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1
00:00:01,272 --> 00:00:03,098
What kind of
parents drag their kids away
2
00:00:03,105 --> 00:00:04,780
for the entire week
of spring break?
3
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,654
I'm missing Mike
Triscuit's drug party.
4
00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:08,450
Look at this.
He's already watching
5
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,452
"Euphoria"
to pregame.
6
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,922
Pregame. Game.
Video game.
7
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:15,057
Yes, yes, drugs and video games.
Poor babies.
8
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:18,795
What you need is to level up
with a bong rip of nature.
9
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,663
Trust me,
this is good for you.
10
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,599
Can someone just kill me?
11
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,934
Grandpa Rick,
you can kill anything.
12
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,669
No, he can't, Summer.
We're roughing it.
13
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,471
And that means no sci-fi
bull-[bleep]
14
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,072
- Isn't that right, Rick?
- Uh-huh.
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,614
- Rick, was that a sci-fi
phone call? - Shut up, Jerry.
16
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,816
Damn it, I didn't think
she had this number.
17
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,152
Why are you building a Faraday
box to block out the signal?
18
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,820
Oh, my God, Grandpa's
ghosting someone.
19
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,688
I'm not ghosting.
Hey! Give it back, Summer!
20
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,357
"Rick.
Please answer me.
21
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,691
I'm pregnant"?!
22
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,628
Oh, my God, Grandpa,
you [bleep] boi.
23
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:53,185
I'm not a [bleep] boi
[burps] Summer!
24
00:00:53,207 --> 00:00:54,530
There's no way those kids
are mine.
25
00:00:54,552 --> 00:00:57,430
Wow. At least we know why Rick
actually came on the trip...
26
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:58,769
to avoid his
[bleep]-guy problems.
27
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,637
- Why would this person lie?
- I don't know, honey.
28
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,038
She's addicted
to what the Rick did.
29
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,640
You know, it's... it's...
it's a tale as old
30
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,175
as my huge dynamite penis.
31
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,254
Can we turn the radio on?
32
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:07,770
I am not letting
you abandon those kids
33
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,712
- like you abandoned me.
- Oh, my God!
34
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,048
We're going to see
this baby mama right now!
35
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,383
What, like, literally now?
36
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,985
Yes, now!
That's an order.
37
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,789
Aah!
38
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,590
No!
39
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,793
This is exactly
what I was talking about!
40
00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:24,995
Rick, I hope you realize
the tubing permit
41
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,998
- was non-refundable! - Relax, Jerry,
we'll be in and out in a minute,
42
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,533
and then you can get right back
to your dumb vacation
43
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,124
with a family
that doesn't need you.
44
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,338
Kind of expected
someone to defend me,
45
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,929
but, sure, okay.
46
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,343
Hello, Gaia.
Hold on.
47
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,279
Let me just adjust my
Seismic-to-English translator.
48
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,881
Rick. You came.
49
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,550
- W-Where is she?
- You're looking at her.
50
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,019
I-I-I-I don't understand.
51
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,420
Isn't it obvious, Morty?
52
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,977
I [bleep] a planet.
53
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:23,810
CREDITS
54
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,322
So, what, you just go around
knocking up planets now?
55
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,191
I-I-Is that what you do
when I'm at school?
56
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:29,992
I'm a scientist, Morty.
I try things.
57
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,462
Sex with a living planet?
Big step for mankind.
58
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,997
Yeah, we finally broke
the deadbeat dad barrier.
59
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,133
- Ah, where the magic happened.
- Gross.
60
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,537
Hey, uh, Gaia, baby,
Big Daddy Rick is here.
61
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,938
- What's the problem?
- Children.
62
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,340
Birth cycle. Now.
63
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,792
Okay, gettin' right into it.
64
00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:48,870
- I am! I am!
- Jesus Christ!
65
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,548
- I am! - I am!
- I am!
66
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,885
- Dad, do something! Make it stop!
- You think I know how to stop this?
67
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,942
I thought she was gonna
shit an egg.
68
00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,483
Cool vacation, guys.
69
00:02:59,498 --> 00:03:01,150
So happy I got to see
the human geyser
70
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,693
instead of micro-dosing
with my friends.
71
00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:05,161
More coming. Kids.
Need father.
72
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,697
Yeah, um, Baby Quakes,
how big is your orbit again?
73
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,632
I mean, not to say
you get around, but, um...
74
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,167
Are you kidding me?
Look at them!
75
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,102
They look just like you.
76
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,904
Yeah, and snakes
look like dildos, Beth.
77
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,105
- What's your point?
- They do?
78
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,839
The fact is even if they
were mine,
79
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,109
which they're not,
the best parent is evolution.
80
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:22,178
They'll probably develop harder
skin or maybe even webbed arms.
81
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,180
Man, that'd be cool, huh?
Flying squirrel people?
82
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,649
Yeah, Dad, that approach
worked out great for me.
83
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:27,984
Beth, I know it looks bad,
but trust me.
84
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,652
This is life
in the galaxy, okay?
85
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,809
It's totally normal.
86
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,657
Fine.
You won't do something, I will.
87
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,126
Welp, there
goes the surprise!
88
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,928
I was gonna have us jump
on the trampoline
89
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,396
after we caught
our first fish. I am!
90
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,397
- What? You're stupid.
- I am!
91
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,133
- I am! I am!
- Beth, that's not gonna help.
92
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,801
Uh, I hate to
agree with Rick,
93
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:45,936
but shouldn't
we just let this be?
94
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,404
We're supposed to be
on vacation.
95
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,605
You're unemployed, Jerry!
96
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,206
Every day
is a vacation for you.
97
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,942
- Okay, ouch.
- You guys do whatever you want.
98
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:53,543
I'm staying here
and fixing this.
99
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,078
- I am!
- I am!
100
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,613
Goddamn it, Beth,
if you're gonna do it,
101
00:03:56,630 --> 00:03:57,527
at least do it right.
102
00:03:57,730 --> 00:04:00,280
Gaia, baby, gonna need
a little raw iron and steam.
103
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,885
Whatever you need, baby.
104
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,694
- So much for camping.
- Nope.
105
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,096
We are going camping.
106
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,298
There's trees over there.
We're on solid ground.
107
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,767
- Mom!
- Summer, Morty,
108
00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,100
go camp with your father.
109
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,702
- Ohh, son of a bitch.
- Son of a bitch.
110
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,103
- I am! - I am!
- I am!
111
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,662
Welp, welcome to lack
of abandonment.
112
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,709
Dad, can we please go back
113
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,178
and hang out
with Grandpa's clay people?
114
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,981
Why? Because they might
have a Sega Dreamcast?
115
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,249
Why is it so hard for you two
to let nature in?
116
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,185
Because this sucks ass.
Camping is just
117
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,987
being homeless
without the change.
118
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,122
Well, that attitude is
exactly why we're out here.
119
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,257
You guys wouldn't last
two seconds on your own.
120
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,059
You're only happy when
you're penned in
121
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,996
and drugged up like
some kind of chicken or lemur.
122
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,131
Hey!
I told you kids no phones!
123
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,666
There's not even any service.
124
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,267
Just... Just let us
be happy for a minute.
125
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,269
You know, maybe if you
two stopped whining
126
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,138
and let your old man
take the reins,
127
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:58,274
you might actually
learn something.
128
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,477
Here.
Take a bite of this tasty treat.
129
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,013
Oh, you think this s'more
makes you special?
130
00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,815
What? Because someone said,
"good job,"
131
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,349
to you once
when you were 10?
132
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,819
That's actually really sad, dad.
Let's be real.
133
00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,353
You've been high-roading us
non-stop,
134
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,088
forcing us to do nothing
in the middle of [bleep]
135
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,490
nowhere because
it's the only way
136
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,957
you're gonna level
the playing field, isn't it?
137
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,959
Because if you move the bar
so low,
138
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,629
you might actually seem like
you're worth a [bleep]
139
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,698
Huh.
140
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,956
I'm gonna go take a walk.
141
00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:29,640
Jesus Christ.
you really need to stop
142
00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,241
hanging out with Rick.
143
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,648
Okay, so, if we divert
the Lawyer Pipeline here,
144
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,952
they should avoid
the Ethics Tube
145
00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:40,710
and come out spineless enough
to do their job.
146
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,585
Right.
Wait, why are the athletes
147
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,054
going through
the introvert sector?
148
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,722
Obviously so they can bully
the mathematicians
149
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,391
- and give us astronomers.
- God, you are such a space nerd.
150
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,661
I'm not a nerd. We're raising
a society here, Beth.
151
00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:52,195
If we want them to be
self-sufficient,
152
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,396
they need to get out
into space.
153
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,665
Birth cycle. Coming.
154
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,334
We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em
hard and up the middle!
155
00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:14,550
We got an oversupply
of teachers
156
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,152
putting a strain
on the literary drive.
157
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,820
Activating playwright
converter!
158
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,356
Aah!
159
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,091
Nice work, honey.
Okay, the therapists
160
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:22,559
are getting bored.
We need to increase
161
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,895
- their supply of incest porn.
- 20% wasn't enough?
162
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:26,096
What the hell is that?
163
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,630
The unproductives.
Goddamn it!
164
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,700
- How are there so many of them?
- Unproductives?
165
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,834
Yeah, deejays, foodies,
influencers.
166
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,836
I just re-circulate them
through until...
167
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,907
[Bleep] they blew a hole in
the human resources department!
168
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,098
- I'm putting this in your file!
- Downsizing already? - You're fired!
169
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,589
We gotta fix this, Dad.
170
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,310
We can't keep
recycling them through.
171
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:46,182
I could add an online
[burps] college workaround.
172
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,184
Or just push them out
through a pipe in the back.
173
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,652
- Same thing.
- Same thing.
174
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,255
These kids may not be mine,
but you definitely are.
175
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,524
Look at you.
My little steampunk overlord.
176
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,792
Eeee!
177
00:06:57,163 --> 00:06:58,060
I don't think
he's coming back.
178
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,862
You know, you... you really
messed him up, Summer.
179
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,264
Yeah, well,
he called me a lemur.
180
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,399
Let's just go
find grandpa.
181
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,200
Maybe he can portal us home
or something.
182
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,936
- Should we leave a note?
- Dad is fine.
183
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,470
He's probably
sucking off a tree
184
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,728
and having the time
of his life right now.
185
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,477
Guess you don't want to learn
how to skip rocks, either.
186
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,746
Aah!
187
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,815
Aaah!
188
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,283
Whoa! Whoa!
189
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,353
Aah! Aaaaaah!
190
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,621
Ohh!
191
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,689
Aaaaaah!
192
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,158
Gah!
193
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,559
Ohhhh!
194
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,361
Aaah!
195
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:35,298
Aah!
196
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:38,034
Aah!
197
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,709
Aaah!
198
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,244
Ow! Hey!
199
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,846
Aah!
200
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,449
Aaaaah!
201
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,919
Aaaaaaaah!
202
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,521
Ohh!
203
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,861
Who are you guys?
204
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,264
We are...
unproductives.
205
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,132
Ahh, I get it.
206
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,057
Bunch of bull-[bleep]
207
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:17,474
What is that?
208
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,543
This?
This is camping.
209
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,545
Camping?
Ooh!
210
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,946
Camping!
211
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,016
Camping! Camping!
212
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,819
** Well there's a new thing
going round **
213
00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,554
** People sleepin' on
the ground **
214
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,514
** And if it's fun to do
then we're not doing it **
215
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,429
** And that's called
camping **
216
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,964
** Let's go
camping **
217
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,901
** Do you wanna go
camping? **
218
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,237
** Can't wait to go
camping **
219
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,840
** Even if you hate
camping **
220
00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:53,510
** You still gotta go
CA-AM-PING **
221
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,912
** EEK MOK MO MIR **
222
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,180
Good work there, TickTock.
223
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,781
Keep whittling.
Incredible.
224
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,518
You've almost got smoke
over there, Florflock.
225
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,919
There you go, guys!
226
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:03,986
Pump those cheeks.
227
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,722
That's the camping spirit.
228
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,190
What the... Squeeb!
229
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,725
This is not a tent.
230
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,593
It is a new
kind of tent,
231
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,996
with special gutters
to funnel the rain, and a door.
232
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,332
It's a house! No houses!
233
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,801
No doors! Once you have doors,
you have indoors.
234
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,605
Once you have indoors,
you won't want to camp anymore.
235
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:25,742
Then why do they not camp?
236
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,610
Because they're bad.
237
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,612
Bad. Bad. Bad.
238
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,481
Bad! Bad! Bad!
239
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,684
Oh, my God.
Maybe Dad was right.
240
00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:35,285
Maybe we have
no life skills.
241
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,554
I've definitely drank more pee
than I care to remember.
242
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,021
I'm just gonna sit down.
243
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:41,824
If I die, don't eat my ass.
That'd be weird.
244
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,515
Uh, Summer?
245
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,165
Damn, you think
they got infected
246
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,567
by a mind slug
or something?
247
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,168
Probably drove through a nebula
that made them
248
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,093
see their own fears.
249
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,642
Whoa!
These controls.
250
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,978
It's just like my video game
controllers.
251
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,870
I just wish I could read
these symbols.
252
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,453
This looks just like
Tricia's bong.
253
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,322
Morty, I think these tubes
might contain
254
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:14,513
all of their
collective knowledge.
255
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,134
- Mm!
- Well?
256
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,934
I think we got this, bro.
257
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,869
Beth,
you wanna do the honors?
258
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:27,938
What? Really? Wow.
259
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,221
Okay.
Here we go.
260
00:10:29,222 --> 00:10:29,818
_
261
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,476
If you told me six days ago
I'd be christening
262
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,812
a generation ship for
my half-rock children,
263
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,347
I would've called
you crazy.
264
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,482
But I guess that's the lesson...
crazy things happen
265
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,285
when you put in the work.
Salud!
266
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,354
[Bleep] Doopnar!
Sing something!
267
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:46,880
Great toast, Dad.
268
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,492
- Thanks, sweetie.
- Damn, listen to those pipes.
269
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,161
You sure these
kids are yours?
270
00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,695
What, you've never heard me
sing karaoke?
271
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,564
I'm... I'm pretty good when
someone's in my register,
272
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,366
like the guy that sings
"Circle of Life."
273
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,434
Can't remember his name.
Dresses up weird.
274
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,370
Look at this.
Everyone's happy.
275
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,173
They're about to go
into space.
276
00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,175
I know things haven't always
been great with us,
277
00:11:05,199 --> 00:11:07,510
but we do make
a pretty good team.
278
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,646
Uh, Rick?
Can we talk?
279
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,448
Kinda in the middle of
a breakthrough with my daughter.
280
00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:13,650
Go ahead, Dad.
Gaia deserves some time, too.
281
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,378
- They're your kids.
- Yes, about that.
282
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:21,124
Pam!
It's good to see you, baby!
283
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,326
Um, Gaia?
You know this guy?
284
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,195
Ha! You call her Gaia?
285
00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:27,130
- So lame.
- Is that...
286
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,265
- God?
- Rick. The kids.
287
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,868
I messed up.
You're not their father.
288
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,804
Little ones!
Daddy's here!
289
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,806
I'm sending some fog down.
290
00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:37,874
Feel my presence
through the fog!
291
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:40,385
- Ooh!
- Beth! What the [bleep] Don't touch it!
292
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,850
You gotta be kidding me.
God is the father?
293
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,021
No hard feelings, okay?
294
00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:47,580
We thought they were yours,
you know,
295
00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:49,650
because they're so small.
296
00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:51,850
Oh, wow. No hard feelings.
Y-You hear that, Beth?
297
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,390
Guy swoops in after we raised
his whole civilization
298
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:56,392
and tells us he forgives us.
What a [bleep] mooch!
299
00:11:57,163 --> 00:11:58,836
Don't push me, asshole!
300
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,250
Rick, I think you should go.
301
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:03,930
Seriously? You really want
this pile of dry ice
302
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:07,047
- to raise your kids?
- Stop acting like you did a good job.
303
00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:10,270
You made my kids soft
and empty inside.
304
00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:12,340
This city is a monument
to nothing!
305
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,940
Where is their faith?
306
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,340
Reggie is right.
307
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,210
The children are not ready
to leave.
308
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:20,727
- He can give them more.
- I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad.
309
00:12:20,728 --> 00:12:23,134
At least this guy is immortal
and can stick around.
310
00:12:23,178 --> 00:12:25,020
Bull-[bleep] They're my kids!
We're staying!
311
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,680
Bad! Bad! Bad!
312
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:29,690
See? Now, this is the kind
of shit I'm talking about.
313
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,430
Jerry! Oh, my God!
314
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,430
- Is that you?
- What the hell are you doing?
315
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,960
- Camping.
- Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people.
316
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,970
All it took was
a deep enough drip pan.
317
00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:41,287
You labeled these creatures
"unproductive,"
318
00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,640
but I have given them
more purpose than ever.
319
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,710
Oh, yeah? They filing your
unemployment forms?
320
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,970
His tongue is sharp,
but it cannot whittle.
321
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,040
The Great Roughing of
It is at hand.
322
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:53,476
you will now join the One Family
on its Eternal Getaway.
323
00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:56,996
Or join the embers over which
we hold marshmallows
324
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,680
at just the right distance.
325
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:02,220
Six inches!
Until it gets golden brown!
326
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,950
Don't let it
start on fire!
327
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,789
The carbon
is bad for you!
328
00:13:08,230 --> 00:13:09,047
What's happening?
329
00:13:09,069 --> 00:13:11,700
My children,
I give you my power.
330
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,700
Use it to take what is yours.
331
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,370
Oh, this mother-[bleep]
Raise the walls!
332
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:22,440
Walls can't stop us, Rick.
We are chosen.
333
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:23,854
Sha-boom-boom!
334
00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:25,910
Sorry! Sorry!
335
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,640
Just trying to get
the hang of this thing.
336
00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:29,850
Nice choice of chosen people,
G-diddles.
337
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,780
I guess you'll be playing
the "mysterious ways" card
338
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,580
- on that one.
- You wanna go, bro?
339
00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:36,450
- I'll kick your ass myself.
- Oh, dude, don't tempt me.
340
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,260
When I'm done with you,
you'll need a staff
341
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,590
to un-part
your [bleep] face.
342
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,580
Guys. Please.
Not in front of the kids.
343
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,130
Did you for real
just try to smite me?
344
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:47,745
Siri, triangulate source
of power.
345
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,670
Got you now,
you son of a bitch.
346
00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:52,270
Sweetie,
you handle the hippies.
347
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,470
I'll handle
the off-brand Yahweh.
348
00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:55,774
- Kick his ass, Dad!
- Bear witness.
349
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:04,550
Now you see my true form.
350
00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:08,490
The clouds were simply a shape
more appealing to Gaia's mind.
351
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:10,550
No shit. Any form is more
appealing than this.
352
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,620
You look like
Kid Rock [bleep] Zeus.
353
00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:14,690
Oh, seriously, you expect me
to fight you like this?
354
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,792
You're the size of
four Empire State Buildings.
355
00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,196
Alright, mother-[bleep]
356
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:19,970
Let's go.
357
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:39,440
Aaah! Aah!
358
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:42,120
Ha-ha!
You like that?
359
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,796
- Ohh!
- Here comes some pain!
360
00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,190
Ohh!
361
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,740
Ow!
362
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,500
Ow!
363
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,087
And...
that last one should be...
364
00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:12,480
the start button.
365
00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:13,880
Perfect.
I guess we're ready.
366
00:15:13,910 --> 00:15:16,020
Let's show Mom and Dad
what video games
367
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,854
and partying are all about.
368
00:15:25,985 --> 00:15:28,370
Jesus Christ,
was that the wings?
369
00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,500
This is not like
a video game!
370
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,300
Oh, my God, make it stop!
Make it stop!
371
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:36,734
How do I make it stop?! I
don't know. I'm [bleep] high!
372
00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:39,040
Aah!
373
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,910
Oh, God,
now I'm high, too!
374
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,098
Jerry, that's enough.
Oh, hey, babe.
375
00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:51,860
You like these plagues
I'm unleashing on your asses?
376
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,790
No, they're lame.
It's not a great sign
377
00:15:53,810 --> 00:15:56,060
that your army's
on the same side as disease.
378
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,600
Sorry we aren't modern enough
to sort people by value
379
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,420
and shit the losers
through a mean butt tube!
380
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,470
Just admit this is about you
wanting to feel needed!
381
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,610
Says the woman who sold out
her family
382
00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:12,010
for an ounce of approval
from her drunk father!
383
00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,880
Well, maybe he drinks
because it isn't easy
384
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,550
- to be more powerful than God.
- Well, if it's god power
385
00:16:16,570 --> 00:16:18,280
that gets you going,
light some candles
386
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,420
and put on the Billy Ocean
because Moses is home
387
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,490
and he's ready
to burn some bush!
388
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:24,458
Sha-boom-boom!
389
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,690
Ohh!
[Bleep] Ow!
390
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,430
Alright, alright, stop.
391
00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,430
- Come on, bitch!
- Look, you win, okay?
392
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,700
Ju... I don't care
about the kids.
393
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,570
Smite them, raise them
to [bleep] sheep.
394
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,170
Just keep the city, okay?
395
00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:38,500
My daughter and I
built that thing.
396
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,310
- It's important to her.
- No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
397
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,310
I can literally do anything.
398
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:46,040
Think I'm gonna hang around
and raise kids?
399
00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:50,450
The only lesson they need
is right here... fear.
400
00:16:50,470 --> 00:16:52,850
And it looks like
school's out, bitch.
401
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,920
- I-I think you mean school's in.
- What are...
402
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:57,214
- What are you talking about?
- I-If you're teaching fear,
403
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,990
- then choking me... school would be in.
- Fine.
404
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,910
School's in, bitch.
405
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:04,330
Oh.
406
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,058
What the [bleep]
407
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:14,070
Ohh! Are we dead?
D-Did we die?
408
00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:15,670
I don't ever want to be
high again.
409
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,740
I-I got scared straight.
410
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,480
Oh, my God, I got scared
straight.
411
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:19,680
[Bleep] Dad was right.
412
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:20,880
We... We think
we know everything,
413
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,740
but maybe we're the ones
who suck.
414
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,280
You kids
are my [bleep] heroes!
415
00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:28,290
You saved Grandpa's life!
I [bleep] love you so much!
416
00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:29,820
- Papa!
- Papa!
417
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,420
We played video games
and got high! We did wrong!
418
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,360
- We did wrong! - Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas.
419
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:36,630
Come on, now. You kids,
you did real good here.
420
00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:37,960
You did good.
Getting high
421
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,360
and playing video games
is the best,
422
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:40,970
- I swear to [bleep] God.
- But mom and dad
423
00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:42,700
are gonna be mad.
No, hey, hey, look, no.
424
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,300
[Bleep] your mom and dad.
Your parents are a bag of dicks.
425
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,330
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
426
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,240
and I will never
sell you out, ever.
427
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:50,910
Now, we got to get out of here
before this guy
428
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:52,780
falls out of the sky.
He's generating an ionic cloud
429
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,910
from his own belief system.
Holy [bleep] Summer,
430
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,650
were you smoking this?
You were basically
431
00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:58,770
inhaling brake fluid.
Jesus!
432
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,390
Mm, yeah.
433
00:18:08,123 --> 00:18:10,660
It's over, Beth. Tell your
people to lower the gates
434
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,460
and pack
- their moisture-wicking shirts.
435
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:14,400
Incoming!
436
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:22,610
Jerry!
437
00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:25,080
Beth!
Just hold on!
438
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,800
I'm losing my grip!
439
00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:30,350
- Jerry.
- Squeeb?
440
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,887
Use the s'more, Jerry.
441
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:35,020
Ow!
You stabbed my hand!
442
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,290
Sorry! Sorry!
443
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,090
Should...
Should we make love?
444
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,160
Jerry, I love you,
but I can literally
445
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:45,300
- smell your balls from here.
. Oh, wow.
446
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,570
Ask God for a flood next time.
It'll come with a shower.
447
00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:49,585
Noted.
448
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,170
Aw, geez,
that... that poor guy.
449
00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,840
Can you maybe not tell
Mom and Dad?
450
00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:56,240
Relax, it's just a Zeus.
If this was the real God, it...
451
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,709
it'd be a completely
different story.
452
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,450
Rick! What did you do?!
453
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:02,850
I mean,
gravity did most of it.
454
00:19:02,870 --> 00:19:06,120
- So, you, technically.
- I told you to leave!
455
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,180
Yeah, well, you also asked me
to raise your kids.
456
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:10,450
Uh, not sure if you heard
the phrase, "pick a lane,"
457
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,190
- but...
- You killed their father!
458
00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:14,190
Father or not, he was
a lying piece of [bleep]
459
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,130
I don't care who else
stuffed your crust,
460
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,660
but I'm the guy
that showed up.
461
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,860
But I mean, if you want,
I can still power-wash his guts
462
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,730
- off the tower and maybe...
- Get oooout!
463
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,070
Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
464
00:19:24,090 --> 00:19:25,940
I mean, you killed her
slam piece, Grandpa.
465
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:26,858
I don't blame her.
466
00:19:40,916 --> 00:19:44,420
See? you put the fire stick
to the wood, and, voila!
467
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,020
- Campfire.
- You have known about this the whole time?
468
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,890
I'm not gonna waste my time
building you an ark,
469
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,630
but if your mom gets clingy, you
can use this to get some space.
470
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,160
Is that all you want to say to
your children before you leave?
471
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,990
Oh, yeah, uh,
don't ask me for money.
472
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,840
I mean, Gaia's not gonna
raise those guys
473
00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,440
to hunt us down, right?
474
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:05,780
Oh, most definitely.
I put a tracker on their ship.
475
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,440
I'll blow it up if they come
anywhere near me.
476
00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:09,710
Well, kids, never thought
I'd say this, but,
477
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:11,450
- Summer, you were right.
- Wait, what?
478
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,780
I thought I wanted
to teach you guys about tents,
479
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,050
but really,
I just wanted to feel important.
480
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,520
I guess sometimes teenagers
do know
481
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,660
what they're talking about,
even if it's mean.
482
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,930
Right, but didn't you, like,
go into god-mode and fight mom?
483
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:25,000
Love is the only power
that matters, Morty.
484
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,530
No, you had actual power,
and you did jack shit.
485
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,581
That was a divine staff.
486
00:20:28,589 --> 00:20:30,530
You could've cured cancer
or raised the dead.
487
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,140
- Instead you made bugs.
- Well, I was impressed, Dad.
488
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,374
He saved my life,
no thanks to you.
489
00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:39,540
Your kids got high
on alien mist
490
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,280
and drove the ship
into that Zeus guy's head.
491
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,680
- Basically murdered him.
- Grandpa!
492
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,010
- What the hell?!
- Come on! What? You did.
493
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,250
I mean, not to cast
the first stone,
494
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,750
but, Beth and Jerry, pretty
terrible parenting on your part.
495
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,490
Did you know Summer huffed
a K-Zax Array?
496
00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:50,960
She basically
smoked "The Ring."
497
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,360
Most pilots die
after three days.
498
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:54,090
And Morty, the [bleep] moron,
he thought
499
00:20:54,110 --> 00:20:55,890
the ship worked
like a game controller.
500
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,830
What in the Disney
Channel [bleep] is that?
501
00:20:57,850 --> 00:20:59,430
Maybe help him with
homework next time.
502
00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:00,814
He's clearly
crying for help.
503
00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:04,814
CREDITS
504
00:21:32,669 --> 00:21:35,600
Planets Only.
Planets Only. Planets Only.
505
00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:38,870
Entire systems of steamy,
lush globes
506
00:21:38,890 --> 00:21:41,410
and barely habitable
celestial objects
507
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,010
are drifting through
the void just for you.
508
00:21:44,030 --> 00:21:46,210
- Planets Only.
- Let's terraform.
509
00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:49,010
- Or colonize me as I am.
- Planets Only.
510
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,750
Oops, there's a hole
in my ozone.
511
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,280
I didn't put it there.
Did you?
512
00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:56,820
I can't fill it by myself.
I'm not smart enough.
513
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:59,560
Young, dumb,
and orbiting the sun.
514
00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,712
The greenhouse is in full effect
at Planets Only.
515
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,585
Oh, I want you to split my
Pangea into distinct continents.
516
00:22:05,607 --> 00:22:08,230
I don't have hydrostatic
equilibrium yet.
517
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,230
Is that something
you can learn?
518
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:11,345
You get the idea.
519
00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:15,970
- Phew!
- I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute.
520
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,310
So? I was watching because
it's funny.
521
00:22:17,330 --> 00:22:18,840
It's... It's... They... They...
They're planets,
522
00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:20,910
but they're sexy.
It's a comedic premise.
523
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,910
- Yeah.
- Planets Only.
524
00:22:23,940 --> 00:22:25,265
Planets Only.
39399
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