Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,195 --> 00:00:04,385
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,410 --> 00:00:07,724
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:10,885
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:13,855
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,906 --> 00:00:17,775
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:20,728
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:22,816
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,231
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:29,612
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:29,637 --> 00:00:33,137
♪ Family Guy 10x03 ♪
Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q
Original Air Date on October 30, 2011
11
00:00:33,138 --> 00:00:36,638
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:37,325 --> 00:00:39,126
Good morning!
13
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,994
Is what
normal families say.
14
00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:42,880
Lois, I'll take
my breakfast to go.
15
00:00:42,931 --> 00:00:44,548
I'm going fishing
with the fellas.
16
00:00:44,616 --> 00:00:46,250
Peter, I thought we
were going to have
17
00:00:46,317 --> 00:00:47,551
some family time
this weekend.
18
00:00:47,619 --> 00:00:48,852
You're going
fishing again?
19
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,287
Yes, Lois. I love fishing.
20
00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:52,222
Remember, fishing was
my not-at-all-memorable job
21
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,774
for two years?
- No.
22
00:00:53,841 --> 00:00:55,475
You don't remember
my fishing boat?
23
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,010
You don't remember
Santos and Pasqual?
24
00:00:57,078 --> 00:00:58,261
Not even a little.
25
00:00:58,313 --> 00:00:59,580
They were like
male Consuelas.
26
00:00:59,647 --> 00:01:01,765
It was a mistake making 'em
Portuguese, though.
27
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,650
People don't even know
what a Portuguese is.
28
00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:08,071
That's what I thought
a Portuguese was.
29
00:01:08,122 --> 00:01:10,374
Me and my brain, huh?
30
00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:12,342
And we're just
getting started!
31
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:18,165
Boy, it's not like Quagmire
to be this late.
32
00:01:18,249 --> 00:01:21,001
Yeah.
33
00:01:21,085 --> 00:01:22,452
Jeez, I've never tried
34
00:01:22,503 --> 00:01:24,171
to make conversationwith just Joe before.
35
00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:25,839
This is brutal.
36
00:01:25,907 --> 00:01:27,708
Come on, Joe,you're losing him.
37
00:01:27,775 --> 00:01:28,942
Think of something.
38
00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:30,460
This was your shot.
39
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:33,313
Two thirds
of the planet is water.
40
00:01:33,381 --> 00:01:34,932
Yeah.
41
00:01:34,983 --> 00:01:37,284
Two thirdsof the planet is water?
44
00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:43,323
we should probably go find out
what's keeping Quagmire.
45
00:01:43,391 --> 00:01:44,575
Yeah, I guess
you're right.
46
00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:46,460
And you know, Joe,
uh, I was thinking.
47
00:01:46,527 --> 00:01:48,996
Maybe one night we get
dinner, just the two of us.
48
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,197
I would like that.
49
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:54,751
Hey, Quagmire?
50
00:01:54,819 --> 00:01:56,753
You in there?
51
00:01:58,323 --> 00:01:59,990
Holy crap!
52
00:02:00,041 --> 00:02:01,375
Oh, my God!
53
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:04,044
He must have autoerotically
asphyxiated himself!
54
00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,346
Yeah, while he was
watching clown porn.
55
00:02:06,414 --> 00:02:08,081
Oh, yeah, baby.
56
00:02:08,149 --> 00:02:10,684
Oh yeah, baby!
You make me so horny!
57
00:02:11,886 --> 00:02:14,004
Come on, help me get him down!
58
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:19,660
Peter, he's still alive!
59
00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,728
We got to get him
to a hospital!
60
00:02:21,796 --> 00:02:24,064
All right, but let's just watch
the end of this clown porn first.
61
00:02:31,539 --> 00:02:34,024
Oh, Peter, we came
as soon as we heard.
62
00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:35,225
How is he?
63
00:02:35,293 --> 00:02:36,760
He's in a coma, Lois.
64
00:02:36,828 --> 00:02:38,996
My God, what the hell happened?
65
00:02:39,047 --> 00:02:41,982
He hung himself during
autoerotic asphyxiation.
66
00:02:42,050 --> 00:02:44,117
Just goes to show anything
can be dangerous.
67
00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:45,819
Is his family here?
68
00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:48,138
His sister Brenda is coming
with her boyfriend, Jeff.
69
00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,790
Oh, my God, not that guy.
70
00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:51,375
Is she still with him?
71
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,043
Isn't he the one
that beats her?
72
00:02:53,111 --> 00:02:54,544
Yeah, but she's
gotten a lot better.
73
00:02:57,148 --> 00:02:59,049
All right, on the way back,
74
00:02:59,117 --> 00:03:01,818
I get to pick the radio station,
because that was awful.
75
00:03:01,886 --> 00:03:04,354
I know, yeah, it
was, I'm sorry.
76
00:03:04,422 --> 00:03:06,289
Oh, God, I just...
I hope Glenn's okay.
77
00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:07,524
I'm so worried about him.
78
00:03:07,592 --> 00:03:08,959
Shut up and limp!
79
00:03:09,027 --> 00:03:10,560
We're in a handicapped spot,
you slut!
80
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,248
Well, Miss Quagmire,
81
00:03:15,316 --> 00:03:16,850
your brother Glenn
is lucky to be alive.
82
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:20,921
You know, we're all lucky to be
alive on such a beautiful day.
83
00:03:20,988 --> 00:03:23,857
In fact, nurse...
all surgeries are outside today.
84
00:03:23,925 --> 00:03:25,842
You know, when we were kids,
85
00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:28,328
our mother used to sing
a song when we were sad.
86
00:03:28,396 --> 00:03:29,946
Maybe that'll help now.
87
00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:32,249
Come on, Brenda,
a stupid nursery rhyme
88
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:34,651
isn't going to wake him up,
especially the way you sing.
89
00:03:34,719 --> 00:03:35,936
Right, man?
90
00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:37,504
Gyaaaa.
91
00:03:37,572 --> 00:03:41,892
♪ Glenn, don't die from
autoerotic asphyxiation ♪
92
00:03:41,943 --> 00:03:45,028
♪ Your friends want to
go fishing with you... ♪
93
00:03:45,096 --> 00:03:46,596
This song is from childhood?
94
00:03:46,647 --> 00:03:52,652
♪ Live to see tomorrow,
October 31, 2011. ♪
95
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,340
Where am I?
96
00:03:57,408 --> 00:03:58,375
What happened?
97
00:03:58,443 --> 00:03:59,743
Oh, Glenn!
98
00:03:59,811 --> 00:04:01,545
Oh, thank God
you're all right!
99
00:04:01,612 --> 00:04:03,096
Hey, you touching
my girl?!
100
00:04:03,164 --> 00:04:04,231
Relax, Jeff.
That's her brother.
101
00:04:04,298 --> 00:04:05,599
Yeah, that's how it starts.
102
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,768
Come on, Brenda, we
got to get out of here.
103
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:08,919
I need cigarettes
and jeans.
104
00:04:13,825 --> 00:04:16,093
Oh, thanks, you guys, for all
your help through this.
105
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,762
Oh, Glenn, we're just
so glad you're all right.
106
00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:20,397
And Jeff and I are happy
to stay here with you
107
00:04:20,464 --> 00:04:22,065
for as long as you need.
108
00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:24,184
Fine, then you call
my cousin Terry
109
00:04:24,252 --> 00:04:26,603
and tell him we're not going
to be at his karate recital!
110
00:04:26,671 --> 00:04:28,472
Well, Jeff,
he is my brother.
111
00:04:28,539 --> 00:04:31,141
Why do you always got to remind
me I didn't finish high school?
112
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:34,778
Well, listen, how about I make
us all some dinner, huh?
113
00:04:34,846 --> 00:04:35,946
Come here!
114
00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:39,666
You fat, ugly bitch!
115
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:41,301
If today
wasn't your birthday...
116
00:04:41,369 --> 00:04:42,969
Jeff! Please,
you're being...
117
00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:44,471
What?!
What am I being?!
118
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:45,906
Crazy?!
Unemployed?!
119
00:04:45,973 --> 00:04:48,275
Why don't you call the cops
like you did on Christmas?!
120
00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:50,410
I-I-I didn't call them!
They were called!
121
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:53,346
Oh, now you're calling me a liar
in front of this cat?!
122
00:04:53,414 --> 00:04:54,581
I got another cat.
123
00:05:00,277 --> 00:05:02,946
Aw, that yellow lab
looks like it's dying.
124
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,213
Peter,
that's Gwyneth Paltrow.
125
00:05:04,281 --> 00:05:05,381
She's fine.
126
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:07,066
Look, turn off the light.
127
00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:09,835
I just want to get to sleep and
put this ugly night behind us.
128
00:05:09,903 --> 00:05:12,271
All that unpleasantness
with Brenda and Jeff
129
00:05:12,339 --> 00:05:13,572
was more than I can handle.
130
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,074
It's no big deal, Lois.
131
00:05:15,141 --> 00:05:16,531
We probably just caught
'em on an off night.
132
00:05:16,532 --> 00:05:17,992
Where do you get
off calling me a deadbeat
133
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,217
in front of your brother?!
134
00:05:19,829 --> 00:05:22,198
No, Jeff, a-a-all I said was
that you were in between jobs!
135
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,099
Well, it wouldn't matter
136
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,701
if you'd just pick up that
night shift at the prison!
137
00:05:25,769 --> 00:05:28,237
But then I'll be working
a hundred hours a week.
138
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:29,455
So what?!
139
00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:31,957
I need money for motor oil
and wallet chains!
140
00:05:32,008 --> 00:05:34,260
Okay, I'll ask about it Monday.
141
00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:35,827
Can I put my nightgown
back on?
142
00:05:35,879 --> 00:05:38,247
No, I'm not done drawing!
143
00:05:45,155 --> 00:05:47,223
Hey, Peter.
144
00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:49,024
Geez, Quagmire,
you look terrible.
145
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:51,610
Oh, I didn't get any sleep.
146
00:05:51,678 --> 00:05:52,878
Hi, Glenn.
How are you?
147
00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:54,313
Not great, Lois.
148
00:05:54,381 --> 00:05:56,732
I'm stuck in the middle of some
bad stuff with my sister.
149
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:59,151
I know, it sounded like there
was quite a ruckus going on
150
00:05:59,219 --> 00:06:00,853
over there last night.
151
00:06:00,921 --> 00:06:02,605
That Jeff seems like
kind of a monster.
152
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:04,940
Yeah, that guy's scary
as an Iraq Lobster.
153
00:06:10,497 --> 00:06:11,797
♪ Death to America ♪
154
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,533
♪ And butter sauce ♪
155
00:06:15,752 --> 00:06:16,902
♪ Don't boil me ♪
156
00:06:18,338 --> 00:06:20,506
♪ I'm still alive ♪
157
00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:21,807
♪ Iraq Lobster ♪
158
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:27,746
♪ Iraq Lobster. ♪
159
00:06:31,618 --> 00:06:33,953
I've tried talking to Brenda
about leaving him,
160
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,621
but I haven't
gotten anywhere.
161
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:37,756
I was actually hoping
you could talk to her, Lois.
162
00:06:37,824 --> 00:06:40,492
She might open up more to you,
you know, 'cause you're a woman.
163
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,095
- Me?
- Yeah, would you mind at least trying?
164
00:06:43,163 --> 00:06:45,564
Well, I guess she does
need someone to talk to.
165
00:06:45,632 --> 00:06:47,082
Well, let's hope
she's good at talking
166
00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:48,934
'cause we know she doesn't
listen so good.
167
00:06:49,002 --> 00:06:50,436
That... we know.
168
00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:55,474
You know, Brenda, I'm glad
we could get together.
169
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:56,775
Me, too, Lois.
170
00:06:56,843 --> 00:06:58,644
It's nice to have a
girlfriend to chat with.
171
00:06:58,712 --> 00:07:00,112
Don't you have any
back home?
172
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,147
Oh, no. Jeff would
never allow that.
173
00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:03,599
You know, that's kind of what
174
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:05,467
I want to talk to you about,
Brenda.
175
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:07,069
Do you mind
taking off your sunglasses?
176
00:07:09,823 --> 00:07:11,256
Oh, my God.
177
00:07:11,324 --> 00:07:13,125
No, i-it's really
not that bad.
178
00:07:13,193 --> 00:07:14,727
It only hurts when I see.
179
00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,395
You know, you don't have
to stay with a man
180
00:07:16,463 --> 00:07:17,863
who treats you that way.
181
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,882
Oh, Jeff's sweet.
182
00:07:19,949 --> 00:07:22,718
You don't see how soft and gentle
he hits me when we're alone.
183
00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:24,153
Do you hear yourself?
184
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:25,888
He shouldn't be
hitting you at all.
185
00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:28,357
I don't think you understand
how serious a matter...
186
00:07:28,425 --> 00:07:29,875
Close your menu.
What?
187
00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:31,960
Close your menu, so they
know we're ready to order.
188
00:07:32,028 --> 00:07:33,212
I'll give you
another moment.
189
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,496
Damn it.
190
00:07:34,564 --> 00:07:37,249
I'm sorry.
Oh, shoot.
191
00:07:37,317 --> 00:07:39,251
See, this is why Jeff
corrects me all the time.
192
00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:40,736
Corrects you?
193
00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,072
Brenda, he's not correcting you,
he's beating you!
194
00:07:43,139 --> 00:07:45,674
Well, I-I-I can see
why you'd think that
195
00:07:45,742 --> 00:07:47,409
'cause of the punches and all,
196
00:07:47,477 --> 00:07:50,045
but it's just that Jeff's been
so angry about immigrants.
197
00:07:50,113 --> 00:07:51,380
What?!
198
00:07:51,448 --> 00:07:53,482
It'll be better when
he gets back to work.
199
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,501
Our relationship is just
complicated, that's all.
200
00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:57,936
No, Brenda,
it's not complicated.
201
00:07:58,004 --> 00:07:59,405
Trying to get
a straight answer
202
00:07:59,472 --> 00:08:01,640
out of a 23-year-old
girl is complicated.
203
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:03,525
So, do you want
to go out some time?
204
00:08:03,593 --> 00:08:05,961
Out like, go out or hang out
or just do something?
205
00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:07,262
Like a date.
206
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,697
Like a date date?
Or like a date?
207
00:08:08,765 --> 00:08:10,416
Both, I... I guess.
208
00:08:10,483 --> 00:08:12,334
Yeah, sure, maybe.
I don't know. Yes, no.
209
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:14,119
Here's the first three
digits of my phone number.
210
00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:15,688
E-mail me.
211
00:08:18,858 --> 00:08:20,125
Joe, the guy's a menace.
212
00:08:20,193 --> 00:08:22,010
They've been with me
three days now,
213
00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:24,313
and all he does is beat her
day and night.
214
00:08:24,381 --> 00:08:25,964
And on top of that,
they say they don't need
215
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:27,516
to be entertained,
but then they're always like,
216
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:28,967
"Hey, so what're we doing?
What's next?"
217
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:30,969
Hey, Joe, can't you...
can't you just arrest the guy?
218
00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,621
I can't arrest Jeff
219
00:08:32,689 --> 00:08:35,190
unless Brenda files a formal
complaint with the police.
220
00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:36,492
She won't go to the police.
221
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,660
She's afraid
of what Jeff will do.
222
00:08:38,728 --> 00:08:40,028
And to be honest,
I don't blame her.
223
00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:41,880
I mean, w-w-what happens
if one of these nights,
224
00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:43,215
he hits her so hard
he kills her?
225
00:08:43,283 --> 00:08:44,683
Sorry, Quagmire.
226
00:08:44,751 --> 00:08:47,920
Police policy, we can't step
in until it's too late.
227
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:50,055
But if I were you, I'd
set up an intervention.
228
00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:51,290
What's that?
229
00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:53,092
It's like a surprise
birthday party,
230
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,994
but instead of cake and
presents, there's angry letters
231
00:08:56,062 --> 00:08:57,296
and someone who
inappropriately tries
232
00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:58,630
to make it about themselves.
233
00:08:58,698 --> 00:09:00,199
Aw, that sounds great!
234
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,000
I bet I would really shine
at one of those.
235
00:09:04,771 --> 00:09:06,972
All right, well, first
we want to thank you all
236
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,640
for being here for Brenda.
237
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:10,509
Now, I know it's going
to be a long day,
238
00:09:10,577 --> 00:09:13,796
but we're all here because we
care about her very much.
239
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,297
What the... what's going on?
240
00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:16,548
What's all this?
241
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,484
Brenda, this is
an intervention.
242
00:09:18,551 --> 00:09:20,853
A lot of us don't like how
Jeff's been treating you.
243
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,654
So we're going
to say a few things,
244
00:09:22,722 --> 00:09:25,090
and then you'll say a few
things, and then we'll be done.
245
00:09:25,158 --> 00:09:26,258
Sound good?
246
00:09:26,326 --> 00:09:27,726
Um...
I guess.
247
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:30,496
All right, so we're going to go
around the room and tell you
248
00:09:30,563 --> 00:09:32,681
exactly how your situation
has affected each of us.
249
00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,183
Meg?
250
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:37,619
I feel like if he likes you,
maybe you can change him.
251
00:09:37,687 --> 00:09:39,121
Okay, maybe she wasn't
the one to start with.
252
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,272
Caleb?
253
00:09:43,109 --> 00:09:45,444
Caleb, you want
to go ahead?
254
00:09:45,512 --> 00:09:47,095
M... M... me?
255
00:09:47,163 --> 00:09:48,163
Yeah, go ahead.
256
00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:50,482
Uh... It's Chris.
257
00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,117
Y-You don't know my name?
258
00:09:52,185 --> 00:09:53,952
All right, this isn't off
to a flying start.
259
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:55,554
Peter, why don't you go ahead?
260
00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:57,723
So, you like
getting beaten, huh?
261
00:09:57,791 --> 00:09:59,992
Well, why don't you smoke a
whole carton of cigarettes!
262
00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:01,810
Look, I know what you guys
are trying to do,
263
00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:03,362
but Jeff and I are fine.
264
00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:05,898
No, Brenda,
you're not fine, okay?
265
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:08,283
Please, I'd like to say
something, if I may.
266
00:10:09,719 --> 00:10:13,605
"Brenda, the fact that
you are being abused
267
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,325
"has affected my life
in the following ways:
268
00:10:16,409 --> 00:10:19,110
"The sister that I knew
and loved growing up
269
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:21,630
"no longer exists.
270
00:10:21,714 --> 00:10:25,250
"The person I see before me now
is just a punching bag.
271
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:28,387
"And I call you 'person'
and not 'woman'
272
00:10:28,454 --> 00:10:31,473
"because a woman is a strong,
beautiful, vibrant creature.
273
00:10:31,558 --> 00:10:33,926
"A woman embraces life.
274
00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:36,662
"A woman makes choices
to make her life better.
275
00:10:36,729 --> 00:10:40,966
"Sadly, the fact that you are
with Jeff, proves to me
276
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:45,470
that you have made a choice
to make your life worse."
277
00:10:45,538 --> 00:10:48,106
I-I want the girl
I grew up with back.
278
00:10:48,174 --> 00:10:52,528
I want... I want my sister back.
279
00:10:52,612 --> 00:10:55,831
Brenda, I love you.
280
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:57,933
Please make the right decision.
281
00:10:58,001 --> 00:10:59,868
Which is a perfect time
for me to tell my jokes.
282
00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:01,152
Peter!
283
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:02,588
And I will save
them for the end.
284
00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,861
Glenn, I am so lucky
285
00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:12,631
to have such a wonderful,
loving brother like you.
286
00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:19,972
So, are you gonna
leave him?
287
00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:22,140
Oh, there you are!
288
00:11:22,191 --> 00:11:24,693
Hey, give me some money!
I saw a cool bandana.
289
00:11:24,761 --> 00:11:26,461
What the hell's going on here?!
290
00:11:26,529 --> 00:11:28,697
Listen here, you bully!
For your information,
291
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:30,065
Brenda just agreed
to leave you!
292
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,683
Like hell she did.
293
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:32,718
Brenda, you tell 'em?
294
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,219
No, not yet.
295
00:11:34,287 --> 00:11:36,955
Everyone...
I have wonderful news.
296
00:11:37,023 --> 00:11:39,424
Jeff and I are getting married.
297
00:11:40,627 --> 00:11:41,910
I'd show you the ring,
298
00:11:41,978 --> 00:11:43,528
but it's under the splint.
299
00:11:43,596 --> 00:11:45,297
My finger fell down the stairs.
300
00:11:45,365 --> 00:11:46,865
You're getting married?!
301
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,750
Yeah, but only 'cause
she's pregnant.
302
00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:49,935
Pregnant?!
303
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:52,354
Oh, congratulations!
304
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:54,039
Have you thought
of any names yet?
305
00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:55,841
Maybe... maybe
"Slappy"?
306
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:57,342
Or-or "Bruisey"?
307
00:11:57,410 --> 00:11:59,077
Or "Keep-It-Down-
In-There-sy"?
308
00:12:04,754 --> 00:12:06,655
Guys, what the hell
am I gonna do?
309
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:07,833
She can't marry
that bastard.
310
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,301
He's just gonna
keep beatin' her,
311
00:12:09,369 --> 00:12:11,236
and then he's gonna beat
the kid, too!
312
00:12:11,304 --> 00:12:13,739
God, I wish she'd never met
Jeffrey Fecalman.
313
00:12:13,806 --> 00:12:15,574
You know, I was
thinking... Wait, what?
314
00:12:15,641 --> 00:12:17,175
What?
That's his name?
315
00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:19,077
Yeah.
Huh-larious.
316
00:12:19,145 --> 00:12:20,812
But you know,
I was thinking this afternoon,
317
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,148
what the hell happened to the
days when a guy does something
318
00:12:23,216 --> 00:12:26,501
like that to a girl, and a bunch
of us guys get together
319
00:12:26,569 --> 00:12:28,970
and just go kick
his (bleep) ass?
320
00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,939
Boy, that'd be
satisfying.
321
00:12:31,007 --> 00:12:33,041
Well... why not?
322
00:12:33,109 --> 00:12:34,209
What do you mean?
323
00:12:34,277 --> 00:12:35,544
The three of us.
324
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,479
We go over there
and we do what's right;
325
00:12:37,547 --> 00:12:38,580
we kill the bastard.
326
00:12:38,648 --> 00:12:40,148
Whoa, whoa, Quagmire.
327
00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,517
You know, I could arrest
you just for saying that.
328
00:12:42,585 --> 00:12:43,885
You know what else
you can get arrested for?
329
00:12:43,953 --> 00:12:45,187
Soliciting a rooster.
330
00:12:45,254 --> 00:12:48,323
I don't know what this
cock-a-doodle-doo thing is,
331
00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:50,592
but it sounds gay
and it sounds scatological.
332
00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,227
I'm in.
333
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:54,496
You're about to
have a neat day.
334
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:56,598
Quagmire, you're talking
about murdering a guy.
335
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:57,866
It doesn't matter
336
00:12:57,934 --> 00:12:59,868
what he's done,
it's still murder.
337
00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:01,670
No, Joe, it does matter
what he's done!
338
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:03,705
These kinds of guys
don't change.
339
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:06,174
Y-you think they ever suddenly
wake up and realize
340
00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:08,877
the error of their ways
and clean up their act? No!
341
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:10,395
They just keep ruining
everyone's lives,
342
00:13:10,463 --> 00:13:12,314
and the world is better off
without 'em.
343
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:13,782
It's against the
law, Quagmire,
344
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:14,950
and that's the
end of it.
345
00:13:18,121 --> 00:13:19,588
What the hell?!
Did you change the channel
346
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,156
while I was going
to get a beer?!
347
00:13:21,224 --> 00:13:23,225
Oh, yeah, I-I'm sorry,
honey, I just wanted
348
00:13:23,292 --> 00:13:24,476
to see who was
on Letterman.
349
00:13:24,544 --> 00:13:26,078
We're watching Leno,
you bitch!
350
00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:27,329
I'm so sorry!
351
00:13:27,396 --> 00:13:29,631
His soft, gentle humor
connects effortlessly
352
00:13:29,699 --> 00:13:31,983
with my mainstream
sensibilities!
353
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:35,987
Let's waste this dick.
354
00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:39,791
Boy, everything's different now
than it used to be, isn't it?
355
00:13:39,859 --> 00:13:42,394
You know, this morning I had
a bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal.
356
00:13:42,462 --> 00:13:44,429
Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid,
they were boulders!
357
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:51,119
Cereals do change.
358
00:13:51,187 --> 00:13:52,471
Oh, no, no. Here's something,
here's something.
359
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:53,655
Did you hear about this?
360
00:13:53,723 --> 00:13:55,240
Here's a bunch
of words in a row:
361
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,875
because the economy's so bad,
362
00:13:56,943 --> 00:13:58,560
they've decided they're gonna
shut down all the prisons.
363
00:13:58,628 --> 00:14:00,162
Yeah, yeah.
364
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:03,031
And-and they're gonna send
all the inmates to Congress.
365
00:14:03,099 --> 00:14:05,250
I don't get that one!
366
00:14:09,288 --> 00:14:10,755
Hi, there, Jeff.
367
00:14:10,823 --> 00:14:12,357
Hey, what's going
on, dudes?
368
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:13,825
Brenda just fell.
369
00:14:13,893 --> 00:14:16,895
Get your lazy ass up and get
my neighbors some beers!
370
00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,697
Actually, we don't
have time, Jeff.
371
00:14:18,764 --> 00:14:20,532
We were just about
to go on
372
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,267
our annual midnight
hunting trip.
373
00:14:22,335 --> 00:14:24,136
We thought you might
want to join us.
374
00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:25,470
Yeah, what the hell.
375
00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:28,173
Go shoot some animals,
that sounds like fun.
376
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:30,575
Hey, it beats sitting at home
watching Meg pop her zits.
377
00:14:42,138 --> 00:14:44,172
Okay, okay,
who would you rather do?
378
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,608
Dame Judi Dench with 30 minutes
of kissing first
379
00:14:46,676 --> 00:14:50,412
or Eddie Izzard in drag,
but he has a working vagina?
380
00:14:50,479 --> 00:14:52,414
Would Eddie Izzard tell
others about it?
381
00:14:52,481 --> 00:14:54,166
Eddie Izzard is very discreet.
382
00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:55,400
Then that's your answer.
383
00:14:55,468 --> 00:14:57,485
You know, Quagmire,
I gotta say,
384
00:14:57,553 --> 00:14:59,571
I was pretty surprised
you wanted me to come along.
385
00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:01,506
I thought
you hated my guts.
386
00:15:01,574 --> 00:15:02,891
Oh, come on, Jeff,
387
00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:04,492
I don't hate your
guts.
388
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:05,927
Well, then what the hell
are we doing out here?
389
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,612
I thought we were gonna kill...
Ah!
390
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,549
So, Jeff, do you
like loud sentences?!
391
00:15:10,616 --> 00:15:11,533
I guess.
392
00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,768
I gotta take a whiz.
393
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:15,453
All right, look,
when he comes back,
394
00:15:15,521 --> 00:15:17,138
I'm just gonna
do it, okay?
395
00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:19,157
I'm just gonna point my gun
straight at his head
396
00:15:19,225 --> 00:15:20,525
before he even knows
what's going on.
397
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,195
Kinda like this?
398
00:15:23,262 --> 00:15:25,714
You know, Quagmire,
you are pathetic.
399
00:15:25,781 --> 00:15:27,849
You have to bring
your friends out here with you
400
00:15:27,917 --> 00:15:29,317
to do your dirty work?
401
00:15:29,385 --> 00:15:31,686
What... what do you mean, Jeff?
402
00:15:31,754 --> 00:15:33,388
You're gonna kill me,
is that it?
403
00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:37,392
Uh-uh!
404
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:38,627
Not unless you want
405
00:15:38,694 --> 00:15:40,528
your friend's brains
all over the place!
406
00:15:40,613 --> 00:15:42,898
Listen, Jeff,
just put the gun down
407
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:44,799
and we'll forget this whole
thing, okay?
408
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:50,889
Oh. Well, that's never
happened before.
409
00:15:50,957 --> 00:15:53,225
Kinda don't know
what to do next.
410
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,026
So now you'll forget
the whole thing?
411
00:15:55,094 --> 00:15:57,195
Yeah, I, uh, guess
that is what I said.
412
00:15:57,263 --> 00:15:58,847
No, no, we can't forget
the whole thing!
413
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,181
Yeah, you know,
he's right.
414
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:01,266
We can't forget it.
415
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,184
Fine. Now here's
the plan:
416
00:16:03,269 --> 00:16:05,687
I'm taking Quagmire
for a little ride,
417
00:16:05,771 --> 00:16:08,907
and you guys are gonna stay out
here and freeze to death!
418
00:16:08,975 --> 00:16:10,976
Now, get those hands
where I can see 'em!
419
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:13,395
All the way up!
420
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,864
Oh, my shirt's a
little too short.
421
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,098
That's okay.
You can keep 'em
422
00:16:17,166 --> 00:16:19,584
the way you had 'em
so it covers your stomach.
423
00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:22,120
Thank you. You know, if
this Jeff was around more,
424
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:23,705
we wouldn't have
tried to kill you.
425
00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:24,823
See you later,
schmucks!
426
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:39,871
All right,
this is far enough.
427
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:52,617
Well, Quagmire, sorry
it had to end this way;
428
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,819
a tragic hunting accident.
429
00:16:54,887 --> 00:16:57,622
I guess that little baby's gonna
grow up without an uncle.
430
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,057
Actually,
I have a brother.
431
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:00,759
Gary Quagmire.
Oh.
432
00:17:00,826 --> 00:17:03,278
I think... I think you got
a brother, too, don't you?
433
00:17:03,346 --> 00:17:04,546
All right, forget
the uncle thing!
434
00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:07,182
Get ready to die,
Quagmire.
435
00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:08,917
You know, if you had any balls,
436
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:11,236
you'd put that gun down and we
could settle this like men.
437
00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:15,957
That's awful big talk for a
scrawny bastard like you.
438
00:17:16,025 --> 00:17:17,325
Hey, I'm serious, man.
439
00:17:17,393 --> 00:17:19,127
Unless you're scared
I can take you.
440
00:17:19,195 --> 00:17:21,346
Suit yourself, man.
441
00:17:21,414 --> 00:17:23,932
Just means
you're gonna die slower.
442
00:18:39,759 --> 00:18:41,626
What the hell?!
I killed you!
443
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,764
I choke myself every day,
you bastard!
444
00:19:19,165 --> 00:19:21,015
Oh, oh, Glenn,
there you are.
445
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:24,219
Jeff didn't come home last night
and he hasn't called.
446
00:19:24,286 --> 00:19:25,987
Uh, well, actually,
about that, Brenda,
447
00:19:26,055 --> 00:19:28,022
he must've left
early this morning.
448
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:30,542
Yeah, we found this
note he left you.
449
00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:33,812
"Dear Brenda,
I have decided to leave you.
450
00:19:33,879 --> 00:19:35,980
"I realized
that you are too good for me,
451
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:38,249
"and you and our unborn child
would be better off
452
00:19:38,317 --> 00:19:40,718
"without me in the picture.
Love, Jeff.
453
00:19:40,786 --> 00:19:43,188
"P.S. If the cops ask, tell them
454
00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:45,957
"that Joe, Peter and Quagmire
were with you last night.
455
00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,592
"If you tell anyone otherwise,
456
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:50,929
"I will come back and not only
hit you, but I will murder you.
457
00:19:50,996 --> 00:19:53,064
"And no one will care
because you're garbage.
458
00:19:53,132 --> 00:19:55,834
And your baby is going
to be a child of garbage."
459
00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,068
It's a little rough, Peter.
460
00:19:57,136 --> 00:19:58,570
I didn't write it. Joe did.
461
00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:00,004
I wanted it
to sound real.
462
00:20:00,072 --> 00:20:01,673
It's gotta sound
like he wrote it.
463
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,775
Plus, she kinda is
garbage, Quagmire.
464
00:20:03,843 --> 00:20:06,277
"Well, I best be
rolling on now."
465
00:20:06,345 --> 00:20:08,313
Oh, come on!
Who says that?!
466
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,481
It's an expression.
467
00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:10,482
Yeah, if you're in
a wheelchair.
468
00:20:10,549 --> 00:20:11,516
Listen, you had
your chance.
469
00:20:11,584 --> 00:20:13,017
I e-mailed it
to both of you.
470
00:20:13,085 --> 00:20:14,319
"Looks fine."
471
00:20:14,386 --> 00:20:16,204
And you just added that
part about Grape Ape.
472
00:20:16,272 --> 00:20:19,073
"P.P.S. I really love Grape Ape.
473
00:20:19,141 --> 00:20:20,108
The end."
474
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,210
Wow.
475
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:24,612
I guess he's really gone.
476
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,680
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
477
00:20:32,087 --> 00:20:33,788
I kinda want to kill
somebody else now.
478
00:20:33,856 --> 00:20:34,889
Ooh, Mort!
35503
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
