reading the pass.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: Mean Machine scores!

Damn!

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

All right, settle down. Good hands.

Here we go. Little showboat here. We're gonna fake it.

Roll out to the left on a center snap. Ready?

ANNOUNCER: And the Mean Machine

will line up for the point after touchdown attempt.

Hike!

ANNOUNCER: He sneaks it through to the end zone.

That makes the score 8 to 7 in favor of the Guardsmen.

MAN: Defense!

Listen, if they fake the walkin' boss, cover me.

I gotta get that bastard. Bury that son of a bitch!

ANNOUNCER: First and ten on the 31.

Dropped for a two-yard loss on the 29 yard line.

Gimme them brass knuckles.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[GROANING]

Take a good whiff. Take a good whiff.

How many fingers? Three.

How many fingers? Great.Three.

If that Levitt comes up the middle again,

I'm gonna clothesline that son of a bitch.

MAN: Now's the time to get him, Samson.

Four three maumau. Four three maumau.

Ready, break! PLAYERS: Hey, hey, hey!

[ALL SHOUTING]

The receiver! Set. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Levitt was clotheslined and he is not moving.

I think I broke his fuckin' neck!

Way to go!

I think he broke his fuckin' neck.

I told ya I broke his fuckin' neck!

[MEAN MACHINE CHEERING]

I think he broke his fuckin' neck.

Sonny, if Knauer drops back to punt,

nail that son of a bitch good.

You bet your ass. I'll get him.

PLAYER: We need the ball!

ANNOUNCER: Playing kind of a timid

or a chicken kind of football.

[PLAYERS SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING]

Gimme a break! Okay!

You see that, goddamn it?

What, are you blind or something?

Shit! There ought to be a goddamn trial for you.

Third and long. He likes to throw on the flat.

ANNOUNCER: Goes back and throws a pass out on the flat.

Pass is intercepted.

ANNOUNCER: Touchdown for the Mean Machine.

Way to go!

[ALL CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: The conversion was blocked.

And the half ends with the score,

Guardsmen 15, Mean Machine 13.

We will have the halftime statistics in a few moments.

But right now it's time for our gala halftime activities.

Any suggestions, sir?

Give your team a little pep talk.

Yes, sir!

♪ You've got to be ♪ ♪ A football hero ♪

♪ To get along ♪ ♪ With a beautiful girl ♪

♪ You've got to be ♪ ♪ A touchdown getter, you bet ♪

♪ If you wanna get ♪ ♪ A baby to pet ♪

Hey, Crewe! What kind of football you call that?

Same kind of football you're playin'.

We were gonna let you mothers slide.

Now we're gonna hang you out to dry.

Hey, Wilhelm, hang loose.

We've got 'em on the run, baby!

Bastards are good!

Come on, damn it, let's go!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[ALL CHATTERING]

You call yourselves a football team?

You're a bunch of candy asses!

They're laughin' at you right now.

Right next door. Listen to that.

Oh, what about Mawabe. He's a big shot out there, man!

They're only two points up. We'll take 'em in the second.

Just what the hell do you think you're doing?

You wanted a game, you got one.

I never said anything about winning.

Never said anything about losing, either.

I'll spell it out for you.

We've got Unger in custody.

He's confessed to killing Caretaker.

What?

He said you knew all about it.

Well, you didn't notify Captain Knauer,

and that makes you an accessory.

You're full of crap.

Mr. Crewe, you sent Caretaker to that cell.

You are an accessory to murder.

You could be looking at 20 years and counting.

Bullshit! There's no way you could make that stick in court.

No? Mr. Crewe,

you could be in this institution until you are old and gray.

Or until you're dead, whichever comes first.

I can promise you that.

You're gonna lose the game.

And I want a 21-point spread.

I can't do that!

Of course you can.

You've done it before.

If I give you the 21 points,

will you call off the dogs?

The dogs?

If you got the game in the bag, you tell your guys to coast.

I don't want any of my men hurt.

You have my word.

Once we get the 21 points.

You know, there's only one thing I'm sorry about.

What's that, Mr. Crewe?

That you're not out there with us knocking heads.

I'm afraid I'm a little too old for that.

CREWE: No.

You never had the guts to begin with.

You're playin' like a bunch of girls out there!

Every one of you! Candy asses!

You know who's beatin' you out there?

Scum's beatin' you out there! Scum!

You know what that is? That's the lowest part of the world!

Those are the criminals and the rapists,

and the murderers out there! You guys are supposed

to be representin' law and order!

Supposed to have some decency, some pride.

Hey, listen to this shit.

Somebody thinks he's Rockne.

You're lettin' the flag down.

Go out and do something about it.

Offense and defense, play together. Let's go now!

Come on![ALL SHOUTING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH]

You've just been guaranteed a 21-point spread.

What?

Because of your marvelous performance,

I was forced to make a deal with Mr. Crewe.

In the second half, we can beat this team.

I'm not interested in discussing

what you think might happen in the second half.

You'll do as I told you, and Crewe will do as I told him.

Yes, sir.

Now,

when you and your mental midgets are 21 points ahead,

I want you to inflict as much

painful damage on the prisoners as is humanly possible.

So you understand, before this game is over,

I want every prisoner in this institution

to know what I mean by power,

and who controls it.

We understand each other?

Yes, sir.

ANNOUNCER: The score 15 to 13.

The second half of this surprisingly close game

is about to get underway.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: Ball taken by number 36.

[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Set. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Crewe's fading back.

He's getting good protection. Looking for a receiver.

I'm open, man! I'm open! Crewe! Crewe!

Pass!

Ah, shit!

Crewe is knocked for a loss.

I owned that hamburger out there. Get rid of it.

And I was open all day long. Can't you see?

Knock it off. I'm callin' the plays.

[CHEERING]

Set. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: The Guardsman returns it to the 48 yard line

of the Mean Machine.

Way to rise up!

All right, no sweat. It's no problem.

Come on, come on. We'll get it back.

[ALL SHOUTING]

ANNOUNCER: Touchdown![WHISTLE BLOWS]

The kick is good!

Let's stick it to 'em. He's gonna choke.

[CHANTING]: Now! Now! Now, now, now!

ANNOUNCER: Passing situation.

He gets a pass off and it's short.

Pass is picked off by number 21.

GUARDSMAN: we got it. We got it. We got it.

ANNOUNCER: It's another touchdown for the Guardsmen,

making that score 28 for the Guardsmen

and 13 for the Mean Machine.

What the hell was that all about?

Having a bad day.

Haven't you ever had a bad day before?

Get off my back!

What's the name of the team?

CROWD: Mean Machine!

Set.

Hup. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: And there's a fumble at the line of scrimmage.

What is that? Come on!

Why don't you change uniforms? Bullshit!

Paul Crewe is taking himself out of the ball game.

Paul Crewe is limping badly. He's limping off the field.

Pop Steadman's gone out to meet him

and is bringing him to the bench.

We may have seen the last of Paul Crewe for today.

[CROWD BOOING]

We'll get this shoe off and take a look at that ankle.

SHOKNER: I'd like to give him one of my M.P.s. I'd knock his head off.

POP: It don't feel like anything's broken.

Somebody step on it, or did you twist it?

Twisted it.

PLAYER: Golden boy. Superstar.

We can thank Granny for this crap.

Really sold us out, didn't you, Crewe?

PLAYER: Anybody can see he's throwing the game.

[CHANTING]: Get that ball And let's go!

PLAYER: All right, let's go!

[ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

It's a touchdown for the Guardsmen,

making the score now 35 to 13

with five minutes, 58 seconds left in the third quarter.

A third quarter has been all Guardsmen.

The score is 35 for the Guardsmen

and 13 for the Mean Machine.

[CROWD CHEERS]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]No point.

ANNOUNCER: With 5:58 left in the third period,

the score remains 35 for the Guardsmen

and 13 for the Mean Machine.

GUARDSMAN: Kill that Indian mother!

Get that Indian Mother Goose with those skinny legs!

Good blocking! Keep it up!

Come on there, come on.

ANNOUNCER: The ball, third and two on their own 37 yard line.

Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Knauer fades to pass. Puts it up in the air.

[CROWD BOOS]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

On me. Jesus Christ. Another injury.

Come on.

ANNOUNCER: Player number 74, Shop Steward, is badly hurt.

He's bleeding badly.

Hands off for another long gain. Nine yards.

Another injury for the Mean Machine.

And it's Sonny Tannen.

Sonny Tannen, number 58, was badly shaken up.

[GUARDSMEN LAUGHING]

GUARDSMAN: Cry baby son of a bitch!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

My time. Got a man down.

Got a man.[CROWD BOOING]

Hey, superstar. What kind of a deal did you make this time?

What did Hazen promise you?

They're killing those guys out there!

You don't even care!

ANNOUNCER: Guardsmen's ball on their own 48.

You know, he's right, Crewe.

You fooled the hell out of me.

I put my trust in you, and you let me down like this.

I know you don't give a shit about nothin'.

But I didn't think you'd sell us out.

NATE: Hey, Granny, better get back in there.

[LAUGHING]

Four three inside flank. Ready? Break.

[ALL SHOUTING]

ANNOUNCER: Ball on the 48 yard line. Ball going to Knauer.

He hands off.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ANNOUNCER: Granny Granville is… GUARDSMAN: Ha, Granny!

[ALL SHOUTING]

MAN 1: What is it? MAN 2: Broken collarbone.

MAN 1: You sure? MAN 2: I'm sure.

The officials are trying to break up that fight.

[ALL SHOUTING]

ANNOUNCER: Granny Granville is hurt. He is holding his shoulder.

He appears to be very badly hurt. Probably a broken bone.

He is on his feet.

Satisfied now?

[GROANS]Jesus, Sonny!

ANNOUNCER: The officials are now going to assess a penalty.

It's going to be 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Hey, Pop? Yeah?

That time you hit Hazen in the mouth. Was it worth it?

Was it worth 30 years?

Yeah. For me it was.

Give me my goddamn shoe.

[LAUGHING]

ANNOUNCER: Mean Machine, first and ten.

Wait a minute.

Paul Crewe, number 22,

is going back into the game for the Mean Machine.

New quarterback. Shok, go on the bench.

Move over. Here we go.

Nickel defense, way to go. Fuck you.

Look who's back! It's baby boy!

[GUARDSMEN LAUGH]

Set.

Set, my ass.

What the hell's he trying to pull?

Hup! Uh-uh.

Get that superstar!

ANNOUNCER: Behind the line of scrimmage for a six yard loss.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[PLAYERS TAUNTING]

That's the way it's gonna be, huh?

ANNOUNCER: They go back into a huddle.

There's the gun ending the third quarter.

That's the quarter. Let's change ends.

Hup! Ball goes back to Crewe.

He's going to pass on fourth and long yardage.

He's going up the middle.

Crewe moves up the middle.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]Way to do it, Paul!

ANNOUNCER: The line is set.

Hup!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Shotgun left! Shotgun!

Hup! Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Crewe is looking for a receiver. Can't find one.

Where in the hell's he goin'?

ANNOUNCER: There's a figure that graced the polo grounds for years.

What are you guys so surprised about?

Didn't think I was gonna let you have all the fun, did you?

Bootleg on one. Ready? Break!

KNAUER: Okay, come on, come on now. Keep it alive, keep it alive.

Set.

Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Ball goes back to Crewe. A key block is thrown.

It's a first down.

First down on the 20 yard line.

Got your confidence back?

Get Scarboro. Hard-nosed son of a bitch.

ANNOUNCER: Flankers out left and right.

Hup, hup.

[GROANS]

Bogdanski hit Nate Scarboro with a cheap shot.

A most reprehensible action.

[CROWD BOOING]

[GROANING]

Old Double "O" is down and he seems to be badly hurt.

How is it, Nate? I love it.

After all these years,

ow, my first touchdown.

Gotta be his knee. I heard it pop clear across the field.

Let's get him up.

POP: You'll be all right, Nate. Hang in there.

Hey, Paul, you've gotta do it.

Screw Hazen!

Don't worry. He'll get his.

ANNOUNCER: Good old Nate Scarboro.

One of the most beloved men this institution has ever had.

The extra-point kick is good.

Tightening that score now to 35 to 20.

If Blue Eyes here can kick the ball ten yards,

think one of you bastards can fall on it?

Right on, man, right on! Let's go.

ANNOUNCER: Charlie Blue Eyes approaches the ball and he boots it.

It's an onside kick!

Poupaw recovers for the Mean Machine.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Shut up! Shut up!

You guys are stinking the place up.

Can we take 'em? PLAYERS: Yeah!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Split right.

On two. Ready? ALL: Break!

Set.

Hup! Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Ball goes to Crewe, Crewe hands off to number 30.

Cut it back! Cut it back!

ANNOUNCER: Good for 23 yards. Crewe is down at the ten yard line.

A beautiful piece of razzle-dazzle.

Paul Crewe reached into his bag of tricks that time, folks.

Crewe handed off to Indian. Indian hands off to…

He's in for the score.

Charlie Blue Eyes splits the uprights.

And that makes it 35 to 27.MAN: Easy, Nate. Easy.

How we doin'? GRANVILLE: Doin' fine.

MAN: There you go, Nate. There you are.

GRANVILLE: I heard you were on your way in.

Hey, he tell you about my touchdown?

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, with five minutes

and four seconds left in the fourth quarter,

there is now only an eight point difference.

Here we go.

Blue Eyes, can you drop kick from here?

I can try. Drop kick?

It's fourth and four. We're gonna drop-kick.

Shotgun, drop-kick on one.

Ready? Break!

ANNOUNCER: The ball goes back to Charlie Blue Eyes.

Charlie Blue Eyes drop kicked!

I haven't seen one of those in 25 years. Good as gold.

What the hell was that? That was a drop kick.

Drop kick. How much does that count? Drop kick.

Three points. Three points. Three points?

For that? Bullshit!

ANNOUNCER: The score stands Guards 35, Mean Machine 30.

It's fourth and 21 for the Mean Machine

on their own 39 yard line.

Crewe is fading.

He dumps it off on the pass.

[ALL SHOUTING]

Bogdanski saves a touchdown.

Bogdanski is really wreaking havoc on that Mean Machine team.

All right, quiet down. Listen to me. Listen to me!

We're gonna let Bogdanski come right through.

Nobody touch that big mother.

You got it? I wanna try something now.

If it works, everybody hit him, right?

ALL: Right!

Split right, ball curl on one.

Ready? ALL: Break!

Red left!

Blue 69.

Blue 69.

Set.

Hup!

[GROANING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ANNOUNCER: Wow. They're in a tangle now.

There is a penalty of 15 yards against the Mean Machine

for unnecessary roughness.

That pass sure didn't look like, uh…

Like it was an accident.

Bogdanski is staggering, but he is up.

He is up and on his feet.

Okay, we got 15. Huddle up on the ball.

Come on, let's huddle up.

Huddle up!

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Unbelievable.

[LAUGHING]

Bog, come on, get yourself outta here.

Come on! I know what I'm doing!

Worked once. Ought to work again, right?

All right. One more… One more time.

One two. Ready? ALL: Break!

ANNOUNCER: It is third and 32 for the Mean Machine.

Set.

Hup! ANNOUNCER: Paul goes back.

He passes.

Crewe hits Bogdanski with the ball right in the…

In the nether region.

[LAUGHING]

[SHOUTING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BAND PLAYING FUNERAL MUSIC]

He's not breathing.

Do something, man. Try mouth-to-mouth.

You want to?

No way.

Ambulance. Help!

[SIREN WAILING]

ANNOUNCER: They're taking Bogdanski off the field in an ambulance.

[LAUGHING]: What a…

[BAND PLAYING FUNERAL MUSIC]

[CHEERING]

Set. Hup.

Hup!

GUARDSMAN: He pushed off! He pushed off!

WALKING BOSS: You can't see, you blind son of a bitch!

What's goin' on here? Hey, Walking Boss.

Here's your cryin' towel.

You big, fat-ass son of a bitch!

You get off this field! Goddamn!

First down.[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Time out. Time out.

Jesus!

Come on, let's go. Let's take it in.

Spooner, you wanna hit somebody?

All right. Tackle eligible.

Mawabe, talk to me. What are you gonna do?

I'll step one step off the line. I'll step on it.

All right, on one. Ready? ALL: Break!

Machine's ball, first and ten on the Guards' 31 yard line.

Blue 28. Blue 28.

ANNOUNCER: A tense moment with less than a minute 57 seconds left.

Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Spooner goes down on the one yard line.

Protest that play!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Crewe, call time.

Time! Time, ref.

Time! Time!

ANNOUNCER: It's first and goal to go on the one yard line

as Crewe calls time out with 40 seconds left on the clock.

CROWD [CHANTING]: Mean Machine! Mean Machine!

Mean Machine! Mean Machine!

Mean Machine!

We got no time. Quiet down.

Split right. Joe Jackson, split right, sweep left.

On one. Ready? ALL: Break!

Blue 28. Blue 28.

Set. Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Steps out of bounds to stop the clock.

Twenty-five seconds left to go.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is really a ball game.

This is a great ball team. They're out here.

They're giving these Guardsmen the fight of their lives.

Hold up.

Split right, roll out right, option pass. Be waiting, Mason.

On two. Ready? ALL: Break!

Second and goal. Blue 28.

Blue 28. Set.

Hup!

Hup!

ANNOUNCER: Ball to Crewe. He fades to pass.

He throws. He overthrows Mason in the end zone.

Stopping the clock again with 16 seconds left.

I'm sorry. Here we go.

Boot right, dive left again.

Listen, if we don't make it, everybody yell "time."

On one. Ready? ALL: Break!

Blue 29. Blue 29. Set.

Hup!

Time! Time![WHISTLE BLOWS]

And Crewe calls for his third and last time out

with seven seconds left on the clock.

Where's he going?

Come on. Let's find out.

ANNOUNCER: Crewe has taken his last time out,

and he's heading toward the Mean Machine bench.

He's heading toward the bench

followed by the entire offensive unit.

Most unusual, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't know what they're doing down there.

It's silent as a church.

It looks more like a prayer meeting

than it does like a huddle.

Whatever happens, regardless of the outcome,

this has been one fantastic showing.

We've come too far together to stop now.

For Granny, for Nate,

for Caretaker.

Let's do it!

[CHEERING]

[SHOUTING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

Blue 44.

Blue 44.

Set.

CROWD [CHANTING]: Mean Machine! Mean Machine!

PLAYER: That's enough! Hold it down!

[CROWD HUSHES]

Set.

Hup!

[SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING]

[PLAYERS GRUNTING]

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

[CROWD CHEERING]ANNOUNCER: Crewe scores!

He scores!

36, 35 in favor of the Mean Machine!

[ALL CHEERING]

Ladies and gentlemen, like the fabled phoenix of old…

[CHEERING AND LAUGHING]

[CHANTING]: Mean Machine! Mean Machine!

Mean Machine! Mean Machine!

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

NATE: Granny, you son of a bitch!

Goddamn it!

[CROWD CHEERING]

You guys ain't half bad. You're right.

Fuck you, boy.

Not today, boss.

History!

MASON: We stopped 'em. We could be number one. We are number one!

Where's your goddamn power theory now, huh?

He's trying to escape.

Bullshit. Officer!

Crewe! I'm talking to you!

Crewe!

He's trying to escape. Here, shoot him!

KNAUER: Crewe! You gonna let him get away?

Shoot him! Crewe!

Soot him, you… Shoot him! Crewe!

Crewe! Kill him!

Kill that son of a bitch! Shoot him!

Game ball.

Stick this in your trophy case.

[LAUGHING]

I knew you could do it!

[UPBEAT MARCH THEME PLAYING]