All language subtitles for The.Good.Place.S01E13.1080p.HDTV.H265-MRSK

Morning, Mike.
How's it hanging?

Oh. Fine, Dave, just fine.

Listen, we got the files
for the new crop of incoming,

and the Big Guy thinks it's time
for you to fly solo.

I get to design it myself?

You've been an apprentice long enough.
You're ready.

Oh, Dave, I'm gonna work so hard.

My design is gonna be
absolutely perfect.

Okay.
Easy there, rookie.

Starting immediately, you'll be
reporting directly to the front office.

This is your shot.
Good luck.

_

The bad place is owed two people.

You have all done bad things
since you arrived here.

I don't care which two of you go.

You can decide.
You have 30 minutes.

All I ever wanted was
for this neighborhood...

my first neighborhood to be perfect.

Somehow I blew it and...
well, you're all suffering,

and for that, I'm deeply sorry.

This is truly
the saddest day of my life.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
WEB-DL: minouhse
www.addic7ed 00:10:06,675
And then it hit me.

They're never gonna call a train
to take us to the Bad Place.

The can't, because we're already here.

This is the Bad Place.

Oh, man!

I can't believe you figured it out.

Oh, God!

Y-you ruined everything, you know that?

Oh, man.

Eleanor, you really suck!

I was so close to pulling it off!

Sorry.
So she's right?

Yeah, she figured it out.

No, this doesn't make any sense.

- This is paradise.
- Oh, it looks like paradise,

but it's actually a filthy dumpster

full of our worst anxieties.

I'm surrounded by people who are
literally better than me.

Just me being here forced Chidi
into an ethical "clusterfork."

Tahani tortured Jason

by constantly trying to get him to talk,

Jason tortured my because I was
sure he would blow our cover,

which was torture for Chidi,

because he was responsible for me,

which made Chidi seem
like the perfect soul mate,

and that tortured Tahani
because he didn't love her.

- You don't love me?
- Please, don't ask me that right now.

See?

We've been torturing each other
since the moment we arrived,

and everything Michael has done

has made at least one of us miserable.

He played us like a fiddle.

Oh, dip! Eleanor, I told you that first
night that we were in a prank show.

Oh, yeah.

You did!
Great job, man.

Chidi, don't go!

I don't care if you don't
love me, I love you.

It's the only thing that makes any
sense to me in this crazy world,

- and I think we should stay...
- No, stop, Vicky.

They figured it out.

- They...
- They know this is the Bad Place.

Eleanor figured it out.

Man!

This was supposed to be my big moment.

I just rehearsed that speech
for, like, three hours.

Damn it, Eleanor, you are the worst,

and you can all suck it.

Do you remember what I told you when you
predicted you could do this for 1,000 years?

The time has come to innovate.

The human afterlife can be more fun.

For us, obviously, not
for the people we're torturing.

Who cares about those dummies?

I present to you the perfect recipe

for my proposed experiment.

Four people, perfectly suited
to make each other miserable.

I'm going to design an afterlife

where they torture each other.

We've tried this. Humans are very
reticent to torture each other.

Even getting them to do simple things like
pulling out each other's teeth is like...

I can't think of the right analogy.

What makes you think that you
can get them to do this?

Because they won't even know
that they are doing it.

I'm going to make them think
that they are in the Good Place,

and to make sure that they
drive each other insane,

I will be there, posing
as a Good Place architect.

- What?
- I even stole a Good Place Janet we can use.

Look, we can just send them
all to the hot spike pits

with the lava and the bees

and the lightning
that tears off their flesh.

Let's try something new.

I cannot predict everything
that's gonna happen,

but we'll improvise.

We'll be on our toes.

I think that we can get them
to torture each other...

for 1,000 years.

I think you'll be lucky
to get six months

out of this insane gambit.

But take me through it.
How would this work, exactly?

Oh.
Yes, all right, so...

This is a 14 million-point plan.

Um... oh, sorry.

I thought we reserved
the conference room.

No, Todd, we have it until 3:00.

Sorry.
Sorry, everyone.

So,
everyone else in this neighborhood...

Except for you four,

everyone in this neighborhood
is one of us.

After I came up
with everyone's characters,

we'd just create fun scenarios
designed to torture you.

How can I be over it?
We haven't discussed it

or even spoken for days.

Well, it sounds like you've had a really
nice vacation from your full-time job.

Get your story straight.

Okay.

They're at each other's throats already.
This should put them over the top.

Ed, you play Bart, a former private eye.

- Ooh.
- Tracy, you're his soul mate,

Nina... a marriage counselor.

Maybe we can get them to swing with us.

That's perfect, perfect!

Shh, shh, shh.

Hey, guys? It's Michael!

That was really a fun time.

Then it all started to go off the rails.

When I confessed.

You had no idea I was gonna do that,

because honestly, I had
no idea I was gonna do that,

Yeah, that came out of nowhere.

I mean, after that it was just
a crazy scramble for all of us.

You know, I definitely underestimated

how effective Chidi was gonna be,
teaching you to be good,

and obviously, we didn't anticipate

that Janet would
fall in love with Jason.

Hang on.
That part is real.

Oh, yeah.
Janet isn't one of us.

No, she's sort of a...
foundational mainframe

for all of the neighborhoods,
good and bad.

And apparently, this Janet
is in love with Jason.

I mean...
What a world, huh?

Wait, I don't get something.

I know why Jason and I were
sent here, but why Tahani?

Oh, yeah. Didn't you raise, like,
$1,000 for charity, or whatever?

Uh, $60 billion, actually, so.

Oh.

But it didn't matter...

because my motivations were corrupt.

I didn't care about helping
the people I raised the money for.

I just wanted to prove my parents wrong,

stick it to my sister,

get fame and attention.

My only real goal was to snog
Ryan Gosling at the Met Ball.

Which I did.

Couple of times, actually.
- But wait,

- why is Chidi here?
- Well, uh...

there's something
you don't know about me.

I read an article saying
that growing almonds

was bad for the environment,
and yet I continued to use

- almond milk in my coffee...
- No, dingus!

You hurt everyone in your life

with your rigidity
and your indecisiveness.

Oh, fork!

You're right.

Every friend, every girlfriend
was driven nuts

because I couldn't do anything.

I missed my mom's back surgery

because I had already promised
my landlord's nephew

that I would help him
figure out his new phone.

I made everyone miserable.

All this hard work,
all the planning,

all for nothing.

This really sucks.

No, it doesn't.

This is wonderful.

You saw us all on Earth...

a selfish ass, an idiot DJ,
a tortured academic,

a hot, rich fraud with legs for days...

Side note, I might legit be into Tahani.

But that's for another time.

You thought we would torture each other,

and we did for a little,

but we also took care of each other.

We improved each other,

and the four of us became a team.

So, the only thing
you succeeded in doing

was bringing us all together.

Oh, Eleanor.
That's it!

My big mistake was
bringing you all together,

having you be soul mates
living next to each other.

Next time, I'll spread you out
so it's more of a slow burn.

- Uh, next time?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna erase your memories,

you know, make a few changes
and start over again.

Hopefully. Just gotta get
the boss man to sign off.

Wish me luck.

Guys, we need a plan.
Quick.

Tahani, anything?

Chidi, I need ya.
You're the smart one.

I-I can't. I-I can't.

- Jason?
- What? What's up?

Ugh!

What do you say?
Take two, huh?

I don't know.

I mean, what is this?
All this work for four people,

Look, for a first attempt
it was actually very promising.

Let me... let me just tinker
a little, try again.

Okay.

But you're way out on a limb here, Mike.

If this thing goes sideways
again, you are done.

Guys, he is going to erase
our memories at any second

and all of this will have been
for nothing.

Ugh!
You're useless!

What do I write?
What do I write?

Ooh!
Come on, brain.

Janet?

You can't eat anything, right?

- Correct.
- Open up.

All right, let's try again, shall we?

You know what, bro?
Do your worst.

We figured it out once,
we can do it again,

because you know what, Michael?

Ya bas...

_

Eleanor, come on in.

You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead.

Cool.

You know the way you feel when you see

a chimpanzee and a baby tiger
who've become friends?

That's how you're
going to feel every day.

Eleanor?
I'm Chris Baker.

I'm your soul mate.

Cool.
Bring it in, man.

So where are you from, Chris?

I'm from Teaneck, New Jersey,
and I was a mailman.

Really?

Chris, you'll stand by me
no matter what, right?

Hold that thought.
Is it okay if I go work out?

I love working out.
I gotta stay jacked,

it's... who I am.

Yeah, you gotta.

Once I'm back,
we'll get to know each other.

Great.

See ya soon.

Hi there.

- Who are you?
- I'm Janet.

I think this is yours.

After I was rebooted,
I found it in my mouth.

What?

_

What the fork is a "Chidi"?

Why can't I say "fork"?

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
WEB-DL: minouhse
www.addic7ed