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Of all the planetsin our solar system,
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if you were pushed, really pushed
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to get rid of all of themexcept one, this is the one.
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The one you wouldn't get rid of.
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The one you'd keep.
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This blue and green mega-sphere,
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this giant living truffleis the planet Earth,
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el planeta tierra, cador haaretz,
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mapalo, many tons, one ball.
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This is Round Planet:
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The Story of Everything...
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subject to budgetary restrictions andavailable footage, of course.
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North America,
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we may know it for its hotdogsand excellent musical theatre tradition,
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but it's also filled withvast expanses of wilderness,
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which take a surprisinglylong time to fly over.
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Spectacular sweeping landscapes,
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unpredictable geology,
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and brutal seasonal extremes,
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yet this absurdly photogenic backdropis home to a bounty of life,
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Each species with its ownremarkable strategy to survive.
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Yellowstone,a great North American wilderness.
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Oh, yes, this is going to be good!
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Tabby, will you bringthose midget gems in please, dear?
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On a plate, not in the bag! Mmm.
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This is America's first national park.
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Some say the first,and most famous in the world...
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mainly Americans.
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It may look serene,
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but this landscape is more unpredictablethan an atom of radium 226.
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No, it's not a niche reference,Tabitha, our audience know their science!
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Ugh!
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Yellowstone sits atopan active super volcano.
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It could blow in a million years...
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or tomorrow...
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no one really knows.
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That's the charm of volcanoes,they're so spontaneous.
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With as many as 3,000 earthquakes a year,
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and the largest concentration ofactive geysers in the world,
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there are safer places to live,it has to be said.
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Yellowstone hasfountain geysers and cone geysers.
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Just one of them emitsenough water and steam,
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to be the mainattraction for two and a half casinos.
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But this landscape is not just bubblingmud pools and eggy sulphurous steam.
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It has an array of wildlife,
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and their unpredictable habitatdoesn't seem to faze them one bit.
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Tabitha, I'm just putting my phone there.
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I'm waiting for a very important call.
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Huh? Well, Tabitha, I am professional, andI would know if I'm being unprofessional,
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and I can assure you I'm not!
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It's November,and winter is just getting going.
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Despite the possibility of impending doom,
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this little romp of river otters seemhappy enough bouncing along in the snow.
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And, as they don't hibernate, theyhave plenty of time to go on winter walks.
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With temperatures dropping to minus 40,you might expect the rivers to freeze,
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but active hydrothermals stop this,
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which means plenty of fishfor these otters.
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Tabitha likes otters,
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which is why there's more footage herethan was strictly necessary.
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Sorry, Tabitha, as I said,I'm expecting a very important call.
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Hello, I thought I said an hour
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No, I was not recentlyinvolved in a car crash!
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Well, not unless you countthat chat show I did with Joan Collins.
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Look, this really isn't aconvenient time. Goodbye!
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It's ok, Tabitha,I've definitely turned the ring off now.
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Where were we?
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Ah yes, bison!
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Not to be confused with buffalo,
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although they aresometimes called American buffalo.
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I hope I've cleared that up.
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Good!
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Bison have walked thisland since prehistoric times.
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Hunted almost to extinction,
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5,000 of these beastsnow roam Yellowstone,
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kept as a protected curiosity,bit like the upper classes in Britain.
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In the depths of winter thesegiant walking carpets find supper
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by swinging their huge heads,like a wrecking ball, through the snow.
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And the reward,
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a mouthful of dried out lifeless grass,
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which, according toour researcher, Lily Butterworth,
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has the samenutritional value as cardboard.
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It also says here, so they'd need toeat 120 cereal boxes a day to survive,
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which I think is just a fact too far.
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No wonder the bison look miserable.
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Well I say that but, I mean, they mightbe euphoric inside, it's hard to tell.
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They may be smiling from ear to ear,under all that fur.
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One animal that isn'tsmiling from ear to ear in winter
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is our cameraman,Garth de la Spong,
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he hates the cold.In the wrong job really!
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Yellowstone is frozensolid for six months of the year,yet Garth claimed to have frost nipafter four days and had to fly home!
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So that's all the winterfootage we have, I'm afraid.
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Onwards, to spring!
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The warmth of the sunis breathing new life into the landscape,
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transforming it from black andwhite into colour, a bit like TV in 1969.
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As the creatures awake and emerge, into aliving Disney montage, they begin to feed.
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They're all blissfully unaware
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that at any minute thevolcano underneath could explode,
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and turn them into a sizzling mixed grill.
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Here, there's no needfor inspirational posters,
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because the animals are surrounded by one.
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Every glorious vista tellsthem to reach for their dreams,
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and that every day should be savoured.
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One animal that doesn'twaste a second is the pika,
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named after thefamous Pokemon character, Pikachu.
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It's a joke, Tabby!
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Look, a lot of our audience are probablywatching this in classrooms, at school,
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just waiting for the bell to ring.I don't blame them!
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Pikach-- uh, pikas liveon the rocky slopes of Yellowstone,
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gnarled in a successionof handheld gaming systems.
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These flighty little fur balls,
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that are in no way related toJapanese cartoons, Tabitha,
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are unusual in thatthey don't hibernate through winter.
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They probably don't want to be caughtsleeping when volcanic Armageddon hits.
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But that does leave the problemof having sod all to eat in the winter.
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So, pikas have tostockpile food for the winter months,
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harvesting as much grassand vegetation as possible.
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They literally spend monthsdashing back and forth
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from their foraging grounds,amassing a secret stash of nibbles.
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It's known as a haypile.
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And they make haypile whilethe sun shines, and when it's cloudy.
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Once they have foundan abundant feeding spot,
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these territorial creatures do theirbest to defend it.
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Well, when I say defend it,
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they give out a truly tiny squeak.
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I think it is the cutestsecurity system in nature.
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They're so cute, I could eat them!
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I did eat one once,actually. A bit sour.
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Anyway, moving on, where were we?
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Ah yes, summer!
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For four, four, four...
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Four, four? Oh!
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For four short months of the year,the warmer temperatures, and sunlight,
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bring a bounty of food to the region,because summer's nice like that!
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Like a generous, cuddly uncle.
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For the animals, in Yellowstone,
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a race begins to consumeas much as possible,
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before winters return,or the volcanic end of days
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whichever comes first.
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They're eating as if they were on holiday,or they've had a stressful week,
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or had their landmark series on the secretlife of the flea put on hold yet again.
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But, sometimes thescramble for food can turn nasty.
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Competition can even result in fisticuffs!
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Or should that be furry
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You can take it outif you don't like it!
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Not all disputes here are over food.
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Some are over sex.
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Oh, you'll have to keepwatching now, won't you?
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Because I've said "sex"!
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It's late August, it's the seasonfor some animals to indulge
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in what Americans mistakenlyrefer to as, "doing the nasty."
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But what we, in Britain, correctlyrefer to as, "How's your father?"
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These deer are called elk.
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I love elks, they're famous for it.
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I remember overhearingthe director general at a BBC party
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describing me as an elk-oholic.
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At least, I think that's what he said,I was every so slightly squiffy!
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Elk are also known by theNative American word, "wapiti".
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And in Europe they are known as red deer.
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Basically, they don't carewhat you call them,
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as they sweep majesticallyacross the plains.
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Elks are not renowned for their pedantry,
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but I think I'll call them deer,
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deer of many names,just to not offend any territories.
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Mind you,they'll probably dub me in Belgium.
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The point is, it's the mating season,and the males must put on a show.
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This male is sharpening his antlers,in case he needs to fight.
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The final touch is a ratherunconventional one.
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Self-urination.
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He... wees on himself.
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Now I know, all too well,that a man covered in wee,
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staggering towards you in a bar,may not be a turn-on for human ladies,
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but these ladies seem to rather like it!
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Just shows there is someone for everyone.
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He's certainly succeededin catching their attention.
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But, to seal the deal,he unleashing his piece de resistance,
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he calls to them.
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Ah, this is the call!
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Kill the music for a mo, Tabs.
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Armstrong Wedgewood.
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What?
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No, I can't talk right now,about whether I'm happy with my broadband!
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Why don't you give me your mobile number,and I'll call you at a random time?
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No, you don't want to do that, do you?
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Why don't you call me back in,roughly, never?
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Never is a convenient time! Ugh!
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Sorry, Tabby,I really will turn off the ring now.
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To seal the deal, the deer of manynames unleashes his piece de resistance,
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a majestic cry, which can beheard from five kilometres away.
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Oh, sounds like he's cutting upa didgeridoo with a blunt hedge trimmer!
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Oh, I look a right berk now!
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Can you cut out the majestic bits, Tabby?
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Ok, thank you, poppet.
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His solo is cut short by the arrival of asecond urine-soaked suitor,
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challenging the dominant stag.
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It's a joust!This is where the sharp antlers come in.
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The dominant stag wins,and makes that noise again.
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For six long weeks thestags strut and call and fight.
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By the end, they are exhausted,and the females are a bit weary
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of all the clattering and mooing.
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But finally, it's time for the main event,which doesn't take long.
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If he's done his job properly,and if the volcano doesn't blow,
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by next June,
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this landscape will be filledwith wobbly, little elky bambis.
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It's autumn.
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Americans call it the fall,but it's autumn,
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which, as you can tell,from this extended overblown montage,
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is cameraman, Garth de la Spong's,favourite time of the year.
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Yes, yes, nice drone shot.Loves a drone, does Garth.
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Nearly took my ear offwith one in Sri Lanka.
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Yeah, I bet he's just thinking he'll getan air freshener advert
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off the back of this.
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Shameless!
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Yellowstone, a delicate pinefragrance with just a hint of deer urine.
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Uh, see, I can do the voiceover!
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With winter just around the corner again,
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everyone is now workingto an icy deadline,
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stashing awayfood like there's no tomorrow.
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And, of course,there might well be no tomorrow.
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When Yellowstone finally blows,
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it could explode with the powerof a million atomic bombs.
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But the animals thatlive here press on regardless.
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Like this rather grey bird.It's called a Clark's nutcracker.
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It may interest you to know they'reabsolutely no use at cracking nuts.
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I once brought one back,as a Christmas present for Mrs. W,
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it was a total dud!
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But they are good at nut picking,
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and come September,
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Yellowstone's white bark pinesare covered in nut-laden cones.
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He might look like he's binge-eating,
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but he's actually droppingthe nuts into a sack, under his tongue.
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I suppose you couldsay it's his food pouch.
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The nutcracker bird can hold150 pine nuts in his pouch at a time.
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With a cargo of up toa fifth of his body weight,
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he flies off and distributeshis nuts all over the forest.
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When he finds a spot,he regurgitates the nuts,
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and drills them into the ground.
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To finish,he places a stone on top of the stash
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like a hippy, in 1973, burying his drugson the festival site two weeks early.
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Not that I've ever done that!
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Over the course of the autumn,these birds can bury as many as
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98,000 nuts, across an area ofalmost 250 square kilometres.
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So that's the nutcracker,fascinating stuff!
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Although I'm not sure I'dwatch a whole ballet about it.
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While birds and squirrelsare busy stashing the good stuff
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in secret hidey-holes,to make it through the dark winter nights,
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another animal has a different approachwhen it comes to preparations for winter.
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It cultivates an impressiveself-sufficient veg patch,
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complete with water feature.
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I'm talking about thismulti-tasking maverick, the beaver.
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A demolition master, builder,and plumber, combined into one animal.
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This really is the swiss army knifeof semi-aquatic mammals.
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Beavers can fell a Cottonwood treein a matter of hours.
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And while they snack onthe soft wood pulp,
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They also use the logs to make dams.
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Damn well, I may add!
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No, don't use that. It's stupid!
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Look, you peopleare the scum of the earth!
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I hope you--
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Oh, how wonderful to hear from you!
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Yes, yes, I've been waiting for your call.
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Well, I'd be delighted.
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Yes, call any time.
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Tabs, I'm gonna be on Strictly!
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I'm gonna be the older one,who can't dance,
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but people vote for anyway.
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Well, we better zip through the rest ofthis, because I need to learn the foxtrot!
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Right, where was I?
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Oh right, so, these colossal constructionscan reach over three metres in height,
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and the largest can bemore than 500 metres long.
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What's that Tabs?It's alright, it won't match.
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Oh yeah, alright,I'll bring it down, I'll bring it down.
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Like Mrs. W, the dam structureis very high maintenance,
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and requires a great deal of attention.
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The sound of runningwater is their cue to fix leaks.
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They are excellent plumbers,
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and won't spend 20 minutes tellingyou how useless the last guy was.
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In my experience, Tabitha!
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Beavers build their dams toprovide protection from predators:
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coyotes, bears, and poachers,who are after their lovely fur coats.
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But the pond it creates also providesa useful storage area during the winter.
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Ok, it might look like a shambles,but it's her shambles,
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and this little furry madam will now haveenough food to eat throughout the winter.
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And, if she wants a bit of variety,she can nibble on bits of her dam, too.
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Must be like a sortof giant shredded wheat!
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I like mine with warm milkand a bit of honey.
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Having gone to all this effort, though,what Mrs. Beaver really doesn't need
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is a ruddy great mooseto blunder into things.
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He's eating her winter larder,
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and one clumsy hoof couldmean days of repairs to the dam.
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So, she circles the moose,
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who just can't get worked up
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about what looks like an over-fed hamster.
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But you don't want to mess with themost house-proud animal in Yellowstone.
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She repeatedly smacks her broad,scaly tail on the water,
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and he finally gets the message.
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If he wants to hangaround a dam, he can build his own!
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Well that's something I would like to see.
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As the year draws to a close,winter is just around the corner.
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It'll be on your screensin a few seconds time!
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The snow has already started to fall,
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and the animals hunker downfor six months of ice cold hardship.
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Snow on the ground isalso a sign that cameraman,
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Garth de la Spong,will now have his bags packed.
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He certainly has no intention ofhunkering down for any amount of money,
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especially when he thinks he gotan air freshener advert to come home to.
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Yellowstone National Park has some ofthe most spectacular landscapes on earth.
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The fact that such anastonishing array of life carries on,
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through such extreme seasonal changes,
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while looking down the barrelof possibly cataclysmic fiery doom,
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is a lesson to us all.
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Ignorance really is bliss.
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I wonder who they'll partner me with?
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