All language subtitles for Ramy.S02E06_English

� The president.

The vice president.

The Speaker of the House.

RECEPTIONIST:
Mrs. Hassan.

Mrs. Hassan!

� Yes.

MAYSA:
So what do you think?

� Well, this is all looking
great, Mrs. Hassan.

I see you already had
your biometrics appointment,

and you passed your interview.

You just have
the citizenship test left.

� Yeah, I've been studying
with this Apple, my phone.

You know, my brother says
the government listens

to our phones.

I hope they are listening

to how right I am
about everything.

� Well, I'm sure
you got it down.

I just want to make sure
you're ready.

If you fail,
it's gonna take a bit

to get you back in the system.

� I'm ready, yeah.

You know, I was here
for many years

with my green card,

and I thought,
why take the test?

My husband and my kids,
they have the citizenship,

but with that...

you know who I mean.

In the White House.

That piece of shit!

Pardon my English.

You see, I have to become
a citizen so that I can vote.

We have to protect
the Supreme Court.

Ruth will die.

� Sorry?
� Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

You know, she's very old.

I pray for her
and all the good ones

in the Supreme Court
to stay alive.

The other ones,
I don't say anything bad,

but I don't pray for them.

� Well, that's beautiful,
Mrs. Hassan.

I think your case
should be a real softball.

� Softball?
� Yeah, softball.

It's an American
figure of speech.

I just mean to say
it should be easy.

� Softball.
Yes, of course.

Yeah. Softball.
Now I understand.

� Yeah.
� It's a new word.

� Just remember to keep
your record clean.

Don't go getting
into any trouble.

And as long as nothing pops up
on a police file

or anything like that,

you'll be swearing allegiance
to the U. S. of A.

� Inshallah.

WOMAN:
[speaking Spanish]

� Excuse me.

I think you two should work
on your English.

The more you practice,
the better it is.

It will make your citizenship
application a real softball.

� I'm from Virginia.

We're here 'cause
this pendejo got a DUI.

� Oh.

Take the Lyft, then,

next time you drink
the alcohol.

Good luck.

� Thank you.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

� Oh, no.

No, no, no.
No, no.

What the fuck?
No.

♪ ♪

CALL SUPPORT REP:
Okay, ma'am.

I'm looking at your file
right here.

It seems that at least
one passenger

filed a concerning report,

and a security representative
here at Lyft

felt the need to put a freeze
on your account.

� What do you mean,
"at least one"?

Ma'am, how many?
Who are they?

What is the problem?
What did they say?

� I can't share
that information

until we get in touch
with them first.

� Okay, ma'am,
please listen to me.

Please don't call the police.

I am in the middle
of a very important process

with the government.

Please, ma'am,
do you understand?

� Once we hear from
the other passenger,

we'll circle back to you

to get your side
of the story.

� What's "circle back"?

� We'll get back to you

once we've completed
our investigation.

It sometimes
takes a while for us

to hear back
from passengers.

Have a nice day!
� Ma'am. Ma'am!

[dog whines]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

PERSON ON TV:
[speaking Arabic]

� I am under investigation.

� "Executive branch."

JUDGE:
Ma'am, we're here today

to rule on your citizenship.

We have a few questions
for you.

� Of course, ma'am.

JUDGE:
You had an incident at work

that was reported to us
by your employer.

� Yes, they won't tell me
what it is,

and I don't understand why.

� I was counting on you,
Maysa.

� I'm sorry, Ruth.
I'm really sorry.

I'm doing everything I can!

� This was our chance, Maysa.

� I'll fix it.

I promise, I'll fix it.

You see, Dena, my daughter,
is going to be a lawyer.

She was supposed
to be married by now,

but maybe Allah sent her
on this path to defend me.

� It's too late.

� No.
No, Ruth.

No, please.
No!

� [whispering inaudibly]

� Why do you keep staring
at that book?

You don't want to help
your mother?

� Mom, I have an essay due
in a couple days.

Look, it's not my fault
you got suspended.

Just call them
and get an update.

� I did call them again, Dena.
Okay?

And do you know what they said?

They said they couldn't
do anything.

I told them I was an excellent
driver with 4.59 star rating,

and you know what they said?

They said it's not enough.

I told them it was great,

because the Jersey people
are just very bad graders.

Everywhere else in the world,

they just throw five stars
at you like candy.

� Mom, calm down.

I'm sure once they look
into your account,

they're gonna reactivate it,

and you're gonna
be driving soon.

� Dena, next week I have
my citizenship interview.

Do you understand?

This is very serious.

If they find out that
I am delinquent,

everything will be ruined.

� Okay, Mom, I don't think

the government cares
about a 4.5 rating.

� And how do you know?
You're not even a lawyer.

Right?
You're only a student.

I tell you, all the global
systems are connected.

Right?

I keep telling you to watch
that YouTube movie.

What's it called?
"The Loose..." "The Loose..."

� "Loose Change."
� "The Loose Change." Yeah.

Anyway, I have to find out
who that passenger was

and try to find them
and apologize.

� Okay, look,
you just got the notice, right?

I�I'm sure the ride
was in the last few days,

so just tell me about
some of your passengers.

� Okay.
Let me think.

Yesterday...

Yesterday, I woke up at 6:00.
Then I stretched.

It's called the��
the frog stretch.

Alexa, how many amendments
are there

in the Constitution?

27?

ALEXA: The Constitution
has 27 amendments.

� Yes!

Then, I saw
what you were wearing.

I said you looked like
a mime.

I also told Ramy
to take his hat off.

He looked like
a gang member...

� Mom, stop.

Just tell me about
the passengers.

� I pick up this businesswoman
in a bad suit.

Real ugly hair.

Then I picked up
a group of girls.

They were singing loudly
the song by that woman Lizard.

That one who's happy
because she's so fat.

Then I picked up this girl.

She was Japanese,

but I don't think
she's the one that complained.

We had really
great fun together.

I love those people.
They are so clean.

They take a ride, and then
the car is tidier than before.

Like Marie Kondo.

You know her?
� Yes.

� So I told this girl

that I am studying for
my immigration test next week.

� Oh, yeah?
� Yeah.

� I remember when my dad
went through that process.

It's not easy.
� It's not really, no.

Actually...

do you mind
helping me study?

And she goes, "Um..."

� Um...

� Here.

She quizzed me
on Franklin Roosevelt.

You know, Dena,
he was the President

of the United States
during World War II,

and during
the Great Depression.

� Well done, Mom.
� Then, I picked up this guy,

around your age.

Omar Arabic
or Mexican Omar?

� Yeah, Arabic.

� Alhamdulillah!

Both my parents
are actually from Egypt.

� And what do you do?

� I'm a radiologist.
� A doctor? That's great.

Wow, impressive.

I asked him if he was married.
He must be.

Handsome doctor.
So he held up both his hands.

I could see his fingers
were naked, so, of course,

I started telling him
about you.

You know, you should meet Dena,
my daughter.

She is very stubborn.

Her kushari
is not really very good,

and she curses a lot.

Always fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck.

But, under the right lighting,

she is really beautiful.

When I drop him off, I showed
him a picture of you...

� All right,
thanks for the ride.

MAYSA: And he smiled.

Oh, wait, wait.
Look, there she is.

But I could see that it was
a polite smile,

because his eyes
were very sad.

� Have a good night.
� Have a good night.

DENA: What picture did
you show him?

� That one.

� What the fuck is this?
� You see that cursing?

The doctor was not very happy

when I told him
that you curse too much.

� Okay, you know what?
Whatever.

� Oh, I forgot.

In fact,
I�I picked up this a guy

that was dressed as a woman,

but he said
he was not a man or a woman.

� Wait, what happened?
� I don't know,

it was a little bit strange

because he kept saying
I should call him "they,"

as if he was two people.

Sophia?

� Yeah.
MAYSA: He came into the car.

This man, dressed as a woman.

� It's stuffy in here.
� I get confused,

so I think maybe
he is going...

To a costume party?

� I'm sorry?

� You're wearing
a women's dress,

so are you playing a joke
on your friends?

� It's just a dress.

Dresses are for
whoever wears them.

� Mom,
how do you not understand

how offensive that is?

� I told him that I knew
Caitlyn Jenner,

and I told him
when she became a woman,

she became the fourth
prettiest Kardashian,

and you know what he said?

He said, "I am not like that.

I am something different."

� They, Mom. They.
� Okay, they.

I was just trying
to give advice to they.

You know, I think you should
shape your eyebrows a little.

Give them a little more
of an arc.

� Yeah, I'm not really
into tweezing.

� Oh, really?

Maybe you should
try waxing, then.

� Is there a problem?

� No.
No, no, no problem.

No.

I just don't understand,
you have such a handsome face��

� Okay, um, I've had
a really long day.

Do you mind if we do the rest
of this ride in silence?

� It was a compliment.

You have very strong jawline.

Not like my son, Ramy, who has
a round face, like bread dough.

Anyway, he just spent the rest
of the ride kind of, like,

looking out of the window,
sad, until I dropped him off.

� Mom, this is so fucked up.

You completely
misgendered someone.

That's, like,
basically a hate crime.

� I did not commit
any crime, okay?

� It's not what you think,
it's who they are.

� What about Allah?
Allah created him as a man, no?

� Ugh! Mom, body parts
do not define someone.

They're not a��a man
nor a woman.

There are people that
don't identify with either.

� How can a "he" become
a "they"?

Dena, you have to help me
find that person, right?

� No.
� I know where they live.

I dropped they off
at their home,

so I can go there,
I can wait outside,

and when they come out,
I can apologize.

� There is no fucking way
I'm doing that.

� Why not?
We never spend time together.

You know, this could be like
a mother�daughter bonding.

� Yeah, we can find
bonding time

that doesn't involve stalking.

� Dena, you don't want me
to be a citizen, or what?

� Mom,
do not try to find them.

Please, just wait for Lyft
to call you.

[funky music]

♪ ♪

� Oh, shit!
That's not her.

They.
Whatever. [scoffs]

� Yo, this mine?
You Beverly?

� [speaks Arabic]

It's not me.
I'm suspended.

� Whatever.
� Go!

"What is one right of freedom
from the First Amendment?"

"What does
the Constitution do?"

"What are two rights in the
Declaration of Independence?"

Life and liberty.
Life and liberty.

Life and liberty.

♪ ♪

[speaking French]

You can do whatever you want.
Be whoever you want.

Who the fuck cares?

♪ ♪

� Yes, they.

[engine turns over, car starts]

[door opens]

[R&B music playing]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

� Hello, they.

� Sorry?

Oh, uh,

you gave me a ride
the other day, right?

� Yes, and, uh...

I am here to apologize.

I know I did something
very bad,

but I am not a bad person.

English is not
my first language,

and I am always worried

that I will sound silly
when I use weird words.

I just say what my eyes see,
and I see a man wearing,

like, a woman's dress,
pretending to be a woman,

and you say you are not a man,
nor a woman,

so now,
I know that you are nothing.

� Okay, um,
really glad you were able

to get that off your chest,
but I'm just trying

to have some drinks
with my boyfriend, so...

� Yeah, you see,

and I am trying
to become a citizen,

so you have to call Lyft

and tell them
that I'm a good person.

I know that you are the one
that complained,

because if you don't call them,
I will not be able to vote.

Then that fuck�man
will win the elections,

and then it will be very bad

for transgender people
like yourself,

and Muslim people like myself,

so we have to stick together.

We have to call Lyft,

because my application
was supposed to be a softball,

and it's not a softball
anymore, so please.

Please, circle back.

Please, close the circle.

� Listen,
I am sure on some level,

you do feel bad,

but if it wasn't for
this whole Lyft situation,

you wouldn't have
thought twice about me.

Do you know how much
mental energy

it takes to constantly
be monitoring the way

that people talk about you?

I don't wanna have to fight
for myself all the time.

That shit is exhausting.

I'm not the one
who reported you.

� What?

You're not the one?

� No.
I gave you four stars.

� Wow.
� Yeah, it's a habit.

I don't have time for drama.

Oh. Oh.

� Thank you so much.

� Okay, we're hugging.

� Wow.

You know,
if you want to wear makeup,

I recommend Honest Beauty
by Jessica Alba.

� Didn't know Jessica Alba
was still alive.

� Oh, yes, she is.

Of course.
Have a great evening.

� Have a good life. Okay.
� Who's this?

� Um, she just gave me a ride
the other day

and just wanted to say "hi."

� Hi.
� She was just leaving, though.

� Jersey is weird like that,
running into people and shit.

� No, not really.

You see, I�I am here
because you guys are here.

� What do you mean?
� Uh, It's fine.

She just wanted to apologize.

� I came to see Sophia.

First, I went to their place
and wanted to talk to they.

� Oh, my God.
This is the bitch

that was misgendering you
in the Lyft, isn't it?

Now she's stalking you.
� No, I'm not stalking.

No, just, like, waiting outside
and watching secretly.

� Oh, AKA stalking.
Fuck you, lady!

Did you know there is, like,
a huge epidemic��no, no, no.

You're not gonna leave
right now.

There's a huge epidemic of
violence against trans women.

Don't even get me started
on trans women of color.

Maybe you should feel what it's
like to be a little scared, huh?

I'm calling the cops.

� No. No, no, no.
� Yes!

No cops. No, no, no.
[police siren wails]

� It was completely misguided,

but my mom wasn't gonna
hurt anyone.

She's harmless.

She just, she wanted
to apologize, that's all.

� Yes, it's true, I did a bad,
microaggression to them,

and I wanted to apologize,
but, like, it turned out

that they are not really
the ones that were angry,

and that I've��
� All right, Mrs. Hassan.

The couple over there are
not going to press charges,

so just consider
this a warning.

� Thank you, officer.
� Thank you, officer.

Thank you.
� Okay, let's go.

� I'm sorry, Dena.

I didn't know that the police
would get involved,

so I just wanted to say "sorry"
and have them unreport me.

� No, Mom, that's exactly it.

You didn't have to say "sorry,"

you just have to stop
saying shit.

You say everything that's
on your mind, all the time.

� It's because I am honest.
I don't want to lie.

� No, Mom, there's a difference

between being honest
and just being mean.

� Maybe people
are very sensitive.

� No, you're mean, Mom.

You say these things,
and they hurt people.

It's like you don't consider
what you're saying,

it's just,
it's a free flow

of every thought
you've ever had.

It's like, you talk shit
about Trump all the time,

but you��you basically
talk just like him.

Same style.

Just, whatever
you're thinking, no filter.

� No, Dena,
I am not like Trump.

� All I'm saying is that

I'm not surprised
you got reported.

I'm actually surprised
it didn't happen sooner.

I would've definitely
reported you if��

if I was your passenger.

Like, the other morning,

I really like that shirt,

and I was really excited
about my day,

and then
you had to make fun of me,

and then I was just less excited
about my day.

� I'm sorry.

You see, Dena,
I am tough on myself too.

Like, everything I tell you
or tell others,

I say it to myself
ten times more.

I say...

"Maysa, you are very stupid
because instead

of finishing your degree,
you married Farouk."

I am very proud
of you, habibti.

You are a lawyer.
You are independent.

This is all I wanted to be,
but I didn't know how to do it.

Now that I am studying
for the American citizenship,

I think it's the most excited
I've been for so long.

Excited about myself.

Excited to learn.

Excited to be important,
like you.

� Mom...

� [sniffles]

[engine turns]

MAYSA: Trust me,
we find the Japanese girl,

and everything will be okay.

DENA: No. No way.

JUDGE: To support and defend
the Constitution

and laws of
the United States of America.

ALL: To support and defend
the Constitution and laws

of the United States
of America.

� Against all enemies,
foreign and domestic.

ALL: Against all enemies,
foreign and domestic.

JUDGE: That I will bear
true allegiance to the same.

ALL: That I will bear
true allegiance to the same.

� That I will bear arms on
behalf of the United States

when required by law.

ALL: That I will bear arms
on behalf of the United States

when required by law.

JUDGE: That I will perform
noncombatant services...

� [whispering]
I'm not like you, Trump.

I will fuck you.

I will fuck your pussy
and grab it

before you grab mine
or Dena's.

I will vote you away,
you piece of fucking fuck�shit.

I am here to stay, bitch.

JUDGE:
Congratulations.

You are now citizens

of the United States
of America.

[cheers and applause]

[singing in Arabic]

♪ ♪