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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:10,178 ♪♪♪ 2 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,321 -[driver] You look nice today. -Thank you. 3 00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:17,634 You're going to a special occasion? 4 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,019 I am. My sister's getting married. 5 00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,852 -Oh, that's exciting. -Yeah, yeah. 6 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,550 That's got to be fun like a San Diego beach wedding. That's cool. 7 00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,632 What do you mean? 8 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,157 Just the address you gave me is in San Diego. 9 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,772 -That's a beautiful area to get away-- -Wait, wait. 10 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,682 -San Diego? -Yeah. 11 00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,767 -No. No! -Yeah... 12 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:34,726 Okay. 13 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:36,473 I thought it was in Santa Monica. 14 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:39,604 We have to get there in 45 minutes. 15 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,348 Ma'am, that's not going to happen. 16 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,519 You don't understand, okay. I'm always that girl. 17 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:46,515 I am always that freaking person, who's late to everything. 18 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:49,568 People think she doesn't give a shit but I do. 19 00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:52,054 Okay, ma'am, I'm sure not everyone thinks it's like that. 20 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,575 -[screams] -I'm sure you're just hard on yourself. Okay. 21 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,748 No, everyone is always talking shit on me. 22 00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,705 Always like, Trisha can't get her life together. 23 00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:03,275 She's 35 and sells her baby teeth on Etsy. 24 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,154 You sell baby teeth? 25 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,415 People think this is crystal, but it's just ground up baby teeth. 26 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,418 Oh, shit! Baby teeth? 27 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,720 How many babies did you take that... 28 00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,246 At least 14 children. 29 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:15,209 -Fourteen little children? -They are small teeth. 30 00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,729 I was going to set up a little booth at my sister's wedding. 31 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,603 -Okay. -And sell-- 32 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,394 You were going to sell baby teeth necklaces at your sister's wedding? 33 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,559 I'm not going to tell people it's baby teeth. 34 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,645 Okay. Yeah that's probably a good idea. 35 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,134 I'm always late. 36 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,704 Okay. What are you do--? Ma'am, please don't do that. 37 00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:34,531 Are you-- Ma'am, please don't cry. 38 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:37,142 Everyone thinks I'm stupid 39 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:40,884 because I've killed so many of my dogs by accident. 40 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,753 [driver] Uh. 41 00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:45,448 I didn't know how to take care of them. 42 00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:49,236 Okay, well maybe those dogs were old and they just naturally... 43 00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,503 -They were puppies. -They were pup-- okay. 44 00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:55,586 They were so cute and so cute, and I squeezed them to death. 45 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,767 Well, hey, listen. We've all made mistakes, you know. 46 00:01:57,813 --> 00:02:00,773 I accidentally, got my girlfriend pregnant 47 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,426 and I just kind of, left town one day. 48 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:04,861 But you know sometimes things happen. 49 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:07,777 So, you're not that bad of a person. 50 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,653 Really bringing down the energy right now. 51 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,515 -I'm sorry. -You're like really ruining my day. 52 00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,528 I'm just trying to make you feel better let, you know, other people make mistakes, 53 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:20,581 like, maybe I'm not man enough to be able to raise a child the right way. 54 00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:23,398 -I don't know that just. -You should just reconnect with the baby, 55 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:28,407 honestly, because it's like it's really important to be with your children 56 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:35,242 and if you do, I will give you my information because I will buy those teeth off of you. 57 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,765 What? Are you just trying to buy my baby's teeth? 58 00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,859 You're the one who doesn't even talk to your baby. 59 00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:41,598 So who's the monster here? 60 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,209 ♪♪♪ 61 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:48,905 Your son's so cute. 62 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:51,694 It's not my son. 63 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:52,866 [whispering] Stepson. 64 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,307 Well, he's adorable. 65 00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,219 -Do you think so? -Yeah. 66 00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,834 I don't really judge kids. He just seems kind of average to me. 67 00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:02,266 Mommy, can we go to the park? 68 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,842 Brendan, what did I say? Call me Tinsley. 69 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,270 Can we go to the park, Tinsley? 70 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,486 No, I'm going to the mall. You can do whatever... 71 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,186 Dad said that I have to stay with you. 72 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,803 Stewart said that? No, he did not say that. 73 00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,024 I'm going to the mall. I have to get a wax. 74 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:19,244 Maybe you can go to the food court and find some other human boys to interact with. 75 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,676 Don't you want to spend time with me? 76 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,592 No, I don't want to spend time with you. 77 00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:26,207 I want to spend time with my adult friends and do things that adults do, 78 00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,689 like drink martinis and eat prescription pills. 79 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,250 I want to go to the park. 80 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:34,645 Brendan, don't whine, okay? It's annoying. 81 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,262 Just why don't you draw something. 82 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,826 [phone call tone] 83 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,354 -Hello. -[man] Hey. 84 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,008 Hey. 85 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:46,971 - Are you on your way? -Yeah, we should be there soon. 86 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,709 -How old are you? -I'm eight. 87 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,620 Oh, cool. 88 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,494 Like, four minutes or something. 89 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:54,275 Oh, we should, it's... no-- 90 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,671 -What grade are you in? -Hold on a second. 91 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,333 Excuse me, can you stop flirting with my stepson. 92 00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,368 I'm trying to make a call. 93 00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,543 Oh, I wasn't. 94 00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:01,938 Okay, we should be there really soon. 95 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:03,420 - Bye. -Okay. 96 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,510 -Mama, look. -Will you stop calling me mama, okay? 97 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:07,550 It's Tinsley. 98 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,815 Tinsley, look I drew a picture. 99 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,429 What I that? 100 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,819 The scale is off. Like you can't have a cat that big. 101 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:20,003 I've heard that you're actually not supposed to ask a kid what did they draw, 102 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,262 but you're supposed to say, "Oh, tell me more about that." 103 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,825 -It's just something I heard. -Why would I want him to tell me more about it? 104 00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:27,403 It's, like, obviously, bad. Like, he's not a drawer. 105 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,441 Not everyone has artistic talent. 106 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,786 No, you should start over. That's not good. 107 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,796 Seriously, it's embarrassing. 108 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,838 It looks like you're autistic or something. 109 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,319 Excuse me, do you have a charger? 110 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,277 Oh, um... 111 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,334 For a cigarette? 112 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,979 No, I'm so sorry. 113 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,942 I thought you were just going to say for a phone. I have that. 114 00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:46,981 No, my phone's charged. 115 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,938 I guess it's cool for you to smoke in here. 116 00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:55,382 ♪♪♪ 117 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,953 [woman] How long we've been in the car? 118 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,603 We've only been like three minutes. 119 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,477 Three minutes! 120 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,349 I feel like you've been talking for hours. 121 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,832 I'm sorry. 122 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,611 -Gosh! -I guess I have that effect on some people. 123 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,306 Okay. I'm going to call my mom. 124 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,313 -Will you hold that for me? -Okay. Oh! 125 00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,875 Just don't eat it. Okay? 126 00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,402 [phone call tone] 127 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:18,665 Mom, mom, mom, mom. Hi. Hi, it's me. 128 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,973 Yeah, I know. I should be there. 129 00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:23,847 -Oh, that voice. -Mom... 130 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,015 Mom... 131 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:28,024 -Does she's not, hear you? -Mom. 132 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:31,416 -You keep saying her name. -No, I could hear, but my stupid sister's talking. 133 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,811 Tell her to shut up. 134 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,334 It's her wedding day. I don't think you should-- 135 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,467 -I don't care! -Okay. 136 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,819 Tell her to shut up I can't hear you. 137 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,469 [sobbing] I'm going to be late to the wedding. 138 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:43,394 You don't understand why I'm late daddy. 139 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:47,390 No, it wasn't because I didn't know that this wedding was in San Diego. 140 00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:51,004 No that would be dumb. That would be so stupid of me. 141 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,086 [weeping] 142 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,085 I don't even know what that sound is. 143 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:59,527 I am late because I was held hostage... 144 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,356 -Wait... -By an African-American terrorist. 145 00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,405 -What? Whoa, whoa! -He's a tall man. 146 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,671 -Are you serious? -He's tall and he's wearing a blue and black plaid shirt. 147 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,925 -No. -Can you hear his voice? 148 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,667 What? No, no. Damn. Ah, it's not my voice. 149 00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,678 That's what he sounds like. He just changed his voice right now. 150 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,460 It's not usually that high okay. 151 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:15,904 And he walked out on his family. 152 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,120 He abandoned his child and then he held me hostage 153 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,470 and made me act like a baby the entire time. 154 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:23,120 -I made you act like a baby? -And I was so scared 155 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,985 because you know I hate children. 156 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,906 You love children because you love taking their teeth. 157 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,425 -You know what? -What? 158 00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,606 I'm going to go. Patty, I'm going to go. 159 00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,482 I'm going to be at your wedding because I'm going to leave this terrorist situation. 160 00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:36,794 -Put your seatbelt back on. -This hostage situation. 161 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,051 What are you doing? 162 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,013 [driver] Oh, my God! Oh my God! Oh my God. 163 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,531 What the-- shit. Shit! 164 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:44,666 ♪♪♪ 165 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,019 [Tinsley] I have an idea. 166 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,980 Why don't you keep this meter on? 167 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,149 Drive around for three hours. 168 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:56,885 You could take him. I'll go to the mall, pick me back up. 169 00:06:56,938 --> 00:07:00,118 Oh, no. I mean, that sounds fun, right, buddy? 170 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:01,898 -Yeah, I want. -Yeah. I know. 171 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,993 -But um, I don't think-- -What? 172 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,432 -You would just let me take your kid? -Yeah, he has a chip. 173 00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,039 You put a chip in your child? 174 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,039 Well, I didn't put it in, the vet put it in. 175 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,951 We can find him wherever he goes. 176 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:15,086 It's like in the back of his neck. He can never get lost. 177 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,650 Yeah, I can't get lost. 178 00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:18,047 Okay, we're going to play a game now. 179 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,569 Here goes. It's called coma. 180 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,183 You're going to pretend like you're in a coma. 181 00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:25,584 And so, we're going to sit back, shut your eyes, 182 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,969 and then just don't say anything. Okay? 183 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:31,146 Are you serious? He's a kid. 184 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,579 -He likes it. -Why can't you let him just keep on drawing? 185 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,537 -This is a child. -He's a terrible drawer. 186 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,015 -That doesn't matter at all. -Oh, really? 187 00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,885 Would you like to hang up his portraits in your house? 188 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:42,027 Yeah, you know what I would be proud to do that. 189 00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:46,680 Everything's out of scale, everything looks like a deformed cat. It's just awful. 190 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:47,857 I'm out of my coma, now. 191 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,602 Did I tell you to get out of the coma? 192 00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,173 Remember you have to wait for the buzz. 193 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,079 You know what, Brandon, you don't have to be in a coma. 194 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,784 No, I can actually let him know when his coma is done. 195 00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:59,573 I can access his chip through my phone. Close your eyes. 196 00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:00,919 Coma, remember. 197 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,178 -So, Brandon, do you like Spiderman? -Yes. 198 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,791 What do you like about Spiderman? 199 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,532 Can you please not engage with him when we're playing coma? 200 00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,534 You know what you don't have to talk to him, but is it okay that I do? 201 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:14,577 God damn it! Why don't you call one of your friends and see if you can hang out with them? 202 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,714 So, I can go get my wax, okay? 203 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,537 [phone calling tone] 204 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:19,665 Hi. 205 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,146 -[child] Hello. -Hi, how are you? 206 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:22,676 Fine. How are you? 207 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,939 Good. I'm doing great. 208 00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:24,981 Okay. 209 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,678 Do you watch Pokémon? 210 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,595 Uh-huh. Guess what? Ash just caught a Hawlucha. 211 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,862 Enough of the small talk. That's what you guys talk about? 212 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,645 Who is that? Tinsley? 213 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,520 -Yeah. -Hi, Tinsley. 214 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,742 Hi, Spencer. Is your dad home? 215 00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:43,221 Yes, hold on just a second. 216 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:46,051 -[man] Hey, it's Rick. Tinsley? -Hey, Rick, it's Tinsley. 217 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,090 Oh, hey, what's up girl? 218 00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,176 Hey, we were going to maybe drop him off. 219 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,175 Yeah, just getting ready to get rid of my kid, too. 220 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,837 He's going to swim camp tomorrow. 221 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,191 Oh, I love that. How long is that? 222 00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,581 -Twelve weeks. -Dope. 223 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,015 Hey, Brandon. You want to go to swim camp? 224 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,241 No, I don't. I want to stay here. 225 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,070 No, he's totally down. Will you e-mail me the link? 226 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:07,199 -Yeah, yeah. No, problem. -Okay. 227 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,032 I'm going to send you pictures of my abs. 228 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:12,160 [laughs] Stop it. You have to stop doing that. 229 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,423 I'm sending them right now. 230 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,115 I don't need to see your abs again, okay? 231 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:16,993 I know what they look like. 232 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:17,954 Show it to Brandon. 233 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,912 Hold on. Honey, look at that. 234 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,600 Why doesn't he have any pants on? 235 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:22,868 Keeping it cool, bro. 236 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,780 Rick, Rick, stop it. 237 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,955 Hey, I got an idea. 238 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,131 Why don't you just put your driver to drive around tonight for three hours 239 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,607 and come over and hang out. 240 00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:34,097 -Hold on a second. Um, driver. -Yeah. 241 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:38,061 Could you keep the meter on? 242 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,269 -No. -Drop me-- 243 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,877 You haven't even heard the whole thing? 244 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,228 I just have a feeling. 245 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:46,147 ♪♪♪ 246 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,940 [woman screaming] I got a penis! 247 00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:53,902 [screaming] 248 00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,811 I got this penis squirt gun! 249 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:56,986 [screams] 250 00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,341 And I filled it with vodka! 251 00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,726 Take it! 252 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,954 Oh! Oh! 253 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,913 -Good evening, ladies. -Oh, hi. 254 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:08,303 This inside this car is my bachelorette party. 255 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,776 [women] Yeah! 256 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,306 What else is planned? 257 00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,089 We were just going to... 258 00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:14,924 This is the first thing we planned 259 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:17,662 and it's, technically, the only thing we planned, 260 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,924 -but we have the whole night. -You didn't invite anybody else? 261 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,968 Uh, we wanted this time with you. 262 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,104 -Mm-Hm. Just us two and you and what's your name? 263 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,758 -Oh, Brendan. -And Brendan. 264 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,192 Just kind of the four of us. 265 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,628 Congratulations! 266 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,334 Wait, did you bring the strip club to me? 267 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:37,942 Is Brendan a stripper? 268 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,065 Oh, no, no, no. 269 00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,157 I don't even like being naked by myself. 270 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:45,076 [women] Woo! Take it off. 271 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:48,002 I can't. I have very sensitive skin. 272 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:51,128 These aren't angel kisses. This is, you know, pre-cancer. 273 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,652 Okay. Well... 274 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:56,175 Brendan's not a stripper but I did save some pictures. 275 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,700 -Mm-Hm. -Of strippers on my phone. 276 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,005 -Great! -If you want to look at them. 277 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:02,790 Okay. Ooh, I'm going to text this one to myself 278 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:05,706 and I'm going to rub my clit to it tonight. 279 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,672 Oh, cool. Cool. 280 00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:08,970 [woman] These seats are nice. 281 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,276 -Yeah. -It's black leather. 282 00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,671 I inherited this from my dad. 283 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:12,984 Your dad passed away? 284 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,330 Yeah, my dad died in this car. 285 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,813 Was it an accident? 286 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,370 He accidentally left the car on while in the garage. 287 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,286 -We have a game. -Oh, a game! 288 00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:27,335 -Yeah. -Bachelorette game! 289 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:30,392 I have like your aunts and like some other friends' emails. 290 00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,298 -It's like marriage advice for you. -So sweet. 291 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:36,303 -And like kind of saucy things like... -Oh, saucy! 292 00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,867 Yeah, your Aunt Clara said, 293 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:42,175 "Make sure you blow him, not just on his birthday." 294 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,313 [screaming and laughing] 295 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,745 So, what his birthday and Christmas? 296 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,193 Whatever! 297 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,839 [laughs] 298 00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,013 -Your nana said... -Oh, my God! 299 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,708 Oh, my God! My nana. 300 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,275 Compromise is a key to any relationship. 301 00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:58,943 -Okay. -So, it's okay to put a finger up his butt. 302 00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,022 My nana said that? 303 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,158 To be fair we don't know that she likes it. 304 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,070 She's just willing to do it. 305 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,935 I'm just going to say the butt's a tricky area. 306 00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,947 Enough about your butt stories, Brendan. 307 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,119 [woman] Do you want to do a shot? 308 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,214 Give me the bottle. 309 00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:14,212 -Oh, okay. -Yeah. You're crazy. 310 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,905 -I'm crazy! -You're wild! 311 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,043 -Go, go! -Go, go. Chug, chug. 312 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,126 Don't make too much-- Nicole? 313 00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,264 -Don't get sick. -Pace, pace. 314 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:25,006 Just a quick reminder, there's like, a two-hundred-dollar cleanup fee if you guys... 315 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,362 [Nicole] I never puke! 316 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:30,918 Yeah, she never pukes. 317 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,877 -I'm getting married! -She's getting married! 318 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:34,837 [screaming] 319 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,764 Scream it out the window. 320 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:37,969 Oh, yeah! 321 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,758 I'm getting married! I'm getting married! 322 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:41,503 [women] Oh! Ah! 323 00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,943 [screaming] 324 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,979 [screaming] 325 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,935 No! No! 326 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:51,514 ♪♪♪ 327 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,860 [man] You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. 328 00:12:56,906 --> 00:13:00,206 Men have started wars over women as beautiful as you. 329 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:04,042 I've never said that to anyone. 330 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,087 Dave? 331 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,311 No. 332 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,830 Do you two know each other? Or... 333 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,268 Dave is my ex-boyfriend. We broke up about a month ago. 334 00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,926 -[woman] Oh! -Mm-Hm. 335 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,280 -And I've moved on. -Wow, that was fast. 336 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,320 Yeah. 337 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,151 That's real fast. 338 00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,062 Needed some space, you said. 339 00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,277 -I did need some space. -I'm single, you said. 340 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,197 You were just like you wouldn't stop bugging me. 341 00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,332 -I'm sorry I don't have a job. -We lived together, Dave. 342 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,462 -Are you okay? -Yeah, everything's fine. 343 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,858 No, everything's great. 344 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,691 It feels a little awkward. 345 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,468 -No. No. It's great. -I'm sorry. I don't mean be unprofessional. 346 00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,043 -I'm so sorry. -Yeah, no, it's fine. 347 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:44,131 I didn't even know you worked for Drive Share. 348 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,041 I was doing it when we were dating. 349 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,386 -What? -Yeah. 350 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,305 Really? Look, sorry I just had a lot on my mind. 351 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,871 -A lot on your... -Yeah. 352 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,828 Do you even know what your date does? 353 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,526 Yeah, of course, I do. She-- 354 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,493 She's like... she'll explain it. 355 00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,972 It's a crazy job. It's hard. It's... it's crazy. It's... 356 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,103 -I'm a doctor. -Yeah, she's a doctor. 357 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,055 You're... 358 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,323 I knew that. 359 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,235 You're a doctor? 360 00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,544 Yeah, I'm a doctor. I work in the ER. 361 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,327 -Wow! -Yeah, big time. 362 00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,593 She works in the ER. 363 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:14,675 That's cool. 364 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,943 Yeah, no Drive Share for this one. 365 00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,065 [laughs] 366 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:17,987 Okay. 367 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:20,986 I mean don't take this the wrong way or anything, 368 00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,044 but you're like way too pretty to be a doctor. 369 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,337 When I first saw you, I thought you must have been like a hooker or something. 370 00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,998 I mean like a very high class, you know, hooker. 371 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:33,523 Like that billionaires take out to like Vegas or something. 372 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,878 -Okay. -You know, and you don't kiss. No kissing. 373 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:37,879 You can't kiss hookers? 374 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,490 Sorry. 375 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,401 Yeah, I'm a doctor. I'm not a hooker. 376 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,316 Oh, no. I know. I just-- 377 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:47,501 I was trying to compliment how beautiful and sexy you are. I mean that. 378 00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:48,708 She's just trying to be nice. 379 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,187 Trust me I know from years of experience 380 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:54,148 that whenever she's being nice there's something underneath it. 381 00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:56,107 Okay, there's some game she's playing. 382 00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:59,376 I'm just genuinely trying to be nice, Dave. That's what compliments are. 383 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,940 You give them. I'm not expecting anything in return. 384 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:04,898 Hey, I gave you tons of compliments. 385 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,727 I seem to remember telling you 386 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:10,515 that men have started wars over someone as beautiful as you so... 387 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,041 You just said that to me. 388 00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,386 I've never said that to anyone before in my life. 389 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:19,136 ♪♪♪ 390 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,658 -Um, third and Robertson. -Sure. 391 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:28,535 I just need to get there by 10:02, if that's possible. 392 00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:31,099 -I think we can do that. Yeah. -Okay, great. Yeah. 393 00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:36,407 Uh, I'm sorry. I hate to be that guy, but you look so familiar to me. 394 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,497 -Oh! -I recognize you. 395 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:42,026 Are you an artist or...? 396 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,601 I'm... Yeah, sort of, I guess in a way. 397 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,599 I mean, it's a nice way of looking at it. 398 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:50,171 I try to do what I do, you know, to the best of my ability 399 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,340 and put a nice little spin on it if I can. 400 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,259 Are you Death? 401 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,614 [laughs] Guilty as charged. 402 00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:01,614 [laughs] 403 00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,956 Which is what they said to me when they executed me, which is how I got here. 404 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,837 Oh, my gosh! 405 00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:12,448 I know you from your aunt in 2009, and your dad, a couple years ago. 406 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,973 -Yeah, that was awful. -And your dog nine months ago, right? 407 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,407 Yes, that was terrible. 408 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,673 Well, I come for you all. Ah! 409 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:21,416 [laughs] 410 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,498 Oh, man, that's... 411 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,716 No, seriously I will come for you. 412 00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,326 No, I understand. You're just a guy doing his job. I don't... 413 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,987 -I don't take it personally. -It's just a job. 414 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:34,251 I'm just the East Side Death. The L.A. East Side Death. 415 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:35,817 Oh! 416 00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:39,004 So, yeah. I mean there's a whole bunch of deaths out there. 417 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,431 Oh, do you have like a guild? 418 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,307 Yeah, well it's not a guild it's more of a union. 419 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,439 I never really understood the difference a union and a guild. 420 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:45,921 Yeah, I've never understood that either 421 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,621 like what's the difference between a guild and a union, 422 00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,438 but we call ourselves a union. 423 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,746 How did you get started? 424 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:55,012 Um, I, basically, sold my soul to the devil. 425 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,487 -Really? -Yeah. 426 00:16:56,537 --> 00:17:00,407 I have a thousand lifetimes that I have to do this... 427 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,464 Uh, you must have seen some incredible stuff. 428 00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,019 I mean a lot of deaths. 429 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,546 I guess it's your job, so you're used to it. 430 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,199 Oh, no. When you're death it's like, 431 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,033 you know that expression, there's no crying over spilled milk. 432 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:14,032 They should say it to me like there's no use crying over a crib death. 433 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:17,296 ♪♪♪ 434 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:25,743 So what's the ER like? Do you see like a lot of death? 435 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:32,090 I have seen death. Yeah, but that's just part of the job. 436 00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,568 Oh, my gosh! 437 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,397 Have you ever like had those people coming to the ER, 438 00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,135 and they have like, a toy car, and a condom stuck in their butt? 439 00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:41,317 And they're like they accidentally like sat on like a group of pencils, 440 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,804 like sharpened pencils or anything. 441 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,724 Have you guys seen that? They have photo galleries online 442 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,720 of like things you see in an x-ray and they're like crazy. 443 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,773 There was this one time, it was a dog's actual leg... 444 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:52,979 it was in somebody's butt. 445 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:55,808 -It was great. I love that stuff. -What? 446 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:58,857 Hold on. Wait, pause one second. I got to feed my Goo Goo. 447 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,653 -What's a Goo Goo? -"What's a Goo Goo?" 448 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,170 It's like a virtual reality pet that you have to feed. 449 00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,564 You feed it little, uh, little bits of trash. 450 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:11,658 And then, once it grows up and it's big, then it checks your emails for you. 451 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:14,439 [pressing buttons on cellphone] 452 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,574 What do you even see in him? 453 00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:18,787 When I met him, he was the cutest. 454 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:22,316 He was at the playground and he was babysitting these kids, right? 455 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:27,582 And he was just laughing with them and just taking such good care of them and I was like, 456 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:30,278 "This is going to be the perfect dad one day." 457 00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,496 Where's my Goo Goo? Who's my Goo Goo? 458 00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:33,676 [woman] Now, I'm starting to realize, 459 00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,201 he was probably playing with the kids. 460 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,684 [driver] Yeah, most of his friends are kids. 461 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:41,564 Oh, hey! I forgot to tell you I'm going on Shark Tank. 462 00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,638 Going to pitch the old idea. 463 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:48,127 You remember that thing where I was going to sell donuts on a stick. 464 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,910 [driver] Yeah. 465 00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:52,444 I was going to call it donuts with wood. That's going to happen. 466 00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:53,439 When are you going? 467 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,220 Oh, I'm not going yet. 468 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,354 I haven't filled out the application form yet. 469 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,397 It's like really complicated. 470 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,442 You know what? 471 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,798 Someone should invent something that will fill out application forms for you. 472 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,539 I'm going to go on shark tank and do that. 473 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,320 Sophia, you have got to dump him. 474 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,674 Hey! 475 00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:12,803 You deserve so much more. Girl, you are a catch. 476 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,197 Thank you. 477 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,590 -You're welcome. -You're really great, too. 478 00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,812 -You're driving amazing. -Thank you. 479 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,252 Do you guys want to have a three-way? 480 00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,729 Okay, I'm just going to drop him off right now. 481 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:22,859 -[Sophia] Yeah. -[Dave] What? 482 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,776 Seriously? Seriously? 483 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:35,167 There's a free Goo Goo. There's a free Goo Goo. 484 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,477 There's a free Goo Goo! 485 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:43,309 ♪♪♪ 486 00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,750 I would have to say that the worst part about the job is the insects. 487 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:51,185 You mean, like the flies and that sort of thing? 488 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,933 Oh, well, you have to do every insect that dies. 489 00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:55,504 You have to personally kill every insect? 490 00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,202 Yeah, it's terrible. 491 00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,239 It's not like you, where like, I have to do with a flyswatter. 492 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,416 -No, no, no. -I can just point at him, you know... 493 00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:05,902 Like there's a mosquito out the window right now. 494 00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:06,903 [Death] Bum! 495 00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:08,858 -Oh, damn it. -What? 496 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,603 -I missed. -You missed what? 497 00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,474 I missed the mosquito. I got a guy. 498 00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:15,516 -You just killed a guy. -Yeah. 499 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:18,612 Oh, my God! Aw, that's so cool. 500 00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:20,872 I mean it's not cool for me. The paperwork now. 501 00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,525 -Oh, right, well... -That guy's not supposed to be dead. 502 00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,219 I'm sorry this is all just so new to me. 503 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,306 I'm a little taken. 504 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,705 I... yeah. This is really kind of rad. 505 00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,229 Yeah, you and Liam Neeson. Am I right? 506 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,102 [laugh] 507 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,413 -Let me give you a little tip. When you get to hell... -Yeah, yeah. 508 00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:35,760 -They're going to ask you-- -Wait, wait, wait. 509 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,709 -When I get there? -Yeah. 510 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,888 -Oh, yeah. You're... -I'm going to hell? 511 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,325 -Sorry I... spoiler. -Oh! 512 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,163 What did I do? 513 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:48,861 Well, remember when you were six and you had that birthday party. 514 00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:51,729 -Yeah, I remember that birthday party. -And you didn't invite Norman. 515 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,732 Stinky Norman? 516 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:55,994 Yes, stinky... Well, I mean, you're just adding insult to injury right now. 517 00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,737 He was a big old fat kid with some kind of glandular disorder. 518 00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:00,299 I don't want him at a pool party. 519 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,296 Right. I'm not feeling bad for you anymore. 520 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:03,438 [Death] All right. 521 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,439 This is it. Thank you, my friend. 522 00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:10,571 Yeah, hey, just one second, there's no, um, there's no credit card on file. 523 00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,307 Oh, yeah, I don't have any money. 524 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,618 Why would Death have money? 525 00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:16,968 -Sorry. -I don't want to make a big thing out of it or anything, 526 00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:18,974 but I need to get paid for the ride. It was a long ride. 527 00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:22,276 Well, okay. Tell you what? I have one idea. 528 00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:22,984 What? 529 00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:25,978 [car horn] 530 00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,333 All right. 531 00:21:28,939 --> 00:21:31,459 And five stars for me. 532 00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:33,505 Still a perfect rating. 533 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,513 Thank you. See you in hell. 534 00:21:52,398 --> 00:21:57,788 ♪♪♪ 535 00:21:57,838 --> 00:22:00,538 Where is Tinsley? Where is Tinsley? 536 00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,800 Where is she? I want to call Tinsley. 537 00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,543 Okay, okay. 538 00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,804 -I want to call Tinsley -Okay, call Tinsley. 539 00:22:06,847 --> 00:22:08,847 Hello, police. I've been kidnapped... 540 00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,812 Oh, no, no, no. Can I have the phone? 541 00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:12,591 You can track me by my chip. 542 00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:13,895 -Um... -[police] You got a chip in you? 543 00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,601 Your parents must love you so much. 544 00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:17,378 Yeah, Tinsley loves me so much. 42025

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