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1
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,048
♪♪♪
2
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,152
[driver] So, what do
you do for a living?
3
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:17,020
I'm an actor.
4
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,410
Oh, cool!
5
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:21,413
-I actually have
a one-man show.
-Oh, great.
6
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,496
-There it is, that's me
on the cover, Ray.
-Cool.
7
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:26,715
-I'll take a look at that
after I drop you off.
-Mm-hm.
8
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:29,765
The show's called "From Birth
to Reba: A Ray in the Life."
9
00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,682
Oh. Because your name is Ray?
10
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,027
Yes.
11
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,296
That's great.
12
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,038
And there's your ticket
for the show, Miss.
13
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,649
-Here you are.
-Oh, you know what,
14
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,209
I don't-- I can't guarantee
that I will be able to make it.
15
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:41,076
I'll just tear that and keep
that for test purposes.
16
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,478
What day of the week is it?
17
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,350
It all started August 22nd 1979.
18
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:47,534
There was a thunderstorm.
19
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,219
[imitates thunder]
20
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,486
The rain, rain. [screams]
21
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,709
It sounds like a
really good show.
22
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:56,449
-It sounds like a lot of fun.
-Excuse me, but I wouldn't know
there was a thunderstorm
23
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,671
because I was in the womb.
24
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:01,190
That's the day I was born.
25
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:02,535
Are you gonna do the whole show?
26
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:03,804
[imitates baby cry]
27
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:10,198
Mama, whoa, this is the
world! I see my mom.
28
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:13,164
There she is, my
best friend for life.
29
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,123
And there's my dad.
30
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:18,302
And even now I can tell
he'll never support me,
he'll never believe in me
31
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,649
and he'll cheat on mom
with that bitch Sheila.
32
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:22,559
You remember this stuff
from when you were a baby?
33
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:23,694
There's a doctor.
34
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,995
He grabs me by the leg.
35
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:29,572
He holds me up and he says,
"Look at this baby, ten pounds
six ounces of zero talent."
36
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:34,271
Cut to seventeen years later,
it's 1998, I'm in drama class.
37
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,101
Are you going to the
show right now?
38
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:41,099
My stupid drama teacher sits
there with his disgusting hair.
39
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,844
"You want to be an actor,
Ray? That'll never happen."
40
00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:46,756
Well guess what?
I know my true purpose.
41
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,152
I will act.
42
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,585
Cut two.
43
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,501
Reno, Nevada,
a Greyhound bus stop.
44
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:53,236
Wait--
45
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,067
[Texan accent] So,
you're trying to make
your way to Hollywood?
46
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,325
-What year is this now?
-Well I know a way you
can get a little money.
47
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,548
Sure, I'll do anything
to make it.
48
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:04,117
Wait, did you-- did you suck
a guy's dick to be an actor?
49
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,387
♪♪♪
50
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,614
[driver] Hey, welcome
to the Drive Share, guys.
51
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:14,573
Now we're all meeting new
people, huh? This is fun.
52
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:16,882
Okay, Marissa.
53
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,619
-Yeah.
-Welcome. All right.
54
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,140
Ronnie, Marissa.
55
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,973
-Yeah. Hi.
-Ronnie.
56
00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,671
You married, Ronnie?
You got a girlfriend,
boyfriend, what's up?
57
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,359
-Oh no, I'm single
right now.
-Oh.
58
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:27,887
Yeah? How about you, Marissa?
59
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,760
Recently broken up with.
60
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,631
It's nice, we got a couple
of singletons in the car.
61
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:37,724
I have a new-- well,
for me it's a longer story,
it doesn't matter.
62
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:42,286
Anyway, honestly,
it's rare that I have to
well two, I don't know,
63
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,296
two people who's
attractive as the two of
you in the car at one time.
64
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,559
So it's nice.
65
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,341
Two sexy people.
66
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:54,168
It might be nice to see--
see you two kiss a little
or something, I don't know.
67
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,177
It just seems, right?
68
00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,477
Okay, that's a good joke.
69
00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,396
-Yeah.
-Why not?
70
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:01,881
It's not like you're
cheating on anyone, right?
You said you're single.
71
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,180
So, it wouldn't kill you, right?
72
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:07,397
I'm not just gonna kiss
someone I don't know.
73
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:10,668
That's-- I didn't mean to make
this-- you-- you want anything?
You want some water? We've--
74
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,322
-I got water for you.
-Yeah, sure.
75
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,796
-Thank you.
-Great.
76
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,455
You want to hear some music?
Anything in particular?
77
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:16,809
-Uh, no. Anything--
-Whatever you're feeling, yeah.
78
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,198
Yeah, whatever
you want to play, man.
79
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,241
-Here, putting this.
-[turning on romantic music]
80
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,197
Yeah, how about that?
81
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,935
Turn that up a little bit. Yeah.
82
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,860
Huh?
83
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:31,343
I don't know if this is the
right music for just a simple
drive downtown, you know.
84
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,425
This is like a real
intimate mood of--
85
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:37,354
Yeah, this feels like there
should be candles or, you
know, know someone well.
86
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,221
Or know them at all.
87
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,262
Alright guys, if you
don't want the music,
I'll turn off the music.
88
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:42,528
♪♪♪
89
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,838
-[driver] Beth.
-[Beth] Yeah.
90
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,270
-[driver] Hey. Hi, welcome.
-[Beth] Thank you.
91
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,927
Here we go.
92
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:56,501
Ka ching, ka ching, ka ching
ba, ba, ba, brrra brrra brrra.
93
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,670
Alright! Welcome.
94
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:02,496
Are you ready to play
Drive for Dough?
95
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:07,903
The one and only game show
that takes place inside of
my car, your Drive Share?
96
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,383
How are you doing tonight?
97
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,383
Sorry, what?
98
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:12,725
Drive for Dough.
99
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,524
-It's-- have you
seen Cash Cab?
-Yeah.
100
00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,609
Yeah, it's like that
but it's in my car.
101
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:19,958
-Oh, cool.
Is it on TV?
-No.
102
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,308
No, not at all. It's just.
103
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,999
We're the only people
who know about it, so.
104
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,737
-Okay.
-Okay.
105
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:29,438
Alright. Well, welcome Beth.
106
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,786
For the viewers at home, tell
us a little bit about yourself.
107
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,396
Again, there are no
viewers, it's just me.
108
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,097
-Right.
-How are you? Who are you?
109
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:40,674
Oh, my name is Beth
and I'm on my way
to a friend's place.
110
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:45,715
Alright. Well, we'll see if you
get there and if you might be
a couple more dollars rich.
111
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,903
That's right, today
you are on the line
112
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:52,729
for two hundred bones
sponsored by my friend
Barry who lent it to me.
113
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,337
Okay.
114
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,821
Well, here's how the game works.
115
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,780
I'm gonna ask you a
series of trivia questions
116
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:02,350
and you will have a couple
lifelines if you get stuck.
117
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:06,349
For each question
you get right, you get
a couple more dollars.
118
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,613
-Sound good?
-Sure.
119
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,605
Okay. Great.
Question number one.
120
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:14,657
What did I list as my favorite
genre of music on my
drive-share profile?
121
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:18,409
I don't know. I didn't--
I didn't pay attention to that.
122
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,618
Play-- play along.
123
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,797
Give it-- give it a try, okay?
124
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:24,023
Um, a little bit of everything.
125
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:28,372
That's absolutely correct!
Oh my gosh, that's fantastic.
You've won twenty dollars.
126
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:30,365
You're on your way
to two hundred bones.
127
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,327
How we feeling, Beth?
128
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:33,805
-Good.
-Good.
129
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:36,375
You know what, we always
say on Drive for Dough, you--
130
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,861
You're in the driver's seat.
131
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,994
-We say you're in the driver's
seat even though it's me.
-Okay.
132
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,258
Okay.
133
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,910
We're gonna move on
to a deep cut question.
134
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,695
Pew, pew, pew, bau, bau, bau.
135
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,527
Deep cut questions are
worth twice the bones.
136
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,879
What is my second job?
137
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,660
I don't know. Actor?
138
00:05:57,705 --> 00:06:02,665
I work at a coffee shop.
So, uh-oh [imitates
buzzer] Sorry, Beth.
139
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:08,020
And you know what happens
when you get a question wrong on
Drive for Dough? That's right,
140
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:11,463
I drop you off one city block
further than your destination.
141
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,941
Just drop me off
where I'm going.
142
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,591
Those are the rules
of the game, Beth.
143
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:21,897
Beth, we're gonna take a little
break from the game now
and we'll be right back.
144
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,564
♪♪♪
145
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,439
-Did you choose pool?
'Cause you--
-Uh-oh.
146
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:35,871
Oh yeah, it's less
expensive, right?
147
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,177
-Yeah. So we've
got another pickup.
-Oh, great.
148
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,656
Good to get a lot of feedback
from different audiences.
149
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,876
-[noises]
-[man] Hey, you my pool driver?
150
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,406
-Yeah.
-[man] Awesome.
151
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,579
The show will resume soon.
152
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,585
-Got a lot of wigs back here.
-Just slide them up here.
153
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:58,677
Well, we're back
and we're going into
act two of seven acts.
154
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,072
Uh, it looks like you're gonna
get dropped off second.
155
00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:03,636
-Okay, okay.
-Cool.
156
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:08,948
So that was how the story began.
157
00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,913
But I'd also met some other
158
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,002
-interesting characters
along the way.
-He's an actor.
159
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:16,611
-No way, you're an actor?
-I think he's rehearsing
his show or something.
160
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:20,483
Reno, January 1st, 2002.
161
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:24,487
So, trying to get enough
money to make it to Hollywood?
162
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:29,061
Because I could help you
out there if you're willing
to do a couple of things.
163
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,190
Have you been to Reno?
I've been to Reno.
164
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:31,672
-It's really nice.
-Me?
165
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:32,762
Cut two. Primm, Nevada.
166
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,110
[driver] I actually
haven't been.
167
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:36,109
A casino basement.
168
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:40,681
I'd be willing to give you
some money if you let me
hunt you like an animal.
169
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:44,159
It's the most dangerous
game of all.
170
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,816
-I'll do anything.
-You were-- you were hunted?
171
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:50,643
Yeah.
172
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,205
-For real you were hunted?
-What?
173
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,255
Yeah.
174
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,702
-How much did they pay you?
-Five hundred dollars.
175
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,128
I lived in the desert outside
Primm for two years
176
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,177
while a Australian
billionaire hunted me.
177
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,969
The hunters
didn't make it back.
178
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,139
-Oh my God.
-Five hundred bucks
for two years?
179
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,615
That's why it's the most
dangerous game of all.
180
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:13,966
Oh my God.
181
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:15,495
That's the show.
182
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,628
No, I don't want
to put that in there.
183
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,110
But that's the--
184
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,981
That's a riveting story.
185
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,683
That story is unbelievable.
186
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,550
Oh, it's boring.
No, no, no, no.
187
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:28,552
This is about the
characters I've met along
the way in my life.
188
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,985
Why would I tell
that boring story?
[clears his throat]
189
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:32,555
Cut two.
190
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:33,729
♪♪♪
191
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,519
Okay, um.
192
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,735
Hey, Megan.
193
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,003
Um, it's Perez.
194
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:48,956
I was just calling because
I'm in a Drive Share right now
and things are getting weird.
195
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:55,536
And I want you to know
that my driver's name is
David if you need to find--
196
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,188
-Hi.
-That later.
197
00:08:57,232 --> 00:09:00,022
He's very affable
but also a super weirdo.
198
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:05,281
And just wanted to say
swordfish, you know, swordfish.
199
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:08,587
Couldn't help just 'cause
we're all in the car, I kind
of overheard the messages
200
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,635
you were leaving your friends.
201
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,809
And I get it and
I-- I apologize.
202
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,675
I didn't mean to make
you feel freaked out.
203
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,077
Do you-- do you want to--
I-- I offered you water.
204
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,170
You-- you want something--
I have some other stuff here.
205
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,299
Here's-- if you feel like you
need, and here's condoms.
206
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,692
-No.
-No?
207
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,125
-No.
-No.
208
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,131
Look, you don't have
to kiss if you don't want to.
209
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,093
Then just why don't--
if you don't-- if you don't
want to kiss, just fuck.
210
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,828
You know what, you pretend--
pretend it's somebody
else, if that's the issue.
211
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:30,663
Is that the issue?
212
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,920
-No.
-No.
213
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:34,972
I'm not gonna just,
like, fuck a stranger.
214
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,229
Did you go to college, Marissa?
215
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:37,451
Yeah, I did.
216
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:38,879
-Where'd you go to school?
-UC Santa Cruz.
217
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,016
Okay. So you've
fucked a stranger.
Let's be honest.
218
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,188
What I did in college
is none of your concern.
219
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:46,594
I don't want to be insulting
to you but this is-- this is
how you sound, Marissa,
220
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,889
"Yeah, and you shouldn't
do what are you doing.
221
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:53,976
Yeah, I don't know why
you watch porn...
[in burlesque tone]."
222
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,638
It's grating.
223
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:59,162
I don't sound like a deflated
balloon mixed with a sad baby.
224
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:02,337
Yeah, it wasn't spot-on.
There was parts in there
225
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:05,304
-that I was, like, "Okay,
that sounds a little bit" but--
-What?
226
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,913
-Thank you, Ronnie.
-But yeah-- but-- but still--
227
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,605
No, I appreciate it.
228
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,262
I think it's still kind
of rude a little bit.
229
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:13,086
I can tell by her face
she didn't like it.
230
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,274
-But you are kind
of being a creep.
-You're definitely a creep.
231
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,090
I'm not a creep.
232
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:24,148
I am driving all day long,
okay? I do not have
time to watch porn.
233
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:28,108
I have no time because
if I put it on my phone
here: A, it's hard to see;
234
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:31,809
and B, it would be less safe
for you, my passengers.
235
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,678
Okay, I think this
is super inappropriate.
236
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,760
-Yeah.
-Oh yeah, it's inappropriate?
237
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:35,898
I'll tell you what's
inappropriate.
238
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,809
You know what time
I wake up? 5:00 a.m.
239
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:41,384
Why? Because I play squash
every morning at 5:00 a.m. with
my friend Don
240
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:43,253
and then I have to shower, okay?
241
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:46,384
And then I have to get
to the car and then
I drive for many hours.
242
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:49,738
What time do I get home? 10 p.m.
Because I have a tuba lesson.
243
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:54,649
So when the hell do you think
I'm supposed to watch porn
if I can't do it in the car?
244
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:55,997
It sounds like you have a
lot of extracurriculars.
245
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:58,136
Why don't you just
cut out one of those?
246
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:01,179
It's such an exaggeration
for you to say that I have
a lot of extracurriculars
247
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:05,095
when the fact is,
as I told you, I have two-
squash and tuba.
248
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,932
And I'm also a speedcuber.
249
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:08,670
I've been doing this
for a while. You want
to see how I do this?
250
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:09,971
-No, no, no--
-Please.
251
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,107
-Put your hands on the wheel.
-Can you please?
252
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,368
But actually I can
do it really fast.
253
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,020
-If you just set a timer I can--
-No, no, no.
254
00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,204
♪♪♪
255
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:24,728
Alright. Beth, welcome
back to Drive for Dough.
256
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:25,821
You're having a good time?
257
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:27,859
It's fine-- it's okay.
258
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:31,734
Cool. Great. 'Cause
I-- this means a lot to me.
259
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:32,868
Okay.
260
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,869
I just really want
to be a fun guy.
261
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,776
I'm not really a fun guy.
262
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:38,917
You seem fun.
263
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,699
Yeah? You want
to hang out sometime?
264
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,270
No.
265
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:51,230
Okay. Well, we don't
have to hang out but
you could be a big winner
266
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,705
on Drive for Dough.
267
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:57,366
We have coming up right
now the lightning round, okay?
268
00:11:57,412 --> 00:12:02,812
This is for all the money
and I might even drop you off
at your actual destination
269
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:05,732
if you can answer the five
following questions correctly.
270
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,068
Are they things
I could actually know?
271
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:09,467
When's the last time I had sex?
272
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,381
-I don't know.
-Who was it with?
273
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,466
I don't want to-- I don't
want to talk about it.
274
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:16,905
Do they still think
about me? Do they?
275
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,782
-Play the game.
Try. Just guess.
-No.
276
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,787
-No, they don't.
-Okay.
277
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:25,009
I think they do.
I think you're wrong.
278
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,008
Give me the twenty back.
279
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,219
No, don't touch me.
280
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,308
-You said there are five--
-That's my money.
281
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,176
You said there
are five questions.
282
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,447
That's Barry's money.
I don't have enough money
to pay Barry back.
283
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,059
-I actually need that money.
-You said there are five.
284
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:38,892
What was my mother's nickname
for me when I was a child?
285
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,112
Come on, how would I know that?
286
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,280
Think it through.
Do you need a lifeline?
287
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,496
You could call
my mom, you know.
288
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:45,806
I don't want to call your mom.
289
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,072
Call my mom.
290
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,416
Call her.
291
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,554
Do it.
292
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:55,123
If you don't use your lifelines,
how are you gonna win?
293
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,336
[calling]
294
00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,776
Hello?
295
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:03,482
Um, hi, I'm in a car
with your son.
296
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,221
Yes?
297
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:08,442
What nickname did you call him?
298
00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,183
Just kidding!
299
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,104
You've reached my voicemail.
300
00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,969
I died last year.
301
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:17,360
But if you see my son,
tell him I say hello.
302
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:18,445
Goodbye.
303
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:24,107
When did your mom record
that outgoing message?
304
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,371
When she was on
the boat as it was sinking.
305
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,814
Honestly, she probably could
have saved her life if she
called the Coast Guard
306
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,073
but she lives on
forever in voicemail.
307
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,030
♪♪♪
308
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:43,912
You are never gonna believe
who your boy is picking up.
309
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,003
Sandy Bullock.
310
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:49,522
-[man] Oh my God!
-I have been in love
with her since The Net.
311
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,217
-Well, good luck.
-Yeah.
312
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,825
I'll tell you how it goes.
313
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,007
[giggles]
314
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,842
Hello.
315
00:13:58,054 --> 00:13:59,534
-Sandy Bullock?
-Yeah.
316
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,538
What's up, man?
317
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:08,585
Nothing.
318
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,463
[grunting]
319
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:15,505
Unbelievable.
320
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:19,160
I'm sorry but... unbelievable.
321
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,597
Oh God.
322
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,954
Unbelievable.
323
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,913
What's unbelievable, man?
324
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:29,482
I mean do you think
all this cologne and my
combed hair is for you?
325
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,872
You know what you did, man.
326
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,045
Sandy Bullock?
327
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:36,350
Huh?
328
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,007
My name is Sandy Bullock.
329
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:41,181
-Do you have a problem
with that?
-I do. I do.
330
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:43,188
Because I was expecting
someone else.
331
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:49,890
I was expecting five-foot-five,
a fun and explosive
actress and instead...
332
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:55,071
You know what? I'm sorry
it smells like lavender in here.
333
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:56,941
I was pumping it pretty heavy.
334
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:57,983
Why?
335
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,027
In anticipation
of Sandra Bullock.
336
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,513
Do you know how often this
happens to me? All the time.
337
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,903
People think I'm Sandy
Bullock constantly.
338
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,947
People think I'm gonna
be some beautiful
fifty-one-year-old starlet
339
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,134
who's aged gracefully
and is really pretty
critically acclaimed.
340
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,041
-Amazingly critically acclaimed.
-Yeah.
341
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:14,036
id you ever see A Time to Kill?
342
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,697
No.
343
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:21,570
Speed, Speed 2: Cruise Control, The Heat, Minions, Gravity,
344
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:28,576
The Lake House, 28 Days,
Two Weeks Notice, Crash, All
About Steve, Practical magic.
345
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:31,583
I defy you to tell me what
the plot of Practical Magicis.
346
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,976
She's a witch who only
dabbles in practical magic.
347
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,981
Oh, that is so stupid.
348
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,423
♪♪♪
349
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:43,943
Cut two.
350
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:47,636
The future, 2079.
351
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:51,335
Hey, I've been meaning
to say before, I feel like
we go to the same gym.
352
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,555
Mama.
353
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,003
-Yes, I think--
-I-- I've seen you before.
354
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,080
-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
355
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,168
24-Hour Fitness.
356
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,256
Yeah, yes.
357
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,704
-Yes.
-Yes, the one in Hollywood.
358
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,610
-Yeah, yeah.
-I was there the other day,
359
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,565
I just got a casting
director's card and--
360
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,404
-Oh my God, he--
-I'm going in for a pilot.
361
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:07,973
-He goes there all the time.
-You got to get a
membership there.
362
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,320
-Yeah, he does? Oh my God.
-Yeah, he booked me.
363
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,670
-I got the Family Tiesreboot.
-No way I'm going
in for on the Family.
364
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,670
I'm-- I'm not even an actor.
365
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:19,112
-Me neither.
-I wasn't-- I was actually just
going there to use the shower.
366
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:23,372
-Wait, what?
-I'm actually recurring
on a show right now.
367
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,027
-Oh, no way, congrats!
-That's great!
368
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:25,991
What show?
369
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,678
The News.
370
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:32,245
I was on KCC TV
when my neighbor's dog
was eaten by a coyote.
371
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,645
I actually witnessed
the coyote eating the dog.
372
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:35,559
Oh my God.
373
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,173
I did not intervene.
374
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:40,003
Then I was-- I was on the news
in the background of a fire.
375
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,302
My apartment caught on fire.
376
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,659
-Recently?
-This was about 2005.
377
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:47,349
-Okay.
-And the firemen
had to carry me out.
378
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:48,794
I was crying.
379
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:51,314
But anyway, back to the show.
380
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:55,188
There was one character
I had yet to meet. Me.
381
00:16:57,364 --> 00:17:02,334
I realized I'm not a man,
I'm a woman and I don't
want to be an actor.
382
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:06,629
I want to be a dancer.
383
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,246
Is-- is that it?
384
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,551
Is that the end?
385
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,076
I think-- I think that's
the end of the show.
386
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,037
Shall we-- yeah.
387
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,339
Great.
388
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,595
-Thank you.
-Congratulations.
389
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:21,607
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
390
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:22,559
Thank you for the show.
391
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:23,686
-You can give these to me.
-Oh.
392
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,568
Thank you! Oh, wow.
393
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:28,179
Thank you so much, you guys.
394
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:29,271
Congratulations.
395
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:31,619
Thanks for coming
out to the show.
396
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:34,749
I'm gonna be hitting up a bar
to celebrate and kind of hang
out and talk about the show.
397
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,062
If you guys want to hang?
398
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,708
-Uh, no. No.
-No.
399
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:40,102
-I'm-- I got-- I'm gonna
call it a night after this.
-Yeah.
400
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:43,236
Okay. You can just drop me off
at the Jack in the Box up there.
401
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,500
We got a 10:05 show.
402
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:46,802
♪♪♪
403
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:58,384
The Proposal, While You Were Sleeping, Demolition Man, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
404
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:03,385
And how about an amazing
three-day guest spot on
the George Lopez show
405
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:07,780
playing herself -- comedy,
drama, what can't she do?
406
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,565
She has ruined my life, man.
407
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:12,660
You ever think about maybe
you're the one ruining her life?
408
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:13,660
How?
409
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:14,881
Change your name.
410
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:17,309
My life has no impact
on her whatsoever.
411
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,577
She goes to a restaurant,
says she's Sandy Bullock
412
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,230
and then is Sandy Bullock
and things are good.
413
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,365
But for me, I call in, I'm
like, "Hey, can I make
a reservation for two?
414
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,498
Sandy Bullock."
And they say "Yes, great."
415
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,501
I get the nicest table,
I show up, I show them
my driver's license
416
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,204
because they don't believe me
that I am Sandy Bullock.
417
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,501
Oh yeah. I mean
that's shady, dude.
418
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:38,508
You-- it seems like you know
what you're doing and
you should stop doing it.
419
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:42,512
You know what another
terrible part of all of this is?
I can't get Twitter handles.
420
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,466
I can't get email addresses.
421
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,174
Because the Bullock estate,
Sandra Bullock's estate,
shuts them all down.
422
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,354
Can't have some yahoo tweeting
out there under Sandy's name?
423
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,481
She doesn't tweet.
424
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:55,572
Her picture is an egg!
A goddamn egg!
425
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:58,182
I always thought that was just
her little pod from Gravity.
426
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,534
Let me tell you man,
when you have Sandy Bullock
as your Snapchat account,
427
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:06,275
you're just getting weird dick
pics from yahoos in Topeka,
Kansas, all the time.
428
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,839
You're Sandy Bullock
on Snapchat?
429
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,365
Yeah, that was the one
she let me have.
430
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:10,669
I don't know why.
431
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,674
I'm sorry about some
of the things you've seen.
432
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:13,626
What's your name, dude?
433
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,204
-Me?
-Yeah.
434
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,161
Denzel.
435
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,288
Denzel? What's your last name?
436
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,811
-Washington.
-Shut the front door.
437
00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:22,164
Denzel Washington is you?
438
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:25,214
-Mm.
-So you know
my struggle exactly.
439
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:26,901
There's an actor named
Denzel Washington?
440
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,208
He's a huge movie star.
441
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,914
Has he ever done anything
with Sandra Bullock?
442
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:33,611
-No, I don't think so.
-Yeah, well then he ain't shit.
443
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:37,700
If you ain't rolling
with the Bullock,
get the hell out of my sight.
444
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,661
-You know what I mean?
-No.
445
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,180
Can I get a kiss?
446
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:42,793
Can you get a kiss?
447
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,493
I made a bet with some buddies
that I'd kiss Sandy Bullock.
448
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:47,231
I don't want to kiss you,
dude. Just drive.
449
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:49,063
Come on, man!
450
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,320
If you kiss me, then
I can tell my friends
I kissed Sandy Bullock.
451
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,445
Huh? Get my life back on track.
452
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,367
If I do this, will you
acknowledge me as Sandy Bullock
453
00:19:57,413 --> 00:20:00,853
and tell everyone you know
that there are two people named
Sandy Bullock in the world?
454
00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:02,895
-I will spread your message.
-Good.
455
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,601
You have a very smooth mouth.
456
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:14,563
♪♪♪
457
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,345
I don't see what the problem is.
458
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,403
I mean it just seems
like this-- this could
have worked out fine.
459
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,828
What is the issue?
460
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,754
It's obvious that Marissa
doesn't want to kiss me.
461
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:26,789
So maybe just don't push it.
462
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:29,404
Honestly, like,
I would kiss you.
463
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,655
I didn't think you
wanted to kiss me.
464
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:32,317
I mean, like, these are
weird circumstances.
465
00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,971
Oh this is definitely.
I mean, yeah--
don't get me wrong.
466
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:35,665
I think you're a very
attractive woman.
467
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,372
-Shut up.
-And we are-- no,
really, seriously.
468
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,590
Like, honestly, under
any other circumstances
I would totally, like--
469
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,463
And I totally get it.
470
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,715
I totally understand,
like, after this when
we get out of the car
471
00:20:47,768 --> 00:20:50,378
maybe we can get
some coffee or something
if you got time.
472
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,513
Yeah, I would love to
get coffee with you.
473
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:55,465
Guys, if this is going anywhere,
do a guy a favor and make
it happen in the car.
474
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:57,555
For God's sake,
please, I'm begging you.
475
00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:59,304
By the way, we are
hitting every light.
476
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,955
This is going great.
477
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:05,528
Look, honestly Marissa, like,
you are really attractive and--
478
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:06,528
Okay.
479
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,309
--you're definitely my type.
480
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:11,884
[exhales] I mean-- I guess
if it's okay with you,
481
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:14,582
I could kiss you on
the cheek if we could
just be done with it.
482
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:15,801
If it's okay with you.
483
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:19,317
-Is that okay, Ronnie? Come on.
-Sure. Okay.
484
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:21,625
Just so you can stop
asking us to do this.
485
00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:24,501
-Yeah.
-I'll stop. That's great. No,
that's-- I'd really be happy.
486
00:21:24,544 --> 00:21:27,854
Just the littlest-- little
baby peck, you know.
487
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:29,025
Okay?
488
00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:29,940
That's fine.
489
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:38,469
Oh my God.
490
00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:40,344
Oh thank you.
491
00:21:40,386 --> 00:21:42,296
Thank you, guys.
492
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:45,964
Oh my gosh, that was--
I'm gonna give you both
five stars, no question.
493
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,310
Um. I think-- is there--
Do I have a paper towel
back there or something?
494
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,792
-No.
-Okay. Just because
I've come over my pants.
495
00:21:52,833 --> 00:21:54,703
♪♪♪
496
00:21:58,795 --> 00:22:00,535
Drive for Dough is over.
497
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:01,620
You lost, Beth.
498
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:03,278
You're a loser.
499
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:07,462
You lost it this fun game and
you ruined everyone's good time.
500
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,020
Get out.
501
00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:10,806
I'm like three miles away
from where I'm supposed to go.
502
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:12,031
Fantastic.
503
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:13,849
I have to get out here?
504
00:22:13,897 --> 00:22:15,637
And you know what? You don't
keep any of the money
that you won.
505
00:22:15,682 --> 00:22:17,602
So give me that twenty back.
506
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,990
-Give it to me.
Give it to me.
-Here.
507
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:21,383
-Here.
-I'm trying to look
at the road, okay?
508
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:22,337
♪♪♪
509
00:22:24,473 --> 00:22:25,343
Yeah!
40092
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