Original subtitles

♪♪♪

[man] The sound of the ocean actually makes me just relax.

It's like being sung a lullaby by mother earth.

Oh, exactly.

This is crazy.

You never meet anyone in these, you know, shared-ride situations

-that like you connect with. -I know.

I have never had this level of connection with anyone other than my fiancé.

I feel the exact same way.

Like it was meant to be.

Like it was meant to be.

[driver] All right, guys. We're getting to our first stop.

Listen, I just know that if I don't do this,

I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.

What if we met back here in ten years,

same place, same time, same app, 2026,

and we check in with each other.

-This is crazy. -I know.

But life is crazy and if you don't capture it,

then it runs away.

-This is so crazy. -Yeah, but I've just never felt a connection like this.

-I know. I agree. Okay, fine. -I feel like it's special.

We'll do it. I'll say we'll do it, no matter what.

-Yes, good. -Here.

Well, I will not be here because I will be in med school.

Oh, that's awesome. What kind of doctor?

Oh, I want to be a horse doctor.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you. I'm saving up. I'm excited.

Sounds like a promising future.

Thanks. It's pretty romantic, you guys.

[giggles]

Don't leave.

Don't leave, until she goes into her door.

I just want to make sure she's safe.

-[door opening and closing] -Okay, go.

♪♪♪

[mumbles]

-What? -Okay.

What's with the GoPro?

Oh, it's set up just to catch any motion.

It's only triggered if there's motion.

So, if a spirit or something wafts through the backseat...

Excuse. Did you just say spirit?

Yeah. You bought this car at Trika used motors, right?

-Yeah, Trika used motors. -Yeah, okay.

This is the right one. Multiple people have died in this car over the years.

-Wait, what? -I'm a--

I'm an elementary school plumber,

but that's not really my passion, you know.

I'm a bit of a ghost hunter.

Okay, hey, man. I don't mean to take the wind out of your sails or anything,

but I don't really buy into that stuff.

Ghosts are real and my job is to hunt them.

What are you doing?

I'm making sure you're corporeal.

Hey, I'm a person, all right?

If you're a ghost, you have to tell me.

I don't-- It's not like an undercover cop thing, okay?

-Are you a ghost? -I'm not a ghost.

[driver] I'm not a ghost.

Hold this.

-Wait, hey. What is this? -Could you do that while you're driving?

What I'm going to do is I'm going to trigger a small radioactive pulse out of that...

A what? No. No, no!

Hey, hey. I don't want cancer.

You'd have to do it like four times to get cancer.

That's not very many times.

We'll do it right the first time and you don't have to.

-All right. Fine. -Absolutely, my friend.

Okay. So, how do I use this thing? What do I do?

-You just hold that. -Okay.

And then, I'm going to trigger the radioactive pulse, okay?

It's going to tingle in your bones. You'll feel it in your bones.

-In my bones? -Yeah, ready?

-Oh, come on. I don't-- -Three, two, go...

-[electric shock] -Ah!

-Jesus. -You trick people if you do it on two.

They expect it on the go. I have a brother who's a doctor.

So, he always does it on two.

-Did it work? -I have good news and bad news.

I don't know which one is better to start with. Start with the good news, I guess.

The good news is you're not a ghost.

I knew I wasn't a ghost.

The bad news is I accidentally triggered it four times.

-When? Just now? -Yeah.

So, do I get cancer on the fifth time or the fourth time?

-I don't know talk to my brother. He's the doctor. -Well, come on.

♪♪♪

[door opening]

-Oh. -[man] Hello.

-Hi. -Hi, how are you?

I'm all right.

The backseat's available.

So, you don't have to sit upfront.

-Well, I... -I mean...

-Do you want me to sit in back? -Yeah, yeah.

I mean in case we... yeah.

Interesting. Okay.

Great.

-See you in a minute. -Thank you.

[door opening and closing]

[sighs]

First time using the app, huh?

-Can you tell? -Yes.

-[laughs] -Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

These are for you.

-Oh, thank you. -You're welcome.

[laughs] Do you do that every time or...?

Oh, when I feel it's appropriate.

You seem like somebody who deserved to be pampered.

-So, those are flowers for you. -Oh, geez! Thanks.

So, have you met a lot of people on this app or...?

Yeah, I mean I meet like... I would say thirteen, fourteen a day.

Wow! Okay. So, you're getting yourself out there.

Yeah. I mean, I try and get as many people in and out as possible.

I just say, "Yes" to whoever pops up on the app.

Okay, sure. Well then, you know, of course,

it's one of those like you never know who you're going to meet.

-You got to just-- -Exactly.

[passenger] Um...

So, uh where are we off to?

Well, I have a reservation for two at Speranza.

-Oh, my God. That's so great. -Pretty good, huh?

Who's the lucky lady? What's her name? What's going on?

Her name is you.

[laughs]

Wait is "You" her name? Like, is she Korean?

You are her.

You and I are going to dinner at Speranza.

Oh, no. No. I'm just going to drop you off at the restaurant.

Uh, that's nice, but thank you.

Oh! Is it something I said? I'm sorry.

The flowers were too much, I knew it!

I fucking knew it, man.

Wait, did you think this was a dating app?

-This is a dating app. -No. This isn't a dating app.

Drive Share, it's a driving app.

You know, I come to your house and I pick you up

and then drop you off where you're going.

It's hard to tell what's a dating app nowadays and what's not.

Everybody's talking about every app and you just don't know.

You can't just download any app

and assume that it's going to be a dating app.

I searched for top apps.

Well, if you searched top apps, you're going to get, Netflix.

Yeah, I was stood up on Netflix.

♪♪♪

[driver] 1-800, how's my driving?

How do you spell house in numbers? Oh.

[operator] Welcome to the driving hotline.

Hey. Uh, no. I'm just calling the bumper-sticker, the 1-800 how's my driving?

- Were they driving dangerously? -No, no. Terrific.

I just want to give an update, like I think the driver's doing great.

We did like a left turn together.

Hey, can you hang on just one second?

-Hello. -[man] Hey, where are you?

Look, I'll pick you up when I pick you up, man.

Honestly, I'm on the other line. I'm taking care of some pretty important stuff.

- Driving stuff? -Yes, it involves driving. Yeah.

♪♪♪

[woman] So, nervous.

What if he doesn't show? Like, what if I'm the only one that wants this?

I was there. I remember. He will show.

-You think so? That's sweet. -Yeah, you guys...

-It was cute. It was romantic. -God, I thought about it every day.

[man] Hey!

Ten years. Come here.

No, no, no. Hey, hey.

What is that shit on your sweater, man?

[singing] It's my shit.

[woman] Oh, my God! Is that you?

How's your decade been?

-Um... -Come here.

-Ow! My finger, man! -No ring.

-Yes. I love you. -No, no, no, no.

This is not how this was supposed to go down, okay?

You were supposed to sweep me off my feet.

And now, here you show up, a total piece of shit.

What happened to you?

I took a ride on the white witch.

Listen, right now, I am clean. Okay?

-What do you-- No, man! -I mean I drank...

[woman] Hey!

Oh my God!

Hey. I know you. Weren't you going to med school?

Uh, yeah.

I'm still saving up, you know.

The rideshare doesn't pay as much as you think it would.

-That's really interesting. -Hey!

-What? -Don't touch me, asshole.

Oh, my God. What did I do? I threw it all away for this?

I'm right here.

Well, I mean, I guess I wanted him to find out.

He found all the letters I'd written to you and never sent.

What? What letters?

I wrote you a bunch of letters.

Well, why didn't you send them to me?

Maybe I'd have some self-esteem

and maybe I wouldn't be addicted to crack and heroin.

The only thing I knew was ten years from now-- No!

I don't want you to read them. Ah, ah!

Hey, hey, hey. Damn.

"Dear Bill, I long for you.

I want your skin to touch mine."

That's beautiful.

"You are my flame. You burn bright in the dark."

[man] Oh, my God.

This would have saved my life.

I know this isn't ideal for you.

You're pregnant again.

I probably don't seem like I'm going to be a good provider,

but I just need, you know, a cold shower.

It would take at least ten years for you to pull your shit together.

Ten years. Now, that's an idea.

What?

Meet me back here in ten years.

True love is a rare flower.

If you don't water it

and put chicken wire around it, skunks will eat it.

That is really a true story about skunks.

Listen, don't you remember that spark?

Yes, it's all I've been thinking about for ten years.

Same here. In between...

I don't know. We did have a lot in common, you know.

We can have that stuff in common again.

I just got to be clean, man?

You think you can do that?

Yeah, I've done it like six or seven times.

I'll do it in ten years. If you're still alive.

Well, I definitely will not be there because I will be in medical school.

Thanks for the chime in weirdo.

♪♪♪

-Can I ask you a question? -Yes.

Have you ever lost someone that mattered to you in your life?

-Yeah, of course, I have. Yeah. -Tell me who?

Uh, my Uncle Mark passed away when I was in college.

How did he pass away?

He had bone cancer.

No, people who die of cancer never become ghosts.

[beeping]

Okay.

What was your grandma like?

Red hair. Kind of cute?

I wouldn't say my grandma was cute, but she did have red hair.

Well, I'm looking at her spectral analysis right now,

and she's extremely fuckable.

Did you just say that my grandmother is fuckable?

No, I said your grandmother's ghost is fuckable.

Her physical form might have been completely different,

but the soul that lived within your grandmother was extremely fuckable.

I would rather you didn't talk about my grandmother's ghost in fuckability terms.

Well, it's a compliment.

I know that you mean it as a compliment, but it's still demeaning to her.

If you mean something as a compliment that means it is a compliment.

I don't think that's how it works.

Can I have your hand?

Yeah, sure.

I'm very sensitive to spirits and to past lives.

-So, I want you to know-- -Are you going to hold it?

Yeah, when I hold your hand. I might feel any spirits that are swooping around you.

Ah, ah!

God! Hey. Ouch!

Hey! Knock it off!

[groaning] She's into it.

-What? -She's into it.

Did you just fuck my grandmother through my knuckles?

Yeah. She's super into it.

-No. God! -Let me hold your hand again.

-No. I don't want to give my hand. -Well, I didn't finish.

I don't care if my grandmother's fuckable spirit blue balled you!

Let me hold your hand and finish!

Does that mean you're going to come in my backseat?

I don't want you coming in my backseat.

No, not really. I'm going to come in the spectral realm version of your backseat.

Your car will be fine.

[groans]

-[moans] -Hurry up!

[moaning] Oh, she's sensual.

-I don't-- -She's not just about the ending.

Quit fucking my grandma.

Jesus.

That's unprecedented. I came in both planes.

Oh, come on, man.

-Did you really? -Yeah.

I...

Yeah, you can just drop me off anyone.

Yeah, I'm going to go in this McDonald's bathroom.

Thanks.

-[passenger] This is great. -[driver] Have fun.

Why that guy was a dick.

[driver] You're telling me, grandma.

♪♪♪

Suppose, you won't be wanting this.

I can't see. What is it?

It's an engagement ring?

Why would you get an engagement ring on your first date?

You don't even know me.

[phone call tone]

-[woman] Son. Are you there? -Hi, mom.

Don't get excited.

Is it happening? Am I on speaker?

Put me on speaker.

[woman] Hello.

Hi, mom. Listen...

Hello. Do you have some news for me?

I did it again, mom. I used the wrong app.

What?

And there's not going to be a wedding in September.

You did it again, you fucking moron.

Have you ever thought about what your part in all of this is?

Oh, what? I would love to know.

I had issues about my body growing up.

And you never encouraged me to love myself.

- Because you're fat. -Fuck you, mom.

You're fucking fat too.

- Am I on speaker phone? -Yes, you're still on speakerphone.

Yeah, I want to talk to this whore. What's her name?

-Excuse me? -Her name's Heather.

You sound like a real whore.

-I don't have to speak to this woman. - What?

I think the reason your son has problems dating is probably you.

Hey, mom, I'll call you back. Okay?

What did you just say to my mother?

I said I think that your mom is giving you complexes.

Do me a favor, don't talk about my mother.

-Okay? -You...

You don't know her at all.

She might have problems, but she raised me.

And you know what? This date is over.

This isn't a date.

Yeah, you're right. It's not a date.

It's not a date. It's a drive app.

[chuckles]

Oh, my God. Is this our first fight?

-What? -Look at us.

What?

The sign of a healthy relationship.

We're butting heads.

Oh, I love you.

I love you so much.

♪♪♪

[driver] No. I'm looking for you.

Are you the dude hanging on the back of the car right now?

-[man] What? -Jean jacket.

He's kind of like Brett Favre.

No, okay. All right. Well, if that's not you, I got to figure this out.

All right, man. Well, as soon as I get this situated I will come grab you.

All right, bye-bye. I got water, too.

All right, bye.

♪♪♪

-Hey, what's going on, man? -Oh, what's up, man?

What's up YouTube?

It's your boy, Yeung Sandwich.

Today's been pretty cool. Uh, woke up, ate toast, and I drank water, you know.

All right, that was uh... what was that?

I do a daily food video where I'm just like...

Hey guys, I ate cereal.

Wow! How many followers do you have?

I don't remember the exact number,

but I think it's a million four hundred thousand, seventy-six.

That's a very precise number.

I'm like netting, like, 5K off this video.

Jesus! That's a lot of money.

Yeah, I also run a very successful stare vlog.

You're making a video staring into the camera?

-That's creepy man. -There's nothing creepy about 300,000 views.

What? You got 300,000 views that quick?

-Mm-Hm. -I can make a better video than that. I bet.

-Do you want to make a video? -Yeah, let's make a video.

-Okay. -Hey, how you doing there YouTubers?

Little safety driving tips for you.

First off, this is a classic, a fundamental.

Let's keep your hands at 10 and 2, okay?

Yeah, this is actually already like five times longer than any of my videos.

So, I'll just upload it.

-Okay. -And uh...

-Let the likes-- -They hate it! They hate it.

How can they hate it that quick?

The top comment is: "Drive off a damn cliff."

Oh. Yeah, next top comment is: "Cut off your own dick."

What?

"Suck it, but I hope you're bad at it"

Why is the internet so mean?

Oh, this comment says, "Nice sweater, Cosby."

No. This is absolutely ridiculous, okay. I didn't ask for any of this.

Okay. I just wanted to drive you somewhere.

[sobbing] Then all of a sudden people started attacking me and my character.

And what I'm wearing?

I is strong. I is beautiful. I is important.

[sobs]

I just uploaded that. And...

You uploaded that?

-Yeah... -What the f...

People love it.

What?

You went viral. This is...

Oh my God! Are you serious?

-You're the big dumb crybaby. -Oh, oh, okay.

All right. Maybe just cry baby. I can be that.

You're the "Big Dumb Crybaby."

Oh my God! I'm viral?

This is the biggest video I've ever uploaded.

-Whoo! -Yeah. This is huge.

This got twelve thousand dollars off of that video.

Oh my God! We got twelve thousand dollars?

I mean, I got twelve thousand dollars.

I mean, I get some of it too right?

I mean, I don't know, man. Do you do you have Venmo or...?

What? What is Venmo?

Yeah, I don't know. I can't get you that money.

I earned that money. That's my video that everybody's clicking on it because of me, okay?

I deserve it. Okay?

-I'm tired of people-- -Crybaby's having another tantrum!

We got a sequel.

♪♪♪

[passenger] Okay, here you go.

-So, Mazee, huh? -Mm-Hm.

Mazee, Mazee.

So, how many friends do you have? Do you have a lot of friends like?

-Um, yeah. -Yeah?

I got a lot of friends, too. Do you want you want to see some?

That's Jeannette and Allison, they work at the CVS.

-Yeah, they're in uniform. -They cash out.

You know, they work at a checkout thing.

Uh, this is... I don't know their names,

but these are some people just across the street from the CVS.

-Oh. -So, I was like, "Well, I'll catch you later."

I told them, I would catch them later.

So, Lloyd. Do you, um, do you work?

Well I'm like... I'm in between jobs right now.

-Yeah. -The last job I had it was a suicide helpline,

and they said that I was being a little too dependent on the callers.

Oh, my gosh! -And I was freaking them out.

Oh, my gosh! What were you saying?

I'm just saying, "Please, don't kill yourself. So, we can hang out."

Did anybody take you up on that?

Uh...

Most of them just ended it there on the phone. So, it...

I'm sorry. Multiple people were committing suicide when you were on the phone with them?

Multiple sounds like it's in the teens. It was...

It just sounds like it's more than one or two.

No, I mean it's like not in the teens.

It's just below the teens.

So, I don't want to point any fingers, but you got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

-You know what I mean? -What's the omelet?

If the eggs are people who are taking their own lives then what is the omelet?

Okay, I like this game.

It's fun to play games with friends.

You want to play a game while we're driving?

-Yeah. -Okay, on the count of three,

we both say what our favorite ice-cream is. Ready?

Okay.

[both] One, two, three...

Mint chip.

Mint Chip. Oh my God!

We both like mint chip.

Yeah, but you said it like a beat after me.

All right, okay. New topic.

Okay.

-Favorite movie. Ready? -Okay, yeah.

[both] One, two, three.

-Sixteen Candles. -Sixteen Candles.

-Oh, my God. That's so weird. -You did it again.

I love that game. We used to play that in Idaho.

-We'd go on big rides. -You're from Idaho?

-Yeah, yeah. I'm from Boise. -I'm from Boise.

-Really? -Yeah.

Uh, that's cool.

-That's crazy! -Yeah.

-What high school did you go to? -I went to Millard.

No, way. Yeah, Millard was our rivals. I went to Peakson.

-That's nuts. -Yeah.

I never meet anybody from Boise. I mean, nobody from Idaho, let alone Boise here.

Can you hold on a sec? I'm actually getting a call.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Hey, Kev. Yeah, sorry, man. I got this really pushy driver.

[driver] Wait a second. Dude, come on.

You were really pushing it on me.

Kevin, hold on a second.

Hey, uh... I can't remember your name.

-It's Mazee. -Mazee.

You called me by my name multiple times.

All right, Mazee. I'm going to ask you just sort of to back off a little bit.

I mean, I got stuff going on.

I can't take on another sort of like, you know, potential suicide case,

[laughing] if you don't mind.

♪♪♪

[man] Oh, my God! Thanks for the ride once again.

-Of course, man. 2036. -2036.

I can't believe we're here. Are you excited to see her?

Well, she's been my motivation for the past ten years.

-[screaming] -Oh, my God!

-Oh, wow! -Who wants to have a good time, tiger?

-Whoa! Whoa! -Who wants to get nasty?

Whoa, whoa! Hey.

Go, go, go, go.

How are you?

Should I start with the S N of the D?

-Oh? -[laughs]

Well, let's just you know, let's just get to know each other.

-Tell me about your life? -After we last met,

I tried to get back with my husband and he said, "No, thank you."

-Yeah. -I got a job at the laser factory, but then I lost it.

-Oh, yeah. -So, what's the next step?

Sex for money!

-[nervous laugh] -Yes.

You know, I still remember that connection we had.

-Yes, me, too. -Back in 2016, was it?

-Uh-huh. -Yeah. Wasn't that great?

A lot of things have changed since then.

I was addicted to crack. I was in the gutter.

Now, that's me.

Now, I'm in the food business. I make astronaut ice-cream.

I'm in the dick business.

-Oh, no. Hey, hey, hey. -Oh, come on. Come on.

-You know you want it. -Listen, listen.

Oh.

You know, you've been a big force in my life,

even though, we've only seen each other for a total of like forty-five minutes.

I love you in a certain way but I just got to say I can't do this anymore.

I think we've grown apart.

I guess not all dreams come true.

[driver] My dreams come true.

I became a horse doctor this year.

Shut your mouth!

Nobody wants to hear about it.

-You're garbage. -I'd rather be in a garbage can

than be with you for another second.

I don't have a horse but if I did I'd never bring him to you.

♪♪♪

Just say, "I'm a vet." That's what you are.

You're called a vet. A veterinarian.

You're not going to med school, you're going to vet school.

-Yeah. -Okay.

There's a lot of ways to touch animals

you don't have to spend twenty years getting there.

♪♪♪

I is strong. Strong.

I is beautiful. Beautiful.

I is important. Important.