Original subtitles

[ Couple moaning passionately ]

Goddamn, Ben!

Man, don't be sitting around down here

watching that VR porn shit.

Take that shit up to your room, goddamn it.

I tried to watch the ding dang porn, but it's not working.

Let me take a look at that shit.

I said I was sorry, honey.

Forget it. I will shower at the station.

It's just that he's not feeling well right now.

Well, why can't he shit in his own bathroom?

-He tried! -And this place is a mess!

Look. I am on a stakeout tonight,

and when I get back in the morning,

you idiots better have cleaned up good.

Okay. We promise we'll clean up, and I love you so much.

[ Door slams ]

Ron! What the heck are you doing?!

Ben's computer has got a virus here.

You downloading some naughty stuff, Ben?

I go on site called edildos.com.

It has a virus.

Bullshit. I'm on edildos.com all day long.

I don't get no goddamn virus.

I am VIP member. I should have porn.

Don't worry. I'll install an antivirus software

on that later once we clean up this mess.

-Ugh! -WTF?

Is there a bear upstairs?

Oh, that's Tim. He's all bunged up.

He's been constipated for days.

Any luck?

Nope, nothing. I can't go.

It's been, I don't know, 3, 4 days totally clogged.

Have you tried some prunes, dude?

Uh, Einstein, have you picked up a paper lately?

Ron, you don't know that we have a huge global prune shortage?

No shit?

LOL, you don't know about the prunes?

Hey, dipshit?

There are no prunes, okay,

because there's a prune shortage.

-Right. -Take your head out of your ass,

clear off the shit and get involved

with what's going on in current events.

No prunes.

Okay. Okay. I get it -- No prunes.

What the hell are we going to do?

What about nice hot bath?

No hot bath.

The warm water could trigger a chain reaction

and blow your ass out.

Tennessee is right. You got to take things really slow

when it comes to your bowels.

Go too fast, blow that ass out.

Well, we don't want that.[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Scoffs ] It's like Grand Central Station

around here.

Hi, Lana.

Hi, big boy.

I need to use your shower. Is that okay?

The bathroom and me are not exactly

BFFs right now, so she's all yours.

Eric: Hey, Lana, what's wrong with your shower?

Oh, I'm having some work done,

and they had to turn the water off for a bit.

Oh, yeah, what kind of work?

I'm putting a hot tub in.

What do you say you and me have a nice soak tonight, 7:00 p.m.?

[ Whispers ] It's going to get steamy.

♪♪

Whew! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

You guys, this is my big chance to make it with Lana,

but if I sit in that hot tub, I'm going to blow my ass out!

♪ Beef House

♪♪

♪ Beef House ♪ Beef House

♪ Beef

All right. Let me just add this new directory here,

and, Ben, the antivirus is all set up.

You should be good to go.

Good because I need to watch the movie

and make a splish-splash.

Okay. Well, you can make a splish-splash later.

Right now, we got to clean this house

or Megan is going to whup my butt.

[ Cellphone ringing ]I bet you my ass that's Megan calling.

Let me check.

Hey, honey. How are you?

Told you, asshole!

Yes. I was just talking to the Beef Boys

about cleaning up the mess.

It will be done when you're home.

I promise. I love you, and maybe tonight --

[ Line beeps ]Hello?

Bitch done hung up on you, huh?

-Ugh. -Any movement?

Nothing, it's just all still bunged up in my belly.

I don't know what's going on. I've been drinking milk.

I've been trying to clear it out, and I got nothing,

and my hot tub date with Lana is 2 hours away!

You're drinking your milk and you're taking your pills,

and your still bunged up?

I've never been this bunged. Usually I'm regular.

Usually I'm three, four times a day.

Dang it!

I wish there was something I could do.

Got it! Here's the plan.

We're going to get a nice, long tube.

We're going to shove one end of it up Tim's asshole.

We run the other end out to our toilet.

Are you nuts? What the hell is Lana going to think

when she sees me sitting in her hot tub

with a tube running out of my ass?

No! I'm going to run the tube through one of the hot tub jets.

What you need to do is make sure you park it

next to the right jet.

You sit down, connect the tube,

kick back, and let the hot water, pfft, do its thing.

This plan may just work,

but you need to distract Lana long enough

so Ron can connect the tube to the hot tub.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can stall.

I'll just turn on my pimp game

and give her a little of my something-something.

Ooh, baby, I like it.

Ben Hur, special assignment --

I need you to make a special pair of swim trunks

with the proper connecting valve

that we can attach to Tim's puckering little ass.

No problem.

Well, I really love this plan conceptually.

I'm just having a little bit of a hard time visualizing it.

I'm not.

♪♪

Beef.

Mmm. We got bubbles in the tub

and bubbles down my throat.

[ Both laugh ]

Aw, you're so funny.

Yeah, well, I'm musical, too.

You know, I got my home studio set up now.

Wow.And I got my media actually routed now to my e-drums,

so I can basically program any drum set I want.

I love drummers.

Yeah. Well, I drum, keys,

a little guitar, solos mostly.

-Wow. -But other than that, you know,

I've had some back problems which I'm treating with pills.

Well, this would help with that.

Yeah.

Speaking of, what do you say you slip out of that robe,

and we hop on in?

I love it. Yeah.

Oh, uh, but first, what about a refill

of your world-famous champagne fruit cocktail, huh?

I like the way you think.

I'll be right back, hot stuff.

Okay! Take your time!

No rush!

Hey, Ron, coast is clear!

Hurry up. She's going to be right back.

You sure this is going to work?

Yes, sir. Trust me.

[ Water swishes ]Ooh, yeah.

Pfft. Okay.

Yeah. I think it's in.

That actually feels pretty good.

Tubes are all ready.

Just let the hot water do its thing.

All right. Get that tube back to the Beef House,

and make sure it's pointed right in the toilet.

I've been bunged up for weeks.

We're going to have a major evacuation.

No worries.

-Good luck on your date. -Okay.

♪♪

[ Gasps ] You bad boy!

You got in without me.

Well, I just wanted to acclimate myself to the hot water.

[ Stomach grumbles ]

♪♪

All right. We got the vacuuming done.

The floors are scrubbed, couch is in order,

fluff the pillows, looking good.

It's all cleaned up,

just like you promised Megan.

What the heck?

Ron? What are you doing?

The tube has got to go all the way into the toilet.

Tim could blow at any second!

Sorry, dude. This is all the tube I got!

How you doing, baby, too hot for you?

No, it's just right.

Shall I come over there?

Can you just -- Just give me a minute real quick?

Oh! Whoa-oh! Ohhhhhhhhhh!

[ Rumbling ]

Oh, no, Tim's blowing his ass out!

[ Groans ]

-Turn it off! -Say what?

Aah!

He's blowing his ass out![ Groans ]

Wow, a little premature, but sexy.

I really do turn you on, don't I?

I hope you have the stamina for round two.

[ Chuckles ]

Speaking of round two -- Ohhhhhhh!

[ Rumbling ]

Oh, no! He's not done yet!

Aah!

Looks like the son of a bitch has blown his ass out good.

[ Sighs ]

Yeah, baby.

That was amazing.

Why don't you come over here?

[ Grunts ]

What's the matter?

Don't you want me?

Lana, you have no idea.

Can I be honest with you?

Right now, I have a tube coming out of my ass

and out of your hot tub back to the Beef House

and into a toilet.

You want to know why?

Yeah.

Because for the past several days,

I've been bunged up.

I have not been able to go.

The guys were worried that if I sat in this hot tub,

I would blow my ass out,

but the good news is, my belly full of diarrhea

is safely back in the Beef House toilet.

Oh, well, if you're so bunged up,

why didn't you just eat some prunes?

Hello, Lana, prune shortage?

Oh, honey, that's why you got to hoard.

I got a whole basement full of prunes.

Next time, come over, and we'll have a prune feast.

Mm, love it.

Now, how about you unplug yourself

from my hot tub and get over here?

I could use a little help.

Hmm. Hmm.

One, two, three.

[ Pop! ]

♪ Beeeeeeef

All right, Beef Boys. Megan is coming back soon,

so we got to make sure there's no traces

of Tim's diarrhea anywhere.

Good morning, Beef Boys.

-Yo. -Hey, T!

How'd that steamy hot tub date go?

Well, let's just say I blew two loads last night,

one white, one brown.

I'm glad you had a great time, Tim,

but we're still cleaning up load number two.

Whoa, whoa, what happened in here?

Goddamn tube was too short. Feel like an asshole.

Sorry. Shit happens.

-Megan is here. -All right, guys.

Get rid of all these shit towels and bags right now!

Ben, toss that mop! Okay.

Tennessee, behind here! Oh, my God.

What am I going to do with this last bag of shit?

Toss it over here, Ron!

Hi, honey.

Megan.

Wow, guys. This place looks amazing!

I have got to say, I am impressed.

Oh.

Beef Boys always keep their promise.

-It's true. -What's that smell?

Oops. It's on me. I'm sorry.

I beefed. I ate a bad load of eggs.

I make stinky beef, too.

I made a baby beef, but it's rank.

Yep. Megan, the truth is,

the Beef Boys had a bad case of gas this morning.

Tennessee fried up some eggs,

and the eggs turned out to be rotten.

It's just one of those things.

We'll just open up the doors and the windows

and air that stinky beef out.

All right. Well, on that note, I'm going to shower.

-All right? -Okay.

-Okay. -Great job, guys.

-Thank you. -Thank you!

Love you, honey.

Sorry about that stink from my ass.

-Yes! It worked! -We did it!

-Aah! -Get in here.

-Wow. -Nice work, guys!

-Aw, amazing. -I'll tell you what.

She had no idea that three hours ago,

this place was covered in my diarrhea!

-Oh, my God. -Yeah.

And way to think on your toes, Ron, about that group beef.

Yeah, yeah. Aw, yeah.

[ All chanting "Beef Boys!" ]

♪♪

[ Chanting continues ]

♪♪

♪ Beeeeeeeeeef