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1
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:10,178
♪♪♪
2
00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,321
-[driver] You look nice today.
-Thank you.
3
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:17,634
You're going to a
special occasion?
4
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,019
I am. My sister's
getting married.
5
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,852
-Oh, that's exciting.
-Yeah, yeah.
6
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,550
That's got to be fun
like a San Diego beach
wedding. That's cool.
7
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,632
What do you mean?
8
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,157
Just the address you gave
me is in San Diego.
9
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,772
-That's a beautiful
area to get away--
-Wait, wait.
10
00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,682
-San Diego?
-Yeah.
11
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,767
-No. No!
-Yeah...
12
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:34,726
Okay.
13
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:36,473
I thought it was
in Santa Monica.
14
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:39,604
We have to get there
in 45 minutes.
15
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,348
Ma'am, that's not
going to happen.
16
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,519
You don't understand, okay.
I'm always that girl.
17
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:46,515
I am always that
freaking person, who's
late to everything.
18
00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:49,568
People think she doesn't
give a shit but I do.
19
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:52,054
Okay, ma'am, I'm sure not
everyone thinks it's like that.
20
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,575
-[screams]
-I'm sure you're just
hard on yourself. Okay.
21
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,748
No, everyone is always
talking shit on me.
22
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,705
Always like, Trisha
can't get her life together.
23
00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:03,275
She's 35 and sells
her baby teeth on Etsy.
24
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,154
You sell baby teeth?
25
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,415
People think this is crystal,
but it's just ground up
baby teeth.
26
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,418
Oh, shit! Baby teeth?
27
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,720
How many babies
did you take that...
28
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,246
At least 14 children.
29
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:15,209
-Fourteen little children?
-They are small teeth.
30
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,729
I was going to set up a little
booth at my sister's wedding.
31
00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,603
-Okay.
-And sell--
32
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,394
You were going to sell
baby teeth necklaces
at your sister's wedding?
33
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,559
I'm not going to tell people
it's baby teeth.
34
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,645
Okay. Yeah that's
probably a good idea.
35
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,134
I'm always late.
36
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,704
Okay. What are you do--?
Ma'am, please don't do that.
37
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:34,531
Are you-- Ma'am,
please don't cry.
38
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:37,142
Everyone thinks I'm stupid
39
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:40,884
because I've killed so many
of my dogs by accident.
40
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,753
[driver] Uh.
41
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:45,448
I didn't know how
to take care of them.
42
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:49,236
Okay, well maybe
those dogs were old
and they just naturally...
43
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,503
-They were puppies.
-They were pup-- okay.
44
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:55,586
They were so cute and so cute,
and I squeezed them to death.
45
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,767
Well, hey, listen. We've all
made mistakes, you know.
46
00:01:57,813 --> 00:02:00,773
I accidentally, got
my girlfriend pregnant
47
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,426
and I just kind of,
left town one day.
48
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:04,861
But you know sometimes
things happen.
49
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:07,777
So, you're not
that bad of a person.
50
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,653
Really bringing down
the energy right now.
51
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,515
-I'm sorry.
-You're like really
ruining my day.
52
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,528
I'm just trying to make
you feel better let, you know,
other people make mistakes,
53
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:20,581
like, maybe I'm not man
enough to be able to
raise a child the right way.
54
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:23,398
-I don't know that just.
-You should just
reconnect with the baby,
55
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:28,407
honestly, because it's
like it's really important
to be with your children
56
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:35,242
and if you do, I will give you
my information because I will
buy those teeth off of you.
57
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,765
What? Are you just trying
to buy my baby's teeth?
58
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,859
You're the one who doesn't
even talk to your baby.
59
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:41,598
So who's the monster here?
60
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,209
♪♪♪
61
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:48,905
Your son's so cute.
62
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:51,694
It's not my son.
63
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:52,866
[whispering] Stepson.
64
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,307
Well, he's adorable.
65
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,219
-Do you think so?
-Yeah.
66
00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,834
I don't really judge kids.
He just seems kind
of average to me.
67
00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:02,266
Mommy, can we go to the park?
68
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,842
Brendan, what did I say?
Call me Tinsley.
69
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,270
Can we go to the park, Tinsley?
70
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,486
No, I'm going to the mall.
You can do whatever...
71
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,186
Dad said that I have
to stay with you.
72
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,803
Stewart said that?
No, he did not say that.
73
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,024
I'm going to the mall.
I have to get a wax.
74
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:19,244
Maybe you can go to the
food court and find some other
human boys to interact with.
75
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,676
Don't you want to
spend time with me?
76
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,592
No, I don't want to
spend time with you.
77
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:26,207
I want to spend time
with my adult friends and
do things that adults do,
78
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,689
like drink martinis
and eat prescription pills.
79
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,250
I want to go to the park.
80
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:34,645
Brendan, don't whine,
okay? It's annoying.
81
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,262
Just why don't
you draw something.
82
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,826
[phone call tone]
83
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,354
-Hello.
-[man] Hey.
84
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,008
Hey.
85
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:46,971
- Are you on your way?
-Yeah, we should be there soon.
86
00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,709
-How old are you?
-I'm eight.
87
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,620
Oh, cool.
88
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,494
Like, four minutes or something.
89
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:54,275
Oh, we should, it's... no--
90
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,671
-What grade are you in?
-Hold on a second.
91
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,333
Excuse me, can you stop
flirting with my stepson.
92
00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,368
I'm trying to make a call.
93
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,543
Oh, I wasn't.
94
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:01,938
Okay, we should be
there really soon.
95
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:03,420
- Bye.
-Okay.
96
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,510
-Mama, look.
-Will you stop calling
me mama, okay?
97
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:07,550
It's Tinsley.
98
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,815
Tinsley, look I drew a picture.
99
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,429
What I that?
100
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,819
The scale is off. Like you
can't have a cat that big.
101
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:20,003
I've heard that you're actually
not supposed to ask
a kid what did they draw,
102
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,262
but you're supposed to say,
"Oh, tell me more about that."
103
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,825
-It's just something I heard.
-Why would I want him
to tell me more about it?
104
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:27,403
It's, like, obviously, bad.
Like, he's not a drawer.
105
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,441
Not everyone
has artistic talent.
106
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,786
No, you should start over.
That's not good.
107
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,796
Seriously, it's embarrassing.
108
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,838
It looks like you're
autistic or something.
109
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,319
Excuse me, do you
have a charger?
110
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,277
Oh, um...
111
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,334
For a cigarette?
112
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,979
No, I'm so sorry.
113
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,942
I thought you were just going
to say for a phone. I have that.
114
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:46,981
No, my phone's charged.
115
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,938
I guess it's cool for
you to smoke in here.
116
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:55,382
♪♪♪
117
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,953
[woman] How long
we've been in the car?
118
00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,603
We've only been like
three minutes.
119
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,477
Three minutes!
120
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,349
I feel like you've been
talking for hours.
121
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,832
I'm sorry.
122
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,611
-Gosh!
-I guess I have that
effect on some people.
123
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,306
Okay. I'm going to call my mom.
124
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,313
-Will you hold that for me?
-Okay. Oh!
125
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,875
Just don't eat it. Okay?
126
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,402
[phone call tone]
127
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:18,665
Mom, mom, mom, mom.
Hi. Hi, it's me.
128
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,973
Yeah, I know. I should be there.
129
00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:23,847
-Oh, that voice.
-Mom...
130
00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,015
Mom...
131
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:28,024
-Does she's not, hear you?
-Mom.
132
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:31,416
-You keep saying her name.
-No, I could hear, but my
stupid sister's talking.
133
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,811
Tell her to shut up.
134
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,334
It's her wedding day.
I don't think you should--
135
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,467
-I don't care!
-Okay.
136
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,819
Tell her to shut up
I can't hear you.
137
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,469
[sobbing] I'm going to
be late to the wedding.
138
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:43,394
You don't understand
why I'm late daddy.
139
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:47,390
No, it wasn't because
I didn't know that this
wedding was in San Diego.
140
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:51,004
No that would be dumb.
That would be so stupid of me.
141
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,086
[weeping]
142
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,085
I don't even know
what that sound is.
143
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:59,527
I am late because
I was held hostage...
144
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,356
-Wait...
-By an African-American
terrorist.
145
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,405
-What? Whoa, whoa!
-He's a tall man.
146
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,671
-Are you serious?
-He's tall and he's wearing
a blue and black plaid shirt.
147
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,925
-No.
-Can you hear his voice?
148
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,667
What? No, no. Damn.
Ah, it's not my voice.
149
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,678
That's what he sounds like.
He just changed
his voice right now.
150
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,460
It's not usually that high okay.
151
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:15,904
And he walked out on his family.
152
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,120
He abandoned his child
and then he held me hostage
153
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,470
and made me act like
a baby the entire time.
154
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:23,120
-I made you act like a baby?
-And I was so scared
155
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,985
because you know
I hate children.
156
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,906
You love children because
you love taking their teeth.
157
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,425
-You know what?
-What?
158
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,606
I'm going to go. Patty,
I'm going to go.
159
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,482
I'm going to be at your wedding
because I'm going to leave
this terrorist situation.
160
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:36,794
-Put your seatbelt back on.
-This hostage situation.
161
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,051
What are you doing?
162
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,013
[driver] Oh, my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God.
163
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,531
What the-- shit. Shit!
164
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:44,666
♪♪♪
165
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,019
[Tinsley] I have an idea.
166
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,980
Why don't you keep
this meter on?
167
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,149
Drive around for three hours.
168
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:56,885
You could take him. I'll go to
the mall, pick me back up.
169
00:06:56,938 --> 00:07:00,118
Oh, no. I mean, that
sounds fun, right, buddy?
170
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:01,898
-Yeah, I want.
-Yeah. I know.
171
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,993
-But um, I don't think--
-What?
172
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,432
-You would just let
me take your kid?
-Yeah, he has a chip.
173
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,039
You put a chip in your child?
174
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,039
Well, I didn't put it in,
the vet put it in.
175
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,951
We can find him
wherever he goes.
176
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:15,086
It's like in the back of his
neck. He can never get lost.
177
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,650
Yeah, I can't get lost.
178
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:18,047
Okay, we're going
to play a game now.
179
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,569
Here goes. It's called coma.
180
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,183
You're going to pretend
like you're in a coma.
181
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:25,584
And so, we're going to
sit back, shut your eyes,
182
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,969
and then just don't
say anything. Okay?
183
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:31,146
Are you serious? He's a kid.
184
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,579
-He likes it.
-Why can't you let him
just keep on drawing?
185
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,537
-This is a child.
-He's a terrible drawer.
186
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,015
-That doesn't matter at all.
-Oh, really?
187
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,885
Would you like to hang up
his portraits in your house?
188
00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:42,027
Yeah, you know what I
would be proud to do that.
189
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:46,680
Everything's out of scale,
everything looks like a
deformed cat. It's just awful.
190
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:47,857
I'm out of my coma, now.
191
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,602
Did I tell you to get
out of the coma?
192
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,173
Remember you have
to wait for the buzz.
193
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,079
You know what, Brandon, you
don't have to be in a coma.
194
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,784
No, I can actually let him
know when his coma is done.
195
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:59,573
I can access his chip through
my phone. Close your eyes.
196
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:00,919
Coma, remember.
197
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,178
-So, Brandon, do you
like Spiderman?
-Yes.
198
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,791
What do you like
about Spiderman?
199
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,532
Can you please not engage with
him when we're playing coma?
200
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,534
You know what you
don't have to talk to him,
but is it okay that I do?
201
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:14,577
God damn it! Why don't you call
one of your friends and see if
you can hang out with them?
202
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,714
So, I can go get my wax, okay?
203
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,537
[phone calling tone]
204
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:19,665
Hi.
205
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,146
-[child] Hello.
-Hi, how are you?
206
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:22,676
Fine. How are you?
207
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,939
Good. I'm doing great.
208
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:24,981
Okay.
209
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,678
Do you watch Pokémon?
210
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,595
Uh-huh. Guess what?
Ash just caught a Hawlucha.
211
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,862
Enough of the small talk.
That's what you guys talk about?
212
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,645
Who is that? Tinsley?
213
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,520
-Yeah.
-Hi, Tinsley.
214
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,742
Hi, Spencer. Is your dad home?
215
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:43,221
Yes, hold on just a second.
216
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:46,051
-[man] Hey, it's Rick. Tinsley?
-Hey, Rick, it's Tinsley.
217
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,090
Oh, hey, what's up girl?
218
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,176
Hey, we were going
to maybe drop him off.
219
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,175
Yeah, just getting ready
to get rid of my kid, too.
220
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,837
He's going to swim
camp tomorrow.
221
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,191
Oh, I love that.
How long is that?
222
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,581
-Twelve weeks.
-Dope.
223
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,015
Hey, Brandon. You want
to go to swim camp?
224
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,241
No, I don't.
I want to stay here.
225
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,070
No, he's totally down.
Will you e-mail me the link?
226
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:07,199
-Yeah, yeah. No, problem.
-Okay.
227
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,032
I'm going to send you
pictures of my abs.
228
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:12,160
[laughs] Stop it.
You have to stop doing that.
229
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,423
I'm sending them right now.
230
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,115
I don't need to see
your abs again, okay?
231
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:16,993
I know what they look like.
232
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:17,954
Show it to Brandon.
233
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,912
Hold on. Honey, look at that.
234
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,600
Why doesn't he have
any pants on?
235
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:22,868
Keeping it cool, bro.
236
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,780
Rick, Rick, stop it.
237
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,955
Hey, I got an idea.
238
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,131
Why don't you just put
your driver to drive around
tonight for three hours
239
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,607
and come over and hang out.
240
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:34,097
-Hold on a second. Um, driver.
-Yeah.
241
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:38,061
Could you keep the meter on?
242
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,269
-No.
-Drop me--
243
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,877
You haven't even
heard the whole thing?
244
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,228
I just have a feeling.
245
00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:46,147
♪♪♪
246
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,940
[woman screaming] I got a penis!
247
00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:53,902
[screaming]
248
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,811
I got this penis squirt gun!
249
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:56,986
[screams]
250
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,341
And I filled it with vodka!
251
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,726
Take it!
252
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,954
Oh! Oh!
253
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,913
-Good evening, ladies.
-Oh, hi.
254
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:08,303
This inside this car is
my bachelorette party.
255
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,776
[women] Yeah!
256
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,306
What else is planned?
257
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,089
We were just going to...
258
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:14,924
This is the first
thing we planned
259
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:17,662
and it's, technically,
the only thing we planned,
260
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,924
-but we have the whole night.
-You didn't invite anybody else?
261
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,968
Uh, we wanted
this time with you.
262
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,104
-Mm-Hm.
Just us two and you and
what's your name?
263
00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,758
-Oh, Brendan.
-And Brendan.
264
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,192
Just kind of the four of us.
265
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,628
Congratulations!
266
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,334
Wait, did you bring
the strip club to me?
267
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:37,942
Is Brendan a stripper?
268
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,065
Oh, no, no, no.
269
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,157
I don't even like being
naked by myself.
270
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:45,076
[women] Woo! Take it off.
271
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:48,002
I can't. I have very
sensitive skin.
272
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:51,128
These aren't angel kisses.
This is, you know, pre-cancer.
273
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,652
Okay. Well...
274
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:56,175
Brendan's not a stripper
but I did save some pictures.
275
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,700
-Mm-Hm.
-Of strippers on my phone.
276
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,005
-Great!
-If you want to look at them.
277
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:02,790
Okay. Ooh, I'm going
to text this one to myself
278
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:05,706
and I'm going to rub
my clit to it tonight.
279
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,672
Oh, cool. Cool.
280
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:08,970
[woman] These seats are nice.
281
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,276
-Yeah.
-It's black leather.
282
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,671
I inherited this from my dad.
283
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:12,984
Your dad passed away?
284
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,330
Yeah, my dad died in this car.
285
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,813
Was it an accident?
286
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,370
He accidentally left the car
on while in the garage.
287
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,286
-We have a game.
-Oh, a game!
288
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:27,335
-Yeah.
-Bachelorette game!
289
00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:30,392
I have like your aunts and like
some other friends' emails.
290
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,298
-It's like marriage
advice for you.
-So sweet.
291
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:36,303
-And like kind
of saucy things like...
-Oh, saucy!
292
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,867
Yeah, your Aunt Clara said,
293
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:42,175
"Make sure you blow him,
not just on his birthday."
294
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,313
[screaming and laughing]
295
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,745
So, what his birthday
and Christmas?
296
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,193
Whatever!
297
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,839
[laughs]
298
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,013
-Your nana said...
-Oh, my God!
299
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,708
Oh, my God! My nana.
300
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,275
Compromise is a key
to any relationship.
301
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:58,943
-Okay.
-So, it's okay to put
a finger up his butt.
302
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,022
My nana said that?
303
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,158
To be fair we don't know
that she likes it.
304
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,070
She's just willing to do it.
305
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,935
I'm just going to say
the butt's a tricky area.
306
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,947
Enough about your
butt stories, Brendan.
307
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,119
[woman] Do you
want to do a shot?
308
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,214
Give me the bottle.
309
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:14,212
-Oh, okay.
-Yeah. You're crazy.
310
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,905
-I'm crazy!
-You're wild!
311
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,043
-Go, go!
-Go, go. Chug, chug.
312
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,126
Don't make too much-- Nicole?
313
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,264
-Don't get sick.
-Pace, pace.
314
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:25,006
Just a quick reminder, there's
like, a two-hundred-dollar
cleanup fee if you guys...
315
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,362
[Nicole] I never puke!
316
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:30,918
Yeah, she never pukes.
317
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,877
-I'm getting married!
-She's getting married!
318
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:34,837
[screaming]
319
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,764
Scream it out the window.
320
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:37,969
Oh, yeah!
321
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,758
I'm getting married!
I'm getting married!
322
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:41,503
[women] Oh! Ah!
323
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,943
[screaming]
324
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,979
[screaming]
325
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,935
No! No!
326
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:51,514
♪♪♪
327
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,860
[man] You are the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen.
328
00:12:56,906 --> 00:13:00,206
Men have started wars over
women as beautiful as you.
329
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:04,042
I've never said that to anyone.
330
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,087
Dave?
331
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,311
No.
332
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,830
Do you two know
each other? Or...
333
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,268
Dave is my ex-boyfriend.
We broke up about a month ago.
334
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,926
-[woman] Oh!
-Mm-Hm.
335
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,280
-And I've moved on.
-Wow, that was fast.
336
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,320
Yeah.
337
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,151
That's real fast.
338
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,062
Needed some space, you said.
339
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,277
-I did need some space.
-I'm single, you said.
340
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,197
You were just like
you wouldn't stop bugging me.
341
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,332
-I'm sorry I don't have a job.
-We lived together, Dave.
342
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,462
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, everything's fine.
343
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,858
No, everything's great.
344
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,691
It feels a little awkward.
345
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,468
-No. No. It's great.
-I'm sorry. I don't
mean be unprofessional.
346
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,043
-I'm so sorry.
-Yeah, no, it's fine.
347
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:44,131
I didn't even know you
worked for Drive Share.
348
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,041
I was doing it when
we were dating.
349
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,386
-What?
-Yeah.
350
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,305
Really? Look, sorry I just
had a lot on my mind.
351
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,871
-A lot on your...
-Yeah.
352
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,828
Do you even know
what your date does?
353
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,526
Yeah, of course, I do. She--
354
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,493
She's like... she'll explain it.
355
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,972
It's a crazy job. It's hard.
It's... it's crazy. It's...
356
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,103
-I'm a doctor.
-Yeah, she's a doctor.
357
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,055
You're...
358
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,323
I knew that.
359
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,235
You're a doctor?
360
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,544
Yeah, I'm a doctor.
I work in the ER.
361
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,327
-Wow!
-Yeah, big time.
362
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,593
She works in the ER.
363
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:14,675
That's cool.
364
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,943
Yeah, no Drive Share
for this one.
365
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,065
[laughs]
366
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:17,987
Okay.
367
00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:20,986
I mean don't take this
the wrong way or anything,
368
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,044
but you're like way too
pretty to be a doctor.
369
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,337
When I first saw you,
I thought you must have been
like a hooker or something.
370
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,998
I mean like a very
high class, you know, hooker.
371
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:33,523
Like that billionaires take out
to like Vegas or something.
372
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,878
-Okay.
-You know, and you
don't kiss. No kissing.
373
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:37,879
You can't kiss hookers?
374
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,490
Sorry.
375
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,401
Yeah, I'm a doctor.
I'm not a hooker.
376
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,316
Oh, no. I know. I just--
377
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:47,501
I was trying to compliment
how beautiful and sexy
you are. I mean that.
378
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:48,708
She's just trying to be nice.
379
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,187
Trust me I know from
years of experience
380
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:54,148
that whenever she's being nice
there's something underneath it.
381
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:56,107
Okay, there's some
game she's playing.
382
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:59,376
I'm just genuinely trying
to be nice, Dave. That's
what compliments are.
383
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,940
You give them.
I'm not expecting
anything in return.
384
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:04,898
Hey, I gave you tons
of compliments.
385
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,727
I seem to remember telling you
386
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:10,515
that men have started
wars over someone as
beautiful as you so...
387
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,041
You just said that to me.
388
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,386
I've never said that
to anyone before in my life.
389
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:19,136
♪♪♪
390
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,658
-Um, third and Robertson.
-Sure.
391
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:28,535
I just need to get there
by 10:02, if that's possible.
392
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:31,099
-I think we can do that. Yeah.
-Okay, great. Yeah.
393
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:36,407
Uh, I'm sorry. I hate
to be that guy, but you
look so familiar to me.
394
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,497
-Oh!
-I recognize you.
395
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:42,026
Are you an artist or...?
396
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,601
I'm... Yeah, sort of,
I guess in a way.
397
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,599
I mean, it's a nice way
of looking at it.
398
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:50,171
I try to do what I do, you know,
to the best of my ability
399
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,340
and put a nice little
spin on it if I can.
400
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,259
Are you Death?
401
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,614
[laughs] Guilty as charged.
402
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:01,614
[laughs]
403
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,956
Which is what they said to
me when they executed me,
which is how I got here.
404
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,837
Oh, my gosh!
405
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:12,448
I know you from your aunt
in 2009, and your dad,
a couple years ago.
406
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,973
-Yeah, that was awful.
-And your dog nine
months ago, right?
407
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,407
Yes, that was terrible.
408
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,673
Well, I come for you all. Ah!
409
00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:21,416
[laughs]
410
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,498
Oh, man, that's...
411
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,716
No, seriously I will
come for you.
412
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,326
No, I understand. You're just
a guy doing his job. I don't...
413
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,987
-I don't take it personally.
-It's just a job.
414
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:34,251
I'm just the East Side Death.
The L.A. East Side Death.
415
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:35,817
Oh!
416
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:39,004
So, yeah. I mean there's a
whole bunch of deaths out there.
417
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,431
Oh, do you have like a guild?
418
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,307
Yeah, well it's not a guild
it's more of a union.
419
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,439
I never really understood the
difference a union and a guild.
420
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:45,921
Yeah, I've never
understood that either
421
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,621
like what's the difference
between a guild and a union,
422
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,438
but we call ourselves a union.
423
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,746
How did you get started?
424
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:55,012
Um, I, basically, sold
my soul to the devil.
425
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,487
-Really?
-Yeah.
426
00:16:56,537 --> 00:17:00,407
I have a thousand lifetimes
that I have to do this...
427
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,464
Uh, you must have seen
some incredible stuff.
428
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,019
I mean a lot of deaths.
429
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,546
I guess it's your job,
so you're used to it.
430
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,199
Oh, no.
When you're death it's like,
431
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,033
you know that expression,
there's no crying
over spilled milk.
432
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:14,032
They should say it to
me like there's no use
crying over a crib death.
433
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:17,296
♪♪♪
434
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:25,743
So what's the ER like?
Do you see like a lot of death?
435
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:32,090
I have seen death. Yeah,
but that's just part of the job.
436
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,568
Oh, my gosh!
437
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,397
Have you ever like had those
people coming to the ER,
438
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,135
and they have like,
a toy car, and a condom
stuck in their butt?
439
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:41,317
And they're like they
accidentally like sat on
like a group of pencils,
440
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,804
like sharpened
pencils or anything.
441
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,724
Have you guys seen that?
They have photo galleries online
442
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,720
of like things you see in an
x-ray and they're like crazy.
443
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,773
There was this one time,
it was a dog's actual leg...
444
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:52,979
it was in somebody's butt.
445
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:55,808
-It was great.
I love that stuff.
-What?
446
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:58,857
Hold on. Wait, pause one second.
I got to feed my Goo Goo.
447
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,653
-What's a Goo Goo?
-"What's a Goo Goo?"
448
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,170
It's like a virtual reality pet
that you have to feed.
449
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,564
You feed it little, uh,
little bits of trash.
450
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:11,658
And then, once it grows up
and it's big, then it checks
your emails for you.
451
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:14,439
[pressing buttons on cellphone]
452
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,574
What do you even see in him?
453
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:18,787
When I met him,
he was the cutest.
454
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:22,316
He was at the playground
and he was babysitting
these kids, right?
455
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:27,582
And he was just laughing with
them and just taking such good
care of them and I was like,
456
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:30,278
"This is going to be
the perfect dad one day."
457
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,496
Where's my Goo Goo?
Who's my Goo Goo?
458
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:33,676
[woman] Now, I'm
starting to realize,
459
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,201
he was probably
playing with the kids.
460
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,684
[driver] Yeah, most
of his friends are kids.
461
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:41,564
Oh, hey! I forgot to tell
you I'm going on Shark Tank.
462
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,638
Going to pitch the old idea.
463
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:48,127
You remember that thing
where I was going
to sell donuts on a stick.
464
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,910
[driver] Yeah.
465
00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:52,444
I was going to call it
donuts with wood.
That's going to happen.
466
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:53,439
When are you going?
467
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,220
Oh, I'm not going yet.
468
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,354
I haven't filled out the
application form yet.
469
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,397
It's like really complicated.
470
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,442
You know what?
471
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,798
Someone should invent
something that will fill out
application forms for you.
472
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,539
I'm going to go on
shark tank and do that.
473
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,320
Sophia, you have
got to dump him.
474
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,674
Hey!
475
00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:12,803
You deserve so much more.
Girl, you are a catch.
476
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,197
Thank you.
477
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,590
-You're welcome.
-You're really great, too.
478
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,812
-You're driving amazing.
-Thank you.
479
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,252
Do you guys want to
have a three-way?
480
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,729
Okay, I'm just going to
drop him off right now.
481
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:22,859
-[Sophia] Yeah.
-[Dave] What?
482
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,776
Seriously? Seriously?
483
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:35,167
There's a free Goo Goo.
There's a free Goo Goo.
484
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,477
There's a free Goo Goo!
485
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:43,309
♪♪♪
486
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,750
I would have to say
that the worst part about
the job is the insects.
487
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:51,185
You mean, like the flies
and that sort of thing?
488
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,933
Oh, well, you have to do
every insect that dies.
489
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:55,504
You have to personally
kill every insect?
490
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,202
Yeah, it's terrible.
491
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,239
It's not like you, where like,
I have to do with a flyswatter.
492
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,416
-No, no, no.
-I can just point
at him, you know...
493
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:05,902
Like there's a mosquito
out the window right now.
494
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:06,903
[Death] Bum!
495
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:08,858
-Oh, damn it.
-What?
496
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,603
-I missed.
-You missed what?
497
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,474
I missed the mosquito.
I got a guy.
498
00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:15,516
-You just killed a guy.
-Yeah.
499
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:18,612
Oh, my God! Aw, that's so cool.
500
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:20,872
I mean it's not cool for me.
The paperwork now.
501
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,525
-Oh, right, well...
-That guy's not supposed
to be dead.
502
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,219
I'm sorry this is all
just so new to me.
503
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,306
I'm a little taken.
504
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,705
I... yeah. This is
really kind of rad.
505
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,229
Yeah, you and Liam Neeson.
Am I right?
506
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,102
[laugh]
507
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,413
-Let me give you a little tip.
When you get to hell...
-Yeah, yeah.
508
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:35,760
-They're going to ask you--
-Wait, wait, wait.
509
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,709
-When I get there?
-Yeah.
510
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,888
-Oh, yeah. You're...
-I'm going to hell?
511
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,325
-Sorry I... spoiler.
-Oh!
512
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,163
What did I do?
513
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:48,861
Well, remember when
you were six and you
had that birthday party.
514
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:51,729
-Yeah, I remember
that birthday party.
-And you didn't invite Norman.
515
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,732
Stinky Norman?
516
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:55,994
Yes, stinky... Well,
I mean, you're just adding
insult to injury right now.
517
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,737
He was a big old fat kid with
some kind of glandular disorder.
518
00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:00,299
I don't want him
at a pool party.
519
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,296
Right. I'm not feeling
bad for you anymore.
520
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:03,438
[Death] All right.
521
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,439
This is it.
Thank you, my friend.
522
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:10,571
Yeah, hey, just one second,
there's no, um, there's no
credit card on file.
523
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,307
Oh, yeah,
I don't have any money.
524
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,618
Why would Death have money?
525
00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:16,968
-Sorry.
-I don't want to make a big
thing out of it or anything,
526
00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:18,974
but I need to get
paid for the ride.
It was a long ride.
527
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:22,276
Well, okay. Tell you what?
I have one idea.
528
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:22,984
What?
529
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:25,978
[car horn]
530
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,333
All right.
531
00:21:28,939 --> 00:21:31,459
And five stars for me.
532
00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:33,505
Still a perfect rating.
533
00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,513
Thank you. See you in hell.
534
00:21:52,398 --> 00:21:57,788
♪♪♪
535
00:21:57,838 --> 00:22:00,538
Where is Tinsley?
Where is Tinsley?
536
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,800
Where is she?
I want to call Tinsley.
537
00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,543
Okay, okay.
538
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,804
-I want to call Tinsley
-Okay, call Tinsley.
539
00:22:06,847 --> 00:22:08,847
Hello, police.
I've been kidnapped...
540
00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,812
Oh, no, no, no.
Can I have the phone?
541
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:12,591
You can track me by my chip.
542
00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:13,895
-Um...
-[police] You got a chip in you?
543
00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,601
Your parents must
love you so much.
544
00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:17,378
Yeah, Tinsley loves me so much.
42025
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