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♪ Well we all skipped town, it was somethin' to do

♪ It was us and them, it was me and you

♪ Got the best of both worlds

♪ Best of both worlds

♪ You've got the best of both worlds

♪ Best of both worlds

- Honey, you haven't told me one name that you like yet.

- Are we even positive it's a girl?

You can't tell anything by the sonagram.

- Yes, Paulie, it's a girl.

If you would have came with me to the doctor's today,

you would have seen her kicking and moving on the monitor.

She was even sucking her thumb.

Hey, what's the matter?

- Well, no, nothing, I'm just, I'm late,

and cousin Mike is gonna be here any minute.

So, I just

- No, I know that look on your face.

What's bothering you?

- I do not have any look on my face.

- Yes, you do.

I'm nervous, too.

Okay, but we gotta talk about this

or else it's gonna get real weird, real quick.

- I know, I know, I'm just,

you know, with the wedding and everything, I'm just,

I guess I'm just distracted.

- Have fun with your friends.

We'll be waitin'.

- Yo.

Three days away, cuz, you lucky bastard.

- Lucky?

- Yeah, lucky.

Beautiful girl, baby on the way,

I'd say that's lucky, man.

That's real lucky.

♪ You went away and left me long time ago

♪ And now you're knockin' on my door ♪

- Why are you playing that song again, man?

- It's a good song.

- It's for someone who left a long time ago.

Did you tell him yet?

- No.

- Tell me what?

- Guess where Jimbo is right now?

- Eatin' a sandwich, lookin' for a job?

- Pickin' TC up from the train station.

- What the fuck happened, TC's comin' in?

Why the fuck is TC comin' here?

Nobody likes TC. - Yeah, and

he's a groomsman.

- You don't make a guy like that a groomsman, he's a zero.

Plus you haven't even seen the guy for eight years, Paulie.

- Do I see you every day anymore, no.

Are you still one of my best friends?

Are you a groomsman, yes.

Am I a cousin, am l a normal person

that doesn't fuckin' steal shit from you, yeah.

No, forget about it, man.

- Look, Mike, it's a few days, all right.

All you gotta do is just be cordial to him, okay?

You can't do that?

- I can't do that.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I don't know what cordial means.

Speak English, Paulie, fuckin' cordial?

What is that?

- It means be polite, you retard, just be polite to the kid.

Then why didn't you say polite?

Mr. Shanty lrish Newspaper Man, he's gotta put--

- Do me a favor, do me favor.

Be nice to him, all right? - Be cordial.

- He's gonna be here

in an hour. - Yeah, yeah.

I'll be cordial when he comes in.

I'll be real cordial to him, Paulie.

Don't worry about it.

♪ You better get back in your used-to-be

♪ 'Cause your kind of love ain't good to me ♪

- Yo.

- Oh, thanks for showin' up.

- Hey, man, I thought I was supposed to

pick you up at the train station.

- Yeah, about two hours ago, man.

I gave up on you. I'm walkin'. - Wait.

I thought they said six or eight.

- What, and you pick eight?

- Will you shut the fuck up and get in, come on.

All right, ya clown.

Pop up the trunk, man.

- You look good, man.

- Yeah, you look good too, dog.

- Shit, it's good to see you, buddy.

- Yeah, good to see you too, man.

- I take you by your Dad's place or what?

No, not necessary, man.

You know, actually, I was hoping

to crash with you and Jules, what do you think?

Can l?

- Shit, fine by me.

- You good?

Hey.

I don't give a shit, if you can't get over your differences

and play in the band, I'll just get a new drummer.

- You can't get another drummer.

It wouldn't be the same band.

Then you're not gonna use the old name

if you got a new band, no way.

- Why are you causing trouble?

It's your cousin's wedding,

and you're acting like a little school girl.

- I said I would be cordial to the cocksucker, didn't l?

Didn't I say I'd be cordial to the cocksucker?

But I will not play in a rock and roll band with him.

That's where l draw the line, Dez.

- Hey, Paulie, you mind if I get another drummer?

Cousin Mike doesn't wanna play in the band.

- You know, Dez, I mean,

we haven't played together since high school.

Maybe it's not such a good idea.

- No, it's not a good idea, it's a great fucking idea.

This is my wedding present to you.

Look, you need to rock one more time

before you walk down the aisle.

I mean, are you hearing me?

- I'm hearin' ya, Dez.

- Good, and we will rock, dude.

Come on now.

- It's good you're back, man.

Too long you neglected your friends.

- I just couldn't believe when Paulie tracks me down

and tells me he's getting married, man.

- Yep.

- Paulie of all people, you know?

- If you ask me, it's 'cause he got her pregnant.

- No shit.

Well, good for him.

- Biggest mistake of his life, he marries that bitch.

Yo.

- Hey, look who's here, Paulie.

What is goin' on, fellas?

- Dez, what's up, man, how you doin'?

- Dude, God damn.

- How you doin', man?

Hey, dig the goatee, man, that's cool.

Hey, have I shrunk?

What's goin' on, everybody's taller than me.

- Hey, you.

Long time, long time.

- How you doin'?

I heard the good news from--

- Yeah, yeah, baby on the way.

The wedding, too.

- Yeah. - Obviously.

- Well, that's what we're doin'

- Gonna throw puffed rice--

- Hey, let's see what's up with your cousin Mike.

It's cool, it's cool. - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, come on.

- All right.

- What kind of friend would I be

if I didn't try to patch things up

between two old friends, right, Mike?

TC's here, he wants to say something to you.

- Look, first off l just wanna say,

I want to apologize for what I did, and secondly--

- You owe me more than an apology, you fuckin' prick.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cousin Mike.

You said you were gonna be cool, right?

- Fuck this guy, I'm bein' cool, I'm bein' cordial.

Whatever you want to say.

The guy fuckin' disappears for eight years,

the guy fuckin' steals from me and .

An apology's going to do it?

I should kick your fuckin' ass on principle.

- Mike, you ain't kickin' nobody's ass.

- Mike, it was just a card, come on, man

You're bein' ridiculous.

- Hey, why don't we just get a fuckin' drink?

- Look, Mike, you said you were gonna accept his apology.

Just accept his apology, all right?

It's a little crazy to get this worked up

over a fuckin' baseball card.

- It's just a fuckin' baseball card.

- It's not just a baseball card, it's a Seaver Rookie.

I bought it with my own fuckin' money when I was a child.

I was a fuckin' child when I bought that card.

It's worth hundreds, maybe thousands of fuckin' dollars.

And the meaning it had to me, the sentimental value.

I remember in the second grade--

- What, I don't know what to say to you, man.

I just don't know what to say, all right?

I didn't know it was worth that much to you, okay?

What more can I say to you, buddy?

- Then why did a fuckin' steal it?

- Mike, Mike, you're being ridiculous, man.

Either accept my apology or not, that's it, all right?

- All right.

I accept your apology.

- There you go.

- God damn, you make me work, man.

Unbelievable.

Hey, hey, whoa.

- Stay right there!

- I apologized to you.

What's wrong with you? - I'm all right now.

I got a let it off my chest.

Eight years is a long time.

- Hey, I'm trying to apologize to you, man.

- It's all right, I apologize to you, it's over.

- Keep him away from me, man, he's a fuckin' animal.

- Come on, dude, take it easy.

- He's a fuckin' asshole.

- What the Hell, Mike.

- You're fucking crazy, man.

- All right, you know what, fuck it.

Fuck it, go ahead.

Go ahead, that's what you want, Mikey, fight.

Kick his ass, TC.

- What do you mean?

- Fuck him up, TC.

Hit him in the mouth.

- All right, fuck it, all right, come on.

I don't give a shit, fuck it.

This is how you wanna be, man, fuck it, come on.

I'm not afraid of your ass, come on.

- I forgive ya, fuck it.

You fuckin' believe this guy?

He was gonna hit me.

- You should fuckin' hit him anyway.

- You forgive me?

- You know, you got problems.

- He should have fuckin' hit you.

- You had it comin' to you, you jackass.

- You got problems with rage.

Startin' that much trouble your first day back.

- Dez, what do you say you get TC a beer right away, huh?

- I'm on it.

- It's good to see some things don't change, huh?

- Welcome home, brother.

Come on, shoot a little pool.

- I don't understand the New York Jets.

They always play in Giants Stadium.

- All right, here we go boys.

- But don't they have their own stadium.

- My bar, listen up.

We finish this bottle, we go home.

But first,

real quick,

to TC, hey, shut it, to TC coming home.

- Yeah, what am I?

- And the band gettin' back together.

- Hey, Dez, Dez, come on.

- And Paulie.

- And all you guys.

- Mike, Mike. - Drink up, cuz.

- Come on, it's bad luck.

- Is there more, yeah, there you go.

- Whoa, where's my car?

- Jimbo, Jimbo, you're not driving anywhere.

- You don't need a car now, you got a ride already.

Look at that.

- Just get on my back.

- No, seriously, I'll drive.

- You're not drivin' anywhere.

Are you fuckin' kidding me?

- No, come on, man, we'll walk, we'll walk.

It's just a couple of blocks, what's the big deal?

- I'm not walking with you anywhere.

- Whatever, Seaver. Whatever.

- I thought you guys made up, didn't you make up?

You made up right?

You made up.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's my trash.

Hey, hey, hey come on.

- Just like The Highlander.

- Put it back.

That's my trash, dude.

What's your problem?

- There he is, in the Olympic sport--

- Get out of here.

- What the fuck are you doing?

- That's great.

- Hey, hey, hey.

All right, all right, maybe we got to settle down, Jimbo.

- Letting derelicts drink after hours.

They should shut you down, Dez.

- Fuck you, bitch.

- Dez, Dez, Dez, seriously, what are we going to do

for the rehearsal dinner?

- We have one song.

All right, I think if we get that tight,

if we work at it long and hard

- Why don't you wanna go fishing, it'll be fun.

- You're not comin', TC?

- There's a fine line between fishing

and standing in the boat looking like an idiot, all right?

- Come on, don't leave me hangin', man, I feel like shit.

- Jimmy, he just wants to spend time with you.

It's the least you could do as his brother.

Just be nice to him, okay?

And remember, don't say anything about Sue, you promised.

- Come on, baby, have a little faith in me, all right?

- You know, I purposely didn't go fishin',

'cause I know you need to talk.

- So talk, what's goin' on?

- Come on, you've got some sense of what's going on.

- I'm tellin' you, he's got this edge, this ridiculous edge.

I mean, how long's he been in this funk?

- It's been this way

about a year. - A year?

- I mean, did he tell you he got fired again last week?

- What do you mean, again?

- Second job in ten months.

You knew him years ago,

is he the type of guy that gets fired?

- All right, look, have you tried just being direct

and saying, "Jimbo, what the fuck is goin' on?"

- Come on, I've tried everything.

I've tried couples counseling, I've tired his father.

Nothing, he won't talk to anyone.

And he's getting fat too.

- Oh, yeah, that I noticed.

- I mean, he thinks it's funny that he's let himself go.

He says now that he's married, why bother.

- Well, you know, that's what happens when you get to 35.

You think you got your head together,

and then all the sudden your body falls apart.

- Yeah, well his head is hardly together.

- I gotta hand it to you, bro.

You figured it out, man, you know.

You got a nice house, great boat.

all the time to enjoy it.

- Hey, look, I only fish before or after work, all right.

Today's an exception,

because I wanted to spend time with my big brother.

- Wait a minute, you call what you do work?

Shit, if I had to type for a couple of hours every day,

yeah, I'd have plenty of energy to fish.

- Wait, you're gonna try and tell me that the reason

you just go home and watch TV every night

is because you're too tired from sellin' office supplies?

- I'm not a salesman, I'm the general manager.

Okay, there's big difference.

I've got 15 people underneath me.

- Yeah, Jimbo.

I've seen that pack of misfits that work under you.

- Jesus Christ, come on, Paulie, seriously.

Do not try and compare what you do for a living

with what I do for a living, 'cause there's no comparison.

I do a man's work, okay.

I have to oversee multiple locations.

I've got shipping, inventory, I've got trucks.

So when I come home, I'm tired, all right?

I'm not doin' what you do, what do you do?

You sit in front of the computer for a half an hour?

An hour?

So you have the free time to jog and to lift weights

and to fish and do all that fun shit

that you seem to have all day to do.

- All right, I see what you're sayin'.

So, you think the reason

that you've packed on a couple of pounds lately

is because you don't have the time to work out anymore.

- What other reason would there be?

- I don't know.

Maybe it's the 12 pack of Budweiser a night, I don't know.

- Jesus Christ, l work a long day.

I don't have time to exercise,

but I enjoy a few cocktails, okay?

If you knew what I went through,

the pressures I was under, the deadlines,

you wouldn't begrudge me a fuckin' drink.

All right, I didn't get lucky, man, okay.

I did not marry a rich girl.

Fuckin', I'll hand it to you, you got lucky.

You know, I didn't want to get into it with you,

you know what I'm sayin', Paulie?

I just, I'm worried about you, that's all.

- What the hell are you worried about?

- You're gettin' married.

- Jimbo, we've been living together for a couple of years.

You know, I think it's gonna be all right.

- It's different when you get married, trust me.

You know, I just don't wanna see you makin' a mistake.

- We got a baby comin' in a couple of months, all right.

It's a little too late to worry about that, all right?

- Hey look, I know, I know.

You don't have to get married to someone

just 'cause you got them pregnant.

I mean, it's not the '50s.

No one's puttin' a gun to your head.

- I'm marrying her, because I love her.

Is that so hard to believe?

- No, of course, l know you love her.

And you're a good guy, I mean,

you're the kind of guy who's always done the right thing.

It's just, it's not necessarily the right thing

to get married to someone

just 'cause you got them pregnant, that's all.

I just don't wanna see you makin' some huge mistake.

- Hey, Dez.

Rehearsal, one hour, in my garage.

- That is the commitment I like to see, cuz.

- What are you talking about?

It's Nirvana all the way, dude.

- Yo.

Do you see me unloading the minivan?

- Aw, come on, dad, we're going to Murph's.

We're gonna be late.

- You're gonna be more late if you don't get your butt

off the bike and help me unload the minivan.

- We have to be there in five minutes, dad.

- You gotta be there in five minutes, huh?

Well, let me ask you a real quick question.

Who likes the delicious Fruit Loops?

Oh, you do?

That's good.

How about the little fudgie-fudgies?

You like these?

I guess if you're too busy to help your dad

unload the minivan, you're too busy to eat crap food.

- Okay, okay, we'll help you.

- You're gonna help, what a good idea.

Hey, there's more out there.

- Whoa, where's the fire?

So the band is back together?

- Yeah, they're totally into it, we're rehearsin' later on.

- I can't believe they actually agreed to it.

- Why wouldn't they agree to it?

Why wouldn't they want to rock?

- Because, sweetie, maybe the band

didn't mean as much to them as it did to you.

- What are you drivin' at?

- All I'm sayin' is, those were your glory days,

were they not?

- They were not my glory days.

I've had plenty of good days since then.

That was like what, 17 years ago.

Oh, they were good days, weren't they?

- Yeah, baby, they were pretty great.

♪ We had broken up for good, just an hour before

♪ Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, uh-uh

♪ Now I'm staring at the bodies

♪ As they're dancing across the floor

♪ Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, uh-uh

♪ They don't write 'em like that anymore

♪ They just don't write 'em like that anymore

♪ We've been livin' together for a million years

♪ Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, uh-uh

- Come on.

♪ Now it feels so strange out in the atmospheres

♪ Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, uh-uh

- No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You were way off, man.

You guys got way off, that sucked.

- Dude, we were, honestly, we were just--

- I was feelin' it.

- We started to rock.

- It's not the right song to play anyway.

Besides, TC's voice sounds like dog shit.

- Oh, bite me, man.

- No, that's not a stupid song, that's a great song, dude.

- It's a stupid song, you don't play the Breakup Song

for a guy's fiance, it's a dumb idea.

- Where's Paulie, man?

I thought he was going to come to the rehearsals.

- He's bein' a pussy.

He's like, you know, Mr. Hurt Feelings and shit.

- Hey, hey, why don't we play Jane's Addiction,

Been Caught Stealin', I bet TC knows that one.

- Hey, shut the fuck up with that, you dumb ass.

Why don't we do American ldiot

and you can just be yourself, huh?

- Stop, just stop, all right.

Knock this shit off.

You know what we should play?

We should play...

We should play Eddie Money, Shakin'.

- Yes. - All right.

- That used to rock. - I ain't playin' shit

until you put a fuckin' shirt on.

- Dude, this is old school.

- It's retarded, man, it's fuckin' freezing out.

- He's like Sid Vicious, man, look at him.

- I'm jokin', l know it, come on.

- Get those nipples hard, baby.

- All right, I'm prime, let's go.

♪ Rosanna's daddy had a car she loved to drive

♪ Stole the keys one night and took me for a ride

♪ Turned up the music just as loud as it could go

♪ Blew out the speakers in her daddy's radio

♪ She was shakin'

♪ Snappin' her fingers

♪ She was movin' round and round

♪ That girl was shakin'

♪ We started drinkin', weren't thinkin' too straight

♪ She's doin' 80 and she slammed on the brakes

♪ Got so high we had to pull to the side

♪ We did some shakin' 'til the middle of the night

♪ She was shakin'

♪ Snappin' her fingers

♪ She was movin' round and round

♪ That girl was shakin'

- Are you crazy?

You look beautiful for a big, fat, pregnant girl.

- Hey, babe, is cousin Mike bringing Jen?

Or can I give that seat to my niece?

- I think you can probably give it away.

- Hello?

Dezie-Dez.

Yeah, oh, would you let Tina know, please,

that I'm coming over later for the high chair?

Okay, thank you.

Here you go, you too.

Desdimona.

- Desmond, yeah, hold on a second, I'll take it outside.

Excuse me.

- Private matters?

- Hey, Dez, what's up, man?

Look, I'm sorry I couldn't make it today.

- Everyone else was there, rockin' out Strong lsland style.

- Yeah, look, I know, I just,

I had to help out Sue out with some things

here at the house.

- Don't tell me you're gettin' chicken shit on me.

I need you in this band.

- No, no, not at all.

But look,

I gotta ask your advice about somethin'.

I'm thinkin' about maybe not making Jimbo the best man.

- That's a big mistake, Paulie, that's your brother.

That's the kind of thing that brothers don't recover from.

- Yeah, well, he told me he thinks

that marrying Sue was a mistake, so.

- Look, Paulie, your brother's always been

a bit of a schmuck, right?

- Yeah, well, look, if he's such a schmuck,

why should I have him be the best man, right?

- 'Cause he's your brother.

- Not a good enough reason.

- Is there any way

you're blowing this thing out of proportion?

I remember how nervous l was before I got married.

I was 21 years old, right?

It's not, hey, did I invite you into this conversation?

Hold on a second.

Did I invite you, no.

Do your homework.

Sorry about that.

Look, just think long and hard

about this whole thing before you make that call.

All right?

See you tomorrow.

- Pop, what are you gettin' at?

- All I'm sayin' is l appreciate all your help.

Living here at the house with me,

it's nice to have your company

watchin' the Met games and all.

But don't you think it's time?

- Time for what?

- You're a grown man, still livin' at home.

It's not healthy.

- I gotta take care of you.

- But I don't need you to take care of me.

- Yes you do, Pop.

- You should start thinkin' about

startin' your own family soon.

Takin' care of them.

Don't you want a family?

- Of course I do.

- So what are you waitin' for?

Don't you know any nice girls that want to get married?

- Nice ones, no.

- Maybe you'll meet one at your cousin's weddin'.

Weddin's are good for that.

- I don't know, no one like Jen.

♪ We lie about each other's drinks

♪ We live without each other

♪ Thinkin' what anyone would do

♪ Without me and you

♪ It's like I told you

♪ Only the lonely can play

♪ So hold on

♪ Here we go

♪ Hold on

♪ To nothin' we know

♪ I feel so lonely

Forget about it, you look fantastic.

- Yeah, it's him, I got it.

What are ya doin' here?

- What, no, I thought it might be a good time

for me to come by and get some of my stuff back.

- What stuff?

I thought we did this already.

- No, I had an extra box of stuff in the back bedroom.

You know.

- Oh, I threw that out, l thought it was garbage.

- You threw it out?

Jen, come on, you didn't throw it out.

There's two important baseballs in that box.

- It couldn't have been that important if you left 'em here.

- No, they were important, they were really important.

They were valuable collector's items, collectibles.

- Grow the fuck up, Mike.

I mean, don't you see that's why we broke up?

You are a child.

What man in his 30s do you know

that cares about baseballs and comics

and all that other adolescent shit that you obsess over?

- How you been otherwise?

- Go away, Mike.

- You look really good.

Jen, come on, look, hey,

Did I tell you Paulie's gettin' married this weekend?

- Yeah, Mike, you told me that.

- Yeah, it's exciting.

Really exciting.

I got a tux, it's nice.

Hey, I don't have a date for that.

You should come, you know all the guys.

- You know, my little brother's back from college.

- Yeah?

So?

- So, I think you should stop stopping by.

And if you don't, I think I'll have him take care of it.

- Who, Top Cat?

You're threatening me with my little brother?

- Yeah, well, he's not so little anymore.

- Wow, man, you know what?

You just wanna throw me under the bus,

toss me out of your life like we never had anything.

Cool.

That's fine with me, Jen, I don't give a shit.

You can do that.

Fine.

Whatever, man.

All right, you know what?

Do me a favor, see if you ever meet another guy like me

in your whole life, ever.

Because I got news for you, Jen, guys like me, nice guys,

cordial guys, huh, yeah, that's me.

We're far and few between, Jen.

Far and few between, so good luck.

Go enjoy your lonely life, 'cause I can't do it anymore.

I'm done, fine.

I got your bike in...

I got your bike in my truck

and I've been driving it around with it,

trying to figure out when would be the right time

to bring it over here for you.

- The right time?

- Yeah, the right time, I got your bike.

It's in my truck.

There you go, I put all the reflectors back on for ya.

- Thank you, Mike.

All right, well, give Paulie and Sue my best.

- You look great.

Jen, come on, let's work it out.

Come on, Jen, talk to me.

Talk to me Jen, whatever l did, I'm sorry.

I don't even know what I did and I'm sorry.

Jen.

Jennifer, come on, Jen.

- What the hell are you yellin' for?

- Mind your fuckin' business, that's what.

- You are not even close.

- I am close.

- You're a liar.

Hey, Jimbo.

Jimbo, what was that song you wrote for Jules

when you were trying to woo her in High School.

What was it?

- Woo me, is that what you call it?

He had ulterior motives if I remember correctly.

- Remember that song you wrote for her.

Back when you were trying to,

you know what I mean.

Back in the day, remember?

- What are you talkin', like 20 years ago?

- Come on, come on, don't be a prick.

Come on, you used to play all the time.

Come on, what was it, it was,

how did it go?

♪ Hey Jules

♪ Don't you play me for no fool ♪

- Jesus Christ, that was back in High School, man.

How am I supposed to remember that?

- Jimmy, you're so full of shit.

You didn't forget the song.

- I don't remember the song.

- Oh, but you remember every note to Stairway to Heaven.

But you can't remember three cords you wrote for me.

- I haven't played Stairway to Heaven for years,

Jesus, come on.

- But that's not the fuckin' point.

- Hey, why don't you just grab the guitar

and play it for her, come on.

- Look, I don't remember the fuckin' song.

If I remembered the song, I would play the song, okay?

But I don't remember, I'm sorry.

- I'm havin' a tough time, Paulie,

I don't know what's goin' on.

You know what it is?

I get over come with emotions, you know?

Like, I'm completely flooded with emotion.

I start crying, my heart gets all heavy, I can't drive.

'Cause every song I hear on the radio

reminds me of her, right.

And then, I know I shouldn't go over there and see her,

but I can't help myself, I gotta see her with my own eyes.

- Seriously, you just, you gotta calm down, man.

I mean, there are other women out there.

Just give yourself time, and you'll meet somebody new.

- But not that hot, Paulie, she's so hot.

And that ass, God, Paulie.

When am I gonna find someone that hot

that likes me back again.

That's a combo in this life time.

- Look, you know, when I met Sue,

she was kinda going through what you're going through now.

She was datin' this clown from Staten Island.

When I was workin' over there,

I'd see her on the ferry occasionally.

And one night, I'm comin' back.

And I see her, and she's crying.

You know, so, I go over to her.

You know, and being the nice cordial guy that I am.

I ask how she's doin', and she tells me the story

about how she just found out

that her boyfriend was cheatin' on her.

So I walked her home and asked her, you know,

maybe when she's feeling better,

maybe she let's me take her out.

Maybe, you know,

maybe let me make somethin' in her life.

A month later, she called.

Here we are, a baby on the way.

- I didn't know that's how you guys met,

on the ferry like that.

That's romantic, Paulie.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Like, that's really romantic.

How come you never told me that before?

I don't know, man, you know.

Just, that kinda shit just doesn't come up, does it?

- What about Violet, I like that.

That could be a good name.

- No, no flowers.

And no virtuous names either, like Hope, Faith or Chastity.

She should have a regular name like Liz or Betty.

- Liz or Betty?

Now, you are aware that those are the same name, right?

They're both nicknames for Elizabeth.

- You know what, l didn't know that.

No, you know what we should do?

We should just do what, like Dez and Tina did.

They waited until their boys were born.

Check out their personalities, and then they name them.

- Oh, so, are you waiting to check out her personality

before you finish painting her room?

- I'm gonna get to the room, all right?

How 'bout Betty?

Ya like Betty?

- I like it, Elizabeth it is then.

I like Elizabeth.

- Okay. - Okay.

♪ I can't stand to see you sad

♪ I can't bear to hear you cry

- Where do you think you're goin'?

- I got an eight o'clock tee time with Paulie

and the guys I'm runnin' late for.

- You're not doin' anything, I'm goin' to work

and it's your turn to take the kids to school.

- I have an eight o'clock tee time.

- Desmond, you're the adult, they're the kids, okay?

I'll see you tonight.

Come on, boys.

Let's look alive, Daddy's taking you to school.

- Love you.

- You too, babe.

- Boys, let's go.

- I'm gonna go to work, okay?

♪ I remember

♪ When we first met

♪ You were standin' by the pool

♪ Smokin' on a cigarette

♪ You asked me

♪ To the Sadie Hawkin's dance

♪ I spent all night

♪ Trying to get into your

♪ Hey Jules

♪ What we gonna do

♪ Come September

♪ And when you go off to school

♪ Hey Jules

♪ Did ya play me for a fool

♪ you

♪ I'll never let go of you

- Nice shot, man.

- Thank you, bro.

That still doesn't explain

why you took his baseball card though.

- Well, 'cause I was mad at Mike about something,

so I just stole it to piss him off, you know.

Stupid kid stuff.

- I'll tell ya, the stupid kid stuff is the fact

that eight years later he's still pissed about it.

- Wait 'til he finds out l only got 40 bucks for it.

- You gotta be kiddin' me, you only got 40?

- Yeah, can you believe that jack ass

thought he was gonna retire off that?

- I mean, why was it so urgent to get out of town

and then why not call anybody all this time?

- Oh, come on, Paulie, man.

If anybody was gonna get it, it'd be you.

- Bro, I have no idea what you're talkin' about.

- Well, the reason l left the way I did was because,

well, you know, I accepted something about myself

that I knew you guys couldn't.

- I mean, we were your best friends, man.

What wouldn't we accept about ya?

- Paulie, I'm gay.

- Hey, you know...

If I'm honest with myself, I probably,

it probably crossed my mind a couple of times, but just--

- You never allowed yourself

to really believe it, right?

- Yeah, yeah, I guess.

- Yeah, well, welcome to the first 25 years of my life, man.

- So, what, that's just what you do now or--

- No, dude, dude, that's who I am now.

- Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.

- Just hit the ball, come on.

Made you nervous, didn't l?

- Little bit, little bit.

- I'm tellin' you, my dad flipped when I told him.

- I'm sure, what did he say?

- Well, you can imagine, right?

I mean, my dad's like old school, like,

it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, man.

You know, I just really prepared my announcement to him.

And then one night at dinner.

I just says to him,

"Dad, could you pass the salt to a homosexual?"

And my Dad just stayed real quiet for a long time.

And then he says to me, "Are you seeing a psychiatrist?"

Like I got some kind of sickness or something.

And then he says to me, with real disgust,

"Be safe."

Yeah, and that was it, man, that was it.

That was it.

- Hey, Dez.

Can we talk for a second about what a stupid idea it is

to have a softball game for a bachelor party?

I mean, come on.

What the hell is that all about?

You know what we should be doin'?

- Yeah, playin' basketball.

- No, man, we should be gettin' a limo

and we should be packin' it full of strippers

and we should all be gettin', you know,

on our way down to Atlantic City.

- Yeah, our wives would love that.

Look, he wants to play softball, we're playin' softball.

- Oh, my God, softball, that's a lot of fun.

- You all right?

He said,

he says you were judgmental yesterday.

- Who did, he did?

Paulie said I was being judgmental?

- Yeah.

- He said that to you?

When?

- The other day.

- He said I was being judgmental the other day?

To you? - Yeah.

- He didn't say shit to me, look, I was just,

what, the other day, we talked.

I was just telling him what my feelings were,

you know what I mean?

I mean, he's my brother.

I can't give him advice?

- Don't give him advice unless he asks for it.

- No, that's what an older brother's supposed to do.

You know Paulie, he's not gonna ask for advice.

- Just do everyone a favor, all right.

Just for the next couple days,

keep your opinions about Sue to yourself.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that mean?

Did he say I said somethin' about Sue?

Jesus Christ, look, I'm just lookin' out for him, man.

I mean, seriously, do you think he's doing this thing

because he loves this girl?

Or do you think he's doing it because he knocked her up?

- No, I think he's doing it for all the right reasons.

He loves her.

- I still don't understand why you would

let his asinine comments bother you.

- Sue, how could they not bother me?

- Well, because they would only bother you

if they were true.

- Look, he's my brother and my best man.

He's supposed to be supportive, all right.

Just think about what his speech is gonna be like.

To Paulie and Sue, I think you're makin' a huge mistake.

But good luck, you're gonna need it.

- What do you think, Paulie?

You think we're making a mistake?

- What, what are you talking about?

No.

- Well, are you excited to get married?

- Sue, of course I'm excited to get married.

I mean, look, all I'm saying

is maybe Jimbo shouldn't be the best man,

if he feels the way he does.

I mean, think about it, it just doesn't feel right.

- How do you feel, Paulie?

- I mean, would you still have proposed to me

if I weren't pregnant?

Of course, but, look.

It's an unfair question, because you are pregnant.

And, you know,

I'm not going to put myself into a hypothetical.

- If you're doing this out of some kind of obligation,

Paulie, then you can forget about it.

I want to get married to you.

'Cause I love you.

But if you don't feel the same way about me,

then you can just forget about it.

Forget about it. - Sue, Sue.

Of course I feel the same way.

You know, you're being irrational.

Yes, I love you, but can I say that positively,

you know, I'm ready to get married and have kids?

I don't know.

- Excuse me?

Then what are we doing here, Paulie?

What?

- Look, look, this is real life, okay.

You know, these are the cards we were dealt.

- The cards we were dealt?

This is not a God damn hand of poker

that's poppin' out of my belly, Paulie.

- Sue, this is crazy, we're getting married in three days.

I just told you what my brother said

'cause it pissed me off.

Jesus.

- You know, l was thinkin'.

You should get into upper management.

- I was in upper management.

- No, no, I'm not talkin' about work,

I'm talkin' about your family, your new wife.

You guys should start a family.

It'd settle you down, man.

Get rid of all that noise in your head.

- Where's this comin' from?

- It's just,

you know, you have a kid, you walk in the light.

You, I don't know,

it gives you a reason to wake up in the morning.

Walk in the light?

- Yeah.

What, it's too much?

- Hold on. - Too heavy?

- Yo.

- What the fuck?

- What?

- Where are you?

- What, I'm gettin' lunch with Dez, why?

- You asked me if you could work a couple days this week.

Don't you remember askin' me if you could work today?

- Did we say today?

- Yeah, we said today.

- I fuckin' forgot, I was gettin' tuxedo's with Dez.

- Yeah, I got mine this morning, nice.

Cummerbund, forget about it, it's all over.

- Damn, I got busy, man, we can't do this tomorrow?

- No, we can't do it tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Paulie's softball game.

You know, Jimbo, you're really kind of screwin' me here.

I'm short a man, I got a job to do.

- Fuck, come on, Mike, God damn it.

I'm goin' through some shit in my life, real shit right now.

And you're givin' me a hard time

about edging some fuckin' lawn?

I'll talk to you later.

- You're wrong.

Wally Schirra never walked on the moon.

- So, my little guy's jumping up and down on the bed, right.

And he says to me, he says, "Hey, pull my finger," right.

So I pull his finger, but instead of farting,

the little guy, he's in shorts, and he shits himself.

He's jumping up and down on his bed.

- Poor kid. - And the little guy

- He followed through. - shits himself

right then and there.

- What did you do?

- I said, "Son, you're an idiot, clean your shit up."

- Oh, that's really understanding of you, man.

- No, no, listen, you gotta learn.

If you shit yourself, you gotta pick it up.

- I don't like that story at all, it's kind of sad.

- You know what, cousin Mike, you gotta tell the story

about the time you pissed in your pants.

- Which time was that?

- Which time was that, what was it?

In Sisters Dorothy's class, you were,

I think, in 11th grade.

- Sister Dorothy's class was 4th grade.

But you know what, let Jimbo tell it.

'Cause he was in the class, he sat right behind me.

- No, it was 6th grade.

- 6th grade, what difference, I pissed my pants.

Who cares what grade it was?

- Jimbo.

- Yeah, okay, so we're in Sister Dorothy's class

and Mikey's sittin' two seats up in front of me, right.

He says, he raises his hand, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

And she says, "No."

All right, so 10 minutes pass and he raises his hand again,

and he says, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

And she says, "No," again.

- And she knows I'm suffering,

'cause she can see the pain in my eyes.

And you know what, she doesn't care, because she's a nun.

And she likes to see kids suffer.

- Yeah, and this was a big day.

We had, like, these special reports due, this book report.

And he had just,

you had done this thing on,

you had drawn this picture of Tom Seaver.

Remember, you spent days doing it?

This really passionate, intense--

- It was awesome.

It had to be passionate.

'Cause it was about the '69 Mets, right.

Tom Seaver, your favorite.

So I drew the picture of Tom Terrific on the mound.

Wham with that fast ball, inside out cuttin' action.

Go ahead.

- So, some other kid's readin' this report.

And I hear whimperin'.

And I look up, and it's Mikey and he's shakin'.

Okay, and I'm wonderin' what the hell's is goin' on.

And I look down and I notice there's a big,

there's a pool of piss in his seat.

And it's drippin' down, right on top of Tom Seaver.

Right on top of his report, this poor kid.

And then the other kids are noticing, and he starts to cry.

Okay.

And then Sister Dorothy notices, and you know what she says?

- She says, "Stop being such a baby."

- That's fucked up.

- Yeah, but what does my big brother do?

I mean, the protector of all of us.

- Jimbo, check this out, comes over to my desk,

grabs me by my hand, and he says, "Come on, we're leavin'."

And he just walks me through the class.

And he walks me right up to the door.

And Sister Dorothy goes,

"Where do you two think you're going?"

- How the fuck have l never heard this story?

- You've heard this story before.

- I have never heard this story, before.

- You know, you were probably too busy worrying

about how to get the band together

or something like that

- You guys don't wanna rock?

- I do wanna rock.

I just don't want you to keep asking me

what fuckin' dot we're on, you know what I'm sayin'?

- You're a bunch of dicks.

I don't know why I call you friends.

- Come on, guys, let Jimbo finish the story.

- Finish the story.

- And I said, "Get out of our way."

- No, that's not what he said,

That's not what he said.

Jimbo looks at Sister Dorothy and says, I quote,

"Get the fuck out of our way."

- All right, but here's the best part.

- What's better than that?

- So, here's the best part.

She does.

She clears outta the way.

They walk right outta the front door of the school and go.

That's the kind of big brother I got.

To big Jim, huh.

My best man.

- I'll toast to that.

- Jimbo.

- Jimbo, that was beautiful, man.

- To Jimbo, come on, bro.

- What about me, I'm the one that pissed my pants.

- Hey, Paulie, would you be pissed at me

if I didn't come to your wedding?

'Cause I'm startin' to feel kinda weird about it.

- Look, I know you're drunk,

so I'm not going to pay too much attention to this,

but what the hell are you feelin' weird about?

- I don't even have a girlfriend.

I don't have a girlfriend,

I live in the same house I grew up in,

l got the same job I had since High School.

That'd be great if I was 23 years old,

but I'm not 23 years old.

I'm 33 years old.

When am I gonna have a family, he's got a family.

He's got two beautiful boys, you're starting a family.

When's my family, what, when I'm an old man?

- What's that gotta do with you not going to his wedding?

- A lot.

I don't want everyone asking me about Jen

and be answering questions about Jen all night.

- Who's gonna be asking?

Who?

- Listen to me, Michael, you're my cousin, right?

You're coming to my wedding.

- All right, Paulie, okay.

- Go to bed.

- All right, all right.

- Get some sleep.

- Get out.

- I'm gonna call her.

- No, no, you're not gonna call anybody, all right?

You're gonna go to bed.

We got softball first thing in the morning.

- You're right, you're right.

- Hey, see you tomorrow.

- Hey, why don't you wake up the whole neighborhood?

Smarten up.

- Enough already, my kids are sleeping.

- I'm sorry, Dez.

Hey, Pop, let's go fish.

- Isn't gettin' married so much fun?

- Oh yeah, yeah, a lot of fun.

A lot of fun.

- Paulie, every time a guy gets married,

he gets divorced from his friends.

And his buddies are never going to be

100% supportive of that.

- This has been a weird week, you know, I mean,

like Jimbo all of a sudden seemed like his old-self tonight.

Right? - Yeah.

- I'm thinkin' I should just keep him as the best man.

But then I got cousin Mike

telling me he doesn't wanna go to the fuckin' wedding.

I mean, what the hell is that about?

- It's training you for kids.

It's God's way of training you for kids.

I mean, every day you wake up,

they can completely have a different personality.

Trust me.

- Man, I gotta tell you, Dez,

I'm freakin' out about that man.

I mean, how do you the whole kids thing?

- I mean, honestly?

If you have one kid,

right, you loose a little bit of your life,

a little free time, a Iittle bit of your freedom.

You have two kids, your life is over, Jojo.

- So why do it, I mean...

Why did you and Tina have another kid?

- What do you do with your free time?

Honestly, what do you do?

You watch TV.

You go and hang out with these knuckle heads.

You jerk off, right.

Listen to me, free time, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

But at the end of the night, if I couldn't,

you know...

If I couldn't go upstairs

and check in on my little boys,

you know, if I couldn't look at 'em

and make sure they're okay,

you know, my life,

my life would be empty, is what it would be.

Look, there are people that know,

and there are people that don't know.

And you, my man, are about to be a man that knows.

All right?

- All right, thank you.

- No fear.

- You sleep tight.

- Hey, psst, Paulie.

You know, I'm doin' this whole band thing for you.

So, you know, if you don't wanna do it,

just let me know, all right?

- Dez, I'm into it, all right.

- Nice.

That's good, hey, if you could just get the other guys

a little excited about it, that would great.

Because it's important.

I mean, it's really important that we do this.

All right?

Hey, hey, Paulie.

And just remember, when we rock out,

shirts are optional, baby.

- Go to bed, Desmond.

- These guys have uniforms, we're gonna get crushed.

- All right, let's go, bring it in here.

Come on now, take a knee.

- Get your hat off, Jimbo, let's go, hats off.

- I'm good, I'm good.

- Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come, thy will be done,

on Earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day, our daily bread.

Forgive us for our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

- All right, bring it in here real quick,

we do buttered tongue on three.

One, two, three.

Buttered tongue.

- It's goin' right out there.

- All right, Jimbo, get ready to move.

- Come on, Paulie, do your thing.

- Come on, Paulie.

Paulie.

Paulie, let's go, Paulie.

Coney lsland, huh?

What do you say to that, hotdog?

- Come on, big mouth.

Come on, big mouth.

- Nice rip, cuz.

Good to see you've been the cages.

- Nice one, Mike, way to go.

- I got it, I got it.

You're out, I got it.

What the fuck is your fuckin' problem?

- What the fuck are you talkin' about?

It was my ball, you shouldn't have even tried

to fuckin' get it.

- They why didn't you get it?

- Because you fuckin' called for it.

I didn't wanna get barreled over by you,

- Fuck you.

Listen, next time I call for it, clear the fuck out.

I'm the center fielder.

- Hey, you know what, Jimbo, fuck you, man.

- No, fuck you, man.

- Go fuck yourself. - Fuck you.

- You've been a fuckin' prick every--

- Fuck you, asshole.

- All right, all right, hey, break it up.

- Hey, get off, get off, get off.

- Hey, hey, hey, knock it off.

- You mother fucker, Paulie!

- Come on, relax.

- I'll fuck you up.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Knock it off, knock it off.

- Come on, bitch. - Fuck you.

- Hey.

- Paulie, come on, seriously.

- You know what?

I'm fuckin' done, all right.

I'm goin' home.

- Good, you big pussy, go home.

Boohoo.

- Hey, and you know, another thing Jimbo,

how about this, you're not gonna be my best man.

How about that, you fuckin' prick.

- Bullshit, what, because of this?

- Yeah, because of this.

- It's a fuckin' softball game, I'm your fuckin' brother.

- Yeah, well, then why don't you

fuckin' start acting like one, ya fat fuck.

- Fuck you.

Fuck you, buddy.

I don't want to part of your wedding anyway.

Fuck your fucking wedding.

- Don't say anything you're gonna regret man.

- Man, fuck you.

And I'm the fuckin' center fielder, bitch.

- Can I talk to you about something?

- Jesus Christ, baby.

It's not a good time, trust me.

- Just hear me out, 'cause I really need to talk to you.

- Why does everyone need to fuckin' talk to me right now?

Are you crying?

- Like you give a shit.

- Of course I give a shit, baby,

But my brother just fuckin' wigged out on me.

Just keep it together, all right.

- You're a selfish fucking asshole, you know that?

- What do you wanna do?

- Just go to hell. - What do you want?

You wanna talk? - Yeah, I wanna talk.

- All right, then let's talk.

Right now. - Then talk.

- Talk to me.

- Just, fuck you, I can't stand your face.

- Bullshit, I'm listening, talk to me, right now.

I'm fuckin' waiting, I'm right here.

I'm gonna take a shower.

My fucking brother.

- Fuck.

- Hello?

- Hey Julianna, it's Paulie.

Look, is Jimbo around?

- Oh, no, he just left.

- If you speak to him later,

could you have him call me?

We just had a stupid situation at the softball game.

And I just don't like the way I left things.

- Fine Paulie, if I hear from him, I'll tell him.

- Hey, is everything all right?

You sound a little upset.

- No, everything's fine.

I'll pass on the message, okay.

- Boys, where you at?

We're in here, dad.

- Hey, grab your axes, let's practice.

- Dad, we practiced all ready.

- Yo, gentlemen, when I ask you to do something,

I expect you to do it.

Let's go, chop-chop.

Come on.

That's filthy.

- What you are talkin' about?

- Dude, it's awesome.

- Blues is awesome.

- All right, what were we working on last week?

- Dad, you know our band is so lame.

- What is it?

- It's Loverboy.

Something like that.

- Loverboy, '85, the best of, let's go, rock out.

- No, that was the worst of.

- Rock out. - Fine.

- If you don't, I'm gonna slap a headband on you.

Go.

- No.

- Grab your bass.

- Just play.

That's it, listen to each other.

- Ow.

- Exactly. - Ready?

♪ I was born to run, I was born to dream

♪ The craziest boy you ever seen

♪ I gotta do it my way

♪ Or no way at all

♪ And I was here to please, I'm even on my knees

♪ Makin' love to whoever I please

♪ I gotta do it my way

♪ Or no way at all

- Mike, don't you even wanna know

why I didn't call you all these years?

- I really don't give a shit at this point, TC.

- Come on, come on, don't you think it would

have to be something really heavy for me to just take off

not tell you about it, come on.

We shared everything, man, when my mom died,

who did I go to first, huh?

I went to you.

We shared everything.

- Yeah, so I thought.

I also thought we were gonna go in together

on my dad's landscaping business.

Not me, we.

Both of us. - I know, I know.

- No one knows how to get hold of you.

Your father doesn't even know where to reach you.

And then, what, I'm left holding the bag

on the landscaping business. - I know, I know I didn't

handle it right, okay. - Handle it?

You didn't handle anything, what the fuck did you handle?

- Mike, I'm gay.

- What?

- The reason I left was 'cause I'm a homosexual.

- You didn't talk to me for eight years,

'cause you're a gay?

That doesn't even make fuckin' sense.

- It does make sense, 'cause when I told my dad about it,

he couldn't deal with it, so what's gonna make me think

that my friends could handle it any better, huh?

- Because we were your friends,

And I was your best friend, man.

Jesus Christ, what did you think?

I wasn't gonna talk to you again for the rest of our lives?

That's what wound up happening anyway.

Why didn't you gamble on me, man?

- 'Cause I just didn't think you'd understand.

- So you take my Tom Seaver fuckin' rookie card?

That was my favorite card in the world.

That's the one you take? - No, no, no, no.

Do you wanna know why I stole your Tom Seaver card?

- Yeah. - You wanna know why

l stole your Tom Seaver card. - I just said

l wanna know, what are we arguing about?

- 'Cause I was pissed at you man, that's why.

Can you imagine being gay,

and having your best friend making faggot jokes

24/7, every God damn day of your life?

Don't be such a fudge-packer this.

Take it up the ass that.

Can you imagine being me, man?

Be me for a God damn day.

So I took the one thing l knew would piss you off.

You son of a bitch.

Dad.

Dad.

Fuck you.

- Yo.

What up, B, what are you doin' around here?

Just gonna go see your Dad?

- Nah, hell no.

I was just walkin' around, clearing my thoughts, you know.

What about you, get over your little tantrum?

- I will after the drink I'm about to have.

- What is with you, you're getting a drink,

you don't invite me, what, l go away for eight years

and all of a sudden I'm an outcast?

- Shut the fuck up, get in.

- That's right.

- Come on, son.

- Get off my car.

How many times do I gotta tell you?

Go join the Army like your brother.

I got five messages from you, what do you want?

Hey, what's up, twins.

- Come on, get outta here, and get off the grass.

- Listen. - Get me a crunch.

- I know why TC took my Tom Seaver rookie card, he told me.

There's your crunch.

He took my Tom Seaver rookie card because he's gay.

And he was mad at me, because I kept making gay jokes

all through high school.

He's a gay guy, our best friend's a gay guy.

And we were all making gay jokes, I felt terrible.

But you made gay jokes too, right?

- No, because I knew, l knew before he did,

I knew back in high school.

- How did you know he was a gay?

- Oh, he was doin' somethin' down the shore and,

I don't know, it's just, you know, I knew.

- How would you know, are you a gay?

- No.

Only on the weekends, but don't tell my wife.

Pay for my crunch.

- Let me get a screwball.

Come on, today.

You know, you're parked in front of my house.

This one's on the arm.

- Now this, this is where we should

have a bachelor party at.

- What is this?

Oh, man, come on.

You're a married guy, what are you doin' here?

- You're not.

- Yeah, I don't like these joints, man.

- Why, man, it's fucking great.

Let me tell ya somethin', buddy.

For the next hour, I'm not married,

you know what I'm sayin'?

- Gentlemen put your hands together

for the Baroness of Burlesque, Crystal.

Oh, and here he is, one of our regular ,

Monsieur Jimbo.

- Hi, Jimbo. - Hey, Kiff.

Two whiskey's up here.

Hey, Crystal, I didn't know you worked Fridays.

Yeah, all right.

- Charming place.

- Looks all right to me.

Hey, Mr. B.

- Hey Jimbo, what do you say?

Who's your friend?

- This is my friend TC,

he's been my friend since we were 3 years old.

Now he gives me a hard time, just like you do.

- What are you giving Jimbo a hard time about?

- I'm actually not, I'm just trying to make sure he's okay.

That's all - Yeah, I'm fine.

- I can tell you, he is not okay.

Look at him.

It's the middle of the afternoon,

he's a married man and he's in a titty bar.

If that's doin' okay, this world's upside down.

- Don't you start in on me, all right.

- Wanna hear what I tell this bum every time I see him?

He's lucky.

He's lucky, he don't know real hardship.

He's like all the kids your age.

Big fuckin' babies, cryin' all the time.

Cryin' all the time instead of knowin' you's are lucky.

Let me ask you a question.

TC? - Yeah.

- Are you married?

- Oh, Jesus Christ. - No, I'm not.

- You know, I've heard this speech before.

Excuse me, I'm going to be at the bar.

No, no, no, sit down.

- That's all right, I'm going--

- Where are you gonna go?

Stay here two seconds.

Learn something for a change.

Are you married?

- No, sir, no, I'm not.

- Any kids? - No.

- You ever been in the service?

- Nope.

- See, now, that figures,

Because if you had gone into the service,

they would teach you how to be a man.

- Oh, really?

- Instead, you stay home with your mother,

Iivin' in the same house you were born in for 25 years.

And what happens?

She teaches you how to be a cheerleader.

Definition of an adult is a person that has a job,

is married, has kids and owns a home.

Okay?

When I was growin' up,

the average age of an adult, by that definition,

was 24 years old.

Now, how old are you?

- I'm 35, sir.

- Christ had already died on the cross

for your sins by that age.

Why don't you have a wife and kids?

- 'Cause I'm gay, sir, that's why.

Hey, Jimbo, come on, what are you doin'?

I think we should get out of here, come on.

- I'm just having a drink with my friend Crystal.

- I think we should go, come on, let's go.

- Dude, if you wanna go, go.

I just got here, man.

- Come on, I wanna talk to you over here.

- If you wanna fuckin' go, TC, just fuckin' go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, is everything all right here?

- Yeah.

- It's fine. - Everything's okay?

- Yeah, he's a friend of mine.

- Excuse me, ma'am, can I talk to him

for a minute, please? - TC, stop.

Fuck. - Come on.

Think of Julianna, come on.

- God damn it, don't you fuckin' dare bring that shit up.

- Exactly, think about it.

This is not going to fix it.

- TC, you are so fuckin' close to gettin' slapped.

Just get the fuck outta my face.

- Come on, I'm wanna ask you one last time.

Please come with me right now.

Okay, I tried man, I tried.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Uh-oh, I hear thunder.

Look at the old man, he's an animal.

Who's an animal?

- Look if you want her, don't be a wuss, go and get her.

- I'm not a wuss, Pop, come on.

Just, she don't wanna be bothered, that's all.

- Suit yourself.

- All right, come on, Pops, let's go.

Go get 'em, old man.

Use the jab, Pop, use the jab.

Jenny.

Hey, Jen.

Jennifer, come on out.

Jenny, hey.

- Mike, why are you here?

- 'Cause I love you, Jen, all right.

l love you so much, I can't get ya outta my life.

I need you. - Okay, okay, okay.

You're scaring me.

I don't know any other way to say this,

but I never want to see you again.

- Why am I scarin' you Jen,

I just wanna get you back in my life, that's all.

- Okay, we're never getting back together again, okay.

It's over.

I never wanna see you again.

I don't wanna be friends, you know,

I don't want anymore of your visits.

I don't want shit from you.

So please, leave me alone and get on with your life.

- Jen, what happened?

- It's over.

- What happened, Jen, why?

- What did you do to her, Michael.

- Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, he didn't do anything.

- No, what are you doing here, Mike?

Why are you upsetting my sister?

- I'm not tryin' to upset your sister, Top Cat.

I'm just trying to get back in my life, that's all.

- She doesn't want to be back together with you.

And she told you that already.

Now, listen to me, I don't wanna see you around here again.

Or I'm gonna have to do somethin' you won't like.

- What are you gonna do, Top Cat?

You're 19 years old.

You're 19.

- Don't be stupid. - He's 19 years old.

- Listen to me, don't you be stupid and make Top Cat angry.

- Watch your hands.

Angry, what about my level of anger?

Is anybody here concerned about how angry I am?

- All right, I'm gonna give you 3 seconds.

Get in your truck and go.

One.

Two.

- Dick.

Oh, you asshole, you hit me.

- Yeah, I told you to get out of here, man.

- So you hit me when l wasn't paying attention?

- Yes, and I'm going to hit you again

unless you get in the truck and go.

- You've changed, Top Cat.

Hey, Jen, I got news for ya.

You'll never find a guy like me again as long as you live.

I'm a good guy, Jen.

And you blew it.

- How'd it go, son?

- Not so good, Pop.

- All right, why don't you go in the living room,

lie down, put on the Met game.

I'll make us a meatloaf, how's that?

- That sounds really good, Pop.

- Hey, babe.

The crib is done.

And it looks terrific.

- Good.

Do you think you'll finish painting her room tomorrow?

- Can't the painting wait a week?

I mean, we're getting married this weekend, babe.

- I don't want it to wait.

- But why does it need to be tomorrow?

- Because her room being done makes things feel real to me.

It's important.

- So waiting until after the weekend

is going to make it feel less real?

- Yes.

We said we'd have it done by the wedding.

- I'm gonna get a beer.

- TC.

- Jimbo, this isn't good, man.

- What's up, man, I thought you left hours ago.

- This isn't good.

- No, this is good.

And it's none of your fuckin' business.

- Miss, look, I think you should just go back, okay.

- We're just - He's a happily

- havin' a drink. - married man.

just go back inside, please. - Shut the fuck up.

- We're going for a drink.

We're just going for a fuckin' drink.

- Look, you don't want--

- Just shut the fuck up, TC.

- Listen, you know what, Jimbo, I'll just

- Crystal, come on. - Catch up with you

some other time. - Don't listen to him.

- Hey, Jimbo. - We're just goin'

for a fuckin' drink. - Let her go.

Let her get inside. - It's not a fuckin'--

- Let her get inside, just let her go inside.

She's fine. - What the fuck.

God damn it, what the fuck are you doing, man.

- Just let her go, okay, come on.

- What the fuck are you doin'?

- Think about this, all right, just think about it.

Think about your wife and about it.

You're gonna ruin your whole fuckin' marriage.

- My fuckin' marriage is shit anyway.

My marriage is fucked, man.

You wanna know what's fuckin' wrong with me?

You wanna know what's fuckin' wrong, is that what it is?

Huh?

Is that what my wife wants to know?

Did she send you?

- She didn't send me.

- what my fuckin' brother wants to know

and his perfect little fuckin' wife?

What's wrong with Jimbo, is that it?

- Come on, Jimbo, just relax, sit down here, all right,

I'm gonna get some coffee.

- I don't want fuckin' coffee, all right.

- Look, it's all gonna work out.

- It's not gonna work out, man it's fucked.

And you know why?

- Why?

- You know why Julianna hates me?

- She doesn't hate you.

- She fuckin', she should, and you know why?

I can't have kids, man.

- What do you mean you can't have kids?

- She wants babies, she wants babies.

And for a year we were fucking trying and then...

It wasn't happenin', man.

So a couple of months ago, I went to the doctor

and he told me I had some hypothalamic,

pituitary, oh shit...

so, spermyish, it's this thing,

I'm totally and completely infertile, man.

- Man, I'm sorry.

- No chance of having a kid.

- I didn't know.

- I can't have a kid, you think she's going

to fuckin' stay with me if I can't have a kid.

- She's gonna understand--

- to fuckin' understand.

Paulie's gonna have a kid, huh.

Paulie's gonna have a kid.

My little brother, he's gonna have a kid.

That's what a fuckin' man is.

Someone who can have a kid.

My little brother's gonna have a fuckin' kid and I can't.

I can't even be his best man, what the fuck?

He was my best man, he was my best man.

- Hey, Sue, I'm thinkin' about going to Dez's

for a couple of beers tonight, if that's all right.

- It's almost midnight.

- Actually, it's only 11:15.

- Actually, that's not the point, Paulie.

The point is, is that I'm pregnant and I'm gettin' scared,

because you're so off in your own shit.

In your own feelings.

And here I am, just sittin' here

waitin' for you to take care of me.

- Sue, look, I mean, I think you're kind of overreacting.

I mean, I did take care of the crib today, right?

I mean, I finished the crib.

- Overreacting?

It's been months since you've given me flowers.

How about a little romance, Paulie?

You know what would be nice, occasionally?

Breakfast in bed.

Or better yet, how about a foot massage?

Do you know what it's like to be on your feet all day,

five and a half months pregnant,

planning a wedding that your fiance

has absolutely no interest in,

and working your ass off?

- Hey, you know what, Sue, I mean, look.

I don't see you makin' me breakfast in bed.

- You are not fucking pregnant, Paulie.

And I have to do everything.

And when you actually do contribute,

it's like pulling teeth.

Like the God damn crib for example.

- Yeah, 'cause I'm not under any pressure, right?

I'm runnin' around all week tryin' to keep everybody happy.

But that's nothin'.

- What about my happiness?

- Oh, please, Sue, I mean, look.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, all right.

But why does it always have to come back to you?

You know, why?

- Paulie, I'm so sorry.

I mean, you have so many outings to plan.

The softball games, and the fishing trips,

and the golf outings.

Your stupid fuckin' band.

You know what, that's a lot.

- You know what, fine.

You know what, I'll just stay home, okay?

- No, it's not about that.

I miss my friend.

I just want my friend back.

And I don't even know if you want this.

If you want me.

If you want this baby or any of this.

This whole life.

- What?

- Hey, it's me, TC.

Look, I need a favor.

- Well, then you called the wrong guy, TC.

- Oh, come on, I don't need this right now.

I got Jimbo right here passed out.

He's in a bad way, and he's been drinkin' all day.

I just don't want to bring him home.

- Did you call Paulie?

- Paulie doesn't need to deal with this shit right now.

- Is that Paulie?

Paulie. - Come on, relax.

- All right, bring him over here, but listen, TC.

Listen real close, okay?

- Such an ass, man.

- Uno, dos, tres.

- Shut the Hell up, that sounds awful.

- I know it sounds awful, that's why I'm practicin'.

- What the Hell is this?

- It's Jimbo, dad, he's all drunk.

- You're still a pack of idiots.

- What did we do, we're helpin' him out.

- We gotta get him some coffee.

- Dude, what is this, Little House on the Prairie?

- Get him on the couch.

- How'd this happen?

- How'd this happen, practice.

How else does it happen, he's a drunk.

- I'll talk to him in morning.

You son of a bitches.

You wake me up the middle of the night.

- You were up anyway, watchin' porno.

What are you arguin' about?

Jimbo.

Cover yourself up.

Jimbo, look at this,

hey, daddy.

I was jokin'.

- You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

You said to her,

"I don't see you making me breakfast in bed."

- Well, she was screamin' her head off at me.

You know, I mean, like a crazy woman.

- Yeah, she's pregnant, she's allowed to scream at you.

- All the time?

- Yeah, It's called hormones.

- Look, I know I'm supposed to be excited for the wedding,

and for the most part I am.

The thing that scares me are those moments

when I'm not excited, like tonight for example, you know?

- Can I just say, I think you're blowin' it.

I mean, that's just her, she's lookin' for something.

She's askin' for help.

And you're sittin' here at this bar.

What are you doing?

- Yeah, you know what it is, Dez?

It's like, a wedding is one thing.

You know, there's all the insanity that goes around that,

and preparing for that.

And everyone gets nervous before they get married.

But, you know, we got a kid comin' in a couple of months.

A kid that we didn't plan for.

And I guess I'm just, you know,

I don't know if I can be a good dad, you know.

I don't know if I can do it.

- Let me paint you this little scenario, okay?

Sue gets done with your indecision.

All right, she can't deal with it anymore.

And you guys break up.

And say, down the road, like three years down the road,

she meets this guy and he's a great guy, right.

And he's not a coward.

And there's some night

that you don't have visitation rights, right.

And this guy is reading stories to your kid.

He is tucking your kid into bed.

This other man is loving your kid.

And at some point your, you know, your boy

or your girl is gonna start calling this guy daddy.

- Look, I'm not sayin' I want some other guy raise my kids.

I'm just saying',

look, I love Sue and I want the baby, I'm just

- Then there's no problem.

All right, listen, there's no problem, go home.

- Thank you, Desmond.

- My gosh.

He's out like a light in there.

Where did you guys go?

- He took me someplace call the Foxy Hutch,

something like that.

Apparently he's a platinum member, too.

- Oh, yeah, tell me about it.

- Son, you don't go there, do you?

- No, Pop, I would never go there.

- Good. - Not Mikey.

- All right, boys, that's it for me.

You'll clean up, won't you, son?

- Yes, Pop.

- Good to see you, Tony.

- Yeah, good to see you, Mr. Sullivan.

- My boy will forgive you eventually.

He gets that stubborn streak from his mother.

But she always came around too.

- I love you, Pop.

- I love you too.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

- Let me ask you a question about being gay.

Off the record, all right?

- Uh-huh. - Off the record.

- Fine, fine, off the record.

- Dating, that's gotta be like, that's kinda weird, right?

- Mikey, what are you getting at?

- Okay, it's gotta be easier to date if you're gay, right,

because with girls it's like, you gotta know what she likes,

and it's a whole deal.

But with guys, guys are horny all the time.

You just meet two guys, boom.

It actually would just be easier that way, with two guys.

- No, It's the same thing, man.

If you wanna meet somebody and just hook up

and just, you know, get your leather stretched or whatever,

that's easy, man.

But if you wanna meet somebody and make it special,

make it count, that's tough too, man.

That's always tough, no matter what you are.

You know what I mean?

- I probably should have thought this through

before we got into all the particulars.

- You asked. - I know I asked.

It's just...

- I'm just tryin' to be honest, man.

♪ Go rob the riverbank

♪ While the riverbed sleeps

♪ Go tell the people that you see

♪ There's nothin' wrong

♪ With me

- Uncle Liam.

- How are you, James?

You feeling the pain?

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I hit it pretty hard last night.

How'd I get here?

- TC brought you over last night.

You passed out.

But don't worry, we called Julianna.

She knows you're here.

- Pops, did I do anything really stupid?

- Come on inside, I'll make you breakfast.

♪ Daylight arrives with a smile

♪ Waited a long time

♪ Seems it was gone for awhile

♪ While we were upside down

- Good morning.

- Morning.

♪ Watching millions waiting for the sun to shine ♪

Flowers.

Breakfast.

What is missing in this picture?

- What could possibly be missing?

- A foot massage.

You did really good, Paulie.

I like the bedroom.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

- So you two have kissed and made up, huh?

- Yeah, we made up, but there's no kissing goin' on.

- Not yet. - You're not my type.

Hey, do you think Jimbo knows?

- Not a chance.

- Knows what?

- How about you, Pops, you know my secret?

- I'm old, I'm not stupid.

- What secret?

- Guess.

- Man, I'm way too fuckin' hung over to guess anything.

What?

- Check it out, all right.

TC is gay.

- Bullshit.

- That's right, I got a boyfriend to prove it.

- He's got a boyfriend.

- Good for you.

Yeah.

- Jesus Christ, Pop, I can see your feet.

- Paulie, hey, listen.

Before you say anything,

I know I've been a prick all week and...

Can we talk?

It's pretty important.

I didn't know how to deal with it.

I still don't know if I can deal with it.

- Look, well, you can still have kids, Jim.

You two will adopt.

- Oh, God, come on, that's what the Doctor said.

That's such bullshit, Paul.

It's not the same thing and you know it.

- Look, man, it is the same thing.

Any asshole can get a girl pregnant, all right?

That doesn't take any talent.

But to be a dad, to be a good dad.

Doesn't seem to be many guys who can do that.

- When I found out you two were havin' a kid,

I just snapped.

I did, I mean, you're my younger brother, okay.

And you had your world together and my life's fallin' apart.

I mean, it's not supposed to be that way.

Like, you were the punk kid who was tryin' to hang out

with me and my friends, you know.

- Yeah, you liked it better

when you could beat the shit out of me everyday, huh?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I liked that a lot.

Seriously...

I know I've been tough the last couple of months

to deal with.

I'm sorry.

Can you forgive me?

- Of course, man, come on, you're my brother.

Just talk to me next time.

Don't let it get all weird like this.

- What about Julianna, you know?

I can't...

This shit is so hard for me, this emotional stuff.

- Well, you just gotta tell her as straight as you can, man.

Just be honest.

- I can't call her.

Send her e-mail?

Can you do it for me?

- Look, man, you're gonna be fine.

Just tell her the same way you told me.

- She's gonna to leave me.

- She's not gonna leave you, she loves you.

- Why?

- Look, a year from now, you know,

you're going to adopt a kid

and you're going to have a big fat smile on your face.

- My Chinese and Romanian kids can play

with your kid.

- Well, is everything all right?

I mean, the guys called me last night

in the middle of the night and woke me up.

What the hell is wrong with you?

- Listen.

There's something I gotta talk to you about, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay, I know I've been really hard to be around

for awhile.

Don't think I'm not aware of that, okay?

But there's a reason,

and it wasn't just things were bad at work.

Okay, so, a couple of months ago

I went to see a doctor, right?

- It's okay, baby, what's wrong?

Okay, you're scaring me.

- They did some tests, okay.

They told me l can't have kids.

Baby, and I knew how bad you wanted 'em.

And I thought you was gonna leave me.

You can't leave me.

- No, it's all right, it's okay.

I was so worried.

- If you need to leave me, I understand.

- I just want you to be okay.

- TC, you gotta go, he's your Father.

It's the right thing to do.

- I don't think it's a good idea, I just don't.

- It is, he's your father.

If I can take it, he can take it.

He loves you more than anybody on Earth.

You're his son.

Go ahead, good luck.

- All right, thanks.

- You sure you don't want me to stay?

- No, I'm good, thanks, man.

- Gay pride, woo-hoo.

- Dad?

Dad?

Dad, it's me, TC.

Look.

You look great, man.

- Oh, I feel like crap.

- I don't know, man, I--

- Come on, you know you need to do this.

- Why do I need to do it?

That's stupid that I need to do it.

- Come on, don't be a candy ass.

You know what you need to do, do it.

- All right, look, he probably didn't mean it.

He was probably just caught up in a moment.

Let's not make a whole big thing out of it, you want--

- For Christ's sakes, why don't you go by and hug him?

- Why don't you just, you know,

you wonder why your kids are juvenile delinquents.

- Michael, he's not a good guy, go get your revenge.

- What she says.

- She'll say anything you say.

That's what she does. - That is not true.

I have my own mind.

All right, come on, hurry up.

♪ Skip de skip, up the road

♪ Off to school you go

♪ Don't be a bad boy, Johnny

♪ Don't you slip up

♪ Or play the fool

♪ Oh no ma, oh no da

♪ I'll be your golden boy

♪ I will obey every Golden Rule

♪ Be good, be good

Top Cat.

- That's disgusting.

Really, really disgusting.

♪ Be good, be good, be good

♪ Johnny, Johnny

- Hey, Sue.

Sue, you home?

- Yeah. - Hey.

All right, come on.

I got a surprise for you.

- You didn't need to do this, Paulie.

This is beautiful, but unnecessary.

- Yeah, well, I absolutely had to do this.

All right, give me your engagement ring.

- What? - Give me your ring.

♪ Look at me

♪ Who am I supposed to be

♪ Look at me

All right, Sue, now, I know for the last couple of weeks,

maybe even the last couple of months,

I haven't been the man I'd promised you I'd be

when I first did this.

But I want you to know from this moment forward

you have me fully, all right?

As your friend and as your husband.

And as the father to our baby.

And you know I want that baby, Sue.

You know that, right?

- Yes.

- Will you marry me?

- Yes.

Yes, I will.

♪ Thanks to you

♪ I see somethin' new

♪ The people say it shows

♪ I'm a man who knows

♪ You've got me runnin' baby

♪You give me something way beyond revenue

♪ You put the magic in me

♪ I feel the magic when we do what we do

♪ And oh

♪ I can't do without you

♪ For too long

♪ You're my situation

♪ You're my kinda lover, my Kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover, my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover

♪ You've got my motor racin'

♪ I find my thoughts embracin' your every move

♪ I wanna set you, baby

♪ I wanna make you feel the way that I do

♪ And oh

♪ I've been thinkin' about you

♪ For so long

♪ I don't wanna lose you

♪ You're my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover, my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover, my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover

♪ You're my kinda lover, my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover, my kinda lover

♪ My kinda lover

♪ Four cheers for the underground

♪ Four years to the day

♪ Thought a beer and a sunset could make you stay

♪ Make way for the thunder clouds

♪ Gonna pummel the sea

♪ Man, the sky is bruised

♪ It's about to bleed

♪ Rain

♪ And no one told me about you

♪ No one knows me like you do

♪ So hop in your car

♪ Drive it for miles and miles

♪ And I'll be waiting

♪ Yes, it's a long way

♪ But it's easier than you think

♪ You were the needle under the bale

♪ A love letter hiding in the hay bale

♪ Not a red light in sight

♪ All the bulbs are blown

♪ I spent the night on the road with a pellet gun

♪ Come back to my side

♪ You've got the green light

♪ I can feel the late night comin' on

♪ And no one told you what to do

♪ But no one owes you like I do

♪ So hop in your car

♪ Drive it for miles and miles

♪ And I'll be waiting

♪ Yes, it's a long way

♪ But it's easier than you think

♪ You were the needle under the bale

♪ A love letter hiding in the hay bale

♪ Start up your car

♪ Drive it for miles and miles

♪ And I'll be waiting

♪ Yes, it's a long way

♪ But it's easier than you think

♪ 'Cause you were the needle under the bale

♪ A love letter hiding in the hay bale

♪ Yeah, yeah