All language subtitles for Impastor - 02x06 - The Bish is Back.FLEET.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Previously on "Impastor"...

[gunshot]

I'm leaving you

because I can't stand you.

You don't have the balls, Sparky.

Is that right?

Buddy, Ray says you have
an hour to get him his money

or he's gonna kill me.

[gunshot]

Let's see what kind of hooligan

we're dealing with here, huh?

[screams]

I'm telling you, I was this close

to crushin' his windpipe when he bit me!

I just hope I didn't get
rabies from this cannibal.

Well, must be the same man
neither of us can identify

who burned my car.

Moving on.

Uh, now that Bishop Perkins is retiring,

we need to make his final
visit a memorable one.

- In a good way, Dora.
- Ugh.

Please just let it go, Alden.

- Let what go?
- [laughs]

The year was 2014.

The event: Bishop Perkins' annual visit.

What went wrong?

Everything.

Here we go, Bishop.
I made your favorite,

lemon Echinacea tea.

Oh, you shouldn't have
gone to all that trouble.

Oh, no, no trouble at all.

And be sure to help yourself
to one of my world famous

"Apple Dora's."

No thanks, I never liked them.

What?

[screams]

[screams]

That scalding hot water turned his sock

into a blast furnace.

When he took it off,
the skin came with it.

They say you could hear his screams

all the way to Pineville.

It was an accident, okay?

I just had a reaction to
his utter lack of taste

in homemade fruit pastries.

The Bishop's only been
back once since then,

- and Alden suggested...
- Ordered.

That Dora keep her distance.

But I have planned a musical
tribute for the Bishop

that is sure to redeem
me from this unfortunate

if not overblown incident.

Jeez, I don't know how
any song can make up for

torching his tootsies.

But maybe.

Pastor, we need to make
the Bishop's final weekend

in Ladner flawless.

I'm counting on you
to be the perfect host.

Me? Pass.

[chuckles] Buddy.

The Bishop always stays with
the pastor when he's in town.

A whole weekend?

There was no way he wouldn't
find out I was a fraud.

You know, a distinguished
guest like him shouldn't have to

deal with a roomie.

I should clear out for a while.

Nonsense, no.

The Bishop said specifically,
he needs to talk to you

about some of the unorthodox things
you've been doing around here.

Well...

I can't wait till he gets here.

'Cause if I do, it's game over.

[upbeat music]

How could I possibly last
a weekend with the Bishop?

Was it too late to pretend
I didn't speak English?

[knocks]

- Buenos dias.
- Morning, Pastor.

I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd stop by.

Well, my door is always open.

Evidently.

I was hoping you could
help me with something.

Do you know this man?

No, no I've never seen him before.

- Who is he?
- His name's Ray Florez.

Spent eight years in prison for arson.

We think he's the guy
who torched your car.

Great. Did you arrest him?

I didn't think it was
necessary since he's dead.

Dead? How?

Cause of death hasn't
been officially determined.

But the bullet in his chest
probably had something

to do with it.

[sighs]

Poor soul.

Would you pray with me?

[gospel piano music]

[hums]

Amen.

Pastor, why do you think a
man who just got out of prison

would drive across country to
threaten a church in Ladner?

I have no idea.

Well, if you think of
anything, give me a call.

Will do.

- Thanks, Sheriff.
- Mmhmm.

You know, my daddy was a preacher.

I spent a lot of time
in pastors' studies.

And this is the first
one I've ever been in

that didn't have a Bible on the desk.

Got it memorized.

Oh, right.

Once upon a time.

Okay, you guys, I cannot stress enough

how important it is that
we send Bishop Perkins off

with an amazing performance.

Yeah, or Dora could end up
in some real "hot water."

[all giggling]

Yes, Larry, we all know you're

the funniest crossing guard in Ladner.

Okay, okay, I'll stop "tea-zing" her.

[all giggling]

Ya burnt.

But not as bad as the Bishop's foot.

Oh, zing!

Larry, I will end you.

Okay? I mean it.

I will take you and I will
put you at the end of this row

and you will no longer be center choir.

Dora, I will handle this.

All right, we all know
this is Dora's last chance

to make up for her humiliating
assault of the Bishop.

So focus up!

Thank you, Russell.

Ray's dead?

Buddy, did you...

No!

Why would you even think that?

Oh, because the Kenny thing.

Yes, because of the Kenny thing!

How come every time you
save me from someone,

they end up dead?

Would you rather have
it the other way around?

If you didn't kill Ray, who did?

- I have no idea.
- This isn't good.

If the Sheriff figures out
that Ray is connected to Kenny,

we could both be screwed.

Well, she's not gonna
figure it out as long as we

keep our story straight.

What did you tell her?

She showed me his picture.

I said I've never seen him before.

That's it.

As long as you say the
same thing, we're good.

Are you sure you're
telling me the whole truth?

I swear on the Bible.

And as your pastor, you
know that's like a big thing.

You guys okay with lemonade?

Yes, that's fine.

Hurry it along, would
you, I want to talk to you.

Whatever the Bish was
gonna grill me about,

I had to be prepared.

Gentlemen, here we go.

[sighs]

Oh, oh, oh, not that one.

Put my thumb in it.

Here we are.

- Alden.
- Thank you.

So you're hanging up the
old bishop's uni, huh?

Yes.

It is time to pass the
baton to my successor.

Well, Heinrich Steuben is a fine man.

I'm sure he'll fill the
position with grace and dignity.

- Steuben's an ass.
- Never liked him.

We need someone to grow our church

and lead us into the future.

And that's why I am
recommending Pastor Barlow.

[both spit]

What? He's not qualified!

He's right, I'm not.

That kind of modesty is one
of the reasons I want you.

What other reason
could you possibly have?

You're young, you're progressive,

you've raised church attendance,
and you've increased donations.

He's gay!

Another plus. Thanks, Alden.

You're the perfect man
to be the spiritual leader

of this region's 87 churches.

I could barely fool one church,

but 87?

No way.

I'm gonna need some more lemonade.

Hi, Sheriff.

Can I show you anything?

No, I'm just browsing.

But if you ever have a
95% off sale, let me know.

[chuckles]

Oh, but hey, while I'm here,

can you look at something for me?

You ever seen this guy?

- No.
- Hmm.

I'm confused, because Alden Schmidt

told me he definitely remembers
seeing this man in your store.

Oh.

Well, he's probably right.

I get a lot of customers.

Yeah, I can see that.

I noticed you have security cameras.

Do you mind if I take
a look at the tapes?

No, not at all.

Uh, now that I have you alone,

I'd like to talk to you about
my impending split with Hilva.

What about it?

Well, I'd like you to
sanction the divorce.

Your blessing would
ensure that my standing

in the community remains tip-top.

Divorce isn't something I
or the church take lightly.

On what ground would I sanction it?

You could declare Hilva a witch.

Very few would dispute it.

Alden, the church hasn't
done that in 300 years.

So there is precedent.

Hello, Bishop.

Welcome back to Ladner one last time.

Thank you.

I'll never forget this place.

My lingering limp won't let me.

[laughs nervously]

You sure won't be easy to replace.

Actually, I've already
chosen a successor.

- You're not gonna believe this.
- Pastor Barlow.

Buddy?

O-M-G, he's a Lutheran rock star!

Well, we really should be going.

We don't want to be
late for our tee time.

That's a golf tee, not the
tea you use as a weapon.

[sighs]

Buddy can't leave. He just got here.

Dora, I feel if you love
someone, set him free.

And then follow him to
whatever city he's in,

buy a condo next door, and persist until

he moves in with me.

You gave her the security tape?

I had to!

If I didn't, it would
look too suspicious.

Especially after I just lied
to her because you told me to.

Great, now she's gonna know I lied too.

[knocking on door]

man: Pastor?

I got to go.

Uh, just a second.

Come in!

I thought that we could have a little...

- [coughs]
- Oh.

You caught me smoking marijuana.

Something that's legal in Oregon,

but not very bishop-like.

Is this something you do often?

Well, not too often for a pastor,

but probably too often
to hold any higher office.

Well, on this matter, I
always like to turn to Genesis.

Which album?

Genesis 1:29.

"God gives us every
seed-bearing plant to use."

As far as I'm concerned,
you have violated

neither His law, nor man's.

What a relief.

Listen, you know, I get
that you are hesitant

about this promotion, but, uh,

I'd like to know why.

Because I don't feel I'm worthy.

[burps]

You think I felt worthy?

You grow into it.

Of course, there are downsides.

Traveling all the time,
and you won't be able

to perform as many
services as you do now.

I'd miss that.

The perks of this job are sick.

Ugh.

The bishop's house in
Seattle... gorgeous.

I get wined and dined.

I play golf three times a week.

Concerts, trips, sporting events...

whatever I want, my flock provides it.

[chuckles]

It's good to be the Bish, huh?

I got four speeding tickets last year.

Guess how many I paid?

Zilch.

Pretty hard not to speed
in a church-provided Beemer.

5 or 7 Series?

Your call.

There's only one rule you must follow:

always put the church first.

You do that, and you pretty much

can do whatever you want.

You know what, Your Highness?

I think I was born to be a bishop.

[grandiose organ music]

"Farewell, Sweet Buddy," take four.

Webster's defines "buddy"
as another word for friend,

but you're so much more than that.

B is for "best," which is what you are.

U is for "us,"

which now may never be.

D is for...

Dang! Why can't I get through this?

[exhales]

"Farewell, Sweet, Buddy," take five.

[knocking]

Hiya.

- Hey.
- I'm sorry to pop by so late.

No problem. What's up?

Well, I have something
that I want to read to you.

"My calling is to serve
and my greatest love

is to help those in need."

Know who wrote that?

Abe Lincoln.

- Kanye.
- You.

In your application for this job.

And I meant it.

Then maybe you shouldn't be bishop.

Buddy, my grandpa always used to say,

"if you love baking pies, don't go into

the pie-baking business."

Was he a little...

off?

Oh, total bonkers.

But I think what he
was trying to say is,

you'll be so busy doing business
stuff that you won't have time

for the things that you actually love.

Like teaching Bible study

or counseling church
members or visiting the sick.

Look, Dora, my hands are tied.

It's the Bishop's call.

And on the bright side,
most of those sick people

will be gone soon anyway,
so they won't miss me.

But I will.

But they won't.

So you're telling me this is
the same guy in both pictures?

I don't see it.

Mm-hmm?

So what were you two talking about?

I think he came in
to ask for directions.

Did you talk to him after that?

No, I did not.

Now, I really have to get going...

Just one more question.

Can you explain these phone records?

Huh, looks like he
has an unlimited plan.

Still gettin' screwed
on the data, though.

According to this,
you spoke to Ray Florez

three times the day he was murdered.

Oh, this must be the same guy
who made the phone threats.

Yeah, he called me
about burning the church,

so I counseled him to
be a better Christian.

And then he torched your car.

I didn't say I was good at it.

You know, someone might
think that this was

personal between you two.

That he pushed you too
far and you took matters

into your own hands.

Are you accusing me of something?

Are you afraid I'm
accusing you of something?

Are you afraid I'm not afraid
of you accusing me of something?

Are you afr... never mind.

I won.

Uh, I was wondering if
you had given any thought

to my request regarding, uh, the D word.

I have.

Alden, you hold considerable influence

over our more conservative,
stodgy, inflexible members.

Oh, thank you.

And I would like you
to use that influence

in backing my selection as
Pastor Barlow for bishop.

Gabriel, the man is as lightweight

as my Members Only jacket.

But in turn, you would
sanction my divorce?

It would be unethical for me

to trade one for the other, but yes.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Bishop. Have you seen Alexa?

Pastor Barlow, I just
want you to know you have

my full support for bishop.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You seemed pretty against it yesterday.

Changed my mind.

Yeah, so let me know
if you need anything.

Anything at all.

Well, uh, I did notice a new
set of golf clubs in your trunk.

You... you want my golf clubs?

He wants your golf clubs, Alden.

I... I haven't used them yet.

Oh, even better.

I can break 'em in. Thanks, pal.

Alexa, hey.

I'm outside. Are you in the church?

Hi, Mom, I can't talk now.

I'm here with the Sheriff.

I told her Ray was
asking for directions.

No, I am not in trouble.

I just ran into her
on the way to church.

Love you.

[chuckles]

Buddy, here.

It's everything I want to say.

Don't open it till you
get to your new job.

Why does it smell so salty?

I sealed it with my tears.

And it fell into my aquarium.

And while all human life is precious,

we can also be thankful
that the Lutheran hater

who terrorized our church

is no longer with us.

On a more positive note,
to close this service,

here's our musical
director, Dora Winston,

with a special tribute to our beloved

Bishop Perkins.

[organ music]

I'm sorry, I just...
I need to say something.

Can it wait till after my solo?

Bishop Perkins, I know
that you want Pastor Barlow

to succeed you and I think
that he would do a great job.

But you're making a mistake.

I don't think you realize
how much Pastor Barlow means

to this congregation.

How much better he's made
things since he's been here.

How much we love him.

I know you're thinking about
what's best for the church,

but what about what's best
for this church, huh?

I mean, did you ever even consider that?

We are the ones that
took a chance on him

and he is the best thing
that ever happened to us

and, frankly, we need him here

and you can't just take
him away, God damn it!

[all gasp]

[saxophone melody]

Bishop.

Listen.

About the GD bomb...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, there's no need to apologize.

Some things are beyond your control.

Good, so my bishop train's
still running on schedule?

It will be as soon as you relieve Dora

of her church duties.

What? You want me to fire her?

Language like that cannot be
tolerated in the Lord's house.

As the leader of this congregation,

it is your responsibility
to set a strong example.

Bishop Perkins, I am so sorry.

I did not mean to take
the Lord's name in vain.

I tried to save it with my sax solo,

but that was a tall order.

I think people liked it though, right?

Pastor?

[tense music]

I couldn't let Dora down,

but I really needed to
move away from here.

Maybe I could do both.

At times like these, I ask myself:

What would Jesus do?

And one thing he was known for,
I'm guessing, is forgiveness.

So, like Jesus, I'm not
only gonna forgive Dora;

I'm gonna ask her to come
with me when I become bishop.

Pastor Barlow, I respect your decision,

but you did not put the church first.

Your clubs.

I'm sorry, you cannot be bishop.

My clubs.

Bish...

Buddy, I'm so sorry you
don't get to be bishop,

but I sure am glad you're staying.

- Bring it in.
- [chuckles]

[upbeat music]

I'm glad too.

Oh, I'm gonna need that envelope back.

Unless, of course, you want
to keep it to truly understand

- how deeply and pass...
- Here you go.

Thank you.

[knocking]

The Sheriff didn't
buy the "Ray was asking

for directions" story.

She said people always point

when they're looking for directions.

Why didn't you point?

Because I wasn't giving directions.

Look, she surprised me, so I
had to come up with something.

Yeah, well every time you
come up with something,

it makes me look like a liar.

Whoa, slow down.

- Relax.
- Easy for you to say.

You weren't involved in a bank robbery.

She doesn't have anything concrete.

We just have to stay the course.

If she ties Ray to Kenny,

it is only a matter of time
before I lose everything.

That's not gonna happen.

Nobody knows you're connected to Kenny.

- You do.
- Well, I'm not gonna say anything.

- How can I trust that?
- Because I'm telling you.

You have told me a lot of things

that I have trouble believing.

Alexa...

As long as you are
around, I am in danger.

Really?

If I wasn't around, you'd be dead.

And if I wasn't around,
you'd be dead.

Really? How's that?

The woods, Buddy.

I could've let you die out there.

[tense music]

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

The guy with a gun to your head.

You shot him?

Synced and corrected by Octavia
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