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1
00:00:01,551 --> 00:00:04,963
No, coordinate with Rome,
then get me the lastest intel,
2
00:00:05,083 --> 00:00:08,488
then tell Rodney they need
travel documents an hour ago.
3
00:00:08,901 --> 00:00:11,436
Then bring me the file I asked for!
4
00:00:11,556 --> 00:00:14,312
Yeah, why don't I shove a broom up my ass
and sweep the floor while I'm at it?
5
00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:15,508
- What was that?
- Nothing.
6
00:00:15,628 --> 00:00:19,807
Good. Saved you the embarrassment
of an incredible homophobic remark.
7
00:00:22,633 --> 00:00:23,968
- Ow!
- Sorry!
8
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,063
What's going on?
9
00:00:25,183 --> 00:00:27,626
- Where?
- Uh, this new place called here?
10
00:00:28,132 --> 00:00:28,986
Nothing.
11
00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:31,666
Malory!
12
00:00:32,338 --> 00:00:35,158
Good luck! She just had an electro--
13
00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:40,762
Electro-magnetic lock installed!
14
00:00:40,882 --> 00:00:42,786
Are you serious?
15
00:00:42,906 --> 00:00:45,073
- Malory!
- Because I'm seriously
16
00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:47,427
asking, did Krieger
give you robot hands?
17
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,772
Not yet! But
you just say the word.
18
00:00:49,892 --> 00:00:52,125
The -
19
00:00:52,454 --> 00:00:54,255
Out.
20
00:00:54,256 --> 00:00:57,992
Can't have anything nice...
Krieger!
21
00:00:57,993 --> 00:00:59,860
Jazz hands!
22
00:00:59,861 --> 00:01:03,064
Should've never
taken him to see "The Wiz."
23
00:01:03,065 --> 00:01:05,966
The Broadway
show or the movie?
24
00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:08,436
Jazz hands!
25
00:01:08,437 --> 00:01:09,937
Both.
26
00:01:09,938 --> 00:01:12,173
Jazz hands!
27
00:01:12,174 --> 00:01:16,310
I -- whatever, look, obviously there's-
Nothing! Is going on,
28
00:01:16,311 --> 00:01:19,015
Lana! If there were, I would tell you, but-
29
00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:21,326
Uh, there's a
Cardinal Corelli on line one
30
00:01:21,327 --> 00:01:23,028
for you? Something about a
radical faction of the Swiss
31
00:01:23,029 --> 00:01:26,256
Guard assassinating the
pope tomorrow night?
32
00:01:27,566 --> 00:01:31,103
You need to get that?
33
00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:41,380
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:09,070
Do you. Need to get that.
35
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,373
No, I'm sure whoever it is-
36
00:02:11,374 --> 00:02:14,142
It's the Vatican!
Line one! Jesus!
37
00:02:14,143 --> 00:02:16,978
Shit, I
hope he didn't hear that.
38
00:02:16,979 --> 00:02:18,179
Or that, shit!
39
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,148
Just put him
through, you idiot!
40
00:02:20,149 --> 00:02:20,848
Okay,
41
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,952
- Jesus! Shit...
- Uhhhhh.
42
00:02:23,953 --> 00:02:27,322
Ah ha ha, Giancarlo! Come stai?
43
00:02:27,323 --> 00:02:32,593
Molto meglio, cara mia, now
that I see your eyes, your lips, your...
44
00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:35,563
Giancarlo!
Siete senza vergogna.
45
00:02:35,564 --> 00:02:38,466
And you, are the only
woman who ever made me regret
46
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,402
taking the holy orders.
47
00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:43,193
And you are the only man
who ever made me-
48
00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:44,854
Come oonnn!
49
00:02:44,974 --> 00:02:46,241
I'm right here, ya know!
50
00:02:46,242 --> 00:02:46,908
Why?!
51
00:02:46,909 --> 00:02:50,111
Gettin new carpet in my office.
Which, speaking of...
52
00:02:50,112 --> 00:02:50,979
Ron?!
53
00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:52,981
Malory,
you have married?
54
00:02:52,982 --> 00:02:54,282
Ehh...
55
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:56,418
You are a
fortunate man, signore.
56
00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:58,386
Ah, blow
it out yer cassock.
57
00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,120
Ron!
58
00:02:59,121 --> 00:03:02,991
Malory. We don't have much time.
Your agents of ISIS, they are ready?
59
00:03:02,992 --> 00:03:05,860
Or they are confused
verging on angry?
60
00:03:05,861 --> 00:03:10,265
Lana, it's an undercover mission.
At the Vatican?
61
00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:13,901
What, they don't have black nuns?
Although granted
62
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:18,239
I've never seen one. But that's
not like, a rule, is it?
63
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,048
- Ehh...
- Well since you're
64
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,676
not sending me, and
I assume you're
65
00:03:21,677 --> 00:03:23,124
not sending Ray...
66
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,361
To the Vatican?
You think all those Catholic
67
00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:30,251
priests wouldn't peg him-
as American?
68
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,786
With that hillbilly accent?
69
00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:34,655
Malory, I must go now.
Please hurry!
70
00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:39,394
So not Ray, and not me, which leaves...
71
00:03:40,463 --> 00:03:47,969
In nomine Patris, et Filii,
et Spiritus Sancti, et cetera, et -
72
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:49,170
You can't.
73
00:03:49,171 --> 00:03:51,306
No one is gonna believe
Archer is a priest.
74
00:03:51,307 --> 00:03:53,574
For your infor-
I'm in! Turn it off!
75
00:03:53,575 --> 00:03:54,476
Okay!
76
00:03:54,477 --> 00:03:56,277
Jesus! Shit.
77
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:59,481
For your information, Lana, I
have totally prepared for this mission.
78
00:03:59,482 --> 00:04:01,149
Well there's a firs-
First thing I did was
79
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:04,052
watch every episode of "Lucy,
Daughter of the Devil." Which
80
00:04:04,053 --> 00:04:06,787
by the way, was grossly-
Inadequate preparation,
81
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:10,425
for an undercover mission protecting the
pope from an assassination attempt!
82
00:04:10,426 --> 00:04:12,560
I was gonna say
"underrated," but -
83
00:04:12,561 --> 00:04:15,730
But even if you were prepared-
Which I truly feel that I am.
84
00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:19,501
-- but which you're not, who's
your backup if Ray's not going? Cyril?
85
00:04:19,502 --> 00:04:21,556
- No...
- No, it turns out Cyril-
86
00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:22,619
Aaagh!
87
00:04:22,739 --> 00:04:24,239
How bout a little warning?!
88
00:04:24,359 --> 00:04:27,175
Has a thing.
About church stuff.
89
00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:28,076
Since when?
90
00:04:28,077 --> 00:04:30,745
Since none of your beeswax, and-
Bwoohahaahaaa!
91
00:04:30,746 --> 00:04:31,546
Aaagh!
92
00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:33,023
Well...
93
00:04:33,143 --> 00:04:38,034
And I think I
need a spanking, because I have been a very
94
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:41,313
naughty baaaaagh!
95
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,561
Guess that explains that.
But it doesn't explain
96
00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:48,663
how Archer's gonna run
this mission by himself.
97
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:51,866
Well, if you were
"confused verging on angry"
98
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:53,535
- before...
- Aaagh!
99
00:04:53,536 --> 00:04:54,436
What?!
100
00:04:54,437 --> 00:04:57,838
Jesus Christ...
Shit. God damn it.
101
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:58,639
Pam!
102
00:04:58,640 --> 00:04:59,340
What.
103
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,007
Pam?!
104
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:00,841
What?!
105
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:01,543
Paaaam!
106
00:05:01,544 --> 00:05:03,945
Whaaat?!
107
00:05:03,946 --> 00:05:06,814
I dunno,
what're we doing?
108
00:05:06,815 --> 00:05:09,150
Esatto! Che
cosa stiamo facendo?!
109
00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:11,286
Aww man, we
have to learn Latin?
110
00:05:11,287 --> 00:05:13,154
Ew yeah,
that's a dealbreaker.
111
00:05:13,155 --> 00:05:14,322
You were speaking Latin
112
00:05:14,323 --> 00:05:15,590
when you walked in here -
113
00:05:15,591 --> 00:05:16,724
Mmmmno...
114
00:05:16,725 --> 00:05:19,394
-- whereas I was just
speaking Italian, which neither
115
00:05:19,395 --> 00:05:20,595
of you speak nor even
116
00:05:20,596 --> 00:05:22,564
understand, obviously, so -
117
00:05:22,565 --> 00:05:23,565
So?! Lana, the
118
00:05:23,566 --> 00:05:26,568
assassination plot is being
hatched by the Swiss Guard?
119
00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:27,902
So...?
120
00:05:27,903 --> 00:05:29,971
So it's an eight-hour
flight, so we get some tapes
121
00:05:29,972 --> 00:05:32,307
and brush up on our-
Swiss?
122
00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:32,873
Duh?
123
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,477
Well, since Swiss isn't
a language, maybe you should
124
00:05:35,478 --> 00:05:38,913
get some tapes on German,
French, Italian and Romansh.
125
00:05:38,914 --> 00:05:40,148
Maybe I will.
126
00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:43,451
Alright. Lana pack a bag, you're-
No! Mother come on, we
127
00:05:43,452 --> 00:05:45,330
don't need-
Lana! Is going!
128
00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:46,198
Ha!
129
00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:49,090
And Pam, if you keep
your eyes open and your big
130
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,491
mouth shut, you just might
learn something from her.
131
00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:52,300
Ha!
132
00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:53,769
Why are you going ha?!
133
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,104
I dunno, what're we doing?
134
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,973
I'll tell you what we
should be doing. So, who does
135
00:05:57,974 --> 00:05:59,608
the pope remind you of?
136
00:05:59,728 --> 00:06:01,110
Ha!
137
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,011
What.
138
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:02,945
Haaa!
139
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:06,115
Shut up! And
you also shut up.
140
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,116
Yessir.
141
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:07,950
Haaa!
142
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,691
Why are you
still going ha?!
143
00:06:09,811 --> 00:06:12,121
Pink Panther's on.
144
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,723
Father Guido Sardoochbag?
145
00:06:19,522 --> 00:06:21,056
Oh really?
146
00:06:21,057 --> 00:06:23,625
Because she didn't
specify an agent in-command,
147
00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:25,617
Lana, so I would argue-
With a fence post.
148
00:06:25,737 --> 00:06:28,724
I wouldn't argue with a -- oof!
Move, idiot!
149
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,240
I'm goin as fast as I can!
150
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,309
Not you, the-
The fence post?
151
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,043
Ha!
152
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,379
It was a bollard! And my point was-
Fine! You're agent-in-
153
00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:39,382
command! Now shut up, brief
Corelli, and get the access
154
00:06:39,383 --> 00:06:40,416
code to the pope's apartment!
155
00:06:41,252 --> 00:06:44,754
I... will,
because I command me to.
156
00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:48,892
And you should eat, this could be
a long night, and you're... so teeny.
157
00:06:48,893 --> 00:06:49,659
Hm?
158
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:52,829
Seriously, eat,
you're like a slow loris.
159
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:55,332
Oh, no, bit
off my feed, I'm afraid.
160
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:58,969
Woodhouse, you need to-
Oh c'mon, you need to fix?
161
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:01,671
Well, is there some
amount you can shoot up to get
162
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:05,708
right for the mission, without
gettin all... trainspotty?
163
00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:06,609
Back in a tick!
164
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:11,047
Oh for the -- and thanks for making
me carry your bag through customs!
165
00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:12,983
No, thank you!
166
00:07:12,984 --> 00:07:13,984
Grazie.
167
00:07:13,985 --> 00:07:17,120
Grazie mille, vostra...
majesty-o?
168
00:07:17,121 --> 00:07:20,357
Your Italian
is, how you say, shit?
169
00:07:20,358 --> 00:07:22,492
Then you are not
gonna like my Romansh.
170
00:07:22,493 --> 00:07:24,928
Mio dio! You
think this is funny?!
171
00:07:24,929 --> 00:07:26,296
I thought that was.
172
00:07:26,297 --> 00:07:28,431
Assassins plan to kill
the Holy Father in his own
173
00:07:28,432 --> 00:07:33,370
bed, on this very night, ma tu
stai qui con la testa nel culo!
174
00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:37,540
Whoa whoa, take it down a notch, St.
Louis! His head is not up his ass!
175
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,142
How'd you
know what he said?
176
00:07:39,143 --> 00:07:40,377
It was an
eight-hour flight.
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00:07:40,378 --> 00:07:42,145
Wow, did
you learn Romansh?
178
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:44,881
Who am I, Cypher?
The gayest X-man?
179
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:48,451
I dunno, Gambit looks like
he knows his way around a pair of -
180
00:07:48,452 --> 00:07:50,420
Basta! Here is the
access card to the Holy
181
00:07:50,421 --> 00:07:55,392
Father's private apartment. I
assume you have a plan once inside?
182
00:07:55,393 --> 00:07:58,395
We call it the
old switcheroo.
183
00:07:58,396 --> 00:08:00,063
We absolutely do not
call it the old switcheroo.
184
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,332
Mio dio!
185
00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:06,036
I know, right?
Trope alert!
186
00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:07,170
Che?
187
00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:11,741
Eh... non si traduce bene.
188
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:12,809
Feeling better?
189
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:15,412
Sound as
a pound, my dear.
190
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:17,213
Where the hell are we?
191
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:20,417
Uh, this new
place called Italy?
192
00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:22,385
How'd I get
all the way downtown?
193
00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:23,853
Wh-? Not Little Italy!
194
00:08:23,854 --> 00:08:25,221
Italy, Italy!
195
00:08:25,222 --> 00:08:27,557
Bloody hell.
What are we doing here?
196
00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:32,429
Thwarting an assassination attempt
on the pope. Using you as a decoy.
197
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:34,431
Back in a tick!
198
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:36,666
With Ken and your weekend weather.
And you may need an
199
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:38,901
umbrella because it's
going to be raining.
200
00:08:38,902 --> 00:08:40,570
Dead ass popes.
201
00:08:40,571 --> 00:08:43,239
Aw crap,
he's already dead.
202
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,875
No he's not, he's just old.
That's how Woodhouse looks
203
00:08:45,876 --> 00:08:46,977
when he's asleep.
204
00:08:46,978 --> 00:08:48,211
I'm gonna get a mirror.
205
00:08:48,212 --> 00:08:50,680
Right until he wakes
and sees me staring at him
206
00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:54,684
with night-vision goggles and
literally pisses himself. Hey,
207
00:08:54,685 --> 00:08:57,687
does Woodhouse seem unhappy to you,
or -- what the hell're you doing?!
208
00:08:57,688 --> 00:09:00,590
Gonna see if his
breath fogs it up.
209
00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:05,061
Put the stupid mirror back, he's not-
210
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:07,464
Dead. Nice
job, Oliver Cromwell.
211
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:08,398
I killed the pope!
212
00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:11,634
Yeah, that's why I said Oliver Crom-
Jesus Christ I'm going to
213
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:15,905
hell I'm going to hell I'm going to hell I'm-
214
00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:16,572
Pam.
215
00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:18,475
Yes?
216
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:21,478
Get off the pope.
217
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:25,715
- Heeey, Your Holiness...
- Is he dead?!
218
00:09:25,716 --> 00:09:27,617
I dunno, shut up, I'm-
Should I get another
219
00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:30,586
mirror? But like, a
much much smaller one?
220
00:09:30,587 --> 00:09:32,755
No, you're
half heroin already!
221
00:09:33,491 --> 00:09:37,494
Okay, here's Junkie Brewster, let's...
Where's the pope?
222
00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:38,594
Soo, Here's the thing.
223
00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:39,929
Promise you won't get mad?
224
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:43,433
I -- actually do not promise I won't
get mad, because here's what thing?
225
00:09:43,434 --> 00:09:44,426
Um...
226
00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:47,451
What, why is there
a giant mirror on the oh my God
227
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:48,838
you crushed the pope?!
228
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:52,442
Don't just stand there idiots,
help me get it off and Pam! Woodhouse!
229
00:09:52,443 --> 00:09:53,510
Huh? Oh!
230
00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:54,511
Oof!
231
00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:55,512
Ow!
232
00:09:55,513 --> 00:09:58,281
Ow! What the --
is that a needle?!
233
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:00,417
Rrrrrgh!
234
00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:01,784
Oh thank God!
235
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:04,521
Chi siete voi,
dove sono le guardie?!
236
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:06,989
We're -- Your Holiness,
do you speak English?
237
00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:09,926
Yes, of course, but-
Ha! Way to waste your
238
00:10:09,927 --> 00:10:11,928
time learning Italian, Pam!
239
00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:15,932
Aw, stai zitto, testa di cazzo.
And could you...?
240
00:10:15,933 --> 00:10:17,200
Sorry.
241
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,802
Dio mio! He
look just like me!
242
00:10:19,803 --> 00:10:22,072
Yes, Your Holiness, he's a decoy.
We have reason to
243
00:10:22,073 --> 00:10:24,607
believe a faction of the Swiss
Guard will make an attempt on
244
00:10:24,608 --> 00:10:26,909
your life tonight, so-
So if you don't mind
245
00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:31,013
- hopping out of those pope-jamas...
- Archer? We'll hide you,
246
00:10:31,014 --> 00:10:33,216
put him in your place,
wait for them to come in -
247
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,452
And then what?!
You are only two!
248
00:10:35,453 --> 00:10:38,154
Well three, so-
Better make that two.
249
00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:40,990
Think I mighta grabbed the
tail of the dragon here...
250
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:43,226
Ooh, then
you're in for a treat!
251
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,962
Shut up! And with all
due respect Your Holiness,
252
00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:50,032
it's the Swiss Guard... I think
we can handle a few court jesters
253
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:51,568
with, whatever, halberds.
254
00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:54,571
Which, you realize
are just ceremonial.
255
00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:58,741
Obviously they're ceremonial,
they were made obsolete by the arquebus.
256
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,578
Which is why
now they use MP-5's.
257
00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:02,579
Oh.
258
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:06,015
Which is why where's the gear bag
with all of our automatic weapons?!
259
00:11:06,016 --> 00:11:08,751
Well I assume in the hotel room, but-
God -
260
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,220
I thought they
just had halberds!
261
00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:12,188
Do you at least
have a sidearm?!
262
00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,823
It was ruining
the lines of my cassock.
263
00:11:13,824 --> 00:11:14,690
Dammit!
264
00:11:14,691 --> 00:11:18,060
And again, I honestly
thought they just had-
265
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:22,064
-- halberds. Although technically
I think they're called voulges.
266
00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:23,600
Santo Padre!
La porta, per favore!
267
00:11:23,601 --> 00:11:26,369
I got him,
just toss him down!
268
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,738
I'm not tossing
the frickin pope!
269
00:11:28,739 --> 00:11:30,607
Somehow this
is all your fault.
270
00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:31,608
Che?
271
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:34,177
Oh for the--
this is the pope!
272
00:11:34,178 --> 00:11:36,045
Oh, then WOODHOUSE
273
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:36,679
Oof!
274
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,382
Ow! Oh for
shit's sake, already!
275
00:11:40,451 --> 00:11:42,619
Archer shut up and find us some-
276
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,319
Sparale!
277
00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:48,191
Oof! Transport!
Are you shitting me?!
278
00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:50,760
Well it was this or the Vespas!
It's not my fault
279
00:11:50,761 --> 00:11:54,631
Italy's so gay. Which, by the
way, Pope, on the gay thing...
280
00:11:54,632 --> 00:11:57,933
La Sacra Bibbia says it
is a mortal sin. But get me out
281
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:01,037
of here alive and I will
pardon you for it, my son.
282
00:12:01,038 --> 00:12:04,274
Wh-? No, I -
Haaaa!
283
00:12:07,312 --> 00:12:10,547
So why are
you scared of church stuff?
284
00:12:10,548 --> 00:12:12,250
Did the unspeakable happen?
285
00:12:12,251 --> 00:12:15,686
To your slender, hairless,
adolescent body?
286
00:12:15,687 --> 00:12:17,188
Wh-? No!
287
00:12:17,189 --> 00:12:18,689
- Aww...
- Eww!
288
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:19,456
Right?!
289
00:12:19,457 --> 00:12:23,560
First of all, I'm not- I'm not
scared of priests or nuns or -
290
00:12:23,561 --> 00:12:24,328
Bishops?
291
00:12:24,329 --> 00:12:26,497
No, I just --
Bishop the android from Aliens?
292
00:12:26,498 --> 00:12:29,767
No! I told Ms. Archer
that because I didn't wanna go
293
00:12:29,768 --> 00:12:31,769
on another mission with the
world's worst colleague.
294
00:12:31,770 --> 00:12:33,604
Bishop the
android from Aliens?
295
00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:40,111
Archer! You think he's a dick here?
On a mission he's ten times worse.
296
00:12:40,112 --> 00:12:41,012
That's impossible.
297
00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:42,180
ARCHER Oh really?!
298
00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:44,348
Yes, really! A, I was a
299
00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:46,851
race car driver! And B-
Archer.
300
00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:48,219
Your Holiness,
a little help?!
301
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,821
The pope could
drive better than you!
302
00:12:49,822 --> 00:12:51,956
No no, io non guido.
303
00:12:51,957 --> 00:12:53,224
Ugh, esatto?
304
00:12:53,225 --> 00:12:55,259
- Oh, capito...
- Why're you taking her
305
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:56,961
side?! She's Lutheran!
306
00:12:56,962 --> 00:12:59,563
Eh, Luther had
some valid complaints.
307
00:12:59,564 --> 00:13:00,564
Archer! Owwwww!
308
00:13:00,565 --> 00:13:02,733
Drive the
ffffffffrickin car!
309
00:13:02,734 --> 00:13:05,970
Okay, Lana!
What is your problem?
310
00:13:05,971 --> 00:13:08,372
Well there's you...
and also that.
311
00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:10,407
Why aren't
they on horseback?!
312
00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:12,576
Because why
would they be?!
313
00:13:12,577 --> 00:13:16,314
Right, halberdsmen
are foot-soldiers.
314
00:13:16,315 --> 00:13:21,052
Mi scusi, the bigger question is,
if they really are the Swiss Guards...
315
00:13:21,053 --> 00:13:24,688
Why are they wearing Swiss Guard
uniforms, driving a Swiss Guard car?!
316
00:13:24,689 --> 00:13:25,823
Esatto.
317
00:13:25,824 --> 00:13:29,727
Holy sh -- it's a false flag operation!
To make it look
318
00:13:29,728 --> 00:13:31,162
like the Swiss Guard!
319
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:34,265
Who told you I was
to be assassinated?
320
00:13:34,266 --> 00:13:36,834
Cardinal Corelli! He-
He wouldn't, by any
321
00:13:36,835 --> 00:13:41,572
chance, be next in line
for the papacy, would he?
322
00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:44,041
Well, there would
be an election -
323
00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:45,743
Right, with
the smudge-pot...
324
00:13:45,744 --> 00:13:48,045
-- but Corelli
would be sure to win.
325
00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:49,313
Pretty good motive.
326
00:13:49,314 --> 00:13:52,350
Yeah, you must make a shitlo-
327
00:13:52,351 --> 00:13:54,852
Ahhhhhhhh!!!
328
00:13:59,358 --> 00:14:00,992
Go! What're you doing?!
329
00:14:00,993 --> 00:14:02,360
I'm letting
them catch up!
330
00:14:02,361 --> 00:14:03,160
Why?!
331
00:14:03,161 --> 00:14:06,597
Can I finish?! He
asked, agent-incommandingly!
332
00:14:06,598 --> 00:14:09,800
Take the wheel and maintain speed!
Woodhouse, lighter!
333
00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:12,136
I'm only
ninety pounds wet, sir!
334
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:15,373
What? No you
idiot, your spoon-cooker!
335
00:14:15,374 --> 00:14:16,374
Oh right.
336
00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:20,978
Like pulling teeth with you people.
Lana! Head toward Swiss Guard HQ!
337
00:14:20,979 --> 00:14:22,846
What, while you
request Freebird?!
338
00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:24,815
Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
339
00:14:24,816 --> 00:14:25,383
Ahh.
340
00:14:26,952 --> 00:14:31,488
Actually that was pretty good, for
you at least, but no, while I do...
341
00:14:31,489 --> 00:14:33,824
Shit, I had a pun about flares.
342
00:14:33,825 --> 00:14:35,326
Fake dynamite?!
343
00:14:35,327 --> 00:14:38,896
That's your plan?! So hey,
can I squeeze in a confession?
344
00:14:38,897 --> 00:14:42,900
Oho, ora
dov'� il tuo Martin Luther?
345
00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:47,704
- Fine, I'll buy a damn indulgence! Oh wait...
- Wait until they're
346
00:14:47,705 --> 00:14:49,807
right beside us,
then swerve into em!
347
00:14:49,808 --> 00:14:53,844
What, so you're crushed between the-
Woohoohoohoooooooooo!
348
00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:56,480
Shoulda seen
that comin...
349
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,673
Hey, I can see St. Peter's from-
350
00:14:57,793 --> 00:14:59,683
Archer look ooouuut!
351
00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:01,986
Goddammit, quit telling
me what to do! I'm the
352
00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:03,887
goddamn agent-in-command!
353
00:15:03,888 --> 00:15:08,426
- Figo, he really drops the G.D. bombs...
- Plus he's a whoremonger.
354
00:15:08,427 --> 00:15:09,427
Cough.
355
00:15:09,428 --> 00:15:14,531
Oh please, who hasn't paid for it?!
Still talking about indulgences.
356
00:15:14,532 --> 00:15:15,532
Lana now!
357
00:15:15,533 --> 00:15:17,969
He said, last wordsingly.
Hang on!
358
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:19,503
Ahhhh, oh!!
359
00:15:19,504 --> 00:15:20,438
Sparale!
360
00:15:20,439 --> 00:15:21,405
Sparale!
361
00:15:22,207 --> 00:15:24,075
What the-?!
Pam, what'd he say?!
362
00:15:24,076 --> 00:15:26,944
What do you think he said, dicknuts?!
Pay attention
363
00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:28,745
to the frickin context!
364
00:15:28,746 --> 00:15:31,715
Well sorry I don't have
your language-nerd skills!
365
00:15:31,716 --> 00:15:34,418
Hang on... Pambit!
366
00:15:34,419 --> 00:15:35,886
Wrong
X-Man, dumbass!
367
00:15:35,887 --> 00:15:37,855
Still though...
368
00:15:37,856 --> 00:15:39,623
Non lui! Il papa!
369
00:15:39,624 --> 00:15:41,192
Spar'al papa!
370
00:15:41,193 --> 00:15:44,128
- Ohhhh...
- Ohhh, shit! Pam!!
371
00:15:44,129 --> 00:15:44,928
Get doowwwn!
372
00:15:44,929 --> 00:15:45,629
Ungh! Ungh!
373
00:15:47,065 --> 00:15:48,399
Unghh!
374
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,733
Lanaaaa!
375
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,935
Rrrgh. I'm fine!
376
00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:54,438
Yeah me too, asshole!
377
00:15:54,439 --> 00:15:55,473
Oh good.
378
00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:56,474
Is the pope hit?!
379
00:15:56,475 --> 00:16:00,277
Uhh... no, he's,
they're both good.
380
00:16:00,278 --> 00:16:02,846
Recarica!
Spara di nuovo!
381
00:16:02,847 --> 00:16:06,050
Really wish I hadn't focused
so heavily on the Romansh...
382
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:07,751
ARCHER
383
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:11,489
Lesson one.
Leshau untg.
384
00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:14,425
Context! They're reloading!
385
00:16:14,426 --> 00:16:17,594
Ohhh... That's
what you mean by context?
386
00:16:17,595 --> 00:16:18,496
Spara!
387
00:16:18,497 --> 00:16:20,331
What else could
she possibly mean?!
388
00:16:20,332 --> 00:16:26,237
Who am I, William Safire?!
Oh and speaking of... in the hole!
389
00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:27,905
What?
390
00:16:27,906 --> 00:16:32,843
Safire in the hole, Lana, it's a-
391
00:16:32,844 --> 00:16:33,511
Waaaagh!
392
00:16:33,512 --> 00:16:36,180
Lana look oooooouuuu-
393
00:16:37,815 --> 00:16:42,619
Ow.
394
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:46,957
So. The good news is, my men
have apprehended Cardinal Corelli, who
395
00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:48,592
immediately confessed
to the plot.
396
00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:50,994
Hey heyyy,
that is good news!
397
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:54,631
You know how the whole "the
good news is" thing works, right?
398
00:16:54,632 --> 00:16:56,333
The bad news is-
Oh right.
399
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:59,002
-- the men you
killed were Camorra.
400
00:16:59,003 --> 00:17:00,438
What're they,
like the mafia?
401
00:17:00,439 --> 00:17:04,608
The Camorra
is like your mafia like...
402
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,544
Seal Team Six is
like the Girl Scouts.
403
00:17:06,545 --> 00:17:08,212
Exactly.
404
00:17:08,213 --> 00:17:10,381
So... equally sexy?
405
00:17:10,382 --> 00:17:10,747
Eww!
406
00:17:10,748 --> 00:17:11,549
Oww!
407
00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:12,683
Oww!
408
00:17:12,684 --> 00:17:18,155
But the real good news, ow! Dick!
Is that we saved the pope's life.
409
00:17:18,156 --> 00:17:22,126
For which we are grateful.
However... We cannot tell
410
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:26,564
- these two apart, so...
- So I actually have an idea about that.
411
00:17:26,565 --> 00:17:28,665
Is it take them both
home, see which one's a better
412
00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:31,569
butler, and give the other one
back to the Catholic Church?
413
00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:32,636
Never mind.
414
00:17:32,637 --> 00:17:34,805
Then why don't we leave
them both here until they come
415
00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:38,075
to. I'm sure Woodhouse
never gets a vacation.
416
00:17:38,076 --> 00:17:41,378
Are you kidding? I didn't even
let him go to his brother's funeral.
417
00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:42,045
What?!
418
00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:44,582
Oh my -- you asshole!
419
00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:45,449
Was he crushed?!
420
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:46,584
Probably woulda been.
421
00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:48,185
If I'd told him about it.
422
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:53,124
Ugh. But wait, why did Corelli
hire ISIS to prevent the assassination?
423
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,659
To show the
cardinals he was trying to
424
00:17:55,660 --> 00:18:00,498
prevent it, all the while assuming-
What, that we'd totally
425
00:18:00,499 --> 00:18:03,033
bl-ow my God he assumed
we'd totally blow it?!
426
00:18:03,034 --> 00:18:06,937
Well... ISIS
has a certain reputation.
427
00:18:06,938 --> 00:18:09,607
Hey, whoa! Not
cool, Payne Stewart!
428
00:18:09,608 --> 00:18:10,941
Oh, my God,
if Malory ever
429
00:18:10,942 --> 00:18:11,975
hears about this -
430
00:18:11,976 --> 00:18:12,783
Which she won't!
431
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:14,167
Because Pam?!
432
00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:15,101
What?
433
00:18:15,102 --> 00:18:16,336
Promise you'll
never tell Mother!
434
00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:19,341
Okay, I promise!
Swear to God!
435
00:18:21,842 --> 00:18:23,009
What?!
436
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:24,177
Pam! Pam!
437
00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:27,347
Haaaaa!?
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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