Original subtitles

I don't know. If that's how you really feel,

maybe we should see someone.

I don't know, Eric.

I'm really tired.

I'm not asking that much of you.

I mean, I read all the books that you told me to,

and that's not working,

so what's wrong with seeing a professional?

We go over and over this same shit every day.

I know.

Damn!

Who ate all the beef chili con carne?

Ron, can we please have a private moment here?

Oh, shit.

Sorry, didn't see you there.

[ Electricity buzzes, animals chatter ]

What the heck is that?

[ Playing guitar ]

[ Animals chattering ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

What's that?

[ Animals chattering ]

[ Electricity buzzes ]

♪♪

[ Animals chattering ]

There's a beaver in the Beef House!

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef

Tim: Stand back!

Bull's-eye!All right.

Watch close, want another bull's-eye?

-Ee! -Bull's-eye! Yeah!

I didn't even know he's a dart boy.

Neither did I.

That's two, anyone care for three bull's-eyes?

Bullshit.

-Yeah! Yeah! -Oh!

Bull's-eye!That's three!

He's three for three.

He's a goddamn sharpshooter here.

No man could be that good at darts without a little help.

Check this shit out, bull's-eye dab edition.

WTF happened to the wall?

My dartboard fell down!

Hey! There's something in there!

Eric: You know, I think it's a beaver.

We've had them before but not this big and not this vicious.

Beavers are bad, but their droppings are poisonous.

Beaver in the Beef House?

I thought your wife shaved down there, boy.

Not that beaver, Ron, I'm talking

about the rabid animal that's living within our walls.

Oh. Oh.

Eric, my mixed men's darts championship is tomorrow night.

If I can't practice, I'm gonna lose.

The hell are we supposed to do here, huh?

Hey.What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do, damn it?

Calm down. I'm just getting up to speed

on this whole professional darts man thing.

Like, could you practice upstairs?

Oh, no, so now you want me to move all my musical equipment

out of my room and practice in a space

that isn't regulation size?

The reason I'm doing it down here

is I need the distance, okay?

I need the distance.Okay.

I understand that now.All right.

Well, then somebody tell me what the hell we're gonna do

to get this beaver out of the Beef House!

-Hey, Boro. -Hi, Boro.

How was school today, boy?

Not great, I told my class about my night diarrhea

during show-and-tell.

Everybody laughed at me.

Boro, we're dealing with adult stuff right now,

so why don't you go upstairs,

do your homework, and go straight to bed?

Don't forget your diapers.

-Bye, Boro. -All right, Beef Boys.

It's time to put on your beef helmets and figure out

how we're gonna get this beaver out of the Beef House.

Whoa, shit!

♪♪

♪ Beef♪

♪ Beeeeeeeeeeeeeef

♪♪

Now for the juice.

Oh, no, Tim, why? Why are you juicing?

♪♪

Bull's-eye.

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

Ah.

Why are you juicing in the Beef House?

Come on, Ron. We need ideas!

We need to get rid of this beaver now!

I can't practice my dartsmanship!

Eric, where the hell are my pills and milk?

Coming, pills and milk, and I heated up the milk this time.

Okay.You heated it up? What are you talking about?

Yesterday, you said it was too cold,

so I heated it up in the microwave.

Yeah, it was literally ice milk yesterday!

I don't want warm milk! I want ice-cold milk!

What are you doing putting your finger in my milk?

I'm... Dude, are you okay? What's going on with you?

Nothing, I'm just a little frustrated

about this beaver situation.

Where the hell is Ben Hur?

We need to have a Beef House brainstorming meeting right now!

He said he was going fishing,

but I know Ben Hur don't know Jack shit about no fishing.

I think he's getting one of them there nuru body massages.

You know, Tennessee might be able to help us here.

Tennessee, get down, we're having a Beef Boy meeting!

Come on, Tennessee! Hurry up!

We need ideas, and we need them now!

Hold on now.

What does every warm-blooded creature

on this planet got to have?

Ooh, pumpkin spice lattes.

Truth and honesty?

Unconditional love from their wife.

Close, I'm talking about S-E-X.

Little bit of this.

[ Squishing]

And some of this.

[ Squishing] Line.

Like this and then makes the milk?

Right. That beaver can't resist those primal urges.

If we could just lure him out with some

of that beaver ass bait, we could trap his ass.

You know, I do have a beaver costume

when I was a mascot down at the Rimwood Beavers.

And I have some mating spray we can use.

Wait a minute. You're saying we put one of us

in a beaver suit and put them out here like bait

to draw the beaver out?

The question is, which one of us is gonna act as the beaver?

Well, I don't trust Tim to do it.

That's for sure.

Hey, you got something to say to me, Tennessee?

Well, someone has got to be that beaver bait!

-Not it. -Not it.

-Not it. -Not it.

Hey, guys. What did I miss?

All: It.

Beef.

Little there, little over there,

and a little on the backside.

Eric: Get it right in the asshole.

Yo, Tenny, hit me with a little of that shit.

I'm going clubbing tonight.

That's right.

♪ Shake that booty

[ Laughs ]All right. Now we wait for that beaver

to pick up that scent.

Good luck, Ben.

I'll be back later with some traps.

Okay. I'll just stay here

and wait until beaver comes and [bleep] me.

Hurry back. We need those beaver traps STAT.

Been a long time since I've trapped a beaver.

Have fun at the club, but maybe no glory holes tonight.

And I'm going upstairs to work on my dartsmanship.

I need absolute silence down here.

I need total concentration upstairs.

Do you hear me? All right.

Eric, can I talk to you privately?

Sure. Climb aboard.

You don't mind, I'd rather sit on the couch.

Oh, all right.

There's no easy way to say this,

but Tim has been juicing his darts.

What, really?

He's got some kind of way to rig those darts

so they go right in the bull's-eye every time.

I don't believe that. He's a stand-up guy.

I saw it in my mind.

The Beef House is no place for cheaters.

How can you live under the same roof

with someone so deceitful?

He has been acting aggro AF.

I guess I got to talk to him.

[ Sighs ]

[ Breathing rapidly ]

Tim?Dude, don't you knock?

What are you doing?Ugh, I'm working on my form here

for the big mixed men's darts championship tomorrow.

Can we have a talk back here?

[ Sighs ]

Ugh. What is it?

Tennessee just told me that you're juicing your darts.

Is that true? No!

He's lying, Eric.

I'm all naturale when it comes to me dartsmanship.

Tim, you've been acting like a lunatic all week,

and it's just not you.I know.

Now, I got to settle this beef once and for all.

Whip out that dart.

Put it up to my lips.

I'm gonna lick that tip,

and we'll figure out if you're juicing or not.

Be my guest.

[ Exaggerated licking]

♪♪

Just what I thought, it's filled with juice.

That's total BS!What, are you gonna tell me

this isn't some premium dart juice

right by your bedside table?

Eric, I'm sorry, okay?

I was just trying to make the Beef Boys proud,

give myself the upper edge so I could win the mixed men's

darts championship tomorrow night.

Tim, we're already super proud of you.

You're the number one electronic drummer in Rimwood.

You've created some of the spookiest plug-ins.

That Robbie Zombie stuff, it's freaking wonderful.

You don't have to be the best at everything.

♪♪

Well, I guess I can say goodbye to my dart's championship, huh?

[ Object breaks ]

Tennessee: Eric, Tim, get down here!

We got a live one!

♪♪

It worked!

Bad beaver is making love to the Ben beaver.

He's really getting in there.

This is great, but where the hell is Ron with the traps?

I'm back. They were out of traps, so I got this rifle.

Hurry, Ron! Look!Oh, shit!

[ Gunshot ]

You're not hitting the beaver.

Why don't you die, beaver?

You're not even close!Damn.

That son of a bitch must have sold me blanks.

Shit. Hey.

You know what you need to do?

What? You got to dart that beaver

right between his eyes till he's dead.

Eric, I can't, not without my juice.

I -- I'm not good enough.

You can do this without the drugs.

Uh, here goes nothing.

Ah!

Oh, no!

♪♪

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Bull's-eye!

Beaver down!

Yeah!

I didn't use that banned juice.

[ Laughs ]

Oh.

We did it.

Talk about a bull's-eye, yeah?I knew you could get it.

Turns out, I didn't need the juice after all.

You didn't. Ah!

Now, that's what I call a bull's-eye.

Don't accuse me of not trying, Eric.

I told you I am. Okay.

You're trying, but can't this just be a team effort here?

Listen, I have a lot going on, and it's just...

Work has been stressful,

and coming home to this madhouse doesn't make it any easier.

I promise you, the Beef Boys will do better.

You have to, and if it was up to me,

this wouldn't even be a Beef House.

I know that's not an option.

Well, we did get rid of that beaver, right?

I guess.

Hey, speaking of beaver,

what should I do with this goddamn corpse?

Should I chuck it or throw it in the Crock-Pot?

Get out!

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef

Abso...lutely.