Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,359
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
2
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:39,413
(SINGING) There's a bunch of birds
in the sky
3
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:45,502
And some deers just went running by
4
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,630
Oh, the snow's pure and white
5
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,260
On the earth, rich and brown
6
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,513
Just another Sunday morning
7
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:01,894
In my quiet mountain town
8
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,189
(GRUNTS)
9
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,441
The sun is shining
and the grass is green
10
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,735
Under the three feet of snow, I mean
11
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,238
This is the day
when it's hard to wear a frown
12
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,491
All the happy people stop to say hello
13
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,575
Get out of my way!
14
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,452
Even though the temperature's low
15
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,290
It's a perfect Sunday morning
in my quiet little mountain town
16
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,750
Well, good morning, Stan.
17
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,211
- Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
- A movie?
18
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,130
Yeah, it's gonna be the best movie ever!
It's a foreign film from Canada!
19
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,340
All right, here you go.
20
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,051
- But be back for supper.
- Thanks, Mom.
21
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,428
(SINGING) Oh, what
a picture-perfect child
22
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,764
Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild
23
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,351
He'd wear a smile
while he wore a thorny crown
24
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,145
What an angel
with a heart so sweet and sure
25
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,397
And a mind so open and pure
26
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:51,860
Thank God we live in this quiet
redneck mountain town
27
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,238
Dude! Dude, wake up!
28
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,784
Kenny, come on!
29
00:01:58,868 --> 00:01:59,952
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
30
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,871
Kenny, the Terrance and Phillip
movie is out. You wanna come?
31
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,123
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
32
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,874
Where do you think you're going?
33
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:06,959
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
34
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,169
You can't! You have to go to church!
35
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,379
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
36
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,714
Well, fine,
you go ahead and miss church!
37
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,927
And then when you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!
38
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,011
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
39
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,389
(SINGING) You can see your breath
hanging in the air
40
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,474
You see homeless people
but you just don't care
41
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,145
It's a sea of smiles
in which we'd be glad to drown
42
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,230
(MUFFLED SINGING)
43
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,651
That's right
It's Sunday morning
44
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,989
ALL: (SINGING) In our quiet little
white-bread redneck mountain town
45
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:38,448
(BABBLING)
46
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,243
- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
- Don't kick the baby.
47
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,327
Kick the baby.
48
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,662
(IKE LAUGHING)
49
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:48,667
Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby! Bad baby!
50
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,378
Kyle, we're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie!
51
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,546
Oh, my God, dude!
52
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,507
- Kyle, where are you going?
- Uh... We're going ice skating.
53
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,342
Well, take your little brother
out with you.
54
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,469
Oh, Mom. He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted!
55
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,762
(SHOUTING) Do as I say, Kyle!
56
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,723
Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!
57
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,268
(SINGING) Look at those
frail and fragile boys
58
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,604
It really gets me down
59
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:13,025
The world is such a rotten place
and city life's a complete disgrace
60
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,527
That's why I moved
to this redneck, meshugana
61
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:21,158
Quiet mountain town
62
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,326
Ike! Bad baby!
63
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,368
(IKE BABBLING)
64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,704
ANNOUNCER ON TV: This program
is brought to you by Snacky Smores,
65
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,873
the creamy fun of smores
in a delightful cookie crunch.
66
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,708
Mom! Somebody's at the door!
67
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,169
- Coming, hon.
- I can't see the TV!
68
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,421
It's been six weeks since
Saddam Hussein was killed
69
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,714
by a pack of wild boars
70
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,591
and the world is still glad
to be rid of him.
71
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,469
- Oh! Look, Eric, it's your little friends.
- Spider-Man!
72
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,763
What are you guys doing here?
73
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,641
Oh! Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!
74
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,560
ALL: (SINGING)
Off to the movies we shall go
75
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,063
Where we learn everything
that we know
76
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:55,317
'Cause the movies teach us
what our parents don't have time to say
77
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,237
And this movie's gonna make
our lives complete
78
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,530
'Cause Terrance and Phillip
are sweet
79
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,615
Super sweet.
80
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:05,911
Thank God we live in the quiet
little redneck, Podunk, white-trash
81
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:06,995
(MUFFLED SINGING)
82
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,291
U.S.A.
83
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,920
Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?
84
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,088
No.
85
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,091
What do you mean, no?
86
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,301
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire
has been rated R
87
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,303
by the Motion Picture
Association of America.
88
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,389
You have to be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.
89
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,765
- But why?
- Because this movie
90
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:27,849
has naughty language!
91
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,559
Next, please.
92
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,188
- This can't be happening!
- We have to see this movie, dude!
93
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,107
Screw it!
It probably isn't all that good anyway.
94
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,484
Cartman, what are you talking about?
You love Terrance and Phillip!
95
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,237
Yeah, but the animation's all crappy.
96
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,407
Wait, I've got an idea!
97
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,119
Hi, I want six tickets to Asses of Fire.
98
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,579
This movie might not be
appropriate for your little ones.
99
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,873
Hey, he says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.
100
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,959
(SOFTLY) Look, Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't wanna buy us tickets
101
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,295
and not get your 10 bucks and
not go buy yourself a bottle of vodka,
102
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,379
then be my guest.
103
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,256
Six tickets, please.
104
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,761
- Let me have some candy, Cartman.
- Oh! Let's see.
105
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,388
Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
106
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,140
Like you really need all that
chocolate, fat boy!
107
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,224
(BABBLING)
108
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,476
Shh! The movie's starting.
109
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,315
CHILDREN: Hooray!
110
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,358
Say, Terrance,
what did the Spanish priest
111
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,277
say to the Iranian gynecologist?
112
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,820
I don't know, Phillip. What?
113
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:22,904
(FARTS)
114
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,489
(LAUGHING)
115
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,158
Where do they come up with this stuff?
116
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,784
You're such a pig fucker, Phillip!
117
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:28,869
(CHILDREN GASP)
118
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,995
What did he say?
119
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,414
Terrance,
why would you call me a pig fucker?
120
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,958
Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
121
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,001
Oh, yeah!
122
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,127
(BOTH LAUGHING)
123
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,129
TERRANCE: Yeah.
Fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
124
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,756
(BOTH LAUGHING)
125
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,467
- Oh! You shit-faced cockmaster!
- CHILDREN: Wow!
126
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,427
"Shit-faced cockmaster. "
127
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,179
Listen, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
128
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,472
"Donkey-raping shit-eater. "
129
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,432
(BABBLING)
130
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,769
- You'd fuck your uncle.
- You'd fuck your uncle!
131
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,605
(SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
132
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,441
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking
uncle fucka
133
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,527
You're an uncle fucka, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
134
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,030
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
135
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,991
You're the one that fucked your uncle
Uncle fucka
136
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,704
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long
137
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,624
(BOTH FARTING IN TUNE)
138
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,297
(ALL LAUGHING)
139
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,965
What's going on here?
140
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,592
(BOTH FARTING)
141
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,095
What garbage.
142
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,722
Well, what do you expect?
They're Canadian.
143
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,140
(FARTING CONTINUES)
144
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:38,397
CHORUS: Uncle fucka!
Uncle fucka! Uncle fucka!
145
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,817
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
146
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,611
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
147
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,196
You're an uncle fucka, I must say
148
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,198
You fucked your uncle yesterday
149
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,491
Uncle fucka
150
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,785
That's U-N-C-L-E
151
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,621
Fuck you, uncle fucka!
152
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:55,747
Suck my balls.
153
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,254
Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
154
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,089
You bet your fucking ass it was!
155
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,924
Fuck, dude, I wanna be
just like Terrance and Phillip.
156
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,300
Hey, wait a minute!
Where's your guardian?
157
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,427
Huh?
158
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:12,305
I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?
159
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,933
(FARTS) Fuck off,
you donkey-raping shit-eater!
160
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,059
Yeah!
161
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,270
KYLE: (SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
162
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,022
ALL: (SINGING) You're an ass-licking
Ball-sucking uncle fucka
163
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,735
(ALL LAUGHING)
164
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,362
Ah!
165
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,700
Hey, where have you guys been all day?
166
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,536
Oh! Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
167
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,912
(ALL GASP)
168
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,414
BOY: You saw it?
CLYDE: How'd you get in?
169
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,375
Hey, stop crowding us,
you shit-faced cockmasters!
170
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,626
ALL: Wow.
171
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,129
Yeah. You're all a bunch of
ass-ramming uncle fuckers.
172
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,422
ALL: Ooh!
173
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,132
We have got to see this movie, dude.
174
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,802
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.
175
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,806
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
176
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,975
Hey, Stan, tell them about
when Terrance called Phillip
177
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,643
a testicle-shitting rectal wart.
178
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,105
Now more than ever
she gives me butterflies
179
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,859
It makes my stomach queasy
every time she walks by
180
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,569
Asshole, I'm talking to you.
181
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,780
I know I can be cool if I try
182
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:11,865
Hi, Stan.
183
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:12,949
(VOMITS)
184
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,075
Gross!
185
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,829
Come, Wendy.
Let us try to jump the hilly brush.
186
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,831
- Who are you, kid?
- My name is Gregory.
187
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,210
I just transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
188
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,544
Wanna skate with us?
189
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,670
We've been skating all morning
190
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,632
and laughing
and talking of memories past.
191
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,509
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
192
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,593
Uh-huh!
193
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,762
Try and catch me, Wendy.
194
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,097
Bye, Stan.
195
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,853
Yes, yes,
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
196
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,855
Who wants to touch me?
197
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,608
I said who wants to fucking touch me?
198
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:47,692
Ooh!
199
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,947
Come on, gang! We've gotta see
the Terrance and Phillip movie, too!
200
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,825
I hate you, Kenny.
201
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,247
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
202
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,916
ALL: (SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
203
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,168
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka...
204
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,586
(SHUSHING)
205
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,924
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.
206
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,301
We sure do, Mr. Hat.
207
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,721
Okay, children. Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.
208
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,723
What is five times two?
209
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,770
Come on, children. Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.
210
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,397
- Yes, Clyde?
- Twelve?
211
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,232
Okay. Now let's try to get an answer
212
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,568
from someone
who's not a complete retard.
213
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987
Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
214
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,446
I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.
215
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,573
(MOCKING)
216
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,450
- Shut up, fat boy!
- Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
217
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,661
Eric, did you just say the "F" word?
218
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,705
- Jew?
- No. He's talking about "fuck. "
219
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,415
You can't say "fuck" in school,
you fucking fat-ass!
220
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,958
- Kyle!
- Why the fuck not?
221
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,126
- Eric!
- Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
222
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,210
Stanley!
223
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,253
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
224
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,379
- Kenny!
- What's the big deal?
225
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,590
It doesn't hurt anybody.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
226
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,134
How would you like to go
see the school counselor?
227
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,094
How would you like to suck my balls?
228
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:57,429
(ALL GASP)
229
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,139
(SHOUTING) What did you say?
230
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,517
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Actually, what I said was...
231
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,647
How would you like to suck my balls,
Mr. Garrison?
232
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,066
Holy shit, dude.
233
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,235
(EXCLAIMS)
234
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,989
Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed
in you boys, m'kay?
235
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,699
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
236
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,284
And I've already called in
your mothers...
237
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,119
- You called my mom?
- MR. MACKEY: That's right.
238
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,830
- Oh, no, dude!
- Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
239
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,956
M'kay. What?
240
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,916
- What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
- Yeah.
241
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:31,129
Ah! Now I wanna know where you heard
these horrific obscenities, m'kay?
242
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,213
Nowhere.
243
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,215
We heard them from Mr. Garrison
a few times before.
244
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,925
- Yeah.
- Boys, I seriously doubt
245
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,969
that Mr. Garrison ever said,
246
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,722
"Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker. "
247
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,515
(ALL LAUGHING)
248
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,850
Sweet.
249
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,186
Uh-oh!
250
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,898
Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.
251
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,483
This just isn't like you, Stanley.
252
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,944
What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?
Did he say the "S" word?
253
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,697
- No, it was worse than that.
- The "F" word?
254
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,326
Well, here's a short list of the things
they've been saying, m'kay?
255
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,329
- Oh! Dear God!
- What the heck is a rim job?
256
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,164
Why that's when you put your legs
behind your head
257
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,583
and have someone lick your ass.
258
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,671
Young man, you will tell
Mr. Mackey this instant
259
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,506
where you heard
all these horrible phrases!
260
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,715
I... I...
261
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,175
We can't tell you.
We all took a sacred oath
262
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,343
and swore ourselves to secrecy.
263
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,011
- It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
- Dude!
264
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,846
What? Fuck you guys!
I wanna get out of here!
265
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,015
Terrance and Phillip?
Those Canadians?
266
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,184
Excuse me,
what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?
267
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,813
Terrance and Phillip are two very
untalented actors from Canada.
268
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,232
Nothing but foul language
and toilet humor.
269
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,818
Well, I guess I'll have to send
a warning letter out to parents
270
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,861
before more children
see Terrance and Phillip.
271
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,571
- Everybody's fucking seen it!
- Eric!
272
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,906
I'm sorry, I can't help myself.
273
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,075
That movie has warped
my fragile little mind.
274
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,786
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
275
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,374
(INAUDIBLE)
276
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,835
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
277
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,131
Over there laughing
with that smart new...
278
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,384
(EXCLAIMS) You're holding up
the goddamn lunch line!
279
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,928
- Hello there, children.
- ALL: Hey, Chef.
280
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,346
- How's it going?
- ALL: Bad.
281
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,432
- Why bad?
- We got busted for swearing.
282
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,934
Our moms say we can't ever see
the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
283
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,060
Oh! That's too bad.
284
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562
You should've seen Kyle
when his mom showed up.
285
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,063
(LAUGHS) He was scared
out of his mind.
286
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,107
- Shut up, Cartman!
- No, dude. I'd be scared, too.
287
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,233
Your mom's a fucking bitch.
288
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,985
Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
289
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,028
Don't call me fat,
you butt-fucking son of a bitch!
290
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,614
Whoa, children,
where did you learn to talk like that?
291
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,241
It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
292
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,453
Chef, how do you make a woman
like you more than any other guy?
293
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,579
Oh! That's easy.
294
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,789
- You just gotta find the clitoris.
- Huh?
295
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:30,915
Whoops!
296
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,001
What does that mean,
"Find the clitoris"?
297
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,294
Forget I said anything.
298
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,463
Move along, children,
you're holding up the line.
299
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,590
You guys, do you know
where I can find the clitoris?
300
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,716
The what?
301
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,676
What, is that like finding Jesus
or something?
302
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,844
MR. MACKEY ON PA:
Attention, students.
303
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:46,139
We are now enforcing a new dress code
at South Park Elementary.
304
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,392
Terrance and Phillip shirts
are no longer allowed in school.
305
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,352
Anyone wearing
a Terrance and Phillip shirt
306
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,063
is to be sent home immediately.
307
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,356
- Hooray!
- ALL: Hooray!
308
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,821
The R-rated Canadian film
Asses of Fire
309
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,364
is number one at the box office.
310
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,617
But is the film
destroying American youth?
311
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,077
Here with a special report
is a midget in a bikini.
312
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,913
Thanks, Tom. It appears that the effects
313
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,123
of the Canadian comedy
are far-reaching indeed.
314
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,501
All over America,
children seem to be influenced,
315
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,753
like at this spelling bee in Washington.
316
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:21,299
All right. This is for the silver medal.
Spell "forensics. "
317
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,510
Fuck that! Why should I fucking
have to spell "forensics"?
318
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,677
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
319
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,765
Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.
Forensics.
320
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,976
Tom, the devastating impact
of the Canadian duo
321
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,189
can also be seen with their new hit song
Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka.
322
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,108
(SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
323
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,779
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
324
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,447
Thought I told you that
we won't stop
325
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,740
Thought I told you that
we won't stop
326
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,326
- Back to you, Tom.
- Thanks, midget.
327
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,369
Shocking report.
328
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,996
The controversy began in the small
mountain town of South Park
329
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,499
where the local PTA
is trying to ban the movie.
330
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,502
With us tonight is the head of the PTA,
Sheila Broflovski.
331
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,129
- Hello, Tom.
- And the Canadian Minister of Movies.
332
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,339
Thanks for having me, buddy.
333
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,799
Minister, parents are concerned
334
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,884
about your country's entertainment.
Your thoughts?
335
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,303
Well, the film is R-rated
and is not intended for children.
336
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,347
But of course children are gonna see it!
337
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,015
Can I finish?
The fact is that we Canadians
338
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,058
are quite surprised by your outrage.
339
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,019
- You just don't care!
- Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish?
340
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,856
The United States has graphic violence
on television all the time.
341
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,023
We can't believe that a movie
342
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,567
with some foul language
would piss you off so much.
343
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,860
Because it's evil!
344
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,320
(SHOUTING) Can I finish?
Please! Can I finish?
345
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,406
Okay, I'm finished.
346
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,366
But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film
347
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,326
is the first troublesome thing
to come out of Canada.
348
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,995
Let us not forget Bryan Adams.
349
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,663
Now, now. The Canadian government
has apologized
350
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,164
for Bryan Adams on several occasions.
351
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,708
You Canadians are all the same,
352
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,877
with your beady little eyes
and flapping heads!
353
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,962
- You're trash.
- I resent that! I find that racist!
354
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,630
Our children are now addicted
to your filth!
355
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,382
You are a racist, ma'am.
You are a racist.
356
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,925
It is going to take us weeks
357
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,262
to erase the damage
this film has done to our children!
358
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,727
Kids, I wanna welcome you
to rehabilitation, m'kay?
359
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,897
Your mothers insisted that you be taken
from your normal schoolwork
360
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,482
and placed into rehab
to learn not to swear.
361
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,234
I must say, I don't think I belong
with these rogues.
362
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,029
I attended school at Yardale
and had a 4.0 grade point average.
363
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,405
You're a fucking faggot, dude.
364
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,617
M'kay. You see, children?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
365
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,911
We have to get you off of foul language.
366
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,747
- How are we gonna do that?
- Well, listen here.
367
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,750
(SINGING) There are times
when you get suckered in
368
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,295
By drugs and alcohol
and sex with women, m'kay?
369
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,923
But it's when you do these things
too much
370
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:29,677
That you've become an addict
and must get back in touch
371
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,348
You can do it
It's all up to you, m'kay?
372
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,602
With a little plan
you can change your life today
373
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,979
You don't have to spend your life
addicted to smack
374
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,273
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for crack
375
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,276
Follow my plan
and very soon you will say
376
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,445
"It's easy, m'kay?"
377
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,281
Step one, instead of "ass" say "buns"
378
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,784
Like "Kiss my buns"
or "You're a buns-hole"
379
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,285
Step two, instead of "shit" say "poo"
380
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,871
As in "bull-poo," "poo-head"
and "This poo is cold"
381
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,498
Step three, with "bitch" drop the "T"
382
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,125
'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
383
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,627
Step four, don't say "fuck" anymore
384
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,796
'Cause "fuck" is the worst word
that you can say
385
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,173
So just use the word "m'kay"
386
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,801
ALL: (SINGING) we can do it
It's all up to us, m'kay?
387
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,052
M'kay
388
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,388
With a little plan
we can change our lives today
389
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,973
You can change it today
390
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,350
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
391
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,352
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
392
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,522
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
393
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,899
"It's easy, m'kay?"
394
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,485
- Step one
- Instead of "ass" say "buns"
395
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,946
- Like "Kiss my buns"
- Or "You're a buns-hole"
396
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,531
- Step two
- Instead of "shit" say "poo"
397
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,657
- As in "bull-poo"
- "Poo-head"
398
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,075
And "This poo is cold"
399
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,660
- Step three
- With "bitch" drop the "T"
400
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,329
'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
401
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831
- Step four
- Don't say "fuck" anymore
402
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,166
'Cause "fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
403
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,127
"Fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
404
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,671
We shouldn't say "fuck"
No, we shouldn't say "fuck," fuck, no!
405
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,089
You're cured, you can go
406
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,425
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
407
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,510
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
408
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,638
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
409
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,764
"It's easy, m'kay?"
410
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,849
CHILDREN: It's easy, m'kay?
411
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,018
MR. MACKEY: It's easy, m'kay?
CHILDREN: It's easy, m'kay?
412
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,061
- It's easy, m'kay?
- CHILDREN: It's easy
413
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,439
It's easy
It's easy, m'kay?
414
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,857
(ALL LAUGHING)
415
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,109
M'kay. M'kay.
416
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,486
Now you're cured.
417
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,407
You can take the rest of the afternoon
off for personal reflection, m'kay?
418
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,119
Find your own constructive way
to better yourself, m'kay?
419
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,121
(LAUGHING)
420
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,748
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip,
I hope you've learned something
421
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:22,874
through this whole experience.
422
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,210
I did, Terrance. I learned that you are
a boner-biting dick-fart fuck-face.
423
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,587
(BOTH LAUGHING)
424
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,590
Want to see the northern lights?
425
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,550
(BOTH LAUGHING)
426
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,720
You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart!
427
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,263
I sure did, Phillip.
428
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,389
(BOTH LAUGHING)
429
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:42,060
BOTH: Uncle fucker! Too tight!
430
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,186
(CHILDREN APPLAUDING)
431
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,979
(WHOOPING)
432
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,150
Man, that movie gets better
every time I see it.
433
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,860
- Hey!
- Yeah, but you know what?
434
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,445
That whole part about
lighting farts is bullshit.
435
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,529
You can't do that.
436
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,614
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
437
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:55,698
No way!
438
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,741
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
439
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,827
Okay, Kenny, I'll bet you $100
you can't light a fart on fire!
440
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,704
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
441
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,792
(KENNY LAUGHING)
442
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:06,918
(SCREAMING)
443
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337
- Holy shit, dude!
- Ahh! Oh, my God!
444
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,340
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
445
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,426
- Somebody do something!
- This stick is on fire!
446
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,095
(SIREN WAILING)
447
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,516
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
448
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,644
- Oh, my God, you killed Kenny!
- You bastard!
449
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,230
Well, I guess you can light
a fart on fire, huh?
450
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,024
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
451
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,401
Load that IV with 70 cc's of
sodium pentothal!
452
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,487
- We just called the parents.
- Oh, shit, dude!
453
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,696
Now our moms
are gonna find out we went
454
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,156
to the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
455
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,407
Vacuum!
456
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,077
Try to untangle his trachea
and esophagus.
457
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,495
- Dude!
- No, that doesn't go there!
458
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:43,579
(SCREAMING)
459
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:46,332
(VOMITS) Oh!
460
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,126
- Gross, Stan!
- That's sick.
461
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,461
- Watch his liver.
- I'll get it.
462
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,505
We have precious little time left,
people.
463
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,589
We're gonna lose him soon.
464
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,134
- Doctor, his heart stopped!
- Let's get it out of there.
465
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,469
We need to zap this quick!
466
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,099
- Who's making a potato?
- My bad, sir. I missed lunch.
467
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,852
Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid!
468
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,229
Close him up. We've done all we can.
469
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,356
The rest is up to God.
470
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,735
Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?
471
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,362
How are you feeling, son?
472
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,697
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
473
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,074
Great. Son, I have some bad news.
474
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,869
We accidentally replaced your heart
with a baked potato.
475
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,162
You have about three seconds to live.
476
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,621
(EXCLAIMS)
477
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,665
Ah! Fucking weak, dude!
478
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,543
- Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
479
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,672
Damn it! It never gets any easier!
480
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,674
(WHISTLING)
481
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,512
I bet him he couldn't do it.
I bet him $100.
482
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,014
Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.
483
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,099
No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked
I don't have to pay him.
484
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,603
Oh! That's real nice!
He was your friend, you fat fuck!
485
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,856
So, boys, you saw that movie again?
486
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,275
CHILDREN: Yes.
SHEILA: Well, Kyle, I have had it!
487
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,569
You are grounded for
the next two weeks!
488
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,987
(CHILDREN GASP)
489
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,615
- Grounded?
- And you, Stan. Come on.
490
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,992
And you're grounded
for three weeks, Eric.
491
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,244
Why am I grounded more?
That's fucking bullshit!
492
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,372
What? What? What?
What was that word, young man?
493
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,082
(VOICE ECHOING)
494
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,973
(SINGING) Little boy at peace
495
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,602
What is this place beyond the stars?
496
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,521
Open up your eyes
497
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:37,068
What are these things
you're moving toward?
498
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,154
Head so full of wonder
499
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,573
Worries in the past
500
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,493
Could it be that you are free at last?
501
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,286
(ALARM SOUNDING)
502
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,412
MALE VOICE: No!
503
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,622
(EXCLAIMS)
504
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,249
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
505
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,922
(SINGING) Little boy
You're going to hell!
506
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,382
You said bad words
Threw rocks at the birds
507
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,841
And now this is your hotel
508
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,387
You ain't going back
This ain't Disneyland, it's hell!
509
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,099
Little boy, it's time for you to pay
510
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,433
For hurting that bird
and not going to church
511
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,851
And staring at boobs every day
512
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:14,021
Thought you were in bed
Instead, you're in hell!
513
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,442
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
514
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,862
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
515
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,781
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
516
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,533
Hey, fuck-face, have you seen Gracie?
517
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,036
There is orderliness in the universe.
518
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,706
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
No!
519
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,214
(FARTS)
520
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,678
Parents, our children are out of control!
521
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,473
This is what happens when toilet humor
is allowed to run rampant!
522
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,642
That's right. Kenny set himself on fire
523
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,645
because he saw Terrance and Phillip
do it in that dirty movie!
524
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:58,065
We must stop dirty language
from getting to our children's ears!
525
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,151
We must go fight the source of it!
526
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,902
But what is the source?
527
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,654
Oh! That's easy.
528
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,824
(SINGING) Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
529
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,202
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse
530
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,579
Should we blame the government?
531
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,164
Or blame society?
532
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,624
Or should we blame the images on TV?
533
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,668
No! Blame Canada!
534
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,170
ALL: Blame Canada!
535
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:22,340
With all their beady little eyes
and flapping heads so full of lies
536
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,384
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
537
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,927
We need to form a full assault
538
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,763
It's Canada's fault!
539
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:32,016
Don't blame me for my son Stan
540
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,186
He saw the darn cartoon
and now he's off to join the Klan
541
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,189
And my boy Eric once
had my picture on his shelf
542
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:40,608
But now when I see him
he tells me to fuck myself
543
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,153
Well, Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
544
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:47,406
It seems that everything's gone wrong
since Canada came along
545
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:50,534
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
546
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,829
They're not even a real country anyway
547
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,957
My son could've been a doctor
or a lawyer rich and true
548
00:22:57,042 --> 00:23:00,336
Instead, he burned up like a piggy
on a barbecue
549
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:03,047
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
550
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:05,341
Or the doctors who allowed him
to expire?
551
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,384
Heck, no!
552
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:09,220
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
553
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:10,888
With all their hockey hullabaloo
554
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,515
And that bitch Anne Murray, too
555
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:15,684
Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!
556
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,727
For
557
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,229
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
558
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,772
The laughter and fun must all be undone
559
00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:21,232
We must blame them and cause a fuss
560
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:25,236
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!
561
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,160
(LISPING) All right, you turds, listen up!
562
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:37,039
Your moms are away at a meeting
and they put me in charge of you!
563
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,418
But you're still grounded,
so you're not allowed to have any fun!
564
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,671
- Any questions?
- Shelly, where's the clitoris?
565
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:45,589
(GROANS)
566
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:48,300
Now you all just sit there
and keep your mouths shut
567
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:51,679
while I go listen
to my Britney Spears records.
568
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:53,722
(DOOR SHUTS)
569
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,849
Okay, it's clear.
570
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,437
Our next guests have the number one
movie in the world right now.
571
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,439
Please welcome Terrance and Phillip!
572
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:02,523
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
573
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,732
Hooray!
574
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,611
- Hello, Conan.
- Hello, Brooke Shields.
575
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,905
Now, guys, some people claim
that your Canadian humor
576
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,907
is nothing but immature fart jokes.
577
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,786
That's not true. Take this classic
Canadian joke, for instance.
578
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:17,288
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, Terrance.
579
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:18,372
Yes, Phillip?
580
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:19,457
(FARTS)
581
00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:20,541
(LAUGHING)
582
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,625
Gosh darn it!
583
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:22,960
(LAUGHING)
584
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:25,087
- Good one, Phillip. Cheers.
- Cheers, fuck-face.
585
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,964
Guys, you can't say that on TV.
586
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,424
Now Terrance smells like my ass!
587
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:29,508
(BOTH LAUGHING)
588
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:32,428
I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.
589
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:39,226
So, guys, does it make you nervous
to be in America?
590
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,603
There are a lot of organizations here
591
00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:42,730
that want you arrested for
destroying children.
592
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,232
- Oh! They'd have to find us first.
- You're right.
593
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,317
Now!
594
00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:47,443
(SOLDIERS EXCLAIMING)
595
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,569
Terrance and Phillip,
596
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:52,198
Mothers Against Canada
is placing you under citizen's arrest!
597
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,824
- Mom?
- Dude, what the hell is going on?
598
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,160
We have a court order for your arrest!
599
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,828
Phillip, we've been ambushed!
600
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,497
Here you go, Conan.
601
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,790
This little scrotum sucker deceived us!
602
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,168
- You are a bad man!
- Don't listen to them, Conan!
603
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:06,837
You loved our movie, Conan!
We watched it together!
604
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,965
- Remember? You laughed!
- What have I done?
605
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:12,343
(CONAN SCREAMING)
606
00:25:15,138 --> 00:25:16,722
(ALARM BLARING)
607
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,349
(ALARM STOPS)
608
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:22,770
Holy crap! Did you see that?
They arrested Terrance and Phillip!
609
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,317
As the Canadian Ambassador,
610
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,486
I hereby condemn the actions
taken by America
611
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:31,529
in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.
612
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,655
(ALL CLAMORING)
613
00:25:32,739 --> 00:25:33,739
As you can see from this graph,
614
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,283
the entire economy of Canada
relies on Terrance and Phillip!
615
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,119
Without them,
we are doomed to recession.
616
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,373
What say you,
Mr. American Ambassador?
617
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,877
- Fuck Canada!
- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
618
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,837
Terrance and Phillip
will not be released!
619
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,924
They're going to be put on trial for
corrupting America's youth.
620
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,551
We don't know
what all the fuss is about.
621
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,427
The fuss is aboot taking our citizens!
622
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,055
It's aboot not censoring our art!
It's aboot... It's aboot...
623
00:25:58,139 --> 00:25:59,390
(ALL LAUGHING)
624
00:25:59,474 --> 00:26:00,975
What's so goddamn funny?
625
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,434
Nothing, nothing.
626
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:05,688
Could you tell us again what your
argument is all about?
627
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,232
This is not aboot diplomacy,
this is aboot dignity!
628
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:09,275
(ALL LAUGHING)
629
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,027
This is aboot respect!
This is aboot realizing that humor...
630
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,363
You guys are dicks!
Release Terrance and Phillip
631
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,157
or we'll give you something
to cry aboot!
632
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,214
Pilot to bombardier. Pilot to bombardier.
We're nearing the target.
633
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,632
The bomb's ready, buddy.
634
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,758
(PHONE RINGING)
635
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:37,094
Baldwin residence.
No, this is Billy Baldwin.
636
00:26:37,178 --> 00:26:40,931
If you want Daniel Baldwin,
call his extension, stupid!
637
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,684
Hey, Alec, do you know
what sucks about being a Baldwin?
638
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:46,103
- No, what?
- Nothing! Yeah!
639
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:47,855
(ALL LAUGHING)
640
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,277
(BILLY LAUGHS)
641
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:54,945
You missed me!
642
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,115
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
643
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,743
All right, children,
your mothers are all making me
644
00:27:00,827 --> 00:27:03,120
throw away my lesson plan
and teach theirs.
645
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,539
Mr. Garrison, how come our moms
arrested Terrance and Phillip?
646
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:06,957
CHILDREN: Yeah!
BOY: That's gay.
647
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,043
Well, your moms are just upset.
648
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:10,753
They're probably all on their
periods or something.
649
00:27:10,837 --> 00:27:11,837
(WHISPERING)
650
00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:15,132
Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think
that was a sexist statement.
651
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,300
Well, I'm sorry, Wendy,
652
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:20,054
but I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
653
00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:23,307
Anyway, children,
let's start off with some vocabulary.
654
00:27:23,391 --> 00:27:25,476
- MR. MACKEY: Attention, students!
- Oh! What now?
655
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,519
MR. MACKEY: Come to the
gymnasium immediately
656
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:29,938
for a special announcement, m'kay?
657
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:35,361
- What's going on, Chef?
- Something big, children.
658
00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:37,571
Chef, I can't find the clitoris.
You have to help me.
659
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,031
Stan, the clitoris...
660
00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:43,118
Please take your seats, everyone.
They're about to announce it, m'kay?
661
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,703
This is a state of emergency.
662
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,497
We go now to the White House
for an announcement
663
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:48,957
from the President of the United States.
664
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,501
My fellow Americans,
665
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:54,755
at 5:00 a. m. today,
a day which will live in infamy,
666
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:58,801
the Canadians have bombed
the Baldwins.
667
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:03,305
In response to this,
the U.S. has declared war on Canada.
668
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,349
(ALL GASP)
669
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:07,559
- Oh, no!
- War?
670
00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:10,688
- No, Gregory! No!
- This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.
671
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,439
All the Baldwins are dead?
672
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,609
Now it is the time for us to send
a message to Canadians.
673
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:19,071
In two days time,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
674
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:20,906
will be executed.
675
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,033
They're gonna kill them?
676
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:26,954
And now I'd like to bring up my newly
appointed Secretary of Offense,
677
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,039
Ms. Sheila Broflovski.
678
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,374
Holy shit, dude!
679
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,875
My fellow Americans,
680
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,046
our neighbor to the north
has abused us for the last time!
681
00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,257
- I have a plan...
- The Canadians want to fight us
682
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,884
because we won't tolerate
their potty mouths!
683
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:46,056
Well, if it is war they want,
then war they shall have!
684
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:52,354
- Dude, this is fucking weak.
- How could things be any worse?
685
00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:01,822
(EXCLAIMING)
686
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:06,994
Fallen one, I am Satan.
687
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,580
I am your god now.
688
00:29:09,664 --> 00:29:11,373
(SCREAMING)
689
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:14,168
There is no escape.
690
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,336
(CRYING)
691
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,174
Now, feel the delightful pain.
692
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:24,011
Hey, Satan, did you hear the news?
693
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,680
A war just broke out up on Earth.
694
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:29,975
Meet Saddam Hussein,
my new partner in evil.
695
00:29:30,059 --> 00:29:31,059
(GASPS)
696
00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:32,853
Move over, Satan,
you're hogging all the fun.
697
00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:36,148
Yeah! Yeah!
Man, this is getting me so hot!
698
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:37,274
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
699
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,151
Saddam, would you let me
do my job, please?
700
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:41,779
Come on, rub my nipples
while I torture this little piggy!
701
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:45,115
Saddam, could I talk to you
over here for a second?
702
00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:49,870
I don't see why you have to belittle me
in front of people like that.
703
00:29:49,954 --> 00:29:51,705
Aye! Relax, guy!
704
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,708
Well, sometimes I think you don't have
any respect for me.
705
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,835
Hey, come here, guy.
706
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,380
- Who's my cream puff?
- I am.
707
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,590
That's right, buddy.
708
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:02,716
(GASPS)
709
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,805
- Dude, I don't want to be at war.
- You don't think they're really
710
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,139
gonna kill Terrance and Phillip,
do you?
711
00:30:09,224 --> 00:30:11,308
Kyle, you need to stop
being such a chicken shit
712
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,392
and stand up to your mother.
713
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,977
You need to smack her
in the face and say,
714
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:15,562
"That's enough of your shit,
you fucking bitch!"
715
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,397
Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
716
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,274
You guys stop it! This isn't helping!
717
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:20,484
We've gotta think here!
718
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:22,820
Now, let's see,
what would Brian Boitano do?
719
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:25,405
Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?
720
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,576
Hey, what's going on over there?
721
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:32,329
The American government thinks
it has the right to police the world.
722
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:34,498
Your government is going
to kill two Canadian citizens,
723
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:38,168
an action condemned by the U. N.
Home of the free, indeed.
724
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,505
- Let's play tetherball.
- CHILDREN: Yeah.
725
00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:44,216
This is about freedom of speech!
About censorship!
726
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,551
Can't you guys be more political
like Gregory?
727
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,678
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
728
00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,137
(INAUDIBLE)
729
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:53,267
Now it appears
that she likes another guy
730
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:57,354
It must be because
he's political and stuff
731
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,191
I bet I could be political, too
732
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:02,234
What do you think, Stan?
733
00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:03,569
(VOMITING)
734
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:04,945
(SCREAMING)
735
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,698
- Damn it!
- You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault!
736
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:08,740
Shut up, Cartman!
737
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,784
Kyle's mom is the one
that started that damn club,
738
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,036
and all because
she's a big, fat, stupid...
739
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:14,955
Don't say it, Cartman!
740
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,039
(SINGING) well...
741
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,958
Don't do it, Cartman!
742
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:19,418
(SINGING) well...
743
00:31:19,502 --> 00:31:21,837
- I'm warning you!
- Okay. Okay.
744
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,131
I'm getting pretty sick of
him calling my mom...
745
00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:25,799
(SINGING) well, Kyle's mom's a bitch
She's a big fat witch
746
00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:27,384
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
747
00:31:27,468 --> 00:31:28,844
She's a stupid bitch
if there ever was a bitch
748
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,305
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
749
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,599
Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!
750
00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:35,058
On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch
751
00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:36,602
And Wednesday through Saturday
she's a bitch
752
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,228
Then on Sunday, just to be different
753
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:41,064
She's a super
King Kamehameha bitch!
754
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,733
Come on, you all know the words!
755
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:44,109
CHILDREN: Have you ever
met my friend Kyle's mom?
756
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:45,694
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
757
00:31:45,778 --> 00:31:47,237
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
758
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:48,864
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
759
00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,909
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
760
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:55,037
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
761
00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:56,413
Talk to kids around the world
762
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:58,081
It might go a little bit
something like this
763
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,584
(SINGING IN JAPANESE)
764
00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:03,670
(SINGING IN FRENCH)
765
00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:06,632
(SINGING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE)
766
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:09,509
(SINGING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE)
767
00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:11,595
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
768
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,055
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
769
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:14,598
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
770
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:15,933
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
771
00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:16,975
(CHILDREN GASP)
772
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:18,852
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
773
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:19,937
Cartman...
774
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,980
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
775
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:23,398
I really mean it
776
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:25,359
Kyle's mom
777
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,656
She's a big fat fucking bitch
778
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,450
Big, old, fat fucking bitch, Kyle's mom
779
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:34,660
Yeah!
780
00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:36,078
(EXCLAIMS)
781
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:40,874
What?
782
00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:43,085
Oh!
783
00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:44,211
Fuck.
784
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,964
SHEILA ON MIKE: Okay,
everyone settle down.
785
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:49,675
As we continue to send troops
into Canada,
786
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:53,261
M.A.C. is also fighting the war
against potty mouths here at home!
787
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:56,848
Here to present the V-Chip
is Dr. Vosknocker.
788
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:58,517
(CLEARS THROAT)
789
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:02,646
The machinery of the V-Chip
is very simple.
790
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,606
It is placed under the child's skin
791
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,692
where it emits a small shock
of electricity
792
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:08,443
whenever an obscenity is uttered.
793
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,820
Now, wait a minute.
794
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:12,322
This chip somehow knows
if the child is swearing?
795
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,657
It's just like a lie detector.
796
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:15,534
You see, certain things happen to you
when you swear,
797
00:33:15,618 --> 00:33:16,743
just like when you lie.
798
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:20,330
The chip picks up on this
and gives the subject a little prick.
799
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,250
Patient B5,
would you step out here, please?
800
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:26,753
Patient B5 here has been fitted
with the new V-Chip.
801
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,714
- Ow! My head hurts.
- Don't worry about that.
802
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,091
Now I want you to say "doggy. "
803
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095
- Doggy.
- Notice that nothing happens.
804
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:38,557
- Now say "Montana. "
- Montana.
805
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:40,684
Good! Now, "pillow. "
806
00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:42,519
- Pillow.
- All right.
807
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:45,355
Now I want you to say "horse fucker. "
808
00:33:46,399 --> 00:33:48,483
Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
809
00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:49,526
Horse...
810
00:33:49,610 --> 00:33:50,861
(GROANS)
811
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,031
That hurt, goddamn... Fuck!
812
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:57,075
Now I'd like you to say
"big floppy donkey dick. "
813
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,660
- No!
- Success!
814
00:33:58,745 --> 00:34:00,787
The child doesn't want to swear!
815
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:01,997
This isn't fair, you sons of bitches!
816
00:34:02,081 --> 00:34:03,081
(GROANING)
817
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:07,377
We will start putting V-Chips
in all our children next week!
818
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,962
(ALL CHEERING)
819
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:13,467
ANNOUNCER ON TV: Snacky Smores
presents The March of War.
820
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,218
Let's hear it for our boys in blue.
821
00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:16,803
President Clinton
has called them to action
822
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,930
to fight the eviI Canadian scourge.
823
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,641
A full-scale attack
has been launched on Toronto
824
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,226
after the Canadians' last bombing
825
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,021
which took a horrible toll
on the Arquette family.
826
00:34:26,105 --> 00:34:28,356
For security measures,
our great American government
827
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:30,817
is rounding up all citizens
that have any Canadian blood
828
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:31,985
and putting them into camps.
829
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,071
All Canadian-American
citizens are to report
830
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,781
to one of these death camps right away.
831
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:36,907
Did I say death camps?
832
00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:39,576
I meant happy camps,
where you will eat the finest meals,
833
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:42,621
have access to fabulous doctors
and be able to exercise regularly.
834
00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:44,664
Meanwhile,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
835
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,625
are prepped for their execution.
836
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:50,295
Their execution will take place
during a fabulous USO show!
837
00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:54,257
With special guests celebrities,
including Big Gay Al and Winona Ryder!
838
00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:56,885
Of course,
the only way to see the USO show
839
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,553
is to sign up for the army!
840
00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:01,139
So join the army
and kill some Canadian scum
841
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,768
as we continue the march of war!
842
00:35:04,852 --> 00:35:05,894
(ANNOUNCER READING)
843
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,692
We must rid ourselves
of anything Canadian!
844
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:14,444
WOMAN: Bomb them!
845
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,988
Dude, don't you like
Terrance and Phillip anymore?
846
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,240
Course not! My mommy says
847
00:35:18,324 --> 00:35:20,909
I hate Canadians now 'cause they
made me have a dirty mouth!
848
00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:22,661
Burn it all!
849
00:35:23,329 --> 00:35:25,288
- Hey, dudes.
- What's the matter, Cartman?
850
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:28,500
It's this V-Chip. I hate it.
I can't say any dirty words.
851
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,961
- Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
- No.
852
00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:32,963
- And you can't say "shit"?
- No.
853
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,422
So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman,
854
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,966
"the fattest fucking piece of shit
in the world"?
855
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,301
- (GROANING) Fuck you...
- Sweet.
856
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,053
Come on, you guys.
This has gone far enough.
857
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,680
It's time we talked to our moms.
858
00:35:41,764 --> 00:35:43,306
We're supposed to be grounded
in our rooms.
859
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:45,642
Come on, Kyle,
it's time for us to get political.
860
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,812
Canada will no longer corrupt
our children!
861
00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:52,274
- Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Kyle, what are you doing here?
862
00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:53,650
You are grounded!
863
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,986
Now get back to the house
and stay there!
864
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,487
You too, Stanley!
865
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,532
Mom, we think you're going too far.
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
866
00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:02,409
We must fight for
our children's futures...
867
00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,493
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
868
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:04,578
You started a war! You have to stop it!
869
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,663
...to make them safe again!
870
00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,999
- Hello?
- Our children are precious!
871
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,169
- Hello!
- We must make a stand now!
872
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,004
Stop at nothing!
873
00:36:14,380 --> 00:36:15,672
I told you my mom wouldn't listen.
874
00:36:15,756 --> 00:36:18,175
Well, then we're just gonna have to
save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!
875
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,801
- BOTH: What?
- Think about it, you guys.
876
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,094
What would Brian Boitano do?
877
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,721
He'd figure out a way
to rescue Terrance and Phillip
878
00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:23,847
before they're executed.
879
00:36:23,931 --> 00:36:26,558
We can't do anything.
Our moms' organization is too strong.
880
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,560
Well, then, we'll round up
all the grounded kids in town
881
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,020
and start our own organization.
882
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,022
An organization to help save
Terrance and Phillip.
883
00:36:32,106 --> 00:36:34,191
Hey, yeah, our own secret club!
884
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:37,027
- I guess that could work.
- We have to try.
885
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:40,197
(SINGING) what would Brian Boitano do
if he was here right now?
886
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,032
He'd make a plan
and he'd follow through
887
00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:43,533
That's what Brian Boitano would do
888
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,870
When Brian Boitano was in
the Olympics skating for the gold
889
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:50,207
He did two salchows and a triple Lutz
while wearing a blindfold
890
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,710
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
fighting grizzly bears
891
00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:57,047
He used his magical fire breath
and saved the maidens fair
892
00:36:57,131 --> 00:37:00,425
So what would Brian Boitano do
if he were here today?
893
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:04,095
I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano would do
894
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:07,557
I want this V-Chip out of me
895
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:10,685
It has stunted my vocabulary
896
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:14,147
And I just want my mom
to stop fighting everyone
897
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,024
For Wendy I'll be an activist, too
898
00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:17,692
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
899
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,946
What would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town
900
00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:24,491
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do
901
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,535
- Did someone say my name?
- Who are you?
902
00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,788
- I'm Brian Dennehy.
- What?
903
00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,791
- No, not fucking Brian Dennehy!
- Yeah. Get the fuck out of here!
904
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:34,584
Oh! Bye.
905
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:36,670
When Brian Boitano
traveled through time
906
00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:38,255
To the year 3010
907
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,675
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again
908
00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,510
And when Brian Boitano
built the pyramids
909
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,053
He beat up Kublai Khan
910
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:49,975
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
from anybody
911
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,520
So let's call all the kids together
and unite to stop our moms
912
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,438
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
913
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,148
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
914
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:58,942
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
915
00:37:59,026 --> 00:38:02,195
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
916
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,197
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
917
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,246
SADDAM: Hey, relax, guy.
918
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:13,415
SATAN: Oh! There's nothing on.
919
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:15,292
You just get cranky when you're tired,
that's all.
920
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,418
I'm not cranky.
921
00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:19,421
What started as a spat between
the United States and Canada
922
00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:21,298
is quickly turning into World War lll!
923
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:22,716
- World War lll?
- Shh!
924
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,342
Terrance and Phillip
are going to be put to death
925
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,635
for crimes against humanity.
926
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:26,720
The time of execution...
927
00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:27,804
(TV SWITCHES OFF)
928
00:38:27,888 --> 00:38:31,433
It has come to be.
The four horsemen are drawing nigh!
929
00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:34,144
The time of prophecy is upon us!
930
00:38:34,228 --> 00:38:36,062
I love when you get all biblical, Satan.
931
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,647
You know exactly how to turn my crank.
932
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,859
No, I'm being serious.
It is the seventh sign.
933
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,902
- What?
- SATAN: Behold.
934
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,822
The first signs of my reign
have all come true.
935
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:48,658
The fall of an empire,
the coming of a comet,
936
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:53,496
and now, when the blood of these
Canadians touches American soil,
937
00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:55,999
it will be our time to rise.
938
00:38:56,083 --> 00:38:57,083
(GASPS)
939
00:38:57,168 --> 00:39:00,503
Yeah. Yeah, man! I'm getting so hot!
Let's fuck!
940
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:02,130
Do you always think about sex?
941
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:04,716
I'm talking about
very important stuff here!
942
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,802
I'm just excited about
taking over the world! Come on!
943
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:10,305
Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
944
00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,765
I love you.
945
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,517
I want to believe that.
946
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:18,396
So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?
947
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:22,359
SATAN: Oh! Ow!
948
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,861
SADDAM: Yeah, you like that,
don't you, bitch?
949
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:30,700
Okay. We can use my dad's computer
to call all the kids together.
950
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,620
Wait. Before we put a message out,
do a search on the word "clitoris. "
951
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,038
Oh! Okay.
952
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,291
Found eight million pages
with the word "clitoris. "
953
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:39,376
Wow!
954
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,004
I'll just try the first one.
"You must be 18 to enter this website. "
955
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,257
Okay.
"Welcome to German sick fetish video. "
956
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:48,760
"If you are under 18 do not... " Okay.
957
00:39:48,844 --> 00:39:50,387
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
958
00:39:50,471 --> 00:39:52,097
(MAN SPEAKS IN GERMAN)
959
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:53,723
Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
960
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,226
- Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
- Very funny.
961
00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:57,977
Hey! It is Cartman's mom!
962
00:39:58,062 --> 00:39:59,062
(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
963
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:00,397
MRS. CARTMAN: All righty then.
964
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:01,898
(GROANS) Son of a bitch...
965
00:40:02,233 --> 00:40:03,233
(BABBLING)
966
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,901
Get out of here, Ike.
You're too young for this stuff.
967
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:05,985
Bullshit.
968
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:07,070
What's she doing now?
969
00:40:07,154 --> 00:40:08,196
(MAN SPEAKS GERMAN)
970
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:09,697
Okey-dokey.
971
00:40:11,033 --> 00:40:12,242
(ALL GROAN)
972
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:13,368
(VOMITS)
973
00:40:13,452 --> 00:40:14,911
Click it off, dude! Click it off!
974
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:16,746
Dude, what the fuck is wrong
with German people?
975
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,706
All right. All right.
Let's just do what we came here to do
976
00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:19,958
and put a message out to kids!
977
00:40:20,042 --> 00:40:22,502
Okay. Let's see. I've gotta put out
an all-access e-mail.
978
00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:23,962
Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman.
979
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:25,213
Just get to the message board!
980
00:40:25,297 --> 00:40:28,800
I'm trying. I can't find a Canadian server.
I've got to break into the mainframe.
981
00:40:28,884 --> 00:40:32,595
Damn it, they've got an access code!
I'll try to reroute the encryptions.
982
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:39,144
Okay. Here we go.
"Want to help Terrance and Phillip?"
983
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:43,148
(KYLE SPEAKING)
984
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,692
- Tell them we'll have punch and pie.
- We're not gonna have punch and pie!
985
00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:49,446
More people will come
if they think we have punch and pie!
986
00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:51,114
(KYLE SPEAKING)
987
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:54,492
"This is top secret. The password is... "
988
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:56,703
La R�sistance.
989
00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:59,456
ANNOUNCER ON RADIO:
And so the draft will begin tomorrow
990
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:02,584
as more and more troops are needed
to invade the Canadian border.
991
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:04,627
The Canadian government pleads
for a peaceful resolution,
992
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:07,255
but naturally we're not listening.
993
00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:08,590
Good night, hon.
994
00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,967
Mom, when is the war gonna be over?
995
00:41:11,051 --> 00:41:13,344
I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.
996
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,763
You want it to end quickly, huh?
997
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:19,601
- Mom?
- Yes, hon?
998
00:41:19,685 --> 00:41:23,646
If you were in a German Schei�e video,
you'd tell me, right?
999
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,774
Sure, hon. Good night.
1000
00:41:32,698 --> 00:41:33,907
(GASPS)
1001
00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:35,825
(SCREAMING)
1002
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,827
There's a ghost!
1003
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:39,412
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1004
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:40,872
Kenny, is that you?
1005
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:42,749
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1006
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:44,834
Satan! Satan is coming here?
1007
00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:46,169
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1008
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:48,713
Saddam Hussein?
That doesn't make sense, Kenny!
1009
00:41:48,797 --> 00:41:49,797
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1010
00:41:49,882 --> 00:41:51,257
(SCREAMING)
1011
00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:54,677
- Eric, what is it?
- I saw him! I saw Kenny!
1012
00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:58,014
Oh! You poor dear.
You've been through so much.
1013
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:00,308
I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire
and now he's all pissed off!
1014
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:01,392
(GROANS)
1015
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:03,019
(GROANS) I can't say "pissed off"?
1016
00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:07,565
The execution of Terrance and Phillip
is imminent.
1017
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:10,193
Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.
1018
00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:11,945
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1019
00:42:12,446 --> 00:42:15,448
Hi, Satan. I got some new luggage
for our trip up to Earth.
1020
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,616
Let's fuck to celebrate.
1021
00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:19,869
What's it like up on Earth, Saddam?
Tell me about it again.
1022
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,996
Let's not talk. Let's get busy.
1023
00:42:22,081 --> 00:42:23,873
Do you remember
when you first got here?
1024
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:27,043
We used to talk all night long
until the sun came up.
1025
00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:29,796
We would just lie in bed and talk.
1026
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,507
Well, yeah, 'cause I was still waiting
to get you in bed, dummy!
1027
00:42:32,591 --> 00:42:35,051
How come you always wanna
make love to me from behind?
1028
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:37,845
Is it because you want to pretend
I'm somebody else?
1029
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:40,473
Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.
1030
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,601
Who am I gonna pretend you are,
Liza Minnelli?
1031
00:42:44,979 --> 00:42:47,313
Ah! Don't get all pissy!
1032
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,233
(SIGHS)
1033
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:57,198
(SINGING) Sometimes I think
1034
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,909
When I look up real high
1035
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:03,746
That there's such a big world up there
1036
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,291
I'd like to give it a try
1037
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:09,419
But then I sink
1038
00:43:09,503 --> 00:43:12,422
'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay
1039
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,258
But I get so lonely down here
1040
00:43:15,342 --> 00:43:19,512
Tell me why's it have to be that way
1041
00:43:20,347 --> 00:43:22,932
Up there, there is so much room
1042
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:26,019
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1043
00:43:26,103 --> 00:43:29,230
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
1044
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:34,110
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
1045
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:38,239
I could be safe and live without a care
1046
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,326
Up there
1047
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:44,454
They say I don't belong
1048
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:47,290
I must stay below alone
1049
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:52,837
Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to
stay where evil is sown
1050
00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:53,963
(HARMONIZING)
1051
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:59,135
But what is evil anyway?
Is there reason to the rhyme?
1052
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:01,596
Without evil there could be no good
1053
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,184
So it must be good
to be evil sometimes
1054
00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:09,937
Up there, there is so much room
1055
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:13,107
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1056
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:16,110
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
1057
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:21,240
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
1058
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:25,787
I could be safe and live without a care
1059
00:44:25,871 --> 00:44:28,039
Live without a care
1060
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:32,627
If only I could live up there
1061
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,214
(IN HIGH-PITCH) I wanna live
I wanna live
1062
00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:38,007
(VOCALIZING)
1063
00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:45,098
I want to live up there!
1064
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,361
- You're late, Cartman!
- I had to ride my bike here.
1065
00:44:58,445 --> 00:45:00,613
- My behind is killing me!
- Your behind?
1066
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,782
I have to say "behind"
'cause I get shocked if I say "ass"...
1067
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:03,866
(GROANS)
1068
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:07,537
- Did you bring the punch and pie?
- No, you guys, something happened.
1069
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,872
- I don't think Kenny's dead.
- What?
1070
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:10,998
I saw him in my room.
1071
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:13,376
I know, Cartman, I know.
I see Kenny every day.
1072
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:16,045
- You do?
- Sure, dude, on the face of every child.
1073
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:17,088
On the smile of every baby.
1074
00:45:17,172 --> 00:45:18,214
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1075
00:45:18,298 --> 00:45:20,174
Hey, I'm telling you, this was Kenny!
1076
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:21,968
He said that if Terrance and Phillip die,
1077
00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,304
Saddam Hussein and Satan
are gonna come up and rule the world!
1078
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:26,389
Saddam Hussein?
1079
00:45:26,473 --> 00:45:27,432
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1080
00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:28,558
(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)
1081
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,020
Who is it?
1082
00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:34,564
BOY: (SOFTLY) I'm here for
la R�sistance.
1083
00:45:34,648 --> 00:45:37,191
- What's the password?
- I don't know.
1084
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,819
- Guess.
- Bacon.
1085
00:45:40,654 --> 00:45:41,988
Okay.
1086
00:45:43,532 --> 00:45:45,324
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1087
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,034
Oh, no, it's that kid!
1088
00:45:47,119 --> 00:45:49,412
- This is the place.
- Wendy?
1089
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:51,497
Stan? You started la R�sistance?
1090
00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:52,582
(VOMITS)
1091
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,792
Well, apparently you're more political
than we thought.
1092
00:45:54,877 --> 00:45:56,878
Let us get this meeting underway.
There are others coming.
1093
00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,173
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1094
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,759
Wow, a lot of people showed up.
1095
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,595
Okay.
1096
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,680
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
1097
00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,891
and we think that sucks ass!
1098
00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:12,810
Yes?
1099
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:15,438
We were to understand
there'd be pie and punch.
1100
00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:16,522
There isn't any.
1101
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:17,648
Oh!
1102
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,029
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
1103
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:25,364
so we think we should prank call
a bunch of policemen
1104
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:27,825
and have pizza sent to them
that they didn't order!
1105
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,702
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1106
00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:31,370
(SCOFFS)
1107
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,290
- May I?
- What?
1108
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:36,125
Terrance and Phillip
are currently being held
1109
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:38,419
at a Canadian internment camp
two kilometers outside of town.
1110
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,712
They're to be executed tomorrow during
1111
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,464
a star-studded USO show
for the troops.
1112
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:42,590
Tomorrow?
1113
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:44,300
Once the show begins,
we should have about one hour
1114
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,802
to get Terrance and Phillip
out of their cell
1115
00:46:45,886 --> 00:46:46,928
and into this clearing.
1116
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,471
There, we will all rendezvous
and, together,
1117
00:46:48,555 --> 00:46:50,306
take Terrance and Phillip
safely back to Canada.
1118
00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:52,225
Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.
1119
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,977
You must all meet me at the rendezvous
point at precisely 10:00 p. m.
1120
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,938
Sneaking into the show and breaking out
Terrance and Phillip
1121
00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,316
will be the most dangerous part,
so I'll go myself.
1122
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:01,526
No! We're going!
1123
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:02,652
(CHILDREN GASP)
1124
00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:03,820
We started la R�sistance.
1125
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,155
We'll get Terrance and Phillip
and meet you at the rendezvous point.
1126
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,950
This will be very dangerous.
Are you quite sure?
1127
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,159
(GROANS) Fuck that!
1128
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:11,828
Cartman, do you want
that V-Chip in you forever?
1129
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,121
We're going.
Now let's run through the plan.
1130
00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:15,581
(INAUDIBLE)
1131
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,754
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1132
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,759
Oh, boy! Military action, Ned!
1133
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,637
Let's kill us
some goddamn Australians!
1134
00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,764
I think we're fighting Canadians.
1135
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,016
Canadians, Australians,
what's the difference?
1136
00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:38,563
Yeah. This uniform makes me feel
like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat.
1137
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:40,648
It sure does, Mr. Garrison.
1138
00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:42,900
Oh, boy, I can't wait for
our first shore leave
1139
00:47:42,985 --> 00:47:46,070
so I can get me some fucking poontang.
1140
00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:47,154
Pay attention!
1141
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,491
Tomorrow night is the USO show
for all you troops!
1142
00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:54,036
There will be celebrities, followed by
the execution of Terrance and Phillip.
1143
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,705
(ALL CHEERING)
1144
00:47:55,789 --> 00:48:00,084
After the show, we will finally be
sending ground troops into Canada.
1145
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:01,460
So let's strategize.
1146
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:02,795
Map!
1147
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,715
Our sources have told us
that the Canadians
1148
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:08,676
are preparing for our invasion,
so we must use caution.
1149
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,137
Each battalion has
a specific code name and mission.
1150
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,639
Battalion Five, raise your hands.
1151
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:16,058
You will be the all-important
first attack wave,
1152
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:18,895
which we will call
Operation Human Shield.
1153
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,062
Hey, wait a minute!
1154
00:48:20,147 --> 00:48:23,274
Now keep in mind, Operation Human
Shield will suffer heavy losses.
1155
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:24,859
Battalion Fourteen?
1156
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,237
Right. You are
Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
1157
00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:30,072
You will follow Battalion Five here.
1158
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:33,910
And try not to get killed, for God's sake.
Are there any questions, men?
1159
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:34,994
Yes, soldier?
1160
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,705
Have you ever heard of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
1161
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,373
I don't listen to hip-hop.
1162
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:42,251
After that, we will march
into the heart of Canada and we will...
1163
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,544
(ELECTRONIC DISTORTIONS)
1164
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,463
I'm coming to get you!
I'm coming to get you!
1165
00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:47,840
What's wrong with this thing?
1166
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,594
It's fucking Windows 98!
Get Bill Gates in here!
1167
00:48:54,848 --> 00:48:57,600
You told us Windows 98 would be faster
and more efficient
1168
00:48:57,684 --> 00:48:59,101
with better access to the Internet.
1169
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,771
It is faster. Over five million...
1170
00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:06,275
All right, men, get lots of rest
and prepare to go into Canada!
1171
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,860
(ALL CHEERING)
1172
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,531
After you have Terrance and Phillip,
quietly make your way to this ridge.
1173
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,700
We will be waiting for you there.
We cannot wait for long,
1174
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,619
so if you're not there at 10:00,
we'll have to leave.
1175
00:49:16,703 --> 00:49:18,037
- Got you.
- You are indeed brave,
1176
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,581
but you will need help from someone
who's done this sort of thing before.
1177
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:23,167
- Here's the address of The Mole.
- The Mole?
1178
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:25,628
He is an expert in covert operations.
A mercenary for hire.
1179
00:49:25,712 --> 00:49:28,506
Your first task will be obtaining him.
Get lots of sleep.
1180
00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:32,093
Tomorrow, we will all be
risking our lives for freedom.
1181
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:36,222
(SINGING) God has smiled
upon you this day
1182
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:41,727
The fate of a nation in your hands
1183
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:44,480
And blessed be the children
1184
00:49:44,564 --> 00:49:47,316
Who fight with all our bravery
1185
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:51,612
Till only the righteous stand
1186
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:55,658
You see the distant flames
They bellow in the night
1187
00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:59,036
You fight in all our names
for what we know is right
1188
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:02,248
And when you all get shot
and cannot carry on
1189
00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:05,251
Though you die, la R�sistance lives on
1190
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:08,963
ALL: You may get stabbed
in the head with a dagger or a sword
1191
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:12,133
You may be burned to death
or skinned alive or worse
1192
00:50:12,217 --> 00:50:15,011
But when they torture you
you will not feel the need to run
1193
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:18,180
For though you die
la R�sistance lives on
1194
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:21,225
WOMEN: Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!
1195
00:50:21,309 --> 00:50:25,563
Because the country's gone awry
Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!
1196
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:29,066
SOLDIERS: Tomorrow night
Our lives will change
1197
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,986
Tomorrow night, we'll be entertained
1198
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:35,197
An execution
What a sight
1199
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,240
Tomorrow night
1200
00:50:36,324 --> 00:50:38,993
Up there, there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1201
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:42,204
Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
And so I will be going soon
1202
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,874
BOTH: Shut your fucking face,
uncle fucka
1203
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:48,335
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
1204
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,795
Looks like we may be out of luck
1205
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,380
Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked
1206
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,882
Why did our mothers start this war?
1207
00:50:52,966 --> 00:50:54,467
What the fuck are they fighting for?
1208
00:50:54,551 --> 00:50:56,469
When did this song
become a marathon?
1209
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:58,888
- I want to be up there...
- When Canada is dead and gone
1210
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:00,431
There'll be no more Celine Dion!
1211
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,601
They might cut your dick in half
and serve it to a pig
1212
00:51:03,685 --> 00:51:06,645
And though it hurts
you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig
1213
00:51:06,730 --> 00:51:09,523
But that's the way it goes
In war, you're shat upon
1214
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,484
- Though we die...
- I want to be up there...
1215
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:15,321
...la R�sistance lives on!
1216
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:18,741
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
1217
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:20,659
- Tomorrow night!
- Tomorrow night!
1218
00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:27,583
Oh, boy, I'm so excited!
1219
00:51:27,667 --> 00:51:29,877
Just one more day
until we can take over the world.
1220
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,463
I don't know if I can sleep,
if you know what I mean.
1221
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:33,964
This book is really interesting.
1222
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:36,425
It talks about how people
communicate differently.
1223
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:39,762
Like, I communicate by wanting you
to ask me questions, and you...
1224
00:51:39,846 --> 00:51:41,430
Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!
1225
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:42,556
(SCOFFS)
1226
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:45,643
Saddam, I'm trying to have
a nice conversation with you.
1227
00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:47,353
Hey, Satan.
1228
00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:50,022
Oh! Now that is just not appropriate!
1229
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,067
Come on, I'm just fucking with you!
It's not real!
1230
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:55,444
- Well, that is still not appropriate.
- Hey, daddy.
1231
00:51:55,529 --> 00:51:56,570
(EXCLAIMS)
1232
00:51:56,655 --> 00:51:59,657
(LAUGHS) It's not real, either!
Come on, guy!
1233
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,117
(SOBBING)
1234
00:52:01,868 --> 00:52:02,952
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1235
00:52:03,036 --> 00:52:04,578
(SNIFFLING) Oh!
1236
00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,080
(LAUGHS)
1237
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:08,749
Soon the world will belong to me!
1238
00:52:09,876 --> 00:52:11,460
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1239
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:14,922
It's Saddam,
he doesn't nurture my emotions.
1240
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:18,175
He just wants sex
and can't learn to communicate.
1241
00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:19,760
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1242
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:22,513
You're right, I should leave him!
I'm just gonna tell him,
1243
00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:25,307
"Saddam,
I'm going to Earth to rule alone!"
1244
00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:27,351
I'm strong and I don't need him!
1245
00:52:27,435 --> 00:52:28,435
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
1246
00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:34,650
(SINGING) Today's the day
for the USO show
1247
00:52:34,734 --> 00:52:36,735
SOLDIERS: we're so happy
we get to go
1248
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:38,779
I don't know but I've been told
1249
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:40,656
SOLDIERS: Canadian pussy
is mighty cold...
1250
00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:42,992
Ike, you have to stay in the attic
'cause if they find you,
1251
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:46,287
they'll put you
in a Canadian concentration camp.
1252
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,664
Don't worry, Ike,
we're gonna put an end to this.
1253
00:52:48,748 --> 00:52:52,835
And then I'll make Mom come home
and we'll all be a family again.
1254
00:52:56,089 --> 00:52:57,840
IKE: All of that is home.
1255
00:53:05,807 --> 00:53:07,600
(PLAYING HARMONICA)
1256
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:16,692
- (IN FRENCH ACCENT) Hello?
- Hi. We need to speak with The Mole.
1257
00:53:16,776 --> 00:53:20,487
I'm sorry, The Mole is grounded.
He can't come out and play.
1258
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:21,655
- What?
- He's a kid?
1259
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:24,033
He said very naughty things about God.
1260
00:53:24,117 --> 00:53:26,785
Oh! Well, can we just talk to him
for five seconds, please?
1261
00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:29,205
Well, all right. Christophe?
1262
00:53:31,499 --> 00:53:33,751
Hi, we're gonna go rescue
Terrance and Phillip
1263
00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:34,877
from the USO show and...
1264
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:37,087
- Shh! Who are you? Who sent you?
- That Gregory kid.
1265
00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:38,380
He said you could sneak us in.
1266
00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:41,008
Are you telling me that you intend to
break into the USO show,
1267
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:44,428
filled with thousands of soldiers,
and break out Terrance and Phillip?
1268
00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:46,263
I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, too.
1269
00:53:46,348 --> 00:53:47,389
We're la R�sistance!
1270
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,017
We wanna save Terrance and Phillip
and stop the war and stuff.
1271
00:53:50,101 --> 00:53:53,187
I can't help you. I'm grounded
in my room for the next three days.
1272
00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,314
So are we.
Our parents think we're home right now.
1273
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:56,398
Why are you grounded?
1274
00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:58,734
Why? Because God hates me,
that's why.
1275
00:53:58,818 --> 00:54:00,361
He has made my life miserable.
1276
00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:03,072
So I call him a cock-sucking asshole
and I get grounded.
1277
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:05,074
- So will you help us?
- Very well.
1278
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:07,076
Meet me in the backyard
in five minutes.
1279
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:08,244
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1280
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,246
We'll show God that we're not gonna
fucking take any more...
1281
00:54:10,330 --> 00:54:11,789
CHRISTOPHE'S MOTHER: What?
Christophe, get in here!
1282
00:54:11,873 --> 00:54:13,457
Coming, Mother.
1283
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:17,127
I must be strong. I must be strong.
1284
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,297
Saddam, I need to talk to you.
1285
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,590
You better get packing, bitch.
1286
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:23,550
We have to go.
We're running out of time.
1287
00:54:23,635 --> 00:54:27,388
(SIGHS) Saddam, sometimes
you can love a person very much,
1288
00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:29,306
but still know that they aren't
right for you.
1289
00:54:29,391 --> 00:54:31,100
What the fuck are you talking about?
1290
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:33,769
You treat me like shit, Saddam!
I'm leaving you!
1291
00:54:33,853 --> 00:54:35,980
I'm going up to Earth to rule alone!
1292
00:54:36,064 --> 00:54:38,565
(GASPS) No. No, you can't do that!
1293
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:42,528
- I'm sorry, but I have to be strong.
- Satan, please, give me another chance!
1294
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:45,739
- I have to go to Earth!
- You don't even have respect for me!
1295
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:48,909
Sure I do, guy. Please, just hear me out.
1296
00:54:52,163 --> 00:54:55,374
(SINGING) Some people say
that I'm a bad guy
1297
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,377
They may be right
They may be right
1298
00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:02,256
But it's not as if I don't try
1299
00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:05,342
I just fuck up, try as I might
1300
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,137
But I can change, I can change
1301
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,307
I can learn to keep my promises
I swear it
1302
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:16,020
I'll open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again
1303
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,440
Yes, I can change, I can change
1304
00:55:19,524 --> 00:55:22,443
I know I've been a dirty little bastard
1305
00:55:22,527 --> 00:55:23,652
I like to kill, I like to maim
1306
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,196
Yes, I'm insane, but it's okay
'cause I can change
1307
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:31,660
It's not my fault that I'm so evil
It's society
1308
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,120
Society
1309
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,123
You see, my parents
were sometimes abusive
1310
00:55:36,207 --> 00:55:38,709
And it made a prick of me
1311
00:55:38,793 --> 00:55:40,919
But I can change, I can change
1312
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,797
What if you remain
a sandy little butthole?
1313
00:55:43,882 --> 00:55:47,259
Satan, don't be such a twit
Mother Teresa won't have shit on me
1314
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:48,594
Just watch
Just watch me change
1315
00:55:48,678 --> 00:55:50,512
Here I go
I'm changing
1316
00:55:58,396 --> 00:56:02,441
(EXCLAIMING)
1317
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:15,871
You see, I've really matured.
1318
00:56:15,955 --> 00:56:17,998
- Oh! All right.
- All right!
1319
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:21,335
- Come on. We have to hurry.
- I love you.
1320
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:26,173
ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Ladies and gentlemen
1321
00:56:26,257 --> 00:56:27,591
of the American Army,
1322
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:29,635
welcome to the USO show!
1323
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:30,719
(SOLDIERS CHEERING)
1324
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:34,098
Get ready for loads of entertainment
and fabulous celebrities,
1325
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:38,060
followed immediately by the nasty
execution of Terrance and Phillip!
1326
00:56:43,066 --> 00:56:45,234
This is the USO show
where those military bitches
1327
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,693
intend to kill Terrance and Phillip.
1328
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,570
- Oh, my God!
- God?
1329
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,364
He is the biggest bitch of them all.
1330
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:54,201
We have to hurry. We rendezvous
with the other kids at 10:00.
1331
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:56,703
You realize that by doing this,
we could be grounded for two,
1332
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,080
perhaps even three weeks.
1333
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,541
- We're willing to take that risk.
- Then let's go.
1334
00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:03,001
ANNOUNCER: And now,
here are your hosts for the evening,
1335
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:06,338
Sheila Broflovski and Big Gay Al!
1336
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:11,885
Al, tonight is a very special night,
do you know why?
1337
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:13,846
Ooh! They're having a sale at Merv's?
1338
00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:14,930
(SOLDIERS LAUGHING)
1339
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:18,434
No, because we're going to abolish
Canadian smut!
1340
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:21,603
That's right, Sheila!
Bring out the condemned!
1341
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,944
SHEILA: Today is a great
day for democracy!
1342
00:57:29,028 --> 00:57:30,529
(CHEERING)
1343
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:33,157
Phillip, this is worse than that night
I fell asleep
1344
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,325
and you put your dick in my mouth
and took a picture!
1345
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,952
I know, Terrance. I know.
1346
00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,621
Well, Sheila,
while you're getting set up over there,
1347
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:44,126
let's bring out our first act,
Yippie the back-flipping dog!
1348
00:57:44,210 --> 00:57:45,461
(BARKING)
1349
00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:59,057
Be careful not to touch this wire.
1350
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,226
(GROANING) Motherfucker...
1351
00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:02,728
Fuck...
1352
00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,272
(GROANING)
1353
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:11,904
Shit, the USO show has started!
We are running out of time!
1354
00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:13,322
Do you see Terrance and Phillip?
1355
00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:15,908
Yes, but they are heavily guarded.
1356
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:17,868
We have to dig from here
so as not to be seen.
1357
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:19,036
Come on, bitches.
1358
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,873
Hey, Mole,
do you know where the clitoris is?
1359
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:24,082
- The what?
- The clitoris.
1360
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,710
I have to find the clitoris so I can
get this Wendy girl to like me again.
1361
00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:28,504
You need to stop thinking
with your dick!
1362
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:29,630
You have to be on your toes
1363
00:58:29,714 --> 00:58:31,173
because I am not going to be
grounded again!
1364
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:32,925
Not for you. Not for anybody.
1365
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:36,178
Men, when you're out there
in the battlefield
1366
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:38,680
and you're looking into the beady eyes
of a Canadian
1367
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:41,725
as he charges you with his hockey stick
or whatever he has
1368
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,894
and people are dying all around you,
1369
00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:46,480
just remember what the M. P.A.A. says.
1370
00:58:46,564 --> 00:58:49,358
"Horrific, deplorable violence is okay,
1371
00:58:49,442 --> 00:58:52,194
"as long as people don't say
any naughty words!"
1372
00:58:52,278 --> 00:58:55,072
That is what this war is all about!
1373
00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,657
(LOUD CHEERING)
1374
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,824
What?
1375
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:01,203
Shit!
1376
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,706
Move, move!
1377
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:09,461
Okay. We will split up here.
Let's synchronize watches.
1378
00:59:09,879 --> 00:59:11,713
- We don't have watches.
- You don't have watches?
1379
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:12,881
Dude, you didn't say
anything about watches!
1380
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,091
What do you think this is, kid?
1381
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,551
TV kiddie-hour where we all sit around
1382
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,678
and lick Barney
the dinosaur's fucking pussy, huh?
1383
00:59:17,762 --> 00:59:19,763
This is real life, with consequences
you take to the grave!
1384
00:59:19,847 --> 00:59:22,641
- Dude, we don't have watches.
- Shit! Did you bring the mirror?
1385
00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:23,725
- Got it!
- And the rope?
1386
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,435
- Check.
- And the buttfor?
1387
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,230
- What's a buttfor?
- For pooping, silly.
1388
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,401
Now, listen carefully.
I will dig under the stage,
1389
00:59:32,485 --> 00:59:33,944
and with that bedrock,
I will need more time.
1390
00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:36,738
Stan and Kyle, get near that stage
and stall the show any way you can.
1391
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:38,156
Do whatever it takes
to keep that show going
1392
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:39,950
- until I get to the prisoners.
- Okay.
1393
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,952
THE MOLE: Cartman,
over there is the electrical box.
1394
00:59:42,036 --> 00:59:43,453
You must sneak over there
and shut it off
1395
00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:44,913
before I return with Terrance and Phillip
1396
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,499
or the alarms will sound
and I will be attacked by guard dogs.
1397
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:48,834
- Got it?
- Okay.
1398
00:59:48,918 --> 00:59:51,378
You must shut off the alarms!
I fucking hate guard dogs!
1399
00:59:51,462 --> 00:59:52,838
I heard you the first time,
you British piece of shit.
1400
00:59:52,922 --> 00:59:53,922
(GROANS)
1401
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,758
If anything goes wrong,
make a sound like a dying giraffe.
1402
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:58,677
What's a dying giraffe sound like?
1403
00:59:58,761 --> 01:00:01,305
(GROANING)
1404
01:00:02,223 --> 01:00:03,515
- Okay.
- Let's go.
1405
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,183
- Be careful, dude.
- Careful?
1406
01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,477
Was my mother careful
when she stabbed me in the heart
1407
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:10,856
with a clothes hanger
while I was still in the womb?
1408
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,445
Damn, dude. That kid is fucked up.
1409
01:00:16,529 --> 01:00:20,324
- How are those chairs coming, Sheila?
- Al, we're minutes away.
1410
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:22,409
Super! In the meantime,
1411
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:28,165
here's pint-size pixie and darling of
the indie movie scene, Winona Ryder!
1412
01:00:28,374 --> 01:00:29,374
Hi, guys.
1413
01:00:29,459 --> 01:00:30,459
(CHEERING)
1414
01:00:30,543 --> 01:00:32,336
I'm super psyched to be here today.
1415
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:35,714
What you're doing
for our country is so cool.
1416
01:00:36,257 --> 01:00:40,427
I mean war, man. Wow. War, you know?
1417
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,137
Wow.
1418
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:46,933
Okay! And now for your enjoyment,
here's my famous ping-pong ball trick!
1419
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,568
Oh, my!
1420
01:00:57,362 --> 01:00:59,112
(MOCKING THE MOLE) "Shut off
the power, Cartman.
1421
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:01,448
"This is very important, Cartman. "
1422
01:01:01,532 --> 01:01:03,325
GUARD: Dude, did you hear
what Winona Ryder's doing?
1423
01:01:03,409 --> 01:01:05,202
We can't miss this.
1424
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,582
There, I didn't miss one!
1425
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,959
That's my ping-pong ball trick!
1426
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:16,046
(CHUCKLES)
1427
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,508
Well, that's all the acts
we have for you tonight,
1428
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:21,843
so let's just get on with the execution!
1429
01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:22,969
(CHEERING)
1430
01:01:23,054 --> 01:01:25,681
- Oh, no. We have to stall him.
- More! More!
1431
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,224
SOLDIERS: Yeah, more!
1432
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:30,185
You big sillies!
You want to see more of me?
1433
01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:32,521
Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1434
01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:34,648
SOLDIERS: Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1435
01:01:34,732 --> 01:01:38,193
Well, I do have a little song
I wrote about the war.
1436
01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:40,028
But we haven't rehearsed.
1437
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:42,114
- Sing it!
- SOLDIERS: Yeah, sing it!
1438
01:01:42,198 --> 01:01:45,033
- Oh! I can't.
- KYLE: Sing the fucking song!
1439
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:47,869
Well, all right, if you insist,
I'll sing my song.
1440
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:50,414
I believe it goes a little bit like this.
1441
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:56,712
(SINGING) Bombs are flying
People are dying
1442
01:01:56,879 --> 01:02:00,257
Children are crying
Politicians are lying, too
1443
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:05,262
Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling
1444
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:09,266
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?
1445
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,728
I'm super, thanks for asking
1446
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:15,981
All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say
1447
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,443
I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
1448
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:24,489
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1449
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,493
I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple
1450
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,872
But I just can't feel too bad
for you right now
1451
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:34,916
Because I'm feeling
so insanely super
1452
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:38,295
That even the fact that you can't walk
can't bring me down
1453
01:02:38,379 --> 01:02:41,298
CHORUS: He's super, thanks for asking
1454
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:44,593
All things considered
he couldn't be better, he must say
1455
01:02:44,677 --> 01:02:47,512
I'm super
No, nothing bugs me
1456
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:48,597
(WHOOPING)
1457
01:02:48,681 --> 01:02:51,308
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1458
01:02:51,392 --> 01:02:54,144
These little pants
this matching tie that I got at Merv's
1459
01:02:54,228 --> 01:02:55,228
I'm super
1460
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,063
CHORUS: In the barracks
and the trenches as well
1461
01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:58,982
- Stick 'em up!
- CHORUS: Big Gay Al says
1462
01:02:59,066 --> 01:03:01,026
- "Do ask, do tell"
- Skittles
1463
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,361
CHORUS: Yes, he's super
and he's proud to be gay
1464
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:04,446
Okay?
1465
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:09,326
CHORUS: Everything
is super when you're gay
1466
01:03:12,038 --> 01:03:13,580
CHORUS: when you're gay!
1467
01:03:14,123 --> 01:03:15,165
(SOLDIERS CHEERING)
1468
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:16,750
BOTH: Again! Again!
1469
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,382
(BEEPING)
1470
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:26,593
Who's there?
1471
01:03:26,677 --> 01:03:27,928
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1472
01:03:28,012 --> 01:03:29,221
Son of a gun! Heck!
1473
01:03:29,305 --> 01:03:30,597
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1474
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:31,640
They're coming?
1475
01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:32,808
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1476
01:03:32,892 --> 01:03:34,351
But our moms won't listen to us!
1477
01:03:34,435 --> 01:03:36,102
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1478
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:37,562
(SCREAMING)
1479
01:03:40,858 --> 01:03:43,109
Okay, everybody,
just wanna take a minute here
1480
01:03:43,194 --> 01:03:46,404
to thank all our wonderful sponsors
we had tonight on this USO show.
1481
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:47,656
- He's almost got them.
- Shh!
1482
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,782
We are here to rescue you.
1483
01:03:48,866 --> 01:03:50,700
After I release you,
follow me through the tunnel.
1484
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,118
- You guys! Seriously!
- What, Cartman?
1485
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,495
Kenny! I saw Kenny again!
1486
01:03:53,579 --> 01:03:56,081
Did you shut the alarm off, Cartman?
1487
01:03:56,374 --> 01:03:57,332
Cartman?
1488
01:03:57,416 --> 01:03:58,458
(ALARM BLARING)
1489
01:03:58,543 --> 01:03:59,668
- Whoops!
- Oh! Shit!
1490
01:03:59,752 --> 01:04:01,294
(BOTH GROANING)
1491
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:04,381
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there.
1492
01:04:04,465 --> 01:04:05,507
(GASPS)
1493
01:04:05,591 --> 01:04:07,175
- Shit!
- A spy!
1494
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:08,260
Get him!
1495
01:04:08,344 --> 01:04:09,344
(BARKING)
1496
01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,012
Shit! Shit!
1497
01:04:12,139 --> 01:04:13,348
Oh, no!
1498
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,351
Come on, Mole, come on!
1499
01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,437
THE MOLE: Shit! Shit!
Fucking guard dogs! Shit!
1500
01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:21,398
The alarms, they went off.
1501
01:04:21,482 --> 01:04:22,899
Yeah, that was my bad. Sorry.
1502
01:04:22,984 --> 01:04:25,902
(COUGHS) Hold me. It's so very cold.
1503
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,863
There is no hope now.
You must get out of here.
1504
01:04:27,947 --> 01:04:30,073
- We can't leave without you!
- It's okay, I'm done for.
1505
01:04:30,157 --> 01:04:32,576
No, we can't leave without you!
We don't know where the hell we are!
1506
01:04:32,660 --> 01:04:34,870
Where is your God
when you need him, huh?
1507
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:37,205
Where is your beautiful,
merciful faggot now?
1508
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:38,290
(COUGHS)
1509
01:04:38,374 --> 01:04:41,334
Here I come, God.
Here I come, you fucking rat.
1510
01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:44,170
(SINGING) Now the light, she fades
1511
01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:46,631
And darkness settles in
1512
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,259
But I will find strength
1513
01:04:49,343 --> 01:04:50,343
No, Mole. Hang on.
1514
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,220
I will find pride within
1515
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:53,346
We'll get you home.
1516
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,015
Because although I die
1517
01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:56,182
I can't face my mother.
1518
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,976
Our freedom will be won
1519
01:04:58,060 --> 01:04:59,311
Not alone.
1520
01:04:59,395 --> 01:05:01,104
Though I die
1521
01:05:01,814 --> 01:05:05,692
La R�sistance lives on
1522
01:05:06,652 --> 01:05:07,944
(GROANS)
1523
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:19,122
Shit!
1524
01:05:19,206 --> 01:05:22,083
Okay, folks, here it is,
the moment we've all been waiting for,
1525
01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:23,752
the execution!
1526
01:05:23,836 --> 01:05:25,545
(CHEERING)
1527
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:30,342
The day is ours!
1528
01:05:31,886 --> 01:05:32,886
Oh, no, dude, it's happening!
1529
01:05:32,970 --> 01:05:34,596
We have to tell them
about Saddam Hussein and Satan!
1530
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,306
No way, dude!
My mom can't see me here!
1531
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:38,642
Kyle, you have to stand up
to your mother! Come on!
1532
01:05:38,726 --> 01:05:41,728
Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
1533
01:05:41,812 --> 01:05:44,064
Last words? Let's see. How's aboot...
1534
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,775
Get me the fuck out of this chair!
How's that for last words?
1535
01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:49,653
All right, anonymous, ready the switch.
1536
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,697
- Wait!
- Stanley!
1537
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,366
- Eric!
- Kyle!
1538
01:05:55,534 --> 01:05:58,203
- Go on, dude, tell her.
- I can't.
1539
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,163
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
1540
01:06:00,247 --> 01:06:04,709
If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein
are gonna come take over the world!
1541
01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:06,628
(ALL LAUGHING)
1542
01:06:08,589 --> 01:06:10,715
Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.
1543
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,301
Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous.
1544
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:14,594
(BOTH YELLING)
1545
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,304
Goodbye, bastards!
1546
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,555
No!
1547
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:19,140
(FARTS)
1548
01:06:19,225 --> 01:06:20,767
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1549
01:06:20,851 --> 01:06:21,851
(CHEERING)
1550
01:06:24,897 --> 01:06:28,149
The Canadians are attacking!
Run for your lives!
1551
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,319
Come on.
We have to shut off the power!
1552
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:32,445
Ow! Fuck!
1553
01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:33,905
(SHUDDERING)
1554
01:06:34,907 --> 01:06:37,409
Hey, some little fat kid saved us!
1555
01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:43,999
Terrance and Phillip, wait!
1556
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,918
We have to get you
to the rendezvous point!
1557
01:06:48,796 --> 01:06:49,838
(SCREAMS)
1558
01:06:49,922 --> 01:06:51,297
Ned, behind you!
1559
01:06:54,593 --> 01:06:55,969
(SOLDIERS EXCLAIMING)
1560
01:06:58,431 --> 01:07:00,348
(YELLING)
1561
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:12,402
CLITORIS: Be not afraid.
1562
01:07:12,486 --> 01:07:13,570
Oh, my God!
1563
01:07:13,654 --> 01:07:17,157
- Behold my glory.
- What are you?
1564
01:07:17,241 --> 01:07:18,992
I am the clitoris.
1565
01:07:19,326 --> 01:07:21,911
The clitoris? I did it! I found the clitoris!
1566
01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:24,914
Stan, you must not let
Terrance and Phillip's blood
1567
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,541
be spilled on the ground.
1568
01:07:26,625 --> 01:07:28,543
Wait! You're supposed to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me.
1569
01:07:28,627 --> 01:07:30,712
CLITORIS: There are more
important matters right now.
1570
01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:32,505
No way, dude! I looked all over for you
1571
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,507
and now you have to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me!
1572
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:37,343
Dude, you just have to have
confidence in yourself.
1573
01:07:37,428 --> 01:07:40,013
Believe in yourself
and others will believe in you.
1574
01:07:40,097 --> 01:07:43,058
Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry!
1575
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:44,642
The clitoris has spoken.
1576
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:47,228
Stan! Stan, are you okay?
1577
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:48,688
I see you failed in your mission.
1578
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:51,900
I should not have sent a boy
to do a man's job.
1579
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:55,653
Come on, everyone,
we've got precious little time.
1580
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:00,825
Die, Canadian, m'kay?
1581
01:08:02,953 --> 01:08:03,953
(FARTS)
1582
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,040
- Did you hear that Terrance? I farted.
- You did? Just now?
1583
01:08:07,124 --> 01:08:08,833
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1584
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:09,959
Terrance and Phillip!
1585
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:11,836
We have to get them
to the rendezvous point!
1586
01:08:11,921 --> 01:08:13,213
Hey, it's Mr. Garrison!
1587
01:08:13,297 --> 01:08:16,466
(COUGHS) Children, take Mr. Hat.
1588
01:08:16,550 --> 01:08:18,760
Please, get him out of here.
1589
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:23,014
Holy shit!
This V-Chip is getting all screwy!
1590
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,016
Take cover in the trench!
1591
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:27,393
All right, men! Human Shield up front,
1592
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:29,479
then Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
1593
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,483
Remember, Human Shield,
protect our tanks and planes, too!
1594
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,114
Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!
1595
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,156
Fire on my command!
1596
01:08:40,241 --> 01:08:42,992
All right, squad, just like I told you.
1597
01:08:43,744 --> 01:08:46,287
One, two...
1598
01:08:46,372 --> 01:08:48,248
Yousa people gonna die?
1599
01:08:48,332 --> 01:08:49,874
- Fire!
- ... three!
1600
01:08:50,709 --> 01:08:51,918
What in the...
1601
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:56,214
- Great plan, Chef!
- Operation Human Shield, my ass!
1602
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,136
My God, this is terrible!
1603
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,929
This is what we wanted!
1604
01:09:03,055 --> 01:09:07,308
We wanted our children to be
brought up in a smut-free environment!
1605
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,602
SHARON: But we didn't want this!
1606
01:09:09,687 --> 01:09:11,479
Where are you going?
1607
01:09:11,564 --> 01:09:13,273
We're going to find our boys!
1608
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,818
For God's sake, Sheila,
we're going to get them killed!
1609
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,410
Kyle, all those times I said
you were a big, dumb Jew,
1610
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:27,245
I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
1611
01:09:27,329 --> 01:09:28,329
(SOLDIER YELPING)
1612
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:30,665
Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!
1613
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:33,501
No, no, Kyle,
don't be so hard on yourself.
1614
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,837
What the hell am I still holding this for?
1615
01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:38,131
MR. GARRISON: Mr. Hat! No!
1616
01:09:38,215 --> 01:09:41,050
Fuck this, dude. I'm getting out of here
before I get in really big trouble.
1617
01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,094
- I heard that.
- Stan!
1618
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,179
Dude, I found the clitoris,
1619
01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:46,181
so now I think I can get Wendy
to like me again.
1620
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,473
Oh! That's swell, Stan.
1621
01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,058
Yeah, I guess all's well
that ends well, huh?
1622
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:50,727
We can go home now, you dipshit!
1623
01:09:50,811 --> 01:09:51,853
Ow!
1624
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:53,521
- What's wrong with this thing?
- Come on.
1625
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:57,275
We can't let Terrance and Phillip die
or else the whole world's gonna end!
1626
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,695
- Terrance, look!
- There they are!
1627
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,530
Oh! Phillip, we're done for!
1628
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:04,699
All right, men, fire!
1629
01:10:04,783 --> 01:10:05,742
Goodbye, Terrance.
1630
01:10:05,826 --> 01:10:07,327
(GUNS COCKING)
1631
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:13,208
- What is this?
- Don't shoot!
1632
01:10:13,667 --> 01:10:17,128
I'll take care of this.
Kids, get out of the way now!
1633
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,887
- Kyle!
- I'm not gonna let you kill them, Mom!
1634
01:10:25,971 --> 01:10:27,180
What? What? What?
1635
01:10:27,264 --> 01:10:28,848
I'm not moving!
1636
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:32,435
Stand down, children.
1637
01:10:32,519 --> 01:10:34,687
You can still see fart jokes
on Nickelodeon.
1638
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:37,273
No! This is about more than fart jokes!
1639
01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:41,903
This is about freedom of speech,
about censorship and stuff.
1640
01:10:41,987 --> 01:10:43,196
What about Ike, huh, Mom?
1641
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:45,698
Did you forget that your own
adopted son is Canadian?
1642
01:10:45,783 --> 01:10:46,991
(ALL GASPING)
1643
01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:50,912
I'm doing very important things.
1644
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,581
But, Mom, you never took the time
to talk to me.
1645
01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:56,960
Whenever I get in trouble,
you go off and blame everybody else,
1646
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:59,462
but I'm the one to blame. Deal with me.
1647
01:10:59,546 --> 01:11:01,965
You keep going off
and fighting all these causes,
1648
01:11:02,049 --> 01:11:05,009
but I don't want a fighter.
I want my mom.
1649
01:11:08,681 --> 01:11:10,932
(CRYING) Poor little fellow.
1650
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:12,433
No!
1651
01:11:12,518 --> 01:11:13,518
(GUN FIRES)
1652
01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:14,602
Terrance!
1653
01:11:15,062 --> 01:11:16,437
(GUN FIRING)
1654
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:19,816
- Holy shit, dude!
- Young man, you watch your mouth!
1655
01:11:21,735 --> 01:11:23,111
(RUMBLING)
1656
01:11:26,573 --> 01:11:27,991
(EXCLAIMS)
1657
01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:30,034
My time has come!
1658
01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:32,370
You are really fucked now!
1659
01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:34,872
It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!
1660
01:11:35,207 --> 01:11:36,291
(LAUGHING)
1661
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:38,001
What a dumbass!
1662
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:43,881
You have spilled
the blood of the innocent!
1663
01:11:43,966 --> 01:11:46,926
Now begins two million years
of darkness!
1664
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:49,345
Good job, Ms. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!
1665
01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:52,807
I was just trying to make the world
a better place for children.
1666
01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,934
Yeah, and you brought
enough intolerance
1667
01:11:55,019 --> 01:11:56,644
to the world to allow my coming.
1668
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,647
Now, everyone bow down to me!
1669
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:02,608
(SADDAM LAUGHING EVILLY)
1670
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:03,985
Bend over!
1671
01:12:04,069 --> 01:12:06,029
Whoa! What have we done?
1672
01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:08,740
Saddam, I am the dark ruler, not you.
1673
01:12:08,824 --> 01:12:10,700
Relax, bitch.
You're better seen, not heard.
1674
01:12:10,784 --> 01:12:11,909
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1675
01:12:11,994 --> 01:12:13,411
I can't.
1676
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,122
Let's start by building a big statue of me
1677
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,166
right over there
where that fat kid is standing.
1678
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,918
Hey, don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
1679
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,670
(GROANING)
1680
01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,593
Yeah, Cartman, do it!
1681
01:12:28,677 --> 01:12:31,929
Damn! Shit!
Respect my fucking authority!
1682
01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:33,389
(GROANS)
1683
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:34,474
Yes!
1684
01:12:34,558 --> 01:12:37,226
Hey! You need to
watch your mouth, brat!
1685
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:39,103
Dog shit taco!
1686
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:45,234
Quick, Satan, do something!
1687
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:47,278
Try this on for size.
1688
01:12:47,821 --> 01:12:51,115
Blood-drenched
frozen tampon Popsicle!
1689
01:12:53,118 --> 01:12:57,622
Hey, buddy, I know I was mean before,
but don't worry, I can change.
1690
01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:58,956
Oh!
1691
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:00,375
Okay.
1692
01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:01,793
(ALL GASP)
1693
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:02,960
Not!
1694
01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:04,253
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1695
01:13:04,338 --> 01:13:06,631
Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner,
1696
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,050
bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole,
1697
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:10,885
Barbra Streisand!
1698
01:13:10,969 --> 01:13:12,220
(YELPING)
1699
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:19,060
What are you waiting for, bitch?
Destroy him.
1700
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,813
Come on, you weak,
stupid come-bucket! Save me!
1701
01:13:21,897 --> 01:13:23,398
That's it!
1702
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:26,150
I have had enough of you!
1703
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,236
(SCREAMING)
1704
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,489
Hey, guy, relax!
1705
01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:35,368
(EXHALES)
1706
01:13:40,374 --> 01:13:43,876
He spent so much time convincing me
I was weak and stupid
1707
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,254
that I believed it myself.
1708
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,298
I have you to thank, little one.
1709
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:51,926
You showed me
that I had to get away from him.
1710
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:55,304
Just make any wish you want,
and I shall grant it.
1711
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:56,973
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1712
01:13:57,057 --> 01:13:58,099
(CHILDREN GASP)
1713
01:13:58,183 --> 01:14:00,226
- Are you sure, Kenny?
- What did he say?
1714
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:02,979
He said that his wish is for everything
to go back to the way it was
1715
01:14:03,063 --> 01:14:04,939
before this horrible war.
1716
01:14:05,023 --> 01:14:08,276
Kenny, you realize that means
you'd go back, too?
1717
01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:10,194
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1718
01:14:18,036 --> 01:14:21,289
Oh! Very well, then.
I will pull all my minions back.
1719
01:14:21,373 --> 01:14:24,667
I guess I'm destined to live in hell.
Alone.
1720
01:14:26,378 --> 01:14:28,296
Hello. What's this?
1721
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,050
Hi, there, little guy.
Would you like to go to hell with me?
1722
01:14:33,802 --> 01:14:37,472
Sure. I bet we could be
best friends, Mr. Satan.
1723
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:40,475
Feel free to come back and visit us
any time you want, Satan.
1724
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:42,310
I just might do that.
1725
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,394
Thank you, Kenny.
1726
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,729
Yeah, thanks for going
back to hell for us.
1727
01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:46,647
You're a real pal.
1728
01:14:51,069 --> 01:14:52,862
Goodbye, you guys.
1729
01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:58,826
(SCREECHING)
1730
01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:07,376
I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?
1731
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:10,087
Wow! We were all dying
and now we're fine!
1732
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:11,756
That's super!
1733
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:14,008
What the fuck's going on?
1734
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:19,138
You see, Mom? After all that,
1735
01:15:19,223 --> 01:15:21,849
it was Cartman's filthy fucking mouth
that saved us all.
1736
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,977
I'm sorry I didn't pay attention
to you, Kyle.
1737
01:15:25,979 --> 01:15:27,355
(VOMITS)
1738
01:15:27,439 --> 01:15:29,106
But, Wendy, what about Gregory?
1739
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:31,025
Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.
1740
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:32,818
- You didn't?
- No, dude. Fuck Gregory!
1741
01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:36,197
- Fuck him right in the ear!
- Yay! Thank you, clitoris.
1742
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:39,867
(SINGING) Everything worked out
What a happy end
1743
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:44,163
Americans and Canadians
are friends again
1744
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:47,208
So let's all join hands
and knock oppression down
1745
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:48,376
Good Lordy, I'm found
1746
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:51,254
Don't you know our little lives
are now complete?
1747
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:53,422
'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet
1748
01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:54,799
Super sweet!
1749
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:57,635
Thank God we live in this quiet
1750
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:01,222
Little, pissant, redneck
Podunk, jerkwater
1751
01:16:01,306 --> 01:16:03,558
Greenhorn, one-horse
Mudhole, peckerwood
1752
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:06,143
Right-wing, whistle-stop
Hobnail, truck-driving
1753
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,354
Old-fashioned, hayseed
Inbred, unkempt
1754
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,189
Out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash
1755
01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:15,403
Kick-ass, mountain
1756
01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:19,407
Town!
1757
01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:22,034
Look!
1758
01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:41,304
(WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO?
PT. ll PLAYING)
1759
01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:23,155
(EYES OF A CHILD PLAYING)
1760
01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:06,110
(SQUEAKING)
1761
01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:09,822
Guys, up there is Hodun.
135364
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
