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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,780 Oh, shit. 3 00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,683 Is this the... Is this the right site? 4 00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:20,997 Yes, honey. It's site 16, like always. 5 00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,527 - Yo, Tommy, what's going on? - Will you call me "Dad"? 6 00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:26,472 - Franklin? - Yeah? 7 00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,051 - Are you sure you booked this for us? - Absolutely. 8 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,320 I booked the last available site. 9 00:01:31,412 --> 00:01:35,110 I got the permit right here. Site 16, July 4th weekend. 10 00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:37,393 Felipa. 11 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,266 I just think that there's been a little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so... 12 00:01:41,346 --> 00:01:44,522 Buenos tardes, amigos! Word, bitches. 13 00:01:44,602 --> 00:01:47,706 - Who you calling a bitch? - I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 14 00:01:47,786 --> 00:01:50,753 Just trying to break up the racial tension here, that's all. 15 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:54,196 - Might have hit bitch a little hard. - A little bit. 16 00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:57,827 So what's going on? Pretty sure we booked this site for the weekend. 17 00:01:57,907 --> 00:02:00,536 - No, no. We're the Jones family. - Yeah. 18 00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:03,029 We booked site 16. 19 00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,905 Well, now, we're the Jonas family and this is our site. 20 00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,430 - Son, we're site 16. - No. 21 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:10,931 We're site 16. 22 00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:15,807 You guys might be 116, but we're definitely 16. It's here on the paper! 23 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,470 - Uno, dos, tres, quatro... - Whoa, whoa! 24 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,347 That is level two, sweetheart, that's nice. This is 16. 25 00:02:21,427 --> 00:02:23,121 - I don't know how that is. - We're 16. 26 00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,986 Yeah, I know, but we're site 16. 27 00:02:25,066 --> 00:02:27,423 - 16, man. Come on. - Hold on. So... 28 00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:31,766 Jones, Jonas, and our last name is Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up. 29 00:02:31,846 --> 00:02:33,921 What y'all trying to say, y'all our masters or something? 30 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:37,635 No, no, not saying... I barely even own a cat. 31 00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:41,106 - Site 16! - Wait a minute! 32 00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:46,204 2,000 and 3,000. But we're definitely 16. It says here on the paper. 33 00:02:46,284 --> 00:02:48,302 Also site 16! 34 00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:01,452 Okay, um, so, it looks like the name "Jones" 35 00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:03,910 kind of mixed up the computers. 36 00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,586 And, uh, unfortunately, that's a big problem, 37 00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:08,961 because the park is completely sold out. 38 00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:11,951 I mean, this is, like, our biggest weekend of the year. 39 00:03:12,031 --> 00:03:14,094 Hey, maybe it's because it's the 4th of July. 40 00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:17,546 Um, yeah, well, you know, we think that that's a factor. 41 00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:21,300 Come on, you guys. Please, please, please, let's not escalate this. 42 00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,990 How about sharing the site? 43 00:03:27,618 --> 00:03:29,387 Everyone stop! 44 00:03:29,479 --> 00:03:32,226 Ron, you just gonna stand there and let them push us around like that? 45 00:03:32,308 --> 00:03:34,481 No, I won't let that happen. Let me tell you something. 46 00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:37,309 I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson down here on a moped, 47 00:03:37,389 --> 00:03:40,671 with Al Sharpton in the sidecar. Okay? They love that type of shit. 48 00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,541 - Ooh! It just escalated. - Yeah. 49 00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,896 That definitely escalated, 50 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,980 which was the exact opposite of what he was hoping you would do. 51 00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:54,764 Sir, if sharing the site is the only option, then... 52 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,823 This weekend is important. I say we all just share the site. 53 00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:00,722 Uh, son, are you out of your damn mind? 54 00:04:00,809 --> 00:04:03,552 - Come on, Pop, there's kids here... - We're not gonna share... 55 00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:11,787 There's not... There's not enough space! 56 00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:16,479 Papi? Are we gonna have to go home? 57 00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:22,469 Okay. Okay, so... So... 58 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,167 Maybe we can share. - Yes! 59 00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,380 All right, so we're all gonna share. 60 00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,678 And it's gonna be great! 61 00:04:38,832 --> 00:04:40,999 All right. Little bit of a rough start, 62 00:04:41,091 --> 00:04:43,478 but this weekend's gonna be great. 63 00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:46,231 Yeah, I hope so. 64 00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:49,718 It's the first time we've all been together since you and I got married. 65 00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:53,996 I just want your kids to like my kids and my kids to like you. 66 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:57,105 There's no reason we can't be one big, happy family. 67 00:04:57,185 --> 00:04:59,972 - That speech sucked. - Sucked balls. 68 00:05:00,052 --> 00:05:03,869 Yeah, yeah, he's right. It came off really whiny. 69 00:05:03,949 --> 00:05:06,109 I can't believe that we're brothers. 70 00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:09,108 Hey, Gravy, why don't you take these over to the campsite? 71 00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:11,794 Oh, no, my hands are full. I gotta go, I gotta... 72 00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:15,202 Hey, Thomas, did you unpack my turtle shells? 73 00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:16,926 Yeah, here. 74 00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,797 Can you call me "Dad"? - Not right now. 75 00:05:21,877 --> 00:05:25,335 Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys, check out my new turtle shells! 76 00:05:26,053 --> 00:05:27,576 Give it time, honey. 77 00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:30,863 Oh, do you think you can get Sharni to stop calling me "Fake Mom"? 78 00:05:30,943 --> 00:05:32,030 She doesn't call you "Fake Mom." 79 00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:33,932 Oh, you're doing that? You're doing that? 80 00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,264 - Yeah, no, no. I'll try. - Thank you. 81 00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:41,420 Man! Sharing this site was a crap idea, Felipa. 82 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,144 We're doing this for Papi's birthday. 83 00:05:43,225 --> 00:05:45,377 Just try to hold it together for him. 84 00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:48,895 You think maybe we'll see Papi smile for once in his damn life? 85 00:05:49,152 --> 00:05:51,711 He works hard, and he worries about us. 86 00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:54,092 What, he can't worry and smile at the same time? 87 00:05:54,172 --> 00:05:57,389 Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did smile, his face would creak. 88 00:05:57,469 --> 00:06:00,117 Sound like a nail being pulled from wood. 89 00:06:00,197 --> 00:06:04,597 We'd probably hear his face go, "Oilcan! Oilcan!" 90 00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:07,826 Ha, ha, ha. Maybe he would smile more 91 00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:10,944 if you stopped goofing around and went to work for Rolando. 92 00:06:11,575 --> 00:06:12,996 As a plumber? 93 00:06:13,076 --> 00:06:15,982 Uh, no, Felipa. That's a living nightmare. 94 00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,415 It's honest work. 95 00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:19,060 Anyways, look, it doesn't even matter. 96 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:21,438 I tell you, one day, I'm gonna be a millionaire. 97 00:06:21,518 --> 00:06:23,731 Oh! You gonna win the lottery? 98 00:06:23,811 --> 00:06:27,290 Won't win if I don't scratch. Plus, I'm gonna get my ass on "Shark Tank" 99 00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,202 and make Mark Cuban my new best friend. 100 00:06:29,282 --> 00:06:31,372 Well, when you become a millionaire, 101 00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:34,775 maybe you could pay me back the 75 bucks I loaned you. 102 00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:38,046 You're gonna have to fill out all kinds of paperwork and taxes and stuff. 103 00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:40,830 Might not be worth it, bro, so, probably not. 104 00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:47,088 - Hey, did you leave the car open? - I did. 105 00:06:47,168 --> 00:06:49,991 Did you see Fake Mom telling me how to unpack, 106 00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,902 like she's the boss of me or something? 107 00:06:51,982 --> 00:06:55,228 Hey, babe, Sharni, you shouldn't call her "Fake Mom." 108 00:06:55,308 --> 00:06:56,843 I'm glad that Dad remarried. 109 00:06:56,924 --> 00:06:59,692 He's much happier, which keeps him off of my ass. 110 00:06:59,772 --> 00:07:02,095 I think she's great for him. 111 00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:04,817 Yeah, well, Fake Mom says you drink too much, too. 112 00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:08,066 Fake Mom can blow my balls. She said that? 113 00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:10,235 That's bullshit. 114 00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,128 Is that a 24-hour Popeye's Chicken? 115 00:07:15,356 --> 00:07:17,733 Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty. 116 00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:22,835 I love chickens. More than you. 117 00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:24,548 Ah, screw off. 118 00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,291 Whoo! Y'all kids keep it down over there 119 00:07:30,371 --> 00:07:32,961 with your Pokemon Go playing selves! 120 00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:34,315 Girl, you so crazy. 121 00:07:34,397 --> 00:07:38,464 Girl, I am so tired of running around after the kids. 122 00:07:38,544 --> 00:07:40,172 I need this vacation. 123 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:44,331 - It's beautiful here. - It is, ain't it? 124 00:07:44,411 --> 00:07:46,934 Honey, you gonna like my brother Franklin. 125 00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:48,469 All I got to say is, 126 00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:51,338 is hold off on having kids for as long as you can. 127 00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:52,714 'Cause they will suck the life out of you. 128 00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:56,744 I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin, just... 129 00:07:58,559 --> 00:08:00,748 - What'd you say, Mama? - Just suck it all... Huh? 130 00:08:00,775 --> 00:08:04,719 Baby, nothing. Mama loves you. Go on. Go play. 131 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,354 Wait. Hold up. Are you saying you invited me 132 00:08:07,434 --> 00:08:09,323 as some kind of blind date for Franklin? 133 00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:13,067 Girl, no, no, no! We enjoy your company. 134 00:08:13,106 --> 00:08:16,096 - Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to... - But it is a blind date. 135 00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:20,975 - Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges? - Are you kidding, Felipa? 136 00:08:20,979 --> 00:08:22,394 Nothing can give the other families the satisfaction 137 00:08:22,474 --> 00:08:24,429 of watching a Mexican carry a bag of oranges. 138 00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:26,398 Like I'm selling them on the side of the street. 139 00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:29,292 Okay, are you serious? God, you sound crazy. 140 00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:36,975 Hey, excuse me! How much do you want for those oranges? 141 00:08:37,055 --> 00:08:40,820 - Ay, beat it, pendejo! - Oh, crap. Angry. 142 00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,983 Hey, Paco, you got any roses over there? 143 00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:46,780 Who asked you, Oprah? 144 00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,766 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll take that one. 145 00:08:53,004 --> 00:08:54,658 Hey, what is that? 146 00:08:57,909 --> 00:09:00,163 In your bag. 147 00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:04,820 Yeah, that. What's... 148 00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:23,176 Recycled. Glass sculpture. 149 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,580 My exhibit. It's next week. 150 00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:28,982 - What? You have an exhibit? - It's called... 151 00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,765 "The Exhibit." 152 00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:39,902 Oh, at least there's some chicas calientes to stare at, huh? 153 00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:42,932 Jose! What if Francesca heard you say that? 154 00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,486 She ain't here. And we ain't married. 155 00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,432 Besides, just 'cause I'm on a diet 156 00:09:48,512 --> 00:09:50,352 doesn't mean I can't look at the menu. 157 00:09:50,432 --> 00:09:51,744 You mean stare at the menu? 158 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,673 Tuck dollar bills into that menu? 159 00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:56,765 I mean, come on! Man, she's got so much wiggle in her walk, 160 00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:59,141 she could butt-dial a rotary phone. 161 00:09:59,221 --> 00:10:00,461 I heard them talking. 162 00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:03,846 I guess she came as a blind date for that Franklin guy. 163 00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,375 - Word? - Word. 164 00:10:05,455 --> 00:10:08,083 What? What'd you just say? 165 00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:09,251 - Are you all right? - No! 166 00:10:09,331 --> 00:10:11,487 No, no, I'm not all right. 167 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,784 Listening to you two talk would make anybody sick. 168 00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:19,841 Men are idiots. Blind date bullshit. 169 00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,552 Don't let her call you that. 170 00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:24,071 She's talking to you, too, pendejo. 171 00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:26,001 Is our sister on her menopause or what? 172 00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:27,722 Ah! The Jones family! 173 00:10:27,808 --> 00:10:28,995 - Jones! - Whoa! 174 00:10:29,075 --> 00:10:31,030 Chilluns are everywhere. 175 00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:33,366 Hey, I really hope you guys like the park, man. 176 00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:35,302 I don't know what happened with this mix-up. 177 00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,813 I know I booked the last available site. 178 00:10:37,893 --> 00:10:41,708 What changed your mind about coming with us this year, huh, son? 179 00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:43,276 What? 180 00:10:43,356 --> 00:10:46,542 I love camping. All this is me, Pops. 181 00:10:46,622 --> 00:10:49,422 Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro. That's bullshit, okay? 182 00:10:49,502 --> 00:10:52,650 I hope you know this is not online camping. It's actually the real thing. 183 00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:55,698 And I hope you know this won't be a online fist in your face. 184 00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,290 It'll be the real thing. 185 00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:59,404 You know something? I'm tired of your shit. 186 00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:02,147 Ron Ron, stop it. You leave your brother alone. 187 00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:03,605 Sorry, Daddy. 188 00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:06,163 He's gotta dress correct. He's a District Attorney now. 189 00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:09,227 And he's working his way up. He might be Mayor one day. 190 00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:10,930 Ah, I don't know about Mayor, Pop. 191 00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:15,744 And, this weekend, we have a fine young woman with us. 192 00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:17,643 Shantaysia. 193 00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,846 - Who's Shantaysia? - Listen, son. 194 00:11:19,926 --> 00:11:23,650 Beautiful woman like that on your side, no telling how far you can go. 195 00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:27,089 From DA to Mayor. Commander-in-chief. 196 00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:29,925 You smell that? 197 00:11:30,011 --> 00:11:31,678 There's romance in the air. 198 00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,930 Y'all smell these potties? Damn! - I smell something. 199 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:37,150 But I didn't wanna say nothing, 'cause I kinda thought it was... 200 00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:39,819 Sorry, Daddy. 201 00:11:49,502 --> 00:11:51,705 Is that Justin Bieber? 202 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,832 Is that guy naked? - You wish. 203 00:11:59,655 --> 00:12:01,816 Is that dumpster on fire? 204 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:06,584 Oh, my gosh. Is that Charles Bronson? 205 00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,879 What's in the bottle? 206 00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:16,202 Communion. - So you're some creepy drunk priest? 207 00:12:16,282 --> 00:12:18,643 I am not a priest. 208 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:26,196 Listen. Why don't you help Franklin... - No! 209 00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:28,084 Set some things up? 210 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,931 - I've gotta go till some soil. - Pop! 211 00:12:32,096 --> 00:12:34,149 Shantay... Sharon? 212 00:12:34,229 --> 00:12:36,863 - Shantaysia. - Damn, they still doing that? 213 00:12:37,596 --> 00:12:39,898 That's fucked up. Here. 214 00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:42,291 "Shantaysia." 215 00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:45,789 Come on, what the hell kind of disease... Shantaysia. 216 00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,495 Hey, bro, what are you doing? You sleeping in your car? 217 00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:50,464 Until Denali makes a tent. 218 00:12:50,544 --> 00:12:53,396 Bro, you is not a real camper. Huh? You can't fool me. 219 00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:56,252 You might be able to fool Pops, but you can't fool me, brother. 220 00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:58,173 You're right. I don't wanna fool you. 221 00:12:58,253 --> 00:12:59,449 - Since I've known you... - Ah, snake! 222 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:03,111 Snake! Snake on your shoulder! Snake on your shoulder! 223 00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:05,858 Is it invisible? I don't see nothing! 224 00:13:05,944 --> 00:13:07,725 Where is it? - Ron Ron, I'm just... 225 00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:10,986 Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you. I'm just messing with you! 226 00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:12,321 I'm just messing with you, dawg. 227 00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:15,110 I just... I just... What? I just, what, fooled you. 228 00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:21,265 Get those flying bastards! 229 00:13:21,358 --> 00:13:22,944 Chuckie, don't say "bastard." 230 00:13:23,026 --> 00:13:25,328 - What about bitch? - Yeah, that's not... 231 00:13:25,408 --> 00:13:27,850 - Ass Slurpee? - No. That... No. 232 00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,856 - Ass waffle! - Not great. 233 00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:31,312 - Bitch taco? - Don't love it. 234 00:13:31,392 --> 00:13:32,834 - Shit Slurpee? - No. 235 00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,903 - Crap-talker. - I don't... No. 236 00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:36,413 - Ass-butch? - Don't... Not a fan. 237 00:13:36,493 --> 00:13:39,208 - You love tit chicken. Tell me that. - No, I don't love that. 238 00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:41,176 - I kinda like that. - I don't love the word "tit." 239 00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:42,644 - Come on now. Dick dog? - Definitely not "dick." 240 00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:43,645 - Ass lick? - No. 241 00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,714 - Slurpee? - No. 242 00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:47,700 - Shit Slurpee! - No. 243 00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,630 - What else you got? - Bastards! 244 00:13:50,773 --> 00:13:53,254 You know what, bastard's fine. 245 00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,676 - It's... It's passable. - Yeah. 246 00:13:55,756 --> 00:14:00,086 Hey, everybody, look! I made Ocho into a turtle dog! 247 00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:04,115 It's the fifth Ninja Turtle, Taco Bello. 248 00:14:04,195 --> 00:14:06,726 Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's totally funny, man. Now take it off. 249 00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:09,481 - I can't. - It's super-glued. 250 00:14:23,018 --> 00:14:24,618 Is that Tejano? 251 00:14:27,227 --> 00:14:30,016 Now this is what I'm talking about. 252 00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:33,196 Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire. 253 00:14:33,631 --> 00:14:35,017 Dad, look, no offense, 254 00:14:35,097 --> 00:14:38,918 but this old-ass music make me wanna put a gun to my head and shoot it! 255 00:14:38,998 --> 00:14:40,606 Give me a sec. 256 00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:45,067 - I'm gonna go get a gun. - Ha! Good one, Pop. 257 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,718 When? 258 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,042 - When? - When? 259 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,244 When? When what? 260 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,079 - I don't even know. - What? 261 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,359 No, no, no, no, no. 262 00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:56,581 You said someday someone's gonna have an intervention on you. 263 00:14:56,661 --> 00:15:00,476 -I'm curious. When? - She wasn't suppo... I mean, uh... 264 00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:02,993 - What is she talking about? - Wait, what? 265 00:15:03,073 --> 00:15:05,720 I love that show, "Intervention." - What is she talking about? 266 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,248 I'm camping with my son and my daughter, we're having a good time. 267 00:15:09,328 --> 00:15:11,396 The wieners... - I don't even know where this is coming from. 268 00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:16,214 - My brother's coherent, and... - I love it here. 269 00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,562 - This is fabulous. - It's great. 270 00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:21,499 Until I hear things about interventions. 271 00:15:21,579 --> 00:15:24,135 When might this intervention be happening? 272 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,971 What is she talking about, dad? 273 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:30,529 Uh, son, uh... When this wiener is done. 274 00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:33,142 - When will it be done? - Yeah, it will be done! 275 00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,881 Well, let me just tell you that interventions are not cool. 276 00:15:35,961 --> 00:15:37,451 They sprung one on a buddy of mine once 277 00:15:37,531 --> 00:15:39,693 and I'm pretty sure he stabbed a bunch of his mom's cats. 278 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,243 The vet probably had a really good night that night, 279 00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:45,455 wondering how all those cats got stabbed. 280 00:15:48,473 --> 00:15:50,462 One of these days, I'm gonna be so rich, 281 00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,219 I'll be able to rent this whole damn park out. 282 00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:55,112 Maybe then Papi will smile. 283 00:15:56,258 --> 00:15:57,472 Oh, hey. 284 00:15:57,552 --> 00:15:59,650 I just had my best million-dollar idea yet. 285 00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:02,321 It's a soft drink, but for dogs. 286 00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,553 It's called "Pupsi." - What? 287 00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,271 - Pupsi! - Pupsi? 288 00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:09,710 Pepsi's not gonna let you get away with that. 289 00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:13,517 - What are they gonna do, sue me? - Yeah. Out your ass. 290 00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:17,754 ♪ That's a bad idea called Pupsi ♪ 291 00:16:18,991 --> 00:16:20,957 You fools have no vision. 292 00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:25,930 ♪ Pupsi... ♪ 293 00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:28,238 Who made y'all the DJ of site 16? 294 00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:30,460 Turn that shit down, okay? 295 00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,785 We're trying to hear old-ass jazz over here. 296 00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,987 Look at they fire, huh? 297 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,857 We got this little fire right here. This doesn't make any sense. 298 00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:42,233 What does it matter if their fire is bigger than our fire? 299 00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:44,146 - It don't matter... - Thank you. 300 00:16:44,226 --> 00:16:46,293 if it ain't true. 301 00:16:48,552 --> 00:16:51,446 Hey, are their fires bigger than ours? 302 00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:54,444 You know, we need a bigger fire. 303 00:16:58,053 --> 00:16:59,853 Get that lighter fluid. 304 00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:15,003 Want some of this? 305 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,914 Hey, what you doing? 306 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,919 What's wrong with y'all? 307 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:39,301 What the hell is wrong with you men? 308 00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:41,493 Y'all trying to burn my babies? 309 00:17:41,573 --> 00:17:42,815 - Tell 'em, baby. - Oh, my God! 310 00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:44,234 What is wrong with you guys? 311 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,954 Yell at them. Yell at them a little bit. 312 00:17:47,083 --> 00:17:48,748 - What the hell? - Felipe! 313 00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:50,192 Cool off! 314 00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:53,268 My babies in there sleeping, you know you got that from Vietnam. 315 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,918 Why would you burn that shit? 316 00:17:54,998 --> 00:17:56,752 - Hey! - The fire's still burning. 317 00:17:56,832 --> 00:17:58,979 They started it. - Okay, come on, really? 318 00:17:59,059 --> 00:18:02,294 We had it under control. The ice was under control. 319 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,729 Baby... 320 00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,733 Yeah, you can't fuel this fire! 321 00:18:14,578 --> 00:18:15,732 What are you doing? 322 00:18:15,812 --> 00:18:17,612 Go to bed! Everybody go to bed. 323 00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,548 - I was actually sleeping. - Go to bed! 324 00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:20,616 I was sleepy. I was gonna go to bed. 325 00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:22,827 I was thinking it was time to go to bed. 326 00:18:33,308 --> 00:18:35,264 This is bullshit! 327 00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:36,919 Getting eaten alive! 328 00:18:37,445 --> 00:18:40,335 Damn ants or mosquitoes or whatever the hell you are. 329 00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:42,115 Leave me alone! 330 00:18:48,423 --> 00:18:51,108 There's gotta be a 24-hour place in town. 331 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,975 Oh, my God. 332 00:18:56,522 --> 00:18:58,909 What a fricking beginning. 333 00:19:10,502 --> 00:19:12,781 What the hell was that? 334 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,494 Fricking pina... 335 00:19:15,771 --> 00:19:18,063 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 336 00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:20,609 What did you do? 337 00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:23,263 - You scared the crap outta me! - Oh, my goodness. 338 00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:25,555 Okay, okay, this is not what it looks like. 339 00:19:25,635 --> 00:19:27,943 - You killed them both? - No, no, no, no, no! 340 00:19:28,023 --> 00:19:32,429 This piece of shit dumbass hybrid makes no noise, and... 341 00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:35,267 All right. You gotta help me get them to a vet. 342 00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:37,602 You drive and I'll give them mouth-to-mouth. 343 00:19:37,682 --> 00:19:39,182 I mean, mouth-to-snout. 344 00:19:58,461 --> 00:20:01,079 What the hell did they do to Ocho? 345 00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:02,952 Who would do such a thing? 346 00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:08,414 - Them... - Come on. 347 00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:12,789 - Hey, man. - Hey! What? 348 00:20:12,883 --> 00:20:15,185 - What the heck did you do to our dog? - Look! 349 00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:17,351 Nobody do nothin' to your dog. What are you talking about? 350 00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:18,542 What do you mean do nothin'? 351 00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,622 Oh, shit. Chaka! 352 00:20:20,702 --> 00:20:23,762 - What did they do to you? - What happened to my baby? 353 00:20:23,844 --> 00:20:25,271 What did you'll try to do to my baby? 354 00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:27,206 Hey, man, we didn't touch your dog. You busted ours. 355 00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:29,541 - Yeah, we love dogs, man. - Look at our dog. 356 00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,484 It's... 357 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:33,564 If y'all didn't touch our dog and we didn't touch your dog... 358 00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:37,508 Wake up, white people. 359 00:20:39,365 --> 00:20:42,006 Okay, all right, heh... Just... Just hear me out. 360 00:20:42,086 --> 00:20:44,796 I am so... sorry. 361 00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,886 It was an accident. 362 00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:50,014 I swear. I just wanted some Benadryl. 363 00:20:55,038 --> 00:20:56,959 - Crazy white man. - What, man? 364 00:20:57,039 --> 00:20:59,107 I have no idea. 365 00:21:03,869 --> 00:21:07,344 Come on, man, what are you doing? I want a freakin' refund or something. 366 00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:09,016 They seem pretty worked up. 367 00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:10,907 Yeah, if this turns into a race war, 368 00:21:10,987 --> 00:21:13,346 we'll be pulling out paperwork for a decade. 369 00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:29,475 You people... 370 00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:33,072 This is the 4th of July. This is the day we honor 371 00:21:33,152 --> 00:21:36,536 how our great nation declared its independence 372 00:21:36,616 --> 00:21:38,377 from the king of England. 373 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:43,781 Do you happen to even know how George Washington 374 00:21:43,861 --> 00:21:47,492 celebrated his final victory over the British at Yorktown? 375 00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,775 That day great day, hmm? 376 00:21:49,855 --> 00:21:54,050 He issued his troops, a double ration of rum. 377 00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,937 Here we are. We had... 378 00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:02,891 fought this bitter war against a tyrannical foe. 379 00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:07,813 And, all we did to celebrate it, is that we drank. 380 00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:11,618 Four fingers of booze. Instead of two. 381 00:22:34,748 --> 00:22:37,204 That's about a martini and a half. 382 00:22:37,284 --> 00:22:39,926 In case you were wondering what four fingers was. 383 00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:44,348 Today... if a kid happens to throw his poopy diaper 384 00:22:44,428 --> 00:22:46,558 into the hamper, the parents, they go ape-shit, 385 00:22:46,638 --> 00:22:49,696 and they throw the kid a party, and give him a PlayStation. 386 00:22:53,431 --> 00:22:55,531 Gosh, he drinks like me. 387 00:23:06,266 --> 00:23:08,908 I don't really see... 388 00:23:08,989 --> 00:23:11,166 This issue between you people as a problem. 389 00:23:11,246 --> 00:23:13,881 I see it as an opportunity to get away 390 00:23:13,961 --> 00:23:15,996 from what the 4th of July has become. 391 00:23:16,076 --> 00:23:19,606 Which, let's face it, is just a couple of days off work 392 00:23:19,686 --> 00:23:21,215 for all the lazy people. 393 00:23:21,295 --> 00:23:26,722 We have become a nation of soft, puffy, pussy people. 394 00:23:26,802 --> 00:23:28,883 And, we have forgotten the sacrifice of those 395 00:23:28,963 --> 00:23:30,460 who have come before us. 396 00:23:30,540 --> 00:23:35,094 And, so, in my opinion, whoever wants camping site 16... 397 00:23:36,337 --> 00:23:38,290 you're gonna have to fuckin' fight for it. 398 00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:42,529 Wait a minute, you're talking about cannons, muskets and shit? 399 00:23:42,609 --> 00:23:44,190 - You're crazy. - Mm-hmm. 400 00:23:44,270 --> 00:23:46,538 Hey, I am retiring in a week and a half, 401 00:23:46,632 --> 00:23:49,295 and I don't give a shit, all right? 402 00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:52,732 You don't have to use guns and knives. Just... 403 00:23:52,812 --> 00:23:54,434 Have a contest. 404 00:23:54,514 --> 00:23:56,069 Have a contest. 405 00:23:56,149 --> 00:23:58,546 Whatever family wins the contest, 406 00:23:58,626 --> 00:24:01,741 they get to kick the other two families' asses outta the park. 407 00:24:01,821 --> 00:24:03,063 How about that? 408 00:24:03,143 --> 00:24:05,772 You get no cheese with your wine around here. 409 00:24:05,852 --> 00:24:10,303 So, if I were you, I would be dedicated to gettin' it on. 410 00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,125 Cause it's on. 411 00:24:14,898 --> 00:24:17,969 This whole thing is a mess, and we're sorry about it. 412 00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:21,153 We were told to help out with the contest, and... 413 00:24:21,233 --> 00:24:23,508 It was the park's fault. - Well, great. 414 00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:27,070 Wow. It's really nice that the pigs are being helpful. 415 00:24:27,169 --> 00:24:28,837 - Pardon? - Uh, no, nothing. 416 00:24:28,917 --> 00:24:32,202 He just said that the cloud up there looks like a pig. 417 00:24:32,282 --> 00:24:33,876 No, I didn't. I said... 418 00:24:35,441 --> 00:24:38,913 He, uh... He had a spider on his zipper there. 419 00:24:38,993 --> 00:24:40,642 Thanks! 420 00:24:41,467 --> 00:24:44,092 Thanks, guys. Hey, Gravy. 421 00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:47,112 - He deserved that. - Yeah, seriously. 422 00:24:47,192 --> 00:24:49,948 So, we're doing this contest thing? 423 00:24:50,028 --> 00:24:51,593 Oh, yeah, we're doing this. 424 00:24:51,673 --> 00:24:53,685 What's the matter, old man? You scared? 425 00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:55,787 Scared? No. 426 00:24:55,867 --> 00:24:58,190 Just sad. - Oh! 427 00:24:58,270 --> 00:25:00,592 Sad for you and all these other losers. 428 00:25:00,672 --> 00:25:02,327 Kids. 429 00:25:02,407 --> 00:25:04,154 We're marking off an area for you to play in. 430 00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:06,268 Do not leave this area for any reason. 431 00:25:06,348 --> 00:25:08,201 What if we get hit by lightning? 432 00:25:08,281 --> 00:25:09,437 Try not to. 433 00:25:09,527 --> 00:25:10,827 What if we see an ice cream truck? 434 00:25:10,907 --> 00:25:12,735 - Try not to. - Dad? 435 00:25:12,815 --> 00:25:14,406 How long do we have to stay here? 436 00:25:14,486 --> 00:25:16,721 Just while the adults are off, doing adult things. 437 00:25:16,801 --> 00:25:19,550 Yes, I'm getting a new baby brother. 438 00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,611 Uh... 439 00:25:21,691 --> 00:25:24,401 Not those kind of adult things. 440 00:25:25,947 --> 00:25:28,656 Okay, kids, have fun. Hey, don't poke your eyes out. 441 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:30,425 Peace out. 442 00:25:35,031 --> 00:25:36,031 Hi. 443 00:25:43,601 --> 00:25:46,221 - I don't know what to say. - Well, you can usually find 444 00:25:46,301 --> 00:25:48,565 all the right words in the courtroom. 445 00:25:48,645 --> 00:25:52,160 I thought bringing our families together up here, would be... 446 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,829 our chance to, you know, break the news. 447 00:25:54,909 --> 00:25:57,989 Wait... You did this on purpose? 448 00:25:58,609 --> 00:26:00,786 Yeah, kinda, a little bit. 449 00:26:00,866 --> 00:26:03,486 I mean, it was easy 'cause our names are so similar. 450 00:26:03,566 --> 00:26:05,431 Jones. Jonas. 451 00:26:05,511 --> 00:26:08,425 I didn't expect a white Jones family to show up. 452 00:26:08,505 --> 00:26:12,114 Man, I screwed up everything. It's my fault, I'm sorry. 453 00:26:12,194 --> 00:26:15,639 - So, who is she? - Who is who? 454 00:26:15,719 --> 00:26:18,186 You know who I'm talking about. 455 00:26:18,266 --> 00:26:20,151 Who, Fantasia? I don't know that girl. 456 00:26:20,231 --> 00:26:23,268 - Shantaysia, why is she here? - I don't know her. 457 00:26:23,364 --> 00:26:25,410 She's my dad's idea. 458 00:26:25,490 --> 00:26:27,596 I don't... It's my first time ever seeing her. 459 00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:29,693 Stop. Come on. 460 00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:32,184 You know I love you. Stop. 461 00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:37,534 Anyway, look, I have a plan. 462 00:26:39,623 --> 00:26:41,668 I'll make sure we win the race. 463 00:26:41,748 --> 00:26:45,582 And, then, I'll convince my dad to let you... your family stay, 464 00:26:45,662 --> 00:26:47,365 and we'll get rid of the white family. 465 00:26:47,445 --> 00:26:49,657 They'll kick rocks. 466 00:26:50,215 --> 00:26:52,681 What if your family doesn't win? 467 00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:54,393 Felipa... 468 00:26:54,473 --> 00:26:57,068 Stop smoking crack. 469 00:26:58,071 --> 00:27:00,094 We're black, we're gonna win. 470 00:27:01,191 --> 00:27:03,594 Mexicans are pretty athletic, too. What about like... 471 00:27:03,689 --> 00:27:05,916 Big Papi. - He's Dominican. 472 00:27:05,996 --> 00:27:09,249 Oh, y'all gonna lose bad. Y'all gonna lose so bad. 473 00:27:18,885 --> 00:27:22,482 Hey, guys, I think I hear an ice cream truck. 474 00:27:23,632 --> 00:27:26,066 Wait, but, we can't leave this area. 475 00:27:26,150 --> 00:27:28,318 Well, screw that, it's ice cream. 476 00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:39,161 Look at these people. 477 00:27:39,241 --> 00:27:40,905 They're like vultures. 478 00:27:40,985 --> 00:27:44,325 They're standing around watching us fight among ourselves. 479 00:27:44,405 --> 00:27:46,869 Don't think they're just out here having fun? 480 00:27:46,949 --> 00:27:48,172 No. 481 00:27:48,252 --> 00:27:51,172 This has gotten much bigger than three mad-ass families. 482 00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:54,255 - Bigger how? - Oh, you think about it, bud. 483 00:27:54,335 --> 00:27:57,371 International sports, you root for your country. 484 00:27:57,451 --> 00:28:00,253 School sports, you root for your school. 485 00:28:00,341 --> 00:28:02,441 These people are rooting for their race. 486 00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:07,024 - Oh, you don't know that. - Okay. Truth or dare? 487 00:28:07,104 --> 00:28:09,493 I'll answer a question, if you answer a question. 488 00:28:09,573 --> 00:28:10,861 - Okay. - Truthfully. 489 00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:11,795 - All right. - All right. 490 00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:13,964 Now, when you first drove up here, 491 00:28:14,044 --> 00:28:16,387 and you saw that there were two families here. 492 00:28:16,467 --> 00:28:19,087 Now, were you mad cause there were two families here? 493 00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:22,353 Or, were you mad cause we weren't white? 494 00:28:22,433 --> 00:28:25,176 Yeah, well, you know... Truth be told 495 00:28:25,256 --> 00:28:26,943 when I drove up here, I was a little nervous. 496 00:28:27,023 --> 00:28:28,809 But, that's because I didn't know what to expect. 497 00:28:28,889 --> 00:28:32,800 Well, I felt the same way. And, that's textbook racism. 498 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,698 You can't say I'm racist just because I didn't know what to expect. 499 00:28:35,778 --> 00:28:37,947 I've had a lot of great experiences with... 500 00:28:38,027 --> 00:28:40,182 other races, and some not so great. 501 00:28:40,262 --> 00:28:41,951 Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 502 00:28:42,031 --> 00:28:45,154 You should know that... 503 00:28:45,234 --> 00:28:48,427 our family isn't anything like that at all. 504 00:28:48,507 --> 00:28:51,605 In fact, I was a total wigger back in high school. 505 00:28:51,685 --> 00:28:53,577 I had my hair braided and everything. You remember that? 506 00:28:53,657 --> 00:28:55,664 Yeah, that was so cute. 507 00:28:55,744 --> 00:28:57,777 What is a wigger? 508 00:29:01,221 --> 00:29:04,365 It's just a term for a kid that's... 509 00:29:04,445 --> 00:29:06,709 trying to act tough and sound cool. 510 00:29:06,789 --> 00:29:09,043 Well, now, that's what it means. 511 00:29:09,123 --> 00:29:10,079 But... 512 00:29:10,159 --> 00:29:12,774 What is it an acronym for? - An acronym? 513 00:29:12,854 --> 00:29:15,143 Yeah, like the word smog. 514 00:29:15,223 --> 00:29:17,490 It's a combination of the words smoke and fog. 515 00:29:17,579 --> 00:29:19,385 That's an acronym. 516 00:29:19,465 --> 00:29:24,176 What are the words that wigger is an acronym for? 517 00:29:25,425 --> 00:29:26,865 Well, that's easy. 518 00:29:26,945 --> 00:29:31,426 It's a... It's a combination of, a mash up, if you will, 519 00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:33,339 of the words... 520 00:29:36,973 --> 00:29:38,210 white... 521 00:29:38,295 --> 00:29:40,147 - White. - And... 522 00:29:43,452 --> 00:29:45,376 er... 523 00:29:45,456 --> 00:29:47,305 Okay. 524 00:29:47,892 --> 00:29:50,797 I mean, you know, you guys get hit with... 525 00:29:50,877 --> 00:29:53,255 - honky, hick, crackers... - Hey! 526 00:29:53,335 --> 00:29:55,263 - Peckerwood, redneck... - Hey! 527 00:29:55,343 --> 00:29:58,386 - White bastards, white devils. - Hey! 528 00:29:58,466 --> 00:30:02,691 But, the "N" word, that cuts straight through the clutter. 529 00:30:02,771 --> 00:30:04,906 Yeah, well, once you say that, it's pretty much game over. 530 00:30:04,986 --> 00:30:06,721 You're right. 531 00:30:06,801 --> 00:30:09,317 - Good going, son. Well done. - Happy to help. 532 00:30:09,397 --> 00:30:11,533 But, I still don't agree with you these people round here 533 00:30:11,613 --> 00:30:14,073 are rooting for their own races. - Hey! 534 00:30:18,552 --> 00:30:20,069 We got this, baby. 535 00:30:20,149 --> 00:30:22,993 Black and white's going down like a knocked-out zebra. 536 00:30:23,075 --> 00:30:25,208 Yeah, maybe you're right. 537 00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:28,321 - I hear it, I hear it. - Ice cream. 538 00:30:33,095 --> 00:30:34,949 Ice cream! 539 00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:39,995 - Hey, sorry I'm late. - Hey, Franklin. All right. 540 00:30:40,075 --> 00:30:42,164 You know, I love that look... 541 00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:43,966 That gleam of victory in your eyes. 542 00:30:44,046 --> 00:30:45,559 Yeah, we about to win, Pop. 543 00:30:45,639 --> 00:30:47,199 And, we gonna kick a family up outta here. 544 00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:51,075 Oh, yes. That's right. You know... Where's Shantaysia? 545 00:30:51,155 --> 00:30:54,452 Shantaysia... You know that old Franklin here 546 00:30:54,532 --> 00:30:58,617 was a track star in high school. Shantaysia, come on. 547 00:30:58,697 --> 00:31:03,081 One time, I ate 37 eggs in six minutes, come on. 548 00:31:03,161 --> 00:31:04,578 I mean that's impossible, you know. 549 00:31:04,658 --> 00:31:06,110 You proud of me, Daddy? You gonna brag about that? 550 00:31:06,353 --> 00:31:10,168 Proud of you, son. Not as proud as I am of Franklin here. 551 00:31:10,916 --> 00:31:13,549 - What? - That was a joke. 552 00:31:13,679 --> 00:31:16,035 - He's messing with you. - Shitty joke. 553 00:31:16,115 --> 00:31:16,815 What? 554 00:31:17,067 --> 00:31:20,928 - I said Keko's titty is broke. - Yeah, I thought you said that. 555 00:31:21,060 --> 00:31:23,205 - Let's do this. - Uh, you know what... 556 00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,790 Y'all enjoy your pissing contest but I'm outta here. 557 00:31:25,881 --> 00:31:28,079 You wanna go? - Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia. 558 00:31:28,159 --> 00:31:29,532 - Keko! - Felipa! 559 00:31:29,612 --> 00:31:33,886 This is our contest pick and it's called the Potty Carry. 560 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,190 That's right. One person goes inside of each one 561 00:31:37,471 --> 00:31:39,667 and the rest of us carry. 562 00:31:39,747 --> 00:31:43,904 And, the winner is the one who gets across that finish line first. 563 00:31:43,984 --> 00:31:45,480 That finish line is pretty far, man. 564 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,975 Dude, don't sweat it, man. We totally got this. 565 00:31:48,055 --> 00:31:50,066 Mexicans are gonna take this hands down. 566 00:31:50,246 --> 00:31:51,297 Hey, Papi. 567 00:31:51,491 --> 00:31:54,196 Papi, we're about to start the race, you gonna come cheer? 568 00:31:55,993 --> 00:31:57,798 Does your dad ever smile? 569 00:31:57,878 --> 00:32:00,291 - No. - You mean, "Darth Valdez"? 570 00:32:00,382 --> 00:32:02,616 Does he even know what a smile is? 571 00:32:02,818 --> 00:32:04,695 I bet you, he can't say the word "Chuck E. Cheese." 572 00:32:04,981 --> 00:32:07,828 Bet you his face makes him stop at "Chuck." 573 00:32:08,071 --> 00:32:10,857 He'd probably need a fake ID just to buy a "Happy Meal." 574 00:32:10,987 --> 00:32:12,647 - Wow. That's good. - All right. 575 00:32:12,727 --> 00:32:14,580 All right. That's pretty funny, but, uh... 576 00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:17,458 You know, he's still my dad, so could you cut it out, please. 577 00:32:17,538 --> 00:32:19,781 Well, you know, come on, let's space these potties out, 578 00:32:19,861 --> 00:32:22,477 and get the race started. I mean, we're standing around... 579 00:32:22,745 --> 00:32:25,318 Let me just drag this one. Get outta the way, would ya? 580 00:32:25,398 --> 00:32:28,641 So, I'll just take this one. - Are you sure? These things are heavy. 581 00:32:28,897 --> 00:32:30,840 Charlie, I've been a fireman for years, you know. 582 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,947 I've rescued babies from windows and fiery buildings, you know. 583 00:32:35,034 --> 00:32:36,796 Come on, put this on my back. 584 00:32:36,876 --> 00:32:38,688 - I guess. - Come on, let's go. 585 00:32:38,768 --> 00:32:41,126 This is... I can just... I got this. 586 00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:48,581 Charlie, get it off of me. Get it off of me. 587 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,884 We got this. We got this, Dad. 588 00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,522 Yeah, maybe we should slide it. 589 00:33:14,387 --> 00:33:17,951 I don't like this. I'm having a bad day. 590 00:33:18,786 --> 00:33:22,080 I hate kids. You ruined my life. 591 00:33:28,822 --> 00:33:29,910 The main problem is 592 00:33:29,990 --> 00:33:32,150 is getting this potty over the ravine. 593 00:33:32,230 --> 00:33:34,722 But, luckily, Ron Ron got an idea. 594 00:33:34,802 --> 00:33:35,501 What? 595 00:33:35,590 --> 00:33:39,030 All we need to do is swing this potty by using rope. 596 00:33:39,110 --> 00:33:40,708 We need to put the rope through a hitch, 597 00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:43,671 on top of the potty and, then, toss the rope on branches. 598 00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,725 And, then, we swing the potty over the ravine. 599 00:33:45,805 --> 00:33:48,400 Come on. - That's a good idea. 600 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,276 We gotta get some rope. - Oh, Daddy, look at this. 601 00:33:51,356 --> 00:33:52,599 I already got it. Taken care of. 602 00:33:52,679 --> 00:33:54,000 - Look at that. - Crap. 603 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,657 Guess I'm smarter than Franklin now, right? 604 00:33:55,737 --> 00:33:57,373 No. 605 00:33:57,453 --> 00:33:59,034 He's right, man. Rope's gonna make it easier. 606 00:33:59,114 --> 00:34:00,633 - Sharni, get a rope. - Okay, got it. 607 00:34:00,713 --> 00:34:02,370 - Dad. - We're ready to go. 608 00:34:02,450 --> 00:34:05,105 - We can't wait. Let's get started. - Wait, wait. 609 00:34:05,185 --> 00:34:06,443 - Wait, wait. - Get on your marks, 610 00:34:06,523 --> 00:34:08,208 get set, go! - Wait, wait. 611 00:34:08,288 --> 00:34:10,564 Oh, come on. 612 00:34:11,664 --> 00:34:13,592 Uh-uh, keep dreamin' Blondie, that rope is mine. 613 00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:16,875 - No, I saw it first. - Hello, open up. 614 00:34:17,175 --> 00:34:19,023 We wanna borrow your clothes line. 615 00:34:19,103 --> 00:34:21,577 - This is kinda cute. - Open up. We wanna borrow... 616 00:34:21,657 --> 00:34:24,005 - ... your clothes line. - Yeah, you know, keep knocking. 617 00:34:24,085 --> 00:34:25,907 People love Mexicans at their door. 618 00:34:25,987 --> 00:34:28,483 Ha-ha, really funny, "Blow White." 619 00:34:28,563 --> 00:34:29,787 Hello. 620 00:34:29,867 --> 00:34:32,953 We'll see how much you laugh when the rope is mine. 621 00:34:33,033 --> 00:34:34,942 Hey, what are you doing up there? 622 00:34:35,022 --> 00:34:38,161 - Getting this damn clothes line. - Oh, shit. 623 00:34:47,839 --> 00:34:49,827 I don't know. 624 00:34:54,454 --> 00:34:57,043 - Come this way. - What the hell was that? 625 00:35:01,515 --> 00:35:03,713 Hey, where did everybody go? 626 00:35:04,556 --> 00:35:05,556 Pop? 627 00:35:06,624 --> 00:35:07,624 Ron Ron? 628 00:35:08,693 --> 00:35:10,461 Did we win? 629 00:35:10,551 --> 00:35:13,818 Come on, come on. 630 00:35:13,898 --> 00:35:17,399 What happened? - He has a TV antenna stuck in him. 631 00:35:17,492 --> 00:35:19,190 Where? 632 00:35:19,270 --> 00:35:21,770 - We need to take him to a hospital. - All right, let's use my car. 633 00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:24,722 Wait, we're gonna get him in that? 634 00:35:25,744 --> 00:35:27,344 Here. 635 00:35:28,689 --> 00:35:32,774 - What in the hell are you doing? - Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but... 636 00:35:34,537 --> 00:35:37,122 No! No more, you fucking idiot. 637 00:35:38,741 --> 00:35:40,875 Everybody, stop! 638 00:35:42,445 --> 00:35:44,434 Do you get the NFL package? 639 00:35:46,650 --> 00:35:49,155 We're not gonna get him in that pussy car. 640 00:35:49,235 --> 00:35:51,284 Let's get him in Franklin's car. 641 00:35:51,788 --> 00:35:53,309 - I'm right here. - Come on. 642 00:35:53,389 --> 00:35:55,745 You got it. You got it. 643 00:35:55,825 --> 00:35:58,248 - Put him inside. - There you go. 644 00:35:58,328 --> 00:35:59,666 Let's give him a push. - All right. 645 00:35:59,746 --> 00:36:01,862 - One, two... - No... 646 00:36:01,942 --> 00:36:03,497 three. 647 00:36:07,137 --> 00:36:10,364 - That went horribly wrong. - Yeah, hang tight. 648 00:36:10,446 --> 00:36:12,645 Okay, okay. Let's go. Come on. Vamanos. 649 00:36:22,087 --> 00:36:24,298 So, are you doing number one or number two? 650 00:36:24,378 --> 00:36:27,879 - What? Go get an adult. - You look like a pinata. 651 00:36:27,959 --> 00:36:29,802 And you look the first person's ass I'm gonna beat 652 00:36:29,882 --> 00:36:31,139 if you don't go and get an adult. 653 00:36:31,219 --> 00:36:34,105 I didn't say you were one, I said you looked like one. 654 00:36:34,185 --> 00:36:37,148 Oh, I'mma beat you so bad and you're not even my kid. 655 00:36:37,231 --> 00:36:38,873 Woah, take it easy, perv. 656 00:36:38,953 --> 00:36:42,377 I thought you kids were on lock down. How did you get outta your area? 657 00:36:42,457 --> 00:36:44,912 You didn't answer me. Number one or number two? 658 00:36:44,992 --> 00:36:47,615 Why you wanna know? Chuckie, that's nasty. 659 00:36:47,695 --> 00:36:50,854 Get an adult, I could die. - No, no. - Okay, yeah. 660 00:36:50,934 --> 00:36:54,290 Please, this is not a drill. 661 00:36:54,370 --> 00:36:56,683 This is a "code red." You know a "code red"... 662 00:36:56,763 --> 00:36:58,630 Oh, y'all went to public school. Y'all know nothing. 663 00:36:58,710 --> 00:37:03,133 Oh, my God. I hate kids. And, I hate camping. 664 00:37:14,709 --> 00:37:17,928 - Hey guys, quick. - Come say hi to Mom. Come on. 665 00:37:18,488 --> 00:37:20,641 - Hey, Mom. - Cheese. 666 00:37:20,721 --> 00:37:22,673 Yo. Yep, I'm good. 667 00:37:25,167 --> 00:37:27,678 Yo, I got lucky. 668 00:37:28,702 --> 00:37:30,738 It was tough, but I'm good. 669 00:37:34,777 --> 00:37:36,304 Hey... 670 00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:39,243 Doctor said my love handles are like a teenager's. 671 00:37:44,913 --> 00:37:48,950 Yeah, don't worry about it. Just gonna be here by myself, you know. 672 00:37:49,897 --> 00:37:51,980 No family to talk to. 673 00:37:55,729 --> 00:37:57,836 Something to think about, Mijo. 674 00:38:07,183 --> 00:38:09,697 - Okay. - Aunt Felipa, I can't move. 675 00:38:09,777 --> 00:38:13,217 Yes, but you're safe. Have fun. 676 00:38:13,797 --> 00:38:17,154 - Mind if I sit? - Sure. 677 00:38:17,409 --> 00:38:21,051 - It's a pretty mantis. - I'm gonna kill him. 678 00:38:22,248 --> 00:38:24,256 You know, the kids don't see race. 679 00:38:24,941 --> 00:38:28,024 It's true. Seems they learn it from the adults. 680 00:38:28,634 --> 00:38:30,890 Kids can be a handful, man. 681 00:38:30,970 --> 00:38:32,199 I used to think that I wanted a bunch of them, 682 00:38:32,279 --> 00:38:35,863 but after this weekend, I think I'm just gonna get another cat. 683 00:38:36,870 --> 00:38:39,611 Hey where is it? - It's right there, it's just moving. 684 00:38:39,691 --> 00:38:41,546 - Now, that's a... - It's a praying... 685 00:38:41,626 --> 00:38:44,001 It's just a gross bug. Just put it down. 686 00:38:44,378 --> 00:38:46,317 Oh, you know, I've actually been meaning to tell you, 687 00:38:46,397 --> 00:38:48,063 that I really like your hair. 688 00:38:48,158 --> 00:38:50,355 Thanks, I do it myself. 689 00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,747 - Really? - I have my own salon. 690 00:38:52,827 --> 00:38:54,668 That's super cool. 691 00:38:54,748 --> 00:38:58,309 Didn't I hear Charlie saying that he has his own salon, too. 692 00:38:58,389 --> 00:39:00,586 Not a salon, a saloon. 693 00:39:00,666 --> 00:39:03,271 I drove with him to the vet the other night. 694 00:39:03,351 --> 00:39:06,574 He had a dog under each arm, giving them both mouth-to-mouth. 695 00:39:06,654 --> 00:39:08,620 He's got a lot of heart. 696 00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,534 Yeah, and dog breath, sounds like. 697 00:39:11,614 --> 00:39:13,469 Did any of the dogs get a contact drunk? 698 00:39:13,549 --> 00:39:15,304 Yeah, I think the dogs were wondering 699 00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,442 why I kept checking their IDs. 700 00:39:22,162 --> 00:39:25,909 You know, he's a good guy. - Yeah, and cute too, right? 701 00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:28,021 - Yeah, he is kinda cute. - Yeah. 702 00:39:28,101 --> 00:39:31,199 - Super cute. Like I would. - I think I would, too. 703 00:39:31,293 --> 00:39:34,682 Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer and girls love bad boys. 704 00:39:34,762 --> 00:39:39,237 I think he knows he has a problem. I don't drink. I never have, but... 705 00:39:39,317 --> 00:39:42,316 My dad was an alcoholic, so, I know the signs. 706 00:39:42,396 --> 00:39:44,625 - I really wanna kill it. - Just kill it. 707 00:39:44,705 --> 00:39:48,268 No, it's one of God's creatures, don't kill it. 708 00:39:48,348 --> 00:39:50,035 Right? Don't kill it. 709 00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:55,592 So, how about you? Do you work at the courthouse back in the city? 710 00:39:55,691 --> 00:39:59,140 - Yeah, I'm a stenographer. - Franklin works in the DA's office. 711 00:39:59,220 --> 00:40:00,441 - Does he? - Yeah. 712 00:40:00,521 --> 00:40:01,609 Do you ever see him around there? 713 00:40:01,689 --> 00:40:04,906 Uh... Now that you... I think I have. Mm-hmm. 714 00:40:06,496 --> 00:40:08,246 Not that often. 715 00:40:08,326 --> 00:40:11,830 You know, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not here to... 716 00:40:12,499 --> 00:40:13,921 Oh, my God. 717 00:40:16,620 --> 00:40:18,570 Oh, my God. 718 00:40:18,854 --> 00:40:21,401 Should I buy a tabby or a Siamese cat? 719 00:40:22,856 --> 00:40:26,737 Okay, cabrones. Our pick. The eating contest. 720 00:40:26,817 --> 00:40:30,564 - Yeah, but not food... - Habaneros, baby. 721 00:40:30,644 --> 00:40:32,208 Hot peppers, bro. 722 00:40:32,299 --> 00:40:34,611 You gotta eat as many as you can in three minutes. 723 00:40:34,696 --> 00:40:37,800 And Habaneros... Habaneros are the Devil's food. 724 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,232 Yup. 725 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:42,747 - They can't be that bad. - Oh, you're about to find out. 726 00:40:42,827 --> 00:40:44,208 Can I eat for the family? 727 00:40:44,288 --> 00:40:46,551 Yeah, Gravy, you can eat for the family for sure. 728 00:40:46,631 --> 00:40:48,954 'Cause Habaneros are organic, 729 00:40:49,034 --> 00:40:52,295 and I do non-pharmaceuticals really well. 730 00:40:52,375 --> 00:40:55,324 Yeah. Like, one time I got lost in the desert. 731 00:40:55,404 --> 00:40:58,738 I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive. 732 00:40:58,818 --> 00:41:01,066 - Caps and stems? - The whole thing. 733 00:41:01,156 --> 00:41:03,638 I hallucinated for 15 days. 734 00:41:03,718 --> 00:41:06,206 - My diarrhea tasted like honey. - Ugh! 735 00:41:06,286 --> 00:41:07,575 That's beautiful, Gravy. 736 00:41:07,655 --> 00:41:09,711 - That's your son-in-law? - Yep. Uh... 737 00:41:09,791 --> 00:41:12,081 - Your brother-in-law? - Yes, my brother-in-law. 738 00:41:12,161 --> 00:41:14,408 - That's your brother. - In-law. 739 00:41:14,488 --> 00:41:17,864 You said that like you might have seen him naked or something. 740 00:41:18,753 --> 00:41:22,761 - All right, fool, I got this. - No, clown, I love Habaneros. 741 00:41:22,858 --> 00:41:26,136 Who you calling a clown? I can eat so many more Habaneros than you! 742 00:41:26,216 --> 00:41:28,121 No. 743 00:41:29,751 --> 00:41:32,447 - You, papi? - What, he's... 744 00:41:32,527 --> 00:41:36,778 - ... resurrected. - It's like it's Easter or something. 745 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,579 I've been eating Habaneros for 65 years. I will win for the familia. 746 00:41:41,659 --> 00:41:44,788 Mira. This is what I have been whittling. Huh? 747 00:41:44,868 --> 00:41:47,064 Ocho! 748 00:41:47,980 --> 00:41:49,715 For cervezas. 749 00:41:49,795 --> 00:41:54,668 Ocho is now an official St. Bernardo. 750 00:41:55,632 --> 00:41:57,275 - Papi made a joke. - Yeah. 751 00:41:57,355 --> 00:41:59,953 Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans. 752 00:42:00,033 --> 00:42:03,261 We put hot sauce on our hot sauce. 753 00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:06,705 - He made another joke. - That's awesome. 754 00:42:06,785 --> 00:42:08,766 I'm ready. Let's do this. 755 00:42:08,846 --> 00:42:11,763 All right, pendejos, the timer is set. 756 00:42:11,843 --> 00:42:14,583 Three, two, one, go! 757 00:42:42,593 --> 00:42:46,065 There's something going on in my fucking mouth. 758 00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:52,157 Do men... Do you think men ever get like 759 00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:55,550 a POV of themselves and just go... 760 00:42:55,630 --> 00:42:57,551 "We're really stupid"? 761 00:43:19,683 --> 00:43:22,949 May the Devil use your backbone as a trellis, 762 00:43:23,029 --> 00:43:25,419 to pick apples in Hell. 763 00:43:25,865 --> 00:43:29,289 To you, Mr. DiMaggio, and to you, Dr. Freud. 764 00:43:29,369 --> 00:43:32,578 If you don't know where you're going, there are plenty of roads. 765 00:43:37,536 --> 00:43:40,511 Okay. So, she's not just crazy beautiful, 766 00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:44,650 she's actually smart enough to see right through me. 767 00:43:44,737 --> 00:43:46,818 You need to look past the train-wreck he is 768 00:43:46,898 --> 00:43:49,776 and see the man that was crying when he thought the doggies wouldn't make it. 769 00:43:49,856 --> 00:43:54,423 Okay, that's a turnoff. May I just say I'm not usually the crying type. 770 00:43:54,503 --> 00:43:58,037 I thought it was sweet, you know, you crying like a little sissy. 771 00:43:58,701 --> 00:44:02,753 I cried, because when I was giving them mouth to snout, 772 00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:04,815 Ocho slipped me some tongue. 773 00:44:04,895 --> 00:44:10,133 I- I-I-I-I can still taste the, ugh, the lamb and carrots. 774 00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:12,654 Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap. 775 00:44:12,734 --> 00:44:15,872 I know I come off like a... Like a bit of a tough guy, 776 00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:20,109 but I do cry when I see that doggies are hurt, 777 00:44:20,190 --> 00:44:23,546 and you're half naked... I'm sorry about that. 778 00:44:23,639 --> 00:44:25,282 Are you? 779 00:44:26,792 --> 00:44:27,792 Oh, shit. 780 00:44:29,228 --> 00:44:31,219 Don't move. That's a coral snake. 781 00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:34,902 You'll be totally safe if you stand there, just like that, 782 00:44:34,982 --> 00:44:38,041 back lit by the sun, looking perfect. 783 00:44:39,592 --> 00:44:42,982 Damn it! You moved! Now you look awful. 784 00:44:43,062 --> 00:44:45,201 You went from looking like a goddess, to a... 785 00:44:45,281 --> 00:44:47,764 To a favela in a bikini. 786 00:44:49,006 --> 00:44:51,234 What are we gonna do? 787 00:44:51,468 --> 00:44:54,461 If we meld as one, 788 00:44:54,541 --> 00:44:57,495 it'll see us as a much larger and greater threat, 789 00:44:57,575 --> 00:45:01,282 and then slither away sheepishly. 790 00:45:02,063 --> 00:45:05,360 So, this is us... melding. 791 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,867 - Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 792 00:45:08,177 --> 00:45:11,349 In chapter seven in one of the most brilliant novels I've ever read, 793 00:45:11,430 --> 00:45:14,339 the main character finds a coral snake in a barn. 794 00:45:14,419 --> 00:45:18,402 Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills a fellow. Red over black, venom lack." 795 00:45:18,482 --> 00:45:20,626 So our little friend over there isn't poisonous. 796 00:45:20,706 --> 00:45:23,186 Wow. You read my novel? 797 00:45:23,266 --> 00:45:24,641 Twice. 798 00:45:24,736 --> 00:45:27,856 So I guess you know what a... What a cliche I am. 799 00:45:27,936 --> 00:45:29,135 Oh, a writer who drinks. 800 00:45:29,215 --> 00:45:31,203 You forgot to mention "tortured." 801 00:45:31,283 --> 00:45:33,725 And I left out "scared and insecure." 802 00:45:33,805 --> 00:45:37,585 Aha! Well, perhaps that is why I drink. 803 00:45:37,665 --> 00:45:39,388 But we never see you drink, 804 00:45:39,468 --> 00:45:42,237 because we're always distracted by the things you're pointing to, you know? 805 00:45:42,326 --> 00:45:46,128 Justin Bieber, dumpster fires, twenty-four hour Popeye's Chicken... 806 00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:50,823 The really tall midget enlightened trucker... 807 00:45:50,903 --> 00:45:52,057 Silent bagpipes, 808 00:45:52,137 --> 00:45:55,019 Pete Best, Blockbuster Video. 809 00:45:55,099 --> 00:45:58,189 The cast of "Breakfast Club," and one of my favorites, 810 00:45:58,269 --> 00:46:00,336 "That cloud looks like a drag queen." 811 00:46:00,474 --> 00:46:02,111 Let me see if I got this straight. 812 00:46:02,191 --> 00:46:04,734 You wrote one novel, got lots of critical praise, 813 00:46:04,814 --> 00:46:07,266 then you're finished? What happened? 814 00:46:10,092 --> 00:46:11,881 Wait a second. 815 00:46:11,970 --> 00:46:15,266 Is that Charlie Jones over there? 816 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,158 Behind that empty typewriter? 817 00:46:18,238 --> 00:46:20,923 Frozen, hammered... 818 00:46:21,419 --> 00:46:24,131 - Alone... - No, it isn't. 819 00:46:24,211 --> 00:46:26,496 I guess if my head was filled with that kind of crap, 820 00:46:26,582 --> 00:46:29,663 I'd probably drink, too. But I don't. 821 00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,916 So good luck with your travels. 822 00:46:33,204 --> 00:46:35,996 Wait. What if I... 823 00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,931 What if... I didn't drink? 824 00:46:39,341 --> 00:46:41,582 I guess we'll never know. 825 00:46:41,753 --> 00:46:44,810 But I do know you are a brilliant writer. 826 00:47:00,020 --> 00:47:03,097 I swear, that was not me peeing. 827 00:47:16,261 --> 00:47:19,128 Last one to drop their hand off the car wins. 828 00:47:19,208 --> 00:47:20,732 Ocho. 829 00:47:24,738 --> 00:47:26,333 Gracias. 830 00:47:27,714 --> 00:47:31,467 Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys right over there. 831 00:47:31,581 --> 00:47:35,499 Oh, yeah. Yeah, you gotta be real careful. 832 00:47:35,579 --> 00:47:38,033 They got 10,000 eyes. 833 00:47:38,570 --> 00:47:42,088 - Kind of like my ex-wife. - Are you gonna do it? 834 00:47:42,168 --> 00:47:45,317 It's been a long time. I'm scared. 835 00:47:45,399 --> 00:47:47,730 Do it. You won't. No balls. 836 00:47:48,275 --> 00:47:50,435 No balls? 837 00:47:55,892 --> 00:47:59,577 I got him! I got him! I gotcha! You're gonna... 838 00:47:59,699 --> 00:48:01,385 Ahem! 839 00:48:01,465 --> 00:48:04,327 Oh, yeah. I need one of your hairs. 840 00:48:05,135 --> 00:48:07,738 You're ready for your little leash? 841 00:48:10,508 --> 00:48:13,042 Que Paso, little flower? Yes? 842 00:48:13,122 --> 00:48:15,379 Dad, what's sex? 843 00:48:17,143 --> 00:48:19,272 Have fun with that one, Dad. 844 00:48:19,352 --> 00:48:21,141 Listen up. He's got a lot of good advice. 845 00:48:21,221 --> 00:48:24,144 Yeah, Felipa. Thank you very much. 846 00:48:24,224 --> 00:48:26,875 - What's sex? Huh? Tell her, Dad. - Let's hear it. 847 00:48:26,955 --> 00:48:30,045 Excuse me. Thank you. 848 00:48:30,125 --> 00:48:32,085 Um... Uh... 849 00:48:32,165 --> 00:48:35,034 Sex is like, like... It's... It's when you hug someone. 850 00:48:35,131 --> 00:48:37,645 - Come on, brother, that's it? - Hug real tight. 851 00:48:37,725 --> 00:48:41,025 So, wait. So I've had sex with my grandpa. 852 00:48:41,105 --> 00:48:43,293 I wouldn't be surprised. 853 00:48:44,974 --> 00:48:49,243 Okay. Well, I... I guess you're old enough. 854 00:48:50,414 --> 00:48:55,133 Sex is when Mommy and Daddy... 855 00:48:55,746 --> 00:49:00,957 ... uh, hug. And we don't have any clothes on. 856 00:49:01,037 --> 00:49:03,100 Well, you better get naked and start hugging, 857 00:49:03,180 --> 00:49:06,822 'cause they said dinner will be ready in two secs. 858 00:49:10,354 --> 00:49:12,855 Yes! Yes! 859 00:49:12,935 --> 00:49:15,565 Dinner will be ready in two secs! 860 00:49:15,663 --> 00:49:18,000 He's my son and I love him, but... 861 00:49:18,081 --> 00:49:20,709 You know, you hate to see 'em struggle. 862 00:49:20,789 --> 00:49:24,793 This thing that he's struggling with, has this, uh... 863 00:49:24,873 --> 00:49:26,889 Has this got anything to do with why he's not married 864 00:49:26,969 --> 00:49:29,360 and not settled down? 865 00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:30,890 Yeah. 866 00:49:30,970 --> 00:49:33,140 Well, hopefully he'll figure it out. 867 00:49:33,225 --> 00:49:36,254 We got a guy coming up that's gonna help with that. 868 00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:38,512 Oh! 869 00:49:40,228 --> 00:49:41,837 I get it. 870 00:49:41,917 --> 00:49:45,007 - You do? - Yeah. Hey, it's fine. 871 00:49:45,087 --> 00:49:47,567 I mean, every family has got 872 00:49:47,647 --> 00:49:51,213 someone who is... different. 873 00:49:51,293 --> 00:49:54,950 I mean, and you're fine with it, right? You've probably seen a lot of stuff. 874 00:49:55,030 --> 00:49:57,154 I used to be a fireman. 875 00:49:57,486 --> 00:50:01,366 Drinking got the best of me. I couldn't control it, so... 876 00:50:01,446 --> 00:50:03,511 they fired me. 877 00:50:03,646 --> 00:50:07,482 Tried the Bible. Jim Beam vs. John 3:10. 878 00:50:07,562 --> 00:50:10,469 - That didn't work out. - Jim Beam won? 879 00:50:10,554 --> 00:50:14,650 Yeah. I went to AA. Let go and let God... 880 00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,579 I'm keeping my side of the street clean. 881 00:50:19,669 --> 00:50:23,190 You know, as a parent I made mistakes, too. 882 00:50:23,524 --> 00:50:25,273 I mean, I know it really bothers Ron Ron, 883 00:50:25,353 --> 00:50:28,777 the way I focus in on Franklin's potential. 884 00:50:28,857 --> 00:50:30,471 But Ron Ron... 885 00:50:30,551 --> 00:50:32,932 He's... He's special. 886 00:50:38,011 --> 00:50:39,983 Special. 887 00:50:40,063 --> 00:50:44,282 You know, a couple of old school guys like you and me... 888 00:50:45,743 --> 00:50:49,936 gotta learn it's a new world out there, man. New rules. 889 00:50:50,016 --> 00:50:52,570 - Charlie's gonna be all right. - Yeah. 890 00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:57,790 And I mean, things... Things are a lot easier nowadays for guys like him. 891 00:50:58,471 --> 00:51:00,547 I'll be right back. 892 00:51:01,631 --> 00:51:05,924 - It's like a little fly kite. - He looks like a real goer. 893 00:51:06,004 --> 00:51:08,093 Watch what I do next here. 894 00:51:09,330 --> 00:51:12,958 Okay, big guy. Time to go to work. 895 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,451 Going somewhere with all those bells and smells on? 896 00:51:20,728 --> 00:51:24,373 - Uh, I was just about to... - I know where you're going. 897 00:51:24,453 --> 00:51:26,225 - You do? - Yep. 898 00:51:26,305 --> 00:51:28,819 And I think you two make a great pair. 899 00:51:28,899 --> 00:51:32,226 - You do? - Yes! I even like the ring of her name. 900 00:51:32,306 --> 00:51:34,428 - Shantaysia. - Fe... 901 00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:38,276 Shan... Shantaysia? Oh. - Yeah, yeah. 902 00:51:38,356 --> 00:51:42,698 Now, look, I know what you're gonna say. I know I push a little hard. 903 00:51:42,962 --> 00:51:45,202 But it's because you got so much promise, 904 00:51:45,282 --> 00:51:46,922 and I just want you to deliver on it. 905 00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:50,553 See, back in the day, when I was coming up your age... 906 00:51:50,647 --> 00:51:52,428 And the time... 907 00:51:52,508 --> 00:51:56,574 I never would have dreamed I'd have a son that's on the verge of running a city. 908 00:51:56,654 --> 00:51:58,924 I just want to say to you, son... 909 00:51:59,004 --> 00:52:00,882 I'm proud of you. - Oh, Pop. 910 00:52:00,962 --> 00:52:04,000 - Real proud. - Oh, Pop. Thanks, man. 911 00:52:05,736 --> 00:52:06,986 Whoo. 912 00:52:07,066 --> 00:52:09,796 Now you go ahead on for your walk. 913 00:52:10,499 --> 00:52:12,673 And don't make her late. No son of mine 914 00:52:12,753 --> 00:52:15,824 is gonna take longer than a woman to get ready. 915 00:52:15,904 --> 00:52:17,904 Oh, come on, man. 916 00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,835 You sound like an episode of "Sanford and Son." 917 00:52:23,269 --> 00:52:27,298 Ah! Romance is in the hizzouse. 918 00:52:27,975 --> 00:52:29,673 Hey, hey. 919 00:52:29,753 --> 00:52:32,889 - Hey, Shay-Shay. - Hey. Have a nice walk. 920 00:52:33,747 --> 00:52:37,177 Uh... Then where is he going all dressed up? 921 00:52:37,450 --> 00:52:40,861 - Who isn't here? - Hey, Charlie, where are you? 922 00:52:41,797 --> 00:52:43,617 Charlie? 923 00:52:46,570 --> 00:52:49,189 Charlie and Franklin? 924 00:52:51,336 --> 00:52:53,245 Oh, Lord. 925 00:52:58,413 --> 00:53:01,696 Oh, hey. You're here. How you doing? 926 00:53:01,776 --> 00:53:04,307 - I'm good. - Funny seeing you here. 927 00:53:04,387 --> 00:53:06,953 - Not really. - Uh, just... 928 00:53:07,033 --> 00:53:08,815 Well, being that I'm here, you're here, 929 00:53:08,903 --> 00:53:11,170 I thought we could talk about this whole... 930 00:53:11,919 --> 00:53:14,554 - Fake Mom thing. - What about it? 931 00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:19,065 Maybe, well... Not that I thought about it a lot, but I did... 932 00:53:19,149 --> 00:53:22,445 jot down some alts, as you kids like to say. 933 00:53:22,525 --> 00:53:24,952 - I've never said that. - You don't say "alts" for... 934 00:53:25,032 --> 00:53:28,054 - You wrote all of that? - Yeah, just a few, um... 935 00:53:28,134 --> 00:53:31,499 Just a few alternatives to "Fake Mom." 936 00:53:31,579 --> 00:53:34,978 Not that I don't love it. But I just thought, why not... 937 00:53:35,058 --> 00:53:38,518 Trophy Mom? I could be like a Trophy Mom, you know? 938 00:53:38,598 --> 00:53:39,892 I always wanted... - No. No. 939 00:53:39,972 --> 00:53:43,077 No? Okay, not great. Okay. How about, um... 940 00:53:43,409 --> 00:53:46,261 Mom Again? You know what I mean? 941 00:53:46,341 --> 00:53:48,249 Like, when you call me, you'll be like, "Mom Again!" 942 00:53:48,329 --> 00:53:52,647 - No. Fake Mom. - Okay. How about "This Mom"? 943 00:53:52,727 --> 00:53:55,614 This Mom. This Mom. You know what I mean? 944 00:53:55,694 --> 00:53:58,303 - Who would say any of this? - Probably nobody. 945 00:53:58,383 --> 00:54:00,523 How about "Other Mom"? "Cute Mom"? 946 00:54:00,608 --> 00:54:02,480 - Cute? Cute Mom? - "Mom Mom"? 947 00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,150 Okay, "Mom Mom." Mom Mom is cute. 948 00:54:04,230 --> 00:54:06,671 - Right? You'll be like, "Mom Mom!" - What am I, two years old? 949 00:54:06,751 --> 00:54:08,460 'Cause it wouldn't be like your first mom... 950 00:54:08,540 --> 00:54:11,971 I have my real mom... And then I have you. 951 00:54:12,051 --> 00:54:14,505 - Right and I would never wanna... - And you are my fake mom. 952 00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:17,495 And you need to stop trying to act... 953 00:54:17,575 --> 00:54:19,923 Take the place of her. Yeah, I would never. 954 00:54:20,003 --> 00:54:23,001 - Well, you're trying to. - No, I don't. I wouldn't... 955 00:54:24,093 --> 00:54:26,830 I think this has been a productive talk. 956 00:54:26,910 --> 00:54:28,298 All right, well... 957 00:54:28,378 --> 00:54:29,845 Um, do you want me to button up your shirt? 958 00:54:29,939 --> 00:54:33,783 No. Okay. It's supposed to be like that. Okay. All right. 959 00:54:40,109 --> 00:54:45,659 My family may not win this. Which means my plans get flushed. 960 00:54:46,369 --> 00:54:50,426 You've got to tell your dad. We both do. I can't keep lying. 961 00:54:52,738 --> 00:54:57,653 I don't know. My dad is crazy. It's like he wants me to be Mayor someday, 962 00:54:57,733 --> 00:54:59,951 - so it's... You know? - Yeah. 963 00:55:00,031 --> 00:55:03,137 And you can't do that with a Mexican woman by your side. 964 00:55:03,227 --> 00:55:05,828 What? I didn't say that. I mean, why did you... 965 00:55:05,908 --> 00:55:09,462 Look, Franklin... I'm glad that you worry about your father. 966 00:55:09,542 --> 00:55:11,630 I worry about my father, too. 967 00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:16,374 They want so much for us, even though sometimes it's misguided. 968 00:55:16,473 --> 00:55:19,976 But I think that we've been fooling ourselves 969 00:55:20,056 --> 00:55:23,751 - ... hoping that this will work. - What are you talking about? 970 00:55:23,831 --> 00:55:27,695 We were going to lean on each other, but maybe we can't. 971 00:55:27,779 --> 00:55:29,858 And it's better that we learned it now, 972 00:55:29,938 --> 00:55:32,796 before we commit to something that isn't gonna work. 973 00:55:32,876 --> 00:55:35,231 Felipa, what are you saying? 974 00:55:35,311 --> 00:55:38,016 Making it easier on both of us. 975 00:55:38,929 --> 00:55:40,966 What? 976 00:55:41,738 --> 00:55:44,737 Felipa, what are you doing? Felipa. 977 00:55:45,463 --> 00:55:49,179 Fuck! Fuck! 978 00:55:58,506 --> 00:56:00,858 Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off. 979 00:56:00,952 --> 00:56:03,666 You're gonna mess around and put a hole in the back of your neck. 980 00:56:03,746 --> 00:56:05,902 So you're just telling me stuff, huh? 981 00:56:05,982 --> 00:56:07,872 - You told me? - Yeah, I told you. 982 00:56:07,952 --> 00:56:10,563 - You told me? - Yes. 983 00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:14,144 - Okay. - Oh, that's it, Ron Ron. 984 00:56:14,224 --> 00:56:15,687 Wear those pants, brother. 985 00:56:15,767 --> 00:56:18,522 That way it'll tell your wife who's the boss, brother. 986 00:56:19,370 --> 00:56:21,666 You know something? Watch this. Ahem! 987 00:56:21,746 --> 00:56:23,753 Keko, check this out. 988 00:56:23,833 --> 00:56:27,284 I'm in this contest where I keep my hand on this damn car, 989 00:56:27,364 --> 00:56:30,279 so I can win it for the family. I'm a little thirsty now. 990 00:56:30,359 --> 00:56:33,924 I want you to go get me one of those beers, open the top, 991 00:56:34,004 --> 00:56:37,126 and put the beer on my lips and pour it in my mouth. 992 00:56:37,206 --> 00:56:39,894 - Now! - Bullshit! 993 00:56:39,974 --> 00:56:43,030 Do I look like somebody who's gonna pop a beer, 994 00:56:43,110 --> 00:56:46,260 put it on your lips and pour it down your throat? 995 00:56:47,357 --> 00:56:51,120 - Never mind, baby. - Wow! What a beautiful thing. 996 00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,404 I mean, look. 997 00:56:52,484 --> 00:56:56,153 Every creed, race, and creed 998 00:56:56,238 --> 00:56:59,264 just hanging loose. It's... 999 00:57:00,814 --> 00:57:02,914 I wanna give a speech. 1000 00:57:07,512 --> 00:57:09,426 Uh... 1001 00:57:09,506 --> 00:57:12,515 So, you gonna make that speech, hopper, or what? 1002 00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:15,429 Well, I gotta write something down first. 1003 00:57:16,210 --> 00:57:19,426 - That man is out of his mind. - He's a lunatic, man. 1004 00:57:20,991 --> 00:57:24,344 - What's up, guys? - What's up, Charlie? 1005 00:57:24,424 --> 00:57:27,756 - You smell what I'm stepping in? - You smell of something, brother. 1006 00:57:27,836 --> 00:57:31,246 - Yeah, the kids used to say that. - What kids used to say that? 1007 00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:35,300 - I heard a couple of kids say it. - Oh, hey Charlie, man. 1008 00:57:35,380 --> 00:57:37,769 I see your hybrid's got all the latest gadgets, man, that's pretty cool. 1009 00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:39,799 It's like... It's like "Star Trek." 1010 00:57:40,461 --> 00:57:41,701 What? 1011 00:57:41,781 --> 00:57:45,418 You got one of those special force fields. What do they call it? 1012 00:57:45,498 --> 00:57:47,883 Pussy Deflector. 1013 00:57:47,963 --> 00:57:51,285 - Charlie, where were you? - I was in the lake, washing up. 1014 00:57:51,365 --> 00:57:53,957 Oh, yeah? Did you wash behind your ears, fool? 1015 00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,913 ♪ Did you wash behind your ears? ♪ 1016 00:58:00,812 --> 00:58:02,995 ♪ Wash behind the ears ♪ 1017 00:58:03,075 --> 00:58:06,209 ♪ Why don't you shut The fuck up? ♪ 1018 00:58:06,289 --> 00:58:08,169 You know, Jose, maybe you should try washing. 1019 00:58:08,249 --> 00:58:10,616 I mean, even your tent has skid marks. 1020 00:58:10,703 --> 00:58:13,355 And don't be too stingy with the Lever 2000. 1021 00:58:13,435 --> 00:58:16,813 Maybe you should call them and see if they got a Lever 10000. 1022 00:58:16,893 --> 00:58:19,802 What are you talking about, man? That's pheromones. The chicks dig that. 1023 00:58:19,882 --> 00:58:23,517 Jose does smell. You got that right. 1024 00:58:23,597 --> 00:58:25,989 Hey, pass me that bullhorn. 1025 00:58:26,287 --> 00:58:28,215 What? 1026 00:58:29,949 --> 00:58:31,949 Hey, y'all. 1027 00:58:32,159 --> 00:58:34,729 Jose BO smell so bad, 1028 00:58:34,809 --> 00:58:37,389 he need the Right and the Left Guard. 1029 00:58:39,339 --> 00:58:41,857 You get it? 'Cause it's the Right Guard, that's what it's called. 1030 00:58:41,937 --> 00:58:44,020 And he smells, so he needs both sides of it, 1031 00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:46,023 - 'cause it's the left... - Yeah, they got it. 1032 00:58:46,103 --> 00:58:48,984 They didn't like that one? Okay, I got another one for you. 1033 00:58:49,064 --> 00:58:54,617 What is the flattest surface that you could iron anything on? 1034 00:58:55,388 --> 00:58:57,787 A white girl's ass. 1035 00:58:58,299 --> 00:59:02,329 Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit! 1036 00:59:02,409 --> 00:59:05,609 Check out this masterpiece of assery. 1037 00:59:05,689 --> 00:59:07,630 Oh, yeah. 1038 00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:10,037 Mind if I do a little tucking? 1039 00:59:10,117 --> 00:59:12,392 I don't know. It looks pretty flat to me. 1040 00:59:12,472 --> 00:59:14,816 Although, wait a minute. Maybe this is a bad angle. 1041 00:59:14,899 --> 00:59:15,869 You check it out. 1042 00:59:15,949 --> 00:59:18,999 We got a challenger on the plane, ladies and gentlemen. 1043 00:59:19,391 --> 00:59:22,769 Yeah, my bad. I was wrong. You're right. Okay, I'll concede the point. 1044 00:59:22,849 --> 00:59:25,957 Oh, I got one, I got one. Right, uh... 1045 00:59:26,037 --> 00:59:30,141 Okay, y'all. What's nine inches long and white? Huh? 1046 00:59:30,221 --> 00:59:32,644 Anybody? Anybody? 1047 00:59:32,724 --> 00:59:34,757 Not a damn thing! 1048 00:59:37,929 --> 00:59:41,439 Oh, really? Really? I call bullshit. 1049 00:59:41,519 --> 00:59:45,134 Check out this masterpiece of dickery. 1050 00:59:47,384 --> 00:59:51,129 All right, fine, fine, fine. Give me that horn. 1051 00:59:51,352 --> 00:59:54,437 And now Charlie has taken the bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen. 1052 00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,905 This competition is heating up. Let's see what he's got. 1053 00:59:57,989 --> 01:00:02,161 Did you hear about the black and Mexican guy that opened a restaurant together? 1054 01:00:02,241 --> 01:00:04,419 It's called "Nacho Mama." 1055 01:00:06,658 --> 01:00:09,139 Oh, hey, what happens when a white guy with a boner 1056 01:00:09,219 --> 01:00:11,404 - walks into a wall? - What? 1057 01:00:11,484 --> 01:00:13,556 He breaks his nose. 1058 01:00:17,532 --> 01:00:19,899 Franklin, he takes the bullhorn. 1059 01:00:19,979 --> 01:00:21,613 All right. 1060 01:00:21,693 --> 01:00:24,667 Why do white people love hockey? 1061 01:00:24,766 --> 01:00:27,510 - Why is that? - Because if they can't be a cop, 1062 01:00:27,609 --> 01:00:30,986 that's the only chance they get to beat something black. 1063 01:00:32,801 --> 01:00:36,040 Oh, in your face! 1064 01:00:36,178 --> 01:00:39,114 What do you call a black man in a suit? 1065 01:00:39,194 --> 01:00:41,242 The defendant. 1066 01:00:44,209 --> 01:00:47,382 I got one, I got one, you guys, wait for this. Ready? 1067 01:00:47,479 --> 01:00:49,659 Oh, ladies and gentleman, looks like the pole dancer 1068 01:00:49,739 --> 01:00:53,904 wants to enter the competition. She's teeing it up, let's see what she's got. 1069 01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:57,474 What do you call a black... 1070 01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,204 wait... 1071 01:00:59,284 --> 01:01:02,395 Ooh, and Daisy Duke's got nothing. 1072 01:01:03,075 --> 01:01:04,806 Fuck this shit. 1073 01:01:04,887 --> 01:01:06,933 Well, there's some good news and bad news. 1074 01:01:07,013 --> 01:01:09,112 While she had the bullhorn, ratings spiked, 1075 01:01:09,192 --> 01:01:13,064 but the bad news is everybody's IQ went down. 1076 01:01:17,721 --> 01:01:20,599 Okay, all right, all right. I got one for you. 1077 01:01:20,679 --> 01:01:24,342 Hey! What do white women make for dinner? 1078 01:01:24,433 --> 01:01:26,443 Reservations. 1079 01:01:29,749 --> 01:01:31,571 Oh, no, and ladies and gentlemen, 1080 01:01:31,651 --> 01:01:34,323 the park rangers are getting involved in the competition. 1081 01:01:34,403 --> 01:01:36,341 And either this brother is color blind 1082 01:01:36,421 --> 01:01:39,490 or he is flat-out helping the wrong family. 1083 01:01:40,897 --> 01:01:43,647 - You sure about that? - They'll love it. 1084 01:01:43,803 --> 01:01:46,236 When a black and a Mexican are in a car, 1085 01:01:46,335 --> 01:01:48,844 - who's driving? - Who? 1086 01:01:48,924 --> 01:01:50,973 The cop. 1087 01:01:54,345 --> 01:01:57,628 Yeah, okay, brother, don't... Check on out, okay, thank you. 1088 01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,464 Yeah, you can go on and clock out. Thank you. 1089 01:02:00,544 --> 01:02:03,466 And now, Franklin takes the bullhorn. 1090 01:02:03,546 --> 01:02:06,103 Let's see if he can pull one out for his team. 1091 01:02:06,183 --> 01:02:09,830 All right, uh... why do white folks have so many pets? 1092 01:02:09,910 --> 01:02:10,507 Why? 1093 01:02:10,587 --> 01:02:12,740 'Cause they can't own people anymore. 1094 01:02:14,221 --> 01:02:17,058 Boom! Drop the bull horn. That's right. 1095 01:02:18,491 --> 01:02:22,119 - Hey! Ya, ya, ya! - Ya! 1096 01:02:22,199 --> 01:02:25,060 Hey, hey, hey! 1097 01:02:25,140 --> 01:02:28,879 What's going on, everybody? My name is Johnny Jon-John. 1098 01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:32,097 I'll be running the intervention. And it is for Charlie Jones, 1099 01:02:32,177 --> 01:02:34,689 is there a a Charlie Jones? - No, no, not now. 1100 01:02:34,769 --> 01:02:36,906 An intervention for me? 1101 01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:40,881 No, no, no. You can go now. We don't need you. We're fine. 1102 01:02:40,977 --> 01:02:44,166 I should have seen you a mile away. Yes, sir, let's get right to it. 1103 01:02:44,246 --> 01:02:47,181 Anyone want to speak up about this joker? 1104 01:02:48,501 --> 01:02:50,540 Okay. I'll go. 1105 01:02:50,620 --> 01:02:53,476 All right, uh... this is an intervention. 1106 01:02:53,556 --> 01:02:55,638 10th one's free. Another joke we do. 1107 01:02:55,718 --> 01:02:58,783 I like to lighten the mood a little bit when someone is heading into the grave. 1108 01:02:58,863 --> 01:03:02,618 Your family put together a list of things you've done while... drunk. 1109 01:03:02,698 --> 01:03:04,620 - They put together a list? - Yeah, that's... 1110 01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,226 that's how it works. - Give us the short list. 1111 01:03:07,306 --> 01:03:10,829 Let's see, boo... you burned down a farm, 1112 01:03:10,909 --> 01:03:14,095 with a barn and three cows? 1113 01:03:14,175 --> 01:03:16,711 - They were goats. - Oh, they were goats. 1114 01:03:16,791 --> 01:03:18,638 Only goats, oh. 1115 01:03:18,718 --> 01:03:20,833 Well, that's cool. He's a great guy. 1116 01:03:20,913 --> 01:03:24,529 For he's a jolly... No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again. 1117 01:03:24,647 --> 01:03:26,600 Oh, it keeps going. You got drunk at a carnival 1118 01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:29,903 and you shot a fireman? - He was off duty. 1119 01:03:29,983 --> 01:03:32,291 And a bit shifty. - Oh. 1120 01:03:32,371 --> 01:03:35,285 Okay, off duty and shifty. - He was shifty. 1121 01:03:35,365 --> 01:03:37,164 Sounds to me like you're enabling. 1122 01:03:37,250 --> 01:03:40,810 Oh, that's a pretty big word for something that I'm... not really doing. 1123 01:03:40,890 --> 01:03:46,408 - You unbolted the Ferris wheel too? - It's a wheel, so it could roam away. 1124 01:03:46,488 --> 01:03:48,489 To give it a head start for the next town. 1125 01:03:48,569 --> 01:03:50,468 - Hello? - Shaved a librarian's head? 1126 01:03:50,548 --> 01:03:52,379 She may have had lice. 1127 01:03:52,461 --> 01:03:55,733 All right, and you pushed your cousin Bobby down some stairs. 1128 01:03:55,813 --> 01:03:59,358 He had lice, right. He's got the RID and the comb. 1129 01:03:59,438 --> 01:04:01,007 All right, you did him a favor. 1130 01:04:01,087 --> 01:04:05,409 Did you shoot 72 bottle rockets at your old high school? 1131 01:04:05,495 --> 01:04:07,735 Let's just say that I enhanced its curb appeal. 1132 01:04:07,815 --> 01:04:11,313 And most of them were duds. - Over 50%? 1133 01:04:11,393 --> 01:04:14,952 Holy shit, what am I doing here? What a waste of my time. 1134 01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:17,737 This guy seems fine to me. You single? 1135 01:04:17,817 --> 01:04:20,490 Uh... 1136 01:04:20,588 --> 01:04:23,625 I am, but now that you mention it, 1137 01:04:23,705 --> 01:04:26,452 I was... but a few hours ago, 1138 01:04:26,532 --> 01:04:29,907 I'm... now I'm not... Not... no. 1139 01:04:29,987 --> 01:04:32,433 - Final answer? - Final answer. 1140 01:04:32,513 --> 01:04:34,984 I wasn't even talking to you. I was talking to her. 1141 01:04:35,064 --> 01:04:38,278 - Me? Holy God. - Sounds like a no, um... 1142 01:04:38,358 --> 01:04:41,392 You know what? This, this, this, whole event... 1143 01:04:41,472 --> 01:04:44,177 can, can, can "mange" my taint. 1144 01:04:44,257 --> 01:04:46,799 I don't need this, this, this intervention. 1145 01:04:46,879 --> 01:04:50,374 Well, I fucking don't need it either. All right, I'm outy like five thouty. 1146 01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:52,840 Anybody need weed, holler at your boy. 1147 01:04:52,920 --> 01:04:55,751 It's nice out here! I'm joking. 1148 01:04:55,831 --> 01:04:58,853 This place is fun if I was the Zika virus. 1149 01:04:58,933 --> 01:05:00,722 Uber! 1150 01:05:00,963 --> 01:05:04,493 - What the hell was that all about? - Look, son, we didn't mean to. 1151 01:05:04,587 --> 01:05:06,328 Shit. 1152 01:05:06,630 --> 01:05:08,720 Took my hand off the car. 1153 01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,194 Oh, yeah, so now it's just me and Mr. Jonas. 1154 01:05:12,274 --> 01:05:14,459 Oh, no, Papi's going to swat the fly. 1155 01:05:14,539 --> 01:05:16,409 Papi, Papi, Papi, wait! 1156 01:05:18,476 --> 01:05:21,235 - Dad. - You let go of the door, Pops. 1157 01:05:21,370 --> 01:05:23,159 I won! I won! I won, I won! 1158 01:05:23,239 --> 01:05:25,094 We won! Oh, my Gosh! 1159 01:05:25,174 --> 01:05:27,613 Well, we won... 1160 01:05:27,693 --> 01:05:29,930 But it was kind of fun the way it turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay? 1161 01:05:30,418 --> 01:05:33,761 I agree! Let's just everybody stay and enjoy the weekend. 1162 01:05:33,841 --> 01:05:35,412 All right, we'll stay. 1163 01:05:35,492 --> 01:05:38,307 But you gotta be able to keep a leash on your son Charlie. 1164 01:05:38,387 --> 01:05:40,724 - What! - Wait, wait, wait... 1165 01:05:40,804 --> 01:05:42,087 What the hell did that just mean? 1166 01:05:42,167 --> 01:05:47,883 Madonna, some pendejo tried to pin a mosq on my shirt... 1167 01:05:47,963 --> 01:05:51,721 With a blonde hair. The whites cheated! 1168 01:05:51,801 --> 01:05:53,965 Hey, I mean, come on, now... the whites cheated 1169 01:05:54,045 --> 01:05:56,891 and now Charlie is after my son Franklin. 1170 01:05:56,971 --> 01:05:58,801 - What? - What? 1171 01:05:58,881 --> 01:06:01,731 - Pop, what are you talking about? - Come on, now, Franklin. 1172 01:06:01,811 --> 01:06:03,823 I mean, you should have told me that you were gay. 1173 01:06:03,903 --> 01:06:07,617 I mean, is that why you... don't want to run for Mayor? 1174 01:06:07,697 --> 01:06:09,345 Are you kidding... I'm not gay. 1175 01:06:09,425 --> 01:06:11,621 And if I was gay, I could get way better than Charlie. 1176 01:06:11,701 --> 01:06:13,333 You think I'm after Franklin? 1177 01:06:13,413 --> 01:06:15,602 - And a drunk! - Okay, okay... 1178 01:06:15,682 --> 01:06:17,638 you might have me on the drunk thing but... 1179 01:06:17,718 --> 01:06:19,373 you're out of your mind. Everybody knows that. 1180 01:06:19,453 --> 01:06:21,519 Franklin's in love with Felipa. 1181 01:06:21,603 --> 01:06:23,119 - What? - What? 1182 01:06:23,199 --> 01:06:24,633 Oh, Charlie. 1183 01:06:24,713 --> 01:06:28,881 Even me, the huge drunk could tell 14 seconds after I got here. 1184 01:06:28,961 --> 01:06:31,701 And you still don't see it? - Felipa? 1185 01:06:31,781 --> 01:06:34,055 Es la verdad? 1186 01:06:34,568 --> 01:06:36,741 Papi, I've been meaning to tell you. 1187 01:06:36,821 --> 01:06:40,949 Yes, okay? Franklin and I have been dating for over a year. 1188 01:06:41,029 --> 01:06:42,149 - What? - What? 1189 01:06:42,243 --> 01:06:44,283 You need to keep your son away from my daughter. 1190 01:06:44,363 --> 01:06:47,993 Aye, no, no. You ain't calling no shots in my family, El Chapo. 1191 01:06:48,073 --> 01:06:52,621 - Oh, well, Pop, calm down. - No! And you, I can't believe this, son. 1192 01:06:52,701 --> 01:06:55,546 You've been sneaking around with her behind my back, 1193 01:06:55,631 --> 01:06:57,348 and lying and... 1194 01:06:57,442 --> 01:07:00,639 standing up Shantaysia who is hot to trot. 1195 01:07:00,719 --> 01:07:03,042 Wow, hot to trot isn't accurate. 1196 01:07:03,122 --> 01:07:04,655 Okay, fine. 1197 01:07:04,735 --> 01:07:08,125 I came up here because we all needed to get together. 1198 01:07:08,212 --> 01:07:12,554 I love Felipa. That is my girl. That is why we are all here. 1199 01:07:12,634 --> 01:07:14,319 I don't know where the white family came from, 1200 01:07:14,399 --> 01:07:16,556 but that's why our families are here. 1201 01:07:16,636 --> 01:07:18,697 We planned it. But you know what I hate? 1202 01:07:18,777 --> 01:07:22,801 - Camping is what I hate. - I knew it, I fucking knew it. 1203 01:07:22,881 --> 01:07:25,313 You are not perfect, brother. You don't want to be a camper. 1204 01:07:25,393 --> 01:07:27,191 ♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪ 1205 01:07:27,271 --> 01:07:28,259 ♪ He is a dumbass ♪ 1206 01:07:28,339 --> 01:07:30,227 ♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪ 1207 01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,429 ♪ I fucking knew it ♪ 1208 01:07:31,509 --> 01:07:33,431 ♪ And I thought he was gay too ♪ 1209 01:07:33,511 --> 01:07:35,842 This camping can jump up my ass. 1210 01:07:35,922 --> 01:07:39,079 These "Jurassic Park" mosquitoes can jump up my ass. 1211 01:07:39,159 --> 01:07:41,733 Sleeping in my car at night, waiting for somebody to come and kill me... 1212 01:07:41,813 --> 01:07:44,341 Can jump up your ass. - Exactly. 1213 01:07:44,421 --> 01:07:46,951 - All this can jump up my ass. - Well, if you're going to act that way, 1214 01:07:47,049 --> 01:07:50,494 - why did we say we'd like to stay? - Whoa, whoa, whoa... 1215 01:07:50,574 --> 01:07:54,326 - Let us stay? - The whites cheated. 1216 01:07:54,406 --> 01:07:57,227 And we're going to win this contest and kick you out. 1217 01:07:57,307 --> 01:07:59,146 Yeah, man, the hell with all you guys. 1218 01:07:59,226 --> 01:08:02,002 Final contest. Winner or go home. 1219 01:08:02,082 --> 01:08:04,820 - Let's get it on. - Let's get it on. 1220 01:08:04,900 --> 01:08:06,263 Let's vamos. 1221 01:08:06,343 --> 01:08:07,398 - Let's do this. - Huh. 1222 01:08:07,478 --> 01:08:09,124 - Go this way. - It's game over, 1223 01:08:09,204 --> 01:08:11,114 tacos and Schlitz. 1224 01:08:15,292 --> 01:08:19,052 Hey, hey, gather around here, I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm... 1225 01:08:19,140 --> 01:08:22,744 one of the original spectators, so I think I'm probably most qualified to describe 1226 01:08:22,824 --> 01:08:25,398 what we're about to witness here. 1227 01:08:25,478 --> 01:08:27,682 This obstacle course race 1228 01:08:27,762 --> 01:08:30,049 is two miles total, give or take a mile or two. 1229 01:08:30,129 --> 01:08:32,666 And, uh, it's through the woods, 1230 01:08:32,751 --> 01:08:34,664 and then you gotta get past that lake 1231 01:08:34,744 --> 01:08:37,552 and then make it up to that clearing way up there 1232 01:08:37,632 --> 01:08:39,379 'cause that's where the finish line's at. 1233 01:08:39,459 --> 01:08:41,630 So, what do you say we all just sit back here, 1234 01:08:41,710 --> 01:08:44,078 and let's enjoy the show. 1235 01:08:44,176 --> 01:08:46,613 Y'all ready for this? Let's do this! 1236 01:08:48,250 --> 01:08:51,190 Okay, everybody, here are the rules. - Rules? 1237 01:08:51,270 --> 01:08:53,284 No rules! Ready set, go! 1238 01:08:54,570 --> 01:08:57,031 Hey! You got dirt on my shoes. 1239 01:09:11,411 --> 01:09:12,766 I want to stay. 1240 01:09:12,846 --> 01:09:14,878 Yeah, why do parents always have to ruin everything? 1241 01:09:14,958 --> 01:09:17,008 I don't want to go. - Me either. 1242 01:09:17,092 --> 01:09:20,827 Wait, I have an idea. Rolie, you still have that map? 1243 01:09:20,907 --> 01:09:22,977 Does the bear shit in the woods? 1244 01:09:23,591 --> 01:09:27,664 - Yes, young man, it does. - Ew! 1245 01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:30,050 - He's gross. - He smokes too much weed. 1246 01:09:30,130 --> 01:09:33,206 One time he got so baked, he tried to take his pants off over his head. 1247 01:09:33,286 --> 01:09:35,718 - What? - It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1248 01:09:35,815 --> 01:09:39,427 Okay, so you see this ridge here. It horseshoes around this mountain. 1249 01:09:39,507 --> 01:09:42,009 And if we cut across here, then we're there. 1250 01:09:42,089 --> 01:09:44,738 The plan only works if we can get to the finish line first. 1251 01:09:44,821 --> 01:09:47,887 - Think we can get there first? - Hell, yeah, first is my middle name. 1252 01:09:47,967 --> 01:09:49,881 - It is? - No, sweetie, it's Olivia. 1253 01:09:49,961 --> 01:09:53,702 All right, let's do this. On three... One, two, three, break! 1254 01:09:53,799 --> 01:09:55,805 Let's go! 1255 01:09:55,885 --> 01:09:59,775 And the black Jones family... is in the lead. 1256 01:10:02,385 --> 01:10:04,958 - You're killing it, Dad. - Get your arms down there. 1257 01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:07,169 Get away from me! 1258 01:10:10,777 --> 01:10:12,469 Look, Pop, I just want to say I'm sorry. 1259 01:10:12,549 --> 01:10:14,748 No talking, just winning. 1260 01:10:15,081 --> 01:10:17,938 I'm not sorry-sorry, but I'm sorry. 1261 01:10:23,278 --> 01:10:26,771 - You can't keep up, can ya? - Look, you're the one out of shape. 1262 01:10:26,851 --> 01:10:29,389 I'm not out of shape, I could go for hours. 1263 01:10:30,795 --> 01:10:33,388 Hey. Wait... 1264 01:10:34,621 --> 01:10:36,801 Is that a snake? - Where? 1265 01:10:36,881 --> 01:10:38,890 Right there. 1266 01:10:52,156 --> 01:10:55,716 Oh, shit, that ain't no damn snake. 1267 01:10:55,796 --> 01:10:59,215 You know your scream was kind of a... 1268 01:10:59,295 --> 01:11:01,549 hoo hoo, you know. 1269 01:11:01,629 --> 01:11:05,410 - You need to man up, you know. - Man up on this! 1270 01:11:07,187 --> 01:11:09,010 I should have told my family. 1271 01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:11,736 Well, I don't know what happened. We just... fell in love. 1272 01:11:11,816 --> 01:11:14,278 - Yeah. - My dad's so furious. 1273 01:11:14,358 --> 01:11:18,022 Well, girl, your dad be overreacting, if you ask me. 1274 01:11:18,102 --> 01:11:22,195 I mean, it's not a bad thing, it's kind of a good thing. 1275 01:11:22,275 --> 01:11:25,122 I mean, I was in shock. I was like, "What?" 1276 01:11:25,202 --> 01:11:28,996 I was clutching my purse like I was watching "Days of Our Lives". 1277 01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:30,783 Did not see that coming! 1278 01:11:30,863 --> 01:11:33,854 But... it's a good thing. - Yeah. 1279 01:11:33,934 --> 01:11:36,057 Y'all might make some little Obamas, 1280 01:11:36,137 --> 01:11:38,879 or something, little Baracks up in here. 1281 01:11:38,959 --> 01:11:42,321 Girl, all I can say is I think your dad's acting like a big old kid. 1282 01:11:42,401 --> 01:11:46,087 Right. Surprise, surprise, all the men are acting like children. 1283 01:11:46,167 --> 01:11:49,477 And speaking of children... I cannot hear mine. It's like... 1284 01:11:49,557 --> 01:11:51,529 - Yeah, that is weird. - They real quiet, like when I put 1285 01:11:51,609 --> 01:11:53,541 a little bit of Benadryl in their Cap'n Crunch. 1286 01:11:53,621 --> 01:11:56,289 You know they get real quiet then. 1287 01:11:57,302 --> 01:12:00,527 What? I wouldn't really drug my babies, that's a joke. 1288 01:12:00,607 --> 01:12:03,125 Okay, okay, I was like... 1289 01:12:03,842 --> 01:12:06,040 Just a little bit, for a minute. Kids! 1290 01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,979 - Chuckie! - Rolie! 1291 01:12:09,068 --> 01:12:10,496 - Chuckie! - They're not there. We should go. 1292 01:12:10,576 --> 01:12:13,684 - Let's go see. - Let's try to parent. 1293 01:12:17,924 --> 01:12:19,959 Oh, my God! 1294 01:12:26,557 --> 01:12:28,824 Really? Seriously? 1295 01:12:29,449 --> 01:12:30,165 What? 1296 01:12:30,245 --> 01:12:32,992 You think they're going to shoot dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun? 1297 01:12:33,072 --> 01:12:35,595 No, this is a public service. 1298 01:12:35,675 --> 01:12:40,443 I do this for charity. Not dollar bills. You drunk! 1299 01:12:42,411 --> 01:12:46,265 All right, nothing to see here. Head down the trail, down the trail. 1300 01:12:46,345 --> 01:12:48,133 We've got a race to run. Come on, sweetie. 1301 01:12:48,228 --> 01:12:51,269 Okay, I'm open. Come on, let's go. 1302 01:12:51,510 --> 01:12:53,909 Come on! - Wait for me. 1303 01:12:53,989 --> 01:13:00,767 ♪ And the bombs of war will make you bleed ♪ 1304 01:13:00,847 --> 01:13:04,463 ♪ When the hugs of love ♪ 1305 01:13:04,543 --> 01:13:08,365 ♪ Are all you need ♪ 1306 01:13:08,898 --> 01:13:12,779 Hello, buddy! You want to sing the chorus? 1307 01:13:12,859 --> 01:13:17,349 ♪ The hugs of love Are all you need ♪ 1308 01:13:17,429 --> 01:13:20,323 ♪ The hugs of love ♪ 1309 01:13:23,995 --> 01:13:25,862 I'm gonna get you! 1310 01:13:25,958 --> 01:13:29,048 You slimy little bastard! 1311 01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:39,614 Do you see them yet? 1312 01:13:39,694 --> 01:13:42,083 Don't see them, but I think I hear them. 1313 01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,879 Hold on! Hold on! 1314 01:13:46,971 --> 01:13:49,582 Wait, wait, wait, stop! - What? 1315 01:13:51,675 --> 01:13:54,416 - Do you hear that? - Hear what? 1316 01:13:54,496 --> 01:13:57,554 - What is that sound? - Oh, shit! 1317 01:13:57,634 --> 01:14:01,995 Well, maybe it's a bear or, or even worse, a monster! 1318 01:14:02,085 --> 01:14:04,156 Oh, damn, what's behind those bushes? 1319 01:14:04,236 --> 01:14:06,589 Oh, what beast is coming towards us! 1320 01:14:06,669 --> 01:14:10,158 Who are you! What are you! Show yourself! 1321 01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:13,955 Oh, shit, worse than I thought. Just kidding, baby. 1322 01:14:14,035 --> 01:14:15,717 We're looking for the kids, they ran off. 1323 01:14:15,816 --> 01:14:18,524 Is this some kind of joke, 'cause we're going to win? 1324 01:14:18,604 --> 01:14:22,553 Oh, really, I'm just curious, on what planet might that be true? 1325 01:14:22,633 --> 01:14:23,964 I don't even know how you got in the lead. 1326 01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:25,711 No, really, uh, uh... 1327 01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:28,109 Shan... Shantay... what? - Shantaysia. 1328 01:14:28,189 --> 01:14:29,741 - Oh, Shantaysia. - Can't get it right? 1329 01:14:29,821 --> 01:14:32,017 No, I thought it was Shantay... 1330 01:14:34,381 --> 01:14:37,149 Anyway, she... 1331 01:14:37,235 --> 01:14:40,441 said something about the kids... and a finish line. 1332 01:14:40,521 --> 01:14:43,779 - Wow! Is that a bat? - Really? 1333 01:14:43,859 --> 01:14:45,566 Oh, Charlie. 1334 01:14:45,646 --> 01:14:48,635 - Is that another bat? - I thought you were going to quit. 1335 01:14:48,715 --> 01:14:51,549 No, no, no, wait, it that... 1336 01:14:51,629 --> 01:14:53,157 Is that three bats? 1337 01:14:53,237 --> 01:14:55,023 I guess we'll never know what we could've been. 1338 01:14:55,103 --> 01:14:58,016 No, no, no, no booze, no bottle. 1339 01:14:59,174 --> 01:15:01,796 Five, five, five... five bats. 1340 01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:05,368 - Oh, my God. Seriously! - No, no, no, I'm serious. 1341 01:15:07,072 --> 01:15:08,754 Bats! 1342 01:15:23,063 --> 01:15:25,903 We can't stop. They say bats get stuck in your hair. 1343 01:15:25,983 --> 01:15:29,552 No, no, no. That's a myth. Total urban legend. 1344 01:15:29,632 --> 01:15:32,417 - Oh, shit. - Oh! 1345 01:15:32,497 --> 01:15:35,210 - What? - There's a bat on your head! 1346 01:15:35,290 --> 01:15:38,427 Guys, guys, guys, come on, I'm not a moron. 1347 01:15:38,507 --> 01:15:40,471 Clearly there's no bat on my head. 1348 01:15:40,559 --> 01:15:42,398 - How drunk are you? - Irrelevant. 1349 01:15:42,478 --> 01:15:44,710 I promise you, son, there's a bat in your hair. 1350 01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:47,551 Come on, Charlie! You don't feel that? 1351 01:15:50,454 --> 01:15:53,338 Get it off! Get it off! 1352 01:15:53,418 --> 01:15:56,203 Throw rocks at it, everybody, throw rocks at it. 1353 01:16:01,270 --> 01:16:04,226 - Enough with the damn rocks. - Hit it with the bug racket! 1354 01:16:04,306 --> 01:16:05,306 Yeah! 1355 01:16:12,538 --> 01:16:14,494 Not my head, not my head! 1356 01:16:14,574 --> 01:16:18,601 - Look, the kids! - The finish line! 1357 01:16:20,180 --> 01:16:22,213 Oh, hey, thanks everybody! 1358 01:16:22,449 --> 01:16:25,049 Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good. 1359 01:16:26,815 --> 01:16:31,346 There was nothing about that... that I liked! 1360 01:17:03,247 --> 01:17:07,545 - You kids did this? - Yeah! We don't want to go home. 1361 01:17:07,625 --> 01:17:11,147 Us kids get along, how come you adults can't get along? 1362 01:17:12,669 --> 01:17:14,578 Well, wow. 1363 01:17:14,662 --> 01:17:17,914 This is some muddy bullshit. But I'm damn impressed. 1364 01:17:17,994 --> 01:17:19,964 Yeah, but who's going to get a whooping first? 1365 01:17:20,060 --> 01:17:24,101 Kids! Not bad. You dug a hole, you filled it with mud and... 1366 01:17:24,181 --> 01:17:26,259 made it look like the trail. 1367 01:17:26,339 --> 01:17:30,218 And you caught yourselves a bunch of dumbass men. 1368 01:17:30,298 --> 01:17:34,053 You know what's funny? Everyone covered in mud like this, 1369 01:17:34,133 --> 01:17:37,034 you just can't tell anybody apart. 1370 01:17:37,114 --> 01:17:39,116 There's a lesson in that. 1371 01:17:39,196 --> 01:17:43,042 A big obvious, freaking lesson. 1372 01:17:43,482 --> 01:17:45,632 Preach! 1373 01:17:45,740 --> 01:17:49,974 So, being that you can't tell anybody apart... 1374 01:17:50,057 --> 01:17:52,461 the bottom line is this... 1375 01:17:52,541 --> 01:17:55,153 are you an asshole or not? 1376 01:17:57,245 --> 01:17:59,146 Uh-mmm. 1377 01:17:59,229 --> 01:18:01,926 - Choose wisely. - So, let's not be assholes. 1378 01:18:02,006 --> 01:18:04,206 And let's all just... 1379 01:18:04,286 --> 01:18:06,107 get along. 1380 01:18:06,187 --> 01:18:08,210 In the words of Rodney King, girl. 1381 01:18:08,290 --> 01:18:10,335 La raza! 1382 01:18:10,556 --> 01:18:13,702 - What does that mean, baby? - Just a Latin bonding. 1383 01:18:13,782 --> 01:18:14,978 Got it. 1384 01:18:15,058 --> 01:18:19,088 Hey, that was a really really nice speech, Fake Mom. 1385 01:18:19,168 --> 01:18:21,171 Oh, well, that's... 1386 01:18:21,251 --> 01:18:23,704 still doing the Fake Mom stuff right after the... 1387 01:18:23,784 --> 01:18:25,850 Cheyenne. 1388 01:18:26,482 --> 01:18:30,907 You called me by my name! Sweetheart! 1389 01:18:30,987 --> 01:18:35,270 I'm so touched by the... You know, I've always felt that we had... 1390 01:18:35,350 --> 01:18:37,884 Okay, don't hit on 16, got it, don't hit on 16. 1391 01:18:40,945 --> 01:18:45,250 They said that tomato juice can get rid of skunk stink. 1392 01:18:45,736 --> 01:18:48,793 - I hear the ice cream truck! - Oh, that's beautiful, Gravy. 1393 01:18:48,873 --> 01:18:50,795 Hold up, hold up. Hey, hey, hey. 1394 01:18:50,875 --> 01:18:53,121 Something's wrong with my knee. 1395 01:18:53,201 --> 01:18:55,800 - Look, you're my brother, okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1396 01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,956 - Listen to me, I'm talking to you. - Yes! 1397 01:18:58,036 --> 01:19:00,021 Okay, and I love you, man. 1398 01:19:00,101 --> 01:19:02,203 And someday you are going to be married, bro. 1399 01:19:02,283 --> 01:19:04,442 Because if anybody can do it, you can. 1400 01:19:04,522 --> 01:19:07,878 - You think so? - I think what he's trying to say, Pop... 1401 01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:10,660 It's time to propose. You know, to Charlie. 1402 01:19:13,731 --> 01:19:15,578 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1403 01:19:15,658 --> 01:19:17,213 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1404 01:19:17,293 --> 01:19:19,616 You're next! 1405 01:19:19,696 --> 01:19:22,619 Well, Franklin, you're down on one knee, 1406 01:19:22,699 --> 01:19:24,521 I think you better handle your business. 1407 01:19:24,601 --> 01:19:27,351 Felipa... just follow your heart. 1408 01:19:27,431 --> 01:19:29,804 What is this... are you'll for real? 1409 01:19:29,884 --> 01:19:31,439 Oh... oh! 1410 01:19:32,178 --> 01:19:34,353 - Do it, Franklin. - Wow! 1411 01:19:34,433 --> 01:19:36,409 Do it, Franklin. 1412 01:19:42,256 --> 01:19:45,283 - Will you marry me? - Yes. 1413 01:19:45,363 --> 01:19:46,996 - You will? - Yes, yes, yes, yes! 1414 01:19:52,333 --> 01:19:54,692 - Oh! - Yes! 1415 01:20:18,815 --> 01:20:22,111 Felipa! We need help! 1416 01:20:22,191 --> 01:20:25,289 I got you! I got you! 1417 01:20:25,369 --> 01:20:27,428 We're getting married! 1418 01:20:41,463 --> 01:20:43,963 - Excuse me. Hello. - Hi. Hi. Hi. 1419 01:20:44,044 --> 01:20:46,733 - Everybody. - I just want to say... 1420 01:20:46,813 --> 01:20:48,962 another 4th of July... 1421 01:20:49,042 --> 01:20:52,190 here we are again, I'm just so happy that we can all make it. 1422 01:20:52,270 --> 01:20:55,316 Yes. All right. Yeah! 1423 01:20:56,726 --> 01:20:59,294 Too bad Gravy couldn't make it. 1424 01:20:59,392 --> 01:21:01,251 What? Am I supposed to be somewhere? 1425 01:21:01,331 --> 01:21:03,962 Just kidding, bro. You're here. It's now. 1426 01:21:04,042 --> 01:21:05,799 We're joking, Gravy. 1427 01:21:05,879 --> 01:21:08,527 Um, hi, I'm Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. 1428 01:21:08,607 --> 01:21:10,184 Hi, Charlie. 1429 01:21:10,264 --> 01:21:12,735 I'm sorry, wrong group. 1430 01:21:12,815 --> 01:21:15,745 Oh, check out this bad boy. 1431 01:21:15,839 --> 01:21:18,381 Six months sober. 1432 01:21:18,770 --> 01:21:21,752 Look who the good influence is over here. 1433 01:21:21,832 --> 01:21:24,945 It just looks like a poker chip painted green. 1434 01:21:25,025 --> 01:21:26,791 Looks like a blue condom. 1435 01:21:26,871 --> 01:21:29,560 Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD. That's what that is. 1436 01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:31,662 Oh, gosh, I hope you washed it, man. 1437 01:21:31,742 --> 01:21:34,438 - Baby, no. It's just an onion ring. - An onion ring? 1438 01:21:34,518 --> 01:21:37,132 Yeah. You know, like from Mars. You know, Mars has... 1439 01:21:37,212 --> 01:21:39,846 Mars? - Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? 1440 01:21:39,926 --> 01:21:42,447 What? - Good food, no atmosphere. 1441 01:21:43,210 --> 01:21:45,820 Hey, you're getting the hang of these jokes, Gravy. 1442 01:21:45,900 --> 01:21:47,952 I have a sobriety chip, too. 1443 01:21:48,032 --> 01:21:50,822 - Oh, there we go. - See this? Yup. 1444 01:21:50,902 --> 01:21:55,810 Lord, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change 1445 01:21:55,890 --> 01:21:58,033 and the courage to change what I can, 1446 01:21:58,126 --> 01:22:00,448 and the wisdom to know the difference. 1447 01:22:00,530 --> 01:22:03,074 - Hear, hear. - Cheers. 1448 01:22:03,154 --> 01:22:06,724 Maybe he could grant you the ability to change a light bulb in the house, right? 1449 01:22:06,814 --> 01:22:09,883 - Or put the toilet seat down? - Go, Trophy Mom. 1450 01:22:09,974 --> 01:22:12,960 Mmm-hmm. I know exactly what you talking about. 1451 01:22:13,040 --> 01:22:15,272 You wake up at 3:00 in the morning to go to pee 1452 01:22:15,352 --> 01:22:18,659 and then it's like you've fallen into a hammock. Booty and everything, all wet. 1453 01:22:18,739 --> 01:22:23,693 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks like the attitudes are heating up. 1454 01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:27,985 Bring out the bullhorns, it is time to go at it one more time. 1455 01:22:28,065 --> 01:22:30,454 Round two, one year later. 1456 01:22:32,294 --> 01:22:35,492 Felipa, go ahead and show us that ring. 1457 01:22:35,572 --> 01:22:37,948 Oh, yes, it's so heavy. 1458 01:22:40,506 --> 01:22:42,302 Damn! 1459 01:22:42,382 --> 01:22:45,195 - Sorry. - Okay, hun. Well, you know... 1460 01:22:45,275 --> 01:22:46,545 Very nice. Hey! 1461 01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:49,841 Francesca's got a ring, too. She got engaged with this guy. 1462 01:22:49,921 --> 01:22:53,496 - Go ahead, Franny, show 'em. - Very nice. 1463 01:22:53,576 --> 01:22:56,089 Hey, when I become a millionaire, that thing's gonna be huge, all right? 1464 01:22:56,169 --> 01:22:59,620 "A millionaire"? I'd be happy if you were a hundredaire. 1465 01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:03,855 This idiot brother puts an air foil on the back of my plumbing van. 1466 01:23:03,935 --> 01:23:05,944 Business has been kicking ever since we did that. 1467 01:23:06,024 --> 01:23:09,422 Hey, Jose, could you shove that antennae back into your love handle, 1468 01:23:09,502 --> 01:23:11,695 I think the Giants are playing the Dodgers. 1469 01:23:11,775 --> 01:23:13,533 Oh, ha-ha-ha. Yeah, I can do that. 1470 01:23:13,613 --> 01:23:16,754 You know, but I charge 14 bucks for the premium channels, fool. 1471 01:23:16,896 --> 01:23:20,226 Hey, y'all kids, keep it down over there! Okay? 1472 01:23:20,306 --> 01:23:22,863 This is not a library! - Chuckie! 1473 01:23:22,943 --> 01:23:26,546 Quit hitting your sister Sara. Don't! Stop! 1474 01:23:26,626 --> 01:23:28,214 - Can I hit you, Dad? - Can I hit the dogs? 1475 01:23:28,294 --> 01:23:29,549 Can I hit a cupcake? 1476 01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:31,852 - Me, too! - I want to hit one of those... 1477 01:23:33,937 --> 01:23:37,868 All right. It's cool. Just hit her, it's fine. 1478 01:23:37,948 --> 01:23:40,002 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Yes? 1479 01:23:40,082 --> 01:23:42,082 - I have a toast. - Ah! 1480 01:23:43,492 --> 01:23:48,147 All that I've ever wanted to be... is whom I'm becoming. 1481 01:23:48,227 --> 01:23:50,471 - Nice. - Hear, hear. 1482 01:23:50,551 --> 01:23:52,256 - Cheers. - Hear, hear. 1483 01:24:02,950 --> 01:24:04,572 - Uh-oh. - Hey! 1484 01:24:04,652 --> 01:24:06,519 Hey, Gunga Din. 1485 01:24:06,600 --> 01:24:09,102 What are you doing here? This is our site. Site 16. 1486 01:24:09,182 --> 01:24:10,970 No way! We have site 16. 1487 01:24:11,050 --> 01:24:13,067 Oh, are you going to build a 7/11 here? 1488 01:24:13,147 --> 01:24:15,097 - Yeah, right next to your nail salon. - Oh, yeah. 1489 01:24:15,177 --> 01:24:19,032 Oh, snap! Y'all hear that? What are you people doing here? 1490 01:24:19,112 --> 01:24:21,689 Finish up the gardening and go. 1491 01:24:21,820 --> 01:24:25,536 Hey, things are heating up down there. I got one. I got one. 1492 01:24:25,786 --> 01:24:28,350 How do you know a Chinese guy broke into your house? 1493 01:24:28,430 --> 01:24:30,673 How? 1494 01:24:30,753 --> 01:24:34,181 Your homework's all done and he takes an hour to pull out of your driveway. 1495 01:24:34,261 --> 01:24:37,286 Get it? Come on, man. It's funny. 1496 01:24:37,366 --> 01:24:39,255 - Did he just say that? - Yeah, he did. 1497 01:24:39,335 --> 01:24:41,695 Let me see that. Let me see that. 1498 01:24:42,414 --> 01:24:44,715 What did St. Peter say when he saw the Indian guy? 1499 01:24:44,804 --> 01:24:45,933 What? 1500 01:24:46,013 --> 01:24:48,361 "Hey, Jesus, your cab's here." 1501 01:24:49,598 --> 01:24:52,326 That was funnier than that. - Okay, that's messed up. 1502 01:24:52,406 --> 01:24:55,462 Hey, you guys still want campsite 16? 1503 01:24:55,542 --> 01:24:58,354 Oh, I think we need to have a little contest. 1504 01:25:00,029 --> 01:25:02,712 - Contest? - What kind of contest? 1505 01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:06,954 - It's over now! - No math contest and no... 1506 01:25:07,421 --> 01:25:10,291 Yeah, no math and no science questions. 1507 01:25:27,831 --> 01:25:31,428 Subtitle timing by =tosem= 1508 01:25:32,305 --> 01:25:38,250 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 119127